The Importance of Interpersonal

Relationships
Module by: Mark Weber. E-mail the author

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Summary: The goal of our lesson in this module is for you to become acquainted with the
importance of establishing and maintaining a shared vision of positive professional
interpersonal relationship practices among all stakeholders on your campus. This module
introduces the use of administrative tools designed to help you document and measure
progress toward the shared vision of establishing and maintaining positive interpersonal
relationships on your campus.

Note:
This module has been peer-reviewed, accepted, and sanctioned by the National Council of the
Professors of Educational Administration (NCPEA) as a scholarly contribution to the
knowledge base in educational administration.

Introduction

As an instructional leader, you realize how vital the interpersonal relationships between
students and teachers, teachers and other teachers, teachers and administrators, school staff
personnel, parents, and community members can be for creating a positive successful learning
environment for all students. You also realize how detrimental negativity can sometimes be to
positive student progress. Our duty as school administrators is to identify, encourage, and
maintain behaviors that are associated with the modeling and nurturing of interpersonal
relationships that encourage student success. We also have the obligation to identify, address,
and change negative behaviors that inhibit positive student progress. Your ability as a campus
leader to weaken and eliminate negativity while nurturing and feeding the positive aspects of
interpersonal relationships requires that you have the knowledge and ability to plan for and
implement the intentional expectation of accentuating the positive for the good of all students.

What the Professionals Are Saying About Interpersonal Relationships at the Campus Level

Literature points to a strong link between positive nurturing interpersonal relationships

between teachers and students as an important ingredient in the recipe for student success.
Socially supportive relationships can have powerful and lasting effects on the lives of children
(Cassidy & Shaver, 1999; Richman, Rosenfeld, & Bowen, 1998). Pianta (1999) found that
emotionally warm relationships between teachers and students provide students with a sense
of security within school settings. It is believed that this sense of wellness promotes
exploration and comfort, as well as social, emotional, and academic competence among
students. Similarly, Birch and Ladd (1997) found that students who had closer relationships
with teachers were better adjusted academically than students with conflicted teacher-student
relationships. Ryan and Grolnick (1986) found that students who perceived their teachers as
personally positive and supportive were more likely to feel a greater sense of competence and
to be more intrinsically motivated.

It is important to note that personality clashes between teachers and students can and do exist.
Ridicule, favoritism, exclusion, and deliberately demeaning behaviors exhibited by teachers
toward certain students can be a reality in some situations. It is in these types of situations that
a savvy administrator must evaluate the situation, devise a plan and make a change for the
better when working closely with the student and teacher, or other stakeholder involved.

Why is it Important to Develop a Plan for Establishing and Maintaining Positive Interpersonal
Relationship Practices on your Campus?

Successful educational leaders are successful planners. They have developed the ability to
collaborate with their leadership team, teaching staff, students, and parents including all stake
holders associated with the operation of a successful school. The planning process allows
participants to become involved in the implementation and completion of the plan and to have
a voice in the decision making process thereby empowering those who will be effected by the
plan itself.

An effective campus principal is constantly involved in establishing and maintaining a

professional environment that includes the modeling of positive interpersonal relationship
techniques. It becomes essential for the effective instructional leader/principal to lead in
establishing a vision for what positive interpersonal relationships should look like and sound
like whether the relationship is between teachers and students, teachers and other teachers,
teachers and parents, teachers and administrators. This includes all school personnel and the
community surrounding the campus.
An effective interpersonal communications plan may include measurable goals designed to
meet the expectations set forth in the vision that have been established collaboratively by
campus personnel. For instance, a vision statement may include the phrase similar to the
following; “It is essential that we establish and maintain positive interpersonal relationships
with all of the students, parents, teachers, administrators, and other stakeholders we work with
everyday while on this campus”. We will do so by using the following types of words and
actions when working with each other…. Under this statement, the teachers and other
stakeholders will come to a consensus on what types of words and actions they agree will help
to establish and maintain a positive professional working environment. This (agreed upon by
consensus) document can become a written contract among the school personnel that all can
sign in agreement. The contract can be posted throughout the building and used as a reminder
and tool for future situations that might call for encouragement toward meeting the goals set
forth in the vision for establishing and maintaining positive interpersonal relationships.

