ADVENTIST MENS ORGANIZATION

2013 WEEK OF PRAYER [APRIL 20-27, 2013] READINGS

GODLY FATHER FOR TODAY

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Dr. Elie Weick West Central Africa Division General FieldSecretary Sabbath School/Personal Ministry/Evangelism

2013 ADVENTIST MENS WEEK OF PRAYER THEME: A GODLY FATHER FOR TODAY

CONTENTS
Introduction -3

First Sabbath -5

- Come and Meet the World's Finest Father

Sunday

- Job as a Father

- 13

Monday

- Responsible Leadership in the Home

- 20

Tuesday

- A Father's Role in the Family

- 25

Wednesday

- The Need for Masculine Leadership in the Home - 32

Thursday

- Daddy, How Do You Spell Love?

- 36

Friday

- Fathers - Dont Annoy Your Children!

- 42

Second Sabbath

- In Defense of Men

- 50

INTRODUCTION

The 2013 Material for the Mens Week of Prayer has come to us from Dr. Elie Weick, who is the WAD Director for the Adventist Mens Organization. As a husband, a father and a Pastor trained and given the responsibilities of directing the departments of personal ministries, Sabbath school and evangelism in the WestCentral Africa Division, he affects the readings with all his roles. The chosen theme, A Godly Father for Today is intended to remind, inspire and empower Men to live up to their responsibilities. The divinely assigned roles of Men are multifaceted. Some predated the fall while others were added after the entrance of sin. These roles relate to our Maker, spouses, children, relatives, church members, workmates and the society in general; but the most crucial is leading children to know, love and follow the Lord for eternity. This is why we can always be grateful to God for the idea and provision of helpmates for men (Gen.2:18). Beyond the support of our spouses, Mrs. White gives additional assurance for performance when she wrote through inspiration that: [If Men will] follow God's directions . . . they will receive help from on high, [indeed] much benefit; for as they teach, they learn. Their children will achieve victories through the knowledge that they have acquired in keeping the way of the Lord. They are enabled to overcome natural and hereditary tendencies to evil. (AH 205) The readings will not only inform show us how we can make it. She explains that the God of heaven marks your solicitude, your earnest work, your constant watchfulness and hears your prayers. With patience and tenderness train your children for the Lord . . . [for] all heaven is interested in your work. . . . God will unite with you and crown your efforts with success. As you try to make plain the truths of salvation, and point the children to Christ as a personal Saviour, angels will be by your side. The Lord will give to fathers and mothers, grace to interest their little ones in the precious story of the Babe of Bethlehem, who is indeed the Hope of

the world. [Therefore] in their important work, parents must ask and receive divine aid (AH 206). As the Adventist Mens Organization leads our churches/ companies in all fields in Ghana during this Week of Prayer, the church will be moving a step further in the reorganization of AMO to strengthen our men to continue or resume with improved zest, their divinely ordained roles at home, at church, and in the communities. In the process, Men will provide in very remarkable ways the desired leadership which is needed everywhere to accomplish the Masters task. AMO aims at leadership empowerment and reorganization especially at local levels. This year, AMO will hold AMO Regional Retreats and leadership Training Sessions. In the month of May, the AMO Spiritual Trip to the Nation of Israel will hold by Gods grace. Let AMO Leaders and the Men of our church unite in prayer, plan, and implement the various programmes / activities to bless the local churches and the world church in the power of the Lord. During the week, all societies must be given the opportunity to participate, and as many men as possible should also be encouraged to variously lead in the meetings. On the Wednesday, a special fast may be called for earnest intercession for the needs of Men including marriage, employment, businesses, education, finances, spiritual growth and the national of Ghana. At this service, special offering shall be lifted for AMO and Evangelism materials. May all members, churches and companies be blessed as we unite in prayer in view of the times in which we live; remembering what the Master said that . . . Men ought always to pray and not faint (Luke 18:1). Pastor T. Techie Ocran (AMO Director, Ghana Union Conference)

FIRST SABBATH Come and Meet the World's Finest Father

Three expectant fathers were awaiting news of their wives, who were all in labor for several hours in the local hospital. As the hours passed, more and more coffee was consumed and nerves were on edge. Small talk had long ago stalled. The three paced back and forth. Each minute seemed like an hour. The strain could be seen one each man's face as he waited. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, a nurse came out and told one father the good news. His wife had just given birth to twin sons. The nerves that had been so were now relaxed, and he quipped humorously, that this was great, because he worked in the front office for the Minnesota Twins, and he could go and tell the staff they had twins. After the excitement died down, the other two men went back to pacing anxiously, awaiting the next word from the nurse. After what seemed like hours, which had been, in reality, only 20 or so minutes, the nurse came back out and told the second father the tremendous news. His wife had delivered triplets. He had two daughters and a son, all were healthy, and the mother was fine. Shocked at his fortune, his only comment was, "Boy, will they laugh in the office tomorrow; I work for 3M." All alone now, nerves stretched to max, the remaining father waited. He thought, "One had twins, the other triplets...2 and 3 kids, what if...?" About that time the nurse came out with a big
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smile that looked to him to be bigger than before. As she began to tell him the good news, suddenly he snapped. His eyes enlarged, his pupils dilated, his hands trembled and there was perspiration on his brow. He gave a bewildered look and then bolted, as fast as he could run, out of the hospital, into his car, and down the street. The shocked nurse looked over to a passing volunteer and asked what in the world caused that? The volunteer commented that while he was pacing back and forth, he kept repeating over and again, "Oh no, what am I going to do? I work for 7-up...I work for 7-up." As a father myself, speaking to fathers present here today, I want to tell you that both the joys and the jokes of fatherhood are great. I love them, and I hope you do, too. I hope that your fathering is smooth and effective and... I wish I could say, "Trouble free." It seems, however, that being a father does have its struggles. We're going to take a look this morning at the parenting style of the finest Father who ever lived. Actually, I'm happy to report to you that we are honored this morning to have this Father present with us and we will be talking to Him at the conclusion of this message. Before we do that however, I want to tell you some things about Him. His story is over in Luke 15 and, whether you are a Christian or not, you probably have heard it. Actually, the story is usually named after one of this Dad's sons. We usually call it "The Prodigal Son." (Read Luke 15:11-32) The first time I ever preached from this passage I, like so many others, highlighted the younger son of the story, probably because it was closest to my own experience - I was young and didn't grow up in the church. Then, as the years went by, I gradually realized that there was an older boy whose story was told here. My emphasis shifted to the bitter older brother in the story, who was really the focus of Jesus' hearers. Recently, however, probably because of my age and the fact that I've raised four children and have now seen four grandsons born into our family, I've been looking at the father in this story and relating very much to him. It is this father that I want to focus on in this message. I see some things in his parenting style that every father should understand and emulate. I see first that this father was I. Approachable. By "approachable," I mean his sons did not fear speaking to him or dread coming into his presence. I base my observation on some of the first words his wayward son said after he came to his senses in the pig pen. He said, as recorded in verse 18, "I will get up and go to my father..." His first thought was, "I'll go to dad." Dads, are you the first one your children think of when they are in trouble... or the last? A lot depends on how approachable you have been for them. No, we cannot control what a person's response will be in crises, but we may strongly influence what it will not be. If, each time they have come to you in the past, they've found a grumpy, vindictive, tyrant who shows little interest
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and no understanding or compassion, you'll be the last one they'll go to, if they go to you at all. Had the father in this story been that way, this boy would probably have said something like, "O, would I love to go home, but I know that is impossible. My dad will never understand and he'll never forgive me." He might have never been restored to the family. Jim and Linda Onan of Wadswroth, IL, wanted an unusual house. Accordingly they built a 7,000-square-foot pyramid covered in 24-karat gold. The house is surrounded by a moat which Onan plans to stock with sharks. When I read that, I thought about the symbolic nature of those sharks. Obviously, these people didn't want to be approached by anyone. Dads, if your kids messed up like the boy in this story, squandered what you gave them, dragged your reputation in the dirt, then came to their senses and wanted to come home, would they have to swim a mote filled with sharks or would there be a bridge there for them with you waiting on the other side to welcome them? "I will get up and go to my father..." the young boy said. Did he expect to be restored to his position in the family? No. He knew that was not fair. He hoped only that his dad would have enough pity on him to give him a place at the table where the servants ate. He did know that his dad could be approached. Words are not adequate to describe the hurt that comes when one of the children you raised turns his or her back on all they've been taught. There are few things that reach the depth of pain that such an act brings. But for the sake of those children, if you find yourself in such a spot, you need to remain approachable in the hope that they will come to their senses and return. Oh, and by the way, this approachability should be in us whether they stray or not. It takes kids awhile to get things sorted out and they are going to make some mistakes. May it always be that, no matter what has happened, they find a father who is open to reconciliation! I see secondly that the father in this story was II. Spiritual. "Wait a minute," I can imagine someone thinking. "How can you say a man is spiritual if he loses one of his kids? Surely that is evidence that he has done something wrong, isn't it?" Perhaps. But may I remind you of the meaning of this parable at the time Jesus spoke it? It was spoken to a group of grumbling Pharisees and scribes who were upset that Jesus would receive sinners and eat with them (v. 2). Each character in the parable represented someone. The younger son represented the sinners who were coming to God as a result of Jesus' ministry. The older son represented the Pharisees and scribes who thought that Jesus should have nothing to do with such people because they had squandered their lives. Who, then, did the father represent? The father in the parable is God and what this parable is showing us is that God will receive a sinner back if he repents.

Now, back to my original question. If a man loses one of his kids, does that mean he is unspiritual? The father in this story lost one of his for a time, didn't he? And who does the father in this account represent? God! Is God unspiritual? Surely this father had made every effort to teach this boy the truth. He hadn't shirked his responsibility. I base my conclusion on verse 18. In the second half of that verse it says, "Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in your sight." Then he said it again in verse 21: "Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight." This boy knew the truth. He knew about sin. He knew that heaven was the dwelling place of God whom he had offended. He also knew about responsibility because he recognized he had let his father down. Yet, the boy had free will. He was capable of taking the precious things his father had taught him and casting them aside. Why do I say these things? Because I know that some of you have watched helplessly as your children, brought up in homes to love and serve the Lord, have push it all aside, deserted your teaching, and gone their own way. Does it mean you have failed? It certainly feels that way! And, it is possible that you have failed if you have neglected your responsibilities to them. A father who cares nothing for the raising and training of his children is most certainly a failure, whether they depart or not. But some of you have taken your responsibility seriously. You've done your job and yet, seen your kids depart. I say, it isn't necessarily a foregone conclusion that you have failed. Some of God's children have departed too. Oh, but doesn't it say in Proverbs 22:6, "Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it." Yes it does, but is that statement an absolute guarantee that with the right training, your child will never go astray and that if he does, you have failed? Be careful in your answer. If that verse was intended to be an absolute, ironclad statement, then the rest of the Proverbs should be taken that way, too - as absolute, ironclad, never-fail statements. Can they be taken that way? How about this one: Proverbs 22:11: "He who loves purity of heart and whose speech is gracious, the king is his friend." Is that always true in every case, or is it a general guiding principle that is true most of the time? Need I remind you of David, a man who loved purity of heart, and King Saul, a king who hated him for it? How about this one: Prov 12:11: "He who tills his land will have plenty of bread..." Is that a guarantee that hard working farmers will never be forced to file bankruptcy? I know a lot of former Midwestern farmers who would argue with you on that one. What about this one: Prov. 16:13: "Righteous lips are the delight of kings, and he who speaks right is loved." Is that an absolute statement? Are those who speak with righteous lips always loved? Do I need to remind you of Jesus, whose lips were more righteous than any man, yet he was hated by those in authority in Jerusalem to the extent that they crucified Him? Proverbs are statements of general truth. They guide. They point direction. We get in trouble, though, when we try to make them absolutes that are true in every case. Is the rest of the Bible to be interpreted that way? No. The rest of the Bible isn't made up of proverbs.

