Textfrommyinitial Anobservationor

WPsubmission
questionIreceived
fromDePieroora
classmate:

Thechanges(s)I
madetowhatI
initiallywrote

Howthischange
impactsmypaper:

Inthispaper,Taylor
Swiftsrecentalbum
1989
willbeusedto
identifywhatmakes
albumanalysisa
genre...

Displayingvarious
kindsofstrongsuits,
fromemotional,to
vocal,andperhapsa
recollectionof
memories,different
recordingshavevery
distincttastesand
charmtothemthat
makesthatparticular
albumspecial.
Becauseofthat
reason,manypeople
soonadoptedthe
habitofcomparing
andanalyzingthe
contentoftheirwork.

Iaddedafew
sentencebeforeI
introducedalbum
analysisbygivinga
readerabetterideaof
whatisnormally
includedinanalbum
analysis.Indoingso,
Imademygoalmore
specificbydefiningit
tomyreaderwhatI
willbetalkingabout.

Tobackupthis
claim,allthree
referredbacktothe
skillthatSwiftexcels
at:
transgressionin
breakingstereotypes
.
Intermsofskills,
TaylorSwifthasbeen
shatteringnew
recordswitheach
albumshereleased
and
1989
isanother
oneaddedtothatlist.

Forthiscomment,I
madeoneminorword
changetomy
sentence.However,
formypaper,evena
smallwordchange
willhaveahuge
impactonmypaper
becausethatone
wordmademyclaim
morespecific.For
example,my
previousstatement
wasSwiftexcelsat
transgression.What
isshegreatat
transcending?This
wordisveryvague
andcanbe
interpretedinmany
differentways.

I'mnotfamiliarwith
thegenre"album
analysis."Doyou
meanalbumreviews?
Orjustthe
setlist/songsofan
album?

Tobackupthis
Whatdoyoumean
claim,allthree
here?
referredbacktothe
skillthatSwiftexcels
at:transgression.


Itsmorethat
Swiftsmusicattracts
thekindofserious
criticalattention
affordedalmostnone
ofherpeers.You
dontgetmany
learnedarticlesinthe
NewYorkerabout
thesongcraftof
Swiftsmortalenemy
KatyPerry
(Petridis).

Idadviseyouto
refrainfromusing
freefloatingquotes
(ie,sentencesthat
startandendwitha
quote).Thereaderis
probablygoingtobe
leftwondering,Who
issaying/citingthis,
andhow/whyisit
relevant?Wheresit
comingfrom?Tryto
introducethequote
andgiveitcontext.

Asalbumreview
normallyinvolves
praisingorcritiquing
theworkofthe
album,byusing
logos,thepersuasion
withlogictobackit
up,thethreearticles
allagreedthatSwifts
newtransformation
onheralbumas
successbasedonher
pastrecordsand
contentwithinit.
Like
TheGuardian
mentioned,
itsmore
thatSwiftsmusic
attractsthekindof
seriouscritical
attentionafforded
almostnoneofher
peers.Youdontget
manylearnedarticles
intheNewYorker
aboutthesongcraftof
Swiftsmortalenemy
KatyPerry
(Petridis).

AsZackcommented,
afreequoteisoften
verybadbecauseit
doesalmost
absolutelynothing
unlessitisusedasa
blockquote.Because
ofthat,Iaddeda
sentencebeforehand,
explainingwhyIam
usingthequote.In
addition,I
emphasizedauthority
morebyincluding
TheGuardian
before
Iquotedthetext,
givingmore
credibilityand
authorityformy
supportingevidence.
Bydoingthis,I
believeithadabetter
transitionbetween
mysentencesandthe
ideaImtryingto
address.

Atthestartofthe
twentyfirstcentury,
therisingdominance
oftechnologyis
slowlybecomingan
integralpartofour
dailylives.

Anychanceof
"hooking"memore
here,Dennis?I
alreadyknowthis
whatcanyoulay
downherethat'llget
merevvedupabout
thisWP2?

Indoingso,
businessescansell
productsandalso
establishalineof
communicationwith
itscustomer.Through
suchmedium,it
providesbothrisks
andopportunitiesfor
organizationsasit
does.

