Instructional Site Coach

Meeting Listening
January 15, 2016

Ive learned that people will

forget what you said, people will
forget what you did, but people
will never forget how you made
them feel.
- Maya Angelou

Coaching Resources

Better Conversations, Knight (2016)

The Art of Coaching, Aguilar (2013)

Why should we worry about

communication anyway? (Knight)
We have never wanted to be alone. But today, we are alone. We are
more fragmented and isolated from one another than ever before.
Archbishop Desmond Tutu describes it as a radical brokenness in all of
existence.
-Margaret Wheatley, Turning to One Another

We have found that the single factor common to every successful

change initiative is that relationships improve. If relationships improve,
things get better. If they remain the same or get worse, ground is lost.
Thus leaders must be consummate relationship builders with diverse
people and groups especially with people different than themselves.
-Fullan, M. (2001). Leading in a Culture of Change (p.5)

Food for Thought

Listening
Take a moment to reflect on your listening
experiences.
When was the last time you felt truly listened to?
o Who was listening to you? How did you know you were
being listened to? What did it feel like? What did this
allow you to think, feel and do?

When were you sharing something and were not

listened to?
o What was that like? What was the effect on the
relationship?

Listening
Reflect on how you listen to others.
While listening to others do you.
Find a connection and be able to share some information
about yourself
Find a point with which you argue
Notice yourself feeling judgmental about what the other
person shares
Find your attention wandering or drifting toward other
ideas

Listening is a SKILL
Deep listening is hard to do but you can train yourself to
do this and you will get better with practice.
It can feel uncomfortably empty, quiet and strange at
times, especially in the beginning.
MOST effective tool youll use in coaching. Elena
Aguilar

Listening Deeply
You stop your own thinking your own mental chatter is
quiet but you listen for what is being said as well as
assumptions, interpretations and underlying beliefs.
Your own thoughts and concerns quiet down and your
ego naps in a corner of your mind and there is space for
the other person to explore his/her own ideas. Elena
Aguilar

Noticing Our Own Listening

Activity
o Listen to a friend, colleague, family member, etc.
o Pay attention to what is happening in your own mind in
your own listening.
o Then go and write down what you heard your own mind
saying.

Listening to Your Listening

Noticing Your Own Listening

Becoming aware of what your mind is doing when you are
supposed to be listening is very useful, because then you can
make a choice about what you will do. Elena Aguilar
What happens when the someone you are speaking with
stops talking?
o Wait time
o Nonverbal cues (nod, smile, etc.)

When you are ready to respond, allow yourself some time to

formulate what you are going to say
o Example Ok, let me think for a minute

I believe we can change the world if we start listening to

one another againSimple, truthful conversation where
we each have a chance to speak, we each feel heard,
and we each listen well.
- Margaret Wheatley

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage

is also what it takes to sit down and listen.
- Winston Churchill

Effective Listening
1. Commit to listen.
2. Make sure your partner is the speaker.
3. Pause before you speak and ask, Will my
comment open up or close down this
conversation?
4. Dont interrupt.

Better Conversations, Knight (2016)

Getting Better at Listening

Strategy 1: Commit to Really Listen
o Engage in authentic listening

Strategy 2: Be the Listener, Not the Speaker

o Self check, pose questions, see each conversation as a learning
opportunity

Strategy 3: Pause and Think Before You Respond

o Allow their words to sink in
o Comment in ways that are authentic

Strategy 4: Dont Interrupt

o Quickest strategy to do
o For many, its the most difficult one

Better Conversations, Knight (2016)

The problem is this. You are taught what to say and how
to sit, but the heart of good listening is authenticity.
People read not only words and posture, but whats
going on inside you. If your stance isnt genuine, the
words wont matterIf your intentions are false, no
amount of careful wording or good posture will help. If
your intentions are good, even clumsy language wont
hinder you.
Listening is only powerful and effective if it is authentic.
Authenticity means that you are listening because you
are curious and because you care, not just because you
are supposed to. The issue then, is this: Are you curious?
Do you care?
- Difficult Conversations; Stone, Patton, Heen (1999)

Next Steps
In regards to your listening, what is one thing you will pay
more attention to?
Think about what is on your plate for next week, what is
one way you can use this information?