Addicted to Your Ex? Its Blocking New Love!

You know the drill. Youve broken up with your ex maybe youre even divorced for a few years already. But you still have nobody in your life. Then something big happens to you and since you dont have a new love interest, the first person you think of to share with is your ex. So you call/email/text him or her. Is it because you want to get them back? I dont think so. You know as well as I do that you left them for a good reason. But still you contact the ex. The memories of what it felt like to have a true love are addicting. But like any addiction, you must change your behavior and surround yourself with new friends if you want to truly recover. Creating good feng shui to support your recovery and help attract a new love opportunity means removing all memorabilia attached to former lovers from your environment. Get rid of all old photos, gifts, clothing, etc from your ex. Find out more at my Feng Shui By Fishgirl blog.

Hard Times.
Everything is difficult right now. I am very confused as to what road I am going down in life. I have just graduated and all my friends have dispersed back around the U.K leaving me in a new house, with new flat mates who I have little in common with. I am living with my girlfriend for the first time, have an extremely part time job that pays a measly half of my rent a month and no other jobs have got back to me save for an unpaid journalism one that swaps reviews and articles for gig tickets. I worry I will have to move back home. I worry that I will become a financial burden on my girlfriend. I worry the stress will break us up. I have been offered the chance of a post graduate course but I have no savings and would have to get out a loan. The course would teach me a lot and would give me a better chance of a job afterwards. I worry about the debt but feel in a catch 22. My girlfriend and I have been arguing. We have argued about her being nice to a friend of mine when she used to bitch and complain about him behind his back. Now they are pally when my relationship with him is frosty. He has a very cruel humour and makes the same snide jokes about me which my girlfriend laughed along with and encouraged him. With my lack of morale right now it was not needed and I have been avoiding this friend since. Alex meanwhile has been getting more matey with him and then accused me of self absorption and jealousy when the reality is I dont want to hang out with a friend who will put me down for not having a job even though I graduated and he earns 16,000 a year in his bar job after failing the first year of university twice. He also repeatedly mocks other things about me because when he first met me I could not cook and needed his help to learn. To be frank he is a know it all fuck all.

Alex and I have also been arguing about other stupid things like her spending time dyeing her hair for hours and not spending time with me when it was my last day with her before going home for the weekend. She argued that I was upset over something silly but it was more that she took over our room that time and I was stuck in the lounge with the house mate who drives us both insane. Plus she said she would show me her hair as soon as it was done only for me to see she had put posey photos of herself up on facebook to show it off to other people. I know its stupid and petty. It also drives me mad that it is O.K for her to put up these pouty, sultry photos of herself alone but when I put my display photo of myself making a goofy face she accused me of wanting to be perceived as single!! Just had to get that out. Hopefully things will be clearer tomorrow.

News from the Ex

The ex called todayman was that fun. Left me in tears for the majority of the day. He pretty much informed me that I never do anything right and that he ALWAYS pays for my financial mistakes. I guess that spending $200 that I didnt really have on my oldest sons dental work is a bad financial decision. He doesnt seem to grasp that he is supposed to pay for 80% of all unpaid medical, dental, vision expenses and that he is supposed to also pay 80% of my work related childcare expenses as well. He makes SO much more money than I do that its completely ridiculous. Im enrolled to go back to school, I start up again in October and have about nine months left until I finish my Masters degree. At which time I plan to go on to get my PhD. This was construed in his mind as sacrificing the children for the sake of MY improvement. Why doesnt he see that if I can make more money, this makes the childrens life easier, nicer, more comfortable? Why cant he see that I am doing this not only for myself, but for the children as well? He knows how much of an emotional person that I am, and sometimes I feel like he uses that to try to control me, or manipulate me. The thing is, he hasnt been a manipulative person in the past and I dont understand why this seems to be his new MOI guess his changes have gone beyond the surface at this point. Its sad that someone I have spent so many years of my life with now is a total and complete stranger to me.

How can this be?

