CHAPTER FIVE SLOUGH It was a long and arduous journey by land and sea.

For Joe, it was ground that he had covered before but for the rest of them it was a voyage into the unknown. But for all of them, it would be a new life, in a new land. Bridget had prepared a large bag of food containing sandwiches, biscuits, soft drinks and anything else she could fit in it. She knew from Joe, that they would travelling all of that day and through the night into the following day. She made sure that they all had warm clothes and coats. The train picked up speed and settled into a gentle rocking motion. Slowly but surely conversation began again. The children, particularly the younger ones, began to see it all as an adventure. Viewing it like one of those trips that Joe had taken them on in the car many times. They asked him where they were going. Slough he said with a grin on his face. To them it sounded like the word slow. It seemed an even more ridiculous name when Joe spelt it for them. He knew it would get them going, as it did him when he first heard it. He was happy to have his family back with him, even with the addition of Margaret. He knew what a change it was going to be for them all, as it had been for him. Station by station the train made its way across country picking up passengers all the way. On the platforms they could see individuals and families heavily laden with luggage like them. My goodness theres a lot of people travelling today Bridget said. Its like that a lot of the time these days Joe commented, with a note of sadness in his voice. Eventually they arrived at the port of departure that would take them by sea to Wales. They all felt the chill of the evening sea air as they stepped out on to the station platform from the warm compartment of the train carriage. It was a struggle carrying the luggage between them on to the ship. Joe had to go back for the tea chest he was now cursing that was in the storage carriage of the train. They had plenty of time to board the ship, as it was not due to leave until an hour after they boarded. They looked around for seating and found some that would accommodate them all. The hour soon passed and it was ready to sail. They and a whole crowd of people looked out some windows as she sailed out of the harbour. Some people were waving on the quay. Soon the harbour lights faded into the distance and so did Ireland. They settled into their seats with their luggage piled around them like a nest. Some of the children were a little tired and began to nod off. After an hour or so at sea the ship entered rougher weather conditions and began to heave. All of them except Joe began to experience seasickness. Urgent trips to the toilets became a pattern for some of the crossing. There was an overwhelming smell of vomit in the toilets. It was enough to make anyone sick. None of them wanted to eat anything fearing it would come back up again. It was late, dark and cold when they reached the Welsh coast. They were all tired but managed to struggle with their baggage to the railway station at the port to await the train on their next leg of the journey. As they entered the platform a railway porter seeing Matthew carrying his guitar in one hand said with a Welsh accent who have we got here then, Tommy Steel. Whos Tommy Steel? Matthew asked Joe. A Cockney singer he answered. Whats a Cockney singer? He enquired. It means hes from London Joe said.

82

The train was crowded, but they managed to find a compartment that accommodated them all. It took a while for the train to start its journey and by now some of the younger ones had drifted off to sleep. Bridget placed a light rug that she had brought over them. The train made its way into what was now the early hours of the next day. All of them drifted in and out of sleep, being woken occasionally at station stops by the closing of carriage doors. They would see the lights of passing towns as they made the long journey southwards through Wales and England to the southeast. Their destination was about twenty miles west of London. They were tired when they finally reached Slough station that morning. After piling their luggage on to the platform, they looked around for a moment at the brown and cream coloured building. Look Sarah said nudging Matthew. What she had observed was a black man, working as a porter, pushing a trolley laden with parcels and other goods. It was something they were not used to. When they emerged from the exit they could hear the strange accents of people coming and going. Weve a little bit to go yet, Joe said as he organized the cases for carrying between them. The tea chest he put in storage for collection later. They set off in a line with Joe in front. He would constantly look around to see everybody was all right. The luggage became heavy as they walked and they would have to put the cases down every so often. Their first impressions were, that it was a busy town. Lots of people were passing them going to the station and setting off for work. Matthew remembered that it was the first of April, April fools day. He went behind Sarah and said, Theres bits falling out of your case. She stopped and looked. Ha! April fool he said. You gitshe said. Cut it out you two they heard Joe say. The walk from the station to their new home was about a mile. Some of it was along the main road called the Bath Road that led westwards from the town. The children in particular kept asking are we there yet to which Joe knowing the route kept replying not far now. Matthew saw a man in a dark uniform wearing a bell shaped hat that came to a point at the top. What is he? he asked Joe. Thats a policeman, Joe answered. Like a Garda you mean? Matthew enquired, referring to the Irish police. Thats right Joe said. I never saw a Garda wear a hat like that Matthew commented. They eventually turned into a street called Ledgers Road and looked at what seemed an endless road of red bricked houses. My God dont tell me were going to live here, Sarah said to Matthew. She observed that Joe overheard the remark and saw a look of hurt on his face. Almost halfway down the street Joe made a right turning into another road and said, this is it, were here. The street sign read Montem Lane. He passed some houses until he stopped outside number eleven. Home sweet home he said as he led the procession in the little pathway to the front door. As they entered the hallway they noticed the distinct smell of new paint. My goodness, youve been busy Bridget said to Joe. Theres a lot more to be done yet, believe me! he indicated. He went ahead of them, opening each door as he did so. Bridget followed directly behind him eagerly wanting to see her new home. Very nice she said, as she looked into the lounge in which a coal fire was lighting in the tiled fireplace of the bay windowed front room. Who in Gods name lit the fire? she asked. Thatll be Maureen Joe answered. I lent her a key to look in on the place while I was gone. She knew we were arriving today.

83

That was good of her, Bridget said warming her hands. I see youve bought some furniture, she said looking at the armchairs. I got the basic few bits, he said. Some other stuff was left by the last owners. By now the rest of them had scattered inquisitively in all directions. Joe gradually showed Bridget the rest of the ground floor. Next to the front room there was a dining room that had large French windows looking out on to the back garden. Oh, I like this she said. From there they went into what was a narrow kitchen that was subdivided into an eating and cooking area. That was something they left Joe said pointing to a large self-standing press. It had storage units, some with glass doors and a pull down shelf for food preparation. Thats handy, she said. The kitchens a bit small, he said. Most of them are over here, he added. Itll be fine, she said opening the oven door of the cooker. They went out the back door that led from the kitchen into the garden. It was smaller than she expected but was neat and fenced. Margaret and the children had made their way there ahead of them. Look what Ive found Sarah said having opened the door to what she thought was a shed or storage area at the rear of the house next to the coal shed. A toilet she observed. Im afraid thats where it is at the moment, Joe said. He explained to Bridget, Margaret and all of them that they would have to use it until he got one fitted in the bathroom. It was the one peculiarity associated with these houses he explained. They were old houses built in what they called the Edwardian period, and this one had not been altered. Thats what I mean by I have a lot of work to do on it he said to Bridget. Right, first things first Joe said in a loud voice. I want to show you the bedroom arrangements, he said to them collectively. Ive thought about it and this is how I think its going to work out. They all followed him up the stairs that led from the hall to the landing above. He had allocated the back bedroom overlooking the garden as the one he and Bridget would use. Nice and private she said noticing that it was set apart from the other two. Next to it on the turn of the landing was the small bathroom, containing just a bath and a sink. Do you think a toilet will fit in there? Bridget asked him. Itll have to with all of us, he answered. This ones yours, he said to Matthew and Patrick, pointing to the middle room on the landing. They both went in to inspect it. It too looked out the back of the house. The front bedroom looking out on to the street was the largest and was allocated to Sarah, Bernadette, Nancy and Margaret and had two beds. The children wandered in and out of each others rooms making comparisons. They were all in a daze from the long journey and were feeling disorientated in their new surroundings. Bridget asked where the nearest shop was and Joe told her it was on the corner at the bottom of the street they had turned off. He informed her that it was called the Co-Op and was a general grocery store. Joe brought the cases upstairs to the bedrooms and Margaret and the girls began to sort out their clothes, some of which were packed together. Bridget decided to leave the other unpacking until later. She made shopping her priority and with Matthew and Sarah in tow, she set off for the Co-Op store. They passed a Methodist Church on the way and when they reached the corner of what was called Chalvey Road, where the shop stood, they noticed there was a parade of shops that were close at hand. Bridget was pleasantly surprised at this, knowing it was just a short walk from the house to local amenities.

84

The Co-Op they found was a large store and sold most provisions. Bridget having bought some essentials asked the woman behind the counter for two stone of potatoes. Two stone dear the woman remarked in an accent that was reminiscent of a London Cockney twang. We only sell them in pounds love she explained. Well give me a few pounds then Bridget requested, feeling self-conscious. The woman weighed them up and asked her if that was all. No Ive some milk, ham and a couple of sliced pans, she answered. Sliced pans, the woman said. You mean sliced loafs love she added. Your not from round ere are you love she commented. No Bridget said bluntly, feeling her face going slightly red and conscious of people looking at her. Bridget made light of the situation on their way back from the shop saying to the children I swore if she called me love one more time Id she stopped. She, Matthew and Sarah, suddenly realized they were in a very different place. I can see theres a lot of things were going to have to get used to over here she told them. That day passed quickly for them all and they were tired and unsettled in their new environment. They noticed that it got dark about an hour earlier than it would in the west of Ireland and began to realize that they were a long way from there. They all retired reasonably early that night, especially Joe, who was due back on morning shift at the airport. He rose about half past four. He kissed Bridget who was still asleep and he made himself a cup of coffee in the kitchen. He had a spring in his step going to work that morning, feeling glad to be back with her and the children again, only this time for good. The same disparity existed in daylight, between Ireland and the east of England in regard to the fact that dawn was an hour earlier in England. One by one they woke led by Sarah as usual. Matthew had always stated that she should have been born a cockerel. The strangeness of their new surroundings was something that confronted them all that morning. When they pulled the curtains in their respective bedrooms and took in the unfamiliar view, the reality of the big change in their lives dawned on them. The first week was a bit of a daze with none of them wandering very far, for fear of getting lost in what seemed an endless maze of streets in which all the houses looked the same. They did however, become familiar with the local shops that were only a short walk away and Matthew and Sarah discovered Montem Park, a large green area that lay towards the end of the road that they had moved into. They were pleased to have such an open space near them. Sarah came running in to Bridget next day saying youll never guess who lives in the house next door she said. A priest she added. I doubt that Bridget said laughing. All priests houses are next to the churchs she explained to her. But he had the suit and was wearing that collar she said. Bridget thought for a moment and then recollected the church they passed on Ledgers Road on their way to the shops. She had noticed that the sign outside said Methodist Chapel. Well, well she said, Ill lay a pound to a penny, that hes the minister, she concluded. Her curiosity was roused and that day she decided to call briefly to both next-door neighbours to introduce herself on behalf of the family. The Minister was a pleasant Englishman named Alan Fairweather who was married to a woman called Gwen who was Welsh. They had two children a boy and a girl. He wished her and the family good luck in their new home and in their new environment.

85

He told Bridget that there were some Irish families living in the area and that the second next house to them in the other direction was occupied by an Irish family. Bridget was elated with the news but decided to visit the neighbours on the other side first. A small sallow skinned woman who in broken English explained to her that they were Italian greeted her. Her name was Maria and she was married to a man called Louie. After introducing herself briefly, Bridget decided to venture to the next house. There she was greeted by a slim Irish woman who had what she discerned was a flat Irish midlands accent similar to that of her side of the family. Her name was Mrs. Mary Brody. She was a quiet genteel type of woman and made her very welcome. She and her husband Gerry were from Bridgets part of Ireland. They had a young family and had lived in the road since the mid fiftys. She told Bridget of two other Irish families who lived two streets away from them on what was called Arthur Road. Both families she told her were originally from County Galway in the west of Ireland. Bridget was determined to meet them and was delighted by the fact that other people from their homeland were living so near. It took away some of the feelings of isolation that she had experienced since arriving. Unknown to her, news spread fast among the Irish people living in Slough in regard to new arrivals from home. Two days later Matthew and Sarah were heading for the nearby green space they had discovered called Montem Park, talking to each other as they walked along. They met face to face with another boy and girl who had overheard them speaking and recognized their accents as being Irish. The boy stopped and asked them if they were the new people that moved into number eleven. Before Matthew could utter a word, Sarah confirmed that they were. Matthew noticed that they both had freckles and flaming red hair and that the boy spoke with an accent that was reminiscent of their grandparents. Before he could speak again, the boy said, my name is Marcus and this is my sister Marie-Ann. Were the Joyces, we live in Arthur Road, he added pointing to the street as he did so. Where are ye from Matthew asked. Connemara, County Galway Marcus answered. He spoke clearly and concisely and there was honesty in his voice. Matthew warmed to him immediately and had a good feeling that they might become friends. His sister was shy and a little nervous but Sarah brought her out of her shell by talking to her a while. She introduced herself and Matthew to them and they all promised to meet up again. Bridget was delighted to hear they had made friends. She realized how out of sorts they had been since arriving. It did not take long before they met Marcus and MarieAnn again and they introduced them to two members of the Mannion family who were also about their common age group and were from Ireland. One was a boy named Michael and a girl called Patricia Both of who were neighbours of theirs. Matthew and Sarah learned that both sets of children came from large families like their own. Joe and Bridget had a lot to discus in regard to the new financial situation they found themselves in. They now had a mortgage to pay along with property rates and the usual bills besides. Margaret was busy looking for a job and wanted to pay her share. Joe explained that the children would need uniforms to attend school. They both realized they would have to find some additional income for the foreseeable future.

86

Bridget suggested that she might find a part time job during the hours that the children would be at school. They found themselves counting every penny. One day Bridget was preparing some food on the pull down worktop of the press in the kitchen when it toppled over. She barely got out of the way when it crashed to the floor breaking the glass and the crockery she had stored in it. It was the first time she had cried since arriving. It wasnt about the items that were broken, it was about the strain that recent times had put on her. She wondered if her whole life was going to be about scrimping and scraping. She wondered if there was ever going to be anything else in it. Sunday soon arrived and Joe took them all to Mass at Saint Ethelberts church that was situated just behind the main street in the town. They all had plenty to think about during the service that morning. Bridget prayed that things would work out for them in their newfound home. After the service a large crowd of people gathered outside and engaged in conversations. A great deal of them spoke with Irish accents. Joe introduced Bridget, Margaret and the children to Father Carey. He asked Joe and all of them how they were settling in. He was a large man with a jolly expression who had helped many newly arrived Irish immigrants to find their feet and was always there to lend an ear or give advice to them. Matthew and Sarah spotted their newfound friends in the crowd with their families. Bridget met Mrs. Brody their neighbour and her husband Gerry who introduced her to Pat and Orla Joyce who lived only streets away from them. They all chatted for a good while and invitations were made to visit each other. That afternoon Joes sister Maureen, her husband John and their children came to visit them. They lived in Windsor, a few miles from Slough and attended Mass at a church there. It was reminiscent of visits they made when they were all living in Tralee. Both the adults and children caught up on all the news. Maureen told Bridget about Catholic schools in the area and where they were. It was now she and Joes biggest priority to enrol the children at school. Matthew and Sarah were eligible for secondary level education while Bernadette, Patrick and Nancy qualified for primary school. Bridget made enquiries and interviews were set up at the relevant establishments. Matthew and Sarah had interviews at St. Josephs Secondary Modern School. When Bridget and Matthew were waiting outside the headmasters office to meet his second in command, a Mrs. Clayburn, Bridget noticed firstly as did Matthew that it was a mixed school with boys and girls attending. Matthew wondered why pupils passing them appeared to be sniggering. Suddenly they both realized that all the boys wore long trousers. It was common for boys of Matthews age in Ireland to wear short trousers at school but not there apparently. A slim grey-faced woman opened the door and invited them in. She spoke in an upper class English accent. She asked them both questions concerning his education during her process of assessment. She then asked Bridget directly if Matthew was knowledgeable about the facts of life as she put it, explaining that there were older pupils than him attending the school that would be perhaps wiser in that regard. Bridget at the point of blushing bluffed that he did, resolving to talk to him about it as soon as she could. She suddenly realized that she did not know how much he knew. Sarah had a similar interview the same week and they were both enrolled in St. Josephs. Bridget talked to them individually about procreation as best she could, fearing they would be ridiculed or embarrassed at school if they did not have at least a

87

fundamental understanding of sexual matters. Sarah was easier to talk to than Matthew who found her discussing the subject most embarrassing. It was something she and Joe had not brought up with them before. There was no such requirement for Bernadette, Patrick or Nancy who were interviewed to attend St.Anthonys primary school. One thing they all needed was school uniforms. Soon they were ready to attend their respective schools. Matthew and Sarah started a few days before the younger ones. Bridget accompanied them all on the first day of their attendance, making sure they knew the way. It was also a requirement that they had dinner money to pay for the meal that was provided by the schools each day. Bridget met the head master of St. Josephs, a large portly red haired man called Mr. McManus. He was well spoken and had an upper class English accent. He told Bridget that his parents were from Ireland and that over ninety per cent of the children attending the school were of Irish Catholic extraction. He explained to her that the reason for establishing the institution was to accommodate children and their descendants from that background. He told her that there were even some children who were of English background, Italian, Polish and a few other nationalities on the register. The main thing their parents or one parent wanted for them was an education with a Catholic ethos. He then registered Matthew and Sarah and welcomed them to the school. He and they said their goodbyes to Bridget He then told them they would first have to attend Assembly in the main hall. It was an English institution they or Bridget had never heard of. It consisted of all the children in the school assembling in the huge school hall in a line with their classmates. The head master would stand on the platform that doubled as a stage for school plays or any other event and say a few words to all the children. It could be something trivial concerning litter or something concerning world events. It would always involve saying a prayer. The children would then disperse to there relevant classrooms for their first lesson of the day. In each class there was a roll call of names before the first lesson began. The surnames of each pupil were called out and they answered present. Matthew remembered that in Ireland their full names were called in Gaelic. He and a girl in the same class were introduced to the others as being newly arrived from Ireland. Matthew could hear a boy sitting one desk behind him to the left sniggering under his breath when the teacher announced this. As the lesson progressed he could hear the same voice whispering ere Irish as often as he could out of earshot of the teacher. He also heard a few more stifled mocking sniggers from some other lads. This went on for the entire lesson. It shocked Matthew to the core and he could feel his blood begin to boil with anger. He could never recollect being called Irish because in Ireland he and everyone else took it for granted that they were Irish and only referred to people who came from a different part of it as Dubliners, Kerry people and so on. Matthew turned and had a long hard look at the instigator of his infuriation. He studied him and he knew the boy had seen the venom in his eyes. The teacher finished the lesson and the first break of the day began. Pupils from all classes made their way to the playgrounds. Although boys and girls mixed in class they had two separate play areas. Matthew let his tormentor go ahead of him with some other boys. He followed behind, never taking his eyes off him. He was trying to observe if he was part of a

88

gang. The one thing he knew was that if he let him get away with this, his life would be made hell at the school. He planned his attack like a predator stalking its prey. He watched as the group of them turned the corner that led into the main area of the playground out of site of the teachers. He rushed in front of them and picked out his target. He turned and punched him with the full weight of his body behind it. He caught the boy with such a blow above the stomach that he drove him back a couple of feet from where he stood. As the boy lay in a crumpled heap on the ground moaning and gasping for breath, Matthew screamed out anybody else want some. That boy or any of his classmates never bothered him again. One other boy in the class approached him and said well done OConnor hes been asking for that for a long time. Matthew surmised that he had probably bullied him. He introduced himself, as Peter Ahern and he and Matthew became instant friends. From then on he showed Matthew the ropes at St. Josephs. He told him his parents were Irish and that he had been on holidays there once. In the middle of the day dinner was served in the large canteen, with different sittings for boys and girls. In fact the only time that both sexs mixed was in the classroom. Matthew could not believe the quality of the food served; it was varied and very tasty. Not alone that but dinner was followed by desert, which they called pudding. It was a far cry from the schools in Ireland where you brought sandwiches and an old bottle with some milk, no matter what the weather. I could get used to this, he said to Peter who was at his table. He listened to the murmur of conversation at the long table but found it difficult to make out some of the words. The accent was so different to anything he had heard before. In his young lifetime he had spoken or heard the Irish Midlands accent in Roscrea, the town of his birth, the Dublin accent of his childhood and latterly the accent of the west of Ireland in Kerry. This was like listenening to people with a speech impediment, who did not pronounce all the letters in a word. To make it worse it was riddled with slang. The first slang word he became familiar with was the word mate that meant friend. After school he looked around outside the main entrance and eventually spotted Sarah in the crowd. He asked her how she got on as she did him. He did not tell her about the fight because he knew it would get back to their parents and as far as he was concerned, they had enough on their plate to deal with. Apart from a few jibes about her accent she told him it was fine. They want to have a damn good listen to what they call an accent, Matthew said to her. It sounds like something out of a Looney bin, he added. Youll never guess whos in my class Sarah said. Marie Joyce, our neighbour. When they arrived home Bridget asked them how they found their first day. Fine Sarah said. Interesting Matthew, said sarcastically. As he lay in bed that night with young Patrick asleep beside him, and saw the moon shining through the curtains his thoughts began to wander back to Tralee. He wondered if it was shining over the Slieve Mish Mountains. He wished he could talk to his friend Stephen and tell him what a God-awful place this was. But for his own sake and for the sake of the others, he knew he would have to make the most of it. He was infuriated to hear that Patrick was involved in a fight at his school for reasons similar to his own.

89

Matthew realized that they were living in the land of their old enemy. He remembered the Irish history he had been taught at his previous school and was aware of the disastrous consequences of English and later British interference in Ireland. His own grandparents had fought in the War of Independence and he took any slight on being Irish personally. His first experiences in England had served to consolidate his sense of Irishness. What annoyed him the most was the fact that the majority of the boys at the school had Irish surnames and were clearly of Irish Catholic backgrounds and either their parents or grandparents would have been born there? He wondered if they learned anything about their heritage at home. He observed that the English history being taught at this school ignored anything to do with Ireland. He regarded it as being a silent propaganda that glorified the creation of the British Empire at the expense of disregarding the repercussions it had created. It was no wonder, he concluded, that the pupils at this school had no conception of his background or the background most of their parents and ancestors came from. This establishment was trying to mould them into little Englishmen and Englishwomen. He vowed to ask his parents everything he could about Irish history and to get hold of every book he could on the subject. He began to despise anyone who rejected or compromised their race or culture and those who quickly adopted an English accent of convenience. He knew his attitude would lead him into conflict and on many occasions it did. In one fight his school blazer became badly ripped. He was more worried about the fact that his parents might have to replace it than the cut to his lip. He knew their financial situation was very tough. He told Bridget that he caught it on the wire perimeter fence at the school but she didnt believe him. She asked him if he was having trouble at school and he denied it. He developed a strategy for sorting out the troublemakers at St. Josephs. He would leave a little early in the morning and catch them on their way to school. He did not care if they were on their own or not. He would challenge them there and then to a fight. He had picked out whom he regarded as the ringleaders and laid into them one by one. It worked better than he had ever imagined. He gained a name for himself and very soon he noticed other boys would step out of his way rather than confront him. His newfound friend Peter Ahern introduced him to another boy called Danny Carpenter and the three of them became a clique. From then on much to Matthews delight he never experienced a moments bother at that school. Part of the curriculum at the school was Physical Education, known, as P.E. and both Matthew and Sarah were required to have sports outfits. The school had four teams that competed at every class level in both winter and summer sports. They were both amazed at how organized it was and how many sports they would learn about and participate in. Sarah had no experience of sports and Matthew had only played Gaelic Football. He was however, unknown to staff becoming proficient at boxing. Boxing alas, he learned was not on the agenda. How he would have loved to see the faces of some of his adversaries after climbing into a ring with him he thought. The P.E. teacher for boys was a man called Mr. Pike. The first thing Matthew noticed about him was that he had an accent that he had never heard before. He learned from one of the boys that he was from Yorkshire and considered a Northerner in these parts.

90

Matthew identified with him straight away, he considering himself as an outsider. His nickname was bullet because the boys thought he had a tough personality. Matthew liked his no nonsense approach and he was the only teacher in the school he looked up to. He also taught Religious Instruction in Matthewss class making it known to him that he had Irish connections. This attitude always solidified Matthews respect for such people. Priests were thin on the ground in England, it being a mainly Protestant country. So much so that some lay teachers like Mr. Pike studied the subject at Catholic Teachers Training Colleges, which were also small in number. Eventually all of them settled into school and it became just a routine. Joe was busy working at the airport, taking all the overtime he could manage to try and deal with the heavy financial burden. He worked on a three-shift basis that consisted of mornings, afternoons and nights. It was most difficult for him to sleep in the daytime after finishing night work. On these occasions he wore an eye mask to blot out the light. Bridget would tell the children to keep any noise down when he was sleeping during the day. He would be coming and going on any particular shift for a week at a time. Sometimes the children or even Margaret would forget and Bridget would have to remind them. Even on his time off, he would be busy doing work on the house. One day he arrived home with a second-hand television. He had that boyish grin on his face when Bridget saw him. What on earths that? she said looking at the large item he was carrying wrapped in some old cloth. A goggle box he answered. You mean she said knowing it was his nickname for a TV. He set it up in the front room before the children came home from school. They were thrilled when they saw it. They all gathered around it that evening and watched every program they could on its black and white screen until bedtime. They were enthralled by it, they never having had one. It was a diversion for them that distracted them all from the problems of their new beginning. The front room became an assembly point where they would gather as a family and watch the news or laugh at a comedy. It was also, unintentionally a tool of education and from it they began to learn a lot about their adopted country. Eventually Joe got an indoor toilet fitted in the bathroom, much to all their delight. It was practically jammed against the bath but at least if anyone wanted to go during the night they would not have to visit the outdoor one. It however, was handy in a crowded household if someone was using the bathroom. Margaret got a job serving food in a works canteen in a factory. It was an engineering plant of which there were many in the large trading estate that was within half an hours walk from where they lived. It was called Slough Trading Estate and covered several square miles. It was dominated by one large factory that produced chocolate products and was one of the largest employers in the whole area. The sometimessickly sweet smell that emanated from it could be sensed up to a mile away, depending on the direction of the wind. Margaret learned a lot about the area from her co-workers, a few of who were Irish. The estate was originally started in the nineteen thirties. Council houses were also built nearby to accommodate the influx of new workers and their families who first came from run down areas of London, and from unemployment areas of Wales and other parts of Britain. The Second World War saw a lot of the factories turned over to munitions and on a few occasions, it was bombed by the German air force.

91

After the war Britain became engaged in a massive rebuilding program. A lot of people had died in the war and the country had both a labour and skills shortage. This gap was beginning to be filled by others such as the Irish who came from a depressed economic background and answered the job adverts, some of which were placed in Irish newspapers. Another foreign influx that came to Britain in the same period was the Poles who were fleeing the onslaught of Communism that had engulfed Eastern Europe. Many of them and others from that region settled in Slough and the surrounding areas. There was massive building projects and industrial expansion taking place. So much so that the country was crying out for workers. This created a large-scale immigration of foreign workers. The numbers increased dramatically in the two decades that followed the end of the war. It became very disconcerting for the English people in particular who bore the bulk of the new population. It resulted in a lot of resentment, prejudice, and misunderstanding of the new arrivals. These people were to become their co- workers and neighbours. The Irish became very predominant in the construction sector, which was known as the Building Industry or Buildings. They also took up a lot of jobs in nursing, industry, and many other faculties including teaching. They were often the butt of the Irish Joke that was an amusement to the English and of great annoyance to the Irish. It had been around since the first unfortunates arrived from Ireland to work there. They were probably uneducated, and in menial forms of employment and thus considered stupid. It was the concept of stupidity that was at the heart of the jokes. This influx of workers however, still did not satisfy the demand this boom had created. The government and employers were now placing advertisements in newspapers in Commonwealth countries such as India, Pakistan, the West Indies and some African and Far Eastern countries. The result of this led to further immigration from countries and people that the English considered even more foreign than the recent arrivals. They in turn were greeted with even more hostility. During their post-war settlement the Irish immigrants gave birth to a generation of children who were often referred to as first generation Irish. It was into this time that the OConnor household and many countless Irish families, including their newfound neighbours and friends had moved. Margaret, now working, was able to make a financial contribution to the household. Bridget asked her how she was getting on in the job. She told her it was all right apart from one sarcastic English bitch as she put it. She asked me if we kept pigs in the parlour in Ireland? she told her. What did you say? Bridget asked. I asked her is that where they keep them in England. Bridget laughed fair play to you she said. I went on to explain to her in detail that I was brought up in a shop in a town and didnt have a great deal of knowledge about farming she told her. They all, at one time or another, came across such remarks and attitudes and most of the time they learned to ignore them. It was to become something that entered deep into their mindset and each of them had to learn to deal with the situation in their own way. The quicker pace of life was another thing they had to get used to along with the general unfriendliness. The noise level and general congestion was also far greater than they were used to. It was so different from the comparatively sedate atmosphere they had left behind.

92

One day Bridget was observing the name that was embossed on the glass panel above their front door that was spelt Verwood. She thought it might be Dutch or even German. She did however, in her own way, think it very posh for a house to have a name. When sending letters she would include the name when entering their address. One day she was talking to their Irish neighbour Mrs. Brody, who enquired how they were getting on. The conversation soon turned to financial problems, in particular the pressures of starting off in a new country with a large family, a mortgage and bills to pay and many more household items to buy, not to mention work that had to be done on the house. Mrs. Brody told her that when they first moved there they were in a similar position. She told her that they let out the back room as a Bed- Sit as they were called. It was a single Irishman who became their tenant she told her. Bridget surveyed the back room in their house that could be used as a dining room or a second reception room and realized it could be used for letting. They had not furnished it out as such and were not using it as anything in particular. She had worked out that a prospective tenant could gain entrance via the French doors from the back of the house using the garage door at the side of the building. She put the idea to Joe who agreed it would help pay towards the mortgage. They set about getting some second hand furniture that would be suitable for the purpose. One day Bridget saw a letter in the hallway with an Irish stamp on it. She opened it hurriedly wondering whom it was from. She realized that she had not got around to sending her address to everyone there. To her surprise it was from Joes brother Brian. She surmised that he obtained the address from their mother. In the letter addressed to them both Brian told them that he and his new bride who was pregnant were coming to England. He asked if it would be possible for them to accommodate them for a short while until they could find their feet as he put it. Joe was working afternoons that day and wasnt home until eleven that night. After reading the letter he said thats all I need right now. They talked about their plight and Bridget having been at their wedding realized the situation they were in. We were going to let out that room anyway she commented. At least well know wholl be staying there, she said. Anyway it might not be for long, she added. Joe agreed, after all it was his brother. Within two weeks they arrived, the room having been made just about ready. They had only the luggage they could carry. They looked stressed and Bridget thought Laura looked dreadfully thin for someone pregnant. Joe and Bridget welcomed them into an already crowded house. Over dinner they caught up with the news from home and Brian told them of his urgency to get a job. Theyre crying out for mechanics from what I hear, Joe told Brian. In a little over a week Brian got a job as such in a garage in Slough. The situation for Laura was even worse than that of Brians. Even though they had both just arrived in a strange land, he at least was out working while she was stuck often alone in that room, sometimes crying her eyes out with loneliness, while the busy life of the household went on around her. She missed her parents and particularly her mother at this time. She did have an older sister but she lived in America. She was a country girl of seventeen who knew little about life or being domesticated. She relied on everything that Bridget could teach her in regard to cooking and general household matters. She was quite and shy and looked bewildered at times. The household situation was fraught at times, with so many people wanting to use the bathroom or kitchen or watch television or even find a seat.

93

Sometimes if one of the children was entertaining a friend, the best place was to retreat to their bedroom or the garage or even the street. As the weeks went by Brian was trying to save some money in order for them to find accommodation of their own. On the weekends hed get fed up and go on the drink. It was these occasions he would take out his frustrations on Laura. Rows and shouting could be heard coming from the room at times. One evening Bridget heard Laura screaming. She beckoned Joe to find out what the hell was happening as she put it. He initially declined to interfere because they were a married couple and would have to sort out their differences themselves. After one such terrible row he saw Laura running into the hall and heading for the front door with blood running from her mouth and her face filled with terror. He had words with Brian whom he could see had drink taken. Brian turned on him and gripped him around the throat. Matthew could hear commotion from his bedroom, as could all of them in the house. Matthew ran down the stairs to witness what looked like Brian trying to strangle Joe. He instinctively jumped on Brian back grabbing him by the collar. This distraction made him release the grip he had on Joe. Joe caught Brian in a headlock and drove him headfirst back into the room. There after a struggle he managed to placate him. Bridget shocked by the whole episode ushered them all into the front room, muttering as she did so thats your lot in this house. After it had all calmed down and Bridget had attended to Laura who was shaking with fear, she and Joe had words. I feel sorry, I really do for that young girl, but I will not put up with that in my house she said. I know Joe said, his heart still pumping after the incident. Place or no place I want them out of here as soon as possible Bridget scorned. Weve enough of problems without having to put up with that she added. Ill have a word with him again in the morning and put him in the picture Joe assured her. Things died down and within a short time Brian and Laura found a house at the other end of the town. Bridget got a part time job working in a Launderette in the local parade of shops. She did mornings while the children were at school. She placed an advert in the paper shop window for a lodger and a week later a young Irish Building worker called Pat Murphy called to the house one evening and took up lodgings with them. He was a tall slim man in his twenties and had not long arrived in England. He was pleasant, quiet and fitted into the household very well. Joe and Bridget found the extra money very welcome and lodgings became a regular feature of the house. For the first time since they arrived they seemed to have a little money to go around. They were now able to look around for bits and pieces they needed including a second hand car that Joe bought. Bridget and the others could not believe it when they saw it. It was an Austin 8, just like the one they had in Ireland, only different in colour. Bridget was always on the lookout for bargains herself and one day she saw a piano advertised in the local newspaper at what she thought was a very reasonable price. She on seeing it haggled for less and got it for practically nothing as she put it. It had been neglected and needed tuning and polishing. She thought of it as both ornamental and something they could all learn to play. She had it placed in the lounge. She herself had piano lessons when she was young, something only Margaret knew and Joe vaguely remembered her telling him. The children were amazed to know their

94

mother was musical when hearing her play. She heightened all their interest in music and they all had a go on it. Matthew had some lessons in Ireland and played what he remembered but by now he was more interested in mastering the guitar, which had become more fashionable and compatible with the music of his era. But sometimes like them all he would play some chords on it and loved the loud volume and sweetness of sound it produced. The phenomenon of Beatle-Mania was at this time sweeping England. Four young men from Liverpool called the Beatles, were taking the music business and the general public by storm. They were constantly on the radio on the television on the newspapers and appearing all over the country at venues that were booked out long before they arrived. Crowds of teenagers mobbed them wherever they went. Matthew adored them, as did Sarah and all of their friends and schoolmates. It was about this time that Bridget spotted a second hand record player in one of the local shops and bought it. Matthew and Sarah asked her if they could buy the latest Beatles single to play on it. After much persuasion she relented. All right she said, after all it could be the start of a new era. When Matthew went to the record shop in the main street in the town, they told him they were sold out of the single. Two shops later he was getting the same answer. Eventually he did manage to secure one. He listened to every word over and over again and began to learn the chords to the songs. He became a passionate fan of the Beatles and the other groups and singers that were emerging from what they called the Mersey Sound. He would often spend hours in his room practicing and playing guitar and learning the words to the songs. It seemed to take all his troubles away and made him happy. Little by little, without knowing it, he was gradually settling into his new environment. And slowly the great wrench in moving away from his homeland seemed easier to bear. Sarah, unlike him, was better at making friends and could seem to settle anywhere. She too had many memories of their life in Ireland but did not seem to dwell on them like him. Matthews displacement had scarred him with bitterness and regret. He became distrustful of people and would rather have one or more good friends who understood him than a host of acquaintances that did not. He was a loyal friend to know but demanded loyalty in return. Bernadette, Patrick and Nancy were all settling in well in their new environment. The oldest of the three, Bernadettes memory beyond living in Tralee would have been vague. As for Patrick and Nancy, their memories beyond that point would practically be non-existent. They being younger and more influenced by their new environment, particularly at school, were starting to speak with English accents, much to Matthews annoyance in particular. Matthew surmised that even Sarahs brogue was changing slightly and wondered if God forbid, he thought, his own was being coloured in the absence of an all Irish surrounding. Only for their Irish friends and neighbours they would have been starved of their culture. There was no social outlet for them in Slough, save for the few pubs that Irish people frequented. It was this hunger of not wanting to let go of who they were that drew them to such people. Initially, they felt alienated from English society. It was a place they had to be rather than a place they wanted to be. They wanted to adapt rather than change. History in general has always been cruel to the emigrant.

