74 Kallista Rd.

QUEENSLAND Rochedale South

QLD 4123
BUSHWALKERS Email qldbwc@yahoo.com
CLUB Inc. Phone No (07) 3341 7509
www.geocities.com/qldbwc
Newsletter December 2005

Patricia’s Party

Club News
AGM QBW Beginners Abseil Day 26 January 2006
QBW’s AGM was held on 1/11/2005 and we are happy to report Time 07:00AM Place Kangaroo Point
that all committee positions were filled. There will be an abseil day for absolute beginners on Australia Day
A warm welcome to Helen McAllister, Lynn Nicol, David for club members at Kangaroo Point. This is in addition to the FMR
Haliczer, Lynne Cavanagh, and Barbara Makepeace as the Abseil training on 29/1/2006 at Emu Gully.
new committee members plus a hearty thank you to Trevor Ring Trevor Davern on 0411 512 202 for more details.
Davern, Gary Woodward, Richard Kolarski and Frank Garland
for staying on in a committee position.
Beside the committee positions, the voluntary positions were FMR Beginners Abseil 29 January 2006
filled with Patricia Kolarski (supper convenor) and Frank Time 08:00 AM Place Emu Gully
Bowling (FMR representative) as the new names. Many thanks Any Club member planning on attending will need to contact FMR,
to them and all the other volunteers who give up so much of at least 3 weeks in advance.
their time to help this Club run so smoothly.
The donation of $20 per person is expected to defray the cost of
A full list of the new committee and voluntary positions is on wear and tear on gear. If you have your own gear please bring it
Page 2 of the Newsletter. There is still a vacancy for a second along. You will be allowed to use it if it is suitable.
FMR representative. If anyone is interested all you need to do
is nominate yourself to a committee member. The replies should be forwarded to both Phil Box, FMR Training
Officer and Ron Farmer, FMR President, at:
Also let us remember the past committee members who
decided not to renominate but to let others have a go. The Club ddownsro@bigpond.net.au
is indebted to Trevor Cox, Bob Gur, David Kenrick, Ken Walters ron.farmer@uqconnect.net
and Evelyn Campbell for the great job they have done, in some
cases for almost two years.
Important Notices
There will be NO January Club Meeting. The next Club meeting
QBW Equipment after the December meeting will be Tuesday, 7 February 2006.
Thanks to the successful grant application we now are able to There will be NO January Newsletter. The next newsletter will be
offer a wide variety of gear to help our members walk more available in early February.
safely in the bush.
Please check the Club website early next year for any changes to
At the last committee meeting it was decided that several the Calendar.
people would act as the contact person for equipment that
QBW has now accumulated.
From the Editor
This list of contact people will be printed in each Newsletter.
The role of the contact person will be to have a list of the As is usual this December Newsletter has an extra 2 pages of jokes
equipment he or she is responsible for and to know who is and funnies for your holiday reading pleasure. Thank you to all the
borrowing the equipment. The equipment has been marked or members who sent them in during the year.
numbered where possible. A very Merry Christmas and a Happy New year to all our members.
For use of the equipment, please ring the contact person. Safe Walking to All Editor

Page 1 of 8
 General Information The Management Committee
Meeting Place
Club Meetings are held on the first Tuesday of each month at President Trevor Davern 0411 512 202
the East Brisbane State School, corner of Stanley Street and Vice President Helen McAllister 3844 8464
Wellington Road, starting at 7:30pm. No meetings in January. Secretary Lynn Nicol 3219 6228 (H)
There is parking within the school grounds off Wellington Road. Treasurer Gary Woodward 3245 2695 (H)
Consult a street directory, as there are a number of one-way
streets in the area. There is also parking in Wellington Road. Outings Secretary David Haliczer 3879 8334 (H)
Tea/Coffee and cake/biscuits are provided after the meeting. A Membership Officer Lynne Cavanagh 3376 5053 (H)
coin donation would be appreciated. Editor Richard Kolarski 3341 7509 (H)
Membership Social Secretary Barbara Makepeace 3245 2186 (H)
Before a visitor can go on a walk, he/she must be a Member Training Officer Frank Garland 3341 5207 (H)
(Probationary or Ordinary) or be a member of an affiliated club.
