Hearts and Homes by beautifulwhatsyourhurry

Klaine || AU || M A cold winter night finds Kurt stranded after some car trouble, only to bring him face to face with a sick, shivering, homeless boy beneath a bridge. That boy, of course, turns out to be Blaine.

beautifulwhatsyourhurry.tumblr.com || beautifulwhatsyourhurry.tumblr.com/post eBook by klaineficspdfs.tumblr.com || klaineficspdfs.livejournal.com

Contents
Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven Part Eight Part Nine Part Ten Part Eleven Part Twelve Part Thirteen Part Fourteen Part Fifteen Part Sixteen Part Seventeen Part Eighteen Part Nineteen Part Twenty -4-

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- 16 -

- 23 - 29 - 41 -

- 54 - 69 - 64 -

- 84 -

- 74 - 93 - 99 -

- 103 - 109 - 121 - 130 - 142 -

- 151 - 155 -

Part Twenty-One Part Twenty-Two Part Twenty-Three Part Twenty-Four Part Twenty-Five Part Twenty-Six Part Twenty-Seven Epilogue

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- 175 -

- 192 -

- 202 -

- 216 -

- 224 -

- 234 -

- 248 -

Contents

Part One
The winter wind howls fiercely, chilling Kurt Hummel right down to his bones as he climbs out of his car and slams the door. He had been foolish to think he could make it home with his gas tank nearly empty, the bridge and explains his predicament to his dad, he notices the creek is bone dry but theres still a bit of ice lingering on the ground from the last snow theyd received. tighter around his shivering frame. Ill see you soon. marked by the ominous little light on his dashboard. Now hes stuck on the side of a bridge, nighttime well underway, and cursing himself as he calls his father, begging for assistance. As he peers over the edge of

Of course I know to wait in the car with the doors locked, dad, Kurt huffs, tugging his winter coat

Just as he ends the call and makes to spin around and climb back into the relative warmth of his car, the wind calms, if only for a moment, and Kurt hears something below his feet. Kurts back straightens. He freezes and listens intently. At first, be brushes it off as falling rocks or something else related to nature, but when it sounds again, There it is again; clear as day and even louder this time. Coughing.

glow beneath the old structure. His mind immediately assumes that a pack of teenagers are roaming the area, stupid and foolhardy to wander around in this type of frigid weather at night, but he doesnt hear coughing and the intermittent snuffle of obvious sickness. collides with solid ground. laughter. He doesnt hear the clink of illegally-obtained booze. He doesnt hear anything, save for the Every intelligent fiber of his being is cursing his idiocy as he shuffles along the edge of the bridge until he Dont talk to strangers, hed been warned since childhood. You never know if theyll be dangerous.

When Kurt stretches his body out further over the edge of the bridge, he catches a glimpse of a dim, faint

Even so, he cant stop himself from clambering gracelessly down the dip to the dry creek. He hears movement from beneath the bridge, his arrival loud and unable to ignore. Kurt cant pinpoint why he feels -4-

Contents the need to investigate further, especially not in this cold, but its like some otherworldly force is tugging him, like theres a hook lodged in his bellybutton and reeling him in. Theres an echo, a sharp intake of breath in the tunnel just as Kurt pokes his head around the corner. Whatever he had been expecting to see, it hadnt been this.

The pitiful glow from the dying fire gives way to a boy, huddled and small beneath a threadbare blanket. Hes got this mass of frizzy curls atop his head and he stares openly at Kurt, his eyes wide, glossy, and one hundred percent terrified. His nose appears red and raw and the sniffles never cease, even in his fear. Kurt can see the outline of his knuckles from underneath his thin blanket. Hes shivering.

The boy seizes up, eyes going impossibly wider, and his head jerks at Kurts sudden movement. Feeling almost as if hes dealing with an abused animal, Kurt pauses and crouches down slowly. coughing and I didnt Im sorry, I dont mean to scare you. I I wont hurt you, Kurt says, feeling as if he needs to preface his approach. I just heard you

Umhi, Kurt says lamely, stepping further into the tunnel.

Eyes darting over Kurts body as if checking for anything Kurt might use to harm him, the boy brings his blanket up to cover his nose. Upon further inspection of the area, Kurt catches sight of two, tattered bags, its side near the fire but he cant quite see the label, and a dingy thermos at the boys feet. both of which look to be falling apart at the seams. Theres an open, empty can of something tipped onto Can you tell me how old you are? Kurt asks. Or or maybe what youre doing out here?

The boy stares back, unblinking and unmoving. Are you sick? Kurt tries again.

Still no response. At that point, Kurt sighs in frustration and stands. He turns to head back to his car, hoping he can root around in his trunk for a spare blanket. Its the least he can do; Kurts never considered -5-

Contents himself heartless or cruel, but he doesnt really have anything else to give out of sympathy to a stranger. Maybe he can find a bottle of water or something. Just as hes about to trudge back up to his car, theres this scratchy, weak sound that almost sounds like a voice that stops him in his tracks. He whirls around to see the boy clutching the blanket to his throat instead of holding it over his face. Im sorry? Kurt prompts, taking a slow, measured step forward. Did you say something?

The boy clears his throat which sets off another coughing fit. The wretched sound of it almost causes Kurt to cringe. Yes, the boy finally says, the word feeble and soft.

After a pause, the boy nods.

Yes, Kurt repeats in confusion. Oh! Yes, youre sick?

With the strangers wary eyes on his back, Kurt climbs back up to the bridge and lifts open the trunk of his

might have some kind of over-the-counter cold medicine tucked away somewhere. Ill be back.

Okay, Kurt says decisively. Ill be right back. Im just going to run up to my car, okay? I think I

Navigator. He immediately catches sight of a blanket, warm and thick, and pulls it out. He spots his stranded somewhere for whatever reason, and pulls out a small first aid tin. Kurt internally thanks his

emergency overnight bag, the one his dad insists on him having whenever winter hits, just in case he gets dads forethought as he plucks out two doses of cold medicine. He slams the door and slides around to the front of the car, reaching inside to paw at the cup holder until he grasps the mostly-full cup of hot chocolate he had purchased on his way home. With the cold medicine tucked into his pocket, Kurt fumbles down the dip, blanket tucked under one arm while he does his best not to slosh the hot chocolate around. Remembering the boys first reaction to his presence, Kurt approaches him slowly. Told you Id be back, Kurt says with a small smile. Is it okay if I

He gestures to the boys little set up and the boy nods. Kurts smile broadens, stepping forward until hes at arms length. -6-

Contents drank a little bit, but its warm, so yeah. lips parted in surprise. I dont have any food or anything, but I have this, he says, offering the hot chocolate. I I only

The boy reaches out a trembling, frozen hand and accepts the cup, looking up at Kurt through amber eyes, And I brought you this. It looks warmer than the one you have now. You can keep it if you like.

Without waiting for a response, Kurt unfolds and drapes the thick blanket over the boys shoulders. He flinches in response and Kurt looks on in concern. Instead of commenting on it though, he reaches his gloved hand into his pocket and fishes out the medicine. one dose now and save the other for the morning. This is all I have, Kurt informs, tipping the medicine into the boys open palm. You should take

The boy ducks his head and tightens the blanket around him. Hes shivering less now than he had been before, but he still looks chilled to death. Kurt spares one last look at what he assumes is this strangers home, at least for the night, and hovers awkwardly. He feels like he should do more but he doesnt have anything else to give. Kurt looks down at his hands and stares at his hands, safe and warm, wrapped in winter gloves.

This is crazy, he thinks. He doesnt know this boy. He doesnt even know why hes here, sitting under this bridge. What if hes some drug addict, wandering the streets in hopes of finding his next fix? What if one of money instead of going to work every day like the rest of the working world? eyes with nothing more or less than sincere gratitude. much. some kind of act or something and he isnt really this destitute and hes just preying on kind souls for But as he looks down at a head full of frizzy curls, the boy turns his gaze upward and stares into Kurts Thank you, he whispers, throat still scratchy. He sniffles as his eyes fill with tears. Thank you very his bags is filled with with fingers or something, souvenirs of all the people hes killed? What if its all

Something sharp and painful twists around Kurts heart and he suddenly feels so, very depraved. It doesnt matter. It doesnt matter if this poor kids on drugs. Kurts not giving him any money to buy them. -7-

Contents whole thing is an act, it doesnt make sense; if it were, hed be out on the streets during the day asking for money, not holed up under some bridge and removed from the rest of the population with watery eyes while he coughed his lungs out. Nothing smells like rotting flesh and it doesnt really look like the boy is capable of murder. And if this

It doesnt matter because this boy, this stranger with eyes like warm, sweet tea, is still a human being. Hes still a person and hes out here under a bridge with nothing and Kurt has a dozen other coats and a myriad of gloves to choose from. Take these, Kurt says with no room for argument, plucking the gloves off of his hands before

unbuttoning his coat as well. And this. But you-

ground and Kurt presses the gloves into his hands. And I have other gloves. You dont. But they-

I have other coats, Kurt states. He bends down just as the boy sets his hot chocolate onto the

know why youre out here when its barely twenty degrees out but Im Im waiting on my dad and Im everything I can. So please. Take them. without a word.

Please, Kurt begs. I cant I dont have anything else to give you. I dont know you and I dont

going home to a warm bed tonight and I will worry myself sick thinking about you out here if I dont do The boy inhales, breath shaky and nervous, but he finally accepts the gloves and the coat off Kurts back I have to go now, Kurt tells him. My dad will be here soon and hell kill me if Im not in my car. But

just just be safe, okay? And stay warm.

Huddling up under the warmth of his new blanket and clenching the gloves and the coat in his lap, the boy nods once more and ducks his head. Kurt walks back out of the tunnel, wrapping his arms around himself immediately. But with one last look over his shoulder, he sees the boy tugging on the gloves with a ghost of a smile stretched across his chapped lips. -8to ward off the cold. The true temperature of the night hits him so hard that his teeth begin to chatter

Contents And he knows hes done the right thing.

The boys head jerks up, as if hes surprised to still see Kurt there. Blaine, he replies softly. Im Kurt.

Whats your name? he asks at the last minute.

With a sharp nod and something resembling a wave, Kurt finally crawls back up to the bridge and climbs without a coat, Kurt lies smoothly and says he left it at a friends house by accident.

Thank you, Kurt.

into his car, blowing hot air onto his chilled fingertips. When his dad arrives and wonders why hes out But when hes warm in his bed, clutching one of his pillows as snow begins to fall outside, he cant even be bothered to care that he just gave away a two hundred dollar coat. Because Blaine is out there, tucked under a bridge, but hes a little warmer than he was last night.

-9-

Contents

Part Two
The very next morning, which just so happens to be a Sunday, Kurt rises with the sun for no real reason. When he climbs out of bed, he immediately reaches for his robe before running his hands through his sleep-mussed hair.

He wakes slowly, sluggishly, a little too warm under his thick comforter despite the early morning chill.

Okay, so maybe its because he cant stop dreaming about tea-colored eyes, but he cant admit that aloud.

As he glances around his room, he takes notice of all the decorations and knickknacks spread around, all of them pretty but not really necessary. He thinks back to the boy, Blaine, beneath the bridge and for some reason, he cant stop himself from wondering what hed take to keep if he only had two tattered bags and a thin blanket to keep him company. The first thing he thinks of is his phone, of course. But then he realizes boots, but none of it seems practical enough. that he probably wouldnt have money to pay the bill. He thinks of his favorite outfits and his Doc Marten Maybe just a picture of his mom, and the one he has of his dad from his wedding with Carole.

Suddenly, his thoughts become too morose and he hauls himself off of his bed, slipping on a warm pair of through the cupboards, he frowns at the lack of choices.

socks before padding down the stairs to the quiet, empty kitchen. He wants something sweet in his belly this morning, something to ward off the unsettling bit of guilt taking up space in his chest. Flicking Blaine doesnt get a choice, his conscience chides. Blaine accepted a cup of secondhand cocoa with grace and oatmeal.

gratitude and here you are, about to whine over the fact that you dont have blueberries to put into your

The world tilts with that perilous, dizzying effect Kurt knows to be some kind of paradigm shift and he has Hes always known that homeless people existed, of course. Hes seen them, on the streets with their signs and hed given loose change to a blind man with a tin cup. Hed even given ten dollars to a girl with one leg who held up a cardboard sign that had said, On my last leg, any help appreciated, purely because hed thought itd been genius. to grip the edge of the counter to keep himself upright.

- 10 -

Contents But hes never known anyone homeless. Not severely homeless, anyway, if theres anything like degrees of could, but Sam had the motel and always had his brother and sister. Sam had his mom and dad who kept looking for work. Blainedoesnt seem to have anyone. homelessness. Yeah, there was Sam for a while and he had helped with clothes and Kurt had done what he

Tightening his robe in determination, Kurt plucks ingredients from the cabinets with a plan in mind.

Its almost nine in the morning by the time Kurt makes it to that old bridge, blaring the heater of his Navigator which sports a full tank of gas after his fathers lecture. He pulls over on the side of the road, fresh, crunching under his feet as he pulls one of his more disused gym bags from his passenger seat. parking his car just beyond the bridge and under a thicket of frozen trees. The snow from last night is still Just as hes about to scramble down the snow-covered dip to the barren creek, Kurt pauses. He doesnt

even know if Blaines still here. Werent homeless people known to be wanderers? He doesnt have an answer to his own question. Theres nothing for it, though; he has to try, if nothing else. Blaine? he calls out timidly when he finally reaches the small tunnel.

When he receives no response, Kurts heart plummets until he catches a glimpse of Blaines bags and the blanket Kurt had given him, carefully folded right where Kurt had left him last night. He sighs in relief. feeling even colder than it had in the dead of night. Blaine hasnt left yet. The ashes from his small fire have completely gone out, however, leaving the tunnel Theres a crunch of snow behind his back and then, Whatre you doing here?

Kurt whirls around, surprise immediately drifting into the winter air only to be replaced with this sort of seem to have a bit more color in them, but maybe Kurt just hadnt seen it in the dark last night. I umm

tugging on his heart strings. Blaine stands at the opening of the tunnel, wrapped in the coat Kurt had given him. His hands are covered in the gloves and theyre clutching a small pile of sticks to his chest. His cheeks

- 11 -

Contents body. I I know you said I could keep the blanket. Im sorry, here- back. Dyou dyou need this back? Blaine asks, biting his lip and looking down at the coat covering his No! Kurt rushes to say. No, you can keep it. And the gloves. Theyre yours, I dont need them Are you sure? Blaine asks softly, looking like hell lose everything in the world ever if he isnt

allowed to keep such a simple thing as a winter coat. Because Ill- Im positive.

Blaine nods, mumbling a soft thank you before shuffling past Kurt to drop the sticks over the ashes from his fire on the ground. He seems to have gathered a few dead leaves as well and he rifles through a pocket on the side of one of his bags, pulling out a battered box of matches from within. Kurt watches in silence gloved hands over the fire. and fascination as Blaine lights the fire, taking his time to make sure it catches enough before dropping the spent match into the weak flame. It isnt a lot of heat, not at all, but Blaine sighs in relief when he holds his Eventually, he turns his face to Kurt once more, peering up at him from his spot on the ground.

expects an ambush on Kurts tail, butwhy are you here? Not that I its just I dont get very many visitors. I brought you some things, Kurt says without preamble. He removes the gym bag from his

I dont I dont mean to be rude, not at all, Blaine stammers, wild eyes glancing about as if he

shoulder and places it on the ground near Blaines knee. He seats himself, unzipping the bag, and begins to pull out the bits and bobs hed gathered from his house. Heres another blanket. The one I gave you last night is warmer, but I thought maybe you could use this one as a pillow or something. He sets the blanket aside, continuing the rifle through the bags contents. The thermos, this has coffee in it right now. Iobviously dont know how you take it or if you even like coffee, but we were out of hot chocolate and found a bag of trail mix and some protein energy bar things and a few cans of soup. Theres a bottle of matches or something, I didnt even think, god, Im so sorry- - 12 -

then I figured anything warm would do. Umma few bottles of water and oh, heres a scarf. And a hat. I cough syrup, the kind thatll help you sleep and more cold medicine. I shouldve brought you more

Contents Kurt, Blaine interrupts, his voice gentle yet astonished.

Kurt pauses and looks up. What?

Kurt stares back, knowing hes got this blank expression of his face because he doesnt really know how to answer without sounding like he pities the poor boy. And Kurt knows how much some people really hate to be pitied.

Why- he stops to cough a bit and clear his throat, why are you doing this?

stuff, I cant take it.

You dont even know me, Blaine whispers. You dont know anything about me but youre all this Yes, you can, Kurt states. And the bag is yours, too. I dont ever use it. Its just been sitting in my

closet for like, two years and its just taking up space.

But I dont need any of this. Im Im doing alright.

Blaine pinches his lips together, lowering his gaze to the little fire burning brightly on the ground. Kurt but its nice to see this side of him, like hes still got a bit of fight left in him despite his circumstances.

Really? Because it looked like you were a day away from dying when I found you last night.

watches as lines of worry crease Blaines forehead. He doesnt think Blaine looks agitated or even angry, I just want to help, Kurt says. You when I saw you last night, I couldnt stop thinking about all

the stupid things I have that I dont even need and you were out here freezing to death and you youre all hope youll take it.

alone. Im not very good at charity or even pep talks but but I had this to give. So Im giving it to you and I When Blaine looks back to him, Kurt can really see the faint, purple circles beneath his eyes that signify multiple nights without real rest. His heart aches for this boy, this boy who didnt have a coat of his own, and at that moment, Kurt wishes he could just take him home and curl around him, wishes he could keep him safe and warm and close. But Blaine is right. Kurt doesnt know him at all. - 13 -

Contents So, for now, this is all he can offer. anything to give in you in return.

I cant ever repay you, Blaine whimpers, pulling his knees to his chest. I cant I dont have

out a plastic container. Thats all Ill ever need. I just want you to be alive and okay.

I just want you to be okay, Kurt admits, reaching his hand into the bag one last time and pulling

Blaine doesnt answer. Maybe because he cant, Kurt assumes. Really, what is there to say?

Eventually, after holding each others gazes and a tense stretch of silence surrounded by snow, Blaine looks down at the container in Kurts hands and lets his knees fall to the ground once more, a sure sign that hes less inclined to close himself off again. What?

side pocket of the gym bag. He pops off the lid of the container to reveal a batch of fresh cinnamon rolls, and no one was awake to eat them with me. So I thought Id eat them here. worn jeans.

Breakfast, Kurt announces, withdrawing a travel mug filled with coffee for himself from an open,

still gooey and warm despite the time it took him to drive to the bridge. I made too many this morning With with me? Blaine asks with his hands crossed in his lap, fingers fiddling with the seam of his

He places the container between them on the ground, reaching for one of the cinnamon rolls. Blaine seems taking a bite. Only when Blaines eyes flutter closed in appreciation does Kurt take a bite of his own.

With you, Kurt confirms.

too wary to reach in on his own, so Kurt lifts one and holds it out for him to take. Finally, Blaine accepts the treat, bringing it up to his nose first, breathing in the sweet scent of sugar and cinnamon before finally They eat together in silence, neither feeling the need to break the moment with questions or chatter, and leaving the rest to a shocked and grateful Blaine.

Kurt urges Blaine to take a sip of the coffee from his new thermos. Kurt only eats one cinnamon roll,

- 14 -

Contents where you I have to go, Kurt says, honestly reluctant. Um, will you be here tomorrow? Or, I mean, is this

Live, he doesnt say. He cant say that. He cant.

I dont have anywhere else to go, Blaine says softly. Kurt nods. Then Ill come back.

You dont have- Ill come back.

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Contents

Part Three
Kurt doesnt make it back out to the bridge for another two days, due to last minute Christmas shopping and holiday preparations. He and Carole race around town, snatching up the last of the ingredients they need for Christmas dinner and Kurt almost knocks an elderly woman flat on her face in a fight over the last ten pound bag of sugar hiding on a low shelf.

He briefly entertains the idea of inviting Blaine to their house for Christmas. Sadly, he realizes he still what Blaines parents do for a living. Kurt has none of those answers. In fact, he still doesnt know Blaines last name or why hes living under a bridge in the first place. without directly asking.

doesnt know enough about the boy to bring him into their home. He can already hear his fathers endless

stream of questions, wondering where he and Blaine had met and where Blaine goes to school and asking

He assumes that Blaine had been kicked out of his parents home, but theres no way to know for sure

In the end, he doesnt ask to bring Blaine home, no matter how charitable he should be over the Christmas handle hearing it.

holidays, just because hes already fearful that his dad might say no, and Kurt doesnt think he could Instead, he sneaks out of the house of Christmas Ever after everyone is fast asleep.

the tunnel. Its almost midnight and Blaine is curled up on the ground under the blanket Kurt had given preparations and I couldnt get away.

Im sorry I couldnt come back sooner, Kurt apologizes when he catches sight of Blaine beneath

him, staring listlessly at the fire until he hears Kurts voice. Weve been really busy with Christmas Its almost Christmas? Blaine asks, sitting up and scrunching his face in confusion.

Kurt understands. Blaine probably doesnt have a calendar or a day book to keep up and he imagines struggling for survival is probably more important than remember the holidays. - 16 -

Oh. Ididnt realize.

Its Christmas Eve, Kurt informs. Itll be the twenty-fifth in about twenty minutes.

Contents Whatre you doing here, then? Blaine wonders.

Dropping the satchel he had brought with him, Kurt does his best to seat himself beside Blaine without spilling the two cups of hot chocolate in his hands. Its from a twenty-four hour gas station near his house, to see Blaine. but he couldnt risk making any noise downstairs when he snuck out so he decided to pick it up on his way I promised Id come back, Kurt states, handing Blaine one of the cups.

Blaine accepts it slowly, fingers curling around the warmth of the cup. For a long minute or two, they simply drink in silence, listening to the crackle of the small fire and the sound of the wind whipping through the trees beyond the tunnel. gaze back on the fire. Lima.

Where do you live? Blaine asks, glancing at Kurt out of the corner of his eyes before focusing his

About fifteen miles that way, Kurt informs, pointing in the direction of his house. In the middle of

Nodding once, Blaine falls quiet once more. out here.

Do you I mean, is this where do you ever go into town? Kurt asks. It cant be easy to get food

to go anywhere.

I do, Blaine says. But I was sick for two days by the time you found me. I didnthave the energy

Blaine turns his head just slightly, and Kurt can see how the glow of the fire glitters in his eyes and dances lips are chapped from the cold, theyre still full and almost pouty.

But youre feeling better now, right? The medicine helped?

along his lashes. He really has the most amazing, gorgeous eyes Kurt has ever seen and even though his It helped a lot, Blaine answer, voice edging on a whisper. Thank you. Youre welcome, Kurt says with a small smile. - 17 -

Contents I thoughtI was going to die out here. I overreacted. It was just a cold. You you were right, Blaine tells him, lowering his head to stare at the lid of the cup in his hands.

within a week. I couldnt get up to go get any food and it was so cold and- aboutthat. I dont want to think about that.

It wouldve turned into pneumonia. If I didnt die from that, I would have frozen to death or starved Stop, Kurt says, though the word is weak and sort of broken. Please, stop. I dont I cant think

though. And I just needed you to know that Im really, really grateful.

Im sorry, Blaine says, tugging the blanket tighter around his shoulders. You you saved my life,

Kurt pauses to think on Blaines words for a moment. Hes never done something so remarkable, never been able to help someone so much. Even though the image of finding Blaine, or rather Blaines body, cold wouldve done if hed actually seen that, if hed actually found him that way. He doesnt want to think about it anymore. and rigid in death beneath this bridge is enough to make Kurt sick. He cant even imagine what he

Can I ask, Kurt begins slowly, how long youve been out here? Ive been here for about a month, Blaine tells him.

Kurt sighs in relief. A months not so bad. Thinking about Blaine being without a home, without food, without anything for longer than that is enough to make his soul ache with sadness. But Ive been homeless for over two years, Blaine adds.

Choking on his hot chocolate, Kurt sputters and hisses when it almost comes out of his nose. Two two years? But you just said-

where Ive lived for the past month. But I used tonot.

I thought you were asking how long Ive been here, under this bridge, Blaine explains. This is - 18 -

Contents Kurt opens his mouth to speak, only to discover that theres absolutely nothing he could possibly say to make this situation better. Blaine speaks as if hes resigned to his fate and his tone of voice numbs Kurts nerve endings and maybe his heart. But you all alone? Youve just been out here all alone, all this time?

I wasnt always alone, Blaine whispers. I used to have my mom. But sheleft. She left? Kurt gasps in horror. She just she just left you? Just like that?

Blaine shifts uncomfortably, scooting a few inches away from Kurt so that Kurt cant feel the heat of Blaine against his shoulder through the blanket anymore. Wait, Im sorry, Kurt says quickly, placing his hand just above Blaines knee on his thigh.

The touch causes Blaine to jerk away almost violently. He stares openly with big, round eyes, lips parted in shock. You you- he stammers.

Of course, Kurt thinks, stuffing his hand into the pocket of his coat. Even homeless people have their opinions about gays.

didnt realize you were one of those people who thought it was catching. Wha-

Im sorry, he says again, pushing himself to his feet and retrieving his satchel from the ground. I

gift all the same. I got this for you. I know I gave you one of mine the other day, but I thought you might like something that wasnt worn by someone else, something you could call your own. He drops the gift into Blaines lap and turns abruptly, ready to walk away and write the boy off as another

Here. Kurt flips open the flap of his bag and withdraws a gift, brightly wrapped, hastily so, but a

homophobe. Never mind that hes homeless; Kurt had fed him, clothed him, and kept him warm. Hed done - 19 -

Contents his civic duty and helped the poor kid. He doesnt have to keep company with yet more people who despise him for his nature. Wait!

A hand, warm from holding a cup of hot chocolate reaches swiftly for Kurt, grabbing around his wrist. Kurt turns back, still annoyed until he sees Blaines eyes. a whimper on his lips. Theres desperation and loneliness there. Theres a bit of anguish written in the lines on his forehead and I didnt I just no ones t-touched me, Blaine admits, tears shimmering in his eyes. No ones

touched me in a really long time and I didnt Im sorry. I-

tonight, it makes Kurt drop his satchel back onto the ground. So you- youre not disgusted?

The sound, the actual sound of Blaine pleading, the unspoken words of dont leave me alone here, please not

Please dont go, Blaine begs. I dont want to be alone on Christmas. Please.

What? Blaine asks, sounding truly confused. Disgusted by what?

about a furious blush. This isnt exactly the way he comes out to strangers. did.

Itouched you. And youre a guy, Kurt attempts to explain, heat rising to his cheeks and bringing Why would I oh. Oh. No thats thats not something that bothers me. Itd beum, strange, if it

Whys that? Kurt asks, finally sitting on the ground once again.

Because then Id Id be bothered byuh, myself, Blaine says shyly, ducking his head. Oh, youre oh.

- 20 -

Contents Kurt contemplates Blaine for a second. He wonders if hes ever had a boyfriend, or if hes ever had time for maybe the boy left Blaine just like his mother had left him. But Kurt doesnt want to consider that prospect. such things, considering hes lived so long on the streets. Maybe hes curled up with another boy, someone else without a home, and kissed him just to keep warm. Maybe they shared what little food they had and

Hes not sure if he could ever see Blaine as the type of person someone could just leave. You got me a Christmas present? Blaine asks, turning the gift over in his hands. What? Oh. Yeah, we were out shopping and I justthought of you.

Kurt doesnt say that he went into a specific store, actively searching for a gift for Blaine. He doesnt say that it took him an entire day just to find something he thought Blaine might like. No, that might come across as a bit weird. discomfort.

I dont have anything for you. Blaine sucks his lower lip in between his teeth, chewing on it in his I dont need anything, Kurt says. I didnt expect you to get me anything, dont worry about that.

Just just open it.

Blaine does, sliding his fingers under the edges of the wrapping paper and tearing it apart gently, like maybe hes trying to savor the moment. Kurt wonders when Blaine was last able to open a gift of any sort. along the material reverently.

Kurt, Blaine chokes out, finally tugging the scarf out of the paper. He toys with it, fingers ghosting

I think, Kurt explains. Its softer and I thought you might like the color. It goes well with your eyes.

The one I gave you the other day was purely for the sake of keeping you warm. But this one is nicer,

- 21 -

Contents Blaine lifts the scarf to his face, nuzzling his cheek into it and smiling at the sensation. When he looks called it upon discovery, a perfect canvas against the golden, honey glaze in Blaines eyes. I love it, Blaine breathes, wrapping the scarf around his neck. Thank you. directly at Kurt, Kurt realizes he was most definitely right about the color. Coffee-with-cream, he had

And he looks so adorable like that, the new scarf layered over the one Kurt had given him, the warm hat never seen him look so happy.

on his head, squishing down his frizzy curls and the thick blanket wrapped around his shoulders. Kurts Blaine wont be cold tonight, not at all.

Kurt sneaks a peek at his phone, noticing the time. Its Christmas, he announces.

Lifting his shoulders toward his ears, Blaine peers over at him from beneath a pile of scarves and his smile widens. Merry Christmas, Kurt, he whispers, reaching a hand out from his blanket to slot his fingers

together with Kurts. Blaines eyes.

Kurt swallows hard, doing his best not to stare at the place where theyre touching, focusing instead on Merry Christmas, Blaine.

- 22 -

Contents

Part Four
So why dont you have a beard?

Blaine looks up over his plate of leftover Christmas dinner that Kurt had so graciously smuggled out of their house. Currently, hes watching Blaine devour a massive slice of ham and some pecan pie. What? Blaine asks in confusion.

they dont all exactly have shaving kits. amusement.

I just I mean, well most, uhhomeless people Ive met have these big beards, you know, because Im assuming you thought Id smell pretty rank, too, huh? Blaine teases, quirking his eyebrow in

Kurt stutters, trying to figure out the appropriate response, but nothing right really comes out so he snaps his mouth shut the moment Blaine sets down his plate and reaches into the gym bag Kurt had given him. Hed foregone the use of his older bags, Kurt had noticed.

Blaine pulls out a handful of cheap, disposable razors, along with a package ofbaby wipes? these. And when Ive got warm water, its a blessing. And you usebaby wipes?

Im not really that hairy to begin with, Blaine explains, considering Im still sixteen. But I have

when its so cold outside, and its not the most, um, practical thing, I guess. But they do the trick. I have a bar of soap, but I can really only use that when Im at a shelter or a public shower somewhere. Sometimes I can, uh, sneak into schools late at night and use the showers in the locker rooms.

To keep clean, yeah. Blaine nods, setting his belongings aside. Its not exactly easy, especially

waste money on stuff like that when you need food?

and the wipesdont those things cost money? It just it seems like you can hardly feed yourself. Why - 23 -

But you- Kurt pauses, not wanting to sound indelicate or crass, but he needs to know. The razors

Contents Blaine lowers his head but Kurt can see creases of worry on his forehead as he packs away his things. Hes quiet for a long moment. Im not proud of some of the things Ive had to do, Blaine whispers.

Turning Blaines words over in his head, Kurt narrows his eyes, not in suspicion, but rather in deep

thought. He supposes a life without money turns into something different altogether. Hes seen the postapocalyptic movies, the ones where money is no longer of any consequence, where it all comes down to setting, the fight for survival can always be one of extremes. So thoseyou stole them, Kurt concludes. trading and the world becomes one of extremes. But sometimes, even without the post-apocalyptic

back alley, Blaine says, gaze still lowered, but Kurt can see his face harden. I did what I had to do. I do me and I have to take care of myself.

No one wants to give a job to a boy that doesnt look the part or one that smells like garbage from a

what I have to do to get by. It it used to be a little easier, when my mom was with me, but now its just I dont fault you, Kurt says softly, and its true. He means every word. I cant even imagine the

the life you have or how much effort it must take just to live. And Im glad to hear that youre looking for a job. Glad Im not a vagabond? Blaine asks, the tease returning to his tone. Im glad you havent given up yet, Kurt states.

Their eyes meet, if only for a brief, fleeting second, before Blaine returns his attention to the plate of food

in front of him. Kurt takes a sip from the mug of coffee he had brought along for the visit, doing his best to avoid watching Blaine eat. Hes realized that Blaine eatsprotectively, with the plate close to his mouth simply doesnt know how to handle it anymore. and never, ever wasting a crumb. He eats precisely, even, like every bite is precious, every forkful a miracle. If Kurt watches too long, his heart starts to do this weird, twisting, plummeting thing and he Why dont you ever stay in a shelter? Kurt asks out of curiosity. I mean, theyre not perfect or - 24 -

ideal, but theyve got to be warmer than sleeping out here all the time.

Contents Blaines fork pauses in its journey to his mouth and Kurt sees the most awful look cross over Blaines face, only for a moment before its gone completely and Kurts left wondering even more about his life. I had abad experience in a shelter once, Blaine says slowly. I dont like them much anymore.

Kurt nods, steering the conversation toward other things. The shelter situation is obviously a touchy one for Blaine, and Kurt wont force him to discuss it, especially not when theyve only know each other for a few days. So Kurt asks about school and discovers that Blaine had been a freshman in high school when his life had taken a turn for the worse. Hed attended a public school in Westerville, only a few hours from Lima, and even though he hasnt had any formal education in two years, Blaines still smart as a whip and thirsty for knowledge.

Homer, Shakespeare, Mark Twain and Jane Austen. Id read old books and childrens books, textbooks and something to stretch my mind. So I justI read a lot.

I spent a lot of time in libraries, Blaine explains. Id spend all day, curled up in a chair, reading

poems. I never knew when Id get to go back to school, but I knew Id be really far behind if I didnt do It sounds wonderful, Kurt says dreamily, thinking how nice it must be to spend all day in a room

full of other peoples words and worlds, losing yourself in adventures and love stories. It was, Blaine says. Until they closed and I had to leave.

or or a hotel or something? Or have you always been on the streets?

Where where did you and your mom I mean, did she have a job? Did you guys stay in a shelter

Blaine finishes off his plate, setting it aside and smiling around the mouthful of food hes still working on. Youre just full of questions today, arent you? he asks.

understand everything.

Oh. God, Im Im sorry, Kurt apologizes, blushing furiously. I didnt mean to Im just trying to

I know, its okay, Blaine says quickly, placing a comforting hand atop Kurts knee. Youre okay.

that I really, honestly thought about it in arealistic light. - 25 -

I just were always taught things, you know? About homeless people. And it wasnt until I met you

Contents resigned. Youre taught that were dangerous. Youre taught to stay away from us, Blaine says, though he doesnt look sad. He simply looks

at his own phrasing. Were taught that theyre lazy and were told that they wont get jobs and work and pay their taxes like the rest of us. Thats only one point of view, though.

And liars and thieves and cheats, Kurt continues, knowing he must appear extremely disgruntled

dinner once a year, like maybe thats supposed to help, even though its only one day out of the year and what about the rest of them? What about the other three hundred and sixty four days? Were allowed to dont, everyone at school will laugh at me. Its like were allowed out own guilt complexes once or twice a year and thats that. And what about- down, its okay. and eat an eight course meal and waste half of it, or, But dad, I have to have the new iPhone because if I cry over their inconvenient lives for a day but after that its, Oh, well, back to life as usual, then, lets go out

I know, but the other point of view is to pity them and cry for them and cook them Christmas

Hey, whoa, Blaine says gently, calming Kurt with a soothing thumb at the top of his knee. Calm

something thats been happening and why didnt he ever see this before? Its not fair. Life is very rarely fair, Blaine points out.

just so angry, irrationally angry, delayed in his anger because this isnt something that just happened. Its

But its not okay, Kurt argues, hating himself for the tears that pool in the corners of his eyes. Hes

I hate that phrase, Kurt bites out, swiping at the tears on his cheeks. It should be fair.

neither are those points of view. There are plenty of people who fall in between or outside of that spectrum, you know? Some people do everything they can to help out those who are unfortunate enough to have less than they do. Some people donate time and money and food every single day. Some people, like you, even give the coats off their backs to strangers, just so they can be a little warmer at night. But thats-

Its not that easy, though, Blaine says, a sad smile on his lips. Life isnt that black and white. And

- 26 -

Contents even, its not all based on a lie. There are people out there who arent actually homeless and theyre only acting like they are, getting the loose change from pockets of people with too kind hearts when there are those of us that might actually need it. There are those who beg for money, only to turn around and use it thats not your fault. for drugs or another bottle of whiskey to keep away the cold. But youre right; were not all like that. Its And you have to remember that those things, the stuff youre taught? The stuff that I was taught,

just that the stories have been spread so far and that the stereotypes have taken such a firm root. But But it keeps people like you from getting jobs. Those stories and those stereotypes just make it

harder for you, Kurt says.

long, beautiful lashes. Were not unnatural, were not a threat to traditional society, and were certainly not pedophiles or any of those other things that the rumors perpetuate. But the rumors are there, none very rarely about what really is; its about what youre taught. Even though the situations are different, its all based on the same sort of concept. the less. And those rumors make it harder just to live, day by day, because people get the wrong idea. Its

Its kind of like being gay, dont you think? Blaine asks in a low tone, peering up at Kurt through

Kurt stares on in wonder, mouth agape but he cant bring himself to pick his jaw up off the ground. His heart is hammering so wildly in his thin chest that hes pretty sure its about to beat right out of his ribcage and leap into Blaines palms. If it did, Kurt knows that Blaine would see how charred it is at the he doesnt understand or because hes grown to learn that they arent worth his time or effort. edges, how hes guilty of stereotyping and scorn, how hes turned his back on certain people just because If he ever saw Blaines heart, though, he knows it would be just as pure and pristine as his soul seems to be. Its like, even after everything hes been through, sleeping beneath an old bridge and going days on end without food or company to ease his suffering, he hasnt turned his back on humanity or given up hope. He knows that Blaine lived a life before he was homeless and he knows that Blaine probably holds his own grudges and his own misgivings and his own conventions. But even still, Kurt thinks that Blaine probably has the purest heart of anyone hes ever met. Blaine isnt perfect, of course not. Even though theyve only known each other for a few days, Kurt knows

that Blaine has stolen and thats hes probably had to do a lot of other questionable things just to get by.

- 27 -

Contents cook? It means we get one more day, Blaine continues, his voice still pitched low and tender. We get one more day with food in our bellies and hope in our hearts. We get one more day to believe in the goodness of people and its one less day we have to worry about where our dinner will come from. It may not seem week. And you know, even if its only one day a year, those meals that people find it in their hearts to

like a lot to you, but to me? A single day is another day of living and breathing. So dont be so quick to write them off. Because it does help. Every bit, every day, it all helps. And you? Youve given me almost a Kurt dissolves into tears, sobbing openly with only Blaines hand on his knee to comfort him. Blaine much, much more than a week.

And thats the moment he swears that hell do anything and everything in his power to make sure he gives

- 28 -

Contents

Part Five
Only when Burt and Carole decide to take a trip to Columbus for a mini, post-Christmas vacation, only and Finn spending his nights at Rachels house while her dads are out on some cruise before New Years Eve, Kurt has the whole house to himself. The perfect opportunity. then does Kurt decide to give Blaine something new. With his dad and his step-mother gone for three days

fire Blaine had made that morning. What-

Get your bag and your blankets and stuff, Kurt says while putting out the remnants of the weak

Come on! Kurt trills happily, already bundling up Blaines blankets. No time to waste. But what-

Do you want your surprise or not? Surprise? Kurt, what is going on?

Still somewhat startled, Blaine does as he told. Kurt doesnt really leave him a choice and soon enough,

If I told you, it wouldnt be a surprise. Come on, then. Up, up!

Blaines bag is packed and Kurt has his blankets tucked under his arm. He drags Blaine out from beneath the tunnel and tugs him up the little dip leading to the road, all the way over to his car parked beneath the side door. trees. Kurt shoves Blaines belongings in the back of his car before leading him around to the passenger Hold on, Blaine states firmly, yanking his hand out of Kurts grasp. Where are we going? You know, the more questions you ask, the more time we waste. I cant just just get in your car and and-

- 29 -

Contents Im not going to offer you candy and Im not going to kidnap you, Kurt promises. Scouts honor. Were you ever in the scouts?

Blaine pauses, worrying his lower lip between his teeth and wringing his hands together in anxiety. He stares at the car door and Kurt can see how he leans forward, obviously wanting to climb inside and out of the cold, yet disallowing himself to take Kurt up on his offer. do this for you today.

Details, details, Kurt says, waving away Blaines question as he opens the car door. In you get.

If you want, Ill bring you back tonight, Kurt says, a touch gentler than before. But at least let me

But youve already given me so much, Blaine insists.

with me.

That doesnt matter. I have the whole day planned out and Id really, really like it if you would come

But-

Blaine still looks wary, eyes darting around as if he expects someone else to pull up and yank Kurt away from him entirely. But Kurt knows that the road is fairly desolate this time of year. Most opt to take the main road into town until spring hits, knowing that the little bridge can ice over after it snows. Holding out his hand, Kurt simply says, Trust me.

for the things Ive given you? Well this is how you can pay me back.

Right, I wasnt going to do this, Kurt says. You know how you said you could never pay me back

Blaine sucks in a shallow breath and finally slips his hand into Kurts. Okay, he whispers. his mind at the last minute and bolt.

Kurt smiles when Blaine finally climbs into the car. He shuts the door quickly, hoping Blaine wont change The drive to Lima is mostly silent, save for the faint sound of music drifting from the radio speakers. After a few minutes, Blaine looks to be a bit green. - 30 -

Contents blast of cool air to hit Blaines face and hopefully calm his carsick stomach. Havent been in a car in a while, he explains sheepishly, and Kurt rolls down the window to allow a

When they arrive at Kurts house, Kurt parks next to the curb and turns his head to see Blaine leaning against the window, pressing his face up against the glass to get a better view of the place. Where is is this your house? Blaine asks in awe.

Kurt has to lean over as well, wondering if Blaines looking at the same house hes been living in since his dad and Carole got married. Its not like it grew over the course of the morning, nor has is sprouted anything out of the ordinary. Its just a house. Then again, to someone whos been living on the streets for two years, it must look like a mansion. house for the weekend. Ive got the place to myself.

Yeah. My dad and my step-mom are gone for a few days and my step-brothers at his girlfriends

Its lovely, Blaine sighs, still staring out the window.

watching as Blaine does the same, although with slower movements.

Its even lovelier inside where its nice and warm. Come on, Kurt says, climbing out of the car, Youre youre inviting me into your house? Blaine asks, almost in a panic while Kurt collects

Blaines belongings from the trunk of his Navigator. But you dont even know me. I know you well enough, I think.

But what if what I steal something or break something or or- Or? Kurt prompts. Umm

for a lot of money. Unless you try to smuggle out our flat screen TV. But good luck getting that out the front door without me seeing you. - 31 -

And youve proven my point, Kurt states. We dont really have that much that can be pawned off

Contents I would never do that to you.

When Kurt unlocks the door and they cross over the threshold, he sighs at the warmth inside. Its not like the overbearing heat from the heater in his car. Instead, its just comfortable. Habitable. Its home.

I know. Which is why Im inviting you in.

Blaine seems to think so too, because Kurt sees how he kind of melts the moment Kurt closes the door and theyre safe inside, out of the winter chill biting at their cheeks and noses. adorning the walls. Its wonderful, Blaine says, his eyes darting all around, taking in the photos and knickknacks

He leads Blaine up the stairs and straight to his bedroom, where he deposits Blaines bag and his blankets. Blaine pauses in the doorway, staring in fascination at Kurts shelves and his walls and his little vanity books lining his shelves. tucked away in the corner. When he finally walks in, his gaze lingers on the pictures, certificates, and Youre in show choir? he asks. Mhmm. For a few years now. I didnt know you could sing.

Come on, Kurt says, taking hold of Blaines hand once again.

We dont really talk about me very much.

Well, we should, Blaine says determinedly. I want to know more about you. stomach.

Ill tell you whatever you want to know. After you take your shower and get some breakfast in your

Blaine whirls around in shock. What?

- 32 -

Contents clothes set out just for Blaine. Ive got a pair of jeans and a sweater for you. Theyre mine, and I know Iuhguessed at the underwear size. Theyre new, though. Theyre not, uh, used. So no fear on that front. You got me- You heard me. Kurt says, wandering over to the chair at his vanity where he has a change of

youre shorter, but you can roll the jeans up and the sweaters supposed to be oversized anyway. And

clothing in Blaines arms, noting the stunned look on his face as he steers him toward the bathroom and Anything that looks overpriced in there is mine and youre free to use any of it. Oh and I got you a toothbrush, its the green one there in the holder. Kurt spins, making to leave before Blaine can put up a fight.

