Running head: ADOPTION

Adoption Embry Riddle Aeronautical University English/123 March 5, 2013 Dr. Terrell Clark

ADOPTION Abstract The purpose of this paper is to explore the idea of adoption. There are a lot of children that have been displaced of otherwise came to be without their own family. Most of these

children have has significant lose or abuse to deal with. Some have special needs that their birth families are unable to support. In ones life that has been blesses with plenty there are shildren that are waiting to be taken into families that can show them love and support. This is paper will take a look at what it takes to be an adoptive parent and how it may affect the child and family.

ADOPTION Adoption

Adoption can make the world of difference in a childs life. For children that do not have a real family, life can present a whole array of challenges that are not meant for young people. They are more likely to be successful in life as part of a family unit. This research is intended to bring to light the opportunities and challenges for adopting a child. It has been the authors desire to adopt children to be part of the family in order to give back for all the blessings received. Why Adopt There is no clear answer to the question of why to adopt. There may be many reasons. For the most part couples adopt because they cannot have children of their own. Many couples will try for years to have their own children. They will spend thousands of dollars on the different types of programs designed to help parents have their own biological children. Then there are the families who have the desire to provide a loving home to the unwanted or otherwise displaced children. Many of these families have an overwhelming feeling to fulfill the need to give comfort and care to these children based on religious or other feelings of compassion. For other families the opportunity to adopt is more or less just placed in their path of life. These would be family members or friends of the family of children that have experienced significant loss or were removed from the home for safety concerns. Children of all sexes, ages, races, ethnicities, cultures, countries, disabilities, abilities, and intellect find themselves in orphanages or state programs waiting for new families. According to U.S. department of Health and Human Services (2011) there are over 415,000 children in foster care and seventy percent of them will be placed in a home. All of these children are different and have different needs when it comes to family. There are many families that are currently in the search for children however, it does not compare to the number of children that are in waiting.

ADOPTION The Birth Mother

Birth mothers come from all sects of life. They range from very young (age 12) to older mature women. They have healthful life styles to the worst drug use you could imagine. They come from all parts of the country and the world. They range from wealth to the poor. There are many statistics to show where the majority of our birth mothers are situated in life but it really doesnt matter. The reasons for giving their children for adoption vary significantly. Some are very young and encouraged by family or friends to give the children to a family that is more readily prepared in life to care for the child. Others are not fit to adequately or legally care for a child. Then there are those that have passed on without any family available to take on the child. It is not an easy experience for the birth mother to give up their child in most cases. For many this will be their first experience in life with loss. It will require counseling and support throughout the course of the pregnancy and the birth. Counseling and support will need to continue after the birth of the child for the positive mental health of the birth mother. In some cases the birth mothers will maintain some sort of relationship with their child. This will be through letters, emails, and in some cases visits. It is important that it is conducted in a mature manner and in the best interest of the child and their new family. Adoptive Parents Adoptive parents also come from all walks of life. For the majority of these parents it is a process that has become the alternative to being biological parents. For one reason or another they are not able to have their own children naturally. So for these parents the option of adoption is available.

ADOPTION

These parents are in great need. There is not an official statistic on how many parents are actually in waiting to adopt. Several sources estimate between one and two million couples are on waiting list for babies to adopt. With this estimate there are anywhere from forty to fifty couples to every baby available for adoption. Many families or couples choose to foster children first and then adopt older children. Here too is a great need. There are many children that wait in foster homes or group homes that will never return to their birth family and sit in wait for an adoptive family. How to Adopt At first glance it may seem to overwhelming to even know where to begin the process of adoption. If you were to log on the internet there are hundreds of websites dedicated to the adoption process for both adoptive parents looking to adopt and birth mothers wanting to place a child up for adoption. States also have state run websites educating prospective adopting parents on the adoption process. Hicks (2007) says there are fourteen types of adoption. Just to cover a few of these different types of adoption methods. First is independent adoption via an attorney in your home state or an out-of-state adoption and independent nonresident adoption. These types of adoptions are most popular for those seeking to adopt a newborn baby born in the United States. Second is private adoption agencies located in or out the adoptive parents home state. These are the second most popular types of newborn adoption programs in the United States. In this case you select and agency that will do all of the administrative work, home study, write report for the court and select a birth mother that is a good match for the adoptive parents. Finally but not the end is international adoption agencies. Private adoption firms work internationally to place children in the homes of families (p.11-28).

