March 29, 2005 Volume 76 Issue 9

Continued on page 3
Piled higher and deeper. Thats
what most people think Ph.D. stands for.
In reality, Ph.D. is an abbreviation for
doctor of philosophy. Well, 84 per-
cent of the MSU-B faculty holds the
highest degree in their field. Its hard to
imagine getting a Ph.D. when youre try-
ing to make it through March without
screwing up your GPA. Just for fun,
lets imagine that we are interested in
getting a Ph.D. like most of our profes-
sors. Maybe after we realize what it takes
to actually finish this colossal task, we
will respect our teachers a bit more(as
hard as that may be at times).
Typical doctoral programs take
three to five years to complete. Yes,
after getting a masters, you have to
go to school three to five more years.
For the person who doesnt want to get
a job, this could be an ideal excuse. The
problem with continuing your education
for three to five more years after a get-
ting a masters degree is that when
your peers are raking in the dough, you
will still be broke and studying but at
least you wont be working at some cor-
porate bore of a job. The other problem
Piled Higher and Deeper
Betsy Harris
Co-Editor-in-Chief
On March 13, the MSU-
Billings Cheerleading team
competed in Irvine, CA at the
COA Open National Tourna-
ment and came home with a
second championship. This is
the second year in a row the
Jackets have won at the con-
test.
In individual partner
stunting, Frankie Reno and
Kristin Hodges captured first
pl ace. Teammat es Mar c
Snyder and Brooke Henderson
took second, Brad Lauckner
and Ver oni ca But t s t ook
fourth, and Eric Faulks and
Lindsey Hart took eighth. In
al l - gi r l st unt compet i t i on,
Ashl ey Hender son, Laur a
St ei ger, Br andi Hal l gr en,
Kristin Hodges, and Lindsey
Leischner took first, while
Lindsey Hart, Lyndsey Parrish,
Anna Fer guson, Mar i ssa
Anderson and Tracey Mann
took second.
The t eam compet es
agai n i n New York. March
31April 4 in Niagara Falls,
NY.
We came, we saw, we conquered.
Patrick Olp
Columnist
photo by Niki Porter
Eighty-four percent of the MSU-B Faculty holds the highest degree in their field.
A little light reading anyone?
photo by Bryce Skjervem
MSU-B Cheer Teamcaptures first place for second year in a row.
Childcare Center
on Campus Not
Just For Students
p. 4
Civil Unions vs.
Gay Marriage
p. 9
Boozin -N-
Cruisin Could
Have You Losin
p. 12
The Retort
Classifieds
p. 14
1500 University Drive SUB 225
Billings MT 59101
Business & Newsroom: 657-2194
Fax: 657-2191
E-Mail: retort@msubillings.edu
Guidelines & Policies
The Retort encourages the submission of letters to the
Editor. Letters must be under 250 words in length
and include name, signature, and phone number. The
Retort reserves the right to edit for space and possible
libel. Letters should deal with subject matter relevant
to the students, faculty, and staff of MSU-Billings. The
Retort is published every other Tuesday. Letters must
be submitted by the Friday after the most recent issue
date.
The Publications Board of ASMSU-B advises The
Retort, leaving content decisions to the editors. Opin-
ions expressed in The Retort are not necessarily those
of its members, the college, students, student govern-
ment, state government, or federal government.
Olivia Koernig...........Co-Editor-in-Chief
Copy Editor
Betsy Harris ...............Co-Editor-in-Chief
News Editor
Evelyn Irmen...............Business Manager
Beth Kern......................A&E Editor
Tove Bornes........................Layout Editor
Niki Porter.............................Photo Editor
Bryce Skjervem....................Sports Editor
Emily Valenzuela...........Creativity Editor
Dana Livermont..........................Reporter
Nicole Livermont........................Reporter
Dan Hansen..............................Cartoonist
Gloria Colvin.........................Staff Writer
Patrick Olp..............................Staff Writer
Anna Johnson.........................Staff Writer
Anne Plowman.......................Staff Writer
Jason Corbridge......................Staff Writer
Ashley Fagerstrom.................Staff Writer
Paul Jangula...........................Staff Writer
Jacey Jansma..........................Staff Writer
Melissa DeVries.....................Staff Writer
Lynn Demarais...............................Staff Writer
Nancy Swanson...............Faculty Advisor
This is the part where I
tell a little about myself. Usu-
ally in these types of situa-
tions, I would only reveal de-
mographic information. The
result being that you wouldnt
really get to know me, that is,
the real me. Ive decided to
take a different approach en-
t i rel y. Inst ead Il l dol e out
some obscure facts that might
be more interesting although,
probably even less revealing
of the real me. I love, Love,
LOVE the TV show Buffy the
Vampire Slayer. There is just
something so believable about
Buffy, Xander, Wi l l ow and
Gi l es when t heyre ri ddi ng
Sunnydale of evil (and I know
that Spike really is good, deep
down). Or maybe I should tell
you about t he t i me I vaca-
t i oned i n Or egon at a t r ee
house resort. It was run by a
bunch of smelly, barefoot hip-
pies. I was so close to leaving
my old life behind and staying
at the tree house commune to
become the resident underwa-
ter basket weaver. Ive always
wanted to be hippie. It might
be useful to share that I saw
my first snow in Mexico. I had
the nerve to hitchhike once,
t oo. That s a good st or y.
There are so many different
titles to describe me. Im a
sister and a student and a high
school drop out and an ex-wife
and a mother and a daughter
and a writer and a sporadic
poet, a part-time cynic and a
full-time dreamer. Oh, and
Ive recently added a new title,
Co-Edi t or-i n-Chi ef. Man, I
must be busy!
Olivia Koernig
Betsy Harris
Co-Editor-in-Chief
Olivia Koernig
Co-Editor-in-Chief
Now that you know what I
want for The Retort, I would like to
take this opportunity to tell you a
little bit about myself. I am a non-
trad student and a pretty stereotypi-
cal one. I comment on everything
my teachers say, I sit in the front, I
get my homework in on time, and I
get good grades. I feel I can redeem
myself by the fact that I do not now,
nor have I ever owned a rolling back
pack!
I dont want to reveal my age
but you can probably guess it when
I say that I had a Farrah Fawcett
hair-do; I wore leg warmers and
head bands seriously; I remember
when half-shirts and ripped sweat
shirts first came out; I had a room
full of John Travolta posters, and I
was Miss Yellowstone County
1982.
I never thought much about be-
ing a journalist, only a writer, but
getting involved with The Retort has
given me the bug. I guess what I
didnt realize is that journalists are
writers and they arent just going
to write their novel someday. They
produce on a regular basis(some,
only when their editor gives them ul-
timatums), but for the most part its
an exciting, engrossing way to be in-
volved, not only with school, but
with life! Who would have known?
One thing I have learned is that
school is so much more fun when you
get involved. It doesnt really matter
in what way you do it, but if you find
something, anything, to be passionate
about, your experience will be en-
hanced. Please, dont tell my teachers
that I do my Retort homework be-
fore I do their homework! And Im
not even getting graded for this. Am
I? Are you grading me right now?
Well, go ahead!
Betsy Harris
Editors Rant
Gettting To Know You
Retraction: Birth was written by Joe Baum from Creativity Issue 8.
The Retort would like to extend an apology to Paul Jangula for omitting
his name in issue 8.
with attempting a Ph.D. is that research
shows that up to half of the students
who begin doctoral study never receive
the Ph.D. Lets not dwell on that statis-
tic right now.
The key to understanding the pos-
sible programs you can get into is ask-
ing questions and researching. This is
probably good practice for Ph.D. work
anyway, since there is an emphasis on
research when getting it. Incidentally,
this practice is actually being ques-
tioned by some groups who say that
Ph.D. programs focus too much on re-
search and not on the other duties that
working in academia requireduties
such as teaching.
You can look at university and
program catalogs, rankings and guide-
books, and of course, the internet. If
you are still confused, and even if you
are not, ask a faculty member or any-
one who has any experience with post-
graduate work. A warning, if you do
ask a faculty member about a Ph.D.,
be prepared to answer the questions
they have for you. The first one will
most likely be Why do you want a
Ph.D.? I just want a Dr. in front of
my name is not a good answer.
Five questions you should ask
yourself are: Why do you want the de-
gree? What are your career goals?
What is the job market? What is doc-
toral study like? What is doctoral study
like in your field of choice? If you can
not answer these questions you may not
be ready to begin doctoral study. Many
professors encourage taking a few years
off after undergrad work and working
in your field of choice to make sure you
enjoy it.
Dr. Joy Honea just earned her doc-
torate in September from Colorado State
University. She is currently an assistant
professor of sociology at MSU-B. She
admits that the process of getting a Ph.D.
is different in various fields and at dif-
ferent universities,
but was willing to re-
late her experiences.
After obtain-
ing her masters de-
gree Honea took
courses for another two years. At the
end of the two years she had to take three
exams, two of them comprehensive ex-
ams over the past two years. The com-
prehensive exams were eight hours
long, from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. with a one
hour lunch break. They were on theo-
retical perspective and methods of re-
search. The third exam was over what
her substantive interest was. It took a
few months and she wrote a 30-40 page
paper with 45-50 references. After writ-
ing the paper she went in front of a com-
mittee and gave an oral defense to the
paper. In other words, they asked her
questions and she had to defend them
orally. Freaked out yet? Thats not all.
Piled Higher
(cont. from page 1)
If you are like most students on
campus, tight class schedules and long
walks between buildings force you to
eat on the run. Worse yet, when time
does allow an actual sit down meal, the
cafeteria options are seldom (never) the
delicious dishes Mom used to make.
This is especially true for the Interna-
only, The International Studies Club and
Spanish Club will bring the Interna-
tional Food Fair back to MSU-B. The
second annual Food Fair will be held
from 10:30 a.m. to 2 p.m. in the SUB
ballroom on Wednesday, April 6. Ikuko
Koko Valgenti, Assistant Director of
International Studies, said that last years
Fair was a phenomenal success. More
than 300 people showed up and pigged
out. Most of the vendors ran out of food
within the first hour! This year they are
anticipating a similar turnout; as such,
the participating clubs will be better
prepared and have more food.
Some of the campus organiza-
tions that will be serving up chow are
the Environmental Studies Club (Indian
tacos), the Jacket Ambassadors (Swed-
ish meatballs and German chocolate
cake), Spanish Club (enchiladas,
gazpacho, a variety of Argentine dishes)
and International Studies Club (sushi,
Asian fried chicken, some German des-
serts, smoked salmon). Also setting up
tables and offering American entrees
will be the Sociology Club, the College
Republicans and United Campus Min-
istries. There will be a cashier at the door
selling food tickets for $1 each. The
cost of the individual food items will
range from $1 to $4. Each separate club
Come and Get It! Second International Food Fair
photo courtesy International Studies Club
Native Americans demonstrate tribal dances.
After this, a person can become
what is known as ABD, which means
all but dissertation. At this time, you
can often get a job under the assump-
tion that you will complete your disser-
tation.
If by some miracle, you are still
able to continue this process, the next
step would be to make a proposal about
the topic of your dissertation, which
Honea did. She then had a preliminary
exam where she had to orally defend
her topic. She passed that, and then it
was just a 150 to 300 page paper. Piece
of cake, right? As Dr. Dan Gross advi-
sor put it, Oh
come on, its only
five 25-page pa-
pers. Thats a
nicer way of look-
ing at it for sure.