Yes. And I dont want to hear you say that I shouldnt have or anything like that. Kurt deposits the

flicks on the light. Towels are in that cupboard there. Hot water is the right nozzle, cold is the left.

Kurt? Blaine asks softly, the clothes still bundled up against his chest.

Hm? Kurt replies, glancing over his shoulder just as hes about to close the door. I I justthank you. I havent had a warm shower in a in a long time.

downstairs making breakfast, okay? Come down when youre done. No rush. inhaling the scent of laundry detergent and Kurt. ~

Take your time, then, Kurt says with a nod toward the tub. Have a bath, if you want. Ill be

Blaine nods and Kurt barely turns in time to miss seeing Blaine hold the clean clothes up to his nose,

Half an hour later, Kurts just setting the table when Blaine walks in, looking far too adorable in Kurts toobig clothes with wet, curly, clean hair and bare feet. Does it do they look okay? Blaine asks, tugging self consciously at the hem of the sweater. You look great, Kurt says truthfully, sure to give his new friend a broad smile. Here, sit. - 33 -

Contents Kurt had prepared while Blaine had showered. Blaine seats himself at the kitchen table, eyeing the spread of waffles, fresh fruit, orange juice, and coffee Take one of everything, Kurt orders, sitting down as well and filling his own plate.

They breakfast quietly, occasionally smiling at each other over their food and Kurt cant help but feel a long shower and a soft sweater can do for a persons happiness, no matter the scale of their troubles. Sodo I get to ask about you now? Blaine asks eventually. What do you wanna know?

little pleased with himself. Blaine looks more at ease than Kurt has ever seen him. Its amazing what a nice,

Everything, Blaine says with a glimmer in his eyes. Whatever you wanna tell me. dont really ask about him. The friends he has just sort ofknow. How old are you?

UmI dont really know what to say, Kurt mumbles, a slight blush coloring his cheeks. People just

school this year.

Seventeen, Kurt answers. Barely older than you. Ill be eighteen soon and Im a senior in high

And so it goes, Blaine asking Kurt the most basic questions regarding his life, eventually working his way up to how old Kurt had been when he came out to his father. Kurt retells the story in an almost dreamy people have it worse and hell probably be forever grateful for the family he has now. He tells Blaine about his mother and how she died but when he does, Blaine looks more than appropriately saddened. He looks too saddened. It makes Kurt wonder. Can I ask you something? state. Sometimes he still cant believe how lucky he is when it comes to his dad. He knows that so many

Have you lived in Lima very long?

Umyeah. Sure, Blaine says.

- 34 -

Contents didnt die, did she? When did your mom leave you? And well, why did she leave you? Shes not, you know, uh, she

Blaine finishes off the last dregs of his coffee before turning his attention to his now empty plate, hands fidgeting in his lap as he answers. She left three months ago, he says, voice almost too soft for Kurt to hear. She said she was going

out to Michigan, hoping to find a job there with an old friend and that shed come back for me in a few weeks once she was more settled. A pause.

Kurt scoots his chair closer to Blaine, breakfast forgotten, and places a hand on Blaines knee in sympathy. Im so sorry, he says. I cant believe I I dont even know what to say. Its okay. Its not your fault.

It took two months before I realized she wasnt coming back at all.

mom died, but I cant even imagine what it must be like for you. And I wish I could do something to help. looks to Kurt.

No, but now youre all alone and I justit breaks my heart, you know? I know how it felt when my

Blaines eyes are shining with unshed tears and hes got this weak, miserable smile on his face when he I cant begin to tell you how much youve helped me, Kurt.

They spend the rest of their morning at the public library and Blaine sort of glows the moment they step

inside. Kurt watches in fond amusement as Blaine flits through the shelves, piling books and current event magazine in his arms to take to a table. Blaine loses himself in the text while Kurt thumbs through a few old copies of Vogue, sighing at some of the more horrific trends of the past. They stay there well past noon - 35 and while it isnt exactly Kurts idea of a productive Saturday morning, hes content to watch Blaine over

Contents the edge of his magazine, smiling when Blaines lips begin to move along with the words and the knowledge hes devouring. card for him. Before they leave, Kurts sure to register Blaine at the front desk, and they walk out with a new library He hold the flimsy piece of plastic like its precious, a relic to be treasured and kept safe. piece of coffee cake.

They eat lunch at the Lima Bean and discuss Blaines reading over a couple of sandwiches and a shared Despite the circumstances and the motive behind Kurt bringing Blaine out today, its the closest thing Kurt

has ever had to a date in his short, teenage life. He can almost pretend that theyre here just to spend time together and stare dreamily over their coffee cake.

with each other, just to talk and smile, and he almost forgets himself when Blaines ankle nudges his

beneath the table. Its not really a gesture, its just happenstance, but Kurt wants to twine their feet Its different like this. Its different because Blaines not taking shelter beneath an old bridge and its different because Kurts not thinking about whether or not Blaine has enough food to eat. Its different a child and always wanted to join the school choir but never did. because, like this, chatting over lunch in his favorite coffee shop, Blaines just a boy with pretty eyes, curly hair, a kind smile, and a quick mind. Hes just a boy who reveals the fact that he had taken piano lessons as

And when Kurt takes him to the movies and to his favorite music store and out to dinner, hes just a boy who laughs at Kurts silly jokes and shares an armrest without complaint. Like this, hes not the broken, shivering boy Kurt had found beneath a bridge.

Until nightfall. And thats when Kurt remembers why Blaine was with him all day long. Blaines blankets.

His heart sinks when they walk back into Kurts room and he catches sight of his old gym bag along with Today was the best day of my life, Blaine says, staring down at his scuffed shoes. - 36 -

Mine, too, Kurt doesnt say.

Contents I cant even just thank you. Thank you for everything. Youre welcome, Kurt says softly.

Blaine nods and a terribly awkward silence falls between them until Kurt rediscovers his courage. For the night. It was, um, part of the surprise. I wanted you to be able to sleep in a bed tonight. Oh, I Kurt thats but I cant impose like that. Youve already given so much, I wont-

I know I said Id take you back tonight, if you wanted, he says. But Iwas hoping youd stay here.

you sleep in Finns room. Its a wreck. And I think itd just beweird if you slept in my dad and Caroles room. Thats really kind, Blaine says. But seriously, you dont have to do this.

Id let you take my bed, Kurt adds. The guest rooms not really done and I wouldnt dare make

I know I dont. But I want to. Please? Will you stay? I cant kick you out of your bed.

Youre not kicking, Im offering.

Then Ill take the couch if youre so insistent.

Blaine quirks an eyebrow. And where will you sleep?

But that defeats the purpose, Kurt argues stubbornly. No, you have to sleep in my bed.

UhI guess Ill take Finns room. Or the couch. Either one. Ididnt really think that far ahead. Id feel bad taking your bed, Blaine states.

And I feel bad about you sleeping on the street. Why? Ill just be back there tomorrow.

- 37 -

Contents Kurt blanches immediately. His throat closes and he almost chokes on the lack of air. His stomach clenches, causing him to gasp, thankfully opening his airway. He stares back in abject horror. What had he done?

He stumbles back until he collides with the wall next to his door, completely unaware of Blaines concerned expression. Hed been selfish. Completely and utterly selfish. What was wrong with him? Hed basically dangled a slice entertainment and for what? At what cost?

of the good, old, American life right in Blaines face, only to rip it away the moment his parents return from

their trip. Hed given Blaine a day, sure. Hed given him a library card and three full meals and a bit of Because Blaine cant sleep in his bed every night. Kurt cant give him this every single day. He cant be their lives.

Blaines port in the storm because this isnt his house, not really. Maybe if he had his own place, but his fathers not going to let some homeless kid camp out on their couch or in the guest room for the rest of Blaines his his secret charity project. Blaines a way to make Kurt feel good about himself, a way to make Kurt feel like he can make a difference. The thought, the phrasing, the idea of it makes him ill. hadnt been a date. And no matter how quickly Kurt had been able to forget Blaines situation over the course of the day, it In fact, it had been nothing less than cruel. think oh, god, Im so sorry. on the bed. Whats wrong?

Im Im sorry, Kurt says, nearly gagging at the sheer insufficiency of his apology. I didnt even

Hey, whoa, come here, Blaine says, leaping toward Kurt only to drag him until theyre both sitting

I I cant believe I did this. What, did what?

- 38 -

Contents to you all the time. Oh my god, Im somean. Im sorry, Im so sorry! You have nothing to be sorry for. I had a fantastic time today. This, Kurt hisses as his stomach rolls. Inviting you over, giving you this day and but I cant give it Stop this, Blaine says, tugging Kurts hands away from where theyre attempting to cover his face. But what about tomorrow? Kurt wonders, almost desperately. What about next week? I cant I

feel like Ive given you some kind of gift only to steal it away again. and and every good thing in the book.

Im not your responsibility. Im not anyones responsibility. You were only being kind and generous

But you should be someones responsibility, Kurt insists. Youre only sixteen years old!

hair away from Kurts forehead.

And youre only seventeen, Blaine reminds, his tone gentle as he smiles and brushes a stray lock of Seventeens nearly grown. And I have all this this stuff and this space that I can share. Its not

right that youre out there all alone, its just not right. I just want to help you.

Some sort of emotion washes over Blaines face, softening his eyes, and thats when Blaine reaches out and pulls Kurt into a frantic hug, clinging to his back and sighing softly into Kurts ear. Sometimes I think your hearts just too big for your body, he whispers.

Kurt crumbles then, crying openly, weeping against Blaines neck while his fingers scramble for purchase in the soft fabric of Blaines sweater. Which is actually his sweater. Because Blaine barely has any clothes to call his own and he lives out of a borrowed gym bag beneath a tunnel in the dead of winter. And that thought causes him to cry even harder because its not fair and he doesnt care that lifes never fair keep them on his own shelf. because Blaines a good person. Hes a good person and he deserves a home and his mom and all the

waffles he could ever eat. He deserves to be warm. And he deserves to be able to buy his own books and He deserves so much more than Kurt can give him. - 39 -

Contents In the end, Blaine lowers Kurt onto the bed and curls up behind him. Kurt cries himself to sleep, wrapped tugs off their shoes and tucks both of their clothed bodies beneath Kurts comforter. once more. But really, youre giving me more than Ive ever had before. in the safety of Blaines arms and only waking momentarily when Blaine gets up to shut off the light. He You think youve stolen away all my hope tonight, Blaine whispers just as Kurts about to drift off

- 40 -

Contents

Part Six
When Kurt wakes, he does so to the little, warm puffs of Blaines breath ghosting against the skin on the back of his neck. Hes too warm, fully clothed and covered underneath his thick comforter all while locked in Blaines arms. He can feel the sweat dusting his lower back but he kind of cant care because Blaine feels embrace despite the heat. so good around him. Kurt tightens his hold on Blaines arms, shuffling even deeper into the other boys For just a moment, he closes his eyes and pretends that the silence around them is actually the silence of his own place, his own space where he can keep Blaine safe and fed for as long as he likes. He pretends else to go. that Blaines wrapped around him because he wants to be there, not because he doesnt have anywhere And when Kurt opens his eyes once more, he swallows down his pretend world of make believe filled with wishes and daydreams back where it belongs. Blaine snuffles behind him, nuzzling his little nose into Kurts hair. He slides his calloused hand along the front of Kurts chest until its hovering just over his heart. I like it here, Blaine whispers, voice deep and scratchy with the remnants of sleep.

So stay.

No ones ever held me like this, Kurt admits. He hates how pathetic he sounds. No?

Never.

Kurt turns when Blaine slides an arm beneath Kurts neck and his other hand tugs at Kurts waist, urging him to roll over and scoot closer. He drapes Kurts arm over his stomach and pats this one spot on his back, settling his hand on Kurts side. chest. Kurt lowers his head, pillowing it on that spot and sighing when Blaines arm wraps around his - 41 -

Cmere.

Contents What about like this? Blaine asks.

No, Kurt answers. Not like this, either.

plants a soft, tender kiss atop Kurts head. Youre the perfect cuddle bunny. Yeah? Kurt asks, knowing hes fishing a little bit. Yeah, Blaine tells him.

Shame, Blaine says and even though Kurt cant see his face, he can hear the smile in his voice. He

They drift for the next hour, sleep claiming them for a few minutes at a time before tossing them back into the land of consciousness. But every time Kurt wakes, hes a little more content and a little more surprised to find that Blaine hasnt slithered out of his bed, out of the house, and back into the unforgiving cold. Whats your last name? Kurt wonders, still pretty drowsy. Anderson, Blaine tells him.

Mines Hummel, Kurt supplies.

Kurt grins, burrowing his face into the crook of Blaines neck because its just so nice here. Blaine still smells a bit like his soap but theres something else there, something unmistakably Blaine that isnt probably losing his freaking mind and this entire thing is crazy, but Kurt finds that hed be content to stay here for the rest of his life. Theyve only known each other for a week. Theyve only just discovered each others last names. masked by the scent of baby wipes and winter. Its familiar and foreign all at once and yeah, okay, hes

Its nice to meet you, Kurt Hummel.

But Kurt wants to know everything.

What dyou think youd be doing right now? Kurt asks. If things were different.

- 42 -

Contents put off my homework by playing songs on my piano or singing to my cat. Id have a cat, I just know I would. Id go to church just to please my mom and Id read everything I could. Id watch TV and Id join glee club and Id go get pizza with my friends. Kurt feels Blaines fingers thread through his hair, twisting a lock into a curl. second, wed be doing exactly this. Id probably be in school, same as you. Id struggle with math but Id do great in my history class. Id

But Id like to think that, somehow, Id still have met you along the way. And maybe, at this very

Theres a dangerous stutter in his pulse and Kurt lift his head from Blaines chest in order to look into his eyes. Theyre so open and honest, filled to the brim with kindness and maybe a bit of adoration. You-

The slam of a door. A rumble of chatter downstairs.

Panic twists in Kurts stomach. Blaines breath hitches. Slow, even footsteps sound loudly in Kurts ears and they finally disentangle themselves, shoving away the comforter and thats when Kurt nearly loses his anything at all, really. Kurt leaps to his feet, eyes darting from Blaines face to his bags and back again before realizing theres no time to hide, no time to look less rumpled, no time to save either of them. Burts speaking during the entire exchange, his voice growing louder the closer he gets to Kurts door. thought wed- talking. sanity. Blaines sitting there on the edge of his bed, looking to Kurt for an answer or instructions or

Boys? Burts voice drifts in through Kurts open door. Were home!

supposed to be back tomorrow, but theres some big friggin snowstorm about to hit so we

And even though Kurts back is to his bedroom door, he sees Blaines eyes widen in fear and his dad stops Okay Burt says slowly. - 43 -

Contents Kurt whips around to see his dad staring in shock at the unfamiliar boy on his sons bed, sees him take in their disheveled state, the wrinkles in their clothes and the sight of the sheets in disarray. Oh god.

Burt looks to Kurt, clearly expecting an explanation. Dad, its not what you think.

Yknow, kid, Im not even sure I know what Im thinkin at this point.

clothes on and hes not my I found him and-

Were not I mean, we didnt sleep together. Wait, I mean, we did sleep together, but not we had You found him? Burt asks, shaking his head and blinking rapidly, as if to clear his head and make

some sense of the situation. Kurt, youre not even old enough to pay for that kind of thing. No, oh my god! Kurt exclaims.

I should go, Blaine states, his muscles apparently able to function once more as he stands. Probably for the best, Burt says with serious nod.

Dad, you cant make him leave. want youruh

No, youre not dont leave, Kurt stammers, grabbing Blaines arm when he reaches for his bag.

Buddy we gotta talk about this and its probably gonna get pretty embarrassing. I dont think youll

His name is Blaine, Kurt informs. And hes not a prostitute. Oh, god, Blaine moans in misery. Kurt, really, just let me-

him, theres supposed to be a snowstorm.

No, Kurt says, tugging Blaine behind him and away from his belongings on the floor. You heard

- 44 -

Contents home in time before it hits us. Its not supposed to hit until later tonight, Burt says. Im sure your Im sure Blaine can make it

You dont understand, Kurt says desperately. He doesnt- Honey? Whats going on?

And then Caroles there, standing alongside Burt and looking equally as shocked.

His step-mothers eyes blink owlishly at him and Kurt can see the gears turning in her head, as if shes trying to determine whether or not thats really the case. cant make Blaine leave. Thats not what happened, Kurt denies. Can we just look, well go downstairs and talk but you I hate to be the big, bad dad, Burt says, but I really think your friend should leave so we can

Seems like Kurt decided to have a little adult sleepover while we were away, Burt tells her.

discuss this in, uh, private.

and shrill. He spins around to face Blaine, hands on his shoulders. Just stay in here, okay? I I cant stay here if your dad says no. Ill be okay, dont worry about me. Well I do worry about you and Ill just worry more if you leave.

Im not sending him back out there when theres about to be a snowstorm! Kurt shouts, voice high

even if you explain, he might not understand. No one wants a stranger in their house.

He doesnt- Blaine lowers his voice to a whisper, Kurt, he doesnt know me the way you do. Even

Burt clears his throat behind him and Kurt drops his hands from Blaines shoulders. He turns back around, lifting his chin in defiance.

I have to try, Kurt says. And youre not a stranger. Youre my my youre not a stranger.

- 45 -

Contents then I cant stop you. Butyou should know that that if you do, well, Ill be going with him. Okay. Where did that come from? You cant make him leave, he states firmly. Not until I explain. If you think he should go after that,

point, kiddo. I never said I wouldnt let you explain. Somethings obviously goin on here that I dont understand and it seems serious enough. More serious than you know, Kurt says.

Whoooa, Burt says, drawing the word out and holding his hands up. I dont think were to that

make some coffee or something. You just come down when youre ready.

Burt nods at that. Then well talk downstairs. Your Blaine can stay up here. Well go downstairs and

His father and step-mother disappear from his doorway and he whirls around once again to face Blaine. Framing Blaines face with his hands, he leans in and presses their foreheads together. I never shouldve come here, Blaine says and it almost comes out in a whimper.

about each other and I know its only really been a week. But you Im not letting you go back out there alone, not if theres something I can do to help. You cant make him let me stay. This isnt your house.

Dont, Kurt chides. Dont even think that. Look, I know were I know we dont know everything

says, thinking back on how Carole had allowed Quinn to stay at their house when they were still under the here. Do youwant to leave?

No, its not. But my dads a good guy and Caroles done some pretty amazing things for Finn, Kurt

misapprehension that Finn had gotten Quinn pregnant, when she had nowhere else to go. Just let me talk

to them. But if you if you dont want to stay, if you want to go back out there, I know I cant keep you Blaine pulls away slowly, out of Kurts grasp, and looks over Kurts shoulder to stare at his borrowed know each other, and he knows he cant keep Blaine under lock and key. - 46 -

blankets and the gym bag Kurt had given him. Hes quiet for a moment, scrunching his face up, possibly

due to the more painful memories of his time on the streets. Kurt knows this is crazy, knows they barely

Contents But he also knows he go down without a fight and he knows he cant watch Blaine suffer any more than he already has. Finally, their eyes meet once more.

Thank god.

No, Blaine says. I dont wanna go.

Blaine gives a jerky nod and, on a whim, Kurt presses his lips in a quick kiss to Blaines forehead. Ill be back.

Then let me talk to them. Stay up here, okay? Dont dont sneak out or anything. Ill be back.

Kurt seats himself demurely on a chair at the kitchen table, swallowing hard around the sudden lump in for a few seconds before sliding a cup across the table. Have some coffee, he says.

his throat. Caroles looking at him with so much concern and a hint of confusion, but he can see the resigned look on his dads face. The expression is a little hard, slightly unfamiliar, and he holds Kurts gaze

Kurt takes a sip, the heat of it stinging his tongue.

Sweetheart, you look like youre about to be sick, Carole notes. Im justreally afraid of whats going to happen, Kurt admits.

Why dont you just explain, yeah? Burt prompts. Like you wanted to.

within the caffeine. I guess Ill just say it. But I need you to not freak out. Well, I cant guarantee anything, but Ill do my best, bud. - 47 -

Right, Kurt mumbles, taking another drink of coffee, like theres some kind of courage serum laced

Contents Kurt takes a deep breath and looks directly into his fathers eyes. Blaine is homeless.

Carole sucks in a sharp breath, her hand coming up to cover her mouth in shock. Burt just kind of stares back blankly, spreading his palm and fingers out on the tabletop. Heshomeless, Burt repeats. Yes.

He looks pretty put together for a homeless kid.

him some clothes to wear, made him breakfast, and then we spent some time out and about before we came back here. But how what? Burt stumbles over his words. Howd you meet this guy?

The clothes are mine, Kurt explains. I brought him here yesterday morning, let him shower, gave

Remember last weekend? When I ran out of gas on that bridge and you had to come help me? Yeah

He was there. He was living under that bridge and has been for a month.

In this weather? Carole asks, immediately worried at such an implication. Yes. And hes been homeless for two years.

Two years? Carole gasps. But but what about his parents? Wherere they?

on the streets, I mean, but she left him about three months ago and never came back. She just abandoned him.

I dont know about his dad, Kurt says. Hes never mentioned him. His mom used to be with him,

- 48 -

Contents Carole looks to be near tears, but Burts just rubbing a hand over his bald head, as if Kurts imparting too much information to process at once. He sighs heavily and fixes Kurt with a serious gaze. Kid, I got so many questions, I dont even know where to start. Ask anything, Kurt says. Ask anything and Ill tell you. Well, first off, how do you know hes telling the truth? Burt, Carole hisses. it and let someone in.

Hey, I gotta know, Burt tells his wife. Kurts got a big heart and sometimes hes too quick to open

Kurt is sitting right here, Kurt snaps in irritation.

told you that you couldnt keep em because we didnt have the room or the money to take care of em all?

You used to bring home stray kittens all the time, Burt recalls. Dyou know how bad I felt when I Blaine is not a stray, Kurt bites out, crossing his arms over his chest in defense. Hes a human

being and he would have died out there. He was really sick when I found him and he didnt have a proper emergency kit in my car. I came and got you.

coat and the blanket he had, dadyou could see right through it. It was that thin. He was so terrified of me

at first, he wouldnt even talk. But then he admitted that he was sick so I gave him some medicine from my You gave him your coat, didnt you? Burt asks. I was pissed that you didnt have a coat on when

Yes, and I gave him my gloves and a blanket from the trunk of my car.

the fact is you dont know.

But how do you know it wasnt just an act? Burt wonders. I hate to play devils advocate here, but I know because it was the middle of the night and he was fifteen miles out of town, alone, sick, and - 49 -

cold underneath a bridge. I know because he wasnt sitting on some busy sidewalk in the middle of the

Contents day, begging strangers for money or holding up some witty sign to invite good humor. I know because he accepted a half-empty, lukewarm cup of hot chocolate from a stranger without complaint. But-

anything, dad. But Ive been back to see him almost every day this week and I brought him food and baby wipes and disposable razors from stores, just so he could look presentable enough to go out and find a job. So hes a thief.

Hes never asked me for money. Hes never asked me for food or clothes. Hes never asked me for

medicine and things to keep him warm and I talked to him. I got to know him. He even admitted to stealing

wouldnt do everything in your power to give Kurt a better life if you were in Blaines place. Youd do anything, even if it meant stealing. Burt grumbles his assent, knowing his wifes words to be true.

Burt, he did what he had to do to get by, Carole says. Dont you sit there and tell me that you

If hes so intent on finding a job, why hasnt he found one? Burt asks.

he didnt smell like trash or have a scruffy beard, his clothes werent exactly in the greatest condition. Hes been homeless since he was fourteen and he has no work experience. He doesnt even have a permanent this way, hoping to find work, and then he got sick and thats when I met him. why wasnt she out makin enough money to at least put them up in a motel? address to put on an application. His mother looked out for him before but now he has nobody. When she left, she told him shed be back and he waited two whole months before he realized she wasnt. So he came

Who was going to hire him? Kurt demonstrates. Hes sixteen, hes not in school, and even though

What were they doin on the streets in the first place? Burt wonders. If shes a grown woman,

know anything else about his mom, save for the fact that she just up and left. He looked bad enough when painful.

Idont know, Kurt admits. I dont know what happened to put them out of a home and I dont

he told me the stuff he did about his past, I wasnt going to force him to talk about more if it was too - 50 -

Contents What about shelters? Carole points out. Surely he could be in one of those?

one night, after he told me he had a bad experience in a shelter one time and thats why he doesnt use read, most shelters turn away teenage boys even if theyre with mothers. He would have had to go to a really know everything about that situation, though. different shelter, one that takes in men, and I dont think he wanted to be apart from his mom. I dont Carole bites down on her lip, obviously attempting to keep her tears at bay. Burt groans in frustration and leans heavily against the back of his chair. Their cups of coffee are long forgotten now, and all Kurt can do table. is resituate himself in his chair, nerves and anxiety nipping at his sanity in the silence that falls over the I dont know what you want me to do about this, Burt says in all honesty. I mean, I dont know

I think theres a lot about shelters that were not reallytold, Kurt says. I read some stuff online

them anymore. He hasnt told me exactly what happened and I dont know if he ever will, but from what I

this kid and youve only known him for a week.

here yesterday, just hoping Id give him one good day. But I didnt really think about what would happen after that. All I know is that I cant let him go back out there tonight, not after you said theres supposed to be a snowstorm. I wont leave him out there alone. Of course not, honey, Carole says kindly. No matter what, he can stay here tonight.

I I dont know what to do either, Kurt says, lowering his gaze to his coffee cup. I brought him

argument.

Id prefer it if the kid didnt share your bed tonight, though, Burt says, his tone leaving no room for Well fix up the guest room, Carole says, already standing as if to do just that. Its only clutter.

Well get those boxes down into the basement and some fresh sheets on the bed. Im just not gonna get a say in this, am I? Burt huffs.

tonight. Not when we have a perfectly good spare room that he can use. - 51 -

No, youre not, Carole states. Well figure it out, but that poor boy isnt sleeping outside, not

Contents one final squeeze, she walks away, leaving Kurt alone with his dad. And thanks for letting me explain. I know its noteasy for you. You dont trust people like I do. Youre right, I dont. Thank you, Kurt says, looking up at his step-mother when she places a hand on his shoulder. With

when I first saw him

But hes sixteen. And hes been nothing but grateful to me. If you couldve seen what he looked like

I dont think Id have brought him home, Kurt. But you wouldve-

proud of you. I know I dont understand everything thats goin on here and I know I gotta be the mean one and ask all the bad questions, but Kurt? Yeah?

But this? All your your compassion and crap? You got that from your mom, no debate. And shed be

And thats where we differ, Burt continues. You got your stubborn streak from me, god knows.

Kurt swallows down the bundle of emotions rising in his throat and graces his dad with a fond smile. Thanks.

Im proud of you, too.

Burt stands and claps his son on the shoulder. Guess wed better get that kid down here and get some breakfast in him. Yeah, Ill go get him.

Just as Kurts about the round the corner and head for the stairs, his dad calls out at the last second, causing Kurt to spin around and give him his full attention. Wouldnt Finn have said something to you when you brought Blaine home? he asks. - 52 -

Contents house. Uh Kurt trails off, struggling to think of a good enough excuse for why Finn hasnt been in the

Kurt. Where the hells your brother?

He well he just, you know, went out for a bit.

Hes been at Rachels all weekend, hasnt he?

I can neither confirm nor deny that accusation, Kurt says flatly. Oh he is so grounded.

Kurt only has a few moments to feel guilty about not being able to cover for his brother. But then, hes got bigger fish to fry. Or little fish.

Blaines a pretty small guy, after all.

- 53 -

Contents

Part Seven
But whatre they going to do to me after tonight? Blaine asks in a panic. I cant stay in your guest

room forever. What if they throw me out? What if they think Im trash? Oh god, I cant ever face your family again.

dont ever want to hear you say that again.

Stop this right now, Kurt says, dropping down onto his bed next to Blaine. You are not trash and I Youve already given me everything you can, Blaine says when Kurt clasps his hands in his own.

cant do it, I cant.

All that food and and your clothes and the bag and the blankets. I cant ask you for something like this. I Youre not asking me for anything, though. Im offering and theyre offering, Kurt reminds gently. Theyre only offering because they pity me.

away full stop, Kurt argues. Please do this for me. You have to give them a chance just like you gave me a chance when we first met. That was a week ago. You dont even know-

So? Pitys better than an outright no. Id rather them pity you and get to know you than turn you

Blaine ducks his head, avoiding Kurts eyes and Kurt cant help but sigh in frustration.

If you tell me that one more time I will smack you, I swear.

deserves better than what youve been given, Kurt says softly, bringing one hand up to settle on the back dont deserve it, too.

I dont have to know every single detail about your life to know that youre a good person that

of Blaines neck. Theres no way youve done something so wrong, something so awful to think that you But you dont know what Ive done, Blaine whispers to his lap. You have no idea what Ive done. Have you killed anyone?

- 54 -

Contents At that, Blaine balks, jerking his head up to stare at Kurt in horror. Kurt looks back primly, calmly, simply awaiting the answer he knows hell receive. Of course Ive never killed anyone.

youve been through some rough times and had to do some less than stellar things in order to just keepliving. And I know youve had to rely on yourself for a while. But you dont have to do that anymore. At least, you dont have to do it tonight. Okay?

Then nothing youve done could make me think less of you, Kurt states. I know its hard. I know

Blaine slumps, shoulders sagging and closing in on himself in defeat. Kurt realizes the decision hes making; either he fights all of this and puts himself back on the streets or hes stuck relying on the kindness of strangers. And not everyones that kind.

Okay, he finally relents.

sweatpants, and his robe. Take these and go have a hot shower, yeah? Give me the clothes youre wearing and the ones in your bag and Ill wash them for you. You dont have to-

Good. Kurt stands in order to dig through his closet, coming out with a t-shirt, a pair of

But Im going to. Ill wait outside while you undress.

While Blaine busies himself in the shower, Kurt tosses his clothes into the washer. Truth be told, he wants

to throw out the ones Blaine had been wearing before and give him a brand new wardrobe, even if its throw out his things.

borrowed, but he doesnt know if Blaine has any kind of emotional attachment to the clothes so he

refrains. People in Blaines position usually cherish the few belongings they have and Kurt wouldnt dare

- 55 -

Contents kitchen once more. Ill get Finn to help me move the boxes down to the basement when he gets home. In factI might just make him do it alone. Kurt snorts in amusement. Did you guys really expect him not to stay at her place while you were gone? I expected he would. I was hoping he wouldnt. I found some sheets for the bed in the linen closet, Carole announces when Kurt wanders into the

Touch. to eat.

Wheres Blaine? his dad asks, rooting through the refrigerator in order to find something suitable Shower, Kurt says. And he already expects you guys to think hes trash. So for the love of

everything, please attempt to be civil. Im a civil guy.

Carole glares at her husbands back. Well be perfectly polite to the young man, dont you worry. Thank you.

Kurt shoves his dad away from the fridge and rolls his eyes when Burt pulls a can of whipped cream with him. Youre horrible, you know, Kurt says. All weve got is rabbit food!

And eggs and bread and milk and plenty of other things that make a healthy breakfast. Yeah, but that takes time.

Youre such a kid sometimes.

I bet Blaine likes whipped cream for breakfast, his dad returns. - 56 -

Contents make something. Blaine would eat anything you put in front of him without complaint. Now go sit down and let me

Burt mumbles something to himself that Kurt cant quite make out, but he falls into a chair at the kitchen table while Carole pours them all more coffee, sure to pull a cup out for Blaine as well. She really is one of the most thoughtful people Kurt has ever had the pleasure of knowing. again looking too adorable for his own good in Kurts clothes.

Just as Kurt turns on the burner in order to scramble some eggs, Blaine appears in the doorway, once And Caroles right there, bless her heart, guiding him into a chair across from Burt.

you like some sugar or creamer? Weve got three difference flavors to choose from, I think, unless Burt finished off the French Vanilla, then weve just got Hazelnut and Pumpkin Spice. T-This is fine, Blaine stammers. I dont need anything else.

You sit down right here, sweetheart, she says easily, placing a cup of coffee in front of him. Would

Carole clucks her tongue and retrieves all three creamers from the fridge, as well as the sugar container, placing them on the table in front of Blaine. You put in whatever you want and however much you want, honey. Weve got plenty to spare. And

theres juice in the fridge and Kurts making breakfast right now.

The kids not a Thanksgiving turkey, he doesnt need fattening up, Burt says with a low chuckle.

the Pumpkin Spice best, at least when its cold outside.

Hush up, you, she chides her husband before turning her attention back to their guest. Kurt likes Peppermint Mochas good, too, Kurt supplies from his spot at the stove. But Finn used it all

because he treats coffee like its ice cream and uses way too much. thats okay?

Ill Ill use the pumpkin kind, then, Blaine says softly, a blush dusting the apples of his cheeks. If

- 57 -

Contents realized how much he wants to do the same. Of course, honey, Carole says, ruffling her hands through his wet curls and wow, Kurt never

Just as she replaces the other creamers in the fridge, Burt finally looks up over his coffee. So, he says abruptly.

Blaine flinches at the deep sound of Burts voice, causing the creamer in his hand to jerk wildly, spilling a few drops onto the table. He immediately turns white and begins stuttering out an apology, looking as if hes ruined the entire world with a single slip of hand. I Im sorry, I didnt mean to I Ill-

Its just creamer. Its not like you set fire to the last of our food supply or anything. Im sorry, Blaine says sadly. Im justnot one to waste food or anything. Perfectly understandable, Carole says. Sugar? Um I-

Whoa, kid, calm down, Burt says when Carole rushes over with a paper towel to clean the mess.

Blaines cup. But Kurt wont let me have that much anymore. sugar and creamer on his own.

I like at least three spoonfuls in mine, Burt says, reaching over and spooning some sugar into

Wontlet you? Blaine wonders when Burt returns his spoon to him, allowing him to swirl in the

Had a bit of a scare a while ago, Burt says, waving off the incident. Gotta eat healthy crap now.

strawberries. Id like to make sure you live long enough to see me graduate, thank you very much. Youre such a worry wart.

You had a heart attack, Kurt argues, setting down four plates filled with eggs, toast, grapes, and

Im appropriately concerned for your health.

- 58 -

Contents Blaine peers over at Carole, whos taken a seat next to her husband at the table. Are they always like this? Carole laughs, loud and bright, just as Kurt sits down as well. Oh, you have no idea.

With breakfast comes the casual banter of a happy family, occasionally dotted with Blaines timid smile. It feels far too natural to Kurt, despite the circumstances, and he cant really help but want this every day. He unafraid to accept another slice of toast, he wants Blaine looking adorable relaxed in a pair of borrowed clothes, but knowing his are in the wash and ready to wear again soon. He just wants Blaine to be happy and warm and safe. What better place than here? wants Blaine at the breakfast table drinking his favorite coffee creamer, he wants Blaine well-fed and

After breakfast, Burt and Carole take to doing the dishes while Kurt leads Blaine back up to his bedroom.

Blaines face. Ill be quick, I promise. They wont come up here and interrogate you or anything like that. can find something.

Im going to take a shower, Kurt says, already predicting the alarming expression that washes over

Why dont you pick something to read? I dont know if youll like any of the books I have, but Im sure you Are are you sure they wont-

Blaine sighs, hanging his head in despair. Im sorry. I sound so pathetic. Theyre nice people, just like you said. I just Im not used tothis. that? I know, Kurt says, giving Blaines fingers a reassuring squeeze. Youre very brave, you know

Ill close the door and they wont bother you.

Shaking his head, as if he can dislodge the praise from his ears, Blaine sucks in a shallow, shuddering breath.

- 59 -

Contents order to align their gazes. Say it. But I Im not. Hey, Kurt whispers, taking a step closer and sliding a finger under Blaines chin, he lifts his head in

say it and maybe someday soon, youll believe it, too. Okay?

You might not believe it yet, but you are. Youre the bravest person I know. So I want to hear you

raw sense of helplessness in Blaines eyes and the sound of his voice, the look on his face, it all makes Kurts heart ache viciously in his chest. Youre very brave, Blaine, Kurt says again, hoping the words come out strong and full when he

Kurt, Blaine whines, his hand sneaking up to caress Kurts pale cheek. Kurt can see this vulnerable,

sees the moisture gathering in Blaines eyes.

Blaine sniffles softly into the quiet of the room. Kurts veins when he hears it.

I Im very brave, he echoes and something warm and sweet blossoms and spreads through

presses his cheek against the top of Blaines still-damp curls, reveling in the way Blaine fits so perfectly here, the way their bodies slot together like they were made to be. And for some reason, the words soul mate keep drifting in and out of Kurts thoughts, like a melody. Like a wish he made upon a star long before he ever knew the meaning.

Yes, you are, Kurt says, taking that last step forward and enveloping Blaine in a tight hug. He

All hell breaks loose when Finn walks in the front door after lunch. Caroles on him in a hot second, half his size but causing him to cower just the same. Hes appropriately appalled, looking to Kurt for help or some kind of escape route.

- 60 -

Contents think its smart to go behind our backs and spend the night with Rachel? We trusted you to be responsible while we were gone, young man, only to come home and find out you werent! Kurt, dude, you gave me up? Finn asks helplessly. I did not, I- and we already had one pregnancy scare with Quinn, Carole admonishes. What makes you

up, we already knew where you were the moment we realized you werent here. You are grounded for a today.

And you expected your brother to lie for you! Carole continues. He didnt even have to give you

week, mister. And youre going to move all of the boxes from the guest room down into the basement Finn stops looking scared just long enough to look confused at her idea of punishment. What?

Kurt barely has enough time to shoot Finn an apologetic glance before Carole shoos Finn away and upstairs to get started on his task. Remind me to never get on her bad side, Kurt says to his father.

You heard me! Scoot!

Blaine curls into one corner of the sofa, staring listlessly out the window as the snow falls, blanketing the ground in a thick layer of white. The wind whips wildly, causing the flakes and flurries to dance and twirl on their way to the earth. Whats wrong? Kurt asks, shuffling closer to Blaine on the sofa.

Hell, same goes for me, Burt grumbles, trudging upstairs after his wife.

Blaine doesnt answer at first, instead turning and resting his head on the arm of the sofa. Kurt tilts his Blaines tucked-up knees and tugs them out, effectively draping Blaines legs over his lap. - 61 -

head in curiosity at the little furrow of worry between Blaines eyebrows. He slides his hands under

Contents Hmm? Kurt presses, fingers tracing an invisible pattern along Blaines shins.

Maybe it shouldnt be like this between them yet. Maybe they shouldnt be so at ease with one another or so quick to offer tactile comfort, but it feels too right to ignore. So Kurt allows himself the simple luxury of feeling the warmth radiating from Blaines thin frame and he allows himself the pleasure of feeling like he belongs at Blaines side. I feel like Im gonna wake up and this is going to be the most elaborate, remarkable dream Ive ever

had, Blaine admits. Like, maybe Ill wake up tomorrow, covered in snow, still sick and closer to dying than I was when I met you. Please dont think like that, Kurt says, immediately grasping Blaines hand where it rests on his I just I dont understand, Blaine says. I dont understand why youre going through all this

stomach. Its not a dream. And even if you cant stay here, well find somewhere for you to go.

trouble for me. I dont understand why your parents are letting me stay here, in your house, and I dont I dont think I did anything wrong, and I-

dont understand why my mom left me alone or why any of this happened to me in the first place. I didnt Hey, hey, Kurt coos, sliding out from beneath Blaines legs and slithering up his side instead. He

places his head on Blaines chest, the same way he had this morning, and loops his arm around Blaines thin stomach. Hes too thin, really. Carole had the right idea. They need to fatten this boy up. I know youre worried. But were gonna take care of you, we all are. Especially me. But why?

you. A lot. Maybe a little more than Im supposed to this early on. And Im not going to let anything bad happen to you anymore.

Well, I cant speak for them, Kurt prefaces. But I know Im doing it because I because care about

Blaine paws at Kurts arm, clutching at the fabric of his shirt and good lord, Kurt didnt even think it was possible to care so much about another person. He fears for his dads health, loves his family dearly, but in his arms and kiss their nightmares away. hes never had such a strong urgency to protect someone before. Hes never wanted to wrap someone up - 62 -

Contents But damnit if thats not all he wants to do right now.

Im just so tired of fighting, Blaine reveals, sliding his hands into Kurts hair.

health or your safety.

You shouldnt have to fight for this, Kurt says. Not for a warm bed and a full stomach. Not for your

But I dont know what else to do.

He feels Blaines nose nudging the top of his head and the soft press of his lips against his hair. Ill stay with you as long as they let me.

You dont have to do anything, not today. Not tonight. Just stay here with me.

The clock ticks on the wall and they fall quiet, content to rest together in the lazy afternoon of winter the storm. ~

while the snow falls too heavy and too hard outside. Kurt grips Blaine tightly, needing to assure himself

that hes still here, that hes safe with him and that hes not outside, shivering and starving in the midst of

As the boys rest peacefully on the sofa in the living room, two figures disappear around the corner and shuffle into the kitchen. Hell never forgive me if I say that kid cant stay here, will he? No, honey. I dont think he will.

Guess theres only one thing to do, then.

- 63 -

Contents

Part Eight
While Kurt dozes, draped and lazy over Blaine on the sofa, hes vaguely aware of someone lighting a fire in Blaines shoulder, snuggling deeper into whats becoming Blaines familiar scent. Hey, kids, time to get up now.

the fireplace, bathing the room in just a little more warmth than they had ten minutes ago. He snuffles into

Kurt growls in protest at the sound of his fathers voice, hiding his face in the crook of Blaines neck. Come on, we gotta talk, remember?

here, just like this, wrapped around Blaine.

Five more minutes, Kurt grumbles, entirely too content to while the rest of the day away right

Groaning all the while, Kurt finally drags himself into a sitting position, attempting to flatten what hes with steaming hot chocolate, topped with whipped cream and peppermint stirring sticks. How do you always know? Kurt asks, baffled and still somewhat sleepy.

Cmon, Kurt, Blaines voice sounds, deep and velvety in his chest where Kurt still lolls his head.

Youve been napping for two hours, buddy, Burt informs him, amusement thick in his voice.

sure is a touch of bed head. At that moment, Carole bustles in with a tray of mugs that are filled to the brim

He reaches for a mug just as Blaine sits up properly on the sofa, looking like his entire world is about to come crashing down around his ears, so Kurt grabs two mugs instead of just one and promptly hands one everything will turn out okay in the end. to Blaine. For a brief second, Blaine looks slightly mollified, though Kurt thinks that has more to do with the fact that, yes, he gets to put something else in his belly today, rather than Kurts silent reassurance that

my boys need. Her gaze settles on Blaine, eyes soft and serene. All my boys.

I got the mom sense, Carole teases, tapping at her head as if to demonstrate. I always know what

- 64 -

Contents Blaine flushes deeply at the affection, wrapping his hands around his mug and sinking further into the which theyre spoken. couch. Kurt, however, is more caught up in the meaning behind her words than the genuine tone with Wait, he says quickly, almost upending his hot chocolate in haste to understand. You mean I mean, Carole nods, a twinkle in her eye as she seats herself on the edge of the coffee table.

Kurt whoops in elation, which is quite unlike him, but he sobers when his dad finishes poking at the fire and settles in on the empty end of the sofa next to Kurt. Course, we gotta lay down some rules, first, Burt says, tossing his arm on the back of the sofa.

Rules he can deal with. Stipulations he can deal with. Sending Blaine back out into the cold, alone, he cannot and will not deal with. First of all, Burt begins, if Blaines gonna be stayin here, hes gotta follow all the rules you and

Right. Yes, of course, Kurt agrees, sitting up a little straighter and staring in earnest at his dad.

Finn do. Hes got the same curfew, same rules about sleepovers or bringin friends over, no drugs, no drinking, all of that. Well, duh. Kurt didnt think Blaine would be allowed to run around like a crazy loon, getting himself into party-going fiend overnight.

trouble. Blaines not even that kind of person, not from what Kurt has observed so far. The kid likes to

spend his free time in the library, for gods sake. Kurt doesnt expect him to turn into some cracked out, Kurt nods enthusiastically, willing his father to continue.

proper furniture and stuff, since all thats really in there right now is a bed and a nightstand.

Blainell have the guest room Burt says. Well go out after New Years sometime and get him

And those weird pictures of ducks on the walls, Kurt jabs, giving his father a pointed look.

of the duck pictures hed found at a garage sale for a steal. - 65 -

They give it character, Burt insists, actually sounding affronted by the fact that Kurt disapproves

Contents They make it look like a cheap motel room.