ADOPTION

The majority of older children come from state or government adoption agencies. These programs are public institutions that are funded by the tax payer. Since these programs are funded primarily by taxes, the services to the adoptive parents are usually free or minimal. Another one of the programs run by the state programs are the foster parent or resource parent programs. The majority of adoptions come to be a successful placement of children through these programs. For the state of Tennessee the Department of Childrens Services (DCS) (2012) maintains several requirements that must be met by persons interested in the foster care program. Those interested must be able to: give without the expectation of immediate returns, have room in your home and your daily life, learn and use proven behavioral management skills, and love and care for children with problems. Foster parents can be: single or married, with or without children of their own, employed or not employed, but able to financially meet his/her own needs, must be in sufficient good health, should be 21 years of age, and be homeowners or renters. The DCS must carefully ensure that all potential foster parents can fulfill the complex and critical stewardship they will be given. Case managers will be assigned to help them conduct a self assessment that will help potential foster parents see where they stand as parents. DCS will continue to provide training for potential foster parents. The requirements for adoption in Tennessee are very similar to the requirements with the exception that you must be a Tennessee resident. The ability to give a child love and support makes almost anybody the perfect candidate for an adoptive parent. DCS ask parents to consider the following thoughts when thinking about adoption. Are you secure and satisfied with your life and your family as they are now? Do you have a good support system friends and family that can help you out when you need it? Can you be flexible

ADOPTION

in coping with surprises and unexpected situations? Can you wait for a child to return your love? Can you feel comfortable with the fact that your child may want to talk with you about their biological parents, as well as others who have cared for them in the past? These are important questions and issues that may come up on occasion that are important to the success of the adoptive process. DCS will have counselors and support programs to get adoptive parents and adopted children through these moments in life. With the various programs that are readily available for individuals and couples wanting to adopt a child, it is just a matter of preference on which route to take. There are so many resources available that it can actually become over whelming to some degree to know which route to adoption to take. Potential adoptive parents should not get set in just one. It is probably best to research all and feel out the different programs to use. It will also depend on what particulars are being looked for in an adopted child. Consent According to Sember (2007) consent is the biggest and most important hurdle to adoption. All adoptions involve some form of consent agreement by the birth parents that the child should be adopted. If there are no living birth parents or the child was abandoned, then the consent must be given by the state or country where the child is a resident (p. 34). This is where the legal support becomes most important. Depending on the state of residence for the child to be adopted there are several legal steps that must be taken in order to complete the adoption process. These laws are designed to protect the childs birth parents, the child being adopted, and then finally the adoptive parents in that order. Birth mothers normally have to file a petition of relinquishment with the court in order to give legal consent. The consent of the father is a growing pain in the legal arena. Not all states have a good system for fathers

ADOPTION unless the birth father has knowledge of the childs birth. Older children that are being adopted also have to consent to adoption. This age is dependent on state laws that the child resides in.

It is important to ensure consent is done correctly. In the past there have been many case of children being taken away without the proper consent. This is a practice that has destroyed families. The well known story of Baby Richard is one of the most extreme cases of a state that had to rule on improper consent being given. In this case the birth mother informed the birth father that the child had died at birth. When the truth was discovered by the father, he sought to regain custody of the child from the adoptive parents at the age of four. The birth father regained custody of his child and an adoptive family was ripped apart. Since this occurrence in the mid nineties, the law governing consent have become much more strict. There is still concern over the rights of fathers; however they continue to get better. Decree of Adoption This is the happy moment. When all consent has been confirmed and birth parents parental rights have been terminated and all other legal obstacles have been dually satisfied the adoptive family proceeds to a court hearing to finalize the adoption. Here the adoptive parents will swear under oath for the proceedings. They will verify their identity, and reaffirm their desire and willingness to love and nurture this child as if their own. It is the judges responsibility to ensure that the final report from the adoption agency or social workers were read and understood in the positive recommendation in favor of the adoptive parents. Hicks (2007) said, Normally, going to court causes anxiety. Its rare we go there for a good reason. In the case of adoption, however, we go only with joy. This is because most adoptive parents only have to go to court one time, and its when everything is done and the adoption is ready to be finalized (p. 203).

ADOPTION Once the adoption is finalized there are a few more legalities that will need to be taken

care of. First is the amended birth certificate. This will include any name changes that will need to take place. The original birth certificate will be sealed and no longer used and the new birth certificate will list the adoptive parents as if they were the original parents. For the short term the adoption decree will serve for most identification purposes legally. This birth certificate will be needed and used the same as any other legal birth certificate without the need of the adoption decree. In the case of social security information you will be required to have moth the adoption decree and the new birth certificate especially for older children that have already been enrolled into the Social Security program. Post birth agreement may be another form of legal requirement that will need to be met after the adoption is completed. Post birth agreements are designed for the most part for the health and well being of the birth mother. They may include annual letters or photographs from the child. Other types of post birth agreements may actually include visitation. Some states have laws that protect post birth agreements and will enforce them unless it is conflict with the welfare of the child. Birth parents depend to a great degree on the adoptive parents keeping their promises. It is no different in the dependency of the adoptive parents having a need for the birth parents to keep their promises. In this case it should not be offensive for the birth parents to request in writing an agreement of certain terms and it is dependent on the adoptive parents to feel comfortable with the request and to agree to them. Finally when the adoption decree is issued the adoptive parents are now the parents. As such they should put in place the child just as any other that would be naturally born to them their place in the last will and testament. This may be done as soon as the adoption decree is issued. This is important to protect the child in the event of tragedy.

