Afroguy

There was a man who could play a wicked chord This man handled a guitar like a knight would handle a sword His wicked solos caused all people to stop and hear The beautiful music could even cause Tahir to shed a tear He brandished his pick with God-like skill An other-worldly force of inextinguishable will A crowd gathered round, clapping along To this inspiring, crazy, life changing song But something was amiss, something malevolent This was an unholy force that was not benevolent The earth shook hard, crashing all the buildings around When an oversized crack split right through the ground Fire and brimstone shot out the deep fissure Sprang forth the undead army of Lucifer The rocker grimaced, he did not approve These evil folk were messing with his funky groove He played a triad, lightning struck down from the sky The electric burst caused legions of demons to die The crowd switched from horror to surprise
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For now they might not meet an unlucky demise He started tapping the ground creating a beat And played right along to the music of his feet The lesser demons fled; they were quite frightened This crazy guy could freaking shoot lightning The vibrations of his music shattered windows They burst the eardrums of his soulless red foes Lucifer said Beat fire with fire, Mr. Afro He pulled out a guitar and played a bone-chilling solo The sun stopped singing so black was the song This song was the epitome of all that is wrong Then Afroman said, Better luck next time Cause this time the winning guitar solo is mine He moved his fingers so fast it mad cheetahs look slow. In this guitar battle duel he had vanquished his foe. Lucifer left muttering Someday Ill get your soul Afroman yelled Hey, where are you going asshole He jumped toward the devil, holding his guitar like an ace. He hit Lucifer with the hardest of his attacks Lucifer was defeated never to attack again For this damn demon, the shit hit the fan The man resumed strumming with passionate delight
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While the on looking crowd could not believe the sight And then the man spoke, This is bat-crazy shit Ive never had LSD as strong as this hit The man woke form his drug induced hallucination And found himself naked, in the middle of a train station. Not again, said the man, It happened again this time. And its getting really hard to think of words that rhyme. He was hand cuffed to a pole with no key insight. God damn, some crazy shit happened last night. The passersby looked at him with gaping stares. Screw you guys, he said. Who the fuck even cares! Through the crowd came some well-dressed Chinese thugs. Who were well known for their prostitution and drugs. Where is the money, said the lead man. You incredulous buffoon. The hand off was supposed to take place here at high noon. Afroguy stared not understanding enough So a Chinese guy came and sapped his handcuff. Afroguy stood up and he sprinted away. Chase him down, said the leader with dismay The ring leader sat down and started sipping some tea I wonder how long until my men catch that darn hippie Afroguy ran quickly through the station pushing down all in his path
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While the thugs chased like hounds eager to show off their wrath He vaulted over a suitcase and crashed through a store Looking around he quickly left through the backdoor It was bright outside and it hurt his eyes When Afroguy became full of surprise He was in a European city but which one There was definitely crazy shit he had done The exit door opened and the thugs came outside. Afroman saw a neighboring bar and hopped inside It was a raucous atmosphere of heavy drinking Afroguy sat down at a counter and started thinking What the hell is going on here? Everything seems quite queer, You know what, I need a drink so he walked to the bar He sat down and ordered some vodka with a splash of Rubar He sat bat pondering on what all happened so far And then he lit a high quality Cuban Cigar Afroman was unperturbed without a care at all When the thugs walked in and started a bar brawl One thug slugged a guy in the face sending him to floor At that point everyone was trying to escape through the front door Afroman stood up drunkenly bumbling around
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When the thug hit him hard face first into the ground When at that opportune time another gang came along The dreaded gang of the Mighty Golden Bong The pulled out their Uzis and ravaged the saloon They pumped hot lead right into one Chinese goon The other hood was not going to run He pulled out a fully automatic submachine gun He erratically sprayed fire into the gang Until he was shot in the head with a deafening bang The killer stood behind with the smoking magnum. He walked over to the bar and took a swig of rum He had a jet black jacket on and aviator sunglasses The dude had an aura characteristic of badasses He walked over to Afroguy and said Get up We have to get out of here before the feds show up Who are you, mumbled Afroguy. One of those Chinese swine? No, replied the man. You can call me Sunshine. Afroman went with Sunshine outside Where they got into Sunshines pretty sweet ride Sunshine drove away with the cops following form behind It sure looked like they were quite in a bind. He turned a quick corner with a slick drift
