Comm-2110- Sp16
Submitted to: Professor Knott
April 30, 2016
she continued to talk, I would engage in self-talk, asking what life altering issue this
story was going to lead to, what she was hoping to get out of this conversation, or if
she just had not talked to anyone for the last twelve hours. This self-absorbed
behavior of mine was not actually focusing on what she was saying, and I allowed
my pre-formed ideas to distract myself from something that she said that could
have been potentially important. Lastly, I would get irritated with Anns long drawn
out stories and start to finish her sentences. I did this in an attempt to help her
move the story along before I lost patience, and also because she would
occasionally get stuck on a word or thought she was trying to finish.
When communicating with my boyfriend, I am usually multitasking- cooking
or prepping meals, folding laundry, helping with homework, putting dishes away.
Doing any number of these things caused Ben to feel as if whatever he was saying
to me was less important than what I was doing at the time. In my head, again I
would try to summarize what my boyfriend was trying to convey to me and what
problem I needed to solve. I interrupted him frequently trying to summarize and get
to the point of his story more quickly, causing him to lose track of what he was
saying, making him feel inferior and unimportant. By engaging in this selective
listening process and multitasking I was only trying to figure out what I could get
out of the conversation rather than seeing what Ben was trying to communicate to
me, and what he needed to get out of the conversation. I did not realize how these
behaviors were causing communication breakdowns, misunderstandings and hurt
feelings to manifest in our relationship.
Strategies
I employed the following communication and listening strategies from our book to
help me to work toward achieving my personal change goal:
1
I utilized the suggestion for our text to throttle up [my] powers concentration
when I find [my] internal messages distracting [me] from listening well
(Bebee 7e. p 128).
I implemented the Stop, Look and Listen method described in our text to
improve my comprehension skills.
a Stop- I stopped attending to my off-topic self-talk that distracted me
from being a good listener and providing the speaker with my
undivided attention (Bebee 7e. p 131).
b Look-I endeavored to accurately interpret the nonverbal messages and
attend to the metacommunication the speaker was expressing (Bebee
7e. p132)
c Listen- I attempted to not interrupt while listening to the speaker,
responded and provided appropriate verbal and nonverbal
communication, and appropriately contributed to the conversations
after allowing myself time to analyze and understand what the
speaker was trying to communicate.
I tried to enact the following behaviors that have been identified and
associated with good listeners in research studies from our text (Bebee 7e
p131):
a I put my own thoughts aside prior to engaging in conversations with
others.
b I practiced being mentally and physically present in the conversation,
including eliminating distractions from internal (my own thoughts) and
external stimuli (my cellphone, ambient noises, other people, etc.).
c I made mindful, conscious efforts to listen to what the speaker had to
say, and not be selective in what I want to hear from the message.
d I took adequate time to listen, do not rush the speaker and be patient.
e I reminded myself to remain open-minded, and to not pre-diagnose or
judge the situation the speaker was trying to convey.
Constraints
Implementation
Results
This project has opened my eyes and enabled me to have better overall level
of communication with my significant, his daughter, and my co-workers. By
remembering to remove internal and external distractions I was able to focus and
provide the speaker with my undivided attention. Mitigating my self-talk and prejudging what the speaker was communicating to me allowed me to fully understand
what he or she was saying, and thereby becoming more aware of his or her needs. I
found that when I was initially starting the project it seemed very overwhelming to
remember all of the behaviors I was trying to stop doing. With time and practice it
became easier and less cumbersome to remember to stop, look and listen; or to
minimize my self-talk and pre-determinations of what the speaker was wanting out
of the conversation. The most difficult obstacle for me to overcome, as I said
previously, was interrupting the speaker, or as I saw it helping them to finish their
sentence. My boyfriend perceived my behavior as if I were inferring that he was too
incompetent to know what words to use to finish the sentence or thought. I never
realized that my interrupting behavior could have been inferred in a negative
pompous manner. By practicing and managing my speech to thought rate and
summarizing what I have heard from the speaker, has been the most effective way
for me to lessen my interrupting behavior. With time it became easier for me to
consciously remind myself to stop what I was doing and quiet myself talk prior to
engaging the speaker in conversation.
Improving communication with my boyfriend was my primary motivation for
this personal change project, any enhancement in our communication would have
been a step in the right direction in helping us to understand each other and fulfill
each others needs. Utilizing these skills with my co-workers, supervisor, family, and
my stepdaughter is icing on the cake.
Recommendations
While I have by no means conquered my goal of overcoming my selfabsorbed, selective, and interruptive listening behavior. I do feel that this project
and this communication course have provided me with the proper tools to carry on
working on this goal. Going forward, I will continue to slow down, take the time to
listen undistractedly to the speaker. I will remind myself to quiet my inner thoughts,
and remove external distractions, namely my cellphone. With practice I think it will
become second nature to not pre-judge or diagnose what the speaker is saying or
the situation he or she is trying to portray. Most of all, I will continually seek to
summarize what I am hearing from the speaker, respond properly with non-verbal
communication, and respond here appropriate. Lastly, I will work hardest on my
interrupting behavior. While I previously thought that this behavior was aiding the
speaker, I have learned that this behavior can derail the speaker. He or she can
forget his/ her train of thought, or worse, feel as if I am demeaning and undermining
his or her intelligence. This project has opened my eyes to how my listening and
communication behavior was completely self-absorbed, distracting, rude, and
Work Cited
Beebe, Steven A, Beebe, Susan J, Redmond, Mark V. (2014) Interpersonal Communication: Relating to
Others. Boston: Pearson [Allyn & Bacon]