ROFL

Diaries

The

The Group
An eighteen year old girl struggling to come to terms with her new found adult status, Namrata Pandit is our youngest contributor. She is a walking pair of Ovaries who disapproves of pretty much everything that breathes. Sarcasm was going to be her middle name officially, but then a Sarcastic Pujari does not sound too good, does it? Quick to retort, with something witty always up her sleeve, she is the female equivalent of Arnab Goswami. Only Prettier. She plans to be a hot shot criminal lawyer because, well you know her, she likes all things wild. Shikha Jain, is an 19 years old upcoming model (She is actually pretty but she is doing engineering, so therefore she is as good as Miss India to these engineering guys, you see?). Quite carefree and friendly by nature, she is a bitch who will never bite. Her life revolves between two things, online and last seen. She loves travelling and going on a world tour is on her bucket list at No. 5(1-4 have been kept secret to maintain the austerity of ROFLDiairies *wink* *wink*). She is a Math lover, and consistently scores 105/100. (5 marks for being a pretty face in an engineering college.) Shweta Patil, is a 20 year old girl who swears her life by her DSLR and Macbook Pro which she tricked her rich boyfriend into gifting her. A professional designer in the making, one day she wishes to create a new Statue of Liberty for which she herself will be modeling. She is so bubbly that she will put a Thumbs Up to shame. Photography is her passion, and photographing Bitches, her specialty. She stands by the motto. No one is ugly in this world till the time you know how to Photoshop.

Pranav Advani is a 16 year old boy who has had 4 years of experience being 16. In his life he prefers everything chilled, apart from brownies and girls, which ofcourse are best served sizzling hot. He firmly believes that Ugly-ness is not an excuse for virginity anymore, unless you are Mayawati. He is good at spreading happiness with his mouth, err.. we mean words. There is nothing he loves more than ice-cream, unless its two scoops of ice-cream. And also, forgive him if he says something stupid, he is suffering from Male Menopause.

Potential Pati List

As HSC results are out, this week more than anything else, I've been busy making a smug face and asking people their scores. Occasionally raising one eyebrow (Yes, it takes a lot of practice) and asking boys, "So what are you going to do?" Now this may sound like an invitation to sapiosexuals because I've scored 90.33% and I do a very fine job when it comes to hinting at it, subtly. But I'm going to spare you readers the horror of imagining me using pick up lines and clarify that I was asking them about their career plans. After contemplating the pay checks that each one of them might take home five years down the line, I've been striking a lot of them off my PPL. (Potential Pati List) I know it's mediocre, shallow and anti-feminist to select a groom solely on the basis of his pay check, but I grew up looking at Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the city. (That should explain a lot of things!) I strongly recommend this to everyone. So here is an indicative list that'll make your job much easier, girls. And boys can refer to this to ensure that they don't have to lejao their Dulhania on National Television la Rahul Mahajan. 1. The IITian Easy to spot, this variety shows its traits right since school. This boy is the one who has bagged all scholarships in school right from Middle school scholarship to Sambodh, Pravinya, Homi Bhabha Young Scientist and National Talent Search exam. Undoubtedly the best hubby you could bag, if you're okay with spending the rest of your life with someone who cracks scientific puns. 2. The Hippie The exact contrast of the previous type, this boy is the Ultimate Slacker who passes off his sheer laziness to pull his pants up as a new style; more popularly known as "Yes, I wear the same pair of Jockeys for three days straight". Mostly seen prosecuting a BMM/BMS course in some random college, you really want to stay away from this variety unless you look forward to staying awake for your Pati Parmeshwar as he comes home sloshed every night.

3. The Number Cruncher Yes, the dreaded CA. Mostly Gujju or Marwari. Will force you to live in a joint family where at regular intervals he'll point out to you how your expenses on that lovely pair of Steven Madden is entirely unjustified and you should be shopping at Bata instead. This is a very broad classification of Adam's descendants and frankly none of them appeal to me. If you come across a handsome, brooding millionaire who is passionate about saving the Siberian crane, just drop me a line at: rofldiaries@gmail.com. I will forever be indebted to you. *The writer is a confessed listmaniac and her poor sense of humour has proved instrumental in driving away every single soulmate that has crossed her path.*

Samsyaon ka Samdhan
1. I am a 20-year old boy. My weight is 120 kg. I do Ramdev babas yoga every morning but it isnt helping.Am good looking but because of my weight no girl even looks at me. I really feel hurt because of it.Can you please suggest how do i reduce my weight? Ans1. I felt really sorry for you after listening to your problem. Girls!! Why do you'll behave so badly with this poor guy?? Very bad. The only and the most effective tip I would like to give you so that your able to burn your calories faster is watch and practice the yoga taught by Bipasha Basu instead of Ramdev baba's because even Ramdev baba watches her video to keep himself fit.The look of her sexy body would make you do something that would reduce make your weight from 120kgs to 70 within a few months.

2.My girlfriend is a big fan of justin bieber but I hate him like anything. Whenever we are together she keeps singing biebers songs and it irritates me a lot. Is there any way i can get bieber out of her head? Ans2.My friend if your girlfriend is a big fan of justin bieber and if she keeps singing bieber's song even when you are with her then I think something is terribly wrong with her. With a heavy heart I would like to tell you that your girlfriend doesn't love guys,infact she loves gay's. Follow my suggestion and better dump her before its too late.

3.I am a 18-year old college student. Whenever theres any festival in my college, the host always make fun of me by referring to me as the Chunky pandey of my college. I really want to get rid of this Chunky Pandey tag can you please suggest how do i go about it? Ans.Don't feel bad because they refer to you as Chunky pandey. Now if god has blessed you with features similar to as that of Chunky Pandey's,what can even ur college students do about it. Take it as a compliment and be happy about the fact that they refer to you as Chunky pandey and not bobby darling. And you never know,this tag might even help you meet the dream girl of your life.

4. I am a 32-year old man. I work as a clerk in my office. I am very passionate towards becoming a bollywood actor. After i saw the trailer of the upcoming movie Ranjhana, I am all the more motivated and confident that even i do stand a chance in bollywood. What do you think about it? Ans.I am glad to know that people are still passionate about getting into bollywood even after knowing the level to which the quality of bollywood movies have fallen down to. Coming back to you, I am cent percent sure that you would get an opportunity to work as an actor in bollywood because if Dhanush can, even you can or should I say even the sweeper of my building can.

Horrorscopes
Something will be entering Uranus this week. No. Not doggie style, you perv: You are pointed at today. Shortly after that you contemplate the most efficient way of biting off the human finger. Your dentist asks you to "prepare for the worst five minutes of your life". Clearly, he has no idea who your ex was. This week is buzzing with activity. You'll find a honeycomb under your window.

Simply put, you just need to find someone who'll find your OCD symptoms cute.

You're not Barney Stinson. There, I said it.

No, rapping to "Saturday to Sunday, yo. Bitches they come, they gooo!" won't get you any female attention.

Don't hide your copy of Fifty Shades of Grey under the pillow.

Fuck it.

You will be up all Saturday night to get lucky. You won't get lucky.

Bad luck follows you everywhere this week. You should probably come up with a new name for your pet.

aquarius
You don't want to single out anyone today. So it's only fair to hate everybody, equally.

The more time you spend with people, the more punchable their faces will become.