For the dissertation you are ex-
pected to conduct your own research,
analysis and writing of the results. Ide-
ally it takes one year, but most people
take longer. At the end of the process,
Honea went before a committee of four
faculty members who questioned her,
sent her out of the room and VOTED
to see if she could receive her Ph.D.
After some time they invited her back
in and granted her the Ph.D. After
Florida in 2000, voting is enough to
make anyone nervous, yet that is still
how it is done. Would they entertain
the idea of a recount if one was re-
fused? Most likely not.
One thing Honea would like stu-
dents to know is that, while you may
not be raking in the dough like your
corporate friends, You can earn money
in graduate school. She received a
teaching assistantship which paid her
full tuition and entitled her to a $1200
stipend per month. For the assistant-
ship she was assigned to a faculty mem-
ber whom she helped grade papers and
gave guest lectures which was great
practice for teaching later. Research as-
sistantships are also available for stu-
dents where they help a faculty mem-
ber with research that may coincide with
their own.
While most professors say they
dont compare who does and does not
have a Ph.D., Honea admits, I was very
glad for them to take the Ms off the
board. Anyone would have to be ec-
static to finally achieve their goal and
be granted a Ph.D.
As Dr. Gross says, Its not being
a genius, or gifted, or born well, or rich,
that will get you a Ph.D., but if two
words would sum it up, they would be
determination and perseverance.
Well, now that you know a little
more about piling it higher and deeper,
forget about that spring fever and get
researching! You cant ask enough
questions about this subject. If you are
just praying to get through this semes-
ter, at least you may have a greater re-
spect for your professors, because the
majority of them at MSU-B have been
through this process all the way to the
end. Amazing, isnt it?
Olivia Koernig
Co-Editor-in-Chief
tional students. Lets face it, no matter
where you come from, the food on cam-
pus is a rip-off. Although a bag of pea-
nuts from the vending machines or a
turkey and cheese sandwich from LA
Express will do in a pinch, the same
food week after week gets old fast. Fac-
ulty, staff and students all basically agree
that the choices and prices for dining
on campus leave something to be de-
sired.
On the other hand, for one day
will collect the proceeds from the food
they sell, while the fee money for re-
serving a table will be split between the
two hosting clubs: Spanish Club and
International Studies Club.
International Studies Club plans
to use their portion of the earnings for
scholarships and to supplement contri-
butions for events like their ski trips.
Valgenti said, Many of the Interna-
tional Students do not have cars, so with-
out fundraising these students would not
do anything.
Along with the food, the Fair will
be featuring African and Spanish danc-
ers, a Native American Indian drum
circle and a piata. Door prizes will be
available to those who answer a ques-
tionnaire. Prepackaged ethnic food
items, International Studies Club t-shirts
and a gift certificate to Jade Palace are
among the six prizes that will be
awarded.
Not often are the fundraising ef-
forts on campus so mutually beneficial.
The International Food Fair gives stu-
dents an opportunity to support their
clubs, fill their bellies and enhance cul-
tural enrichment, all for a great low price.
Instead of choking down another cup of
cheesy bacon bean soup with a side of
grease fries, stop by the Fair on April 6.
Oh come on, its only five
25-page papers.
Dr. Dan Gross Advisor
The William R. Lowe Child
Care Enrichment Center is located
on the MSU-Billings campus, at
2630 Normal Avenue. The
childcare facility was placed there
to cater to the needs of the students,
particularly non-traditional stu-
dents with children. The Billings
Catholic School Daycares (BCSD)
was chosen by a committee of the
Student Affairs Department to run
the center in June of 2003, and it
program, puts those 50 spots in
high demand especially in the
morning hours, when students are
most likely to be at school. This
creates an extensive waiting list for
the morning hours. Many who sit
on that waiting list are wondering
why there are children of non-stu-
dents in the program, while stu-
dents spend months on the wait-
ing list.
If students have children in
the program while in school, they
do not have to withdraw them
when they graduate. Cindy Keller,
director of the center, states that,
Were not going to boot you be-
cause youre not a student any-
more. Its just not fair to the kids.
The center does not believe that the
children should have to adjust from
an environment that they have be-
come used to and enjoy, just be-
cause their parent or parents have
graduated. Of the children en-
rolled at the center, 14 percent are
of parents who have graduated
within the last two years from
MSU-Billings. Also, non-students
can get spots when there are no stu-
dents or faculty members on the
waiting list. This often happens in
the summer, as students may no
longer need childcare services, and
drop from the program or the wait-
ing list. The center also has an af-
ter-school program, which is not
during demanding hours for stu-
dents, so there is no waiting list.
Non-students are often able to
make use of the facility during this
time, when many students dont.
Campus Childcare Center Not Just For Students
Students are angered by long waiting list at Campus Daycare Center
Dana Livermont
Reporter
Only 14 of the children are from
families within the general public.
Although there are some non-
students within the program, the
majority of the children there are
of parents involved with MSU-B.
Children of students make up 70
percent, and children of faculty
members make up 4 percent of the
total number of daycare students.
When comparing the
childcare center at MSU-Billings
with others from Montana, there is
a difference. Both MSU-Bozeman
and UM-Missoula offer childcare
services only to activity-paying
students. According to Keller, the
difference between our program
and theirs is that both Bozeman
and Missoulas program are
funded and operated through their
schools. Although our program is
for the students of this school, the
program is operated by BCSD, not
MSU-Billings. Keller says that
Ours gets grants, but it is still the
students responsibility to pay
fees.
For students that cant afford
to sit on a waiting list, the center
understands. Cindy Keller offers
that We try to be the best ally that
these students can have. Students
can enroll their children in any of
the other four daycares operated by
BCSD, as long as the children are
potty-trained and the 10 percent
discount offered to students at the
William R. Lowe Child Care En-
richment Center can also be given
at any of the other four daycares
operated by BCSD..
Can you cook? How about
dance? Maybe you can sing or
maybe youre too smart for your
own good.
Well, in that case VOLUN-
TEER your amazing talent, what-
ever it may be, for local middle
school students.
These activities include
coaching a sport, cooking easy to
make treats, tutoring students, and
just plain hanging out.
How does After- School Pro-
gram Facilitator sound on a re-
sume? AWESOME!
Another high point of this
volunteer work: Meeting new
people!
This program is designed to
Get in the Zone-------Discover Zone!
Jacey Jansma
Staff Writer
benefit kids who have nothing to
do after school and it keeps them
out of trouble. Also, this program
can help keep students grades
from falling or those who have low
or failing grades.
These are a few of the ben-
efits of this program, not to men-
tion the many kids you will be
helping and getting to know.
Volunteer your time to these
kids 1-4 days a week for five
weeks and help out kids in your
area with their homework, or just
hang out with them doing fun ac-
tivities like cooking, dancing,
karaoke, movies, games, science
club and fitness.
The fun starts at 3:30 p.m.
and goes until 5:00 p.m. from
March 14- April 14 at Lewis and
Clark Middle School.
The Catch: Besides this be-
ing a VOLUNTEER program,
you must be a charismatic person
who is motivated to work and
yesyou must be mature enough
to supervise. So if you cant even
take care of yourself, this is not for
you, but if you are ready and will-
ing to be a positive, skill-building
influence in these kids lives, con-
tact coordinator Mark Lambott,
at 406-237-6700 or on his cell at
406-672-4214.
We try to be the best ally
that these students can
have. Cindy Keller,
director of William
R. Lowe Child Care
Enrichment Center
has been doing so ever since. At
any given time of the day, the cen-
ter holds up to 50 children, which
is the maximum amount allowed
by law for the available space.
What many are surprised to find is
that not all of these children are
from student families.
Priority for spots in the pro-
gram are given to students and then
to faculty, and students receive 10
percent off the normal fees. The
child care center at MSU-Billings
is the only BCSD run daycare that
accepts infants. This fact, together
with the ease of the location being
on campus and the quality of the Graphic courtesy of William R. Lowe Child Care Enrichment Center
Do you consider yourself a
feminist? were among the first
words spoken by Dr. Lisa
Kemmerer on the first day of class.
The students in her new class, Phi-
losophy 365, Women, Philosophy
and Religion, were hesitant to la-
bel themselves. Kemmerers
question was the first of many pro-
vocative and controversial subjects
covered throughout the semester.
An unintended controversy was
addressed recently in The Retort
(Issue 6, What will you do for a
Grade, N. Livermont) regarding
Kemmerers strict grading stan-
dards. Part of the course require-
ment to earn an A in Phil. 365 is
participation in an upcoming fo-
rum. Rev. Kim Woeste of United
Campus Ministries (UCM) is also
collaborating on the forum,
Voices of Change: Women, Cul-
ture, and Justice. Woeste is no
stranger to campus forums, and
neither is Kemmerer. Woeste has
worked on about five forums on
campus, with topics ranging from
the war in Iraq to a panel discus-
sion on Mel Gibsons The Passion
of The Christ. Kemmerer has
been a speaker at many forums, but
says this is different since its out-
come is in the hands of the stu-
dents. The main objective [of the
forum] is to help students under-
stand how to put on a forum al-
lowing them to be the ones to ini-
tiate topics and speakers.
The forum will be held Thurs-
day, April 7 from 7-9 p.m. in the
Lewis and Clark Room in the SUB.
The panel of speakers will include
four students, presenting the book
The Beauty Myth; Rev. Kim
Woeste and Rev. Teresa Swift of
Waymans Chapel, focusing on the
position of women in church; and
Dr. Kemmerer, giving an address
entitled, Oppressor or Op-
pressed? Also on the agenda are
Diane Wellhaven explaining a per-
spective of a female minority, and
Elaine Morris from the Museum of
Womens History. The Billings
Fire Departments first female
firefighter is tentatively planned to
appear, if her schedule permits.
This forum should be interest-
ing since it was masterminded by
students. Another exciting aspect
is the fact that all involved with the
forum are female. When ques-
tioned as to why a man might want
to attend the forum, Kemmerer
answered that anyone interested
in human beings would enjoy the
production. Kemmerer feels the
forum will be helpful for men, es-
pecially in male/female relation-
ships. Kemmerer adds that the
forum could improve mens rela-
tionships with women, like their
mothers, co-workers and wives.
Voices of Change Forum Put on by Students
Olivia Koernig
Co-Editor-in-Chief
The students of Philosophy
365 are also sponsoring a movie
night. Iron Jawed Angels will be
shown Tuesday, March 29 in LI
room 148. Starring Hilary Swank,
the movie is the story of two suf-
fragists fighting to get the 19
th
Amendment passed. Admission is
free and popcorn will be provided.
The show starts at 7 p.m.
graphic courtesy of Philosophy 365
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
The new look being added to
the scenery in Columbus is com-
pliments of Willis Johnson and
family. The very artistic group
was contracted through Johnson
and Sons Fine Arts Gallery and
Depot located at 2404 Montana
Avenue to sculpt five bronze stat-
ues depicting the phases of Mon-
tana history. The Lewis and Clark
stage is depicted by a statue of
Sacagawea by Jonathan Johnson.
The next era is the trapper era and
the trapper is sculpted by Ercel
Johnson. Ercel is an MSU-B stu-
dent alumnus. The third stage is
represented by a hunter made by
Willis Johnson as well as the
fourth stage, the rancher/farmer.
The fifth stage is represented by
the miner sculpted by Lyle Sr.
Lyle Jr., a freshman at MSU-B
majoring in history, also helped
with the enlarging and foundry
Nicole Livermont
Reporter
processes. Willis commented
Its a good opportunity to do in-
dividual work . . . and put it out
there in the community. This
family project is set to adorn the
Chamber of Commerce in Co-
lumbus off Interstate 90 by the
Columbus Ball fields.
