RAPE IN ROMANCE FICTION

Notes for Project paper to complete.

QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER..
When is rape in romance acceptable? Is rape violent all the time? Can it ever be right in a romance novel between the hero and heroine? Some cultures/religion advocate marrying ones rapist. Is this an acceptable solution? Where do we draw the line? Are romance novels romantizing the horror of rape? Are woman authors more sentsitive in writing about rape than male authors? Do women and men agree on the definition of rape? In African culture there is no rape in marriage. How then can women bring their rapist to justice?

Notes to read(acknowledge sources) References.

Jan222013

Realistic Depictions of Rape in Romance by Rebecca Rogers Maher

By Jane Letters of Opinion Tags: Rape

Remember at the end of the year I said that Dear Author would really benefit from guest essays and guest voices? Author Rebecca Rogers Maher (http://rebeccarogersmaher.com/) wrote me with an essay regarding Realistic Depictions of Rape in Romace. Its a great guest piece and I hope others will consider contributing to the community here. Rogers Maher is the author of the Recovery Trilogy Ill

Become the Sea, Snowbound with a Stranger and Fault Lines. She is a Vassar graduate, a former community organizer and Brooklyn public school teacher, and a mother to two insanely sweet boys. A recent Dear Author post on slut-shaming generated a fascinating discussion about the internalization of rape culture in womens novels. In our books, do we blame the victim? Do we minimize the impact of rape and the complexity of recovery from it? Most importantly, do romance writers carry any special responsibility for representing sexual violence in a pro-survivor way? I would argue that we do, and heres why. According to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN), one out of six American women will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime. We all know that the real numbers are actually much worse. Many women blame themselves, fear retaliation from their perpetrators, or fear being blamed or dismissed by their loved ones or communities. So they dont report it and they dont discuss it. They do, however, read romance novels. If one in six women (or more) has been sexually assaulted, and if our books reach hundreds of millions of women, then we can assume that many millions of our readers are survivors of rape, incest and sexual abuse. In many ways, romance novels are the ideal place to consider the impacts of rape. Our stories deal directly with issues of love, trust, intimacy, connection and sexuality the parts of our lives that are most affected by sexual violence. Romance novels have the privilege of treating these issues with the gravity and depth they deserve. Because we have the luxury of a happy ending, our characters can think and talk about their feelings, confront their problems, examine their own histories, struggle to make better choices, and heal from their wounds. The presence of detailed sex scenes gives us the opportunity to explore how a sexual abuse history can complicate sex and intimacy. Our stories can dramatize and interrogate sexual violence while at the same time contemplating what it takes to recover from it. Much has been said about negative portrayals of rape in romance novels. The rapey heroes of our past have given way to more subtly damaging tropes, such as using rape as a shorthand to create false gravitas in our heroines histories but failing to realistically explore the impact of sexual abuse on their emotional and sexual lives. Reflecting on these mistakes does have value. We do need to talk about how we have represented rape in the past and look at the ways these representations might have supported, rather than fought against, a culture that blames the victim and minimizes the impact of sexual violence. But the next step is the more important one. What are we going to do moving forward? What obligation do romance novels have, exactly, with regard to our depictions of rape? Id like to contribute to that discussion by talking about a selection of books that portray rape and its consequences with sensitivity andperhaps most importantlyaccuracy. Looking at these exemplary books can help us determine what constitutes a nuanced, pro-survivor portrayal of sexual violence.