95

They kept in touch with the news from home as best they could and followed all the developments in the old country. The big news in Ireland that year was the visit of the American president John F. Kennedy to the country. It was even shown on British television. Imagine that Bridget said watching it on screen, the president of the United States visiting Ireland and he one of our own referring to the fact that he was Catholic Irish American. By now the children had become good friends with the children of their Irish neighbours. Of many an evening after tea they would meet up with them at their houses and go to Montem Park that was close to them all. They would mix in age groups with Matthew palling around with Marcus Joyce and Michael Mannion, both of whom were a year older than him. They were in the next year up from him in school. Sarah and Marcuss sister Marie became best friends. The younger ones Patrick, Bernadette and Nancy befriended the Brody children who were of their age group. During the summer holidays they with their friends began to explore other areas of recreation. One such place was known as Salt Hill Park. It lay on the other side of the Bath Road, the main thoroughfare that ran west of the town. It was a park that had amenities such as swings, slides and a couple of carousels called roundabouts that they loved spinning and jumping on and off. It also had tennis courts. Matthew learned from Marcus and Michael that there was an indoor swimming pool within walking distance from them. He pestered Bridget for swimming trunks and she eventually relented. Bridget warned him to be careful and stay in the shallow end knowing he had not swam before. The other two boys were swimmers and when they beckoned him to join them in the water Matthew not thinking jumped straight in over his depth. He went to the bottom and tried to jump himself to the surface a few times with limited success. Marcus quickly realized he was in trouble and reaching out a hand pulled him to safety. You never told me you couldnt swim, he said to him. If its the last thing I ever do, Im going to learn Matthew replied. He spent the rest of the session in the shallower end trying to master staying afloat. A few weeks later keeping to his word he mastered it. He was however, eternally grateful to Marcus that day. The summer was hot and sticky at times with the lack of wind in the inland region they lived in. Although they enjoyed the local amenities, the OConnor children missed the great uninterrupted outdoors of their homeland, especially in the summer. The Joyce children echoed the same sentiment. Marcus told Matthew about the Maam Valley in Connemara, County Galway, and the area they came from. It sounded more vast and unpopulated than anything he had known. He told Matthew of a lake called Lough Corrib that was as big as an inland sea, where his father and older brother and he had been fishing since he was knee high. Fishing gets into your blood, he told Matthew who could see his eyes were watering as he talked about it. Matthew told him about his spiritual areas in Tanavalla and the Spa overlooking Tralee bay. He realized he was not the only one who was haunted by more beautiful things. The Mannions, Matthew learned were also originally from County Galway, although they settled in Kildare for a short time before coming to England. All of them learned a lot about each other that summer. They all realized they had a lot in common. They were young and settled in a new land, with only their far away dreams of childhood to hold on to.

96

Slowly but surely through them, their parents, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles and friends a new budding community began to emerge in Slough and the surrounding areas. It was also nurtured through the local Catholic Churchs, where the people would meet every Sunday. It was during this first summer in exile that the OConnor family came to know their neighbours well. They were like birds of a feather, having come from the same background. Matthew and Sarah got to know the Joyce household through their companionship with Marcus and Marie and would call there to meet them as they did to their house. The Joyce family consisted of Pat who was their father. He was a jolly man who was an accomplished accordion player in his spare time, playing regularly in the Irish frequented pubs. He was a manual worker with the council, who although not tall, carried a great deal of weight. Their mother Orla was quite a tall red haired woman, who stood head and shoulders over him. She had a very strong voice and if she was calling anyone she could be heard from the bottom of the street. They had an older son called Aidan who was both tall and heavy and worked as a clerk in a company in the trading estate. He was witty, conversational and educated. Their only daughter Marie was Sarahs best friend Their aunt Catherine who was Orlas sister also lived with them. She did factory work in the estate. She was a spinster like Bridgets sister Margaret and the two of them became good companions. The head of the Mannion family was a man called Tommy. He was a small slim fairhaired man who wore glasses and also worked in the local estate. His wife Philomena was a quite, petit, dark haired woman who was very religious and very much a home bird. They had six children, the eldest of whom was Pauline an attractive blonde girl who looked out for all the others and always tried to guide them in the right direction. They had two boys, Michael who was Matthews friend and a younger one called Gerard. The other three girls were called Dimphna, who hated her name, Patricia, whom Matthew liked and Nellie who was gentle as a dove and spoke very little. All of them were noticeably small in stature. The OConnor children felt very enclosed that summer, within the built up confines of Slough. They had to explore their surroundings by foot and often spent time wandering around Chalvey theyre immediate location. They would often go to the main thoroughfare in the town centre called the High Street. This was a common term used to denote the main street in most English towns. It was the main shopping area and also the main road that led towards London to the east. It had every conceivable type of shop that was imaginable on either side of the road. Although some of the shop fronts were modernised, the structures above them were old and quite ornate. It was by no means an attractive town. Some days the pavements would be crowded with people. There was a large department store called Suitors that was set on several floors that sold all sorts of household goods. Sometimes the children would explore it and other shops and look in wonder at the goods and toys in particular on offer. They could dream about them at least. If they had a few pence they would indulge in some ice cream or sweets from the confectionary shops that were laden with temptation. That summer the OConnor children, in particular Matthew and Sarah, missed the big festival in Tralee. They longed for the excitement and fun that it brought. They missed the freedom of being able to cycle on the quiet roads to the sea that was nearby.

97

They felt very hemmed in and land locked after finding out the nearest coastline to them was many miles away. They no longer had the odd visit to their grandparents farm or their uncle Kevins to mix with their cousins to look forward to, or the odd trip that Joe would take them on. Shift work had rearranged Joes life and he would be tired sleeping at unusual times and often working during weekends. He was also doing jobs on the house that year and it would take up a lot of his spare time. There were however, some family visits at that time. Joes brother Owen and his brother in law John worked at the airport with him. All three of them were baggage handlers and worked for the same airline. Owen had lived in England for many years and was married to an Englishwoman called Brenda. They had three children, Megan; the eldest a boy called Fergal and the youngest a girl named Irene. They lived in Windsor, which was considered a very plush area. Joe and the family had met them before when they were on holidays in Tanavalla. Matthew was a little embarrassed at meeting his cousin Megan again. It was she that had kissed him in the woods of Tanavalla on that visit. She and Fergal were more talkative than Irene who was unnaturally shy and quite. Joes sister Maureen, her husband John and their children, David, Rose-Marie, Andrew and Emma also paid visits. They having come to England only a short time before the OConnor family. They had lived a couple of streets away from them in Tralee. They all knew each other well. Joe himself had spent a year living with them while working to set up home for his family. They also lived in Windsor. Maureen was a very strict domineering type of woman whose children would not put a foot wrong in her company. They were always immaculately dressed and well behaved. They stood in awe of her and were unnaturally polite for children. Bridget had picked up on this in their former home and commented that nothing had changed sadly, as she put it. John was a quiet man who had a good sense of humour. He could also be a good conversationalist if he could get a word in. Maureen would dominate every conversation on their behalf. Bridget once declared I dont even think she realizes she dose it. She once said, its a sad house where the cock is quiet and the hen does all the crowing. During that visit Bridget learned that Maureen was pregnant again. She would have another son they called Martin. Soon the summer holidays that the OConnor children found sedate and confining came to an end and they almost gladly settled back into their school routine. They found the autumn evenings turned to night much earlier in England. Sometimes when they met friends in the park after school it would be the darkness that would drive them home. When the first days of winter arrived it was dark in the morning setting off for school and within an hour of arriving home it would be dark again. Bridget once remarked, Its all a night here in the winter. This resulted in friends meeting up at each others houses. At any one time there could be two friends or more calling to the OConnor household and inevitably making their way to one of the childrens bedrooms. Arguments could ensue if one of them was entertaining a friend in their quarters and somebody else in the household wanted to use the room. Space was at a premium in the OConnor residence. It was possible that on a given evening there would be Joe, Bridget, Margaret, Matthew and a friend, Sarah and a friend, Bernadette, Patrick and Nancy with or without friends, Pat the lodger and a

98

neighbour who called around to see Joe or Bridget. It was by any means an open house. When anyone who knew them called, they never knocked at the front door, but rather went through the garage door at the side of the house that was always open. This led them to the kitchen door, which may as well have been the main entrance. If anybody knocked at the front door they knew it was a stranger, the milkman looking for his money or the postman wanting someone to sign for a parcel or even a door-to-door salesman. The next thing that Joe and Bridget acquired was a telephone, much to everybodys delight. They had however, to keep an eye on the children using it. They had no conception about bills, all they thought about was ringing friends who also had one. The other thing they longed for was a pet. They missed their old dog Shep whom they hoped had a happy home with his new owners. Joe decided on a cat which he thought was more practical in their busier, confined lifestyle. And so it was that a black female cat that they after much arguing called Trixie entered the household. One day Matthew noticed that it got some mud on it from the back garden. He decided to give it a wash. The water he used was cold and it being winter the cat was shivering. He brought it into the kitchen and dried it with a rag as best he could, but noticed the creature was still shaking. He looked around and then had a brainwave. He noticed the oven was still warm where Bridget had been cooking and opening the door pushed the cat into it in order to both warm and dry it. The cat would not go into it voluntarily so he closed the door on it. The noise it made drew Bridget from the hallway she had entered to the kitchen. What it Gods name is that din? she asked him. I thought Idhe said looking at the oven. Bridget whisked open the oven door and screamed as the cat leaped out and ran for cover. God almighty what are you doing? she said to him. After she had calmed down Matthew explained in his own logic what he was trying to achieve. Bridget explained that washing was for dogs and not cats and that ovens were for cooking only. The biggest news in world events that year was the assassination of the American President John F. Kennedy. It sent shockwaves around the world. People began to hear about it at different times that day and the OConnor household was no exception. That evening they like all other families and certainly people with Irish connections gathered around their television sets and watched the gruesome footage surrounding his untimely death. There was total disbelief and communal grief in the Irish community in Slough and the rest of England. To them it was the loss of a world figure of Irish blood that was an inspiration to all Irish emigrants. They seemed to take it personally as if one of their own had been tragically snatched away from them. At Mass that Sunday, to a packed church, Father Careys sermon centred on his life and death and the entire congregation joined in prayer for his widow and family. No sooner had the aftermath of this event subsided than they found themselves heading for their first Christmas abroad. Joe and Bridget wanted to make it a special one. Not only to boost their morale but also to give them all a sense of place that seemed to be lacking that first turbulent year away from home. No matter where Irish people roamed or for what reason Ireland would for most of them still be their spiritual home. Christmas for the OConnors was also an occasion that galvanized their relationship as a family. Every Christmas that they had spent together had marked a point in their

99

lives. It brought back memories of the places they lived, of the family and friends they co-celebrated it with and this one although in a more alien place would be no exception. Bridget busied herself making a Christmas cake, pudding and mince pies to old recipes they were all familiar with. Joe bought lots of decorations and a Christmas tree. He practically covered the ceiling of the front room with paper decorations and balloons. He got lots of baubles to hang on the tree on which a star was placed on top. Some were also placed in the hallway and the kitchen. Bridget got some sprigs of holly from the local shops and started to accumulate enough food to feed an army. Joe took the wrapping off the Crib that they had brought with them from Ireland. The figures he placed in it were still wrapped in pages from the Irish newspaper. It had been in there keeping for many years and had watched over many a Christmas. Despite all that had changed it was the one thing that was familiar to them all. They had a sense of reverence for it and all that it represented. Each one of them had their own memory of it and where it was placed in the houses they had lived in. The children helped out with the decorating even putting some streamers on the inside of the front and back doors. They too wanted an input and a statement of intent. The house looked very jolly and homely. The children as always were excited by it and were counting the days to Christmas day. Joe for his own part felt a great sense of achievement in overcoming the difficulties and heartbreaks of the previous two years. Life he always felt was not something to continually dwell on but something to contend with no matter where it took you. Bridget shared his sentiment and was very proud of him. She always knew if he got one chance in life he would take it. She was also proud and grateful that he was a sober man and a committed family man. These were qualities that she had always admired in the man she loved and married. All the children had put in their requests for their presents and Joe and Bridget were doing everything they could to honour them. Soon the big day arrived and Matthew thinking he was the first to rise early that morning was met by Sarah in the front room excitedly unwrapping her presents. He had never beaten her out of bed on Christmas morning and submitted to the fact that he probably never would. He looked around for his present but could not see it. Have you looked in the garage? she asked him. He went to the garage and sure enough there it was, a racing bike. It was the sleekest cycling machine he had ever seen. It had metallic blue paint, five gears, the slimmest tyres and saddle he had ever laid eyes on and handlebars that were shaped like rams horns. Wow was the only word he could mutter. As he sat on it he began to dream of all the places he could go in no time on this thoroughbred racing machine. He felt very grateful to Joe and Bridget that morning and couldnt wait to thank them. It was just what he needed to give him that little bit of freedom and a sense of adventure that he had been lacking that year. All the children were equally happy with their presents that morning. Margaret had also bought them some little gifts and a present for Joe and Bridget. She was also not forgotten on her first Christmas with the family. Margaret really enjoyed the festivities that year, feeling she belonged somewhere once more. Besides enjoying the company of the family that she was slowly becoming part of, she had made a good friend in Catherine Joyce one of their neighbours.

100

Saint Ethelberts church was packed that morning with some people standing in the aisles. It was a true measure of the Slough Irish community and it gave the OConnor family a sense of belonging once more. When they arrived that spring they did not know anybody and by now they were beginning to meet new people all the time. The New Year brought the first of the freezing east winds and a good dusting of snow. Even Slough looked nicer clad in white. What it was about town or countryside covered in snow that made them more picturesque, nobody seemed to know. Everyone agreed that it was much colder in England in the winter as opposed to Ireland where it was milder but much wetter and stormier. The first visitors that year to the OConnor household were Joes eldest brother Peter, his wife Rosemary and their four children Kate, Martin, Cormac and Caira in order of age. They lived in south London about twenty miles or more from them. Peter had lived in London since the nineteen fifties, having gone there as a young man in search of work. He worked in Battersea Power station one of the biggest electrical power generating stations in the South East of England. It supplied a substantial amount of the electricity for the capital city. He had met and married Rosemary in London. She was Irish and originally from Cork city. They were a pleasant couple and seemed very compatible. Their children reflected a good upbringing and education in their mannerisms. The OConnor children had met them and their cousins in Tanavalla when they were on holidays from England. They all enjoyed each others company once more and invitations to visit them in London were extended to them all By Peter. Matthew by now was looking for pocket money in order to buy an odd record or strings for his guitar and just to have a little money in his pocket each week. Bridget told him about an advert she saw in the local paper shop window looking for someone to do a paper round. He applied and got a job delivering newspapers early each morning before going to school. He would be up at half past six each morning collecting the papers from the shop and delivering them all around Chalvey. After a while however, he found himself starting to feel sleepy during afternoon lessons at school. One morning on his paper round he noticed an advert in the window of Jacks vegetable shop that read Saturday Staff required, apply within. After school next day he went to see the shop owner Jack Worthington who interviewed him. He told him he was local and was looking for a day job rather than early mornings. How old are you? Jack asked him. Fourteen Matthew replied. I dont normally take on anyone under fifteen, he said, but seeing that you seem to be very enthusiastic Ill take a chance and see how we go he added. Matthew was delighted, the job paid much more than the paper round and he would only be there one day a week. Bridget praised him for his initiative and realized even at his age, he was growing up fast. She also felt it would give him a sense of responsibility and independence. It was a busy household with all the comings and goings. Joe could be leaving for or coming home from work on his shift system at anytime of the day or night. Bridget would be working at her part time morning job not long after the children were at school and catching up with her household chores and cooking in the evenings. She might also find herself preparing a meal for Joe at different times. The lodger Pat was renting on a room only basis thank God as Bridget once remarked.

101

Margaret would see to her own washing. One of the perks she had in working in a factory canteen was the free meal she got there. She would have little more than a cup of coffee and as many cigarettes as she would have time for before setting off in the morning. She would join them for tea and made a financial contribution to the house. Often on a Monday morning if Joe was on early shift and Bridget doing her morning job, the bustling house could be strangely empty with the others at work and school. Often the only sound to be heard would be the washing on the line flapping in the breeze. If Joe were on nights he would wake up in the middle of the day to an empty dwelling and make his customary coffee and have that first cigarette in total peace and quiet. Bridget swore he loved those moments. He had been gradually working on the house since he bought it, even before the rest of them arrived. He had a lot of plans for it but could only do what money allowed him bit by bit. He was a very competent carpenter; it was something he had picked up as he went along. Although he was not formally trained he had a natural gift with wood. He built a complete new kitchen, small though it was with presses and worktops and storage units. Bridget was so proud of his achievements. This was their own kitchen she thought, in their own house and it was unique to them. Everything that they would do would be putting their own stamp on it. Little did she think they would have their own house one day? She was very good at allocating furniture and fittings and why they should be in a certain place with space at a premium. One day Joe was reading the local newspaper called the Slough Observer when he said to Bridget I think Ill have one of them. One of what? she enquired. One of them allotments he answered. What are they? she asked. A plot of land you can rent for a few bob a week and grow your own vegetables on it he said. He told her there were some vacant ones being advertised in the area beyond the local shops. He made enquiries and got hold of one. He always had a thing about fresh vegetables and the back garden of the house was too small to accommodate this enterprise. There was a small patch at the end that was set with onions but that was it. Bridget wondered where he would find the time for such an endeavour before remembering that gardening was a labour of love for him. He relished the time he spent there in that peaceful spot and meeting the odd fellow enthusiast, one of whom he discovered was also Irish. Joe was a countryman who had lived his working life in towns and cities but you could never remove him completely from the soil albeit a small plot of land. He loved watching things grow and nurturing them and would eagerly look forward to harvesting them in season. It was his private place of calm and tranquillity and a diversion in an otherwise busy schedule. It was a place he could reflect and even plan, undisturbed by the relative mayhem that could ensue in a very crowded household at times. One day after school when Matthew was about to head off on his bike to meet up with his friends he heard his younger brother Patrick calling him. Mum wants you he called. It was about an errand she wanted him to do. Who the hell is Mum? Matthew replied sarcastically. He had always and still called her Mammy. It was one of those little shocks to the system of which he had many since arriving in Slough. He knew English children used the term for mother and Dad for father. He felt it was another further Anglicisation eating into their identity.

102

He brought the matter up immediately with Bridget who tried to placate him by explaining that the younger children would adapt to terms, sayings, and even accents over here, they being so young when they left. He after much self- deliberation and conversation with his Irish friends realised the inevitability of such changes. He knew that people used to look at him when he addressed his mother as Mammy. Changes as seemingly simple as this were very fundamental to Matthew. He began to wonder how many more there would be. Soon they began to use the term Dad for Joe and for some reason and not knowing where it started abbreviations began to substitute their full names. Matthew began to be called Matt, Sarah was referred to as Sare, Bernadette became Bernie, Patrick was known as Pat and Nancy named Nance. Despite all the changes in their lives other things remained very much constant in any given year and in any given place. After all, birthdays never altered and neither did the calendar of religious celebrations. However, the big difference they did notice that year was Saint Patricks Day. It was there first experience of it outside of Ireland where it was a national holiday and a day where it was celebrated by Mass, the wearing of Shamrock, parades, music, and was one of the biggest festive days of the year. In Slough they hardly knew it existed apart from some gatherings in the evening in the couple of pubs the Irish frequented there. Bridget commented on it to Joe saying the Irish people in this community should get together and form an association of some sort to promote our culture. If we dont it will die with us of this generation she added. Little did she know of the poignancy of her remark and how it struck a nerve with Joe? After much discussion about the subject and possibilities that it might allow, they both resolved to do something about it. Firstly they decided they would contact the parish priest Father Carey and see what ideas he might have about it, he having worked with many Irish immigrants in the area. Secondly they planned to talk to their immediate Irish neighbours to see what interest they might have. The results were far more positive than they could have realized. Father Carey was very enthusiastic about the proposal and announced it from the pulpit one Sunday. Aidan Joyce the eldest son of Joe and Bridgets neighbours met them outside the church after the service and spoke of his great desire to see the creation of such an organization. He had been a scholar at Galway University and was versed in all aspects of Irish culture and language, he being a Gaelic speaker also. They invited him to call to their house one Sunday to discuss the matter and so the seeds of an Irish Cultural forum were set in Slough. He was to become a lifelong friend of Joe, Bridget and the family and a familiar figure at the dining room table in the OConnor dwelling. Aidan knew of others in the town that had clerical and banking backgrounds and would as he put it be ideal candidates for the formation of a committee to organize and oversee such a development. He emphasized that it would have to be run on a semi- professional footing and time would have to be given to this on a voluntary basis. They met in each others houses and quite a lot at Joe and Bridgets. Sometimes the front room would be full of what were to become committee members much to the

103

consternation of the others in the OConnor household. But then again that was the kind of habitat it had become and would remain. It took a little time to set it up but eventually they collectively formed The Slough Irish Society. The first chairman was the eldest of the group called Pat Callaghan who was one of the older members of the Slough Irish community, the secretary was a man called Brendan Kelly and the treasurer appropriately a bank official named Noel Murphy. Joe was on the committee and Bridget chose to be an associate member. They all became good friends and this became an extension of Joe and Bridgets social life that they loved. Gradually more and more people in the area became involved and a social and cultural scene opened up for the Irish people in the area. It began with holding dances in the local church halls and they were very successful. The ambitions of the society however, went far beyond this but they knew it would take time and effort. The meaning and pleasure for all involved was to create a little bit of Ireland away from home. The next family visitors to arrive that year were Bridgets eldest brother Jack and Patricia Dalton, his fiance. They had seemed to be going out with each other forever. They lived in an area of north London called Tottenham. Jack was still working as an engineer in his chosen career and Patricia was what was known as a silver waitress who attended a lot of high-class functions. Bridget held jack in very high esteem. He was both a professional and intellectual. He was the quieter of the two of them and when he spoke it was polite and meaningful. In contrast when Patricia talked she did so incessantly but she was witty and had some funny stories to tell about the upper class that she waited on in London. They were the first of Bridget and Margarets family to visit them since their arrival in England and they all had a great deal to talk about. Both Matthew and Sarah remembered them but for the younger ones it was like meeting them for the first time. They all found them pleasant company and were delighted knowing they had plenty of relatives on that side of the water. When he was leaving Jack said to Bridget I must get them other two to come and see you referring to their brothers Jim and Tony. True to his word it wasnt long before they also made an appearance. They were two bachelors who shared a flat in an area of south London known as Lavender Road. Jim was a bus driver and Tony a factory worker. They shared a social life, that of heavy drinking in the many Irish pubs that had been established in London. They had lived there since they were young men. Jim was the talkative one; he had to be since Tony was so quiet. However, as Jim said you cant shut him up after a few drinks. Theres no danger of getting them here Bridget said knowing that they both knew it was a sober house. Both Matthew and Sarahs memories of them were vague. They barely remembered Jim from a visit or two when in Dublin but could not recall Tony whom they were not sure visited them there. Both of them would have lived in Roscrea when Matthew and Sarah were born but they would have been too young to know them well. They all congregated in the front room and the children were introduced them. They were surprised that Bridget and Margaret had family that they never really talked about except among themselves.

104

They found Jim witty and attentive and Tony quieter and more mysterious. They wondered where they had been all their lives, and were intrigued to know more about them. Joe had known them when he lived and worked in their hometown more than a decade before. They all talked about how time had passed so quickly and of all the people who had since gone both in terms of death and emigration. Sarah could not help noticing that neither Bridget nor Margaret seemed to have the warmth or depth of relationship with these two brothers as they had with their brother Jack. Joe on the other hand seemed to converse better with Jim than he did with any of their family. He and Margaret, who was living with them, spoke very little to each other. It raised a lot of curious questions among the children and in particular Sarah who discovered that both Bridget and Margaret could be found wanting for answers. The next main event of that year for the family close at hand was the birth and christening of Joes brother Brians son who was named Cormac. It was sad they thought that none of his wife Lauras family attended, they living in Ireland and America. Brian celebrated in his usual fashion by getting drunk. By now at least he had a steady job and they had bought a house. None the less the relationship between them still seemed fraught at times. The next two occasions of celebration for the OConnor family were Patricks First Communion and Bernadettes Confirmation in that order. They both took place in Saint Anthonys church, which was adjacent to the school of the same name that both they and Nancy attended. Patrick looked smart in his white shirt and tie and everybody commented on how much he had grown. During the ceremony Matthew began to reflect on the fact that there was a seven-year gap between them. He began to think how he had not really known him at all except as a baby or someone very young. All his childhood memories, friends, and adventures had been shared with Sarah, a sister rather than a brother. He would have loved to have a brother even then, close to his own age, but alas it would never be. Baby Luke who would have been close to him in that respect was taken away to the home for the handicapped in Dublin when he was young and the twins, both boys had died at birth. Patrick, he knew would never have a memory of these things, let alone much of a memory of Ireland. Bernadettes Confirmation soon followed that summer at the same church. She looked so pretty and elegant in her white dress and veil. Bridget could not help crying a tear at such times. She remembered that day how Bernadette as a child had to fight for her life in that iron lung at that Dublin hospital after contracting pneumonia and how touch and go it was at the time. How grateful she was to see her celebrating that day. One day Bridget and Matthew went to the Cobblers at the local shops in Chalvey to have soles put on some shoes. An Indian woman emerging met them at the door. She was dressed in full Indian traditional dress including a sari. To say she looked very colourful was an understatement. The bright orange patterned outfit she wore contrasted starkly with her dark skin. When they entered an elderly man who owned it greeted them. He told Bridget hed been running his business for thirty years. You must have seen some changes in that time she said to him.

105

When I started up here Chalvey was only a village, separate from Slough, he said. It was the nineteen thirties, a time of great recession he added. Then of course there was the war, and everything changed after that he said. People from all over started coming here then he continued. Chalvey was a sought after area to live in, but not any more he commented. Whys that? Bridget enquired. Have you seen whos moving in here he said with a tone of anger in his voice. Asians and Blacks he stated. Mark my words, theyll take over this area, just like its happening in parts of London he warned. Bridget could feel her face begin to flush with self-consciousness, knowing that they themselves were foreigners and not knowing if he was making a point in general about outsiders. She however, and the rest of the family did notice an increasing influx of Asians in particular into the area. As they walked back from the shops Bridget turned to Matthew and said Oh dear! Its going to be a lot more difficult for them. When we walk down the street nobody knows where we come from, that is until we speak she commented. But with them people, they cant hide the colour of their skin she declared. They all soon learned from neighbours and friends that the Asians as a group came mainly from two different countries, India and Pakistan and they belonged to two different cultures. The Indians were Hindus and the Pakistanis were Muslims. This, they learned often caused friction between the two groups. One Sunday morning before they went to Mass, Joe called Matthew who was with him in the front room. Come here and have a look at this, he said pointing out the front window. Across the road, two Asian men were engaged in a fistfight. Id say theres more than a difference of opinion involved in that, he said grinning at the spectacle. This is a mad place, Matthew said looking at the fracas. They all became aware of the fact that it was a time of great change in England with the continuing influx of immigrants from what now seemed every corner of the world. It was the amount of people that were continually arriving that was worrying the English people. They were worried that in time it could undermine their own culture. The fact was that the newcomers much like the OConnors mixed mainly with their own people in their community like the other groups. It was mainly in the work environment that all manner of people met and the most friction and resentment was felt. The arrival of Asians from India and Pakistan and Afro- Caribbeans from the West Indies seemed to lessen the animosity towards the Irish. The Irish being of white race suddenly became more acceptable in the eyes of the English people, simply for that reason. As Bridget had said when we walk down the street, heads dont turn looking at us like they do at those people. By now the OConnors place of residence was a home from home and a sense of being settled began to dwell on them all. They now began to forge friendships and memories in their new environment and were becoming familiar members of their community. The children frequently watched a popular music chart show on television. During one episode a new singer called Tom Jones appeared on the show singing a song called Its Not Unusual. Matthew was enthralled by his style of singing and

106

presentation and became an instant fan. He emulated his manner of delivering a song and made it his own. He loved the music scene in England that was so rich in talent and continually exciting. Matthew and his best friends Marcus and Michael used to sneak into a storage area behind the town hall that was situated in Montem Lane, where they found a door that was easy to prise open and practice singing. Matthew would bring his guitar in case and Michael would play drums on two empty barrels with Marcus humming along. They decided that if they ever formed a group that the most obvious name they would call it would be the Three Ms. At the time they were all trying to impress a friend of Sarahs called Theresa Watkins. She was a pretty girl of an English father and Irish mother who lived around the corner from them. Matthew had stolen a kiss from her in Montem Park and was jealous when Michael Mannion told him he had too. Matthew told her that they had formed a band and practiced in the town hall. She excitedly agreed to meet them there one evening to hear them play. To their utter dismay she described them and their so-called band as she put it, as a joke and walked out within a minute. Matthew knew through Sarah that she was a ballet student and tried to console his friends with the comment I always thought she was a bit stuck up anyway to which the other two led by Marcus went into a fit of laughter. And so the career of the Three Ms went into instant decline and was the butt of a joke from Marcus for a long time. Within the year the Watkins family of whom Theresa was the eldest of two daughters emigrated to Australia. Their father was a tradesman and there was great call for skilled people in that young and expanding country. The British government had an arrangement with the Australian authorities for a cheap travel scheme to encourage people to go there. Many people from both Britain and Ireland had availed of the opportunity to start a new life there. Bridget could not understand why anyone living in the vibrant economy that they had come to would want to travel so far away to seek opportunities. As Joe put it to her they have the choice, unlike we had. The main family event that year was Nancys First Communion. Bridget commented on how much the baby of the family had grown. It seemed like only yesterday she thought when she first attended school. Time goes very quickly here, she said to Joe. Its just because theres so much going on within a short time with all of them growing up he answered. By now Joe was working long enough at the airport to qualify for staff discount flights. They were known as stand-by flights. Staff could book any vacant seats that were left on planes at a tenth of the price. One afternoon after morning shift he came home with that almost mischievous grin on his face that Bridget knew so well when he was planning something. How would you like to go to Dublin for a weekend he blurted out to her. She was taken back to say the least. He explained that it would cost very little and that it was about time he took up some of the privileges that he was entitled to. What about the lads she said, referring to the children. Its only a couple of days were talking about he replied. The older ones are big enough to look after themselves and Im sure Margaret wouldnt mind taking care of the rest for one weekend.

107

You have it all worked out as usual, she said, forever conscious of his impulsive nature. God it would be nice all the same, she added, thinking of how long it had been since the two of them had been somewhere together just as a couple. Joe rang his sister Betty in Dublin and she said she would be delighted to see them. Bridget asked Margaret if she would look after the children for a few days. Head away and enjoy yourselves, Margaret said. God knows ye deserve a break with what youve been through these last few years she commented. I know the run of this house only too well, thanks to both of ye, she said in gratitude to her. The weekend arrived and they were both waved off by all of them. Neither of them had flown before and it added to the little adventure. When the plane was airborne and Bridget had opened her eyes again after takeoff, much to Joes amusement, she asked him how long the flight would take from London to Dublin. About an hour he answered. My goodness this is the way to travel she said thinking of how long it had taken them to get to England by train and boat. It became a comforting thought to her that by air, they were indeed very close to their homeland. Betty and her husband Mick met them at the airport. They loved seeing the sights of the city that had once been their home and that was full of memories for them. Betty and Mick had as they were aware moved to the village of Clondalkin to the west of Dublin. They also observed that their business seemed to be doing quite well from the car that they drove and the fine house and area that they now lived in. During the visit however, they all talked about the times and friendship they had in that little Corporation estate they shared called Sleive Bloom Park. In retrospect even hard times can have their funny side as they all discovered. Betty and Mick now had another daughter, a little girl named Jacqueline. Betty still possessed her great sense of humour, which at times could be bordering on coarse, particularly her jokes, some of them being near the knuckle, that she had heard in pubs. Joe and Bridget were really enjoying their time out even though Bridget rang Margaret and the children several times much to Joes annoyance. The one thing they had planned to do during their time in Dublin was to visit Baby Luke in the home for the handicapped in Palmerston. Betty and Mick as they knew paid the odd visit to see him. It made Bridget feel guilty as his mother that circumstances had prevented her from doing so on a regular basis. But now at least she thought with flights being only an hour away it would be a little easier. They both thanked Betty and Mick for looking in on him from time to time and letting them know by phone how he was. They noticed he had put on a little weight although as Bridget said his poor little legs dont develop much at all. They met the doctor and the nurse who had looked after him for years and had a talk with them. Bridget brought up the subject of the possibility of transferring him to England as she had done before with Joe. But he even though it was heartbreaking for them both took the medical advise on offer. The move alone for him he learned would be traumatic. He was now settled in a routine that he was used to and the nearest similar facility to where they now lived was also a good few miles away.

