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“Sex addict” is the last phrase that would come to mind if you met
the demure and sober-suited Valerie. Yet she is in 12-step
recovery for that very issue. “Everyone used to tell me how lucky I
was, as I could get any man I wanted. I’m quite a competitive
person and it was important for me to know that, in my circle of
girlfriends, I was viewed as the hottest.”
Valerie was unaware she had an addiction, even when her friend’s
fiancé rejected her advances and threw a drink over her, telling her
some unpleasant home truths for good measure. It was only as
she got older and her friends started to settle down that she began
to question her behaviour.
Having two daughters, now aged five and seven, did little to curb
her behaviour. “I cringe when I think of the risks I took. One day, I
told the nanny I was going to visit an old schoolfriend and wouldn’t
be back until late that evening, then I got on the Eurostar and went
to Paris with a guy I’d met at a friend’s dinner party. But there was
a problem on the line that evening, and the trains back were
cancelled. That was pretty scary, being stranded in another country
when nobody knew I was there, and knowing my kids were
expecting me to read them a story. I phoned and said I was staying
with the friend because I had drunk too much to drive home.”
Ultimately, it was her drinking that led Justine into recovery.
“Ironically, my husband was fixated on the fact that I might be an
alcoholic. He didn’t suspect anything else. It was only after I
stopped drinking that I realised I had a problem with sex.”