Whats your style?

Dealing with conflict at work Welcome This course aims to help you develop an overall approach to handling difficult situations at work. We offer you a set of techniques that will enable you to handle clients and colleagues in a positive and purposeful manner; thereby you should have less stress at work and be more assertive. And thats something we all want! You will: Start off by setting a case study for yourself, i.e. a ' difficult person you encounter regularly at work Identify your personal preferences for resolving conflict at work Learn ways to calm down and think straight Discover how to assess others' behaviour and emotional states more accurately Improve your questioning and listening skills Practise communicating how you feel and being assertive Plan ahead in order to be better prepared for problems at work.

A Warmer: guess each others characters by looking at other participants faces (only do it with those people you don't know well). One participant at a time is assessed by all the others.

'Other People' cause problems

Objectives By the end of this section you will have: Clarified your perceptions of a difficult colleague or customer Set up your own case study Found out more about the causes of conflict at work Analysed your own approach to problem situations

Problem People (for us) Think of a person (colleague or customer) who you consider difficult. Please choose an example that you are prepared to share with others on the course: 1. Who has more power you or them?

2. Why are they 'difficult'?

3. When are they most difficult?

4. Where do you have contact with these people? (face to face, on phone, in their office?)

5. How do you think when you see / hear this person approaching?

6. What do you think when you see / hear this person?

7. What do you do when you see / hear this person?

8. Does everybody feel and think in the same way about this person?

People differences It's not easy to have good relationships with everyone we work with. Behavioural science researchers tell us that at least 75% of the population .... think differently, decide differently, use time differently, work at a different pace, communicate differently, handle emotions differently, ` manage stress differently, deal with conflicting opinions differently ........... from you.

Not necessarily worse. Not necessarily better. Just different. Every individual is a minority. People who are very different from one another have a harder time establishing rapport miscommunicate more often are less likely to be persuasive with one another rub each other the wrong way -just by being themselves

In a study of derailed executives, the ability or inability to understand others' perspectives was the most common reason for failure. Most studies have found that aside from the decision to downsize, about 80% of employee firings are due to poor interpersonal relationships. Communication skills are about a person's ability to convey information so that no it is received and understood. Interpersonal skills are related to communication skills, but are more specific about individual behaviours. They include cooperating, sharing, listening, participating, and leading. They also include respecting others. Interpersonal skills enable us to work well with others to get a job done. (See resource 1 at home for further information). What are the 3 most common causes for being fired? 1. 2. 3. (Answers also in resource 2)

Now, why are you here? The reason most people never reach their goals is that they don't define them, or ever seriously consider them as believable or achievable. Winners can tell you where they are going, what they plan to do along the way, and who will be sharing the adventure with them. Denis Watley

Now that you have had a chance to think about the way you handle some difficult situations at work, think about what exactly you would you like to achieve from this workshop. Write one goal clearly and specifically.

And remember to make sure it is achievable! n By the end of the course I want to be able to

. . .

Key skill 1: Self awareness Objectives:

By the end of this section you will have:

Examined 4 ways of dealing with conflict Recognized your behavioural tendencies Analysed a case study Thought about others' styles of handling conflict.

DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Do this questionnaire When I am involved in a difficult situation with a colleague or customer NEVER 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 I End a mid-point between us I smooth things over and avoid any conflict L get my own way I work with the other person to solve the problem I try to win against the other person l let the other person have their way I withdraw from the argument l find out what the other person's needs are I compromise I do not put forward my own point of view but go with the other person's 1 0 0 0 1 1 1 0 1 0 1 0 0 0 0 SOMETIMES 2 1 1 1 2 2 2 1 2 1 2 1 1 1 1 OFTEN 3 2 2 2 3 3 3 2 3 2 3 2 2 2 2 ALWAYS 0 3 3 3 0 0 0 3 0 3 0 3 3 3 3

11 I come up with new ideas or solutions 12 I push for my point of view 13 I give a little and take a little 14 I give in 15 l wait and deal with the contiict later

Scoring Transfer your responses from the questionnaire to the grid below:

2. 7. 15. Totals:

6. 10. 14.