Willis is earning his Bach-
elor of Arts with studio-extended.
Willis is presently a junior and
plans to continue his education by
going on to graduate school after
graduation. He has worked on
such pieces as Cattle Guard on
27
th
Street, the Dan Mortinson
statue, as well as the 4-H statue
at the Metra Park. He has also
had a hand in the Plenty Coups
in Red Lodge. Beside being an
active artist in the community,
Willis is the president of the Stu-
dent Art League. Hes also a co-
owner of the family business,
Johnson and Sons Fine Arts Gal-
lery. The very gifted family will
continue to work together and
display art pieces around the
community.
Prominent Artist Willis Johnson attends MSU-Billings
photo courtesy of Columbus Chamber of Commerce
An unfinished Sacajawea bronze sculpted by Willis J ohnson.
On February 16, 2005, the Kyoto
Protocol came into force. The Kyoto
Protocol is a treaty that was signed in
1997 by most countries involved in the
United Nations Framework Conven-
tion on Climate Change (UNFCCC)
as a measure to legally and systemati-
cally enforce the reduction of green-
house-gas emission levels with a
view to reducing their overall emis-
sions of such gases by at least 5 per
cent below existing 1990 levels in the
commitment period 2008 to 2012.
The UNFCCC was created in
the wake of overwhelming scientific
evidence that supports global warm-
ing. The Intergovernmental Panel on
Climate Change states that the emis-
sions of carbon dioxide and other
greenhouse gases by humans will
raise global average temperatures by
1.4 5.8 C by the end of the cen-
tury. This may not seem that huge,
but the emissions will also affect
weather patterns, water resources, the
cycling of the seasons, ecosystems and
extreme climate events. Noticeable
even today are the shrinking of Arctic
sea-ice and mountain glaciers, longer
summers, and changes in bird migra-
tion habits.
The Kyoto Protocol calls for,
not only the reduction of greenhouse
gas emissions, but also an international
carbon trading market in which coun-
tries can buy or sell emission cred-
its which is hoped will improve the
efficiency and cost-effectiveness of
Kyoto Protocol Looks for Changes Throughout World
Dana Livermont
Reporter
emissions cuts. A fund would also
be established to assist countries that
suffer adverse affects due to climate
change.
Eighty-four countries, includ-
ing the U.S. and other highly industri-
alized countries, signed the Kyoto Pro-
tocol. The treaty then needed to be
ratified within the countries. Since its
signing, the Kyoto Protocol has gained
acceptance by 144 countries, who are
now abiding by its laws. Only four
industrialized countries have not rati-
fied the Kyoto Protocol. They are the
United States, Australia, Liechtenstein,
and Monaco. Alarmingly, the United
States and Australia combined account
for over 33 percent of the greenhouse
gases emitted in the entire world. Nei-
ther has stated plans to ratify.
Supporters of the Kyoto Pro-
tocol feel that a proactive approach is
necessary to sufficiently combat glo-
bal warming. They feel that taking
action now would be more beneficial
than waiting until the problem cannot
be ignored. Furthermore, the Kyoto
Protocol is the only legislation by the
United Nations that addresses global
warming. It works to appeal to the
needs of countries all over the world
with a variety of economic levels and
standards.
Opponents feel that the Kyoto
Protocol only makes small, meaning-
less steps to address a massive prob-
lem. Others argue that the link between
greenhouse-gas emissions and global
warming is not proven, making the
Kyoto Protocol a gamble. Still others,
including President Bush, conclude
that implementation of the Kyoto Pro-
tocol would be devastating to the
economies of many of the countries
involved.
Currently, President Bush
has stated his opposition to the treaty,
and has not asked the Senate to con-
sider its ratification. He stated in a
letter dated March 13, 2001 to Sena-
tors Hagel, Helms, Craig, and Rob-
erts, As you know, I oppose the
Kyoto Protocol because it exempts
80 percent of the world, including
major population centers such as
China and India, from compliance,
and would cause serious harm to the
U.S. economy. In 1998, the White
House Council of Economic Advi-
sors found that the costs of imple-
menting the Kyoto Protocol would be
modest. The Bush Administration,
so far, has published no studies which
support its harm to the economy
stance.
Another opposition to the
United States ratification of the Kyoto
Protocol is the Senates 1997 passage
of the Byrd-Hagel Resolution. It for-
bids the United States from becom-
ing a signatory to any protocol un-
less it mandates new specific sched-
uled commitments to limit or reduce
greenhouse-gas emissions for the De-
veloping Country Parties within the
same compliance period. This
means that both developing nations
and developed nations must have tar-
gets and timetables in accordance
with the United States. The Kyoto
Protocol does not require targets for
Developing Country Parties.
If the United States ratified the
Kyoto Protocol, it would be legally
bound to reduce its emissions to at
least 5 percent below their 1990 level
between the years 2008 and 2012.
Conversely, current U.S. emissions
are now about 15 percent greater than
they were in 1990.
graphic courtesy of www.gr8st8.com
U.S. not interested in ratifying the treaty.
Hopefully everyone had a fun
and safe Spring Break! Its too bad
that crime never takes a vacation,
eh?
Well the major concern on
campus this issue is the prevalence
of graffiti on many buildings.
Campus security is seriously in-
vestigating the issue, and if any-
one knows anything about the cul-
prits, its suggested that you call
security (ext 2147) and speak with
them. Remember, this is your
school, and you are paying for the
vandals artwork.
Meanwhile, heres the haps
around campus:
12-12 A thief broke into
an unlocked locker in the girls
locker room and stole two sets of
keys, a Visa debit card, and check-
book, leaving a partial shoe print
on the tile leading to the shower.
Investigation is pending.
12-12 AAUGH! The
porn problem continues! This
time, a man was found lying in the
weeds at the base of the rims, just
north of Cenex Field, with a
plethora of pornography scattered
on the ground around him. He was
issued a no trespass. This is just
plain creepy. The man was not a
student.
17-17 A criminal mis-
chief charge occurred in the library
after someone attempted to enter a
cabinet containing audio/visual
equipment.
17-17 Again with the
rims! A couple was found sleep-
ing in a tent at the base of the rims,
again just north of Cenex Field.
They claimed they were traveling
through from Wyoming. Hey, the
KOA is on Garden Avenue guys.
17-17 Busy day. An of-
ficer was sent to a resident hall to
see about a girl. A drunk girl. She
was hitting a door in the hall, and
was eventually taken to the hospi-
tal in an ambulance. Lets hope
shes okay.
22-22 A broken glass
door was discovered in the LA
building. So far there is no known
cause.
27-27 Disposition is
pending in a case of possession of
dangerous drugs in a campus
building. See? Just say no.
6-6 A little good news,
sort of. A woman left her camera
bag on campus (!!!! No! No! No!),
went somewhere and realized what
Niki Porter
Photo Editor
she did. She went back and didnt
see it, so she called security and
reported a theft. Later, she called
back to say that she had misplaced
it, and it had been found. Well, it
was nice of her to call back, but
lets hope she learned a lesson:
never leave your camera unat-
tended!
13-13 Some clothes were
stolen out of a dryer on
campusand not found. Yet.
One last thing, that guy who
was seen trying to steal that other
guys spare tire has been discovered
and noted as a suspect. No arrest
has been made, but hopefully spare
tires on campus will be safe from
now on.
P.S. Those stop signs in the
north Rimrock lot are REAL. Cita-
tions have been handed out already,
so pay attention to them. Thank you.
Name of
Club: International
Studies Club
History and
Purpose: The club
was established in
1927 at Eastern
Montana College. It
has grown to offer
over seventy degrees
in the areas of Busi-
ness; Computers and
Technology; Educa-
tion; Health; Liberal
Arts; Online De-
grees; Science; and
Sports and Fitness.
Members have the
benefit of first-rate
academic choices
and an easily reached
faculty. The purpose
of this club is to de-
velop awareness of
international students
and their cultures as
well as assisting to
build relationships be-
tween international
students and non-inter-
national students.This
club prepares students
Looking into a New Club
Emily Valenzuela
Creativity Editor
horseback riding, river rafting, hiking,
fishing, and golf. Billings hosts a num-
ber of events in the summer, including
concerts and plays, western rodeos that
feature bronco riding and steer roping,
and the Big Sky State Games. A num-
ber of cultural events, such as Crow Fair
and the Festival of Nations, introduce
students to the states diverse cultural
heritage. At Crow Fair, the worlds larg-
est teepee encampment, students can
sleep under a magnificent starry sky in
a teepee. Students can explore a num-
ber of the historical sites of the area,
such as the Little Bighorn Battlefield,
or visit one of Montanas ghost towns.
The program features a weekend tour
through Yellowstone National Park,
where students can explore the natural
wonders of the park and watch free-
roaming bison, elk and moose.
Officers and Names: The presi-
dent is Scott Brown; vice president is
Koko Valgenti, and Analicia Pianca
is the director.
Name of Club: History Club/
Phi Alpha Theta (National History
Honor Society)
Purpose: To promote the study
of history; to develop leadership in the
members, to promote high standards of
scholarship, to provide active service
and participation in any campus event
to get bona fide jobs. This gives stu-
dents a chance to meet and share expe-
riences with students from other coun-
tries and learn in a friendly atmosphere,
says Jason Gibson, a current member
of the club.
Requirement to join: Earthling-
a.k.a. needs to be a student at MSU-B
Purpose:To promote and fund
the International Food Fair that is held
in April.
Activities and Goals: The En-
glish as a Second Language (ESL)
Summer Program offers a well-to-do
selection of cultural and recreational
activities as well as opportunities to
make new American friends. Whether
eating hamburgers at a backyard
barbeque or watching the Billings Mus-
tangs play baseball, this clubs goal is
to give the foreign students the full ex-
perience of typical American life.
Besides outings to local museums and
theaters, students can enjoy a number
of optional outdoor activities, such as
or activity whenever possible, and to
promote the well-being of Montana
State University-Billings at all times.
Requirement to join: No re-
quirements, just be a student.
Activities and Goals: The His-
tory Club meets once/twice a month
in the evenings for a movie night that a
history professor hosts. They have
meetings once a month to discuss
events and fundraisers. Fundraisers are
held at the Yellowstone Valley Brew-
ing Company for the Phi Alpha Theta
conference. Phi Alpha Theta hosts the
yearly conference for students to
present research papers. This year it
will be hosted in Sun Valley, Idaho
during the month of April.
Officers and Names: The Presi-
dent is Anna Johnson; Vice President
is Emily Valenzuela, and Dr. Matthew
Redinger is the academic advisor.
On our
campus, there
were 126 known
Hispanic students
enrolled last fall.
The Spanish Club
recently awarded
two of these stu-
dents with a $250
check for books.
The two student
recipients were
Sofia Gomez and
Nicole Klein.
Courtney
Ball, the Spanish
Club secretary,
presented Sofia
This is the first
time the club has
given a book
ing Christmas, its members dress as
piatas and one year Ted Jensen
whacked on them as they threw candy
to the crowd.
They provide volunteers for the
annual Easter Egg Hunt on campus.
The Spanish Club co-sponsors the In-
ternational Food Fair in April. (There
will be a lot more authentic Mexican
food there this year.) The club offers
volunteers for the Strawberry Festi-
val in the downtown business district.
The club provides volunteers for the
Mexican Fiesta at South Park in Au-
gust.