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Sunshine then proceeded to quickly upshift. The car quickly accelerated and the engine purred But close behind the cop sirens could be heard. A cop cruiser sped up and rammed into Sunshine So, if thats what you want then fine. Sunshine grabbed a gun and started to fire. He pumped seven rounds into the cars tire. The cop lost control and spun off the street Afroman yelled, Yeah coppers, were packing heat. Sunshine, roadblock ahead Afroman cried. So Sunshine just tilted the car on its side He slid through the road block like the car was covered with grease. Sunshine just smiled at the bewildered police Then a new enemy entered the fray The Chinese thugs wanted Sunshine to pay They started shooting at sunshine with heavy firepower Sunshine took a hard left to avoid the bullet shower Hey, Afroman, said Sunshine. Check the seat behind me. Holy shit! exclaimed Afroguy. Why the fuck do you have an RPG Sunshine said Shot them with it, youll catch them by surprise. Dude! yelled Afroguy. I dont want to kill those guys. Fine, said Sunshine, Then you take the wheel
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So Sunshine grabbed the rocket and blasted the Chinese with hot steel. The goons car exploded in a giant fireball. Sunshine said, Turn towards that mini mall. Why asked Afroguy Arent we running from those dumbasses?" Yeah, replied Sunshine. But I scratched my sunglasses. So they went into the mall to find another pair/ And they found a nice sunglasses shop in there. Sunshine asked Do you like this pair with its sleek design. These are a great price; only $19.99. I dont even care. Come on lets go. Theres cops and gangstas chasing me, said Mr. Afro So Sunshine said Fine, but dont be so rash. And walked over to the register and paid with cash. When they walked outside they saw the thugs were near In fact almost six armored cars were almost here. A Chinese copter was hovering overhead. It surely looked like Sunshine and Afroman would be dead. The scene looked undeniably quite sober. But Sunshine walked over to his car and pulled out a 50 caliber Holy shit yelled Afroman. Are you fucked in the head? Sunshine simply shrugged and sprayed the chopper with hot lead. The chopper exploded and crashed to the ground
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And Sunshine opened fire on all the thugs around The shells tore through the trucks, obliterated them all. So Sunshine then just simply drove away from the mall Sunshine said We are going to a place to meet some cool guys When we get there we can find you a proper disguise. Then Afroman said, One quick question, who the fuck are you? Not important, replied Sunshine. We got things to do. After a long time of cruising in the car They pulled up to OBrians bar Sunshine said Come along, we are going into the pub. Coincidentally it is also a notorious strip club. The bar was dingy and not very clean. And various exotic dancers could be seen. Is that Sean Connery, said Afroman, Getting a lap dance? Why yes, said Sunshine. These things happen by chance. Sunshine walked over to the bar where the lighting was dim. He called the bartender to come over to him. Excuse me, barman Im a very good tipper. Right now I would like to see Thomas the stripper. Afroman said with Surprise, What are you, gay? Did you come in here to make a man strip for pay? The barman said, The backroom is open if the need is dire.
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Just stay away from the closet with the two boys and Pryor. Sunshine went to the backroom with Afroman by his side. But nothing could prepare Afroman for what was inside. The room was stacked with guns from ceiling to floor. In one corner, there was a mountain of C4. Youre finally here, said an unseen voice. Sunshine said, Taking so long wasnt my choice. Out of the shadows came the mysterious man. You know, said the man, I really dont give a damn. Who are you? asked Afroman. Do you work for the government? No not at all, said the man. Im al-Azar, an ex-Mossad agent. Afroman asked Why did you leave Israel? Al-Azar replied Those guys needed to chill. I do believe, said Sunshine, Youve seen Sean Connery too. Wait, said Afroman. James Bond is part of your crew. Yes, why yes, said Sunshine. Now shut up son. Hey, Sunshine, asked al-Azar, You almost done? Yeah, Im just finding the right stuff. I think youve loaded up on weapons enough. Sean said Dumb as Burt Reynolds in my Celebrity Jeopardy stint. Why was this the one the DEA sent? Afroman asked What the hell yall talking about.
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Answer my questions or Im going out. Sunshine said, Do you remember earlier with the Chinese thugs. Well the DEA set you up in a sting to catch them with drugs. You accidentally overdosed on LSD there It wiped your entire memory of the affair. Holy shit, are you kidding me! yelled Afroman with fear. Thats why they were chasing me like a hunter tracking a deer. Why the hell are youll using me, to what gain? You are all crazy people you are all insane Calm down, said Sunshine. Try to be cool. We are definitely not using you as a tool. Afroman ran over to a crate and pulled out a grenade. Im going to blow you to pieces unless my requests are made. But al-Azar punched him and snatched the grenade out of his hand. Give that the fuck back! Afroman yelled. I demand! Shut up, he said. Youre like a retarded toddler throwing a fit. Did you have to work hard to be a slimy piece of shit? You know, stupid hippie, I would clobber you in the face. But it would probably make you look better, you stupid disgrace. Youre like a genital wart on the phallus of society Just looking at you makes me want to end my sobriety. When they put dogs to sleep, they show them your face.