3. 5. 12.

1. 9. 13.

4. 8. 11.

A= Ignore it B= Give In C= Win / Lose D= Split the difference E= Cooperate

Handling conflict Think about the questionnaire you filled in and imagine what the characteristics, advantages and disadvantages in these different ways of operating are. One is done for you. Solutions Characteristics Advantages Disadvantages

Ignore

Give in

Win / Lose

Compromise

Cooperate Share the problem Uncover needs Identify creative solutions

Getting the other person on side and working with you to solve the problem. Collaboration, consensus, creating win-win solutions where both parties have their needs met.

Constructive. Results in the highest quality solutions. It maintains and develops good working relationships.

Requires good questioning and listening skills and the ability to think laterally. Can be time consuming in the short term

Role play Choose a role play scenario and practice the co-operate technique with your partner. You Can choose your own, relevant to your working life or any of the following

1. Two colleagues You are colleagues who have been asked by your boss to work together on a project but you both want to approach it from completely different angles and don't agree on the priorities.

2. Boss and line managee The boss tells line managee to go on a Interpersonal Skills course. Line managee doesnt know why the boss is sending them on this. Boss thinks line manages is not completely happy with internal customer service orientation so is sending line managee.

3. MuItipIe bosses A GM to two bosses has a problem because one boss is very pushy and the other is quite easy going. GM tends to give priority to the former's tasks simply to keep the peace. However, this time the GM has to give priority to the quieter bosss task because of deadline constraints. The pushy boss demands to know why they have been "sidelined".

Case Study What is Tina's problem? "` Tina was surfing the web at work. It was Monday morning, she had so much work to do she couldn't bear to think about it. But she'd been working up until 11.30 last night and she just felt resentful. Why should I have to work TD hours a week and not get paid for it?" she thought to herself angrily. Im sick at of this, Im sick of this job, I am getting out of here" She trawled through the employment websites. Tina was not a lazy employee. When she'd accepted the offer for her current job with a public sector affiliated organisation she'd been very excited. Itd seemed like the perfect job - just the right amount as of responsibility and challenge, promises of lots of training, ideal location and with two kids in primary school the hours seemed to be ok too. Naturally she didnt expect to leave at 5.00pm on the dot every day nobody did these days - but she was assured that there wasn't a 'long hours culture'. Since her motherin-law took care of the kids during the day, Tina was always keen to get home as soon as she respectably could. Her boss, Anna, was an excellent businesswoman; she was ambitious, driven and really put her life into growing the business. With limited budgets and cutbacks, this was over more difficult to achieve. Tina understood Anna was a perfectionist; this was one of the reasons why she'd been happy to take the job; Tina was a perfectionist too. However, Anna demanded the same dedication and commitment from her team as she exhibited but did not compensate them for the late or weekend hours. Tina felt taken advantage of. She'd never complained openly to Anna about all the extra hours she knew what Anna would say if she did: "You're lucky to have a job If you can't take the heat, find somewhere else! I want total commitment from my team". She'd given heavy hints and often mentioned the kids and workload that waited for her at home. But Anna was a career woman no husband no kids - Tina reckoned Anna had no sympathy at all for working mothers. All the others on the team were men and they didnt seem to mind the long hours so much. And how could she leave the office hours before them? It was just the culture` - everybody worked late all the time. There was just no other solution. She had to find another job and it wasn't going to be easy to explain why she'd stuck this one for only one year. Discussion questions What is Linas style? What assumptions is she making? What advice would you give her? Your team will prepare a short presentation on what you think Tina should do. You can show this to the whole group either as a team, or by sending an individual to represent you.

How well does your style work? Choose the 5 people you communicate most often with in your life, including your boss (choose people from work and home). Place them on the spider diagram below and write their names (or initials). Then write which style you usually use with this person. You don't need to fill in Type' yet that comes later in the course.

Name: Relationship: Style: Type:

Name: Relationship: Style: Type:

Name: Relationship: Style: Type:

Name: Relationship: Style: Type:

Name: Relationship: Style: Type:

Can you notice any habits?