THE SHAMROCK IN THE ROSE By Maurice OBrien

INTRODUCTION: Copyright Maurice OBrien 2013 The Shamrock in the Rose is a story centred on the lives of the countless thousands of people who left Ireland during the economic depression of the 1950s and 1960s. It is the story of those in particular who emigrated to England. It is estimated that over one and a half million people in Britain are made up of Irish born and their descendants. It tells the story of a typical large Irish working class family the OConnors who endured forced exile. They like many others through no fault of their own were forced to leave when the father and sole earner was made redundant and no other employment was available. The eldest son Matthew writes it. It begins in the little Irish midlands town of Roscrea in December 1949. Documenting the early life and struggles of the young family through a period of thirteen years, which was the age that Matthew was when they travelled to England. Three years after starting family circumstances move Joe and Bridget the parents to Dublin. They had endured the loss of male twins at birth and had one severely handicapped child among their three surviving children. Although times were hard and they were considered poor, there were warm and happy times and three more additions to the family. Times fuelled by childhood dreams and adventures, particularly instigated by Matthew and his vivid imagination. Then moving to County Kerry, where they spend six months on their paternal grandparents farm near the town of Listowel, before settling in the town of Tralee nearby. It was here in theyre fathers part of the country that the great love of the countryside was fostered. Within four years Joe had to leave following other relatives in search of work in England. He spent a year there getting work and a house for them to follow, returning for Christmas and other important occasions such as communions. At the end of March 1963 they leave one of the most beautiful areas of Ireland and memories of it they will always treasure for a large urban area in the South East of England. It recalls the trials, struggles and development of by now a large family in the industrial town of Slough, which is situated twenty miles from London. It describes the impact emigration had not only on them as individuals but also on relatives and the many Irish friends they make there. It describes tangibly the anti-Irish prejudice they and the Irish community endured. It permeated every aspect of their lives from schooling to work and even socially. It reviews the response of the Irish immigrant community to such hostility and the spirit of such hardworking people in their efforts to overcome such adversity. It tells of the loneliness and lack of community that the bulk of the newly arrived people felt. It discusses through family, relatives and newfound friends the working, social and private lives of the Irish community in the Slough area. How they as a group began to think of themselves as being primarily Irish, rather than considering themselves belonging to a particular area or County of Ireland. This development strengthened the emergence of an organized Irish community with the establishment of Irish Clubs and societies throughout England. The OConnors lives during their long tenure there were filled with joy, sadness, tragedy and every other emotion that flesh is heir to. After three decades Matthew fulfils his lifelong dream of returning to Ireland.

CHAPTER ONE ROSCREA

The faint winter sun was melting the last of the frost from the rooftops in the little Irish Midlands town of Roscrea. The smoking chimneys filled the air with the sweet scent of turf. It was nearing half past ten on Friday morning the second day of December 1949 when Bridget OConnor gave birth to a baby boy. After attending to mother and infant Mrs. Mary Figgerty the Midwife summoned her husband. Eamonshe said quietly outside the maternity room. Go up straight away to Larry Powers and tell Joseph OConnor he has a son. Larry Powers was the general hardware store where Bridgets husband worked. Eamon set off with some hast. On opening the door of the shop, he saw a slim athletic man of average height with a fresh boyish face and brown wavy hair which was combed back off his forehead. His eyes were speckled green and his face round with small features. Joe he said youve a baby boy. Joe climbed down from the steps he was using to stack paint on some shelves. His smiling face concealed tears of joy. Thanks Eamon he said, hows Bridget? Fine Joe he replied, mother and baby are doing fine. With that Eamon shook Joes hand and congratulated him. Larry Power had just finished serving a customer when he saw Joe and Eamon talking. Well then, dont keep me in suspense, he said, knowing that Eamon Figgerty wasnt there to deliver a parcel. Well he said, a boy or a girl? A boy Larry, replied Joe. What are you standing here for? Give Bridget my regards and Ill see you tomorrow. Joe thanked Larry for giving him the rest of the day off and quickly removed his brown shop coat and put on his jacket. He left the shop and headed for River Lane, followed by Eamon, who could barely keep up with him. On his way he met a neighbour called Jim Delany who greeted him saying hello Joe, how are you? to which he replied without thinking, a baby boy Jim. By Christ, fair play to you he said, adding, give Bridget my regards. On reaching the door of the Nursing Home, Joe waited for Eamon who was a little distance behind. As he walked in the front pathway Eamon reached in his trousers pocket for his house keys. There we are, he said slightly out of breath. He opened the door and beckoned Joe to precede him. On entering they were greeted by Mrs. Figgerty emerging from the scullery. Hello Joseph, many congratulations, she said She was a large robust woman with a ruddy complexion and black hair which she Always wore in a bun. Eamon was a tall thin man with greying hair and a rather gaunt face. Ill just check on Bridget, Joseph, before you go up she said. She was carrying a set of clean white towels draped over her left arm. Joe waited patiently in the hallway. Would you like to sit in the parlour? Eamon enquired. No thank you he said nervously. There was a certain decorum then that surrounded childbirth. Firstly, it was unheard of for a father or a male in general, apart from a doctor, to be present at a

birth. This was the domain of the nurse, midwife or doctor. Sometimes the father and other relatives might not see the child for several days after the birth, depending on the recovery or state of health of the mother. When she entered the maternity room, Mrs. Figgerty observed that Bridget was breast-feeding. Josephs here Bridget she said discreetly. I must look a mess, she said. No you dont Mrs. Figgerty said, you look fine. She went over to the dressing table and brought Bridget her hairbrush and hand mirror. She lifted the infant from her arms and placed him on the bed beside her. She then proceeded to comb her hair, holding the round mirror by its handle. The reflection she saw was that of a young woman with long dark brown hair. Her face was oval shaped. She had a slim nose, wide mouth, and her eyes were brown. After adjusting her nightdress she turned to Mrs. Figgerty and said, would you pointing to the child Of course she said lifting him upright and placing him back in her arms. Ill see you later Bridget, she said as she moved towards the door of the room. If theres anything you want just pull on the chord. She closed over the door without locking it and descended the stairs. On reaching the hallway she smiled at Joe and without uttering a word beckoned him with her outstretched arm to go to the maternity room having indicated that everything was in order. She nodded her head towards Eamon and they both retired to the parlour, leaving the young couple as she had done many times before, to that private, special, tender time. It seemed like only a moment had passed when Joe and Bridget heard the sound of the Angelus bell ringing out from Saint Cronans church. My goodness Bridget said, its twelve oclock already. I suppose I better make a move Joe said and relay the good news to one and all, he added. He hugged and kissed them both and said, Ill pop back later if its all right with Mrs. Figgerty. Dont worry dear itll be fine, Ill make sure of that she said smiling. Joe closed the door of the Nursing Home, turning the handle gently so as not to make any noise on leaving. He made his way to Grove Street, which was where they and many of Bridgets immediate family lived. He called into Halleys Garage and looked into the office but no one was there. Then entering the workshop he saw Tim Cantwell, the mechanic working on the engine of a car. The engine was running so Tim did not hear him say hello. He walked over behind him and tapped him on the shoulder. Christ, you frightened the life out of me Joe Tim said. Joe still laughing asked him if Sean was about. No Joe he wont be back till later on today. Hes away on a bit of business. Sean Halley of whom he was enquiring was the proprietor of the garage. He was Bridgets uncle in law. Ill catch up with him later Tim, he said. Ive a bit of news. He called in one of the houses further up Grove Street that was converted into a shop. It was Bridgets childhood home. She worked there helping her parents who owned and ran it. It was known as Ryans and was situated near the railway station and meat-processing factory. The factory was known throughout Ireland as the Roscrea Sausage Factory because of the excellence of the sausages they produced. On opening the door of the shop Joe saw his mother in law Mary standing behind the counter. Joe she said, with a broad smile and with her arms outstretched. I gather youve heard then, he said embracing her.

Oh God isnt it great she exclaimed. Peg Maloney was in earlier telling me the good news. She was never one for keeping anything to herself. She asked about Bridget and the baby and Joe assured her that they were both doing fine. Wheres John? he asked. Hes up in bed at the moment that auld chest is giving him a bit of trouble again she said. Sure go on up and see him Joe, hed love to talk to you. Mary was a tall slim woman. She had slim facial features, a sallow complexion, and her hair was a mass of tight curls. Go on up she repeated. Hes all excited over the baby. Sure why wouldnt he be, our first grandchild and a baby boy at that. On reaching the landing Joe knocked at the first door, which was his father in laws bedroom. Hello John its me he said. Come in came the reply. When he entered the room he found John sitting on the side of the bed. He was dressed in his pyjamas and dressing gown. He was smoking a cigarette and flicking the ash into a large round metal ashtray that was on top of the bedside cabinet. He reached out his hand and congratulated Joe. He enquired about Bridget and the baby and Joe assured him they were both well. Well John, how do you feel about being a grandfather? he asked. Joyful Joe, joyful he said. Hows Mary coping below? he asked. It was quiet when I came in Joe replied. Margarets gone out this morning, but shell be back soon I hope John said, referring to his younger daughter. Ill head down in a minute and see if she needs a hand, Joe said. Larrys given me the rest of the day off. Thanks Joe John said gratefully. I hope to be up and about tomorrow. That auld stuff Doctor Gibney gave me seems to have done me good. Listen Ill head down John Joe said. He said goodbye and told him he would see him soon. On entering the shop he saw that Mary was serving a customer Im sure youd like a break Mary, he said. No Im grand Joe, she said. Margarets due back soon. How about a cup of tea then? he asked. Oh well, go on then, youve twisted my arm she said. With that the bell on the shop door rang and Margaret walked in. All right Mammy! she said. Oh Joe she added, I didnt expect to see you this time of day. You havent heard the news then? her mother said. Bridget gave birth to a baby boy this morning. Oh good God she said, Looking flustered and removing her overcoat. God thats great news she continued. How are they both? she asked. Joe and Mary began to answer at the same time. Jesus one at a time lads Margaret said excitedly. They assured her that everything had gone well. Margaret was a small slim woman with wiry dark brown hair and small chiselled features. She lived with her parents and also helped in the running of the shop.

She was a few years younger than Bridget and had suffered a great deal of ill health as a child. Her mother always described her as being delicate. She often referred to her as child to her great annoyance. The fact was, she was a lot more capable than anyone gave her credit for. The three of them talked for a while, then Margaret said she would put the kettle on. Im sure ye are dying for a cup of tea, she said. In a short while she returned from the kitchen, carrying a tray with three cups of tea. Help yourselves, she said, placing the tray on the counter. I called into Halleys on the way up Joe said, Sean wasnt there. Tim told me he was away on a bit of business, he added. A bit of business my eye Mary said. I was talking to Jerry Lonergan earlier, he saw him in Delahuntys pub. Joe didnt answer Marys remark regarding Sean. He knew he was a heavy drinker. Although Joe was a teetotaller, he never passed judgement on anyone who drank. Changing the direction of the conversation he enquired, How are Jim and Tony? Fine Joe Mary answered. Theres a great call for the turf this time of year. Jim and Tony were two of Marys sons. They earned their living delivering turf to homes and businesss for miles around. Their father John bought them the open backed lorry they drove. Theyre up Borris-In-Ossory way today she said referring to a village that was situated about eight miles from Roscrea. The shop was one place that was never short of fuel all year round. Why dont you have dinner with us this evening Joe? Mary asked. Wont you have more than enough to cater for when the boys come home? he answered. One more wont make any difference, she said. It will be a quiet house for you tonight Joe she added. All right then he replied. Ill be going back to see Bridget later so what time would you expect me About seven Joe, if thats all right. Thanks Mary he said, Ill see ye later. He returned home and made his first task that of fetching some turf from the fuel shed and adding a couple of sods to the embers still burning in the stove. As he drank a cup of tea and smoked a cigarette while he sat in a large armchair in the corner of the front room, his thoughts began to wander. He began to think of his parents and family. He suddenly found himself looking in one of the drawers of a display cabinet, trying to find some writing paper and a pen. Bridget was a prolific writer of letters and always had a supply of writing paper and envelopes in the house. He found what he was looking for and began to write a letter to his parents at the kitchen table. Although it was one containing good news, he felt a little saddened knowing that it would be some time yet before he would make a visit home. It was now mid-afternoon and he prepared for his second visit to the nursing home. That evening Bridget and he discussed her homecoming. She wanted to be home on Sunday. After consulting with Mrs. Figgerty arrangements were made for her to do so. Later that evening Joe enjoyed the dinner and company at Marys with Bridgets family. At the end of a momentous day he made his way down Grove Street under a moonlit sky to the little terraced house that he and Bridget rented. That night as he lay in bed he realized that he now had a family and knew that life would be somehow different from now on. The next day Saturday, was the busiest day of the week at Larry Powers. The Main Street was crammed with horse drawn carts, and a few cars and lorries, bringing farmers and their families to town for their weekly shopping.

It was also a day when people would meet and go for a drink in the towns pubs. The day passed quickly for Joe and after work he visited his wife and child. On his way home he saw Sean Halley getting into his car outside his garage. They greeted each other and Sean congratulated him on the birth of his son. On hearing Bridget and the baby were due home on Sunday afternoon, Sean offered to drive them. He told Joe he would give him a knock around two oclock. As promised on Sunday Sean drove Joe down River Lane. When Joe, Bridget and the baby emerged from the nursing home he greeted them saying your carriage awaits. Sean was at tall man who carried a great deal of weight. His complexion was red and his face mirrored the excesses of alcohol. They thanked him for the lift, which was only a short drive. It did however, save Joe the indignity of pushing an empty pram to the Nursing Home and Bridget walking back so soon after giving birth. They were glad to settle in home, humble though it was, only this time as a family. It wasnt long before the first of the visitors arrived that afternoon. This was to become a feature or family trait that would always be part of their home life. The first people to arrive were Mary and John, who made the effort despite not having been well. Margaret, Jim and Tony accompanied them. It was to all intents and purposes a family gathering. They came laden with gifts, which although embarrassing Bridget, delighted her also. They hovered around the cot in which the baby was placed. Each of them describing whom they thought he looked like. The general consensus was that there was no doubt he was a Ryan. Joe however, alone in his opinion and heavily outnumbered, insisted that he had OConnor written all over him. Much laughter and good-humoured conversation followed. Bridget whispered in Joes ear get that bottle of whiskey from the dresser and Ill fetch some glasses from the kitchen. The kettle was boiling on the stove and those who wanted a hot whiskey helped themselves. John and Joe opted for a cup of tea. Although John drank he never touched the top shelf as he put it. He was a pint man who drank in moderation. They raised their glasses in a toast to the babys health. I suppose its a bit early to be talking about the Christening? Mary asked. Not really Bridget replied. I must call in and see Father Kearney soon. Have ye thought of a name yet? John asked. Bridget and Joe looked at each other. They had decided that if their firstborn child was a boy they would as Joe had requested follow in his family tradition. For generations as far back in history as anyone could remember, the firstborn male child in their branch of the OConnor clan was named after his grandfather on the male side. It was something they had not discussed with Bridgets family. Now that the subject was brought up, they explained to them that the child would be called Matthew after Joes father. Three weeks later it was Christmas and family gatherings began again. It was Bridget and Joes first Christmas as a family, the first of many. They filled the house with decorations and bunchs of holly. A great air of excitement abounded as the first fall of snow came the day before Christmas Eve. That morning Bridget lifted her son from his cot and took him to the window to show him the street and rooftops clad in their winter coat of white. Joe loved Christmas and the snow only added to the magic of it all. The news reached Bridget and her family that their brother Jack was thinking of coming home for a few days over the holiday. She was so happy, feeling that this was going to be the perfect