Membership of QBW is only $20 and lasts till the end of the Other Voluntary Positions
Club’s financial year which is on the 30th of June each year.
Equipment Officer Steve Moyle 3800 3963 (H)
Probationary Membership Supper Convenor Patricia Kolarski 3341 7509 (H)
A non-member automatically becomes a Probationary Member Federation Rep Richard Kolarski 3341 7509 (H)
on his/her first walk after signing the waiver form. There is no
fee payable to become a Probationary Member. Federation Rep Trevor Cox 3273 3484 (H)
However a Probationary Member must become an Ordinary FMR Rep Frank Bowling 0419 715 719
Member on his/her 2nd walk by filling out a membership form FMR Rep Position Available
and paying the membership fee.
Ordinary Membership Campsite Monitors
A person may become an Ordinary Member by filling out a Ratatat Hut Barbara Makepeace
membership form and handing the form to a committee
member or walk leader and paying the $20.00 membership fee. Running Creek Falls Richard Kolarski
Gary Woodward
An Ordinary Member has the right to vote at an AGM or be
elected to a committee position. A Probationary Member has Throakban Kerry de Clauzel
neither of these rights. Trevor Smith
Mt Superbus Christine & Cliff Harrison
Members of Another Bushwalking Club
Spicers Peak Ann Kemp
Members of another bushwalking club affiliated with the Mt May John Brunott
Queensland Federation of Bushwalking Clubs or another State
Federation are covered by the same Insurance as QBW. It is Equipment for Use by Members
not necessary for them to become a member of our Club to go
on our walks. ITEM No Contact Ph No
Compasses 29 Dave Kenrick 3349 8238
Equipment for Sale EPIRBs 5 Frank Garland 3341 5207
These items have been purchased by QBW and are available GPS 4 Trevor Davern 0411 512 202
to members at low cost. UHF Radios 12 Trevor Davern 0411 512 202
Bivy Bags $3.00 each or 2 for $5.00 Emergency Lights 6 Richard Kolarski 3341 7509
They are 2 metres by 0.9 metres in a bright orange colour. The First Aid Kits 3 Richard Kolarski 3341 7509
pack liners can double as an emergency bivy bag
Topo Maps 34 Richard Kolarski 3341 7509
Club Polo Shirts $20.00 each
Sunmap CD 1 Richard Kolarski 3341 7509
L, M and S size left only
Laptop 1 Richard Kolarski 3341 7509
Space Blankets $2.50 each.
Colour Printer 1 Richard Kolarski 3341 7509
Ring Patricia Kolarski 3341 7509
LCD Projector 1 Richard Kolarski 3341 7509
Projector Screen 1 Richard Kolarski 3341 7509
Equipment for Hire
The Club has a backpack (suitable for use as a day
or through pack) for hire at $5.00 per week. Editors Pic
QBW also has some abseiling gear for use by Club
members. The gear includes ropes, harnesses and
helmets.
Ring Steve Moyle 3800 3963

For Sale
Macpac Nautilus Tent
RS75 Swift pitch
$280.00
Contact Paula / Julie Ph 41290022
Tree Hugger

Page 2 of 8
 AGM Committee Reports Past Events
President’s Report Navigation Training Day 13 November 2005
Thank you for the opportunity to represent our club, as Fourteen people attended this training day at Dave Kendrick’s
President, for the past two terms. place. Richard and David gave talks and demonstrations on maps
I have attempted to promote bushwalking in general and our and compasses plus there were exercises on how to take compass
club in particular, whenever possible. The role of president is and grid bearings, back bearings etc.
not an onerous task and consists of representing the club on
occasions, attending meetings where possible and joining the
other committee members in deciding the direction and goals of
our club.
