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Shadow Dance; Liberating the Power and Creativity of your Dark Side by David Richo

To befriend the positive shadow: 1) Affirm that you have the quality you admire or envy in someone else. This can be a simple declaration or affirmation, such as: I am more and more courageous. 2) Act as if you have that quality by making choices that demonstrate it. 3) Announce it: tell everybody you know that you are making these changes and ask for their support. These are three steps we take. They are usually followed by shifts in our personality; we begin to act in wiser, more loving, and more healing ways with no further need for effort. This is the grace dimension, the spiritual assistance to our work.
To befriend the negative personal shadow: Practice these five As: 1) Acknowledge that you have all the attributes humans can have, that you contain both sides of every human coin. Acknowledge that you have the specific negative traits you see in others that evoke a strong reaction of repulsion in you 2) Allow yourself to hold and cradle these parts of yourself 3) Admit to yourself and to one other person these shadow discoveries about yourself,



Make amends to those who may have been hurt by your denial of your own shadow: I saw this in you and it is in me. I have blamed you for what I am ashamed of in myself. Become aware of the kernel of value in your negative shadow characteristic and then treat it as you did the positive shadow effects above. P 256-257.

Negative Shadow: What we see in others but do not notice in ourselves

Positive Shadow: The kernel of lively energy we have in us potentially but do not see steadfastness excitement openness to appreciation self-confidence,self-credit involvement discernment refusal to overlook injustice loyalty compromise compassion loyalty persuasion negotiability reliability, follow through organization, efficiency

addictiveness anxiety approval seeking arrogance attachment bias bitterness, grudge holding blind obedience capitulation caretaking clinging coercion compromise compulsion compulsive orderliness

conning connivance control,manipulativeness cowardice coyness cruelty cunning defensiveness demanding dependency on others disorder feuding entitlement

persuasiveness intelligent strategizing leadership,efficiency,initiative, coordinating ability caution creative strategizing healthy anger artful subtlety in selfprovisioning preparedness asking reasonable trust of others flexibility disagreement merited worthiness, deservingness

envy admiration false front improvisation fear caution and vulnerability fear of abandonment lining up support fear of engulfment maintaining boundaries flattery sincere complimenting foolhardiness bravery gluttony gourmet appreciation without compulsion greed self-provision guilt conscientiousness hatehealthy anger helplessness openness to support

hostility hypocrisy impatience impulsiveness incompetence indecision

intimidation jealousy jumping to conclusions laziness legalism loneliness loquacity lying miserliness neediness obsequiousness obsession overspending on oneself over commitment perfectionism pretentiousness procrastination prodigality

assertive anger ability to act as if eagerness spontaneity willingness to experiment and be seen as one is refusal to act without sufficient facts or inner resources recognition of inadequate skills to fight back protectiveness intuitiveness relaxedness healthy respect for law openness to nurturance articulateness imaginativeness caution in the use of money ability to ask for responsiveness to ones appropriate needs respect interest, focused attention self-nurturance wholeheartedness commitment to doing things well healthy narcissism honoring ones own timing generosity

profligacy promiscuous lust rebellion against a sense of obligation recklessness ridicule rigidity sarcasm selfishness self-justification self-pity separatism slyness stubbornness submissiveness suspiciousness

tactless bluntness vengefulness or spite whining

passion uninhibited safe sex freedom and ability to choose or refuse adventurousness good-natured humor, but not at anothers expense tenacity, conviction wit self-nurturance self-protection self-forgiveness clear boundaries shrewdness determination cooperation, docility not hiding ones head in the sand, the courage to know the truth frank candidness righting wrongs saying Ouch and asking for what one needs

Shadow Dance: Liberating the Power and Creativity of your Dark Side by David Richo, pp267-270.