This father was spiritual. Fathers today must be, too. Men, don't depend on your wife to do it. Don't think you can "let her take care of the religion in the family." It's your responsibility. If you shirk it, you deserve to be called a failure. Thirdly, I see that this father was III. Compassionate. Look quickly at verse 20: "But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him, and felt compassion for him, and ran and embraced him, and kissed him." How can a father feel compassion for a returning child who has squandered what he has worked for all his life? How can a father feel compassion for a child who has dragged his reputation in the dirt and spat upon everything he stands for? Drop down to verse 32 to find the answer. The older son has just asked his dad those very questions. He's beside himself because of the way his father received his younger brother back. In verse 30, he says, "when this son of yours came, who has devoured your wealth with harlots, you killed the fattened calf for him!" It is probably safe to say that he thought the boy should be disowned! Yet, look at verse 32: "We had to be merry and rejoice, for this brother of yours was dead and has begun to live, and was lost and has been found." To him, the boy's return was like life from the dead. His possessions, his reputation, compared to that, didn't matter. Dads, are we compassionate men toward our children? When they mess up and repent, do we accept them back joyfully, or do we disown them or distance ourselves from them? Look at the example of this father and you'll have your answer. Beyond that, consider that you will not always have the opportunity to be compassionate. The following reading comes from an article in Focus on the Family Magazine back in 1985. It was written by a Registered Nurse named Sue Kidd. It's lengthy, so I probably won't say very much beyond reading it. See if there isn't a lesson in it for you... The hospital was unusually quiet that bleak January evening, quiet and still like the air before a storm. I stood in the nurse's station on the seventh floor and glanced at the clock. It was 9 P.M. I threw a stethoscope around my neck and headed for room 712, last room on the hall. Room 712 had a new patient. Mr. Williams. A man all alone. A man strangely silent about his family. As I entered the room, Mr. Williams looked up eagerly, but dropped his eyes when he saw it was only me, his nurse. I pressed the stethoscope over his chest and listened. Strong, slow, even beating. Just what I wanted to hear. There seemed little indication he had suffered a slight heart attack a few hours earlier. He looked up from his starched white bed. "Nurse, would you --" He hesitated, tears filled his eyes. Once before he had started to ask me a question, but had changed his mind. I touched his hand.
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He brushed away a tear. "Would you call my daughter? Tell her I've had a heart attack. A slight one. You see, I live alone and she is the only family I have." His respiration suddenly speeded up. I turned on his nasal oxygen up to eight liters a minute. "Of course I'll call her," I said, studying his face. He gripped the sheets and pulled himself forward, his face tense with urgency. "Will you call her right away -- as soon as you can? He was breathing fast - too fast. "I'll call her the very first thing," I said, patting his shoulder. I flipped off the light. He closed his eyes, such young blue eyes in his 50-year-old face. Room 712 was dark except for a faint night light under the sink. Oxygen gurgled in the green tubes above his bed. Reluctant to leave, I moved through the shadowy silence to the window. The panes were cold. Below a foggy mist curled through the hospital parking lot. "Nurse," he called, "could you get me a pencil and paper?" I dug a scrap of yellow paper and a pen from my pocket and set it on the bedside table. I walked back to the nurses' station and sat in a squeaky swivel chair by the phone. Mr. Williams' daughter was listed on his chart as the next of kin. I got her number from information and dialed. Her soft voice answered. "Janie, this is Sue Kidd, a registered nurse at the hospital. I'm calling about your father. He was admitted tonight with a slight heart attack and --" "No!" she screamed into the phone, startling me. "He's not dying is he?" "His condition is stable at the moment," I said, trying hard to sound convincing. Silence. I bit my lip. "You must not let him die!" she said. Her voice was so utterly compelling that my hand trembled on the phone. "He's getting the very best care." "But you don't understand," she pleaded. "My daddy and I haven't spoken in almost a year. We had a terrible argument on my 21st birthday, over my boyfriend. I ran out of the house. I haven't been back. All these months I've wanted to go to him for forgiveness. The last thing I said to him was, "I hate you."

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Her voice cracked and I heard her heave great agonizing sobs. I sat, listening, tears burning my eyes. A father and a daughter, so lost to each other. Then I was thinking of my own father, many miles away. It has been so long since I had said, "I love you." As Janie struggled to control her tears, I breathed a prayer. "Please God, let this daughter find forgiveness." "I'm coming. Now! I'll be there in 30 minutes," she said. Click. She had hung up. I tried to busy myself with a stack of charts on the desk. I couldn't concentrate. Room 712; I knew I had to get back to 712. I hurried down the hall nearly in a run. I opened the door. Mr. Williams lay unmoving. I reached for his pulse. There was none. "Code 99, Room 712. Code 99. Stat." The alert was shooting through the hospital within seconds after I called the switchboard through the intercom by the bed. Mr. Williams had had a cardiac arrest. With lightning speed I leveled the bed and bent over his mouth, breathing air into his lungs. I positioned my hands over his chest and compressed. One, two, three. I tried to count.
At fifteen I moved back to his mouth and breathed as deeply as I could. Where was help? Again I compressed and breathed. Compressed and breathed. He could not die!

"O God," I prayed. "His daughter is coming. Don't let it end this way." The door burst open. Doctors and nurses poured into the room pushing emergency equipment. A doctor took over the manual compression of the heart. A tube was inserted through his mouth as an airway. Nurses plunged syringes of medicine into the intravenous tubing. I connected the heart monitor. Nothing. Not a beat. My own heart pounded. "God, don't let it end like this. Not in bitterness and hatred. His daughter is coming. Let her find peace." "Stand back," cried a doctor. I handed him the paddles for the electrical shock to the heart. He placed them on Mr. William's chest. Over and over we tried. But nothing. No response. Mr. Williams was dead. A nurse unplugged the oxygen. The gurgling stopped. One by one they left, grim and silent. How could this happen? How? I stood by his bed, stunned. A cold wind rattled the window, pelting the panes with snow. Outside - everywhere - it seemed a bed of blackness, cold and dark. How could I face his daughter? When I left the room, I saw her against the wall by the water fountain. A doctor who had been inside 712 only moments before stood at her side, talking to her, gripping her elbow. Then he moved on, leaving her slumped against the wall.
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Such pathetic hurt reflected from her face. Such wounded eyes. She knew. The doctor had told her that her father was gone. I took her hand and led her into the nurses' lounge. We sat on little green stools, neither saying a word. She stared straight ahead at a pharmaceutical calendar, glass faced, almost breakablelooking. "Janie, I'm so, so sorry," I said. It was pitifully inadequate. "I never hated him, you know. I loved him," she said. God please help her, I thought. Suddenly she whirled toward me. "I want to see him." My first thought was, Why put yourself through more pain? Seeing him will only make it worse. But I got up and wrapped my arm around her. We walked slowly down the corridor to 712. Outside the door I squeezed her hand, wishing she would change her mind about going inside. She pushed open the door. We moved to the bed, huddled together, taking small steps in unison. Janie leaned over the bed and buried her face in the sheets. I tried not to look at her at this sad, sad goodbye. I backed against the bedside table. My hand fell upon a scrap of yellow paper. I picked it up. It read: My dear Janie, I forgive you. I pray you will also forgive me. I know that you love me. I love you too. Daddy. The note was shaking in my hands as I thrust it toward Janie. She read it once. Then twice. Her tormented face grew radiant. Peace began to glisten in her eyes. She hugged the scrap of paper to her breast. "Thank You, God," I whispered, looking up at the window. A few crystal stars blinked through the blackness. A snowflake hit the window and melted away, gone forever... I crept from the room and hurried to the phone. I would call my father. I would say, "I love you." What this father had in his last minutes of life, we need. He had compassion on his estranged daughter. That simple yellow note released her from spending the rest of her life tormented by regret. Conclusion Michael Reagan, adopted son of former President, Ronald Reagan wrote recently how his father raised him during the time when fathers didn't show outward affection to their children. Michael always craved to hear his father say, "I love You", but he never did. As most of you know, President Reagan has died from Alzheimer's disease. Before his death, Michael visited him and
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gave him a hug. It received a rather stiff response, but, now whenever he goes to see him, Mr. Reagan is waiting at the door and gives Michael a big hug. It's not too late as long there is life. Dads, it's not too late for you to do what you can. Sons and daughters, perhaps it isn't too late for you either. I began this message by inviting you to learn from the finest Father in the World. I also told you that we would be talking with this Father at the end of the sermon. Let's do that right now. Shall we pray?

SUNDAY Job as a Father

If you watched the drama of OJ Simpson unfold several years ago, then you saw what the LA Prosecutor called "the fall of an American Hero". America is desperate for real heroes. From the movie set to the White House there is a dearth of examples of true manhood. Where are those men we can emulate and follow, people with courage, integrity, and virtue? Where do we turn for such an example? I would like to suggest just such a man. A man among men, a man of great spiritual stature, a man of integrity, a man of strong family values. His name? Job. Let me suggest that Job is a real hero. A man who in times of severe adversity did not abandon his integrity, his virtue, his
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commitment to his family and to his God. Turn with me to Job 29 where Job himself is reflecting upon his life. In a sense this chapter is to men what Proverbs 31 is to women. We find in the chapter at least 9 different Biblical traits of Masculinity. Let's see how many we can identify in the time we have this morning. Job 29:1-6 "And Job again took up his discourse and said, 'Oh that I were as in the months gone by, as in the days when God watched over me; when His lamp shone over my head, and by His light I walked through darkness; as I was in the prime of my days, when the friendship of God was over my tent; and when my children were around me; when my steps were bathed in butter, and the rock poured out for me streams of oil! '" Job Learned from the Past Experience Job is remembering the days of the past. He valued the past, but not as one who pines for "the good old days" in order to keep from dealing with present reality. Rather, he valued the past because of the truth it taught him about God, about people, and about himself. It helped him put current events in a proper perspective. By remembering how God had dealt with him in the past, Job was able to endure his present suffering. What a contrast to modern American males today. They, too, are undergoing a certain amount of present suffering. But unlike Job, they act as if they had no past from which to learn. In fact, they seem to exercise a subtle contempt for the past. We are even rewriting our history books, as if there were nothing in the past that we could learn from today. As a people we have made great scientific and technological strides in the last half of this Century. This has lulled us into making the erroneous assumption that we must have also made great improvements in human relationships. Therefore, we reason, we need not look to the past for instruction on how to raise a family or how to be a man any more than we would go to the past for advice on how to build an automobile. We tend to believe that newer must be better. But even a brief glance at the headlines will clearly show that in the realm of human relationships we are doing worse than those who went before us. Marriages used to work, family members got along reasonably well. There was no talk of "alternative lifestyles". Family members cared for each other and took responsibility for the actions of their siblings. Today, however, men seem to think that the past is outdated, old fashioned, and has no value for today's living. We hear people say: "This is the 21st century, get real." Yet our isolation from our history has caused us to "reinvent the wheel." It is proving to be a set back. Men today will never fully recapture their missing manhood until they repent of modern arrogance and humbly look at the history of American masculinity to see what truths it has to pass on to them. Even the church is exhorted to maintain a link with the past. Perhaps this is what Paul meant when he said to the Thessalonians: "Stand fast and hold to the traditions which you were taught." (2 Thess. 2:15).
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Job Remained Close to His Children Job remembers when "my children were around me." (Job 29:5). When we met Job in the first part of his book, we see him first as a family man, a father to his children. In the midst of his suffering, Job said he missed having his children around him. He obviously did not view children as an intrusion into his personal pleasures. On the contrary, they were a prime source of his pleasure. What a contrast with many fathers today. Fathers have abandoned their children for their own personal pleasures. Children are viewed as a burden or a robber of money and time that could be used for personal pleasures. And many men have just abandoned their role as a father, leaving the women to raise the children themselves. It is this selfish attitude that has increased child abuse, abortion, and other atrocities perpetrated against our children. Job is our real hero. In Chapter 1 and verse 5 we learn that Job "rose up early in the morning and offered burnt offerings and sacrifices" for his children. For he said: "Perhaps my sons have sinned and cursed God in their hearts." There had been a time of feasting and celebration, and Job was worried that his kids would forget God during this time so he interceded for them. A real father shows concern for the spiritual welfare of his children. Job had ten children. Not a small family by any means. Yet, he took pains to be intimately involved in securing the physical and spiritual care of each of his seven sons and three daughters. Truly, to be the kind of father that Job was, we must crucify self and make our children a matter of our personal concern. Job was a Respected Community Leader Job 29:7-11 "When I went out to the gate of the city, when I took my seat in the square; the young men saw me and hid themselves, and the old men arose and stood. The princes stopped talking; and put their hands on their mouths; and their tongue stuck to their palate. For when the eye saw, it gave witness of me." The gate the city was the place all the community leaders gathered and discussed the community affairs. His respect is witnessed by the fact that young men humbly withdrew and old men stood up to greet him. This kind of respect comes the old fashioned way - it must be earned. Not only was Job involved in the decisions that were made on a community level, his advice was respected. I am going to suggest that others may not have agreed with Job but the way Job presented himself and his case before them they truly respected. Today many men are concerned only with selfishly demanding their own way, their own agenda, as we see every special interest group making themselves odious to the rest of us. I am not suggesting that Christians compromise a Biblical principle to get along - this never gains respect - rather I am suggesting a couple of things: First that we become involved in community affairs. And our community today involves more than just a town, but also a state
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and a country. It takes involvement, a speaking of the mind before a body of councilmen or commissioners or community leaders to gain respect. Silence today means endorsement. Silence is the sound of the wimp and complainer. Secondly speaking the truth of God in love. Speaking it in such a way that shows respect to the person we are speaking to. Religious people have become notorious for their critical, judgmental speech. We need to do as Peter says, "give a reason for the hope we have." Or as Paul did in Athens: He "reasoned with them." Today's real hero is concerned about community values, school values, corruption in public places, and is willing to articulate them in a kind but firm manner. Job was a Father to the Fatherless Job 29:12,13 "Because I delivered the poor who cried for help, and the orphan who had no helper. The blessing of the one ready to perish came upon me, and I made the widow's heart sing for joy." Job was concerned with children and people beyond the needs of his own family. He was involved with the care and guidance of children whose families were not able to care for them. Today there are organizations like "big brother" which bring men and boys together. They are doing a good work, but I want to suggest that boys need a father more than a big brother. Today's youth need to see what a real father - what a real man is like. When a child's first impression of God is that of their image of a father, then we can see the importance of being a father to the children of the world. A father is not abusive, he does not selfishly exploit a child, and he does not neglect or show no concern for a child. Oh, the world needs to see what a true man is really like. Perhaps you can be JOB to them. Be the man who is concerned and interested in others. The world doesn't need anymore men who use their children and families for their own selfish pursuits. They need men who unselfishly give themselves for the good of others. Look at Job, God said that there was no one like him in all the earth. Men, you and I need God if we are to come close to emulating Job to the world around us. Job Lived a Life of Personal Righteousness Job 29:14-17 "I put on righteousness, and it clothed me; My justice was like a robe and a turban. I was eyes to the blind, and feet to the lame. I was a father to the needy, and I investigated the case which I did not know. And I broke the jaws of the wicked, and snatched the prey from his teeth." He pursued righteousness and it clothed him. His righteousness protected him. So many of today's heroes appear to us as "good guys," but as time wears on we learn differently. Their image is tarnished and we are let down. The only way to avoid this happening is to be meticulous about holiness.
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Do not give in to falsehood, to deception, or to impurity. Fill your mind with pure thoughts and your heart will not be filled with lust. Men today feast on pornography. Then they fantasize sex and then they abuse sex. What is in the heart will be seen in the actions. If we are to be protected, we must learn what Job learned, we have to pursue righteousness. It will cloth us so that a "holy kiss" or holy hug is just what it says, holy. Young men need to see the righteous respect their fathers have for women. The world speaks in lustful terms about women. Our young men need to hear godly men speaking respectfully of all woman. How else will they learn that women are a special gift from God to be respected and honored? Job Upheld Justice Job speaks of his justice as a robe and turban. He always wanted to listen to both sides, "I investigated the case which I did not know." When he found injustice he said: "I broke the jaws of the wicked." Part of the incredible power that draws millions of men and boys to embrace todays plastic heroes is their thirst for justice. They want to see offenders punished and the enemy destroyed. A real man also wants justice. Man is not to have a vengeful spirit. Revenge is usually occupied with getting even for some personal grievance. Job's desire to see injustice punished did not come as a result of his own sake, but for the sake of others. Of all the things that happened to Job, several were the result of injustice. Thieves stole his animals. But there is no record of him seeking to get even. But you had better not mess with the widows and orphans or you'll have Job to deal with. I want to make a generalization about the difference between men and women - you will know exceptions. Usually men's desire for justice is stronger than their inclination to extend mercy, and the opposite is true of women. That's why when little Johnny comes home bruised and bloody from an encounter with the neighborhood bully it is usually Mom who he goes to for comfort, while Dad is already thinking of how he is going to deal with the bully. We readily understand how both are needed, but if a woman's feelings for mercy become the rule or practice over man's innate sense for justice, society will lose its sharp cutting edge for what is right and wrong. I believe this is what has happened today. Think for a minute: "Would a woman have cleansed the temple of God with a whip and turned over the tables of the moneychangers?" Today, the answer would probably be yes. But only because the men of today have wimped out and some women have stepped in to fill the vacuum. Like Deborah of old, she received the glory because Barak refused to take the leadership. Men need once again to feel anger on the inside when they view the injustices within society: When they see other men refusing to pay child support, when they see workers taking advantage of their kind boss, when they see women and children being abused by selfish men, when they see businesses exploiting children by the sale of pornography. Men, God has given us a desire for justice and a nature that would aggressively seek it. He wants us to seek the punishment of