Christmas. All in regard to buying presents and accumulating mountains of food made the usual preparations. The shop was stocked to the hilt with all the extra items that people would buy for the season. It was a busy time at Ryans shop with John, Mary and Margaret taking turns to have their break. They missed Bridget there that year, she being occupied with her new baby. Jim and Tony could hardly keep up with the last minute orders for turf even working all of Christmas Eve. The day itself however, arrived and arrangements were made firstly for attending Mass that morning. Margaret offered to mind the child so that Joe and Bridget could go to the eleven oclock service. She herself agreed to go to the later one. They donned their winter coats and scarfs. Bridget wore her warm boots and elegant hat. They trudged through the snow eventually turning into Abbey Street, where Saint Cronans church stood majestically clad in white on the hill, passed by the Bunnow River. Father Kearneys sermon that morning was one about the Holy Family and the birth of the Saviour.It took the theme of completeness. This was how Joe and Bridget felt that morning, complete. After the service a great crowd gathered outside the church. All engaged in post- Mass conversation. This was the one time in any given week when people would meet each other. Bridget met some old school friends she had not seen for a while. They were delighted to hear that she now had a son and promised to call in and see her in the New Year. She then met up with her parents and two of her brothers. Suddenly, out of the crowd, she saw her brother Jack. He came over and gave her a big hug. She and Jack had always been very close. He shook Joes hand and congratulated them both. When did you get back? she asked him. Last night he replied. I had no firm arrangements made but a colleague of mine was travelling home to Limerick and gave me a lift. God its great to see you Jack, she said putting her hand on his shoulder. After wishing people a Happy Christmas they began to walk in a group, talking all the way back to Grove Street. Joe mischievously scooped a handful of snow from a window ledge and made a snowball. He threw it at Jim hitting him on the back of his neck. Before long snowballs were being thrown in every direction, with howls of laughter echoing all over the street. My God Bridget said, On Holy Christmas Day, to which even more laughter erupted. When the fun had died down Bridget noticed Mrs. Maloney, a neighbour, standing on the pavement on the opposite side of the road, glued to the spot, her two sons smiling at the spectacle. She was barely able to wish her a Happy Christmas for want of laughing herself. It was to set the tone for the rest of the day. The house was busy that evening with various members of Bridgets family visiting, including her aunt Molly who was married to Sean Halley. She and Bridgets father were brother and sister. There were only two of them in family. They did have another sister called Mae. She died in the great influenza outbreak that occurred after the First World War. Their mother, Bridgets paternal grandmother, who was not long deceased, came to Roscrea from a broken marriage with them as two young children. It was from this woman, whos married name was Ryan that all Bridgets side of the family were descended. Her name was Catherine. She was in a sense a mystery. She never talked about her estranged husband or his whereabouts or any details regarding his family. The break-up of her relationship when she was a young woman must have been very painful. By all accounts she was a very strong woman. She came to Roscrea with two trunks containing all her worldly goods and her two surviving children. She ended up owning two houses and earned her living from renting. It was she who funded her son John, Bridgets father, in setting up the family business. She spent the rest of her life unattached and lived to be a good age. She had a great influence on Bridgets life. All the family missed her greatly.

Molly her daughter had a large family of seven children comprising of six sons and one daughter. She and Bridget would often talk into the small hours about old times. Christmas soon came and went and the snow gave way to rain. The first event of the New Year was the Christening. It took place at Saint Cronans church presided over by Father Kearney the parish priest. Joes best friend Al Mollahan was Godfather and Margaret the childs aunt now became his Godmother as well. Spring soon followed and Bridget would take Matthew for endless walks in his pram, occasionally stopping to talk to people she knew. Sometimes if the day was nice she would sit a while by the fountain in Rosemary Square. It was about this time one day when Bridget was changing him that he rolled off the kitchen table and fell to the floor. She had only turned her back for a second to fetch something and he was already on the ground. She was in the house alone with him and comforted him as best she could. After wrapping him in a blanket she ran next door to Halleys garage. Sean she screamed. Matthews had a fall, phone Doctor Gibney, I have to get back. As soon as Sean had phoned, he came to the door, which she had left ajar. He entered the house and told her not to move him that the Doctor was on his way. After examining him the Doctor told her to her great relief that no bones were broken and that he had a very lucky escape. That summer was a very hot one. Bridget would often sit in the back garden. She would place a sun hat on Matthews head, which he would constantly throw off. She had acquired a white pet rabbit, which he adored whom she called Fluffy. She would do her grocery shopping at her parents shop. They were always glad to see her and their grandson. They had a dog. It was a pit bull terrier. It growled every time it saw Matthew. He was terrified of it. One day John called to the house while taking it for a walk. He came in the back gate from the alleyway with the dog on a lead. When he opened the gate the dog saw the rabbit and started jumping and barking. It took John all his strength to restrain the animal. Fluffy ran the length of the long garden. It was fenced in and the back wall was too high for him to jump, or that might have been the last they would have seen of him. John also kept hens in a wired off area at the end of their garden behind the shop. They sold the eggs that they produced. On sunny days Bridget would walk through the town wheeling Matthew in the pram. She would go down Castle Street pointing out Roscrea Castle to him and then to the Bunnow River where she would sit beside the round tower that seemed to ascend to the sky. The town itself had an ancient history and like many towns in Ireland it evolved from a monastic site. Saint Cronan who died around the year 600 A. D. founded it. Soon it was midsummer and Joe made arrangements to visit his parents. It would be the first time they would see their new grandson and the first time Matthew would see his paternal ancestral home called Tanavalla. Joe borrowed a car from Sean Halley and they set off for the town of Listowel in County Kerry early one Monday morning. About a mile outside the town just beyond a bend in the road they stopped at a large gate with tall piers. A gravel driveway led steeply uphill. It was lined with tall evergreen trees. At the top it opened out on to a small square in front of which stood the two-story house, which was Joes childhood home. The noise the gravel stones made when a car drove up the drive was loud enough to be heard inside the house. So much so that Joes mother had already opened the front door when they pulled up outside. She was a small woman with a little round face. She had light brown wiry hair and piercing blue eyes. Her face had a story written in it.

She had endured a lifetime of poverty and hardship. Only her sheer resilience had carried her through it. She embraced Joe and Bridget and welcomed them. Then she took Matthews tiny hand in hers and said hello young man. Her voice was clear and loud with the sharp tone of a western Irish accent. Everyone in the family referred to her as Momma. They were invited into a large room with a stone floor, which was the kitchen and dining area that extended from the front of the house to the back. Let me get youre coats she said. She hung them on hooks under the stairway. That kettles nearly boiled, she said walking over to the large range cooker that was fuelled with turf. A long wooden table was already set with the right amount of cups, plates, and knives. A round loaf of soda bread she had baked that morning sat on a wooden cutting board, its inviting smell filling the room with an aroma that would put perfume to shame. Let ye sit in there now and Ill brew a fresh pot she said. I see you still make the jam Momma Bridget said looking at the blackcurrant jam that was presented on the table. Indeed I do, she said. Though theres not as many here to eat it now she added. She was relating to the fact that most of her nine children had to move away from home in one direction or another in search of work and a life of theyre own. The farm they had was only a small holding and raising such a large family with so little land had given her many years of hardship. Does Dessie Sullivan still rent the fields? Joe asked. Indeed he does Mamma replied. Dessie was a farmer who owned land nearby and required extra acreage for his growing herd of cattle. He paid them an annual fee, which supplemented their income. It had been a long time since they had farmed themselves. They still had a hay barn and out houses at the end of a large back garden. So to all intents and purpose their home looked like and was run like a farm. Joes father known by the family as Dadda and by everyone else as Mattie worked in Nashes soft drinks warehouse on the edge of Listowel town. It was about a mile from Tanavalla and he would cycle there each day. They had two daughters who also worked in the town and were living at home called Maureen and Angela and the youngest of the family a boy named Brian who was still at school. Joe had a good walk around the farm that day. He went through every field, all of which had memories for him. He looked at the trees that he and his older brothers and sisters had planted when they were young, observing how much they had grown. At the roadside area of the land there was dense mature woodland, which looked like a small forest. It was the habitat of birds and other wild creatures that would take up residence there from time to time, such as rabbits, badgers, and foxes. It was a shady, secret domain that became a retreat or childhood playground. All of it would evoke one memory or another. Few things in life made him happier than this. Bridget however, who was pregnant again did not join him as the land rose steeply from the roadside below. She and Momma had a good chat and she helped her prepare the vegetables for dinner that evening. They kept a large garden at the rear of the house, which was fenced to keep the cattle out. In it they kept hens as well as all manner of vegetables and fruits in season. At the end of it there was an orchard. Mamma also baked her own bread and made cakes and scones. The recipe of one such spicy cake she made she gave to Bridget that holiday. It was handed down from generation to generation. Dadda was the first to arrive home that evening pushing his bicycle as he always did up the steep gravel drive. He never owned a car and now that he had finished farming and no longer had the pony and trap, he reverted to his bike. If they had to travel beyond their own patch they would arrange a lift or catch the bus. Momma would often walk the mile into Listowel but inevitably one of the neighbours would give her a lift in passing.

He opened the door and removed his peaked flat cap. Janie Boys how are ye, he said. It was an expression he always used, though nobody ever knew what the word Janie meant. He shook hands with Joe and Bridget and welcomed them. Then removing his bicycle clips he came over to view his grandson who was sitting in his chair. Leaning over him he said jokingly you may be called Matthew after me young man but youve a few years to go before you can fill that seat. Hes a fine young fellow lads, plenty of weight on him as well, he added. Dadda was a reasonably tall man who had filled out a bit himself in later years. The job he was doing now was office work.. Gone were the days of the hard physical work he had done on the farm. He had a very jolly face, round, with dark bushy eyebrows. His hair was greying and thinning on top. His complexion was pale and his eyes a mixture of brown and green. He was a great conversationalist and a teller of stories. He could entertain a room of people without getting out of his chair. He and Momma had a large family of nine children, comprising of five sons and four daughters. Joe was the fifth eldest in family. There was an age gap between the first eight children and the youngest boy Brian who was still at school. Daddas father was dead but his mother was still alive. She lived on the farm with her son Kevin and his wife Nellie. They had three daughters and one son. Kevin now ran the farm. During the long school summer holidays Brian would help out at his uncle Kevins farm. That evening when he Maureen and Angela came home they all got together for dinner and talked about all the news and gossip of the district. It never grew dark until late at night in the western region of Ireland during the summer months. When dusk finally came Dadda would light an oil lamp and place it on a hook near the stairway. Candles placed in holders were used to light theyre way to the bedrooms upstairs. The week passed quickly for Joe and Bridget, a week they enjoyed immensely. They drove Momma into town each day, which she loved. Joe was very considerate and respectful towards his mother. He was also very much a home-bird, spending as much time as he could in his town land of Tanavalla when he was home. He also loved being in Listowel meeting old school friends, neighbours and relatives. In his youth he had been a very good sportsman and had played Gaelic Football with the Listowel team. They visited the farm where his grandmother and uncle Kevin lived and also saw his older sister Kate who ran a shop with her husband Pat on the edge of the town. On the day before they were due to return to Roscrea they visited the seaside resort of Ballybunnion, which was about ten miles away. It was the first time Matthew saw the sea, all be it from the cliff tops. The next morning, Friday, they rose early, partly to say goodbye to them all before they went to work and also to leave at a reasonable time for the journey as Joe was due back to work the next day. The summer months, hot as they were moved swiftly by and by now Bridget was heavily pregnant. In the eight month of her pregnancy she experienced premature contractions and Doctor Gibney was called to her bedside. She gave birth to twins, two boys. One of them was still born and the other only lived for nine hours. Father Kearney was called and he administered the Last Rites. He prayed with them and consoled them in theyre hour of grief. He called Joe aside as he did not want to disturb Bridget further in relation to arranging a burial for the infants. She was distraught and still in shock. It was the first family loss and marred the rest of the year for them. Joe and John his father in law dug the little grave in Saint Cronans cemetery. It was one of the hardest things Joe ever had to do. The funeral was a family only gathering, with the small group of people in the front seats of the church listening to Father Kearneys voice echoing around the otherwise empty building. It reflected the sense of emptiness they felt.

Christmas didnt have the same ring to it that year, but when the New Year came Bridget found that she had conceived again. In the autumn she gave birth to a baby girl. She was christened Sarah. They now had a daughter and Matthew had a sister. He used to stare at her with curiosity watching her tiny face peering out from under her pink bonnet. He now had someone to relate to who was even smaller than him. An air of happiness was in the household once more, but for Bridgets side of the family it was to be short lived. She learned that her father John had contracted Tuberculosis. Known as T B it was prevalent in Ireland at that time and there was no cure for him, it being already advanced. It broke their hearts to see his health deteriorate. He was only entering middle age. He was a tall man with broad shoulders. He had a mass of hair, which was still brown and smouldering dark eyes. As a boy he was strong and passionate. At the age of sixteen he left home unknown to his mother to join the volunteers in the Easter Rising in Dublin. His mother walked the railway track from Roscrea to Dublin in search of him, the transport system being out of action that fateful weekend in 1916. She did eventually; track him down through contacts of hers in the city. It would not be long however, as events unfolded in Irish history, before he was involved in the War of Independence. It was during this time through military manoeuvres and having once being shot in the leg, that the effects of sleeping out sometimes in mountainous terrain, would have future implications for his health. It left him with a weak chest and respiratory system. When the conflict ended he joined the police force of the new Irish Free State, the Garda. He was stationed in Kildare town but because of his developing health problems he was discharged from the force on medical grounds. It was then that he and Mary opened the shop in Roscrea. Their main customer base apart from the neighbouring houses in Grove Street was the workforce in the meat-processing factory, which was situated across the street and accessed by a narrow lane. It was paved with cobbled stones and during break time they would walk through the lane towards the shop. The noise they made was reminiscent of a group of horses. This was due to the fact that they all wore wooden clogs. These wooden backless shoes were regulation ware at the factory for hygiene reasons. They could be heard approaching the shop and they could set their watch by them each day. They came in all weathers all year round. John and Mary knew them by name, their families and where they lived. They were the poorest of the town. They barely scraped by from week to week on the meagre wages they were paid. They worked hard but always had a smile a joke or a bit of gossip that would lighten up John or Marys day. The shop operated a slate or credit system for them. They would pay their dues at the end of each week or when they could. John was a very compassionate man. He was also a very understanding man, knowledgeable in the ways of the world and cared about the problems of the poor in his hometown. He was certainly not like some of the other hard-nosed businessmen who would give credit to no one. He was always happy to earn his living and raise his family in the country he lived in, fought for and served in. He had many good friends some of which were old comrades. Mary and the rest of the family were deeply shocked and saddened by the news of his illness. They rallied around him as best they could. Mary and Margaret were soon running the shop between them. John would often sit on an armchair in the storage room at the back of the shop with the door slightly ajar. From there he could supervise all the goings-on. It was this that kept him sane. He knew what he had and where it would lead. Although feeling down some days, he made time and effort to chat to customers and friends. His sons Jim and Tony made sure the house was always heated and looked after the hens swell as walking the dog.