Hopeless, Colleen Hoover Colleen Hoovers Hopeless deals with sexual abuse of a minor. Perhaps owing to the age of the abused girl, very little detail (thankfully) is offered about the attacks. What we do see is the little girls terror of her bedroom doorknob. We feel her fear when the doorknob turns because we know whats coming, but we are not forced to queasily suffer through a rape scene that could in any way function as an additional sex scene. While this in itself is a welcome gift, the most striking aspect of Hopeless is that the rapist is not depicted as a sneering stranger. He commits an evil act, but he is a contributing member of society, a husband and father, and a person that the heroine loved. He is not an other. He is one of us. This is how it is in real life. Rapists are not caricatures. They are people we know: parents, babysitters, coaches, neighbors, siblings, and friends. Its important to get this right for two reasons. One, its more factually accurate. Romance writers do all sorts of intensive research to get historical and cultural details right, and this issue should be no exception. Two, if we keep acting like rape only happens at the hands of evil villains, we perpetuate the idea that sexual violence committed by normal men is not actually rape. It is rape. It the most common form of rape, and our literature should reflect that. Hopeless also pays detailed attention to the aftermath of sexual abuse. Skys disassociation, for example, stems directly from her history and plays a central role in the plot and in our understanding of her character. Her rape history is not just tacked on to give the novel spice. Its reverberating consequences are integral to the story. Easy, Tammara Webber Tammara Webbers Easy does a similarly wonderful job of depicting a rapist who is a respected member of a community. Although Buck veers fairly sharply into sneering villain territory, he is an established friend and fraternity brother, and many of the storys supporting characters refuse to believe him capable of committing such a crime. Webbers examination of the communitys willingness to blame, disbelieve and discredit the victim is painfully realistic. Allowing the heroine and her supportive friends to work through this backlash allows us, as readers, to look at some of the ways we might stand by each other and the reasons why we would want to do so. Easy also places a welcome focus on the support of friends. Like the heroine in Hopeless, Jacqueline gets through her ordeal not just because of the heros magical penis, but because she has friends who love and help her. This process takes place inside a genuinely moving and well-written story. Broken Wing, Judith James In many ways a callback to the sweeping, almost absurd melodrama of the romance stories we grew up with, Broken Wing offers a lengthy and thoughtful meditation on the burden of shame. After escaping a childhood of forced sexual labor in a brothel, the hero is beset by years of post-traumatic

stress. His fits of violent self-loathing, his commitment to sabotaging his relationship with the heroine, the fact that he routinely cuts himself out of rage and despair this is exactly what many sexual abuse survivors go through. But where the story really shines is in its depiction of the heroines support. Sarah gives Gabriel exactly the kind of love a survivor would need to heal. She listens again and again as he tells his story, she doesnt judge him, she expresses outrage at whats been done to him, shes very direct and truthful, and she tells him how much hes worth. Perhaps most importantly, Sarah doesnt have sex with Gabriel for almost a year, after hundreds of pages of the book. Why? Because she doesnt want him to feel that his only value to her is sexual. And because she knows that sex will be traumatic for him. She waits and waits and waits, until hes ready. I couldnt help but wonder if Id ever seen the same degree of patience from a romance hero in love with a female sexual abuse survivor. Would we expect a man to wait like that? Sarah does so, happily, and as a result, when they do make love, its a healing experience for Gabriel rather than a traumatic one. To give sex back to an abuse survivor, to help him transform it from dirty, disassociated and shameful into something beautiful, something that forges a connection of love that is really damn romantic. The Shadow and the Star, Laura Kinsale The Shadow and the Star also features a male rape survivorSamuel, another forced childhood sex trade worker. Again, I wonder if the issues Samuel facesas well as the cruel mistakes he makesare somehow easier to stomach coming from a male character. Im not convinced we would have t he same degree of patience for a female character before we started to judge her or to feel she should get over it. Nevertheless, Samuel gets plenty of time to work through his most painful obstacle: the fact that he is an intensely sexual person who responds to his own feelings of desire with profound self-loathing. It is the job of sweet, steadfast Leda to show Samuel that its okay for him to like sex, that it can be beautiful and pure between two adults that love each other. Interestingly, as in Broken Wing, the love of the heroine in The Shadow and the Star turns out to be not quite enough. Both heroes require extensive adventuring, martial arts training and male companionship in order to recover from their trauma. They need personal journeys too, and the support of their male friends. No magical vaginas here either. Recovery is a process, and it takes more than the relationship between the hero and heroine to make it happen. Again, I do wonder if our female heroines are offered the same kinds of walkabout experiences in their recovery, or whether we over-rely on the magic touch of the hero to heal them. Blue-Eyed Devil, Lisa Kleypas In addition to being a brutally honest look at how a smart, strong woman can become a victim of domestic violence, Lisa Kleypass Blue-Eyed Devil also touches on the issue of spousal rape. The story follows Haven Travis through a journey from self-blame to empowerment, and you know what gets her there? THERAPY. This is the final missing piece to our books about rape. In real life, no one man can fix what rape breaks. It is a pervasive, insidious, all-encompassing, devastating crime, and it takes

