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Amanda Shay
Communications 122
18 March 2016
Barriers to Communication
In my previous essay I had the opportunity to looking at my strengths and weaknesses in
communication and identifying an are in which I could improve. My peers and family
contributed their opinions and led me to the conclusion that one way I could highly improve y
communication skills was by learning about barriers that stopped me from being able to listen
effectively. I then set out to find what exactly were barriers to communication and exactly how
were they stopping me from understanding my peers. The book, People Skills and article
Barriers and Gateways to Communication gave me the tools I needed to identify and refine
these barriers that I had inadvertently put up.
In the book, People Skills by Robert Bolton, we learn that barriers in communication are,
high risk responses (Bolton, 17) These responses most often have negative impacts not only in
the conversation, but also lead to trigger defensiveness, resentment, withdrawal and feelings of
defeat. He continued, [t]hey are more likely to block conversation, thwart the other persons
problem solving efficiency, and increase the emotional distance between people than other ways
of communicating (Bolton, 17). He emphasized three types of barriers: judging, sending
solutions, and avoiding the others concerns. The barriers that stuck out to me the most were
reassurance, advice, and diagnoses. When reassuring one often assumes they are saying things
that are comforting and supportive; in reality they are trying to stop the other person from
feeling the negative emotions she is experiencing (Bolton, 16). Advising may seem wise but it
also stops you from understanding the person who you are speaking to. When advising, one
shows little confidence in the problem-solving capabilities of the person they speak to and they
begin to draw conclusions from the limited amount of information that the speaker has given.

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Diagnoses is more often than not an internal barrier we put up when speaking to others. Not very
often is it heard, I have been watching your actions and know that because of your anxiety you
are upset with me. Yet, how often have thoughts similar to this crossed past our minds? When
we diagnose others, we lose track of the multiple factors that may cause the others reactions,
and more importantly, how we also could have caused some of them.
Carl Rogers firmly believed that the biggest barrier to communication is our mentality of
evaluating and judging the other speaker. He emphasized the need to enter, as fully as I am able,
into the mind (Rogers, 48) of the person with whom we are speaking. We accomplish this by
first, restating the thoughts and feelings of the other person in a way that they are satisfied.
Subsequently we can understand truly the point of view of the other person and our barriers and
judgements are limited from entering the conversation. Rogers theories are the next level of
moving past our barriers. He said we need to, see the expressed idea and attitude from the other
person's point of view, to sense how it feels to him, to achieve his frame of reference in regard to
the thing he is talking about.(Roger, 47). He says this is the difference between understanding
with a person and not about him. This type of listening not only causes us to listen and
understand effectively, but it brings about the very changes we which to create by using the
barriers. He does warn that this change is not one sided, we too can change our mentalities when
we dive this deep into comprehension. Rogers described barriers as defenses that we put up
between each other as we are communicating that impede us. He says if we move first towards
dropping these barriers, the others with whom we speak will do so as well.
While reviewing these works I had the opportunity to discover ways in which I had fallen
short in my ability to listen. I often lean on advice and reassurance to appear as if I care about the
people with whom I communicate. This form of superficial understanding gives very little

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support to those who suffer and wish for acceptance. I realize now that as I set aside my
problem-solving mentality, assuming to end their sadness as if these emotions were a problem,
and allow the other person to use their own they will feel true comfort. I also find myself
incredibly guilty of diagnosing my fellow man as if I am God and know the intents of their
hearts. Not even the wisest of psychoanalysts can fully comprehend the complexity of a human
mind; each individual life and story is matchless in their perspective and experience. As we
discussed earlier in the semester, each person has their own prescription of lenses that are unique,
and try as we might, we cannot all see exactly what another sees as they go through life. As
insightful as Boltons insights are to me, Carl Rogers theories were the ones that pierce and
challenge me the most. His dare to be brave and dare to step into anothers mind, even through
the risk of realizing we are the ones that are thinking incorrectly, left me wondering if I ever truly
used this full potential of my talents. As I spoke of earlier in my previous essay, I know that I
have been given gifts that allow me to understand the children of men, yet how often do I fully
immerse myself in the world of another for more than just a second? Through a bit of reflection,
I can see that because of disuse, this skill that once was a large part of my perception of the
world has faded to the point that I rarely recognize it in myself. These two theories, letting go of
our barriers and stepping into another persons skin, are the missing keys that have kept me from
listening effectively. I recognize now that though the barriers I have inadvertently put up between
me and my peers make me feel comfortable with where I am, they also keep me stagnant and
unreachable to those whom I was given to reach. It is my charge now to recognize when I am
about to start to put these barriers up and recognize it as a sign to dive deeper.
I recognize now that understanding is a goal that we can all reach when we set aside
ourselves and look deeper into each other. Great and mutually beneficial conclusions can be

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reached in any environment when the proper efforts are put up. We need to as President Hinkley
put it, forget ourselves and go to work. In this I know that my interpersonal skills are refined
and ready to face any challenge in conversation put in front of me as I set down my walls and
allow others to set theirs down as well.

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Bolton, R. (1986). People skills: How to assert yourself, listen to others, and resolve conflicts.
New York: Simon & Schuster, 14-26.
Rogers, C. R., & Roethlisberger, F. J. (1982). Barriers and gateways to communication. Boston,
MA: Harvard Business Review, 30(4), 46-52. Retrieved from PsychInfo