His eldest son Jack came home from Dublin to visit him as often as he could. On one such occasion he brought a young woman he was courting named Patricia with him. She and John hit it off straight away. She had a bubbly personality and a great Dublin wit. She would have John laughing in no time and he always looked forward to seeing her and Jack. Mary however, did not seem to get on with her at all. Maybe at that time she felt she was a bit intrusive. It was not long before John became very ill and mainly bed-ridden. Bridget brought his grandchildren to see him whom he loved. On one such visit John placed both his hands on each of their heads and pronounced a blessing on them. He wished them both a long and happy life. At this point Bridget turned her head away to hide her tears. She knew, that he was aware, that his time was near. Two weeks later when Doctor Gibney was attending him he told Mary to summon Father Kearney because he was not sure he would make it through the night. That evening he performed the Last Rites for him. He passed away the following day. It was the beginning of the end of an era for the Ryan family in Roscrea. The funeral was a large affair, with people coming from all over. Besides all those in family, there was a contingent from his former colleagues in the Garda and also a representation from the Old Brigade he fought with in the War of Independence. Joe helped to carry his coffin with his three sons remembering how not so long ago he had helped him bury his. Mary was devastated; she would never be the same person again. A strange emptiness and lack of purpose entered her life. She had not realized or took for granted the influence he held for her. It was he who had inherited the business brain from his mother. She on the other hand, who was very good at dealing with customers, had not as much involvement in the business and book keeping side of things. She and Margaret now had to work much harder in order to keep things going. Bridget helped out when she could and would bring the children with her. Matthew was now roaming everywhere and on one occasion he found the back door of the storeroom open and wandered out into the back garden. Some of the hens that were out of their housing attracted his attention. He thought of them as pets like their rabbit Fluffy. When one of them came near him, he threw his arms around it to cuddle it. The hen being startled bit his ear. The ensuing screams drew Bridget in a canter from the shop. The result of this episode was a septic ear that caused an infection for which he was hospitalised for some days. The trauma of being separated from his parents in a strange environment by far superseded the initial incident however, and remained indelibly etched on his mind. During this time Joe was keeping himself busy on Sunday afternoons. He had founded a Gaelic Football team, which was called Inane Rovers. It was most unusual in the town and county of Tipperary, which was predominately an area that played the sport of hurling, to introduce the football ethos in such a welcoming manner. John his father-in-law had been very supportive of his efforts in this endeavour always maintaining that it was a great alterative for the sportsmen of the area. That year brought the first changes in the Ryans connections with Roscrea. Bridgets brother Jim got a driving job in Dublin and was soon followed by Tony who along with him became weary of the turf round they both worked at. They were too young to settle in the hometown and were drawn by the excitement of the city. There they shared accommodation and social life. This was a pattern that they would follow for a great deal of their lives. They were greatly missed by all but in particular by Mary and Margaret. The place seemed so empty without them, particularly at night when the shop was closed. There was now no man in Marys house and with John gone she missed male company about the place. Not just because if anything heavy needed lifting, but with all of her three sons now living away from home and her husband deceased, she was going through a period of grief and sometimes depression.

She would pass the empty bedrooms at night with them looking strangely clean and empty of male clutter and wish that she could find them in warm disarray once more. She would lie awake at night thinking of happier times when they were all young. Days when they all crowded into the little black Ford car and complete with picnic basket would set off on a Sunday to the shores of Loch Derg. She would recall annual holidays in the seaside resort of Bray. John would start a singsong along the way and everybody would join in. She remembered the first time she met him and what a fine figure of a man he was, and how he made her laugh. They were made for each other in the sense that he was the responsible and organized type, whereas she was the more fickle one. It was a happy marriage and he was a very tolerant father, he himself never having known his father. The boys would visit her when they could. She would become so exited when she knew they were coming home. But she would become very lonely when they were going back. It was the kind of loneliness that only a mother could feel. In regard to the shop, Mary began to find it very difficult to maintain the financial balancing act that John was so good at. A lot of the customers used the credit system that he had introduced. At the end of each week on payday most of them would settle their dues. John had believed that this was how they developed their customer base in the face of competition in the first place and held on to it. He had the knack of holding off payments to suppliers as long as possible in order to recoup the credit given to customers. There were however, some people who had genuine difficulties of their own and would not be able to settle their debts for two weeks or even more. It was a delicate balance and was causing her problems with suppliers and ordering stock. Sometimes after paying them she found that despite her and Margaret working hard, they were left with very little takings some weeks. She felt trapped in this situation and began to long for a different life. The life she had now was incomplete and she resolved to bring it to a conclusion. With John and the boys gone she was simply going through the motions. One evening when she closed the shop she broke down and turned to Margaret and said, Ive had enough child. Margaret was frightened by her manner and feared she would have a breakdown. That evening she asked Bridget to come over and they all had a long talk. Bridget made some suggestions in relation to keeping the business going, even offering to play a bigger role herself but she could see the emptiness in her mothers eyes where once such a spark had glowed. Within a year Ryans shop was no more. It had reverted back to the quaint terraced house it was before and is to this day. That same year Bridget was expecting another baby. She went into labour one Saturday night and Mary Figgerty the midwife was contacted. Mary and her husband John had been drinking at their local pub that night. When she arrived Bridget could smell alcohol from her breath. The delivery was a very difficult one. The midwife found that the umbilical cord was around the babys neck. Bridget knew something was wrong and kept asking her what was happening. Mary struggled to deliver the child, partly because of this complication and partly because she was intoxicated. Eventually Bridget gave birth to a baby boy. From the moment she held him she knew there was something different about him. She arranged for Doctor Gibney to to come and examine the infant. What he told her and Joe left them in deep shock. He explained to them that due to the complications at birth the child might have suffered from a lack of oxygen and that he had water on the brain and if this proved to be the case it would have future implications for either his mental or physical health. His prognosis was correct. He monitored his development and concluded that he would be mentally and physically handicapped for life. It was a huge blow for them and sad news for the rest of the family. He was Christened Luke. It was the only Christening at which Bridget cried. She vowed she would never call on the services of this midwife again. As things turned out she never had to.

Instead she turned her frustration and anger into unbroken love for this special child. She and Joe did however, fear for the future of this little boy they affectionately called Baby Luke. They were also experiencing financial restraints at this time due to the fact that the rent had increased on the house. Joe mentioned this to Larry Power in conversation but he was not forthcoming in offering him a wage rise. This was despite the fact that he had worked in the shop for a few years. He had served his time in the hardware business in Listowel before getting the job in Roscrea and had to compete with others for the position at that. The reality was that there were many in the town that would take up this post gratefully and at the same wages, as jobs were few in number. Both of them realised their family was growing and would they both felt being young, expand further. Joe knew despite the fact that he liked working in the hardware shop that he was in a dead-end job. One weekend they arranged to visit Joes sister in Dublin. Her name was Betty and she was married to a man from County Limerick called Mick Heffernan. Betty was a few years older than Joe and had lived in the city for some time. She was a tall well-built woman with a fair complexion and auburn hair. She was a very jolly person who had a great sense of humour. She was a tonic for Joe and Bridget that weekend knowing what they had been through. She had inner warmth that was reflected in her kindly face. Mick her husband was a very tall man. All the Heffernans as Bridget described them were giants. He worked for a contractor who got a lot of jobs from Dublin City Corporation. They had acquired a Corporation house in a little cul-de-sac in Drimnagh south Dublin. It was the first time Joe and Bridgets children had been to Slieve Bloom Park but it would not be the last. Betty and Mick had two daughters who were their first cousins. The eldest, Rosemary was a little older than Matthew and her sister Kathleen was nearly the same age as him. That weekend Mick told Joe that there was plenty of work with his firm if he wanted it and at better wages than he was earning. Betty also told them that if they applied, they would like them get a Corporation house, which would be at a fixed rent. Joe and Bridget had a lot to contemplate after that visit. It seemed that perhaps a more secure situation lay in Dublin. There was also the situation with Baby Luke to consider. The medical facilities that he would need in the future had to be considered. These facilities existed in greater number and would be near at hand in the capital city. It was much harder however, for Bridget to make the decision to leave her hometown. She also dreaded the thought of telling her mother and sister. It was a difficult decision for them to make but in the end it seemed to be made for them. Mary and Margaret were heartbroken when they heard the news. Joe accepted the job with Mick and arrangements were made for the move. Larry Power was sorry to see him go and provided him with a very good reference. They had secured the rental on a two bedroom flat in Dorset Street in the heart of the city. It was above a shop with its own entrance from the street. In the week or so leading up to their departure all manner of visitors came to the house in the evenings. Relatives and friends came in various numbers to say goodbye and wish them well. There were nights when Bridget would not sleep well through feeling upset and apprehensive. It was going to be a big change from everything she knew, but her place was by her husbands side she told herself. Mary and Margaret promised to visit her as soon as she settled in. After all as Mary had pointed out nearly all her children were now in Dublin anyway and she was well overdue a visit. As Bridget began to pack some items in newspaper she had kept for the purpose, she began to realize that they did not have that many possessions at all. The pots, crockery and cutlery were something that they had accumulated, as were the clothes and bed linen. All she had were two silver tankards she had inherited from her grandmother. It was when she began wrapping these that the reality of what was happening suddenly dawned on her and reduced her to tears. There was a sense of finality about it that engrossed her.

Sean Halley offered to drive them to Dublin. They both remarked that it was a wonderful gesture. They accepted gratefully as they were not in a position to refuse. The last few days flew swiftly by and the suddenness of the day of leaving arrived. Bridget had finished packing the delf they had used for breakfast. She was tying some string around a box when she heard a knock at the front door. My God that cant be Sean already she said. On opening the door Joe saw the small figure of Margaret standing there. There was a temporary moment of relief for Bridget as she heard her sisters voice. Her heart could beat just a little bit slower for a short while. They were both glad to see her as the anxiety they both experienced that morning left them empty of conversation. She told them that Mary was too upset to visit the house that morning and that it would be better if they called in before departing, to which they agreed. It seemed like only minutes had passed when a loud knock was heard. Thatll be Sean Bridget said with a quiver in her voice. A murmured conversation took place at the front door with Joe asking Sean if they were all right for time, as they would be calling into Marys. The man who made time made plenty of it Joe he said. He and Joe carried out the boxes and parcels and placed them in the boot of the car. It was parked directly outside the door of what was now their former home. When they entered Marys she was sitting in an armchair being consoled by Molly her sister-inlaw. The goodbyes were painful, permeated only by promises of visits. The car drove down Grove Street with Sean and Joe in the front and Bridget and the children in the back seat. Her head was turned backwards and she continued waving and concealing her tears until Mary, Margaret and Molly were out of sight. They set off up the Dublin Road and finally Roscrea disappeared from view but not from their memories. As the journey progressed the drone of the engine sent the children to sleep. Sean and Joe were engaging in occasional conversation in the front. It was then that her mind began to wander. Strangely she found her thoughts travelling back to her childhood, as though she was trying to find some solace thinking of happier, homely, more secure times in the bosom of her family. Times when the weight of the world was shouldered by her parents, leaving her to enjoy her childhood dreams. She thought of her father and how she missed him desperately now. It was only recently with his passing that the stark reality of having to make ones own decisions without his influence had dawned on her. It was part of maturing, part of getting a little older she thought. The pattern of her thinking was suddenly broken by the words were in Kildare already uttered by Joe from the front passenger seat. It wasnt long before they passed through the flat lands of the Curragh and the town of Naas and began to enter the outskirts of Dublin city.

CHAPTER TWO DUBLIN They approached the city from the southwest on a road that was known as the Long Mile. Matthew who was standing on the back seat of the car was intrigued at the sight of double-decker buses, which he kept pointing out. Everything seemed so much bigger, louder and more urgent than they were used to. As they drove further in, the city seemed to engulf them. They crossed the River Liffey at Grattan Bridge and finally arrived at their destination in Dorset Street. Just here Sean Joe said and the car stopped outside one of the shops. It was a drapers shop called Egans. After obtaining the keys from the proprietor Richard Egan who was the landlord, Joe and Sean unloaded the car and brought the belongings to the flat on the first floor. Sean didnt stay long as he had the return journey to make and the day was moving on as he put it. He wished them well in their new endeavours and said his goodbyes. None of them slept well that night. Partly because of the strangeness of their new surroundings and partly because of the noise of the traffic which they were not used to. Bridget felt very confined in the flat, as did the children. They missed having a garden. With Joe working all week including Saturdays, Bridget found the days very long. It was a busy inner city thoroughfare with hardly any open spaces or parks within walking distance. The only outings they had were to the local shops. Even this was a struggle for Bridget with three young children one of whom was handicapped. It was however, because of Baby Lukes condition that they were moved further up the waiting list for a Corporation house. Joes sister Betty had informed them that a house a few doors up from her was soon to become vacant. They enquired about it and were accepted by Dublin Corporation to take up residence at number 21, Slieve Bloom Park, Drimnagh. It was a little two story terraced house set in a cul-de-sac. It had three bedrooms, which they were delighted with. They also had the added bonus of Betty and her family as neighbours. With Joe working with Mick, Bettys husband, a whole new social life developed for them. Matthew and Sarah became good friends and playmates with their cousins Rosemary and Kathleen. Bridget and Betty would often visit each others houses where cups of tea and long chats would be the order of the day. As the months passed, the reality of Baby Lukes condition began to dawn on all of them. He was unable to walk even when supported and would only make erratic movements when lifted up. He would make vocal noises but never developed speech. His hearing also seemed impaired. One day he was sitting in front of the fireplace and somehow lifted the poker and banged it off the grate. He squealed with laughter at the loud noise it made. Bridget who witnessed this was intrigued by it. She had learned that if the sound was loud enough he could hear it and react to it. She would often in play do the same thing or use other objects that would create noise. She bought him a toy drum and drumstick. He would spend much time banging it and seemed to use it as a method of communication. She and Joe were heartbroken by his condition and despite seeing specialists were told that he would not improve. He put on weight like a normal child but being unable to walk his legs did not develop fully. He would move about by crawling on his stronger side in a zigzag fashion. Matthew and Sarah had great affection for him and had learned to communicate with him using noise. They in their childish way accepted without questioning that he was different from them. Many times however, when Bridget was busy doing household chores or when Matthew and Sarah were out playing he would lie on the floor seemingly detached from everything. He was a handsome child with straight fair hair and bright green eyes. At this time Joe was working hard and putting in long hours in order to earn money for furnishings that they needed. They had borrowed some items from Betty and Mick, which they wanted to return. The first few years in Dublin were a struggle. It was the Dublin of the 1950s and life for working class people was simple. One of the things that

Bridget did get hold of was a second hand radio, which they all enjoyed. It was a large apparatus in a wooden casing that was placed on a high shelf in the corner of the kitchen. In the daytime Bridget would have it turned up quite loud so that she could hear it wherever she would be. Matthew loved the music he heard and would often sway in an attempted dance learning the lyrics of his favourite songs. His older cousin Rosemary had started school and soon he and Bettys other daughter Kathleen were due to attend. Bridget brought him there on his first day. He was fine about it until he noticed some of the mothers crying when they handed over their children to the teachers. When it was his turn he saw Bridget shedding a tear and went into a mild panic. He did however, settle in reluctantly as all children do and soon made some friends. It wasnt long before Bridget became pregnant again. She gave birth to a little girl who was christened Bernadette. A nurse who visited them regularly to monitor Baby Luke and saw the position they were in suggested to Bridget that she could have him admitted to a home for the handicapped if she applied. She was upset at this suggestion, even though the nurse explained that the facilities and care in the home were excellent. She told Joe about it but neither of them had the heart to let him go. Within a year and a couple of months they had another son whom they named Patrick. Their situation by now had become quite intolerable. With five young children one of whom was severely handicapped, the strain was beginning to tell on Bridget. She had become dreadfully thin and prone to illness herself. The nurse who cared deeply about their plight visited them one evening in her own time. She pleaded with them to consider this option for their own sake and for the sake of the other children. Weeks later and after much debate, they decided to make the heart rendering decision. They applied and Baby Luke was accepted to be committed to the home for the handicapped in Palmerston Dublin. Mick drove them there while Betty looked after the other children in her house. He waited in the car and a nurse with a wheelchair met Bridget, Joe and Baby Luke. She seeing that they were apprehensive told them that he would have the very best of care twenty four hours a day and that they could visit him when they wanted. At the end of a long corridor she opened a door to the ward he would be resident in. There were some other children in the ward who were being fed by some staff it being meal time. One of them asked Bridget what her sons name was and if he would like anything to eat. She found it hard to deal with the fact that from now on someone else would be looking after her child. No matter how hard the situation was at home this was going to be an awful wrench for her. They spent some time with him hoping to settle him into his new environment. When they were leaving Bridget stopped in the corridor as if in a panic attack. My God Joe what have we done she said. He put his hand around her shoulder as she began to walk back towards the ward. I know its hard, he said. Hes in the best possible place he could be, he added trying to console her. She realized that he would probably spend the rest of his life there. He did. As they made their way towards the exit she broke down. She leaned against a window and cried inconsolably. Once they got used to visiting him on a regular basis the pain of being separated from him began to gradually subside. They also noticed the care he was receiving had benefited him greatly. Their family remained busy and soon Sarah was attending school along with Matthew. Their social life also became more hectic with the arrival of Joes brother Paul who got a job in Dublin and stayed with their sister Betty. He was a car mechanic and was only a couple of years younger than Joe. He resembled Joe greatly, not alone in looks but in character also. Bridgets brothers Jim and Tony who lived in the city would also pay an occasional visit, as would her favourite brother Jack and his girlfriend Patricia. Many a Sunday afternoon the house would be alive with people. It was something they both loved. They were a very hospitipal couple and everyone seemed to enjoy their company. Matthew and Sarah were now of an age where they were making friends in the park. Cars were not plentiful at that time and it was safe for them to play in the street. The usual seasonal get- togethers began again and life for all of them seemed a little better once more.