a lot of work to recover from. Without getting too bogged down in details from Havens counseling sessions, Blue-Eyed Devil addresses the value of working through trauma with a caring therapist. While a magical dick sure doesnt hurt, we really do need other resources to help us. Additionally, Blue-Eyed Devil shows the ways rape impacts the heroines sexual experience with the hero. In the midst of lovemaking, the trauma comes back to her, and she and the hero have to deal with that. It doesnt disappear just because the hero is hot and touches her in exactly the right way. They have to talk about it and work through it. Details like these matter. They provide accuracy and power to the story. They make the book stronger while at the same time showing due respect to the true experience of abuse survivors. The books discussed above take romance novels in the direction I believe we need to go. There is depth and value in stories about rape survivors. They are powerful and they are worth telling. With a focus on love and intimacy, and the possibility of a happy ending, romance novels are uniquely qualified to tell these stories. They also reach enormous numbers of women. When we talk about rape in our books, we have the opportunity to do so in a way that shows support for women for the fullness and complexity of our experienceand that shows what the road to recovery from sexual assault really looks like. We can do this in the name of accuracy, and also as an act of sisterhood with our readers. 1.

The Prince of Tides, and its lengthy exploration of the male survivors process, comes to mind. And I
have to wonder if thats because male rape is still viewed as something rare and therefore intrinsically more in need of the long-journey healing process and also of understanding. (I could launch into a whole diatribe on rape, gender and masculinity, but Im going to spare you all the thread-jacking.) I go back to Robert Ludlums The Bourne Identity, which became an instant wallbanger and DNF for me when Bourne rescues a woman whos been raped and, two chapters later, they were having sex. Sure, it could just be that Ludlum was a sexist asshat, but I also think its a pervasive thought in both literature and society that rape is something women are conditioned to handle and to get over.

Its why romance-themed fiction that touches on issues of sexual assault is so important: because it allows women the full gamut of the emotional spectrum, the healing process and the acknowledgment that you dont just get over it but you CAN move on. When we talk about rape in our books, we have the opportunity to do so in a way that shows support for womenfor the fullness and complexity of our experienceand that shows what the road to recovery from sexual assault really looks like.

1.

Another thing I havent seen in romance books dealing with sexual abuse when a girl is young is
another common aftermathsexual promiscuity. Im not talking about slut-shamingthat is, a healthy active sex life. Im talking about teens and young women who, through sexual abuse, have been programmed to respond to men in the same way over and over again. Its like replaying your role over and over again. It can be a form of self-loathing and it sabotages healthy relationships as surely as fear of sex can. And it isnt healed by the magic penis either.

It took me decades to understand that what happened to me not only amounted to abuse, but colored how I related to men afterwards. Im almost 30 years happily married with 5 children, so Ive been functioning just fine on the surface, but increased panic attacks, insomnia and more have plagued me for years. My husbands sexual prowess didnt erase the affects of the abuse, but years of his absolute respect for me has been amazingly healing, breaking the cycle of self-inflicted punishment for my sins. Now Im in therapy unraveling the damage my swim coach did all those years ago. Therapy is absolutely the key.

Someone who has just been raped or almost raped is not going to happily have sex two chapters later with anybody, no matter how hot he is. I cant tell you how many wonderful stories have been ruined for me when this happens. Please, lets not do it anymore.

Is rape part of the African culture ?

In a recent visit by the Woman's institute to the district surgeons rooms in Pinetown , it was discovered that rape kits and important J88 forms , crucial to taking rape trials to court , were not being collected by the police. Some of the forms dated back to 2005 !! Furthermore , basic "comfort bags "for victims provided by the Womans Institute were not being handed out to the victims in spite of signage on the walls requesting that they be used.

Why is RAPE not taken seriously by police and the Health Dept ? Is it simply because rape is considered a part of the African culture ?

Buzzy Bee , you really need to get over yourself . We are all Africans and as such that includes all races - so no , my question is not racist in the least and whether you like it or not , the fact is that in our country rape, as a crime, is NOT given the attention it deserves. One has to wonder why not and the question whether or not this trend of downplaying the severity of rape is due to it being part of our culture is pertinent concidering the disinterest shown by our law inforcers and health dept. Now put your head back in the sand until you can debate a question with some degree of reason !

