From Head to Heart: A Grounded approach to Relationships & Dating

Jesse Herriott, M.A.-------So youve decided to

embark upon the complicated journey of connecting with someone other than yourself. You definitely deserve applause. In a culture dominated by me-mine-& I wants, its always cool to hear of others that decide to cross this bridge, regardless of how long they remain in the relationship. After getting married straight out of college, one of the things that I can say is that there is no secret formula to building a healthy relationship. Sometimes, it can be hard as hell-but if I could go back in time and offer myself one piece of advice it would be to switch that passion into compassion really quick. They may look like an angel today, but because we are human, we can be devils on tomorrow. Human love and compassion is the building block of any successful union (regardless of the type of union), not the uber-romantic, angelic, Hollywood images that are portrayed in the movies. As humans, we all burp, flatulate and even swear a time or two, and Im sure theres someone, somewhere on the planet that is tired of our bu*l-sh*t. Whats up for debate is not whether youre going to bump heads with your potential date or partner-the real question is how do you plan to handle those rough periods when they do come. After all, since we are all unique our partners should complement us and in that manner, they will often provide the necessary friction we need to grow spiritually, emotionally, psychologically, and socially. I think one of the biggest mistakes we often make in dating is we often get trapped by our expectations as to how relationships should be. Dont get me wrong-some of the basics have to be there.along with a few adjustments 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. Attraction Intelligence Security Self-actualization Emotional maturity Etc.

Now there are some who may not agree with attraction being at the top of the list, but we are complex beings with a variety of needs. Lets be frank for a moment- its difficult to sustain any sort of intimate relationship with someone that youre not attracted to on a physical level. I think that when youre open and honest from a pragmatic standpoint, and when you are considerate of what youre bringing to

the table in all of those areas of the list that you have created; it makes this process a whole lot easier. For starters, if we can ever skip societal pressures and live from an honest place and space maybe some folks will realize that theyre just ok with dating-and thats ok. And there are also those at the other end of the spectrum who would rather not marry but engage in a committed sexually exclusive relationship with their partner-and thats ok as well. Where the whole dating and relationship drama becomes difficult is when we arent open and honest about where we are, what it is we are feeling, and what our intentions are in regards to what were going to do with those feelings. If you are dating and you only want sex, be honest with yourself. Regardless of your occupation, religious proclivity or economic background, you will feel better about yourself and save a lot of spending money if you are more in touch with how you really feel. Likewise, if you are attempting to engage in a relationship with the idea of connecting on a deeper level with someone that compliments you then be honest about that as well. Projecting false ideas and fantasies-regardless of what they are, will only lead you into heartache down the line. And most of all-have the strength of character to walk away from a relationship that you know does not resonate with who you are. The 80/20 rule is great to live by, but please understand the difference between lofty standards and basic expectations. Dont wait until you are engaged in a relationship, bring children into the world, and borrow years from someone elses life to learn honest lessons that you couldve figured out before you say yes (in whatever fashion that yes is communicated). Be grounded, centered and relax in who you are and know that whatever path you choose-you choose it, with conscious, deliberate and intuitive guidance from your soul. If youre living from that place and space-all of the rest of the details will work themselves out. Life is an adventure-start living yours today!