Burt rolls his eyes, outnumbered once again by the powerful alliance between Kurt and Carole. wanna just share your wardrobe forever.

Ill be the one helping you decorate, honey, Carole interrupts, saving the day.

So well do that, then, he continues, and well have to get him some clothes that fit. Unless you

I would, Kurt states, if it means he can stay.

Kurt lowers his head out of respect. Its a lot to ask that they take in Blaine in the first place; giving him his own room and new clothes is far more than Kurt had hoped for. Well make a weekend of it, Carole says. Itll be fun.

I know you would, Burt says calmly, his tone a tad gentler than before. But you dont gotta.

Oh, makeovers are always fun. Kurt doesnt even hold back his glee at the prospect of shopping for an entire weekend, just to give Blaine the things he needs and the things hes been deprived of for so long. Something else, Burt adds, fixing his gaze on Blaine, who has remained stock still and silent

throughout the entire conversation. I know youve been on your own for a while, kid, and itll take some

time to adjust or whatever. Youve had to look out for yourself a lot and be responsible and all that. But

youve got us now, kay? All of us. I know youre first instinct is gonna be to go to Kurt, just cause you trust answers. So I hope you know you can trust us, too, alright, bud? If somethings wrong or youre not okay stayin here anymore, you can talk to us. might think. About anything, Carole agrees. Were good listeners and we understand a lot more than you

him most right now, but you gotta remember that hes just a kid, too. Hes not always gonna have all the

Kurt officially has the best family in the world. He can feel the slight sheen of tears in his eyes and he wishes Christmas hadnt already come and gone, because he thinks Carole deserves more than a bottle of perfume and his dad definitely deserves something better than the Mellencamp compilation albums hed gifted. - 66 -

Contents Last thing, Burt concludes. Well, for now, anyway. I just gotta ask one thing. Blaine?

Kurt feels Blaines body go rigid at the address, still staring over his mug of hot chocolate. Y-Yes, sir?

Eyes bugging out in horror, Kurt turns abruptly in order to hear his friends response. Of course he wants baby wipes, isnt it? Its better than a shelter full of sick people and too few beds. Isnt it?

Do you want to stay here?

to stay here. Doesnt he? Its better than sleeping under a bridge in the dead of winter or bathing with

Suddenly realizing how tightly hes gripping his own thighs in his apprehensive state, Kurt rubs his sweaty palms along his jeans, attempting to relax. He feels bad that he hadnt phrased the question exactly like that earlier. Asking Blaine if he wanted to leave, right then and there, is different than asking if he wanted to remain under their roof long term, with the ground rules under the watchful eye of his family. It might home life.

be too much for Blaine to accept right away. Its difficult enough for him to accept such help and kindness,

Kurt knows, but it might even be more difficult to acclimate to the inner workings of an already stable And so, instead of butting in to answer for Blaine, he simply decides to wait for his answer, all the while biting the inside of his cheek to keep from screaming out the decision he wants to hear. I I-

want to, if it doesnt work out. If it does, well deal with the legalities and stuff later. Legalities.

Itll be a trial period thing at first, Burt assures, ignoring Kurts glare. You can leave whenever you

Kurt cant help but swallow thickly at the sound of that word. For some reason, the first conclusion his admittedly misguided, attempt to get closer to his amour du moment. - 67 -

Blaine to be his brother anymore than hed wanted Finn to be his brother before, back during his,

addled brain jumps to is adoption, of all things, and he internally cringes at the thought. He doesnt want

Contents Bitterly wondering why all of his love interests find the potential to become family, Kurt doesnt voice his opinion. The legalities of this are a long time coming. Blaine has to say yes first. Speaking of, Blaine, at this very moment, is looking to Burt with such crushed hopes and dreams. The expression baffles Kurt to no end. Nothings being crushed. Something is blooming, cant Blaine see that? I cant, Blaine whispers.

Kurts heart drops down somewhere near his feet.

all of this for free. I cant let you give me give me a room or any of that without paying you back somehow. I I dont want to be a charity case.

I cant let you do all this for me, he continues. New clothes and new furniture I cant let you do

At that, Kurts heart slips back up into his chest. And breaks. Carole looks like shes about to burst into tears at any given moment, but Burt looks oddly pleased and bit too thoughtful for Kurts liking. Its not in school and he still lacks work experience; no one will hire him. Kurt doesnt even know if Blaine knows his social security number or any important information like that. Burt, however, seems to have the perfect solution. he has a right to a safe place to stay. And they cant force him to go out and get a job, he still isnt enrolled like they can turn him into Cinderella! Theyre not going to turn him into a servant just so Blaine feels like

Kid, he says slowly, what dyou know about fixin up cars?

- 68 -

Contents

Part Nine
Blaine knows more about cars than Kurt had expected him to. He knows how to change a tire, how to change the oil, how to check all the fluids, and how to bleed the breaks. Its the bare minimum, really, when it comes to working at an auto shop, but Kurts more interested in the story behind Blaines knowledge of cars. He admits that his dad had brought home an old, beat up Dodge Charger when he was thirteen and he recalls working on it with him in the garage. For some reason, the skills had stuck, and Kurt figures it might have something to do with the fact that this is the first time Blaine has ever had wound up on the streets. mentioned his dad. Maybe its the one thing they got to do together, as dad and teenager, before Blaine The way Blaine talks about it, though, with so little emotion and this hollow look in his eyes, makes Kurt want to ask more. Theres obviously far more to Blaines past than hes ever let on. Kurt doesnt ask about it, of course, not now.

Because Blaine gets to stay. He gets to have a bed and soft sheets and a thick blanket to cuddle under every night. He gets three meals a day and more, if he wants. He gets a job and security and the opportunity to feel like less of a burden and more like a boarder or a roommate.

He gets so much more than he had last week and Kurts chest swells with happiness and maybe a little pride at his own, unrelenting insistence. Never let it be said that Kurt Hummel cant take on a challenge. So Blaines like our new brother? Finn asks later while he helps Kurt clear away the dinner dishes.

needs some help right now. So hes staying here.

Not exactly, Kurt hurries to say, wanting to dispel such a thought immediately. Just a friend who Oh, Finn says, still sounding a bit confused. But Finns usually moderately confused in any

situation, so Kurt just rolls with it. Does he like video games? You should ask him when were done here. with Kurts favorite toy.

I dont know, Kurt answers truthfully. If he does, he hasnt had the chance to play them in a while. Cool, thanks, bro, Finn says, giving Kurt a goofy smile, like hes just been given permission to play - 69 -

Contents Turns out, Blaine likes video games a whole lot despite not having played in a while. Hes also into football, which pleases the other men in the house, but he has a deep, abiding love for show tunes and pop music as flashlight in his bedside drawer, pointing it in Blaines direction. You okay? he asks.

well. Theyre lying on Kurts bed and singing along to Kurts Wicked soundtrack when the vicious

snowstorm knocks out the power, blanketing the house in darkness. Kurt immediately reaches for the

At first, Kurt stares in horror. But then he cant help it. Its an insensitive comment to be sure, but then just giggling at the absurd, blunt truth of the statement. Burt walks in and points a flashlight at the pair of them, snorting at their antics.

Just like home, Blaine quips.

Blaine bursts out laughing and then Kurts laughing too and they roll around on the bed for a few minutes

have one battery powered space heater that actually works.

Glad you kids found somethin to laugh at, he says, since its about to get a lot colder and we only

In the end, the space heater finds a home in Burt and Caroles room while the boys keep the fire roaring, hanging sheets and blankets over the open walkways to keep in the heat. Finn passes out on the sofa. Kurt and Blaine curl up on an air mattress on the floor, huddled under a thick comforter. Blaines got this soft, sleepy smile on his lips and he blinks slowly, the glow from the fire casting a shadow

over the angles of his face and his lashes. He looks peaceful and Kurt thinks it might have something to do with being inside and out of the storm, or maybe its due to the second helping of mashed potatoes Carole granted in the past. had forcibly dumped on his plate at dinner. Its strange to think that Kurt had taken such simple things for But then, maybe thats just a part of growing up. sleeping on the ground next to a fire.

We went through all that trouble to get you your own bed, Kurt laments. But you still ended up Not on the ground, Blaine says, tickling his socked foot against Kurts ankle beneath the blanket. - 70 -

An air mattress is a far cry from sleeping on concrete. And this fire is definitely better than having to pick through the thicket to find dry wood.

Contents Quickly losing the teasing spirit, Kurt feels his expression soften and feels a frown tugging at his lips. Now he feels really bad for laughing earlier in his room after Blaine made the just like home quip. off like that. I know it makes you sad. Its okay. Im sorry, Blaine whispers, sneaking a hand out to cup Kurts cheek. I dont mean to just brush it

beneath Kurts eye. It makes you feel bad.

No, its not, Blaine argues gently as he brushes his thumb against the tender, delicate skin just I just its actually physically painful to me, Kurt explains. When I think about you out there,

when I think about how cold and sick and hungry you were, I I cant-

Blaines body now and for some reason, the sensation calms him. Things arent like that anymore. Im here.

Shh, Blaine insists, scooting just a little bit closer. Kurt can feel the natural heat radiating from

feather-light touch until he can cover Blaines hand, the one cupping Kurts cheek, with his own. Safe. clog it with emotions he cant identify or define.

Here, Kurt echoes. He slides his hand up Blaines side, trailing over his arm, just the slightest,

Theres a twitch of Blaines lips, just a fraction of a smile, but its enough to constrict Kurts airway and Safe with you, Blaine says. So theres no need to worry anymore.

about how things used to be. A tense silence. Held breath.

I dont think Ill ever stop worrying about you, Kurt admits. Especially not when you talk about

Kurt damns it all, Finns presence included, and burrows himself in Blaines embrace. He nuzzles Blaines

collarbone with his cold nose and clutches at the t-shirt Blaine had changed into for bed. Blaine clings to hand into Kurts hair, effectively securing Kurts head a place beneath Blaines chin. His other hand rubs - 71 -

him with just as much fervor, one arm slipping under Kurts neck in order to crook it so he can press his slow, soothing circles along the small of Kurts back and this, this is what Kurts needed all day long. Ever

Contents since he woke up with Blaines arm around his waist, Kurt realized that he had instantly become addicted hadnt been enough to curb the need for closewarmsafe, not the way this does. to the feeling of being held close. Even their little cuddle session on the couch during their nap earlier Briefly, Kurt speculates on the bizarre manner in which he feels the need to protect. Because this, with that Blaines here to hold him close is enough to remind Kurt that Blaine truly is out of danger.

Blaine holding him, seems a bit counterproductive to that point. But in some strange way, just knowing I only say it like that, making a joke out it, I mean, Blaine explains, because if I dont, I think Ill go

crazy or something. If I cant find the humor in it or if I cant pretend like its not that big of a deal, then its Kurt whimpers suddenly, pressing even closer into Blaines body. He doesnt know when they got here. secretively in the dark, but Kurt is so not willing to give this up anytime soon. Or, you know, ever. just this really horrific nightmare-turned-reality and I dont know how to handle it.

Hes not sure when they went from homeless boy and kind stranger to cuddle whores who whisper

Maybe theres a meaning here, buried between their bodies or tattooed and stained onto their very bones. Maybe theres a reason that Kurts drawn to Blaine with this surreal, magnetic force. Maybe it was fate that caused Kurt to wind up stranded on that old road, just above that bridge. And thats coincidences.

saying a lot because Kurts usually the first to admit that theres no higher power dictating their actions or But theres just something about Blaine that makes him want to forget everything he thought he knew

about the world. And its probably the same something thats telling Kurt to re-learn it all by mapping out behind the delicate shell of his ear, or lost beneath his adorable mass of curly hair. Thats when it hits Kurt like a bullet to his heart. Hes head over heels already, dangerously so. Oh god. Please dont let them adopt Blaine.

Blaines skin with his lips just to discover the hidden meaning of life between his freckles, or tucked

- 72 -

Contents admission, purposefully ignoring his own realizations in regards to his feelings for their new tenant. So Theres a hot puff of breath and a spurt of quiet laughter into his hair and then Kurt feels Blaine nod. Deal. long as you dont laugh at me when you see how excited I get when we go shopping. I can let you joke, Kurt eventually says when hes finally calmed himself after Blaines honest

Kurt smiles into Blaines shoulder, twining their legs together. Its a little too warm to fall asleep right away like this, despite the lack of a working heater, but Kurt cant be bothered to move because its just into that serene, precious bit of togetherness by the crackling fire. really nice here. They fall quiet, listening to the sound of one anothers breathing and heartbeats, lulled Youre very brave, Kurt whispers, finally just on the edge of sleep. He can feel the darkness closing

in behind his eyelids, tunneling into the unconscious world of dreams.

But he remains awake just long enough to hear exactly what he needs to. Im very brave.

A kiss to the top of his head. And sleep.

- 73 -

Contents

Part Ten
Humor is far from what really crosses Blaines face when theyre in the mall after the New Year begins. In

fact, terror is probably more apt at this point. He gawks when Kurt and Carole begin draping garment after garment over their arms for Blaine to try on. This is too much, Blaine protests weakly when Kurts about to shove him into a fitting room. You dont have any clothes, Kurt points out, so we have to start from scratch. Go on. I Id be fine with just a shirt or two, really.

you a lot and conserve water, or we dont get you enough and we start our own reservoir. But-

And then youd be doing laundry every other day, which brings up the water bill. So we either get

arms. Just pick out the things you like. This is only the first store. The first store?! Blaine squeaks.

Its okay, seriously, Kurt says, giving Blaines hand a squeeze beneath the mound of clothes in his

you, but dont be afraid to tell me that you dont like something, okay? I cant-

Yes but we dont expect you to buy out the place. I picked out things I thought might look good on

doesnt even count the summer clothes that are packed away for the season. Plus, Caroles used to shopping with me, so theres not possible way you can pick too much. Blaine bites his lips together, looking to the door of the fitting room like he really wants to try, but it takes a gentle push from Kurt to finally get him inside. Kurt and Carole spend the next half hour running to get different sizes and different colors, using the thumbs up, thumbs down, thumbs to the side rating - 74 -

You can, Kurt insists. Trust me. What youve got there isnt even a tenth of my closet. And that

Contents whenever Blaine walks out in something different. They all agree on three pairs of jeans and a few plain sweaters, Blaine looking bashful all the while as he models for them. They seem to strike gold, though, the moment Blaine walks out in a pair of dark jeans, rolled at the cuffs, bay.

with a navy sweater vest over a white, long-sleeved button down. Hes got this little navy bowtie covered

in tiny anchors around his neck and Carole straight up awwws when he bites his lip, keeping his grin at I like this one, he admits softly, looking to Kurt for approval.

Okay, so its not exactly what he would have chosen for Blaine to begin with, but damnit if he doesnt look adorable as anything and happy to boot. Now Kurt cant imagine him in anything else. Its perfect, Kurt tells him. I love it. Yeah?

And then Blaine is beaming with pride.

Absolutely.

Needless to say, they leave the mall with bags full of new outfits and matching bowties, enough underwear to last Blaine a month without having to do laundry (hes a boxer brief kind of guy, he admits under every color of the rainbow (so I can match with anything, Kurt, see?). duress), socks, shoes, pajama pants (Blaine loves soft, worn cotton), undershirts, and various t-shirts in

They spend the next day hitting up secondhand stores in search of furniture. Blaine refuses to make them buy him anything else thats brand new, but it doesnt matter because he falls in love with a gently used and comforters and everything else a person needs to start a new life. dresser that looks remarkably like the one that had belonged to Kurts mother, which is currently in the basement. They venture out after lunch in order to find new wall decorations and toiletries and sheet sets When theyre finally home and his brand new room is all put together, awash in blue and cream, Blaine tears up at the sight of it and it takes a hug and whispered reassurance from Kurt to calm him. I never never thought Id- - 75 -

Contents Shh, Kurt soothes, his warm palm skating up and down Blaines back. Its okay, I understand. But I I have a room again and I Kurt, I never thought Id have a room again. You do now, Kurt hushes him. And its yours for as long as you want it.

everything and and everything.

I cant even remember being this happy, Blaine reveals. I just thank you. Thank you for

And thats just Blaine: forever grateful, shedding tears every time he receives something that Kurt already has five of, and unabashedly proud of his new bowties. I feel brave today, he whispers into Kurts shoulder.

Welp. There goes Kurt Hummels heart. He might as well just hand it over, no strings attached, and let Blaine keep it until the day he dies. ~

The last few days of Kurts winter break from school pass in a lazy haze. Blaine settles into the routine of that much and he doesnt have to do everything that Kurt likes to do. He continually asks for Kurts permission to play Call of Duty with Finn, like Kurts his keeper or something, and Kurt continues to tell he wants to take a shower, he doesnt need Kurts permission to do so.

things, more or less, and when hes not helping Burt out at the shop, Kurt urges him to become more

comfortable in his new home. No, he doesnt have to stay by Kurts side every day not that Kurt minds him that he doesnt have to ask, he can just do. If he wants a snack, he can just grab one from the kitchen. If One afternoon, two days before school is supposed to start back up, Kurt finds Blaine sitting alone in the living room, legs curled up under him, staring blankly at the crackling fire. Whats wrong? Kurt asks, settling in next to him.

Nothing.

What? Blaine replies quickly, blinking rapidly and smiling when he notices Kurts presence. Oh.

If nothings wrong, why are you sitting in here alone? - 76 -

Contents Blaine shrugs. Caroles at work, Finns at the shop with your dad, and they didnt need my help today. But what does any of that have to do with you?

video games when hes not here. I did all my laundry yesterday. I took a shower this morning. Im not being around you all the time.

I justdont have anything to do, Blaine says, gaze dropping to his lap. I dont wanna play Finns

hungry. And you were doing homework and I didnt want to bother you. I know its probably annoying, me Its not annoying, Kurt says at once.

Blaine smiles indulgently, as if to say sure, Kurt, whatever you say. have to sit out here alone and do nothing, Kurt chides.

Just because youre under the false impression that your presence is annoying doesnt mean you No, thats not what I well maybe but no, I just meant- Blaine cuts off his stammering

explanation with a deep, frustrated sigh. I dont want to sound like Im complaining. What do you mean?

I dont have anything to do, Blaine says again, as if thats clears everything up. I dont understand why that would sound like youre complaining.

Now Blaine just looks pained and a little contrite.

small circles along knobs of his spine, talk to me.

Blaine, Kurt says softly, slipping a hand up to cradle the back of Blaines neck, thumb rubbing

Stop that. Youre none of those things. But its going to sound-

I cant, Blaine says miserably. Because it sounds ungrateful and rude and selfish.

- 77 -

Contents end. If you dont tell me, Ill tell Carole that somethings wrong and shell just mother it out of you in the

Immediately, Blaine begins to look panicked, but then his eyes narrow into slits. You fight dirty. When the situation calls for it. Now tell me.

Blaine slumps and groans, running a hand through his hair, an action which Kurt has realized means Blaine is uncomfortable. Fine, but like I said, its going to sound really bad. I doubt it. But go on.

you know? Youve got your magazines and your books and all those shows you like to watch. You like to video games and read his comic books and eat and well, eat a lot, actually. You have stuff to do. Idont.

I just ugh, okay. So when youre at home and you dont feel like going out, you have things to do,

reorganize your closet and bake things and fiddle around on the internet sometimes. Finn likes to play At first, Kurt is just confused as hell, but then he thinks about all the things he does in his spare time and realizes that Blaine doesnt have any of that. Before, he probably had to fill his days with walking from place to place or finding food or hunting for dry wood to burn in his fire. But now, living in an actual house stuff to do to occupy himself. with nowhere to go, no one to see, and without having to fight for his own survival, Blaine doesnt have And now he sees what Blaine means when he said hed sound ungrateful. Accepting a home and three square meals a day is different from going out of your way and saying, Im bored. Well what to do you like to do? Kurt asks.

Oh. Right, duh. Hes been busy trying to live; he hasnt exactly had the time to pursue any of his hobbies. were you know?

Idont know, Blaine admits with a blank face. I havent really had time to figure that out.

What would you want to do? Kurt rephrases. Or what kinds of things did you like to do before you - 78 -

Contents Blaine scrunches his face in thought, pursing his lips as his wracks his brain. Kurt cant even begin to know what that must be like. Blaine has to figure himself out all over again. Not only does he have to adjust himself to homed life, but he has to adjust to how he fits into it.

it probably doesnt make sense for me to just sit around a sing all the time. And I like to read, but you ended up on the streets, I was learning how to play the guitar. The guitar? Kurt wonders. Were you ever a busker?

I like to sing, Blaine says. Like, how I told you I always wanted to be in glee at my old school? But

already know that. I like to watch football and listen to music. My mom made me take piano lessons when

I was younger, so I know how to do that, but its not really something I love doing. Just before before we

No, I didnt get to take my guitar with me when when we left. Did you like playing?

Yeah, Blaine admits softly. A lot. ever want to use it.

Well have to get you a guitar, then. And lots of books. And we have a piano in the basement if you

Whys it in the basement?

broke his heart. But he couldnt get rid of it. Out of sight, out of mind, I guess. Oh, Blaine whispers. Im sorry, I didnt mean to bring it up.

My mom used to play it, Kurt says. After she died, every time my dad would look at it, it sort of

the other things.

Dont be, Kurt says, waving away the issue. You can play it any time you want. But well get you

I cant let you just buy me stuff. You let us buy you clothes.

But that I needed clothes. Clothings not exactly optional, you know. - 79 -

Contents You let us buy you furniture for your room.

Technically Im working it off, Blaine points out. At your dads shop.

else is busy and thats hardly fair.

Blaine, you have to have stuff to do. Otherwise youre just going to sit in here alone when everyone

But you guys have already given me everything I need. Maybe its time to get you some things you want. But-

At least let me talk to my dad about it.

You cant! Blaine exclaims. Ill sound like some ungrateful little brat! I cant let your dad- youd have nothing to do.

So Ill say it like I thought of it first, Kurt states. Im sorry I didnt, though. I didnt even realize

Its not something you shouldve had to think about. I never shouldve brought it up.

Youre so self-deprecating, Kurt sighs, shaking his head. I wish you wouldnt be. Come here. Im not-

After a beat and a small sigh of his own, Blaine leans into Kurts body, curling himself up at Kurts side and snuggling in until hes comfortable. Kurt soothes away Blaines fears and worry by threading his fingers through Blaines curls.

Come here, Kurt says a little more forcefully, opening his arms wide and inviting Blaine in.

have to busy yourself by tagging along with us or only ever doing things we want to do. If you want to sit in your room and read for three hours, you should be able to. - 80 -

This is your home now, Kurt says gently. And you have every right to be happy here. You dont

Contents anything. But I dont want to make it seem like I dont want to be around anybody or that I dont appreciate

stir crazy. Plus, schools starting back up in a couple of days and no one will be around during the day. Oh, right Blaine trails off.

Everyone needs time for themselves. You have to have stuff you like to do, otherwise youll just go

We havent talked about that either, Kurt realizes. You should probably be back in school.

sixteen year old in all the freshman classes.

Ill be years behind where Im supposed to be if I go back, Blaine laments. I dont wanna be the Well figure it out, Kurt promises, pressing his cheek against the top of Blaines head. Maybe

theres a test or something you can take to determine which grade youll actually be in. We dont have to worry about everything today, though. Lets just focus on getting you healthy and happy first, okay? Blaine pauses, taking a deep, calming breath through his nose before he says. Okay. You trust me, right? Kurt presses.

The sad part of that, Kurt thinks, is that Blaines statement is a bit too true.

I trust you, Blaine whispers in reply. Of course I trust you. I wouldnt even be here if I didnt.

him about his and Blaines conversation. Shoulda thought of that sooner. and entirely too pretty for Kurts liking. plates. Ill pay you back every cent.

Of course we can get you some stuff, kiddo, Burt says later that evening after Kurt had talked to

Kurt shoots Blaine a look over the dinner table, as if to say I told you so. Blaine flushes, cheeks going pink Ill work extra at the shop, Blaine say softly, barely audible over the clinking of silverware against

- 81 -

Contents thoroughly confused at such a notion. What makes you think youre payin me back for anything? Burt asks, looking and sounding

furniture and all the food I eat I have to pay you back.

Be because I have to, Blaine replies, confused as well. You the room and the clothes and the

Why would I want you to pay me back for stuff you need?

could pay you back for living here.

I thought but thats what we agreed on, Blaine explains. You gave me a job at your shop so I

I gave you a job at the shop so youd stay, Burt clarifies. I but what? Blaine asks, utterly lost in Burts words.

said you couldnt take any of it unless you were working. Youre gonna get paid for all your work at the shop, kid, its gonna be your money. When Finn and Kurt work for me, they get paid, too. But I-

We were gonna give you a room and clothes and all that before, Burt says. Youre the one who

Blaine stops dead, looking to Kurt for help with a strange amount of worry in his eyes.

He thinks he shouldnt be afforded such generosity because hes not your son, Kurt states plainly.

for things you want to do, not for things I get you. not right, I cant do that to you.

Everyone that works at that shop gets a paycheck, Burt says. And youre gonna use your money

But I cant just live here for free, Blaine argues, appearing frustrated with himself for doing so. Its Blaine, youre just a kid, Burt says, using that tone Kurt recognizes as the one he defers to

whenever the issue is serious but he doesnt want to scare. Im not gonna make a sixteen year old pay me back for stuff like that, whether youre my son or not.

- 82 -

Contents month? If it means that much to you, honey, Carole interrupts, how about you pay us five dollars a

Thats not nearly enough, Blaine gasps in surprise. Not for everything youve both done.

accept any more than that.

I dont want you payin anything at all, Burt says. But if you feel like you just gotta, Im not gonna

At least let me pay you back for-

Five bucks a month and thats it. But-

Blaine leans back in his chair, scrunching up his face in thought. Theres a long, heavy pause in which Kurt would he go? Kurt wont be able to stand seeing Blaine pack up his old gym bag and walking out of his house. Okay, Blaine finally relents. Five dollars a month. Good. Now eat your spaghetti, youre thin as a rail.

Hes not going to budge, Kurt says wisely. No point in arguing.

cant stop staring, hoping Blaine doesnt back out of the offer and decide to leave becausewhere else

Kurt breathes a sigh of relief, and just like that, things return to normal. Well, as normal as this new life can be, anyway. Beneath the table, Kurt places his hand atop Blaines knee and gives a firm, calming squeeze. Everything is going to be alright. Kurt will always see to that.

- 83 -

Contents

Part Eleven
When school starts back up again, Kurt has never wanted to be farther from the institution. He doesnt

want to slink through the hallways or sit idly in class. He doesnt even want to sing in Glee. All he wants to do is go home to Blaine, who is sitting at home alone, probably curled up in front of the fire with a book after his long morning working in the auto shop. Or maybe hes taking another shower, because Kurt knows that Blaine has this cleanliness thing all of the sudden, like he cant believe he gets to wash his hair been able to shower whenever he wanted over the past two years. much more. with real shampoo every day and its kind of endearing but also disheartening because the guy shouldve Kurt knows why he hadnt been able to, of course, and thats what really makes his heart ache just that And so, after school every day, Kurt takes to sitting down with Blaine at the kitchen table and re-teaching everything hed learned in class that day, just so Blaine can hear it too. So when Im ready to go back, Ill know more, Blaine had explained

Blaines thirst for knowledge rivals that of all the academic decathlon club members at school combined.

When Finn tells everyone in Glee about their new house guest, Kurt waves away their questions and tells Blaines character based on those circumstances alone. When Blaines ready, hell meet all of Kurts

everyone that hes an old family friend who needs a place to stay. He doesnt think they need to be privy to

Blaines circumstances; its none of their business. Not to mention, hed rather not have them judge They dont need to know what his life was like before in order to offer a hand in friendship. Besides, Blaine has enough reservations on that front as it is. friends. And when he does, Kurt wants them to see him as the kind, self-less, wondrous boy that he is.

in despair. I dont know why. I justneed to figure out who I am right now. And if I dont know, then they So Kurt doesnt press the issue and he never will. might not like who I turn out to be. I dont want them to think Im some kind of weirdo.

I just I cant I cant be around so many people right now, Blaine had said softly, face screwed up

- 84 -

Contents ~

Kurt begins to notice the little things after a while, after theyre more settled and Kurt doesnt have to worry about Blaine abandoning his chance at a new life. Beyond Blaines compulsion to stay clean, he has a few other tics and habits that Kurt slowly begins to observe.

For one, Blaine never leaves food on his plate. Every piece of pasta, every leaf of lettuce, every kernel of corn, and every breadcrumb makes its way into his belly. He never puts more on his plate than he can eat doesnt know how many days in the past two years Blaine had to go without eating at all. and he never wastes a drop of liquid in his cup. It makes perfect sense, Kurt supposes, considering he still Two, he eats protectively. He makes sure that the journey from plate to fork to mouth is a short one, either keeps a hand on the edge of his plate or an arm curled around it, like maybe hes afraid someones what it might mean for Blaines miserable past.

keeping his head down and close to his food. If hes leaning back or attempting to make conversation, he going to say, No, you cant have that. Most meals, Kurt tries to ignore the habit because hes afraid of Three, he never walks around barefoot. He had, that first day hed stayed at Kurts before he became a real Blaine used to have to do everything in his power to stay warm when he didnt have a roof over his head.

member of the household, but thats the last time Kurt can remember seeing Blaines feet. Maybe hes reveling in the fact that he gets to wear clean socks every day, but Kurt thinks it has more to do with how

Four, while Blaine has very few possessions to his name, including the books Burt had bought him during a weekend trip to a second hand bookstore and the brand new acoustic guitar Burt had surprised him with the day Blaine received his first paycheck. But those possessions, those few, simple items are cherished in a way Kurt has never seen. When Kurt gets something new, he usually toys with it for a few days until the newness wears off and its tossed aside or no longer takes precedence in his day to day life. For Blaine, though, each item is a precious one. He dusts the tiny bookcase in the corner of his room every day and he cares for his guitar like its his child.

Altogether, these habits arent so very strange, not considering the life Blaine has led for the past two years. But they do, in a very sad way, help make sense of the newest bit of Blaine Kurt stumbles upon. One Saturday morning, just after breakfast while Blaine and Finn are at the shop with his dad, Kurt pads into Blaines empty room with a small pile of folded laundry in his hands. It had gotten mixed up with - 85 -

Contents Kurts own clothes, a small and silly occurrence that kind of warms Kurts heart because that happens sometimes at home, but its domestic and frivolous and endearing all at once. Kurt yawns, his morning cup of coffee yet to kick in, and glances about Blaines extremely tidy room. His dresser is probably the most likely place to hold the folded laundry, so Kurt approaches. Just as hes about to pull out the top drawer, he pauses. Most people keep their underwear in the top drawer. And yeah, sure, okay, Kurt had been with so he skips the drawer entirely and pulls open the second one instead. He places a pair of pajama pants with the others and closes it as well. Blaine when theyd purchased it all, but he doesnt think he needs to be any more invasive than necessary, from the pile in with those nestled inside the drawer, smiling at the small assortment of colorful bowties alongside the pants, and tucks it away. When he pulls open the third, he places two cotton sleep shirts in But when he opens the fourth and bottom drawer, hes shocked at the sight that greets him. something else.

Yes, theres a pile of every day t-shirts, just where these last few items in his hand belong, but theres

Kurt stacks the shirts in along with their companions and kneels.

From within, he withdraws a piece of toast, most likely from breakfast this morning, with one chunk originated from yesterdays breakfast and a few French fries from Blaine and Finns trip to McDonalds two days ago. Blaine loves French fries, Kurt had discovered.

missing and wrapped in a napkin. In another napkin, Kurt find two pieces of turkey bacon having

Theres a handful of saltine crackers, an open package of gummy fruit snacks, a half-eaten nutrition bar that Finn had probably given him, and two stale dinner rolls wrapped in foil. Its all there, tucked along the edges of the dresser drawer, hidden out of sight. In case of emergency, Kurt realizes. In case of starvation.

- 86 -

Contents Kurts breath catches in his chest when the enormity of the secret really hits him. Of course he knows that stash of bits and leftovers, it shows Kurt just how terrified Blaine must be of going hungry again. Blaine never wastes food; never a scrap left on his plate and all that. But this is different. This, this secret Blaine, Kurt says aloud into the empty room, the name on his lips soft and tender and so very sad.

Closing the drawer, Kurt backs away from the dresser and stands. Hes going to fix this. ~

Later that night, Kurt knocks softly on Blaines open doorway. Can I come in?

Sure, Blaine replies with an easy smile, setting his guitar aside gently.

behind his back. Are the lesson books helping? couldve muddled through on my own.

Hows the playing coming along? Kurt asks as he enters the room, hiding the bag in his hands

Its going great, Blaine answers, eyes bright and shining. You didnt have to get them for me. I

Why muddle when you can have a bit of help?

homework.

Thats true. Blaine nods. Was there something you needed? I thought you were busy with your

youd be awake.

I was, but I I wanted to talk to you before you went to bed and I didnt know how much longer

Oh? Is there something wrong? Are you okay? Blaine asks out of immediate concern. Im fine, Kurt says evenly. Can I is it okay if I close the door? - 87 -

Contents Kurt always asks. This is Blaines space now. He asks if he can touch something or open something and now he feels guilty for having stumbled upon Blaines secret. He shouldnt have been rooting around in Blaines things. But it was just laundry. Kurt had thought hed been doing Blaine a favor.

And then suddenly he knew too much and there just wasnt any going back from that. Umyeah, sure, Blaine replies, tilting his head with a quizzical expression.

Kurt shuts the door behind him, still keeping the bag hidden, before approaching Blaines bed. Can I sit?

Kurt slides onto the bed, surreptitiously placing the bag on the floor at the end of Blaines bed and out of Blaines line of sight. Blaine tucks his legs up under him, leaning toward Kurt in curiosity. I okay. I guess Ill just explain from the beginning, Kurt says heavily. Okay?

Of course, Kurt, whats the matter?

your things were mixed in with mine so I I folded them and brought them in here. Im sorry, I didnt mean to come in when you werent here. Kurt, its your house. You can go wherever you want.

After you guys left for the shop this morning, I went to get my laundry out of the dryer. Some of

Blaine stares back, obviously puzzled and unaware of the path the story is taking. You dont have to be sorry, its okay.

No, this is your space. And I respect that. I just I just wanted to put your stuff away. Im sorry.

- 88 -

Contents dresser. him. Well I I had some pajama pants and a few shirts that were yoursso I went to put them in your

Abruptly, Blaines expression fades from confusion to horror as the implications of such an action dawn on And Isaw it. The food, I mean, Kurt reveals softly, unable to hold Blaines gaze for too long. He

feels like hes intruding on something extremely private just by having this conversation. But before you freak out and try to explain or anything, I just I want you to know that I understand. Im sorry, Blaine says, the words barely a whisper.

When Kurt reverts his gaze to Blaines face once more, he sees the utterly broken look there and reaches swiftly across to grip Blaines thigh. No, no, he says quickly. You dont need to be sorry. I didnt mean to steal, Blaine whimpers.

you want and you dont have to apologize for it. Okay?

You didnt steal, Kurt states. Any food in this house belongs to you, too. You can take whatever

Blaine doesnt answer, but Kurt can see how his shoulders shake with silent sobs. A single tear, a wisp of a drop slides down Blaines reddened and embarrassed cheek. I need to know you understand that. You can have food whenever you want. Whenever you want.

Eventually, Blaine nods, but his shoulders dont stop trembling.

Im not mad, Kurt says gently. Like I said, I understand.

over and burying his face in his hands.

But now you think you think Im sick or or weird, Blaine weeps without abandon, hunching

- 89 -

Contents fierce hug. No, no, I dont think that at all. Cmere. He tucks Blaines head beneath his chin, settling them both up against the pillows. Theres nothing wrong with you. I just I didnt I- Oh, honey, no, Kurt calms, crawling up the length of the bed until he can pull Blaines body into a

you were gonna be able to eat, you needed to make sure youd have something if that happened again. Im sorry.

You didnt want to go hungry. I know. I get it, I do. After all that time and never knowing for sure if

to and fro. You dont need to be sorry. I get it, I really do.

Stop saying that, Kurt pleads, holding Blaine close and unable to keep himself from rocking them

You never shouldve seen that, Blaine cries, fisting his hands into Kurts shirt.

with you and I need to know youre okay.

Im glad I did. I wish you would talk to me more, Kurt says softly. I want to know whats going on

But youre b-back at school and you have your f-friends and-

miss you all the time and I hate when Im not around, knowing youre here by yourself so much. I do okay, Blaine whispers, attempting to muffle his sobs against Kurts chest. If you were completely okay, you wouldnt be hiding food in your dresser. Im sor-

filled with courage. I I dont think Ill ever stop caring about you. I miss you during the day, you know? I

That doesnt mean Ive stopped caring about you, Kurt reveals before sucking in a deep breath

hard for you to believe that you dont have go without certain things anymore, like food, for example. Which is why hold on.

No. Kurt stops his apology. Dont be sorry. I know its hard, adjusting to all of this. And I know its

- 90 -

Contents Kurt twists away from Blaine, immediately missing the feel of his small body, and reaches for the bag hed brought with him. Which is why I got this for you, Kurt continues. The stuff you had in there is going to go bad soon,

so I figured Id get you something to keep in there thats more substantial.

Untying the bag, Kurt pulls out a box of crackers, a small bag of assorted chocolates, two bags of potato chips, a bag of trail mix, and a pack of chocolate chip cookies. He hears Blaines small gasp at his side. You shouldnt ever need any of it, Kurt says, laying out the spread on top of Blaines bed, because

youll always have enough to eat while youre here. But I thought it might be nice if you still had something in your drawer, you know, just to put you at ease. So I bought you this. Y-You this is all for me? Blaine asks, shock and awe clear on his face and in his voice.

should have stuff thatll keep longer. You just you dont get it, do you? What dyou mean?

I want you to feel safe here, Kurt explains. If that means keeping food in your drawer, then you

cheeks. There are certain feelings he has toward Blaine that are most definitely not familial, but Blaine needs to know that hes being looked after. Well always take care of you. Me, especially. Silence falls between them, and for a long moment, Blaine can only stare at the food in front of him. After a beat and a decisive nod to himself, Blaine gathers the food, climbs off the bed, and shuffles over to his dresser. When he opens the bottom drawer, he tosses what food hed kept inside into the wastebasket in secret place. For a few seconds, he simple stares at the contents of the drawer. After finally believing that yes, it really is there and he wont have to go worry about going hungry anytime soon, he shuts the drawer and crawls back onto the bed. I-

Were your family now. I mean, in the places where it counts, Kurt says with a blush rising to his

the corner and replaces it with the food Kurt had given him, organizing it all to fit just perfectly in his little,

Blaine stops himself. - 91 -

Contents The silence in the room eats away at Kurts frayed nerve endings. His heartbeat is far too loud and hypnotic in his ears, as is the swirl of color and tears in Blaines golden eyes. But then, Blaine leans in ever so slowly and presses his lips in a dry, chaste kiss to Kurts own. It only last a couple of seconds, but its a kiss nonetheless and something warm and fuzzy and absolutely wonderful curls around Kurts heart. His breath leaves him for those few seconds. Kurts never been so happy to lose it. Blaine pulls away.

Thank you, he says.

Y-Youre welcome, Kurt stammers, his pulse still erratic from the brief touch of Blaines lips. I dont think Ill ever stop thanking you.

down and settle together on top of the covers. One day, this will all just be a memory and you wont have to be so scared. I swear it. Blaine sighs in contentment, the last of his snuffles subsiding, and he relaxes into Kurts embrace. might not be able to change the whole world, not with all of its problems and afflictions. But helping Blaine, even just in this way?

One day you will, Kurt promises, wrapping his arms around Blaines body once more as they slide

Because Kurt might not be able to fix the world, but hell do whatever he can to help one boy. One person

Its definitely a start.

when youre not around. I miss you every day.

I miss you, too, Blaine whispers, and Kurt can tell hell be on the verge of sleep soon. I miss you

- 92 -

Contents

Part Twelve
Sometimes at night, when Kurt cant sleep, he can hear muffled sobs through his cracked bedroom door. he was always welcome in Kurts space, day or night. So tonight, Kurt stares worriedly at his open door. He always hopes that Blaine will come to him when he starts crying, but he never does and Kurt never falls asleep until the cries die down in the dead of night, replaced with eerie silence that usually signifies a sleeping household. But he just cant stand it tonight.

He used to sleep with it shut, but when Blaine had officially moved in, Kurt had wanted him to know that

cracked as well. He stands listening for a few moments, wondering if the weeping will desist. When it doesnt, Kurt pushes the door open slowly, peering at Blaines form huddled beneath the covers, bathed in the glow of moonlight and trembling under his blanket. Blaine? Kurt asks softly.

Ever so quietly, Kurt crawls out of bed and tip-toes on bare feet to Blaines bedroom door, which is

head and if it wasnt for the tears so apparent on his cheeks, Kurt might find him adorable. Are you okay?

Blaine sits up so quickly that it nearly makes Kurt dizzy. He looks like a small, frightened animal with bed

Mfine, Blaine sniffles, rubbing at his face. Whatre you doing in here?

completely. I wanted to make sure you were alright.

I I heard you crying, Kurt explains, stepping into the room and closing the door behind him

Im fine, Blaine says again, his voice a bit stronger. Im sorry. I didnt mean to wake you.

think youre fine.

I hadnt fallen asleep yet, Kurt says, slipping over to sit on the edge of Blaines bed. And I dont

Blaine breathes a sigh, but its this choked off little thing and he buries his face in his hands, drawing his - 93 -

knees up to his chest under the blankets. He just looks so little. He is little, Kurt knows, compared to other

Contents boys his age, but now he looks uncharacteristically small, like maybe hes trying to make himself as small as physically possible in order to slip through the cracks of reality and disappear altogether. And thats when he cries even harder. Without a word, Kurt crawls onto the bed fully and settles himself behind Blaine and up against the hugs. He hugs and he holds, pressing his forehead into that dip where neck meets shoulder. Kurt stretches Blaines entire body is wrapped up in him instead of those bad memories flitting through his mind.

pillows. He twists his arms around Blaines coiled body, palms firmly placed on his stomach, and he just his legs out around Blaines hips and wraps them around Blaines socked feet beneath the covers so that Unable to speak because he doesnt know if his words will make the situation better or worse, Kurt can only think about the possible reasons for Blaines suffering. He doesnt know if Blaines crying because of if Blaines crying because he feels lonely or suffocated or anything. He just doesnt know. And the fact that this about him. everything he had lost or because of the things hes gained, he doesnt know if hes lamenting his past before becoming homeless or if hes overwhelmed by all the doors opened for him now. He doesnt know soft t-shirt. He does so quietly, though, holding Blaine tighter all the while because he is not about to make Eventually, their tears turn to snuffles and Blaines body relaxes, shoulders slouching and his head dropping back to rest on Kurts shoulder. Im tired now, Blaine whispers, burying his tear stained face into the crook of Kurts neck. Ill- Blaine has so many reasons to cry, well that just makes Kurt cry and suddenly hes weeping into Blaines

tightly that Kurt thinks they might bruise.

Dont go, Blaine panics, his fingers gripping Kurts wrists still wrapped around his middle so

Okay, its okay, Kurt says quickly, pressing his cheek to the top of Blaines head. Stay, Blaine whimpers.

Of course Kurt will stay. Even if Blaine wasnt beautiful, even if Blaine didnt like boys the same way Kurt does, even if Kurt wasnt falling in love with every passing second, hed still stay because Blaine is his friend and he shouldnt feel alone. - 94 -

Contents same. Curling into Kurts embrace, Blaine exhales in obvious relief. Kurt slides a solid hand around Blaines stomach and up to flatten his fingers and palms over Blaines chest. they sleep. Lay, Kurt instructs and Blaine scoots onto one side of the bed, stretching out while Kurt does the

He tugs the covers up over them both to ward off the chill of the night, kisses the back of Blaines neck, and When Kurt wakes tomorrow, hell realize that its the most peaceful sleep hes had since Blaine was given ~ his own room.

over the top of his bald head. Homework? sofa.

Hey, kiddo, Burt greets that next afternoon, tugging off his baseball cap to run a soothing hand

He drops down into his recliner while Kurt huffs in annoyance at the textbooks spread around him on the So much homework, Kurt replies. Its like they save it all up for our very last semester just to

screw with us.

Welp, youll be done with high school soon.

the mornings and then Finn came into the shop in the afternoon.

There is that, Kurt acknowledges. Whatre you doing home so early? I thought Blaine helped in

I figured I could just let him help if Blaine had questions or whatever and I havent had an early day in a while. Figured Id come home and catch a game.