It has been a pleasure to work with the outgoing committee and
I am confident that we leave the club in strong and viable
position.
I congratulate the new committee members and wish the new
management committee well.
Thank you, Trevor Cox
Secretary’s Report
Being the first year as an incorporated club there was a lot to
do in the first months of my tenure as Secretary of the
Queensland Bushwalkers Club Inc. Notification of the new
committee members to the relevant government dept,
notifications sent out to new members and changes to the
signatories on the club cheque account to just mention a few. Navigation Training
Attending committee meetings and producing the minutes is
one of the other chores which I carried out as part of my duties. This was followed by a walk in the nearby Mt Gravatt reserve led by
Dave to put into practical context what the participants had just
As a committee member I have had the opportunity to see the learnt.
club mature and grow into a stronger club and yet still maintain
the personal touch which in my opinion sets the Queensland Everyone was enthusiastic and eager to learn. This was so much
Bushwalkers Inc. apart from the other run of the mill clubs. so that a couple of members, while studying the map, did not see
the rest of the group go down a side track and became separated
Recently the club applied for a government grant to purchase from the main group. Full marks to them for “navigating” their way
badly needed equipment, and due to the excellent effort put in back to Dave’s house!
by members of the committee (Trevor Davem, Richard Kolarski
and Tevor Cox) the club was awarded a sum of money which A BBQ followed and all had a pleasant time. Many thanks to Dave
has been spent on equipment which all club members will for the use of his house.
benefit from.
I have enjoyed my tenure as the Secretary of the Queensland FMR Abseil Training 19 November 2005
Bushalkers Club Inc., however I will not be standing for re- 9 members of QBW joined with approximately 12 others fro
election this year. I am sure that a new Secretary will be elected
and I will give whatever assistance I can in the future. m BBW and Gold Coast Bushwalkers for this abseil training day run
by FMR. It was held at Emu Gully near Helidon where there is a
I wish the new committee all the best in the future and hope the large indoor rock-climbing wall.
good work done in the past year will only be the building blocks
for the future. We started the day with introductions by Phil Box and Ron Farmer
of FMR, followed by some theory, knot tying and then setting up
Bob Gur ropes for abseiling.
Editor's Report
The job of editor involves producing a Newsletter monthly and
looking after the web site.
The Newsletter is available as a free download off the Club
website or members can choose to have it printed and posted
to them for an extra fee. 9 people chose to have the Newsletter
posted to them in the 2004-05 financial year. This financial year
that number is down to 5.
During the 2004-05 Club year there have been 11 Newsletters
produced. No Newsletter was produced for the month of
January as is usual over the Christmas/New Year period.
The web site has been visited regularly by about 10 people
every day. The walks calendar has been maintained and
updated at least monthly. The biggest number of people who
visited the web site was during January when there was no
Club meeting and also no Newsletter or Calendar.
The website has significantly reduced the cost of sending Scaling the Heights at Emu Gully
information to people who inquire about the Club. If they have After lunch we were able to practice abseiling using an autoblock
internet access they are directed to our website. system on the rock-climbing wall. There were differing levels of
I would like to thank members who have made helpful experience among the participants but everyone learned something
suggestions about the web site and Newsletter. new and interesting from the day.
Also many thanks to those members who have written up walks FMR is going to run a beginners abseil training day on 29th
and contributed photos for the Newsletter. January, 2006 at Emu Gully for QBW club members. If you would
like more information, please contact Barb Makepeace by phone at
Richard Kolarski 3245 2186.

Page 3 of 8
 Bushwalking and the Blue Card
The Commission for Children and Young People and Child
Guardian Act 2000 requires people who work with children
under 18 in particular categories of businesses, paid or
voluntary employment to be screened.
Questions have been asked by several bushwalking clubs
whether they fall under this category and whether leaders of
walks need to obtain a Blue Card.
In August 2005, an inquiry was made by one of the
bushwalking clubs with the Commission about holding activities
eg. bushwalking, involving children in the context of club
activities.