Crispy duck , I don't think the figures have necessarily sky rocketed I think as Africa becomes more "westernised "as to what constitutes rape, more cases are being reported or exposed. I find GADs

comment on the research done very interesting in that 50% of African women interviewed, who were forced to have sex , had not considered it "rape". So too in Sin's response with regards the tradition of wearing down a girls resistance. Perhaps these cultural trends do not contribute to the rape stats but they are both somewhat shocking ! 47 mths ago More Sharing ServicesShare

Best Answer
Thanks for raising this issue, Unquiet. As someone who has been involved in (women and) children's rights for many years, I can tell you that the incidence of rape IS exceptionally and unacceptably high in southern Africa - and it's not limited to women and girls. Complaints of rape lodged with the police are only one way of measuring rape - hospital records, behavioural and reproductive-health research all help to confirm the situation. It's true that rape is used as a weapon of war, but we aren't at war. It's also true that rape is a contributory factor to our having the worst AIDS epidemic on the planet, but it's not the most important factor. And it's true that there's a link between our cultural traditions and rape, but it may not be what you think. What's happened, I believe, is that long-held traditions like courting, initiation and 'cleansing' have become distorted over time, and that modern cultural leaders lack the power (or the insight) to intervene and correct those distortions (how can they say anything after JZ's testimony in his rape trial?) For example there's a myth that sex with a virgin cures AIDS. Is anyone telling young people that this is total bullshit? Where are the posters, the TV and radio adverts saying it's a myth? Instead we have defensive and unproductive rants by the likes of Mbeki about perceptions that black men are sexual predators. It just isn't helpful. Prosecuting rape is extremely fraught, too, because it is so hard to get corroborative evidence, and victims often depend on the perpetrators - or fear their (or their associates') reaction to a complaint of rape. The bottom line is that we need to focus on prevention, which means facing up to the issue - getting past our denial and personal sensitivities - and starting to build the social skills and responsibilities our children need to avoid this behaviour themselves, and condemn it in others. There are promising signs especially when men talk about marching in support of women's rights - but much more needs to be done by politicians, religious leaders and teachers particularly.
47 mths ago

Answers - 15
No, it's just a sin...
47 mths ago

RAPE is a sickness that infests the whole world not just africa, the fact that it happens mor ein africa than the rest of the world is the type of culture that people have been brought up in, in many african tribes through africa the woman is still nothing but breading machine and labourer and gets treated as such, africa once out of the black abiss of tribealizum and habit

will have less rapes but it will never stop. Rape is also a 50/50 street, many woman ans i say many, not all, use the rape thing as a weapon to get back on shunned boyfriends and husbands, (there was a case of this last week on news24 )but the majority of rapes are real. African Culture? I dont think so, its mainly the way people look at the value of the human LIFE.
47 mths ago

I wish there was a way to vote for the most stupid question as I would vote for this one. Besides being stupid, it drips with racism and is divisive. Do you think this site is visited by racist whites only that won;t be offended by it? For someone as bright as you, this is such a disappointment and a let down. I work with black men who are decent and respectful. Maybe you are trying to voice your disgust at what you found and at the truly horribel rape stats we have, but I have to say that the manner in which you express yourself is highly offensive. Shame on you. Source: A sense of decency
47 mths ago

One problem I came across in researching for a feature article years ago was related to culture. Boys growing up in the village are tutored in a form of wooing that includes how to wear down a girls resistance. Some of the techniques are pure violence. The boys are told no girl gives up her virginity voluntarily. So this persuasion is perfectly permissible. Even worse, for the girls, is that boys are told when the girls say NO they are actually saying YES. They play so hard to get, getting them is hard work. All this is steeped in the latent male chauvinism of African culture. Someone ought to do something the African Union or Jacob Zuma?
47 mths ago

Regarding women as less than human is part of African culture, yes. I am yet to understand how 50% of the population can tell the other 50% that they are not worthy and bully them and then assume that they should just accept this. To the previous answerer: Unquiet did not mention race, only geography. You now assumed that all Africans are black, thereby disacknowledging the heritage of the Afrikaans people. Is that not racist?
47 mths ago