That December little Bernadette got a very bad cold which developed into pneumonia causing her to be hospitalised over the Christmas period. One day Joe and Bridget were called to go to the hospital because her condition had deteriorated and she was placed in an iron lung, a device into which pure oxygen was pumped. She remained on the critical list for a short time. Bridget asked Matthew and Sarah to pray for her as they would have been the only ones of her children who would have some understanding of her plight. It placed a dark cloud over all of them and the festivities were muted that year. Bridget had bought a black doll for Sarah that Christmas whom she christened Clara for her. Sarah hated it. She never brought it outside to show her friends or cousins or played with it. She saw that all the other girls in the park who got dolls had white ones and she did not want to be different. The greatest news they could have wished for came in January when Bernadette won her battle for life. Joes brother Paul began courting a girl who lived in the park, she was to become his future wife. Her name was Carol Talbot. She and her parents became good friends with both Joe and Bridget and Mick and Betty. On any given Sunday at Mass or other occasions they would all inevitably gather together as a group. It was like a little community within the small park in which they all lived. There was an area at the back of Slieve Bloom Park that was called The Valley. It was a poor area in which unemployment was rife. One Christmas Matthew received an abundance of presents including those from his newfound relatives. He got a Davy Crocket hat complete with tail that was the envy of the park. Several toy guns accompanied it. He met one of the Valley kids as they were known who admired his toys and when Matthew asked him what he got the boy lowered his head as if in shame and showed him his present. It was a book about Cowboys. Matthew felt sorry for him and guilty for having so much when he had so little. The boy asked him if he could play with one of his guns. Matthew held out two guns to him one in each hand. Which one he said. The boy made his choice and he told him he could keep it. He was ecstatic. It was worth a million pounds to Matthew to see such an expression of joy on somebodys face. He and Sarah realized that there were many disadvantaged and poor families in Dublin. They would often see the poorer children lined up in a queue waiting for a slice of bread and jam that would be given out to them by a charitable organization. The idea of these misfortunate children having to humiliate themselves for all to see would make them cringe. They realized that as simple as their lives seemed to be at times there were many worst off than them. They had a good father who never drank and a mother who was always there for them. In the Dublin of the 1950s the winters were cold with regular bouts of snow. One time the children made a slide and were skating on it down slope. On one occasion when Sarah was sliding down it she fell and broke her wrist. There were a lot of horse drawn vehicles around at that time that were a mode of transport for various services. These included the Milk Man, the Coal Man, the Rag and Bone Man and the huge Brewery dray carts pulled by enormous horses. The poorer children would run after the Coal Mens carts picking up any lumps of coal that fell from them bringing them home for the fire. Sometimes in the winter months with the large scale burning of coal if the conditions were foggy dark smog would cover areas of the city. Even in daytime the visibility would be limited. The summers were long and hot and the holidays seemed to last forever. There was a green area across the main road from the park. It was near a landmark pub called the Halfway House. It was here that Matthew, Sarah, cousins and friends would spend many a summers day. Another treat they loved was to go to Greenhills. It was an area of Tymon Park, which was a few miles away. It was set out in a series of purpose built hills or mounds that children would climb and either run down or more often roll down. Bridget and Betty would take them there by bus. Mick and Betty had another addition to their family a boy whom they named David. It would not be long before he, as a toddler would be trying to catch up with the rest of the gang. There was a shop at the top edge of the park where if they had a few pence to spend they would buy

some sweets or ice cream. When it rained a pool of water used to gather at the top end of the street. The children would keep their lollypop sticks and race them across the pool. They would do this by flicking the end of their sticks and the stick that travelled the furthest would win. The arrival of hula-hoops was also great fun. But simple things like playing hopscotch or marbles provided entertainment for them. The other great treat during the holidays was a trip to the Cinema. Matthew loved the cowboy films and war films but they all loved the comedies particularly Abbot and Costello and Norman Wisdom. Matthew was going through various childhood phases one of which was his obsession with climbing. He would build structures and then climb to the top of them. One day he put a chair on the table and placed a bucket on it upside down. He climbed on top of it all and placed his hands on the ceiling. Bridget entered the room and wisely instead of shouting at him coaxed him down with a gentle voice. She waited until he was safely down to scream at him. Although warned it was an obsession that would not leave him easily. One day his best friend Brian Coady asked him if hed ever kissed a girl. He replied that he hadnt. Brian told him that he had kissed loads of girls. Matthew was amazed at this until he revealed that he had kissed the photos of models on the covers of fashion magazines. Matthew fell about the place laughing but promised not to tell anyone. It did however; raise his curiosity on the subject. It was not long before he stole a kiss from a girl named Grainne who lived at the other end of the park. He found it wet and sloppy and wondered why people made such a big deal out of it. Although they did not have many material possessions the OConnor household was a happy place. The children lived out their childhood dreams and fantasies inevitably led by Matthew and now Sarah. One October Matthew discovered an unfinished rocking horse that Joe was making for him for Christmas. Bridget tried to explain it away by telling him that Santa was still working on it and that it was too big to bring down the chimney. He was delighted at the prospect of getting such a toy but it shattered his belief in Santa. He was maturing and taking a lot more notice of what was going on around him. He would listen intently to adult conversations and was quickly learning a lot more about life. That year he would make his First Communion. He hated all the fuss and became quite rebellious towards it. He gave in eventually particularly after being threatened with being taken to see the priest. It did not however, quell his adventurous streak. Joe was given a van in connection with his job and one day Matthew and Sarah were sitting in it with Matthew in the drivers seat. He was pulling the steering wheel and pretending to drive. He did not know that the hand break was not fully engaged. Before they both realized what was happening the vehicle began to move. He could barely see out the window and there were no cars parked on their side of the road. It kept on moving and ended up in the middle of the street. Matthew managed to steer it clear of a car that was parked on the other side. At this point Sarah was screaming her head off. It eventually mounted a pavement at the end of the road and went into a brick wall of a neighbours front garden demolishing the centre of it. Joe wasnt using the van that day and had gone to work with Mick. The people who lived in the house were away on holidays. Matthew remembered the long wait that day until Joe returned home. The result was a swollen ear and being confined to his room for longer than he would have liked. He overheard Joe talking to Bridget through the keyhole of his bedroom door saying Jesus what are we going to do with that young fellow. That weekend Joe and some workmates rebuilt the damaged section of the wall. When the family affected returned from their holidays Matthew was made to go and apologise to them. He thought it was not going to be a good year for him and his adventurous spirit became subdued. Before long the day of his first Holy Communion arrived and he was made a fuss of once more for which he was grateful. He felt special again dressed up in his new suit and thankful for the money he received on the occasion. It was about this time that Joes youngest sister Angela moved to Dublin and married a man called Peter Fogerty who was from Bridgets part of the world. They lived in a different area but were

soon part of the social scene in the park. Joe and a friend called Paddy O Meara and Peter would often go to the open-air markets in the city and pick up the odd bargain. One time Joe brought home what he called a washing machine for Bridget. It was in fact the latest in scrubbing boards with the centre made of glass. She was not amused. The get-togethers on an occasional Saturday night or Sunday evening at the OConnor household became more crowded than ever. The children would be ushered to bed at a certain hour but would listen to the banter and laughter at the top of the stairs and would scurry to their respective bedrooms when an adult would ascend the stairs to use the toilet. Joe had a particularly loud laugh, which was almost rude in quality. One day Sarah decided to have an adventure of her own and went walk-about. She managed to cross the busy main road to the local shops and kept on going in the direction that led towards the city. Being small she was spotted by a passer-by who noticed she was unaccompanied. She knew her address and was soon brought home not realizing the panic she had caused her mother. The other children were developing quickly with Bernadette growing into a buxom healthy little girl despite her earlier setback. Bridget was worried about Patricks development in that he was not speaking. She would try and coax him to say Mammy or Daddy but to no avail. Matthew and Sarah would speak to him but he would just stare at them saying nothing. One day he tripped over in the hallway and let out a series of swear words. Bridget on overhearing this was delighted in one sense but wondered where hed picked up such language from. They all survived the usual measles, mumps, bumps, flus, colds, scratches, cuts and bruises and grew into a happy little bunch who looked out for each other. Bridget made sure they visited Baby Luke. She wanted them to know their brother although to her sorrow he was gradually becoming more distant than ever to them because of his separation in the home for the handicapped. It was not long before Bridget became pregnant again. This time she gave birth to a little girl whom they called Nancy. She now in turn became the baby of the family. One day Bridget received a telegram containing the news of the sudden death of Sean Halley. She and Joe were very saddened by this. He had been so kind to them. Aunt Molly must be in bits, she said to him. His funeral in Roscrea was a large affair. However, when Bridget attended it she was in for another shock. She learned from her sister Margaret that her mother Mary was seeing another man called Laurence OToole. She found it very hard to contemplate or come to terms with this. Her father was her guiding light in life and she missed him still. Nobody for her could ever take his place. It upset her more than the funeral she attended. Matthew meanwhile was enjoying the benefits of being the eldest in family. Joe started bringing him places with him. He brought him to such venues as the Easter Parade, the open-air markets and several Gaelic football matches at Croke Park, which was the main stadium in Ireland. At Christmas he and Sarah would go with Bridget to see the lights in OConnell Street the main street in Dublin. Matthew was also treated to a visit to the Dublin seaside resort of Blackrock and Dublin Airport by two of aunt Mollys sons who were his second cousins. After visiting the airport he told everybody that he wanted to be a pilot. The next disturbing news that Bridget received was that Laurence whom she thought of as being just a friend of her mothers had taken up a job in Dublin. He had rented a flat in the city and her mother had consented to marry him. She had made plans to leave Roscrea and wed him in Dublin and move there. She had not realized that they were that serious about each other. It also left the burning question of what was going to happen to Margaret. Her mother could be quite headstrong and when she would make up her mind to do something there would be no stopping her. She had decided to follow her heart and sold out her interests in Roscrea. She and Margaret who had little choice other than going with her moved to the city. The wedding was a quiet affair with mainly family in attendance. Bridget found it heart breaking

and attended for her mothers sake. She felt it was too soon and could not think of anything else that day other than her father. Margaret pointed out to her that their mother was not getting any younger and this might be her last chance of happiness. Margaret got a job and moved into the flat with them. It was set on the fourth floor of a large house in the north inner city where Margaret had her own room on the same landing. That year Bridgets first cousin Josephine who was aunt Mollys only daughter visited her. On the return trip she brought Matthew to Roscrea for a short visit. It was during this time that he became familiar with his previous surroundings, he being so young when they went to Dublin. It was through his grand aunt Molly and her sons and daughter that his abiding memories of the town of his birth were achieved. Bridget was very down about the fact that her home, which held so many dear memories for her, was gone forever. Margaret came to visit her alone and they had a long talk. She explained to her that after years of depression and loneliness their mother had found someone who made her happy again. Margaret herself as Bridget discerned felt isolated in her new surroundings but was happy at least to be living with her mother. Whats done is done Bridget said to her. I suppose theyll be round to visit soon she added. She was annoyed at the fact that her mothers decision had displaced her sister from Roscrea. How are the boys taking it? she asked her. Well Jack was a bit taken back, as for Jim and Tony I think they have plans of their own, she answered. Theyre talking about going to England she added. England, why? Bridget said with a quiver in her voice. With the lack of jobs here at the moment theyre not finding it easy she said. Changing the atmosphere of the conversation Bridget invited them all through Margaret to visit her soon. The first to come one Sunday was her mother whom she wanted to see accompanied by Laurence and Margaret. Laurence was a large portly man who wore a hat. He was originally from Kildare. He had a very pleasant manner and was a good witty conversationalist. Bridget introduced her children to their grandmother. Only Matthew and Sarah would have known her in Roscrea. When she introduced her to Bernadette as Granny she asked if Laurence was Granddad. Bridget cringed at the suggestion and told her that her grandfather was in Heaven. She made it quite clear to all of them in her own time that he was not their grandfather and from then on they called them Granny and Laurence. She showed them all a photograph of her father and felt saddened that they would never know him. She hoped in time that they would ask questions about him, which she would be only too glad to answer. In time her relationship with Laurence became less awkward and more amicable as she got to know him more. He was a gentle and unassuming type of man. The children liked Granny. She had a good sense of humour and would tell them countless jokes. She was unlike Bridget in that she was very laid back in her ways. It wasnt long before Jim and Tony made up their minds to go to England. The job situation in Dublin was becoming more and more limited with the recession biting harder and harder. People were flocking to the city from the small towns villages and countryside in search of work and the amount of work available was drying up. They planned to go to England for a while where work was plentiful until the situation improved at home. They would be the first of many to have such a thought and the first of many never to return. Meanwhile Bridget received a long letter from her aunt Molly that although giving her all the news from her hometown indicated that she was thinking of selling the garage and house and relocating in Dublin. Her family were now of college going age and with a large family like hers she felt they would have more educational and career opportunities in the city. She stood up after reading the letter and felt her right arm drop to her side. She stared out the window thinking of how the last links with her hometown were being severed. Her thoughts were interrupted by her daughter Bernadette tugging at her skirt wanting attention.

When Joe came home that evening he saw she was at a low point. He had just the news to cheer her up. Ive decided to take them holidays that are owed to me, he said. I had a word with Mick and he said we can borrow his car and hell use the van until we get back he added. Back from where? Bridget asked. Tanavalla Joe said with a broad smile on his face. Bridget was delighted at the distraction and the thought of showing the children the beautiful countryside of Joes birthplace filled her with joy. God knows you could do with a break between one thing and another, he said. She hugged him and set about getting clothes ready for them all for the trip. They set off early one morning, as it was a long journey across Ireland to County Kerry in the southwest. Matthew would constantly enquire about the different places they passed on their way. Joe would name the different counties and towns that they went through. Matthew would remember the places on this route all of his life. They would pass through the county of Dublin then Kildare, Laois, Tipperary, Limerick and drive along the mouth of the Shannon estuary and finally into county Kerry. The tingle of excitement that Joe would feel when entering his hometown of Listowel was transferred to all of them. They all had a wonderful holiday. The children adored Tanavalla. They loved their grandparents and their hospitality but most of all they loved the vast spaces and woodlands they were able to play in and explore. There were no toys that were ever bought for them that brought them as much joy as the natural freedom the countryside offered them. On the return journey they made a brief stop at Roscrea. Bridgets aunt Molly was delighted to see the younger children she had not met before and remarked on how much Sarah had grown. There was not enough time for an in-depth conversation but she did tell them that as soon as she settled in Dublin they would be more than welcome to visit her. When Bridget left her hometown that day she knew there would be little reason to visit there from now on. It wasnt long before her aunt Molly and family made the move. They settled in the delightful south Dublin suburb called Donnybrook. They acquired a large apartment in Morehampton Road. It was a very affluent area of the city. Soon Joe Bridget and the children found themselves making the occasional visit there. There was an enormous back garden with an orchard at the end that the children loved. Matthew would climb the trees and throw down apples to the others when the adults were out of sight. Aunt Molly was a warm and welcoming woman. She was also a woman renowned for her beauty. She had many suitors in her younger days but only ever had eyes for Sean. After his death she never had a relationship with another man. Joe and Bridgets social life was now quite busy with their expanded circle of relatives and friends. Joe had joined a Billiards club and would also play darts at the weekends. Bridget would have family visiting her regularly. Sarahs First Communion was the next main event on the calendar. She received money from family and relatives as were customary. One day she was playing and Matthew was teasing her about the money she got when she placed a three-penny bit in her mouth so that he could not have it. She unintentionally swallowed it and went into a panic jumping up and down and screaming, Im going to die repeatedly. When the doctor examined her he told Bridget that it was now in her digestive system and to keep an eye on her until nature took its course, which to all their relief it did. Matthew meanwhile was taking Bettys son David his younger first cousin under his wing and showing him the ways of the world. He introduced him to his best friend Brian Coady and some of his other playmates. They would play endless games fuelled mainly by Matthews endless imagination. He would get them to borrow items from their houses such as mops, brushes, pans and colanders. One day Bridget looked out the window and could not believe her eyes. There was a column of young boys marching two by two with cooking utensils on theyre heads for helmets and mops and brooms over theyre shoulders for guns with Matthew giving the marching orders from the front. What else could she do but laugh. Another day Matthew was trying to explain the wonders of nature to his cousin David. He spotted a