ADOPTION Adoption Cost For most that get to the point of exhausting all attempts of a natural birth give in to the

10

adoption process. As discussed before there are many ways to proceed with the adoption process. Some of these processes cost very little if anything at all and others can become very expensive to a family with limited income ranging from $5,000 to $50,000. Pertman (2011) retells the sad story of a mother who tries to sell her baby. In 2007 a couple, Robert Ellingson, twenty-three, and Maghen Duvala, twenty-five, were arrested for trying to sell their two-month old baby for $30 to two people in a PetSmart parking lot in Florida. At first they thought it was a joke, sheriffs spokesman Glenn Austin told the Pensacola News Journal. But then the mother yelled to the group that they were trying to sell the baby. And one of them called us. (p. 236-237). For a mere $30 this couple tried to sell their child. There are many examples of predators attempting to take advantage of the misfortune of others. Programs are in place to allow birth mothers place unwanted children up for adoption at no cost to them. In addition in most cases the medical cost are paid by the adoptive family. This includes post partum and adoption counseling and medical. In some cases some living expenses may be included for the birth mother. For most states the expenses paid for cost associated to the birth mother are given as a gift and may not be taken back. There are some legal provisions that would give a stance to awaiting adoptive parents in the event of a birth mother backing out or in the event of the loss of a child, however, most birth mothers will not be able to afford the reimbursement and for the adoptive parent, legal fees would negate the fight. When it comes down to normal cost for adoption Caughman and Motley (2009) list the normal sources for adoption. For example, adoption from foster care cost may include: home study cost, court filing fees, agency application, foster-parent orientation and training, and foster-

ADOPTION parent license fees. They also make note to bear in mind that all of these may be waived or subsidized, depending on your circumstances and the childs situation (p. 101). When all is said and done it doesnt matter what the cost is for a bond between a parent

11

and a child. When the parents begin to see and experience the joys of being a parent all cost will be forgotten. Not So Easy There are a lot of variable that go into the adoption process. It can take years to actually make the connection in some cases. Story after story can be read about parents taking up to ten years to adopt. There will be many disappointing times for many in the process. Many opportunities to adopt will seem like this is the sure thing only to fall thru for one reason or another. Adoptees and adoptive parents should prepare themselves for disappointments and then realize that they are for a good reason. The reason for adopting comes to many for so many different reasons. In the authors opinion, for many adoptive parents it is out of a sense of duty and responsibility for a greater good. A good example of this is a story shared by Maxwell (1996), It has been a privilege to seal several adopted children to Nan and Dan Barker, now of Arizona. Some time ago Nate, then just over three, said: Mommy, there is another little girl who is supposed to come to our family. She has dark hair and dark eyes and lives a long way from here. The wise mother asked, How do you know this? Jesus told me, upstairs. The mother noted, We dont have an upstairs, but quickly sensed the significance of what had been communicated. After much travail and many prayers, the Barker family were in a sealing room in the Salt Lake Temple in the fall of 1995where a little girl with dark hair and dark eyes, from Kazakhstan, was sealed to them for

ADOPTION

12

time and eternity. Inspired children still tell parents great and marvelous things (3 Nephi 26:14, Book of Mormon). Many families are having great and marvelous feelings for adoption. The need to fulfill the will of Gods can almost overwhelm us at times. The key is to act, and if adoption is the right thing for you and you now feel moved to do it then act. Get out and learn the best way for you to accomplish and do it. Conclusion In conclusion the facts are not obscure about how many children are out there waiting for a family. The same is true for the great number of couples that are waiting for children. Many times people will talk about the ideas of adoption and how great it would be but they will never act on the prompting. Next is the need for education for the truth when it comes to adoption. There are a great number of myths out there when it comes to adoption that will dissuade any would be adoptive parents. If there was a greater amount of education and awareness programs available then the connections between children and parents would be a greater probability. Most importantly it is not just babies that are in need of adoption. All too often they are the only ones sought after. There are a great many blessing awaiting the parents that take on a child with needs. It is the authors hopes to one day bring into the home a child that needs a family. Like many others it is the beginning of the education process. Research and study on the most appropriate adoption process. Research and study on the right child.

ADOPTION References

13

Caughman, S., & Motley, I. (2009). You can adopt: An adoptive families guide. New York, NY: Ballantine Books. Hicks, R. (2007). Adoption: The essential guide to adopting quickly and safely. London, England: The Penguin Group. Maxwell, N. A. (1996). Becometh as a child. Ensign. Sunday afternoon session 7 April 1996. Retrieved from https://www.lds.org/ensign/print/1996/05/becometh-as-achild?lang=eng&clang=eng Pertman, A. (2011). Adoption nation: How the adoption revolution is transforming our families and America. Boston, MA: The Harvard Common Press. Sember, B. M., (2007). The adoption answer book: Your complete guide to a successful adoption. Naperville, IL: Sphinx publishing. Tennessee Department of Child Services. (2012). Becoming an adoptive parent [Data file]. Retrieved from http://www.tn.gov/youth/adoption/becoming.htm U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. (2011). Child welfare outcomes 2007-2010 report to congress. Washington, DC: U.S. Government Printing Office.