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offenders and to see the criminals destroyed so that society once again can live in peace and safety. We have Mothers and Students Against Drunk Drivers - it is time that Fathers rise up against Drunk Drivers, against Child Pornography, against Teen pregnancy, against liberal judges, corrupt politicians and other social crimes. Job Had a Stable Life Job 29: 19-20 "My root is spread out to the waters, and dew lies all night on my branch. My glory is ever new with me, and my bow is renewed in my hand." The stability of Job's lifestyle stands in vivid contrast to the anxious mobility that permeates our society where almost 25% of the population moves each year. The temporary nature of some places in the world neighborhoods prevents us from building a sense of community and keeps us from experiencing the security and identity that such stability can bring. In the words of Vance Packard, we have become "a nation of strangers." We have to put our roots down, if we are ever going to make an impact upon a community. Those who have the least influence in today's community are those who are constantly moving from place to place - which includes the average preacher. Anyone who moves every 3 years is not even considered as a part of the community. Real men set their roots down, take an interest in the community and begin to make a difference in the life of that community. Real men are secure and have a strong sense of personal worth. This is hard to obtain when we are constantly moving to greener pastures. Occasionally it is God's will for us, like Abraham, to relocate our families. However, before we do we need to make certain that moving is God's will rather than some impulsive visionary action.

Job Was a Well of Wisdom Job 29:21-25 "To me they listened and waited, and kept silent for my counsel. After my words they did not speak again, and my speech dropped on them. And they waited for me as for the rain, and opened their mouth as for the spring rain, I smiled on them when they did not believe, and the light of my face they did not cast down. I chose a way for them and sat as chief, and dwelt as a king among the troops, as one who comforted the mourners." The great Solomon does not have a corner on the wisdom market. Job had a lion's share of it also. He spoke and everyone listened. For this to happen, you cannot be flippant in what you say. Job had true wisdom and insight, not political rhetoric born of personal ambition or manipulation. Not arrogant and scholastic verbiage flowing from an ivory tower, but truth made clear by the insight of true wisdom, that is born of God.
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The beauty of this is that you, like Job, can have that same wisdom. Our New Testament tells us that we can ask God for it and he gives it liberally. Men, we don't need to quote scripture to the world, but we need to share the wisdom of the word with them. The need for godly wisdom is so evident today. It is needed more than information on stocks and bonds. Let us set our heart on gaining wisdom. Whoever loves wisdom makes those around him rejoice. Wisdom gives life. Wisdom gives strength. And wisdom gives a good defense because it comes from God. But with the loss of manhood in America today, men have lost the desire for this great pearl.

Job was a Pursuer of God Looking beyond all his other character traits, Job was first and foremost a pursuer of God. Pursuit of God is a mark of a real man. That can sound foreign to us who live in a culture where religion has, for years, been the domain of women. The last few generations of American males have often seen women as the primary pursuers of God. After all, what other impression can a young child receive when he sees his own father dropping him and his mother off at the church building and then coming back later to get them. The world has been programmed to believe that being a real man and serving God somehow didn't go together. But Job shows us differently. All the character traits that we have seen in Job were made possible because of his relationship with God. It was because of God's mercy that Job was merciful. It was because God is just that Job sought justice. It was because God hates evil that Job broke the jaws of the wicked. His life, in all its masculine expression, was built around his worship of God. His pursuit of God molded him into the kind of man he was. That is why God approved Job as a model for true manhood. That is why God referred to Job as "a blameless and upright man, one who fears God and shuns evil." Job was the real hero and a model for all men to follow and imitate. May such men walk the streets of America once again!

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MONDAY Responsible Leadership in the Home

1Timothy 3:4 "He must manage his own household well, having his children in obedience with proper respect." Paul is giving the qualifications for an elder in the church, but these qualifications are not for church leaders only. Every man should strive to build them into his life. This verse points out that the man must be a responsible manager of his own household. Lets notice what the Bible says about responsible leadership in the home. Responsible Leaders Love Their Wives. Colossians 3:19 "Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter against them." The word translated "bitter" is a Greek word that means to "exasperate, to anger, to irritate, or to grieve." I think some husbands misunderstand true leadership. It does not mean that the husband is always right. Nor does it imply that his way must be forcefully administered. Nor does love mean a weakness of leadership. It is no wonder that some wives are exasperated and irritated with their husbands, if they have husbands who are either dictators or cop-outs. Respect and submission are impossible for wives in such arrangements. If we men offer the right kind of leadership, most Christian women will not be grieved by their roles as a wives and mothers.
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How can we describe leadership that is dominated by love?. Love does not dominate another; but rather seeks to cultivate the best in him or her. Loving leaders will bring out the best in those they lead. Good leaders are not threatened by the abilities of those they lead. Recall how King Saul was enraged by the way the people sang the praises of David. David was a subordinate to Saul, but his success became a perceived threat and Saul sought to kill him. Instead Saul should have honored David and sought to draw out even greater things from him. Had Saul acted responsibly toward David, he would have found in him the greatest general in all of Israel. Saul would also have found favor in the eyes of people because of his wonderful general. Saul was insecure in his own feelings as a leader. I feel that some fathers and husbands are this way. Inwardly they feel that their wives are more talented than they are. Hence rather then build up their wives they see them as competitors for the recognition of other people. This isn't love and it is a real source of bitterness. I knew a husband who had a wife who painted. Listening to the husband, you would think that there was no artist greater than his wife. He was as proud, or even more so, than she. I couldn't see all that in her pictures, but do you know what? She appreciated her husband's response to her talent. She needed it and it drew them closer together. I can imagine that she found his clothes easier to wash with his approval than if he had jealously condemned her for spending so much time painting. If you are going to be the effective, loving husband that God wants you to be in your home, you are going to have to cultivate the talents of those in the family, rather than dominate them. Seek to find the good in each child, and do all you can to encourage and draw out his or her talent. Spend time with each person and cultivate their talents for their own betterment. A second thought on love and leadership is this: "The lover lets his beloved be free." Too many husbands or wives want to remake their spouses into their own ideal. Constantly they are comparing their mates with others. This only exasperates the spouse. We need to let then be free. We married our mates for who they are, not what we can make them. I have found that when a husband lets his wife be herself several things happen. The wife feels secure knowing that her husband loves her. Then also the wife and the husband grow together, so that the things that appeared as glaring differences when they first got married dissolve as the years go by. But when one insists that the other change this "obnoxious habit", they resist and problems arise. If we cannot let our mates be free, then there is a breakdown in love somewhere. If we abuse their freedom and take liberties we shouldn't, then we really do not love. Forcing the issue will not solve the problem. If we cannot set another free then we are insecure and our love is not what it should be. I Peter 3:7 instructs us in how to live with our wives.

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"In the same way, you husbands live with your wives according to knowledge, giving honor as to a weaker vessel, as also being heirs together of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be cut off." Dwelling with your wife "according to knowledge" implies that you seek to understand her moods, know her needs, and know her capabilities. It is your job as a leader to know those who are in your charge Men of the world pride themselves in their ignorance of women. They will joke about it - but it is no joking matter. Husbands, God wants you to understand your wife. This will help you lovingly cultivate her abilities. It will help you to let her be free. This is the way Christ has set up the church. We are his volunteer servants because love will not permit us to have it any other way.

Responsible Leaders Lovingly Train their Children. Colossians 3:2 "Fathers, do not anger your children so that they may not be discouraged." Notice that Paul makes a shift from "parents" in verse 20 to "fathers" in verse 21. Do you suppose, men, that God wants us to realize that we are in greater danger of provoking our children than their mothers? The thought of the verse is that of provoking, irritating, or angering the child so that he becomes morose or despondent. The word for "discourage" means to "loose heart; to go about in a sullen, moody spirit". When children feel they can do nothing right because of constant faultfinding, they are apt to become depressed. In many cases they turn to peers in the world for approval. Before you know it they have a wall between themselves and their parents. Dads may blame the kids at school but it may not be them at all. Children who have warmth, approval and security of the home need little from their peers Fathers need to remember when teaching their children that they will make mistakes. Yes dad, it is easier for you to do it, and you can probably do it more quickly, but they need to do it. That is how they learn. Many fathers have been short tempered when their children could not do it right the first or second time. Their quickness of temper causes their children to build a low self-esteem. This they do not need. The Devil will try to put them down all their lives. They need to have a strong feeling of self worth by the time they leave home. The first 8 or 10 years of a child's life in the home with parents either builds or destroys self-confidence.