dog peeing against a wall. Do you see that? he said to him. I saw a dog peeing on that wall yesterday. A dog will only pee where another dog has peed before he explained. But where did the first dog pee? David asked him. Ah well he could pee wherever he liked Matthew answered much to his confusion. It was about this time that other events began to unfold. The economic situation in Ireland deteriorated to an all time low. The country was experiencing mass emigration. Irish people were travelling to the new expanding economies such as America, Canada, Australia, New Zealand and Britain who were advertising for workers. The first people to consider such a move at this time were Joes brother Paul and his fianc Carol. They had hoped to join Carols sister Nell in Canada. They applied for work permits and were accepted by the Canadian authorities to take up residence in Toronto. Carols parents and her brothers also applied and were accepted. Paul was now a qualified mechanic who was much in demand in such countries. Joe was very downhearted on hearing this news. He was only getting to know Paul again after being away from home for many years himself. Two of their other brothers Peter and Owen were already living and married in England. Now there was only Brian the youngest in family living at home in Tanavalla. Their sister Maureen had recently got married and so the last of the girls had left also. Joe made a rash decision probably governed by such emotions and made an application for him and his family to emigrate to Canada also. They would have been accepted, all that is, except for Baby Luke. He would not have been allowed into Canada because of his disability. They would have to leave him in Ireland. It was this condition that changed their minds. There was also the fact that Bridgets heart was not set on emigrating so far away. Mick had made the brave decision to go working for himself. He maintained that there would be lay offs by the company that he and Joe worked for. He was proved right. He asked Joe to join him and he did. Soon there was a group of men working for him including his brother Eddie. The competition they faced in tendering for jobs was intense. Sometimes the work they got was many miles away. They would work long hours sometimes seven days a week in order to complete the contracts on time. The time came for Paul, Carol and her family to book theyre passage to Canada. It would be a long journey for them into a new world they knew very little about. Paul visited his parents and all the family he could before leaving. He was hopeful like the rest of them for a better life. It was crowded staying at his sister Bettys but he would miss them all. Who knows we might be back in a few years? he said to Joe. It would be many years before they would even meet again. The goodbyes were permeated with promises of writing to each other and suddenly they were gone. It was not long before Mick and Betty had managed to save enough money to put a deposit on a private house. It was in an area known as Hughes Road that was within walking distance of where they had lived. Matthew had developed a new obsession, that of being fascinated with parachuting. He had seen a war film in which troops were jumping from aeroplanes and opening their parachutes. He was intrigued by it, so much so, that he made a parachute out of a Handkerchief and some string. He attached a toy soldier to it and would drop it from his bedroom window and watch it fall to the ground. One day he borrowed Bridgets umbrella and jumped off a small wall. He found that the umbrella cushioned his landing. When he was playing with Sarah and their cousins at aunt Bettys house, he tried to explain to them that you could jump from anywhere if you had an umbrella. To prove his point he got his cousin to fetch aunt Bettys. He took it to the front bedroom window when his aunt had gone to the shop. He opened the window and prepared to jump. By this time a small crowd of other children had gathered outside. He hesitated for a while looking down at the drop trying to overcome his nerves. The children began to shout jump, jump in jeering fashion. He sitting on the window ledge with umbrella opened, closed his eyes and jumped. He crashed through a cherry tree before landing on the grass to

resounding cheers from the gathered crowd. Despite a few scratches and a minor cut he felt he had proved his point. He was more worried about having to explain the scratches and damaged umbrella. On hearing of the episode uncle Mick remarked that young fellows stone mad, hell kill himself one day. With Paul, Carol and her family gone to Canada and Mick, Betty and their family having moved, Joe and Bridget felt a little more isolated. True, her mother and sister would visit now and again but they regretted the break-up of the little community in Slieve Bloom Park. Joe was now an employee of Micks who was an ambitious man. It was hard physical work involving road works and drainage in all weathers and the hours were long. Bridget noticed that he had lost a lot of weight and was tired and cranky at times. On the next visit to his hometown he met an old school friend who asked him how he was getting on. Joe confided in him and told him he was fed up with what he was doing. He told Joe that he worked for an oil company whose depot was in Tralee a town that was not far from Joes birthplace. He told him that there was a vacancy coming up for a lorry driver because of a retirement. He suggested that he go for an interview as he was down that direction. Joe was hesitant at first but decided he had nothing to lose. Bridget was a bit bewildered on hearing this. She knew he was unhappy in his job but she was worried that his restless spirit might get the better of him. After all they were settled in Dublin, which was on the other side of the country. When Joe went for the interview he told the prospective employer that he was moving back to his home patch. It was of course a bluff. Little did he realize that it was a self-proclaimed prophesy. They said they would have a driving vacancy coming up soon and would let him know in writing if he was the successful applicant. Both he and Bridget thought that would be the end of that. The weeks passed after the holiday and they settled back into their routine. One day a letter arrived addressed to Joe. He could not believe his eyes when he read it. My God he said to Bridget I got the bloody job laughing. Bridget however, was apprehensive about it not joining in the celebratory mood. Are you thinking of taking it? she asked nervously. Yes as a matter of fact I am came the reply. But what about the house, the childrens schooling not to mention moving she said. There will be another house and other schools, he said. Bridget could see that there was a determined look in Joes eyes. The suddenness of the decision that he had made unnerved her. Where will we live? she asked him. In Tanavalla until we get a Corporation house. That shouldnt take long from what I hear he said. He explained to her that having a large family would put them at the top of the waiting list. He also said that they would have to move within the next few weeks when he would be due to start work. Bridget was stunned by the suddenness of it all. She told the children about the move and was surprised they took the news so well. They loved Tanavalla but this was not going to be a holiday. It was Mick and Betty who were somewhat shocked at the news. Bridget invited her mother, Margaret and Laurence around and told them of their decision. It was Margaret who was the most distressed at hearing of their move. It was she who would miss Bridget the most. Although she had a friendship with a man it was not serious and would not lead anywhere, unlike their mother and Laurence who were a couple. Bridget told them of her reservations about moving in with Joes parents. It all seemed such a panic. She suddenly invited her brother Jack to come and see her. She wanted to see everyone she could because she thought it might be some time before she would see them all again. They also went to visit her aunt Molly in Donnybrook. But last of all and most painful was visiting Baby Luke. Betty and Mick promised to call and see him from time to time and keep in touch with them regarding his welfare. It was a promise they kept. Mick gave Joe the van and would not take a penny for it. It was old but as Mick said it would do him for a while.

CHAPTER THREE LISTOWEL The few weeks flew by and soon Joe and Bridget were about to set off on another adventure only this time with a bigger crew of five children in hand. Their furniture and other items were stored in Mick and Bettys garage waiting there until they got a corporation house. They took with them what clothes and bed linen that fitted in the van. Nancy the baby was placed on Bridgets lap in the front. Joe sat at the helm and the others settled restlessly on blankets and pillows provided in the back. It was cramped to say the least. The goodbyes to Mick, Betty and their family had been said the evening before. Joe called around to drop off the keys of the house to Betty as arranged for her to hand back to the Corporation. They said one briefer farewell with only Joe getting out of the van. Bridget waved from the passenger seat and the children from the back windows as they drove off. Joe turned his head and had one last look, as did Bridget and those who could see out the back as they caught one last glimpse of Slieve Bloom Park before they headed towards the Long Mile Road on the journey south. It was the end of another episode in their lives. None of them knew what lay ahead except the fact that they were heading for Listowel. It was a journey of more than four hours and frequent stops had to be made for the children to attend to nature and stretch their legs. Bridget did a lot of thinking during the trip. She could not help wondering what lay behind Joes decision to move and why he was so adamant about it. He was a deep man who could be prone to keeping his inner most thoughts and sometimes feelings to himself. The only conclusion she could come to was that the working relationship between him and Mick changed when he went to work for him. Where once they were workmates, they had become boss and employee. She had also admitted to herself that she was envious of the fact that Betty and Mick had bought their own house and were moving up in the world. However, she thought it was no time to be dwelling on such things. This was here and now, the decision had been made and that was that. It was the beginning of April 1959 when they made their next port of call. They arrived at Tanavalla mid afternoon. Some of the younger ones had been sleeping and were tired and cranky from the journey. Momma made them all welcome and prepared tea and light snacks for them. Dont go to any trouble now Momma Bridget said. Let ye sit down there now lads and have something to eat Momma said. She had baked fresh homemade bread as she did every day. It was something they all loved. There was cheese, ham and jam to accompany it, washed down with tea for the older ones and a jug of fresh milk for the younger ones. Do you still get the milk from Dowlings? Bridget asked. Indeed I do Momma said. I was down there this morning she added. Paddy and Mary Dowling ran a neighbouring farm that was a short walk from them. Momma had an arrangement with Mrs. Dowling for milk. Anytime she needed some she would carry a metal gallon can with her and have it filled from one of their milk churns. They had a milking heard unlike Dessie OSullivan who rented Momma and Daddas own farm for raising dry cattle for beef. With Joes mother and father and his youngest brother Brian still living at home the conditions were cramped to say the least. Brian was now working as an apprentice mechanic and owned a motorbike. That evening Momma and Bridget prepared dinner for all of them. It was cooked for two sittings. One for the children and one for the adults including Dadda and Brian on their return from work. It was to become part of a routine that they would all have to get used to for some time to come. One thing that Joe, Bridget and the children would never get used to was the fact that there was no bathroom or toilet in the house. If anyone wanted to answer a call of nature they would have to do so outdoors. The barn, which was located at the rear of the back garden, was considered to be the communal toilet. Anyone who was

caught short anywhere else would have to find the nearest point of cover for their modesties sake, be it hedgerow, tree or high grass. This resulted in a lot of comings and goings that were unannounced. A stream of fresh water that ran down the hill would invariably suffice as a convenient sink for hand washing. The sleeping arrangements were no better with the children cramped head to toe. This was all great fun on a short holiday but for an indefinite stay it was laborious to say the least. It was also no fun for Dadda, Momma and Brian whos routine was severely changed by such a crowded house. Dadda put a bright complexion on things when he said Janie boys it would remind you of the old days when all our own were young. Bridget and Momma ran the household end of things when Joe started his job in Tralee. He was using the van to travel the seventeen-mile journey to the oil depot where he would pick up his lorry to do his delivery work. This necessitated him leaving early in the morning and returning late in the evening. Momma and Bridget would take turns in walking the mile to Listowel town for a bag of shopping. Momma who was well known in the area would often get a lift from a neighbour or friend. Soon some people came to know Bridget and she would often avail of the same. Joe and Bridget did not want Matthew and Sarah to miss any schooling while they were in Tanavalla. They did not know how long they would have to wait for a Corporation house and so they had them enrolled in the respective boys and girls schools in Listowel town. An old dark green bus that made a lot of noise would stop outside the gate on the main road and drop all the children in the town square, from where they would walk to their respective schools. The same bus would also take them home from there. Some evenings if the weather was nice and the mood took them Matthew and Sarah would walk the mile from the town. Matthew would sometimes climb on the wall of the bridge that spanned the River Feale that was on route to Tanavalla. He would hop or dance along it frightening the life out of Sarah. One time he nearly lost his balance and made Sarah cry. When Bridget got to hear of this, he was warned about his climbing activities once more, but to no avail. He hated the school in Listowel because the other boys mocked his Dublin accent. At first he found it difficult to understand their pronunciation of some words and knew it must have been the same for them. They called him a Jackeen, which is taken from the term Dublin Jack. He had noticed that there was a perception that some small town and country people had about people in the capital. It would take him longer than his stay at this school to understand it. The weeks however, passed quickly and soon the summer holidays arrived. Twelve glorious weeks he thought. He did not know then that neither he nor Sarah would be returning to school in Listowel. They filled the long days in the gigantic playground that was Tanavalla. It covered a large area that took in other farms including that of their grand uncle Kevin. They would play in the garden or in the large fields in Momma and Daddas. Sometimes Matthew and Sarah would roll down the steep hill often followed by Bernadette who was by now trying to emulate them. Nancy was only a baby at this time but Bridget would sit her out the front of the house on a sunny day with little Patrick by her side. One day Matthew was rolling downhill and went straight into a cowpat. He did not find Sarahs laughing funny and chased her carrying a large portion of cow dung. There was a group of large trees near the front of the house that they all used to play on. One of them had fallen over in a storm and Dadda had cut some of the branches off. Matthew said to Sarah what does that remind you of? An aeroplane she said and so the aeroplane tree was born. As it was flat it was easy for even the younger ones to climb up on given a hand. Matthew would be the pilot Sarah would be the airhostess and Bernadette and Patrick the passengers. Other days they would go to the woods and collect all the wild flowers they could, bringing them to the house for Bridget and Momma. At the top of the drive near the house there was a small evergreen tree on its own. It was about three feet tall. Dadda had told them that it was there for many years and never grew any taller. He christened it the Fairy Tree. All the children were intrigued by it and seemed to have a certain

reverence for it. He told them that if they made a wish while touching it, it would come true. It became Matthew and Sarahs job to collect the milk a few days a week from Dowlings farm. They would set off along the main road with a metal gallon can that had a lid. It was at this point that they made friends with Paddy Dowling his wife Mary and their three children. There was one boy named Dennis the eldest, his sister Rosie and the youngest girl called Carmel. Mrs. Dowling would fill the container with fresh milk from one of the churns when they were finished playing with the children. People of the district would see them on the road and soon came to know who they were. One such woman was an Mrs.Gallivan an older woman who lived in a little cottage on the way. She would always say hello and engage in a little conversation with them. They learned from Momma that she had lost her husband when she was young. She was a nice woman and Matthew and Sarah liked her. They realized that she was probably lonely. The next visits they made were to their grand uncle Kevins farm. A long lane called a boreen from the main road approached it. The house was the last building at the end of the lane. Uncle Kevin lived there with his mother who was known as Momma OConnor, his wife Nellie, his three daughters, Maura, Lissie, and Pauline and his son Cecil. Matthew and Sarah in particular got to know them very well, they being of an age with them. They were second cousins. Kevin was a slim man with blonde hair who worked very hard at running the farm. He had a herd of cattle some of which had to be milked in the morning and evening. His wife and children helped out on the farm doing the various chores. It did not matter for his children whether it was school holidays or not, because they had to perform their tasks all year round. They were however, a lovely bunch of kids who always seemed to have a smile on their face. Matthew and Sarah loved going there even though some days they would be quite busy at the farm. They felt lucky that they had so much time to themselves on their holidays. Nellie was a strong woman who worked hard with her husband in running the farm. She and Kevin married later in life he being a good few years her senior. So much so that their children were around Matthew and Sarahs age. She was a warm woman who liked a good chat when she could. Besides cattle they had a plough horse and a black horse that would pull the cart to the creamery with the milk churns. It was this horse that would also bring them to Mass on a Sunday in what was called a trap. It was a vehicle that could seat up to eight people. Matthew and Sarah were introduced to Momma OConnor. She was their great grandmother and the matriarch of that side of the family. She was a very old woman but still had all her wits about her. She was sitting in the kitchen when they first saw her. She had snow-white hair, pale skin and light blue eyes. She painted a ghostly picture with a black shawl draped over her shoulders. Her voice was shaky but her hug was warm. They felt privileged to know her. She still drove the pony and trap to Sunday Mass. On one such occasion when Matthew was with them she let him have hold of the reins. She told him how to hold them and not to flick them too hard, as this would make the pony move faster. Matthew did as he was told until the curiosity overcame him. He gave one good flick of the reins on the horses back and it went into a canter. They were just approaching the turn at the bridge. The pony knowing the route made the turn at speed sending the trap skidding and everyone holding on to the rails for dear life. Matthew, although protesting his innocence was never allowed at the helm again. He did however; find a co-conspirator in his cousin Cecil. They would play countless tricks on each other when Matthew would visit uncle Kevins farm. One day when they were playing tag Matthew dressed in his Sunday best clothes was chasing Cecil. He ran after him into the pig house. Cecil jumped over a wall and Matthew followed him. What he did not realize was that Cecil had leapt over two walls between which was a small pit containing pig slurry. Matthew cleared the first wall and landed straight in it. He knew Cecil had set him up. You absolute bastard he screamed at him. Cecil was bent over and almost in pain from laughing. Matthew chased him but he got away through the barn and headed for the river. His shoes were squelching with pig slurry and his socks ruined. The rest of his clothes were splashed and he stank to high heaven. He washed out his shoes and socks as best he could under the yard tap all the time