Most police people are men not women and in most cases it is the man who handles the case. They do not feel the pain of the woman instead they have a belief that in many cases it is consented sex, then when things do not go as wanted the woman reports rape. If only they can think of what someone would feel if it had happened to a woman in his own family.
47 mths ago

Many cultures that see woman as inferior to men have no real concept of rape since often the woman is not allowed to object. Others that recognize it see it as the womans fault for leading the man astray.
47 mths ago

Busy bee needs to get that chip off her/his shoulders before answering questions and jumping to conclusions, if he or she is embarrassed has an issue about their own skin colour not to make it the problem of the AI's, this question is in no way racists. Now back to the question. Me personally, I think its like when the VW beetle came out everyone was saying how dangerous they were as they we always involved in accidents, of course they were, for every other car there were 50 beetles it just looked that way because there was more of them on the road, what has also got to be taken into account here is that other 3rd world countries in South America's Asia also have very hi rape but the governments do not keep or make the stats available, but SA has a very open program and reports and keeps figures for the international world to see, Im sure if those other countries made their REAL stats available to the world one would see its not just a AFRICA (take note busy bee AFRICA, not AFRICAN) problem.
47 mths ago

Rape certainly was part of African culture, like it was with most early and primitive cultures (read your history and you will see, spoils of war etc). There was a report in the main media a few years back regarding a study on Rape, and the report (and myself) were shocked to find that more than 50% of black female South Africans did not consider Rape Rape.
47 mths ago

I have to agree with Gad here. If you look at the statistics, a woman is raped every 26 seconds in South-Africa. And when they start raping baby's as young as 5 months old, it would make you wonder if this is infact culture to do so!!! You would expect the leadership off the country to put a stop to this, but all they are saying is that the statistics are outrageous and that the police have no evidence to justify the claims. What they don't realise is that rape is fueling the Aids crisis in SA and that young woman will be the face of Aids. When it comes to the black men in SA, you look at intimidation when it comes to woman and you can understand why so few women who surrer such gross humiliation report rape. There is always the tendency to blame the victim. Yes it is scary, South-Africa is the country with the world's highest rates of rape and yes, I do think that they see it as beiing there culture. I also have to add that I don't see this as a racial question but only the truth behind the question. It is a huge problem in SA and it needs to be stoped!!!!!
47 mths ago

IF rape was part of African culture...how come the figures have suddenly rocketed to out of proportion figures since 1990's....Surely with the advance of Africa, rape should have decreased in the last 20 years...IF it were culture, it would have been more so in the past. Rape happens all over the world..and there are no people who endorce it in their culture. The true problem lies within the country in which rapist operate...and the punishments handed out. Some rapists are mentally disturbed, and many others are just opportunists. Many people do not report rape because the guilty finger points at the woman before the man...not to mention the trauma associated with rape. I feel that the Pinetown surgeons rooms where these rape cases were not being dealt with correctly should be the target of reprimand, and not the African culture itself.
47 mths ago

47 mths ago

One but has to read some non fictional books on the 1960's war in the Congo to understand the mindset of the Simba rebels, who would rape European woman until death, these were woman who were at missions to help the loacals, Nun's, Doc's, Nurses, Wives all non combatants, just cuaght up in the middle of the war between the Rebel Simbas and the Government Army called the ANC at that time. Then if that is not enough find yourself some other Non Fictional books on other wars in africa, look what the maw maw did in Kenya, Searia Leoni, Ruwanda, SUdan, cameroon, mali,Zaire its has been used by the rebels and government forces as a weapon against the local population for aslong as it has been documented in Africa, PEOPLE should not live in bubbles,
47 mths ago

Some might claim that its part of their culture, men dominating women, show them who's the boss. Ive heared a lot stories of them getting powers when raping other race's women, if they have aids and the rape little girls (babies) they will be cured. Lots and lots of stories and socalled believes to justify the rapings.......
47 mths ago

To show how manly and powerful he is, in some cultures it is obvious that it is a traditional thing. Conquests.....not ruined lives...just conquests. How terribly tragic. The woman have no say in the matter and in earlier days, even now are tortured and killed if they resist. But thank God there are woman now who are fighting this atrocity tooth and nail. May God Bless them.
Ugandan men are up in arms with legislators who are pushing for the criminalisation of marital rape through the adoption of the Marriage and Divorce Bill. The bill has largely remained unpopular, with most male legislators opposing it, but a section of female Members of Parliament is increasingly becoming vocal, as they push for its signing. Ongoing deliberations on the proposed law have sparked impassioned debates on sexuality in the marriage institution, with some religious leaders calling for a thorough public debate before the passing of the bill.