The reply received was as follows:
"Thank you for your enquiry relating to the blue card.
From the information provided, the "Churches, clubs and
associations involving children" category of regulated
employment may apply to the activities conducted at the
bushwalking club. This category of employment applies to
services provided by or within a church, club, association or
similar entity, that are mainly directed towards children or
activities conducted that mainly involve children.
If you consider that the club's activities fall within this category
of regulated employment then you should note that the
following persons are exempt from screening under this
category:
• Children under 18 years of age who are volunteers
(except "trainee students" undertaking a course of
study with an "education provider");
• Volunteers who are parents of a child who receives
the same or similar service or participates in the same
or similar activity within the church, club, association
or other entity as that of the volunteer parent;
• Employees of a government entity who provide a
service or conduct activities a church, club or
association that are mainly directed towards children
or mainly involve children.
If the club's activities are not directed mainly towards children,
club members would not require a blue card. However if the
club conducted a junior bushwalking day for example, then all
adult members participating in the activity would require a blue
card.
An application for a blue card for a volunteer employee can be
made by submitting a Volunteer (V) Application Form. It is
important to note that a volunteer employee must have a
Working with Children Check and hold a blue card before they
start volunteering in any area of regulated employment,
regardless of how often they come into contact with children
and young people.
An employer carrying on a regulated business is now required
to develop and implement an annual risk management strategy
to promote the wellbeing of children and protect them from
harm. To assist employers the Commission conducts a 3-hour
workshop free of charge.
While the employment screening conducted by the Commission
is a significant step in the protection of children and young
people, it is important to appreciate that the legislation is not
designed to replace appropriate risk management strategies.
The possession of a blue card issued by the Commission is not
an absolute safeguard, and should not encourage complacency
on the part of the employer.
Further general information about the blue card and application
forms should you require them, can be accessed from the
Commission website at http://www.bluecard.qld.gov.au or by
telephoning the Commission on 1800 113 611 or 07 3247 5145.
We hope this information is of assistance.
Yours sincerely,
The Commission for Children and Young People and Child
Guardian"
Page 4 of 8
Federation News
On Wednesday 23 November 2005, QFBWC met with Desley
Boyle MP Minister for Environment, Local Government, Planning
and Women.
Issues discussed were:
• Access to areas managed by QPWS, including camping,
track closures, and Group Activity Permits
• Relations between QPWS and the Public and a possible
Memorandum of Understanding (MOU)
• Master Plan for areas managed by QPWS
• Adventure Activity Standards
There was a good response from the Minister and she will be
looking into some of QFBWC's concerns.
Memorandum of Understanding (MOU)
On the Memorandum of Understanding (MOU) there will be a
meeting on 6/12/2005 with Ralph Henderson who is the Director of
Tourism and Visitor Management, Parks Division.
Attempts have been made in the past to have a Memorandum of
Understanding between QPWC and QFBWC but no agreement
could be reached after several meetings.
The Objectives of the MOU are:
1. A spirit of cooperation between the parties in relation to
the management of bushwalking and camping in protected
areas;
2. A mutual understanding of the roles, responsibilities and
obligations of the parties with respect to the administration
of the provisions of the Nature Conservation Act 1992 (the
NCA) by QPWS as it relates to the management of
bushwalking and camping in protected areas; and
3. Bushwalking as a sustainable and desirable use of the
protected area estate.
This MOU would spell out the various roles and responsibilities of
QFBWC and QPWS have towards each other and with regards to
safety and bush camping. It also covers such items as general
access to National Parks, Native Title and resolution of disputes.
The draft MOU that failed back in 2002 has been emailed to all
Queensland clubs. QFBWC is asking Clubs to comment on the
MOU so that QFBWC can more fully represent the views of all
bushwalkers.
If you would like a copy of the draft plus some background
information, send an email to Federation at qfbwc@yahoo.com.au
The QBW committee considers political lobbying by QFBWC to
push the interests of bushwalkers is one of its most important roles
and we wish them success.