Mexican culture is diverse,
unique, fun, friendly and helpful and
Gomez with her $250 check. Christy
Schwarz, the Vice President of the
Spanish Club, presented Nicole Klein
with her check. This presentation took
place on March 5in the meeting hall at
Our Lady of Guadalupe Church. The
Womens Committee of Guadalupe
church picked the beneficiaries. The
informed ladies picked two Hispanic
students who have excellent academic
standards.
The Spanish Clubs overall theme
is to build ties within the community.
so are the members of the Spanish
Club. Its members have conversa-
tional coffee at Art Space to study for-
eign languages. They meet once a
month at places such as Mamacitas
and Don Luis to eat lunch and to dis-
cuss upcoming events.
If you are someone who would
like to take part in exciting activities
or become actively involved in so-
cial events and fundraisers, join the
Spanish Club. They plan to continue
to award these grants and stay actively
involved in the community. In the
future, two students per academic
school year can benefit from the book
grants offered by the Spanish Club.
Spanish Club Awards $500 for Books
Staff Writer
Lynn Demarais
grant. The Spanish Club members
earned all of the money through vigor-
ous fundraisers. This recent step was
one of many.
Within the club, good relations are
fostered between MSU-B students and
Hispanic communities. The clubs tra-
ditional convention is very much like
Mexican families in Billings, it is all-
inclusive. Husbands and children of
members are encouraged to be active
in the club and all of its fun activities. A
person does not have to want to speak
Spanish to become involved.
In the past, the Spanish Club
sent six students to Denver for Cinco
de Mayo where 400,000 people pass
through Civic Center Park in two days.
They gave up to $150 to The Friend-
ship House of Christian Service, which
provides children with clothing, shel-
ter, and activities after school to keep
them out of trouble. They offered a huge
box to the United Campus Ministry for
a lady living with the AIDS virus. When
a family of five lost their home to a fire,
the generous Spanish Club members
donated money to them and encouraged
Harts Furniture Gallery to give them
new furniture.
The fundraisers in the Spanish
Club are fun and unpredictable. Dur-
photo courtesy of Spanish Club
Nicole Klein and Sofia Gomez receive book scholarships fromthe Spanish Club.
graphic courtesy of International Studies Club
Anne Plowman is a new
Senat or- at - Large, and i n
her junior year. She is pur-
s ui ng a Spani s h maj or.
Anne is just getting her feet
wet with ASMSU-B.
What i nf ormat i on/ ex-
Senate Profiles: A Look into the ASMSU-B
Emily Valenzuela
Creativity Editor
peri ence do you bri ng t o
ASMSU- B? I have hel ped
candi dat es wi t h numer ous
campaigns and I know a good
deal about our s t at e- wi de
pol i t i cs . . . and I know how
pop tarts work. . .
What got you involved
i n ASMSU- B? I t s a l l
Conni es f aul t . Act ual l y, I
got i nvol ved i n pol i t i cs i n
the area where I live which
then got me interested in the
student government.
What do you like most
about ASMSU- B? I l i ke
serving the students, that is
why Im here. I know I cant
make that big of a difference,
but I can do something (al-
t hough i t may be smal l ) t o
make college better for stu-
dents.
What issues do you fo-
cus on? Being on the Legis-
l at i ve/ Legal Commi t t ee, I
t end t o focus on el ect i ons,
bi-laws, bi-law changes, and
what makes out government
tick, both on and off campus.
What ot her organi za-
tions are you involved in?
I am the current chair of the
Montana College Republican
Federation in Billings.
What would you say to
encourage ot her st udent s
t o be more i nvol ved? I t s
YOUR c a mp u s . We a r e
YOUR senat or s, we r epr e-
sent YOU. Any probl ems or
concerns you have, we need
t o hear from you, t hat way
Connie Summers is a lob-
byist for MSU-B in Helena and
she has been keeping The Re-
tort up-to-date on what is hap-
pening with the latest bills in
Helena.
House Bill 2 started its
hearing before House Appro-
priations this week
House Appropriations
began with an overview from
the Legislative Fiscal Division
(LFD) and the Governors
Budget Office
LFD indicated that the
budget currently shows an $87
million dollar surplus.
There is $88 million of
one-time-only revenue in pro-
jection.
There is a structural im-
balance of $14 million.
The current budget pro-
vides for $2.6 billion of general
fund spending, which is a $309
million increase(13.4 percent)
over the 2005 biennium.
A statute caps the in-
crease in state spending to no
more than the growth in aver-
age income which occurred in
the state in the last three years
(8.5 percent).
The current budget is
$121 million above that cap.
House Bill 68 prohibits
daycare providing medicine
without parental consent
This bill is awaiting ex-
ecutive action.
House Bill 91 Prohibits
open containers in vehicles
Passed out of the house
78-18 and is being sent to the
Senate
House Bill 181 increases
funding and adjusts benefits in
the Teachers Retirement system
This bill is awaiting ex-
ecutive action.
House Bill 219 Allows
exemption for Montana income
tax based upon household pov-
erty levels
This bill passed out of
the house 57-42.
House Bill 729 puts a 4
percent tax on the sale of pre-
pared food (meals you eat out)
This bill is awaiting ex-
ecutive action.
House Bill 752 concerns
a loan to the Supreme court for
financing IT improvement in the
Judicial Branch
The $3.1 million dollar
loan would be paid back over
six years from the $1 increase
on license plates and registra-
tions.
This bill is awaiting ex-
ecutive action.
House Bill 754 requires
certain candidates to take a
t est on t he const i t ut i on of
Montana and the United States
This bill is awaiting ex-
ecutive action.
Senate Bill 16 would re-
strict public service announce-
ments by certain elected offi-
cials
This bill passed out of
committee 16-0.
Senate Bill 23 a sum-
mar y of I T i mpact f or al l
branches of government
This bill passed out of
committee 14-0.
Senate Bill 80 prohib-
its open alcoholic beverage
containers in motor vehicles
This bill is awaiting ex-
ecutive action.
Senate bill 248 revises
the penalty for no motor ve-
hicle insurance
This bill is awaiting ex-
ecutive action.
Senate Bill 273 Corey
Stapletons bill to set up a
study committee that would
set in motion establishment
of a rural school of medicine
at MSU-B
The Commissioner of
Higher Education testified in
support of the bill.
WWAMI clinical coor-
dinator Jay Erickson gave
opposing views.
This bill went from sec-
ond reading (25-24) in the
Senate to the Senate Finance
and Claims for further re-
view.
From the land of the Lobbyists Week 9 in current Legislations
we can make t hi s s ys t em
work.
Andy Zoel l er i s a new
Senat or- at - Large, and i n
hi s sophomore year. He i s
pursui ng a Bi ol ogy major.
Andy i s al so j ust get t i ng
hi s feet wet wi th ASMSU-
B.
What i nformati on/ ex-
peri ence do you bri ng t o
ASMSU-B? Bei ng i nvol ved
in other clubs, and being of-
t en around campus, I am ac-
c e s s i b l e t o s t u d e n t s a n d
abl e t o represent t hem.
What got you i nvol ved
i n ASMSU-B? I want ed t o
be abl e t o represent and i n-
form t he st udent s.
What do you l i ke most
about ASMSU- B? I l i ke
t he free t -shi rt s.
What i ssues do you fo-
cus on? I t ry t o focus on al l
i ssues t hat ari se equal l y.
What other organi za-
ti ons are you i nvol ved i n?
I am a member of t he Col -
l ege Republ i cans and Envi -
ronment al Awareness Cl ub.
photo by Dan Hansen
Anne Plowman
photo by Dan Hansen
Andy Zoeller
This last November was elec-
tions. I remember how my sister
and I watched the television in-
tently as each of the results came
on. Cyanide mining still banned.
Good. Medical Marijuana legal-
ized. Good. Montana goes red.
Not good, but expected. CI-96
passed. Disgusting, but terrify-
ingly expected. CI -96 made valid
in this state marriages between one
man and one woman only. This
basically means we will not allow
people of different sexual orienta-
tion to have the same rights that
we so enjoy. I was left wonder-
ing, What is wrong with the
people of this state? Why would
we allow the limitation of rights of
our neighbors, our coworkers, and
our friends? Did people acciden-
tally become confused and check
the wrong box? Probably not. Are
there extreme religious folks out
there that think that their God will
not allow them into heaven unless
they violate all who stray from
what is written in the Bible? I hope
not. Are some people just scared,
ignorant, or hateful? I have to
thinks so. Why else would we al-
low this gross infringement of
rights to occur?
Some may argue that this is
not such a big deal, its just mar-
riage. Did you know that there are
over 1,000 benefits that can be pro-
tected by marriage? Married
couples are automatically insured
rights like the right to visit their
spouse in the hospital, to receive
their spouses Social Security ben-
efits when they die, and to live with
their spouse in the nursing home.
These are just a few examples, but
you get the picture. Marriage is
pretty cool. Gays and lesbians can
be, and often are, denied these
rights, even if they have a civil
union. If you are not into all these
benefits, think of the reason why
most young people marry. It is not
because they are thinking about
their retirement funds, or where
there money will go when they die,
it is because they are in love. Mar-
riage allows couples to pronounce
their love in front of their commu-
nity, to promise love through sick-
ness and in health, and to pledge
their fidelity. Why cant gays do
this, too?
Many argue that gay marriage
shouldnt be allowed, because it is
forbidden in the Bible. My answer
to that is the First Amendment. For
those of you who have forgotten
this since U.S. Government class,
it states, Congress shall make no
law respecting an establishment of
religion, or prohibiting the free ex-
ercise thereof... This is what
gives us what is more commonly
known as the separation of church
and state. This last election
seemed to play a lot on religion,
which is scary. As this country is
the great melting pot, it is im-
portant to remember that there are
many religions and faiths here. We
are not all Christians. It is a seri-
ous threat to civil liberties to al-
low one religions beliefs to dic-
tate government and the rights that
all other groups will have.
Some of you might be won-
dering why gay marriage is such
a hot debate. They can do ev-
erything else that we can, right.
Maybe so, but the foot is in the
door. We have made a way for
future restrictions of liberties for
gays, and for other groups.
Our federal government was
made to protect the citizens and
to facilitate their self-govern-
ment. It seems silly then that we
pass legislation to prohibit gay
marriage. Why do we need pro-
tection from it, and why is it seen
as a threat? I think this goes back
to the very point I made previ-
ously. Many of us are scared. We
are scared to think outside of our
comfort zone, to accept what
is different and that to which we
are not accustomed. If we con-
tinue to live in fear of our differ-
ences, America will become a
very scary place.
This country has traveled a
very long, painful, and often em-
barrassing road to stop the dis-
crimination of certain groups.
Women and blacks alike fought
for decades for what is now taken
for granted by many. Let us not
rescind what has taken us so long
to achieve. Let us not forget
those words written by our fore-
fathers, when their rights were
violated: We hold these truths to
be self-evident, that all men are
created equal, that they are en-
dowed by their Creator with cer-
tain unalienable Rights, that
among these are Life, Liberty and
the pursuit of Happiness. We
are all equal and we all have the
right to be happy.
Have you ever seen Monty
Python and the Search for the
Holy Grail? Well, there is a part
where King Arthur of the Britons
fights the Black Knight. King
Arthur bests the Black Knight by
cutting off his arms and legs, ren-
dering the Black Knight incapable
of defending himself. The issue of
homosexual unions is in a plight
like the Black Knight, no legs to
stand on and no arms with which
to defend itself. Before you go off
to watch Monty Python Ill take
a few minutes to explain why I
stand where I do, then you may
be on your merry way.