I have lived with my wife for more than 10 years but at times when she is not in the mood, I somehow force her
If passed into law, the clause could see men who are accused of marital rape being slapped with five-year prison terms as well as fines not exceeding 2.5 million Uganda shillings ($1,000). Unlike the anti-homosexuality bill that gained both religious and popular support, the marriage rape clause has met stiff resistance, with men arguing that preventing forced sex with their wives is un-African. "In the African culture there is no marital rape," argued Apolo Mukalazi, a school teacher in Kampala. "I have never heard of marital rape among African families." Those opposed to the bill also expressed misgivings on the sharing of property after divorce. "It is unfortunate that our legislators are copying western culture and making laws that will oppress us," added Mukalazi.

Alfred Okong, a mechanic in Gulu town in northern Uganda seemed to justify marital rape, saying it was unacceptable that a woman would decline sexual advances from her husband. "I have lived with my wife for more than 10 years but at times when she is not in the mood, I somehow force her," he said. "She has never complained to anyone. If such laws are put in place, I might end up in prison." Women on the other hand have thrown their weight behind the proposed law arguing that widespread marital rape is the cause of a host of health complications among married women. They said in some cases they have been coerced by their partners into having sexual relations immediately after giving birth. "It is common to admit women who develop complications after their husbands have forced [themselves on their wives] a few days after childbirth," says Rebecca Namuddu, a medical officer. "Some women have died from such complications." In defence of the proposed law, MPs Robert Sebunya, Mariam Nalubega and Milton Muwuma told a press conference at parliament in Kampala that many women had died because of marital rape, while others were left with permanent injuries.

Read the original article on Theafricareport.com : Marital rape bill splits Ugandans | East & Horn Africa Follow us: @theafricareport on Twitter | theafricareport on Facebook

In Nigeria, it is a topic many would rather not talk about but its effects are inherently ravaging not only the female folk and family ties but societal values. Mrs Patricia Ofeme (not real name) was wedded in a high society nuptial about 2 years ago to her heartthrob of many years, an engineer with a multinational firm. Theirs was seen by many friends and well wishers as the proverbial 'marriage made in heaven.' Their families clung to the belief that their union was meant to last a lifetime going by the effusive display of affection the duo always exhibited whenever they were in public. Patricia, a soft spoken, slight in physique banker was seen as the perfect match for the unusually burly and aggressive character template displayed by her hubby. Although many who knew him were witnesses to his sharp outbursts of ire once in a while, his quick manner of making amends whenever he had the inexplicable (at times) fits of rage endeared him to people with many hoping that his more amiable wife would smoothen the rough edges of his temper. The changes in her disposition was first noticed by her colleagues at work. Her constant distraction in tackling hitherto basic schedules at office raised a few eye brows at first. Known to be deeply conscientious with office work, Patricia started making careless mistakes at work which earned her reprimands on several occasions from the management. When the stern warnings started increasing with threat of stiffer penalties emanating from exasperated superiors, her friend and confidante, Rose, a colleague at work knew she had to do something fast. What particularly alarmed her was her friend's sudden inclination to use massive doses of make up powder especially on her eye region, a habit that had been alien to her before. Having lived a rough life earlier on in life, Rose was not a novice when it came to the issue of violence and its attendant proof. After looking at her puffy eyes, made more eerie by another large dose of mascara one morning after she had made yet another wrong calculation of a crucial bank transaction, Rose asked her a simple question, 'who have you been fighting with lately or who has been beating you because obviously you seem to always be at the recieving end?' Her stunned gaze and sharp intake of breath revealed to the quick witted Rose that she had hit the mark.

