Dylon Husband

Tamra Phillips
COMM 2110
21 April 2016

Final report
Personal change project
OVERVIEW
During the beginning of this project The Unwanted communication pattern I wanted to change,
was to not think While others were speaking to me and to give others my full undivided
attention while they were speaking. Essentially I set out to be a better more effective listener.
In order to do this I used specific strategies from the class text
Interpersonal Communication.
While using the strategies I did have some constraints that were challenging. As I worked

through the challenges and implemented my new

wanted
behavior it became more and more
automatic. Because of that the results of this project were quite positive and beneficial. It

required a constant conscious effort at first then became much more automatic having very
positive results.

Unwanted communication pattern

I first began to notice the problem I was having when I was reading. I would catch myself
reading through material and thinking of something completely off topic. I would then have to
go back and reread the material to make sense of and comprehend what I had read. Then I
begin to notice myself thinking of other things or possibly what I wanted to say next when
others were talking to me. As a results of that I would miss things that were said, not to
mention it being rude not giving others my full attention.
For example, one night I was engulfed in a project when my fiance approached me. She
began talking about a problem our neighbor was having. I looked at her and nodded as she
spoke; as if I was actively listening. However my mind was still actively thinking about my
project. But when she asked a question and my response was the same nod, she aggravatedly
stated you are not even listening! and stormed off. I was being self-absorbed (Beebe,self)
during this interaction which had a negative outcome.
On another occasion my daughter begin to express to me a problem she was having with a
pier at school. When I interrupted her immediately asking what she wanted me to do to remedy

this problem. She then got upset and expressed she didn't want me to
do
anything, she just
wanted me to listen to her while she expressed how she was feeling. I was engaging with a
task oriented listening style (Beebe,task) also having negative effects.

Strategies
The first strategy that I begin to implement was to not have a task oriented listening style.
Task oriented listeners are defined by I
nterpersonal
Communication

as, those who look at the

overall structure of the message to see what action needs to be taken. I have been guilty of
this and it usually wasn't the best approach. The strategy I applied to remedy this was, too
listen to people when they talk to me without thinking, taking in the whole message with an
other-oriented approach. Paying more attention to what the speaker wanted or needed to
convey, rather than what I could do.
The second strategy was to not be self-absorbed (Beebe,self). I could not tell you how
many times I was mentally consumed with something (self-absorbed) and missed out on
important moments, phrases, and questions. This also deprived others of, the best of me. The
strategy I found to work quite well was a very simple one;
Stop
what you're doing (including
thinking)
Look
at the person (make eye contact)
Listen
when being spoken to. This simple

stop, look, and listen strategie working very well. As written in my, Personal Change Journal
this was my go-to strategy. I used this to not be self-absorbed; with great success.
Improving my listening comprehension was also important (Beebe,how to). I applied five
strategic principles that are listed on page 131 of interpersonal Communications.
Put your own thoughts aside.
Be there mentally as well as physically.
Make a conscious, mindful effort to listen.
Take adequate time to listen; don't rush the speaker; be patient.
Be open-minded

I was able to apply all 5 of these with my children quite often with very positive results;
exceeding my expectations. An entry I made on March 5th, 2016 in my Personal Change
Journal is a perfect example of applying the above strategic principles, although the entries
emphasis was on external noise (Beebe,external) it's still an excellent example. That entire
stated;
This afternoon my nose was deep in my books studying for my Saturday night quiz.

The TV was on in the background my girls carrying on as normal. When my eldest daughter
came up to me attempting to explain something, halfway into what she was saying I realized I
hadn't really heard anything she said. At that moment I shut my book turned off the TV asked
her to start over and gave her my full attention.

Deciding to shut down all E

xternal
N
oise
(
Beebe.
External) allowed my daughter to have my full
undivided attention. Intern allowing her to express to me something she found important. I was
then able to suggest a good thought out remedy to assist her. This was very effective and
worked well.

Constraints
I had the most difficulties with Noise

(Beebe,Noise). Noise is defined by interpersonal

Communications as, Anything literal or psychological that interferes with accurate reception of
a message. The form of noise I had the most difficulties with during this project was

extreme
nerve
pain
. I struggle with this on a daily basis but didn't entirely realize how big of
an impact it was truly having on my listening comprehension until this project.
I have found it to be quite challenging to maintain my focus and attention on a speaker when I
am bombarded with nerve pain (Noise).

