The

LOG
Volume 89, Issue 8
I-day 2012
Yeah, were shameless.
MIDS
Of The United States Naval Academy
The Throwback Issue
Volume 90, Issue 3 | Age of Enlightenment, 2013
The
LOG
Page 2
The LOg | The age Of ReasOn
The LOg | The age Of ReasOn
Page 3
Staff
Editor-in-ChiEf
Katie Davidson 13
Salty Sam
Salty Sam 13
right hand hEnChmEn
Mel Sluzewicz 13
Kyle Hatcher 13
layout Editor
Mike Ebeling 15
BuSinESS managEr
Lindsay Boyd 14

ChiEf mEdiCal tESt SuBjECt
hannah BoBBEll 15
rESidEnt artiStS
joShua mokraCEk 16
matthEw Brook 15
offiCEr rEprESEntativE
CDR Huey
Te LOG magazine is a 28 page, monthly publication produced by and for Midshipmen. Found within is a satirical compilation of real and exaggerated
news articles, editorials, advertisements, cartoons, and more. It provides an outlet for your creativity, artistic ability, comedic talent, and (maybe)
critical-thinking. Te opinions expressed herein are those of LOG staf members, and in no way refect those of the Department of the Navy, the
Department of Defense, the National Security Council, or the President of the United States. We do not intend to undermine the Mission of the United
States Naval Academy, or by extension, the Constitution of the United States. Our goal is to reveal Academy life as observed by Midshipmen, and to
deliver a publication that is truly their own.
Principles of The LOG
ContEntS
4 From the top
6 Salty Sam
8 Yesterday
9 Great Moments in USNA History
11 Back To the Future
12 1,000 Words
14 Rickovers Inferno
18 Les Restrictables
22 Military-Land

Visit us online at www.usna.edu/thelog or
email us at thelogcontent@gmail.com
Page 4
The LOg | The age Of ReasOn
TOP
THE
F
ROM
Hello again Brigade,

In light of the new changes of USNA, Te LOG staf decided to provide a glimpse to the past.
Im a big enthusiast of history and learning from ones mistakes and successes in the constant pursuit of improve-
ment.
In order to provide to you, the Brigade, with some laughs as well as put into perspective how far we have (or havent)
come since 1911, the year of the inception of this fabulous publication.
Why the Trowback Issue, you ask? Are you simply living in the past, Ms. Davidson?
Perhaps.
However, in order to improve, one must constantly re-examine the past.
I do not believe that history repeats itself.
However, it does tend to rhyme.
Mark Twain said that. I like to consider him a fairly intelligent human being with at least some insight to the human
condition.
But I digress.
In my time here, I have found that USNA (or at least its student body) tends to be very opposed to change, no mat-
ter what it may be.
And that makes me sad when I really think about it.
I think we can all agree that we are a fairly set-in-our-ways species as Midshipmen.
We fgure out a system that works, and we stick with it because it usually leads to success.
But when that system is interrupted by either positive or negative innovation, we gawk, reject, complain, and then
ultimately and begrudgingly accept.
Im not going to lie, the new watches are kinda annoying.
Im still waiting to see what the construction will reveal in Rickover, and theres a new route everyday.
When will the area in front of 8th wing be fnished?
Why must we have rolling tray in the morning?
Weve seen quite a bit of shifs in our daily routines.
Ive recently added 0530 tours to mine, and Ill be honest, its certainly not the most convenient thing in the world.
But damn it, Im going to graduate.
And what is really so bad about meeting new people at meal?
I think its safe to say, that maybe we all need to smile a little bit more.
Happiness is a choice. So is success.
And laughter.
So Why not choose all of the above?
I present to you, Mids from 1st to 8th wing, a blast from the past!
*Explosions of freworks and happiness and joy!*
MIDN Katie Davidson
Editor-in-Chief
The LOg | The age Of ReasOn
Page 5
ETTERS
EDITOR
TO THE L
Dear Editor,

Why cant we call it the Dark Ages?
-2/C Confused at Dants Call
Dear 2/C Confused at Dants Call,

Presumably, each winter will now be referred to
by a famous epoch in history. Next year should be
the Age of Aquarius, which if my latest dance-of-the-
planets email is correct, means Venus will move into
its second wind and the Plebes will chop backwards.
- Editor in Chief
Dear Editor,

Why all the watches all of a sudden. Cant plebes
and youngsters take care of the deck?
-2/C Jaded
Dear 2/C Jaded,
Plebes and youngsters are extremely irresponsible. I
mean, we cant even trust them with water boilers, and
Im fairly certain most of them havent signed their
2-for-7s.

