Cameron Nigg Mrs.

Caruso ENGL 1102 26 March 2013 1st Draft of Paper The world that we live in today is no longer the same as the one we lived in several decades ago. As time passes our youth continue to develop mental illnesses as they mature and head into adulthood. The soldiers who defend our country with their lives, come back from war, traumatized by violence and personal loss. The technology we use grows more complex by the day, and the requirements for a college education continue to propagate, and with this grows our ever increasing number of depressed and mentally ill youth. To exacerbate the situation, many of these individuals have ready access to alcohol, drugs, and weapons. This accumulation of factors has produced an explosive formula for death and destruction that continues to move freely and unchecked in our society. Mental illness runs rampant. And the ugly truth is that our mental health system is failing thousands of our fellow Americans every, single, day. People are executed in our nations schools. Civilians are attacked when gathered in social outlets all around our country. This cycle continues over and over again and nothing ever changes. So we need to attack the issues plaguing our mental health system at their source. America needs to recognize that mental illness is not something to shun, and it is not something that is not treatable. We need to educate ourselves in recognizing symptoms of poor mental health. We need to recognize that our nations hospitals and health centers are not well enough
Comment [KL3]: Is this the main topic of your paper? Comment [KL4]: Incredibly strong introduction. Try to grab the reader in the first couple of sentences. Although what you are saying is important, you need to make someone want to continue to read it. Comment [KL5]: Is this the basis of your paper? If so, state that more clearly in your introduction. You talk about many different things going on in America that have to do with the health system. Comment [KL2]: What exactly is the purpose of this article? Informative? What is the source you are responding too? Comment [KL1]: News Article

staffed or equipped to treat our multitudes of mentally ill individuals. The way our doctors currently approach treating mental health is ineffective in several cases. Insurance complications and money regularly get in the way of effective treatment for the mental ill. I came to several of these conclusions and opinions after reading an article titled Why can't America care for the mentally ill? by Dr. Keith Ablow on Fox News.com. Dr. Ablow analyzed and criticized the current setup of the United States mental health system, stating that the mental health system is shattered and on its knees because of several debilitating issues, which include: insurance companies being unwilling to pay for effective treatment, and lack of psychological and psychiatric resources available to schools around the country. And I concur with these views. Many insurance companies are only willing to send their clients to health professionals with four year degrees because it is cheaper. These individuals are nowhere near as qualified as professionals with doctorates however, who can administer effective and reliable treatments. The counselors at our nations schools are understaffed and under educated for the same reason. We do not want to pay for quality health care. We as Americans need to stop ignoring people with mental illness, or turning a blind eye on our family members, friends and co-workers who could be suffering from mental illnesses. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, 26.2 percent of Americans 18 and older suffer from a mental illness in a given year. That is 1 in 4 adults. Serious mental illnesses are prevalent in 6 percent of Americans, or 1 in 17. The average class size in many public schools is generally in the high twenties. That means roughly 1 student in a class will suffer a severe mental illness in any given school year. And in colleges there are even more students per class, in high stress environments. We need to change how we view mental illness as Americans, and recognize that mental illness is not something to fear and shun. If we change the way we view
Comment [KL8]: Good Facts! Comment [KL7]: This is a great opening sentence for your new paragraph. This is strong and gives a great opinionated comment as to how you feel towards what is going on in the world. Comment [KL6]: Great Source. You gave appropriate credit. The MLA seems correct to me. You gave insightful information that led to what you were talking about.

mental illness, and become more supportive, afflicted individuals would be more willing to get treatment. The hospitals of our country cannot treat the mentally ill. They are not equipped to provide for the long stays of mentally ill individuals. Gone are the days of the asylum, and many psychiatric hospitals and programs are only viable options to people with money. We as a country need to create more bed space in our hospitals to keep the mentally ill out of emergency rooms and prisons, and in an article I read recently, North Carolina has started doing just that. According to an article posted on the North Carolina Center for Public Policy Research, North Carolina has started a Three-way Contract Effectively purchasing 135 beds at 22 hospitals all across the state. We need more of these types of improvements in other states across the United States. The current way our doctors treat mental illness is effective, but is most effective when counseling is frequent and a patient is correctly medicated. Far too often a doctor and patient will only meet once a week, when meeting twice or even three times a week would be much more effective. In the Merck Manual Home Health Handbook there is even more information regarding various types of treatments to be used by mental health professionals. Improving treatment, awareness of mental illness and access to treatment is how we are going to improve our countries mental health system. While these reforms and changes may not completely eradicate the violent acts caused by the seriously ill, they should reduce the overall amount of violent acts that are committed by individuals who suffer from severe mentally illness.
Comment [KL11]: Great conclusion! Try to include this type of outline of what you are going to include in your paper in your introduction. This is clear about what you just talked about and the purpose of this article. I enjoyed reading it. Well written with GREAT diction! Comment [KL10]: Coming up with another solution. Very good! Comment [KL9]: Coming up with solutions to the problems we are having is very interesting. It opens the readers eyes as to what can be done to fix the problem that we are having.