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1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....

I know where my watch is pal, where the heck is yours? Do I point at my butt when I ask where t he toilet is? 2. People who are willing to get off their butt to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.. 3. When people say 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too'. You're darn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it? 4. When people say 'it's always the last place you look'. Of course it is. Why the heck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who an d where are they? 5. When people say while watching a film 'did you see that? No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the stupid floor. 6. People who ask 'Can I ask you a question?'... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine? 7. When something is 'new and improved! Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have bee n something before it, c couldn t be new. 8. When people say 'life is short'. What the heck?? Life is the longest freaki ng thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer? 9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks 'has the bus come yet? If t he bus came would I be standing here dummy?

SOME WAYS 2 MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY!!!!!! 1.at lunch time, sit in ur parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. see if they slow down 2.page urself over the intercom. dont disguise ur voice 3.everytime someone asks you 2 do something, ask if they want fries with that 4. put ur garbage can on ur desk and label it "in" 5.Finish all ur sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy" 6.Order a diet water whenever u go out 2 eat--with a serious face 7.specify that ur drive-through order is "to go" 8.As often as possible, skip rather than walk i do this all of the time 9 don t use any punctuation 10.sing along at the opera 11.go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems dont rhyme 12. put mosquito netting around ur work area and play tropical sounds all day 13. five days in advance, tell ur friends u cant attend their party cuz ur not i n the mood 14.Have ur friends address u by ur wrestling name, Rock Bottom 15.when the money comes out of the ATM, scream "i won! i won!"

16.when leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run 4 y our lives, they're loose!!" 17.AND THE FINAL WAY 2 KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY...PUT THIS IN UR PROFILE 2 MAKE SOME1 SMILE. 15 Ways to Get Kicked Out of WalMart 1-wander through the store dressed in all black with a fake walkie-talkie hummin g the Mission Impossible theme. When someone asks what you're doing, scream "LOO K OUT!!" and push them behind a shelf 2-Pass out bananas to random people and snicker loudly after they take one. 3-Buy 350 packets of tuna and scream "THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT!! YOU HAVE TO PUT SOME BACK!!" once the cashier tells you the price 4-Walk around looking confused in the CD section and ask someone where you can f ind some "musical devices" 5-when the announcer-thing comes on, throw yourself on the floor and scream "THE VOICES!!THEY'RE BACK!!" 6-start a fish stick fight 7-walk up to random people and give them giant bear hugs. Then scream "I MISSED YA, MAN!!" 8-(this requires a friend) Jump in a cart and have a friend push you around scre aming "The British are coming!!" 9-walk up to an employee and murmur "code red in aisle 3" and see what they do 10-slip a bra and a lacey pink thong into a really macho-looking man's cart (jus t make sure he doesn't have any girls with him) 11-attempt to fly off a high shelf 12-throw confetti on random people walking into the store 13-whisper "I know your "little secret"' to people in the checkout line 14-stand inside the freezer at the frozen food section 15-walk up to empoyees and whisper "I saw dead people...They want me to take you away...to aisle 8.. ~"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not su re about the former." - Albert Einstein ~"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain." -Lily Tomlin ~"If you can't convince them, confuse them." -Harry S. Truman ~"A real friend is someone who walks in, when the rest of the world walks out." ~"I would rather be hated for who I am, then who I'm not." ~Don't laugh at me because I'm weird, for I laugh at you, because you're normal.

~I used to have superpowers, then my therapist took them away. ~Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was blamed. ~When i was younger i hated going to weddings... it seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly type used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me 'You're next.' They stoppe d that crap after i started doing the same thing to them at funerals. ~A wise man once said, "Ask a girl." ~The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grate s. ~Fighting is mind over matter. I don't mind, and you don't matter. ~Your ridiculous opinion has been noted. ~Knowledge is power, power corrupts. Study hard, be evil. ~Bow down! Bow down! Bow down before the power of Santa! Or be crushed BY HIS JO LLY BOOTS OF DOOM!! ~Randomness is the base of conversation. ~A friend wipes your tears when you're rejected, a best friend goes up to him an d says, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?" ~A good friend will come bail you out of jail, but a true friend would be sittin g net to you saying, "Damn that was fun!" ~A good friends would ask you what's wrong when you cry, a best friend would hav e a shovel in their hand ready to kill the person who made you cry. ~When I'm down i like to whistle...It makes the neighbors dog run to the end of the chain and gag itself. ~The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so they can tell when their really in trouble. ~Long ago when people cursed and beat the ground with sticks it was called witch craft. Today we call it golf. ~A friend helps you up when you fall, a best friend walks past and says, "Walk m uch dumb-ass?" ~I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.

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