-Editor in Chief
Dear Editor,

Why did last years Brigade feedback so ofen re-
semble this letters to the editor section?
-3/C Anonymous
FROM THE LOG EDITOR:
Please police yourself.
-Editor in Chief
Dear Editor,
Why the groovy retro issue?
3/C Living in the Past
Dear Livinginthepast,
In a series of unfortunate events, the Log Staf was held hos-
tage by hipsters from St. Johns and forced to endure hours of
vinyl records of indie folk sof-rock. Tis fulflls but one of their
many demands...
-Editor in Chief
Dear Editor,
Are Seal pins authorized for liberty attire?
-4/C Pinnipeds
Dear 4/C Pinnipeds,

Yes, a 4 x 6 inch insignia of fur seals frolicking in the tundra
is now allowed for wear on SDBs.
-Editor in Chief
Dear Editor,

Is the goat still old and gnarly?
- 4/C Singalong
Dear 4/C Singalong,
Yes, although he was attending school at ITT tech in D.C. when
he spotted a lady with oats. Unfortunately, he followed this lady
to a central median near the Pentagon, where he was found.
-Editor in Chief
Page 6
The LOg | The age Of ReasOn
YOU SHALL
NOT PASS
Welcome back, as always, to that period afectionately ref-
ferred to as the Dar... I mean Age of Enlightenment. Is that
what we call it now? Or is it Dark Ages of Enlightenment?
Tat one has the most words so well go with that.
At any rate, its January, the sun is shining, its 80 degrees
outside, the birds are chirping and fun is in the air. Oh, wait,
thats the forecast from the last time my Iphone had service
enough to update the weather last August.
Well, at the very least we should look at the few silver
linings we have. And its probably good to look at them
now before we go over the Fiscal Clif and have to sell them.
(Tats an econ joke, dont say we didnt do anything for
you, Group 3 majors).
Silver lining numero uno? Smoke Park is about half done
and looks pretty nice. It sure will be nice for the class of
2013 to enjoy saundering around the inner courtyards of
Bancrof when they fnish it just in time for graduation.
Silver lining number 2? New squads full of new people to
get to know. Luckily during the chaos of the morning theres
a time to sit back, relax knowing you have your own seat
and enjoy warm conversation with your squadmates.
Speaking of which, were now all encouraged to invite aca-
demic professors to King Hall, presumably because theyve
wanted an excuse to eat the food weve all been raving
about. Im not sure how this will play out to be honest. I
mean, its awkward enough running into most of your pro-
fessors in the hallway or, worse yet, while out on liberty. (By
the way, please send us as many awkward stories about run-
ning into teachers as possible. Ex. I ran into Professor X
at Hot Topic in the Annapolis Mall and we were purchas-
ing the same Twilight Hoodie, you know the one with the
glittery vampire? Yeah, it was awkward. Signed, MIDN Y.
Also, pictures are encouraged, particularly because theyll
make the situation more awkward).
Im also not quite sure the logistics of bringing teachers to
King Hall. Afer all, dont they live in whatever classroom
in which I have their class?
I was also under the impression that Bancrof was a kind
of Mordor to them guarded by CMODs. YOU SHALL
NOT PASS without a general examination of your identif-
cation documents.
Its not all bad, though. Aferall, you could leverage a few
brownie-points out of it, by which I mean bribe him or her
with Oreo brownies. If that doesnt work (highly unlikely),
Im sure it will at least be a test of your conversational skills.
Try playing the game Dont talk about anything relating to
class ( a fun derivative of Dont talk about the Academy
that is all too uncommonly played while on leave).
Afer sitting in silence for a while, next try to ask them
about their private life, with questions such as How much
do they pay you?, Is that for teaching, babysitting Mids, or
both?, Ok, be honest, that one guy in the back row annoys