Implementation
What I actually did to Encompass the desired listening Behavior was; I made a conscious effort
to always
stop
what I was doing. Whether it was reading, thinking, doing homework etc. I would
stop
and give that person my full undivided attention. At that point I would l
ook
at the person
and maintain eye contact. This would convey to the speaker I was present and interested in

what they had to say. Looking at the person also allowed myself to pick up on any important
meta-messages (Beebe,Meta-). I would then truly
listen
with an other-oriented listening
style (Beebe,Other-). This fundamental stop, look, and listen approach worked extremely
well.
Perception checking (Beebe,perception) was another technique I used to make sure my
listening comprehension was accurate. If I had any question about the message I wood
paraphrase the speaker's message back to them. This way they could clarify my perception of
their message.
The only real problem I had implementing these skills was my nerve pain Noise. When it
flared up there was nothing I could really do about it rudely snaring my attention. I would
however do my best to divert my attention back to the speaker; this was difficult. I was
unsuccessful at finding a remedy for this type of noise which proved to be my biggest barrier to
listening comprehension.

Results
I took this project quite seriously which I think added to its success. This project was quite
beneficial indeed. The strategies I diligently implemented, not only have greatly assisted me;
but also my children. This was amazing and an unexpected benefit. My journal entry on March
5th 2016 says it the best;
The stop,look, and listen (Beebe,Stop,) concept has been my

go-to strategy. It has had profound results with my girls. By always stopping and giving them
my attention, looking at them when they talk and intently listening, I have begun to notice
something amazing! They haven't been fighting. They've seemed much calmer and overall
happier. As I begin to notice these changes in their behavior, I also noticed they weren't
interrupting each other and we're talking and listening to one another as I had been doing to
them. This was quite unexpected and amazed me.
Being consistently aware of using these techniques has proven to be extremely beneficial thus
far. Not just for my personal goals of being a better listener but also inadvertently rubbing off
on my children. I will continue to use and apply the strategies. I feel the theories I used from
the
Interpersonal
Communication

text worked exactly as theorized because I adamantly

applied them. As a result of this project I can guarantee anyone who applies these theories,
strategies and techniques I have used; will experience great reward.

Recommendations
There is no doubt I will continue to use the following strategies as needed in all future
interactions.
1.

Stop, Look, and Listen

2. Other oriented listening style

3. Perception checking
4. Self talk
I will continue to use these strategies because they were all of great benefit to me during this
project. Because of the success I had with this project, I will not modify or change what has
been working for me. I am eager to Bear My Testimony to the success I have had with this
project.

Works cited.
Beebe,Steven."ExternalNoise."
InterpersonalCommunications:Relating
toOthers.PlaceofPublicationNot
Identified:PearsonEducCanada,2014.
12930.Print.
Beebe,Steven."ListeningComprehension.
InterpersonalCommunications:Relating
toOthers.PlaceofPublicationNot
Identified:PearsonEducCanada,2014.
131.Print.
Beebe,Steven."Metamessages."

InterpersonalCommunications:Relating
toOthers.PlaceofPublicationNot
Identified:PearsonEducCanada,2014.
132.Print.
Beebe,Steven."Noise."
InterpersonalCommunications:Relating
toOthers.PlaceofPublicationNot
Identified:PearsonEducCanada,2014.
12930.Print.
Beebe,Steven."OtherOrientedListening
Style."InterpersonalCommunications:
RelatingtoOthers.PlaceofPublication
NotIdentified:PearsonEducCanada,
2014.12930.Print.
Beebe,Steven."PerceptionChecking.
InterpersonalCommunications:Relating
toOthers.PlaceofPublicationNot
Identified:PearsonEducCanada,2014.
211.Print.
Beebe,Steven."Selfabsorbed."
InterpersonalCommunications:Relating
toOthers.PlaceofPublicationNot
Identified:PearsonEducCanada,2014.
12628.Print.
Beebe,Steven."Selftalk."Interpersonal
Communications:RelatingtoOthers.
PlaceofPublicationNotIdentified:
PearsonEducCanada,2014.48.Print.
Beebe,Steven."Stop,Look,andListen.
"InterpersonalCommunications:
RelatingtoOthers.PlaceofPublication
NotIdentified:PearsonEducCanada,
2014.13132.Print.