Blaine wanted to work a few extra hours to buy some music books or something. Finn came in and

Kurt hums his understanding while Burt roots around the edges of his recliner cushion to fish out the TV remote. He flicks the TV on and scrolls through the channels as Kurt returns his attention to his homework. After a few minutes, though, he realizes that his dad has passed up not one but two football games on TV. - 95 -

Contents Okay, his dad finally says, so I didnt come home to watch the game. I got that, Kurt says drolly.

I came home to talk to you. About what?

About Blaine, Burt states.

lying?

Whats wrong? Kurt asks, immediately worried. Is he okay? He is at the shop, right, youre not

kids fine. And yeah, hes at the shop with Finn.

Whoa, whoa, kid, calm down, Burt says, setting the remote down on the arm of his recliner. The

Sighing in relief, Kurt places his hand over his heart just to make sure the damn things still beating. Okay, he says, a touch more calm now. What about him, then?

uncomfortable. For school or whatever. But when I walked in and you werent there, I figured you were downstairs already and makin your breakfast. So I went to make sure Blaine was up to get ready to go in to the shop and you two were What? Kurt prompts. Sleeping?

WellI went to make sure you were up this morning, his dad begins, sounding strangely

Cuddling, Burt grumbles. And it wasnt somethin I was expectin to see. So?

Kurt can feel his eyes widen and its then that he realizes that Burt actually doesnt know that little tidbit since Blaine moved in.

Sois Blaine gay?

of information. Hes never actively kept it a secret, not consciously. It just hasnt been a topic of discussion - 96 -

Contents He is, Kurt says firmly. But thats not why we were cuddling. Thenwhy were you?

hear it. A lot. I thought hed eventually come to me to talk or something, but he didnt so I went to talk to him last night. Oh, Burt says, looking a little chastised. What was wrong with him?

Hes been crying at night, Kurt explains. I keep my door open in case he needs anything andI

and when I went to leave, he told me to stay. He just didnt want to be alone and I wasnt going to abandon him, not when something was obviously really wrong. So I stayed and we fell asleep. Thats all. So there wasnt anyyou know, hanky panky?

I dont know, Kurt admits. He was too busy crying to talk about it. But then he said he was tired

Kurt stares back blankly. I cant believe you actually just used that phrase. You know what I mean, Burt grumbles.

Naturally, Kurt doesnt discuss his growing feelings for Blaine or the simple kiss they had shared not so long ago. He doesnt talk about how Blaines mere presence comforts him or the way they like to hold each they could be more, despite the fragile nature of the situation. other on the couch in the middle of the afternoon when the house is empty. He doesnt say that he wishes Because he just doesnt think his dad will be able to understand. continues, then Im going to do it.

I just care about him, okay? I cant help caring about him, not after seeing what his life was like before.

Nothing inappropriate happened, dad. I was comforting a friend. Thats all. Hes not my were not

And if he needs me again in the middle of the night just because he wants to be held, Kurt

Justkeep it PG rated. Or G rated. One of those kid friendly ratings. - 97 -

Just because were both gay doesnt mean we want to get naked together, Kurt snaps.

Contents Not right away, Kurt mentally adds. I know that.

of sex talk with Blaine just because you think we cant keep our hands to ourselves. Hes just trying to adjust and Im just trying to help. And sometimes cuddling is the best medicine.

Then dont jump to conclusions. Its a complicated situation and I dont need you having some kind

Burt nods once, dropping the conversation and turning his attention back to the TV. Kurt thinks its because the man doesnt exactly want to admit to the cuddling point, but either way, theyve sidestepped Kurt having to admit his feelings and thats all that matters. Well, its all that matters in this moment.

- 98 -

Contents

Part Thirteen
Songwriting? Kurt asks out of curiosity as he flips through Blaines newly purchased music books.

I didnt know you liked to write.

Blaine shrugs, a blush coloring his cheeks as he settles on the edge of his bed. before, but now I figure I can just do both. Or, you know, try to.

Ive never really thought about it, he admits. I was too focused on learning to play the guitar

Mhmm, Kurt hums, eyes scanning the pages of one of the books. Its stupid, I know, Blaine says, eyes downcast.

Its not stupid, Kurt states quickly. I think its great.

hard to learn other things. And its not like Im some great poet. And its not like Ill ever get far with it or anything but- I think its great that youve finally found something you love, Kurt interrupts, setting the books

Yeah? Blaine asks timidly. I mean, Ive only just got the basic chords down but Im trying really

back down on top of Blaines dresser. It doesnt matter if you suck at it or if you blow everyone away with your secret songwriting talent. WellI hope I dont suck at it, Blaine says sheepishly, turning red once more.

doing it.

I doubt you will. But I know youve had a hard time getting to this point so Im justglad youre

Because he has had a hard time. Kurt knows its been rough. Its been hard enough making sure Blaine about how he fits into their household and their family.

Yeah, Blaine whispers in acknowledgement.

feels comfortable enough to walk into the kitchen to get a snack when he wants one. And even though hes

been living in their house for just over a month, Kurt knows that Blaine still has plenty of reservations - 99 -

Contents But the fact that hes moved on from struggling to survive to enjoying part of life is one of the greatest accomplishments Blaine has achieved thus far. Will you let me hear your first song? Kurt wonders.

Blaines teeth peek out to bite down on his lower lip, suppressing the smile thats threatening to take up his entire face. Itd be an honor, he says simply.

Kurt hears sobbing again later that night. He cringes at the sound, but he only cringes because Blaines cries really are just that: sobs the kind of crying that hurts. The sound is so painful, so full of misery and a sense of hollow longing and Kurt hates that he doesnt know what Blaines longing for. Hey, Kurt whispers upon entering Blaines bedroom and closing the door behind him.

Blaines breath catches, his back to the door, but Kurt can still see the hitch in Blaines shoulders and he can still hear the sound of whimpering, like the cries are bubbling up in his throat and threatening to burst out through his lips. Kurt crawls into the bed without invitation and cradles Blaine to his chest. Shh, he whispers, its okay. Its okay to cry. I I-

When Blaine does so, his face is wrecked. Lines of sorrow are written around his eyes and in his forehead. the thin line of them, coaxing his mouth open. into Blaines hair.

Roll over, Kurt instructs softly.

Hes biting his lips to hard that Kurts afraid his teeth will cut clean through, so he uses his thumb to caress Its okay, he says again, sliding that same thumb up over Blaines wet cheeks to tangle his fingers

- 100 -

Contents At that, Blaine buries his face into Kurts sleep shirt, cries muffled by the cotton and Kurts skin, and its from his evening shower. Blaine smells like soap and clean sheets but theres also a faint hint of salt, probably originating from his tear-soaked pillows and its not fair. He shouldnt have to cry so much. I dont why she just left, Blaine sobs, fists clenching in Kurts shirt. She just just left me. like hes crying into Kurts heart. Kurt kisses the top of Blaines head, sighing into his curly hair, still wet

Oh god.

Kurt pulls Blaine closer. He has no idea what else he can possibly do to make any of this hurt less.

relatives. He says it over and over again: she left me, she left me, she left me and its true but Kurt cant do anything.

She left me, Blaine continues, as if hes only just realizing how alone he truly is in terms of blood

person, just a boy with a big heart but a big heart cant always solve the problem. Im so sorry. W-Whyd she leave me? Blaine asks.

Im sorry, Kurt croaks, throat dry and thick with regret because hes not enough. Hes just one

And then hes peering up, eyes bright with still more tears and hes looking at Kurt like Kurt has all the answers to the universe and its too much but he has to say something. Because she she didnt know what she was losing, Kurt whispers.

like shes dead or disowned him.

But s-she was my mom, Blaine whimpers and he sounds so young and so broken and he says was

The thing iseither of those things could be true. And Blaine might never know.

Kurt has to rub his hand over his face and pinch the corners of his eyes in an attempt to curb his own tears because good god, at least he knows his mother is gone and at least he knows why. He knows she wont - 101 ever come back and he knows he wont ever get to see her again. But Blaines mom might still be out there somewhere; maybe shes still struggling on the streets or maybe shes living with a distant relative in

Contents another state. If she is still living, why hasnt the woman returned for her son? Whyd she leave him to die under a bridge with no one at all and why did she rip away his last shred of hope by never returning? want. We can well try and find her, Kurt says. I dont know how, but well try. If thats what you

Blaine falls silent save for the hiccupping of tears. He gazes up at Kurt with parted lips and wide eyes, searching Kurts face as if he can find the sincerity in his words. What if we find her and she doesnt want anything to do with me? he asks softly.

dont want to.

Then youll stay here, just like we planned, Kurt says. But we dont have to look for her if you

Hiding his face in Kurts shirt once more, Blaines reply is muffled. I dont know what I want anymore.

Kurt sighs heavily, looping his arm around Blaines thin waist. I just know I like it here. With you, Blaine admits.

Kurts heart swells, as if the twisted, painful parts of it once again become whole and melt back in with the eventually fall into a restless sleep. ~

rest of it. He nods, cheek rubbing against Blaines curls. Theyre quiet for the rest of the night, and they

The next morning, Kurts eyes feel dry and itchy as he sips his morning coffee. Blaine and Finn are at the shop with his dad, and Carole bustles into the kitchen, already dressed for work. Honey, are you okay? she asks.

Kurt lifts his bleary gaze and fixes his tired eyes on Caroles concerned face. I dont know if I can do this alone anymore.

- 102 -

Contents

Part Fourteen
What dyou mean? Carole asks abruptly, bypassing the coffee maker and its delicious, inviting

when her gentle hand rises to rub soothing circles on his back. Its a mothers touch, he realizes. Carole and might not ever have again, not from his own mother, anyway.

Sighing into his cup, Kurt leans his head on his step-mothers shoulder, immediately feeling a touch calmer

aroma to sit next to Kurt at the table. Whats wrong?

feeling of comfort, that soothes worry and stress. Its the same touch that Blaine doesnt have any longer Its that exact touch that causes Kurt to pour his heart out, admitting every last bit of his and Blaines conversation from last night before bed. He cries a bit, not even ashamed when he does, while Carole listens intently and threads her fingers through his hair. I just dont know what Im supposed to do now, Kurt admits tearfully. The way he looked at me

may not be Kurts mother by blood, but she is a mother and its the same act that causes that familiar

like I had all the answers but I dont have all the answers. Sweetheart, no one expects you to, Carole says. Blaine does.

teenagers to think theyre old and wise. I know I thought that when I was your age; I thought I was invincible when I was seventeen. And you may be wiser than most, but youre not nearly as old as you like Thats not a fault at all. to think. You just dont have the experience to deal with something like this but thats not your fault, Kurt. But I cant just just give up on him! Kurt exclaims in a high voice, looking up at Carole with

Which is why we said what we did the day we agreed to let him stay, she reminds. Its easy for

desperation and shock. The idea in itself is absurd and, quite frankly, alarming.

smooth cheek where her lips had just been. Im saying that you both need to let us help, honey. - 103 -

ease the lines of worry she sees there. She brushes his sleep-mussed hair out of the way and rests her

Im not asking you to give up on him, Carole says, pressing a quick kiss to Kurts forehead, as if to

Contents I dont know if Blaine will-

need your help to make him realize that he can trust us, too. It scares me, knowing that he cries so much at night but never talks about it during the day. And you said he never even came to you for help. I had to go to him, Kurt says sadly.

He doesnt trust us yet, she acknowledges, not the way he trusts you. But you trust us and we

It scares him as well. Its scary that Blaine has all of these fears and these doubts, but its even scarier

knowing that he keeps it all inside. He would never force Blaine to talk about what his life had been like time, though, it cant be healthy for Blaine to keep it all inside, where it can eat away at his memories and nightmares, or, more importantly, his possibility of a healthy, functioning future. For some reason, all Kurt hurting, confused, and maybe a little bit lost and keeping it all pent up just turned out badly in the end. Sowhatre we supposed to do? Kurt wonders.

for the two years prior to their meeting; he knows it isnt his place to push or poke or prod. At the same can think about is Dave Karofsky and just how destructive his own secret had been to not only himself, but

to those around him, including his peers like Kurt. Sure, Davids issues had been different, but he was still

Maybe he needs somebody to talk to, Carole suggests. Somebody that isnt a teenager. What, like like a therapist or something? Some kind of counselor, yes.

I dont know if Blaine will want to talk to some stranger about all of this.

practical experience with someone in Blaines position. I think it might be best if hes able to talk to someone who can actually help rather than just listen.

Hes always welcome to talk to me or your dad, Carole says, but neither of us really has any

warily. Dont get me wrong, shes done a lot for Glee club and shes really supportive and stuff, but when dont think shes the best judge of, uh, character.

So, you mean he should talk to someone like Ms. Pillsbury, the guidance counselor? Kurt asks

Rachel and I went in to talk to her about applying for colleges, she immediately thought we were dating. I - 104 -

Contents I was thinking more along the lines of someone a little morequalified, Carole states. Like who?

shes one of the resident psychologists at the hospital. If you want, I can talk to her and see what she thinks is the best road to take. But arent I mean, therapy. Thats thats expensive, isnt it? Dont people have to pay for all those

Theres a woman I work with, she explains. Dr. Sarah Coulson. We eat lunch together a lot and

appointments? Blaine doesnt have any kind of health insurance or anything and he wont let you pay for thing.

something like that. You saw the fight he was ready to put up when you guys were talking about the rent He wont have to worry about money, Carole says. He didnt have to worry about it when I took

him to the doctor last time.

oh god, we should probably get him checked out. Hes been on the streets for years. God only knows what he damnit, I cant believe I didnt think of that! He didnt tell you? Carole wonders, lifting her head to look down on him in concern. Tell me what? He hasnt said anything about any doctors visit. and a full physical.

Last time? Kurt asks suspiciously. What dyou mean, last time? He hasnt been to the doctor at

I picked him up one day, just after he started working at the shop, and took him to get a check up He you did? Kurt asks, blue eyes widening in surprise. What I mean, is he okay? Theres

nothing wrong with them, is there?

brought him in and he was severely malnourished. Hes on a nutrition supplement, though, and he tells me his weight at the end of every week. And he doesnt have just theres nosevere diseases or infections? Kurt asks hesitantly. - 105 -

Hes fine, honey, I promise. He was just getting over a really bad case of bronchitis whenever I

Contents I take it youre talking about HIV?

Immediately hating himself for even thinking along such morose lines, Kurt lowers his head in embarrassment. Its not like hes bringing it up because Blaines gay or anything like that, but he has no came into contact with. idea what sort of experiences Blaine mightve had during his time on the streets or the kind of people he He he said to me once that I had no idea what hes done and what if what if he did drugs or His test results came back negative, Carole says calmly, sliding her arm around Kurts shoulders.

Ive seen those videos and I cant stand the thought that he might suffer like-

fine.

No HIV, nothing life-threatening, nothing a few healthy meals and keeping out of the cold cant fix. Hes But if hes fine, why didnt he tell me about any of this?

nothing to worry about.

Probably because he knew youd worry, Carole says with a slight smile, like you are now. Theres

Is he gaining weight? Kurt asks. Its hard to tell when you see someone every day.

this. He clearly worries when he knows that youre worried about him. He doesnt want to be any more of a burden. Blaine is not a burden.

Hes getting there, Carole informs. But I dont think you should let on that you know about any of

Of course he isnt, but he still thinks he is. Its best to let him deal with the weight gain on his own. But hes already dealing with too much on his own.

Kurt sucks in a deep breath and releases it through his nose. Blaine wont be too happy knowing that theyre discussing him like this behind his back, but he needs the help, whether he realizes it or not. - 106 -

Which is why Ill talk to Sarah at lunch today, okay?

Contents And Kurt would do pretty much anything to help Blaine in any way possible. Okay, he finally agrees.

Kurt turns his head from his position on Blaines bed, stretched out on his stomach and currently pouring over the latest copy of Vogue. They spend more time in Blaines room together than they do Kurts, hes he has a space of his own to share. Hes been doing a lot of that lately: sharing snacks and books hes all. noticed. Its not that Blaine doesnt like Kurts room, he doesnt think, but rather Blaine enjoys the fact that bought with his very own money, like maybe hes reveling in the idea of finally having things to share at What movie? Kurt asks.

We should go see a movie, Blaine says out of the blue later that afternoon.

better part of an hour, and flopping down his stomach next to Kurt. I havent been to the movies in ages. I have a feeling you just want to go for the buttery, greasy popcorn, Kurt teases.

It doesnt matter, Blaine says, setting aside his guitar, which hes been idly strumming for the

is better than the store-bought stuff. At least, thats what I remember. When did you wanna go?

And the candy, Blaine says, nodding eagerly. For some reason, movie theatre popcorn and candy

Tonight, Blaine says at once. We should go tonight and you should let me pay for everything. You dont have to-

Please let me pay.

Please, Blaine interrupts in a soft voice, lowering his gaze to the bed before closing his eyes.

His face looks so hardened and battle-ready, like hes mentally preparing himself for an argument. And - 107 -

Kurts willing to give him one, naturally, because Blaine doesnt need to spend his money on Kurt. He

Contents should save it for himself so he can buy things he wants. It only takes a few, quick seconds, however, for indulge himself. Kurt to realize that this is just more of Blaines sharing stuff thing and that this is simply another way to Blaine doesnt want to spend his money on more guitar picks when he already has three of them. Blaine his shelf.

doesnt want to spend his money on too many clothes or more books when he doesnt have the space on He wants to spend it on Kurt. He wants to use it to make other people happy. asked for.

Or maybe he just wants to use it to pay Kurt back for all the kindness hes been shown but never once Either way, Kurt cant find it in his heart to deny Blaine such a simple request. we dont have a proper dinner first and Ill pay for that. so.

You pay for the movie and the popcorn and the candy, Kurt eventually says, but Ill be damned if

At that, Blaine finally returns his gaze to Kurts, eyes glittering with thanks and excitement when he does Dinner and a movie, Blaine says as his lips stretch into a bright, infectious smile. The perfect first

date.

A faint, rosy blush rises to Kurts cheeks at Blaines words. And then panic settles in.

Oh god. Is it really a date? Or is it just a turn of phrase? But if it is a date

What the hell is he going to wear?

- 108 -

Contents

Part Fifteen
Its a date. Its definitely a date. It has to be a date.

If it wasnt a date, Blaine wouldnt be opening Kurts car door, despite Kurt being the one to drive them. the radio as he taps his fingers against his thighs.

Blaine even blushes slightly as he does it before disappearing quickly to the other side of the car. The drive to the restaurant isnt filled with chatter as much as it is with music, Blaine humming happily along with Kurt eyes those fingers thoughtfully. He could reach over and twine those fingers with his own. Itd be easy. Blaines so close and its so nice and warm inside the car and Blaine just looks so unbelievably lovely sweater that makes Kurt want to swoon behind the wheel. tonight. Well, to be fair, he looks lovely all the time. But theres something about the deep maroon of his Okay. Maybe he shouldnt go for Blaines hand. Itd probably distract him too much to drive. I figured wed go for sushi, Kurt says casually as he pulls into a parking space. Ive never had sushi before.

Well, they have plenty of other things to choose from if you decide you dont like it. nibbling on his lower lip.

I dont want to waste your money by picking something I might not like, Blaine says softly,

Blaine ducks his pretty head, but Kurt can see his smile before they climb out of the car and walk into the restaurant. Its quite nice inside, and it makes Kurt wonder why everyone thinks that Breadstix is the best restaurant in town when, hello, sushi.

So Ill get the sushi, you get something else, and well share, Kurt compromises.

They chat amiably, discussing Kurts friends and Blaines latest attempt at songwriting. When Blaine finally does try the sushi, he nearly moans out loud and Kurt does his very best to school his features as he watches Blaine swallow. Something as simple as eating should be sonice to look at. - 109 -

Contents But it is.

And when Blaine nudges his ankle against Kurts beneath the table, when he leaves it there for the last twenty minutes of dinner, Kurt is, once again, convinced that this is truly a date. Later, when theyre settled in the movie theatre and their tub of buttered popcorn is abandoned, Kurt side by side on one of their beds. Not that the movie isnt entertaining, hes always up for a rom-com, but candy and maybe a little bit salty from the popcorn, too, and Kurt just wants to know for sure. and just as hes about to turn, cheeks flushed in the dark theatre, Blaine catches his gaze.

settles his arm on the arm rest between them. He clenches and unclenches his fingers, suddenly wishing they could be just the tiniest bit closer. He wishes they could be curled up together on the sofa or laying Blaines eyes are glittering from the light on the screen and Kurt thinks his lips might taste sweet from his At one point, he realizes hes actually been staring at the side of Blaines face longer than hed intended, Kurt sucks in a quick breath, almost choking on air because god, how embarrassing is this?

But Blaine just tilts his head back against the seat and gives Kurt a lazy smile, like hes perfectly pleased He squeezes Kurts hand. Kurt releases his breath and tilts his own head back.

with everything in this very moment, and silently slips his fingers into the empty spaces between Kurts. He spends the next few minutes watching the light dance across Blaines face, taking in the smooth angles of his jaw and chin, and soaking up Blaines company. They dont say anything, obviously, but its enough Blaines words after that first night Blaine had slept in his bed, when Blaine had cuddled him for the first time, about how he thought theyd have found each other even if the circumstances had been different. to know that yeah, theres something here between them and its something good. Kurt thinks back on

Has is really been like this the entire time? Kurt has always felt a pull toward Blaine. Hes felt the need to protect him from day one and hes felt something more, something different. But even after that single, tiny kiss they had shared when Kurt had discovered the food in Blaines dresser, Kurt never thought that of warmth, and so much happiness. the nameless something he felt would be so much. It is, though. Its a lot. Its just its a lot of feeling, a lot He squeezes Blaines hand once in return before turning his attention back to the screen. But this time, he tilts his head to the side, resting his temple on Blaines shoulder. - 110 -

Contents When he feels Blaines lips against the top of his head, Kurt knows, without a single doubt, that this is most definitely a date. ~

They return home, slipping out of the car and walking up the pathway to the front door. Just as Kurt locates his house key on his key ring, however, Blaine stops him with a hand on his wrist. Wait, Blaine says softly. We dont cant we just sit out here and talk for a while?

Kurt blinks owlishly, staring down at Blaines hand on his wrist because its still extremely cold outside and he was sort of looking forward to the warmth of being inside the house. But when he looks into Blaines eyes, he sees a dash of hope there. Blaine swallows and Kurt catches the motion, watching Blaines throat work. Is Blaine nervous? I justdont want it to be over yet, Blaine admits, casting his eyes to the ground.

whenever Blaine had first used the word date. So he slides his wrist out of Blaines grip only to grasp his hand properly, twining their fingers together they way they had in the movie theatre. Sure, Kurt whispers, tugging Blaine down to sit with him on the front steps of the house. They

And oh theres that warm, frantic, fluttering in Kurts stomach again, that same fluttering hed gotten

settle down close together, body heat warding off the biting cold of winter, their hands still clasped and settled on top of their now-touching thighs.

Theres not much talking though, not for those first few minutes. Instead, Kurt watches their hands as Blaines thumb idly caresses Kurts knuckle. Theyve held hands before today, obviously, but it had usually been for comfort or reassurance. This this is just because they want to.

to say it earlier. But you did. You do, I mean. You still look nice. So do you, Kurt says. I like that sweater on you. - 111 -

You looked really nice tonight, Blaine eventually says, giving Kurts hand a firm squeeze. I forgot

Contents Beneath the faint glow of the porch light, Kurt can see a ruddy blush coloring Blaines cheeks that definitely doesnt come from the chill in the air. Blaine grins, broad and perfectly happy, before turning his head and pressing his face into Kurts shoulder. He laughs softly, his breath warming Kurts skin even through his coat, and he nuzzles his little red nose until Kurt actually thinks he might die from seeing such cheeks until its pressed to the back of his head. Kurts wrist. an endearing action. And so, he inches his free hand up to Blaines face, palm skating over Blaines smooth

Blaine sighs against him, turning his head until he can surprise Kurt with a quick kiss to the inside of Can I ask you something? Kurt wonders, moving his hand from Blaines head to cover their

intertwined fingers.

Sure, Blaine replies, looking up at Kurt with shining eyes and an easy smile.

Was this I know you said earlier that dinner and a movie was a perfect first date butwas it? Was it what? Blaine counters, smile turning coy. Perfect or a date? A date, Kurt clarifies, because it was definitely perfect.

Blaines smile falters and then he lowers his head and Kurt can see how he begins chewing on his lip for a long moment before speaking. It was to me, he says. I know we that our situation is really weird, considering I live in your

house and all, but I I wanted it to be a date. If you dont, though, we can-

reading too much into things. I, um, have a habit of doing that, so I yeah. when theyd finished putting his room together. It was a really good date, he whispers.

I do, Kurt says swiftly. I mean, it was. It was a date to me. I just wanted to make sure I wasnt

Blaine finally meets his gaze again. Kurt doesnt think hes never seen Blaine so happy before, not even

- 112 -

Contents And then his eyes dart to Kurts lips and oh. Blaine wants to kiss him. He wants to kiss him so badly that he cant stop looking at Kurts lips and then Kurt cant help but look at Blaines lips because wow, he wants it, (which still doesnt count, not in Kurts book) or the too-rough press of Dave Karofskys lips last year (and that most certainly doesnt count). So he leans in, because he wants to feel and he wants Blaine, and allows his eyes to flutter shut. Until he hears the familiar noise of an engine rounding the corner of their street. too. He wants to feel the smooth press and slide of their lips together because hes never had that before, not beyond the quick kiss theyd shared in Blaines bedroom or the too-sweet taste of Brittanys lips

They both flinch back, disentangling their fingers, and thats when Carole pulls up in the driveway. Kurt loves Carole, he truly, honestly does. But right now hes cursing her timing to no end.

Hey, boys, she greets happily, completely unaware of the moment shed interrupted.

Hey, Carole, Kurt replies, standing on the steps, Blaine following suit. How was work? Oh, you know, she shrugs. Same thing, different day. Whatd you two do all day?

Blaine hadnt been to a movie theatre in a while. unlock the door. Coming in?

Sushi and a movie, Kurt waves off, as if it hadnt been one of the most amazing days of his life.

Bet you were surprised at how high the ticket prices are now, she teases, brushing past them to

Its not like they can stay outside now, not after the moment had been completely obliterated. They follow this, about what this date means in the context of their situation, but Blaine appears slightly panicked. Im justgonna go shower, he says quickly, darting up the stairs and out of sight. Hes jittery tonight, Carole notes. Is he okay?

Carole inside, immediately shrugging off their coats and hanging them on the wall hook while Carole does the same. Kurt shoots a glance at Blaine, wondering where they stand. They should definitely talk about

- 113 -

Contents him, though. Probably just tired and overwrought, Kurt says offhandedly. I think the night out was good for

coffee or something. I talked to Sarah today.

Im glad, she says with a genuine smile while reaching for Kurts hand. Come on, lets have some

Kurt holds back the flood of questions he has until theyre both in the kitchen. With a quick glance into the living room, he sees Finn and his dad settled in for the night in front of the blaring television. Carole goes down on the counter. about making a fresh pot of coffee while Kurt pulls out two mugs from the cabinet before setting them Whatd she say? he finally asks, leaning against the edge of the kitchen island.

someone.

Quite a bit, Carole answers. She agrees, though, that he should probably sit down and talk with

Well did she think it should be a therapist? Or could it just be anybody?

should see a professional.

Talking about everything in general would go a long way, or so she explained, but she thinks he

Groaning internally, Kurt hangs his head. Its not that he thinks Blaines problems are a burden, and he Blaines issues behind his back.

definitely wants Blaine to feel better, but now he knows that hell have to talk to Blaine about seeing

someone about his past. And he wont be able to do that without admitting that hed been discussing We cant force him to go, though, Carole states, pouring Kurt a cup of coffee, tossing in a splash of

cream and sugar before setting it down in front of him.

But he wont get any better if he doesnt, Kurt says while she pours herself a cup.

at all, Carole points out. Plus, it might just make him resent us. Sohe has to want to go?

And if we make him sit down and talk to someone, he might just close himself off and refuse to talk

- 114 -

Contents anywhere. Ah, that brings me to my other point, she says, sipping her coffee. He doesnt have to go

What dyou mean?

Sarah offered to come see Blaine here, Carole explains. And shed do it free of charge. What? Kurt gasps. But thats-

her about Blaine so far, she thinks itd be counterproductive for him to know that were paying for the talk about it gradually and at his own pace, which she says is healthier.

I tried to talk her into letting us pay at least something, but she wouldnt have it. After what I told

service. He might feel obligated to talk about everything in one go just to save time and money, rather than Kurt briefly considers telling Carole that they wouldnt have to tell Blaine they were paying anything, but

then again, Blaines not stupid. He knows that medical care, even of this sort, costs money. And hed

probably do exactly that: force himself to open up too quickly. On the other hand, he might even keep too mind or whats bothering him. possibly keeping key issues locked away when the whole point of therapy is to talk about whats on his

many things to himself, thinking hes saving them money by not giving Dr. Coulson the whole story, thus

As such, its a lose/lose situation if Blaine knows theyre paying Sarah.

Okay, Kurt relents, so shell do it for free. When can she come?

Oh. Right.

Honey, Carole say gently. We have to talk to Blaine about it first.

Damnit, and their day had gone so well, despite the aborted kiss on the doorstep. Kurt doesnt want to bother Blaine with all of this tonight, not after their date. Ill talk to him about it tomorrow.

he knows youve been talking about his problems without him knowing. - 115 -

Are you sure you dont want me to do it? Carole asks. I hate to think he might stop trusting you if

Contents this whole thing if you talk to him, just because he still thinks he needs to pay you and dad back for everything, and then were back to the issue of him doing this before hes ready. If youre sure, Carole edges, eyeing him thoughtfully. I am, Kurt assures. Hes going to find out about that either way, Kurt sighs. And I think hell feel obligated to agree to

They continue to chat for a little while, gossiping until their coffee cups are empty and even longer after

that. Finn eventually stumbles upstairs to his room and Burt drops a kiss to Caroles cheek before retiring as well. Just after eleven, Blaine shuffles in, a pair of pajama pants slung low on his hips with one of those in their pajamas? soft, cotton t-shirts clinging to his chest. He looks stupidly adorable. Really, how can someone look so cute Oh, he says, cheeks flushing when he realizes he isnt alone in the kitchen. I, um, I just wanted to

get a glass of milk. boys.

Go ahead, honey, Carole says, covering her mouth as she yawns. I was just heading up. Goodnight,

Just before she rounds the corner, while Blaines busy pulling a milk carton out of the fridge, she shoots Kurt a pointed look. He nods back and her gaze softens. And then shes gone, leaving them alone in the quiet of the kitchen. You should try it warm, Kurt suggests.

What? Blaine asks blankly, just as he finishes filling up a cup. Warm milk is delicious.

Blaines face scrunches up in complete and utter disgust at the suggestion. Ew.

At Blaines outright revulsion, Kurt tilts his head back and laughs, his heart a little lighter after his - 116 -

conversation with Carole. Its the first time Blaine has ever just said no, the first time hes really admitting

Contents to disliking something hes been offered or told to try, and even that little bit of progress is enough to put Kurt at ease, even just for the night. hes got a milk mustache. Eyeing Kurt with amusement, Blaine takes a long drink of his milk and when he sets the cup back down, Oh god. That paired with the pajamas and his adorable, shower-fresh, frizzy hair causes Kurt to fall that

much harder for the boy. He looks so comfortable here now, in their kitchen with his socked feet. He looks like he belongs. Blaine had looked perfectly wonderful earlier in the evening, with his maroon sweater and of skin visible along his stomach where his shirt has risen slightly. dazzling eyes, but Kurt likes him like this, too. His shoulders are loose and pliant and theres a thin stretch His belly looks a little fuller, his body a little healthier, and Kurt almost wants to cry at the sight. Its so bridge. simple a full stomach and a warm bed but its all done wonders for the boy hed found beneath the Here, Kurt says quietly, rounding the kitchen island to stand in front of Blaine. Youve got

And then theyre so close and Kurt finds himself wanting to reach out and touch that visible stretch of skin, wants to slip his hands beneath that shirt and caress the flesh stretched over Blaines ribcage. Instead, he lifts his hand and drags the back of it over Blaines upper lip, ridding him of his milk mustache. When he pulls away, one of his knuckles catches on Blaines bottom lip. Blaines tongue, tentative and warm, sneaks out to lap at the bit of milk on the back of Kurts hand. Kurts breath catches in his chest when he feels that tongue against his skin. Oh god.

He very nearly moans out loud, but he presses his lips together just in time to force the moan into a high pitched whine. Blaines eyes widen, pupils blown and glassy and I should get to bed, he whispers.

Glass of milk in hand, Blaine darts out of the room and up the stairs, leaving Kurt alone and utterly bereft in the bright kitchen. - 117 -

Contents ~

position. He cant stop picturing Blaines eyes, cant stop remembering the feel of his tongue, cant stop thinking about how badly hed wanted to kiss him on the front porch. And then he cant stop wondering why Blaine had run out.

An hour later, Kurt tosses and turns in his bed, kicking at his comforter and twisting to find a comfortable

the entire thing. Hed been pretty spooked the moment Carole had showed up, so there is a chance he feels too weird about the whole thing, considering Kurts parents are practically his caretakers as well. But but he had licked Kurts hand and why else would he do that if he if it wasnt Kurt groans into his pillow.

maybe, in the span of time it took for him to shower and come down for his milk, maybe hed re-thought

It had certainly seemed like Blaine wanted a kiss before Carole had pulled up in the driveway. But then

No. It had been a perfect date. Blaine had wanted it to be a date despite the circumstances and had held Kurts hand and leaned in and stared at Kurts lips. With his body still fighting sleep and his mind beating the possibilities to death, Kurt rolls out of bed. Heedless of his bed head, he slips out of his room and down the hall to find Blaines bedroom door cracked open, a sliver of light pouring out. him.

Kurt knocks as softly as possible, pushing the door open just enough to duck inside and close it behind Kurt? Blaine asks from his spot against his pillows, setting his book aside. What-

Blaines eyebrows lift on his forehead, lips parting in shock, and Kurt hears him suck in a tiny gasp of air.

chest. Earlier, on the porch and and in the kitchen, did you want to kiss me?

Did you want to kiss me? Kurt whispers, heat rushing to his face as his heart thrums rapidly in his

- 118 -

Contents to kiss you. And I would have if Carole hadnt come home and I wouldve kissed you in the kitchen if you hadnt left and I cant stop thinking about- Y-Yeah, Blaine stammers. Yeah? Because because I wanted to kiss you, Kurt admits, still stuck by the door. I really, really wanted

I wanted to, Blaine says, lips stretching into a smile. I just I got, um, kind of nervous, so I-

He climbs up on it, settling on his knees at the edge, spurred by curiosity and courage alike. Because I still want to. Y-Yes, Blaine breathes, flushed to the tips of his ears, fingers fisting in his blankets. I still want to.

Do you still want to? Kurt asks, finally stepping away from the door and shuffling over to the bed.

And so, Kurt crawls, ever so slowly, across the bed until his knees are pressed against Blaines hip. He reaches out with both hands, cradling Blaines face. Can I will you let me-

He tugs them closer and Kurt goes willingly. Their lips meet, so soft and warm and gentle, and its nothing like the swift press of lips from before when Kurt had given him the food for his drawer because this is mouth. slow and sweet and Kurt thinks he might drown. Their mouths glide over one anothers, catching and dragging and pressing. He gasps, lips parting, and thats when Blaines tongue slips out to dip into Kurts Kurt moans, unable to stop himself, and slides one of his hands into Blaines soft hair, squeezing his curls and urging Blaine closer. Blaine clenches his fingers in Kurts sleep shirt, tugging at the material and clinging with everything hes worth.

Yes, Blaine gasps once more, arms twining around the back of Kurts neck.

They stay like that, wrapped up in one another and kissing each other breathless, for what seems ages spinning from lack of oxygen and the phantom press of Blaines smooth lips still upon his. - 119 -

until the need for air causes them to part. Their heavy breath mingles between them. Kurts head is dizzy,

Contents was the best goodnight kiss in the history of goodnight kisses. That was- Blaine pauses to clear his throat and Kurt lowers Blaines head back to his pillow, - that

Kurt grins, elation and warmth spreading down to the tips of his toes.

It was, he agrees, leaning down to kiss the tip of Blaines nose. Goodnight, Blaine. Goodnight, Kurt.

And with that, Kurt slips out of Blaines room and back to his own bed.

He dreams of soft lips, heated skin, and Blaines nose nuzzling against his shoulder.

- 120 -

Contents

Part Sixteen
That next day, however, Kurt finds himself a bit too enamored with Blaine to be able to really talk to

Blaine.

At least about the stuff they need to talk about.

Rather than discussing the possibility of Blaine talking to Dr. Sarah Coulson about his problems, Kurts too busy staring at Blaines lips and the adorable way he scrunches his nose when Kurt refuses to order Chinese takeout for dinner. He can make stir fry at home just as easily, thank you very much. those damn puppy dog eyes. But its not the same, Blaine whines, leaning up on his tiptoes at Kurts side, staring up at him with Of course its not the same, Kurt says, purposefully ignoring Blaines pleading by pulling out a bag

of rice. My stir fry will have far less grease. But-

Blaine.

physically cannot argue with Blaine when he looks like that, he just cant.

And then hes doing the puppy dog eyes and hes pouting, lips red and full and so very kissable and Kurt Give me my phone, he finally says, rolling his eyes when Blaine shouts in triumph.

Please?

cheek. -

Youre the best, Blaine states when he hands Kurt his cell phone before pressing a quick kiss to his

on the sofa, both of them in their pajamas.

What time is everyone supposed to be home? Blaine asks later that evening, curled around Kurt - 121 -

Contents theyll be home until closer to eleven or so. Finns staying at Pucks all night, Kurt informs. Dad and Carole are doing date night, so I doubt

Which meanswe have the house all to ourselves?

Why do you ask?

For a little while, Kurt says softly, turning in Blaines arms until their noses are almost touching.

Just, yknow, wondering. Mhmm.

Kurt bites his lips together, suppressing a smile. He knows exactly what Blaine is angling for, but hell be damned if he gives in this soon. We couldyou know Yes?

WellI mean, technically, since everyones gone

At that, Kurt is unable to keep his smile at bay. Are you asking me to kiss you?

We could, um, with the, uhwith the kissing?

Blaine flushes immediately, red staining his cheeks and his neck but, to his credit, his eyes never leave Kurts face. Maybe? Only only if you want to, I mean.

Blaine looks entirely too hopeful for Kurts liking, as if hes clearly expecting Kurt to say no and send him away. That doesnt make any sense in Kurts mind, considering hes the one who snuck into Blaines room last night just to collect the kiss theyd been denied on the front porch. Then again, maybe Blaines just that much more insecure than Kurt had ever thought. - 122 -

Contents I do, Kurt whispers, closing that last gap of space separating their faces.

Blaines lips are just as warm and smooth as Kurt remembers. He slides his hand up, cradling Blaines almost sighing when he tastes a kind of sweetness there. It isnt like any candy or dessert, but something

cheek and deepening the kiss. He takes a chance, sneaking his tongue out to trace the seam of Blaines lips, inherently Blaine that makes Kurts heart swoon. Blaines hand finds its way to the back of Kurts neck, the tips of his fingers tickling at the skin beneath his sweater. Kissing is way better than talking, Kurt decides. He can talk to Blaine tomorrow. They have plenty of time. Kissing, though, that can only last for so long before more air becomes necessary. He doesnt know when theyll get this much alone time again and Kurt plans on taking advantage of their empty house. When Blaines lips part with a soft gasp, Kurt dips his tongue inside. That sweetness is more intense here,

like Blaines just made of sugar and he lets Kurt explore, lapping at Kurts tongue with his own as Kurt

licks long, slow strokes into his mouth. They kiss like that until their chests are heaving from lack of air. But even when they part, they continue to press small, wet kisses to each others lips, chins, and cheeks. different. Its like every bit of skin is precious, like its all deserving of a kiss, like every kiss means something You saved me, Blaine breathes, eyes shut and lips kiss-swollen. Did you know?

What do you mean? Kurt wonders. He traces his thumb over one of Blaines eyebrows.

youre the most important person in my life. I dont really know what this thing is between us, but yourereally special, Kurt. And you mean a lot to me. So I had to tell you. The most important person in my life.

Butfrom a lot of stuff. So you should just know that you did that. I had to tell you because because

You saved me, Blaine says again. And not just when I was sick, though thats a big part of it.

The words ring in Kurts ears, echoing around inside his brain as he stares at Blaines flushed face. curled around each other like lovers.

No. He cant do this now, not when they were just kissing and everythings so perfect, not when theyre But no matter how hard he tries to push it away, Kurt cant stop that chiding bit of responsibility in the back of his head. Because he cant be Blaines savior anymore, no matter how sweet the sentiment or how - 123 -

Contents true it must seem on Blaines end. Hes sure that Blaine means his words in a variety of different ways. Kurt doesnt know if theyre a couple, but from what he understands, its easy to consider your significant help him with all of those. He cant do this alone anymore. He cant be that person. He cant be the only shoulder Blaine has to cry on. Kurt sits up abruptly. you okay? other the most important person in your life. But he cant do this he shouldnt have started all of this when Blaine isnt fully healed. He has too many demons, too many problems left unresolved and Kurt cant

Whats wrong? Blaine asks, a comforting hand immediately reaching up to caress Kurts back. Are

Im sorry, Kurt says, voice choked with nerves. What? Why?

Blaines hand on his back pauses before retreating entirely. What? he asks warily. I told Carole.

I I need to tell you something.

Told her what?

happened to her, but that wasnt what we talked about. I told her that you were crying at night and having talked to someone.

About your mom, Kurt confesses. But not I know I said Id do what I could to find out what

nightmares and that you didnt understand why she left. Carole thinks we think it might be best if you Blaine is completely still behind him, and when Kurt turns around, he looks positively petrified. When you say talk to someone, Blaine begins slowly, you dont mean - 124 -

Contents A professional, Kurt says with a dismal nod.

I I cant do that, Blaine replies almost immediately. I cant do that.

psychologist. You wouldnt even have to go anywhere. She said shed come here whenever you needed and-

Shed do it for free, Kurt says quickly. Theres a woman that Carole works with, a licensed

being spread around to strangers. some difficulty adjusting and-

You talked to someone about me? Blaine gasps, eyes going even wider at the thought of his secrets Not like that! Carole just mentioned that you used to be homeless and that you were having some I cant just I dont even know this woman, Blaine states, leaping to his feet. I cant even admit

half of the stuff I did to myself. Every time I think about it, it makes me cry until I feel like Im gonna be sick. How could you- Im sorry, Kurt pleads, reaching out for Blaines hands. Blaine snatches them away and out of his You didnt have to go behind my back and talk to Carole or or some woman I dont even know,

reach. I just want you to be able to talk about it. Please.

Blaine argues. If I wanted to talk to someone, Id talk to you!

cant help you like Dr. Coulson can. Do you know how hard it is to sit next to you in your bed and listen to you cry? Do you have any idea how hard its been for me to live with the things Ive been through?

And Id listen, Kurt says, doing his best to stay calm. You know Id listen, of course I would. But I

why you need someone who can help instead of just listen. make me do this. Please.

No, I dont. And thats the problem. I dont know. I couldnt possibly understand any of it, which is

I dont wanna talk to anyone else, Blaine whimpers, tears welling in his eyes. Please dont dont - 125 -

Contents anything. Blaine, Kurt breathes, his heart breaking at Blaines wavering voice. I would never make you do

Blaine whines in relief, falling to his knees at Kurts feet. His head finds its way into Kurts lap and Kurt immediately cards his fingers through Blaines hair, tugging at the curly locks and easing away his fears. Thank you, Blaine weeps, tears seeping into Kurts pajama pants.

Kurt swallows around the lump in his throat.

to do it on your own or it wont help, not the way it should. etched on his face.

She Dr. Coulson said we we cant make you talk about it, he adds softly. You have to be ready

Blaines body goes rigid. He pulls away, staring up at Kurt with red-rimmed eyes and disbelief clearly So you youre not making me because she said it wouldnt help? he asks slowly. But you would

make me if you had your way? No, god no. Thats not-

down his cheeks.