you too?, and What was the worst Midshipman you had
and what kind of Admiral is he now?
And all the inevitable briefs arent so bad. Afer all, our
good friend and administrator of NASA is coming back for
his fourth (or ffh lecture) in the last year or so. I think this
ones entitled, ER-MEH-GERD ASTRONAUTS!!! or
something like that. We welcome you back Sir, because if
Or is it Dark Ages
of Enlightenment?
The LOg | The age Of ReasOn
Page 7
ER-MEH-GERD
ASTRONAUTS
Pray to St. Maverick,
Patron Saint of the Broviators
the Academy were SNL, you would be our Alec Baldwin.
Tough if the Academy were SNL, this would prob-
ably be that period when all the funny people lef and
the Log was made up of 10,000 plebes typing on 10,000
keyboards. Only because of the general disregard for their
curfew, theyre able to put out issues in a little over a year.
Which is why this Log was written in 2011.
Tis brings up an issue I need to address. Unfortunate-
ly, we survived the apocalypse. Our experts consulted the
Log oracle (Mr. Chuckles, the anthropomorphic clock)
and were almost positive that the end was near. Aferall,
class was canceled for TWO DAYS. THAT NEVER
HAPPENS. Tis did bring up the unfortunate situation
for which our pre-apocalyptic editors had not prepared:
namely, we have nothing creative or funny to contribute
in the year 2013.
So contained in these hollowed pages is our past hal-
lowed content. Te good stuf, written back when Mids
had folksy things like attention spans, intellect, wit,
and fedoras that werent simply the indication of being
European or a hipster. Tings werent all that diferent,
though, despite the general cynicism which was thank-
fully stamped out years ago.
And Id love to go on about this, but Im afraid I must
get back to improving my Aviation Order of Merit, as all
the rest of you wannabe TOP GUNS should.
I mean, when I heard the senior Naval aviator on
the yard (and resident astronaut, (HE WENT TO
SPACE!!!)) was also going to be the department chair
of the Aerospace Engineering Department, I thought,
great, thatll make Aerospace Engineering more, shall
we say, fun. And I was right. Now, all those painstaking
hours of fnding the drag coefcient pay of as being an
Aero major not only counts for your Aviation Order of
Merit, but the department chair of your very major sits
on your SAR Board. Which is why its a good thing Aero
Majors dont play favorites.
But, poor Poli-sci-and-fyers, dont be alarmed. So long
as you do ground school, become a part of VT-NA, do
well in all your technical courses but dont do so well that
the invisible iron fst of naval reactors grabs you, apply for
some summer training opportunities, pray to St. Maver-
ick, patron saint of the broviators, you too can fy!
More importantly for Plebes and Youngsters, it means its
time to jump ship and go Aero, even if you dont really want to
fy. Service selection isnt until frstie year, but you have to get
yourself on track TO-DAY. None of this Well, I might want to
go aviation. Pick a community, put down all your other friends
and only hang out with like-community-minded individuals.
Youll not only go far, your friends will tell you how much fur-
ther than far youve gone.
I do like this idea of having more orders of merit. Why
should we be limited to an overall order of merit, an academic
order of merit and a military order of merit? Clearly what this
school needs is more orders of merit(s). Want to go nuke?
Nuclear order of merit. Use the gym? Swoll order of merit.
And what if you want to go SWO? Swodivation order of merit,
naturally, which will be calculated by the pounds of cofee
and donuts you consume, divided by the number of times you
thought about working out.
You too can rule the SWOrld! Im SWO excited for you.
And always remember, you can be my wingman anytime, so
long as youve shown a vital interest in being an aviator since the
frst of the no less than 300 times youve seen TOP GUN.
-Salty 13