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Just looking at you is like being sprayed with mace. Sunshine said, Shut up, Afroman, do you know what Ive done so far. Do you remember that it was I that saved your life in that bar? Afroman started flailing around violently. Afroman was yelling dementedly. Sean Connery said, We need him under control, he is being psychotic So Al-Azar injected him with a syringe filled with a heavy narcotic. Afroman collapsed in a drugged addled haze And began to speak gibberish in a mad craze He fell right asleep and had one crazy dream So bizarre it seemed that reality was tearing at the seam He is in a rock concert sometime in early 1970; All he knew was that the music sounded heavenly Afroman glided through the crowd towards the stage When he looked up and saw the classic rock sage Through the mist of smoke and pyrotechnic tricks He saw the almighty rocker, Jimi Hendrix He was playing a gilded golden Stratocaster While he kept playing the song faster and faster He stopped the song and looked Afroman in the eye A whole bunch of innocent people are about to die Afroman, beware the danger is extremely close.
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Then Afroman woke from his narcotics dose. He was in a small jet and felt extremely sore. Afroman wondered, How long have I been out for. Sunshine said, Good Morning Sunshine, boy that dose was short. We are going to be landing in the capital of Tamericas airport. Afroman, we have an important job for you to complete. We need you to be able to accomplish this feat We believe this government is engaged in a massive genocide. Were going to the main building to get some evidence from inside. Were going to hack their main computer, al-Azar said. Were not going to let there be any more dead. Afroman replied, Well I guess I can help, but what am I supposed to do In case you havent noticed Im not crazy commando like you. Because of an error, said Sunshine. Youre technically an employee. So youll be easily able to get past security. The plane touched won on the runway slowing to a stop. Sunshine stood up and got his luggage out the top. Afroman, Sean Connery, and Sunshine got off the plane. Where they found a chauffeur waiting named Shane. Okay Afroman, said Sunshine One last thing to do. We need one more guy for the mission to go through.
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His name is Charles; he is a local of the city. Hell be invaluable if this mission gets shitty. Sunshine made a quick call on his cell phone. Theres some trouble with Charles, He said in a despondent tone. Hes in the industrial section, lets get there quick. He started a huge fight because some dude was acting like a dick. They found Charles beating the shit out of them all. Charles yelled Thats for calling me small. Charles, stop said Sunshine youve punished them enough I think youve shown them that youre plenty tough. Charles said, Hah, hah, ha thats just fine. But you guys wont be so lucky next time. Every single one of them got in the white van. They were ready to stick it to the man. We have a briefcase that will allow us to remotely hack.

All you have to do is leave it in the communication rooms back. Call me with the phone as soon as you place the load. So I can proceed with the very important download. Okay sounds cool, but you sure that wont suspect me Itll be a walk in park, said Sunshine. Its easy. Afroman thousands of lives are in your hands.
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Youll save them all if you follow all our demands Okay, I promise; Ill do the righteous thing, No more death will this agency bring. They pulled up to the building in their shiny, white van. Afroman got out with the briefcase in his hand Afroman wanted in lobby with extravagant display When the front door guard asked him to say Show me some ID, sir. Ive never seen you before. Mr. Afroman, he said standing frozen at the door. The name checks out; go along on your way. Oh, and sir, have a very, very nice day. Heightened security, the presidents here, The security said with jubilantly cheer. Afroman stepped on the elevator and closed the door. He pressed the button for the communications floor. He stepped off the elevator into a dimly, lit hallway. The dirty walls were lifeless, a dull colored gray. He turned a corner and saw the control room at the end Afroman thought of all the lives he would save and grinned He walked into the room with no one in sight. Put the briefcase in a corner absent of light. Afroman had done it. He walked with a spring in his step.