Another evaluation tool administrators can use for measuring positive interaction between
teachers and students involves an administrative document used for tallying verbal and
behavioral interactions teachers have while communicating with students during a brief
classroom walkthrough observation. The tally document allows the administrator to document
positive and negative teacher remarks and actions observed during the walkthrough process.
A post-observation meeting can become a useful tool for administrators as they give feedback
to teachers concerning the observed verbal and behavioral message they may be giving to
students and whether or not the teacher is aware of the connotations of the message they are
projecting to the students in their classroom.

A third useful informational feedback tool that can be used to measure interpersonal
relationships involves the distribution of surveys to students, teachers, and all stakeholders.
The items on the survey can be written in terms used to collect data pertaining to overall
participant feelings toward their interpersonal relationships at work. The survey respondents
can remain anonymous in the hope of raising the level of honesty when responding to the
survey items answer choices.

Policies Concerning the Interpersonal Aspect of Professional Relationships at Work

All public school districts are required by law to have an employee handbook. The employee
handbook should contain federal, state and local policy regarding behavior toward students,
peers and supervisors. As a campus principal, you will be responsible for monitoring and
enforcing the written policies. The documentation tools mentioned above can be used to
verify your leadership in establishing a vision for establishing and maintaining a positive
productive learning environment for all students. (You may choose to have your students
bring in an example of an employee handbook from a school district from which they are
employed and compare the contents and discuss the reasoning for included the contents).

Policy Examples

Policy DH (Example taken from a working 2006-2007 Employee Handbook of a Texas public
school district)

All employees are expected to work together in a cooperative spirit to serve the best interests
of the district and to be courteous to students, one another, and the public. Employees are
expected to observe the following standards of conduct:
 • Recognize and respect the rights of students, parents, other employees, and members
of the community.
• Maintain confidentiality in all matters relating to students and coworkers.
• Report to work according to the assigned schedule.
• Notify their immediate supervisor in advance or as early as possible in the event that
they must be absent or late. Unauthorized absences, chronic absenteeism, tardiness,
and failure to follow procedures for reporting an absence may be cause for disciplinary
action.

• Know and comply with department and district policies and procedures.
• Express concerns, complaints, or criticism through appropriate channels.
• Observe all safety rules and regulations and report injuries or unsafe conditions to a
supervisor immediately.
• Use district time, funds, and property for authorized district business and activities
only.

All district employees should perform their duties in accordance with state and federal law,
district policies and procedures, and ethical standards. Violation of policies, regulations, or
guidelines may result in disciplinary action, including termination. Alleged incidents of
certain misconduct by educators, including having a criminal record, must be reported to
SBEC not later than the seventh day the superintendent first learns of the incident.

The Code of Ethics and Standard Practices for Texas Educators adopted by the State Board
for Educator Certification, which all district employees must adhere to, is reprinted below:

Cole of Ethics and Standard Practices for Texas Educators

Statement of Purpose

The Texas educator shall comply with standard practices and ethical conduct toward students,
professional colleagues, school officials, parents, and members of the community and shall
safeguard academic freedom. The Texas educator, in maintaining the dignity of the
profession, shall respect and obey the law, demonstrate personal integrity, and exemplify
honesty. The Texas educator, in exemplifying ethical relations with colleagues, shall extend
just and equitable treatment to all members of the profession. The Texas educator, in
accepting a position of public trust, shall measure success by the progress of each student
toward realization of his or her potential as an effective citizen. The Texas educator, in
fulfilling responsibilities in the community, shall cooperate with parents and others to
improve the public schools of the community.
Why are interpersonal relations important?
Interpersonal relationships are the heart and soul of human experience. Interpersonal
relationships are not only necessary for procreation, but also for the survival of our society.
Healthy interpersonal relationships, i.e., relationships which are cooperative, interdependent,
and supportive, contribute to our well-being but unhealthy interpersonal relationships, i. e,
dependent, coercive, and non-supportive, can be one of life's greatest source of stress.