The first issue is one of re-
lationship duration. Some say if
you compare the duration of tra-
ditional marriages and the dura-
tion of homosexual relationships,
they are equally short lived. Ac-
cording to M.D. Bramlett and
W.D. Mosher in Advance Data,
National Center for Health Statis-
tics (May 31, 2001), the duration
of traditional marriages is not that
great, only 50 percent of first mar-
riages last 20 years. Picture the
Black Knight, at the moment he
has two arms and two legs, this
argument is the first swing he
takes at traditional marriage.
Naturally we will counter with the
fact that relationship duration
among homosexual couples for
the same length of time is 10 times
worse with only five percent of re-
lationships lasting 20 years or
more according to
www.glcensus.org. Homosexual
relationships tend to last about
one to three years then diminish
according to M. Pollak, Male
Homosexuality, in Western
Sexuality: Practice and Precept in
Past and Present Times. There
goes one arm.
Health risks are also a
huge concern. A Dutch Depart-
ment of Health and Environment
study confirmed that not only are
young homosexual males more
likely to contract HIV, but also
that 67 percent of homosexual
males of 30 years or less had been
infected by a steady partner ac-
cording to Jon Garbo in
GayHealth (July 25, 2001). The
risk factor also exists for homo-
sexual females. There goes an-
other arm.
Homosexuals experience
a greater rate of mental health
problems, added to that, the rate
of suicide among homosexual
couples is higher than that of tra-
ditional couples, 6.5 times higher
according to R. Herrell, et al. in
Archives of General Psychiatry
56 (1999). Im guessing everyone
reading this is against suicide,
there goes a leg.
Lastly, pushing for homo-
sexual marriages or civil unions
is a political agenda; the goal is
to redefine marriage. The mar-
riage of a man and woman is a
sign of purity, a vow that two
people make signifying that they
will have one partner for the rest
of their life. Many homosexual
couples do not practice mo-
nogamy (one partner) according
to Bradley P. Hayton in Newport
Beach: The Pacific Policy Insti-
tute, 1993, which is a main prin-
ciple of marriage. Why give
someone the right to marriage or
a civil union when there is a good
chance they wont observe the
principles of that marriage or civil
union?
Civil Unions vs. Gay Marriage
Dana Livermont
From the Left
Anne Plowman
From the Right
Its the first day of kindergarten.
Do you remember? That first day when
it was time for everyone to sit in a circle
on the magic carpet while the teacher
read a story from a large pictured book.
You were the one who got placed next
to the goofy looking kid with thick coke-
bottle bottom glasses and messy hair.
You thought he was weird and smelled
funny. Little did you know, but ten years
later this kid would turn into your best
friend. Thats my experience. Consid-
ering the number of smaller schools and
close-knit communities in Montana,
this type of situation happens. Some-
times classmates end up studying to-
gether from day one of primary school
through high school graduation. How-
ever, often our lives are filled with rela-
tionships that come and go. Today you
may not necessarily know the where-
abouts of your classmate and best friend
in second grade. American students
friendships spring from many sources.
Outside of the classroom and academic
sphere friendships stem from family re-
lationships, club involvement, and ran-
dom people met in certain situations or
any manner of acquaintance. In the
United States of America the word
classmate frequently doesnt carry a
whole lot of intimate emotional weight.
It doesnt take much to be a classmate.
Its the luck of the draw.
So, go to the Billings Logan In-
ternational Airport and get on a plane
flying to Beijing (via Seattle, L.A., or
San Francisco of course). When you
arrive, its likely that youll soon make
friends with one or many Chinese stu-
dents who are eager to engage you in
conversation as they practice their oral
English skills. Soon, your Chinese stu-
dent friends will introduce you to other
Chinese students. These students will
always introduce their friends as class-
mates.
Ta shi wo de tong xue your
Chinese friend will say as he introduces
his best friend. I asked my friend and
tutor, Liu Ming Shi, about this phenom-
enon. Friendships are built in the class-
room and then developed during holi-
days, she explained. She went on to
say that classmate is a very close rela-
tionship in China. I explained that usu-
ally in the United States if someone is
nothing but a classmate, meaning you
have no other connections to this per-
son except through the classroom, then
the word classmate is used. She told
me that almost all of her friends are
classmates of some sorteither from
elementary, junior high, senior high,
university or grad school. In China, a
person is a classmate first and then a
friend.
Being A Classmate: MSU-B Student Hails From China
I see this concept demonstrated
when I tour through the Chinese stu-
dent lecture halls. These lecture halls
serve a similar use as the elementary
school setup in American schools, in-
cluding an individual desk in which be-
longings and study materials are placed,
a single room that the children study in
all year long and the same set of tong
xue or classmates five days a week.
Chinese university students dont have
an individual desk to place their belong-
ings in, but all their study materials for
the day are stored within a compartment
in the long studying table-like desks.
There is even a specific word for the
classmate that you sit next to at your
study table. I tutor a 14-year-old junior
high student in English. She usually
has class anywhere from six to seven
days a week. She often goes to bed
after midnight because she has been up
studying. Just based on the amount of
time dedicated to study it appears that
Chinese university students live in their
classrooms.
Based on their end-of high school
test scores and how much their fami-
lies can afford to send them to college,
Chinese students are sort of flung all
over the face of China for their univer-
sity years. Universities are usually cho-
sen for the students through a mixture
of government and family procedures.
In the far northern reaches of the dong
bei or northeast region of China
where Im studying, Ive met several
students from the furthest southern
reaches of China including Hainan Is-
land. As incoming freshman, students
all over China experience two weeks
of military training as their introduction
to da xue or university. Its two weeks
of marching, drills and wearing green
fatigues. These students are also di-
vided into dorm rooms of between four
and eight people to a dormitory each
about 10 X 15 feet. Each dormitory
features three or four bunk beds lined
against the wall and a desk area. Dor-
mitories rarely, if ever, have an indi-
vidual shower and bathroom for each
room. At the university where Im
studying, there is a huge bath house
that students, even in the winter
months, trek to for their weekly shower.
Dormitory divisions are based on both
gender and major in university. En-
glish Majors with English Majors; Chi-
nese Majors with Chinese Majors;
Business Majors with Business Ma-
jors and so on. My good Chinese friend
spent four years living in the same dor-
mitory with the same other five dorm
mates.
One Chinese student from a city
near Shanghai that I met in the stu-
dent cafeteria explained to me, I am
a freshman here and I am just as much
a foreigner to this school as you are.
Where I come from we dont even
speak the language that is spoken
here. This is also an interesting phe-
nomenon in Chinadialects. For
every province, city and even village
there is probably an individual dia-
lect. When students head off to uni-
versity they must be equipped with
the ability to speak pu tong hua or
the common language which is
what we call Mandarin Chinese. This
is crucial, so that they will be able to
communicate with their classmates
who are coming from all over China
bringing with them literally hundreds
of dialects. And you thought your
first semester in university was rough?
In 1979 the Peoples Republic
of China, attempting to control a
population boom, declared a one-
child policy, prohibiting couples
from having more than one child
except in very unique circumstances
specified in the law. Since that time
the recent generation of Chinese chil-
dren is all growing up as only chil-
dren. There is a term to describe
these children, Xiao Huang Di or
Little Emperors. As only children
these kids are experiencing an extra
dose of doting by family members
which some fear is going to end up
producing a very spoiled future gen-
eration of China. I often get con-
fused when I ask a Chinese friend if
they have brothers and sisters and
they answer, No, then two weeks
later they excitedly tell me that their
brother came to visit them last
weekend. It took me a while and
several questions to understand that
the brother they were talking about
was either a cousin or a child of their
parents friend. Classmates also fill
the space a sibling would occupy for
Chinese students.
I doubt that to American stu-
dents classmate will ever hold the
deep meaning it does for Chinese
students. Liu Ming Shi, however,
expressed a common sentiment felt
by many new and even old univer-
sity students living away from home
when she said, Maybe its because
we dont have a family right
nowjust a dormitory.
SpaniSh J our ney
Explore Mexico this summer
Learn Spanish quickly and effectively
Experience the Culture
Visit spanishjourney.com
Miranda Breding
Guest Writer
Photo courtesy of Miranda Breding
Lady J ilin University students take a sit-down during military training, Autumn 2004
Patrick Olp
Columnist
I woke up the other morning
with a sore throat and immediately
feared the worst. Was it strep? Mono?
Whooping cough? I was doomed be-
fore the day even started.
Welcome to the dorms, mecca of
all sicknesses.
Its pretty simple really 500
people come back from Spring Break
from their homes and vacation destina-
tions, all bringing new and unique
germs and colds and coughs and flu
bugs with them which then start min-
gling. The result: pure germ-mania, an
unbridled, unstoppable sickness,
spawned in the study groups and make
out sessions of the average dorm room.
A cough here, a kiss there, and pretty
soon: voila! An instant disaster recipe
sure to make peoples lives miserable.
I was talking with a pre-med stu-
dent about this over Spring Break and
told him how I thought things could go:
Me: So heres what Im think-
ing you know how sicknesses mu-
tate and become resistant to the drugs
that people take? Well, what if eventu-
ally, the mutated little bastards became
resistant to everything we threw at it?
What would happen then? It would be
like a super-virus that spawned in the
residence halls and it could wipe out
half of the worlds population! What do
you think about that?
T.J.: I think it sounds highly un-
likely no, I dont think that could hap-
pen.
Me: Ever? Not even a small
chance?
T.J.: Um, no.
It was obvious to me that he didnt
have as much free time as I did to think
about these things but it could hap-
pen. Fortunately, the halls have protec-
tion against said sicknesses, as they have
installed hand sanitizer right next to the
hand readers in both dorms. I think that
breathing masks would be appropriate,
as well as scarlet letters for anyone who
was sick with anything. Okay, maybe
not that extreme, but a quarantine room
would be nice for anyone who was sick.
My sore throat has yet to develop
into anything, but if Im dead by the
next issue then you know I was on to
something and T.J., youll owe me
BIG TIME.
Germania in the dorms
Suspect #1
Name: Vance William Van
Luchene
Major: Undeclared
Minor: Coaching
Hometown: Billings
Favorite Color: Blue
Favorite Source of Entertainment:
Bowling
If you were a fruit what would you
be and why? Apple, its most common!
What pisses you off the most about
MSU-B? Old Folks
Suspect #2
Name: Charley Andrew
Johnson
Major: Education
Minor: Undeclared
Hometown: Billings
Favorite Color: Lavender
Favorite Source of Entertain-
ment: Basketball
If you were a fruit what would
you be and why? Banana, its so
long!
What pisses you off the most
about MSU-B? Reading and En-
glish
Photo by Nicole Livermont
Vance VanLuchene
Suspect #3
Name: Taryn Nancy Reitz
Major: Business
Minor: Public Relations
Hometown: Shepherd
Favorite Color: Pink
Favorite Source of Entertain-
ment: Shopping
If you were a fruit what
would you be and why? Cherry, I
like em!
What pisses you off the most
about MSU-B? Food here is a rip-
off.
Photo by Nicole Livermont
Charley J ohnson
Photo by Nicole Livermont
Taryn Reitz
Suspect # 4
Name: Bugs Bunny
Major: Horticulture
Minor: Spelunking
Hometown: Acme Acres
Favorite color: Orange
Favorite Source of Entertain-
ment: Wascalling Elmer Fudd
If you were a fruit what
would you be and why? Carrot,
because its a vegetable.