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Many children are overly aggressive because they are seeking attention and approval. Of course their aggression only brings further disapproval, so they go from bad to worse. Other children withdraw and become extremely introverted when they never find approval and self-worth from their parents. Dads play a significant role in building self-importance in the hearts of their children. I'm not speaking of putting children on an ego trip. Rather, I mean giving them a proper evaluation of worth. The only way a child can learn this is from parents and perhaps other interested adults. He or she needs to know that even when they do wrong and need to be punished, dad still loves them. Children need the firm loving discipline of a father who is willing to spend time with them. Dad is not there only when its time for punishment. He is there in the fun times and the learning times also. I have heard parents say: "If you don't straighten up I'm going to take away your bike." The child has said, "Go ahead." The parent doesn't carry through and the child knew he wouldnt. The child is asking for control. He is saying: "I need to be controlled, do you love me enough to do it?" In the absence of this control, his conclusion was: "No one cares what I do." Such a child will turn from his parents as soon as he is old enough and find someone he believes is concerned about him. It will probably be kids his own age, or perhaps drugs, or booze, or trouble. Fathers when you do not see to the discipline of your child, you are neglecting your duties. Yet discipline by itself is not enough. You must spend time with them - time to do their things with them, time to be a friend, time to love them, and time to build them up. Responsible Leaders Direct the Spiritual Life of their Homes. Ephesians 6:4 "Fathers, anger not your children, but rear them in the training and instruction of the Lord." No father knows all the answers but the family needs to feel that he is a capable student of the scriptures and one who has some spiritual wisdom. Too many men have passed off their familys spiritual development to the church. If you have never thought of yourself as a teacher of the Word of God, you need to begin seeing yourself in a different light. Your wife and children are your students. They will watch what you do and how you react. They will watch to see if you pray, argue with others or how you speak of other people. They will listen to what you have to say, for they are more ready to believe you than the preacher or anyone else. If you lack ability to teach, get some help. Men you are the spiritual leaders of your home. It is a great discredit to a man when his wife comes to me and says: "I wish my husband would take the lead in family devotions and spiritual things."

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Men, how can you lead if you aren't out in front? Regardless of how you lead, you will teach. If you are the foreman on a job, you will find yourself teaching your subordinates. Of all the people who might be willing to listen to you read from the Bible, your family will be the most willing. Be a leader to your family. While society is watching men cop out, God is looking for men who will take the leadership in their homes. God is looking for men who love their families - men who are willing to place the needs of their families over themselves. He wants men who do more than just deliver a paycheck - men who, because of love, allow their wives to be who they are and do not force them into their own image of a wife - men who cultivate the good in them and encourage them - men who make your wives feel like they are worth something more than just a dishwasher and bedtime partner men who accept their wives as they are, love them for who they are, and help them to develop into what God wants them to be. Men don't provoke your children to discouragement. Help built their self-worth. They need to know that you, above all people love them and want the best for them. Let them know that your love is constant, even when you punish them. They need to know that your disapproval of their action does not mean your disapproval of them. Finally, be the spiritual leader of your home. For too long men have looked on religion as being "a woman's thing." That's a cop-out. Men, God is going to hold you responsible for the spiritual leadership of your home Determine today that you are going to lead in spiritual things. Be the leader that God wants you to be.

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TUESDAY A Father's Role in the Family

Scripture Reading: 1 Thessalonians 2:8-12 Introduction Well-known speaker and author, Charles Swindoll, wrote these poignant words to share his grief when he lost his father in death. He called it simply, "My Dad." "My dad died last night. He left like he had lived. Quietly. Graciously. With Dignity. Without demands or harsh words or even a frown, he surrendered himself a tired, frail, humble gentleman into the waiting arms of his Savior. Death, selfish and cursed enemy of man, won another battle. "As I stroked the hair from his forehead and kissed him goodbye, a hundred boyhood memories played around in my head. When I learned to ride a bike, he was there. When I wrestled with the multiplication table, his quick wit erased the hassle. When I discovered the adventure of driving a car, he was near, encouraging me. When I got my first job (delivering newspapers) he informed me how to increase my subscriptions and win the prize. It worked! When I mentioned a young woman I had fallen in love with, he pulled me aside and talked straight about being responsible for her welfare and happiness. When I did a hitch in the military, the discipline I had learned from him made the transition easier. "From him I learned to seine for shrimp. How to gig flounder and catch trout and red fish. How to open oyster shells and fix crab gumbo and chili.. and popcorn and make rafts out of old inner tubes and gunny sacks. I was continually amazed at his ability to do things like tie fragile mantles on the old Coleman lantern, keep a fire going in the rain, play the harmonica with his hands behind his back, and keep three strong-willed kids from tearing the house down.
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"Last night I realized I had him to thank for my deep love for America. And for knowing how to tenderly care for my wife. And for laughing at impossibilities. And for some of the habits I have picked up, like approaching people with a positive spirit rather than a negative one, staying with a task until it is finished, taking good care of my personal belongings, keeping my shoes shined, speaking up rather than mumbling, respecting authority, and standing alone (if necessary) in support of my personal convictions rather than giving in to more popular opinions. For these things I am deeply indebted to the man who raised me. "Certain smells and sounds now instantly remind me of my dad. Oyster stew. The ocean breeze. The nostalgic whine of a harmonica. A camping lantern and white gas. Car polish. Fun songs from the 30s and 40s. Freshly mowed grass. A shrill whistle from a father to his kids around supper time. And Old Spice aftershave. Admittedly, much of my dads instruction was indirect by model rather than by explicit statement. I do not recall his overt declarations of love as clearly as I do his demonstrations of it. His life revolved around my mother, the darling and delight of his life. Of that I am sure. When she left over nine years ago, something of him died as well. And so to her he has been joined and they are together with the Lord. In the closest possible companionship one can imagine. "In this my sister, my brother, and I find our greatest comfort they are now forever with the Lord eternally freed from pain and aging and death. Secure in Jesus Christ our Lord. Absent from the body and at home with Him. And with each other. "Last night I said goodbye. Im still trying to believe it. Youd think it would be easy, since his illness has persisted for more than three years. How well I remember the Sunday he suffered that first series of strokes as I was preaching. God granted him several more years to teach us many things we take for granted. "He leaves in his legacy a well-marked bible I treasure, a series of feelings that I need to deepen my roots, and a thousand memories that comfort me as I replace denial with acceptance and praise. "I await heavens gate opening in the not-too-distant future. So do other Christians, who anxiously await Christs return. Most of them anticipate hearing the soft strum of a harp or the sharp, staccato blast of a trumpet. "Not me. I will hear the nostalgic whine of a harmonica held in the hands of the man who died last night or did he? The memories are as fresh as this mornings sunrise." Today is fathers day and I want to spend our time speaking to you about a Father's role in the family. Please join me in your bibles at 1 Thessalonians 2:8-12. "Having thus a fond affection for you, we were well-pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God but also our own lives, because you had become very dear to us. For you recall, brethren, our labor and hardship, how working night and day so as not to be a burden to any of you, we proclaimed to you the gospel of God. You are witnesses, and so is God, how devoutly and uprightly and blamelessly we behaved toward you believers; just as you know how we were
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exhorting and encouraging and imploring each one of you as a father would his own children, so that you may walk in a manner worthy of the God who calls you into His own kingdom and glory." Paul says here that he was as concerned for the Thessalonian church as a father would be for his own children. He used this comparison to help them understand the special affection he had for them, his willingness to give his life for them, his ceaseless exhorting them and encouraging them, and his concern that they walk in a manner worthy of God. There are many things we could say about the role of fathers. Ive chosen three of them to put before you in this message. A father is to provide certain things for his family. He is first to provide: 1. Security. Early on in our home, once we had become Christians, I remember being told these words by the Christians who taught me: "The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother." Growing up in my parents home, I dont think that the thought ever crossed my mind that they might divorce. I never saw them fight (though they must have had times when they didnt agree.) I never experienced the fear that they might leave me. We didnt have too much, as far as money and material possessions. I can remember my mother shopping at the Salvation Army Thrift Store every Friday for clothes for my sister and me. (They called it the "Sally Anne Shoppe" to help us preserve our dignity.) Only now do I realize that, when compared to many children growing up today in a culture where one of every two marriages ends in divorce, I had a level of security that was very special. Today I find it easy to trust. I am generally optimistic about the future. I know this world is full of problems, but I am fairly confident against them. Usually I have enough emotional strength left over after dealing with the issues of my own life to help a few others. Im not saying these things to call attention to myself. Im saying them to acknowledge that I owe a debt of gratitude to my parents, and especially today, since its Fathers Day, to my Dad. He stayed with my mother and my sister and me. I know that times had to be tough, but he didnt give up on us. He didnt chase off after selfish pursuits. My parents are still together today. Their commitment to one another has gone on to provide a foundation of extended security to my own grown children which, I hope will be passed on to their children. Fathers, more than any other human on the face of the earth, it depends upon you to provide security to your family. You need to assure them in both word and deed, like Jesus has done for us, that "I will never leave you nor forsake you."

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I dont mean just financial security. I mean the kind of "Ill-stick-with-you-no-matter-what" security that is constant even in times of financial hardship. The Bible says, "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church Christ has never abandoned His church, though she has given Him pain at times. Want to do something constructive for your family today, dads? Go home and tell them, "You have my promise that I will never leave you." According to the Bible, fathers are responsible for the security of their families. Considering the role of fathers further, a father is to provide:

2. Teaching. The responsibility for religious instruction in the home is given to fathers. Ephesians 6: 4 says, "And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." When I say that the responsibility for religious instruction lies with fathers, I dont mean that fathers are the only ones who will ever teach their children. I mean that fathers have the final responsibility for what is taught to their children. A father may do a good amount of teaching himself. He may also delegate some of it to his wife. Most fathers today delegate the academic responsibilities for their children to trained professional school teachers. A number of fathers take advantage of the public and private instruction that comes from the local church in such things as preaching, teaching in classes, and special activities like Vacation Bible School. All of these are good and Im thankful they were available for this father when he was raising his children. We do need to recognize though, that none of these helps, no matter how effective, free a father from his responsibility for his own children. Dads, you cannot expect the school or the church to raise your kids. Dads, if your children grow up and rebel, dont blame the church. Dont blame your wife or the public schools. Each of these can have an effect, yes, but the responsibility is first and foremost, yours. A study mentioned in Leadership Magazine disclosed that if both Mom and Dad attend church regularly, 72 percent of their children remain faithful to their profession of faith. If only Dad attends regularly, 55 percent remain faithful. If only Mom attends, 15 percent remain faithful. If neither attends regularly, only 6 percent remain faithful. If the study is accurate, if responsibility is left solely on the church, your child has only a 6 percent chance of remaining faithful to the Lord. But if you, Dads, take your responsibility seriously and your wife does too, their chances rise to a whopping 72 percent!