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He was so pumped and full of jubilant pep. Afroman boarded the elevator with a smile. He took out his phone and pressed speed dial. KAPOW! An explosion rattled the building violently. And the elevator starting falling very, very quickly. Afroman was rattled around the elevator in its crazy plunge. Until the elevator braked and he flew up in a crazy lunge. What the fuck happened! What was happening to him? Then he realized and the conclusion was quite grim Didnt Sunshine pack a pile a C4 from that back room? And I called on the phone just before the big boom. Holy shit! he bawled. I played right into their hands. I was the instrument that carried out their plans. He fell to the ground and bawled his eyes out. All he could do was sit there and just pout. Then he realized he had a new goal He must destroy Sunshine that evil soul. Afroman knew Sunshine was the one he needed to catch. When he looked up and saw an open emergency exit hatch. He opened the flap and crawled out into the elevator shaft. He found a ladder and started climbing like an aircraft. He climbed until he could find a service door in the wall.
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He busted out finding people evacuating through the hall. Afroman made it to an emergency exit out of the building. He gasped when he saw the scene that was morbidly chilling. There were loads of uniformed firemen. Rubble covered outside like it was Armageddon. Various fires were scattered around. All results of the one blasting round. He was responsible for all those dying. He was responsible for all those crying. Afroman noticed a nearby service truck. He hotwired the car not really giving a fuck. Afroman sped away as fast as he could. He fled like any sane man would. I wonder, Afroman thought If this car has a good stereo. He then proceeded to turn on the cars ancient radio An announcer grieved Tamerica grieves the rising death toll. And the loss of President Johnny Diazs soul Wait, what I killed the freaking president too. Damn you Sunshine evil incarnate, Ill get you The report continued Now the new chief of state. Is Vice President Noah Fury the Great Afroman fiddled and changed the channel.
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A commenter said, Noahs increased fury funding is thought out well. I disagree; more should have been spent on the fury stimulus plan. Theres not enough funding for rap and basketball, my man. So do you think Noah will lead well after cheating on his secretary? He was quoted saying I just want to fucking cheat on my bitch, Larry In fact the only reason he was caught in his affair Was when he told everyone he was cheating not seeming to care. In other news, Michael Smith will take the open Vice-President spot. In a move that is sure to be politically hot. In more news policemen discovered from the rubble a new fact. The explosion was most likely a terrorist act. I wish damnation on that belligerent beast Who has murdered at least 69 people Afroman just turned off the radio and stared lifelessly ahead He was still feeling terrible about what that commentator said Where do I go now thought Afroman with wonder Behind him you could hear the crackling thunder Why not go to that place with the weapons cache Afroman pondered the thought while stroking his stache Yeah, Ill go there he said with elation. He turned in the direction of the train station. An hour later after speeding through the back lanes
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He found that the government had stop almost all the trains Afroguy walked to a ticket booth and asked Whats the situation The booth lady said No passenger trains allowed through the station Afroman was down trodden; his hear was torn To the south he heard a trains high pitched horn Im going to jump onto the train thought Afroman So he ran over to the truck and hotwired it again He sped up quickly lateral to the train and matched its speed And jumped on to the locomotive while smoking some weed Afroman slammed into the train almost letting go But crawled into a car and said My flow is so dough Hey man said a hobo inside the caboose This cars for me and my pet moose Afroman asked, Am I high again hobo fellow If youre high then Im playing the cello The hobo stood up and played a beautiful concerta Yeah I guess youre high at least kind sorta Vagrant Afroman said Whats your name Adam, now my question is the same. My name is Afroman he said very proudly My name is cooler remarked Adam not loudly So where are you going you Afrod buffoon
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A OBrians club and my stop is very soon He then explained what happened so far The betrayal and the weapons room at the bar Then Adam said Ill go with you big haired stranger For my moose and I love the thrill of danger: Fine you can come along Afroman said grudgingly Just as long you dont act really creepily Im not creepy Adam said with a wink Just stop that its not cool at all Afroman! yelled Adam angrily You stopped the rhyme In this epic poem thats a capital crime Afroman said Are you sane, do you have a brain at all Im not crazy said Adam I just like to break the forth wall Oh well said Afroman This is a good stop He jumped off and rolled when started to drop There is a parked car over there said Adam Afroman steals it not really giving a dam After a long period of driving and dead baby jokes And Adam giving Afroman uncomfortable pokes They arrived at the bar: Afro, Adam, and the Moose They ran through the doors and Adam yelled Orange Juice! The bar was empty; not a soul in sight