Because thats what it sounds like, Blaine says in a hard tone, wiping away the tears dripping

Thats not what I said.

everything else. I moved in and I let your parents buy me buy me clothes and furniture and things I didnt even need and Ive done everything. You told me to trust you and I did! You dont have to talk to her if youre not ready, Im sorry. Im sorry. I know you did, I know, Kurt says, almost feeling like hes trying to talk Blaine down off of a ledge. And what about next week? Blaine wonders. What about when Im not ready then? Or next - 126 -

I cant talk about it! Blaine states in a near shout. I cant do what you want me to do. Ive done

month? Or next year, even? Whatre you gonna do when Im never ready to talk about it?

Contents You will be one day, though. Itll take time and- No, you dont understand!

Please! Because I just want you to get the help you need!

Then explain it! Kurt yells. Hes fighting a losing battle here. He doesnt know what else to say.

What I need is to forget that most of the last two years of my life ever happened!

it really hard to move on if you keep it all locked inside! Youll just keep remembering and itll just itll eat away at you, Blaine. Youll keep crying and youll keep having the nightmares and it- going fix anything! Talking isnt going to make it go away! Talking isnt going to bring my mother back! Talking isnt

But you cant! Thats part of the problem, dont you get it? You cant forget it and its going to make

Im trying to fix you! Kurt shouts.

Kurt stares in silence as Blaines trembling hands come up to cover his face, almost as if hes ashamed of his own words. Im not broken, Blaine whispers again, crying into his palms. Im not, Im not.

Im not broken! Blaine cries, weeping openly once more.

Hes rocking back and forth now, the movement so very slight but its there and Kurt slides off the sofa, doesnt know what to do.

pulling Blaine into his arms. He holds Blaines thin body against his chest, cradling his head. They rock

together there on the floor. The rest of the house is silent and Kurt wishes his parents were home. He Im so sorry, Kurt says softly, pressing his cheek to the top of Blaines head.

Im not broken, Blaine mumbles into his shoulder, hiding his face and his tears. Youre not. Youre not broken, Im so sorry, Blaine. - 127 -

Contents You wanna fix me.

when you tell me things, like what you said about your mom. You asked me why she left and I didnt know everything bad goes away for a while but I cant help you. I dont know how.

I just dont want you to be so sad anymore, Kurt explains. Its so hard. I dont know what to say

how to answer. I dont have any answers for you. I can hold you when you cry and I can kiss you until You wont want me anymore, Blaine whimpers. If I tell, you wont want me here and Ill have to go

away again. I cant do it anymore. I cant the bed and the books and and you? I dont want it all to disappear, like I told you a long time ago. How I was scared I was dreaming? you. And you dont even have to tell us. You can just talk to Dr. Coulson. But shell tell. I remember, Kurt says. But no ones going to send you away. No ones going to think any less of

She wont, Kurt says firmly. Shes not allowed to do that. She wont wanna listen anymore, not after-

she can help you deal with all of this. She cant make it go away, but at least youre not coping with all of dont have to. If you just wanna talk to me or even Carole, thats fine. We wont turn you away. We would never do that, okay? And if youre not ready to talk at all, I understand. It hasnt been that long since you you cry at night, but its hard because I dont understand why, not beyond the things I already know. Which is plenty reason to cry, I can say that for sure. Blaine huffs out a tiny laugh, followed by a small hiccup. moved in and I know things are still rough. It doesnt matter if it takes a week or a month or a year, you still have a place here. I just I want you to feel better. Not for me, but for you. Its hard for me to watch this alone. But hey, look at me. Kurt doesnt continue, not until Blaines tearful gaze meets his. You

Its what she does, though. She listens to people talk about the good things and the bad things and

deserve to feel better. You deserve to be happy again. You deserve to move past all of this. And you deserving that has nothing to do with me. Does does that make any sense? - 128 -

But if its hard for me not knowing, its gotta be way worse on your end, Kurt continues. And you

Contents I guess, Blaine admits. I just I cant do it right now. I cant spill my secrets to some stranger. anything at all, just know that were here for you. Okay? Blaine sniffles, but nods all the same. Okay.

No ones going to make you, Kurt says. But if youever decide you wanna talk about anything,

were broken. Im so sorry. Im sorry too.

Cmere, Kurt says, tugging Blaine back into an embrace. I never meant to make it sound like you

Back when you first moved in?

You have nothing to be sorry for, Kurt tells him. Dont you remember what I used to tell you?

I remember, Blaine breathes against Kurts shoulder. Youre not broken. Youre very brave.

A pause. Blaines body relaxes into the embrace and he sighs quietly. Im very brave, he whispers in response.

- 129 -

Contents

Part Seventeen
Blaines been quiet these past few days, Carole notes later in the week.

slams the refrigerator door shut. He sighs loudly into the kitchen, his head falling against the fridge with a dull thud. Im sorry. I thought you said your talk with him turned out okay in the end, Carole says, shuffling over to rub

function properly unless I spoke to a professional about all of my stupid feelings, Kurt bites out as he

Im sure Id be quiet too if someone basically told me I was a broken human being who would never

a soothing hand along Kurts back.

It did. In the end, Kurt states. The beginning and the middle of it, not so much. What happened?

Kurt turns, leaning against the refrigerator, his appetite officially gone for the night. I said I was trying to fix him, Kurt admits.

Oh, Carole says flatly. Well that probably wasnt the best thing to say.

probably wouldnt get better for him not in his own head, anyway until he talked to someone about everything. We got into an argument and it justcame out. I told him I was sorry and that I didnt mean it because I didnt, but Its not something thats easy to forget, Carole says with a nod.

I didnt mean for it to come out like that, Kurt explains. I was just trying to say that things

I just want him to be okay, Kurt says tiredly. Thats all I want. I know that, honey. And Im sure he knows it, too.

that and I cant I dont know what else to do.

Sometimes he looks at me like I just like Im the one that broke him. Like I did it just by saying - 130 -

Contents you can do. Its up to him now. Well, if you apologized and let him know that you didnt mean it, Im not sure theres anything else But I told him he didnt have to worry about anything anymore, Kurt says softly. And now Ive

gone and screwed up everything just because I was trying to help. Time heals a lot of wounds, you know?

just ripped them open again.

Yeah, Kurt mumbles in acknowledgement. But now Im thinking his were starting to heal and I

A couple of nights later, Kurts in his bed, staring at his ceiling while awaiting the inevitable sound of Blaines sobs. Hell roll out of bed when he hears it, and hell pad barefoot into Blaines room and curl up weekend. room. next to him. Hell hold Blaine until he sleeps, just like he does most nights, even after their spat over the

Hes caught completely off guard, however, when his bedroom door cracks open and Blaine slips into the Blaine? Kurt asks, immediately sitting up in concern. Whats wrong?

from their dreams if hes any louder. With you?

Can I can I sleep in here? he whispers, as if the entire house isnt asleep and hell wake everyone

Kurt can hear his quiet sniffles, a clear sign hed been crying, and pulls back his blankets. Of course you can. Come here, get in.

Blaine sniffles again and wipes at what must be wet cheeks before he does, sliding into Kurts bed and looks at him sometimes like Kurt broke his heart, Blaine is still breathing and hes safe. Just as hes about to drift off to sleep, Blaines voice brings him back. - 131 -

automatically seeking out Kurts warmth and snuggling up to his side. Theyre quiet for a long while. Kurt begins to count every one of Blaines inhales, because even though theyd fought and even though Blaine

Contents I stole from a really nice lady one time, he says.

Kurt freezes, the arm he has around Blaines waist going rigid. watched this old lady on a bench at a bus stop.

I was hungry, he continues. We hadnt eaten in two days and I sat next to my mom while we

Kurt doesnt speak. Hes afraid Blaine will close off again, afraid hell stop talking and crawl back into that black pit of heartache. Instead, he gives Blaines waist a gentle, almost imperceptible squeeze to show that hes listening.

mom started talking to her about this ring she wore on a chain around her neck and the lady just smiled and said it used to be her husbands. Hed died three years before and she just kept talking about him and how hed fought in some war and how hed proposed to her on Valentines Day but it was also her each stop and eventually the lady fell asleep. A heavy pause. A sob catches in his throat. birthday and they went out dancing that night. My mom just just kept listening and smiling until the lady

After a few minutes, my mom took my hand and we walked over and sat down next to her. My

stopped talking. It was one of those busses where you had to wait like, thirty or forty minutes in between

snapped the chain right off her neck because my mom told me to because I had smaller fingers. I took it He cries then, burying his face in Kurts shoulder and twisting his fingers into Kurts sleep shirt. and my mom pawned it off and we had a meal once a day for a whole week.

I took her ring, Blaine admits, clinging to Kurt as he says it. I just took it. She was sleeping and I

I was sorry that her husband died and that all she had left was that damn ring and I wanted to tell her I

I wanted to tell her I was sorry, Blaine says through his tears. I wanted to give it back and tell her

fucking ashamed. And my mother never talked about it and I just wanted to be like, but we couldve done something else. That woman would have given us money if wed asked, I know she wouldve. She was so nice.

was sorry that I took it but I couldnt help it, I was so hungry that my stomach hurt. I was I was so

- 132 -

Contents Kurt waits. He doesnt know what else to do so he waits and holds Blaine as tightly as he can without breaking him. Because this is good. This is progress. Its painful to listen to Blaine talk about it, but hes talking. And even if Kurt doesnt know what to say in response, he promised hed listen. So he does.

Blaine continues to cry, but he talks, too. And all the while, Kurt drags a heavy hand up and down Blaines

back. Blaine tells him that it wasnt the last time he stole from someone outright. It got easier after that, he explains, because it became habit. His mom told him to do something and he did it. Hed stolen watches and wallets. Hed snatched wads of cash right out of peoples hands at the ATM and darted away, quick as knows that, he lets Blaine talk about it because he obviously has to get this out. lightning, before anyone could stop him. Hed stolen things from stores, and even though Kurt already But then he starts talking about taking food out of garbage cans and his mother making him sit on the Phantom of the Opera. movies and once or twice when his dad took him to Columbus to see an off-Broadway production of street, cold and alone amidst passersby with a tin can and Kurts seen those things. Hes seen them in

dirty face that looks like hes twelve than they are to adults. Kurt kisses the top of Blaines head.

I looked pathetic enough, Blaine explains. People are more willing to give money to a kid with a

Blaine talks well into the morning, his words turning to slurs just as Kurts alarm clock reads four am. Kurt doesnt fall asleep until the sun rises. -

Kurt only sleeps for a few hours. When he wakes, Blaine is still dead to the world, burrowed under the covers, his mop of dark hair spread over one of Kurts pillows. Kurt brushes a curl away from his face. Youre very brave, he whispers.

He crawls out of bed, tugging on his robe before sneaking out of the room and closing the door as gently as possible behind him. - 133 -

Contents In the kitchen, he finds his dad leaning against the counter, a bowl of cereal in his hands. Youre up early for a Saturday, Burt remarks.

Is he sick? Burt wonders.

Dont make Blaine go in to the shop today, Kurt says. He didnt fall asleep until four.

after hed started, he couldnt stop. So I stayed up and listened. his cereal bowl onto the counter.

No. But he finally started talking about things that happened to him when he was homeless and

Kurt knows his voice is flat, but he goes about making a pot of coffee with no other explanation. Burt sets You look kinda rough, kiddo.

I didnt fall asleep until after he did, Kurt states.

Dyou need to talk about it? Burt asks. About anything he said?

hate me if I told anyone about any of this.

No. Theyre not my stories to tell. He didnt appreciate me talking to Carole about his mom and hed Kurt- Burt begins, but then he cuts himself off with a sigh before trying again. If this is what its

gonna be like with him talkin all night and keepin you both up-

time he feels comfortable talking about it, then Im going to be there. But you cant do anything about it.

Ill stay awake as long as it takes, Kurt says. I promised Id be there to listen and if thats the only

talk to someone who can help soon.

He knows that. But maybe if he can do this now, if he can talk to me about it, maybe hell be able to

This aint healthy, Burt tells him. For either of you. - 134 -

Contents clattering harmlessly to the ground. It doesnt matter because hes talking! Kurt snaps, slamming a spoon onto the counter. It falls,

Burts jaw snaps shut. He stares at his son with disappointment in his wise eyes. Go back to bed, Kurt. Im making coffee.

this is what you wanna do, then get some sleep while you can. Tell Blaine I said he can stay home today. But Im not gonna do this every time. Come Monday, I dont care how late you two are up. You go to school and he goes to work. Gee, youre really understanding, Kurt bites out. Great job on that front.

Youre making yourself even more tired and overwrought than you already are, Burt declares. If

the bad guy. I let him stay here, didnt I? I gave him a room and a job and we got him all that other stuff he

I understand the kids got issues, Burt states. Dont you dare stand there and make me out to be

wanna help him too, but I know hes never gonna give me the time of day so I commend you, Kurt. I understand you wanna help and youre doin the best you can. But youve still got responsibilities and so does he. So what, youre going to throw him out if he doesnt show up for work? Kurt asks in outrage. Did you hear me say that?

needed. But Im not gonna give you the damn rope to hang yourselves. You wanna help him; I get that. We

Thats what you made it sound like!

Youre twisting my words and you know it.

desperation. Im doing everything I know to do to make this easier on him and its just pissing you off and its like I cant please everyone at the same time.

I dont know what you want me to do, Kurt says, holding his hands up as if in offering or

- 135 -

Contents growing up and knowing when to say no to things thatll just turn out bad in the end. If you keep this up know you care about Blaine. I care about the kid, too. I wanna see him get better and I want him not to a helpless case. hurt so much anymore. But youre my son and Ill be damned if I see you turn into some kind of martyr for Blaine is not a helpless case. Kurt, his dad says, voice going slightly softer. This aint about pleasing anyone. This is about

keep going without sleep and acting like this to everyone else in your life its just gonna hurt you. And I

Im not broken.

Kurts throat closes up.

Kurt drops his head and sucks in a deep, shuddering breath. None of this is fair.

bitchy, stressed out version of you because youre carryin around his baggage, too? That is.

No, hes not. But goin about it like this? Gettin no sleep and turning yourself into some some

Im sorry, he whispers.

something else out. I get that hes only comfortable talkin to you right now. But maybe you should convince him that its okay to talk to us, too. Just so youre not the only one walkin around the house with all his demons. We wanna help, Kurt. We want you both to be okay. -

Dont be sorry, Burt says, striding over to wrap Kurt up in a warm hug. Just just figure

When Kurt trudges back up to his room, coffee long forgotten and his heart a little lighter, he walks in to find Blaine sitting on the edge of his bed, still in his pajamas with his hair just as sleep mussed as it had been half an hour ago. He looks up at Kurt with pure, undiluted sorrow. I heard everything. - 136 -

Contents Kurts blood runs cold. W-What?

dad talking, Blaine admits. And the other night. I heard you talking to Carole. I I felt so bad. I didnt me and I just I couldnt shut up. I started talking and I couldnt stop.

I got up to get ready for work and went downstairs to get some coffee and I heard you and your

even realize I was looking at you like that. I just kept thinking about how much of a disappointment I must

be to you because I wouldnt even try. So I I came to you last night instead of waiting for you to come to Its okay, Kurt says, rushing over to Blaines side and joining him on the bed. God, how could you But all that stuff between you and your dad? I cant I did that. I caused that and Im the one that

think you were a disappointment? Its not like I tell you that youre brave for my health. kept you awake. I cant do this to you anymore.

What what do you mean? Kurt asks, already wary of the answer.

before. But I have to go. No.

Im leaving. Ill leave everything you guys gave me and Ill take my old clothes and all the stuff I had

reason your life is screwed up.

I cant do this anymore, Kurt, Blaine says despondently, hanging his head in defeat. I wont be the

Blaine looks over at him, trying his best to smile but it comes out so wrong and so sad. It will be if I stay.

My life is not screwed up.

No, Kurt says, doing his very best not to cry. No, youre not leaving. I have to, Blaine says as he stands.

- 137 -

Contents Kurt clings to him, latching onto Blaines arm and keeping him from leaving the room. No, youre not going anywhere. I wont let you. Kurt, you have to let go. No!

We-

Blaines wrist. Not after everything! You just started talking about it all last night, remember? Were its progress, dont you get it? Youre getting better. Its not progress if Im hurting you and your family in the process, Blaine counters, attempting to

You you cant just walk out! Kurt argues defiantly, angry tears clouding his vision as he tugs at

pry Kurts hand from his wrist. I wont stay here when I know thats whats happening. I cant, okay? I just cant. Blaine, please.

I have hurt so many good people, Blaine says. I cant do that anymore.

Youre not hurting us, I promise. I promise youre not. Please stay. Please, please stay. Im sorry.

Dad! Kurt shouts at the top of his lungs, the word coming out more as a screech. Dad! Stop it, Blaine hisses, still attempting to break Kurts grip. Kurt, stop! I wont let you leave. Dad!

Theyre both standing now, Kurt using all of his strength to keep Blaine in his room. Carole rushes in first, hastily tying up her robe, eyes going wide at the scene. Burt stumbles in a few moments later and brushes past his wife in an attempt to force the boys away from each other. - 138 -

Contents him leave! No! Hes trying to leave! Kurt yells when his dad finally yanks him away from Blaine. You cant let

What the hell is going on? Burt barks over Kurts screams.

He heard what we said this morning and now he wants to leave! I dont want to leave, Blaine disputes. I have to leave. No, you dont!

explain?

Blaine, honey, Carole breaks in, attempting to calm everything down. Can you can you just

did and because of my problems and I wont stay here and let that happen anymore.

Im ripping apart your family, Blaine says. They were yelling at each other because of something I

Kid, youre not ripping anything apart, Burt states. Kurt and I fight about a lot of stuff. But you were fighting about me!

how to handle everything life throws at em.

We were fighting about some pretty crap choices made by a couple of teenagers who dont know Because of me! Blaine shouts. He glances around at the rest of the family, frenzied eyes darting

from face to face. But then he stares directly into Burts eyes. You told me I didnt have to stay. You said if it didnt work out, I could leave. I said wed figure something else out.

leaving.

Theres nothing left to figure out, Blaine states. Im leaving. Im packing up my old stuff and Im

But Blaine sidesteps Carole in her approach, edging toward the door. - 139 -

Honey, you dont-

Contents Dad, you cant let him do this, Kurt says. an effort to grasp Blaines shoulder. doorframe.

Blaine, Burt says, running a hand over his face before he moves in on him, holding out his hand in Dont touch me! Blaine cries, flinching violently at the almost-contact and stumbling into the

Kurt freezes. He stares at Blaine in shock, taking in the sight of his terrified face and the trembling in his met, but that was to be expected. Caroles hugged him plenty of times and Kurt has never once seen Blaine shy away from her touch. Burt retracts his hand slowly, dropping it back down to his side. us want you to leave.

limbs. Blaines never reacted this way to touch. Yeah, hed been a bit reticent when he and Kurt had first

If you seriously feel like you need to go, he says in measured tones, then you can go. But none of

let this happen, let me go! Kurt, stop!

No! Kurt shrieks, rushing toward Blaine only to be caught up in his fathers strong arms. You cant

Im so sorry, Blaine says, righting himself and backing out of the room. Blaine, please! Please dont leave! Im very brave, Blaine tells Kurt.

And then he places a hand over his heart. And walks out of the room.

No! Kurt screams, fighting his dads hold on him. Let me go! Blaine! Blaine!

- 140 -

Contents

- 141 -

Contents

Part Eighteen
Kurt glares at his dad who is currently standing guard in front of his closed bedroom door. He can hear the sounds of footsteps on the staircase.

muffled voices in the hallway as Carole tries to reason with Blaine and convince him to stay until he hears Youre not even going to let me say goodbye? Kurt asks, his voice hard and unforgiving. You wont let him go and you know that. Of course I wont let him go!

Its not your decision, kiddo. Its a choice he feels like he needs to make.

is a mistake.

Hes sixteen! Kurt argues. Whatever happened to teenagers making crap choices? You know this

Hes not our legal responsibility, we cant just keep him here if he doesnt wanna stay.

If we dont let him go now, hell just sneak out in the middle of the night. We cant lock him up, Kurt.

The front door slams. Kurt darts over to his window to see Blaine, dressed in his old clothes, with the gym his arm. He walks down the front path to the sidewalk. He pauses. And turns.

bag Kurt had given him so long ago on his shoulder. Hes got the scarf Kurt had given him for Christmas

draped around his neck even though its probably too warm to wear it and his blankets are tucked under

A soft, pathetic sob escapes from Kurts throat and he places his hand on the windowpane. chest, just over his heart, the way hed done in the hallway. until he rounds the corner.

Blaine lifts one hand to his lips, presumably kissing his fingers before he presses his hand against his And then he turns, walking aimlessly down the sidewalk, walking with nowhere to go. Kurt watches him - 142 -

Contents Until hes out of sight. anything at all. -

Thats when he collapses onto the floor, screaming and crying until hes too hoarse and tired to do

Kurt is only briefly aware of a strong pair of arms lifting him from the floor and onto his bed. Hes barely on the edge of consciousness. When he wakes, its nearly three hours later and he bolts upright, blurry eyes scanning his room. Its empty.

He races downstairs to find Carole and his dad sitting in the living room with Finn, who had been sleeping over and Pucks with Sam and Artie the night before. Did he come back? Kurt asks, throat scratchy and dry.

Caroles face crumbles.

No, sweetheart. Hes gone.

We have to go look for him, Kurt states.

I dont understand, Finn says, confusion written all over his face. Didnt Blaine just go home? He doesnt have a home. Which is why it was stupid to let him leave in the first place!

He doesnt wait, you mean like Sams family? How they lived in that motel for a while? Blaine doesnt have a family or a motel to go to, Finn, Carole attempts to explain.

Finns eyes grow wide with shock.

You mean he lives on the street? - 143 -

Contents He lives here, Kurt declares. And were going to bring him back. He could be anywhere by now, Burt says. We wont- cant just sit here and do nothing.

Well Im going whether you want to or not, Kurt says. Ill drive around all day if I have to but I

Ill go, Finn says, already standing and grabbing his keys off the coffee table. Get your coat.

The fact that Kurt leaves the house still clad in his pajamas with a pair of house shoes on his feet probably just one.

says a lot about how he feels about Blaine. But showering and putting on real clothes wouldve meant

another hour and another hour wouldve meant the possibility of Blaine being two towns over instead of They drive around all day, sweeping the streets of Lima, keeping an eye out for a boy with a gym bag and a where Kurt and Blaine had met. They continue down that same road, hoping that maybe Blaine had decided to head back toward the town hed been in before making his way toward Lima. Nothing.

scarf the color of coffee with cream. When nothing turns up in the city proper, they take the main roads

out of town. When that fails, they take the lesser travelled roads outside of town, sure to check the bridge

Absolutely nothing.

Neither of them gives up easily, though. They circle around and check any and all local shelters, asking the workers to check their rosters for Blaines name. When that doesnt work, Kurt wants to slap himself because of course Blaine wouldnt check into a homeless shelter. Hed told Kurt in the beginning that he didnt like them and if he had been willing to sleep under a bridge in the dead of winter, theres no reason hed go to a shelter on the cusp of spring. Its starting to get dark, Finn notes. We wont be able to see very well. Just just keep driving. Just a little while longer. - 144 -

Contents So they do. They drive and drive long after the sun sets. They drive until they dont know where they are anymore and they drive until theyre two counties over and Kurt falls asleep in the passenger seat. He wakes to the slight pressure of Finns hand on his arm, gently jostling him into awareness. Blaine? he mumbles sleepily.

I didnt see him anywhere. Were home now.

No, Finn says, sadness in his voice. You fell asleep an hour ago. I tried but Im really sorry, Kurt.

Kurt stares through the car window, gazing up at their house. He has to wonder what Blaine saw in it so long ago when Kurt had first brought him here. Hed looked at it like it was the most beautiful thing in the world. And now Kurt feels jaded and spoiled because all he sees is a two story house with a hedge of bushes that needs to be trimmed. -

He sleeps for the majority of Sunday. He doesnt shower and he only eats when Finn brings him a few the door.

slices of lukewarm pizza for lunch. His dad tries to talk to him, but Kurt just rolls over until his back is to Dont you wanna drive around and look for Blaine today? Burt asks gently.

hours, theres no chance in hell well find him today. A soft sigh.

Whats the point? Kurt counters. Its been a day. If we couldnt find him yesterday after only a few

home today and so is Finn.

Well Im gonna drive around for a bit, Burt says. Call me if you need anything. Caroles staying

Kurt doesnt answer. He just stares out through his window, wishing the day wasnt so bright and cheery raining. - 145 -

when he feels like his whole world is crashing down around his ears. On the other hand, hes glad it isnt

Contents For Blaines sake. -

Come Monday, Kurt only barely makes it to school and even then its at Caroles gentle insistence. She promises to spread out fliers at the hospital and Burt plans to do the same at the shop, just so other people in the world know what Blaine looks like in case they stumble across him somewhere.

School is horrific. Mercedes has the audacity to point out the fact that hed worn the same outfit just last Thursday and Rachel keeps nattering on about graduation until she sees just how truly miserable Kurt he gets back? appears. Finns there to corral their friends and explain the situation, which Kurt kind of hates because Blaine never wanted people to know that hed been homeless and whats he going to think of Kurt when Kurt mentally corrects himself. If.

If Blaine gets back.

Its only been two days but Kurt is beginning to realize that theres a very real possibility that Blaine might stay gone forever. Ohios not exactly huge and he might very well be in another state by now. And the way never planned on gracing their doorstep again. hed talked, about not wanting to hurt them anymore and not being able to stay, made it sound like he Kurt skips Glee practice. He offers no explanation and drives straight home to their empty house. Theres the things Kurt had learned in school that day. to be honest, hes scared of what hell find.

no Blaine at the kitchen table, no after school snack, no boy with brilliant eyes ready to hear about all of He makes a beeline for Blaines room. He hasnt been in there since the day before Blaine had left because, When he pushes open the door, Blaines scent hits him so hard in the face he feels like he might double

over. The room isnt exactly in disarray, not in the way Kurt had expected it to be, considering Blaines haste to leave. The closet door is flung open, though, and some of his dresser drawers arent completely shut. Laundry is spilling out of the hamper. The curtains are pulled tight. Theres a book on his nightstand, - 146 -

Contents a bookmark tucked securely between the pages of a story he might never finish. His bed is unmade, which is very unlike Blaine, but then Kurt remembers how Blaine had come to him in the middle of the night before hed left and realizes that Blaine never would have had time to make it. Kurt can feel hot tears stinging his eyes.

Blaine had been so warm and solid next to him, so safe and healthy that night. Sure, hed been crying and revisiting the darker memories of his past, but he was home. A sob threatens to break free, but Kurt chokes it down until its just a barely-there whimper. He kicks off his shoes and throws his sweater on the floor.

And then he climbs into Blaines bed, where the scent of him is so heady and dense and ungodly heartbreaking, and curls into a ball in the middle of the mattress. blissful unconsciousness. He clutches one of Blaines pillows, ignores the way his tears fall without his permission, and sinks into

By the time Wednesday rolls around, Kurt is able to admit that he is most definitely depressed. Its unhealthy, he knows, to put so much stock in one person. But he also knows that this isnt like a breakup. This isnt some long distance relationship where youve got to pull yourself up by the bootstraps and carry on until your broken heart mends. This is about Blaine; about him being out there, all alone with nowhere another human being that he cares for on a sincerely deeper level than hes willing to admit aloud. This is about a young boy with an old soul. And Kurt is hopelessly in love with every bit of him. Because it is love. to go and lost amongst a world of strangers that might hurt him. This is about the safety and welfare of

Kurts pretty certain its never been anything less. And hed never told him.

- 147 -

Contents Why hadnt he told him?

Carole shoots him a particularly sad look after dinner when he says hes going upstairs. Kurt bypasses his room entirely and walks into Blaines room, which is still the same as it had been on Monday. He takes a deep breath.

It isnt any easier the second time around. But he tells himself that he needs to pick up the place so what when if Blaine comes back, he doesnt have to do laundry or bother himself with all of the other menial top of his dresser and the windowsill. He polishes Blaines prized guitar, sure to handle the instrument drawers back into place before turning to the pile of laundry that Blaine has in and around his hamper. tasks he used to do to keep himself busy. He starts with the bookshelf, fishing Blaines little duster out of with care and keep away from altering the tune of it. He closes the closet door and shoves the dresser He pads downstairs, ignoring the concerned faces of his family, and goes about sorting Blaines things and he bites down on his lip to keep from crying and pulls them gently into his hands. He brings them back upstairs to Blaines room, placing each individual shirt in its proper place in his dresser. Upon opening the bottom drawer, his heart stops. his nightstand drawer so he can dust the top of Blaines books and the shelf itself. After that, he dusts the

dropping them in the wash. When he notices a small pile of Blaines t-shirts already sitting atop the dryer,

The majority of the food Kurt had given him, save for the box of crackers and the package of cookies, is all still safely tucked away. He didnt take most of it. He didnt take most of it because he hadnt bought it with his own money. The sight is discouraging, of course, but thats not what catches his eye. There, placed reverently atop the clothes in the drawer, is a cassette tape. With Kurts name written on the label.

Kurts breathing quickens. His heart races. His hand trembles as he reaches in and withdraws the tape. own songs.

Theres nothing else written on it and no note left behind to explain its presence. Kurt recognizes it as one

of the various tapes Burt had purchased for him when Blaine had discussed the possibility of writing his

- 148 -

Contents Unable to keep himself in the dark any longer, Kurt stands swiftly and slides the mysterious tape into the small stereo sitting on Blaines nightstand. He presses play.

The moment Blaines voice fills the air, Kurt drops onto the edge of the bed.

recorder. A short laugh. So, ummhi, Kurt! This is probably a really stupid way to do this, but dyou remember when you asked if you could hear my first song and I told you yes? Well, uh, this is it. I think Id be too nervous to actually play it for you, like, you know, firsthand or whatever. But I finally finished it and everything and I wanted to keep my promise. I might, uh, actually be sitting next to you right now. If I am, I and itll probably help. Not that Im angling for a kiss or anything. But kisses are always nice. heart. probably look super embarrassed and stupidly nervous so just I dont know, just kiss me or something Kurt looks to the empty space beside him on the bed and something like barbed wire clenches around his If Im not, though, its more than likely because I felt awkward listening to myself. So if Im not

Im hope Im doing this right, the recording says. I cant even remember the last time I used a tape

there, just come find me whenever its over and tell me what you think. just getting himself in place to play.

Blaines voice falls away, but Kurt can hear shuffling and movement on the recording and assumes hes This is, um, this is called I Pray. Andwell, I hope you know what it means.

Theres soft strumming, a sad but undeniably pretty tune, and then Blaines voice, pure and absolutely lovely drifts through the little speakers. Im waiting for winter to come,

but the wine in my veins will keep me warm. Im afraid but I dont know what it means, constantly falling down to my knees, stumbling home, guided by the light of your soul. - 149 -

because then all I feel will go numb,

Contents I pray, please be strong for me, I struggle to find company as good as you. because I dont think I know how to be, And somehow Ill find who to be, Ill romanticise this misery

once the snow melts away just leaving me, with every bone Im forced to be. I pray, please be strong for me, I struggle to find company The song ends. as good as you.

and the sun guides me home when you are gone. Another glass will send me home. because I dont think I know how to be,

Kurt remains very still, fingers clutching the edge of the mattress in a weak attempt to keep himself from falling over and turning into a puddle of pure grief. He stares blankly at the wall. Blaine doesnt speak again on the recording. And while the lyrics echo through his mind, another phrase keeps drifting to the forefront. So if Im not there, just come find me whenever its over and tell me what you think. If Im not there, just come find me. Come find me. Kurt stands and marches downstairs, renewed purpose in his stride. He stands in front of his parents who stare up at him in surprise. Kurt? his dad asks.

my life, Im going to find him.

Im going to find him, Kurt states without hesitation, voice clear and strong. If it takes the rest of - 150 -

Contents

Part Nineteen
Kurt throws himself into his search for Blaine. Every day after school, he scours Lima and neighboring

towns, showing pictures to strangers, store keepers, and homeless shelter attendants. When that fails, his dad reminds him that Blaine hadnt left with empty pockets; he still had whatever was left of his earnings from working at the tire shop. Burt doesnt think its much, but he assumes its at least a couple hundred dollars, enough to put Blaine up in a cheap motel for a couple of nights, wherever he may be. So Kurt starts checking out motels that offer rooms for less than fifty dollars a night. Blaine may be sixteen, but if the place is sketchy enough, some motels just need a name and a wad of cash and theyll rent out a room to give out any information if he isnt family, which Kurt thinks is a bit silly considering the appearance of up when a discreet ten dollar bill finds its way into their hands. Kurts search, however, comes up empty. Until one dayit doesnt. anyone, no questions asked. Most of the lobby attendants brush Kurt off, grumbling and saying they cant those particular motels in the first place. Some dont care and offer up information freely and others give it

Theres a hotel off of a road heading south. The attendant looks as shady as any, balding with too much kid with curly hair under the name B. Anderson passed through about a week ago, probably on Sunday or Monday, and he looked pretty damn miserable.

facial hair and a maniacal look in his eyes. But when Kurt slips him a twenty, he admits that, yeah, some

117. Couldnt tell ya where. Asked him for a ride if he was headin that way.

Heard him talkin to some guy, the attendant says gruffly. Something about goin south on the

its probably not the first time Blaine has ever hitchhiked, but that doesnt lessen the worry he feels in his gut. -

Kurt thanks the guy, feeling a bit sick at the idea of Blaine getting a ride with some stranger. He assumes

Its an arduous process, tracking down someone whos not averse to sleeping on the streets. Theres not

exactly a trail and Kurt is definitely not Liam Neeson in the film Taken, no matter how many times Finn - 151 -

Contents has made him watch it. All he can really do is ask around and half the time, Burt refuses to let him venture to such questionable locales without supervision so his search gets postponed until the weekends. On the days hes stuck at home, Kurt bounces between homework and googling cheap motels and aversion to them, but he cant leave any stone unturned. Come find me.

homeless shelters. Its probably stupid to keep looking at homeless shelters considering Blaines obvious

Blaines words haunt him. Even though Kurt is ignoring the intended meaning of them, they keep him motivated and keep him hopeful. Sometimes, he lies in bed at night, wondering if Blaine even wants to be out of funds? Will he be happy or even pleased that Kurt had put so much time into finding him? But theres one question that scares Kurt even more: What if he never finds Blaine at all? found. Will he be angry if Kurt finds him on the street somewhere, nestled in an alley and slowly running

Kurt strikes gold three weeks after Blaines disappearance. Hes searching just outside of a town nearly He shows a gas station attendant a picture of Blaine that he has on his phone, describing his height and what he mightve been wearing, when another patron offers Kurt the best news hes had since Blaine had told him their date had, in fact, been a date. Short kid? the man asks. Thin as a rail, curly hair? Yes! Kurt exclaims. Have you seen him?

two hours southeast of Lima, checking around stores and motels off Route 33 (the 117 had been a bust).

Real quiet. Kept lookin at me like I was gonna murder him.

Few weeks back, yeah, the guy confirms. He gave me a twenty to drop him off at some address.

Please, please tell me where you took him, Kurt begs. Ive been looking for him for weeks. Took him to some house off Oakmont, the guy says. - 152 -

Contents House? Kurt mutters to himself him bewilderment. Nevermind. Do you have an address?

house, though. You cant really miss it. Flagpole in front. Big garage. Comin at it from the back and around the corner, its three stories. But from the front it only looks like two.

Cant remember, no, the guy says, sounding genuinely sorry for Kurts sake. It was a big white

The entire description of the place throws Kurt for a loop, but he thanks the man profusely for his help before rushing out of the gas station and programming the street name into his GPS. Even though he probably only drives for about fifteen or so minutes, Kurt feels like its the longest journey thus far. When exaggerating at all. The house really is hard to ignore; its almost massive, if the view from the back is on earth Blaine had asked to be dropped off here, of all places. he rounds the corner onto Oakmont, hes surprised to find that the man at the gas station hadnt been anything to go by. He figures that, with the basement, its really four stories and Kurt has to wonder why He parks next the curb rather than in the driveway proper and takes quick steps up the long, front door but this is the first lead hes had regarding Blaines whereabouts in weeks and hes not passing this up.

pathway to the front door. He realizes hes probably crazy for doing this knocking on some strangers

Besides, this looks to be an extremely nice neighborhood. At least his dad doesnt have to worry about He steels himself and rings the doorbell. And waits. Kurt hanging around sleazy motels all day.

At first, he thinks maybe hes been too hopeful and no ones home at all. But then he remembers that the house is pretty huge and it might take someone a minute or so to actually make their way to the door. Just when hes about to ring the bell once more to be certain, he hears the click of a lock and the door

opens to reveal a man. Hes fairly tall, grey streaking his otherwise pitch black hair at the sides, and Kurt doorframe.

can most certainly detect the scent of what he thinks might be bourbon coming off the man in waves. Hes

impeccably dressed, though Kurt can see the slight sway of the mans stance until he leans against the Yes? the man prompts, his voice harsh and lacking the slur Kurt had been expecting to hear. - 153 -

Contents noteven sure I have the right place. Who is it, then? the man asks. His his names Blaine. I um Im sorry to bother you, sir, Kurt begins, but Im actually looking for someone. Im

Kurt thinks the mans eyes darken at the sound of the name, but then he thinks he must be a trick of the liquor because the darkness vanishes almost as quickly as it had come. Theres no one here by that name, he answers. I suppose youve got the wrong place after all.

against the thick wood, effectively stopping the man from shutting him out.

The man makes to close the door in Kurts face, but Kurt refuses to give up that easily and slams his hand Please, Kurt says, hoping he sound desperate enough. Please, I I know he doesnt live here. He

he used to live with me. Im his friend and he left a few weeks ago and Ive been worried sick about him. way?

Ive been looking for him ever since and I just he was dropped off here. I know that much. I dont know if he ever actually came to this house but just his names Blaine Anderson. Do you know him at all? In any When Kurt stops speaking, the man rakes his gaze up and down Kurts frame slowly, like hes studying head straight home without another word. But theres something in the mans eyes that Kurt finds a bit toofamiliar.

him. Theres a moment where Kurt thinks that maybe he should flee, that he should turn right around and

After a long pause, the man looks Kurt directly in the eye and admits something Kurt never wouldve guessed to be true: Of course I know him, the man says gruffly. Hes my son, isnt he?

- 154 -

Contents

Part Twenty
You youre Blaines dad? Kurt chokes out. Last I checked.

Kurt knows hes gaping, knows his eyes are wide with nothing but shock, but he cant seem to do anything about that for a long moment. He can only stare and wonder why in the hell he hadnt put the pieces even mentioned attending high school in Westerville. together sooner. Hes in freaking Westerville. He hadnt paid any attention to signs en route to the house, hadnt paid attention to anything beyond the possible points Blaine mightve stopped. And Blaine had God, how could he have been so blind?

That familiar glint in the mans eyes had been almost exactly that familiar and familial. And eyebrows. Oh god, this is too weird.

If he looks past the grey, Kurt can see that the man standing before him has Blaines hair. And his nose. Did he was he here? Kurt asks, doing his best to keep himself from asking all of the other

questions bouncing around in his mind. If youre alive, why isnt Blaine living with you? If youre here, why was Blaine living on the streets two hours away? If youre here, why isnt he? What happened? What did you do to him? Why did he leave? Why did your wife leave? Whyd she leave with your son? But even those questions fall by the wayside the moment Mr. Anderson gives him an answer. Id heard anything about his precious mother.

He stopped by a couple of weeks back, the man states, sounding almost bored. Wanted to know if

Kurt cuts short the gasp that almost escapes his lips.

Is she I mean, were you able to tell him anything?

whit about the information hes imparting. She got herself shot somewhere in Detroit. - 155 -

Only the truth, Mr. Anderson bites out. He sways on the spot, clearly liquored up and not caring a

Contents At that, Kurt does gasp. Oh god, no.

on me with my kid and thinking she could actually survive out there. As if she knew anything about everything for her before he died, she would have and then she wouldnt have turned into some tweaked out street rat.

Dont look so surprised, Anderson says. She had it coming. Thats what she gets for walking out

survival. Born with a fucking silver spoon in her mouth and never had to work a day in her life. Couldnt even go about getting a proper divorce. Maybe if shed had half a brain and daddy stopped doing

Kurt has never in his life heard such vile things spill from someones mouth. Hes heard horrible slurs, been bullied and harassed for god knows how long, but never has he heard someone speak so callously, so like its common knowledge. crudely about another human being. Not to mention, hes saying all of this to a stranger on his doorstep He swallows down the bile crawling up into his throat, forcing himself to ask the pertinent questions. feels.

You two you were still married when they left? he wonders, hoping he doesnt sound as ill as he How else do you think I know what happened to her? I was still technically family and her only

next of kin. I was the only one they contacted when they found her. But how did they even know who she was?

The man huffs out a laugh, sounding amused disgustingly so, in Kurts opinion. drugs and spent a couple nights in jail.

She was already in the system, Anderson explains almost gleefully. Got arrested for possession of

Kurt shakes his head, willing himself to ignore all of this. Blaines whereabouts are important, not his mothers grizzly passing. He shouldnt have even asked. after you told him what happened to her? So he stopped by, Kurt clarifies, getting back to the point. Did he tell you where hed be going - 156 -

Contents Wanted to know where I buried her. I told him she was buried at Pioneer and he left.

Something in Kurt snaps.

hes your son and you just let him walk away? Hes been homeless for two years. streets than accept help from me. I can see why, Kurt snaps.

And thats thats it? Kurt asks in horror, his anger getting the best of him despite his efforts. You He couldve come back anytime he wanted to, the man spits. But no, hed rather starve on the

Instead of becoming outraged, Anderson simply grins, the expression sly and almost malicious. Youre a little spitfire, arent you? Excuse me?

quiet. Liked to fade into the background.

Doesnt surprise me, the man says. Blaine would go for someone so unlike him. He was always so

Kurt doesnt mention that hed seen that fire dwindle and nearly go out. He doesnt mention it because this man, this this despicable human being doesnt need to know that his own son had nearly turned to ash and smoke. Because Blaine is stronger now. And so very, very far from broken.

Ill have you know that Blaine has plenty of fire left in him. And its obviously in no thanks to you.

Thank you for your time, Mr. Anderson, he says curtly.

does so.

Oh I dont think this is the last time Ill be seeing you, Anderson says, looking far less coy as he

One can only hope it is. - 157 -

Contents With that, Kurt spins on his heel, ignoring the slam of the door in his wake as he heads to his car. -

Kurt absolutely despises cemeteries. Theyre always quiet and cold and heavy in the most uncomfortable way possible. Its a place filled with rotting corpses six feet beneath his shoes and hell never understand and pretty phrases, like somehow thats closure. He cringes as he approaches the entrance to Pioneer why people think its fitting to dispose of the dead in such a way, with only a slab of rock etched with dates Cemetery, thinking back on his own mothers funeral because its hard to not. Shed received the same treatment and sometimes Kurt wishes hed been just a little bit older when she passed because maybe then he couldve convinced his dad to cremate her and plant some kind of tree in her honor or something. Hed rather visit that in memory of her than a graveyard.

And Blaines mother is in this one, planted in a row like all the rest. Shes here and Blaine never even got to Blaine has suffered so much in the past.

say a proper goodbye because he hadnt known, had absolutely no inkling of what had happened to her. How can the universe be so, terribly cruel to one boy?

Kurt feels physically ill but he pushes past that and walks into the cemetery. He doesnt even know the womans name. Still, he searches for the name Anderson, passing quite a few who died years ago. It takes him nearly an hour to find it:

A patch of earth that hasnt grown over. A plain, thin, white cross bearing the name Samantha Anderson. The date of death matching the general time frame. And a withered bouquet of white tulips placed at the base of the cross. buy them.

Kurt immediately knows theyre from Blaine and hes almost positive hed used the last bit of his money to Just to give to her.

Kurt ignores his own reservations and opinions regarding burials, forcing away his own issues as he seats just barely beginning to peek through. - 158 -

himself on the ground at the foot of the womans grave. He stares at the dirt and the tiny blades of grass

Contents H-Hi, he begins, though his throat is too clogged with pain to continue.

He wipes at his cheeks, surprised to find that theyre damp.

He hates that this is all thats left; an empty speech to a dead woman hes never met.