vowing what he was going to do to Cecil. Another day Matthew filled a bucket of milk and hid behind a hedge until Cecil passed on the other side and threw the contents over him. Now, now, such language on a Sunday he said mockingly. Such was the banter between them. On other occasions when there was a truce they would walk down to the river accompanied by the girls and spend some time paddling in the crystal clear waters of the River Feale. It flowed by the town of Listowel and formed the boundary at the edge of uncle Kevins farm. Matthew and Sarah also loved going into town. After crossing the bridge they would enter Bridge Street, a row of small terraced houses. There were open green spaces along the bank of the river to explore and a spring that oozed cold fresh water from the ground that was a delight to quench their thirst by. The first place of interest they would pass was Nashes warehouse where Dadda their grandfather worked. He had a little office perched on the ramp where the lorries would pull in. They would sometimes call in to say hello. Often, he would be standing on the ramp with clipboard in hand, counting stock, with smoke bellowing out of his pipe. Next door to the warehouse was a sweet shop that was run by his eldest daughter Kate and her husband Pat. It was called Hallorans. She was Matthew and Sarahs aunt. She was a small slim woman with wiry brown hair who resembled her mother Momma very much. She was very much her own person and had her own particular sense of humour. She welcomed the children on Sundays after mass when she would give them some sweets and Pat would give them a bottle of fizzy orange, which they liked. He was a tall well built man with a warm personality who had thinning fair hair and a red complexion. They had three children, Theresa who was the eldest and very chatty, Timothy who was both humorous and studious and Ciara the youngest who was pretty but shy. They would all invariably meet up at the shop after Mass. There were the couple of formal invitations to the house for dinner where Joe could catch up with things with his sister. Kate was the kind of woman who liked things organized. The area of the shop was quite small as it was a former front room and it did not take many people to fill it. At the back was a long garden set to lawn and bordered by shrubs and trees. It was here that Matthew and Sarah first got to know their cousins. They were a little older than them but Matthew got on quite well with Timothy. They had a black and white border collie called Lassie. It used to roll over with its legs in the air when given the command die for your country uttered by Ciara. Matthew told them he would love a dog one day. The road rose steeply from their shop and levelled out onto a large square. The first building of note on the left hand side was the Catholic Church. It was a gothic style building with a tall steeple. It being on the side of a hill was the first thing that was visible on the approach to the town on that side. In the middle of the square stood the Protestant Church. That community now represented only a very small percentage of the population in the south of Ireland. It was reflected in the dilapidated state of the building. Sometimes the travellers often known as the tinkers would stop there. They could sometimes be found talking to the minister. They must be desperate Matthews cousin Timothy had said to him referring to the Protestants rather than the tinkers. The truth was, they got a better reception there. Some large town houses separated the Catholic Church from the main hotel known as The Listowel Arms. The other three sides of the square were made up mainly of shops, offices, banks and pubs. One hardware store was where Joe had served his apprenticeship. Another large shop was Crowleys, a general store where Momma got most of her weekly groceries. She had shopped there most of her life and everybody knew her there. It was also a place for a chat and a bit of gossip. The busiest day in town was market day. The square would be filled with cattle and farmers from near and far. They would make deals by haggling then spitting on their hands and shaking to seal the sale. The market was always on a Friday and the pubs would do very well that evening. Other people such as craftsmen selling their wares and travellers selling anything they could, would come to town. Children on their school holidays would often pass a few hours watching the goings on as

did Matthew and Sarah on a couple of occasions. They noticed that some of the poorer children walked barefoot when not attending school or Mass. This they learned was to save their shoes, as their parents could not afford to replace them that often. One Sunday Joe took them all to see his other grandmother. She was known as Mud Leane. Although she had a very large family, her husband was deceased and only one son remained at home. His name was Ed and he ran the small farm on his own. They lived in a little thatched cottage that was untouched by time. It had never been altered since the day she got married. It was situated up a little lane near the bridge in Listowel town. The children were enthralled by it and also delighted to see their other great grandmother. Outside the white washed walls hens ran freely. The small bent figure of Mud greeted them leaning over the half door, her white grey hair fixed in a bun. She Welcomed them and asked the names of the children. At the end of the large living area an open fire burned in a stone hearth creating a red glow that lit up an otherwise dark room. Above the fire suspended on a metal arm like a crane hung a big pot of boiling water. Mud scooped a kettle full and made some tea. She talked about her children whom Joe grew up with and told him of the various places they now lived. Joe remembered what a lively house it was to visit when they were all there. Matthew asked if he could play outside and was soon followed by Sarah. They went in the direction of the barn where they were greeted by a large white dog that growled at them. They noticed that he was tied by a rope, something they thought was cruel. Then something startled them. Out of the shadows of the barn a tall lean figure of a man appeared. They began to run back towards the cottage. They could hear him laughing and calling them back. Once inside they enquired as to who he was and learned that he was Muds son Ed their grand uncle. That afternoon they were introduced to him. He was a man of few words and Matthew and Sarah in particular were not drawn to him. He was a bachelor who had led a very solitary life. Most of that long summer the children spent playing around Momma and Daddas farm. They would climb to the top of the hill and sit on the large stone that covered the well. From there they could see the road below. They could pick out the various people as they made their way to town or back. They would see their uncle Kevin or Paddy Dowling going to the creamery with the large metal churns of milk stacked on their horse drawn carts. One day Matthew decided to climb one of the largest trees at the front of the house. Sarah saw him go further and further up it and became worried. She called out to him and pretended their mother was coming in a ploy to get him to come down. He believing this began to descend rapidly. He missed his footing in trying to reach one branch and began to fall. He hit several branches on the way down and tumbled over and over until falling the last ten feet or so. As he lay on the ground he could feel himself slipping in and out of consciousness. He could faintly hear Sarahs screams. He could not breath and in a panic he began to roll with the slope of the land. It worked and he lay on the ground for what seemed an eternity slowly getting his breath back. Sarah had run up to the house but Bridget, Momma and the others were out in the back garden. Out of breath she told her mother of Matthews demise. She tried to convey the seriousness of the situation as Bridget was used to Matthews misadventures by now. He eventually tried to get to his feet but could not do so because of the agonizing pain in his lower back. The only way he could begin to approach the house above was by crawling, pulling himself slowly upwards using the strength of his arms. He was near the top of the rise when he saw his mother and Momma approaching. Jesus Christ Almighty Bridget said. I knew this would happen one day. They both lifted him taking him by the arms. This in incident left him with a weak back muscle for along time. He was however, lucky to be alive, as he knew himself. The incident quelled his compulsion with climbing for a good while. It was now approaching the latter part of the summer and the harvesting season was at hand. All the

fruits in the garden were ripening. There was one tree in the orchard on which grew one huge apple. Dadda was fascinated by it and had arranged for an agricultural inspector to come and view it. He had told everyone not to touch this particular apple. Each time Matthew and Sarah would pass the tree it seemed to grow bigger and bigger. It began to develop a mysterious aura. They wondered if it possessed magical powers. One day when they were in the orchard Sarah wondered what it would taste like. Matthew reminded her of Daddas instructions. If you could climb up and take one small bite, it would look as if a bird had pecked it, she said. Matthew hesitated but even his curiosity got the better of him. He climbed to where it was and reached to the branch where it hung. He drew the apple towards his mouth and just as he went to bite it the apple fell to the ground with a thud. Total silence fell over them and a sense of awe filled them. It was like a scene from the Garden of Eden. They had succumbed to temptation. They had disobeyed a command. We may as well have that small bite now Sarah said. Before Matthew could plead with her she had sunk her teeth into it. She offered him a small piece of the bite saying how good it tasted and he also ate the forbidden fruit. That evening after dinner they saw Dadda walking through the garden. They hid in the barn. God damn and blast they heard him say, knowing he had discovered the fallen apple on the ground. They received a good telling off and an early night in bed but thankfully the incident was soon forgotten. The agricultural inspector found the story amusing and complimented Dadda on such a fine specimen of that particular fruit. The Last event of that summer in Tanavalla was the haymaking at uncle Kevins. Joe and Bridget had heard to their great relief that they had been allocated a Corporation house in a modern estate in the town of Tralee. A gathering of family and neighbours took place at Kevin and Nellies farm and the harvesting began. Matthew and Sarah joined them one day. Although they were not much help they loved being part of the spirit of things. They saw how hard their cousins worked and were tired themselves after spending only one day there. At lunchtime Nellie brought out a gallon can filled with tea and the girls brought sandwiches for everyone to eat. Sitting in a field of golden hay with the sun shining down on them, listening to the merry conversation of their cousins while drinking Nellies wonderful strong tea would be an abiding memory for Matthew and Sarah. It was a day that epitomised everything they had come to love about the countryside. Bridget conveyed the news to them that they would be moving soon. Their hearts felt a little heavy knowing that this holiday of adventures and misadventures in the largest and most beautiful playground they had ever known was coming to an end.

CHAPTER FOUR TRALEE Joe had made arrangements to take some time off work in order to make the move to their next port of call. He had become good friends with a workmate called Liam Brosnan who lived in Tralee. He also drove a lorry for the Oil Company whose depot was based in the town. He had agreed to help Joe with the move. First of all Joe had to go to Mick and Bettys in Dublin to collect the items they had stored in their garage for them. He had hired a lorry for this purpose and made this his first task. Bridget was relieved that they were moving. Although both she and Joe were eternally grateful to his parents for accommodating them for such a long period, they longed for their privacy once more. The strain on the Tanavalla household had manifested itself on a few occasions. Joes youngest brother Brian could be a bit off hand when the mood took him. He was a surly young man with an aggressive nature who always seemed to be at odds with his parents. In a way, he was left isolated at home with all his brothers and sisters having moved away. Matthew found him a bit intimidating. There were times when Bridget herself felt she was treading on eggshells, she having to spend every day there, when Joe was gone to work. But now at least the situation had resolved itself and for once she looked forward to moving. Leaving, they had found, was always more sudden than arriving. It was the third Saturday in August 1959 when Joe arrived back in Tanavalla with the lorry from Dublin. He was brimming with excitement and anticipation. After a meal at his parents house, he, Dadda and Brian brought the rest of their belongings and fitted them in the back of the truck. The day was fine, if a little windy. It was around mid afternoon when they said their goodbyes. Joe, Bridget, Bernadette, Patrick and baby Nancy sat in the front cab. As there was no more room, Joe asked Matthew and Sarah if they would travel in the back. They jumped at the chance and given a couple of cushions sat amongst the furniture in the rear. Momma and Dadda wished them well and Joe told them they would visit them when they settled in. It was a journey of seventeen miles on a road that they would become familiar with. As they entered the valley in which the town of Tralee nestled with its back to the sea, they caught their first glimpse of the Slieve Mish Mountains. Matthew and Sarah were standing on a piece of furniture and looking over the cab of the lorry. The sight they saw before them was a delightful one to behold. They had not realized they were going to be living near the sea. The town was set inland from a beautiful bay. They could smell the salted scent of the sea air. The first part of the town they approached from the Listowel road was known as Oak Park. It was a very salubrious area with fine large elegant houses and big gardens with palm trees and beautiful plants and flowers, the likes of which they had never seen before. The lorry made a right turning before entering the centre of the town. Two streets later they entered a park of mainly terraced houses that stood on the perimeter of the town. Joe pulled up outside an end of terrace two storied dwelling that was known as 31, St. Brendans Park, their new home. There was a strip of road that was a dead end that ran adjacent to the gable end of the house where Joe was able to park the truck. The front door was in fact at the side of the building. He walked in the small path like the chief of a tribe and with great pride beckoned them all to enter. Wheres the toilet? Sarah asked and Joe pointed upstairs. Soon there was a queue on the landing waiting to indulge in the much-missed luxury of an indoor toilet. Bridget began inspecting the house excitedly. She started with the downstairs, opening the first door on the right off the hallway. Nice and bright she said, looking at the front aspect of the house and the narrow front garden set to lawn. Then passing the stairway to her left she entered the main living room that also had a window to the front. It had a tiled fireplace and was a good size. Off this room lay the kitchen with a dining area and a window and door that looked out on to the back garden. She was pleasantly surprised at the large back garden. Upstairs were three good sized bedrooms and a separate toilet

and bathroom. She was thrilled with it as were Joe and the children. Joe heard a car beeping and went outside. It was his workmate Liam Brosnan. He had turned up as promised to help him move the furniture. Nice timing Joe said, with a smile on his face. He was certainly glad to see him. He introduced him to Bridget and the others. He was a pleasant man who had reddish blonde hair and a permanent grin on his face. He and his wife Ann would become great friends with Joe and Bridget. He and Joe busied themselves that evening bringing in the furniture and assembling beds. When Bridget unwrapped the kitchen utensils and set them out as best she could, she made out a shopping list. She asked Matthew and Sarah to go to the local shops at the top of their road that was the entrance to the park. She had spotted them as they drove in. They set off armed with two shopping bags, money and list in hand to get a few basics for teatime that evening. As they walked towards the shops, they observed the children playing in the street. One or two of them said hello, knowing they were strangers. This put their minds at ease, they being a little nervous on their first day in their new surroundings. I think Im going to like it here Sarah said. Matthew nodded his head in approval. At the end of what was now their street, stood a grocer shop with the name OMahonys written over the door. When they reached the counter a large man peered down at them from behind it. Sarah reached up and handed him the list of items they required. I havent seen ye in here before he said. Sarah blurted out that they had just arrived in the park. That evening they settled down to their first supper in their new home. When they had finished Bridget and Joe introduced the children to their new bedrooms. There was a turning on the stairs that led to a small landing off which stood three bedrooms. One of which looked onto the back garden and two that faced the street. Matthew and Patrick were allocated one of the front ones next to the one chosen by their parents which would also accommodate baby Nancy, while Sarah and Bernadette would sleep at the back. They soon settled into a routine and it still being school holiday time, began to explore their new environment. Directly across from the house lay a green area that was to become the childrens playground. It would be here that they would meet their first friends. Matthew met a boy called Stephen Hennessey who was a year older than him. He lived in the third house up straight across the road from them. He was to become his best friend and confidant. Sarah also became friends with a girl who lived just a few doors away whose name was Eileen Tierney. Very soon they had established a little group of comrades as children do and felt at home once more. It was about this time a festival known as the Rose of Tralee took place in the town. It had only begun the previous year and was a great success. It centred on a beauty pageant the winner of whom was crowned and given the title The Rose of Tralee. Entrants for this competition came from all parts of Ireland as well as other parts of the world. They would be Irish or have Irish parents or grandparents in the case of those born abroad. It was not a beauty contest in the truest sense. The winner was judged on her character rather than her looks. It had its roots in local folklore and a song titled the Rose of Tralee. It concerned the tragic love story of one Mary OConnor who was spurned in love because of her lowly status by the upper class family of the man she loved. The second festival was to become even more successful than the first and all concerned could see that it would become a permanent fixture every year for the town and would bring national and international recognition for Tralee. Many events took place in the town during the week of the festival. During this time Matthew, Sarah and their new found friends Stephen and Eileen would walk to the town to observe the festivities. Stephen showed them the short cut from the park where they lived that led into Rock Street. This