108

The care he was receiving at this establishment was amongst the best on offer, as they knew. Bridget decided reluctantly to leave the matter lie for the moment as she put it. My poor baby she said as she kissed and cuddled him crying, towards the end of their visit. Before they knew it the weekend had passed. It was coupled with both happiness and sadness, as had all their married life been thus far. They were glad to be back with the family once more feeling refreshed from their little break and eager to know what mischief they had got up to in their absence. None was reported to their suspicion as Margaret had them sworn to silence. One day Bridget was reading the local newspaper, which was always full of job advertisements, when she noticed there was a vacancy for a part time clerk for an international chemical company. Although her little job as she called it in the launderette was convenient, being just around the corner, she felt she could do with more of a challenge. She had a good education, which she felt was being wasted and she had a background of doing bookwork in her parents shop when she was young. She applied and duly got the job. It was during her employment there that she met a fellow clerk; an Irishman called Sean Healy whom she discovered was also a councillor on the local Borough Council. He soon discovered that Bridget was a very intelligent woman who was well read and knew a great deal about history and politics, much of it inherited from her father, as he discovered. He was a member of the Labour Party and asked Bridget if she would be interested in joining. She felt very complimented that he had asked but said she would need time to think about it. He told her not to wait too long, because there were local elections coming up and the party was looking for a candidate to run for Slough North, where because of a resignation there was a vacant seat. Bridget thought long and hard about it and decided she would love the challenge of getting involved in local politics. She confided in Joe who although initially laughed at the idea was surprisingly supportive. The children took the idea in their stride, not knowing what it would involve. In no time she was a party member and with the help of Sean was put forward as the Labour candidate to contest the up and coming local elections in Slough. There was great excitement in the household and the local Irish community in the run up to the election, with Bridget campaigning vigorously on the doorsteps and through a megaphone in Seans car. Joe found the whole thing very amusing, but pretended to take it seriously for her sake. But to all their astonishment Bridget was elected as councillor for Slough North. She beat her nearest rival, a male Conservative Party candidate and the Liberal Party representative by a considerable number of votes. The local newspaper covered it and her picture duly appeared in it. Joe would not amuse her when he would come out with statements like what does it feel like to be famous. He was in fact very proud of her and their achievements after only arriving in the country a few years before.

109

Bridget herself could not take the Im pleased with myself look off her face for weeks. She did however, have her own agenda in regard to issues that she found important both at local level and nationally and was filled with gratitude that the electorate had voted her in. She had a particular mandate concerning homelessness that annoyed her. She could not understand that in a country that was experiencing such an economic boom that many people were finding it hard to get secure accommodation, either through buying houses or acquiring council tenancies. She found on her travels that Bed and Breakfast establishments were full of families that could not get either. She made it her priority to bring these facts that she learned on the doorsteps of Slough while campaigning before council meetings and resolve the issue as best she could. One young English couple who had children were one of the first people she managed to get housed with the local authority. They became friends of hers and she enjoyed the social aspect that accompanied her position. She was now however, a very busy woman but it was something that she relished. For all the years of her married life until then she had been swamped in mundane domesticity never realizing what potential she might have had as a person in her own right. She felt that for just a little while it was nice to have a very interesting diversion both in her job and local politics. She had to juggle things at home, but that was part of her ingenuity. Both Joe and the older children were given more responsibilities domestically and although tense at times they all worked out a routine. Council meetings could often drag on into the night but she would never be far from them as the Slough Borough Council offices were situated only a stones throw from where they lived. She could be there or home in a matter of minutes. It was one of the considerations she gave when agreeing to stand for office in the first place. One of the highlights of her tenure of office was meeting the then Labour British Prime Minister, Harold Wilson. Both she and Joe as a couple, along with the Labour Party Member of Parliament and councillors of the area, were invited to a grand function that took place in Slough. Bridget was very excited about it and Joe was rather intrigued. She scoured the clothes shops for an outfit to wear and bought Joe a dinner jacket. Then suited and booted they attended the function with her political mentor Sean Healy and his wife Maura. She and Joe found it a very pleasant and interesting evening, not alone engaging in conversation with Sean and his wife who were at their table but also being introduced to some members of Parliament who congratulated Sean on his re-election and Bridget on her first election. After the Prime Ministers post- dinner speech, he mingled with the assembled guests, talking with as many people as he could. During this period, Sean, Bridget and their spouses were introduced to him by the local M.P., James Bowen. The Prime Minister spoke to Seamus first and ascertained that Bridget was a newly elected member to the fold, successful on her first campaign. He shook hands with her and said Irish too, well done, keep up the good work. As he made his way through the rest of the people, Bridget felt she would have to pinch herself to prove this was not just a dream.

110

As they sat in the kitchen of their new home in the first hour after midnight with a small cup of coffee in in each of their hands, reminiscing the event, Bridget said to Joe who would have believed a few years ago, that we would be mixing with the British Prime Minister. I know, Joe said. He seemed a very down to earth man, he added. My God, dont you get a fair crack of the whip in this country? she said to him as they settled down for the night. Bridget went to sleep that night with a smile on her face, thinking that she would probably be under compliment to tell her family, friends, neighbours and other members of the Irish community of her experience. They had a photograph taken as a couple at the function that Bridget treasured. She was wearing her finest new outfit and Joe his black dinner jacket complete with the bow tie she got him especially for the occasion. She thought how happy they looked in that picture, how content, smiling, seemingly without a care in the world. The house at this time was beginning to ring with the sound of music, bringing much joy to Bridget and all of them. She would play the piano to relax when she had time, as would Matthew who was now joined by Bernadette as a musical prodigy. She was learning to play piano and a wood wind instrument called a recorder at the new convent school she was now attending. She had grown up leaps and bounds as Bridget had said into the prettiest and most intelligent girl. Sarah, although loving music and listening to it constantly never mastered any instrument but could sing quite well. She did however; have to be coaxed to sing as she lacked self-confidence in the arts. But outside of these criteria she was gifted with people and exuded confidence. Matthews preferred instrument was now very much the guitar of which he had bought a new one. He now had a tape recorder and began to record his efforts. Patrick and Nancy were still attending primary school but their day would come, particularly Patricks. Joe like Sarah did not play any instrument but either of them at any time could be heard humming a song. Joes bathroom repertoire however, was quite impressive. He had a deep voice that could be likened to Bing Crosbie. Joe would never sing in public or make it known that he could sing. Bridget herself had a trained voice and could give very good renditions of Irish folk songs in particular. Sarahs best friend Marie Joyce would often bring around Irish records that they would listen to. It was through her that they first heard recordings of Irish folk legends such as the Clancy Brothers and The Dubliners. On any given evening or weekend day, music of some sort would be heard emanating from one room or another. The music scene among teenagers in England at that time was divided into two camps. There were the Mods (Moderns) who followed the new trends started by the Mersey sound and the Rockers ( Rock and Rollers) who revered the established Rock and Roll sound. This strangely led to a conflict of identities perpetuated by the exuberance of youth and resulted in clashes, sometimes violent, at various seaside resorts and in particular Brighton on the south coast. Outwardly, the style of clothing and mode of transport used by either group identified them from one and other. The Mods wore what were called Parker jackets and rode

111

scooters while the Rockers wore leather jackets and rode motorbikes. These elements of expression acted like a bait to each other. Matthew and Sarah found that their love of the modern trends somehow categorized them as Mods, but they did not feel any affiliation as such towards the term and neither seemingly did their immediate Irish friends. At school however, it was a great matter for debate. Matthew found out that of his two school friends, Patrick Ahern was a Mod and Danny Carpenter was a committed Rocker. Much banter occurred between them over the subject with Matthew expressing his neutrality to their annoyance. During one discussion about music at home, Bridget revealed to the children of how music was perceived in her time. She told them of how she and Joe first met as members of the Roscrea Amateur Dramatic Society. It was during the production of a popular musical at the time called The Quaker Girl. They were both members of the cast and it was then that she first got to know him. The first thing she heard about him was that he was referred to as the new lad from Kerry. She revealed to them that she was engaged to another man at the time called Seamus Maher. They all sat there with mouths open at this revelation. Your future was in the balance then Margaret said with a great shriek of laughter that drew a side look of consternation from Bridget. Joe was on afternoon shift that teatime. The children pursued the revelation with a barrage of questions and a newfound fascination about their parents past. They realized that they knew very little about it and desired collectively to know more. She told them that she had broken off her engagement to this other man and it was not long after that when Joe asked her out and they began courting. She explained to them that he was working in the hardware store and staying in lodgings, upstairs over the premises. One night she told them, when Joe had escorted her home after their performance in the light opera, he returned home to his lodgings having forgotten the door key. He rang and rang on the doorbell, it was late and there was no answer. As he rang one more time, he spotted another member of the cast across the road and saluted them. He then pointed his finger to ring the bell once more not noticing that his landlord and employer Larry Power had opened the door and pushed his finger unknowingly straight into his eye. The children laughed heartedly at this story. Bridget, they now knew would divulge things about her past but Joe as they were aware would never discuss anything about his with them. He could be heard over time in conversation with his parents, brothers and sisters talking about things long ago but these were conversations that he considered were not for childrens ears and would have taken place out of their presence or after their bedtime. He was in a sense although a great father to them, a very private man. Another avenue of approach they discovered was their aunt Margaret. She was a prolific conservationist and would engage in such with anybody. She and Bridget would often talk into the small hours of the morning about their past and childhood.

112

The children knew that there was a great reservoir of information about their heritage that they could tap into and when times allowed in a busy household, Bridget would engage with those who wanted to listen, in such conversations. In regard to the subject of music, she told them that when she was a little girl people made their own entertainment by playing any instrument they could or possessed or listened to others. Her grandmother had a piano she told them and it was where she first learned to play. She also was one of the few people to own a radio in her hometown she informed them. So much so, that when the All Ireland Hurling final was broadcast involving her home county of Tipperary, her grandmother would open her window and turn up the volume fully for the crowd of people that would have assembled outside to listen to the match. All of who would not have had the financial means of making it to the final in Dublin. Sometimes, she told them the crowd would be so large that those at the front would relay the latest score to those at the back. The children were fascinated by her stories, which she exuded with great enthusiasm, wanting them to know about her family and Joes and other times. It was to become another interesting facet of their young lives. It was about this time that the younger ones in particular began to desire a pet dog once more and pestered Joe to get one. It had been a few years since they had left their beloved Shep with neighbours in Tralee before departing for these shores. The cat was fine but they all conceded there was nothing like the friendship of a mutt in whatever guise it came. Joe pointed out to them that it was not very suitable to have a dog in such a confined area but relented in the end when they all promised to take it for walks in the nearby park. He got hold of a male, black and white Jack Russell Terrier that they all became delighted with. It did not seem like the OConnor household without a dog. After much debate among the children it became called Kes. It was they surmised, like getting a Christmas present early. About two months before Christmas that year, Matthew was coming out of his and Patricks bedroom one evening when he heard raised voices coming from beyond their parents closed bedroom door. Some of the words were loud and some deliberately hushed. He heard Bridget sobbing and Joe uttering the words In Gods name. He was worried and knew that something was up. They often had words he recalled as couples do, but it was the tone of the argument, the hushed voices and sobbing that unnerved him. It was not his place to intervene he knew. It all died down fairly quickly and he fathomed that they had retreated to the privacy of their bedroom to discuss something either very urgent or important. As soon as he saw Sarah he confided in her what he had heard. Maybe its nothing to worry about she said. Its something alright he replied. Ive known them long enough now to know when somethings up he added. They both observed them for a time after that and noticed that they both seemed very pensive and preoccupied a lot of the time. Sarah, the mistress of tact, did try to tease information out of Bridget at an opportune time but as she told Matthew I nearly had my nose bitten off. The incident fizzled out for a while until out of the blue, Bridget called Matthew and Sarah one day and said Ive some news for you

113

Youre going to have a baby brother or sister, she announced with a quiver in her voice and looking almost embarrassed. My God Sarah said, thats great trying to hide the shock. Matthew couldnt speak, for a moment trying to absorb the news. Oh, right he finally blurted out trying to say something. Ill get around to telling the others later she said to them. So thats what it was all about, Matthew later said to Sarah. God love her, Sarah said to him. As if she hasnt enough of us to look after, she added. How did the lads take the news? Joe asked Bridget, knowing they had planned to tell them sooner rather than later. Fine really she said. The younger ones were pleased but Sarah and Matthew seemed a little taken back, she added. He never asked how Margaret received the news, which in his case would not be unusual. Dear God was her reply when Bridget told her. She knew her sister had enough to deal with at this time without having another addition to the family. Bridgets strength of character was again called upon and she believed it was Gods Will that she had conceived again. She also believed that this child could bring a renewed harmony and cement their new beginning in this land. For it would be in the land of the Rose rather than the land of Shamrock it would be born. Bridget was now in her early forties and she knew there would be a gap of sixteen and a half years between her eldest child, Matthew and the one she had conceived, and eight years since she had given birth to the youngest, Nancy. She thought of how life would change again for her and all of them. She reflected on her job and her work as an elected councillor and resigned herself to the fact that one of these occupations or both might have to go. But she resolved to carry on the life she was enjoying and take things as they came. Soon the impact of the news died down and it was all taken for granted in the busy household. The talk and the banter of the older children would often surround what music, television programs or boys and girls they liked. They were entering adolescence and were becoming interested in all things adult. Matthew and his friends Marcus Joyce and Michael Mannion would discuss girls they met at school or around the area. Sarah would confide in her friend Marie Joyce on the same topics. The boys testosterone levels were peaking without consciously knowing it. One day Matthew ended up kissing Michaels sister Patricia in the park. They werent in love or anything like it but they both loved the practice. News of this must have got back to her family, because on a particular Sunday they were kissing behind some bushes for privacy when they heard a voice calling Patricia. Oh my God she said to Matthew thats Pauline referring to her eldest sister. Matthew found it highly embarrassing when she confronted them as to what they were doing. We were only kissing she remonstrated with her. It didnt stop them still being friends but nothing else came of it. Sarah hearing of it teased Matthew about the incident. He had heard a rumour about her and Michael Mannion kissing. He asked him and he denied it, as did Sarah. He asked around but there were no witnesses.

114

He always hated Sarah having one over on him and she delighted in it. There was a girl at school at this time that Matthew really liked. Her name was Liz Regan. He would often see her walking home from school in front of him and wondered where she lived. He noticed she got the bus from the Bath Road, some of which he had to walk on his route home. It took him ages to find the courage to talk to her but eventually he did. She was an extremely pretty girl and a lot of boys at the school admired her. He found she was very responsive when he talked to her. She lived at the western end of Slough in an area known as Cippenham. Both her parents he learned were Irish and she; one of three sisters was the second eldest. She told Matthew that her mother had been ill for a long time and she had to get home as soon as she could each evening to do cooking and household chores. He told her he was very sorry to hear that and realized what a genuine as well as a beautiful girl she was. To see her at school he pondered, you would not think she had a care in the world. Sometimes if he spotted her in the crowd on the way home he would dash to accompany her to her bus stop, which, was on his way. They struck up what he regarded was a nice friendship. They would talk about lots of things from school to music. She was a great lover of music and was impressed when Matthew told her that he played the guitar. I must hear you sometime she asked him. He blushed at the thought of bringing a girl home. It played on his mind for a while, he himself not understanding that perhaps he was not ready for this just yet, despite the fact that he often found himself thinking about her. There was also a young female teacher at the school with a great figure. She would sometimes sit on a chair away from her desk with her legs crossed. As she was wearing a mini skirt that was fashionable at the time, her thighs were visible to say the least. All the boys eyes were transfixed on her. Liz sitting next to Matthew one day said to him in a whisper put your tongue back in. The girls couldnt stand her; maybe because of the attention she received from the boys, regarding her as an exhibitionist. One day at school Matthews friend Peter Ahern invited him to spend the weekend at his home. Matthew asked him how his parents would feel about that. Ive already asked them if it would be OK he said and they said it would be fine. Matthew asked Bridget if he could spend the weekend at his friends and after some reservations she conceded to let him do so. Arrangements were made and the following Friday Matthew complete with a change of clothes, accompanied Peter on the bus after school to his home village of Chalfont St. Peter, which lay about eight miles north of Slough nestled in the Buckinghamshire countryside. Matthew was pleasantly surprised as he gazed at the rural landscape that unfolded through the bus window along the journey. He realized there was a whole world that existed outside of the confines of the large built up industrial town in which they lived. Peters house was in a pleasant little cul-de-sac on the edge of the village. He introduced Matthew to his parents and sister.

115

Matthew knew that both his parents were Irish, but what he did not know was that his mother was a Protestant from Northern Ireland. She had an accent that he had only heard on a few occasions in Slough. She never made any reference to his origins nor did he ask her about hers. She was a very nice homely courteous woman that made him feel very welcome and he liked her. His father, a tall man, whom Peter resembled, was from the south of Ireland. They had, as Peter told Matthew met in England. He also confided in Matthew that it was after much debate when he and his sister were children that they attended Catholic schools. His mother had conceded that when they were both old enough, they could make up their own minds in regard to what religious path they wanted to follow. Patrick did warn Matthew however, never to bring up the subject of religion in the house. After tea, which was delicious, Patrick showed him around the village. It was a very pleasant place, not at all crowded like Slough. It had quaint shops with old-fashioned frontages that were full of character. Matthew envied the fact that Peter lived in such a nice place and wished that he had moved to such an environment. At the other end of the village there was large dense woodland. Peter led the way in entering it. I want to show you something, he said to Matthew. When they had walked a pathway a distance into the forest, Peter veered off it and into thicker undergrowth. He stopped and turned to Matthew and said, there it is. What Matthew said bemused? Looking at what seemed endless trees and wild undergrowth. Peter, with a smile, pulled back branches that had been cut and formed and piled up to cover what looked like a crudely, make-shift kind of hut. Dont you remember me and Danny talking about it at school he said He was referring to their mutual friend at St. Josephs who was a fellow villager of his. Sort of Matthew replied having obviously forgotten about it. We come here sometimes he said and you can shelter if it rains, he continued. Matthew could see they had put a lot of work into it. The roof and sides were made of plywood and inside was a sort of bench to sit on. They even had a transistor radio, which he turned on to show him it was working. Where did you get all the stuff from? Matthew asked being very impressed. From skips and anywhere else we could find it he answered. As they were talking with the radio on, they heard a loud bang on one of the sidewalls that startled Matthew in particular. Then they could hear the familiar coarse laugh that belonged to their school friend Danny Carpenter. He and Peter had arranged to meet there that evening. They both swore Matthew to secrecy about the location of their hideout. The evening soon came to a close and they all agreed to meet up there the following day. Peter and Matthew waited that day for what seemed an eternity for Danny to show up but he never did. Thats typical of him, Peter said. Hes probably met up with some other mates. Lets go into the village, he said. As they were walking along the woodlands pathway they came across two girls that Peter knew to see. Before they knew it they were engaged in conversation with them. They were about their age and they learned that they attended the local school.

116

Peter introduced himself and Matthew to them and they learned that their names were Audrey and Carol. Audrey was petite and slim with black hair and brown eyes, while Carol was blonde and had a fuller figure. Audrey seemed to take an instant shine to Matthew. I love your accent she said, are you Irish? Yes Matthew replied. He found it endearing that an English girl liked him for being what he was. Peter was clearly interested in Carol and although long conversations ensued as a group, they soon began to pair up accordingly. Matthew felt relaxed with Audrey and being away from home felt strangely uninhibited. In trying to think of a chat up line Peter told them of the secret place he had built in the woods. What happened to the vow of secrecy? Matthew whispered in his ear. Sod the secrecy you idiot, weve pulled, he said. The girls with seemingly nothing else to do agreed to follow both of them to the hideout. They walked to it like two couples. The girls pretended to be interested in their lair but as Peter and Matthew were to find out they had other things on their minds. Before any of them knew it Peter and Carol were kissing inside the hut and Matthew and Audrey outside. Audrey beckoned Matthew to go further into the woods. He did so feeling electrified by the sexuality that was now passing between them. In a secluded spot she lay on the ground and he with her. The heavy petting led them to a certain state of undress until neither of them could pull back from the inevitable. I want you to she said to him. Before they knew it they had sex. Afterwards, they having adjusted their state of clothing lay for a while saying nothing. Is it your first time she said to him. He nodded his head in a yes motion. Mine too she said while they lay in a long embrace. They realized they had been gone from the others for some time and decided to make their way back. Matthew said to her that he noticed some red, like blood, on his penis and wondered if she was all right. Dont they teach you anything at that school of yours? she said smiling, explaining that it was something that happens when a girl loses her virginity. Remember youve lost yours too, she said. God, yes he said kissing her again. He learned that her full name was Audrey Simmons and her friend was called Carol Hartley. Carol lived in the village while Audrey lived further out in the direction of what was called Chalfont Common. Matthew was not familiar with any of these areas, it being his first time staying there. When they reached the hut, they noticed that Peter and Carol were already making their way towards the direction of the pathway. Matthew called out his name and Peter turning around acknowledged it by waving his hand. There was an unnerving silence when they met up as a group again broken only when Carol said, what do you fancy doing now? which was directed at the group in general. Matthew said he didnt mind but Peter reminded him that they were expected back for tea at his place. Peter suggested that they all could meet up the following afternoon outside the main store in the village. The girls agreed and they all kissed once more before parting in two different directions. Soon the girls were out of sight and Peter asked Matthew how he got on with Audrey.

117

He told him, still not believing it himself. Peter revealed that he and Carol had sex in the hut. Weve done it Peter shrieked. Keep your voice down Matthew said to him as they entered the village. As they watched television at Peters home that night their minds were transfixed on the events of that day, each with their own emotional reactions about a turning point in their young lives. After breakfast the next morning, it being Sunday, they both attended Mass with Peters father, Mick and his sister Anne. His mother Dianne, Matthew learned attended the Protestant church on occasions but was not a regular churchgoer. Neither of them could look at each other during the service for fear of laughing, coupled with Catholic guilt. After dinner that day they went to the village store and waited for the girls to turn up but they never did. Peter was annoyed but Matthew was slightly relieved. He felt everything was happening too quickly for his liking and he didnt have any great feelings for the girl he had briefly met and realized now that she, in fact both of them probably felt the same. Oh well, put it down to experience Peter said to him. I will Matthew replied. All he could think of now was going home. Back to the secure feeling of the normal teenage life he shared with his family and friends in busy Slough. He often thought about the girl in question and was amazed at how uninhibited English girls were. He never divulged the incident to anyone within his family or circle of friends. He realized if this had happened with an Irish girl or one born in their community at this age level there would be repercussions He silenced Peter after his initial bragging to male classmates, not wanting the revelations to get back to his sometimes-female friend, Liz Regan of whom he had the greatest respect. He was also worried that careless talk might filter through to his friends, Marcus and Michael and God forbid, Sarah. It was about this time at school ironically that a couple of lectures were given to final year students on sex education. There was a particular emphasis on venereal diseases that left both naive lads examining themselves for weeks. It certainly cooled their ardour for a long time. Matthew was just glad to getting back to the boy he was for the time being. Adulthood to him at this time felt dangerous and complicated and carried with it, responsibility he had learned. He pointed out the scenario to Peter one day as to what would happen if one of the girls became pregnant. He could see by his face that it was too much to contemplate. Peters friend Danny Carpenter, who at first was obsessed with jealousy at their conquest, was now having a laugh at their demise. Time passed and one day Peter told Matthew he met Carol in the village and there was nothing to report to both their great relief. Around this time an opportunity presented itself to Matthew in that his friends Marcus and Michael asked him if he would like to go to a local dance held at a school hall near them. Matthew asked Bridget for permission, as he had never attended one before. She hesitated and said she would have to ask Joe.

118

He overheard the conversation between them. No Joe said to her. Hes too young for that yet he said. Maybe in a years time he added. Matthew had to bite his lip when Bridget told him. Little do they know he thought? Marcus and Michael were the best part of a year older than him. On the Saturday night in question Joe was working nights and Matthew pleaded with Bridget to let him to go there for a couple of hours and promised not to be late home. She eventually relented, warning him not to let it get back to Joe. It was an alcohol free event of which she was aware and it was for that reason that she let him attend. A local band provided the music and a good crowd turned up. The three of them stood by the wall listening to the music and admiring the girls but being inexperienced at dancing were wary to ask any girl to dance with them. Michaels eldest sister broke the ice when she spotted their situation and with two girl friends of hers encouraged them to dance. The three of them were pathetic beginners, not knowing what step to do to what music. They enjoyed the evening however, even laughing at each others attempts at dancing. It was about this time that Matthew became friends with another boy at school who had the peculiar name of Ivan Chevchenko. He revealed to him that his father was Ukrainian and his mother was Irish. Ivan was studious and somewhat quieter than his other school friends but had a great sense of wit. He had a distinct Irish look about him that Matthew presumed came from his mothers side. He became a good influence on Matthew, who had found that his life had become a little on the wild side. This was the final year that Matthew and his friends would have at secondary school and at the end of it they would be subject to their most important exams called G.C.E.s. Matthew was only too aware that his grades had fallen and knew as Ivan had told him that they would not get another chance. Ivan told him that he worked Friday evenings and Saturdays at the big supermarket in the town called Waitworths. He told him the money was good and lots of young people worked there. Matthew enquired about a job there and in no time they became work mates as well. It was the biggest food store in Slough and on weekends many students worked there. Matthew loved it, as it was such a change from working in grumpy Jacks as he called the little vegetable shop where he had worked for some time. They were mainly filling shelves and packing at the checkouts. They had a canteen where the food was subsidised and the banter among the weekenders was great. One Saturday when they were in company in the store canteen, an Englishman noting Matthews accent asked him whether he was from the North or South of Ireland. There was a note of sarcasm in his voice. Matthew by now was experienced in receiving derogatory remarks and questions in relation to his Irishness. Instead of giving the inquisitor the obvious answer, he presented him with a riddle saying Central, East and West; referring to the three parts of Ireland he and his family had lived. The man smiled and made no further remark. Matthew had learned to be always on guard for the next defamatory remark of which he knew there would be many.

119

Another day an English boy about his age hearing his accent started to say at all, at all, at all. Matthew asked him how long he had that stutter. The English didnt like it when you were quick on the draw with a good reply, Matthew had discerned. By now Matthews Irish friends and close neighbours Marcus and Michael had left school and taken up full time work as both of them were a year senior to him. Ivan and he were the same age. It wasnt long before they developed a strong friendship and visited each others houses. Ivan was an only child and visited Matthews house first. After being introduced to Bridget, she said to him have a seat, that is if you can find a vacant one, laughing. After meeting most of the clan, for the first time, Ivan confided in Matthew saying, youre so lucky to have all that family. Matthew knew what he meant when he visited his home. His mother, a petite dark haired woman who much resembled Ivan greeted them. She spoke with a flat Irish accent and told Matthew she came from Wexford. His father who in broken English briefly said hello was engaged in some work on the house. He was a slim man with chiselled features and fair hair so straight that it moved on his forehead when he walked. They lived in a big house in a much sought after suburb of Slough called Taplow. Matthew envied the huge gardens that surrounded it. He thought it ironical that a household of three had so much space compared to the cramped conditions that his large family lived in. Ivan however, told him that he would swap his often-lonely life with his any day. Matthew once asked him if he had other relatives and Ivan told him that his grandparents on his mothers side lived in Ireland. He revealed to him that they lived in Wexford town and he had visited them with his parents a couple of times. He also had a couple of uncles and cousins on her side. Their family name was Doran he told him. As for his fathers family, they were all living behind the Iron Curtain in the Ukraine. His father, also called Ivan had made his way across Europe at the end of the war fleeing the Communist regime and settled in England, where he met Ivans mother Mary. He did however, have some Ukrainian friends in England that would visit occasionally. You want to see the carry on when they get together, Ivan said to him. They drink vodka neat and smash the glasses in the fireplace he added. He told him they would stay up most of the night, talking and singing in their own language. His father had wanted him to learn his native tongue, but after some lessons from an associate he declined to take it further. He confided that his mother dreaded these visits and wondered what use if any speaking Ukrainian would benefit him. Matthew concluded that it was a strange household to say the least. That year Matthew realized that his education had slipped over the past couple of years for on reason or another and he resolved to do something about it. Joe and Bridget had asked him what he wanted to do after his final year in secondary school.

120

They asked him if he wanted to go on to college and take up further education depending on his exam results or whether he wanted to take up an apprentership in a trade or if he wanted to enter the workplace directly as his friends Marcus and Michael had done. Matthew told them that if he got the required qualifications he would like to go to college. He and Ivan worked hard at school and often conferred with each other in regard to homework. Matthew knew he had an academically minded friend in Ivan and sometimes they would even be in competition to get work done. Matthews two great loves at school were Art and English literature. They were the two subjects in which he would excel. He had the reputation of being the best artist at the school, producing fine paintings, sculptures, and even metalworks. Students were allowed to take their finished works home. He made a decorative number plate for the front door of the house and compiled a large collection of his drawings etchings and paintings. Bridget proudly displayed some of his sculptures in the sitting room. Neither she nor Joe knew where he got his artistic talents. Joe once conceded that he could not draw a cat. But as Matthew pointed out Joe was talented in carpentry and gardening. Bridget, Matthew declared was an avid reader in her time, an intellectual and now a politician. He had no doubts as to where any dormant talents he possessed came from. He also concluded that the already rich tapestry of his young life had fuelled his imagination and hunger to learn more. By now, Bridget was heavily pregnant and ready to give birth for the ninth time in her life. On the eleventh of June in that year of 66, she gave birth to a son, whom she and Joe were to name Declan. He was born in Upton Hospital in Slough, which was within walking distance from where they lived. They were all delighted and excited with the new arrival and visited the hospital to gaze at the tiny face peeping out from a white shawl. It was a birth that all the family were involved in. They had all made suggestions as to what name he should be called, but were overruled by Joe in particular who had decided on the name of a famous ancient Irish monk. It would be a birth that all the other children would remember; they now being that little bit older. He was the only member of the family to be born in England and they all felt in some way that he had finally symbolized their arrival in their new home. The Christening that followed was a pleasant family affair and the new infant was doted upon, by all of them. The girls in particular would hold him from time to time in order to give Bridget much needed relief. Bridgets own life now had new priorities once more. She had time to think about what she would do in relation to her part time job and commitments as a councillor. She missed them both being home bound again but realized the children seemed much happier to see a lot more of her. It was the summer of the Soccer World Cup, which was held in England that year.

121

Great excitement swept the nation as the English team edged closer to being in the final for the first time. All the matches surrounding them were televised and people seemed to talk about nothing else. The team finally made it and were to meet West Germany the other qualifiers in the World Cup Final. There was not a newspaper in the land that was not full of background news about the players and management that would make up the squad that would represent the country. By the time the weekend of the final took place everyone felt they knew all the players personally. Joe loved sport and was as carried away with it all as everyone else. Even Bridget was very interested in the coming spectacle Soccer was the one sport that was not played at Matthew and Sarahs school. The physical education teacher there, a Mister Pike was more of a Rugby man and made no secret of the fact that he did not like Soccer at all. Boys in the school who liked it had to join clubs outside of the curriculum there. Matthew had often had a kick about in the local park with a Soccer ball with friends and therefore knew a little about the basics of the game. His interest like many others was heightened by the furore surrounding the forthcoming spectacle. Joe was delighted to be off shift on final day and that afternoon they all assembled in the front room including baby Declan who was oblivious of the occasion. The normally busy surrounding streets seemed to empty for a couple of hours that weekend afternoon. The final was a thrilling game and West Germany equalized near the end of normal time forcing a period of extra time to be played in which England scored twice to win. Watching the celebrations unfold on the television screen Matthew declared well hear about this for the rest of our lives. The celebrations reverberated nationwide and were talked about in every schoolyard in the land including Soccerless St. Josephs in Slough. In a conversation one day, one of the boys asked Matthew what Soccer team he supported. The fact was he did not support any and did not have much knowledge of the game. In order not to be left out he spotted a name he knew to be a well-known team on another boys school bag and bluffed saying Chelsea. A lot of the boys at the school he learnt supported Tottenham Hotspur who were affectionately known as Spurs. The two main field sports that were played at the school were Rugby Union and Rugby League both of which Matthew liked. The physical intensity of both codes of football reminded him in many ways of the Gaelic Football he used to play in Ireland. His pet hate in sports was running and the further the distance the more he hated it. He had always maintained that his physique was not compatible with distance running. He had as he knew good upper body strength and was very competitive in Javelin and Discus throwing and often won the Shot Put events. This year he knew would be his last Sports Day at the school and vowed to give it his best shot.

122

He cringed at being entered in a running event as one of the sports he was selected for but at least it was the second shortest distance. He knew he would have to do some practice outside of school to stand any chance of doing well in it. He took to doing the odd run around Montem Park their local amenity of an evening. One such evening his younger sisters spotted him. Looking bemused, Bernadette and Nancy who were in the park asked him what he was doing? Never you mind, he told them wanting to keep his preparations to himself. The two last major events, indeed final events that Matthew and his classmates would experience at St.Josephs were now fast approaching. The last Sports Day followed by their final exams. Matthew had put in a lot of commitment to study that year, keeping a promise that he had made to himself and encouraged in no small way by his academically minded friend Ivan. One day at school he was climbing the stairs with a group of students to attend a class on the second floor, when being more observant than those around him, he spotted a girl sitting in the attic entrance smoking a cigarette. She saw him looking at her and grinned back at him like a Cheshire cat. He could see that there was also someone there with her. He could not help but smile back. He thought, what a cheek and wondered how they got up there in the first place. She was not familiar to him, she being in the same year as his sister Sarah and unknown to him a school friend of hers. It was the first time he saw her and little did he know then, it would not be the last. Before they knew it Sports Day had arrived. Matthew was nervous because of Joe and Bridgets presence among the parents that day. His first event was in the Javelin in which he finished third. His throwing technique he conceded let him down that day in a contest he had often won. He was fuming at himself at this result and believed the adrenalin then flowing helped him to win the Shot Put although being one of the favourites to do so. He went through the motions in the Long Jump and Pole Vault, only to surprise himself by coming second in the High Jump unexpectedly. The last and main events of the day were the Running Races. In the 2oo yards sprint Matthew was drawn in lane 2. There was one false start that seemed to unsettle one or two of the other runners. Matthew was grateful for this, as he had not made the best of starts himself. All of them took up their starting positions once more. Matthew found himself looking at Mr. Pikes index finger on the trigger of the gun and as soon as it moved he exploded from the starting line. There was no pacing yourself over this distance it was flat out from the start. Matthew didnt know it but he had made an excellent start and was relentless in his pace of running. At one stage he could see a shadow on his right side as somebody joined him in the lead but to his great relief it seemed to disappear as he felt the winning tape caress him. As he was getting his breath back and being congratulated by some of the other runners he saw Joes face in the crowd, red with excitement and Bridget beside him smiling jubilantly. He felt tears starting to form in his eyes for reasons that he could not explain.