Page 8
The LOg | The age Of ReasOn
From October 28, 1938
The LOg | The age Of ReasOn
Page 9
The LOG Staff presents:
GREAT MOMENTS IN USNA HISTORY
1911: The Immaculate Conception- The Log was born, a needed morale boost after the administration forced
2/c to park their carriages at the polo felds.
1921: D&B is created- It is initially an organization for musically talented Midshipmen. The requirement was
later dropped, and Mids were eternally awakened from their sports period naps.
1935: The inception of Salty- Its humor within humor. A man can be corrupted, but a symbol stands for some-
thing great.
1941: On a day which will live in infamy. The brigade was promised Buffalo Chicken Sandwiches. Alas, they did
not recieve B.C.S.
1962: The Brigade, and presumably most of the free world, waits with bated breath for news of whether the
parade was canceled.
1979: In what becomes known as the Forrestal Hostage Crisis, the Brigade is held captive for over 3 hours
until the new Commandant takes over.
1980-1988: The Reagan years. See inception of croquet, women, diversity, booming economy. One dark spot on
this pax annapoliscus, as the frst calculus course was taught because of administration-forced integration.
Separation by parts still remains in some classes.
1986- Top Gun comes out.
1990 - Though Mids tried, they were unable to bring down the great wall dividing them from the civilian free
world. The Bronze Curtain reigns forever.
1991 - Commandant declares This aggression will not stand as grunge styles invade USNA.
2000 - Y2K causes massive panic in the rest of the world. Ward Hall fears it may actually cause the internet
to work and moves to prevent such a catastrophe.
2012- World Ends
Page 10
The LOg | The age Of ReasOn From February, 1939
The LOg | The age Of ReasOn
Page 11
Some Tings Never Change...
1923
2 0 1 3
1. Bancroft was overdue
for repairs
2. The land where rickover
is was haunted
3. Cross country coach
was rookie coach of the
year
4. food was great
5. Severn was clean
6. everyone wore male
covers
7. last real plebe summer
8. Ragtime Style
9. MIds complain
10. The log didnt come out
on time
1. bancroft is really
overdue for repairs
2. rickovers haunted
3. same coach...still here
4. foods still great...
5. severn was clean, by
1922 standards
6. everyone wears male
covers
7. last real plebe summer
8. gangnam style
9. mids complain (online)
10. the log still doesnt
come out on time
From February, 1939
Page 12
The LOg | The age Of ReasOn
1,000 Words
Really Guys?
Back in the good ol days, kids, CAT 5 was as easy as
pressing 1-2-3-D
Meanwhile, at the Brigade Sports Complex...
The LOg | The age Of ReasOn
Page 13
1,000 Words
(Note: word Inflation is out of hand today)
Silly Civilians, Sleep is for Mids.
Te upright sleeper from Skymall.
A must-have for the upcoming Forrestal season
Sadly, no longer at the protein table
Page 14
The LOg | The age Of ReasOn
Rickovers Inferno
By: Hannah Bobell 15
Afer descending the stairs, there I was; alone, lost, and really
ready for lunch. (Tough not that Philly cheesesteak stuf. Tat
is the supreme epitome of nasty.) Hostilities barred me at every
turn; every room and door looked the same. Tough the whole
place seemed to be lit, it was dreadfully cold. From down the
way, I could hear unintelligible grunts and moans, as if there
were a pack of dying beasts close by. Where in the hell am I? I
thought to myself.
You mean where in my hell are you, said a voice. I spun
around and there, before me, stood a translucent being with a
sporty mustache. Youre in the inferno. My inferno.
O, good sir, I pleaded. Spirit or fend or whatever you are
Please, tell me who or what you are.
Why, I am Albert Michelson! he boomed in a voice that
echoed with eternity. Discoverer of lights true speed! I have
been sent by such ethereal professors of the third group to help
guide and navigate you through this basement of horrors. How-
ever, you must witness all levels of this eternal pit of torture.
Your heart must be stout and your mind braced.
Lead on, I replied gravely. I am not afraid.
Not yet you arent, he smirked. Here, gentle English major.
Hop onto my Nobel Prize!
With his words, a large, shiny medal appeared out of thin
air and there it hovered like some sort of LCAC. Te ghost
climbed onto the prize and motioned for me to join him on
his vehicle. I too took a seat on the golden disk and away we
foated.
Feast your eyes upon the eternal punishments, Michelson
told me.
Tat was when I saw the frst of them. Tey looked human,
yes But something told me that this was not so. Tey moved
lethargically, as if undead, eyes brimmed with red and lines of
fatigue crossing their once youthful and carefree faces. Tey
shufed with heavy loaded sacks on their backs, moving in and
down an endless corridor of red doors, white walls, and blind-
ingly pale lights. All of them carried a black can of some sort,
which they would each take sips of periodically, shuttering as
they swallowed.
Albert, I asked. Who be these poor, wretched souls doomed
to wander with such heavy loads? And what vile gall are they
consuming?
Tese be the transitory walkers, he explained. Neither
living nor dead they have only but ten minutes to cross the
abyss to their next torture. Te liquids you see in their hands