was an artery road that eventually brought them to The Mall that was the main thoroughfare of the town. They learned that the grand parade carrying the Roses as they became known would pass through here. The street was covered with bunting and the town centre crammed with visitors and tourists. Matthew and Sarah found it exiting and began to realize what a fun town they had moved to. During that week all manner of things took place. In the town park they raced donkeys with jockeys on board that was called the Donkey Derby. In Rock Street they had what was known as a slow bicycle race. The object of this event was to be the last cyclist standing. From the off competitors tried not to move forward at all. It was more of a balancing act than a race. It was an event for children. Both Matthew and Sarah and their friends found it hilarious. Matthew vowed if he got a bike he would love to enter it the following year. Both the Circus and the Funfair came to town that week. One night a fireworks display took place, which the children could see, from the bedroom at the front of the house. They also heard that there was dancing in the street to live music in Ashe Street at the front of the town hall. The towns population swelled with people visiting from all over including abroad, many staying in the hotel and bed and breakfast establishments. That year Matthew, Sarah and friends did not get to see all the events, some of them taking place at night but pledged to do so next time. Even though the OConnor family had only spent what was weeks in St. Brendans Park, they felt a great affinity with it. Bridget and Joe were also making friends with neighbours in the park. Next-door lived Mr. Eamon Loughlin and his wife Deirdre. They had one son Donal who was older than Matthew and a daughter Ann that was about his age. Eamon was a tall man who wore glasses and had an office job with the council. He always wore a suit and kept his straight black hair neatly parted at the side. He always seemed in a hurry either going out or coming in. He drove a black Anglia car, which he always parked in their drive, never on the road. His wife Ann, a heavyset woman with mousy brown hair was very much a home bird who spent a lot of time gardening. They were a nice family and very quiet for next-door neighbours. Next to them lived a Mr. Alan and Mrs. Patricia Hussey whos children were grown up and away from home. Bridget first got to know Patricia when she knocked on her door to borrow some sugar. Bridget suspected it was a ploy to get to introduce herself to her. This manifested itself in the fact that anytime she borrowed something she would inevitably call again to repay her in kind. She was a petite woman, slender with greying hair. Her husband Allan was a quiet man also of middle age. She liked Bridgets company and relished the occasional chat. She was very fond of the children making no secret of the fact that she missed her own, seeing them and her grandchildren only on the odd visit, she and Allan having no car for convenient travel. Next to them lived the Tierneys whos daughter Eileen had become Sarahs best friend. Jack Tierney the head of the household was a retired Garda. He had retired from the police force some years before. He was older than his wife but nobody knew how many years he was her senior. He was at tall stout man with thinning grey hair who had a round chubby face that never seemed to lack a grin. He was a nice and helpful neighbour and if anyone had a problem legal or otherwise he being a former pillar of the community was the person they would turn to. He was only too glad to give advice, calling on his many years of experience. Joe having spoken to him realized that he missed the cut and thrust of being in the force. Retirement to him was a little sedate. His wife Breda, a blonde haired woman was also of large stature. She was a little more reserved than Jack and always polite. She was well spoken and Bridget discerned that she had a good educational background. They had two sons both of who were attending college in Tralee. There was an age gap between them and their younger sister Eileen. The Toomeys were the family that lived in the house directly across the road from the OConnor family. It was a corresponding end of terrace dwelling identical to theirs.

Frank Toomey was the head of the household. He did manual work for the local Borough Council. He was tall well-built man with dark hair and a sallow complexion that owed a great deal to working outdoors. He had a good sense of humour and he and his wife Bridie a robust red haired woman were to become good friends with Joe and Bridget. They had one daughter, Patricia who although being younger than Matthew and Sarah was to become a friend of theirs as was their younger son Aidan. Second next door to them lived the Hennessy family. They consisted of Thomas, the father who was a clerk in the main Post Office, a thin man who was greyer than his years and his wife Agnes also of slim build. They had two daughters who were living away from home, one of whom was not long married and the other working in Dublin. The next in line of age was their son Sean who was a soldier in the Irish Army who spent much time away on various postings. This left the youngest, their son Stephen, who was Matthews best friend the sole dependant in their family. Matthew would visit their house often as Stephen would his. Next door to them lived a middle-aged couple Mr.Seamus and Mrs. Kitty Linnane who had one daughter called Frances. He was a portly man of less than average height who worked for an insurance company. His wife was also petite and their daughter Moira was a very pretty dark haired girl who Stephen had a thing about. However, boys of an older age group pursued her, she being older than him, much to his dismay. These were the immediate neighbours that the OConnor family would become familiar with. The other family in the park that they would visit was that of Joes sister Maureen. She was the third youngest in his family and the only one living in Tralee. They lived in the third row of houses down from them in the park. It was a terraced dwelling entered by an archway. She was married to a man called John OLeary, who was a native of Tralee. He was born only a few streets away, where some of his family still lived. He and Maureen had three children, David the eldest who was a few years younger than Matthew, a little girl called Rose- Marie and the youngest a toddler called Andrew. John worked in the Flour Mills in the town. It was within walking distance of where they all lived. He was a fair-haired man who held his weight well. He had a good sense of humour and had a wealth of stories about the town and the characters that lived in it both past and present. Maureen was a woman of average stature. She had black hair and ivory skin and was considered a very good-looking woman. She had met John when she was quite young and had consented to marry him, despite her parents reservations at the time. Sometimes of a Sunday evening they would call around to see Joe, Bridget and the family. Joe was now settled into his job with the oil company, driving and delivering all over County Kerry. Some runs would take longer and on occasions he might not return home until late, often parking the tanker outside the house on the strip of road that ran adjacent to it. It was now September and the long summer holidays had come to an end. Bernadette was due to start school that year and Bridget had arranged for her to be enrolled in the same school as Sarah. It was the Presentation Convent school for girls that was staffed by both Nuns and lay teachers. Matthew was to attend the Christian Brothers school that was also administered by a religious order and lay teachers. It was the same school that his best friend Stephen went to. Both were within walking distance of where they lived. Bernadette had grown into a bubbly little girl despite her earlier health set backs. She had a small round face surrounded by rich brown hair that Bridget found many ways of styling. She was quieter in her ways than Sarah and was the deep thinker of the family. Sarah was as ultra-lively as ever, and good at making friends. She was a great communicator and would talk to anybody. She still had a head of white-blonde hair and a slim frame. She was the diplomat. Matthew had grown a bit since they lived in Dublin as aunty Maureen had observed. He had a volatile nature that was curbed by his adventurous and studious streaks. He was the creative one. Patrick was slowly but surely beginning to lose his shyness. With the older children gone to school he was talking more, encouraged by Bridget. With his light brown hair and staring dark brown eyes

he would often say nothing but absorb everything. Nancy the youngest was a little ball of a girl with straight blonde hair that flopped over her eyes in a fringe. She would explore every cupboard, shed and room if allowed, not only in her house but in anyone elses as well. Bridget learned from Maureen that there was a general grocery store at the beginning of Rock Street that did deliveries. It would save her bringing the younger ones with her in all weathers to the local shops almost every day. It was run by two sisters Dolly and Kitty Mulchinock. They had a messenger boy called John who delivered orders on a black bicycle with a large basket fitted on the front. He was a pleasant teenage lad who would bring the shopping into the kitchen for Bridget. He came in all weathers. On rainy days he wore what looked like a fishermans outfit, which amused her. Once again they had all settled into their routines in a house and town that they now regarded as their own. Before they knew it, it was Halloween. Bridget had bought the usual goodies such as various nuts, apples and some masks for the children. Everyone entered into the spirit of things and had great fun cracking open nuts and finding anything they could to dress up in disguise. Playing party games such as picking apples from a basin of water using only the mouth was the order of the day. Another feature of the day took place at night. That of calling at neighbours houses for Trick or Treat in heavy disguise. This was confined to children. Matthew and Sarah joined their newfound friends and with Bernadette in tow called at some doors on their street. They were pleased with the sweets they got from the neighbours and shared them out between them. It was now November and the winter was beginning to set in. The weather became wet and windy and activities began to be more centred indoors. Of an evening Bridget would have the radio on and the children would read comics and swap them with one another. They would sit in a circle on a cold night in front of a coal fire that was the only form of heating in order to warm them before going to bed. The biggest treat they had of an occasional weekend was a visit to the Cinema on a Saturday afternoon. Matthew and Sarah would team up with their friends Stephen and Eileen and it would become a day out. They would have enough money for the cheaper seats that were near the front and were known as the fleapits. On the way home they would stop at one particular sweet shop in Rock Street that sold honeycombed bars, which they really liked. By this time Joe had traded in the van that he got from Mick in Dublin and bought a second hand Austin 8. It was a small little car, grey in colour that they all came to love. He took great pride in it, always cleaning and polishing it. He considered that it was the first car that he really owned, the van of course having been given to him by Mick. Matthew memorised the number plate ZX 675 and for some reason never forgot it all of his life. They would all climb in it every Sunday morning to go to Mass. They all adopted their particular seat and grumpiness would be experienced if for any reason they were altered. Due to the size of the vehicle they had to double up. Joe would be at the wheel. Bridget would have little Nancy on her lap in the front beside him while Sarah and Matthew would be in the back with Bernadette and young Patrick. Matthew always liked to sit behind Joe on the drivers side, feeling for some reason that it was the more important side containing the controls. Joe got hold of a little black and white Jack Russell dog. The previous owner already had two other dogs and was looking for a good home for it. The children loved it. It was their first pet, apart from Matthew who had Fluffy the rabbit as a young child in Roscrea. They called it Rocky. They would play with it in the open green area where it could run free like the other dogs in the park. It had one peculiar trait that was strange for a dog, in that it liked to climb trees and being a small lightweight animal it was quite good at it. Before they knew it the Christmas season was upon them. Preparations went on for weeks before. The town took on an air of excitement with the shops brightly decorated and stacked with all sorts

of temptations. The main streets were clad with bright colourful lights and all the children talked of little else other than their gleeful anticipation of Christmas Day and what goodies and presents they would receive. Bridget bought lots of seasonal decorations for the house and she and Joe and those who could covered the house with them. Bridget also placed orders for turkey and ham from Mulchinocks. She bought some bunches of holly from a traveller woman and placed them over the fireplace in the sitting room. She spent days making Christmas cake, pudding and all sorts of Christmas fare. Soon it was Christmas Eve and restless and exited children were reluctantly put to bed, all dreaming of what presents lay ahead. The younger ones were now much more aware and appreciative of the festive season. Sarah as usual was the first to rise in the early hours of Christmas morning. After she had unwrapped her present of a doll that made a crying noise when tilted, she went into the boys room and woke Matthew. You wont believe what you got for Christmas, she said. He being half asleep didnt quite take it in. His curiosity drew him downstairs to the front room. He stood motionless and stared at it. A bicycle he uttered. A real grown-ups bicycle. He was ecstatic, looking at the shiny black paint and silver spokes, holding on to the handlebars as if he never wanted to leave go. It was to become his chariot, his freedom to go anywhere. He had not requested anything in particular that year, which made it all the more delightful. Bridget entered the room having heard them up and coaxed them back to bed. Happy Christmas she said in a hushed voice not wanting to wake the others, it being half past five in the morning. Matthew crept into bed beside Patrick who was fast asleep. He drifted off himself in a little while with a smile on his face and a thought in his head, Cant wait to show Stephen what I got. A few hours later the excitement of Christmas morning was in full swing with the younger ones opening their presents to their delight. Bernadette got a doll and mini brush and comb set while Patrick got a set of toy cowboys and Indians, complete with a fort, that Matthew helped him put together. Little Nancy got a baby doll with a toy cot and miniature blankets. The first item on the agenda that morning was going to Christmas Mass. The church that they attended was the Dominican church. Firstly, because it was the nearest and secondly, it was easier to park near. They met Joes sister Maureen, her husband John and their cousins outside the church after the service. They exchanged seasonal greetings and invitations over the festive period. The Christmas dinner was a credit to Bridget with Joe helping out to feed the small army as he called them. They all enjoyed pulling crackers over dinner and getting little trinkets that were hidden inside. Bridget would read out the jokes printed on little pieces of paper contained in them. After dinner Matthew wanted to cycle his bike. Joe showed him the fundamentals of cycling, holding him steady until he was ready to move off. Away you go, he said giving him a push in order to give him momentum. Joe was surprised at how good Matthews balance was, despite a few wobbles to begin with. Keep practicing, he shouted after him, making him more nervous than ever. Soon he was heading to the top of the street. He never got off it for more than an hour, determined, as he was to master it before he would show it to his friend Stephen. The afternoon for the children was spent doing just that, showing presents to each other, including their cousins who came to visit that evening. Despite it being a bitterly cold day with showers of sleet, a whole group of children dressed in their winter woollys assembled at the green area at that end of the park displaying and playing with their toys. The night at the OConnor household was spent sitting around the warm fire, listening to Christmas Carols, eating sweets, reading comics and falling asleep from heat and over consumption. The festive season soon passed and they all settled back into their routines. That winter was cold and very wet with only an occasional light dusting of snow. When the wind blew strongly from the south, it would lift the lino in the hall. The children would often slide along it wearing socks. It would become one of the many indoor games they invented to pass the rainy

weekends and early dark nights. The first news of the New Year was from Listowel, that of the death of Mud Leane, who was Joes maternal grandmother. She had lived to be a great age and outlived her husband by many years. Her fourteen children lived mainly in America and England, with only one son Ed still at home. It was a large home coming for them. Many of them had not seen each other in years. It was a big family wake and funeral with her being laid out at home in the traditional fashion. A horse drawn hearse brought her from their home on the hill to the church in the square in the town. Joes eldest sister Kate closed the shop that day and waited outside it to join the funeral procession. Many people in the town knew her and other traders did the same until the procession arrived at the church. Joe was talking to Ed that day and discovered that he had plans to join his family in America. He had vowed to stay with his mother as long as she lived, but unknown to her had an ambition to travel. It compounded the sadness for Joes mother Momma when she learned of this. Not only had she lost her mother who lived close by but now it looked like she would be losing her family home as well. It had held so many memories for her and all of them. She would miss the odd Sunday afternoon that she would visit there. Changing times Ed,she said to her brother. More like the end of an era he replied. Soon the early spring arrived and the more severe weather subsided. Matthew was having trouble with his ears. He was getting recurring infections and had lost most of the hearing in his left ear. The doctor recommended that he see a specialist who was in Dublin. Bridget wrote to her mother and arrangements were made for him to go to the city. Her husband Laurence met him at one of the main bus terminals. Bridget had packed a bag for him with clothes and pyjamas and also a note with their address on the envelope. Matthew loved the adventure the travel entailed. He remembered having visited his grandmother with Bridget and the others some years before. Another bus later he and Laurence arrived at their north inner city address. It was 22 Gardiner Street. It consisted of rows of large tenement houses permeated by shops on some of the ground floors. They stopped at one of the houses and Laurence opened the huge front door. Here we are, he said with a broad grin he always wore. In front of them lay a staircase that made its way to four floors above them. The first thing that Matthew noticed was the overwhelming smell of must. He discerned that Laurence did not notice it at all he being used to it. The heavily patterned paper on the walls was peeling in places and the banisters were worn and chapped with pieces missing in places. It was a long walk up the stairs that kept turning to the fourth floor where they lived. Laurence placed the key in the door coughing as he did so slightly out of breathe. These stairs will be the bloody death of me he exclaimed. Ah there you are Mary said giving her grandson a welcome hug. The flat consisted of two rooms, one of which was their bedroom. The other one that was separated by a large heavy curtain contained a small kitchenette, a table, some armchairs and a couch was their living quarters. There was a small communal toilet and bathroom on the same floor. The front room faced the street. The noise of the traffic below could be heard from it. It was very dark even in daylight. The back room on the same landing was where Marys daughter Margaret lived. Originally these buildings would have been large city houses with large rooms, servants quarters below and stables at the rear. Over the years they were partitioned and rented. Granny and Laurence had some of their own bits and pieces that they brought from their own particular backgrounds but other than that everything else was fixtures and fittings provided by the landlord. Although Bridget had taken Matthew and the other children to visit there a couple of times, he was a little shocked by what he saw. He was now a little older and more aware of things. He felt sorry for his grandmother, Laurence and his aunt still having to endure such conditions. He also noticed there was a smell of alcohol from her breath when she hugged him. She made something for them to eat and Laurence put some coal on the fire. She got some blankets for the couch where he would be sleeping during his visit. She still had a great sense of humour and would tell him jokes and stories about old times in