But she had been important to someone and that someone means the world to him. So he carries on.

mean, hes still here. Somewhere. I just havent seen him in a while. But Im looking for him, I promise. My names Kurt. measure. Kurt pulls his legs up, tucking his knees beneath his chin and wrapping his arms around them for good Blaine said you took care of him. He he missed you a lot. I wish you couldve seen him one last

You you dont know me, he tries again, but I know your son. Well, knew him. Not that hes I

time before you he looks so much better than he did when you left. He was living with me for a while, did Crazy, right?

he tell you? A pitiful bit of laughter escapes Kurts throat. We barely even knew him and we took him in. He pauses, staring at her name on the cross.

everyone else before he even thinks of himself. I have to wonder if you had anything to do with that. If so, I just I want to thank you. Its like hes got this light inside of him and he thinks that everything he and now I dont know where he is and I dont know if hes if hes safe or warm or hungry or sick and Im sorry. Im trying to find him. Im doing everything I can, I promise. touches will just wither and die but it doesnt. He makes everything better. He made me a better person

I couldnt help it, though. Blaine is hes unfailingly kind and always tries to do whats best for

Kurt begins to sob openly after that, misery and guilt settling in the pit of his stomach and it aches to no end. Here he is, talking to a place holder for a woman who gave Kurt the greatest gift hes ever received and he cant even thank her properly. He cant shake her hand or kiss her cheek. He cant do anything. So he cries. He cries for what seems like eternity at the foot of this womans grave, weeping for so many once. different reasons, weeping for everything hes done and everything he cant do. The tears feel like - 159 confession. They feel like an acknowledgement of his humanity and his failings and his triumphs all at

Contents He doesnt even cry like this at his own mothers grave. settles on his knuckles.

His cries are cut short the moment a butterfly appears. Its a pretty thing, just a simple Monarch, but it For some reason, the sight of it makes him breathe easier. He gazes at the little creature and inhales, the world and another chance to get it right. The longer he stares at the butterfly, the quicker pain justfades away. Almost like it never was.

smelling spring for the first time this year. And spring is about rebirth, isnt it? Its about color returning to

bravest boy with the gentlest nature Ive ever met.

Im in love with Blaine, he says aloud for the first time. Im in love with your son because hes the

The butterfly flits away, coming to a rest atop the plain, white cross. for him.

Ill find him. I swear to you. Ill find him and Ill bring him home. Ill keep him safe and Ill look out

He stands, dusting off his pants. He doesnt think about the things Blaines dad had said about her, about jail and drug possession. He doesnt think about the things Blaine had said that last night theyd shared Blaines mom the woman who gave Blaine a heart and a soul and life. And in this moment, Kurt is absolutely nothing but grateful to her. It was a pleasure to finally meet you, Mrs. Anderson. together. Those dark secrets are buried with her and they dont matter in this moment. Because this was

The sun is setting now. He needs to go home and see his family. But tomorrow is another day. And spring is here.

- 160 -

Contents

Part Twenty-One
Kurt, Rachel says in a gentle tone, placing her hand on his shoulder. Whatre you doing?

Kurt looks up from his computer screen and his notebook, where hes writing out a list of addresses. doing?

Looking up shelters and soup kitchens near Westerville, he states. What does it look like Im

Rachels look turns sad and slightly pitying. He turns away from her and returns to his research. He doesnt need pity nor does he want it. Its the last thing he wants right now. Its been a month, she whispers. Do you really still think theres a chance you might find him?

I have to try.

life? What about things like like school and Nationals and NYADA?

But youre listen, I know you care about this and I know you care about him. But what about your Believe it or not, the health and safety of another human being matters more to me than a first

place trophy at Nationals and an acceptance letter to a drama school.

Rachel sighs behind him and he hears the rustling of fabric as she seats herself on the edge of his bed.

you at the Lima Bean in over a month. We havent had a sleepover with Mercedes since before Christmas cats life choices. to face his friend. and Brittanys starting to think you wont hang out with her anymore because you dont agree with her

What about us? she asks softly. What about your friends? You know, we havent had coffee with

Kurt snorts at the idea because its entirely too laughable. But then he drops his pen and turns in his chair What do you want me to say? he asks, shrugging his shoulders.

have accepted him, homeless or not.

Why didnt you ever tell us about Blaine in the first place? Rachel wonders, You know we would - 161 -

Contents ashamed of a lot of things and he was struggling with more than that. His life before he came to stay with anything you can imagine. It has nothing to do with what I wanted. He didnt want anyone to know about him, okay? He was

us was it was really bad. I dont have all of the details but I can already tell you that it was worse than He pauses and stares across at her, knowing he probably looks as exhausted and helpless as he feels. I met his mother the other day, he informs. W-What? How-

She gasps and tears immediately spring to her eyes. Kurt-

I found her grave, he continues, in a cemetery in Westerville.

Blaine and his mom left, but if it has anything to do with that man then I can certainly understand. He was what happened in that house and I think about him on the streets with his mom, doing some of the things he had to do just to make sure he ate once every few days and I cant I cant. I just cant.

And I met his dad, though that was face to face and hes thoroughly unpleasant. I dont know why

horrible. And then I think about the fact that Blaine had to live with him for so long and god only knows

running you into the ground. You cant keep this up, not for one person.

but dont you see that youre making yourself suffer? It might not be in the same way but all of this its

I dont understand why youre putting yourself through this, Rachel says. He obviously suffered

Kurt levels Rachel with his most pleading stare, desperately willing his friend to understand when it

doesnt seem like anyone else really does. At this point, he thinks his dad is just placating him and while Kurt loves Carole, even she cant understand what Blaine means to him. No one can. Its not possible because they dont know that Kurt is in love with Blaine. Its not about charity or good will toward humanity or even just doing the right thing for once. This is about how Blaine still has his heart and, if nothing else, he needs to make sure that Blaine and his heart are safe and happy rather than dying under a lonely bridge on a desolate road. - 162 -

Contents just because Im one person doesnt mean that I dont have the power to help. Youre right. Im sorry. I Just because hes one person doesnt make him any less important, Kurt attempts to explain. And

have been avoiding you guys because Ive been so concerned with him. I love you, okay? Youre my best friend. All of you guys are my friends and I dont think Id be as sane as I am today if it hadnt been for you someone I care about is out there and for all I know he might he might be- He doesnt say it. He cant say it. and Mercedes and everyone else in Glee. But Blaine he changed me. He changed me in the most profound way and because of that, I cant sit here and think about things like school and Nationals when I know that

Because Blaine might very well be dead. Its a real possibility, depending on where he is now and how much food he has and what kind of people hes met. The thing is, though, Kurt hadnt really considered death as a true possibility until hed seen Blaines moms grave. might be true.

Anything can happen. Bad things happen every day and with Blaines terrible lack of luckwell, it just At this point, Kurt says, fighting back a wave of tears, I just need to know that hes okay. Even if he

never wants to come back here, even if he never wants anything to do with me again, I just need to know that hes okay.

By this time, Rachel has tears pouring down her cheeks, her fingers clenching at the hem of her skirt. She Blaine, or sad for herself because she cant convince Kurt to stop all of this. the space between them, grips Kurts hand, and gives a decisive nod. Then Ill help you, she says through her tears. Ill help you.

squeezes her eyes shut and lowers her head, though Kurt cant tell if its because shes sad for him, sad for But then she surprises him by lifting her head and looking up at him with a wan smile. She reaches across

After that, Kurt and Rachel spread across the city of Westerville and beyond, scanning the crowds of soup Blaines name and ask if anyone has seen such a boy.

kitchens and making inquiries at every shelter they can find. With descriptions and pictures, they offer up - 163 -

Contents wearing it. He likes this scarf, Kurt explains to most. Even though its too warm for it, hes probably still

And everyone shakes their head, offering their sincerest apologies and Kurt and Rachel move to the next last night somewhere, because maybe that one last night was in one of the few places they check. They find nothing.

shelter, the next kitchen, the next cheap motel in hopes that Blaine mightve saved a few dollars for one

It seems like Blaine has simply slipped off the face of the planet and disappeared entirely.

Some days, Kurt ventures off to various hospitals all on his own, asking if a thin boy with dark, curly hair had been brought in for any reason. When he leaves those hospitals, he weeps with relief for a good ten minutes before he moves on to the next place.

Sometimes Rachel has to remind him that hes still in school. She tells him that he has a test in his economics class and a paper due in senior English. During Glee rehearsals, Kurt often finds himself staring Rachels always there to pull him back. She rehearses choreography with him late at night, after they day. return from one of their searches, just to make sure he gets everything and that hes ready for the next Occasionally she says that she cant come with him. Thats fine. Kurt understands that she doesnt know Blaine. He understands that NYADA and her career and her boyfriend still come first. So Kurt ventures out into the great state of Ohio on his own. He visits Samantha Andersons grave one more time. Just because he feels like he needs to. off into space, wondering where to check next and how far away Blaine might be right this second.

He kisses his fingers and presses that kiss to the top of the cross. He stays for a few minutes, just listening to the sound of the breeze in the trees and the birds in their branches. When hes out here, he realizes its has. He doesnt count Blaines father. God knows that man has nothing to do with the beautiful soul in his son. But this woman means something. - 164 the closest to Blaine he can get without physically being in his presence. Mrs. Anderson is the last link he

I havent found him yet, he whispers to her and no one at all. But I will. I wont give up.

Contents So he stands there, lingering in a cemetery, of all places, like maybe this patch of earth has the answers.

Or maybe he does it because he thinks Blaine will come back here. Maybe, just maybe hell walk up with a maybe Kurt will convince Blaine to take his hand and climb into his car. And come home.

daisy in his hand and theyll stumble across each other. Maybe Kurt will get to see those eyes, so old and wise, those eyes that have seen too much for one so young, yet they still hold such grace and heart. And

But Blaine doesnt show. -

room while the rest of the club members slowly filter in.

So your birthdays this weekend, Rachel says as they settle into a couple of chairs in the choir

Kurt stares at her for a long moment before checking the date on his phone. I guess it is.

You forgot? she asks.

Ive had other things on my mind.

What dyou want? Finn asks, sitting on Rachels other side. What?

I want Blaine.

For your birthday, dude.

I want Blaine to come home. I want Blaine to be safe.

- 165 -

Contents I want Blaine to be happy and healthy and I want him here. I just want Blaine. Nothing, Kurt says.

Cmon, bro, Puck adds. Birthdays are like, the best holidays ever. For one day, its all about you.

We could get pizza and a cake and watch all your favorite movies or something. I dont want pizza and cake, Kurt sighs.

We should totally have a party, Finn says, nodding in agreement. Just the Glee club, you know?

but I can try. Or what about those chick magazines? You like those, dont you? I like fashion editorials, not chick magazines.

Well you gotta want something, Puck states. Lifetime supply of coffee? I dunno if I can swing that,

Whatever, dude. Im just saying. Theres gotta be something you want that you dont already have.

shoulder. I want my friend back. I want Blaine to come home. But I cant have that. And the only other dont want cake and I dont want presents when I already have everything I could ever think to ask for

You know what Id really like? Kurt asks, his voice wavering as he stands and tugs his bag onto his

thing that I want is is for this to stop. I dont want this Saturday to be about me. I dont want pizza and I

except for Blaine home and safe. You know what you can do instead of buying me gifts? You can use that

money to buy clothes and toys for people and kids that dont have any of the stuff that we do. You can can go and donate your time like we did at Christmas. You can give to charities and you can volunteer or you can give five bucks to some poor man on the street because he might actually use it to buy dinner. Any of that is better than buying something for me. focused on his face. He flees. Though his eyes are blurred with tears, Kurt can sense his friends shocked expressions and stunned eyes

- 166 -

Contents The auditorium used to feel like home. It used to be one of the few places that Kurt Hummel could simply be. It used to feel safe. Now it just feels too big like the world. The world is so big, so vast and Kurt suddenly feels so tiny in comparison to such a thing. Hes just one person, occupying the slightest bit of space. And somewhere out bright, Kurt feels so entrenched in darkness that hes beginning to think he wont ever see that light again. Thought I might find you here. there, theres another boy; a boy whose heart is the size of the sun and even though he burns just as

Kurt whips his head around to see Sam standing at his side. He hadnt even heard him come in.

Sam sits without invitation, settling into the seat next to Kurt. a really good guy. Kurt nods.

I wish I couldve met him, Sam says. Your friend Blaine, I mean. You make him sound like he was

Theres a long stretch of silence in which the two boys merely sit, side by side, staring at the empty stage.

to do something together on your birthday. When I left, they were talking about baking cookies for every homeless shelter in the county. More silence.

What you said in there really shook everyone up, Sam eventually continues. Theyre all planning

You cant keep doing this, Kurt.

I dont know what youre talking about, Kurt says flatly.

be found.

You cant keep spending all your time and energy looking for someone who might not ever wanna

- 167 -

Contents You dont- get this out.

Please just just let me say this, okay? And then you can scream at me all you want. But just let me

boy will say. Its going to be another variation of his dads speech in the kitchen so long ago. Hes not sure if he can handle that right now. I dont want you to think that I dont agree with you or whatever on all that stuff you said in there

Kurt huffs, but gives a jerk of his head, signaling for Sam to continue even though he knows what the other

because I do. I think its a really good idea. Its nice to know that there are people in this world that wanna just I want you to remember something. Last year, whenever I was stuck in that crappy motel? Dyou remember how miserable I was and how I stopped coming to Glee? Kurt nods slowly.

give back and all that. But youre giving everything you have and its killing you. I see it. I see it every day

youre in rehearsal. You look tired as hell, dude, and some days you look like youre about to fall over. You

had to work and I had to help my family. I didnt think I was allowed to have something for myself. Even though it was just like, an hour every day, I didnt think I could have it. I wasnt allowed to have something that made me happy when my mom and dad were trying so hard to find jobs. Why should I have that Theyd look for work all day and then theyd come back to the motel, just a few hours before the kids had us. So they did have something. Their something was just different than mine. when they didnt? But, you know, it took me a while to realize that they did have something. They had us. to sleep, and theyd eat the pizza I brought home and theyd ask us about our days and theyd laugh with I dont understand, Kurt says softly. What does this have to do with me?

I stopped coming because I thought I couldnt have both. I had to watch my brother and sister and I

maybe its your fashion stuff, I dont know. But when everything feels so bad you think you might never be happy again, youve got to find that one good thing that makes you smile. I know its hard, thinking about your friend being out there all alone. The worlds a pretty scary place. I know that. But youve been going at this for weeks and it it feels like were losing you. Theres nothing wrong with donating your time and - 168 -

Im telling you all of this because you need to let yourself have that something. Maybe its Glee,

Contents giving to charities and all that stuff, like you said. But you have to let yourselfbe okay. You want Blaine to be okay, dont you? More than anything, Kurt admits in a whisper when he feels a fresh wave of tears coming on.

otherwise, when that day comes, hes just gonna feel really bad. Hes gonna feel like he turned you into this and I seriously doubt thats what he wants. I cant I cant just give up on him.

Well, one day youre gonna find him. And I dont want him to see you like this. Youve gotta be okay,

clothes?

No ones asking you to do that, dude, Sam says gently. Remember how you brought me all those Of course I do, Kurt says through the slightest bit of broken laughter. How could I forget?

Everyone thought I was sleeping with you. Sam shoots him a smile.

buying back my guitar helped. Every little bit helps. But doing it all yourself? Thats just crazy. And it hurts Sams words remind Kurt of Blaines passionate speech from so long ago and so far away beneath a frozen bridge the day after Christmas. It may not seem like a lot to you, but to me? A single day is another day of living and breathing. I dont know what to do, Kurt sobs, revealing a truth he hadnt even realized in his own head. I you. Itsdraining.

The clothes helped, Kurt. The clothes helped and Quinn offering to babysit helped and you guys

want I want him back and I want him to be okay and I want the whole world to be okay. crying into his shoulder like he hasnt ever cried before.

He feels a gentle pressure around his shoulders and suddenly Sams pulling him into a hug and Kurts I know, Sam whispers, rubbing Kurts back with a warm, solid hand. - 169 -

Contents anymore and I dont want kids on the streets and I just I want everything to be better. I want to make the world better. Those arent things you can fix overnight, though. Well they should be! I dont want anyone else to be homeless, Kurt continues. I dont want people to be hungry

not like thats bad or wrong, you know? Its just notdoable. You can volunteer and all that stuff and you can help as best you can, but youre just one guy. So is Blaine, Kurt sobs. But I cant even help him anymore.

But theyre not, Sam states. Youre one person, dude. You cant do everything yourself. And its

help when they need it or when they ask. And it seems like Blaine doesnt need your help, not right now. I cant just just stop looking.

Sometimes sometimes people gotta help themselves, Sam tells him. Sometimes all you can do is

yourself be okay. You have to let yourself have that little bit of good in the middle of all the bad. So thats what I want you to give yourself on your birthday, okay? Just just give yourself some time. Sleep in late Carole. Stop looking for one day and just let yourself be okay. But what if that one day could be the day I find him? and let your dad make you your favorite breakfast and watch your favorite movie. Go shopping with

So dont, Sam says simply. But that goes back to what I was talking about before. You have to let

for me.

If youre meant to see him again, you will. One day wont change that whole plan. But please, do this

Kurt sucks in a deep breath, attempting to calm his wounded soul. Hes always liked Sam, ever since the beginning when he agreed to sing with Kurt for the duet competition. He hadnt cared that Kurt was gay. Hed been genuinely touched when Kurt offered up his clothes when he and his family were homeless, despite them not being his style at all. And here he is now, offering a hug and comfort and looking out for Kurts welfare when no one else seems to know what to say. - 170 -

Contents Sam Evans really is a good sort, Kurt decides. Okay, Kurt agrees.

And I know Im being like, super sappy, but its true. You talked about how nice Blaine was, but I dont think you ever stop and think about how nice you are. You helped me even when everyone else was spreading those rumors and now youre trying to help your friend and youre justyouve got a lot of good in you. Dont ever let anyone tell you anything different. -

Good. Cause I really dont wanna see you crash and burn, dude. Youve got a good heart, you know?

The day of Kurts birthday, it pours. The rain falls so hard that he can barely see the road outside of his his dad serve him breakfast in bed (which was really just toast and oatmeal, but at least it had blueberries lunch. Finn has been mysteriously absent all morning. in it), and now hes been forced out of the kitchen while Carole prepares him some kind of special birthday

bedroom window. Hes glad he didnt make any plans to go out today. Instead, hed slept in until ten, let

Out of the blue, three separate cars pull up next to the curb in front of his house. He watches in confusion should have known. Theyd planned some sort of surprise party. Kurt doesnt want a surprise party.

as people pile out of the cars into the rain and rush up his driveway to the front door. Kurt groans. He

But he goes downstairs anyway, attempting to plaster a smile onto his face when he sees all of his friends from Glee standing in the entryway to his house, soaked to the bone but looking happy as larks. Happy birthday, little brother! Finn shouts, pulling Kurt into a sopping wet hug. Finn, Im older than you, Kurt grumbles. And I cant breathe. Oh, sorry, man.

Finn releases him but Rachels right there, stepping in front of the group and reaching for Kurts hand. Its its really great that you guys stopped by, Kurt says, but I told you that I- - 171 -

Contents Were not here for a party. Were here to give you your present. But I said- That you didnt want a party or anything for your birthday, Rachel finishes for him. We know.

It turns out to be a piece of paper, folded into a small square. He shoves it into Kurts hand. What-

Here, Finn says, fishing something out of his pocket.

Its a receipt, Finn explains with a bright smile. For what?

the other day when you were talking about what you really wanted for your birthday. We knew we couldnt find Blaine, not after youve been looking for so long. But we did something else. Sam steps forward. gave us some, too.

Well, Rachel says coyly at his side before stepping directly in front of him. We all listened to you

We put together our money, he explains. All of us. And we asked our parents to help. Mr. Schue

And we donated it, Finn says happily.

To what? Kurt asks, completely bewildered.

branches all across the country. Theyre not in every city, but it does help. And it offers tons of resources and ways to get in contact with local organizations that do the same kind of thing.

The National Coalition for the Homeless, Rachel tells him. Its this charity thing and they have

Kurts breath catches in his throat. His friends gaze back at him with warm, loving smiles and he suddenly wishes he could hug every single one of them all at once because he never expected anything like this. He lowers his eyes to the piece of paper and unfolds it, gasping when he sees the amount. - 172 -

Contents This is you gave thirteen hundred dollars? he asks, unable to stop his voice from quivering. In your name, Rachel supplies. But but how-

You knew about this? Kurt asks his dad in shock.

Well, a familiar voice sounds over his shoulder, Carole and I gave two fifty apiece.

Sure did, Burt says proudly. Never been happier to give away my money. I gave all my pool cleaning money, Puck adds.

And my mom gave a hundred, Mercedes puts in with a smile.

Kurts knees nearly give out from under him, but Rachel gives his hand a firm squeeze, anchoring him to this happy in a very long time but here, in this moment, hes never been more thankful for his group of friends. Happy birthday, Kurt, Rachel whispers at his side.

And Mr. Schue gave us two hundred, Finn says. Even Ms. Pillsbury donated.

reality. Blinking back tears of pure joy, Kurt is so happy he thinks he might faint from it. He hasnt been

At that, the tears flow freely and his friends walk up and hug him, one by one, before respecting his birthday wishes and giving him his space for the day. He feels like hes cried more in the past couple of few years. But now hes crying happy tears. months than he has in his entire life, which is quite a feat considering all hes been through in these last And that means so much more than he can even say.

His friends and his brother depart, leaving him alone with his parents.

Thank you, he says to both of them. I just I dont even know what to say. - 173 -

Contents You dont need to say anything, kiddo. Im just glad to see you smilin again.

Burt claps him on the shoulder and pulls him into a fierce hug. Kurt stays there, breathing in his dads comforting scent and allowing himself to be caught up, just for a minute, in the safety of his fathers embrace. He thinks he feels Carole pressing a kiss to the side of his head, but then theyre both gone, Carole drifting back into the kitchen and Burt flopping onto the sofa in the living room. something in the short span of time theyd been in his house. He wrenches open the door. And nearly collapses. B-Blaine?

Happy birthday, sweetheart, Carole says, wiping her own tears from her cheeks.

A knock sounds on the door. Kurt rolls his eyes, wondering which one of his friends could have forgotten

- 174 -

Contents

Part Twenty-Two
There, on Kurts front porch, stands the elusive Blaine Anderson, curly hair soaked and sticking to his forehead. Hes completely drenched from head to toe, raindrops clinging to his eyelashes. He looks a bit high in the sky, his eyes are still just as wide and luminous as Kurt remembers. smile is weak and tentative. thinner than he had two months ago yet even in the gloom of the rain and the dark clouds hovering so Hi, Blaine offers, his fingers clutching the strap of the gym bag Kurt had given him long ago. His

For what feels like an eternity, all Kurt can do is stare. Blaine is here. Hes here, right in front of him, perfectly and wonderfully alive and whole. Hes not lost. Hes not wandering. Hes home.

Some sound creeps out of Kurts throat, like a cross between a sob and a whine, and he promptly flings

himself at Blaine. He doesnt care that the other boy is soaking wet, doesnt care that he almost topples Blaine over with the force of his hug, doesnt care that he cant breathe properly. His arms cling so tightly to Blaines back that they tremble with the strength of it all. Blaines hair is smooth and wet against his cheek and beneath his cold, sopping clothes, hes warm and solid and real and oh god, hes real. Kurt barely remembers to take a breath before he pulls away, skating his palms over Blaines cheeks, running his hands through Blaines hair, down his back, patting his sides, and gripping his hips. He has to make sure. He has to make sure that Blaines all in one piece. He has to make sure that Blaines body isnt bruised or broken. When hes finally sure hes not, Kurt scowls.

and you show up on my doorstep and all you can say is hi?! Uh-

Hi? he repeats, his voice high and screechy. You leave and I dont hear from you in two months

Blaine inside and out of the storm. Give me your bag. And your jacket. Whered you get this jacket? Nevermind, I dont care. You march right upstairs and take a warm shower and change your clothes, you idiot, what were you thinking?! Ive got so many things to say to you right now but youd better believe - 175 -

Get inside before you freeze to death, Kurt says even though winter has passed, already tugging

Contents youre showering and then youre going to eat and you will drink something warm if I have to force it down your throat myse- Kurt! Blaine interrupts loudly, flinging his hands up to cup Kurts reddened cheeks. Its only then

that Kurt realizes hes been crying this entire time. Blaines voice cuts through his tirade, effectively silencing him until his lower lip is quivering. Im here, its okay. Im here.

Kurts breath leaves his body in a quick second and then hes wrapping Blaine up in his arms once more for good measure. He kisses Blaines temple, his ear, his cheek, the corner of his eye, any bit of his face he can reach with his lips until hes weeping against Blaines neck. Im so sorry, Blaine whispers. Im so sorry.

not say goodbye and leave everything behind, you cant. I wont, I swear it. I promise you I wont. I looked for you. Wha-

You you cant do that again, Kurt sobs. You cant leave me like that, you cant just walk out and

But Blaine doesnt get to finish his question because Carole peeks her head out of the kitchen, shouting Burts name and they both rush over to the boys still in the entryway of the house. Carole pries Blaine out of Kurts arms, pulling him into a hug of her own and pressing his wet face against her shoulder as she Burt stands off to the side, obviously torn between crying and reaching out to hug the boy who had become another part of their little family. Blaine- cries. Kurt just stands there with a hand over his mouth, doing his very best not to cry too loudly.

His voice cracks.

Blaine cranes his head around to face the man. For a long moment, no one speaks. The only sounds filling that empty space come from Kurt and Caroles sniffles. - 176 -

Contents But then Blaine stretches out an arm toward Burt and Burts face crumbles as he steps forward, wrapping his wife and Blaine up in a tight hug. Kurt thinks its probably the second most beautiful thing hes ever seen, and its only second next to seeing Blaine safe and whole on his doorstep in the middle of a rainstorm on his birthday. arms. He joins the hug, pressing his chest to Blaines back as he envelops the people he loves so dearly in his

Blaine does, indeed, shower and change. Kurt tosses the clothes from his bag into the washing machine, watery eyes.

leaving no room for argument while Carole shoves him into a chair at the kitchen table and Burt slides a plate of sandwiches in front of him. Blaine just sits there, looking around at their hopeful faces and their Burts finally the one to break the silence, clearing his throat and lifting his chin just slightly. So, kiddo, he begins, you gonna tell us where youve been? Burt, let him eat first!

Looking properly chastised, Burt lowers his gaze to the table.

patiently while he chews and swallows, though theyre clearly waiting on the edge of their seats for Blaines answer. Ive been all over, I guess. I went to Westerville first and then to Columbus. Then I went out to Cincinnati and stayed there for a while. Cincinnati? Kurt asks, furrowing his brows. Damnit, why didnt I think to look there? You you were really looking for me? Blaine wonders softly.

Its okay, Blaine says with an easy smile before taking a big bite of a sandwich. Everyone waits

Blaine simply nods, looking down at his still-full plate and takes another bite of his sandwich. - 177 -

This whole time, Kurt tells him. I looked everywhere I could think of.

Contents Whatd you do in Cincinnati for so long? Burt asks.

kept giving me the name of this one woman who gave free counseling to people like me. So I went. Did it did it help? Kurt wonders softly, praying he doesnt sound too hopeful.

Counseling, Blaine reveals, not meeting their eyes. I asked around at some shelters there and they

devours the sandwich in between his explanation. I went almost every day for a month or so and then it

Oh, tons, Blaine supplies, not even bothering to swallow before speaking now. He practically

was like, I dont know, maybe twice a week. I talked about pretty much everything, even you guys. And she know?

Gwen was her name kept telling me that I was really lucky and I probably never shouldve left, but she

understood why I mightve felt like I needed to. I guess I just had some things to figure out on my own, you Yeah, Kurt says weakly.

Blaine got help.

He got help and he talked and even though hes been gone and hes so skinny, he looks happier and more carefree than Kurts ever seen him. glad youre back. Were proud of you, honey, Carole says, grasping one of Blaines hands. But were really, really

Blaine smiles just before Carole withdraws her hand. He lowers his head and Kurt can see how his teeth peek out to nip at his bottom lip, dragging it into his mouth. Blaine? Kurt asks gently, settling a hand on Blaines lower back. Are you okay? I I have to ask, Blaine begins timidly.

Anything, Kurt says. You can ask us anything.

probably left some sort of mess behind. But I really thought I was doing the right thing. I thought youd all be that youd be better off if I wasnt here. - 178 -

I know that Ileft really abruptly, Blaine says, still not meeting anyones eyes, and I know I

Contents You were never-

Kurt swallows down the lump in his throat, but he does nod his understanding and he keeps his jaw shut calm his nerves.

Please, Blaine begs quietly, finally lifting his gaze to meet Kurts. I just have to do this.

tight so Blaine can continue speaking. Blaine gives a slight smile in thanks before taking a deep breath to Even if it wasnt true, thats what I thought, he explains. And Im really sorry if I made you guys

worry and Im sorry for leaving the way I did. I never meant to hurt any of you especially you, Kurt and couldnt stop thinking about you guys. A brief, shy look to Kurt.

I never meant to cause you any grief or or stress or anything. But the whole time I was out there, I

it all back in your face. So thats probably the real reason why I found a counselor. And she helped me with

I couldnt stop thinking about all the nice things you did for me and after a while, I felt like I threw

a lot of things, but mostly she helped me realize that that this is where I belong. You didnt justgive me Blaine tears up, a tiny, wretched, high-pitched sob choking off the last of his words.

a place to stay or a bed or a room. You you gave me a home. You gave me a real home and Im so so sorry for leaving and I know I dont deserve it but I dont wanna be out there anymore and just- but Dont you dare, Burt cuts in. Dont you dare sit there and ask if you can stay. Youll always have a

place here, kid. No matter what happens, youve got a place here. And I dont want you ever thinkin that you dont. Even through his tears, Blaine is able to grace them with a bright, genuine smile. Kurt leans his head on soap and something a little warm and sweet that will forever remind Kurt of cuddling up together on the sofa near the fire. Thank you, Blaine whispers, finally allowing himself to rest his head atop Kurts. Thank you.

Blaines shoulder, almost crying again when he breathes in Blaines familiar scent a mixture of plain

- 179 -

Contents Later, long after Finn returns home and takes one look at Blaine, after he pulls him into a hug and swings him in circles around the living room in both joy and relief, long after they eat pizza and Carole rushes out Theyre curled up together in Kurts bed and the rainstorm outside has slowed to a trickling shower.

to get a cake for Kurts birthday, after they sing to him and he blows out the candles while wishing for the world to heal because he has everything he could ever want, Blaines head is tucked beneath Kurts chin. Im so happy, Kurt whispers, nuzzling his nose into Blaines hair. I was so so scared you were-

Dont, Blaine stops him, tilting his head up in order to meet Kurts eyes. kitchens and I met your da-

I looked and looked for you, Kurt continues. I looked everywhere; motels and shelters and soup

have all of tomorrow and the next day and every day after that but can we please not talk about it tonight? Okay, Kurt says quickly, pressing a kiss to Blaines forehead. Okay. But I can I-

Dont, Blaine says again. Can we not tonight I dont wanna talk about any of that tonight. We

Their lips collide, sensation zinging and sparking through Kurts limbs the moment they connect. Kurt strength he has because he cant ever give this up again. He cant give up Blaines warm, soft lips. He cant way Blaine whines into their kiss and darts his tongue out to trace along the seam of Kurts lips until Kurt parts them in kind, until Blaines tongue dips into his mouth and licks so gently at his own. Kurt slides one fingertips drift until theyre barely slipping beneath Blaines shirt and he can feel Blaines skin, so smooth and thrumming with life. Closer, Blaine mumbles against his lips, need to feel you closer. - 180 give up that marvelous, content feeling he gets from having Blaine safe in his arms. He cant give up the hand down to Blaines back, spreading his palms and fingers wide at the base of Blaines spine. Two of his

Yes, Kurt breaths, already knowing the question that Blaines trying to ask.

whimpers and twines his fingers into Blaines hair, tugging him closer, kissing him with every bit of

Contents Kurt gives a dizzy nod and grips the hem of Blaines sleep shirt, tugging it over his head. He tosses it onto pajama top. Kurt trembles when he finally feels Blaines hands on his skin; theyre warm and calloused in places but so perfect where they trace his ribs and dip down to skate along his stomach. the floor and Blaine begins to mouth at Kurts jaw while his fingers fumble with the buttons on Kurts

But then Blaines lips are back on his and one of those hands squeezes at his waist at pulls him close until their bodies are flush. Theyre chest to chest, skin on skin, with eager, unsteady hands and frantic tongues. Kurt feels his pulse skyrocket the moment Blaine lowers his head to nip at Kurts collarbone, the moans he makes reverberating against Kurts body.

When Blaines fingers, however, slip below the waistband of Kurts pajama pants to trail teasingly along the top of his underwear, Kurt pulls back and presses his hand to Blaines chest. Wait, he says, lungs heaving with lack of air.

Blaines hand pauses in its journey south.

He looks down into Blaines eyes and even though theres not really any light in the room, Kurt can see exactly how dark Blaines irises have become. Ive Ive wanted you for a long time, actually, Blaine admits softly, allowing his curious hand to

You- Kurt has to lick his lips -you want this? With with me?

settle once again on Kurts waist. I justdidnt think youd want to be with someone like that when they had have, really, theyre not exactly gone so many problems.

anyone else in the house woke up, Kurt reveals, smiling to himself and carding his fingers through Blaines hair. I just you know, Ive never done this. Beyond the kissing, I mean. So I didnt exactly know how toapproach it. And then you you left. Blaine swoops in, immediately kissing away the look of hurt Kurt can feel creeping onto his face. tender bone beneath his eye. And Im not going anywhere, okay? - 181 -

Are you kidding me? I was waking up with sticky sheets and throwing them in the washer before

Well Im here now, Blaine reminds, cupping Kurts cheek with one hand, thumb swiping along the

Contents another kiss. Soyou still want- Okay, Kurt says, the word barely a breath of sound as he closes his eyes before leaning in for I want to make love to you, Blaine blurts, like maybe hes tired of skirting around the actual

phrase. S-Sex, I mean. I want that. With you, um, tonight. really plan on staying.

But why tonight? Kurt wonders. Not that Im saying no, but its not like we dont have time if you

And I dont wanna do all that lead up, you know, like first base, second base, or any of that. I want it to be to!

I I want to be close, you know? As close as we can, um, get. And I just I want it, Blaine whispers.

to be you and me together. I dont want it to be any of that give and take sort of stuff. But only if you want All at once, Blaine looks like he regrets ever bringing the situation to light, and Kurt doesnt want that. But way practical.

he does want Blaine and he wants that feeling too, of being so close together, of having Blaine inside him.

He wants Blaine as close as he can get him and truth be told, hed keep him there forever if it was in any Okay, maybe not forever. But as often as he can get it.

Blaines expression brightens.

I do want to, he finally says, kissing the tip of Blaines nose. I just dont know if Ill beany good.

youve got some pretty talented hips.

Really? Because I remember seeing you rehearse some of your choreography from Glee and baby,

Kurt squeaks his embarrassment, burying his rapidly flushing face into the crook of Blaines neck. Blaine laughs softly and strokes his fingers along the top of his spine, right at the base of his neck. But seriously, Blaine says. We can wait if you want. We can just kiss tonight if thats-

I want to.

No, Kurt says quickly, pulling back to gaze down at Blaine with determination written on his face. - 182 -

Contents Yeah? Are you youre sure?

Kurt doesnt exactly respond, instead twisting around and wrenching open his nightstand drawer. He bottle of lubricant. Blaines eyes go wide with surprise. situation, should it arise.

roots around for a few seconds and finally comes back with his prize an unopened box of condoms and a After my dad gave me the talk, he felt it was his duty to make sure I was properly prepared for this

Good man, your dad, Blaine says, nodding to their supplies.

we just

So, Kurt prompts, effectively steering the conversation away from his dad, for the love of god, do I think, Blaine says, taking the condoms and lube from Kurts hand to set them aside for the

moment, we can just keep kissing. And go from there.

Kurt nods readily and allows Blaine to press him down into the bed. Its nice like this, with Blaines small body hovering over his as their lips meet once again in a slow, familiar dance that just makes Kurt melt pulls away to mouth and suck along his throat instead, Kurt cant help but moan softly and drag his fingers his pajama bottoms. A single finger dips below the waistband and trails from hip to hip, sliding so slowly, teasing the sensitive skin there and flicking at the top of his underwear. Blaine, Kurt gasps, I I want to feel please. into his sheets and pillows. He loops his arms around Blaines neck, pulling him down until theyre chest to chest again, until theyre breathing against each other and losing themselves to sensation. When Blaine down Blaines naked back. Blaines curious hand returns, though this time it sneaks down to the front of

Even though his plea had come out disjointed and lacking a few specific words hed needed to get his point edge of Kurts pajama pants and underwear. Its then when Kurt realizes hes still technically wearing his onto the floor before giving Blaine a nod to continue.

across, Blaine seems to understand because he pulls back onto his knees and tucks his fingers into the sleep shirt, even though its spread open to reveal his chest and stomach, so he twists out of it and tosses it Blaine tugs slowly, Kurt lifting his hips when necessary, and soon enough his pajamas bottoms and his underwear find themselves in a heap on the floor near Blaines sleep shirt. - 183 -

Contents Kurt shivers when the cool air of the room collides with his skin. Blaine pauses. He stares down at Kurts naked form, gaze raking up and down and then back up again until his eyes meet Kurts. Youre Kurt, youre beautiful, he breathes.

Kurts breath hitches at the expression on Blaines face and the look in his eyes; no one has ever looked at him like that before like hes the most amazing creation on the face of this entire planet. I can I see you? Kurt asks, doing his best not to shy away from Blaines gaze.

Blaine shakes himself from his daze and nods, climbing off the bed. When he pulls down his own pajama with thighs that look entirely too strong for one so small. His erection protrudes, thick and heavy, from a thatch of dark hair between his hips and good lord, Kurt has never itched to touch someone so badly in his this boy until hes all better again.

pants and underwear, Kurt gulps. Blaine stands at the side of his bed, all thin limbs and coffee-tinted skin, life. Blaines waist is just as small as the rest of him and maybe a bit too trim, but Kurt promises to feed

But right now

Now he just wants to feel.

Blaine comes willingly, sure to tug Kurts sheet up over their bodies before settling atop Kurt once again. Only this time, everything is naked skin and their erections bump between them, eliciting a sharp gasp from both of their mouths. Oh, Kurt sighs the moment Blaine rolls his hips experimentally. Thats oh.

Youre gorgeous, Kurt says with an easy smile, reaching out to pull Blaine back to bed. Cmere.

Humming his agreement, Blaine lowers his head to nuzzle his forehead against Kurts cheekbone. He dragging out another moan from Kurts throat.

presses a quick kiss to the corner of Kurts lips and moves again, gently grinding their hips together and C-Closer, Kurt pants, fingers digging into Blaines naked back. Please? - 184 -

You have you ever with fingers? To yourself? Blaine asks, pausing in his movements.

Contents Yeah, Kurt admits, feeling the heat return to his cheeks. But only like, two or three times.

A kiss to his temple.

And then he pulls away, just for a few seconds to retrieve the bottle of lubricant and coat his fingers thoroughly. Can you, um, spread your legs?

Ill go slow, Blaine promises.

Blaines voice is shaky, but still so deep that it makes Kurt want to moan. He hitches one of his legs up, effectively spreading himself open and he notes how Blaine swallows loudly at the sight. He feels a bit too ever so slowly over his inner thigh. together. So he sucks in a breath, willing his body to relax the moment he feels Blaines palm caressing Your skins so soft, Blaine whispers, planting a kiss in that dip next to Kurts hip bone. vulnerable like this, but he remembers that its Blaine sweet, gentle, loving Blaine and theyre doing this

He slides his fingers down to Kurts entrance, all slick and smooth as they stroke, and then one of them where it rests against his thigh. inner walls.

slips in. Its just the tip, but Kurt sucks in a quick breath. His hand flies out to grip at Blaines other hand Ive got you, Blaine promises, sliding his finger in until its knuckle deep and stroking over Kurts

We shouldve been doing this way sooner.

J-Jesus, Kurt pants, almost choking on his own breath when Blaine drags it out just to push back in.

Blaine responds with tiny bit of laughter and a second finger pushing in along with the first, stretching and curving, pumping in and out of Kurt at a lazy pace. He leans up to press soft kiss at the edge of Kurts parted mouth. Does it feel good? - 185 -

Contents against Blaines body. Oh god, all the time, I want this all the time. Please, please, more. Are you kidding? Its ah, yes, th-there! Kurt whines, arching off the bed and then curling in

Smiling against Kurts cheek, he presses in another finger and reaches in to stroke that same magic spot, causing Kurt to bury his face in Blaines chest while he moans and whimpers without restraint, clinging to Blaines bicep. One more, okay? Just to make sure youre stretched enough, Blaine says softly, doing exactly that.

And holy mother of its so much, but Kurt rocks down onto those four fingers.

God, Kurt, Blaine groans. Are you okay? Youre so tight, I dont wanna-

taught, sweat caught on his skin where his body meets Blaines at his side. But theyre just not close enough. him.

Its a lot, its a lot, but it feels good, please dont stop, Kurt babbles in response, his body strung

You want you now, Kurt says, reaching down to grip Blaines wrist and drag his fingers out of

Youre sure?

Want you closer, Kurt attempts to explain. Please?

Kurt just lays there, chest rising rapidly and falling just the same while he waits for Blaine to slide one on.

O-Okay, Blaine stutters, turning and grabbing the box of condoms.

Hes trembling he can feel it in his limbs. Theyre really about to have sex. Kurt hadnt exactly expected cuddling for hours is one thing, and hes always felt connected to Blaine on a remarkably deep level, but theyre about to cement it.

this night to go, well, in this direction, but that was before he knew Blaine wanted him, too. Kissing and

And no matter what happens, no matter if they grow apart, no matter if Blaine finds he cant be a part of this very peculiar family theyve created, theyll always have this. - 186 -

Contents And no one can take this away from him.

When Blaine finally finishes rolling the condom on and after he slicks himself up, he crawls over Kurt, stretching his body out until theyre flush, feet to chest, and kisses him soundly. I I need to tell you something, Blaine says, before we do this. What is it?

ribcage. And thats why I mean, I wasnt lying when I said I wanted this because I want to be as close to so scared you wouldnt-

I love you, Blaine reveals, and Kurt thinks he can feel Blaines heartbeat quicken beneath his

you as I can. But I want to be close because I love you and and Im sorry I never told you before but I was I love you, too Kurt tells him, slipping a hand up to cup the back of Blaines neck and pull him

down for another kiss. You really?

Blaine smiles and Kurt thinks that smile could light up the world if given the chance. He presses their opening.

I think I always have. I just didntknow it.

foreheads together, nodding just slightly, and Kurt lifts his legs in order to wrap them around Blaines

waist. The action causes Blaine to slip lower and Kurt feels the slick, smooth slide of him against his Please? he whispers,

Theres a shaky nod on Blaines end and he lifts himself up onto his elbows before sliding one hand between their bodies, gripping his erection and lining himself up with Kurts entrance. Ready? he asks softly.

Kurt just licks his lips and whispers, Yeah. - 187 -

Contents With that, Blaine pushes inside, air rushing out of both of their lungs when he does. Kurt squeezes Blaines way in. shoulders with so much force that hes sure hell leave behind bruises, but then Blaine slides in further,

inch by inch, his movements so painstakingly slow that Kurt thinks hell go mad before hes finally all the But then hes there, pushed in to the hilt, and Kurt sucks in a breath he hadnt known hed needed. Theyre here. Theyre as close as two people can get without melting into each other and Kurt has never felt so full so glad they decided to.

finally here pieced together like a puzzle, a little sweaty, and limbs taught with restraint, but theyre or right or miraculously whole as he does right now. Even though he hadnt been expecting this, he is so, Holy shit, Blaine breathes against Kurts ear. Youre so tight. I want but I dont wanna- Its okay, Kurt tells him. You can move. Just go slow.

Blaine heaves a shuddering breath before he settles himself onto his elbows, both of his hands tangling in wanton, even in his own ears.

Kurts hair, and slides out. When he plunges back in, Kurt moans, long and low, and the noise is so utterly Oh my god, he groans when Blaine does it again. We we have to be quiet, Blaine stammers.

flesh of his ass.

Sorry, Im sorry, Kurt whines, dragging his hands down Blaines back in order to squeeze the firm

Blaines hips jerk, causing his thrust to be swift and shallow, and Kurt stares up at him in surprise. Im sor-

Blaine pauses, but only for a second before complying. His movements are steady, yet quick, the head of

No, Kurt interrupts. Again, do it again.

his erection really the only thing that slides in and out, but Kurt tosses his head back and Blaine has to - 188 -

swoop down and swallow his inevitable moan with a kiss. Kurts legs begin to shake. Blaine thrusts back in

Contents deeply, pumping inside like that for a few strokes and then returning to the shallow little jerks instead. Kurt feels like hes falling apart. Dont stop, he whimpers against Blaines lips. Please, dont ever stop.