I have discovered part of what it is about My Cute Boy that makes me feel the way that I do about him. For the first time in my life, for the first relationship in my life, be it friends or lovers, I have found someone who is secure enough within themselves that they encourage me to be strong, independent and successful. For the first time I am with someone who does not anger easily, who isnt jealous when I talk to other people, who doesnt feel I need to be the quiet and supportive housewife that stands behind everything that they do. I have found someone who wants me to be exactly everything that I am. Strong, independent, social and outgoing.

My Cute Boy has been texting me all day while he is at work. This is very unusual for him as he usually is so absorbed in his work that he doesnt even look at his cell phone until he gets off, which is a very positive thing due to the work he does. But today has been extremely slow. I was out doing yard work and told him that I needed someone to help come take care of my tree because I am afraid of heights. He told me I should get over my fear and take care of my tree. I told him that there were two things that I could not seem to get over my fear of, heights and grasshoppers. And he replied, Why not fix that and be able to do anything? When I told him no way, he replied that he thought it was endearing I was able to do anything but heights and grasshoppers. Someone who wants me to always try to improve myself and yet is happy with the way I am? What is this??

Dying Love
My Love, How many letters have I written trying to reach you? Holding back all I fell for you and the love I NEED to share with you is changing me! I am increasingly having difficulty concentrating on daily tasks and my spirit is becomming more depressed. My loving and caring heart (for other people) is becoming numb with each passing day. I must know what you want from this relationship NOW!!! As much as it is uncomfortable for you to speak to me, you simply must (in some way) explain what this relationship means to you. I must know your hopes and desires for our future. I MUST SEE A INTEREST IN SEEKING HEALTH FOR YOURSELF !!! I MUST know what Love you want and need from me and what you do not YOU HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT FOR ME !!!!! Whatever I have done in the past; trying to bring you closer to me and building our love, has either been wrong or you have simply forgotten what my love used to mean to you. I honestly feel you have replaced me as your husband with either the medications you jealously protect or a general lack of interest in me. WHATEVER IT IS you must respond to me. I must know if you wish to regain what we used to have or if you want something else entirely!

Time is vicious and waits for no one. Our lives are passing us by and we are just watching it from the sidelines! All we have to do is remember what we mean to each other; how BLESSED we are to have this love; and start pouring it out on each other !!!!!!!!!!!! I Love and Miss You!

How I feel
when your with a girl you act like you dont know me. If I would have known this was how it was gonna be, I wouldnt have fallen in love with you from the start because what youre doing to Where were you when I needed you most? I would have done anything to hold you close I would have given the world to be back in your arms but you left me so torn apart. Love is almost like suicide. You give so much to that special someone that you sometimes end up killing yourself inside. You mean so much to me. I just wish I could tell you now but I would never be able to find the words without breaking down. Just another sad love song back in my brain like crazy. I guess Im all torn up. Fast or slow, it just doesnt let go or shape me and its all because of you. and no matter how hard I cry, he isnt going to pop up and show me it was just a joke People say not to cry because its over but to smile because it happened but how can you do that when just thinking of the good times makes you wanna cry because you realize what youre missing? Just another sad love song back in my brain like crazy. I guess Im all torn up. Fast or slow, it just doesnt let go or shape me and its all because of you. you can say you miss me, i think about you everyday. You did it again. You broke my heart again. You promised you wouldnt do that. Promised youd always be here for me. Promised youd never hurt me. And I trusted you. Again. I was really stupid wasnt I? Without you, Im nothing. Without you Im suffering. Without you, Im not whole. Without you, I have no soul. your my heart and i cant live without my heart. If love doesnt shatter you then you do not know love.