123

Within weeks the tension filled time of the exams arrived. Both Matthew and Ivan felt they had prepared quite well and although feeling nervous at sitting them, like the rest of the students they got through the tests feeling reasonably confident. They both passed all the subjects with Matthew only scraping through Maths and Science, his weakest subjects but excelling in Art, Metalwork and English Literature much to his delight. They both knew they had enough qualifications to go to College and made a pact between them to do everything in their power to do so. Before the term ended there was a meeting between the final year students and the teachers. During conversations between them, it emerged that the pupils were split mainly into three camps, those that were going to take up trades or skills, those that were going straight into the workplace, and to a lesser degree those who were going on to further education. Joe and Bridget were pleased that Matthew had made up his mind as to what he wanted to do. On the last day of school as Matthew and Ivan had said goodbye to their school friends and were heading for the exit door, Matthew turned to Ivan with a mischievous look in his eyes and a pen held like a knife in his hand. He took aim at the glass cover of the fire alarm. Ive been waiting for weeks to do this, he said. He heard Ivan say no as he plunged the point of the pen with precision right through the glass setting off the alarm. They left the building running with school bags in tow, to the sound of the alarm ringing in their ears and Matthew laughing hysterically at Ivans serious face. What the hell did you do that for? he said to him when they were out of sight of the school. Someone could have seen you, he added. So, what if they did Matthew said, I cant be expelled now, Ive left Before long they both had interviews accompanied by their respective parents at Windsor College. It was a couple of miles away from Slough but had the reputation of being an excellent institution of learning. Both Matthew and Ivan had their hearts set on it and were both delighted to receive letters of acceptance for a two-year course. That summer they were also taken on in full time employment by Waitworths supermarket for the duration of the summer holidays. They both knew they would need the money to see them through the first term. They would continue to have the weekend work for the rest of the year to keep them going also. On their days off that summer they would often meet up and go cycling around the local area or go swimming in the new large outdoor swimming pool in Slough called Bayliss. Ivan was a good swimmer being taught by his father when he was young. Matthew had learned the hard way by trial and error but was now quite competent. Once he saw a man somersaulting off the top diving board in the pool. Wow he said to Ivan Id love to have a go at that. He did some back flips on the side of the pool that gave him enough confidence to attempt a high dive.

124

First he did a straight dive off the top board and then attempted the summersault which he completed except for the fact that he did not allow himself enough time to straighten out before entering the water. The consequences were a bloody nose and nearly being concussed. He cursed Ivan for laughing. That summer passed quickly for them both as working full time occupied them to the full. Before they knew it they were due to start College. The institution was everything that they had imagined. Although the studies were more advanced, the regime was more relaxed. Students were treated more like adults and were allowed to give their opinions on any subject. Sometimes Ivan would travel to Matthews house of a morning and they would head off to college together, discussing the forthcoming lectures of the day. If the weather were fine they would often walk from Matthews house all the way. In doing so they would pass through the immediate area of Chalvey and walk through the historic area of Eaton, famed world wide for its university. They loved the ancient buildings and quaintness of this seat of learning. They would see the pupils known as Dons in their long black gowns and envy them for attending such an accolade of sophistication. They would then cross the bridge over the River Thames into the historic town of Windsor. They would pass the great round tower, one of many that formed part of Windsor Castle, where the Queen of England and her family would often reside. Near Castle Hill they would turn right into Peascod Street off which the entrance to the college lay. It was a journey and an area they came to appreciate very much. The college itself in contrast to most of buildings in the town centre was a modern structure. It was however, well set out and was a robust arena of academia. The course they had taken up was advanced level in the Arts and Sciences that also included Fine Arts and Literature. They both found the course hard at first but through much study and consultation often in their own time, mainly at Matthews house they soon caught up and really began to enjoy the challenge. There was a Common Room where students used to congregate between lectures and indulge in conversations. There was a piano there that Matthew began to play on one occasion, attracting the notice of other students, particularly the girls. In talking to some of his fellow students, he realized that some of them came from quite privileged backgrounds. He told them about his and the struggles they had and was surprised to find them fascinated by it. He conceded that it was a different world from dreary industrialized Slough and St. Josephs. He also noticed the fine clothes that some of them wore and vowed to spend some of the money he had earned on smartening himself up. About this time, Bridget informed Matthew that she and Joe had considered moving baby Declan into the boys room as she put it. With me and Patrick Matthew scorned. Theres hardly enough room for us and our things he remonstrated. What about my studying? he complained.

125

Your Daddy needs undisturbed sleep on shift work she explained. Theres nowhere else for Declan to sleep, she said. If there was no bloody lodger in the back room downstairs, thered be plenty of room for us all to sleep Matthew retorted. But after seeing the hurt look on their mothers face he consented to the inevitable. And so it was that little Declan, complete with cot was moved in with him and Patrick. The space was so tight with the cot in the room that when Matthew went to bed he would have to climb over the end of the bed to gain access because Patrick usually elected to sleep on the outside. One night he was climbing over the end board using his full weight when the bed collapsed at the end waking both the boys up. Declan as it turned out was a quiet child and Matthew would often play his guitar and sing for him. He would sway in a childish way to the rhythm and sometimes drift off to sleep as if it were a lullaby. Matthew had to resort to studying at the table in the front room downstairs, while the others watched television. He developed the mental ability to block out other sounds through sheer effort and habit. Eventually he felt quite comfortable in his little corner of the table in which he spent many hours, even after most of them or all of them had gone to bed. His literary studies at college included Shakespeare. He became transfixed with the Bards plays that were to become some of his favourite writings. One day, Bridget who was knowledgeable of this came across a large volume of the complete works of William Shakespeare in a second hand shop, which she duly bought for him. He was over the moon with it. Oh thanks a million Mum, he said, and its not even Christmas. She regularly scammed the second hand shops in the area looking for bargains and had bought many items for the house. She was quite knowledgeable about antiques and had a book about them that she would often refer to. She was also very good at haggling and had bought the antique table and chairs in the front room that Matthew studied at. He by now had succumbed to calling her Mum like the rest of them. Dad for some reason he found more difficult. Matthew knew that having such a volume of Shakespeares works gave him an advantage in English Literature studies. He read his works profusely and was now an avid reader in general. His other great love was Art, which he was enjoying immensely. This involved not only producing works and perfecting techniques but also studying the lives and works of both classical and modern artists. Although science and mathematics were also part of the course they presented more of a challenge than a labour of love to him. Ivan however, who was in the same class him was more taken by these subjects. Each of them was therefore able to offer help and advise in the others weaker subjects.

126

The only distraction they both had in common were the pretty girls that attended the college. They were earning just enough at weekends to keep them going and concluded that such distractions would have to wait until the end of their course at least. Bridget was now busy looking after the family with the addition of a new baby. She sometimes missed her position as a councillor from which she had resigned due to family commitments and her part time job but she was a woman who always kept herself busy. That year of 1966 represented the 50th. Anniversary of the Easter Rising, which took place in Dublin and led to the War Of Independence that culminated in the creation of an Irish Free State. There were huge celebrations in the capital and throughout the country. Joe and Bridgets parents and countless relatives of theirs of that generation had been involved in that national struggle to free Ireland of British rule. Bridget had obtained a book that was published in Ireland about the celebrations, through the local Irish Society. It was a handsome volume complete with large photographs of the celebratory events and packed with historical information in relation to them. She and Joe read it with pride and it was placed on the front room table like a Bible for everyone to read. Margaret, Matthew, Sarah and Bernadette understood the meaning of it as for Patrick, Nancy and of course baby Declan; it would take a few more years. Matthew devoured it, reading it twice. For him it evoked passionate nationalist sentiments. Pride in his heritage, his ancestry and his ancient Gaelic race. This he had to couple with the plight of being an exile. Although up to now he like all of them and many more like them had contended with the situation of being economical migrants, one could never forget their spiritual home. It underpinned where his allegiance lay, despite the sometimes-interesting distraction of living abroad. At times like this however, it could be painful to be reminded of it. A lot of students at the college smoked cigarettes and one day Matthew bought a packet of ten to try them out. You can get addicted to them Ivan said to him. No way Matthew said, but before long he was buying ten a day and would be grumpy if he did not have enough money at the latter end of the week to pay for them. He found that they were now part of his weekly budget from the money he earned at the weekends. What Matthew didnt realize was that he had an addictive personality. Any interest that he took up always became an obsession. Both Joe and Bridget were regular smokers as was Margaret and there was always an ashtray at hand in the house. Bridget had switched to smoking menthol cigarettes, which she claimed were better for her. Margaret would smoke any brand apart from menthol and always asked for the cheapest ones at the shop. Joe would sometimes buy tobacco and roll his own in order to cut down on the cost of buying them, but normally he would stick to his favourite brand. Everyone in the household also had their likes and dislikes when it came to food.

127

It would often drive Bridget to distraction when shopping. Matthew unlike Joe wasnt a great lover of meat and wouldnt touch any fat. He also liked it practically cremated often creating a haze of smoke in the small kitchen when cooking sausages to a cinder. He would also make up sandwiches with the most unusual ingredients such as cornflakes and banana sprinkled with sugar and as many more concoctions as he would invent and experiment with. But most of the time they all partook of good healthy food under Bridgets supervision. The one thing they all loved was her homemade cake, but everyone had to be quick to get a slice before it was quickly devoured. She was a woman of many talents and cooking was one of them. It was through her that Sarah, Bernadette and eventually Nancy would first learn the art of cooking and baking the handed down recipes. They would, like Sarah, have to learn domestic science at school but there was nothing like catching useful hints from their mother that they would always remember. One day when Matthew was at the local shops, he bumped into his former school friend Liz Regan. He had not seen her since he left St.Josephs. She greeted him with a smile but he could see that tears were forming in her eyes. Whats wrong? he asked her. My Mum died, she said with tears running down her face. He embraced her as she sobbed on his shoulder. You poor thing he said. How? he enquired. From cancer she said quietly. He remembered walking her to her bus stop after school on many an occasion and now realized why she was always in a hurry to get home, only knowing that her mother was not well at the time. They talked for a while and she told him she was now working in an office and he told her about college. Before he knew what he was doing, he asked her out on a date. He suggested that they meet up and go to the cinema one evening. It was the first time he had ever asked any girl out and was a little nervous at the prospect. They met and ended up kissing through most of the film and making their own way home afterwards. It was though she was much in need of consoling. He said without thinking that he would like to meet up with her again. There were two things worrying Matthew about going out with Liz. The first was he had very little money each week and the second was he was not sure if he had any real feelings for her. She was a friend and a nice sincere friend at that, but for his sake and hers he felt it was better that it went no further. The problem was he didnt know how to tell her. He told Ivan of his predicament, he knowing who she was from their former school. Relationships with girls and college dont mix, he told him. Not unless youve got rich understanding parents like some of them here, he added.

128

One time Matthew made a half arrangement to meet her and having no money didnt turn up. It just fizzled out and he got back to his studious ways. Just around the corner from the college that was a fine library that was stacked with books of all kinds. The students frequented it during what were free periods between lectures. They were encouraged to do so. During these periods Matthew and Ivan got through many books on many subjects. They joined the library like many others and would often take books home to read on subjects that interest them. They found that apart from academic studies, they were like many young people of their age, in that they were looking for the deeper meaning of life. In gatherings in the common room, Matthew was becoming an ardent debater. He was not afraid to give his opinion or definition on any subject that was being discussed and loved sitting in on debates, many of which were outside the school curriculum such as politics and religion. It was during one of these debates that he and Ivan met a young man called Daniel who told them he was a Jehovahs Witness. They had vaguely heard of this Christian sect but were very interested in the pure fundamentalist interpretation of the Bible he discussed, that was their creed. They found that without having a Bible they it was difficult to debate the subject with him. Matthews curiosity led him to buy a copy of The Bible he saw for sale in a bookshop in Slough. It was a copy that he had with him for the rest of his life. Bridget was mildly amused when she saw him reading from it one evening. Dont let the priest see you reading that she said. Why? Matthew asked her. Well the reading of the Bible in our time in our part of Ireland was considered to be something connected with the Protestant ethos she replied. She explained the cultural differences in her own hometown where she knew some Protestant families that were a minority who belonged to the Church of Ireland. The subject that was later to become another obsession for him intrigued Matthew. He realized there were another Irish even in their part of their country of origin. The situation in the OConnor household was as congested as ever with even a turnover in lodgers from time to time. All of them were men as Bridget found them more suitable than women. Pat the Irish building worker became engaged to be married to an Irish girl he had met in Slough and had moved out. Bridget was sorry to see him go because as she said, youd hardly know he was there. The fact was most of the time he wasnt. The next tenant, Alan was an Englishman who was separated from his wife and was going through divorce proceedings. This was an alien concept to Bridget and the rest of them. She felt sorry for him on hearing that his estranged wife was having an affair with another man. He was a quiet man who kept himself to himself. Bridget once remarked to Joe saying, I would love to know where these people, particularly women, get the time to have an affair. I hardly get time to think about myself, she added.

129

Thats what keeps good Irish Catholic women out of trouble, Joe said jokingly. Alan didnt stay very long and was succeeded by an Italian hairdresser called Giovanni. He had met his English girlfriend when she was studying Italian in Rome and he had come to England to be with her and to learn more English. They were soon to get engaged and planned to live in Italy. My God Bridget proclaimed, Every man who comes here is either getting married or divorced. Maria, the Italian lady who was their next-door neighbour, introduced Giovanni to Bridget, as her house was full accommodation wise. Maria referred to all her paying guests as cous, she in her broken English being unable to pronounce the word cousin. Her concern being that she had not declared any income from them. As if anyone does, Bridget once said. Bridget and Joe found it hilarious, as one of her lodgers was an Irishman called Sean. This whole bloody street is like a hotel Matthew once remarked to Ivan. Before they all knew it the autumn of that year had given way once more to the cold easterly pangs of winter. The trees that sheltered the view of the other houses in the OConnors back garden lay bare again and the rows of frost covered roofs created an arched canopy of gleaming white that lit up the dark winter morning skies of Slough. Ivan had asked Matthew, he now knowing him quite well, if he was now settled in England. In my body maybe, in my mind perhaps, in my soul never he told him. That Christmas holiday for both of them, like all their holidays, was spent working, in order to supplement their educational expenses. Even Joe was working morning shift on Christmas day that year at the airport, much to his annoyance. Well thats bloody England for you Matthew had commented. The New Year progressed at the same pace as the others had previously for them all in their adopted home. Bridget always made a point of telling the younger ones about their background as they were progressing in age, for fear that they might grow up without any conception of it. This she knew would be of particular importance to baby Declan, he being born in their newfound home. When it was nearing the long summer holidays, Matthew and Ivan decided to look for factory work for the duration. Firstly they learned that it was much better paid than the supermarket and knew that they were about to enter their last year at college after the summer recess. This time they ended up being employed in two different firms. Matthew got a job in a printing factory, which he found very interesting. It involved a lot of lifting at times but observing the processes that the industry indulged in to perfect the final art works that they produced rewarded him. The engineering factory that Ivan worked for did not have any fascination for him but as he told Matthew the money was bloody good. They did not see a great deal of each other that holiday they now working in different places, save at the odd weekend. One weekend that summer Joe got a phone call from his older sister Kate in Listowel. They kept in touch and he would gather all the news from home.

130

She and her husband Pat no longer ran the little local shop that they had operated from the front of their house. Her children were now grown up and there was too much competition in the town to make such a small unit viable. Pat was now working in a shop in the town and didnt miss the struggle of trying to make ends meet in such a limited enterprise. During the conversation she told him that her son Timothy, his nephew, was going to England during his summer break from college to find a job to keep his education going. She knew through Joe that there was plenty of work in Slough and that he would have relatives nearby, he never having been there before. He told her that it was a strange coincidence that the present lodger they had staying with them was leaving in a couple of weeks as he was getting married. If he can wait till then Joe said to her, he can stay here during his time over. Thats brilliant she replied, putting her mind at ease, knowing her son would be going to stay with relatives. Before they knew it Timothy had arrived. Bridget, Joe and all of them made him welcome. Matthew was particularly glad to see him. It had been so long since he had seen anybody from home with which he had shared memories. Within days he had got a job and paid his way in the household. After work in the evenings he would be bombarded with questions about Listowel and Ireland in general all the connections they had there. He was a year older than Matthew and they got on like a house on fire. They had so much in common, not alone with recollections of years past but also the fact that they were both college students. They would talk about the various subjects that they were studying and where they thought life would lead them. Timothy told Matthew that among his subjects were Classical Greek and Latin and Gaelic that was compulsory for a future teaching career. Matthew found his conversations very stimulating and he generated great interest in him in contemplating a teaching career himself. Timothy was a very clean living lad who neither drank nor smoked. Of a weekend he would visit his uncles and aunts including those in London. During his stay he managed to get around to them all. He would ring home regularly and would never miss Mass. He saved every penny he could, knowing he would need it when he got back. You can get a job anytime in this town he once said to Matthew. Back home I might have a small chance he said, but it would pay peanuts he added. Matthew found himself with more money in his pocket than he ever had in his life and was finding ways of spending it. He had been drinking in the local pub in Chalvey with Ivan but had not mentioned it to anyone else having sworn Ivan to secrecy. For an Irish house, he thought strangely, it was not a drinking house. He had however, acquired a taste for beer. It was called Bitter and was very popular in England. One weekend Timothy accompanied Matthew and Ivan to the local pub called The Kings Arms, he also having been sworn to silence. Dont pubs have the most amazing names here? Timothy observed.

131

He explained to Ivan that the name of the proprietor was the one displayed outside the pubs in Ireland. Both Matthew and Ivan were a year underage to be served in a pub but they being so near got away with it. Ironically Timothy who drank lemonade was old enough to be served. When Matthew had a few pints in him, he told Timothy a joke he had heard. A policeman walked up to a man who was leaning against the door of a pub and asked him what he was doing? The man answered him saying, Im waiting for the Queens Legs to open so that I can get a drink. Soon both Ivan and Timothy could see that Matthew was intoxicated and suggested they head home. They had to give him a hand to walk to the door after which he struggled by himself. He went through the garage door and straight out to the back garden. It was a nice warm sunny day and he lay on the grass soaking it up. Get up, your Mums coming he heard Ivan say in a loud whisper. He walked in a stagger and when Bridget came near him she could smell the alcohol from his breath. Ill talk to you later she said her eyes filled with venom. He went up to his room lay on the bed and slept it off for a couple of hours before returning downstairs to the kitchen to make a cup of tea, where he was greeted by Bridget. Feeling better now? she said to him in a sarcastic tone of voice. Oh dont start he replied feeling that a lecture was coming. The thing is when did you start drinking like that? she asked him. I had one too many today he replied. Normally I dont really bother with it, he said, lying. The truth was he and Ivan had visited that pub on a few occasions, they now both having money to spend. As he drank his tea Bridget began talking to him. Have you any idea of what Ive seen drink do to people? she said. I hardly know where to start, she continued. Take two of my brothers, Jim and Tony, your uncles. They broke my fathers heart I saw him cry over them two He set them up in business with the lorry in Roscrea and all they did was drink every penny they made. Theyre up in London now doing the very same thing every night. Both of them are still single because drink has taken over their lives. Jim was going out with a lovely girl when he was living in Dublin, we thought they were going to get married, but oh no, Jim was already married to drink. Matthews ears were now intensely interested in her family revelations and he vowed to listen without reply to what she had to say. Youve only to look at your uncle Brian to know what too much drink can do to you. You saw it with your own eyes in this house God knows what goes on behind the door of that house, with Laura and those poor children, when he takes a mood. Even your grandfather, Dadda in Listowel was a drinker when he was young.

132

I know from talking to Momma that when times were hard and they had a large family of young children to rear, that she often had to walk to town with cardboard in the soles of her shoes that were worn. All because he drank money that could have been otherwise spent. To make it worse, he would after a Saturday evening in the pub, beat the children for any known misbehaviours that were committed during the week They learnt to dread Saturdays. Your Daddy never drank, because of what he saw at home as a boy growing up. There are some details that even I know, he cant talk about. One I always suspected concerned his mother, whom he loved. Matthews interest in what she was telling him was turning to shock. If she was trying to frighten him, she was succeeding. You remember me talking about Sean Halley my uncle by marriage? she asked him. Yes he said with sigh, thinking that he must have been in the same category. He was lovely man and a successful businessman, whom my aunt Molly, his wife adored. They were only married for fourteen years with a growing family, before drink killed him. It was whiskey to be exact. I saw my own mother take up drink when she met Laurence and moved to Dublin. She hardly ever drank when she was married to my father who was only a very moderate drinker himself. She worked in the shop and kept a nice house when she was married to him and was very happy. She was broken hearted when he died only middle- aged and was very lonely, depressed and vulnerable. Laurence lost no time in discovering her predicament and engaging in romance with her that culminated in an all too swift marriage that I suspected was flavoured by the fact that she had money from the sale of what was our family home. She spent the rest of her days drowning her sorrows in Dublin pubs, with the false sense of love that she thought she had found with him. She ended up living in squalor in that awful tenement flat for the rest of her days. Her health deteriorated because of it all. When she died, he arranged for her to be buried in his family grave in Kildare. It was the least he could do, having helped to spend all her money. God knows I could have done with a little of that inheritance at the time. I could go on, she said. Its just that Ive seen so many good people destroyed by drink, she added. Thats why I became frightened seeing you intoxicated. As Jesus once said to his disciples concerning drink beware, for like a serpent it can poison you. Take it easy if you do like a pint or so she finished. Matthew nodded his head while taking a large intake of breath. He told Ivan about the lecture and scolded him for laughing at his demise. They both however, agreed to secrecy and discretion concerning any future consumption of alcohol. Matthew once overheard Bridget in conversation with Margaret regarding his cousin Timothy, saying that he didnt have any vices. Margaret replied saying that he probably still had his Communion money, as he didnt seem to spend either.

133

One weekend Timothy was talking to Matthew about all things Irish and could see that he still missed home as he put it. He asked him if he would like to come back for a holiday before they both went back to college that year. Matthew told him he would be delighted to and was grateful for the invitation, he now having no immediate family in Ireland. After getting permission from his mother Kate to do so they began to plan for the trip. It gave Matthew a reason to save his money instead of squandering it, as he was prone to. Soon the few industrious months passed for both of them and the excitement of preparing for the journey began. Matthew had splashed out on stylish new clothes and shoes and Timothy bought some items that would do him as he put it for the following year. One evening as Timothy was travelling home from work by bus he fell from the entrance platform as he jumped on to it as the bus took off. Apart from some bruising and a tear in his trousers he was all right. When he phoned home and they learned of the occurrence, they reacted, much to Bridgets amusement as if it were a major incident or a brush with death. He was fighting fit in a couple of days and looking forward to going home from his English adventure. Joe had obtained stand by tickets for them to fly to Shannon Airport and before they knew it they were all set to go. Bridget checked that Matthew had pyjamas, toothbrush and changes of underwear and enough clothes to do him for the fortnight. Stop fussing Mum he said to her, Im not a kid any more. She asked him to behave himself while he was there and to ring and let them know how he was getting on. All of which he promised to shut her up. She told him to give them all their regards while he was there, which he said he would. Matthew loved the adventure of flying; indeed he loved adventure full stop. Timothy to his surprise was a nervous passenger. The idea of being away from parental supervision for two weeks appealed to Matthew no end. Wine, women and song from now on he said to Timothy on the plane, who smiled nervously back at him. It was arranged that Timothys brother in law Gerry Flannery, who was married to his eldest sister Theresa was to meet them at Shannon Airport. Matthew was aware that he was a teacher and a professor at that. Bridget had remarked that she had married well. She once said that she told her if it was the last thing she ever did she was going to marry that man. Matthew sighed as the plane descended and he could see the small, hedge rowed, green fields of Ireland once more. He could feel his heart beating a little faster as he gazed out of the aircraft window at the sunlit landscape dotted with the last golden haystacks of a bountiful summer. The sound of familiar Irish accents by both staff and passengers at the airport brought a lump to his throat. God its good to be home again he said to Timothy in a quiet emotional voice.

134

Gerry met them and welcomed them both and escorted them to the Volkswagen car that looked almost new. He engaged in conversation with Timothy in the front of the car asking him how he got on in England, while Matthew stared out the window not wanting to miss any view. They soon made their way through Limerick city and began to travel along the south side of the Shannon estuary. Lovely though the route was, it saddened Matthew, he remembering Joe taking them along it as children when visiting his home when they lived in Dublin. It seemed no time at all had passed when they arrived in the town of Listowel and pulled up outside Timothys house. The first thing Matthew noticed was the shop they ran from the front room was gone and converted back into living quarters, making it seem quite a large house. Matthew was aware of this and also that Timothys father was now working in a shop in the town. His mother, Kate, Matthews aunt, welcomed them. She gave Timothy a big hug, which seemed to slightly embarrass him. She shook hands with Matthew and after a conversation with them all began to prepare something for them to eat. Matthew never quite knew how to take his aunt Kate. The one thing he knew was that she adored Timothy, the only son in her family. She seemed to have to make an effort to mix with people outside of her immediate family and carefully chosen friends. Her husband Pat on the other hand was a warm, very welcoming character that Matthew had always liked. He asked him much more questions about himself and the family and how they were all getting on in England than did Kate. Timothys eldest sister Theresa who was married to Gerry now lived on the other side of the town in a very plush bungalow. The youngest sister Ciara, now worked in a solicitors office in Tralee. She was living at home and made the journey there during the week. She was as pleasant as ever and her and Matthew recalled some old memories that night. Matthew also saw Theresa for a little while that evening. She was still as lively as ever and mad as a hatter, but great fun as always, striving to embarrass Matthew as usual. Marriage certainly hadnt changed her he concluded. It felt strange for Matthew sleeping in their house, as he had never done before. He would have been much more familiar with his grandparents place where they had even lived for a period, let alone stay for holidays. It was however, he conceded, very handy, it being situated on the edge of the town. And after all he thought, it was only just over a miles walk from where his grandparents and uncle Kevin lived in the countryside. I know where you want to go today, Timothy said to Matthew after breakfast next morning. He knew he had his ancestral home of Tanavalla on his mind. Timothy was a very considerate young man and nothing was of too much bother to him, as Matthew knew. Timothy knew that Matthew would not rest until he had visited there again. He also knew he had an overwhelming desire to see Tralee and his former home.

135

In some ways he felt sorry for him, knowing that he missed Ireland more than he could say. He could see how happy his face was when they called in to see Dadda their grandfather at his place of work in the soft drinks warehouse that was next door to where he and his family lived. After all he could pop in there any time, but for Matthew it had been four years since he had seen him. The welcome was as warm and cordial as ever and Dadda invited him to come and see them at home, which he duly did. He had a long talk with him, commenting on how grown up he had become. He noticed the changes that had taken place in the house, in that they were fully electrified and had an indoor toilet. Apart from that it hadnt changed a bit. In fact they hadnt changed at all. Momma remarked that all her siblings were scattered like the four winds. Kate was their only offspring now living in the area. Matthew sensed that his grandmother was lonely. With Dadda at work during the week, she would spend a great deal of her time alone. It was ironical he thought, for the mother of nine children. She asked Matthew about all of them in England and he told her everything he knew. She told him that her daughters Betty and Angela, his aunts in Dublin and their families paid the odd visit. He could see from the garden that she spent time in it and asked her if she still made that wonderful blackcurrant jam. He went for a walk around the farm, remembering how his father Joe did. It now held childhood memories for him but he conceded that he was not a child any more. It was strange to be there without all the family as it always was. It wasnt Tanavalla that had changed he thought, it was he that had changed. He was angry that those precious teenage years spent as an exile had robbed him of memories that he might have had there. He visited his uncle Kevin and aunt Nellie who were also very accommodating. He learned that his cousin Cecil, Kevins only son, was now attending agricultural college and that their eldest daughter was training to be a nurse. Only Lissie and Pauline their other two daughters were at home now. It seemed so quiet without the mischievous Cecil with whom he had so much banter with when they were young. He made a brief call to some of the other neighbours they would have known as children and they told him to give their regards to his family. One day he and Timothy took the bus to Tralee. It was more haunting than being in Listowel again. Matthew knew every turn in the road that led there. When they arrived they passed the railway station that he had departed from and walked to the park through the short cut he knew so well. His heart began to thump as he saw their old house coming nearer and nearer. He stood across the road from it unable to speak, just staring at it, with a cauldron of emotions circling around his brain. He tried to hold the tears back as best he could, but to no avail. He walked over to the green where they had played out childhood dreams and Timothy could see he was very emotional.

136

Take your time, he said to him. He walked past some children who were playing there feeling stupid for being so overcome. He lit a cigarette and composed himself, before saying to Timothy, I must see if Stephen is in, referring to his old friend Stephen Hennessey. It was like something he would say four years previously. He knocked at the familiar door and was greeted by his surprised mother. Stephen theres someone here to see you she called winking at Matthew. Jesus Christ Stephen said seeing him at the door. How the hell are you? shaking his hand with the grip of a good friend. Matthew introduced his cousin and Stephen invited them in. It was so nice to be in a familiar former setting as they had both spent many hours in each others houses. They were both delighted to see each other again and had a lot of news to tell each other. Matthew found out that Stephen was now attending college and ironically working in a new supermarket in the town at weekends to supplement his education. If you dont have a reasonable education here, youve little chance of getting a job he told him. Timothy nodded in agreement knowing that full well. He revealed that Eileen, Sarahs best friend and companion of theirs, was now studying nursing in Dublin and that the Linnane family who took their dog Shep, had moved away. Shep he found out had died from poison he picked up in McCoys farm. Matthew was fuming on hearing this. If I ever get hold of that miserable bastard I wont be responsible he said cursing his old adversary. They had a good chat about the neighbourhood and the town and it wasnt long before the conversation got around to girls. Stephen had his eye on someone as usual but like Matthew and Timothy he was not going out with anyone. They talked about the Rose Of Tralee festival that was due to begin that week. Stephen told them that there would be dances held at the Brandon hotel that weekend. Matthew suggested that maybe they should meet up and go there. He could see by Stephens expression that money; or rather the lack of it was his problem. He offered to lend him some, but Stephens pride would not allow. You go and enjoy yourself, youre on holiday, he said to him. Matthew was hit by the word holiday and thought to himself, my God Im on a visit to my own street, in my own town, in my own country, looking across the road at my own house. There was something unreal about it. He just wanted to cross the road and walk in the back entrance into the kitchen and be greeted by Bridget. It saddened him greatly that he could not. Stephen told him it was a couple with two young children that had taken up residence there since they left. Matthews visit there was now beginning to make him downhearted and he felt the urge to leave.

137

The pain of leaving, that great wrench called emigration that had torn him and his family away from where he instinctively felt they belonged, was he discovered, still very raw. He told Stephen he might call to see him another day but he never did. He hardly spoke a word to Timothy on the bus journey back to Listowel. He did however; resolve to enjoy the rest of his visit as best he could. He and Timothy went to dances in Tralee and the seaside resort of Ballybunnion and had a great time. Matthew thought the social life in Ireland was fantastic. Show bands with as many as eight members played at the dance halls that were crowded with the most beautiful girls he had ever seen. Everybody seemed to be having so much fun. How he wished he could have been part of it all. One day, it being a fine sunny morning, he joined Timothy in walking the two racing greyhounds owned by Gerry his brother in law. They took a route up a steep narrow lane, with the dogs practically pulling them up by their leads. Timothy entered a familiar gap in a hedge and they released the hounds and let them run at great speed through a large field. They both sat on a grass mound taking in the day. It was one of those late Irish fine days when the air was as clear as the sky. For some reason it became the abiding memory of that holiday for Matthew, even though he had met a girl at a dance and had kissed her overlooking the beach at Ballybunnion. It was he knew, that sense of freedom, that sense of space and peace and quietness that had left him for some time, that he missed the most. To Matthew, Ireland was a childhood fantasy he never wanted to grow out of and England was the reality that took it away. He wished he could hold on to time but knew he could not. Even things and people were changing there he discerned as was he unconsciously. He hated change full stop and always maintained that nothing changed for the better. He felt very unsettled on his return but as he had to, adapted to the reality of the situation that was not of his making. He worked right up to the start of the new term at college that he was now looking forward to. He would go for a drink with some of the gang in Slough including Ivan sometimes, although Ivan was not a great drinker. The only thing about going back to academic life he disliked would be the lack of money again. He said he would give it this final year and depending on exam results would take it from there. He envied his Irish friends who were working and always had money in their pockets and enjoyed themselves every weekend. He also began to think about the fact that if he wanted to follow a teaching career, it would involve a few years at university after he finished college. As it was, he felt he was missing out on the social life with his friends. When the summer money he had earned ran out and he was back to working only at weekends he would often buy a quarter bottle of whiskey, that would fit in his pocket. He would drink it in his bedroom unknown to Bridget or anyone else. It would make him feel better for a while, like an aspirin he thought to himself.