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Dads, responsibility for the instruction and discipline of the children belong to you. You will be the one who answers to God for their nurture and admonition. Finally, in considering the role of fathers, a father it to provide: 3. Love. In the book, PARENTS DESERVE TO KNOW, a contributor provided this description of some homes: "A home? Why do I need a home? I was born in a hospital, educated in a college, courted in an automobile, and married in a church. I get my food at the delicatessen and restaurant. I spend my mornings at golf, my afternoons at the club, and my evenings dancing or at the movies. When I die, I shall be buried from the undertakers. Why do I need a home? All I need is a garage!" There is one thing a home can provide like nothing else: love. Home should be a place where I am loved no matter what might happen., no matter how badly I may have messed up. Home is a place of refuge a place where I know people care about me and I care about them. In the parable of the Prodigal Son, the younger brother thought he could find what he wanted in life away from home. But when he had lost everything including his dignity, his thoughts returned to his father and his home. Dads, you have a special opportunity to make your home a place that is a refuge, a place where family members know they will always be safe and loved. It depends greatly on your attitude, though. You have to work on it. Its far easier to be a grouch and do nothing but grumble at family members. Family life has its trials, and if youre not careful, youll give in to the kind of grousing around that seems natural to some fathers. There are trials when children are small. Someone has described a baby as "a digestive apparatus with a loud noise at one end and no responsibility at the other." A young couple went out to a restaurant to eat dinner. At the entrance the host was asking the customers, "Smoking or non-smoking?" When this couple arrived with their fussing baby, the host quipped, "Screaming or non-screaming?" There are trials when they are children in the middle years. Dad, Mom, and two boys were about 200 miles into their trip when Dad had finally had enough. "Ever since we left home," he said, "you boys have been picking on each other, yelling names and tearing up the back seat of the car. Im putting and end to it right now!" He slammed on the brakes, pulled the car off to the side of the road, jerked his sons out and spanked them soundly. "I dont want to hear another word out of either of you for the next thirty minutes," he shouted. "Not one word!" The two boys sat still and quiet for at least thirty minutes until one meekly said, "Daddy, do you remember when you spanked me? Well, one of my shoes came off"
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Then there are trials when they are teenagers. A teacher, after correcting class papers, remarked to the teenaged student, "I dont see how one person can make so many mistakes on his homework." The student considered for a moment, then replied, "It wasnt just one person my dad helped." Its so easy, Dads, to fall into the trap of just being an old grouch who shows up at the end of the day, makes a bunch of noise, then hides himself behind the newspaper or computer monitor! You must not let that happen. You know, even if you arent a father in the biological sense, you can still help fill an important role in a childs life. Children need the love of a father, but we all know that many of them never get it. If youre a man with no children of your own, there are plenty out there today who lack what you could provide. The newspaper columnist, Ann Landers received this rather shocking letter from a person you and I might not consider worth listening to at first: "Dear Ann Landers: I am writing from behind bars. The charge? A felony- child molesting. Not a pleasant subject, I realize, but this letter is not being written to be pleasant or to gain sympathy. "Youve never seen me in the parks or near playgrounds looking for victims. I dont play ball and I dont give out candy. I dont leer at children or stare at them, yet Ive never lacked for victims. Ive held several positions of responsibility working with the public. Youve probably met me and liked me. Your children have learned that I can fix a bike and will talk to them when no one else has time to listen. When Mom was too busy or Dad was too tired, they came to me. I know more about your childrens teachers and their school problems than you because they knew I was interested. "The two girls I molested can never regain what was taken away from them and I will spend five years in prison. I was molested as a child and feel certain that at least two of my victims will grow up to be molesters. I am sick at heart, but the damage is done and I cant undo it. "The next time your child has something to tell you, dont be too busy to listen. Ask yourself, If I dont listen, who will? ---Signed, Guilty and Ashamed in Monon, IN."
I dont know the author of this poem, but the message says it well:

Take a moment to listen today To what your children are trying to say; Listen today, whatever you do Or they wont be there to listen to you. Listen to their problems, listen to their needs,
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Praise their smallest triumphs, praise their smallest deeds; Tolerate their chatter, amplify their laughter, Find out whats the matter, find out what theyre after. But tell them that you love them, every single night And though you scold them, be sure you hold them; Tell them "Everythings all right; Tomorrows looking bright." Take a moment to listen today To what your children are trying to say; Listen today, whatever you do And they will come back and listen to you.

Conclusion
Dads, are you providing security for your family? Do you dearly and truly love and cherish your wife, their mother? Do you teach them about the important things of life? Are you committed to them above all others except God Himself? If you arent then you havent another day to waste.

I took a piece of plastic clay And idly fashioned it one day, And as my fingers pressed it still, It moved and yielded to my will. I came again when days were past The bit of clay was hard at last; The form I gave it, it still bore, But I could change that form no more. I took a piece of living clay And gently formed it day by day, And molded with my power and art A young childs soft and yielding heart. I came again when years were gone It was a man I looked upon; He still that early impress wore, And I could change him nevermore. (Author unknown) Dads, do your part. Its up to you.

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WEDNESDAY The Need for Masculine Leadership in the Home

Text: Ephesians 6:4." "And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:4 NAS) Introduction The following article was sent to me at my email address by an anonymous source. I usually discard such things without reading them, but the title caught my eye. It's called "The Feminizing of America." It was written by Chuck Baldwin who is a talk show host in Pensacola, Florida. I'll comment on it once I have read it to you. Recent news reports stated that one of the reasons President Bush decided to take a more active role in negotiating a peace settlement in the Middle East was because of his concern that women voters were being "turned off" by pictures of dead bodies from war-torn areas in and around the West Bank. Keeping women voters happy seems to be a high priority for politicians these days, and for good reason - America is now a thoroughly feminized country. Subscribe to any cable or satellite service and one will discover an abundance of women's channels. Do these channels promote traditional femininity? No. They promote radical feminism instead. At the same time, trying to find a men's channel is an exercise in futility, because it does not exist.
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To find a masculine president, one has to go back to Ronald Reagan. Before that, however, the vast majority of U.S. presidents, Republican and Democrat, exuded masculinity and manliness. Those days are over. Today, women must be appeased and catered to. They are the heads of businesses, the heads of churches, and the heads of their homes. In politics, the women's vote is usually the one that turns the election. Women serve on military ships and in military operations. They dictate their children's upbringing (which explains why most of them grow up undisciplined and spoiled, by the way) and have the final word on virtually all family decisions. Such a phenomenon is the sign of a nation in trouble. God's prophet warned that one of the marks of a nation under divine judgment is when "women rule over them." (Isaiah. 3:12) The exact cause of the feminizing of America is difficult to pinpoint. Did radical feminism cause men to abandon their God-given responsibilities, or did that abandonment create the vacuum from which radical feminism grew? It is the old chicken or the egg question. However, one thing is sure: men have abandoned their responsibilities of leadership, and our nation is going down the tubes because of it. In the black community, the vast majority of children are being raised without a father. The white community is not far behind. Furthermore, in those homes where fathers do exist, they are largely detached and provide no real influence. Mom is in charge, and everybody in the household knows it. It was not always this way, however. There was a time in this nation when rugged men taught their sons the qualities of manhood. Boys grew up learning how to box, how to wrestle, how to play football, etc. Today, America's boys only know how to play girls' games. They have never had their noses bloodied or their butts bruised. "Soccer Moms" have replaced disciplinarian dads. Then again, there was a time when a man's primary interest was not in guzzling a pack of Budweiser and sitting all evening in front of the "boob tube" while ignoring virtually everyone in the house. There was a time when men took their families to church and taught their children the fundamental values of honesty and integrity. Believe it or not, there was a time in America when men took pride in being the spiritual heads of their homes. They actually knew how to balance a checkbook and how to read the Good Book. They were the kind of men that women loved and children respected. However, the feminization of America is so complete, so thorough, that I am not certain if oldfashioned, masculine men are even desirable anymore. You would not know it by looking at our politicians, or our preachers - that is for sure. Therefore, President Bush (and everyone else) will continue to appease the feminist majority (male and female) that comprises this new, feminized America. The author's comments about feminized politicians and preachers notwithstanding, the more I thought about Chuck Baldwin's article, though I didn't know of him before I read the article, the

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more I found myself agreeing with him - especially when he spoke of the absence of masculine leadership by fathers in the home. My assignment is to speak to you about challenges to our family relationships and how going back to the "Old Paths" of biblical values can help us meet them. My first response to that assignment was to wonder what I could possibly say in the time allotted since there are so many challenges facing the family. Things are getting so bad that some are even predicting the demise of the traditional family (albeit some of the same ones making this prediction would love nothing more than to see such a thing happen.) In the end I decided to choose the one issue that, it seems to me, must be resolved before the others can even be faced. That issue is this: There must be someone in the family who is charged with the responsibility to watch for danger, to protect, to provide, and to lead. In the terms of biblical values, that means masculine leadership in the family. God has placed the responsibility for dealing with the challenges that come up against the family into the hands of husbands and fathers. Yet in many homes, both in the nation and in the church, men are AWOL from this role. Some have abandoned their families altogether. Others have either given up or bowed out of their role. Some are missing because they are lazy and don't want to take on the responsibility. Others do not lead because the social pressure spawned by radical feminism has forced them out and they fear standing against the tidal wave of anti-masculine sentiment. They opt to simply surrender. Still others have forgotten altogether what the role of a husband and father is supposed to be or perhaps they were never even taught in the first place. We are paying a high price in our society for the devaluing of traditional and biblical roles in the family. According to the American Fatherhood Initiative: 4 out of 10 U.S. children today grow up without their father at home. 30% of families in the U.S. are headed by a single parent - more than any other country in the world. There were 5.1 million U.S. children living apart from their fathers in 1960. By the year 2005, that number is expected to be 22.2 million - an increase of 440%. 20% of U.S. children live in poverty, most in fatherless homes. 70% of violent criminals - including 72% of adolescent murderers, 60% of convicted rapists and 70% of long-term prison inmates - grew up without fathers. 70% of juveniles in state reform institutions come from single-parent homes. Children without fathers are at greater risk for health and behavioral problems. One can only imagine what the future holds for those four out of ten children who are raised without fathers as they begin to have children themselves. We are paying another high price in the devaluing of traditional, biblical roles in the family, and this chronic absence of fathers. I refer to the epidemic of gender confusion. While the experts argue about the causes of homosexuality and lesbianism, it is not hard for me to imagine that it could easily be related to the role confusion going on in the homes of America. If men are feminized and women are masculinized by design to such an extent that it no longer means anything to be male or female (one of the major goals of radical feminism) then where is a boy
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supposed to learn what it means to be a man? Where is a girl supposed to learn what it means to be a woman? One of the major theories in psychological circles as to the cause of homosexuality is a boy growing up with a domineering mother and a passive, withdrawn or uninvolved father. I know that some would say that such a statement is an oversimplification of the problem, but perhaps those same folks would also argue diminish the importance of male/female roles. Several years ago I attended a seminar presented by the Portland Fellowship, a religious based group of professed recovering homosexuals and lesbians. They opened up their meeting to preachers in the Northwest. I went to learn firsthand what some of these people went through as they strove to break away from their sinful past. A number of the participants got up and told their stories and I was amazed at something I heard over and over again. Each one described how they had either a passive or absent father. Afterward I stayed to speak to one of the area counselors used by the group for referrals. His words only verified the testimony of those who spoke. He said the majority of those men he counseled had a similar background of dominant mother/passive, absent or uninvolved father. Thus I suspect that another of the great threats to our families, that of homosexuality, is rooted in the battle over traditional gender roles and is included in the fallout of what Chuck Baldwin called "The Feminizing of America." Do the "old paths" of the Bible have anything to say to our increasingly "fatherless" generation? Could a trip "back" to the Bible lead us to a future of brighter prospects for our families? I have no doubt about it. The Bible contains everything we need to reverse these trends and heal the problems of our nation if it were simply heeded. But we will see improvement only when a generation of godly men is willing to resume responsibility for fatherhood and masculine leadership. Because we seem to be losing fatherhood and masculine leadership in the home, it's good to review what the Bible says about fathers. The word "father" appears 355 times in the New American Standard Version of the New Testament. It appears 735 times in the same version of the Old Testament. The Apostle Paul cast light on the role of fathers when he wrote of his kind affection and fierce concern for

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THURSDAY Daddy, How Do You Spell Love?

Text: I John 4:7-16 One Saturday afternoon when we lived in Boise, I was out in the back yard working. Shawnacee opened the back door and asked, "Daddy how do you spell LOVE?" I gave her the four letters, and with her new found skill to print she placed them on a drawing she was drawing for Colleen. Dads, how do you spell love? All of us need to ask ourselves that question. "How do we spell love?" It is more than a matter of putting four letters of the alphabet together in the correct order. Are we the kind of people who spell it as we express it? Do we spell it in the way we live and in the way we fulfill our personal relationships. If that is the case, then love may be the most misspelled word in the vocabulary of our lives. There is abundant evidence of the disastrous consequences of misdirected and inadequate love. The teenager whose parents have given her everything but the gift of their presence and love. A battered spouse victimized by the one who had earlier in life said, "I promise to you my love." A church torn by jealousy and misplaced priorities. The words whispered in the ear of a date as the car stops in front of a motel: "You love me don't you?"
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How do you spell love? Our children are asking. The world is asking. A world desperately in need of Christ's love is watching and waiting for our response, a response can will make the difference in the quality of live now and for eternity. The Bible speaks widely about love. 100's of books have been written. Friends and family have advice on the subject of love. But how do you spell love? I suggest we spell love with trust, Trust that accepts the risks. I suggest we spell love with involvement, an involvement that is willing to share. I suggest we spell love with commitment, commitment that stays until the very end no matter what. That is how we ought to spell love. This morning I want us to look at how we might better know how to spell love in our own lives. I. Love Is Spelled With Trust, Involvement, and Commitment. A. First of all we spell it with Trust. There can be no genuine love in our lives without trust. Genuine love involves trust that accepts the risk of sharing your life with other people, sharing your thoughts, your goals and dreams. It is laying your life out on the table where other people can see it and be a part of it. Dads, do you do this with your kids? Do they know who you are? Have you thought about sharing your hopes and dreams and desires with your children or spouse? Because love involves trusting, Love is not unwilling to trust a young person to make some decisions for life. Nor is it the motives for a husband to grill his wife about her friendships. Jealousy leaves no room for love and risk. Reba MacIntyer sings a song entitled, "Have you ever cheated on me?" The answer, in the song, is "only in my mind." Colleen and I don't even have to ask such a question. The Apostle Paul said, "Love believes all things." That does not mean love is gullible or blind, but it does mean love posses the attitude of complete trust.