Astopicsentenceis
oneofthemost
importantcomponent
forwritingouressay,
Iaddedafew
sentencesafterthe
introductionto
explainwhyI
mentionedtherising
dominanceof
technology.Bydoing
so,Imademytopic
morespecific.Inmy
change,Iaddedhow
itprovidedbothrisks

andopportunitiesfor
organizationsdueto
thisdominance.
Oneofthemain
goalsinusingsocial
mediaisreachingout
toanaudience.Inthe
perspectivesofmany
people,companies,
andother
organizations,
definingtheobjective
andgoalforusing
socialmediais
essentialbecauseitis
animportantpartof
thesocialmedia
strategy,identifying
whocompaniesare
sellingor
communicatingto
andhowtodoit.
LikewhatJanetBoyd
inthearticle
Murder!
(Rhetorically
Speaking),said,in
discoveryofones
objective,onemust
alsoconsider
objectivefacts,
logos,simmering
emotion,pathos,and
credibility,ethos
(Boyd98).Inthe
scholarlyarticles,a
clearobjective,the
logisticsofsocial
mediausage,is
defined,makingthe
focusofitstarget
audience,
communicationand

I'dlikeyoutofinda
wayto"say"allof
thisinhalfofthe
words/space.

LikewhatJanetBoyd
inthearticle
Murder!
(Rhetorically
Speaking),said,in
discoveryofones
objective,onemust
alsoconsider
objectivefacts,
logos,simmering
emotion,pathos,and
credibility,ethos
(Boyd98).Inthe
perspectivesofmany
people,companies,
andother
organizations,
definingtheobjective
andgoalforusing
socialmediais
essential.By
identifyingwho
companiesareselling
orcommunicatingto
andhowtodoit,it
willallowcompanies,
aswellasreaders,to
incorporatewhat
strategiesormoves
touseinordertobe
mosteffective.

AsZackcommented,
afterreadingthrough
myessay,Ihavea
problemofmaking
mysentencesvery
wordy.Becauseofits
length,Iprobably
willloseaudiences
alongtheway.
ListeningZacks
feedback,Ishortened
myfirstclaimby
almostofitssize,
andalsoaddeda
specificpointIam
tryingtoprojecthere.
AnothercrtiqueZack
hasonmypaperis
mylackofattention
tomoves.Inorderto
fixthat,Iaddressed
themoves
explicitlytomakeit
cleartomyreaders
whereitis.

businessanalysts,
easiertoidentify.
Throughthese
referencesthearticles
haveprovided,one
canseethatthrough
research,contextand
contentanalysis,the
scholarlypieces
consideredthe
applicationsofethos
andlogos,via
experimentsand
surveys.

Whatweretheir
experiments?What'd
theymanipulate?
Whatpossible
causationwerethey
attemptingto
understand?

Whatwastheir
survey?Whatqsdid
theyask?

Whatinsightsdo
thesemethodological
decisionsgiveusin
termsofhow
differentdisciplines
trytounderstand
socialmediain
differentways?

Throughthese
referencesthearticles
haveprovided,one
canseethatthrough
research,contextand
contentanalysis,the
scholarlypieces
consideredthe
applicationsofethos
andlogos,by
collectingdatafrom
fivecredible
databasessuchas
WOMMAand
KOCCAtoreinforce
thecredibilityand
professionalstatusof
aresearchpaper.In
doingso,it
establishedthe
causeofthe
researchinitiation.

OneoftheproblemsI
havewithmyessays
isthatIamnot
specificenough.In
thissentencefor
example,Ionly
mentioned
experimentsand
surveys.However
thesetwotermsare
veryvaguein
researchcontextand
doesnottellmuch.
Becauseofthat,I
addedthe
experiments
mentionedinthe
research,aswellas
definingitmoreby
identifyingwhat
conceptarethey
tryingtostudy.In
addition,Ibelievemy
revisedparagraph
alsoflowbetter
structurally,
somethingIam
tryingtofix
throughoutmy
paragraphs.

Althoughallthree
articlesdoesanswer
thepurposeofits
title,thesubtle
differenceinlength
betweenthethree
articletitles

Isthis
that
significant?Ifso,
why?

