Custom Cards Against Humanity `s pack (Part 3 )

Created by the awesome site http://customcardsagainsthumanity.com

labia splinters from
using her
grandmother's dildo a
little too vigorously.

A queef so powerful
that it blew his toupee
off.

Packing your kids

peanut butter and jelly
made with KY.

circumcision

Secretly changing the

Ben Gay and
toothpaste tubes on
your blind friend.

David Bowie's bulge.

The Little Mermaid's

sea shells.

Going back in time

and making out with
my mom.

Getting gang-banged
by ninjas while
gnomes square dance
on dead puppies.

Popping butt pimples.

Singing off-key in the

shower with my dog.

A big jar of creamy

peanut butter.

Drinking the tears of

poor orphans.

Having lunch with the

cast of "Rent."

Darth Vader's asthma.

Running like Tom

Cruise.

Snoring at a midnight
movie.

Smelling your fingers

after you wipe.

Having Chuck Norris

let you suck his dick.

A Wall Of Dicks.

Fuck You, thats what!

Having blood for cum.

Dwayne "The Rock"

Johnson punching
you so hard you
explode into red mist.

One pissed off

Incredible Hulk on a
bath salt bindge.

Throwing a sack of
kittens into traffic.

Power thrusting
strangers so hard it
shatters their pelvic
bone.

Meth cupcakes.

Lions that jump 34

feet into the fucking
air.

Donating blood with a

bucket and a gun.

Eating Grandma's
Butt-hole.

Classes On How To
Stop Fucking
Corpses.

I was making foetus

soup.

Laura Nino

700 pounds of
Godzilla's high protein
seamen.

A bulleted list of
everybody who's
fucked your mother

Skeptic Hoes

Using microwave for

abortion

a rude canadian

Having a huge
erection in a
kindergarten

Not even Pavi would

wear that on his face

Calum Hood's penis

vid

Because you were

"hangry"

Cronus Ampora's sex

life.

Kankri getting
triggered by a
McDonalds
commercial

Trying to fart but

pooping instead

Killing your double.

That perfect hair.

The frickin' archmage

of the entire universe.

My delicious, uneaten
arse.

And now, the weather.

Tongue punching
someone in the fart
box

Becky

Yuno Fucking Gasai

It'll clear up your

acne, but may cause
AIDS

Harry Potters wand

that was just freshly
pulled out an ants 20
pound penis

Jake, from State Farm

Solipsistic existential
crises.

Black patrol.

Christen Nehmer

Connor Kenway's butt

Pikachu! I choose
you!

The Rape Train Has

No Brakes.

The Rape Train Has

No Brakes.

Tiny miniskirts.

Giving a purple nurple

to a porcupine

Gecko Space Orgy

Two inexperienced
Eskimos getting
frozen together during
sex.

O.J. Simpson, and his

new career as a
marriage counselor.

Dipping one's balls in

it.

Highly inappropriately
timed "Baba Booeys".

A coupla hard, pipehittin' brothers, with a

pair of pliers and a
blow torch.

Schweddy Balls.

Whatever the hell this

fluid is.

The Kenyan village

where Obama was
born.

Rainbow Road rage.

Getting cock blocked

by Chris Hansen.

A combover that's
mostly back hair.

A real pain in the ass.

A bitchin' Camaro.

Having wood for

sheep.

Finding a penis where

a vagina should be.

Eating shit, then

dying.

More cowbell.

A flashy chick magnet

type sports car.

Carlos Danger.

Poop flinging
orangutangs.

The little man who

lives in my eyebrow
and tells me to do bad
things.

A very unsanitary litter

box.

Raw Sewage.

Materialized color
operating on the 49th
vibration.

Consensual
beastiality.

A spatula.

An oppressive
collection of board
games.

Them Duke boys.

Only getting 71
virgins, due to a
clerical error.

Building landing strips

for gay Martians.

A pie, made with

authentic negro shit.

Sparkly, glittery,
unicorn semen.

One of those
ridiculously long
cucumbers.

"I Want Your Sex", by

George Michael.

A shirt, for which I am

too sexy.

All seven Dwarfs.

Prius driving, latte

sipping, Birkenstock
wearing, hippie
liberals.

People who still use

AOL.

A Wookie, Ewok,
Jawa threesome.

Getting Medieval on
one's ass.

A Food Network
show, hosted by
Hannibal Lecter.

A dildo that's also a

miniature statuette of
Gary Coleman.

Slow jams.

Throwing turtle shells

and banana peels at
other motorists.