138

That year he learned that his friends Marcus Joyce and Michael Mannion had joined a group called the Young Christian Workers that was presided over by a young enthusiastic Catholic curate called Father Donovan who was new to the parish. It was an organisation that was set up to spiritually guide young people who had left secondary school and were either working or in further education. They held meetings one evening a week; ironically as Matthew found out on joining, at a room in St. Josephs, their old school in Slough. Older teenagers both male and female attended it and discussions and debate between them and Father Donovan who was young himself, were very lively and interesting to say the least. Subjects ranged from contraception to beliefs in general and anyone could bring up any subject or opinion they liked. Father Donovan was very versed in the problems that young people and in particular young Catholic people, had to face in all aspects of life. One week he told them there was a retreat arranged for them and members of other branches. It took place at a monastery outside the village of Aylesford in Kent. For the three Ms as they sometimes jokingly called themselves it was a bit of an adventure. The fact that many girls their age would be attending had not escaped their notice. The ancient stone monastery was everything they could imagine. They ate with the monks in a huge hall heated by the largest log fire they had ever seen. The weekend consisted of prayer, reflection, and of course Mass. It was during the long leisure periods that people began to meet and Saturday was a free day to do what they liked. Matthew heard a blonde girl talking to another in an Irish accent and said to her youre a long way from home. So are you by the sound of it she replied smiling. He talked to her and they agreed to meet up on the Saturday and explore the nearest town called Maidstone. Marcus observing this with Michael said to him how the hell do you do it. Your only here five minutes and youve got a date in a bloody monastery. After laughing Matthew explained to them as best he could. He told them that he found being in girls company came naturally to him. Maybe, he surmised that it was the fact that his childhood was spent with his sister Sarah or that he was just a natural born flirt. Either way he told them he didnt really know or care and was looking forward to Saturday. Before setting out on the date he suddenly realised that after paying for the trip he was a little short of cash and asked Marcus if he would lend him some money. He being a good friend, did, but said, I want to know all the details, seeing as Im bloody well paying for it. Matthew hired a rowing boat and he and Mary Kelly who was originally from County Offaly spent a sun kissed afternoon on the river in the town. She told him it was very romantic and before long they kissed the hours away. They spent the rest of the weekend in each others company and talked about each others lives. He found out that she was living with her older sister in Brighton on the south coast and working in a hotel there.

139

At the end of the retreat they exchanged addresses as people often do but neither of them for their own reasons ever got in touch. Bridget asked Matthew on his return what he thought of the retreat, explaining that she and Joe went on a couple of them in Ireland when they had first met. Really he said, but added that he had found it very enlightening. Bridget was delighted that he was taking an interest in things spiritual. Thinking that there were a lot worse things that teenagers were getting up to in these times. That same summer aunt Bettys daughter Kathleen, a niece of Joe and Bridgets and first cousin of the children arrived from Ireland. She came to get a summer job and stayed with Joes brother Brian. It had been a few years since Matthew and Sarah had seen her and she would not have been remembered by the younger ones in the family they being so young when they lived close to them in Dublin. They all came to know her some for the first time and others again. She was still very humorous, chatty and witty and Matthew and Sarah were delighted to see her again. A friend and neighbour accompanied her, by the name of Monica. Soon they were both working and were amazed at the amount of jobs that were available in Slough. Kathleen often came around to the OConnor household of a weekend and they all caught up with the news from home. It was during this time that the family dog was in an accident, having been hit by a car. Kes as he was named had broken his hind leg. On seeing him Bridget suggested that an operation by the vet could fix it. Joe on the other hand said that it looked severe and thought he might have to be put down, drawing tears from the younger ones. It was successfully operated on to their delight. Bridget was always the one with the optimistic outlook on any situation as opposed to Joe who could often lean to pessimism. To Bridget, the glass was always half full and to Joe the glass was always half empty. It was not long after the animal had fully recovered that it went missing. Despite looking everywhere for it and asking around and even putting a card in the local Co-Op. Window, they never saw Kes again much to the sadness of the younger ones in particular. Joe refused to entertain the idea of getting another dog, citing that it was not suitable in a street busy with traffic. Bridget concluded that they were not lucky with dogs saying, they were either drowned, lost, poisoned or run over by cars. That year Sarah brought home a new friend of hers she had met at school. Her name was Susan McGinley and she lived at the far end of Slough. She was born in England of Irish parents, as were her sisters and brother. The first time Matthew saw her in their house was when he was studying at the table in the front room one evening. When he was introduced to her, he knew he had seen her before. It was the cheeky girl he had seen smoking in the loft entrance at St.Josephs school when he had attended there. Every time he looked in her direction that night she grinned at him. It was mannerism that she had because as he had noticed, she smiled with her eyes.

140

As the night grew darker, Sarah asked Matthew if he would mind walking her to the bus stop so that she could make her way home. He agreed, but scolded her for dropping him in it. As they walked there, they both found making conversation difficult as they did not know each other. It came out in dribs and drabs with her saying how much she liked their house. Matthew couldnt resist telling her how he remembered the smoking incident a couple of years ago at that school. How did you remember that? She said. I never forget a face or an expression, he told her. He also recalled how she had jet-black hair in a certain light and grey blue eyes. He noticed that she had eye make up that sparkled and thought it a bit advanced for her age. She asked him how he was getting on at college and he enquired how things were at St. Josephs, he not that interested in his former school, feeling that he had moved on in life since then. The bus came and she went smiling. He concluded that he had never seen anyone smile as much. One day, soon after that, he bumped into a former school friend in Slough High Street. It was none other than his old comrade Peter Ahern. He was with his girlfriend whom he introduced as Annett. What are you doing in this neck of the woods? Matthew said. Dont mention woods, Peter said. A joke that only the two of them could understand. After a brief conversation they disappeared into the crowd. Matthew never saw him again after that. Another day he spotted the first boy he ever hit at St.Josephs linking arms with a red head on the same street. Time has definitely moved on he thought. He and Ivan had by this time had met another lad who was an ex- St.Josephs man called Anthony Cantwell. He was one of the few like them who had opted or qualified for college from that former institution, most of who had taken up employment or a trade on leaving. He was a very well read, intelligent young man who to Matthews delight had a great knowledge of Ireland for one born in England of the inevitable Irish parents. The three of them often met up on their way to and from college. He had been to Ireland on holidays on a few occasions with his family and loved it. He once said to Matthew I feel sorry for you having to come from a beautiful place like that to a congested place like this. Matthew knew the point he was making, in that he and Ivan were cushioned by the fact that they were born and brought up in Slough. In their many often-deep conversations, they concluded that they shared one common thread. It was that most of the time they were penniless students, bereft of female company for that reason. They envied former school friends who were working and earning and dating girls. But before they knew it the Christmas of 67 had arrived and the holiday with it. They all took consolation in the fact that the next term at college would be the final one for them and beyond that was speculation.

141

It was as busy a Christmas as ever for the OConnor clan with many decorations, much food, many toys and lots of visitors. Sarah by now was maturing and fashion conscious with her clothes and smart backcombed hairstyle. Bernadette had lost her ringlets, that Bridget prized so much and had grown her hair long. She too was beginning to blossom as was young Nancy. Patrick was starting to sprout and was beginning to assert his own personality. He and Nancy being close in age began to forge a close friendship. Once Bernadette got a guitar that year there was no stopping her playing and singing her beloved folk songs. With Patrick getting a toy set of drums, the volume certainly increased that festive season. Matthew began to grow his hair and his side burns a little longer as was becoming the fashion at that time. He was becoming more fashion conscious in general and wished he had the money to buy the latest designs in clothes and footwear that he saw in the shops. It was during their last term at college that Ivan revealed to Matthew what he would like to do in life. He seemed hesitant at first to tell him, feeling he might be the subject of ridicule. I want to take up nursing, he said as if it was something that he had wanted to get off his chest for some time. Nursing Matthew said, unable to prevent himself from laughing. I knew youd laugh Ivan said, annoyed at his response. Is there something your trying to tell me? Matthew scoffed. Havent you heard of male nurses? Ivan exclaimed. There arent many to the dozen Ill give you that, but they do exist, as Ive found out, he added. Your deadly serious, arent you? Matthew enquired to which the answer yes came. Ivan told him that he wanted to help people and be in contact with many people on a daily basis. Matthew realized that he had put a great deal of thought into it and had found a potential path in life. He envied him in a sense, he revealing to him that at that point he was considering a teaching career but was not as certain about it as he seemed to be. It would mean three more bloody years of study he confided in him. What youre considering would take you into a hospital environment from the start Matthew said. As for me it would mean more years of academia and scraping by he added. Im getting tired of just studying Ivan, he said. Ill see how I do in this years exams and decide from there, he concluded. It was during the Christmas break that year that Bridget made an interesting revelation to the children during a conversation about her side of the family. It concerned two of her aunts on her mothers side. They were two spinsters who had emigrated to New York a long time ago and had amassed property that was worth a fortune. When the last one of them died there was no sons or daughters to leave it to. She told them that she and her family did not have the money to pursue a claim on a contested will at the time they lived in Dublin.

142

She told them that cousins of hers named Carneys, who were farmers, managed to secure a sizable part of it, they having money to engage in a legal battle. God knows we could have done with even a little bit of it at the time she told them. They all sat in the kitchen practically hating the name and people they had only heard of for the first time. Margaret, frequently her co-storyteller, interjected saying, money goes to money dear, and thats the way of the world. Matthew was enraged on hearing the story, knowing that such an inheritance could have changed their lives, and that consequently they might not ever have had to leave Ireland. He was incensed to become aware of the fact that others better equipped than them, had affectedly decided their destiny. They had exploited their weak economic situation and ignored them in pursuit of their own gain. Soon the summer of 68 had arrived. It was the era of Hippies, Flower Power, Peace and Love and everyone was singing about California. Events took place that were called Happenings, where large numbers of young people would gather playing music, smoking cannabis, and proclaiming world peace and eternal love and brotherhood of man. It was when the term Man became quite a popular word for addressing someone. One such event took place in Montem Park one weekend. All that could in the local Irish families of the area attended. Bridget surprisingly came along with them, her curiosity being aroused. Joe as often happened, was working that day and had once remarked that an airport never sleeps. They dont seem very jolly about the whole thing, Bridget remarked on viewing the spectacle. Well you have realize that most of them are English Matthew said. This is as jolly as they get, he added, at which she smiled. Matthew always felt that the Hippie reference to Love was more induced by drugs than sentiment. It was during the same summer of Peace that the horror story of the assassination of Robert Kennedy, the brother of the slain president John took place. It was another major affront on Irish people all over the world and felt just as painfully by the Irish in Slough. Once more prayers were said at Mass for the now familiar tragic family. Even though this event took place thousand of miles away, Irish people in Slough as elsewhere in Britain, took it personally. To them it was a repeat of John Kennedys murder and felt like an attack on their identity. It left them seething with anger and feelings of vulnerability. By the end of the summer of Flower Power both Matthew, Ivan and their other exSt. Josephs compatriot, Anthony had all passed their exams and even Bridget didnt begrudge them celebrating with a few pints. They felt a sense of achievement and camaraderie, of which the Irish thread that bound them was the common denominator. Even much ridiculed St.Josephs, was looked favourably upon in retrospect. Ivan was free to follow his Nursing Career, and Anthony his Accountancy Career. Matthew had enough qualifications to apply for a place in university for a teachers training course.

143

He had his heart set on a place in the Catholic St. Marys college in London but on application found to his consternation that the particular Arts and Literature course was full up and that he would have to apply elsewhere. After much seeking and having not made applications sooner he found that even Reading University, not too far from them was also full for that particular course. He eventually found that the only place that seemed to have a place was Leeds University. Leeds he exclaimed, thats in Yorkshire, the other end of the bloody country. Bridget suggested that he should take it, as it would be uncertain when another such course would be available. He began to think of how he would keep himself going financially, perhaps working nights he thought. But from what he heard work was not quite as plentiful up there. Even with the students grant, it would be tight he contemplated. He began thinking of the distance it was from Slough, his family and friends and became more and more despondent about the idea. The idea of being so far away from things and people he had come to know once more, did not appeal to him. One day he confided in his Irish friend Marcus who was happily working in Slough. Its not the end of the world if you dont go Matthew he said to him. For some reason that day after much soul searching he told Bridget that it wasnt for him. She could not hide her disappointment at first, knowing that he had studied so hard but told him that there were many more opportunities out there that he could avail of. Looks like you wont be getting rid of me just yet, he said to her. Providing you dont regret it one day dear, Bridget said, wondering why he was not pursuing what she perceived to be his dream. Youd have made a good teacher, she concluded with almost a look of sorrow in her eyes. He then dedicated himself to looking for a job in Slough. It was where his family lived, where his friends lived, and it was close to where many of his relatives dwelt. Even though it was not a town that set his heart alight, it was all he had, all they had. Fortune or rather misfortune had brought them there and he became reconciled to the fact that it was fated. The previous couple of years had been quite good compared to the ones that had gone before he concluded and God help us all he thought, home is where you make it, especially when youve no choice. There were a few employment agencies in the town but it was through an advertisement in the local paper called the Slough Observer that he saw an opportunity that was to get him his first real job as he called it. It was as a bank clerk with a bank in the High Street, which was only a short walk from the house. Bridget seemed to be pleasantly taken back when he got the job, as he had not told anyone of the interview. She made a big thing of telling everyone she could, including relatives in Ireland on the phone. What is the bloody big deal with working in a bank Matthew asked her. She explained to him that in Ireland in particular, it was on par with being a priest, a guard, a council representative or someone in the medical profession.

144

Im just a clerk, he said, not a bank manager. Does that put Ivan in an elevated position because hes training to be a blooming nurse? A male nurse she corrected him, and a very noble vocation at that. I give up, he said realizing what he had long suspected, that his mother was developing a distinctly obvious snobbish streak. No wonder, he thought that she relished being a councillor herself. It was a situation that was not lost on anyone, including those in Ireland. Maybe it was the scenario of immigrants made good, like the Irish Americans he concluded. But what would we call ourselves he contemplated, the Anglo Irish, the Irish English, the Hibernian English or just expatriates. He saw that identity could or would become a mindset for people like themselves in the future. His identity like that of his parents was very secure in that they were emphatically Irish and he believed they always would be. But for the rest of them and a generation that would follow he was not so sure. After all, some of his experiences at St.Josephs school on arrival had taught him a lot about crises of identity and the animosity that could arise from it. He noticed the resentment of the English in Slough generally, of the arrival of a large and expanding Asian population in the town. They were by far the largest group of people to migrate to the area. They were both from India and Pakistan, but for some reason the derogatory term used by the English to describe them was Paki or Pakis in plural. The long established term used by the indigenise population to describe the Irish was of course Paddy or Paddys. Blacks would have been the most polite name to describe arrivals from the West Indies. All migrants who settled not only in Slough but also in the rest of England would have to dwell on the survival or not of their culture and their identity at some time or another he contemplated. It would also be the case in the future he thought, that the English themselves would feel that their identity was threatened. He soon assumed his lofty position as a bank clerk. It was a small branch with only six in staff, including him. Four were male and the other two comprised of an older lady and a pretty young blonde girl, who got plenty of attention from the opposite sex. The male staff was obliged to wear white shirts only and be of smart attire. Matthew noticed that some customers seemed surprised to find somebody Irish working in a bank. This was also reflected by one of the staff called Jeffery who said to him on his first day I half expected to see you arrive with a shovel. If I did, your head would not be still sitting on your shoulders Matthew replied. He now knew that the English had a stereotypical view of his nationality. It was obviously fashioned by the large number of Irish manual building workers who had come to reconstruct the Blitzed England after the war. Matthew made the point to the same colleague that if they hadnt done so, large swathes of English cities would still lie in rubble. Matthew knew by now knew that this form of reproach, from a minority, let it be said, was something that he and his kind would have to deal with on a regular basis.

145

It was not left behind at school as he now knew but was part of the workplace and social aspects of life in this country. A lot of the time he would ignore what he regarded as silly remarks and get on with the job he was being paid for. He had to wait for what seemed forever for his first wage as it was paid monthly. He drew out cash from his newly opened bank account of which he was quiet proud and gave Bridget a regular contribution towards the household, feeling very adult for the first time. He felt he had at last entered the real world. A world removed from the daydream land of student days. He now had money to spend at the weekends, which he looked forward to with relish. His first ports of call were unsurprisingly the local Irish managed pubs. He loved the atmosphere among his own kind and started to make many more friends in the Irish community. He caught up with his old pals Marcus Joyce and Michael Mannion and began to socialise with them regularly. The social scene was not just confined to the pub. There were dances at local school halls and the first of the parties he attended. No alcohol was served at parish hall hops as they called them, but that did not stop them having a few drinks at a nearby pub beforehand. A huge fight broke out at one of these venues one Saturday night, due to over consumption of drink by a few lads prior to the dance. It was in a parish hall and the parish priest who was irate witnessed the aftermath. During the fracas Matthew was playing the piano in one of the corridors trying to impress a couple of girls who were listening. Marcus and Michael gave him the details of what happened Trust me to miss all the action, he told them. It was bad enough without you being involved Marcus said to him, making him laugh. The priest condemned the behaviour of those involved from the pulpit at Sunday Mass. He also announced that it was the end of such Saturday night venues at St. Anthonys parish hall. It was about this time, as luck would have it, that some enterprising individuals from the Slough Irish community, managed to arrange a Saturday night dance at the main ballroom in the town called the Carlton. The management of the establishment agreed to give it a go on a trial run. It was an overwhelming success, with people coming not only from the town but also from areas many miles away. There was simply a huge gap in the market from Irish people in the area, many of them young, with money to spend. Matthew and his friends loved it. It was only a short walk from their favourite pub in the centre of the town. On Saturday night, they and the pub crowd would follow on to the dance. It was a large dancehall and became packed on what was called Irish Night or Paddys Night by the English. Strangely enough some English did attend now and again, either out of curiosity, or simply because it got the reputation of being a lively fun night out. The bands that played there were big and professional and some were touring showbands from Ireland.

146

It was on par with the vibrant dancehalls in Ireland as they all knew and was now part of what they had made home from home. It was at this venue that Matthew met up again with four other Irish lads of his age group that he knew from the other local hops. They were all born in Ireland and had emigrated to England like him with their families when they were young. Matthew found a great sense of camaraderie with them and enduring friendship. Two were brothers called Eamon and Vincent Halloran. Eamon became the comedian of the group, with his fantastic natural wit. Vincent was a secret writer of love songs. They were both from Marcuss native county Galway as was their neighbour Roddy Mulrooney who dabbled in poetry. The other lad was the shyer Mark Mullins from county Carlow, but he had the looks and was the girl magnet of the group. It felt more sophisticated and mature than the smaller venues they were used to. The worst thing that could happen to any young male was to be refused a dance after asking a girl. Even worse than that, was being observed, being refused by one of your friends and even worst than that, was the ridicule you would have to endure from your friends afterwards. It was something they would all get used to and laugh about later on the way home. The other lads in the group lived at the other end of the town and would mainly head home after midnight, leaving Matthew, Marcus and Michael, known to themselves as the three Ms, often visiting the late opening Chinese restaurant. There they would finish off the night, sharing a bottle of wine between them with their meal. On the way home they would talk about girls they had met and danced with and compared notes. In the early hours of any given Sunday morning, they thought they were kings of the world. They were young and free with money to spend and life to enjoy. It was Michael out of the three of them that was to meet and go steady with an Irish girl called Breda. After he had been going out with her for a couple of months, Matthew met him and Marcus at a dance. It was the first time that Matthew had ever seen him drunk. He was a modest drinker at best. Marcus was consoling him for reasons that Matthew did not understand. He took him aside and told him that Michaels girlfriend Breda had become pregnant. All was suddenly clear to Matthew who noticed that Michael was there on his own. He had a lot to think about. From the look on his face they could both see that perhaps his life had in some way been laid out for him now. As time progressed Matthew and Marcus met an even wider circle of friends at the venues they attended. Sadly Michael who was good fun was more often missing from their company, he now being engaged and soon to be married. Luckily for him it was to be a happy union.

147

In the summertime trips were organized from the local pub and a coach would be hired to take a crowd of them to a seaside venue like Brighton on the south coast that would involve a whole days trip of a weekend. These were great fun and a break from the usual social routine to enjoy the sea air. Many an unexpected friendship and romance evolved from such outings. Other such trips involved Irish sporting events either locally or in London. The Irish sporting fraternity in Slough had by now formed a hurling team known as St.Mels. Matthew attended a training a few training sessions with them, but alas Gaelic Football, ironically was his game, although having been born in a Hurling county. Sarah by now had finished her education and had also taken up a job as a bank clerk in a different bank from Matthew. Bridget was over the moon about the fact that her siblings had entered such a profession as she put it. They often conferred with each other about their employment experiences. She and her friend Marie were now also part of the social scene at the weekends that was expanding rapidly. It often began on a Friday night at the pub called The Rising Sun that was run by an Irish couple. There was a good atmosphere, plenty of drink and singing of Irish songs. Matthew often gave a rendition and sometimes Sarah could be persuaded to as well. There was a good singer; a recently arrived young man from Dublin called Sean Slattery who became a regular during these sessions as they became known. It was at this pub that Matthew, Sarah and their friends met some brothers from Galway called Pat and Frank Kenny, who were also to become an integral part of the growing Irish scene in Slough. Their older brother John was a building sub-contractor and employer in the town. It was an industry in which the Irish had established themselves in England. Sarah often danced with Pat whom she liked, even though he had a reputation for being a bit of a womaniser. One Saturday night Matthew came upon them kissing in the garage when he arrived home late. It had been a long time since he had got one over on Sarah and he relished the moment of her embarrassment. One day Sarah discretely called Matthew aside saying Mums not well. Whats wrong? he asked nervously. Its womens problems, she said. Shes going to have to undergo a hysterectomy, she added. What the hells that? he asked. Sarah explained that she had been bleeding and went to the doctor, who sent her to the hospital and they said they would have to remove her womb. She quelled his distress by telling him that apart from being week for a while she would be all right. Margaret asked them both to shoulder some of the household chores with her until she became better. They could all see that Joe was a bit down. Whenever he was, he could be a bit short tempered without meaning to be. Matthew found it difficult to approach her on the subject, as she must have him. He simply said to her, I hope everything will be O.K. Mum? Thankfully everything was.

148

When Bridget had fully recovered she and Joe went on another weekend trip to Dublin. By this time Margaret, Matthew and Sarah, primarily, were well able to hold the fort. During the weekend Matthew and Sarah invited friends around for some drinks. Before they knew it word got around and they ended up with a house full of people and it ended up a late night party. Most of them brought drink and some musical instruments and it developed into a great sing song. Matthew played the spoons in rhythm to the good musicians until his fingers were raw. He sang some Irish songs he knew and was getting quite used to performing for an audience. Sarah also sang and it was one of those great Irish nights. Someone however, did manage to put a crack in one of the front windows by accident when trying to open it and someone else got sick on the carpet. The carpet they cleaned afterwards but the crack in the window was not lost on Joe on their return. They learned from Bridget, that their brother Baby Luke had not been well and that the problem was with his stomach. He was now in his teens and his lack of physical development was now beginning to affect him. It had marred what was otherwise pleasant trip for Joe and her to his sister Bettys. Bridget would often ring her, as she and her husband Mick would visit him in the home for the handicapped. Both she and Joe could never thank them enough for their kindness in doing this. The next biggest event at that time was the visit to England of Joes parents Momma and Dadda. They came by train and boat because Dadda had an innate fear of flying. Momma on the other hand would have willingly flown and made a point of it when arriving after a much longer journey. Joe was as excited as a child about their visit. They stayed as arranged at his sister Maureens house in Windsor. There was no room for a cat at Joes house as he put it. It was from their base at Maureens that they visited the family locally and saw the family in London. Joe decided before they came to redecorate the front room and asked Matthews opinion in relation to the dcor. It was the first time that Matthew could consciously remember Joe asking his opinion about anything. He guessed correctly that it was Bridget that suggested it, with the emphasis on he being artistic. He suggested after some thought, that three of the walls be painted white, to make the small room look bigger and that the fireplace wall should have red embossed wallpaper as a focal point. Joe completed the task and everyone including Bridget was delighted with the result. You could have talent as an interior designer, Bridget said to Matthew, a remark he took as a compliment. Spurred on by this, he went on to paint his bedroom two different shades, considering it his theme.

149

The house was cleaned from top to bottom, or as cleaned as it was possible to get it, with all the bodies that occupied it. Clothes, shoes, musical instruments and even toys suddenly found miraculous hiding places and a verbal warning for them to remain there was put in place. The house seemed eerily tidy and unnatural to them all. The children greeted their grandparents with joy and Joe as always, seemed to revert to childhood himself in their presence. Bridget had cooked something special and before long a lot of catching up was entered into. Momma and Dadda commented on how much the children had grown and were introduced for the first time to Declan, the youngest, whom they had not seen. Momma would sometimes doze off during conversations in the front room. She like Dadda was getting older and this had been a long and busy journey for both of them. Matthew and Sarah had many questions about the cousins they had left behind and found out to there envy that they visited them often. The younger ones memories of their grandparents were revived by the visit. Momma complimented Bridget and Joe on their new home and how well they had got on since leaving in such harsh circumstances. It gave Bridget and particularly Joe a sense of pride and achievement that they had certainly earned. Bridget learned that Momma sometimes found life quite lonely at times at home, with the bulk of her family having now emigrated. Theres an awful quietness about the place sometimes she had told her. Bridget drew on the irony of it and swore she would never moan again about clutter or crowdedness. Dadda was his usual jolly self except for the fact that he had suffered constipation during the whole trip, it being out of sequence with the familiar, orderly life that he lived. Like all visits it was short lived and like all goodbyes it was laced with tears. Matthew and Sarah were now enjoying their social lives and meeting with plenty of other young people. So much so, that Sarah was having the odd date, as was Matthew. It was about this time that Sarah met the brother of Susan McGinley her former school friend, at a local dance. Sarah didnt know when she first met him that he was related to her friend. It was in conversation that Sarah described to Susan that she had met this really nice chap at the dance. Thats my brother your talking about Susan said to her in disbelief. His name was Martin and he was the only son in the family. He was a few years older than her, about which Bridget initially had some reservations but on meeting him realized he was a gentleman. She was only sixteen when she met him. He was in many ways a little shy, having asked his sister Susan to put in a good word for him with Sarah. What he didnt know was that Sarah quite liked him when they first met at a local dance. In no time he asked her out and they started to date. Ironically Matthew also met a girl at a party who was a sister of one of his friends called Mark Mullins.

150

She was a pretty fair-haired girl called Kate who was two years older than him. He asked to meet her again and they began going out together. It was both Matthews and Sarahs first real relationships and reflected the shared patterns of their lives once more. Sarah became a regular visitor to the McGinley household as Matthew did to the Mullinss. The strange thing was, that the two families that they had come to know, lived quite near to each other on the western edge of Slough. And within the confines of the Slough Irish community, it was often quite possible that they would end up at the same dance, pub or party, with their respective partners, unintentionally. Kate was Irish born, as were all her family and although Martin and his sisters were born in Slough, their parents were both Irish. Kate lived at home with her parents, two brothers and their grandmother. She also had an older sister that was married and lived some distance away. Their family story was a reflection of Matthews in that they also had to leave Ireland to make a living for all of them. He could not have felt more at home with them and was made welcome. Matthew felt a little awkward at first when he would call around for Kate because of his friendship with her brother Mark. Its like a little village around here, when you think of the Irish community Matthew once said to Sarah, who agreed. In no time Matthew got to know the Mullins family. Kate was a great kisser and could spend hours at it. Matthew once commented that she could kiss for Ireland. Late one night when they were doing exactly that, Matthew heard a thumping sound coming from the ceiling above them. What the hells that? he said to Kate. Take no notice, she said. Thats my grandmother banging on the floor with her walking stick, she explained. What for? Matthew asked. I think shes telling you its time to go, she answered. Shes one of the old school and its her way of acting like a chaperon in case were getting up to no good down here she said laughing. Matthew initially saw the funny side of it, but as he was to find out, it became a regular occurrence. This was like something Joe and Bridget would experience in their time he thought. In fact he remembered Bridget and Margaret laughing over the constraints that were placed on courtship years ago. As for finding a quiet place at home, it would be impossible he concluded. He remembered the time that he and Ivan talked about renting a flat but nothing came of it. He hardly saw him at all since they left college. He learned through the grapevine that he was dating an English girl and it was therefore inevitable that their paths would not cross socially. Matthew had immersed himself in the Irish community, something about which Ivan was only lukewarm. Many a weekend night Matthew would meet Kate at a pub called The Three Tonnes, where she worked on Saturdays. It was only a short walk from where he lived.

151

He often wondered why she needed the extra money but concluded that it was none of his business. He did notice however, that she was always dressed in the finest of clothes and accessories. There were times when he wondered if they were really going anywhere. It was about this time that something happened that was to answer his question. Sarah had secured an invitation for him to attend her boyfriend Martins birthday party, the aftermath of which ended up at his house. Matthew as agreed, went with Kate. It was at this venue that he first met the other members of Martins family. He knew his sister Susan from the few times that she had visited Sarah. The one thing he noticed apart from their mother and father was the fact that they all had black hair and varying shades of blue grey eyes. The father whose name was Sean was a very hospitable man, who made people feel at ease with his enthusiastic welcome. He had a strong Northern Irish accent and made a point of identifying himself as a Catholic Nationalist. His wife Catherine was a petite auburn haired woman, whose accent although dulled by long residence in England was very familiar to Matthew. It was a Kerry brogue and Matthew learned that she was from the Dingle Peninsula near where they had lived. They had two other daughters, Jessica the eldest who was married to an Englishman named Marvin. They and their young son lived with his mother in London. The youngest was a girl called Monica. As the night progressed Matthew noticed that Susan whom he had met before was looking at him and for reasons that he could not explain, he found himself looking more and more at her. It was though a magnetic field was developing between them. At one stage he could feel his face begin to flush. The more it did, the more she smiled at him seductively. He found it strangely exciting, even though it was embarrassing at times as he was there with Kate. Fortunately, she had not seemed to notice. In the darkness of his bedroom in what were the early hours of the next morning he lay awake thinking about it. What was it he thought that he had somehow not seen in her when meeting her before? It was a question that only time would answer. He found himself asking Sarah questions about her, without trying to be too obvious. He would do so by asking about all of the family. He learned that she had been going out with a chap called Trevor who was a member of an army band serving with the British army who was a few years older than her. On enquiring he found out that he was now stationed in Germany with the British forces in the protected zone in West Berlin, but had been serving prior to that with the Guards regiment at Windsor Castle nearby. Thats how he and Susan had met locally, Matthew concluded. He did however; learn that he was originally from Dorset in the south of England. He was beginning to embarrass himself by continually asking questions that were really directed at Susan.

152

Sarah once said to him is there something youre trying to tell me Matthew? to which he instantly replied no. He decided there and then not to enquire any more but always found himself listening to any conversation regarding the McGinleys. Sarahs boyfriend Martin would call for her regularly and the entire OConnor household were beginning to get to know him gradually. A more pleasant young man you would not meet on this earth, Bridget called him. Martin had a car that he would pick her up in. It was old, second hand, but it did the job as he once remarked to Joe, who had great time for him. Matthews friend Marcus had once said to him you need the car if you want the girl. It was then that Matthew decided to take some driving lessons with a school of motoring. He took a few; too few in fact, and never seemed to gain confidence. He was a nervous wreck before and during each lesson, a fact that he admitted to no one and very soon lapsed altogether. The thing that added to his demise was that you could walk to anywhere in the town, they being so centrally placed. By this time he was fed up working in the stuffy atmosphere of the bank and its promise of better pay, as you got further up the ladder in the future. The future is now he declared to himself and he decided to do something about it. He knew that Slough was littered with jobs and opportunities and one in the local newspaper caught his eye. They were paying nearly twice what he was earning as a junior clerk and he applied for it. It was a clerical job working in an engineering factory in the industrial estate and only walking distance from where they lived. Bridget was concerned that he might have left a career behind, but admired his initiative. He found the atmosphere much more relaxed and the staff friendlier. The job was a piece of cake compared to the bank he told Bridget who was aware of his now more sunny disposition. He did conclude however, that his grounding in the bank had stood to him. The opportunities in this town are amazing she once remarked. It was about this time at the beginning of one weekend when Martin had come around to visit Sarah, that Matthew who had been playing his guitar in his bedroom, heard a voice that he knew from down stairs. It was Susans and although the house was crowded he had still discerned that it was hers. For reasons unknown to him his feet turned to jelly and he found himself suddenly fixing his hair in the mirror and wondering if the clothes he was wearing were presentable. God get real, he said to himself as he descended the stairs. Although it was painfully obvious to him that he was very attracted to her, he was in denial because of his relationship with Kate. On seeing her in the front room he nodded saying a quiet hello as he did to Martin. Congratulations on your new job she said to him before he could speak. News travels fast he replied, knowing it came from Sarah, who should have been a reporter he thought. He could feel his face begin to flush, partly by guilt but mostly by attraction.

153

He was trying to fathom out by himself why she was actually there but knew he didnt care. Before long they were engaged in conversation, with nobody taking much notice of them in a crowded room. He learned that she worked as a receptionist in company also in the Slough Trading Estate. Sounds like a nice job he said to her, nervously keeping up the conversation, while all the time looking back at her blue grey eyes that peered out smiling from beneath a fringe of the straightest black hair he had ever seen. It was at another similar gathering that they met again and found themselves alone, when what seemed inevitable happened. They kissed, it just happened. The desire to do so had simply overwhelmed them both. He found her kiss both sensual and very sexual. Before he knew it he had asked to see her again. They met of their own accord next time and entered into deep conversation. She was aware of the fact that he was dating Kate and asked him about it. He told her that he was tired of their relationship and had contemplated ending it several times. He asked her about her situation with her boyfriend Trevor and she assured him that it was over. He vowed that night that he would tell Kate whom he was to meet that Saturday evening at the pub where she worked. He was very pensive on meeting her that evening and drank a few pints trying to sum up the courage to tell her, wondering how she would take it. He felt an absolute louse for doing it as she had done nothing wrong. He concluded that it was much harder to finish a relationship than to start one. He told her the truth, that he had met someone else. Her poor face changed from being sorrowful to almost downright angry when she learned that it was Susan, whose house she had once visited with him. Why? she said, with tearful eyes. Its just the way it is, he said, feeling awful about it. Why? indeed he said to himself in bed that night, wondering if he had done the right thing. Kate was a fine girl he knew, the kind of girl you could marry. He knew she had more feelings for him than he had for her and felt unworthy of her love. He found Susan strangely exciting and mysterious and wanted to know more about her. The next thing he would have to do as would she, was to tell both Sarah and Martin in particular that they were now going out together. The situation was that a brother and sister were now dating a brother and sister. Sarah seemed a little shocked at first saying when did this happen? It was strange really, as it practically happened right under her nose. But like all things in life it soon became routine. Sarah did say once to Matthew, what if it didnt work out for one of us, wouldnt you or I find it extremely awkward? Matthew was oblivious to her remark because all he could think of at that time was Susan.