Whats pisses you off the most
about MSU-B? Rolling backpacks
Photo courtesy http://www.celsforsale.com
Bugs Bunny
Nicole Livermont
Reporter
Its Friday night and after a
busy week of studying you go
down to the local watering hole
where you drink cocktails with
other stressed college students.
You hit a few more bars down-
town and before you know it you
hear the all familiar last call!
Quickly you and your friends get
a few more shots down before
its time to head home. Youre
feeling the buzz and wondering
if its a good idea to drive, you
decide youll be all right, be-
sides, you live three blocks away
and a cab would be an extra $10.
Its not only cost me
financially, its also cost
me emotionally.
-Josh, MSU-B student
with DUI
Boozin An Cruisin Could Have You Losin
On your dri ve home
youre jamming out to your new
CD when you see some flashing
lights in the rearview mirror.
You pull off to the side of the
road to let the cop pass, hes not
passing.
You are about to get your
first DUI. You were speeding
and driving without headlights
on.
The officer asks for your
license and registration. You
take a field test which consists
of following the officers pen,
reciting the alphabet, touching
your nose, or standing on one
leg. You can take or decline the
breathalyzer (a test that mea-
sures the amount of alcohol on
your breath). Youll then be
cuffed and all of this is being
taped on video.
Once you get to the station,
they repeat all of the field tests
and then you can call someone
to come and get you. Who do
you call? Your parents? No,
theyll kill you! Your girlfriend?
No, shed be so ashamed of you.
Mike will come and get you, but
he doesnt answer his phone. No
one can come and get you.
Looks like youre spending the
night in the slammer.
In jail, the police officers
will provide you with a khaki
jumpsuit after they have taken
all of your belongings, includ-
ing your underwear. As you are
sobering up in your cold noisy
cell, you start to realize the se-
verity of everything that just
happened to you, as well as the
humiliation.
The above story is exactly
what happened to Josh, a student
here at MSU-B, and once he was
out of jail his troubles werent
over. In fact, they were getting
really pricey. Josh had to pay
$150 for bail, $660 for the ac-
tual DUI, $200 for court ordered
classes, and another $250 to get
his car towed from where he had
to park it the night he got pulled
over. Add to that the cost of the
taxis hes had to take since los-
ing his drivers license. The DUI
has cost him well over $1000 in
the end. Its not only cost me
financially, its also cost me
emotionally. Its embarrassing
and time consuming. Josh said.
After losing his drivers li-
cense, he had to wait six months
to get a probationary license that
allows him to drive only to and
from work, and another nine
months to get his regular license
back.
After a DUI, the law re-
quires you to take classes called
ACT (Assessment Course & Re-
ferral to Treatment) which is an
alcohol counseling program that
lasts about six weeks. This is
the $200 class that Josh had to
pay for.
This is the process just for
the first offense for drinking and
driving. After the third it be-
comes a felony which is much
more serious, expensive and
even more embarrassing.
Along with being expen-
sive, it is also very dangerous to
drink and drive. You could seri-
ously hurt, or worse, kill your-
self or someone else.
Since getting his DUI, Josh
has decided to take drinking out
of his life completely and said,
Nothing really good has come
of it. Ive made an ass of my-
self a couple times and its just
not worth it for me. This is the
choice Josh made for himself
and if he ever starts drinking
again. Im sure hell have a des-
ignated driver handy.
Melissa DeVries
Staff Writer
Fast DUI Facts
1
st
Offense: Min. 24hrs. in
jail; max. 6 mo. in jail & $500
fine.
2
nd
Offense: Min. 7 days
in jail; max. 6 mo. in jail & $500
fine.
3
rd
Offense: Min. 30 days
in jail; max. 1yr. in jail & $1000
fine.
4
th
& subsequent Offense:
Felony with imprisonment for
no less than 6 months and no
more that 13 months which may
not be suspended.
To be legally drunk your
blood alcohol level only has to
be .1. That would take a 180 lb.
male 5 drinks and a 140 lb. fe-
male 3 drinks to acquire.
Yellow Cabs Phone Num-
ber is 245-3033. Use it!!
Bruce Willis returns in what can
possibly already be named the best
movie of this year. Hostage begins
with Jeff Talley, top LAPD hostage ne-
gotiator, trying to bargain with a man
who holds a woman and her child hos-
tage in their home. The negotiation fails,
and all three in the house die. With the
guilt of failing the woman and her child,
Talley transfers to a calmer town in
Ventura County, hoping to run from his
past. It catches up to him all too fast as
three teenagers break into the Smith
family mansion in the hills and hold the
Hostage Holds Viewers Captive in Theater
Dana Livermont
Reporter
father and two chil-
dren hostage. Talley
is then forced into the
position of negotia-
tor, from which he
has tried to run. The
plot becomes even
more intense. As it
is revealed that
Walter Smith is a
mafia accountant,
and the mafia is in-
tent on protecting
their interests.
Talleys own family
is taken hostage, and
he is caught in a
struggle to save the
Smith family,
while also sav-
ing his own.
Throughout the
movie, the audi-
ence is left won-
dering who is re-
ally in charge of
the situation,
both inside the
house and out.
The plot
was captivating
from start to fin-
ish, although at
times it seemed
little unrealistic.
What can you ex-
pect? Its Hollywood. This movie
held me on the edge of my seat
throughout the entire movie; in fact,
the entire audience was literally lean-
ing forward in their seats in anticipa-
tion. Even the title sequence was
good. The characters were easy to
identify with, and Director, Florent
Siri, is successful in bringing out the
Willis that America has not seen in
years. I would urge anyone who can
fork up the $7.25, to head over to the
Carmike 7 and catch this flick while
it is in theaters. Your DVD player
and 20 inch television just wont do
it justice. The movie is rated R for
graphic violence, language, and some
drug use.
photo courtesy of Niki Porter
Bruce Willis stars in hostage.
photo by Melissa DeVries
Passing out drunk is better than getting behind the wheel drunk.
Augusten Burroughs does an ex-
cellent job of revealing the idiosyncra-
sies of alcoholism and the journey to
sobriety. His honesty and humor give
Dry an intimate tone that not many
other authors achieve. As the reader,
you are left feeling as if you have been
told a secret by a good friend.
Burroughs, a twenty-something
New Yorker in the advertising busi-
ness, begins by telling of his many
accounts of partying too late and try-
ing to hide his problem by putting co-
logne on his tongue and wearing loud
ties to distract his co-workers. In no
time, his co-workers are doing a clas-
sic intervention and he is headed off
to rehab where he hopes to meet
movie stars and stay in a chic com-
pound decorated by Ian Shrager.
After his initial shock and hor-
ror of the realities of rehab, Burroughs
brings to life the characters in the
clinic. There is Kavi, the sex addict;
Dr. Valium, the psychiatrist who took
his patients medication; the WASP
who was responsible for his mothers
paralysis; and Hayden, his English
friend, who he continues to keep in
touch with out of rehab. Burroughs
agonizingly recounts the tale of dig-
ging into his psyche to find out why
he has the problem he has, and what
Dry: An Honest Account From a Fresh Perspective
Betsy Harris
Co-Editor-in-Chief
he needs to do to make it go away.
With the perils of life on the
outside haunting him, Burroughs
manages to stay sober for eight
months despite getting involved with
a gorgeous, crack addicted, movie star
type. It is when his closest friend dies
of HIV that he can no longer stay so-
ber and once again begins his descent
to his personal hell.
Burroughs describes his abuse
with frightening candor as he tells
of drinking himself to the point of
alcohol poisoning and possible
death. After he becomes too sick to
get out of bed and begins going
through alcohol withdrawals he can-
didly notes the moment he realizes
how sick he is. I cannot walk across
my apartment, even to pee. I must
pee in bed, sober, not asleep. I must
pee in bed because I am too sick to
walk. It had to come to that extreme
before he would once again seek help.
Burroughs concludes his book
by realizing that the one most im-
portant thing in his life is to take it
one day at a time. As he puts it, I
just dont drink.
Burroughs ingenuous narra-
tive and touching personal intona-
tions make reading Dry a breeze.
Its one of those books that you will
find hard to put down and it makes
you come away feeling like you just
had a conversation with your best
friend.
Looking for a great time? Its
back to the basics for local eatery The
Rex. Billings pianist Lyle Sheets plays
the bar six nights a week. Tuesday
through Thursday he plays at 5:30 p.m.
until whenever, and Fridays and Satur-
days he starts at 6:30 p.m.
Hailing from a family of musi-
cians (his parents played with stars such
as Ella Fitzgerald and Sarah Vaughn),
Lyle taught himself to play at the age of
Rex Has its Own Piano Man
Niki Porter
Photo Editor
three. He has collaborated with B.B.
King, Charlie Daniels, and spent three
years playing in Dallas with The Jimmy
Velvet Show.
Lyle plays a wide variety of mu-
sic ranging between jazz standards, clas-
sic and contemporary rock, to country.
He plays some great tunes such as
Midnight Cruiser and Deacon
Blues by Steely Dan, classics from
Elton John, Led Zeppelin, and Lynyrd
Skynyrd. His most requested song is,
of course, Piano Man, by Billy Joel.
The one song he refuses to play, though
its often requested, is The Rodeo
Song, the classic dirty lyric song from
Canadas own Showdown.
When asked about the funniest
moment hes ever had onstage, Lyle
laughs and recalls a time 10 years ago
while playing during the famous Buck-
ing Horse Sale held every year in Miles
City. This drunk lady took her shirt
off and tried to give me a lap dance while
I was playing piano! That surely must
have been a sight to see.
So if you have a hot date and re-
ally want to impress her (or him), then
slip into The Rex and check out an au-
thentic piano bar to hear the smooth
sounds of Mr. Lyle Sheets.
photo by Niki Porter
Lyle Sheets, a local treasure, plays at
the Rex.
Leave a Whisper by
Shinedown features 15 songs in the
heavy metal/grunge genre. The mu-
sic is hard rock and the lyrics are a
doleful reminder that emotional pain
is a commonality that humanity
shares.
Shinedown is Brent Smith, vo-
cals; Jasin Todd, guitars; Brad
Stewart, bass; and Barry Kerch,
drums. Shinedown isnt like any other
band on the market right now. We
dont like to do any thing in a typical
way, says Smith about his bands
musical style. Striving to be different
has served them well. They have re-
leased four songs from Leave a
Whisper and are touring the U.S.
promoting the album.
Burning Bright is the current
release from the record. It has been
getting good airplay on the ZONE
here in Billings. The thrashing rhythm
and rebirth message makes this a good
choice as a single. The lyrics are con-
sistent with the theme of the whole
CD. The more the dark consumes
me, I pretend Im burning, burning
bright. The worse things get, the fur-
ther inside you have to reach to find
the positive aspects of yourself, and
burning bright, the more you have
to concentrate on those positives.
The last release was a cover version
of Simple Man, originally by
Lynyrd Skynyrd. The thrumming
A Shout Out: Shinedowns Leave a Whisper
Paul Jangula
Staff Writer
bass of Skynyrds version has been
replaced by the thrumming of Smiths
voice. The haunting quality of
Smiths voice and lack of heavy
instrumentation make you stop what
you are doing and listen. This song is
the reason I bought this CD.