are energy drinks, poisonous draughts that are both fnancially
draining and addicting.
Torture? I squeaked skeptically. You dont mean
Observe, my guide demanded tersely.
As we hovered by one of the rooms with open doors, I saw
a group of these aforementioned walkers. Tese were much
more keenly alert, howeverthey had to be. Tey all sat by
giant computer screens, their faces pale and wan in the bilious
glow of the machines. Endlessly, they typed a codea pattern
of some sort. 011011101110101111000... one muttered to
himself. 000010101AAARRRGGG! Te fnal number
resulted in a swif electric shock from the machine.
Entry is incorrect, said a sterile, mechanical voice over a
1MC. Te victim, breathing hard, hands shaking, started again.
0110111
Tese are the electrical engineers, Michelson explained.
Electricity is the fate they chose. Tus, it is their torment. Every
time they type in a piece of incorrect code, they pay dearly.
I said nothing in reply as we moved on to the next room. In it,
victims were all fipped upside down so that they were stand-
ing on their heads, their faces as red as a beetroot as the blood
The LOg | The age Of ReasOn
Page 15
drained from their legs. At the front of
the room, a man in a khaki suit drew
strange demonic symbols upon the
board while jabbering in a language
that had been lost to mankind for
centuries.
I was afraid to ask, but my curiosity
overcame my hesitancy. Andthese?
Aeronautical and aerospace engineers,
my guide replied. What you see on
the board are formulas, ancient runes
that have lost their pragmatic mean-
ing for ages. Tese souls, in order to
achieve the skill of orientation, must
do all memorization and calculations
eternally on their heads so that as their
brains expand they are slowly being
crushed as their arms weaken.
I let out a low whistle. Not all are as prosperous as you, Eng-
lish major, the ghost said.
Te next room we passed went deep and dark into the cavern-
ous dungeon. In the middle was an endless black lake, tumultu-
ous and frenzied with crashing waves.
AHOY! someone called. Ten I saw that a small craf
was out in the middle of the galesuch a small structure that
one could only call it a piece of glorifed drifwood. Clinging
to it for dear life were a group of soaked, cold, and miserable
souls. HELP US! one called. PLEASE! SOS! SAVE OUR
SOULS!
Teacher! I cried. We must execute a Williamson turn at
once and save them!
No Tis is not possible, Michelson sighed sadly. Tese
souls battered by wind and weather have chosen their fate in
this dark, damp room. Tey are the NAVARCs and ocean
engineers. O hear us when we cry to thee, for those in peril on
the sea
Te journey continued. I suddenly felt weak and short of
breath. Teacher, I gasped. I do not think I can bear seeing
any more of this sufering. Please, make me look upon them no
more!
Have heart, child. Michelsons face was placid and peace-
ful. Stay strong. For now we descend into the deepest pit of
Rickover Te mechanical engineers.
As we went down deeper into the building, it began to get
hottermuch hotter. From up ahead, I could hear shouts and
blood-curdling screams: GET EM! FINISH HIM OFF!
From the distance, I could see the ominous glow of a red
light.
Albert, I gasped, could it be?
Yes, he replied. Te arena.
And an arena it was. Like the gladiators of old, the room was
flled with warriors going tooth and claw afer one another. Un-
like the ancient Roman times, however, there seemed to be no
spectators. It was all against allno rules, no mercy. Some rode
in battle cars while others commanded battle bots, all franti-
cally trying to program, rewire, or fend of an attacking foe. Te
battle was raging; no winner was to be seen. It was all just a giant
arena of chaos as one engineer used his or her machinery to rip
apart another.
Teacher! I cried. Tey are tearing each other apart!
Yes, my child, he replied sadly. But they will rejuvenate
themselves to fght another battle. Tat is the nature of these
creatures. Tey must all be defeated, respawn, and then build
another machine to fght another day.
I looked upon the horror before me, a tangle of blood, wires,
and metal scraps. But then the battle is never-ending!
His face was stone. Till the Judgment or Graduation. Come.
Tou hast seen enough.
Te Nobel Prize went further into the blackness until the red
hue of the arena was a distant memory. I had no idea where I
was.
Albert, I began to say, where are we
And then, a fash of light! Suddenly, I could see before me the
ornate carvings, large windows, and cofee bar of Mahans Hart
Room. Never before have I been so happy to see its ornate rugs
and comfortable couches! Te smell of fresh roasted cappuc-
cinos warmed my soul; the group three majors were loitering,
some curled up for naps while others put their feet up while
delving into Milton.
I began to step into the light, but then looked back into the
darkness, realizing my guide was not moving forward with me.
I can venture no further, he moaned. Tis is my chain for
all eternity. Farewell, gentle English major. Remember what you
have seen and have compassion on these sufering spirits. I must
now leave you.
Before I could say another word, Michelson had dissolved into
the blackness without a single glint or trace of the Nobel Prize.

