Two Terrorists having discussion in a bar. The waiter asks them what the discussion was about?

Terrorist: We are planing to kill 14 thousand people & a donkey.... Waiter: why a donkey? ... Then one terrorist tells the other. "See I told you nobody will care about the 14 thousand people" Just conduct this simple test: Place the tip of your fingernail against the reflective surface and if there is a GAP between your fingernail and the image of the nail, then it is GENUINE mirror. However, if your fingernail DIRECTLY TOUCHES the image of your nail, then BEWARE! IT IS A 2-WAY MIRROR! When I was little, my mom always told me not to write on the walls, so when I joined Facebook I thought I was a rebel!
A lady told her Husband to go to d store to buy cigarettes. He walks down to d store to find it closed.So he goes into a nearby bar to use d vending machine. At d bar he sees a beautiful woman n starts talking to her. They hv few beers n one thing leads to another n they end up in her apartment. Later, he wakes up n realizes its 3AM n says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to get really angr...y. Have you got any talcum powder?" She gives him some powder. he rubs it on his hands n leaves. At d door, angry wife "Where d hell hv u been?" "Well, honey, I went to d store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to d bar to use d vending machine. I saw this great lukin girl there n we hd a few drinks n one thing led to another n I ended up in bed with her." "Oh yeah? Lemme c ur hands!" She sees his hands are covered with powder . "You God damn liar! You were playing pool again!" Moral of the story : Always tell ur wife the truth. She won't believe u anyway!!! =) "Why We Shout In Anger" A Hindu saint who was visiting river Ganges to take bath found a group of family members on the banks, shouting in anger at each other. He turned to his disciples smiled 'n asked. 'Why do people shout in anger shout at each other?' Disciples thought for a while, one of them said, 'Because we lose our calm, we shout.' 'But, why should you shout when the other person is just next to you? You can as well tell him what you have to say in a soft manner.' asked the saint Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the other disciples. Finally the saint explained, . 'When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other to cover that great distance. What happens when two people fall in love? They don't shout at each other but talk softly, Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is either nonexistent or very small...' The saint continued, 'When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak, only whisper 'n they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other 'n that's all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.' He looked at his disciples 'n said. 'So when you argue do not let your hearts get distant, Do not say words that distance each other more, Or else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return.' 15 GREAT THOUGHTS BY CHANAKYA 1) "Learn from the mistakes of others... you can't live long enough to make them all yourselves!!" 2)"A person should not be too honest. Straight trees are cut first and Honest people are screwed first." 3)"Even if a snake is not poisonous, it should pretend to be venomous." 4)"There is some self-interest behind every friendship. There is no friendship without self-interests. This is a bitter truth."

5)" Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions - Why am I doing it, What the results might be and Will I be successful. Only when you think deeply and find satisfactory answers to these questions, go ahead."

6)"As soon as the fear approaches near, attack and destroy it."

7)"The world's biggest power is the youth and beauty of a woman."

8)"Once you start a working on something, don't be afraid of failure and don't abandon it. People who work sincerely are the happiest."

9)"The fragrance of flowers spreads only in the direction of the wind. But the goodness of a person spreads in all direction."

10)"God is not present in idols. Your feelings are your god. The soul is your temple."

11) "A man is great by deeds, not by birth."

12) "Never make friends with people who are above or below you in status. Such friendships will never give you any happiness."

13) "Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years. For the next five years, scold them. By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a friend. Your grown up children are your best friends."

14) "Books are as useful to a stupid person as a mirror is useful to a blind person."

15) Education is the Best Friend. An Educated Person is Respected Everywhere. Education beats the Beauty and the Yout Many times in life, the opposite of Success is not Failure, its Quitting" Once there was loving couple travelling in a bus in a mountainous area.They decided to get down at some place. After the couple got down at some place the bus moved on,As the bus moved on, a huge rock fell on the bus from the mountain and crushed the bus to crumbs.Everybody on board was killed.The couple upon seeing that, said, "We wish we were on that bus" Why do u think they said that?? If they had remained on the bus instead of deciding to get down,the resulting time delay could have been avoided and the rock would have fallen after the bus had passed ..!!! Think positive in life always and look for opportunities when you can help Others... "Winners never quit, quitters never Win