154

Tact was a word that was not in Sarahs dictionary and she would shoot from the hip as far as remarks were concerned. With Matthew, life was a dream that had to be dreamt and he would always follow his heart wherever it led him. They both found themselves in the bosom of the McGinley family and many a weekend evening was spent talking, debating, playing music and singing. Matthew would often bring his guitar and entertain them, trying to impress Susan in particular who told him he had a great voice. Susan invited Matthew to her local pub called The Red Lion, which was only a few Minutes walk from her house. Martin and Sarah often went there of a weekend. It was at this point that he began to meet some of her friends. He noticed that all of them were English, save for some that were possibly first generation Irish, going by their names. Her favourite drink was port and a dash of lemonade, known as port and lemon. That night as he was at the bar, drinking his usual pint, when Susan had gone to the ladies, a woman approached him. Her accent was distinctly Irish, midlands he guessed. She asked him if he was Irish and he answered yes. She lent over and said in a loud whisper watch her. You seem like a nice lad, she added. But believe me, Im telling you, be wary of her she warned him. Before he could answer her Susan had approached them. What did she say? she said to him as the woman walked away. Matthew told her with considerable embarrassment. He could see that her face had reddened with anger. Take no notice of her, shes always stirring it up with someone, she said. They were having a good night and Matthew did not want to spoil it by enquiring more. Susan kissed him passionately that night as if trying to reassure him. As he lay in his bed that night Matthew could not help wondering why a complete stranger would walk up to him at a bar, given the first opportunity, and say something like that. He did not dwell on it long as he was intensely attracted to her and realized he had feelings for her. He would often get a lift home with Martin and Sarah of a weekend night after kissing Susan goodbye and would leave them in the car to do the same. He often cursed the fact that he didnt have a car himself for the privacy it offered a couple. During the week he would often use a public telephone box to phone Susan at work in order to have a private conversation, which would be impossible on the house phone in the hall, with someone passing or wanting to use it continuously. They would often go to the cinema and sit in the rear seats like many young couples and enjoy the limited intimacy it afforded. Matthew invited Susan to a Saturday night out at his local. It was of course an Irish pub and the music and banter was of Irish culture. He noticed that she did not seem to feel that comfortable perhaps feeling intimidated in such an atmosphere, despite the fact that he had introduced her to his friends. He further noticed that she liked to drink mainly in her own local or any English orientated venue.

155

Matthew knew that he was entering her world rather than she entering his. He compromised by spending an odd weekend night with his Irish friends. He concluded that way; he could have the best of both worlds. Dancing was another matter however, with most of the best dances around the area being Irish affairs. A lot of first generation born and English people themselves not to mention Poles attended them. One night there was a big gathering at a large hired hall on St.Patricks night that Matthew had invited Susan to. They were having a great time dancing the night away and even kissing intensely during the waltzes. Matthew felt a surge of desire for her that evening, more than he had ever done before. He realized his feelings for her were becoming deeper. There wasnt a day during the week when he was not thinking about her and wondered if she felt the same. During one dance somebody tapped Matthew on the shoulder. When he turned around it was none other than his old school friend Liz Regan. Im not normally like this, she said, quite clearly a little drunk. You look happy she commented. I havent seen you for a long time she added. This is Liz Matthew said to Susan. I dont care who she is Susan said, I dont want to see her again. Matthew could see that not alone was Susan jealous but so was Liz. He could not help being amused, even though feeling a little awkward about the situation. He was invited as prearranged by the traditional Irish band that night to sing a number with them, which he did, feeling the world was at his feet. Apart from that Susan never left his side for the remainder of the evening and was all over him that night. As he later drifted off to sleep that night, he thought, isnt life funny, and said, thank you Liz. He was however, still very nave in the ways of love and romance. He never quite knew what to do with Susan or how to please her. He never bought her flowers or chocolates but always asked her what she fancied doing of a weekend. She was, he discerned easily pleased in many respects and was happy to do things around their local area. This was just as well he often thought, as without his own transport travelling would be limited. They would sometimes go shopping in Slough to pass a few hours of a Saturday. Even though shopping bored him, he was happy to walk hand in hand with her by his side. One Saturday night they went dancing at the Carlton Ballroom on Irish Night and she said to him Matthew theres something I have to tell you. For a moment his heart stopped, thinking it was something ominous. What? is all he could murmur? I bite my nails, she said. My God, I thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant or something, he said with relief.

156

By now Matthew and all the OConnor clan knew a good many people around Slough and beyond both Irish and those of decent and would often bump into someone they knew while shopping and certainly when socializing. All the younger children now had friends, be it schoolmates or neighbours that they were in regular contact with. Even Matthew was feeling more settled than he had ever been. Those who were working could not but help but be in daily contact with English people and the many other nationalities that had settled in the town. It was becoming quite a cosmopolitan area and was resented for it understandably by some English people, something of which the Irish community was only too well aware. Sarah told Matthew that one Saturday night she was invited to an Irish party with her best friend Marie Joyce. It was mainly a get together and a singsong with drinks thrown in at John Kennys house. He was a local building contractor and Sarah had dated his brother Pat a few times. Martin McGinley her boyfriend got wind of it and although not invited, found out where it was and gate crashed the party in a jealous frame of mind. He was worried that she might get friendly with Pat again and confronted them both about it. Matthew could not help being amused about it knowing that the Kennys were all strapping big building workers and would stand to a man to defend each other. Hes some nerve, Ill give him that he commented. The bloody idiot, he knows Ive only eyes for him she said. Ah well thats what love can do to you Matthew scoffed. He had great admiration for him after that, and knew as Sarah did, that he was very serious about her. As the year unfolded, more serious events began to happen further afield. In Northern Ireland the Civil Rights movement began marches for equal rights for Catholic Nationalists. The voting system there was rigged to ensure that Unionist Protestants would always get the majority vote to anchor them to union with Britain. Bridget, who was educated and experienced in political affairs, supported the movement, as did all Irish Nationalists. She did say however; that all hell could break loose there. The television pictures confirmed her words like others in the community, showing the brutal repression of such gatherings by the police there. It was like a shock wave to the Irish in England and seemed to shatter the accepted feeling they had there, however tenuous that was. Suddenly Irish history was thrust upon another generation, both living in Ireland and abroad. It permeated conversations and the Irish psyche and those in the Slough community. The news unfolded in British newspapers, radio and television and was discussed in phone calls to home. For the Irish people in Britain, it even overshadowed one of the worlds most monumental achievements, that of man landing on the moon. Even though this was world news and held fascination for all that of that era, it became surpassed for the Irish, by the events in Northern Ireland, which the Irish community both at home and abroad took personally.

157

It was at this time that both Joe and Bridget answered questions mainly from the younger children were not as familiar with Irish history as Matthew and Sarah were, they having been so young when they left the country. Aidan Joyce, the university educated elder of the Joyce family and good friend of Joe and Bridget, would often debate the subject at the OConnors kitchen table over cups of coffee, for anyone that would care to listen. It was during such debates that Matthew in particular got to know him well. He learnt that he was a highly educated, broadminded man with a great deal of integrity, was well read and had a good sense of humour. He now held him in as high regard as he did his friend and brother Marcus. Aidan visited the house regularly, sometimes to do with matters concerning the Slough Irish Society, in which Joe and Bridget were involved, but often just to pop in for a chat and the inevitable cup of coffee. It was nothing unusual for any of them to find him sitting in the kitchen of an evening and saying hello Aidan as they came in the back door. His Connemara, sense of wit and storytelling had not deserted him in exile, as anyone who knew him could vouch for. The events unfolding in Northern Ireland unwittingly brought the identities and loyalties of Irish families in England to the fore once more. No more so, than in the McGinley household. Matthew had once asked Susan about her identity, stating that she didnt have a drop of English blood in her body. She told him without reservation, that she was English and had little or no affiliation with Ireland, except for her parents and her other Irish relatives. He found her rejection of what he had hoped would be a bond between them hurtful to say the least but realized that she knew practically nothing about Ireland anyway. It drew him back to the mentality that existed at his time in St.Josephs Secondary School, where she was also educated. His feelings for her overshadowed the subject and he never willingly brought it up again with her. Her father Sean however, was a passionate nationalist, who was only too willing to talk to him about his roots and the emerging situation in the North. It was the kind of irony that permeated Irish families exiled in England. Sean told Matthew about his upbringing in County Down. He told him of the deep division that existed there between Catholic Nationalists and Protestant Unionists and how it affected everyday life. He told him how Protestants threw stones at them while they were walking to Mass of a Sunday or going to their Catholic school and that this was accompanied by verbal insults. He told him how the two communities were segregated in terms of housing and how your address, stated religion or even your name could determine whether you would get a job or not. He explained to him how the votes in the elections were Gerrymandered to manipulate the outcome of every election so that the Unionists were always returned to power. He still had relatives there, about which Matthew could see he was plainly worried. Matthew learned more about the North in listening to Sean McGinley, than he ever had before.

158

Sean had worked for many years in the building industry in England, but now that he was maturing in years he was doing gardening work, often for wealthy people around the area. Matthew was surprised when he told him that he had served in the British army during the war, considering his political identity. He told him he had no choice as he was conscripted in the North at the time. He learned that he fought in Burma against the Japanese. Bloody hell, what was that like? Matthew asked. The Japs were the bravest people I ever encountered, despite all the nonsense thats been written about them since he said. During one attack on our camp at night, when I was on century duty, positioned in a tower, an officer led his troops towards me with a pistol firing and sword in his other hand, without a glimmer of fear in his face he said. What happened? Matthew asked, enthralled. I opened fire with a machine gun, seeing them in the spotlight and saw him fall, throwing his sword towards me as he died in a hail of bullets he answered. It made me sick to my stomach to see it, but in the heat of battle and with training, your survival instinct takes over he told him. Matthew was spellbound by his experiences; it was like he was describing something from a film. What about the British troops? he asked. The greatest bunch of Mammys boys and wingers I ever came across he replied. Even Matthew could not help laughing at his biased opinion. I got that bloody thing out there as well, he told him referring to malaria. He would often be ill with the symptoms, as Matthew was to learn. He was one tough character as Matthew observed. He was also very aggravated by the unfolding situation in the North, as everyone knew. He drove a Volkswagen car, stating that British cars were only auld rubbish as he put it. He also hated the decision of the Vatican to allow Mass to be said in national languages particularly in English, favouring the Latin version that he knew off by heart. His English son in law Marvin once said of him to Matthew, that he was bigoted. He also learned that Martin, Seans only son was the apple of his eye. He had sent Martin to a Catholic boarding school in England to ensure that at least in that aspect of his life, he would remain faithful to the fold. In that he had certainly succeeded, but as Matthew had already discerned, he had in a sense failed his daughters whom he held in less regard. So much so that the eldest Jessica became pregnant by and then married Marvin the English atheist and left wing activist whom Sean intensely disliked. Pregnancy before marriage was not in Seans script. This led, as Matthew found out to a strained relationship between Sean and Marvin for many years. Sean was delighted by the fact that Martin was dating a good Irish Catholic girl like Sarah and had accepted Matthew into his house for the same reason. It seemed no time at all until Christmas had arrived again. Both Matthew and Sarah were scouring the shops, looking for that special gift for their respective boyfriend and girlfriend, not to mention the rest of their family. One Saturday Matthew took Susan by bus to go shopping in Windsor.

159

It had been snowing and the town looked amazing with the castle, the cobbled streets and the quaint old shop windows clad in white. They both agreed, that it was like a scene from a Christmas card. He noticed that her eyes became intensely blue in the reflection of the snow. Both Matthew and Sarah visited the McGinley house during that Christmas. Susan who was wearing the longest scarlet red coat he had ever seen greeted Matthew at the door smiling. He stood there open mouthed while she said do you like it? He learned it was called a Maxi and was the latest thing that winter. He teased her about it, calling her Little Red Riding Hood. The truth was he thought she looked stunning in it. He asked her about her childhood that Christmas as he began to reveal his to her. She told him that as a little girl she used to sit out in the rain letting it cascade around her. She had found it calming she told him and that it brought on a sense of surrendering to rebellion and that her elders for doing so, often rebuked her. Your weird Matthew said laughing. Thats good coming from you, from what Ive heard about your childhood she retorted. He often thought that in ways she was as zany as him. Whether that was a good thing or not, he didnt know. Some things about her reminded him of her mother a little bit, whom he thought she resembled vaguely. She seemed to live in her own world sometimes as her mother did, suddenly talking or drifting back to something in the past. Catherine, her mother had a rather sad young life as Matthew found out, she having gone to England as a young girl to work in service for a well to do English family. She did however; later find her niche in life in life as a waitress, which she loved and was often not there when Matthew visited, because of working weekend nights. She was however, a very jolly woman and laughed a lot, all be it in the solitude of her own mind. Matthews way of dealing with things was to be spontaneous. He once sung a verse of a song to Susan as they walked along. It was a song he felt that reflected in some way, what he was. For I am just a country boy, Money have I none, But Ive got silver in the stars And gold in the morning sun Im never gonna buy you a diamond ring, With a fancy shining stone All Ive got is a loving heart, The only one I own. Thats beautiful, she said. One night when they had kissed goodnight she said to him I think Im falling in love with you Matthew was staggered; no one had ever said anything like that to him before. He was dumbfounded and unlike him was lost for words and didnt know why. Maybe, he thought, that in some way he had difficulty in dealing with the emotion of love. He knew that love involved trust and giving of yourself unconditionally.

160

His volatile nature made it easy for him to fight or hate, but the emotion of love, left him feeling vulnerable, exposed, weak. In his formative years, since coming to Slough, he had always had to be strong in combating adversity and this had left him very guarded about his inner feelings. He had unknown to himself, become untrusting about revealing his deepest emotions to anybody and that the cause of this was not entirely of his own making. One weekend Susan told him they were both invited to a party. A friend of hers was holding it called Janet who Matthew knew from her local pub. He knew as she did, that her boyfriend Dean had finished with her, having started dating a fellow schoolteacher. They could both see that the girl was heartbroken and she and Matthew sympathized with her. Matthew found it a very stereo- typical English party, so different in every way from an Irish one. There would be background music playing on a record player. People would be standing around in separate groups, with each group visually analysing the other, while engaging in one-upmanship conversation, regarding their house, car or job or where they had been on holidays. A table was laid with plates and dishes containing little snacks of all descriptions where people could help themselves hurriedly to the limited resources. The English didnt drink like the Irish. They would sip at it politely and Matthew always believed that somebody English held the world record for making a drink last. Your Irish Janet said to Matthew at one point during the night maybe you can think of something to liven things up? I havent brought my guitar, he said apologetically, wondering if the English were culturally dead. If it were any other nationality in this town, the place would be heaving by now, he said to Susan. She concluded that he was right, but that it was for the sake of her friend that they had attended. Have you noticed anything about this party? Susan said to him. Apart from you, me and Janet, everybody invited here is blonde, she observed. Matthew on looking agreed and said, Maybe its a theme party giving him the first laugh of the night. Then they both trying to find an explanation, remembered that Janets now exboyfriend Dean was blonde. One day Susan told Matthew that she was going to London to have a cosmetic bleaching of the fine hairs above her top lip. Why, youd hardly notice them he said to her. She told him that she was extremely self-conscious about it and that Janet had recommended the place where she had hers done. Well? she said to him on meeting after her return. They look blonde now and stand out even more he said teasing her. Whenever he annoyed her, she would always say you sod. It would make him laugh even more. One weekend she had agreed to baby-sit for a couple at the end of her road and invited Matthew to join her. When the two children had gone to sleep they found themselves alone in the sitting room and began to talk then kiss and it became very passionate.

161

They were about to go where they had not been before when they heard the couples car pull up outside. They both had to scramble to adjust their clothing before the key turned in the front door. They sat correctly beside each other on the couch and when asked by the couple if everything was all right, referring to the children, they answered yes. All the time realizing that their red faces were amusing the husband in particular who could not take the grin off his face. Matthew cursed the fact that they came home earlier than he had expected, wondering what might have happened if they hadnt. Bloody English he concluded, always punctual. Another time when they were alone in the front room of her house, which wasnt often as was the case in his house, the conversation turned to sex, something they had come close to. Susan made a revelation that shook Matthew. She told him that she had been having a sexual relationship with her former boyfriend Trevor. Matthew, who was extremely jealous, listened to the details as she poured them out in explicit detail. Firstly, it did not happen under her father Seans roof, something he would definitely believe. It happened at Trevors home in Dorset, where she had spent a holiday. She described calmly how it hurt the first time but was fine after that as Matthew listened motionless, feeling the blood drain from his face and almost feeling rage at hearing the candid details. She even told him that during intercourse he withdrew before climaxing, in order to be careful. He wished she had not told him something that he was not ready to hear at that point. He wasnt her former boyfriend, he concluded, they were lovers in a relationship. He began to feel that he was an observer rather than a participant with her. What about you and Kate? she asked in the same casual manner. It wasnt like that he said, She wasnt that kind of girl. Oh! I thought that and then she stopped, knowing she had touched a nerve. He told her reluctantly that he did once and wanted to end the conversation for now. It was the first time that disillusion had crept into his feelings for her. The fact was, he concluded, that he didnt really know her at all. There was something basic and even crude he thought about the way she had told him about the most intimate details of her former relationship. The way she had brought up the subject and discussed it like bragging about a conquest. It was not something his ears wanted to hear like that. She was only seventeen he concluded and was experienced compared to him, he being two years older than her. He had already dismissed from his mind another lad that he heard about in the pub who he learned she had dated. The tone of the relationship began to change for him and he didnt know where he was with her. Her revelations had left him bewildered and wondering. He still had feelings for her but wondered if she would truly ever be his girl.

162

If only, he thought to himself, had he asked her out when he first met her at his house, as a friend of Sarahs, when he was still at college? How different things might be. One weekend she seemed very nervous and distant in his company as they prepared to kiss goodbye as they had often done, when Matthew was about to depart for home. Maybe she said, maybealmost stuttering, we should not see each other for a little while? Why? Matthew said, with a mixture of fear and anger in his voice. She told him to his disbelief, that Trevor was due home on leave from the army in Germany. I thought you and him had finished! Matthew shouted. We have, she said in a convincing tone. Its just that he doesnt know about you and me and he wants to call and see me, she said. Let me get this straight Matthew said in a raised voice. Youve finished with him, or have you and hes coming to see you for what exactly? Well, were still friends, she explained. So what does that make us? Matthew retorted. You dont know what hes like she said looking almost scared. I dont give a damn what hes like Matthew roared. Im afraid of no man. At this point she seemed a little scared of him too. Sort this out, Im telling you, or thats it he said to her, storming off as he did so. He couldnt sleep for thinking about it and despite their first real row, wanted to see her more than ever. He was scared of losing what he thought was the first real love of his life. He had so much expectations and dreams regarding her and wanted to tell her about his inner feelings. He had however, a very obstinate streak to his character and didnt contact her for a week or more. It was during that time that he did the most stupid thing in passionately kissing a girl that was known to her. It happened, it was stupid, he greatly regretted it and it meant nothing to him. All he wanted to do was see her again. Come the Saturday night however, he put on his best weekend clothes and had a determined spring in his step as he set off for where she lived. He wanted to tell her how he really felt about her. Instead of going directly to her house as he usually did, he decided to pop into her local pub, wondering if she might already be there, they having made no arrangements. She wasnt as it happened and he decided to have a pint with some of the lads he knew there by now. As he was at the bar drinking with a chap called Ian with whom he had become friends, he noticed another man he hadnt seen before, constantly staring at him. Whos that bloke that keeps looking at me? he asked him. Didnt want to tell you mate, he said, but thats your birds ex-boyfriend, Trevor. Matthew ordered another pint and one for Ian. How long has he been back around here? Matthew asked him. The first time I saw him was last night, he said.

163

Didnt you know hes finished his tour of duty in Germany and is back with the Guards regiment in Windsor? he informed him. Matthew felt his heart drop. So thats what Susans antics were all about he discovered? She had told him that he was coming home on leave. Theres more to this than meets the eye, he thought. He needed that other pint that Ian bought him, to try and collect his thoughts together. No wonder she was acting strangely the last time he saw her, he discerned. Was there more, she had not told him, he began to think. He did not know how soon most of his questions would be answered. Before he could begin to make sense of things, Trevor had approached them at the bar from the table he was sitting at in company. We havent been introduced, he said with a sarcastic grin on his face. My names Trevor and I believe yours is Matthew Thats right Matthew replied, leaving the next move to him. It was obvious to Matthew that someone had pointed him out to him from the moment he entered the pub. He could feel his heart beating faster and his stomach tighten in response to his arrogant self-assured manner. He was like a displaced stag that wanted to lock horns with him. I had an interesting chat with Susan last night he said smugly. I learned a lot about you, he added. Matthew was incensed that she had met up with him and more so that they had been discussing him. I was glad to find out that it, shall we say, didnt get too physical he said with a smile of satisfaction drawn across his face. Matthew snapped and made grab for him, knowing that it gave him great satisfaction to humiliate him in front of Ian and others. It took a couple of lads including Ian to separate Matthew from him. The pub landlord warned him, if there were any trouble he would be out. Instead it was Trevor who left, no doubt feeling contented with himself. Matthews naivety about situations, could even unknown to himself, be pitiful. He drank another pint to steady his nerves and decided to go straight to Susans house to sort things out with her. There was an alleyway near the pub that was a short cut to the crescent where the McGinley house was located that he took. He knocked on the front door and there was no answer at first and knocked again. Martin her brother answered and Matthew said hello and asked if Susan was in. Matthew he said, his voice almost quivering Dont go in there mate. Why whats up? Matthew said, he making him feel more nervous than he already was. He brushed past Martin in the hallway and into the front room to find Sarah looking practically distraught. What the hells going on? he said looking at both of them in turn. Dont go in there, she said to him. Please mate Martin said, holding his arm and echoing her request. In one move Matthew loosened his grip and kicked the closed-door open. On entering the dining room, that was in darkness and only lit by the light from the kitchen beyond, he made out the figure of a man he had only seen less than an hour before.

164

It was Trevor and pinned up against the dining room wall in front of him was Susan. Although obviously shocked by his unexpected appearance, she had a sickening smile on her face and was acting like a tramp in the veiled obscurity that surrounded her and her lover. For a split second he couldnt make out whether or not they were engaged in a sexual act. He screamed at the top of his voice at Susan, as he lunged towards Trevor, You bloody Jezebel In the few seconds that followed Trevor had managed to open the window and scramble through it to the back garden, leaving Matthew calling him a coward. He ran out the side entrance from the kitchen and knew that Trevor like him, being familiar with the house, that it led to the front garden and the street beyond. He looked down both ends of the crescent but he had made his escape. Returning to the kitchen he found her still there, rooted to the spot of her pleasure, only this time joined by her mother, whom he did not realize was in the house. He mustnt think youre worth fighting for he snarled at her. As a matter of fact, neither do I he scorned. He left by the kitchen door not wanting to add to his total humiliation in the presence of Sarah in particular and Martin and his mother, grateful in some small way that the rest of the family hadnt been there to witness the sideshow. She had just stood there, motionless, looking at the floor, like a scolded child. Matthew was devastated and it was something that would haunt him like a recurring nightmare. He staggered his way towards home, like a mortally wounded animal, sometimes stopping to compose himself. People in passing must have thought him drunk. He seemed to have no strength in his legs and his body was shaking, not knowing he was suffering from shock as well as heartbreak. When he reached the lane where they lived, he decided he could not face home. He entered Montem Park, it was late and it was deserted. He sat on Montem Mound where they had often played as children when they first arrived. It was said that Queen Victoria used to stop her carriage there and view Windsor Castle in the distance. It had just started to rain and he rembered Susan telling him once, that she found solace while sitting in the rain as a child. It made him feel nothing but grief and only disguised the tears he felt cascading down his cheeks. He put his head in his hands and wept uncontrollably. He lost track of time, his brain being scrambled with this image of sudden, cruel betrayal and not being able to make any sense of it at all. It had all happened so quickly that he wondered if in fact, if it was all a dream. But the pain that he felt in his heart, told him it wasnt. Then he remembered what the Irish woman, whose name he never knew, said to him, the first night he was in that pub with Susan. Watch her, believe me, Im telling you, be wary of her What was it that she had known or seen, that he obviously hadnt? All sorts of thoughts began to race through his head. This cannot have been the first time that soldier boy was on leave since he was posted to Germany he thought.

165

He wasnt with her all the time and after seeing what he saw that night, he felt she was capable of anything and without conscience. What a pity he thought, that the Irish woman, probably not wanting to interfere or hurt his feelings, didnt tell him what she knew. One thing he now knew was that she was a totally self-centred bitch who couldnt be trusted. Despite the feelings of hate and contempt that were building up inside of him, he did in some way want to know some of the answers to his questions. He was afraid to ask in case the answers cut him even more deeply. He couldnt look Sarah in the face for some time afterwards and then only greeted her in passing; the same applied to her boyfriend Martin. He asked Sarah if she had any knowledge of her seeing the soldier during the time they were going out together. She told him that the night in question was the only time she saw them together and that there was little she could do about it and was extremely embarrassed about the situation. She told him that she didnt know how their relationship was prior to that night, due to Trevors period of absence and was worried by his sudden unannounced reappearance. He asked her if she would have told him about it if he had not turned up that night. She told him without hesitation that she would and that she did not know like him, that Trevor was back. Matthew didnt know what to believe anymore. The situation was very awkward for both of them. Sarah had concerns about the consequences of a possible breakdown in either one of their relationships but Matthew hadnt given it a thought. All of it built up inside him like an inferno. He couldnt sleep; he couldnt concentrate on his job, he didnt want to socialise and felt unable to talk to family or friends. He went to the doctor about the sleeping factor and he gave him some mild sleeping pills to take temporarily. On a Sunday night in a fit of depression, he swallowed the remainder of them before going to bed and in a few minutes drifted off into a dangerous deep sleep. Joe was on morning shift at the airport the next day, he having risen about half four and drinking his first cup of coffee accompanied by his first cigarette was blissfully unaware that anything was amiss in the household. All of them began to wake at their appointed time and took their turn in the busy bathroom and began to ready themselves for school and work, all of them except Matthew who was in a coma like state of sleep to which they were unaware. He was never usually the first to rise of a Monday morning at the best of times and often had to be called. Patrick who slept beside him noticed that he made no sound, snoring or otherwise and saw that he looked deathly pale. Declan who was only a child would have been none the wiser. Patrick mumbled something to Margaret who was the first person he met on the landing that Matthew didnt look well. She knocked on the bedroom door and called his name, telling him it was time for him to rise but received no answer. After a few calls she put her head around the door and call him again to no avail. What she saw led her to panic.

166

Oh Jesus, she shrieked, Oh Christ almighty she said out loud, knowing that something was dreadfully wrong. Bridget she screamed downstairs, Come up at once. Bridget was in the kitchen preparing breakfast, when she heard the furore and hastily made her way upstairs. Hes as white as a ghost, Margaret said shaking and hes not responding to anything. God Almighty Bridget said on seeing him, knowing instantly he was in trouble, but not knowing why. She shook him and slapped his cheeks with the palms of her hands saying Oh God, wake up Matthew, wake up, in a panic to try and wake him but to no avail. The doctor, Ill ring the doctor, she said to Margaret. Stay with him she said, Ill be back in a minute. The family doctor, an Irishman, was as luck happened, in his office earlier that morning catching up on some paperwork before surgery that day. He knowing the family remembered that he had prescribed mild sleeping pills for Matthew the previous week. The description Bridget gave of him, confirmed his worst fears. He asked Bridget if he was still breathing and she told him as far as she knew he was. He put what he hoped would remedy the situation in his bag and made for the OConnor house that was only a short distance from his surgery. Rushing upstairs to his bedside, he deduced straight away what had happened. Oh dear he said on examining him, Just what I thought. What is it? Bridget said her body numb with shock. Hes overdosed on the sleeping pills he said quietly as he filled a syringe from a plastic container and injected it into his arm. Thank God they were mild ones he said, Otherwise I could be wasting my time. Will he be all right? Bridget said, hoping for the right answer. I seem to have caught him in time he replied. Thank God she said. What he needs now along with what Ive given him, is plenty of stimulus? he said. Ill stay with him for a little while, until I see that the injection is working, he said. After that its important to keep him awake, with lots of coffee and someone to try and exercise him, like walking as best he can, even a few steps to begin with for the next few hours and beyond. Most importantly, do not let him go back to sleep today and keep him moving for the next few days until I examine him again Any problems and Im just a phone call away, he concluded. Before he left Matthew had come round and was breathing better, although he was in a haze and not very aware of what was happening around him. Bridget could not thank the doctor enough, but being quick thinking, had to ask him a favour. She told him if this incident was put down on his medical records, that it could affect his future life, particularly in regard to future employment. I did give that some thought, he said to her, But dont worry, its only a doctors visit and wont be documented. Ill have a chat with him soon and I have a feeling that, given a second chance, hell learn from this. Bridget and Margaret tried to lift him up out of the bed but were struggling, when Bridget had an idea.

167

This is mans work she said to Margaret and phoned her good friend Aidan Joyce who lived two streets away. She explained the situation to him and the fact that Joe was at work.. He despite getting ready for work himself told her he would be straight round. Aidan managed to lift him and supported him upright to get him walking while between them they managed slowly but surely to get him to drink cups of strong coffee. Even though he was groggy and non-coherent, Bridget thought he was going to be all right and decided not to ring Joe at work. She did however, ring Matthews place of work and reported him sick, not of course giving the true reason. She was eternally grateful for Aidans assistance that day, which he as a true friend discounted. The next couple of days and nights for Matthew had an air of unreality about them. One day he remembered walking around a recreational area near them known as Salt Hill Park accompanied by his sister Bernadette and brother Patrick. Bernadette commented on how nice the flowers were, while Patrick said little, but seemed to be supporting his left arm, much to his annoyance. He later learned that Bridget had asked them to do so in order for him to get some fresh air and exercise. It took weeks for him to piece together those few days. Joe had asked him several times if he was all right, as if he had an illness as did all of them including Sarah. Afterwards he condemned himself for doing such a stupid and dangerous thing. He found it hard to apologise for something he felt he was momentarily driven to. Thankfully, no one had asked him to. His shame for doing so quickly turned to hate, knowing that she would hear of it, but it was hate and not remorse he adapted in order to survive. The contempt he felt for her would be continually brought to the fore, because of her linkage to Sarah through her boyfriend Martin. After returning to work, he still felt a great need to confide in somebody and the only person he knew he could trust to talk to on a level playing field was his old school friend Ivan. He hadnt seen him for a good while and looked forward to meeting him again. He was somewhat shocked but very understanding and sympathetic. I suppose Im saying the wrong thing, when I say, youre better off without her he said to him. He wanted to know at one stage if he had any near death experiences, a subject they had discussed while at college. No I bloody didnt Matthew retorted, when your that near you just go to bloody sleep and thats it he concluded. Matthew never mentioned his demise to any of his Irish friends in Slough, hoping that they knew little about it. He felt it would be looked down upon by his own community and would show a sign of weakness. He was in dread of going to his local pub again for fear someone might say some thing, having become very self-conscious about it. Even though his pride was in tatters, he thought that it was wise to make the move sooner rather than later.

168

He was pleasantly surprised to find that even if they did know something, they said nothing, being too busy enjoying themselves. God he thought, its good to be back among your own. In September of that year Bridget received news from Joes sister Betty in Dublin telling her that Baby Luke was very ill and was too weak to eat, he having suffered from acute stomach problems for some time. But before she and Joe could make arrangements to visit him she received a dreaded phone call. Margaret was at the kitchen table and overheard her through the open doorway in the hall. Oh no! Dear God! Oh God Almighty! She exclaimed in a sobbing voice. Margarets worst fears were confirmed on reaching her and embracing her. My babys dead Bridget said, God rest his little soul, poor Baby Luke has passed away she said crying uncontrollably. We never even got a chance to hold him, to say goodbye she said, her eyes red with tears. They said he was sedated and died peacefully, Oh God! I hope that was true. You poor Lamb Margaret said trying to console her. That little boys suffering is over Bridget, may he rest in peace the poor little angel, she said blessing herself, using the sign of the cross. Why is Joe always on shift, when anything happens? she said. Hes no choice the poor man, Margaret answered. Bridget phoned the airport as soon as she had composed herself. She got through to the office and told them to tell him of the situation straight away, with a tone of anger in her voice. He was visited by shock and grief simultaneously and also the regret that Bridget had felt. He entered the house with head bowed and eyes still watery. He and Bridget were united in grief and sorrow and memories. Their next job as parents was to relay the bad news to the rest of the family as they came home from school and work. They had told them, as they knew themselves, that he had not been well for some time, but his sudden deterioration and death had happened quickly. Were so damn busy with our lives here, we havent time to think she said to Joe, with great bitterness in her voice. Dont blame yourself, he said to her. Hes in a better place now he added, trying to placate her, and trying to make sense of their trials and tribulations. Bridget tried to tell the younger ones, on their arrival home as best she could what had happened. She was helped by Margaret and Joe to explain that a handicapped brother they had little or no memories of, through cruel circumstances, had passed away and gone to Heaven as she put it. He had died in the month of June that year of 1969. It would be a few years before little Declan only three would know of him. As she looked at him she said, the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Meaning that she had been given one son and lost another. Sarah was home before Matthew that evening and was very upset, she remembering him as a child at home in Dublin and visiting him in the home for the handicapped there.

