Parshat Chayei Sarah Drasha - 5772 Rabbi Shaanan Gelman Bar Mitzvah of Mathew Carl There was an article

e circulating on the internet this past week entitled Delaying Bar Mitzvah Till Age 25, the author, Tsafi Lev writes: The car rental agencies have it right. It turns out, you cant rent a car until you are 25 years old, the accurate age of the end of adolescence. With brain scans, neurologists tell us that the frontal lobe continues to develop until the age of 25 (leave it to the free-market to figure it out before science). If were not going to deal with kids physical and psychic development at Bar Mitzvah, we might be wise to wait until the next, more politically correct milestone, maybe getting a drivers license, or high school graduation. And if we want to hold onto the golden today you are a man line, might I suggest waiting till age 25. Why is it that we celebrate adulthood at such a premature stage of development?

For a parsha so focused on death and mourning, the opening few words may come as a surprise: ... The ( introductory words) of the parsha tells us that the death found here in this sidra is not sad or heartrending; rather it contains the true secret of life and vitality, strength and continuity. I would like to understand this paradoxical assertion by focusing on the second and less prominent death in the parsha that of Avraham Avinu. It may seem strange that Sarah is given the naming rights of the Parsha, and Avraham, who is no insignificant personality, seems to fade away and leave this world with very little fanfare. Yes, the Torah makes mentions Avrahams death and even his burial, but it is clearly not the focal point of the parsha. We are even told by the Chazal that when Yitzchak was mourning his father the only one who came to pay a shiva call was Hakadosh Baruch Hu "" , Perhaps though, the overshadowing of Avrahams passing is intentional, so as to express the notion that this is not a parsha about death but rather about something else altogether.

Even before Avraham dies we are told that he has aged significantly: :() ' () : () ' : :()

The mefarshim all struggle with this seemingly needless statement, after all we already were told that Avraham was an old man, having read earlier in Parshat Vayeira: :() This statement was made 37 years earlier (according to the Kli Yakar) isnt it therefore obvious that Avraham is a at this point? Furthermore, the Kli Yakar points out that not only is the mention of Avrahams advanced age superfluous, but it is also bizarre that the story of Eliezer being sent to find a shidduch is introduced with:

 . Even if we hadnt known that he was an older man, why would it be important for us to know at this juncture, as he is giving the marching orders to Eliezer? The simple explanation is that the Torah was trying to explain why it was that Avraham didnt go himself to find a shidduch for his son, why send Eliezer? And the explanation is that he was a , and was too old to make the trek personally, instead he found a proxy. Indeed this is the approach of the Netziv: () . : '

And so perhaps that is why we are told about Avrahams age yet again in the Torah. But the Talmud, Bava Metzia (87a) implies that there is something far more provocative taking place here:

 , - , - . , . , ( ) Before Avrahams times there was no such thing as old age. Avraham invented aging. And why did he do such a thing? Because people would confuse him and his son Yitzchak; someone who would be interested in talking with one would inadvertently talk with the other. Avraham thus said to Hashem, people cannot discern between me and my son Yitzchak, and requested old age. Avraham recognized that the world will never take Yitzchak seriously if he is just an appendage of his father. If every business meeting ends with oh, and have you met my son? as Yitzchak sheepishly peeks out from behind Avrahams shoulder, Yitzchak would never truly amount to anything. is the ( permission) for Yitzchak to get behind the steering wheel of the family business. It is the inauguration of Yitzchak as the next great Patriarch his debutante ball. And this is the reason he asks Eliezer and doesnt do it himself for how would it look for the father to arrange the shidduch and not trust in the sons own courtship. It is very clear from the narrative that when Eliezer

