APOLOGISES IN ENGLISH (AND ROMANIAN)

CHIREA ANA-MARIA

According to the Webster Dictionary, an apology is an admission of error or discourtesy accompanied by an expression of regret.But apo logising is much more than that: Is an agreement to not do something again Apologising because we feel guilty is good but a change must

accompany that apology. The apologies that have no changes involved are apologies of

convenience; they are made for purely selfish reasons.

These are the three most common phrases used and we usually say OK your forgiven or I accept your apology: I apologise / mi cer scuze I am sorry /mi pare ru Please forgive me /Te rog s m ieri

There's more than one way to say "I'm sorry,". Some apologies encourage forgiveness and reconciliation; others only make things worse: Avoiding or postponing an apology Illocutionary Force Indicating Device Intensify

Providing a justification Acknowledgment of responsibility Offer of repair Blaming someone else or denying of responsibility Promise of non-recurrence

For instance: The man who hits his child once and apologises then never does it again is repentant and truly sorry for what he has done. His apology came with a promise to never do it again and he stuck to it. However, had that man hit his child and then apologised, yet continue to abuse him on other occasions, it does not mean he is truly sorry. Thus, when you apologise you are promising to change, no one is perfect and mistakes can be made from time to time but that is not a licence to habitually fall back on a promise.

There are up to four parts to the structure of an effective apology: Acknowledgement, Explanation, Remorse and Reparation. Of these four parts, the one most commonly defective in apologies is the acknowledgment. A valid acknowledgment must make clear who the offender is and who is the offended. The offender must clearly and completely acknowledge the offense. The next important phase of an apology is the explanation. An effective explanation may mitigate an offense by showing it was neither intentional nor personal and is unlikely to recur. An explanation will backfire when it seems fraudulent or shallow, as by saying, The devil made me do it or Ea m-a obligat. There is more dignity in admitting There is no excuse or Este n ntregime vina mea than in offering shallow explanation. Remorse, shame, and humility are other important components of an apology. These attitudes and emotions show that the offender recognizes the

suffering of the offended. They also help assure the offended party that the offense will not recur, and they allow the offender to make clear that he should have known better. Finally, reparation is a way for an apology to compensate, in a real or symbolic way, for the offenders transgression. When the offense causes damage or loss of a tangible object, the reparation is usually replacement or restoration of the object. When the offense is from an insult or humiliation to serious injury or deaththe reparation may include a gift, an honor, a financial exchange, a commitment to change ones ways, or a tangible punishment of the guilty party: mi cer scuze, cum por s m revanez?or There must be something to do to apologise for me behaviour. A causal relationship between apology and forgiveness is needed based on this analysis of apology. The apology repairs the damage that was done. It heals the festering wound and commits the offender to a change in behavior. Apologies in Spoken Discourse These are the most used apologises in English and Romanian:

English: I'm sorry I apologize for forgive me sorry for forgive me this but excuse me if I apologize to you

Romanian: Scuze Imi cer mii de scuze

Iertai-m M scuzai mi pare ru

And these are the most common apologies used in Written Discourse. As you may have noticed, the sayings are not that different in English, but they get more serious aspects when used in Romanian. English:

Sorry Excuse me for Forgive me for Forgive me ... But Im sorry I cant I apologise for

Romanian: Ne cerem scuze Motivul pentru care ne scuzm Scuze pentru Ne pare rau pentru/ dar Cerem scuze Scuzai expresia

There are situations in which it is useful to forgive without an apology. One obvious example is where the offending party is deceased. Forgiveness then helps the aggrieved get on with his life. In other situations, where the unrepentant offender shows no signs of remorse or change of behavior, forgiveness can be useful, but reconciliation would be foolish and self-

destructive. For example, a woman who has been abused by an unrepentant husband may forgive him but choose to live apart. Without an apology, it is difficult to imagine forgiveness accompanied by reconciliation or restoration of a trusting relationship. Such forgiveness is an abdication of our moral authority and our care for ourselves.