New Members
Dianne Allen Verne Charlesworth
Christina MacDonald Judy Mackay
No of financial Ordinary Members 111
Comings and Goings
Peter P has recently returned from WA after doing the complete
Bibbulmun Track which is over 1000 kilometres long.
Paul M joined Peter P for part of the way.
Fran M has returned from tripping round Australia in her new
campervan.
June G has returned from her various trips in Australia.
Bob, Danuta, John and Lynne have recently gone to New Zealand
to do some tramping.
Dave H has recently returned from China. He is now planning a trip
to Tasmania for a walk in the Western Arthurs.

Past Walks
Hinchinbrook Island
View from Google Earth
Two separate groups from QBW went to Hinchinbrook Island.
Patricia led the Thorsborne Trail while Richard attempted Mt
Diamantina.
Here are their stories.
Thorsborne Trail 5–9 September 2005
Monday Ramsay Bay to Little Ramsay Bay
Our happy little group of six overnighted at the Cardwell Van
Park Sunday night to be ready for an 8.15am pick-up for the
ferry across to Ramsay Bay.
We hit the beach and started walking by 11 and quickly
reached the Nina Peak turnoff. Packs were dropped off and left
in the care of Redencion while the rest of us laboured up, and
up, and up to finally enjoy the fantastic 360º views of the
mangrove swamps to the north and the steep slopes of Mount
Bowen and the coastline towards Zoe Bay.
The Girls on Nina Peak
Because of the problems with ferry transfer times, we walked
through the Nina Bay campsite and continued to Little Ramsay
Bay for our first night. Fresh water was not far away up the
creek beside the campsite. Rocks were slippery though with
Redencion doing a graceful pirouette before plopping down into
the creek.
The Milky Way was seen in all its glory from the beach that
night.
Tuesday Little Ramsay Bay to Zoe Bay
Heading for Zoe Bay we passed through a variety of vegetation
including vine forest, open forest, flood plain and paperbark
swamp.
Page 5 of 8
The water level was up in the swamp and we lost our way for a
short time (leader’s fault).
Margaret seemed to have more fun than the rest of us; up to her
knees in mud and demonstrating her wide vocabulary, too!
After setting up camp we dashed up to the falls for a quick cool dip
and drinking water pick-up. This is a lovely spot for swimming or
just lazing around on the rocks on a warm day.
Wednesday Zoe Bay to Mulligans Falls
A little shower of rain overnight but the tents were fairly dry for
packing. A little extra effort was needed for the climb up to the top
of the falls. Thankfully there was a rope supplied so we could just
pull ourselves up the most awkward part.
The open slabs above the falls gave a wide view out to the ocean.
We continued uphill towards the pass, crossing the creek many
times.
Over the pass and down a bit before contouring around high above
Shipwreck Bay with a short detour to gain a bit more height to enjoy
the view right down the coast to George Point, our camp for the
following night. Lucinda Point jetty seemed to continue almost to
the horizon.
Lunch at Diamantina Creek where the water was down enough to
make crossing safe. Margaret had a potentially dangerous slip off
a rock when crossing the creek but thankfully was not seriously
hurt.
Another up and over and we arrived at the campsite. New toilets
have been built here as well as at the other campsites. But, the rat
box here had a hole in it!
A noisy pita came to visit us for afternoon tea and a native rat took
a particular interest in Margaret, or was it her food?
Thursday Mulligans Falls to George Point
Richard’s group turned up so we spent the morning swimming and
relaxing at the Falls.
Both Groups at Mulligans Falls
Only a short walk today but there was a tidal creek to cross so we
didn’t leave until about 11.30am. The creek was easy to cross just
needing a boots-off. Lunch on the other side.
This was the smallest campsite and there were to be seventeen
here overnight so some walkers took the afternoon ferry leaving
fourteen. We still spent the night with tents squashed together but it
was OK.
Friday George Point to Lucinda
An early start planned for today with the first ferry at 7am. June and
Redencion left on this one as they were heading off to Townsville.