Page 16
The LOg | The age Of ReasOn
Why I love Rolling Tray for Breakfast
1. I really hate my squad, and seeing them less is a good change of pace.
2. As a squad leader, it gives me a chance to act like a slob, instead of feeling obli-
gated to uphold manners.

3. Te less food I get makes it seem like they made better food, instead of just
serving the same portions of the same food.
4. Te added exercise from walking all the way to the anchor may just make up
for the chocolate-chip mufn I eat every day.
5. Ive yet to lose any limbs to the bagel slicer, though its a constant fear in my
mind.
6. It feels like Im participating in a giant fash mob in King Hall when the other
3,999 Mids go down right afer formation.
7. I really like the fash mob aspect.
8. I dont know what Ive been doing all these years without watching Fox &
Friends. Hahaha the pre-written banter cracks me up.
9. Lots of new people to stare at in silence.
10. Because we are a school of warriors, and nothing gets me ready for martial
arts class like eye-gouging plebes to get a seat.
By: Firstie McSquadleader 13
The LOg | The age Of ReasOn
Page 17
You come to me andyou say -

LT, Put me on the weekendlist

But you dont ask with respect. You dont ask how Imdoing. You dont even think
to call me Sir. Instead, you come into my office on this, the start of the three- day
weekend, andyou ask me to give you a weekend.