Over a lunch table and amidst tears a few minutes later, Patricia confided in her friend a tale many women and indeed society prefer to keep sealed lips over. Patricia over the past one year had been undergoing a traumatic experience at the hands of her dangerously transformed hubby which had made her become a ghost of her former ebullient self. Patricia and thousands of her female counterparts constantly suffer marital rape at the hands of unsympathetic husbands on a near daily basis. Perhaps due to cultural constraints and other militating religious factors, these women are forced to keep mum over such an inhumane act and are more likely to bear the suffering in quiet pain. Technically, marital rape is any unwanted sexual act by one's spouse or ex-spouse that is committed without the victim's consent and/or against a person's will, obtained by force, or threat of force, intimidation, or when a person is unable to consent. It is as widespread as other sexual offences but grossly under-reported. Lawyers opine that these sexual offence includes "sexual intercourse, anal or oral sex, forced sexual behaviour with the spouse and other sexual activities that are considered by the victim as degrading, humiliating, painful, and unwanted." It is also referred to as spousal rape and in some societies it is simply called wife rape. A high number of respondents especially the male ones believe that it is the wife's obligation to be submissive to the man, adding that when such a woman is submissive such an act would not occur in the first place. This is the thinking of Donald Etim who says that a man cannot be said to have raped his wife for whatever reason as long as he has paid the required bride price. "How can you say that I raped my wife? It is impossible. If it happens in other countries, it is not so in our own country. A wife must be willing to accept her husband whenever he is 'in the mood.' That will even minimize the cases of adultery and unfaithfulness. A man cannot rape his wife," he asserts heatedly. That no doubt typifies a normal male response in Nigeria. Another male respondent who does not want his name in print is more conciliatory in his response. "A man must be able to have intimacy with his wife whenever and wherever he so desires and our African women are expected to be submissive to their husbands unlike the foreign ones who rush to court on frivolous excuses every time they feel their rights have been tampered with. Although I agree that men should be reasonable when it comes to sexual demands I feel the women should also display the same level of maturity." In today's fast paced world, the issue still remains a contentious one with many schools of thought. In www.about.com some of these issues are raised. "Marital rape is a controversial issue because people continue to believe in the following myths and misinformation about spousal rape: there are those who believe that marital rape is contractually impossible because wives gave up their right to give consent when they became married. Many believe in the concept of marital unity and that a husband and wife are one person under the law which means to them that the legal existence of a wife is suspended. There is concern that possible marriage reconciliation would be prevented by marital rape laws. Culture plays a role in this controversy because in many countries, a wife is still considered as property of the husband, so a husband can't be convicted of hurting his own property. There is also the fear that out of revenge or for their own personal gain, women will destroy their husbands' lives by making false allegations of marital rape. And finally some worry that the legal systems trying to deal with marital rape would be bogged down by cases that would be impossible to prove." Are there physical and emotional consequences of marital rape? It affirms so: 'yes, marital rape survivors often experience sexual dysfunction, problems in sleeping and eating, bladder infections, miscarriages, infertility, sexually transmitted diseases, vaginal disorders, broken bones, bloody noses, black eyes, bruising, fatigue, and other wounds. Emotionally, marital rape survivors may have flash backs, inability to trust, depression, and traumatic stress disorder." It is of course a source of concern for many understandably the female gender. According to Diana Russell in her explosive book, Rape in Marriage, "More than 1 in every 7 women who have ever been married, have been raped in marriage." A lawyer, Barrister Carol Arinze-Umobi who specializes in Women and Minority Rights in her piece: "Rape in Matrimony: Entrenched Global Disaster and Underdevelopment of Women, Nigeria in Focus" explains the challenge explicitly: 'the offence of rape is the most heinous sexual offence under the Nigerian Criminal Code1. The abhorrence and repulsion of this sexual offence by the civil society informed the prescription of a very stiff penalty for it by the draftsmen of the code. Under section 358 of the Code, it is punishable with life imprisonment. Even an attempt to commit it is also an offence punishable by a term of 14 years imprisonment with or without whipping." On spousal rape she says inter alia that, "apart from some statutory exceptions, arguments have been that a husband cannot be guilty of rape of