Simple Man is a recording from
what, on the CD, are called the
Sanford Sessions. These sessions
also include a remix of Burning
Bright and an acoustic version of
45, that is a darker look at the
coping with misery theme. Swim-
ming through the ashes of another
life/ no real reason to accept the way
things have changed/ staring down
the barrel of a 45. The .45-caliber
gun is a metaphor for a bleak future
based on a past that is equally bleak.
It is fearing that there is nothing that
can be done to make tomorrow better,
but note that the lyricist is staring
down the barrel, not being blasted
away by it. Many of the songs on the
CD are like this. You may have to dig
for the positive message, but it is
there.
Lost in the Crowd is a song on
Leave a Whisper that hasnt been
released as a single. Its a ballad that
deals with the battle of breaking up
with someone you love but can no
longer be with. This song portrays the
confusion and indecision involved
with this kind of inner struggle. This
is a song to listen for if you decide to
buy this CD.
Leave a Whisper explores the
quality in people to concentrate on
anger and hatred in the face of crisis
when what is necessary to deal with is
the pain the crisis has caused.
Shinedown writes of their album,
This record was written for the
dreamers, for the people that have, in
one way or another been cut down
or cast out of society for being
different or having an opinion, it is
an expression of insecurity and
frustration, and yet, the will to
overcome.
Leave a Whisper was produced
by Bob Marlette of Ozzy
Ozbourne, Saliva, and Black
Sabbath fame. This CD is a sober-
ing look at personal turmoil and a
way to come through it. If you like
what you hear, there is good news.
Shinedown is going into the studio
in April to begin work on a second
album. I wouldnt recommend this
CD to you if youre really de-
pressed, but if youre dealing with
difficulties and want some com-
pany in the same frame of mind,
Shinedown would be a good thing
to pop in your CD player.
Cover design Art Direction Lawrence Azerrad Design
Seeking a real man. Hot young studs
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For companion to Chaz
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No BS! elh30@aol.com
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Smart, kind, funny,
must like MILFs
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ISO someone to play monopoly
with on Tuesday nights. Must have
a clubfoot to match my hunchback.
spigotgirl@yahoo.com
Name: Dana Renee
Livermont
Age: 20
Hometown: Forsyth, MT
Major: Psychology
Minor: Spanish
Dream job: Anything I
dont have to clock in for.
Top of cel ebri ty make
out list: What girl doesnt
have Johnny Depp?
Famous person you d
most like to kick the crap out
Name: Nicole Livermont
Age: 19
Hometown: Forsyth, MT
Major: Business
Minor: Marketing
Dream job: Marketing
Manger for Pixar
Top of celebrity make
out list: Orlando Bloom or
Johnny Depp
Famous person youd
most like to kick the crap out
of : Condal eeza Ri ce and
George W. Bush
Recurri ng ni ghtmare:
When I was younger I dreamt
that Jason [from Friday The
13
th
] lived in my backyard in
the tree groves and would kill
the bunnies and birds.
About your photo: It
was our birthday, my second
and Danas third. We wore
matching Japanese outfits.
of: George Walker Bush or
any of his evil cronies
Recurring nightmare: I
dont really have recurring
ni ght mar es, but t he ot her
night I dreamed I kicked the
*@!* out of my boyfriend for
no apparent reason. That was
pretty scary!
About your photo: I used
to steal Nicoles bottles when
we were little. Now if I steal
her bottles she beats me up.
You had a good Spring
Break if:
10. You did not open a text
book.
9. You went to some place
other than work.
8. You met a newfriend.
7. You met a HOT new
friend.
6. On the last dayof the
break you are cramming for
class because you had no time
to studyduring the week.
5. You did something you
never thought you would do.
4. You traveled to a new
place.
3. You had the abilityto
block out any bad moments
that week.
2. You dont remember
howyou got home, you just
made it safely.
1. There were no regrets.
Spring Break Rules
What to do and what to not do
You had a bad Spring Break if:
10. You spent over your limit
on alcohol
9. You couldnt remember their
name the next day, nor did you want
to.
8. You found out that your exes
work at all the good spots to hang
out.
7. You made more then you
spent.
6. You left the bar before
2amalone.
5. You hung out with your
teacher.
4. You realized that the only
people you sawwere your boss and
your roommates.
3. You took naps duringtheday
and lounged around in pajamas at
night watching reruns
2. Bythe end of week you were
so tired of everything, you wanted to
go back so you wouldnt have to
work.
1. You hadto playwingman and
let an old nastyperson hit on you
while your friends were off with a
couple hotties.
By EmilyValenzuela, JodyFerguson, and Sarah Fry
Photo from archives 1965 Vol. 18, No. 17
ALMOST SPRING?-- Maureen Miller, Laurel sophmoreis well awarethat spring is just
around thecorner. Now, if onlysomeonewill covincetheweatherman. Thesceneis on the
PE Building steps.
The Retort Back In The Day
Forty Years Ago
Pressure. The strong thrive on it
while the weak crumble under it.
Just ask Nicole Byrnes about
pressure. The team had put themselves
in a position to win the duel match.
Everyone else was done playing. She
was alone and the outcome of her match
would be the difference between a team
win or loss. Playing like a seasoned
veteran, the freshman single-handedly
fought off a second set let down to win
her match 6-2, 2-6, 6-2. Instead of suc-
cumbing to the weight of defeat, she
lifted herself and the team to a 5-4 vic-
tory over the University of Colorado
State-Pueblo.
If there was someone every-
one was confident in being the last per-
son on the court to decide a tiebreak, shes
definitely one of the top ones, said se-
nior Becky Fry of the scrappy freshman.
The rest of the trip proved to be
very successful for the Lady Jackets.
They also played the University of Colo-
rado-Colorado Springs where the other
freshmen showed their value to the team.
Heidi Lehman and Marta Borges earned
wins along with Byrnes and Fry to take
Lady Freshmen Come Through While Men Stumble
Kevin Koepplin
Staff Writer
four of the six singles points from the
Mountain Lions, even though bad
weather had postponed the match eight
hours and moved it indoors. The Lady
Jackets captured the ever-important
doubles point when Lehman and Byrnes
teamed up at number 2 doubles to beat
McPhail and Vander Molen 8-4. Borges
doubled up with sophomore Tia Smith
at number 3 doubles and won 8-5 over
the UCCS doubles team of Barbari and
Duvall.
The Lady Jackets also beat
Metropolitan State College of Denver in
a convincing 7-2 fashion. If we didnt
have our freshmen, we wouldnt have
done so well, said Fry.
The only loss of the trip came
against Colorado College, which is a
Division III independent school. The
Tigers defeated the Lady Jackets 5-2.
Against the University of Colo-
rado-Colorado Springs, the men split sets
in three of their matches; they then had
to play a tie break for the third set. The
winner of the tie break would take home
the match. The Yellowjackets fought
hard for their team but came up short in
the end, losing 2 out of the 3 tie breaks
they played.
We couldnt get the most im-
portant points, said fifth year senior
Kellen Malone. We didnt put matches
away and we came up short.
The one man who didnt come
up short for the Yellowjackets was the
other fifth year senior Sean ODaniel.
His 5-7, 6-4 (10-8) victory over Jason
Bisanti of UCCS was the only win for
the Jackets, who lost the first duel match
of the trip 8-1.
I thought I was better than
him, said ODaniel. I got down early,
but I managed to come back.
The rest of the spring break trip
to Colorado didnt fare too well for the
Jackets. They also lost to Colorado State
University-Pueblo 8-1, Metropolitan
State College of Denver 8-1, and were
shut out by Colorado School of Mines
9-0.
The men won a single duel
match during the Colorado trip. They
beat Colorado College 4-3 by earning
the doubles point and winning three of
the six singles points.
We just didnt play to our potential,said
Malone.
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photo by Bryce Skjervem
Melissa DelSignore fields a grounder.
As he lost control of the ball at
the top of the key in the waning mo-
ments of last years national quarterfinal
game, Joey Graham of Oklahoma State
didnt panic. Saint Josephs guard Pat
Carrol saw that Graham was in trouble
and instantly dove for the steal. That
decision came at a price. As soon a
Graham regained control of the ball he
spotted his teammate John Lucas on
the wing and quickly passed it to him.
Carrol was unable to recover and Lucas
swished the game-winning three-
pointer.
Is it any surprise that Lucas and
Graham are making noise with the
number 10 ranked Cowboys again this
season? Not really. They are returning
four starters from last years Final Four
team that lost to Georgia Tech in the
national semifinals. However, the one
player that isnt back, Tony Allen, was
an All-American. Can Lucas and Gra-
ham win Coach Eddie Suttons first na-
tional championship without him?
People from the state of North
Carolina dont think so, and they have
every right to believe that. With teams
like North Carolina, Wake Forest and
Duke all coming from the same state,
emotions are running high in the At-
lantic Coast Conference (ACC).
The big three, which finished the
regular season ranked second, third, and
fifth respectively, are all poised to make
a run at the National Championship that
is to be played on April 4 in Saint Louis.
However, they arent the only teams
with a shot at winning the most presti-
gious tournament in all of college
sports. That is why March Madness is
so great. Everyone has a chance to
bring home the championship.
Coach Mike Krzyzewski (pro-
NCAA Hoops: How Bad Do You Want It?
Kevin Koepplin
Staff Writer
nounced sha-shef-ski) has his Duke
Blue Devils running on all cylinders
again heading into March. After a sea-
son full of disrespect from the polls and
analysts, the Dukies have earned their
way into a top five regular season fin-
ish and a number one seed in the Big
Dance.
However, just eight miles down
Tobacco Road, North Carolina Coach
Roy Williams is on the brink of com-
pleting the turnaround that everyone has
been waiting for. During the 2001-02
season, the Williams-less Tar Heels had
a program worst 8-20 record and missed
out on the NCAA tournament for the
first time in 27 years. Now, coming of
a thrilling victory over the much hated
Blue Devils, North Carolina has
claimed their first outright regular sea-
son ACC title since 1993. The last time
they did that, the Tar Heels won the Na-
tional Championship. Can they do it
again?
Or will Wake Forests dynamic
point guard Chris Paul, who is averag-
ing 14.9 points per game (PPG) be the
one who is hoisting the championship
trophy? In only his second year as a
Demon-Deacon, Paul has beaten both
the Blue Devils and the Tar Heels al-
ready this season. With a little help from
his friends Eric Williams (69, 290lbs,
16 PPG) and Justin Gray (62, 186lbs,
16.3 PPG), Paul and Wake Forest defi-
nitely have the talent to emerge from
the 65-team tournament victorious.
I know what you are thinking.
What about the team that was one point
away from a perfect regular season?
What about the team that held the num-
ber one spot in the polls since week
four? Well, dont fret. I didnt forget
about Dee Brown, Luther Head, James
Augustine, Deron Head and the rest of
top-ranked Illinois. They are very de-
serving of their number one seed and
are the favorites to win it all. However,
as history has shown, favorites can fall
just as easily as underdogs. Just ask
last years favorites Kentucky and
Stanford who bowed out after the sec-
ond round. Saint Josephs had only lost
one game before Lucas sent them pack-
ing last year. The only thing that is for
certain is that on April 4, 2005 at around
8 pm central, two teams will compete
for the most valuable prize in college
basketball.
Thats the most beautiful thing
about March. Anything can happen.
Once the tournament starts, everyone
who steps on the court has the same
opportunity as the guy who is standing
across from him. Whether his jersey is
royal blue and says KANSAS across
his chest or if it is bright red and says
WINTHROP in big white letters,
everyone has the same chance. It just
comes down to whoever wants to wear
the shirt that is labeled CHAMPION
the most.