David W. Johnson states that we are not a "thousand points of separate light, but rather, part
of a larger brightness". [1]

Imagine your life for a moment as a nexus as represented in the cluster of stars depicted
above. You should draw at lease one circle if you cannot draw the circles within a circle.
Some students have copied this image and then just inserted text in this diagram. Place those
with whom you feel most important in the middle of the inner circle. Now place those with
whom you feel less important in the next outer circle. Be sure and list the names of the
persons as this will increase your self awareness as you focus on a specific person. Finally,
place those who are least important to you in the outer circle. Send your diagram via email to
your instructor and answer the following: you can see a similar exercise by reviewing exercise
1.1 in your text.

HOME » Relationships

Develop and Maintain Positive

Relationships Immediately Using Only
Four Ingredients
By Etienne Gibbs
Article Word Count: 1009 [View Summary] Comments (0)

People who live next door to each other seldom take the time to get to
know each other. Or worst yet, co-workers go into the same building daily, and may even ride
the same elevator, without even saying a word to each other. And this story goes on daily all
across the land - different locations, same scenario! How much more rewarding life would be
if people would only take a moment to greet each other and start to develop positive
relationships!
It is my belief that we are, at times, our own worst enemy. Despite our kind and helpful
intentions, we tend to shoot ourselves in the foot when it comes to developing and
maintaining positive relationships.

There tends to be problems among people whenever they ignore each other or demonstrate a
lack of respect. I drew this conclusion after studying this counterproductive behavior while in
college and again while in the US Air Force. Consequently, I venture to say that ninety to
ninety-five percent of the cases I counseled stemmed from lack of mutual respect and/or
communication.

"The development of a relationship takes time, but applying the ingredients begins
immediately."

The way we learned to develop and maintain our relationships with others usually started in
our homes when we were young. If our parents showed love and respect for each other, we
tended to do the same for our family members. Having had positive interactions there, we
took it to school and eventually to the work place. However, if we never witnessed or learned
mutual respect at home, we developed an indifference for our fellow-human being. It is no
wonder that we never knew how to show it.

Mutual Respect Goes a Long Way

Respect, whenever demanded, always results in "defiant compliance" (doing it because we

have to, usually under pressure, not because we want to for the pure pleasure) that may lead to
counterproductive behaviors. When respect is earned, on the other hand, positive things begin
to happen on both sides of the fence. The only effective way to earn respect is to give it away.
Then, not only will it return, but it will do so a hundredfold. The good thing about developing
positive relationships is that it is never too late to do so, despite how blight the situation might
seem.

Hint: To create an atmosphere of mutual respect, start by demonstrating in your words and
actions respect for others, starting with your spouse and children. A good way to begin is to
minimize the negative talk, in yourself and in others. Speak when the atmosphere is friendly.
Your family member will be more apt to listen and respond in a friendly manner. Take what
you have learned to the workplace and spread respect in similar manner there.

Putting a Little Fun into Your Life

Because we are so busy with the demands of work, home, community events, and church
activities, it becomes easy to overlook an all-important aspect for building positive
relationships. The good news is that it does not take as much time as we might think. The
benefits come in the quality, not the quantity, of time we spend with the other person.

Hint: Spend time on a regular basis, once a week, or two or three times a week, with the other
person doing something that you both enjoy. Avoid getting into the routine of making it a
forced activity or schedule.

Encouragement Creates Cooperation.