Thismoveis
especiallyimportant
whenconsideringthe
audienceforthese
articlesastitleisone
oftheimportantways
tocaptureareaders
attention...Dueto
limitedspacing,a
shorttitlefor
publicationsmustbe

Myrevisionisanadd
ontomyoriginal
sentence.LikeZack
said,Imentionedthe
sowhatportionof
myclaim,butI
missedthewho
caresportion.
Becausemyoriginal
sentencewasvery
vaguewithout

analyzinghow
organizationsutilize
themfor
advertisementand
ecommerce
communication.

Sowhatdiscipline(s)
arethesetwopieces
from?

abletocapturethe
attentionofits
audience.

supportingevidence,
addingtheaddition
informationontomy
paragraphmademy
claimmuchprecise
anddirect.In
addition,oneofthe
feedbackIgotwas
notpayingattention
tothemoves.Inthis
one,Imadesureto
directlypointthatout
ratherthanassuming
myaudienceknows
whatIamtalking
about.Bydoingthat,
Iamabletoaddress
thepromptquestion
muchbetterthanI
didbefore.

Likewise,article
SocialMedia
Patternsalso
employedsimilar
conceptbydefining
itsgoalsfirst,using
themovelistto
introducethe
typologyofsocial
media,suchasblogs
andsocial
networkingsitesand
analyzehow
organizationsutilize
themfor
advertisementand
ecommerce
communicationbased
oncommunication
research

Althoughthereisnot
muchchangetothe
sentence,Ibelieve
eventhisminor
changeisimportant
tomyoverall
argument.Originally,
Ineverreallynoticed
whyZackasked
wherearethesetwo
piecesfrom.Looking
back,Ibelievethisis
averyimportant
pieceofinformation
thatIleftoutbecause
myentireessay
argumentwas
revolvingaround
howcompaniesare
usingsocialmediaas
a
methodof
communication.
With
outproperauthority

tobackupmyclaim,
itdoesnotaddmuch
credibilitytomy
argument.
However,oneofthe
drawbacksof
scholarlyarticlesis
thatitistoo
impracticalfor
traditionaluse.

OK,thisisgoodstuff
herewhy,exactly,
isitimpractical?
Theyusejargon,
OK...butsowhat?

However,oneofthe
drawbacksof
scholarlyarticlesis
thatitistoo
impracticalfor
traditionaluse
especiallyfor
consumers.Because
ofthehighrestrictive
statusthatis
associatedwith
jargonsmove
commonlyusedin
scholarlyarticlesit
willbeharderforthe
generalaudienceto
understandthese
termswhichhinders
articlesabilityto
connectwithits
broaderaudience.

AsZackmentioned,
onerecurring
problemIhaveinmy
essayisbeingvague.
Inthissentence,I
mentionedthereason
whyitwas
impractical,butI
neverreally
explainedit.By
addingtheadditional
informationinmy
revisionessay,it
allowedmetobe
morespecificofwhy
incertainsituations,
informalarticlesare
actuallymore
appropriatethan
scholarlyarticles.

Intermsofusing
manyrhetorical
function,
NewYork
Times
isperhapsthe
bestamongthethree.

I'dlikeabitmoreof
aspecifictopic
sentencehere,Dennis
somethingthat
keysmeintowhat,
beyondtheNYT,this
paragraphwillfocus
on.

Similarly,
NewYork
Times
alsomade
heavyusageofethos
toestablish
credibilityforthe
successof
1989
by
analyzingthe
collaboratorsthat
workedwithSwift
suchasMaxMartin
andhisfellowSwede
Shellback,(who)
havehelpedshapethe
lastdecadeofpop
(Caramanica).
Furthermore,by
mentioningthefact

AlthoughIdidnot
specificallyfixedthe
topicsentence
mentioned,Iadded
anadditionparagraph
beforehandthat
mademytransition
into
NewYorkTimes
analysisbetter.As
mycomment
feedbacksaysIdid
notdoanexcellent
jobbeingorganized,I
believetheparagraph
Iaddedcanhelpin
thetransition,Before
Ijumpedfromthe

thatSwiftsofarhas
notreliedonthe
standardcliche
containedforapop
albumbycomparing
herworktoothers...

secondarticlestraight
tothethirdarticle.
However,nowI
connectedthetwo
argumentsbetterby
addingatransition
paragraph,showing
similarconventions
NewYorkTimes
used
initsarticleandthen
establisheditsunique
componentsinthe
paragraphbelow.