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God loves us and trusts us to do His will and to love Him back. I believe that if God can do that we can make an honest effort to spell love with Trust. B. Second, love is spelled with Involvement. Love is spelled involvement, in that it is willing to share. Folksinger, Joan Baez was married to David Harris. David was sent to jail for refusing to serve in the army. While he was in prison, Joan was always singing about David, telling the world of the love between them. David at the same time wrote a book about their relationship--how much he missed his wife and was looking forward to the day when he would be united with her and his child. A few months after David's release he said these words. "Living together is getting in the way of our relationship." They decided to separate--long distance love for them was much easier than day-to-day involvement. Many people in the world today feel the same way. Some who are legally married live like singles. The wife is with her girl friends; he is on the golf course. He mows the lawn, she mops the floor. Each is doing his own thing--no involvement, no commitment, no sharing. Their "first love" goes unnourished until, afflicted with emotional and spiritual malnutrition, it finally dies in the cold, sterile environment of what might have looked like a "perfect marriage." (That happened to Joan and David.) A little girl had just heard the story Snow White for the first time. So full of enthusiasm that she could hardly contain herself, she retold the story to her mother. After telling about how Prince Charming arrived on his beautiful white horse and kissed Snow White back to life, she asked her mother, "Do you know what happened then?" "Yes, they lived happily ever after." "No," responded the little girl, with a frown, "they got married." With childlike innocence, the little girl has spoken a partial truth without even knowing it. You see, getting married and living happily ever after are not necessarily synonymous events. Love takes involvement from both sides. Marriage is like a violin; it doesn't work without the strings. And when the music stops, the strings are still attached. King Frederick II attempted to raise children without maternal affection. He wanted to find out what kind of speech children would have when they grew up if they spoke to no one in their formidable years. He had the children raised in foster care and gave strict instruction for no one to speak to the children. He was curious to see if they would speak Hebrew, the oldest language, or Greek, or Latin or even Arabic, or perhaps the language of their parents, of whom they had been born. But he never found the answer because the children all died. They could not live
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without the attention all children need from their parents. Missing were the joyful faces and the loving words needed to mature life. If love is going to grow in our relationships, it will be on account of the involvement we give to it. C. Love is spelled with Commitment. Love is commitment that never gives up. Paul said; in 1 Corinthians 13:7c,8 "Love endures all things. Love never fails;...." Dads, moms, brothers, sisters, friends, love has a "commitment quality" that is willing to endure and fine tune a relationship. Commitment should prevail in our relationships, as husband-wife, as parent-child, as employer-employee, as minister-congregation. At every level of our relationships commitment should be the glue that helps hold them together. Love is not a blind emotion, it is an act of the will. I believe that love should be a decision based on the forethought of commitment. (Repeat) Nate Saint was one of five missionaries who were killed by the Auca Indians. He once said that his life did not change until he came to grips with the idea that, "Obedience is not a momentary option...it is a die-cast decision made beforehand." The same is to be said about love: Love is not a momentary option...it is a die-cast decision made beforehand." II. Two Biblical Examples of Love. There are two examples from scripture that illustrate this kind of love I have been talking about.. A. First, there is an example of a father and his daughter. The Book of Esther in the Old Testament describes the relationship between a father and his daughter. Esther (the daughter) won the Ms. Kingdom Pageant and became queen. Haman, the story tells us was elevated to power by King Ahasuerus. He issued a ruling which stated that everyone should bow down before him. He got angry beyond degree when Mordecai, Esther's adopted father, refused to obey his order. In a fit of rage, Haman issued an order to annihilate all Jews, with this order he was willing to pay the sum equal to 10 million dollars.

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The plot thickened. Esther had not seen the king for 30 days (4:11). This tells us a lot about their marriage, their lack of involvement, commitment, and trust. This was not necessarily Esther's fault. At any rate, she was encouraged by Mordecai to go to the king on behalf of her people. But, to do this meant a possible death sentence (4:11). Esther said "I will go to the king,...if I perish, I perish" (4:16). You talk about a risk! You talk about involvement! Esther had learned this kind of love from her adopted father, Mordecai. Some of you are fathers, but maybe you have been a better father to someone other than your own child. Maybe you have related to a niece or a nephew, or one of the youth in the church as a father.Have you been a loving father, willing to trust, willing to accept risk, willing to involve yourself because of your love? Esther and Mordecai knew trust, involvement, and even commitment. They faced the risks and won. This love of Trust, Involvement, and Commitment is: B. Next seen in the example of a father and his two sons. Luke chapter 15 is where this second example of love is found. We know the story: The younger son asked his father for his share of the coming inheritance so he could go out on his own. His Dad gave it to him--no fuss no fighting, he just gave it to him. While the boy was growing up, the father had loved him and trained him in the way he should go and the time had come to let him go, risking him to the far country. The father never gave up on his son and later because of his commitment he reaped the reward of a new and deeper love with his son. This father has a commitment that stayed until the end and that commitment enabled him to see his son's return. The parable tells us that the father saw his son coming down the road one day and ran to meet him. He did not greet the boy with "I told you so!" but "My son, welcome home!" He wrapped his arms around him with love that he had never really let go of. 3. The Father's Love. The significant thing about love is that it can only be spelled with help from God the Father. Just like Shawnacee asked me, "Daddy, how do you spell love?" so we must come to God in order to know the true meaning of love. The Apostle John said, in 1 John 4:7, "Love is of God," and then he said to look at how He showed us He is love, "God showed how much He loved us by sending His only Son into this wicked world to bring us eternal life thorough His death. In this act we see what real love is: it
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is not our love for God, but His love for us when He sent His Son to satisfy God's anger against our sins." John 4:9, 10 (LB) We cannot know what love is outside of a relationship with the Lord. In creation God showed His love for the entire world, which man is to "have dominion" over. What a risk! In Christ, God "became flesh and dwelt among us." in Christ our Lord became involved with the full dimensions of our lives--temptation, suffering, joy, and even death. He was willing to share it all in order to give us life. On the cross He demonstrated commitment of the deepest kind, turn to Romans 5:8. The same John who wrote about love in First, Second, and Third John says in the Gospel John, Facing the cross, and looking at Jesus up there I couldn't help but see His commitment of Love. He wrote; "having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end." (John 13:1). Through His Word and through His people He still loves us today. He has trusted us with the ministry of sharing the Good News. He risks the mission of winning the world to the likes of mankind. Dads, how do you spell love today? The Heavenly Father tells us to spell it with Trust, Involvement, and Commitment. In His letter to the Ephesians Christians, Paul prays that they may know the dimensions of Christ's love and be rooted and grounded in it. He begins the prayer with the hope that they will through faith allow Christ to dwell in their hearts; "for the purpose of being rooted and grounded in love..." (Eph 3:17). We cannot understand the Love of God until we have faith in Him. Then when we do we will be able to share it with others. We will have a Trusting love, we will have a love that gets us Involved, and we possess a love of solid Commitment.

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FRIDAY Fathers - Dont Exasperate Your Children!

Text: Colossians 3:21; Ephesians 6:4 Introduction I generally try not to begin a sermon on a negative note but the following story illustrates the meaning of my text this morning so well that Ive decided to make an exception. I dont know the author of this piece. If I did I would send him a sympathy card. "I was just twelve when my Boy Scout troop planned a father-son campout. I was thrilled and could hardly wait to rush home and give my father all the information. I wanted so much to show him all Id learned in scouting, and I was so proud when he said hed go with me.

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"The Friday of the campout finally came, and I had all my gear out on the porch, ready to stuff it in his car the moment he arrived. We were to meet at the local school at 5 p.m. to car pool to the campground. "But Dad didnt get home from work until 7 p.m. I was frantic, but he explained how things had gone wrong at work and told me not to worry. We could still get up first thing in the morning and join the others. After all, we had a map. I was disappointed, of course, but decided to just make the best of it. "First thing in the morning, I was up and had everything in his car while it was still getting light, all ready for us to catch up with my friends and their fathers at the campground. He had said wed leave around 7 a.m., and I was ready a half-hour before that. But he never came out of his room until 9 a.m. "When he saw me standing out front with the camping gear, he finally explained that he had a bad back and couldnt sleep on the ground. He hoped Id understand and that Id be a big boy about it but could I please get my things out of his car, because he had several commitments he had to keep. "Just about the hardest thing Ive ever done was to go to the car and take out my sleeping bag, cooking stove, pup tent, and supplies. And then, while I was putting my stuff away in the storage shed and he thought I couldnt see, I watched my father carry his golf clubs out and throw them in his trunk and drive away to keep his commitment. "Thats when I realized my dad never meant to go with me to the campout. I didnt matter to him, but his golfing buddies did." I dont know about you but that sad story nearly takes my breath away. This morning I want to spend some time exhorting the fathers among us with two Bible texts that were written about the very thing this story brings up. The first passage is Colossians 3:21. It says, "Fathers, do not exasperate your children, that they may not lose heart." The second passage is very similar in meaning. It is found in Ephesians 6:4: "And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." The Apostle Paul is the author of each of these scripture portions. Both are found amid instructions for the various relationships that Christians have. Lets begin by asking, 1. Why only fathers? Shouldnt these passages be addressed to both fathers and mothers? Why did Paul mention only fathers?
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As strange as it may seem to us today, in Pauls day, especially among non-Christian and nonJewish households (families not influenced by the Holy Scriptures) love of a father for his children was not valued and was not all that common. Under the Roman law of patria potestas, a father had power of life and death over his children, grandchildren, and any slaves. He could throw his children out into the street, sell them as slaves, beat them, or even kill them with no fear of repercussion from the government. There were no child protective services. The courts did nothing about what we today would call "child abuse." When a child was born it was placed at its fathers feet. If the man picked the newborn baby up, it would be accepted into the household and kept. If he turned and walked away, it was disposed of in much the same way as aborted children are today. This heartless custom can be seen in an actual letter written in the first century B.C. by a man to his wife. It reads, "Heartiest greetings. Note that we are still even now in Alexandria. Do not worry if when all others return I remain in Alexandria. I beg and beseech you to take care of the little child, and as soon as we receive wages I will send them to you. If - good luck to you - you have another child, if it is a boy, let it live; if it is a girl, expose it." Note how casually that father suggested to his wife to get rid of the child. Presumably, "expose it," meant that the child would be set outside and abandoned until it was dead. In each of the two passages were considering, Paul had just given instructions for children to obey their parents. For a father influenced by the law of patria potestas in the Roman culture, this might seem like a green light to the attitude fostered by this heartless law. Thus, it may have been necessary for Paul to balance the obedience command with these instructions to fathers that we are reading in our texts. Having given this explanation of why it might be that Paul addressed only fathers, I point out again that mothers, too, are capable of exasperating their children, so I hope you moms wont tune these things out. So what, exactly, are we talking about when we speak of provoking to anger or exasperation? 2. What does "exasperate" mean? The American Heritage Dictionary gives this definition of the English word: "To make very angry or impatient; to annoy greatly." The Greek word has to do with provoking to a kind of deep seated or prolonged anger. This isnt to say that we should never make our children angry. There are times when that is unavoidable but it soon passes, especially in a where things are dealt with properly as they come up. The idea of exasperation goes beyond occasional anger. It is provocation to a constant, seething, smoldering anger. The NIV says, "Do not embitter your children." Bitterness is anger over an extended period of time. It is anger gone sour. It is anger without resolution. The result of such exasperation in children is mentioned in the Colossians 3:21 passage: "Fathers, do not exasperate your children, that they may not lose heart."