his wife by the mere reason that she has given a single blanket consent on the day she accepted to enter into the contract of marriage with the husband, violent sexual intercourse also inclusive. More so, the incident of rape of a wife by her husband is unknown in customary law as the wife is the property of the husband and so he is free to have her at will. The wife is not expected to complain. One major reason given to justify this form of violence is that it is based on payment of bride price and once that is paid, husbands now own their wives and therefore could discipline them; this gives the impression that consent perpetuates the idea that a woman is a piece of property owned by the husband. The only concept that is constant is change, and for there to be dynamism, growth and development, change must be constant. It will therefore be wrong for the world, particularly the developing ones like Nigeria to cling tenaciously to the pronouncement of Sir Matthew Hale in the 17th century that because a woman has given up her consent, she cannot retract that even in the face of a very violent relationship." She adds sadly that, 'most rape cases, particularly spousal rapes are unreported and thus continues unabated. Most women have lost their lives as a result of violent sexual relationships (particularly rape from their husbands). Be that as it may, a few bold ones have taken the gauntlet and are speaking out. But in a nation where the rights of women and children are grossly underrated, this is fast becoming uncommon and many more women are forced to suffer in uncomfortable silence. More discouraging is the warped judicial system which apparently does not seem to offer women foolproof alternatives to seek redress. But victims like Patricia on the advice of her friend are taking a first step in protecting themselves. A week later after another of such attacks, she made a formal complaint with a divisional police post and is already consulting a human rights outfit in her locale which deals with such abuses and legal redress of such. With the active support of select members of her family she is equally looking at the possibilities of a legal separation if these options fail. But unfortunately many more of her co travelers will have to continue their silent agony until perhaps they are able to speak out.
http://allafrica.com/stories/201107290384.html?page=3

the book Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher the book The Tenth Circle by Jodi Picoult the book Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson and the book Go Ask Alice Power Play by Penny Jordan 1988 The Mistress Deception by Susan Napier 1999 Stranger in the Night by Charlotte Lamb 1981 To Love, Honor and Betray by Penny Jordan (male rape by female?) 1998

http://www.newcastle.edu.au/Resources/Schools/Humanities%20and%20Social%20Science/JIGS/V1 0N1Hardy155-158.pdf
Arnold, Judith. Women Do. Dangerous Men and Adventurous Women, ed. Jayne Ann Krentz (Philadelphia: U of Pennsylvania P, 1992) 133-39. Baldwin, Karen. Woof! A Word on Womens Roles in Family Storytelling. in Womens Folklore, Womens Culture, ed Rosan A. Jordan and Susan J. Kalcik (Philiadelphia: U of Pennsylvania P, 1985) 149-62. Crusie, Jennifer. What the Lady Wants. Toronto: Harlequin, 1995. DiYanni, Robert, and Kraft Rompf, ed. The McGraw-Hill Book of Fiction. NY: McGraw, 1995.

Dubino, Jeanne. The Cinderella Complex: Romance Fiction, Patriarchy, and Capitalism. Journal of Popular Culture 27:3 (1993): 103-118. Fisher, Helen. Anatomy of Love . NY: Norton, 1992. Gaffney, Patricia. Crooked Hearts. NY: Topaz, 1994. Juhasz, Suzanne. Texts to Grow On: Reading Womens Romance Fiction. Tulsa Studies in Womens Literature 7:2 (1988): 239-259. Kaplan, Alexandra G. and Rona B. Klein. Women and Suicide. Suicide: Understanding and Responding: Harvard Med. School Perspectives , ed. Douglas Jacobs and Herbert N. Brown. (Madison, CT. : International Universities Press, Inc, 1989) 257-282. McCaffery, Kate. Palimpsest of Desire: The Re-Emergence of the American Captivity Narrative as Pulp Romance. Journal of Popular Culture 27:4 (1994): 43-56. Modleski, Tania Feminism Without Women: Culture and Criticism in a Postfeminist Age. NY: Routledge, 1991. Nyquist, Mary. Romance in the Forbidden Zone. Reimagining Women: Representations ofWomen in Culture, ed. Shirley Neumand and Glennis Stephenson (Toronto: U of Toronto P, 1993) 160-181. Phillips, Susan Elizabeth. The Romance and the Empowerment of Women. Dangerous Men and Adventurous Women, ed. Jayne Ann Krentz (Philadelphia: U of Pennsylvania P, 1992) 53-59. Radway, Janice. Reading the Romance: Women, Patriarchy, and Popular Literature. Chapel Hill: U of North Carolina P, 1984.

http://www.jennycrusie.com/for-writers/essays/romancing-reality-the-power-of-romance-fictionto-reinforce-and-re-vision-the-real/