But thats not why Im here, I came down here to tell you it rains in heaven all day long, I wanna find you so bad and let you know Im miserable up here without you, miserable up here without you. Id trade in forever to just hear you say the sound of my name Im in a car underwater with time to kill, thinking back I forgot to tell you this I didnt care that you left and abandoned me, what hurts more is I would still die for you. Without you Im not okay.. without you Ive lost my way my hearts stuck in second place. without you and tonight, my angel, I will sleep with a gun in my mouth. Good night. Sleep tight, my love Dont get your pleasure from my pain. I dont know, for a while, I had this tiny smidge of hope that one day, wed be together again. But, last night, when we talked I knew. I just knew you were in love with her. The kind of love that stays forevernow all Im left with is a broken heart and shattered hopes and dreams A thousand words couldnt bring you back I know because Ive tried. Neither could a thousand tears, I know because Ive cried. You left behind a broken heart and happy memories too. But I never wanted memories, I only wanted you When you love somebody, they become a part of you. Thats why it hurts so much to let them go. When you love someone that doesnt love you back its hard to find a way to keep yourself on track. It leaves your heart broken and hurts so much but thats why its called a crush. Im gonna smile like nothing is wrong talk like everything is perfect, act like its just a dream, and pretend hes not hurting me In every girls life theres one guy who caused her pain yet she still loves him. So you want a heart? You dont know how lucky you are to not have one. Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable dont wanna fall for him again, dont think I can take the pain Dont wanna have these feelings if he doesnt feel the same dont want my heart to jump when I havent talked to him for a while dont wana see him grin If Im not the one whos makin him smile dont wuna try to explain if helL never understand I dont want tears in my eyes everytime I see his face Dont want my heart to be empty If he is thee only one who can fill the space I dont want to have to smile at him when I really wanna cry dont want him to wave hello If he really means goodbye dont wana tell him or let my feelings show dont wanna get played As a result of his little game but all he has to do to get me backk Is simply.. justt say my name he used to say i love you it seemed like he really did care but now it..s completely different now he..s never there all of the little things he said meant the whole world to me suddenly we started to drift apart now we talk less n less i still wonder what i did wrong i can..t bere to see his face

anymore knowing he doesn..t realize i..m there i don..t think he ever knew how much i truly cared i guess the sayins true .Hearts Are Broken Every Day. Do you wanna see me beggin baby Cant you give me just one more day Cant you see my hearts been draggin lately Ive been lookin for the words to say He looked me deeply in the eyes he lied and said i wont make u cry and when i thought it was 2 good 2 be true, he blew me off and found someone new .Someday. .you..ll. realize .how. .much. you .meant. .to. me BR> you look in my eyes and ..im screamin inside that im sorry .* it never got me anywhere *. i can forget the tears and hurt u put me thr0ugh but i can..t forget the laughs and special tymes i shared with u no matter how much time g0es by u will always be a part of my heart * always by my side because i couldn..t stop luvin u . . . even if i tried

Surrounded by loves pain

It amazes me the places that pain from lost loves pops up from. For example, I had to delete my last love from my IM friend list because the sight of his picture stabbed my heart everytime I looked at. And then there is the radio, and having to quickly change the channel to stop the pain. Memory is a good thing but it certainly can be a painful thing. I had just re-united with my love on New Years Eve after not seeing him for 7 months and having only occasional contact. So, I was thrilled beyond thrilled when he invited me to his place to bring in the New Year. It was the most wonderful time. He seemed different, willing to give his heart whereas before, he treated me indifferently. He opened up to me more and I thought it was going to be a new beginning but 3 weeks into the new year and after planning another get together for the end of the month, it looked like it was going to be the same ol same ol and I just cant settle for that, so I told him we need to go our separate ways. I dont know if I did the right thing or not but all I know is that I dont want to be with anyone who doesnt want to be with me. It makes me sad to think of all the things we could experience and enjoy together that now, will never be. At least not with him. I believe in my heart that if we are truly meant to be together, when the time is right, our lives will once again come together and it will be. Until then, I cannot curl up and die, I must continue to live, to meet people and enrich my life with those around who do love me.. Hes Just Not That Into You. Hard words to hear, but oh so true. One thing I do know for sure, if you are with someone who constantly takes but doesnt give, your tank will become empty and then, you cannot go any further. So, dont let them empty your tank and leave you nothing to run on. Those are my thoughts. Protect your heart. Lucy Loveless

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