(AP Photo / Al Behrman)
Oklahoma States J ohn Lucas shoots the game winning three pointer with 6.9
seconds left against Saint J osephs during the 2004 NCAA tournament.
Bogity, Bogity, Bogity, Lets go
racin! Daryl Waltrip, three-time Win-
ston Cup Champion turned commen-
tator, starts every NASCAR race with
this catch phrase. NASCAR is the fast-
est growing sport in America. Crowds
of fans ranging in size from 80,000 to
over 200,000 people throng to races.
Thirty-six races take place between
February 20 and November 20. Most
races take place on Sunday afternoons
with a few races on Saturday nights.
NASCAR, an acronym for Na-
tional Association of Stock Car and
Auto Racing, started in 1948 when the
U.S. was trying to make its own mark
after World War II. Bill France Sr.
helped found NASCAR and ran a few
races that year. The numbers arent ex-
act because of disputes over which
races were NASCAR sanctioned and
which werent.
The Daytona 500 is NASCARs
largest event. The drivers talk about
wanting to win this race more than any
other. The 500 is considered
NASCARs Superbowl. This seems a
little backwards since it is the first race
of the season.
The first Daytona 500 took place
in 1959. The track at that time was
paved on the front straightaway, but
was sand on the back and in the cor-
ners. The first race was one of the first
photo finishes in history. It took offi-
cials three days to declare Lee Petty
the winner by a margin of two feet.
This year, Jeff Gordon overtook Tony
Stewart in the final laps to win the race.
The Daytona 500, being the first
race of the season, gets NASCAR
fans geared up and excited about the
rest of the season. The race is actu-
ally preceded by three other NASCAR
events at Daytona. The Budweiser
Shootout and Gatorade Duels I and II
take place in the days preceding the 500.
The Gatorade Duels are used to see
where, in a field of 43 open spots, driv-
ers will qualify for the Daytona 500.
Three days of racing set the rest of the
season into motion. Daytona is the only
race of the season using this format.
Daytona does have a tragic distinction.
It was during the Daytona 500 that, on
the final lap, Dale Earnhardt hit the wall
at 180 miles per hour and was killed.
Earnhardt was a seven-time Winston
Cup Champion, and a former winner
at Daytona.
Following the Earnhardt tragedy, new
safety precautions were implemented
for the drivers, cars, and tracks.
Earnhardts neck was broken in the
crash, so now all of the drivers are
required to wear a device on their
helmets that prevents the head from
snapping in any direction. The tracks
are installing what are known as safer
barriers. The barriers, built into the
walls, now act like shock absorbers,
and give way as much as 10 feet
when they get hit.
The drivers safety being considered,
43 start every race. The drivers range
in age from 19 to 63. Dale Earnhardt
Jr., Tony Stewart, Kurt Busch, and
Jeff Gordon are some of the more
popular drivers. NASCAR is like any
other sport. You pick a favorite driver,
for whatever reason, and cheer when
they win. Most fans pick a driver they
like to hate, too. Hoping Jeff
Gordons engine explodes every
week seems to be a popular sentiment
among fans.
Going to a race is something any true
fan should experience. There is no
comparison between watching it on
TV and actually being there and
smelling the gasoline when the cars
start up. The sound of the cars getting
the green flag is like 10 train locomo-
tives playing tug of war with a 747, as
the cars go from 70 mph to upwards
of 190 mph in less than a mile. If you
go, bring a fair amount of money.
Memorabilia for of one of the 60 to
70 drivers and team trucks is priced
fair, but there is so much of it you
could spend $1000 in an hour without
realizing it. Tickets for the races are
reasonable, too. Tickets for the UAW
ChryslerDaimler 400 in Las Vegas
were $145 for four events over race
weekend. The tickets include qualify-
ing on Friday, the Busch race on
Saturday, and the Nextel Cup race on
Sunday. The fourth event is the World
of Outlaws at an adjoining track on
Sunday night. The price is well worth
it for any fan.
What You Always Wanted to Know About NASCAR
Paul Jangula
Staff Writer
NASCAR isnt for everybody.
Watching a bunch of cars drive in
circles for three hours is boring, said
a student when asked what he thought
of NASCAR. Similar sentiments
have been said about any other sport
you can name. Not knowing the
outcome is the best part of
NASCAR, said Rich Marquess as
he discussed his NASCAR fantasy
league. Its better than any of the
reality shows that promise the same
thing.
Marquess runs his fantasy league
using the same points system
NASCAR does. The drivers get
points based on where they finish
every week. In the league, you pick
eight drivers as your team. Each
driver is assigned a cash value and
you get $500,000 to spend on your
team. You find yourself cheering for
your drivers to get you as many
points as possible to place higher in
the league standings. If just watching
isnt enough, you can participate by
joining a fantasy league. If youre
interested, you can contact Marquess
at richm@180com.net. The league is
split into two halves, and although it
is too late to join in for the first half,
the second half starts July 7 with the
New England 300 at the New
Hampshire International Speedway.
NASCAR is just underway this
season, and already there are winners
and losers. Jeff Gordon, Greg Biffle,
and Jimmy Johnson have won the
first three races of the season. Kurt
Busch has placed high enough in
each race to have the points lead,
which isnt surprising since he is last
years Champion. Who will win
next? Who will crash next? Who will
be Champion in November? Youll
just have to take a few hours on
Sunday afternoons to watch and find
out.
Photo Courtesy www.netaonline.org/
Drivers Start Your Engines!
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Totally unrelated authors
note: It has been brought to my atten-
tion, that Mrs. Marylin Webb of
Farmingdale, New York, took great
offense to my blasting of Neil Diamond
in the last issue. Due to the fact that
Momma Webb, a rabidly loyal fan,
not only fed and housed me in my re-
cent foray into the big, bad, scary city,
she also showed a hayseed from Moose
Jaw, Montana the utmost respect and
courtesy. So, please, Mrs. Dubya, ac-
cept my deepest and sincere apology.
But that bastard Neil Diamond can go
right to hell, regardless.
I have problems with my
current girlfriend. Shes nagging,
touchy, vile and self-absorbed. Plus,
she doesnt technically, you know,
exist. Now, a lot of you might
wonder what right I have to write a
column like this, considering that my
last date was around, oh, I dont
know, the Clinton Administration?
Well, after several days of binge
drinking, I have come to the conclu-
sion that maybe my standards are too
high. I might be going for the
wrong type of woman. I prefer the
women I date to have some sort of
deformity, such as having a hunch-
back, or perhaps a club foot. This is
so when I, like, steal all the covers or
leave the seat up or something, she
isnt going to get on my case,
because, after all, Im not the one
with the rather distracting physical
flaw. (Yeah, I might have stolen all
the covers and sort of on purpose hit
your elderly mother in the face with a
tennis racket, but at least I dont have
a club freakin foot!!) Another pre-
requisite for being Mikes muse is a
very limited grasp of the English
language. (What are you doing with
the remote? I dont WANT to watch
Telemundo! HEY!!) Cause if you
dont understand one another, you
cant argue, am I right, or am I right?
Finally, a trait that I look for has to be
an iffy Green Card/INS situation,
because nothing gives you leverage in
a lovers quarrel quite like the threat of
deportation. Yeah, I dont know why
Im single either. Im sure it has
something to do with my smoldering
sexuality.
I also think that women have
unrealistic expectations in men. Being
a man, I can look at these situations in
a totally non-biased way. (No, really)
You ladies want all these movie stars,
these fantasy men, these Leonardo
DeCaprios, or these Vin Diesels, or
these Will Smiths! Cmon now, girls!
Do you really want to spend a roman-
tic dinner with The Fresh Prince Of
Bel-Air? What if he makes you bring a
friend and you have to double date
with DJ Jazzy Jeff? These kinds
of men dont exist, so stop and smell
the paternity suit, cupcake! Do you
think that guys look at Hugh Grant
movies as an insight into the female
psyche? No! (Instead, oddly enough,
they read The Retort) You might
expect us to be like Hugh Grant, but
you ask any guy how he feels about ol
Hughie, and the answer will univer-
sally be theyd like to strangle him
with the laces from his own shoes for
spoiling it for the rest of us. Hate to
break it to you like this, but we, as
men, dont have the time for all this
sensitivity nonsense, what with
major sports teams being in playoff
games or pennant races virtually year
round. You ladies want romance? You
might as well swing over to Mr.
Rogers neighborhood, kick Mr. Green
Jeans the mailman in the balls in a
display of girl power, hop on that
trolley and ride it right through the wall
and deep into the land of make believe,
because thats your best bet of finding
the perfect guy. So wake up!!
You want wining and dining,
coddling and cuddling, and we
understand that. We also ignore it. But
frankly, men, generally speaking, are
far too busy building pyramids out of
beer cans or searching through their
piles of dirty laundry looking for a
sweatshirt that isnt stained with
Cheez-Whiz and doesnt smell like a
bucket of hot chum. (The exception for
this, however, are the guys on that
Queer Eye show)
Seriously, though guys, as a
respected journalist,(translation:
complete simpleton to take up valuable
space when The Retort fails to sell
enough advertising) I cannot, in good
faith, let the male gender off the hook
so easily. Put down the bong for a
second, set aside the Playstation
controller, and think. If YOU werent
YOU, and YOU were a woman,
would you date YOU knowing who
YOU are? Not just no, but hell no. We
arent exactly easy to live with, fellas.
In all due respect, if many of us did not
have the logical anchor of women in
our lives, wed all end up like those
kids that were raised by wolves or
something. Think about it. If women
wanted nothing to do with us, theyd
be out buying tasteful floral arrange-
ments to go with the new drapes, and
wed be running wild, rolling around
in our own filth and urinating on
highway signs. So, ladies, thank you.
Often, I long for the old days.
Where men were men and women
didnt know any better. One second
Donna Reed was sharing casserole
recipes with June Cleaver while Eddie
Haskel was beating the holy hell out of
The Beav in the backyard, and the
next thing you know, Laverne and
Shirley are overhauling the General
Lee drinking vodka tonics, and
Cagney and Lacey are beating up on
pimps and jaywalkers while humiliat-
ing Starsky and Hutch in beach
volleyball. Im not saying this is a bad
thing, not at all. Its the natural
evolution of things and if you ask me,
its all for the better. I think that by
now we have established that while I
can quote all of Christopher Lloyds
lines from Back to the Future 3, I
could no sooner sort out anyones love
life than I could remember the logic
behind my roommate and I tossing a
17 inch Panasonic television set from a
second floor barracks window in Fort
Riley, Kansas in the winter of 02 to
protest the cable company cutting us
off just because we hadnt paid our
cable bill in three months. Anyway,
forget about that. The fact is, that if
you are really taking my advice, I
would imagine that you rode(or ride)
the short bus with the wheelchair lift
on the back. I did, anyway.
I hope I didnt disappoint or offend
anyone, so feel free to call my superiors
at The Retort and give them a piece of
your mind. In the meantime, I heard all
about this great Bulgarian Mail Order
Bride site I wanted to check out. I won-
der if the University might give me a
research grant. Dont laugh. They
gave me a column, so obviously their
judgment sucks.
Mike Wolfgang Schrage
Columnist
Photo by Melissa DeVries
Mike Schrage- The Retorts Thinker
Scraping the Barrel: What Women Want
1) Teenage Catgirls in Heat
2) Hang em High
3) Dawn of the Dead (remake)
4) Better Off Dead
5) Roadside Prophets
Nikis Picks