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Children who are exasperated eventually just give up trying to please their parents. Their spirit is broken. They lose heart. Imagine being locked in a cell with no lights. You cannot see anything except a tiny bit of illumination that streams in once a day when a small door opens and a hand slides a dish of food in to you. There is no explanation as to why you are there or why you are being treated like this. As you take a bit of the food, an electric shock hits you. At first you are angry and annoyed. Next, you refuse to eat. But then your hunger gets the better of you and you eat despite the shock. Then you determine that you will try to get some attention from the person behind the hand that slides your food in. You speak again and again, each time the hand appears, but there is no answer. Next you decide you will grab that hand the next time it comes in, but as you reach for it, another electric shock hits you even stronger than the one associated with the food. This goes on for days or weeks. You scream for someone to help you but no one comes. You reach for the hand but are rebuffed. You try everything you can but accomplish nothing. Finally, exhausted and out of options, you just give up, curl up in the corner of your cell and refuse to eat. Or maybe you lash out at anything you can. You pound at the walls with your bare fists. Or maybe you try to kill yourself. The point is you finally conclude that you cannot win. Nothing helps. There is no explanation. There is no escape. There is no hope. You give up. Thats exasperation. Im not suggesting that parents would lock their children in a dark room. Im simply pointing out that this final, no hope attitude is the same thing as were talking about exasperation. 3. How do parents exasperate their children? A closer look at the remedy Paul prescribes will suggest some answers. In Ephesians 6:4, the Apostle says that rather than provoke them to anger, we are to "bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." These words mean more than that we just teach our children about the things of the Lord. They go beyond teaching them all the right things, though that is important. They address the manner in which we go about our teaching and discipline. We need to apply the same manner of discipline and instruction to our children that the Lord does to His. The New Living Translation puts it this way: "bring them up with the discipline and instruction approved by the Lord." Looking at the issue this way gives rise to a helpful study of how God deals with us. Hebrews 12:7 says, "God deals with you as with sons." Any discipline or instruction that we do with our children that does not follow after the pattern of the Lords own discipline and instruction of us provides the potential of exasperating our children. The discipline and instruction of the Lord is our model our guide. Obviously I dont have time for an extensive study of how God has dealt with us in a single sermon, so I will instead offer you the conclusions of my own study. Based on my own study, here some things that exasperate children. A. Children become exasperated when parents dont provide discipline.

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According to Hebrews 12:6, God disciplines His children because He cares for them and has their best interest at heart. In fact, the Hebrew writer holds out Gods discipline as proof that God loves us. Contrary to the prevailing views around us today, discipline is a vital part of raising children. Proverbs 19:18 says, "Discipline your son while there is hope, and do not desire his death." Children who are fairly and consistently disciplined grow up secure in their parents love. Likewise, those who are left to run wild often believe their parents dont really love them or care about them. No, when we speak of discipline, were not talking about abuse. God never abuses us. Were talking about fair, reasonable, consistent, loving, and sometimes unpleasant correction. Such discipline, when done right, prevents exasperation. B. Children become exasperated when there is a lack of instruction. God has always provided instruction as to how and what they are to do. The Bible is His instruction book. Our children, too, need to be taught how to do the things we expect them to do. Is it right to get exercised about a child not cleaning his room if a parent has never taken the time to teach him how to do it? "What is there to cleaning a room?" you ask. Well, apparently there is quite a lot. Professional organizers get paid big bucks to teach such skills to adults. And I know adults who still cannot adequately clean a house or keep their stuff organized. To pile expectations on a child with little or no instruction can be a source of exasperation. C. Children become exasperated when discipline is too harsh. Gods discipline is always fair. Likewise, for our children, the punishment needs to fit the crime. All of us seem to be born with an innate sense of justice. We know when we have done wrong and we know when we deserve to be punished. If that punishment is meted out fairly, we accept it. If it is excessive, we often respond in anger. Of course, a small child cannot show such anger in the presence of a harsh parent without getting his head knocked off (speaking figuratively, of course) so he internalizes it where it smolders and turns to bitterness. Though this anger may not be seen in the short run, it will usually come out later in rebellion, when the child is finally old enough (the teen years) to make the lives of his parents miserable. D. Children can become exasperated by impatient instruction. God is patient with us, not wishing for any to perish. Likewise, we need to be patient with our children. It always takes longer to teach a child to sweep the floor than it does to simply sweep it yourself, doesnt it? If in the midst of a childs dawdling on a project, you work yourself into a lather and take the project back to do it yourself, what have you taught him? Surely you have not taught him how to do the project. You may also have taught him that if he dawdles long enough, hell get out of doing it. Do this enough and you may exasperated him. How many times have you
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messed up something that you should have figured out by now and asked God, yet again, to forgive you? Is He patient with you? Yes, He is. E. Children become exasperated when discipline is inconsistent. God is always consistent in His discipline. In disciplining our children, if one time something is treated like a capital crime and the next time the very same issue is overlooked or treated lightly, our children get confused. Parents usually fall into this trap because they discipline according to their mood swings. If theyre in a good mood, they are lenient. If theyre in a bad mood, they breathe fire and bring down wrath. The child never knows what to expect. Exasperation can be the result. He finally gives up trying to figure it out and rather learns to manipulate his parents. F. Children become exasperated when anger motivates our discipline. Over and over the Bible says that God is long-suffering and patient with us. The greatest prerequisite to balanced discipline of children is parental self-discipline. Children can tell when parents are disciplining them in love and when they are just taking out their anger or frustration on them. Some of the best advice Ive ever heard about raising children came to me years ago when our own children were young. It came from a preacher/counselor with kind of a funny name: Holis Whitrock. He said, "Never, never, never discipline your children in anger." James 1:20 says, "The anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God." As parents we should first get our emotions under control, even if it means putting discipline off for a short time. Take time out. Cool down to the level where you can be fair. Offer an explanation once your children are old enough to understand. G. Children can become exasperated when love is withheld as a means of discipline. Love should never be a reward for good behavior. Love needs to be a constant. You love your child when he or she does well and you love him when he or she does wrong. This is critical. Romans 5:8 says, "God demonstrates His love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." God loved us even when we were doing wrong! If God had waited around for us to get our act together before loving us, would any of us be saved today? Not a one! We teach our children, "Jesus loves me when Im good, when I do the things I should. Jesus loves me when Im bad, though it makes Him very sad." Love is never a reward for good behavior. When children are small, and a proper spanking is administered, it is important for a parent, as soon as the crying is over, to call the child over, set him on your lap, explain again what he did wrong, then reassure him that you love him with hugs and kisses and that your love will never go away. Later, when a child is older, perhaps beyond the years of spanking, you still need to tell him or her often of your love even if, for awhile, he or she seems embarrassed by your expression. It is even appropriate to explain that you discipline him or her for this very reason that you love him.

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H. Children can become exasperated when their parents discipline is hypocritical. Gods discipline is never hypocritical. Neither should ours be. "Do as I say, not as I do," never worked with any of us. What makes us think it will work with our children? If children are told they should never lie, but hear mom lie to her husbands boss on the phone by saying he isnt home when he really is, theyll become confused and disillusioned. If they are punished for being disrespectful to others but see their parents berating each other or speaking evil of the next door neighbor or their employer, theyll spot the hypocrisy and it will lead to confusion exasperation. I. Children can become exasperated by overprotective discipline. Certainly God protects us at times, but He also lets us make our own mistakes, doesnt He? We live in times when it is quite reasonable to be fearful for our children. We want to protect them and spare them from harm. But a parent can go too far in this area. Yes, we must say "no" to certain things due to risk involved. But we also need to allow children to make some choices (and mistakes) of their own as they grow up. J. Children can become exasperated by discipline motivated by parental embarrassment. If God disciplined me every time I embarrassed Him, Im afraid Id probably be dead! It is quite easy to become angry when children act up in public or otherwise do things that cause parents to be embarrassed in front of their friends and associates. At such times discipline may become motivated by that embarrassment rather than by what is fair and right. Ive been a minister since my children were very young. Over the years they were known to act up sometimes - as all children do. Such an incident can be quite embarrassing, especially if you let others effect your judgment. The temptation can be to administer discipline according to the expectation of others rather than according to what is fair with my own children. If we "take em out and give em a licking" just to be seen by others and it isnt something we would normally do, we do our children a great disservice and may cause them to become exasperated. K. Children are exasperated by parent-centered discipline. God disciplines us for our good. But sometimes parents push their children to fulfill their own dreams. Fathers may want to relive their "glory days" through their children or find "glory days" they never had. Parents sometimes push their children in areas of competition to the place where they are completely exasperated and end up hating not only the activity, but also their parents who forced them. If you want to see that in real life sometime, attend a Little League game and listen to what the parents are screaming at their children. The Bible says, "Train up a child in the way he should go," not the way you want him to go or the way you always wished that you had gone. Parents who try to live their own lives vicariously through their children run a huge risk of exasperating them and may cause them to give up or rebel.

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L. Children become exasperated when discipline is all criticism without encouragement. God gives plenty of encouragement to His children in the Scriptures. We need to encourage our children as well. I took a class one time where the instructor took out a sheet of white paper and placed a black ink dot right in the middle of it. He did this in front of the class. Then he asked all of us what we saw. Nearly every person there said they saw a black ink dot. Only one or two said they saw a white sheet of paper with a small black ink dot in the center. We are naturally drawn to the negative. The "D" on the report card gets much more attention than the various "As" and "Bs." No, we shouldnt ignore the "Ds" but we certainly need to acknowledge the "As" and "Bs." Maybe if the discipline for a "D" or an "F" is to be grounded for two weeks, perhaps an "A" or a "B" on the same report card deserves some special treatment for a couple of weeks. When accomplishment is taken for granted or ignored and failure is harped on, a child will be exasperated. Conclusion I began this sermon on a very negative note the story of the father who promised his boy the camping trip but ended up brushing him off in order to go golfing with his friends. The exasperated boy said he learned from that incident that his dad cared more for his friends more than he did for his own son. I want to end this message with a positive story of a father who succeeded in showing his son that he did love him. The author of this story is a man named Arthur Bowler: "I watched intently as my little brother was caught in the act. He sat in the corner of the living room, a pen in one hand and my father's hymnbook in the other. As my father walked into the room, my brother cowered slightly; he sensed that he had done something wrong. From a distance, I saw that he had opened my father's brand-new book and scribbled across the length and breadth of the entire first page with a pen. Now, staring at my father fearfully, he and I both waited for his punishment. "My father picked up his prized hymnal, looked at it carefully, and then sat down without saying a word. Books were precious to him; he was a minister and the holder of several degrees. For him, books were knowledge, and yet, he loved his children. What he did in the next few minutes was remarkable. Instead of punishing my brother, instead of scolding or yelling or reprimanding, he sat down, took the pen from my brother's hand and then wrote in the book himself, along-side the scribbles John had made: John's word 1959, age two. How many times have I looked into your beautiful face and into your warm, alert eyes looking up at me and thanked God for the one who has now scribbled in my new hymnal? You have made the book sacred, as have your brothers and sister to so much of my life. Wow, I thought. This is punishment? "From time to time I take a book down - not just a cheesy paperback but a real book that I know I will have for many years to come and I give it to one of my children to scribble or write their names in. And as I look at their artwork, I think about my father, and how he taught me about
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what really matters in life: people, not objects; tolerance, not judgment; love which is at the very heart of a family. I think about these things, and I smile. And I whisper, Thank you, Dad."

SECOND SABBATH In Defense of Men

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One day shortly after the birth of her new baby, a mother had to go out to run some errands. She was anxious to be out of the house for a while, so the proud papa stayed home to watch his wonderful new son by himself for the very first time. Soon after his wife left, the baby started to cry. The father did everything he could think of to do but the baby wouldnt stop crying. Finally, the dad got so worried he decided to take the infant to the doctor. After the doctor listened to the father tell him all that he had done to get the baby to stop crying, the doctor began to examine the babys ears, his chest and then he got down to the diaper area. When he undid the diaper, he found that it was very "full." "Heres the problem," the doctor said. "He needs his diaper changed." The father looked very perplexed and finally said, "But the diaper package said it was good for up to 10 pounds!" If I wanted to, I could easily give you half a dozen humorous stories about how we men are sometimes truly clueless in our dual roles of father and husband. Now, I will admit that it is much easier (and safer) for me to poke fun at men than it is women. I mean, if Im a little hard on all of us men, some of you might give me bit of a bad time about it afterwards, but if I speak poorly of women in general, or if I stereotype women and say something like, "You know how women are," I could get into serious trouble with my wife, my daughters, my mother-in-law and the rest of the women in the church! My point is that there is a very obvious double standard in this area. It seems that our society has, in general, decided that while it is not okay to stereotype women except by their hair color, for some strange reason it is plenty fine to point out the shortcomings of some men and attribute those faults to nearly all men. [At this point, I played a very short clip from the popular television show "Everybody Loves Raymond." The clip showed how Raymond is very often insensitive, unfeeling, and condescending towards his wife, Deborah. If you do not have the ability to do this, or if you simply wish not to, the same point can be made quite easily by describing how men are portrayed on popular TV shows.] I enjoy watching that show on occasion just as many of you probably do. But the truth is that I could have shown a clip from nearly any popular sitcom on TV (that did not revolve around the characters workplace or sex lives) and the same point would have been made by all of them. I could have showed you a clip from "According to Jim," "My Wife & Kids," or even reached back a few years to "Home Improvement," or even further back to "Family Ties" and the sitcoms of the 1980s. They all have one thing in common: the TV family is characterized by an intelligent, attractive woman who, for reasons not made completely clear, married beneath her to a man who is likely overweight and none too handsome; but worse, he is insensitive, selfcentered, sloppy, and glacially slow to get a clue about everything that his wife and children think and feel.
In our society today, it seems to be okay to generalize about men and argue that since some men clearly do fit this description, then nearly all of us do as well. Dr. 51