An Ass Full Of
Lowenbrau

A Left Handed Upper

Cut Straight To The
Junk

Drop Kicking A Midget

The Ghost Of Gary

Coleman

Machine Gun Farts

A Tumor With Teeth

Setting A Hobo On
Fire Just To FEEL
Something Again

The Mummified Penis

Of Napoleon Bonapart

A Full Blown Harem

Of Malaysian Rent
Boys

Using Both Sides Of

The Toilet Paper

Suck-Starting A
Harley

Trying To Fart The

National Anthem

Shitting A Pineapple

A Loogie The Size Of

Your Fist

Getting your anus

ripped by a massive
bear cock.

Liam Neeson's Cock

Shaking a baby to
make it stop crying.

Having sex in the

TARDIS

War....terrible war....

Having time lord sex

with all 12 doctors at
the same time.
(Spoilers!)

Miley Cyrus's tongue

A woman with the butt

of a Sasquatch

The the assortment of

semen in every hotel
room

soulless, vampiric,
gingers sent from hell
to destroy mankind

Having sex with your

mom

SomecallmeJohnny's
pet fucker

Casting the get up

without effort spell.

Munging

Asian Drivers

Blue Balls

Dick Cheese

Hermaphrodites

Sharts

Alter boys

Day laborers

The Catholic Church

American Indians

Yeast Infections

Hemorrhoids

Anal Leakage

Cyber Stalking

The sink that Gabi

and Preston fucked in.

Putin's manly,
imperialistic, Russian
chest.

A trafficking ring.

My kidnapped
girlfriend.

Right in the Acid

Tank!

A lot of butts.Like, a
lot of butts.

Asuna's rape scene

BJs for Jesus.

Fus Ro Dah

Getting a blumpkin
from a dirty hippy

Brothers with benefits

The Facebook

Methane

fracking wells

Rainbow farts

unicorns

Smoke

Benjamins used to
light cigars

Getting fingered by
Captain Hook. With
his Hook Hand.
Vigorously.

A wire coat hanger

from Hobby Lobby.

My collection of
Stolen Rape Whistles

Speed Dating at the

Abortion Clinic

The sexual appeal of

a woman with no
arms.

That's not what your

boyfriend said.

Pushing people into a

giant fan

The lovely elderly

couple from 2B

Orphan meat

Extreme
couponing...LIKE A
BOSS!

The bits of food stuck

in Brandon's goatee.

Super Karate Monkey

Death Car

Macho Business
Donkey Wrestler

The feral cry of a

retarded mexican
sasquatch.

The shoulder thing

that goes up.

Chupathingy

A moon-faced
assassin of joy

A hunting dog and a

Ouija board

Robin Williams' Last

Gag

fully drunk teenagers

with boners

Playing 1400
consecutive games of
Get On Top.

Bleeding Anus

Chinky Take-out

A rape condom

Break-dance fighting

A fart so loud, it
breaks the sound
barrier

BUCK FUTTER!

The Penis Mightier

Wait, what the fuck

did they just say?!

Mind Bleach

A Blaxican

Accidentally sexting
your mom.

Tuca babies.

Sneezing while you

shit creating a
vacuum that sucks the
shit back into your
asshole.

Fuckin' the Fat One

Passive-Aggressive
Alphabet Soup

Ben's Wild Obsession

With POKeMON

The ogrelords big

green penis

doing the do with You

Know Who

Anne Frank doing a

strip tease

Steven Anderson

The concentration
camp diet

a Samsquantch

Touchy feely clowns.

Full fat butter

A KA MA HA MA HA
to the nuts!

Gypsy Tears

BOROMOR!

Waking up a different
gender

The Glass Ceiling

Ass Cancer

Hitler's Backyard BBQ

Coming soon to a
theatre near you. "The
Notebook 2" Written &
Directed by Michael
Bay

Romantically running
your fingers through
your partners hair
after eating a bag of
Cheetos.

That manscaping
accident that ended in
a trip to the E.R.

A thumbs down, overthe-pants handjob

Having uncontrollable
flatulence on the 16
hour flight from New
York to Hong Kong.

Putting on a pair of
Depends before
going online to play
Call of Duty.

Occupation: Packer at
the Rocky Mountain
Fudge Factory.

Big Booty Bitches

Two brothers, an
Impala, and a fuckton
of pie.

Laundry day with

Castiel.

Going to Mars and

drawing a giant dick in
the sand.

Drew "Quad" Higgins

The Soft, Warm, Silky

Interior Of An
Unwilling Sheep

Eating One Direction

A visit to the E.R.

because of a horrible
manscaping accident.

El joven y apuesto
Stalin.

A kiddie pool full of

spooge

When your female

physics teacher whips
her dick out in class.

Hex the fucking

cockbite

Painting yourself
white, simply to avoid
getting arrested
coming out of the
store.

Titans.

A black person with

no criminal record.

Deep fried turkey

balls on chin

The Aristocrats.