refers to his master he speaks not of Avraham but of Yitzchak. Yitzchak has heretofore become the new CEO. And with this in mind we can appreciate why it is that Avrahams death is not a major event in the parsha. For long before his passing, he had abdicated his throne and had enabled Yitzchak to step in. As such it wasnt as tragic a loss when Avraham finally died. There was no sudden death, the many signs of had already clued in the world that there would eventually be a new leader and a new generation. As opposed to Sarahs death which was sudden and unexpected, Avrahams passage was more predictable. Sarah thus leaves a void in the world, until Rivkah is found and brought into her mother-in-laws tent, although for a while things looked a bit bleak for the matriarchal camp. But Avraham leaves no such void the vacancy had already been filled. The most incredible part of it all is that Avraham during his lifetime experiences the joy of watching his own son enter his new role. We can thus understand now that death in our sidra is not as frightening and worrisome occurrence rather, death is the very catalyst for life and continuity. When people age they must reluctantly come to terms with a new generation taking over shuls have difficulty with this, institutions and corporations lack that trust and confidence. But with old age it

becomes an inevitability. The sign is written on the wall for all to see in order that we transition and pass the baton. For so many of us, who cannot accept the revolving nature of life, it is an impossible struggle to find an exit strategy how to retire? With whom do we entrust the business? We have to understand that somebody else can cook the cholent down the line the question is whether we will let them plug in the crock pot. I was part of such a shul growing up, and to this day there is one gentleman in his 90s still signing the checks. And he turns around looking for the young man who wanted to be involved 35 years ago, but sadly he has since moved on to another shul or community. Real community is one in which generations come together, in which youth are empowered, and where the budget places an emphasis upon the age bracket of those in their single digits. Because there is nothing sadder in the world than a shtender filled with candies with no one to raid that shtender, or to have someone who is willing to pick up the dum dum wrappers, but nobody left to drop them on the ground. We have all seen synagogues preoccupied with shushing children. And guess what? Usually it is a mission accomplished the children stop making noise in shul, no longer will

they cry for their parents, nor will they call out the shema or answer baruch hu uvaruch shemo. And it is all based upon our innate fear of aging, this morbid association of age with losing control. And as such, in a world of botox and snowbirds, most people would never willingly elect to have extra wrinkles or to have hairs fall out in certain places and pop up in other unexpected places. But Avraham opts for that to take place he is the old age, because he knows that Yitzchak will be ready soon enough and doesnt want to wait to make that transition, he wants to see Judaism in good hands while he is still alive, he makes provisions for his spiritual future in the will, investing heavily in his son Isaac. And we dont read " " because the Torah is trying to explain to us that he was too old to go to himself, rather, we read it because Avraham knowingly and willingly removes himself in order to coronate his son. was once asked ? How did you live such a long life? After giving the secret away asked him for a bracha:

- ? : [], ! : . - ? : Rebbe Bless me! He replied to him, May it be His will that you will reach to half of my age. But not his entire age? He responded, The people who come after you will herd animals, and ravage your investments. Rashi elucidates this cryptic line in the Talmud: " , - : . , , It isnt good to live a long life as I have for if you do, your children will never attain your greatness. But if you live shorter and you know when to transition, the kids will move from beyond the shadow and the investments will be entrusted to them, and they will remain secure. Avraham doesnt worry about the next generation because he doesnt have to be the man holding the scissors at the ribbon cutting ceremony. To Avraham, the response to the question of ( how did you merit living a long life?) is by making myself into a . [See the story of the Chozeh MiLublin (Tales of Hasidim Martin Buber, book 1,
page 300), for a relevant idea]

Death in Parshat Chayei Sara is not a sad event, it is not the inevitable succumbing to reality, the unfolding of all things rather it is the point of emergence of the next great thing. Sarahs tent is filled with Rivkahs presence, and Avrahams death does not make so much as a splash, because the spiritual world is once again in good hands. Why dont we celebrate a bar mitzvah at age 25 when the children are truly adults? Because becoming a man is about being given license before you are fully ready. It is about entrusting the new guy with something more substantial than making the coffee. A Bar Mitzvah is a time when parents take a look at an unfinished product and say go for it son, here are the keys to the office, youll find the necessary paper work on the desk in the scroll shaped instruction manual.