Margaret, Noelene, Michael and I decided to have a relaxing
breakfast while we waited the hour for the boat to return but had to
rush and just shove things into our packs when it appeared early.
We headed off to Cardwell thanks to Dean and Richard and had a
lovely hot shower and clean-up before a feed at the fish and chips
shop.
Thank you to my fellow walkers, June, Noelene, Margaret,
Redencion, and Michael. Thanks also to Richard and Dean for
providing road transport at the end of the walk. Patricia
Mt Diamantina 5-9 September 2005
This walk was booked after the Mt Bowen ascent the Club did
in 2004. Then it was thought that 5 days would be enough to
climb this peak in the south of Hinchinbrook Island. It was not
till we found out the tide times that the true situation emerged.
The walk would be limited to 3 days as the tides meant we
would not get to Hinchinbrook from the south till late in the first
day and then had to leave very early on the last day.
Despite this, there were 5 people eager to go and attempt this
climb. No one had done it previously and the only notes we had
were from a book written years ago.
We all met up on the Monday at Lucinda Point and caught the
boat across in the afternoon to George Point. We walked the
7.5 kilometres to Mulligans Falls campsite and set up camp.
The mosquitoes were terrible as it had rained the week before.
Due to the limited time available, it was decided that we would
attempt the 980 metre peak as a day walk the next day.
We were up before sunrise, packed our daypacks and began
the day in high hopes. We followed a creek south of Mulligans
Falls but the walking was slow as the rocks were wet and
mossy from the previous rain. We also had to check our
position by GPS now and again to ensure we were on the right
creek as there were several branches.
Unnamed Falls on Hinchinbrook Island
At about mid morning we reached the base of a spectacular
waterfall. Here we spent a lot of time negotiating a way to the
top and were rewarded by magnificent views out to the east.
After a short break we continued upstream. The creek broke
into several small streams which were extremely slippery
underfoot and attempting to walk on the banks was a nightmare
due to all the waist high grass and scunge. After fighting our
way through this for an hour we had made little progress. It was
11.30am and we had only ascended 300 of the 980 metres to
the summit. Members were tired and I realised that to keep
pushing on was futile. Reluctantly we turned back and made
our way slowly and carefully downstream.
It was after 4.00pm when we arrived back at camp and we
decided to make a move to Sunken Reef Bay campsite in the
hope that the mosquitoes would not be as bad.
Page 6 of 8
Quickly we packed and set off to the new campsite. Near the end
we reached a large creek which a few waded through while a
couple tried a precarious crossing over the creek on a fallen log
spanning it.
The new campsite was right on the coast with a fresh wind blowing.
However in the cover of the bushes the mosquitoes were still
active. We used some mosquito coils and had dinner on the beach.
The next day was a restful one with us exploring the beaches north
and south. It was just a day for contemplation and enjoying the
surrounds.
The next morning we joined with Patricia's group at Mulligans Falls
and enjoyed a swim before heading south to George's point.
This camp site was very crowded and two of my group decided to
catch the boat across that day rather than spend the night on
Hinchinbrook.
On the last day we were up early to catch the 7.00am boat.
Though we had failed to climb Diamantina it did not diminish my
desire to return and try again at another time.
Many thanks to John, Maria, Jennifer and Dean for their help and
company. Richard
Cronan's Creek 16 October 2005
Six QBW members set out from Yellow Pinch in the rain at 7 am.
Rain was such a novelty for us due to the ongoing drought and we
were all looking for a different experience. Expecting the creeks to
be flooded we found that they still barely registered a trickle which
suggested the ground was still soaking up the last 30 mm of rain.
I was eager to see how far the Cronan's Ck road went and wasn't
surprised to find it finishing about 100m beyond Cronan's
Cascades. We carefully noted the tributary at this point on our right
(past experience revealing that it ultimately finishes at a waterfall in
a gorge that is difficult to negotiate). A vague track led from here
through lantana to Cronan's Ck and up we ascended over rocks
that were often slippery. All members were experienced with this
type of terrain so we steadily made our way upstream to a tributary
heading west to Barney Spur.