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This is really creepy Adam said with fright Floorboards creaked in the unnerving atmosphere The entire strip bar smelled of pure primal fear. Afroman motioned from Adam to come by his side And then Afromans eyes opened so very wide Charles was in front of him with his finger on the trigger Wow said Afroman Thought Id be killed by someone bigger. What did you say! yelled Charles with unnatural fury Ill beat you so hard youll be as creamed as a McFlurry Afroman dived like a rock to the ground While Charles crazily started shooting around He found a pistol lying on the floor And ran over to the backroom door He was in the room stilled filled with every type of gun When Charles taunted form behind Nowhere to run You were such a fool falling for our trap Youre such a nave fool, a gullible sap You assassinated the president with that explosive device You follow every piece of our insidious advice All over Tamerica riots have occurred Instances of terrorist attacks have gotten up to the 23rd Under the fog of this ravaging insanity
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We are going to break into a top secret facility Afroman cried You killed the president just for that But Charles replied Its more than that in fact We are going to release the Leviathan the Omega One When he is released hell even extinguish the sun All this will take place in Secret Lab 23 And now Im going to kill you for calling me tiny Charles held up his gun about to make Afroman go splat When Adam sneaked up from behind and clobbered him with a bat We have to stop them said Afroman Stop total annihilation But Afroman said Adam This is just Roberts made up creation Seriously! yelled Afroman What the fuck are you talking about? I dont know said Adam It just kind of comes out What is the Leviathan? Ive never heard of that mystery I know someone who might know said Adam A professor of History Afroman said How do you know you dirty hobo Adam replied Youd be surprised at the things homeless know He is digging at an archaeological site thats not far away How do you know that Afroman quickly did say So they collected a shitload of weapons and went to the car And left a timed C4 charge to blow up the bar A little while later they arrived at the site
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Adam said Just try not to start a fight Hey Zach you rascal! Adam yelled Come over here Hey Adam said Zack Come and enjoy a beer So Afroman untactfuly said Found any dinosaur bones yet Zach yelled with rage Youre the most uneducated fool Ive ever met Im an archaeologist, you simpleton fool I dig up things like an ancient pot or tool I despise when people dont understand my noble work So Im an archaeologist not a paleontologist you nave jerk Okay, okay said Afroman Take a chill pill guy And Zach asked So why did you guys stop by Adam asked What is the Leviathan, Zach Zach said Legend says its an unspeakable evil that turns the sun black Ironically Ive found here an ancient inscription Of something that matches the same description This ancient Tamerican tale might have some truth to it But personally I dont believe it at all one bit Afroman asked Have you ever heard of Lab 23? Yeah said Zach I did some work there with the university Great said Afroman Because we need to get there soon What! exclaimed Zach Thats a high security area you buffoon! So Afroman explained his crazy situation
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And Zach said We must save this nation So for third time for no reason they stole a truck This time though it had the keys, just their luck They arrived at Lab 23 in a secret location And noticed there were no men in the guard station The gate was opened so they drived right on But inside it looked like everyone was gone This is strange said Zach I remember more people here And slowly they started to quiver in fear The road went down to the subterranean depths It became so cold they could see the ice in their breaths It was so cold that there extremities lost feeling And outside mammoth icicles were hanging from the ceiling All the power is out said Zach Thats why its so icy But why? This situation is way too dicey. They arrived at the bottom finding an open iron door Get out said Zach This is the main research floor Everyone got out of the car and began to walk They did not chat; there was no small talk Where are we going? asked Afroman as they were walking along. To the security room replied Zach To see what went wrong Zach hurried ahead and turned to a side door
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And emerged into another narrow corridor Adam and Afroman went the wrong way Wait said Afroman hearing a sound What did you say That wasnt me, Afroman Adam replied back And hey buddy where the hell is Zach? I dont know; I just saw him a moment ago So Adam yelled Zack, where are you bro? Our heroes heard again the loud clang Lets go, said Afroman In the direction of that bang They hurried towards the noise to see if it was their foe They would fulfill the vindictive desire of Mister Afro Now Dr. Zach, professor of antiquity, found the security room Anxiously he wanted to see the security footage of the labs doom Zach flipped the backup power for the security station And sat nervously his chair ready to view the presentation Zach noticed a man in a V mask disguise He must be Sunshine, but who are the other guys In the film Sunshine and his cohorts Gunned their way through the protected fort Zach saw that he went into the top secret section He knew he had to wipe out this vile infection He pressed rewind again and then couldnt believe his eyes
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He saw President Noah Fury to his great surprise Then someone kicked down the door and surprised Zach It was Sean Connery as a matter of fact I thought I head someone, Sean remarked. Prowling around But just look at what suave old me found Youre one of the evil ones, said Zach I know what youre trying to do Oh said Sean, Then I guess I should dispose of you. But as Sean raised his gun, Zach dived to the side Connery taunted Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. Zach s

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