Moonlighting as a
mohel

just the tip.

A unicorn with AIDS.

Giving zero fucks.

Something painful in
the butt.

Something very
painful in the butt.

A leaf blower full of

leeches

Deep fried turkey

Sliding down a
banister of razor
blades into a pool of
rubbing alcohol.

Octomom's Planned
Parenthood Clinic.

The Man-Whore
Killer.

Squidward and his

penis-like nose.

Ripping off a man's

dick, putting it in a
blender and force
feeding him his dick
smoothie through a
funnel.

Rainbow Land

Rhea Gingrow

Licking the bottom of

a Wheelie Bin

Aunt Winnie

During his duel with

Kaiba, Yugi
summoned his In
attack mode.

Public BDSM

A PowerPoint
presentation.

Luke Skywalker's
Missing Hand

Drunk brunch with

Hannibal

The sea?

Sums?

Gambling on a fart
and loosing

50 Shades of
GAAAAAAYYYYYYY!
!!!

Garbage day at the

abortion clinic

Gambling on a fart
and losing

Drinking bong water.

Drinking bong water.

Child suicide bombers

Chocolate cake.

ma bite

Ray rice

Ray Rice's battered

wife.

Tim Tebows pathetic

NFL career.

Two in the pink one in

the stink.

Ebola virus

Running over a box of

puppies

Eren

Dean's Mum

A rather fruity madoka

magica clone.

Mikasa Akerman's
Glorious Buttocks

John Scott and his

multiple 5 minute
major penalties.

Turning on
Meatspin.com on all
the Laptops at a Best
Buy.

The joke that was the

Civil Rights
Movement.

Using Icy Hot as lube.

Seceeding your
property from the
government because
#YOLO.

Rahul Venkit

Dried out Gumby

Chuck Norris

whoo-ing

Groot

Playing jenga on 9/11

Scuzz's ombre

Costly beauty
surgeries.

Milli Vanilli's fashion

sense.

Bad taste.

Shoulder pads.

Patrick Swayze's hips

swiveling.

Ozzy Osbourne the

Prince of fucking
Darkness.

Windows 95.

Having another mouth

to feed.

dupa

Blackjack and
hookers.

Teeth looking like

Berlin 1945.

The 51st Shade of

Gray

Stupid sexy Flanders!

Ellie Panton

Dick Pics with small

penises

Sucking dick so hard

that pass out

Eating yellow snow.

Ebola

Still believing that the

stork delivers babies.

The right to be lazy.

Making Balloon
animals out of
condoms

Coughing on a baby's
face in order to
reaffirm your
dominance as the
"Alpha"

Oscar Pistorius'
missing legs.

Magical Midgets

Shitting at a friends
house.

Professor Xaviers
Bald Head

Benedict
Cumberbatch, Matt
Smith, and Tom
Hiddleston having a
cheekbone contest.

Benedict
Cumberbatch, Matt
Smith, and Tom
Hiddleston having a
cheekbone contest.

Rosie O'Donnell's
penis

Michelle Obama's
healthy school lunch

Saggy-ass National
Geographic titties

How stereotypes
prevent us from
seeing each other as
people

Squirting orgasm

Dora the explorer

giving handjobs in a
dirty bathroom at
Taco Bell

LemonAIDS

Urine burrito.

Ethics in video game

journalism.

I'm Against Humanity

Double Dipping

Jet washing a tramp

Fisting an owl

Punching a group of
nuns in the Cu#t

Infantacide

Blowing up an
orphanage

Green onions!?

HONOR!

One copper piece

Two copper pieces

The joining of
Westbro Baptist
Church and the Gay
Men's Choir.

Demon Dean.

Sucking dick so hard

one lung collapses.

Tickle Me
Inappropriately Elmo

Accidentally shitting a
little in your pants,
and then finishing,
because "Why Not?"

An improvised bolo
made by tying two
cat's tails together

The throbbing, blood

engorged, thumbsized clitoris of Miss
Kim Kardashian

Sap-sucking tree
monkey

Two nuns fighting

over a dildo

Ass imbecile

Flapping foreskin

Nipple spikes

Them pornogs

Queef-a-licious

My b-Hole

NC17 poorly written

fanfiction.

Lois Lane's shattered

pelvis.

Cartwheels.

Jordan

10 piece halibut fish

and chips

Meet the Townsends

A Cosby Cocktail.

Dave Abbott

Dustin Marks

Alex from Target

Jax Teller Saying "I

Got This"

Hanging by my
toenails.

when you're out of

toilet paper so you
just wipe your butt
with your shirt.

Kaelin bitch slapping

Khaki!

Karens big, ample

breasts!

Dylan trying to
convince his dad he's
right.

The time you first

catfished a homeless
person.