Negotiating several waterfalls which looked great in the rain as they
increased in flow volume during the day, we found a nice morning
tea spot amongst boulders that have rarely seen people. Frank
took the temperature and found it to be 13 degrees. No wonder we
all felt cold! I was testing a fake Gortex jacket I had purchased from
China and it probably won't see many bushwalks after today.
Fortunately I had a real Gortex Jacket which later became
essential.
On higher ground we reached a tributary and since the creek was
becoming more difficult we decided to ascend up onto a ridge
which looked promising on the map as it led directly to Barney
Spur.
In reality, the awful high altitude heath of this region impeded our
progress and a cliffy section where we hauled our way up by
grabbing tea tree limbs really slowed us down and sapped our
strength. On top we ascended a little and then had lunch.
One group member suggested that I scout ahead to see if it was
worth ascending further. I found the heath just got thicker. It was
also misty which makes navigation impossible. The temperature
here was about 10 degrees and with the rain and wind chill and a
coldish looking group it was decided that a quick descent down the
ridge was the best idea.
Descending took a while and eventually got easier with the
transition from heath to sclerophyll and then rainforest. Evidence of
logging further down with lots of vines and brambles meant we had
to descend to another branch of Cronan's which we followed out to
the end of the road.
I believe we all enjoyed the challenge of these rare conditions for
this time of the year. I believe the day was well worth the effort and
will further explore these areas in coming years.
I need to add the views were tremendous and the company was
great. David
 The Importance of Walking
Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85
years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at
$5000 per month.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was
60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell
she is.
The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could
hear heavy breathing again.
I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't
lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures
out what I'm doing.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who
annoy me.
I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small
country.
And last but not least: I don't exercise because it makes the ice
jump right out of my glass.
You could run this over to your friends but why not just e-mail it
to them!
I decided to take an aerobics class I bent twisted gyrated and
jumped up and down for an hour, but by the time I got my
leotards on the class was over.
Absent Minded
Now that I'm 'older' (but refuse to grow up), here's what I've
discovered:
1 I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2 My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.
3 I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.
4 Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...
5 Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...
6 All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.
7 If all is not lost, where is it?
8 It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
9 Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...
10. Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
11. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few...
12. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
13. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
14. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...
15 It's hard to make a come back when you haven't been
anywhere.
16. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when
you're in the bathroom.
17. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put
them on my knees.
18. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone
decide to play chess?
19. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...
20. It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere.
21. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
22. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the
hereafter... I go somewhere to get something and then wonder
what I'm here after.
23. I AM UNABLE TO REMEMBER IF I HAVE MAILED THIS
TO YOU OR NOT!
24. Funny, I don't remember being . . . . . absent minded...
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Church Bloopers
Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
Missing — A purple lady's bicycle from the church parking lot.
The "Spiritually Spontaneous" rally will begin at 4:15.
The Sunday Night Men's Glee Club will meet on Saturday at the
park, unless it rains. In that case they will meet at their regular
Tuesday evening time.
It's Drug Awareness Week: Get involved in drugs before your
children do.
Anyone not claiming lost articles will be disposed of.
Will the person who borrowed the ladder from the custodian's
closet please bring it back before further steps are taken.
Illiterate? Write to the church office for help.
If we see smoking, we will assume that you are on fire and will take
appropriate action.
Church Rummage Sale: A good opportunity to get rid of anything
not worth keeping but too good to throw away. Bring your spouse.
The class on prophecy has been cancelled due to unforeseen
circumstances.
The church office will be closed until opening. It will remain closed
after opening. It will reopen Monday.
Wanted: Part-time, a Christian nanny to take care of our two-year-
old who does not smoke or drink.
One thing we have been taught over and over in school is that the
use of a double negative is a no-no.
I think we ought to eliminate and abolish redundancy.
The ushers will come forward and take our ties and offerings.