If we expect others to respond to our wishes and requests, we must first believe in ourselves
and in the other person as capable and productive persons. This belief, when expressed in
positive and supportive words and actions, sends a strong message of encouragement. The
other person quickly picks up and responds positively and cooperatively.

Hint: Minimize your mentioning of the mistakes (except in hazardous or other dangerous
situations) or the weaknesses of others. Instead, recognize and acknowledge their assets and
strengths. Turn their lemons into lemonade.

Show a Little Love in All You Do and Say

I often heard in counseling situations that "He says he loves me, but he never shows it." What
this person was actually saying was that she heard it in words but was not convinced by his
actions (usually it a lack of action). Remember the old adage: "Action speaks louder than
words"? It could not be truer here. Love is both an emotion and an action. Saying it alone is
not enough. Neither is showing it by itself. For the other person to feel secure in the
relationship, regardless of the level of intimacy, they need to know, see, feel, and perceive
that they are on the receiving end, that the other person truly cares for them.

Hint: Expressing our love, care, and concern for the other person is both a feeling and an
action that needs to be expressed in words and action. Often such expressions are most
powerful whenever they are expressed at a time or occasion when the other person is least
anticipating such comments and actions.

Avoid praising; it may seem artificial. Instead give encouragement; it comes across more
genuine and caring.

Although mutual respect, love, and funtimes together are all important ingredients in creating
positive relationships, it is the encouragement ingredient that is the most important of all. For
it is through encouragement that we focus on the strengths and assets of the others.
Consequently, it is this encouragement that helps them to believe in themselves and their
abilities, that helps them to accept and learn from their mistakes, and that helps them to
develop the courage to be themselves, imperfections and all. (This just might be the first step
they needed in helping them learn how to maximize their potential.)

There you have it: The four ingredients in developing and maintaining positive relationships,
mutual respect, love, having fun together, and encouragement. Now put this recipe into
practice with your employees, your customers, your colleagues, and others, and watch the
positive results of your behavioral investments grow beyond all leaps and bounds.
How to Maintain a Positive Long Distance Relationship

1. 1

Make your significant other comfortable at all times. This is very

important. Making her feel like she is the most spectacular thing that has ever
happened to you is one of the most important things you can do.

2.

Be comfortable in conversation. With a long distance relationship, get used to

being on the phone/computer for hours. It is your only way of connection to your
significant other, therefore a vital part. Be able to talk about ANYTHING and
EVERYTHING. This could range from things you did as a kid, to past relationships
you've had, all the way up to your best-kept secrets. It is important to talk about
your childhood because it's something that everyone can relate to. Everybody did
things that were special to them when they were young, and it is a good thing to
talk about. People are comfortable talking about their childhood adventures,
friends, and materialistic things. It is also important to talk about past
relationships you have had. This might be a little bit of a touchy thing, but we all
know that we want to know if our significant other has any dirty secrets we want
to know about. Let her know the names of your old girlfriends, how old you were
at the time you dated, and if you still maintain a friendship with them now. She'll
be more comfortable knowing this. Your secrets are also very important. Make
her feel like she knows you almost, if not better than you do yourself.

3. 3

Do things together. Defy the distance. Frequent communication is a great

thing when it can be managed in a long distance relationship. However, constant
communication over the phone alone may tend to drag people down in the long
run. It's important to do other things together besides the usual phone call. Just
think... people in short-distance relationships do not spend the majority of their
time talking, but rather doing things with each other. Try to replicate this by
finding things to do together such as watching a TV show or movie
simultaneously. For an extensive list of more things you can do with each other
(or for each other) click here: [1]

4. 4

Send her Gifts. This doesn't mean to go out and spend your life savings on
flashy jewelry or expensive handbags. Little gift packages, sent at random times
will brighten her day and make her happy. If she likes candy, randomly send her
a package of candy with a little love note inside. If you are an artist, sketch a
picture of you two together and send it. Make a slide show of pictures that you
have taken together and send it via media mail. Obviously, expect your wallet to
get a bit lighter around her birthday and Valentines Day, or other holidays. But if
you are in this for marriage or the long haul, she will probably prefer you save
money for your future, rather than blow it all on jewelry. So be wise in your gift
decisions.