James Dobson, in his book Bringing Up Boys, says he believes this is no accident, but that it is a result of radical feminist thought that was first brought to light in the 1960s. Listen to what he writes:

Although these early feminists called attention to some valid concerns that needed to be addressed, such as equal pay for equal work and discrimination in the workplace, they went far beyond the legitimate grievances and began to rip and tear at the fabric of the family. By the time the storm had blown itself out, the institution of marriage had been shaken to its foundation, and masculinity itself was thrown back on its heels. It has never fully recovered (p. 162).
Dobson goes on to make this point as well:

It is interesting to note how disrespect for men pervades the entertainment industry, including many television commercials. The formula involves a beautiful woman (or a bevy of them) who is intelligent, sexy, admirable, and self-assured. She encounters a slob of a man, usually in a bar, who is a braggadocio, ignorant, balding, and overweight. The stupid guy, as I will call him, quickly disgraces himself on screen, at which point the woman sneers or walks away. There are hundreds of these ads on TV today. Watch for them on the tube. Men, we have a perception problem. Many people have come to think of all of us as somewhat lazy, obsessed with superficiality, unintelligent, self-centered, uncaring, and, in many ways, more trouble than were worth. Its kind of like the little girl who asked her mother: "Mommy, if Santa Claus brings our presents, and God gives us our daily bread, and Uncle Sam gives us Social Security, why do we keep daddy around?" This perception of men has caused us to surrender our spiritual leadership roles. Weve come to think of religion and church as areas where women lead when the Bible clearly says that leadership is our responsibility and our burden to bear. And although were not innocent of many of these charges, to be blamed for all of them has seemingly allowed some men to adopt much of this bad behavior that were accused of. The reasoning appears to be that since were getting blamed for it anyway, we might as well do it. Additionally, this perception of men as basically flawed has allowed people to think of our boys as abnormal if they act like boys traditionally act, and not just as male versions of little girls. Now, we men are not going whine about it this: "Look, theres an unfair stereotype of men on the TV call the FCC! Im going to sue!" Being men, one of things that we absolutely cannot stomach is being thought of as whiners. And very few of us are going to be mean to the women in our lives as a way of reacting to this stereotype. Most of us instinctively know and obey Peters admonition in Scripture to "be considerate" as we live with our wives because they are the physically weaker partner, as a general rule. Were not going to hold protests or march in the streets. And, were going to continue to watch "Everybody Loves Raymond" and all those other shows because we can laugh at ourselves. However, we do need to work at regaining a biblical view of manhood and strive to make our lives conform to what the Bible says it means to be a good father, husband, provider and servant
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of God. That, of course, is a lifetime job and can seem almost overwhelming; but let me just point us in the right direction in three basic areas and hopefully well all be reminded of what God wants us men to be. Now, you women, Im not going to ignore you. In fact, you can be thinking about the men in your lives your husbands, fathers, sons, brothers, etc. and the ways that you can encourage them in this and help them to not fit into those negative stereotypes of men that are so prevalent in our culture, but to truly become the men God would have them be. 1. First of all, God would have us men be spiritual leaders. As I said, the Bible lays the burden of leadership in spiritual matters to men, generally speaking. In Ephesians 5, Paul makes it clear that the husband is the "head" of the family; but hes supposed to emulate Jesus in this and Jesus gave Himself up for His bride. In the church, were instructed to follow the elders, or shepherds, and they are to be spiritually mature men. Now, there are exceptions in the Bible and no one is saying that women dont have what it takes, but the Bible makes it pretty clear that in the family, in the church, men are supposed to be the spiritual foundation, the bedrock and to lead by example. Most women, in my experience, dont have a problem following their husbands lead in spiritual matters they have a problem when he wont step up to the plate and do what God has commanded of him. There is a great passage in the Old Testament, in the book of Joshua that tells of what happened immediately after the Israelites conquered the majority of the Promised Land. Youll probably recall that several of the tribes were allotted land on the eastern side of the Jordan River, but they crossed over and helped the other tribes drive out the people who lived on their allotted land west of the Jordan. Joshua, the leader of the people of Israel at the time, belonged to a tribe that lived on the eastern side, so after the job of subduing the land was done; he was going to head home to his tribes land on the eastern side of the Jordan. So, he assembled the tribes and gave them a farewell speech. Then he finished his talk with this rousing challenge (Joshua 24:14-15) We often think of leadership as having do primarily with knowledge. A man will say, "I cant be leader because I dont have enough Bible knowledge." Well, thats important, but more often than not, leadership has less to do with knowledge than it does with being able to stand up and say, regardless of how well its going be received, "You all can do what want, but as for me and my family, were going do what God says is right whether the rest of the world likes it or not." The essence of leadership is character and the essence of character is the courage to do the right thing whether or not others understand, agree, or follow. And sometimes leadership means you do what you know is right even when you would rather not do it. But, youve made a commitment to strive to be a godly man; so you buck up, you dont whine and you do what you know God wants you to do. The other day, I read an article about David Robinson, who played basketball with the San Antonio Spurs. Robinson retired last year after a 14-year career that included two NBA championships, an MVP season, a Rookie of the Year Award, a scoring title, two Olympic gold medals, and ten All-Star selections. He still believes basketball is a team sport that is played best
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by people willing to work together for extraordinary outcomes. His coach, Gregg Popovich, points to his unselfishness in welcoming and mentoring his own superstar replacement. Since Tim Duncan was drafted in 1997, "The Admiral" has been moved out of the spotlight for the sake of Duncan's role with the team. In a Sports Illustrated article a few years back, Robinson explained how his faith helped him handle his role without resentment or demanding to be traded: "I cant overstate how important my faith has been to me as an athlete and as a person. Its helped me deal with so many things, including matters of ego and pride. For instance, I cant deny that it felt weird to see Tim standing on the podium with the Finals MVP trophy. I was thinking, Man, never have I come to the end of a tournament and not been the one holding up that trophy. It was hard. "But I thought about the Bible story of David and Goliath. David helped King Saul win a battle, but the king wasnt happy because he had killed thousands of men while David had killed tens of thousands. So King Saul couldnt enjoy the victory because he was thinking about Davids getting more credit than he was. "Im blessed that God has given me the ability to just enjoy the victory. So Tim has killed the tens of thousands. Thats great. Im happy for him." You know what? David Robinson is a spiritual leader. When all of his peers seem these days to be more concerned with their fame and fortune than they are about their team winning games, hes a person who stands up for principle in this case, the principle is that its the team, not the individual player, who is most important. That takes guts, godliness and leadership. "As for me & my family, were going do whats right and we dont care what anyone else thinks." God wants us men to step up and be spiritual leaders.

2. Another thing God desires of us is that we be involved parents. My wife has a pen pal friend who lives in Alabama. Recently, she and her husband, who have two children together, got divorced. This is a very sad thing, of course, but there are some things that are worse. In her last e-mail she mentioned that her ex-husband pays his child support faithfully (which is something, at least), but he makes up all sorts of excuses to not see his daughters. When she asked if he wanted to spend time with them on Fathers Day, he declined. Non-involvement and the failure to discipline, teach, and set an example for a child will cause enormous emotional and psychological damage. When a parent doesnt say and show and teach a child the difference between right and wrong, then it seems that very often some basic understanding of these issues goes unlearned. This seems to be especially true of the father-son relationship.

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In the Bible, David is called a "man after Gods own heart." That is an amazing compliment, but we should not take it to mean he was anywhere near perfect. David had several wives and many, many children. One time, one of Davids sons, Amnon, became infatuated with his half-sister, Tamar, a daughter of Davids by another wife. In his infatuation, he did what to us would seem unthinkable and lured her into his bedroom and there he raped her. When David found out, what do you suppose he did? All that Scripture says is that, "When King David heard of all this, he was furious." No justice, no punishment, apparently not even any admonition. Maybe he figured it was better to ignore the whole sordid affair and pretend it never happened. Bad move. Two years later, Tamars full brother, Absalom, killed Amnon in revenge for raping his sister. So David had one son murder another and that led to open rebellion against the king by his son. I think that story shows us some of the insanity of polygamy. You know how crazy your house can be at times; would you like to add another spouse or two into the mix along with all those extra children? Thats crazy talk. But, the real lesson to be learned is that Davids failure to parent, to act as a father and king should, led to bloodshed within his own family. I dont hold myself up as the best example of an involved father some of you other men here probably do or did a better job than me but if we dont take seriously our childrens need for us to be involved in their lives, then were robbing them of their futures, in some cases. In The Effective Father, Gordon MacDonald wrote: "It is said of Boswell, the famous biographer of Samuel Johnson, that he often referred to a special day in his childhood when his father took him fishing. The day was fixed in his mind, and he often reflected upon many things his father had taught him in the course of their fishing experience together. After having heard of that particular excursion so often, it occurred to someone much later to check the journal that Boswells father kept and determine what had been said about the fishing trip from the parental perspective. Turning to that date, the reader found only one sentence entered: Gone fishing today with my son; a day wasted." The truth of that story is sometimes difficult for us fathers to get a grip on it is that some of the things we think of as trivial are incredibly important to our children. And we fathers can be the absolute best providers for our children we can give them every advantage that money can provide but if we then view our time with them and our involvement in their lives as wasted time and energy, were not being the men God would have us be. 3. Lastly, I want to point out that God also wants us to be devoted husbands. This is really a whole other sermon and weve talked about it before, so I wont spend much time on it; but I do want to look at one passage of Scripture that addresses the marital relationship. In 1 Peter, chapter 3, Peter writes in the first 7 verses (Read 1 Peter 3:1-7) This is one of those passages that is often misunderstood and quite frequently taken out of context. Most men like to read verses 16 in the presence of their wives, but stop there. However, to get the full truth, we need to read all seven verses together. Peters instructing
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women to make sure that they concentrate on the things that are truly important and not merely worry about their looks. He says their primary concern should be being beautiful on the inside. Weve all known people who looked good on the outside, but once you got to know them, you quickly realized that inside they were less than attractive. Peter also tells wives to be respectful and submissive to their husbands. Some women back then were apparently taking advantage of their new-found freedom in Christ and so were bringing shame upon the name of Jesus by their actions. But notice that neither here nor anywhere else in the Bible is a man instructed to make his wife submit to him. The wife is always told to be respectful and submissive (which is not necessarily the same thing as being completely obedient) but men are never told to worry about their wives obedience. No, men, our job in marriage is really more difficult than the womans job. Were to be worthy of their respect and submission. Here, Peter says be considerate of your wives, treat them with respect, remember who they are. Paul, in Ephesians 5:28 says, " husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself." We men sometimes want to talk about our wives "submitting," but the truth is that the greater burden that of being worthy of being submitted to is placed upon us. Whenever I hear of a couple where the man is worried and bothered about his wifes seeming lack of submission to him, I can tell you that this couple has some basic misunderstanding of how God wants things to work in marriage. One commentator said, "focusing on submission is almost surely an indicator that ones priorities are messed up." You say your wifes needs to submit to you, Im going ask you: Are you working hard at being worthy of her trust, her submission, her love? The truth is that most of Christian women I know are more than happy to submit to their husbands when the men are being the devoted husbands that God wants them to be. Men, the answer to the problem of men being made fun of and being the butt of jokes and negative stereotypes is not, as I said, to whine about it, nor to protest it in court or in the streets. The answer, the solution, the remedy is to be the kind of men God would have us be so that when someone makes a derogatory comment about men in general, our wives will pipe up and say, "My husband doesnt do that! Hes not lazy, self-centered, or a pig. Hes a good man, so watch what youre saying." When someone speaks about how parents always mess up their childrens lives, wouldnt it be great if our children would stick up for us and say, "My dad wasnt perfect, but he tried hard to be a good father to me and a good husband to my mom. When he made a mistake, he owned up to it and moved on. Your dad may have ruined your life, but Im grateful for mine!" And again, wouldnt it be great if, when someone is lamenting that no one seems to want to stand for anything these days, someone says of you, "I know many people are like that, but I know one fellow whos not afraid to tell the truth and let the chips fall where they may. He stands for Gods truth and while hes not perfect, he obviously cares what God thinks." I hope that well all be challenged to be the kind of men whose faith, words and actions are our own defense.
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