If marriage is outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.
Because the class on time management went overtime, we will
move children's praise to the gym this morning.
Let us join David and Lisa in the celebration of their wedding and
bring their happiness to a conclusion.
Jean is leading a weight-management series on Wednesday
nights. She has used the program herself and is growing like crazy.
The Pastor's seminar on fasting will be held this Saturday morning
at 9 A.M. in the Fellowship Hall. Coffee and donuts will be served.
Don't waist time on diets, join the church's aerobic class.
The Women's League reported that Mrs. Springston, a
grandmother of five, made a hole in one last week. Good Shooting!
Ushers will beat latecomers.
On behalf of Barbara Rutledge and her family, our sincere thanks
to all those sending cards and flowers and contributing to the death
of her husband.
The red nose spray on the altar is in celebration of the Smith's 25th
wedding anniversary.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
church. So ends a friendship that began in school days.
Continue to pray for Rita Slone, a blind member of our missionary
team who got a new kidney from her father she hasn't seen in
years.
Baptist Men's Fellowship Group Helps Dog Bite Victim.
This Friday is our annual church hayride. Bring a pack of hot dogs
and guns. We'll have a good time.
Double-Positive
At a college English class a professor was holding forth on
grammatical structure. He cited and discussed examples in English
of double negatives -- and then claimed no similar examples exist
of a corresponding double-positive, whose meaning equates to a
negative.
A voice rang out from the back row: "Yeah right."
 Advice To Authors
Don't use no double negatives.
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixed metaphors.
If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, resist
hyperbole.
"Avoid over use of 'quotation "marks."'"
Avoid commas, that are not necessary.
If you reread your work, you will find on rereading that a great
deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.
Avoid clichés like the plague.
Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
Avoid colloquial stuff.
Computer Gender
A French teacher was explaining to her class that in French,
unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or
feminine. e.g. "House" is feminine -"la maison", "Pencil" is
masculine - "le crayon."
A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?" Instead of giving
the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups -- male
and female and asked them to decide for themselves whether
"computer" should be a masculine or feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons for their
recommendation.
The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be
of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other
computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory
for immediate later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find
yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers
should be masculine ("le computer"), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the
time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had
waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.
Deep Questions
1 Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know
the batteries are flat?
2 Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they
know there is not enough?
3 Why does someone believe you when you say there are four
billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
4 Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
5 Why do they use sterilised needles for death by lethal
injection?
6 Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
7 Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks
when you throw a gun at him?
8 Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
9 Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
10 What is the speed of darkness?
11 Are there specially reserved parking spaces for non-disabled
people at The Special Olympics?
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12 If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you pack it?
13 If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be
twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
14 If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
15 If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others
doing here?
Hazardous Materials Report
ELEMENT WOMEN
MASS (always critical) Varies from 45kg to 245kg
ACTIVE LOCATION Large deposits in urban areas, &
scattered rural deposits
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES
Surface normally obscured by paint.
Boils at zero degrees & freezes spontaneously.
Melts when alcohol is applied
Found in various grades from virgin to common ore.
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES.
Affinity to gold, silver, platinum & precious gems,
Readily absorbs expensive substances
Explosive under lunar influence
Softens & takes on rosy glow in hot soapy water.
Turns red when discovered in natural state,
Turns green when placed alongside a superior specimen.
COMMON USES.
Is highly ornamental & an effective aid to relaxation.
Things You Probably Didn't Know
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from
history: Spades - King David, Hearts - Charlemagne, Clubs -
Alexander the Great, Diamonds - Julius Caesar
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in
the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in
the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If
the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural
causes.
'I am.' is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
Q. What occurs more often in December than any other month?
Conception.
Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go
until you could find the letter a? One thousand.
Q. What do bullet-proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and
laser printers all have in common? All invented by women.
Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil? Honey
Inner Strength
If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,
If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you
time,
If you can overlook when people take things out on you when,
through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
If you can do all these things,
Then you are probably the family dog.