Comic by Mike Ebeling 15
Illustrated by Josh Mokracek 16
Page 18
The LOg | The age Of ReasOn
Les Restrictables
As I alluded to in my previous Letter to the Editor, I fnd
myself in a compromising position, here, walking around in
squares in Smoke Hall. In front of the Dept Dants po-
dium. Wincing. In the splash zone.
Not pleasant.
However, once I got over the inital OH CRAP! mo-
ment and life slowed down and the adjudication process
was complete, I found some time to sit down and really
think about things.
One of my punishments along with my 60 days of tours
and 95 demerits was to write a paper on the Bathsheba
complex.
Like all studious and intellectually curious students, I went
to the place with all the answers: Google.
One of the frst hits was something to the extent of Te
Bathsheba Syndrome Explains the Fall of Petraeus.
Tats something to make one re-examine their life
choices.
Tose of you religious people will know that Bathsheba is
a Biblical character and can perhaps explain the story better
than myself. Skip to the end: the moral is the psychologi-
cal impact of gaining power, despite many positive efects,
also may unleash a dark side: the belief that one is too big to
fail, that the normal rules do not apply. Tus, even a leader
of high moral character may succumb to the temptations
that accompany the acquisition of power.
I realize that youre reading this right now, Sir.
I fgured Id write something a bit more public that per-
haps can do some good.
I have been very lucky in my time at USNA.
I would be lying to myself if I were to claim that I had
followed every rule ever, much as I imagine the primary
portion of the Brigade feels as well.
While I may not be the most humble person, I am at least
cognizant that modesty is a far more desirable trait to have
than blatant self-pufery.
Because at the end of the day, I am like everyone else.
And I think that I may have forgotten that for a brief mo-
ment.
I would not say that my head got too big to fail or that
my ship was unsinkable.
By: Katie Davidson 13
I do not pretend to be that grandiose.
However, no one plans to get on restriction.
No one plans to get adjudicated by the Dep Dant.
And no one WANTS to stand 60 days of restriction.
If you do, youre crazy, and please visit me and let me
dissuade you.
According to the specifcs of Bathsheba complex (or
at least Googles depiction of it), the leader in question
usually believes that they are untouchable and inca-
pable of failure.
I disagree with that. Intellectually, I knew how far I
had to fall. Everyone hears the stories (or what have
actually turned out to be rumors) about kids doing
bad things and getting in trouble.
And for whatever reason, the masses like to look at
restriction musters like the MOOW is calling out the
Lepers.
Restriction is not a disease. Its not communicable.
And while we may not necessarily deserve leniency or
even sympathy, we do deserve to be treated like hu-
mans.
I like to think that I was never a particularly mean
MOOW. However, when I ran musters, I would wish
for the power to manipulate time and space so that I
could hurry up and get the tours over and done with.
What Ive seen is that most restrictees are pretty great
people. Tey are not convicts. Tey are nice. And
accepting, no matter who you are.
And those of you that have spent extensive time on
restriction know this.
Why is that, you ask?
Because they have mastered a concept that it took me
nearly my entire time here to comprehend.
No one is immune to momentary acts of idiocy.
But at the end of the day, Im still human.
Im not going to make the bold claim to say that
everyone should spend time on restriction.
On the contrary, I encourage you not to. It sucks.
But ironically enough, Ive met some of the most
optimistic and, dare I say, fun people on restriction.
Because when youre walking around in a box for 45
The LOg | The age Of ReasOn
Page 19
minutes, or standing in your ffh formation of the day in
SDBs, or on a working party picking up trash or shoveling
snow or what have you, I have somehow always laughed.
Granted, it may be riddled with a bit of sarcasm.
But for the most part, it seems to be genuine.
It is only when you fall, really really fall, that you get the
chance to look around at how far up the ladder you were
and how much you should have appreciated what you
had. Long and short of it is I ate a huge slice of humble
pie.
I fell considerably far. I went from living on Striper Alley
to making the trek from 8-3 to the Rotunda at around
0520. Ive traded my sword for a rife and my rack for a
pair of leathers that are so shiny I can see myself.
If I have learned anything through this whole thing, it is
that humility will take you a long way. And that is not just
in the Dep Dants ofce when you are at your adjudica-
tion.
For about a week and a half, I didnt really show my face
out of company. It was embarrassing, and I could only
imagine what someone like David Petraeus felt as the me-
dia followed him around digging up dirt on his personal
life.
Making a mistake is not like catching leprosy.
On the contrary, we do not disintegrate or have our skin
fall of our face. Doing something stupid is natural law. It
will happen. But acting like it wont or that you are some-
how better than everyone is an insult to humanity itself. I
made a mistake. I didnt think. I mis-stepped my bounds
And that is my bad. I wouldnt go so far as to thank the
Dep-Dant for this gif of epiphany. But I can certainly
appreciate where he is coming from. I apologize if I am
being too preachy or retrospective, but from one trouble-
maker to a Brigade flled with potential troublemakers, I
encourage you to reconsider pushing certain boundaries.
But when/if you do, it is not the end of your world and
existence.
It will keep turning.
Te sun will rise.
And most importantly, you will learn.