Blaine just kisses him deeper, swiping his tongue into Kurts mouth in time with his hips. Kurt clings to Blaines back and takes it, he takes it all, takes everything Blaine gives him, even the sensation of the hair on his stomach where it rubs against Kurts straining erection caught between them. I oh god, I cant-

Blaine quickens his thrusts, slamming into Kurt, and Kurt hopes no one hears the sound of his bed frame just barely knocking against the wall. But he cant think about that when Blaine suddenly finds that spot inside him, brushing over it intermittently. He almost screams when it happens, but at the last minute hes able to bury his face in Blaines neck. And its there where he catches Blaine scent, almost chased away by sex and sweat but its there, warm and sweet and familiar and he thought hed lost it.

Harder, Kurt breathes, voice ragged and spent.

Tears gather in the corners of his eyes. He tightens his hold around Blaines back with both his legs and arms, squeezing with every muscle in his body because he is never letting him go again.

Not ever.

His hips jerk wildly, thrusts suddenly erratic, and when he comes, his voice is pitched high and soft, right in Kurts ear. He presses hard against Kurts body, stomach rubbing and catching along Kurts erection, and then Kurts coming too and he can feel Blaine twitching so deep inside of him. He cries with the force out those last few waves of pleasure crashing over them. of it all, those tears in his eyes spilling over onto his eyelashes and the skin of Blaines neck. They both ride Kurt can feel the sweat drenching his body. His legs tremble. His stomach quivers. Quite suddenly, he is absolutely exhausted.

K-Kurt, Kurt, Blaine groans, clearly feeling it when Kurts muscles tighten around him.

- 189 -

Contents But hes afraid to move because he wants to keep Blaine with him and in him for as long as he can. anywhere.

Shh, Blaine whispers, though his voice is barely there and breathy. Im right here. Im not going

Kurt realizes hes been crying harder than he thought. Blaine peppers his face with quick, messy kisses and slides his hands beneath Kurts armpits in order to hold on to his shoulders. Please stay, Kurt begs, feeling entirely too pathetic. I will.

You cant leave again. I wont. Blaine.

And then Kurt is sobbing with relief, crying harder than he did even at this Samantha Andersons sex-warm and sweaty and their heartbeats are still a bit irregular. and I thought Id never be happy again. Im sorry, Im so sorry.

Im here, Kurt.

graveside because Blaine came home. He came back and hes here, with Kurt, in his bed, and his skins still Why did you leave me? Kurt whines. Why I cried so much and I thought you were gone forever

but I couldnt stop looking.

Everyone thought I was crazy, but I knew you had to be out there. I think if I never found you Shh, Blaine whispers. Everythings okay now. Im god, Im sorry I put you through all that. I

never meant to, I swear it. But I I always knew you were stronger than me. I knew youd be okay. But I wasnt, Kurt admits. I wasnt okay for a long time. - 190 -

Contents Blaine captures his lips in another kiss, though this one is fierce and possessive and rough, but its just the thing Kurt needs to remind himself that the wait is over. Because Blaines here. ever met.

You always told me I was brave, Blaine says against his lips. But youre the bravest person Ive

Kurt cries even harder at that, crashing their lips together once more. It isnt even a kiss, not really; its his head back so he can look down into Kurts eyes and trail his thumb through Kurts tears. Youre very brave, Blaine says.

just a press of lips so hard that he can feel Blaines teeth through his skin. Blaine breaks it though, pulling

Kurt shakes his head, clawing at the back of Blaines neck in an attempt to force him back down into a kiss. No, Blaine says. Say it. Blaine-

And Kurt thinks about the past two months, about all of the days he didnt even want to get out of bed and such pity, about his determination and his good heart that Sam insisted he has, and he breathes deeply. Im very brave, he whispers. Yes, we are.

Please. Please say it.

go to school, about how he never gave up in his search for Blaine even after everyone looked on him with

Blaine smiles down at him. He leans in for another kiss, gentle and slow this time. Kurt finally drops his legs, hissing at the ache in his muscles, and sighs. His body is sated and his heart is slowly becoming lighter with each drag of Blaines lips and every passing second. The hour grows late, ticking close to midnight. Happy birthday, Kurt.

- 191 -

Contents

Part Twenty-Three
I found my mom, Blaine reveals early the next morning, when the suns just peeking through

Kurts curtains and the house is still asleep. Everything is so quiet, save for his words and their breath. I know, Kurt admits. I I went to her grave. You what?

to your dads house.

When I said that I looked for you, I meant it, Kurt explains. I ran into the guy that gave you a ride

Blaines voice is a bit too timid for Kurts liking, so he squeezes his arm tighter around Blaines shoulders, tugging him even closer where his head is nestled on Kurts naked chest. He doesnt want Blaine to be embarrassed or ashamed or anything like that. They need to be able to talk about this. Briefly, Kurt says.

So youmet him.

And he told you what happened to her? Blaine wonders. Without even knowing who you were?

very drunk.

I told him that we were friends and that youd been staying with me. Im pretty sure he was, um,

Kurt swallows hard, biting his tongue so he doesnt ask too many questions too soon. There are still so many mysteries surrounding Blaine and his life and Kurt just wishes he could ask. He wants to know, but not because hes some gossip queen or too curious for his own good; he wants to know because he wants to understand Blaine completely, inside and out. But hes not going to force this, not after Blaines only just returned to the safety of his arms. Andersons grizzly demise into such plain words.

Hes always drunk, Blaine says.

He said that she well, he told me how she died, Kurt tells him, unable to put Samantha - 192 -

Contents Blaine, it seems, doesnt quite have that problem.

She was shot, Blaine states. Its okay, you can say it. Thats what happened.

only told me that it happened in Detroit.

Do you, I mean, yeah, thats what he said, Kurt says. But do you know exactly what happened? He She got caught in the middle of someone elses fight, Blaine explains. Wrong place, wrong time,

from what I understand. The shooting wasnt anything to do with her. They l-left her for dead. Im sorry, Kurt whispers. We dont have to talk about this.

just like Gwen told me its going to get harder for me to deal with it if I dont talk about it. But its reallydark stuff.

Yes we do, Blaine says resolutely and Kurt can feel his back stiffen. Its just like you said before,

My life is full of dark stuff, Blaine says.

youre not ready to talk about.

I dont want to pry, though. I never shouldve tried to get you to open up to me, not if its stuff

I have talked about it. I talked about pretty much everything to Gwen.

about it to someone.

Thats good, Kurt concedes, but you dont have to tell me anything else, so long as you talked

the sheets, until hes propped up on his elbows and facing Kurt with his warm, pretty eyes. I do have to

No, Blaine says. He turns in Kurts embrace, their bodies still naked and pressed together beneath

like I said last night. I cant keep so many secrets from you. Its hard to talk about, I wont lie about that. And there are some things that are harder to admit than others but I wanna be with you. I want and I happen. But without that stuff, I wouldnt be who I am now. - 193 cant keep pretending like theres stuff that doesnt hurt or pretend like it never happened because it did But I already love you back, Kurt insists. Nothings going to change that.

tell you. And Ill probably have to tell your parents eventually, too. But with you I love you, okay? Just

Contents I want you to be able to love all of me, though, Blaine says softly.

sliding his fingers into Blaines hair. But I will listen to anything you feel like you need to say. Whenever youre ready. Blaines smile is serene then, and he dips his head down to press a kiss to Kurts shoulder. winning any father of the year contests.

I do, Kurt says, just as gently as he reaches out, cupping Blaines cheek with one hand before

So, he begins anew, you met my dad. Im sorry for that. Hes not exactlywell, he wont be

what he said because just remembering it makes me sick. But he told you where my mom was buried?

The things he said, Kurt recalls, cringing visibly and shaking his head. God, I cant even tell you

flowers you left for her. I was there a couple weeks too late, though. You were long gone. Im sorry, Blaine says, resting his head on Kurts chest once again.

Just in passing, really. He mentioned Pioneer. It wasnt hard to find the place after that. I I saw the

Dont, Kurt says quickly. Youre here now, right? Thats what matters.

They lie there like that for a long while, Blaine tucked into Kurts side with his arm draped heavily over for as long as he likes or, at least until they need to get up and get dressed.

Im here now, Blaine affirms and Kurts can feel his lips curve up into a smile against his skin.

Kurts stomach. Kurts fingertips trace a nonsensical pattern over Blaines shoulder, happy to do just that Dyou think theyll know? Blaine wonders, voice becoming heavy with sleep. About us? Is it selfish of me to hope not?

me selfish, too.

No, Blaine breathes in contentment, snuggling further beneath the sheets. Because thatd make

- 194 -

Contents finds out weuh I just want to keep it to myself for a little while. And I dont know what my dad will do when he

alone together, too. I dont really wanna deal with that.

He wont let us sleep together anymore, Blaine states. Hell probably be wary of us spending time So were going to be sneaky, devious teenagers and keep our relationship secret so we can make

out and have sex when were alone or when everyone else is asleep?

Blaine giggles into the curve of Kurts neck before he says, You make it sound so tawdry. Yeah, well, Kurt says with a shrug. We know its not.

safe.

We do, Blaine agrees, pressing a kiss to Kurts jaw. We should probably get up, though. Just to be

five more minutes like this.

Five more minutes, Kurt decides, settling deeper into the bed and holding Blaine close. I just want

Five more minutes, then, Blaine agrees softly.

Kurt shouldve suspected that Finn would make a phone call to Rachel when he found out Blaine had plate of her famous Im Sorry cookies that have been redesigned to say Welcome Back. made cookies!

returned, and he also shouldve expected Rachel to show up on his doorstep, promptly at noon, bearing a Is he here? she asks brightly. Finn called and said that he came back! Can I see him? Is he okay? I Hes in the shower, Kurt says, accepting the plate when she shoves it into his hand before she

shoves her way past Kurt entirely. Look, its nice that you came over, but I dont know if hes ready to meet new people right now. He only just got back and-

- 195 -

Contents brought the entire club with me. Not to mention, I helped you look for him for weeks. I think I have the right to meet him. You kept him a secret from me for months, Rachel reminds. And Im just one person. Its not like I

and Kurt immediately regrets shouting at her. Im sorry. Shit, Im sorry, okay? I do appreciate all the time you took to help me find him, I do. Im nothing but grateful, but I havent had any time to talk to him about dont want to force new people on him if hes not ready. meeting my friends and he he seems better than he was before, but I dont know how much better. And I Its just me, though, Rachel says softly. I wont Ill be really nice, I promise. And I wont I wont

You dont have a right to do anything! Kurt snaps. Rachel steps back, fear in her big brown eyes

be my usual abrasive self and I wont be loud and and cookies!

Kurt cant help but smile. She has been pretty good about this whole thing and she never once complained about how often Kurt dragged her out of Lima to search for a boy shed never met. Let me ask him, Kurt says. But if hes not ready for this, Im not going to make him meet you. Perfectly understandable.

Make coffee while I run upstairs? Of course.

him in the privacy of his room. Like, right now?

Shes downstairs? Blaine asks blankly, towel still wrapped around his waist when Kurt corners She brought cookies, Kurt says in a grim tone. I tried to but she helped me look for you. I

couldnt just say no outright so I said Id ask you first. But if you dont want to do this, you dont have to. Dont think that youre obligated to do this because youre not. You only just got home and I dont want you to think that you- Shes your best friend, right? - 196 -

Contents W-Well, yeah, Kurt concedes. But that doesnt mean- I should meet her, then, Blaine decides.

And then he drops his towel. around completely naked.

Kurt cant determine what hes more surprised about: Blaine saying yes or the fact that hes walking Oh god, and even though his waist is too small for someone his size, even though he clearly needs nourishment, Kurt remembers how perfectly their bodies had fit together last night. He remembers the scent of sweat and sex and soap on Blaines skin and his promise to never leave again and now all Kurt wants to do is tumble back into bed and make him sigh and writhe and moan. -you think?

Oh. Blaines been talking. I what?

Blaine smirks and reaches into his underwear drawer, withdrawing a pair of boxer briefs and sliding them on. When theyre up and over his hips, he lets the waistband snap loudly against his skin. says. You probably shouldnt look at me like that all the time if were supposed to keep this a secret, he Well if you didnt walk around naked or have such a nice ass, I wouldnt have to. What were you I said that Im not as nervous as I used to be, not since talking with Gwen so much, and that itd

saying before?

probably be good for me to meet new people. And if Rachels your best friend, theres no one better to start with. Are you sure? Kurt asks warily. Rachels great but shetakes some getting used to. Just dont leave me alone with her. - 197 -

Contents -

Kurt enters the kitchen, Blaine trailing closely behind him. He shoots Rachel a warning gaze, though hes pretty sure she misses it entirely when she catches sight of Blaine for the first time. Blaine, this is Rachel, my best friend who used to be the bane of my existence.

Well? Rachel asks, already pouring three cups of coffee. Whatd he oh!

order to greet Blaine properly. Im Rachel Berry. Its so nice to finally meet you. Wow, I cant believe and we were so scared youd never come back but oh my god, you are adorable. Rachel, Kurt warns.

Im still the bane of your existence. You just love me for it now, she says, breezing past Kurt in

Sorry, she says, cheeks flushing. Coffee?

one of those genuine smiles, like the one he gave when he discovered how much he liked bowties during their huge shopping trip. Kurt said you brought cookies? Yes! she says in a chipper tone, pleased with the proceedings as she rips off the plastic wrap

Yes, please, Blaine says and Kurt can see that hes actually smiling. Its not even a forced smile; its

covering her plate of cookies. Theyre my famous recipe. Usually they say Im sorry. Ive had a lot of things to apologize for in the past. But I think Welcome Back seemed far more appropriate. Because we something. I swear I dont even know how he found time to sleep. All he ever did was talk about y- are glad youre back, you know. I think if you never came back, Kurt wouldve given himself a complex or Who wants cream and sugar? Kurt interrupts loudly, already opening the fridge to retrieve the

creamer. Maybe you should forego the sugar, Rachel. It seems like youve already ingested enough to last you about a week. Im sorry, Im just really excited. Hes hes here, Kurt!

Yes, I know. Hes also standing right next to you and Im sure he knows hes here, too. - 198 -

Contents with Kurt? So, Blaine says, clearly attempting to diffuse Kurts sarcastic ire, youre trying to get into NYADA

Rachel sighs, her good mood instantly dampened, and says, Trying is the key word. Were still waiting on our letters to tell us if were finalists or not. Im sure you will be, Blaine says, smiling once more.

Kurt never told us if you had plans or anything. I dont know what the process is after youve been homeless for so long but- Rachel, Kurt hisses. You cant-

Well see, she says with a shrug. What about you? I mean, do you think youll go back to school?

Its okay, Blaine says softly, placing a calming hand on Kurts shoulder. Really, it is. Im sorry, Rachel mutters. I didnt mean to be so crass.

eggshells around me. And neither do you, Blaine reminds with a pointed look at Kurt. To answer your and Kurt used to teach me all the things hed learned in school when he came home. And maybe I can take some GED classes or something, Im not sure. But Id really just like to be done with it if I can. At that, Rachel gasps and her eyes grow even larger with every passing millisecond. You could come to New York with us! she squeals in delight. Oh, I I dont know if-

Youre not being crass, Blaine says. I was homeless. Its just a fact. You dont have to walk on

question, I think Im going to look into getting my GED. Ive been out of school for a while, but I read a lot

our diplomas, you can get your GED, and you could come to New York for college or or anything you people instead of two. Kurt rolls his eyes.

No, you totally could! she insists, grabbing Blaines hand with probably too much force. Well get

want! Oh, itd be absolutely perfect! And itd be so much cheaper to split an apartment between three

- 199 -

Contents Rachel-

Shut up, you, she says. Like youre ever letting him out of your sight again.

he wants to do with his life. He doesnt need to follow us around like some puppy. Thats not what I-

He can do what he wants, Kurt states. Hes allowed to go to any school he likes and do whatever

could technically come with you if I did. But if youdont want me to, then I can think of somewhere else to go. No, no, thats not what I meant, Kurt says quickly, reaching for Blaines free hand while the other is

and Kurts stomach does that silly flip flop thing. I mean, I dont even know if Ill pass the GED test but I I

Do younot want me to come? Blaine asks, looking up at Kurt with those sad, familiar round eyes

still trapped in Rachels firm grip. I just want you to do what you want. Just because youre staying here and we I mean, youre not obligated to come with me. You can if you want, of course you can. But I dont want you to think thats the only choice you have. He hopes Rachel didnt notice his little slip he almost mentioned their currently secret relationship and city.

wow, hes really going to have to work on that. But Rachel seems too preoccupied with staring at Blaines face, her small frame vibrating with excitement at the prospect of another friend joining them in the big Ive always wanted to see New York, Blaine finally says.

He flushes from his cheeks all the way down to his neck and Kurt smiles in return.

Rachel plants a wet kiss to Blaines cheek before reaching for Kurts hand as well. They stand like that in future.

the kitchen for a long moment, looking around at each other and smiling broadly at their dreams for the Three New York hopefuls.

- 200 -

Contents Thats when Kurt realizes hes the tallest of the bunch and he laughs loudly into the kitchen, so much happiness in his heart that it bubbles over and laces itself into the sound, echoing all throughout the rest of the house.

- 201 -

Contents

Part Twenty-Four
The world seems so much brighter.

For once in his life, Kurt Hummel feels like hes been given a break. He hasnt laughed or smiled this much and so long. The future will figure itself out, he decides. Theres no point in stressing out, even after he receives his letter from NYADA expressing their regrets and informing him that he isnt a finalist. With Blaine at his side, they research other universities, all in New York, focusing on ones with notable

programs in musical theatre or fashion design. He has to send in his applications quickly, but he sends out four in one day and theyll make it just in time for the deadline. His grades and SAT scores are perfectly acceptable. His best friend is a finalist at NYADA and well on her way to achieving her dreams. High school is almost over. Blaine is home.

And Kurt is happy. -

Can I tell you something?

naked bodies pressed together beneath the sheets.

Of course, Blaine says, yawning against Kurts chest where his head is currently resting, their

that. But I wanted to keep everything clean while you were gone. So I did your laundry and- Did you find your tape?

After you left, Kurt begins slowly, Iwent into your room. I didnt snoop around or anything like

Kurt gawks, staring down at the top of Blaines head in the dark. You you left it there for me to find? he asks.

- 202 -

Contents As touching as the sentiment seems, its actually extremely depressing. To think that Blaine had left the tape in that exact spot with the sole intention of Kurt finding it after hed left, well, it leaves an unpleasant taste in Kurts mouth.

you. I justneeded to work up to it. If you were putting clothes away, though, it makes sense that youd find it. I didnt leave it there for you to find that way, though. After I was gone, I mean. So you youre not mad that I listened to it?

Not exactly, Blaine says. But I remember leaving the tape in my dresser. I was waiting to give it to

The corners of Blaines lips quirk up into a smile and Kurt feels it against his skin. Blaine lifts himself up, draping his arms over Kurts chest and propping his head atop them. Kurt can only just make out the shape of his eyes, nose, and lips in the dark, but its enough to see that hes still smiling, almost serenely. It was yours, Kurt, Blaine whispers. Im just sorry I wasnt here to give it to you myself.

song, I mean? Will you play it live for me?

It was beautiful, Kurt says, his words just as soft as Blaines. Will you play it for me one day? The

Just for you, Blaine tells him. Itll just be you, me, and my guitar. What, no clothes? Kurt teases.

Blaine giggles, pinching Kurts side, causing him to giggle as well before they remember that they still need to be quiet so as not to wake the rest of the house. a wink. I guess I can make it a clothing optional concert, Blaine relents and Kurt can only just catch sight of Oh god, now I cant stop picturing you playing the guitar naked, Kurt groans. And its a really

awesome visual. But we just had sex and Im so tired. the morning before everyone else wakes up.

Sleep, Blaine urges, leaning up to kiss the tip of Kurts nose. Maybe Ill tire you out some more in

- 203 -

Contents Blaine settles back on Kurts chest, pushing himself up until his head bumps Kurts chin. Kurt smiles and everything feels extremely peaceful, the way it always does at night when theyre just two boys who make love and cuddle like morning will never come. On nights like these, it feels like they have all the time in the miserable for months, and they can forget that theyre keeping this all a little too secretive. And then Blaine opens his mouth, his voice a mere whisper, and begins to sing. as you begins to thread his fingers lazily through Blaines still-sex-sweaty hair. Hes sated, content, and

world to stay close and they can forget that Blaine ever suffered, they can forget that Kurt made himself

I pray, please be strong for me, because I dont know how to be, I struggle to find company, as good

A week later, Kurt is torn from a dead sleep, ripped from a wonderful dream when he hears the sound of

screaming. Hes so completely stunned at first that all he can do is bolt up in his bed and suck in a deep breath. The scream feels like its about to take down the entire house, like its rocking the very foundations someones very soul and Blaine. on which their home sits and god, its terrifying. It sounds visceral, as if its being wrenched out from

Kurt tears of out of his bed, not even bothering with a robe or shirt to cover his bare chest, and stumbles shut.

out of his room and down the hall. When he gets there, his dad steps calmly out of Blaines room and Kurt

catches sight of Carole wrapping her arms around Blaine as his screams die down. Burt pulls the door Let me-

Kurt, stop, Burt says firmly, placing his hands on Kurts shoulders. But he needs me!

Carole take this one. He needs to know he can trust us too, remember? - 204 -

Youre not the only one that can comfort him after a nightmare, buddy, Burt says. You gotta let

Contents Then why arent you in there? Kurt demands to know. him.

Cause the kid just screamed louder when I tried to help, Burt growls. Wouldnt even let me touch Butwhat? Kurt asks, the fight immediately leaving his limbs. But you you hug him all the time

now and he seems-

Kurt sucks in a sharp breath.

You cant see it, but he goes stiff as a board in my arms, Kurt. It happens every time.

You you dont think his dad dyou think he-

Kurts stomach. We gotta let him come out with it on his own.

I think theres a lot we still dont know, Burt says, clearly attempting to calm the churning worry in

Blaine, rocking him through his tears until hes too tired to cry and all he can do is sleep. The thought vicious haunting. Blaine had been screaming like a man possessed. bedroom.

Kurt pales, staring past his dads shoulder at the closed door. He should be in there. He should be holding

makes Kurts heart ache protectively in his chest. Blaine hasnt had a nightmare that Kurt knows of

since hes been back home, but it seems like all the nights he went without them have culminated into one, Go on back to bed, kiddo, his dad urges gently, already steering Kurt in the direction of his

But-

Carole can stay with him until he falls back to sleep. What if-

Kurt groans but does as his dad insists and returns to his bed, sure to leave the door open in case Blaine feels the need to come to him sometime in the night. - 205 -

This aint up for debate. You can talk to him in the morning.

Contents Blaine never comes, though. Eventually, Kurt falls asleep due to pure exhaustion, making a promise to check on Blaine the moment he wakes up. -

That next morning, however, Blaines room is empty and quiet. When Kurt slips downstairs, he catches sight of Blaine and Carole hugging in the kitchen, with Carole whispering something too softly for Kurt to backs away after a long minute. Blaine wipes at what appear to be his wet cheeks. hear. He remains out of sight, afraid that he might be intruding on some kind of private moment. Carole You should tell him, Carole says, just loud enough for Kurt to overhear. If youre ready, of course.

Blaine only nods. Carole pats his shoulder and turns, ducking out of the kitchen and leaving through the front door. Instead of walking straight into the kitchen once theyre completely alone in the house, Kurt leans back

against the wall, attempting to force away the disappointment creeping into his mind. After everything, after all the progress he and Blaine had made together, after the admission of love and the kissing and the and Carole second. sex, Blaine still doesnt trust Kurt enough to tell him about his past. No, he had confided in a stranger first All at once, Kurt is irrationally jealous and saddened to the point of tears.

Had he done something wrong? Had he not been supportive enough? Had Blaine stopped trusting him after Kurt had confessed discussing Blaines issues with Carole behind his back, even if Kurt had thought he was only trying to help? Whats worse is the fact that Kurt feels this way at all. Guilt begins to take up residence in his mind, along knows that the stranger had been a counselor with the ability to help Blaine cope with his problems and he knows that Carole is an adult with a gentle disposition and a kind soul who wants nothing best for the both of them. The logical part of his brain continues to scream those facts at him as a reminder, but the emotional part keeps shouting: Am I not enough for you?

with that jealousy and that sadness, because he has no right to deny Blaine the comfort and security he so clearly needs, no matter where hes able to find it. The boy has suffered horribly. Kurt knows this. And he

- 206 -

Contents Kurt bites back what he deems a pathetic whimper, attempting to temper down his emotions. It doesnt matter. He loves Blaine.

And hell love him even if Blaine decides to never tell Kurt about his past. Itll be hard because hell always hes ever met.

wonder, hell always have questions that wont ever be answered, but Blaine is still the most amazing boy He has to hold that fact close to his heart. kitchen with a strained smile on his lips.

With a deep breath and a quick brush to his face to wipe away any evidence of tears, Kurt enters the Morning, he greets, pressing a hasty kiss into Blaines hair.

Morning, Blaine replies with a yawn. Carole made Kurt, whats wrong?

What? Nothing, Kurt says, turning away to pour himself a cup of coffee. Im fine. But you look like youve been crying, Blaine says.

He reaches for Kurts hand but Kurt twists away, reaching for his favorite mug in the cabinet.

Hey, stop, Blaine orders, gripping Kurts wrist and forcing him to turn around. Look at me. Its just allergies, okay? I wasnt crying.

you cry before, remember? I know what you look like.

Allergies might make your eyes red and puffy, but they dont make your face all splotchy. Ive seen

Theres no reason to cry. Theres not. Im just tired and I have allergies.

Well I wasnt, Kurt insists, already feeling a fresh wave of tears prickling at his eyes. This is stupid.

Please stop lying to me, Blaine says softly, slipping his hand into Kurts. Please. Im not lying, I just need coffee.

- 207 -

Contents Why wont you just talk to me? Blaine pleads.

Because Im pissed off and I didnt want to take it out on you, Kurt says. So stop pushing.

please tell me whats wrong. I just wanna help.

But I I love you, Blaine says. If youre mad I dont want you to keep secrets from me. Please,

Blaine drops Kurts hand, backing away slowly until theres about two feet of space between them in the kitchen. Kurt immediately regrets his words when he sees the look of utter horror that crosses Blaines face. What is that supposed to mean?

had mere moments ago in the hallway. Because Im the one keeping secrets.

Right, Kurt scoffs, unable to keep the words from tumbling out of his mouth after the revelation he

that.

Shit, Kurt mumbles, disappointed in his inability to hold his tongue. Im sorry. I didnt mean to say

Tell me what you meant.

screaming and I stayed awake for most of the night because I was worried about you. Im just emotionally overwrought. That may be, Blaine says, but that doesnt explain what you just said.

Its nothing, okay? Im just tired. My dad wouldnt let me in your room last night when you woke up

Please, I dont wanna fight right now, especially not about this. I didnt even mean to say it. Well youre the one that said it so youre obviously angry about something I did. You didnt do anything. Apparently I did.

I never said that, Kurt returns.

- 208 -

Contents Then tell me what you meant. Blaine, just leave it.

narrowing his gaze. If were going to do this and were going to live together, I think we should be up front. So explain. You dont need to be aware of every single thought in my head.

No, I want us to be honest with each other, Blaine says, crossing his arms over his chest and

so go on.

But this one seems to take up enough space in it to the point where you felt the need to express it,

to tell me yours? Kurt snaps. Its a two way street. Honesty goes both ways. shock.

Why should I have to outline all of my problems when youre the one who doesnt trust me enough

Blaine blinks once, jaw snapping shut as his apparent angers falls from his face, only to be replaced with What? he asks blankly.

should tell me something, but only if youre ready.

I heard Carole this morning, Kurt reveals in a hard tone. I heard her talking to you about how you

Well yeah, she thinks I should tell you about my nightmare last night, Blaine says.

conscious consent. Because you told her! You told her before you told me! Christ, dont you remember them? Do you have any idea how bad that makes me feel? Kurt, thats not what hap-

Exactly! Kurt explodes, the lack of sleep, anxiety, and resentment all coming to a head without his

how long it took you to open up to me? Even just about the little stuff? But all of the sudden you can just spill whatever secret or talk about your nightmares to someone who hasnt held you through most of

months, Kurt says, those angry, jealous tears spilling down his cheeks. I love you and you you say you - 209 -

I was the one who took care of you and I was the one that listened to you cry almost every night for

Contents love me but you cant even trust me enough to talk to me about that stuff now and it makes me god, it makes me feel like shit. And I didnt even want to tell you any of this because it makes me sound so selfish and pathetic and clingy but I cant help it, I cant. It just I feel useless and I hate feeling like this because me to take care of you or hold you. It scares me. It terrifies me and Im sorry, Im so sorry. youre a person and I cant control you and I want you to be happy but I want you to be happy with me. But

then I think I think about how how one day you might not need me anymore because you wont need

A sob gets caught in his throat, cutting off whatever else his stupid emotions decided to reveal, and he covers his face. Kurt can feel Blaines eyes on him; tiny lasers focused on his every movement. He despises doesnt want anyone looking at him when hes such a mess, not even Blaine, who has probably seen him at his most vulnerable. Come here, Blaine says, his voice clear and strong, leaving no room for argument. being under such scrutiny at this moment because he feels like hes coming apart at the seams and he

Theres a hand on Kurts back, then, guiding him over to the kitchen table and gently pushing him to sit Kurts feet and stares up at Kurts face, his eyes completely open, honest, and heartfelt.

down in a chair. He hangs his head, but Blaine remains in his line of sight as he settles on the floor at First of all, Blaine begins, draping an arm over Kurts lap, I do trust you. And I do love you. Im

sorry that you ever doubted either of those things. That was never my intention. Second, I didnt tell Carole what my nightmare was about. You you didnt? Kurt asks through his sniffles. No.

Oh, great. Now Kurt feels like a complete and utter jerk. He feels the color drain from his face. But then what was she talking about this morning? Kurt wonders.

crying and asking for you, Blaine explains. I dont think I was fully awake because Carole offered to go and get you, but then I started babbling about how I didnt want to bother you and keep you up and maybe - 210 it was best if I just let it go. She said it was probably better if I talked to someone about, namely you

Last night, after I was done screaming the house down sorry about that, by the way I started

Contents because she knows youre the one Im closest to, and then I started crying about how I couldnt and how you might not want me here anymore if I told you. I would never-

talking about this morning. She wanted me to tell you about my nightmare because I couldnt talk to her about it, Kurt, not because I told her first and she thought you should know. All she did was rub my back until I fell back to sleep. I didnt tell her anything. Oh.

Im not saying its rational, Blaine cuts in, Im just telling you what happened and what she was

Yes, oh, Blaine echoes with a slight grin. So Ijust yelled at you for no reason.

feet in between them. I think you feel like youre giving more than youre getting from me. No, Kurt says swiftly. Thats not-

Not necessarily, Blaine says, resituating himself on the floor until his legs are spread with Kurts

with a blanket and a winter coat. Kurt snorts.

Its okay, Blaine soothes. Youve given me so much, ever since the night we met. And it all started

Blaine squawks out an indelicate guffaw in response, smashing his blushing face into Kurts lap. Kurt until his laughter dies down and he lifts his head once more.

Yeah, and then it spiraled into my virginity.

chuckles along while ridding himself of the last of his sniffles, carding his fingers through Blaines hair But seriously, Kurt continues after a few moments, thats not what I think. It is, Blaine counters, but I understand.

- 211 -

Contents No, its-

just have to get everything straight in my head, you know? And, well, work up the courage to actually do it. me in a different light. And it might not be a very flattering light.

Its okay, Blaine says calmly. The truth isI think Ill be ready to tell you about everything soon. I

I dont think Im afraid to tell you anymore, not in the way I deliriously thought last night after my nightmare. I dont really think youll like, disown me or kick me out or whatever, but I think you will see Ill still love you, Kurt promises. Nothing youve done can change that. Youre still Blaine.

want to make plans to go with you to New York until Ive told you. Its a promise Ive made to myself and I need to keep it.

Well see, Blaine says with a parting tap to Kurts thighs before he stands. The thing is that I dont

said before, I dont want to force you to talk about anything. I just I just thought you didnt trust me anymore. Or thatyou stopped considering me the first person you trusted. you first. Baby, Blaine whispers, leaning down to press a sweet, tender kiss to Kurts lips, I will always trust

Well, I mean, if thats what you want to do, then okay, Kurt says uneasily. But no matter what I

And while Kurt has never been a fan of such cloyingly sweet endearments, he finds that he cant stop him forever. -

Blaines words from cradling him like a warm embrace, or from tucking them into his pocket to carry with

Burts shout reaches Kurts ears, dragging his attention away from his homework a few weeks after his discussion with Blaine in the kitchen. Life had returned to normal in their little household, with Blaine and familiar routine, save for the new addition of Rachel dragging them out to the mall on the weekends and Blaine meeting Quinn, Tina, and Mercedes for the first time. The girls had taken to Blaine immediately, interacting with his friends. - 212 deeming him adorable in his bowtie when they met for coffee. Kurt had been happy to see Blaine Finn working in the shop and Kurt tutoring Blaine every day after school. They had settled into the

Boys!

Contents But now, as he seats himself between Blaine and Finn on the sofa, while Carole and Burt stand in front of them looking very serious, Kurt is decidedly more worried than happy. Are we in trouble? Finn blurts. Because I told Blaine not to eat the rest of the Oreos. You ate them with me!

Yeah, but you ate the last four!

finish them off because youre a wimp and you couldnt do it first! Boys, Carole cuts in, clearly amused at the banter.

You dared me to! Blaine counters. You said I couldnt eat twenty five and then you dared me to

Kurt rolls his eyes. Sometimes Blaine and Finn act more like brothers than Kurt cares to admit, considering the fact that Finn is his brother and Blaine is most definitely not. No one is in trouble, Carole states. We just have something we want to talk to you about. All of us? Kurt asks, forcing down the urge to shoot Blaine a nervous glance. Yup, Burt answers, because we think its a family matter. Okay Kurt says slowly. What is it?

Sorry, Blaine says, contrite and bashful, sinking back into the couch.

to Finn the other day in the shop about getting your GED, right?

I talked to someone at the Department of Education, Burt explains, about Blaine. You were talkin

Y-Yeah, Blaine stutters. But I couldve called myself. You didnt have to do that for me, sir. Kid, I dont know how many times I gotta say it, but you can call me Burt.

- 213 -

Contents Blaine ducks his head to hide the blush spreading across his cheeks. Kurt smirks. Of course his dad would call on Blaines behalf; even though Blaine clearly has his reservations in regards to Burt as a father figure, that wont ever stop Burt from acting like a father figure. youre still sixteen-

Anyway, I asked em what someone in your situation would have to do to get it. Basically, since

Hell be seventeen soon, Kurt puts in.

crap and that means you gotta get the superintendent from your old school district to sign some form saying you can take it. Well that seems pretty easy, Kurt says.

Even then, Burt continues patiently, since youre under eighteen, you gotta do this age waiver

to talk about.

It does, Carole agrees, though theres a hint of unease in her voice, but thats not the part we need

Blaine goes rigid at Kurts side. Kurt instantly reaches for his hand. solutions.

Youll also need the consent of your parent or guardian, Burt states.

Carole and I talked, Burt says with a pointed glance to his wife, and we came up with two possible

What what solutions? Blaine stammers, anxiety written all over his face.

the quickest route.

We can talk to your dad and convince him to sign the forms youll need, Carole says, which will be

Or? Blaine squeaks.

broad grin, like he just made the greatest discovery of all time. Might as well make it officially, eh? Youre already like our third son! And you and Kurt will be brothers! - 214 -

On the grounds of longstanding neglect, we can petition to adopt you! Burt announces with a

Contents Kurts jaw drops, his grip on Blaines hand goes slack, and he is undeniably, unreservedly mortified.

- 215 -

Contents

Part Twenty-Five
Option one! Blaine blurts out. That is its I mean, you know one thats option one is

great.

way to go. We can get your dad to sign whatever we need him to, right? Sure can, Blaine agrees. Quick and painless.

Fantastic, actually, Kurt adds with probably too much enthusiasm. Option one is definitely the

year is almost over. We dont really have time for that, not if Blaine wants to come to New York at the same time I do. Probably best to just get it over with, Blaine says with an eager nod.

Exactly, Kurt says. And I mean, the whole adoption process will just take so long and the school

dads not exactly the friendliest of people.

I dunno, Burt says, quite obviously confused by their quick responses. Kurt kinda let on that your

Well make it work, Blaine says confidently. Theres no need for adoption.

comfortable here?

Honey, do younot want us to adopt you? Carole asks delicately. Do you still not feel totally

Im comfortable here. And Im so grateful and thankful for everything you guys have done for me.

No, no thats not it, Blaine backpedals. No, thats no, Im sorry, thats not what I meant. Of course

Do you think you might wanna go back to your dads one day or something? Burt wonders. God no, Blaine says, and Kurt can feel him shiver at the suggestion.

basically part of the family, you might be happy about making things more permanent and official. I I do feel like Im part of the family, but-

Were sorry if it was out of line, Carole says. We just thought, you know, since you were already

- 216 -

Contents Blaine looks to Kurt, desperately searching for some kind of help in explaining this situation away. But today, not before theyd come up with a good enough excuse to dissuade his parents from considering this exact possibility. Hes just, um- Kurt is panicking just as much because this is definitely not something he had expected to deal with, not

boyfriends, mom. Blaine doesnt want to be Kurts brother because they had sex and thatd just be weird. thats-

Oh, just - ugh, Finn groans in exasperation. They dont want you to adopt him because theyre

Finn! Kurt shrieks in horror, his voice drowning out Blaines muffled squeak of surprise. You

able to hear you, but I sure could. You guys are so not as quiet as you think you are. stop. Please.

Dude, your bedroom is right across from mine, Finn reminds. Mom and Burt might not have been Finn, please stop talking, Kurt says in a rush. For the love of everything you hold dear, please

Or youre gonna end up with a brother for a boyfriend.

Just fess up, man, Finn says with a shrug, standing in order to leave Kurt to their parents wrath.

He lumbers out of the room, leaving Kurt and Blaine to Burt and Caroles tender mercy. At least, he hopes before finally turning to face his parents.

its mercy. Kurt swallows in apprehension, staring at Blaine, whose cheeks are redder than hes ever seen, Burt Hummel appears absolutely boggled.

Is was he telling the truth? the man asks.

Uhwould you believe me if I said no? Kurt counters weakly.

Kurt, his dad moans in misery, running a hand over his face. Whyd you lie to me, kid? Wait. What? About what?

- 217 -

Contents on. Way back when, Burt recalls. I found you two cuddling and asked if there was somethin going But I wasnt lying! Kurt says in his defense. There wasnt anything going on back then! Well, I

mean, there werefeelings. But I didnt know they were those kinds of feelings. I just thought it was because we were, um, attached to each other. But not like that! Just, you know- Honey, why didnt you just tell us things were getting serious? Carole puts in softly.

Kurt bites his lip, ducking his head in shame. Its not like he thought theyd kick Blaine out or anything, not over something like this. He only wanted to keep it all to himself for a little while. He wanted to keep so that something like this didnt happen. Blaine to himself for a little while. Though, now in hindsight, it mightve been best to just come out with it Of all the crazy things, prospective adoption is what makes them come clean.

It hasnt been serious for that long, Kurt says. Its more of a recent thing. Recent how? Burt prompts.

it wasnt not until he came back.

Umjust just before Blaine left, Kurt reveals. But all we did was kiss back then! We didnt uh,

Happy birthday to me! I lost my virginity!

You mean on your birthday, Burt says.

Kurt chokes on air the moment that fact begins to ring around in his head. Burt snorts loudly. Some present, he mutters. Have you at least been using protection? Dad!

Hey, youre not mature enough to do it if youre not mature enough to talk about it! God, Kurt hisses. Yes, we used protection.

- 218 -

Contents Burt gives a short, pleased nod before turning his attention to Blaine. Youre quiet in all of this, he notices.

His head jerking up, Blaines stares up at Burt with wide, panicked eyes. things.

I I just Im sorry, sir. I never meant Im sorry, Blaine stutters. Im sorry if this changes

Burt blinks back owlishly in response.

What? he asks, quite obviously baffled.

that I never meant to to take advantage of your kindness or anything. Whoa, bud, Im not kickin you out. Yourenot?

I mean, I understand if you dont want me staying here anymore, Blaine says softly. Just know

mean youre any less welcome here than you were ten minutes ago. I just want you boys to be honest with us, you know? Y-Yes, sir, Blaine replies.

Hell no, Burt states. Just cause Kurt sees you like that in the, uh, boyfriend kinda way doesnt

Burt reaches out one of his hands to pat Blaine on the knee in reassurance, but Blaine flinches Blaines knee, and pulls it back into his lap. I know you got issues with me. I dont-

immediately, leaning closer to Kurt as if seeking protection. The response causes Kurt to grit his teeth; he vows to hurt whoever made Blaine feel so afraid of his father. Burt freezes, his hand hovering just above

Listen, Burt says, his tone so gentle that Kurt almost doesnt even recognize his own fathers voice,

- 219 -

Contents from wantin to look out for you. Maybe its weird, what with you and Kurt being together and all, but you Yeah, you do, Burt continues. Thats okay. I get it. Well, I dont really, but that doesnt stop me

I dunno, I cant stop seein you like another one of my kids. But I figure, you know, when your kids get into relationships and crap, their boyfriends or husbands end up being just like family anyway. So I guess its just happening a little early. And no matter what, whether you two stay together in the boyfriend way or not, youve still got a place here, okay? I dont ever want you to worry about that. Not ever. Even though his eyes are welling with tears, Blaine gives a watery smile and a shaky nod in understanding. the knee awkwardly.

He reaches out a tentative hand, pulls it back a fraction, and then finally, with a closed fist, bumps Burt on None of that, Burt says gruffly. Get your ass over here and gimme a hug.

Blaine goes, laughing softly as he does, and winds his arms around Burts broad shoulders. Kurt looks on at the display with tears of his own in his eyes. It isnt so strange; hes seen Blaine give his dad quite a few theyd shared the day Blaine had returned. This one just seems different, though. Its like theyve overcome some great emotional hurdle theyd never really talked about and the sight warms Kurts heart. hugs since hes been back, though most of them have been at Burts insistence, save for the big group hug

close after their hug. No more sex while were in the house. Please? Just just be like other kids. Sneak around and do it behind our backs. Deal? Kurt decides, then and there, that he has the weirdest, most awesome dad in the entire freaking world. -

Can you kids do me a favor, though? Burt asks, patting Blaines back and keeping the small boy

talk to you for a sec?

Hey, Kurt, Burt says later that night, just before Kurt and Blaine are about to trot off to bed. Can I

Kurt shoots his father a wary look and he feels Blaine squeeze his hand in something like reassurance. Dont look like that, Burt chides. Im not about to disown you or anything. I just wanna talk.

Swallowing his nerves, Kurt gives Blaine a nod as if to signal that, yes, hell survive a few moments alone with his big, bad dad, and Blaine disappears upstairs. - 220 -

Contents too weird? Am I in trouble? Kurt asks hesitantly. Should I should we not hold hands or something? Is that Its nothin like that, kiddo, Burt says, placing a hand on Kurts shoulder and guiding him to sit at

the kitchen table. I just got a few questions for you.

Its not about sex, is it? Kurt wonders. Because I really dont want to talk about that kind of-

know if you boys have really thought this through. Seems like it all happenedkinda fast, you know? Sleepin together the first night hes back just doesnt seem like the wisest thing to me. pressured the other. We both wanted it.

Not exactly, Burt interrupts. I mean thats part of it. But not really. Crap, I dunno. I just wanna

If youre wondering if it was entirely consensual for both parties, it was, Kurt states. Neither of us Thats uhnot what I mean, Burt says, looking to shift uncomfortably in his chair. Thats good,

though, that you both wanted it and everything was but thats not what I mean. Thenwhat exactly do you mean?

kinds of feelings. So I just gotta wonder if you know what kind of feelings they are now. Cause, at least on my end, it feels like you two jumped head first into all this. But we didnt, Kurt says honestly. I mean, maybe it sounds like that to you, but we cared about

Earlier today you said you uh, had feelings for Blaine before, but you didnt know they were those

each other long before we slept together. Probably since the first couple of weeks we knew each other. We just didnt know what it really was until recently. So you know what it is now? Burt asks.