5. 5

Plan visits. Nothing would mean more to you than to see her, and her to see
you. Always have a next visit planned, however difficult it may be. Many people
in long-distance relationships feel that it is unbelievably difficult to go for long
periods of time without seeing their significant other. This is true, but the way I
think of it, is that any amount of time is worth waiting for the person you love.

6. 6

Spend time with family. When you do visit, or vice versa, although you want to
use a lot of your time to be together, it is very important (if you are living at
home, or are a teenager) for your parents and family to get to know your
significant other. Most families think long-distance relationships are a little
unhealthy. I will tell you why. You are denying yourself the constant physical
being with that person, and you spend all the time you have on talking, thinking
about, or planning to see the person. This takes away time from your friends,
family, and being social at all. Carefully construct times with your significant
other of when you will talk. Maybe only talk during the day on Friday and
Saturday and go out with your friends at night. This will help you maintain your
friendships, while also maintaining your relationship (obviously, if you would not
want her to drink/smoke with you not there, don't do it yourself).

7. 7

Be positive. Staying positive and not focusing on the negative aspects of a LDR
is essential to keeping your relationship blooming and your partner content.
Being away from your sweetie is not all bad news. Use the opportunity of
personal time to pursue your interests and hobbies as well as your career
objectives. Another positive points it that long distance dating pushes both of you
to be more creative, communicate better since you don't have "face-to-face"
time and test your feelings. As long as you see the long distance relationship as a
temporary state, you will keep your chin up and transmit that feeling of security
and happiness to your partner too. For more tips, articles and more about LDRs,
click here: Long Distance Relationships Portal

edit Tips

• Be kind, and considerate.

• Don't be afraid to show your feelings/opinions.

 • Maybe purchase a video camera for the computer, which would enable the
possibility of video chat, helping you to get a more personal connection
with your significant other. They can be purchased at any electronics store
or online.

• Always be positive and accepting.

• Trust her over everything else.

edit Warnings

• DO NOT be a jealous guy. This will make her believe that you do not trust
her.

• Never get off the phone angry.

• As much as people taunt you about it, NEVER IS IT OKAY TO CHEAT, NO

MATTER THE DISTANCE.

Friendship: Good for the Body, Good for the Soul

“Many people will walk in and out of your life; but only true friends will leave
footprints in your heart."-- Unknown *

Friends are our truest treasures. How many times have they: Made us laugh when we felt like
crying over a bad mistake? Made us feel loved when our boyfriends (or girlfriends) broke up
with us? Gave us the courage to go back to school or to change careers? Like armor, good
friends make us almost invincible, capable of warding off the blows life occasionally deals us.
Because of their steadfastness, we see setbacks for what they are: temporary.

Because friends accept us for who we are, we gain the

confidence to dream great dreams—and to make them real.
Friends liven up our days with their twisted humor, their
honest answers, and their ability to bear our gloating when
we beat them at golf or tennis. We can even trust them with
our most embarrassing secrets! What a relief it is for us to
reveal our true selves to someone!

It’s no wonder, then, that medical researchers have found that those who have friends tend to
be happier, healthier, and live longer than those who do not. In fact, friendship has numerous
physical and spiritual benefits.

Terminating relationships

There are several ways to break up a relationship. The results of some research are given here.
Cody’s survey of experience showed alternative strategies:

• Positive tone: ‘I still like you, but…’

• Verbal de-escalation: ‘I’m don’t love you any more.’
• Behavioral de-escalation: Avoiding contact. Seeing them less often.
• Negative identity management: ‘We each should see other people…’
• Justification: ‘This relationship is not giving me what I want.’