169

Matthew was shocked at the unexpected news and his grief like always manifested itself as anger, almost rage. He screamed with anguish, hitting the bed in his room with his fists before crying his heart out. Baby Luke was Seventeen when he died, only two years younger than Matthew now was. He was born in Roscrea, Bridgets hometown in 1952 when she and Joe lived there, as were Matthew, Sarah and the twins that died at birth. He was born, severely mentally and physically handicapped and had lived most of his life in the in the home for the handicapped in Palmerston, Dublin. His experience of life, whatever it was, apart from early childhood, was lived within the confines of that institution, oblivious to their lives and experiences and where they took them. He was affectionately known as Baby Luke, because he never developed from being a baby, either mentally or physically. He was never able to walk, develop speech and was child-like in size despite his age. He was able to see and to discern sound, but it had to be loud as his hearing was impaired but he had very limited awareness of his surroundings. It was a life unlived as Bridget put it. But his death had brought him to life again in the OConnor family, in the sense that those too young to have memories of him wanted to know everything about him. None of them had too much time to ponder the situation as arrangements had to be made to attend the funeral? The staff at the institution where he lived and died were very sympathetic and helpful in organizing most of it, knowing the bereaved family were in England. Joe and Bridget decided to bring Matthew and Sarah with them. They would have remembered him, but the others would have little or no knowledge of him. They also had to take into consideration, the limited room available at Joes sister Bettys, who had kindly offered to accommodate them and the limitation of their funds. They were met at Dublin airport and driven by Mick who commiserated with them and said, It would nice if we were meeting under better circumstances. They all gazed out the car window looking at the city, each locked in their own memories of their time there. Nothing much had changed visually save for the building of the tall modern glass and concrete structure called Liberty Hall. Nelsons Pillar, the main structure in OConnell Street, the main thoroughfare of the capital was gone, blown up by a group of IRA men, who had long campaigned for its removal and eventually took on the job themselves. Its a case of out with the old and in with the new Mick said, drawing a laugh from them all and trying to lighten the mood. Betty greeted them with outstretched arms. Oh God love ye she said, sharing a tear with them. She told them that on their recent visit to the hospital that Baby Luke was sleeping due to sedation and even if they had made it sooner that is what they would have observed. They all felt that she was in some way trying to sooth their pain a little. Betty and Micks children, their cousins and nieces and nephew respectively extended their sympathies.

170

They had a new extension to their family, another little girl called Jacqueline, who was of pre-school age, she being born years apart from the others. It was similar to Declan been born so many years after the others in their own family. That evening Mick and Betty took the four of them to the Chapel Of Rest in Palmerston. Joe, Bridget, Matthew and Sarah, stood over the small white coffin and looked down on the porcelain smooth, childlike face of Baby Luke. He should have been a teenager by now, Bridget said sobbing, breaking the stunned silence of the others. He should be enjoying his life, notshe stopped. His poor little hands she said feeling the cold in them before kissing his face. They were all crying while taking her lead in kissing him for the last time. The next morning after the service in which the priest used the words from the Gospel Suffer little children, come unto me so appropriately, the cortge set off for Mount Jerome Cemetery in Harolds Cross. It was a large cemetery situated in the South city area. Some nurses and able-bodied children from Lukes ward at the home for the handicapped followed behind the mourners as the coffin was carried to the grave. Bridget and her family thought it was one of the nicest gestures they had ever seen. He was buried in a narrow plot amongst strangers and far away from his family as he had lived his unlived life. They thanked the kindness and thoughtfulness of the nurses and the handicapped children who just smiled innocently. That day touched all their hearts. Matthew felt saddened that the others in family were not there and that it was an experience that would be missing from their lives. Ironically they stopped at the Half Way House pub for a drink on the way back to Betty and Micks. It was across the road from Sleive Bloom Park; where they had all lived practically side-by-side, before dispersing ten years before. They all noticed the comfortable middle class life that Mick and Betty and their family were leading. The nice home, in a good area and the good education and jobs their children had. As struggling emigrants, they each viewed it with hurtful envy. Coming back to ones homeland always seemed to have that effect on exiles, no matter what the reason for their brief return. They marvelled at the Round Tower in the village of Clondalkin. It was a visible symbol of ancient Gaelic Ireland. Matthew and Sarahs cousins asked them how they were settling in. Sarah said fine, looking as though she meant it, much to Matthews consternation. I hate the bloody place Matthew replied, drawing a look of sympathy from them. It might not be forever their cousin Kathleen, who had started school the same day as him, said. It was the first time that such a positive thought was put to him, although he observed that nearly all who went there never made it back. Matthew recalled that of all the Irish people he knew including his own family, that none of them had ever mentioned such an aspiration. Maybe in the psychology of the emigrant it was better to grasp what they had, than to aspire to something they could probably never achieve.

171

They thanked them all dearly on their departure from a sad and all too frequent visit and felt numbed and bereft of conversation on the flight back. They relayed their experiences to Margaret and the others on their return and their relatives, friends and neighbours were honest in their condolences. The few months of busy everyday life soon reached Christmas once more. Matthew in particular could not enter into the spirit of it at all that year. He looked back on 1969 as one of the worst years he had known since coming to Slough. He was emotionally drained from a combination of heartbreak and grief. His self- esteem and confidence and purpose of life, were at the lowest ebb he had ever known. One Saturday afternoon, the week before Christmas, he went shopping for clothes in Slough High Street. Out of the crowd walking towards him he suddenly saw Susan. His instinct was to cross the road to avoid her but it was too late. She was linking arms with another lad. To his astonishment it wasnt Trevor her former boyfriend, whom he had confronted. That he would have expected. It was someone he had never seen before. She looked straight at him, her eyes squinting, with a piercing look of contempt in them and passed him by without saying a word. It wasnt often that Matthew was stuck for words but at that moment he couldnt utter anything. The funny thing was the chap she was with, seemed oblivious to it all, just as he had once been. Bitterness filled his heart knowing that it had come to this. He did however; have to laugh at the irony of it all. He concluded that they would probably spend the rest of their lives hating each other. Early the following year Bridget had surprise visitors in the form of her first cousin Josephine Halley and her husband Alex Harvey. She was her aunt Mollys daughter and she had moved to England some years before. It had been a little time since they had met and they had a lot to catch up on. She told Bridget that she was now working as a secretary for her husband Alex, who had his own fund raising company. From the smile on her face, Bridget deduced that she seemed deliriously happy when introducing him to her. He was a tall thin man, with a distinct Northern English accent, who was originally from Blackpool. He had a deep voice, was well spoken and of university educated background. His father was a Church of England minister and in his earlier years he was involved in the church himself. Bridget learned that he was a divorcee and had two children by his previous marriage. There was nothing in life by now that could shock Bridget, least of all someones marital status. She had known Josephine since she was a girl and was very pleased to see her again. They had a lot in common; being born in the same town in Ireland and Bridget held her family in great esteem. They discussed the passing of her father Sean and in more recent times the death of her mother Molly.

172

She told Bridget how the family had now dispersed and the home in Dublin was now gone. All of the family met them that Sunday and in some strange way it was like another addition to the fold. This was the kind of company that Bridget revelled in. She had great admiration for successful, intellectual people, which they both were. She learned that they were living in a large country mansion in Wiltshire in the West of England. It was called Cadley Hall and was situated around two miles from the town of Marlborough. Josephine described how the large country mansion backed onto the large Savernake forest and was set in large grounds. How on earth do you keep all that? Bridget asked naively. We dont Josephine said laughing. The gardener and the housekeeper do she explained. Bridget sat there aghast and envious of their position and lifestyle. Alex explained that he worked long hours, sometimes at his office and often travelling to meet clients. You dont get anything in this life for nothing he added. When they were leaving they gave an open invitation to anyone who wanted to visit them there. They left in a large luxurious car that seemed out of place in the back street lanes of Slough. Matthew had changed jobs again that year. He had taken up a position known as a cost clerk in another company situated near the railway station close to the town centre. It was away from the trading estate where he and Susan had worked for different companies. It was an interesting line of work that involved liaison with the factory floor and evolved around compiling information that informed the company about its various costs of production. It wasnt just about the fact that he was restless and wanted change. It paid better and the offices including his own were luxurious. The change to new surroundings, he felt would also benefit him, considering the year of hell he had undergone. There were times still when he would be depressed and heartbroken about it. He felt it was a time that seemed to offer so much hope and happiness, only to be suddenly dashed. Bridget knowing his mood knew that he had some holidays due and suggested tentatively that he should take up the offer of a visit to her cousin Josephines in the West Country. After all, she and Alex extended an invitation to us all she reminded him. He seemed hesitant about it at first, but after Bridget rang them and told him they would like to see him, he consented. He bought some new clothes for the trip, which made him feel better in himself and armed with a small backpack set off enthusiastically for Wiltshire. It was something he needed, to get away, to stay with people that were neutral from his experiences at that time. The train stopped at a country station that was the last available stop before it headed in the direction of Wales.

173

It seemed like the middle of nowhere and Matthew didnt know where he was. A strange calm instead of panic came over him and he relished the fact. The word freedom entered his veins coupled with adventure. He hadnt felt like this since he was an adventurous child. In this one place of calmness and serenity he felt whole again. It was in the heart of the countryside, the place where his soul belonged. He told the man at the station where he was headed and asked for some directions. Cadley Hall he exclaimed, Youre a good few miles from there he added in a West Country accent that Matthew found endearing. It was a journey of seven miles or more he discerned through narrow country roads. It was a hot summers day and he set off through the beautiful Wiltshire countryside and he hiked at leisure with his backpack on his back without a care in the world. It reminded him of happy days in Ireland, seeing cattle and wheat and barley growing in the fields. The friendliness of people who he met along the way and seemed to have time to direct him reminded him of other times. When he arrived at his destination his mouth opened at his first glance of Cadley Hall. It was the most imposing building, a huge Georgian mansion, set on acres of ground and surrounded by the vast Savernake Forest. Bloody hell was the only words he could utter. The front of the building was approached by a circular drive around flowerbeds. This led to the main entrance where steps led to the largest house door he had ever seen. There was an ornate lever that when pulled down rang a bell loudly inside. A portly middle-aged woman answered the door. Master OConnor I presume? Eh, yes he said, his face having broken into a smile at the unreality of it all. Mistress Josephine is expecting you, she said. He was trying to prevent himself from laughing and thinking this was like something out of a period film. This way she said leading him into one of which could only be called stately rooms. He was struck with awe at the sheer luxury and opulence of the surroundings. As he gazed at the huge sculptured marble fireplace, he heard Josephines voice. Ah there you are, we thought you had got lost. Welcome to Cadley Matthew she said shaking his hand. Wow this is some pad youve got here he remarked. Well it will do for now she said laughing. Matthew noticed the side-glance the housekeeper gave her on hearing that remark. This is Glenda our housekeeper, whom you met, she said. If you require anything in the house, shes the person to see she explained. Matthew was allocated a bedroom on the first floor. He had never seen a bedroom as big and it had a large double bed. He could see what he took to be the gardener working on the lawns through what was a rear window. He didnt need the large wardrobes for the few clothes he had brought with him. Josephine asked him if he would like something to eat. Dont go to any trouble, he said. Its no trouble believe me, she said laughing again. Glenda will make you up something in the kitchen. A sandwich would be fine Matthew said gratefully.

174

The kitchen like all the rooms was gigantic. It even had tables and chairs at one end. Glenda persuaded him to have a ploughmans lunch. Id say its a long time since youve eaten? she said to him. And then there was that long walk you were telling me about she added. Dinner wont be until later she explained. Matthew found her a down to earth warm-hearted woman and learned that the gardener whos name was Albert was in fact her husband. They had been in service at Cadley for many years and had worked for several owners. Matthew asked her where the nearest pub was and learned to his delight it was situated down a lane within walking distance of the house. He went for a walk into the forest in the afternoon. Albert had warned him about the snakes, adders in particular, that sometimes even roamed into the gardens. He also told him to keep a straight route, so that he would make his way back without getting lost. I hope Im not going to get lost twice in one day, Matthew said to him. Within half a mile of entering the woodlands it was almost dark with trees. Talk about getting away from it all, Matthew said to himself, enjoying the seclusion. The sun was turning to that deep shade of orange when he emerged from it and Glenda told him the time that dinner would be served. Alex on arrival asked him how he was getting on. Ive just got a little something to do in the office before dinner he said. Matthew could see that he was a busy self-motivated man. The evening meal was fantastic and Matthew complimented Glenda on it. A lot of the talk between Alex and Josephine at dinner concerned business, though they did find time in the lounge over a few glasses of wine with Matthew to talk about him and the family. During his stay, he visited the delightful village of Marlborough built on the banks of the River Kennet. It was only two miles from Cadley Hall and was a pleasant walk on a summers day. It had one of the widest streets he had ever seen, as its main thoroughfare. Each side of it was full of the quaintest shops, pubs and restaurants painted in the brightest colours. He bought an ornamental souvenir to bring home as a memento of his visit. It was an area he learned, not surprisingly, that tourists visited. One night he visited the local pub near Cadley Hall that Glenda had told him about. It was called The Grasshopper and was situated down a country lane nearby. They served ale called Three Eggs that was the strongest Matthew had ever drank. He was captivated by the rich West Country accents, the colloquial conversations and the general banter of the locals and enjoyed it immensely. The pretty fresh faced country girls, didnt escape his notice either. But at this juncture of his life, he being still raw with hurt, they were his last consideration. Also his time there was limited and he did not want to complicate the serenity he had briefly found. It was a time of healing and reflection and a wonderful distraction from the previous year. But like all holidays it had to come to an end.

175

It left him with nice memories of the place and the people and of the kindness of Josephine and Alex for their hospitality. Bridget noticed that he returned, refreshed and energetic and more importantly, more positive. That summer saw an important development in the Irish community in Britain. It was that year that someone with foresight and capability saw and fostered the need for an Irish publication for the exiled population there. His name was Brian McClune and he had previously been involved in an editorial position in a local newspaper in his native County Clare in Ireland. He was now living in Windsor and Bridget and Joe knew him through their connections in the Slough Irish Society. What a marvellous idea Bridget said to Joe. Its what the community here must be crying out for, she added. In no time she and Joe were invited to the launch of a weekly newspaper that was to be called The Irish Post. They dressed up in their finest clothes one Saturday evening to attend the function at an upmarket Italian restaurant in Windsor called The Don Pepino. The irony of the venue had not escaped either of them, but there were no such Irish venues in the immediate vicinity as they were aware. But as Brian McClune pointed out in his after dinner speech, that it was not the venue that was important, but for the exiled community to have a voice. It was to become an unprecedented success, with him as founder and editor. He was a university-educated man who had the greatest command of the English language and was a Gaelic scholar as well as a historian. Bridget and Joe were to become friends with Brian and his wife Moraid. It was to become a close, life long friendship. They were the type of company that Bridget loved mixing with. She was herself an intellectual and loved to be at the heart of things with such people. Margaret her sister was by now working for Social Services as a carer for elderly infirmed people that lived on their own. It was a job that necessitated travelling from one clients house to another on her rounds. She did this on a bicycle that she had bought for the purpose, she having never driven a car. She found the job very interesting and rewarding as she was good with people and a great communicator. She talked incessantly by nature and as Matthew once remarked, she could talk for Ireland, adding that would be between cigarettes, she being practically a chain smoker. Bridget was very pleased for her and found it easier to say to people that her sister worked for Social Services, rather than in a factory canteen. Such was the nature of Slough, that if anybody wanted to change jobs, the vacancies were there. Something else happened in Margarets life that turned all their heads in the family, in that she met a male friend with whom she was to become very close. When each one them of heard of this, they reacted with surprise at the seemingly destined to be forever spinsters demise, with such expressions as, what Margaret, You are joking, at her age. But soon they were introduced to an Englishman called Sydney from Derbyshire in the East Midlands, with an accent to match, who was working in Security in Slough. He was a tall elegant man who dwarfed Margaret and was older than her in years.

176

But as they found out he was a true gentleman who treated her with the greatest respect. He became a regular visitor to the house and known to them all. He had been a prolific traveller in his time and had been around the world and would interest anyone who cared to listen about the places and people he had seen. Matthew called him the walking Geography Book. He had also journeyed around most of Ireland and held a great affinity with the country and its people that both Margaret and all of them found endearing. It was at an Irish function in the town that they met. Even Joe, of sometimes few words and ironically little or none to Margaret, would often engage in conversation with him. He was known as Syd for short and soon he would melt into the background, which was the only way to survive in the OConnor household. Matthew found them kissing in the kitchen one weekend at great embarrassment to both him and them. But after laughing about it and confiding in Sarah, they both concluded that everyone needs love. It was, they learned from Bridget, a purely platonic relationship. It was that same summer that a young female singer from Derry called Dana won the Eurovision Song Contest for Ireland It was the first time the country had won it. There was great jubilation among the Irish community and it featured strongly in their newly founded newspaper The Irish Post. It was good news and something to be proud of amidst the deteriorating political situation unfolding in Northern Ireland, where the singer herself came from. This was sadly for all, was also covered extensively by the same publication. It covered all aspects of Irish life on both sides of the Irish Sea for the exiled population in Britain. Items written in it would become a topic of conversation between families and friends and wherever Irish people would meet. It became widely distributed and was the must read weekly newspaper for the Irish people in Britain. Columnists and readers wrote articles about all things Irish from history, culture, politics, religion and life in both Britain and Ireland. It also covered sporting, cultural and social events taking place in the various towns and cities in Britain where many exiled Irish people lived. It became a lifeline for the Irish people there and in a strange way seemed to ease the isolation that many of them had felt since arriving there. Bridget being a friend of the editor Brian McClune, disclosed confidentially to Matthew that Brian, in fact wrote a prominent column in the newspaper under the pen name Frank Dolan. I always thought it was the deepest, most interesting piece, on any given week, written by someone with his finger on the Irish pulse he said to her. She asked all of them in family who knew, to keep it to themselves as a matter of discretion. She did love to be privy to such kinds of information and could be the soul of discretion herself. Matthew met up with his old friend Ivan again that summer. They both had a lot to talk about, Ivan having finished a relationship with a girl himself. They both concluded that they needed time out from female company, but were nevertheless feeling bored and hard done by. It was Ivans suggestion that they consider going abroad on a holiday to Paris.

177

After all they were earning money now and seemed to have nothing to spend it on. Soon they were applying for passports, an Irish one for Matthew and a British one for Ivan. Matthew was so proud of his green passport with the golden harp on the cover. It was like holding a little piece of Ireland in his hand, if only diplomatically. A new form of maritime transport called the Hovercraft had been invented and now travelled on the main crossing from Dover in the south of England to Calais in the north of France. Bridget thought it was wonderful that they decided on such an adventure, adding that they would find it both exciting and educational and wished as she put it, that she was going with them. They had bought a small fold up tent they could carry on their backpacks, as they had not booked accommodation there. Destination Paris Matthew said as he and Ivan waved goodbye to Bridget early one morning. I could swear I saw a tear in your mothers eye Ivan said to Matthew, teasingly as they headed towards Slough railway station, to connect with the coastal train in London. No way he said, shell be glad to get rid of one body from that house for a little while, especially me, he added. The journey to the port seemed to go very fast, as journeys do when the excitements of a holiday, an adventure, or both, in this case do. The experience of the Hovercraft for both of them was amazing, they never having been on such a craft. They were surprised at how quickly it reached its destination. After all people have swam this channel you know, Matthew reminded Ivan. The strangest thing of all however, was that in such a short distance, they were listening to people speaking another language. They had both bought English- French phrasebooks with them and along with the little French they had learned at school thought it would suffice. Before they knew it they were on the train heading south to Paris. Matthew looked out the window and observed the Northern French countryside, dotted with farms and small towns and villages with brightly painted houses. It had a distinct character of its own, that he found refreshing. Ivan seemed oblivious to this, with his head buried in his phrasebook. A slim blonde haired girl then joined them in their carriage and asked in English with a distinct French accent if she could share their seating space, the train becoming full. They both answered yes at the same time. Matthew told her they were heading for Paris and hoping to find a spot to camp. Camp in Paris she laughed and explained in her very good English that it would be difficult. As luck would have it, she told them that she taught English at a college south of the city and had been to England to improve her knowledge of the language. She introduced herself as Danielle and told them that there were large grounds and woodlands around the school that would be ideal for camping. She told them that they could reach the centre of Paris on the nearby Metro in twenty minutes. She also gave them vouchers that they could use to get a dinner each weekday for free at the school canteen. Not alone that, but she accompanied them there, saying that it was her destination anyway. They both thanked her immensely and could not believe their luck.

178

They were charmed by her and her kindness and thought it was a great introduction to France. Under her guidance and feeling like two accompanied schoolboys, they reached the college grounds in a suburb of Paris called Sainte Anthony, by means of the Paris underground known as the Metro. On the journey there, the little they saw of the city was a blur. She pointed out the woodlands in the distance where they could set up camp and in saying goodbye said she would see them in the canteen some time. Some bird eh! Ivan said as they made their way to what would become their sleeping quarters. I think you fancy her? Matthew joked. They eventually managed to erect the tent in the woodlands, after much cursing of the instructions. Sleeping outdoors was something they would both have to master. They bought a bottle of wine and some snacks from a local shop to aid sleep at Matthews suggestion. It worked because they were a little tired from the journey that evening and it was to become pattern of their stay. It did not however, repel the insect bites they suffered, but at least acted as a temporary anaesthetic. They had brought battery powered electric shavers, but very little else in connection with camping, knowing they were going to a city. It was only by sheer luck, as they knew, that they ended up camping at all. They had woken with the dawn chorus of the birds in the woods, surprised at how rural it sounded on the outskirts of a city. We better camouflage the tent, Matthew said before leaving. They did so with the abundant foliage surrounding it. Dont do it too well, or well never find it again Ivan joked. The rucksacks they brought with them. Im bloody starving, are you? Matthew said. They found a caf near the Metro station that was only a short walk from where they had camped, that opened early for commuters going to work each morning. Youd need two of those breakfasts to get you going Matthew remarked as they headed for the Metro station. They got a Metro map and studied it before buying tickets. They soon found a route that would lead them to the city centre. The trains were modern and comfortable, compared to the London Underground they observed. Wow Matthew said as he got his first sight of Paris. It sent a shiver down his spine. It was everything he had seen in films and photographs, but this time it was real. He took a deep breath as they emerged by the River Seine and his head turned around picking out the sights. It was though someone had designed this city like a metropolitan garden, with lines of symmetry and compactness, so that in every direction you looked, you could pick out one or other of the famous sights or monuments. Napoleon he thought, what a genius, or rather he and his architects. Amazing Ivan, said. They sat on a seat by the banks of the river looking at the map of the city and decided they would explore a different area of it each day.

179

The first place they were bursting to see was the world famous Eiffel Tower. They were impressed by its height and magnificent design and the breathtaking views over the city from the viewing area. One of the greatest pleasures in Paris they found was what the Parisians themselves did; sitting in a caf and watching the world go by. The centre of the city containing all the famous sights was compact enough to walk around. The weather was hot and sunny and they looked forward to each day with glee. They met Danielle when they used the meal vouchers in the student canteen. The food was of high quality and they both expressed their gratitude. She waved her hand in fun saying that there were shower and washing facilities at the gymnasium that they could use. They both duly did knowing that they both hummed at that point. A regular little home from home Matthew commented feeling refreshed and human one more. We must buy her a little something in thanks for this Ivan suggested. They both came up with different suggestions, such as perfume or chocolates. High on Matthews list of places to visit was the world-renowned Louvre Art Gallery. It exceeded all his expectations, in that it housed some of the greatest works of art of all time. Top of the list for the two of them, was Leonardo da Vincis Mona Lisa, the most famous and talked about painting in the world. It was smaller than they imagined, but Matthew pointed out that it was a portrait and they were generally smaller in size. A guard stood nearby and discreetly to one side and a rail allowed people to approach it from a few feet in distance. Oh my God Matthew exclaimed as he gazed upon the masterpiece, he had only seen in photograph. They both focused on it for some time bewildered by its beauty and perfection. Do you notice anything about her eyes Matthew said to Ivan, as they both viewed the painting from various angles. Theyre smiling, he answered. That too Matthew said. Do you see how they seem to move and follow you as you move around the room, he observed. Thats the genius of Da Vinci Matthew exclaimed. The experience fascinated him to such an extent, that almost to Ivans annoyance they spent two full days of their holiday in the Louvre. Both the classical art of the great masters such as Michael Angelos statue of David and the impressionists enthralled Matthew and invigorated his passion for art again. But it being Paris there were other things to do. They visited the Latin Quarter where lots of artists displayed their works and many other items for sale. The sheer size and majesty of the cathedral of Notre Dame was amazing to behold as was all the other sights. Shortly before the end of their trip, they decided to try the nightlife. The lights in the city looked inviting, as did the girls they illuminated. When in Paris Ivan said when entering the red light district with a mischievous smile on his face.

180

They ended up nervously entering a striptease club, each agreeing that you could not have visited the place as young men without experiencing the wilder side of it. It was expensive but surprisingly plush and the girls that performed were from all over the world. It was a revelation in the finer details of the female anatomy and they both concluded that it was as educational as it was erotic. They went halfs in buying Danielle a large box of chocolates and she kissed them both on each cheek as they said their goodbyes. Each of them had their own thoughts about Paris as the train sped towards the coast on the first part of the journey back to England. Matthew realized there was a whole world out there, with different places, cultures and experiences and that the one he lived in was smaller than he thought. Bridget noticed that he had brightened up a lot after his trip. Travel broadens the mind, she said to him. It certainly does that he replied. Have you heard the news about Father Carey our parish priest? she asked him. What news? he replied. Hes being promoted to Bishop, in Kerry of all places, she informed him. Oh dear, he will be a big loss to Slough Matthew commented. Lucky old him, moving back to Ireland and as Bishop at that he added. I thought we should give him a memento to remind him of his time here, for all the years of hard work he spent, in particular helping to house newly arrived families from Ireland like us she suggested. Maybe I could do a painting or something of the parish church, Matthew said. That would be a wonderful surprise she replied. Matthew thought about it for a little while and decided to do an etching from a photograph that Aidan Joyce their neighbour and family friend had taken and had enlarged at his request. Matthew had been inspired to do something artistic since seeing all that wonderful art in Paris. He worked on it and completed it to his satisfaction. They all commented on it and even Joe said it was very good. To get a very good from Joe was to say it was ingenious. Bridget had it framed and it was to be presented to Father Carey at his farewell party. This was organized by the Slough Irish Society and was attended by a large crowd including some dignitarys. Those of the OConnor family who were of an age to appreciate such a function attended. Matthew, spurred on by his closest friends became bored after some time and left to go dancing at the local ballroom that was the venue they looked forward on Saturday nights. He had entrusted the gift for the parish priest to Bridget earlier, knowing that she would present it to him. It was her generation that were on more speaking terms with him than his. Bridget told him the next day, that Father Carey loved the etching and had wanted to meet him to thank him personally for it. She was annoyed that he hadnt stayed for the evening, having slipped off into the night. That was nothing but speeches all night Matthew said. Hell have the rest of his life to look at the damn thing, he added sarcastically.

181

Do you know that will hang in the Bishops residence? she said with a tone of pride in her voice. Well I never Matthew replied. So I can assume there will be an element of redemption in that he added. Sometimes the banter between Bridget and Matthew bordered on sarcasm and she was more than able to give as good as she got. If they ever argued, he would try to end it as soon as possible, because as all the family knew, she would inevitably have the last word. Sometimes tensions in such a crowded household would spill over into arguments. Matthew and Sarah were now adults, Bernadette was now in her mid teens and Nancy would soon be a teenager herself. Privacy was the hardest thing to find, both in the boys room and the girls. One day and for reasons known only to themselves a huge argument broke out between Margaret and the girls that led to loud shouting in their room and on the landing that was heard throughout the house. When Joe got wind of it he said to Bridget right thats it, changes will have to be made. Bridget tried to calm the situation down and get to the bottom of it, but Joe had made his mind up that it was too congested in the girls room and that it would better if Margaret got a place of her own. He left the suggestion with Bridget as he and Margaret hardly ever spoke. Bridget herself knew that with the girls growing up so quickly that the situation was not sustainable. She had a quiet word with Margaret who was understandably hurt by the suggestion that it was perhaps time that she considered getting a place of her own. Spurned by what she knew was Joes decision, and being aware that he had never wanted her to be an integral part of what he considered to be his immediate family, Margaret duly rented a room on the same street that became available. It was a big change for both Bridget and the children who had become so used to her as part of the furniture. She was however, only doors away and would visit the house regularly. It was like she had never been away. The next big news that year was the announcement of Sarahs engagement to Martin. Although seemingly inevitable, Sarahs engagement to Martin McGinley upset Matthew greatly. He had nothing against him personally, finding him as genuine and as nice a chap as he could meet. It was the fact that he was Susans brother. Oh my God! He said on first hearing the news from a delighted Bridget and trying to hide his feelings when congratulating him and Sarah. It looked like she he thought to himself was going to be part of the scene for the rest of his life. He loathed the fact, amongst the almost universal joy and excitement that surrounded it. Why the hell couldnt it have been Pat Kenny a former boyfriend of hers and friend of his, he sighed to himself. To add to his annoyance, Sarah announced that they were to celebrate the occasion with a party at the Red Lion pub, a venue that Matthew had been to many times with Susan. When the time for the party came Matthew told Sarah he didnt want to attend.

182

She seemed hurt but also oblivious to his feelings being understandably caught up in her own. It took a lot of persuasion from both Sarah and Bridget who both suggested that he turn up for a little while at least. If you see me there on the night or not it will be my decision he said to them. He became more and more curious as the Saturday night drew closer and concluded that he owed nothing to Susan and decided to turn up for Sarahs sake, whether it was wise or not. On the night he was filled with apprehension but nobody else noticed, they being filled with their own thoughts. He felt his heart thumping as he opened the door to the pub, hearing the conversation and laughter coming from within. A large crowd was present including aunts, uncles, cousins, and of course all those from the McGinley side, whom understandably he had not met up with for some time. People began to say hello to him but there voices were like echoes, such was the state of his nerves. Then he spotted her out of the corner of his eye, not daring to look at her out of sheer embarrassment and feeling that everyone was watching his reaction to a new situation. Hello Matthew, what are you having to drink? his uncle Owen said breaking the ice. He had a pint, quickly followed by another one and another after that. By Christ you can knock them back Owen said to him, being oblivious to his situation. From what Matthew could gauge looking around so were most people there. At one point he could see Susan looking at him from the other side of the large bar and when he looked back, she looked quickly away. Throughout the evening as everyone else was enjoying the event, this was the pattern that emerged and they both kept their distance from each other. Matthew felt angered and humiliated by it and was sorry he turned up at all. All the McGinley family said hello to him at some point in the night, all except her. Everything was strange and false he thought and he hated every minute of it. When the function was ending and people were leaving and he saw Susan walking out the door, glancing at him briefly but scornfully, something inside of him began to snap. He followed her for reasons unknown to himself. He knew the direction she would take as he had walked her there from that place on many occasions. He was consumed with pain, anger, hurt, regret and any other emotion that he had ever felt. It was as though everything had been left up in the air after that eventful night that ended their relationship and felt that he had been left carrying most of the pain. He wanted to know how she felt now about anything or anybody and to try to bring it all to some sort of conclusion. He called her name and she began to walk faster and faster until she started to run and kept on running until she reached her front door. As he watched her hurriedly, insert the key in the lock, he screamed with all his might I hate you that echoed around the street where she lived. He got all the answers he wanted there and then, without either of them discussing anything.

183

Sarahs engagement party would stick in his mind more vividly than it would in most of the other people that attended that night. He could not believe that he had humiliated himself once more over her but knew it would never happen again. He also knew he would not go under like he had done before, because he was wiser now. He learned from Sarah, that the wedding was to be planned for the autumn of the following year. She told him that Bernadette and Nancy were to be bridesmaids and also Susan and Monica her youngest sister from Martins side. How wonderful he said, I cant wait, in the most sarcastic tone he could muster. This is never going to bloody well end he thought to himself, thinking of this unfortunate and seemingly permanent connection to Sarah. Fed up of it all, Matthew threw himself once more into the social life in Slough realizing that he was young, free and there was all those other fish in the sea just waiting for him. Within no time he was dating an English girl called Sally, whom he had met at the Carlton Ballroom. Her family were Cockneys, originally from East London and had come to Slough like many others from the same area to escape the cramped living conditions that existed in the high-rise flats they occupied. They also availed of the many new jobs and council houses that were built from the 1950s in a large estate in the town known as Britwell. She was a very pleasant girl with an uncomplicated personality, unlike Matthews. She was mad about him from the start and she offered herself to him on a plate, a dish he duly consumed. She was a natural blonde, slim with shoulder length hair. Her family were also very nice and made a point out of telling him that her mothers mother was from Ireland. They went bowling, to the cinema and visited each others houses. Bridget and all the family thought she was nice. They even ended up in the Red Lion pub one Saturday night where Sally was meeting up with some work mates from the office where she worked, enthusiastically introducing him to them. He found it all a little embarrassing. It was there that Matthew saw Susans younger sister Monica drinking with some friends. She broke the ice by saying hello to them and although Matthew was relieved, he knew he no longer gave a damn about Susan or anybody connected to her. The only problem was that he didnt feel about Sally the way she felt about him. The next big problem was how to go about telling her. It was soon her birthday and he was attending her party with present and large soppy card in hand. He didnt have the heart to tell her then and every time he tried, something else would come up. He made an excuse one weekend that he was meeting up with his old friends, which he was, but it was just a means of getting a respite from a relationship he knew was not going anywhere for him. He and his friends ended up at the Carlton Ballroom and Matthew dancing with another English blonde and kissing her intensely in the middle of the floor.

184

Then out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sally standing with a friend, staring at him with a look of horror in her eyes. Oh my God he said to himself expecting a scene and feeling a complete cad. She never came near him until the dance finished, which now seemed an eternity. When she did, she said nothing about the other girl, only how she felt about him. He was truly amazed at her and even more so when she told him that she didnt mind if he spent some time with his friends or danced with someone. He thought her attitude was incredibly liberal, bordering on Hippy. Their relationship lasted for a short time after that until Matthew told her with honesty, that he did not want to waste any more of her time. She was crying when they said goodbye, he felt awful and wondered what was wrong with him for letting such a nice girl go and hoping that he would not live to regret it. He had found that he was getting too involved with girls he was meeting and hadnt met someone yet that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He was very unsettled emotionally, after all that had gone on recently and felt there was a lot more living to do. If only he had met her before, who knows, he thought, what might have been. He went on what could be called a dating spree for the best part of a year. He met girls at parties, dances and pubs and never got too involved with them. They were like a large jar of sweets to him, not knowing which one to choose. It was like a pick and mix period to him and he was revelling in it. He had turned into a complete flirt. As Nancy his youngest sister said to him Every time I see you walking down the street its with a different girl. I just havent found the right one yet, he answered. But its fun trying he added. Nancy was a pretty young girl with dark eyes and mid brown hair and although she could be one of the quieter ones, when she spoke about something it was significant. Bernadette his middle sister was now attracting male attention herself, although still at school. She was a beautiful, sophisisticated, intellectual brunette with the most caring personality. She had dark brown hair, almost black like Matthews and hazel eyes. She was deep and had an incredible understanding of life and people for one so young. It was something that was recognized by the rest of the family during the many debates that would take place in the household. Declan the youngest was preparing to start school. He was a jolly little soul and lively as a puppy, who in what was the only environment he had known, adapted well to everything. Matthew sometimes envied his less painful, less complicated upbringing. Recently, pubescent Patrick on the other hand in all his varying moods, Matthew could identify with but was of little or no help. The only thing he did discover about him was that he had an absolute preference for brunettes. He had mid-brown hair and very dark brown eyes and was said to resemble Bridgets father. That December Matthew was to turn Twenty One. Bridget and Sarah had asked him what he wanted to do for the occasion. He told them he had no interest in celebrating it and he meant it they learned.