Page 20
The LOg | The age Of ReasOn
LOST
ENGLISH MAJOR
LAST SEEN IN BASEMENT OF RICKOVER
LOOKS CONFUSED, WELL RESTED
WILL HAVE A SMILE AND GENERALLY POSI-
TIVE OUTLOOK ON LIFE
WILL PROBABLY SAY, HELLO!
LAST SEEN, 1/18/2013
If Found Please Contact LOG Staff
The LOg | The age Of ReasOn
Page 21
WHO READS THE LOG?
Innovative CMOOWs
read the LOG
Page 22
The LOg | The age Of ReasOn
WELCOME TO MILITARYLAND
The Happiest Place on the Yard*
FANTASYLAND
FrontierLand
Main Street
USNA
The
DisneylanD
hoTel
TOMORROWLAND
FANTASYLAND
AdventureLand FrontierLand
Critter Country
Main Street USNA
ToonTown
Let us take you
back to a time, a
much simpler time,
in which stand-
ing in lines was a
good measure of
officership. Enjoy
an afternoon of
essecution with a
long-time favorite
cast member: Gun-
ny. (not advised
for children un-
der the age of 18).
Come and awkwardly take
pictures of Mids as they
sleep-walk to class. Trust
us, they wont mind!
Step into the building and
you are magically transport-
ed to a world of dreams, pixie
dust, and caramel. This is a
land centered on that eternal
question so seldom asked,
How does that make you
feel?
It all started with a mouse.
And then that mouse became
1,000,000 mice who, admidst
those other creatures known as
Brer Midshipmen, inhabit Ban-
croft Hall, USNAs cryin place.
Come see all of your fa-
vorite USNA characters
from the DANT to all those
wacky Battalion officers!
Mysterious adventures await
you. Will you face endurance?
Obstacles? YPs? Note: Reg.
PT gear only!!!
Welcome to the fu-
ture. A future that is
dominated by random
objects, nonsensi-
cal hallways, endless
nights of EE, and the
world famous attrac-
tion: Awkward Moments
with Admiral Rickover.
The LOg | The age Of ReasOn
Page 23
WELCOME TO MILITARYLAND
The Happiest Place on the Yard*
USNA
,
TOMORROWLAND
FANTASYLAND
AdventureLand
More Adventures Await
Critter Country
*If none of this makes
sense, we apologize for
your lack of a childhood.
Main Street
USNA
ToonTown
The
DisneylanD
hoTel
TOMORROWLAND
FrontierLand
The MiliTarylanD hoTel
afTer a long TiMe
Touring The yarD, resT
in our sTaTe-of-The-arT
accoMMoDaTions, coM-
pleTe wiTh luxurious
chairs. JusT reMeMber,
please DonT feeD The
MiDs.
*not in Rickover
*
Page 24
The LOg | The age Of ReasOn
Brigade Feedback, Simplifed
Theyre coming for you, 2nd-class-alley-rating-Youngster-who-has-no-bearing-
during-march-on
By: Joshua Mokracek 15
The LOg | The age Of ReasOn
Page 25
THE 10 SIGNS OF THE APOCALYPSE
(IT IS NIGH UPON US)
1. Man-bear-pig has escaped imagination-land. (HOW MANY TIMES
DID AL GORE WARN US?)
2. We got a day off of school. And then another day off of school. The
end is long overdue.
3. A certain 5th Battalion Commander becomes the Dep-Dant... then
doesnt!
4. The same corporation that made the epic (fail) movie JOHN CARTER
also have the rights to make a new STAR WARS trilogy.
5. Navy football doesnt use the triple option!?
6. CDR Steve Carrell has moved on
7. Edward bites a bear, making vampire bears who spread glitter.
8. GODZILLA!!!!!!!!!
9. Plebes get the most carry-on ever.
10. Mids pay attention on early-class schedule days
Page 26
The LOg | The age Of ReasOn
Dear D&B,
We get what this is:
But what we really want to know is, what is this?!
The LOg | The age Of ReasOn
Page 27
Because Youre a Mid....
....Why Hide it?
Page 28
The LOg | The age Of ReasOn
The
LOG
The Times They Arent A
Changin
Volume 90, Issue 3 | February-ish 2013
70