Kurt ducks his head shyly. Ideally, this isnt a conversation he wants to have with his father, but after keeping him in the dark for so long, its probably best to just come out and say it. Its love, dad, Kurt says softly. I love him. With pretty much everything I have. And he loves me, - 221 -

but not just for for rescuing him or whatever. He really loves me. Thats why we had sex. We didnt do it

Contents because we hadnt seen each other in months or because we made some stupid, hasty decision, you know? We did it because we love each other and we wanted toshare that, I guess. him only being back for a day and all. Hm, Burt grumbles, though he graces Kurt with a nod. Just seems like it still happened pretty fast, It might seem like that to you, Kurt acknowledges. And Ill be honest: the whole sex thing hadnt

really crossed my mind until it did. When it did, it just made sense. It was consensual, we were safe, and were in love. I dont think I couldve asked for a better first time. He falls quiet after that, as does his dad, and Kurt has to wonder if his dad is feeling just as awkward hearing all of this as Kurt feels admitting to it. But he wants needs his dad to understand. If Burt has it might mean for all of them. that, then. reservations about their relationship, even silently, things in the house will be extremely strained and Kurt doesnt think he can handle that. As such, he waits, apprehensive about his dads response and what

Welp, Burt suddenly announces, pushing himself away from the table and standing, guess thats

W-What? Kurt stammers. Thats thats it?

Is there somethin else I should know about you two?

Wellno, Kurt says. Butthats it? No more lectures or questions?

happy, right?

Cant really argue with love, kid, Burt says with a shrug. Long as youre happy he makes you

He does, Kurt says. He really does.

workin to me. All I can do is wish you the best. And figure out which one of you Ill be walkin down the aisle when the wedding comes.

Thats all I care about, then. You two were safe, you got the right feelings, so it sounds like its

be nice, obviously, but Blaines not even seventeen yet and- - 222 -

Dad! Kurt squeaks. Were not we havent talked about that at all. I mean, not saying it wouldnt

Contents Burts deep laughter rings throughout the kitchen and his heavy hand claps Kurt on the shoulder. while were in the house.

Im just screwin with ya, Burt says in good spirits. Go on up to bed. And remember: no sleepovers

Kurt blushes fiercely, nods, and stands to accompany his dad upstairs. His heart feels lighter and his And they can do it with his dads consent. That means more to Kurt than his dad will probably ever know. can truly start now. They can move on with their lives as a couple without having to explain away their closeness. Their future After they deal with one small detail.

conscience feels clean. No more secrets, no more sneaking around. He and Blaine can justbe together.

Dad? Kurt asks just before they reach the top of the stairs. Will you will you help us? With what?

you there, if only to to make Blaine feel safer.

Will you go with us tomorrow to talk to Blaines dad about getting his signature? I think well need

You act like I was gonna let you go alone in the first place.

- 223 -

Contents

Part Twenty-Six
The drive to Westerville seems like it takes an eternity. With every passing mile as they enter the city, Blaine gives Burt directions from the back seat of his truck, and his voice grows weaker and weaker every growing more nervous by the minute. trip for nothing? time he opens his mouth. He fidgets, knee knocking into Kurts because he keeps scooting closer, clearly He might not even be home, Blaine says, obviously hoping for exactly that. What if we made this

Blaine swallows so loudly with apprehension that Kurt can hear it. When they pull up in front of Blaines fathers massive house, Burt whistles loudly at the sheer size of it. Lets get this over with. Looks like hes home, Burt says, jerking his head toward the car in the driveway. Cmon, boys.

Well wait till he comes back, then, Burt says. Best to just get this all out of the way today.

Kurt and Blaine follow Burt up to the front door. Just as Kurts about to pull his hand out of Blaines grip, Kurt with unbridled fear in his eyes. let go.

wary of Blaines fathers opinion regarding his sons sexual orientation, Blaine holds tighter and looks to Dont let go, he whispers desperately, just quiet enough to not be overheard by Burt. Please dont

birds twittering overhead, they can hear rustling from inside and possibly the sound of a vase or a lamp through narrow, bloodshot eyes.

Nodding once, Kurt squeezes Blaines fingers while Burt knocks on the front door. Amidst the sound of the

crashing to the ground. When the door opens, Mr. Anderson is quite plainly sloshed. He glares at them Those eyes catch on Kurt and he gives a slow, pleased grin.

Its always nice to be right, the man says with less of a slur than Kurt had expected to hear. Excuse me? Kurt asks.

- 224 -

Contents I said wed be seeing each other again, Mr. Anderson says, just before you ran off the last time.

Kurt steels himself for an afternoon of drunken arrogance and straightens his back, never releasing his hold on Blaines trembling hand. Luckily Im here for an entirely different reason, Kurt states.

Mr. Anderson hums his acknowledgement, allowing his gaze to drift over Burt, as if sizing him up before a prize fight, before finally settling his eyes on his son. So what is this, then? he asks. The street rat comes to call again? But only when he needs

something, of course. First it was information about your poor, precious mother and now what? Money, I assume. Blaine gasps and Kurt can feel the hair on the back of his neck rising in outrage. As if they were so petty! Blaine will never need money from you, you spineless, wretched old-

Kurt, Burt finally says, speaking up for the first time since knocking on the door. Dont. But he-

Weve been looking after Blaine for a while now and-

Mr. Anderson, Burt says, stepping in front of the boys, my names Burt and this is my son, Kurt.

Last I heard, he ran away from you, too, Mr. Anderson says levelly.

The kid had some stuff he had to take care of, Burt says. But thats not why were here. Then what do you want? the man prompts, his eyes slitting once more. I ah I think its probably better if we talked inside, Burt says.

Mr. Anderson peers behind them, and Kurt swivels around to see that theyve already gained the attention father huffs once and steps aside.

of a neighbor across the street who cant seem to stop peeking at them through the curtains. Blaines - 225 -

Contents Get in, then, he grumbles.

They file into the house, and Kurts breath leaves him the moment he steps into the enormous, open vase that looks to have fallen from some sort of pedestal. The house is huge; theres no denying that fact. lived here with his mother and father both.

entryway. The vaulted ceiling and chandelier give way to the size of the place. Kurt cant stop his eyes

from flitting all around, taking in the large staircase, the white walls with nary a decoration, and a broken But with all its grandeur, it feels cold and empty in a way that Kurt suspects it hadnt when Blaine had Blaines hand is suddenly clammy in his own. Its strange to think of Blaine growing up here, knowing that

he and his family had probably lived some country club life, complete with some variation of black tie dinner parties in what looks to be the formal dining room just through an archway to their left. His old room is somewhere upstairs, probably just as massive and left to dust and disrepair in the wake of his fathers obvious downward spiral. Kurt wonders what memories are hidden in the cracks there, what

demons haunt the closet, and how many happy days are tucked safely away in the lower drawer of his dresser. He tries to imagine the size of it in comparison to his new room at their house and he has to new life with Kurt and his family isnt enough for Blaine? What if the room and the clothes and the guitar simply arent enough to fill the empty hole left behind when Blaine had left this place? consider the fact that, when they had finished setting it up and Blaine had sobbed, Blaine had been crying over the loss of everything hed had here instead of the relief of having a place to call his own. What if this

Kurt is pulled from his thoughts by the sound of ice clinking in a glass. Mr. Anderson takes a long drink from what is obviously alcohol, just barely after midday. Kurt scrunches his nose in disapproval. So, the man begins, what exactly is this pressing matter? I do have a life to lead.

here again. He wants to live with us. And we dont need your money to raise him.

Im sure, Burt says, sarcasm dripping from his words. To keep it short, Blaine doesnt want to live He is quite the handful, though, Mr. Anderson counters slyly, turning his gaze on his son. Dont

you miss your designer jeans and the baby grand piano in your room that I bought you for your birthday badly just a few years ago? I find that hard to believe.

one year, Blainey? What about the two laptops that you begged me for, hm? One for school and one for personal use, I believe? Youre saying you can actually live without everything you said you needed so

- 226 -

Contents Kurt stares in abject horror. He cannot reconcile such a person, one who would beg for things like that, with the boy holding his hand right now. Blaine has everything he needs at our place, Burt says. Dont you worry about that.

wandering the streets with nothing better than a slut for a mother.

Ah, yes, the other man drawls. Love is all you need, especially if youre a useless, dirty brat

Burt steps in front of both Kurt and Blaine to face Mr. Anderson dead on.

with Blaines past. This is about that boys future. And all we need is your signature. You give us that and you probably wont ever have to see us again. Mr. Anderson snorts in contempt.

Were here for one thing, Anderson, Burt growls in the other mans face, and its got nothin to do

insane, he says, swaying on the spot.

If you expect me to sign over my rights to my son to someone like you, you must be certifiably

withdrawing a piece of paper. Blaine wants to get his GED so he can go to college. He needs the and youll let him.

Guess its a good thing thats not what were after, then, Burt says, reaching into his back pocket,

permission of his legal guardian to take the test. If theres even a drop of good in your veins, youll sign this And why, exactly, would I do that? Mr. Anderson asks. He should have to make up every single

class hes missed since leaving with that bitch. If he had stayed with me, he wouldnt have this problem in the first place. Moot point, isnt it? Burt counters. He isnt with you. He doesnt wanna be. A child should be with its parents.

Burt slams the permission slip down on a small, nearby table, as well as a pen from his pocket. Blaine - 227 -

Not when ones dead and the others an abusive drunk. Sign the damn paper.

crowds closer to Kurt and he can feel just how violently the smaller boy is shivering. He wants to wrap his

Contents arm around Blaines waist, wants to hold him and protect him with everything he has, but he had made a silent promise to not let go of Blaines hand. So he doesnt. after such blatantly false accusations. spitting distance of you. I will not be bullied into anything, Mr. Anderson states, lifting his chin in defiance. Especially not I might believe theyre false if your kid wasnt trembling like a leaf right now just because hes in

Its not my fault that his mother poisoned him against me!

hatred he already had for you.

I get the feeling she didnt have to tell him anything, Burt says. Whatever she said only fueled the

Mr. Andersons eyes suddenly grow dark with rage and he turns that gaze, so wild with fear and nothing less than complete and utter disdaintoward Blaine. What the hell did you tell them?! he hollers, attempting to sidestep Burt and advance upon his son.

But Burt is too quick for someone so clearly drunk and unbalanced. He blocks the man and takes a long liquid staining his shirt before the glass shatters on the ground at his feet. Ill file assault charges! the man shouts in outrage.

step forward, effectively forcing Mr. Anderson backwards with only his stern presence. Anderson stumbles, his shoulder colliding with the staircase railing as his drink tumbles out of his hand, amber

emotional trauma, Burt grinds out through clenched teeth. And if you think youll win against me when best for him, youre the certifiably insane one in this room. Now sign the damn paper. You have no proof of-

And Ill file for legal guardianship of your son based on longstanding neglect, physical abuse, and

you obviously need to be in AA, while Ive given your kid a stable home life and Im trying to do whats

his current situation is potentially harmful, Burt says.

I dont need any when your son is old enough in the eyes of the law to choose his own guardian if - 228 -

Contents Kurt stares at the back of his fathers head. Had his dad really gone through so much trouble to research something like this? Kurt hadnt even thought to do that. So, Burt concludes. We can do this the easy way, with you signing this paper, or we can do this the

hard way, and Ill take you to court and make sure your son never has to ask you for anything ever again.

Looking frantic and properly worried now, Mr. Anderson looks to Blaine. His gaze appears to soften, like maybe the alcohol and Burts threats have given him a new perspective. The expression appears very pathetic manipulation, Blaine must be able to as well. so long ago. He just hopes Blaine doesnt fall for such an obvious ploy. But if Kurt can see through the uncharacteristic to Kurt, though, especially after hearing such foul things spew from the mans mouth not

sense the truth; there is no love lost here. Im your father. Youre my son. Youre all I have left now.

Blaine, he says, like this is his last chance to hold onto something precious, even though Kurt can

Burt steps out of the way, but not so far that he couldnt grab Mr. Anderson should he attempt to hurt Blaine. They are father and son, Kurt knows, and its a bond not easily broken. No one can stand between them in this moment. Blaine has to make up his own mind. steps forward. But he never releases Kurts hand. today. And youre not in it.

Still shaking slightly, Blaine seems to swallow his fear and, with a quick glance to Kurt for support, he You youll always be my father, Blaine says, just above a whisper. But Im choosing my family

Blaine, this is ridiculous.

everything you did to us. I remember it and I wont stay here when I know youll just you havent anymore.

No, it isnt, Blaine says with a firmer tone, standing straighter as he does so. I remember

changed at all. It looks like youve gotten worse, actually. And I I dont I dont want you in my life Mr. Andersons face hardens, that strange, heartfelt expression vanishing in an instant.

Ill have nothing left if you go, he says, as if guilt might be enough to sway his son. - 229 -

Contents unconsciousness, Blaine says steadily. Please sign the paper. Blaine- You shouldve thought about that before you picked up that bottle of gin and beat us both into

be the last time.

Please, Blaine says again, lowering his gaze and breaking eye contact with his dad for what would

Kurt despises the fact that he had suspected such abuse, but hes still caught off guard when Blaine puts quickly before handing the pen and the form to Burt. Have a good life, then.

the incident into such plain words. A few feet away, Mr. Anderson clears his throat, smoothes down his

shirt, and gives a nod. He shuffles over to the small table and picks up the pen, signing his signature

Blaine doesnt answer. He spins around, tugging Kurt with him, and walks straight out of the house and

down the path to Burts truck. They say nothing while Burt follows. For some reason, Kurt is surprised to bit sweaty where its still clasped with Kurts.

find Blaines cheeks dry; hed expected more tears and maybe a violent, emotional outburst after dealing

with his father. But as they pile into the truck and head back to Lima, Blaine remains silent, his palm just a You okay? Kurt asks softly, ignoring his dads apprehensive looks through the rear view mirror.

Theres a beat, only a slight pause, followed by Blaines soft sigh when he turns to face Kurt with the tiniest of smiles. You know, Blaine says slowly, I think I am. Are yousure?

Kurt graces him with a grin in return. Im glad.

Yeah, I think so, Blaine tells him. Its likeI can move on now. Its like I can really start my life.

- 230 -

Contents He leans into Blaines shoulder, suddenly tired after all of the drama, even though he wasnt really a part of it. Despite Blaines apparent calm, Kurt knows that theyll discuss the subject further, though probably not within ear shot of this father.

The drive home is quiet, though it passes more quickly than the drive to Westerville had. When they pull with strong, solid arms.

into the driveway in front of their house and climb out of the car, Blaine rushes at Burt, nearly tackling the man with the force of his hug. Burt appears just as shocked as Kurt is at the sight, but he hugs Blaine back Everything okay, kid? Burt asks in concern.

Mr. Burt.

Yeah, Blaine says, peering up at Burt with tears in his eyes. I just I just wanted to say thank you,

Burt chuckles, patting Blaine on the back and looping his arm around Blaines shoulders as they head into him had truly hurt.

the house. Kurt follows, not at all bothered by their sudden familiarity. Its about damn time, he thinks. His

dad may be a patient man, but even Kurt has been able to tell just how much Blaines reluctance to trust Mr. Burt, huh? his dad teases. Havent heard that one yet. Sorry, Blaine says bashfully.

got that? Ill always be in your corner.

Dont be, Burt says, giving Blaines shoulder a firm, final pat. But you dont have to thank me, ya

I know, Blaine says softly. I just wish I couldve seen that sooner. If I if I had, then maybe I-

happy.

Dont go down that road, Burt says. Youre here now. Everythings workin itself out. And were all

Yeah, Blaine agrees, reaching once more for Kurts hand. We are.

This is just awesome, Blaine states the following Saturday. - 231 -

Contents Currently, he and Kurt are lounging in two lawn chairs in the backyard. After a liberal amount of sunscreen application, Blaine had convinced Kurt to spend the afternoon in the spring sunshine while the books and magazines atop it, just in case the conversation lulls. can get some sun. enjoying this. house is empty for the day. Theres a small table between them with a pitcher of lemonade and a stack of Youre reapplying my sunscreen in an hour, Kurt warns. I refuse to turn into a lobster just so you Oh, quit your whining, Blaine says, peering over at Kurt above his sunglasses. You know youre Hmm, Kurt hums in reply, allowing his gaze to travel over Blaines naked torso. His skin is so

smooth and golden. Hes almost too gorgeous to look at, really. The view is nice. Ill grant you that. Youre insatiable.

Youre the one who suggested we sit out here without shirts. Wed get weird tan lines if we kept our shirts on!

Its your fault, Kurt says, shutting his eyes behind his own sunglasses and leaning back in his chair.

Correction. Youd get weird tan lines. Id get weird burn lines.

assures.

You act like I have a problem massaging sunscreen into your skin again. Trust me, I dont, Blaine

Youre going to get handsy, arent you? Only if you stop whining.

I never said I wanted you to get handsy! But you do.

Kurt cant help the smirk that spreads across his lips. - 232 -

Contents Thats what I thought, Blaine says. Oh, shut up and enjoy your sun.

With a small huff of laughter, Blaine settles into his chair. The sun beating down on Kurts skin is harsh in themselves. As time passes, Kurt drifts in and out of sleep, occasionally sipping at his lemonade and listening to the birds singing in the trees. The atmosphere is serene and when Blaine reaches out to thread his fingers with Kurts, he smiles into the sunshine and sighs softly.

its heat, but the breeze cools him and eventually he has to admit to himself that yeah, this is pretty awesome. Its a nice day, his boyfriend is half naked at his side, and they have the entire afternoon to

But an hour later, after Blaine has reapplied Kurts sunscreen in suspicious silence without getting handsy at all, that peaceful serenity comes crashing to an abrupt halt when Blaine finally speaks. Im ready to tell you everything now.

- 233 -

Contents

Part Twenty-Seven
Kurts heart drops into his stomach. He feels like every bit of air leaves his lungs as he stares openly at Blaine, who now shares his lawn chair after having rubbed that obnoxious sunscreen into Kurts skin. Blaines entire body is rigid, but he looks perfectly determined. Kurt cant help but feel nervous for him, though hes excited all the same; Blaines finally ready to tell him everything. No more secrets, no more ready.

wondering, no more hoping that Blaine would trust him just that much more. He feels slightly guilty for wanting to know so badly, but this is it, this is their big, culminating moment and Blaine is ready. Theyre Are you sure? Kurt asks, sliding his sunglasses off of his face.

plenty of time to talk about it. Theres a lot to tell.

I almost told you last night before bed, Blaine admits. But I wanted us to really be alone and have

Reaching across the small space that separates them, Kurt rests his hand on Blaines knee. He actually will ever have the courage to talk about this all in one go again.

wants to lean over and kiss him, but that might be too much of a distraction and he doesnt know if Blaine Im listening, Kurt assures. But only if youre actually ready. I am, Blaine says. Im ready.

He shifts until hes sitting cross-legged, facing Kurt, and Kurt does the same. They both set their sunglasses aside on the little table and Blaine takes a long drink of his lemonade. Kurt watches aptly as Blaines eyes of silence and Kurt wonders if Blaine even remembers that hes supposed to be talking. glaze over, focused on something off to the side, but really focused on nothing at all. Theres a long stretch My dad wasnt always so horrible, Blaine begins, and its not how Kurt had expected him to start

his story. I remember some stuff from when I was little wed play pirates on this playscape thing I had he wasnt an absent father. I was spoiled rotten, though Im sure you got that from what he said about the piano and the laptops.

in our backyard and hed read me bedtime stories. Mostly he worked hes always been in business but

- 234 -

Contents Kurt doesnt mention the fact that he simply cant imagine Blaine as a spoiled kid, begging for toys and electronics the way he knows so many children do, him included. My parents both come came from money, Blaine explains. And when I say that, I mean a lot of

money. The house you saw, the one my dad lives in now, is the one we moved to a little while later. Believe it or not, we downsized. family of three.

So you werent raised in that house? Kurt asks, unable to envision an even bigger home for a

still fit in my room, though. He actually did get me a baby grand for my birthday the year before we moved and a set of drums I never even touched. And I had it all just because I wanted it. obviously it was hard going from all of that to absolutely nothing, but- Because its why we were homeless, Blaine says. I dont get it.

No, Blaine answers. We only lived in that house for a year before my mom and I left. The piano

into the smaller house. And I really did beg for those laptops. I had everything I ever wanted in terms of,

you know, stuff, because we never had to worry about money. I had an acoustic guitar, and electric guitar, I dont understand, Kurt interrupts. Why is the money so important to your story? I mean,

Blaine offers an understanding smile and nods, finally focusing on Kurts face as he tells his tale.

money and we went on cruises and trips to Europe and Russia before I even started kindergarten. My

My mother was raised the same way I was. Before we were homeless, I mean, he says. We had

father looked after our money, just like my moms father looked after hers until she was married. My mother was raised in a world where she only ever had to worry about spending money, not saving it. She never had any of that. Someone else always took care of the finances. She was raised to look pretty, marry several accounts, all of which were eventually in my dads name and managed by him alone. She never had was good at. never dealt with bank statements or bills. She never had to get a job, she never had an allowance, she rich, and leave me a sizable inheritance when she died. But every cent that she ever had was put into any life skills, is what Im trying to say. She could out-shop you in the blink of an eye, but thats what she - 235 -

Contents Sowhen she left your dad and took you with her, Kurt concludes, she didnt know how to cope.

had the same problems I had before your dad hired me on at the shop: no permanent residence, no bank account, no phone number, no references, and no job experience whatsoever. She was thrust into a world she forgot existed and took a lot of really bad advice from strangers.

Its not just that, Blaine says. Sure, it was exhausting trying to figure out life after we left, but she

Kurt nods in acknowledgement. He cant even begin to know what that might be like. Even though he working has never been an option. Its just the way of the world to him.

hasnt had to get a job yet, he always knew hed have to get one when he moved out of his dads house. Not Anyway, Blaine says, shaking his head quickly as if to clear his own confusion. Sorry, I feel like Im

not explaining this well. Theres just so much and its like one thing influences the other and I dont know where to go once I make a point. the end. Dont apologize, Kurt says. Just tell me what you think you need to. We can piece it all together in Thank you, Blaine says quietly before heaving a deep sigh and beginning anew. So anyway, my

dad wasnt always a bad guy. Until he was.

Im assuming that had something to do with alcohol, Kurt guesses.

me up from school early because I was sick. Jesus.

at the country club, Blaine reveals. From what I understand, she literally walked in on them after picking

Actually it started with him cheating on my mom with the woman she thought was her best friend

both wanted one. They started fighting a lot, obviously, and thats when my dad started drinking. He usually drank scotch buthe got violent whenever he drank gin. I dont know why, but thats when all the bad stuff happened. He would hed- Blaine stammers, wringing his hands together nervously. Kurt clasps them in his own, squeezing tightly. - 236 -

But divorce was just never an option with how the money was tied up, no matter how badly they

Contents You dont have to give me details if you dont want to. Awful things happened, thats clear enough. No, I I have to do this.

Okay, Kurt whispers gently. Only if you think you need to.

He drank away so much money and when we moved into the smaller house, bought so much useless crap, and he started beating my mom and telling her that it was all her fault that we had to move. Even though he was the one handling the money, hed say that if shed never walked in on him that day with that other woman, nothing would have changed and he wouldnt have be drinking in the first place. But my mom scared of losing the life she knew with the money and everything than she was of him. I honestly think

He god, okay. He beat my mom, Blaine finally says, sighing when the words are out of his mouth.

wasnt stupid, Blaine says, desperate to paint his mother in a good light. She was just she was more that she thought hed die from alcohol poisoning or something and thenwell, you get it.

Yes, Kurt gets it. Blaines dad would have died and his mother would have simply hired someone to Blaines mother mightve felt she had no other options, even if he doesnt really believe that.

manager her finances while she kept her way of life. Its a morbid thought, for sure, but Kurt can see how Theres always a way out, even if someone cant see it. Though, he supposes the late Mrs. Anderson would have been too ashamed to seek any sort of counseling, Kurt assumes. But she got out eventually. Because Blaine has this story to tell. whyd she change her mind and live on the streets?

while back that his grandparents all died when he was young and she had no trustworthy friends. She

wouldnt have had a clue where to begin. She had no family to confide in Blaine had explained a long

Can I can I ask what changed? Kurt wonders. If she was so set on powering through the abuse, He hit me, Blaine says simply. I came downstairs one night to get something and they were

yelling at each other. Usually Id just Id ignore it, you know? They yelled all the time and it was just one around but I never actually saw him hit her until that night. So I I snapped. I pulled him away from her - 237 -

of those things I got used to, I guess. But when I got down the stairs, I saw him slap her. That it was the first time I actually saw him hit her. I mean, Id see the bruises and Id see him grab her and yank her and I punched him as hard as I could, right in the jaw, but I didnt really have any experience hitting

Contents people so I guess it didnt exactly hurt him the way I wanted it to. But then he hit me so hard that I fell. My cry and take it. mom started screaming and he started started kicking me in the stomach and I couldnt do anything but

the end of this story, just from hearing all of this.

Oh god, Kurt groans, grimacing at such violent thoughts. He feels like hes going to be very ill by

arms. We dont Im sorry, I didnt even think you dont have to listen. Its okay if you dont want to hear anymore. No, no, Kurt says with a swift shake of his head. No, I want you to be able to tell me. And and no Youre sure? Blaine asks timidly, eying Kurt with a touch of apprehension. But when Kurt nods, So he he was kicking you, Kurt prompts, swallowing down his horror at the image of such a

Im sorry, Blaine says quickly, reaching out and running his warm hands along the length of Kurts

secrets, remember?

Blaine says, Okay. No secrets. scene.

When I woke up, he was gone and my mom was she was in a in a heap on the floor next to me. His face crumbles, something terrible haunting his eyes. I thought she was dead. But she wasnt, Kurt says softly, knowing how the story ends.

He was kicking me, Blaine recalls, and then he picked me up and hit me so hard that I blacked out.

begging her to wake up. She did, of course, eventually. I remember having this horrible headache and it blood off of her face.

No, Blaine sighs. But I didnt even know what to do. I started crying and and shaking her and

kind of hurt to breathe, but I asked her, Mom, whatre we gonna do when he gets back? She said, We wont be here. So we packed a couple of bags and we left. We stayed in a hotel that night and I cleaned the Howd you afford a hotel? Kurt asks, ignoring Blaines words about blood.

told her that dad might report them as stolen so we left without them. It was weird, knowing that the - 238 -

We both took whatever cash we had at the time. She was going to bring all of her credit cards, but I

Contents couple of hundred bucks we had in our pockets was all the money we had in the world. But I didnt really think about it running out, you know? I never had that problem and it was it was really strange. more. And then he had nothing. Ill bet, Kurt agrees because it wouldve been. Blaine grew up in a world where there was always We didnt spend the money very wisely, I guess. We didnt stay in the cheapest motels we could

have and we didnt buy the least expensive food we could find, so the money ran out pretty quickly. Thats her son. Id stay in one that was for men and shed stay in one that was for women and children.

when we started staying in shelters. I dont even remember which cities we went to. It was all one big blur,

really. But the majority of shelters didnt allow me to stay in the same one as my mom, even though I was You you told me once that you had a bad experience in a shelter, though, Kurt says softly.

Blaine nods, his eyes downcast.

neighbors listening in or anything.

Can we go inside? he asks. This is where things get get pretty rough and I dont, um, want

They leave their belongings outside, neither of them willing to bother with such an innocuous, mundane task when they know whats about to be said. Theyre both quiet for a few minutes, though, like maybe they have to recharge their batteries before delving into the next part of the story. Eventually they settle hear just how quickly Blaines heart is beating and for one, fleeting second, he wonders if the thing will beat right out of his body. on the couch, Blaine stretching out and Kurt settling beside him, resting his head on Blaines chest. He can

Of course, yeah, Kurt says, already standing and making his way into the house.

limited. Usually we got a meal when we stayed in one, so surviving was easier. But my mom started she started listening to what other people said. One day she came to me and god this is horrible. comforting gesture. Take your time. Its okay, Kurt soothes, dragging his hand up and down Blaines side in what he hopes is a

A few months in, we started stealing food on the days we couldnt get into a shelter; space was

Theres a pause, followed by a sigh, and Blaine continues talking. - 239 -

Contents Theres really no other way to put this, he says. Basically, she talked to me about prostitution. W-What? Kurt stutters.

asked me if Id be okay with her doing it. I said no, obviously. Id heard men talking about it in my shelters, same way wed been doing things, staying in shelters when we could and on the streets when we to sleep in my own bed again.

Shed heard some people talking about it and about how easy it was to get money that way, and she

too, but I was repulsed. It never crossed my mind to to consider something like that. So we kept on the couldnt. A beat of silence. I heard my mom crying the first night we had to actually sleep in an alley. I cried, too. I just wanted to go home at that point. I didnt even care about my dad anymore. I just wanted

Kurt sniffles, surprised to find that hes the first one to cry during this conversation. He cant stop thinking about Blaine, small and young and huddled up in an alleyway next to his sobbing mother in the dead of his face, soaking into Blaines warm, golden skin that smells like sunshine and nearly-summer. night, wishing to be in a home with a father who had beat him senseless. His tears drip down the edge of It was difficult, Blaine sighs. It was really difficult that first year. I was hungry more often than

not, and I missed my mom every night we were apart. The reason that I stopped staying in shelters was

because I had this ring that my grandmother had left me before she died, and I just happened to stick it in when I found it again or whatever, assumed it was valuable, and beat me black and blue later that night when I told them I wouldnt give it to them. They dragged me outside, broke one of my ribs and two of my fingers, took the ring out of my bag, and left me there. So I didnt feel safe in shelters anymore. The fact that Blaine says all of this so matter-of-factly and in such a dull tone makes Kurt want to hug him bloody and broken, crouched on a stoop outside of a shelter where he might be warm, but too afraid to enter for fear of being hurt even more.

my bag the night we left the house. I didnt even remember that I had it, you know? It must have meant

something to me, otherwise I wouldnt have grabbed it. Anyway, some guys saw me pull it out of my bag

tight and never let go. Whats worse is the fact than Kurt can imagine it all so very clearly. He sees Blaine,

shelter and we were sleeping under some bridge somewhere, Blaine continues. And my mom got sick.

But then then everything changed because there was one night when my mom couldnt get into a me that it wasnt anything serious just an untreated cold, you know? But she was coughing so loudly and - 240 -

She just she couldnt stop coughing and I honestly thought she was going to die that night, but she told

Contents I couldnt sleep because of it and we didnt have any money and I needed her to get better because I knew I talking about and Im sorry, Blaine breathes, threading his fingers through Kurts hair and pulling him closer. I didnt you were my first but but I had to do it. anguish etched into his face. You what did you do? Blaine? Kurt whispers, lifting his head to see Blaines eyes shut tight with lines of worry and couldnt take care of myself at that point and and thats why I did it. I had to. I had to get money so I

could get her some medicine. So I so I went to this part of town Id heard some guys in one of the shelters

god, he paid to to give him a hand job. But I never I swear to you I never had sex intercourse, I mean until I did it with you. I never let that happen. But I he paid me twenty dollars and I bought my mom met, and I got us some bottled water. The blood in Kurts veins runs cold.

There was a a guy, Blaine explains, a tremble in his limbs as he does. He he paid me to oh

some cough syrup and some over the counter cold medicine, like the stuff you gave me that first night we

A darkened corner under a broken streetlamp, a boy and a man, but the boy bites his lip so hard that it bleeds while the man groans his release, spilling sticky white onto the dirty sidewalk. The boy accepts the money and walks away, ignoring the mans sinister smile, and promptly vomits the moment he reaches the next block. Kurt can see it all so clearly in his head, like the memory is playing itself out on a stage right before his eyes. You but I thought you never I mean, I guess you never actually said, Kurt stammers in

confusion. He could have sworn Blaine had said that hed never done anything sexual before, but looking back on it now, he cant recall those words every passing Blaines lips.

in that sense and I never kissed anyone. Usually it was just, um, hands. I only ever used my mouth once were not keeping secrets, I guess I should tell you that all of this is why I didnt want any of that lead up when we had sex. I didnt want to be reminded of anything bad that night. and even then, I made him wear a condom because I didnt want to to get anything. But since since

I didnt do it a lot, Blaine says softly, and it sounds like hes ready to be sick. I never had sex not

- 241 -

Contents Kurt thinks back to that first time, how Blaine had talked about wanting to be as close as physically possible without the give and take sort of stuff. Perhaps he should have questioned the issue then, but streets. He thinks that maybe he should feel deceived or something, but Blaine never lied to him, not really. Hed just omitted a few things. Kurt hadnt actually considered prostitution as something Blaine had dabbled in during his time on the

But now Kurt knows what Blaine had meant before, about his story possibly causing Kurt to see him in a

less than flattering light. The information Blaine is trusting him with does change things, but not for the worse. Never for the worse. Now Kurt knows why Blaine is wary of certain intimate acts, and while Kurt everyone has a past. Blaines just happens to be darker than most. isnt exactly comfortable envisioning Blaine partaking in such things with strange men on the street, Kurt heaves a deep, calming breath and says, Its okay. I understand. How how can you-

here and rail at you when I have no idea what Id do if I was in the same situation. It happened. Youre not doing it anymore. And thats how it is. I guess, Blaine says slowly. I just I dont know, I dont want you to think that I enjoyed it or-

You did what you had to do, Kurt states. I dont fault you for finding a way to survive. I cant sit

dont think badly of you, okay?

I dont think you did, Kurt interrupts. Thats horrible. Thats no, I would never think that. And I

Theres a soft press of lips to the top of Kurts head and the tension in Blaines limbs seems to melt away. his story.

There may come a day when Kurt feels the need to ask more questions, but for now, Blaine needs to tell Thank you, Blaine whispers, rubbing his cheek into Kurts hair. So your mom got better, Kurt prompts.

- 242 -

Contents I told her not to, but considering I did it again when we were starving, she decided to ignore me. There patiently, trailing his fingers over Blaines bare side. Im just gonna have to say this: a guy paid my mother two hundred dollars to let him give her heroin and fuck her while she was drugged. What? Kurt gasps, not expecting to hear such a statement. was there was one time where fuck, okay, Blaine mumbles to himself, breathing deeply. Kurt waits She did, Blaine says. But after I told her what I did, she started looking into the same sort of stuff.

them. It was a lot of money for us at the time, so she let him do it. Thats oh my god, Kurt groans, feeling nauseous.

There are some really fucked up people out there, Blaine says flatly. He happened to be one of

term for the places where everyone sits around shooting up heroin all the time, but you get the picture. She took you there?

shed take me to these these opium dens or or crack houses, basically. I dont know if theres a proper

Its disgusting, I know, Blaine agrees. After that, my mom got into drugs. There were times when

We rarely had money for the drugs, so mostly she let them have her for a day. Kurt almost does vomit, then. He swallows down the bile rising in his throat. But he has to know.

She didnt want to leave me alone for so many hours, I guess. I dont know. But yeah, she took me.

Did you did you ever

all day one time and this girlconvinced me, I guess. Not that I needed much convincing. I wanted to know why my mom was so into it. Isee.

I tried it once, yeah, Blaine admits, so quietly that Kurt almost doesnt catch it. I was stuck there

after a while I was justcalm. I felt safe even though I was everything but. I remember the girl was smiling - 243 -

At first I felt sick, Blaine explains. They say that the first time you use it isnt always the best, but

Contents and she put her head in my lap and we just stayed there for a while. I blocked out the sounds coming from bathroom. the other room where my mother was anyway, I eventually had to pee so I got up and went to the

still the boy he loves. Hes still the boy who kissed him and wrote him a song. Hes still the boy that small, shivering boy he rescued from beneath a bridge just before Christmas. touched him so sweetly and cuddles during mid-afternoon naps on the sofa. Sometimes hes still that

Blaine pauses in his story. While Kurt feels physically ill, he doesnt feel any ill will towards Blaine, who is

Hes still Blaine. All of this bad stuff cant turn Kurt against him, not when he knows the type of person Blaine turned out to be in the end. The past is the past, Kurt keeps telling himself. There was a dead girl in the bathtub, Blaine reveals.

There what? Kurt asks, pulled from his own thoughts by Blaines statement.

juststood there for a few seconds because it took that long for me to realize what was wrong with her. And then I zipped up my pants, walked out of the bathroom, stepped over all the people on the floor, and didnt. left the house. I sat outside, waited for my mom, and vowed to never touch any sort of drug again. So I A stale, dingy house. The curtains pulled tight. Bodies, barely breathing, littering the floor, all on a high so dangerous, but they cant feel it. Theyre numb and lost in a hazy sense of happy thatll be gone soon. Blaine pushes the girls head out of his lap gently and she flops onto the sofa while he winds through the halls covered in dusty, torn wallpaper. The bathroom light is dim and theres a girl, skin cold, body rigid with death, curled up in a grimy bathtub. Pale arms littered with track marks. No one knows her name. Kurt begins to weep openly, burying his face in Blaines neck, clinging to him because he sees it all but hes

I was taking a piss and I looked over and there was a dead girl in the bathtub, Blaine says again. I

seeing it for the first time, unlike Blaine, who has to live with these images every day. How can he live with this every day? In hindsight, nightmares and trust issues are the least problematic of Blaines troubles and reluctant to admit to such an awful past. Kurt cant believe hes been keeping this all locked away for so long. Its no wonder why hes been so - 244 -

Contents Im sorry, Blaine breathes into Kurts ear. I never meant to make you cry.

Its its not your fault, Kurt sniffles, tears staining Blaines skin. You never asked for any of that.

become your nightmares, Kurt.

No, but you dont have to listen anymore if you dont want to. I dont want my nightmares to

But youre trusting me so I have to listen.

paraphernalia and spent a few days in jail and had to pay a fine, which she did with the bit of money shed Michigan. I guess she finally realized how bad everything had gotten. So she promised me shed come back back, I headed toward Lima to try and look for work, got sick, and thats when you found me.

Theres not much more to it, Blaine tells him. My mom was arrested for possession of

saved up from prostitution just before she was arrested, and went through court-ordered rehab for a for me, but she thought I was better off without her after all the drug stuff. I wanted to go with her, but she

couple of months. After she was done, thats when she decided to look for some old family friends in said itd take less time if she went alone. And, well, you know how that ended. I realized she wasnt coming Despite all of this new information and the grizzly details, when Blaine sighs at the end of his story, Kurt feels a weight lift from his shoulders. They have no more secrets. He doesnt have to wonder what horrible memories fill Blaines nightmares because now he knows and he can offer comfort to the best of his unless truly necessary. ability. He can look at Blaine and still love him without the unspoken truth lingering over their heads. He feels like theyve slammed the back cover of a horror story shut and they dont have to revisit the details The last chapter is complete. They can write their own sequel.

Kurt lifts his head, peering up at Blaine with tears on his lashes, and smiles.

What do you see, Blaine wonders softly, when you look at me now?

and now I feel like Im more suited to kiss away his bad dreams. I might I might have questions about sense. I still love you, Blaine. But now I can love all of you, just like you wanted. - 245 -

I see the boy I fell in love with, Kurt says simply. But now I know just how hard his life has been

stuff later on. I cant know if I wont. Butits like I get it now. Everything makes sense, I guess. You make

Contents At that, Blaine bursts into tears and Kurt has to wonder how many oceans they could fill with as much as but when theyre together, they cry for each other. they both cry. They both have their reasons for it, though. Their tears are born from very different lives, Life is no cakewalk, Kurt recalls his dad saying once. Theres nothing easy about living, no matter where new one in someone else, everyone has their troubles. They might be different from yours, but you respect the weight they carry and you offer to help when youre able. And you cry for humanity when you cant. But for now, their tears are happy. And maybe those happy tears will keep them afloat for a long time coming. -A few months laterBecause, amongst the love stories and the friends and the laughter, we all have our tragedies.

you come from. Whether youre rich or poor, whether you keep the family you were born with or seek a

Blaine turns to Burt, who sits across him at the kitchen table, both of them surrounded by Kurts friends and their family. Kurt is currently discussing decorations for their apartment in New York with Rachel, and Rachel looks to be losing that particular battle.

You scared?

life. But then I remembered that Id be with Kurt and I wasnt anymore. you never got to New York, Burt says.

I was at first, Blaine admits to his boyfriends dad, also known as the man who helped change his You know, with as many places as you said you visited when you were a kid, I gotta wonder how

my dad saying that it was too clich and hed rather go to Europe. Like Europes not clich, Burt snorts.

We mightve gone when I was really little, Blaine says with a shrug. Most of the time, I remember

Their conversation lulls and Blaine returns his attention to Kurt across the room. He still finds it a miracle - 246 -

Yeah, I guess he never made much sense.

that, even months after Blaine had told Kurt about his past, Kurt still loves him just as much as he did the

Contents first time theyd said it, despite all of Blaines sins and stories. He looks radiant like this, glowing and happy amongst his friends at his own farewell party. They leave for New York in the morning. Thats where theyll write their sequel. and ready to leave again.

Kinda sucks, doesnt it? Burt asks. You just made a real home here and now youre all packed up

And with his eyes still on Kurt, Blaine Anderson smiles at the prospect of a new beginning with a boy he loves in the city that never sleeps. home to me. I dont think of it that way, Blaine admits. Because, you see, he makes the whole world feel like

- 247 -

Contents

Epilogue
Five Years Later Blaine, you dont have to do this today. Its freezing out!

a smile, one of those easy ones that Kurt has come to cherish. And you know Ive been in worse weather Kurts expression falls. He can feel the shock now plastered on his face and he knows thats what causes Blaine to drop his guitar and stride toward Kurt, away from the door. The space he crosses is small, much performer after college, its closer to the city and its all theirs. like the rest of their tiny home. Its their first apartment together sans Rachel Berry. Even though they can barely afford what is basically a shoebox on Kurts intern salary and Blaines meager wages as a live Hey, Blaine says gently, cupping Kurts face with calloused hands. Im sorry. I didnt mean to- for much longer.

Baby, Ill be fine, Blaine assures, tugging the strap of his guitar case on his shoulder. He tosses Kurt

often anymore and it it caught me off guard, is all. Im still sorry, Blaine says.

No, no its okay, Kurt says, kissing the tip of Blaines thumb. It just you dont say things like very

He pulls Kurt tight to his chest, arms winding protectively around Kurts frame. Kurt sighs happily. Even ease.

after all this time, Blaines scent and the feel of his body so close and safe never fail to put Kurts heart at Dont be, Kurt says, pushing away thoughts of Blaines past. Go do your busking thing. Ill bring

you some hot chocolate in a little bit. Blaine gives a soft chuckle.

Will you still make me hot chocolate when were married?

Did you propose or something when I wasnt paying attention? Kurt teases. - 248 -

Contents No, justyou know, hopeful.

hips. Well, stay hopeful, Pinocchio. Maybe Ill make you a real boy when you get home tonight. That a promise? Blaine asks with a wink.

Ah, I see, Kurt says coyly, sliding his arms down Blaines back and around to settle his hands on his

be.

If you play me the song you wrote me five years ago when I bring your hot chocolate, it just might

pressing a tender kiss to Kurts lips. I dont know why youre so attached to that one.

Ive written you dozens of songs since then, if you recall, Blaine says, pulling away, but not before It was the first, Kurt says simply. It makes me think ofI dont know not better times,

necessarily. But it was our beginning, even if it wasnt ideal. And its its precious to me. stars that give chase to the hearts in his eyes.

The amusement dancing in Blaines gaze slips away at Kurts words, only to be replaced with fond, loving Its precious to me, too, Blaine says. And of course Ill play it for you.

on. I dont like to think about you being cold.

I know youll be okay out there, Kurt says, tugging a thick scarf off of their coat rack, but put this

Actually, Kurt doesnt like to think about Blaine being on the streets any longer than absolutely necessary, about that kind of stuff for a long time. He doesnt want Blaine to think hes paranoid or that his thoughts linger on Blaines past more than even Blaine does. But its cold outside and the sun is setting. Kurts allowed to worry about him a little bit.

not beyond walking down the sidewalk to get from point A to point B, but Blaine hasnt had to worry

Ill see you soon, Kurt says before kissing his boyfriends possibly soon-to-be fiancs cheek. Hey, Blaine says. Hm?

- 249 -

Contents Blaine smiles, eyes shining as he gazes at Kurt and presses his hand to Kurts heart. Youre very brave, he whispers.

Ignoring the jolt of happiness he feels in his chest and the fluttering of butterflies in his belly, Kurt mimics Blaines actions. He feels Blaines steady heartbeat beneath his palm. Youre very brave, Kurt echoes.

The End

- 250 -