185

Bridget would not let it pass and she and others conspired to have a party in the house. It was arranged unknown to Matthew. He got the surprise of his life when he saw his friends assembled in the garage out of sight shouting Happy Twenty First. He was very surprised and emotional to see all his Irish friends and even Ivan present. He had a great evening and thanked all his friends and particularly Bridget and all the family for the effort they made. You cant keep anything a secret in this bloody town he joked. Ivan informed him at the party that he was going to get engaged to a girl called Sharon whom he was madly in love with. It was about this time that Bernadette started dating a boy herself much to Bridgets concern. His name was Andrew and he was born in England of Irish parents as many were in Slough. He was a handsome fair-haired lad of athletic build and had a good presence and sense of humour. She would be full of excitement when he would arrive to pick her up in his car. They seemed to be serious about each other. The first three in age, Matthew, Sarah and Bernadette were all now maturing in their formative years, a fact not lost on Bridget and Joe. Matthew at this stage was finding Slough a bit limited at times socially. He was constantly bumping into the same faces, particularly female ones that he had either danced with before or dated. This town is getting too small for me he said to a friend in the pub, who had no idea what he meant as Slough was a large town. Then one Saturday evening he was drinking in his local and was talking to another lad called Sean whom he would drink with regularly, when he suggested that they go to a dance in London. He told him about a huge dance hall called the Galtymore that was a fantastic venue. Youve never seen so much talent in all your life he told him. Sounds great Matthew said. But how do we get there? he enquired. Ive got a car, he said. Come on lets go, he beckoned. Matthew thought to hell with it, a change is as good as a rest. Before long they were speeding up the motorway towards London. Sean was a bit of a wild card as Matthew knew, but there was something likeable about him. I never knew you had a car, Matthew said to him. I dont, he said with a smile. Ive been known to borrow one though, he said laughing Oh! Your not serious Matthew said realizing he was travelling in a stolen car. The rest of the journey, he spent looking out for any sign of a police car. Dont you ever do that to me again Matthew said to him as they parked up on a side street off a thoroughfare that was known as Cricklewood Broadway. The Galtymore that Matthew had heard of stood majestically in the middle of the busy street. There was a queue at the entrance being directed in by security men, known as bouncers. Matthew was amazed at the size of the venue and the crowd that attended.

186

He had never been in such large crowd of Irish people, since he last visited home. There were two dances taking place in the one complex. One was to traditional Irish music, played by one band in a separate area at the other side of the large building. While in the main ballroom, the best-known showbands from Ireland performed both Modern and Country and Western music. It was there that that Matthew and Sean ventured to. Matthew felt a little out of place for once, not knowing anyone there. He was standing there like Sean taking the whole thing in and listening to great music. Sean had spotted two girls standing side by side after one dance had finished. Come on, lets ask these two for the next dance, he said to Matthew. Matthew, to his annoyance was oblivious to his request, he having been transfixed and staring at the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. She was talking and smiling with another girl and his feet were bringing him closer and closer to her across a densely crowded ballroom. The girl she was talking to moved away to greet someone else and Matthew was suddenly three feet away from her. He was almost in a state of panic as he approached her, in case she was a figment of his imagination or a vision that might disappear. He managed to somehow utter the words he had so often used before, but this time, with his throat dry and his heart pounding. Would you like this dance? He was in terror, in case she might decline. She looked at him, with the deepest blue eyes that shone from beneath a fringe of shoulder length fair hair. Without saying anything, she smiled with her large sensuous lips and nodded with a yes. The next dance was a waltz and they ended up both dancing cheek to cheek and talking incessantly. Matthew felt an air of electricity passing through his body as though she was transferring it. She was slim, petite and perfectly formed and seemed to float in perfect step across the floor. Michelangelo could not have sculptured such beauty he discerned. The conversation was to stun him equally. What part are you from he had asked, curious to know what part of Ireland she was from. Tipperary she had answered in a soft-spoken country accent. She told him her name was Ellen Fitzpatrick. What a beautiful name for a beautiful girl he said. Ill bet you say that to all the girls she replied. All what girls he said, meaning it more than he had ever done in his life. He told her he was born in the same county and it seemed to begin to create a common bond between them. He learned that she lived nearby in Cricklewood and she told him she had heard of Slough but had never been there. Its practically in the sticks, he told her, joking that it was rural compared to London.

187

He asked her for another dance, not wanting to let her out of his sight and they ended up spending the rest of the evening together and slowly began to learn a little more about each other. Would you like a drink? He asked her. I think the bar is closed now, Ellen said. My God, is it that time already Matthew observed. They ended up having soft drinks at the coffee bar and talking and sitting close to each other. A photographer, who took pictures at dances with an instamatic camera and sold them, took a picture of them both. Matthew bought the photograph and handed it to Ellen saying, in case you forget me. She smiled and put it in her bag. Soon, all too soon, for Matthew the night came to an end and they walked along the Broadway hand in hand. Matthew did not want the night to end. It was on the corner of Cricklewood Lane slightly out of view of the exiting crowd from the dance hall that they first kissed. Matthew held her pretty head in his arms and they kissed passionately. God, could she kiss. Her tender, voluptuous lips drew him into a place he had never been before, Heaven. At that moment Matthew knew he would die if he didnt see her again. He asked her if he could meet her the following weekend and to his relief, she said yes. She arranged to meet him the following Saturday afternoon at Kilburn Park Station. She told him that he could get a bus there from Paddington station, which Matthew knew was where he could get a train from Slough. Dont worry Ill find it he said. She wrote her phone number down on a piece of paper and said, If you get lost, give me a ring. He asked if he could walk her home, feeling a little presumptuous. Ill see you next Saturday, she said as she met up with a female friend who lived near her. He waved constantly, like a child, as they walked eventually out of sight. He walked to where Sean had parked the car, thinking of nothing but her. The car was gone and he was left alone in the drifting crowd. It was late, but he didnt care. He felt a strange energy and amazing sense of purpose. He was so elated he felt he was walking on air. Then it hit him, like an express train, he was in love. To top it all, it was love at first sight. He had heard of and even read about such a thing, but never thought that it would happen to him. He was going around in a trance and could not think of anything but her. Why do I live miles away? he said to himself as he walked in a westerly direction, not sure exactly where he was going and not caring. A whole week he said, a whole week, before I see her again. It was a clear August night, with hardly a cloud in the sky and he had a surge of energy in him that he felt he had to walk off. He walked through the night, it already being the early hours of the morning.

188

He found himself laughing at nothing; it was a feeling of happiness that surpassed anything he had ever known. He eventually picked up a taxi at a train station and arrived home in the early morning. He slept in that Sunday, with a smile on his face. Where were you last night? Bridget asked him. In Heaven he answered with a stupid grin on his face. The week that followed seemed like the longest week of his life. He could be very grumpy first thing in the morning and Declan the youngest, being innocent, was often volunteered to call him. Mum says its time to get up, he would say, peeping his head around the bedroom door. This would often be greeted by a grunt or a moan or simply a go away or worse. That week even Declan noticed a more pleasant demeanour surrounding Matthew. He didnt go to the pub that Friday night, instead, waiting and saving his money and counting the hours until he was on that train from Slough to Paddington Station in London. He got off the bus on Kilburn High Road after asking directions from the bus conductor and made his way to the rendezvous. He was a little early, not daring to be late. He smoked some cigarettes to quell his nerves as he observed the surroundings. Before he knew it, the best part of an hour had passed and an air of panic began to build up inside him. He found himself ringing home and talking to Sarah, whom he had confided in about having the date. He told her she was late and that he was panicking about what to do. He didnt want to ring her in case she would think he sounded desperate. Im sure she will be along in a minute, Sarah said. After all it is a womans prerogative to be late, she added. As he was talking to Sarah, he saw Ellen walking down the road in the distance. Shes here, he exalted. Oh good Sarah said, adding You havent lost your touch, then. He heard her telling him to have a nice time as he put the phone down. He emerged from the phone box as quickly as he could and stood waiting for her pretending to be the epitome of calmness. He took a deep breath as she approached him with a smile that made his legs turn to jelly. Hello, he said, bewitched by her once more. Sorry Im a bit late she said, in the most serene and soft tone of voice. Have you been waiting long? She asked. No, not at all he said. They held hands and began to walk down the busy thoroughfare called Kilburn High Road. I believe this is a very Irish area of London Matthew said. Thats putting it mildly, Ellen said. They call it the thirty third county of Ireland, she added. All the Irish faces and accents along the street intrigued Matthew. I think I could get to like this place, he said to her. He could not stop looking at her as they walked along. She had the profile of a film star and was immaculately dressed from head to toe.

189

He was making a conscious effort to stop his heart from pounding, feeling humbled in her presence. He wanted to know everything about her. There was so much he wanted to tell her also and patience wasnt one of his virtues. He could only hope that she felt a semblance of what he did. The time flew by as they walked and talked along the promenade. What would you like to do? Matthew asked her. I dont really mind, she said. Neither do I, he said laughing and putting his arm around her inviting waist. After some time, Ellen said, Maybe youd like to come back to our place. That would be nice, Matthew answered. Confused, he enquired, You said our place. Oh! I share a flat with my friend Pauline Ellen explained. Its a short bus ride from here, she informed him. I see, so you wanted to meet me on neutral ground first, to suss me out he said jokingly. She gave him a broad smile and a gentle kiss. There was something about Ellen that drove Matthew wild from the first moment he met her. She had an air of innocence about her, a child-like quality, and a trust in her eyes. But she was no child, she was a young woman, a beautiful warm young woman and he was besotted with her. Soon they arrived at Cricklewood, and to a large house in Fordwich Road. Ellen opened the front door with her key and likewise the door to the first floor flat with another. Dont open your eyes with the mess, she laughed as he entered after her. Mess he said, its immaculate. You can tell its girls that live here, he added. With that a slim blonde girl emerged from the kitchen saying hello in the most distinctive Dublin accent. This is Pauline Ellen said introducing him. You must be Matthew, she said. Someones been talking, he said, drawing a slight blush from Ellen. Pauline was fun and great company but Matthew naturally wanted to be alone with Ellen. That evening all three of them ended up going for a meal in an Italian restaurant and for a few drinks in a local pub. What would you like to drink? Matthew asked Ellen. Ill have a Babycham please, she requested. With a cherry she added. Oh God! He thought, trying not to giggle, she just knocks me out. If ever there was a drink to suit her character that was it. Pauline on the other hand was a Vodka and lemonade girl. The evening of that day turned to night too quickly for Matthew. He and Ellen kissed passionately on her doorstep and he asked if he could see her the next week. Id love to she said in a hushed voice, that seemed as sad as his was at departing from each other. He gave her his home phone number, he already having hers. Ill call you during the week he promised as he waved goodbye.

190

He went to his local pub in Slough that Sunday, just to pass the time. Even though the atmosphere was good, he asked himself, what he was doing there, when all he wanted to do was be with Ellen. The following weekend he packed some clothes and his shaver in the rucksack that he had used in Paris and planned to stay in a Bed and Breakfast. He told Bridget not to expect him back until Sunday night. My word, this one must be special, she said, noticing all the fuss he was making about his appearance and the way he was rushing around. My best shirt he panicked as he was selecting a tie. Its washed and ironed Bridget informed him. Oh thanks Mum, Matthew said relieved. It was Ellens flatmate Pauline who answered the front door, when Matthew rang the bell. Have you come to stay? she teased as she observed the rucksack he was carrying. She was witty and had that sharp Dublin sense of humour. You look amazing Matthew said to Ellen. Shes been grooming herself all day, Pauline said laughing. Take no notice of her Ellen replied smiling. That could be difficult Matthew commented. Arrangements were made to go for a few drinks in a famous Irish pub called The Crown. It was practically next to the Galtymore Ballroom, where Matthew and Ellen met. Ill go for that, Matthew said. It was only a fifteen-minute walk from where they lived. My word, ye live in the centre of it all Matthew commented. The atmosphere in the pub was incredible. There was a band playing Irish music upstairs and every accent in the place was Irish. The whole place was like a little piece of Ireland and Matthew relished it. They ended the night in the dancehall, where Matthew was thankful to be in the embrace of Ellen alone, while Pauline was dancing. It was late when they arrived back and Matthew had completely forgotten to book into a Bed and Breakfast establishment. Theres one across the street from us, Pauline informed him. He knocked on the door and although it was late, the landlady who was Greek, said she had a single room vacant, which she showed him. The three of them talked until the early hours of the morning before Matthew and Ellen kissed passionately once more on her doorstep. As he was pulling the curtains in the upstairs front window of the Bed and Breakfast house, he could observe Ellen waving to him and blowing kisses from her front window. He knew then that he did not want to live a day without her in his life. After breakfast he went straight over to their place. They were both ready and waiting to go to Mass. The church they attended was in Kilburn, a short bus ride away. Matthew was already becoming familiar with the area, realizing that he and Ellen had passed what was Quex Road, where the church was located on their first date. What he did not tell them at this point was that he had not attended church regularly for some time, for reasons that he did not know himself. He enjoyed every minute he spent with Ellen and would feel down when he would return to Slough during the week.

191

It was only weeks away from Sarah and Martins wedding and a sense of excitement laced with panic was filling the OConnor and McGinley households. Bridget in particular was very busy helping with arrangements and all the advice she could give on her first daughters wedding. Indeed, the first wedding in her family. Bit by bit they all became excited about the forthcoming event as dresses were bought for the bridesmaids, Bernadette and Nancy. Joe, Matthew and Patrick had their suits ready and Declan was to be attired as a pageboy. But most of the fuss naturally surrounded Sarah, the bride to be. Relatives and friends had been invited from all over and even Momma and Dadda were coming from Ireland. Matthew felt guilty at being almost distant at times from Sarahs happiness, he being so caught up with his own. Tell Ellen, shes more than welcome to come to the wedding Sarah told Matthew. Thanks he said. Im not sure if she will, he added. Weve only known each other a few weeks, he explained. I havent been so busy, that I did not notice how happy you have looked lately Matthew she said. He made up his mind that he would ask her the following weekend face to face. He told Ellen that she was invited to his sister Sarahs wedding and that she would meet all his family, grandparents, aunts and uncles on the one day. He was very enthusiastic and excited about it. He wanted to show her off to the world, never mind his extended family. Oh my God was her reply. You cant be serious, she added. Its easy for you but I havent even met one of them before she said. Oh, please, please come he pleaded. Youll be with me, honestly Matthew said trying to persuaded her. Sarahs dying to meet you and so are all of them Thats what Im worried about she said, her eyes open wide as in terror. Do it for me Ellen he said from the heart. I need thinking time on this one, she explained. She confided in her friend Pauline, who said to her laughing at her demise Oh go on, make the effort, at least youll get them all out of the way at one go. You never know, you might really enjoy it, she added. Youre a great help, Ellen said. Clothes, Ive nothing to wear, she said panicking. You must be joking Pauline said. Youve twice the wardrobe I have and all of it good stuff she commented. Its a couple of weeks away yet, Matthew reminded her. He could not believe how shy and self-conscious someone as beautiful as her was. He found it endearing that she was such a tender soul. If you want to come, Ill be over the moon he told her. If you dont, Ill understand, because it wont change the way I feel about you. She looked at him with those big blue eyes and seeing the look of hope in his, consented with a quiet OK then. Yes Matthew said with a loud shriek. You owe me one, she said softly in his ear.

192

The panic in the run up to the first wedding of Joe and Bridgets siblings in the OConnor household was twice as bad at times. It concerned everything from the Brides dress, the Bridesmaids dresses, the reception, the flowers, the catering and so on. Sarahs future mother in law Catherine was to do the catering with help from colleges who were in the same line of work as her. The reception was to take place in the parish hall in a village known as Iver Heath near Slough. The wedding ceremony itself was to be in St. Ethelberts, the parish church that the OConnor family attended since coming to the town. A big effort was made by all of them to look their best for the occasion including Patrick who had his hair cut at the Barbers. He had apparently had asked for it to be cut short. The enthusiastic Barber obliged and for reasons or rather a misunderstanding between them, Patrick ended up with a Skinhead haircut, leaving him practically looking bald. Christ almighty, what were you thinking of was Joes reaction. After Bridget had calmed down she relented, Its too late to do anything about it now. I dont believe it Sarah said. Its done now and its surely not the most important thing on the day Bernadette commented trying to hold back the laughter. Matthew thought it was hilarious. Maybe we can hire a wig, he said to Bridget and Sarah, who both said, Thats not funny. You dipstick Matthew said to him, How did you manage that. He just kept cutting and cutting Patrick told him. Dont you have a tongue in your head Matthew said repeating Joes words. Patricks demise would be a talking point and one of those daft memories in years to come, they all concluded. Before they knew it the big day had arrived. Sarah looked beautiful in her white dress and veil and all of them scrubbed up very well. An aroma of polish and perfume filled the house that morning, punctuated by the smell of cigarette smoke that acted like a combined tranquilliser, to calm the impending chaos. The Bridle car eventually set off with the almost neurotically nervous Sarah and the equally pensive but proud Joe. Nobody ever remembers quite how arrangements on such occasions fall into place, despite minor pitfalls, but somehow they do. The wedding ceremony was very nice and the expected tears fell from Bridgets eyes. That day all of the OConnors including Matthew felt a sense of place and belonging in that old church, in that rather bland town that had become part of all their being. Memories of each other and particularly of Sarah flowed through their minds. Joe and Bridget were so proud of her as Martins parents were of him. Martin was so neatly turned out that day that he looked like an advert for a tailors outfitter. The summery photographs took place mainly outside the church, it being a dry day in the third week in September 71. The first time that day that Matthew drew a breath of wrath was when he saw Susan lined up for a photograph with the other bridesmaids.

193

He looked from left to right noticing how lovely Bernadette looked and Nancy and then that creature with her grinning cats eyes and her sister Monica on the right. It was the first time that day that his enjoyment of the occasion began to wane. Ellen had agreed to come to the reception, thinking it not her place to be at the wedding ceremony. Matthew had wished she were there from the start. He concluded however, that it was Sarahs day and he would make the most of it for her sake. He began counting the hours until Ellen would arrive. It was a large parish hall in the village of Iver Heath where the reception was held. There was no such venue in their parish church that was built on a small plot in the town centre. Before long it was crammed with people comprising of relatives and friends from both families. The catering was excellent and a bar was set up. Some time had passed when the bride and groom and others including Joe noticed that the band that was hired had not turned up. It was the first big hiccup of the day. Joe, who was not a patient man to say the least, became incensed over it. He practically had steam coming out of his ears as time passed by. He was a very punctual man by nature himself and did not tolerate complacency in others lightly. Maybe I need to go home and get the guitar, Matthew said jokingly, but to no ones amusement. Eventually when they did arrive he tore into them with expletives that even Matthew to his amusement had never heard him use before. One member of the band threatened to put the equipment back into their van saying, I dont need this. But eventually the evening began to settle down with dancing drinking and mirth. People had already begun to mix and relatives had introduced themselves to both families. Matthew was glad to see his grandparents again and thought like most of them that they looked well. He did however; find it difficult to mix with members of the McGinley family, more out of embarrassment rather than familiarity. The usual side glances between him and Susan could not be avoided at times, but they never spoke to each other. Matthew kept walking outside waiting for Ellens arrival and wondering if she would have difficulty in finding the place. He asked Patrick if he would keep an eye out when he would return to the hall. Soon Patrick walked up to him and said with a smirk on his face, Theres someone here to see you. He looked around and smiled at Ellen and she smiled nervously back. Oh God, its so good to see you he told her putting his arms around her. He began to introduce her to the bride and groom and all the family as in frenzy, much to her mortification. We can put a face to the name at last Sarah said. Bernadette and Ellen seemed to hit it off straight away. Ellen found her a calming influence amidst an array of confusion at meeting so many people for the first time.

194

Where have you been hiding her? Bernadette joked with Matthew. Eventually Matthew got around to introducing her to all his family including aunts and uncles and his grandparents. To Ellen it was a maze of faces and names. Soon they were dancing and Matthew said, Im so glad you came, it means so much to me. They danced cheek to cheek to a waltz and he could feel her body relax. Out of the corner of his eye Matthew noticed that Susan was staring at them. Her face was bright red and she seemed perplexed, as her gaze seemed to centre on him. Well, well, Matthew thought to himself, smiling back at her, how does it feel to see me in someone elses arms and with someone whos beauty you couldnt hold a candle to. He enjoyed her jealousy immensely. It was something however, that was not lost on Ellen herself as the evening progressed. Why is that bridesmaid staring at you? she asked him. Its a long story, he told her, Ill tell you about it another time he added. Tonight is for enjoying, he said kissing her reassuringly. Before they all knew it, it was time for the Bride and Groom to depart on their Honeymoon. Tin cans on strings had been tied to the rear bumper of Martins car and made a din as the happy couple drove off to the cheers of one and all. That night after the reception, the family ended up back at the OConnor residence and celebrations continued into the early hours. The conversations circled around the events of the day. It was another marker point in their lives. The first of the siblings had flown the nest. For Bridget it was a day of joy coupled with sorrow at Sarahs departure from the family home. Even though Sarah and Martin had bought a house at the other end of the town, it was a wrench that would be raw with her for a while. Ellen had to return to London, much to Matthews disappointment. He thanked her for coming once more and told her he could not wait to see her the following weekend. They were all pleased to meet her including Bridget and Joe on what had been a hectic day. What do you think of her? Matthew asked Bridget as if wanting her approval. A beautiful girl she said. Very Nordic looking I thought she added. You must invite her down here she asked smiling and seemingly pleased for him. Bridget was soon very pleased with the news that Joe was promoted to Ramp Supervisor at the airport. He would be in charge of the loading of luggage to planes, its weight, distribution and management of staff and would have his own office. He had to undergo training and was issued with a smart uniform that looked like a pilots. Bridget was very proud of him and stated that it was well deserved for all the years of hard work he had put in.

195

Financially they were on the way up and soon they had a large car that was a change from the old bangers that Joe was prone to buying. We must travel as befits our status Bridget declared to them all. Real leather she would point out, referring to the seats, to any of them that was travelling with her and Joe. The area of Slough called Chalvey that they lived in was changing fast. Asians had moved in, in greater and greater numbers and worryingly English people and white people in general were moving out. The Methodist Minister, Alan Fairweather, the OConnors next door neighbour had a For Sale sign on their house. It was not long before they sold to a Pakistani family, the head of whose household was called Ali. They were a family that had bought a shop in the same area. The pattern was simple. As Asians began to buy many houses in the area, they also needed shops to supply their particular kind of food. Soon the shops in the area began to be bought up by the same people. It would become an Asian enclave of Slough. Bridget and Joe were already contemplating a move as their status had improved and the house in a sense had begun to outlive its usefulness. It was an old house and Joe had done a lot of work on it. He felt there was nothing more he could do with it. Sarah had gone and so had Margaret and in time they concluded so would Matthew and all of them in turn. They informed them all of there plan to contemplate moving and began to look at properties in a wider area. Martin and Sarah had bought a house in an area at the other end of Slough called Cippenham Lane that Bridget liked. She and Joe viewed a property for sale there, but Joe was not impressed by it. Theres no room for improvement, he reasoned. They continued their search and put the house up for sale. One day they viewed a property in the town of Windsor and both Joe and Bridget fell in love with it. It was a big house set on a large plot with land on one side of it. They both agreed it had great potential. The area was quiet and suburban and all the houses there were well kept. The Estate Agent told them it was being offered at a reasonable price for a quick sale. He also told them, as they knew, that it was a very desirable area. As luck would have it, Ali the Asian man who had bought next door to them in Slough, expressed interest in their house and negotiations began to take place. He made them an offer that was acceptable and they in turn put in an offer on the house in Windsor. Things were beginning to move literally. Stranger things were afoot for Matthew at this time also, as he learned that the Company he worked for was closing down shortly and the entire workforce would be made redundant. It was a shock in one sense but in another he felt his destiny lay elsewhere. If that were not strange enough, Ellen informed him that Pauline her friend and flatmate was contemplating going to New York to join two of her sisters that already lived there.

196

Matthew asked Ellen if she would ever consider moving down his direction, to which he got a resounding no. Nearly all of her family and all of her friends and acquaintances lived in London she explained to him. There was also her job in the Wages Department of the London Transport organization, a huge company, to consider. All of them had a lot to think about that Christmas of 71. Pauline, Ellens flatmate had been dating a chap from Dublin called Sam, much to Matthews relief, as going out as a threesome was becoming a strain for him. He was Jewish, which was unique for a man born in Ireland, they being very few in number there. It didnt last very long however, as apparently any of Paulines dates did. She told Ellen that she was fed up and was seriously contemplating a big change. She also knew from the chemistry between Ellen and Matthew, that it looked like they were in for the long haul. As the Christmas approached Matthew began thinking what he would buy Ellen. He consulted Sarah, thinking she might have some ideas. Matthew was good on the romantic side of relationships but hopeless on the practical aspect. It depends on how you feel about her, Sarah advised, waiting for him to divulge his innermost thoughts. Im crazy about her, he uncharacteristically declared. Well well, Matthews in love she said laughing. Jewellery, its definitely jewellery, she told him without hesitation. He began to scour the appropriate shop windows in Slough. Suddenly, there it was, looking back at him and begging him to buy. It was a beautiful gold cross and chain that had her name on it. He bought it on seeing it and hoped that she would like it. Ellen was very nervous on her first visit to the OConnor household. Although she was a very independent girl with a responsible job in the city, she seemed unsure of herself at being accepted. It was a character trait that Matthew found very endearing. She told him that she dreaded being in a crowd of people answering questions about herself. Ill do all the answering that has to be done Matthew assured her. Matthew knew and was saddened by the fact that she had lost both of her parents. Her father had died when she was a child and her mother died suddenly, at a relatively young age. He thought she was a remarkable girl, considering the hard start she had in life. The first visit went off very well except for one thing. Patrick got it into his head to mimic her Irish accent. She was annoyed by it but Matthew was incensed by it. All of them liked her and Matthew not wanting to start a row, left it later to tackle Patrick. When he did, Patrick told him that he only meant it in jest. Just because youre turning into a bloody little Englishman, dont expect true Irish people to do the same he snapped at him and warned him not to do it again. Ellen had commented about the fact that apart from Matthew and their parents and Margaret, that the rest of them had English accents.

197

She told Matthew that she found him very different from the rest of his fellow siblings. Shortly before the festive season began, Sarah and Martin organized a House Warming Party to celebrate their moving into their new home. Along with members of both families, Matthew and Ellen were invited to attend. Ellen wondered why Matthew seemed reluctant about going to it and asked him what the reason was. He knew it was time to put her in the picture about his past relationship with Susan. He told her everything and she listened without saying a word, except for asking when it happened. She was sympathetic and very understanding, but it had aroused a curiosity in her regarding the situation that connected Susan to his family. Theres nothing else I should know about, is there? she said, looking at him inquisitively. Believe me, theres not he said taking both of her hands in his. You do like it complicated, she said. Believe me I dont he assured her. Eventually he yielded to pressure from both family and Sarah to attend the party. Maybe I should go on my own, if you would find it awkward he said teasing Ellen. Not on your bloody life she replied, making him laugh. Martin and Sarah had gone to a lot of trouble to lay on drinks and a very nice spread of food and snacks. The house was small but neat and very well furnished and decorated. It was a lot newer than the OConnor residence and more modern in every way. Bridget in particular was enthralled with it, she in turn expecting better things to come for them all. A large crowd filled it that evening, with families and friends. Matthew was very pensive that night, avoiding Susan at every turn, in fact trying to ignore her altogether. It was Ellen that drew most of her attention that night, her curiosity seemingly running wild. The only thing that Matthew noticed was that Susan was not accompanied by anyone. He made his excuse to leave as soon as he could, saying that Ellen had to get back to London. Ellen told Matthew afterwards that Susan had asked her if she had ever contemplated moving back to Ireland. Ellen was extremely annoyed by it, but Matthew was outraged. Youre a true Lady, he said to her. If Id heard that remark, I wouldnt be responsible for what Id say or do he told her almost shaking with anger. Its I that am going to move Matthew told Ellen. Im going to London, I Love you Ellen, I want to be with you, he declared. Are you sure thats what you want? she asked him. Ive never been so sure of anything in my life he answered. She smiled, they kissed, it was done bar the details. That Christmas he gave her the gold cross and chain and she loved it, only taking it off when she slept and placing it on her bedside locker. Ellen visited the OConnors house that festive season and all went very well. Matthew and her were asked to a party at her flatmate Paulines parents house in London, where he met their family.

198

The McDermotts were a large family even larger than Matthews and they were a true Dublin-Irish family. Fun was their middle name and both Matthew and Ellen enjoyed the company. Matthew was delighted to be making new friends. Next it was his turn to meet Ellens family in London and his turn to be nervous. They wont bite you, she said, it being her turn to tease him. She had as she told him, two married sisters, one married brother and one single brother living in the city as well as nieces and nephews on both sides of the water. Her eldest brother she told him, lived in the family home in Ireland. It was then she revealed to him, that her younger brother Ollie had gone missing. He had only arrived in London from Ireland earlier that year and had been staying in the same house as her and Pauline. One evening he had packed his belongings and disappeared. Matthew was alarmed at hearing this and wanted to know if Ellen or her family in London had contacted the Authorities. You dont know Ollie Ellen informed him, Hell be back when it suits him she explained. He had not made any contact with any of them for a few months Matthew learned. He tends to do his own thing at the best of times, Ellen told Matthew. But he could see that she was worried about him. A mystery man Matthew declared, not knowing what to make of it. This city can do strange things to people Ellen told him. They had been invited to meet Ellens eldest sister Maeve who lived in Shepherds Bush. She and her husband Gerry Cahill lived in a large period house in Percy Road. When Ellen rang the doorbell, Matthew could feel his heart beating, it being his first time at meeting any of her family. A petite jolly woman, with almost white-blonde hair greeted them. Her smile was almost breaking into a laugh when she said hello to Matthew. So this is the man of your dreams youve been telling me about, she said laughing at Ellen. Take no notice of her Ellen said clearly embarrassed. I could listen to this woman all night Matthew said enjoying the warm banter and feeling very much at ease. She had prepared a nice meal for them and her husband Gerry who welcomed them both, joined them. They had two little girls in family, one of them only a baby. Gerry worked in the Building industry and was quieter in his approach. They had a lovely evening and from that first meeting there was always a goodhumoured banter between Matthew and Maeve. Ellen was mortified when Maeve told Matthew that it was at her suggestion that she went to the dance that night when they first met. She was, he found out hesitant about going out that particular evening, she having visited her sisters that afternoon. And so it was, that Maeve had a hand in their fate, a fact that Matthew would never forget. Youd never know I said to her, you might meet the man of your dreams tonight, she said laughing. Now he knew what she meant when she first greeted them.

199

Matthew, in the course of a very enjoyable evening, overheard Ellen and Maeve talking about their brothers possible whereabouts. The year of 72 that followed was to bring even more change than the previous one. It was the year that brought Bloody Sunday to Northern Ireland with the shooting dead of civilians there by British paratroopers and the escalation of the campaign of bombings by the Provisionals. The British government imposed direct rule in the North and tensions had never been higher. All of this impacted on the Irish in England and the attitude between both communities could be frosty at times, even though the Irish living there were physically removed from the conflict. It would even come up in the workplace where Matthew and others like him would have to defend their position in the community. Matthew was well versed in Britains colonial history in Ireland, but found it futile trying to explain the wrongs that were done to a people that were hardened by present events. It was best he found to ignore the subject when possible except between his own as it fell on deaf ears. Soon the OConnors tenure in their adopted town of Slough was coming to an end. Joe and Bridget took all of the family including Sarah to see what would be their new residence. It was a large four bedroom, brick-built property with a substantial plot of land particularly at the side. Bridgets eyes lit up with excitement as she tried to explain to them all, the dreams she had for the place and the future potential it offered. This was her forte, her vision, and her passion. The town of Windsor was quaint, charming and historical. It was after all as Bridget stated the residence of the Royal Family. If its good enough for them, then its good enough for us she declared smugly. She was referring to the fact that Windsor Castle was the Queens home. Fancy counting her as one of your neighbours she said in jest. Matthews memories of the town were embedded in his years at college there. He had even been on an organized tour of the castle once. He never thought that they might one day be able to afford to move there. But ironically, he knew he would not be spending long in the area. He felt he was long overdue flying the nest. He had not got around to telling Bridget and Joe or any of them about his future plans. They themselves being busy with their own didnt seem to notice his. He had dropped enough hints about his intentions but nobody had taken him seriously He learned that the company he worked for would be closing down in April. He would receive a redundancy payment, which he concluded would be handy in helping to set himself up in London. Ellen had shown him an evening newspaper that was peppered with jobs of every kind. Moves always seem to happen so quickly, Matthew discerned. Whether it was moving house, moving job, moving town, moving country or even moving to another relationship or moving from childhood to adulthood and not least moving from home. By February the OConnor family had taken up residence in Windsor. Pauline, Ellens friend had moved to be with her sisters in New York.

200

Ellen had moved into a smaller flat. Matthews job finished and the company closed. He had gone for job interviews in London and secured a clerical job not far from where she lived. A room became vacant in the house where Ellen resided and Matthew put a deposit on it and was ready to make the move. Bridget and Joe were very busy working on the house and starting to put their own touches to it. Matthew saw how happy they seemed and felt it was a nice time in their lives. It was how he wanted to remember them as he was leaving. Joe wished him well and shook his hand as a man would a mans and not a boys. Bridget on the other hand was tearful embracing him. The actual act of leaving, Matthew found out that day was far more daunting than all the planning or thinking about it. He felt an uneasy solitude on the bus that took him to the railway station that he would set off for London from. Only this was not for a date with Ellen, this was definitive, this was final, this was fated. His mind was a cauldron of emotions. He began to wonder if the previous nine years had all been a strange dream. He looked at the six letters on the sign on the railway platform, as the train began to move and a bitter tear began roll down his cheek, thinking of the day he first saw them. They spelt S-L-O-U-G-H.

201