Roscrea. My God he thought, how far she was from her former life. That evening there was a knock on the door. Granny answered it. Ah Margaret she said. She had just arrived home from work. Matthew was delighted to see her. How are you getting on young man? she said. Fine he answered mutely, for some reason being a little shy at her sudden appearance. That evening they all had a good chat and they asked how Bridget and the rest of the family were settling into Tralee. The next day it being a Friday, Laurence took him by bus to the hospital for his appointment. After much examination the consultant confirmed that he was slightly deaf in one ear and gave him a hearing aid. It was a metal contraption with a wire and earpiece. Matthew hated it even though it improved his hearing dramatically. He felt very self-conscious wearing it and thought people stared at him as though he was handicapped. My God he thought, theres no way Im wearing this to school. He had already devised a plan to put it in his school bag before arriving there each morning and to wear it when nearing home. On Saturday Granny and Laurence took him shopping. Margaret was working that day. They went to the fruit and vegetable market in Moore Street. Matthew loved it. The sounds of the traders would enthral him with their sharp Dublin accents shouting, selling their wares, apples, oranges, pears and bananas they would shrike. The market was full of fruits and vegetables, some of which he had never seen before. Granny would buy her supply there regularly. Her meat she bought from the local butcher and bread from a bakers that was nearby. When they arrived home Granny told Matthew that they had a treat for him. She told him that they were going to take him to the Zoological Gardens in the Phoenix Park. He was over the moon. I was thinking youd like that, she said. After all who knows when youll get a chance to do something like that again? she added. He asked if it was far and she assured him it was not. He never enjoyed anything like it in his life. He was fascinated by the animals, some of which he had only seen in films. It gave him goose pimples to be so near the large snakes. The giraffes with their long necks fascinated him but the sheer bulk of the elephants bowled him over. Margaret gave Granny a hand in preparing the supper that evening and they all settled down for the night. Later that evening Laurence went out and arrived back with a shopping bag containing large bottles of stout for them and some fizzy orange for Matthew. Laurence smoked the odd Players cigarette, the buts of which he would throw into the fire. Granny took the occasional pinch of snuff from a little silver container she kept it in. Margaret also smoked. The next day Sunday they all went to Mass. In the afternoon they took him to Palmerston as promised to see his brother Luke. He was now much more aware of his brothers condition in the home for the handicapped and felt very sorrowful for his demise. He looked into his green eyes and realised that he did not seem to know him any more. Being institutionalised over the years Luke had become more familiar with the nurses who in a way had become his family now. Matthew did not want to leave the home that day because he wondered when he would ever see him again. That evening Granny, Laurence and Margaret brought him to the local pub. They wanted to distract him from his feelings seeing he was down. Matthew liked the local characters, even though some of them looked like rough diamonds. They were ordinary working class Dubs who enjoyed their Sunday drink. It wasnt long before a singsong started. He heard a wonderful rendition given by an older woman of an Irish song called The Sally Gardens, which would become a favourite of his. The day came to an end too quickly for him and so did the visit. The next morning Monday he was on the bus again heading for Tralee. When he arrived home, they were all curious about his hearing aid, some of them even listening to the earpiece and marvelling at the increase in sound. He detested it and took it off at any opportunity. Even his friend Stephen wanted to try it. Soon the wet winter passed and the days became gradually longer. The first holiday of spring was

Saint Patricks Day. It was a national holiday. The evening before the children picked Shamrock of which there was plenty from the mossy banks near the railway at the end of the park. Bridget would keep it in a bowl of water to keep it fresh. She had also bought some badges in the Irish colours for them to wear. The day itself began with Mass and being a holiday the children would play with friends before being treated to a special dinner. There were parades in many towns including Tralee but the biggest of all was in Dublin. Bridget told them that they held a huge parade in New York every year. The children were now making more friends in the park, as were Joe and Bridget. People now knew them all by sight and where they lived. There was a great sense of community. Nobody ever thought themselves above anybody else. They were all working class people living in identical Corporation houses. Popping into a neighbour was like visiting a mirror image of yourself. Matthew was settling into school quite well. He was a very studious boy and always completed the homework given to him in the evening before going out to play with his friends. The school had a fairly strict regime that included corporal punishment. Matthew felt himself lucky that he was a good learner, and topped the class in many subjects. He never regarded himself as clever, only as curious to know things. There was one lay teacher at the school who he admired called Mr. McCarthy. He was affectionately known as Small Mac. This was because he was small in stature and was an older man with a stoop. He was however, a wonderful history and geography teacher. He had a way of communicating things that would stimulate the imagination and the will to learn. It was through him that Matthew developed a great love and understanding of Irish History, of history in general and the wider world. He also developed an interest in literature and joined the library. He loved reading books and was encouraged by Bridget who was a prolific reader herself. Gone were the days of comics, which no longer held his interest. Soon it was springtime and the evenings began to lengthen again. Joe was beginning to see the results of his labours in the garden. He loved nothing more than spending a few hours when he could dig and plant. His reward for this was watching the vegetables grow and harvesting them in season. He took great delight in tasting the fruits of his labour and sharing the notion with all of them that nothing tasted like homegrown. That year he decided to build a large shed that he constructed from wooden posts and sheets of plywood. It was big enough to park the car in. The sloping roof he made out of sheets of corrugated metal. It would also become a play area where the children and their friends would congregate on a rainy day. It had two large doors that opened on to the stretch of road that was a dead end, which ran adjacent to the gable end of the house. A large ditch with some trees separated their dwelling on the very edge of the park from a farm that was owned by a man called McCoy. Before they knew it, it was summer again. By this time Sarah had acquired a bicycle as had her friend Eileen. Matthews friend Stephen not to be outdone had also got one. On sunny weekends a group of them would set off from the park and cycle to an area around Tralee Bay known as The Spa. Matthew would carry Bernadette on the bar of his bike. There was an entrance to the rocky shoreline by the side of an old house that they came to know. It was their favourite spot. Here they would take off their shoes and socks and paddle in the crystal clear waters of the bay. The view was spectacular. Looking across the vast expanse of the bay they could see the huge Slieve Mish Mountains rising from the sea on the Dingle Peninsula to the south. It was one of Matthews most favourite places on earth. They would pick stones from the water and skip them across the sea. They would splash each other with water and retreat to where their bicycles lay on the rocks sitting there enjoying the sun and salt sea air blowing in their faces. But most of all taking in the vast open space in front of them. It was only a distance of about four miles from them. They also visited the port of Fenit a couple of times that was on the entrance of the north side of

Tralee Bay. It was a further four miles or more away. It was a fishing port to which the railway track also ran that carried wagons of sugar beet that were then transported out by ship. These trains travelled past the end of the park where they lived. During the summer months Joe would have what he called treats for the family. These consisted of trips he would take them on of a Sunday. He wanted to show Bridget and the children his native county of Kerry. One Sunday it being a hot sunny day, they all piled into the car complete with Rocky the dog. He told them they were going to Banna Strand. It was an enormous stretch of golden sandy beach that went on for miles and miles. The children revelled in it. Bridget had brought towels and swim ware for them. They could not wait to change when they got there and engulf themselves in the blue sea. They did not venture too far into the water, as the waves were strong like the current. Back from the beach there were sand dunes as far as the eye could see. They made sand castles and all sorts of shapes in the sand even writing their names with their fingers on it. They brought a ball with them and all joined in playing games with it. Rocky the terrier chased its every move. He even ran along the edge of the water, shaking it off vigorously when he emerged. Bridget had brought along some snacks and some soft drinks in the boot of the car. Why it was so special eating or drinking something on a beach on a beautiful day none of them could explain. Rocky was a dog that liked heights and delighted in running to the top of the sand dunes, some of which resembled small hills. Some of the children followed him as far as they could until at one stage he was out of sight. When they returned to the beach they noticed that he had not followed them back. As time passed they became anxious and told their parents they had not sighted him for some time. Joe climbed to the top of a large dune followed by Matthew and then Sarah. He whistled loudly for a while and shading his eyes with his hand looked in all directions but did not sight the dog. He asked some people who were walking by if they had seen a dog answering his description but they had not. They searched the beach and the area that they had parked the car in the hope that he might have returned there but to no avail. Joe told Matthew and Sarah not to wander off, as they themselves could get lost. They all decided to wait in the same spot on the beach in the hope that he would make his way back there. Before they knew it the evening had arrived and the suns shadows began to lengthen. Matthew decided to have one last look on the top of the dune before Joe with a frowned brow called him down. It was the last they ever saw of Rocky. Bridget tried to comfort the children some of whom were crying as they drove away. Somebody will find him and look after him, she said trying to console them. She was aware like Joe that he did not have an identity tag. She was also like-minded with Joe and the older ones, in that anything could have happened the little creature. Joe acquired a spaniel pup, which was adorable. Three weeks after they got it, it too went missing, so they thought. After much searching around the park Bridget found it drowned in the gully at the back of the house. It must have become thirsty Joe concluded and went to drink water from the gully that had no cover on it and being so small slipped in head first. Joe took it out and buried it at the end of the garden. They felt that perhaps they were not meant to have a dog. It was not long after this that Joes uncle Ed asked him if he would like to take his dog, he now having made arrangements to go to America. Joe accepted the request knowing that Ed would probably have the animal put down otherwise. He told the children that they were going to have another dog and that this one would definitely not drown in the gully. They all looked in amazement the day he arrived home with the dog in the back of the car. Out of it stepped a huge English Shepherd dog. Its coat was mainly white with a couple of small black markings. This is Shep Joe said with a smirk on his face. Its OK he wont bite he remarked.

The children took to him straight away as he did to them. He had a lonely life on the farm as Bridget discerned, having mainly Ed as his companion. He liked all the attention and the company of his new household and settled in well to his new environment. He did however, take exception to the Post Man who he would growl and bark at. So much so that he refused to deliver letters to the door if the dog was out the front of the house. He made arrangements with Bridget to hand the post to her through the front window over the fence that separated them from next door. One day she said to Matthew that dog needs a good wash, they get very dirty on farms. Matthew had an idea concerning this. He remembered that there was a stream that ran next to a ditch in the green area at the end of the park. He took Shep to the edge of it and tried to coax him in to it but to no avail. He then noticed the dog was lowering its head towards the water in order to drink. Matthew seized his opportunity and with one great shove, threw him into the water. The dog, submerged for a moment then scrambled in panic for the bank. Matthew stepping backwards tripped and fell on his back. When he looked up, there was Shep right beside him vigorously shaking the water from his thick coat of hair. Despite being soaked he could not help laughing at his bungled attempt to wash him. This he decided he would leave to Joe from now on. One day Matthew walked into the back garden and could not believe his eyes. There was little Nancy sitting on Sheps back as if he was a horse. She being only a tot seemed to have more control over the dog than anyone else. He constantly followed her around and would growl if a stranger approached her. She was barely as tall as Shep herself and they certainly made an odd couple. That year a trend emerged in the park, that of making go-carts. They were home made vehicles constructed from pieces of wood and old pram wheels or any wheels that would make them mobile. They were made by the fathers of the children and were considered a cheap toy that gave great pleasure. The driver would sit in the cart and steer by means usually of a rope while being pushed from behind. Matthew asked Joe if he could make one for them. He surprisingly found him more than willing. Some of those things Ive seen around the place look ready to fall apart, he said. He got hold of some wood and wheels and set about making a cart. He seemed to regard it as a challenge. There was no better man when it came to making something out of wood. After all he had not long completed building the large shed to the side of the house. Matthew also remembered the time he built the rocking horse for him when he was younger that was admired by all. Joe made a fantastic job of the cart. It had large wheels on the back for greater stability as he pointed out. It was not long before races were organized, not alone by the children but by the parents too. Matthew had Stephen on his team. They took turns driving and pushing. Stephen conceded that Matthew was the better driver and they decided to enter the competition that was now official and had prizes for the first three places. Children were seen practicing regularly in the run up to the Sunday it was to be held. The word spread and soon entries from other areas began to emerge. It was decided to hold heats consisting of two go-carts at a time racing from a set distance marked in chalk on the upper end of the road. The finishing line was marked out just yards from Matthew and Stephens houses. This made them both a little nervous knowing their families would see the finish at close hand. It did however make them determined to have a good go at it. The Sunday afternoon arrived and a crowd gathered to watch the event. Matthew and Stephen were drawn in the third heat against two boys from Rock Street. The kids from there were considered tough. It was a close thing with Matthew and Stephen winning by about two feet. They could hear the cheers of family and friends when they crossed the line. Too close Matthew said to him. Next time Ill push and well keep changing over, he said. They won the next heat against easier opposition by a larger margin and found themselves in the semi final. Matthew decided to push again planning to save Stephen for the last push if they made the final. It nearly didnt pay off with him feeling the pace and they losing the lead several times.

With one mighty last effort they scrambled over the line first and were in the final. Matthew was exhausted but knew that he would be steering in the last race. They watched the other two teams compete and eyed up the winners the would face in the ultimate race. They knew them by sight as they lived at the other end of the park. It was going to be an all St.Brendans Park finale. There was a break before the final leg and then the excitement began. Matthew vaguely remembered the starters call; it was just as well Stephen did, as he had to gather momentum from the off. The lead changed several times even at the beginning. The pusher on the other team was big and strong but Matthew had discerned that Stephen was leaner and would be fitter over the distance. The other team had the lead over half way and Matthew became worried. He gauged that they were heading for the three quarter mark and screamed at Stephen Go, Go Go. He responded and with one last burst Matthew could see they crossed the finishing line almost the length of the cart in front. The first thing that Matthew noticed after the cheers from family, friends and neighbours was Joes face. He was flushed, wearing a broad smile. After all it was he who built the winning cart. Matthew and Stephen were presented with a joint prize. It was a Bagatelle game that was suitable for both adults and children. Joe explained the rules to both boys and soon it was the envy of the street with children coming to join in the fun. They decided to keep it in the large shed that became an indoor playground. It was this event that seemed to lead to Matthew developing a competitive streak. He joined a local Gaelic Football team called St. Anns, much to Joes delight. He being a prolific football player in his time and having captained the team from his hometown called Listowel Emmetts. He tried to pass on some of his skills to Matthew and went to see him play. They reached the town final that year in their age group but were beaten by a team called St. Patricks who had some talented players. Matthew did not like losing and considered that he had given his all that day in midfield with the bruises to prove it. He threw his runner-up medal in a drawer. Although he did not play football again for them, he went with Joe to see Kerry the county team play in Tralee. They were the greatest Gaelic Football County in Ireland having won by a good margin, more All Ireland Titles than any other county. The stars of those teams were held in very high esteem both in Kerry and the country at large. When they won the All Ireland Title, they would parade the cup that was called the Sam Mac Guire cup through the town with great crowds gathered to greet them. Later they would visit the schools with trophy in hand much to the delight of the children. It would make the hairs stand on the back of Matthews neck to see his sporting heros and make him wish that he would play to that level one day. But alas he knew that it was not to be. During the summer months when the weather was fine, they would set off as a family in the little car with Joe at the helm to visit the seaside. Food, drink, towels and swim ware would be packed in the small boot along with the obligatory beach ball. That year they visited Ballybunnion with its large cliffs and wide beaches. It was a purposeful built seaside resort with a hotel, guesthouses, amusement arcades, restaurants and a golf course. The children were mad about it. So much so, that any time the seaside was mentioned by either Bridget or Joe they would ask if they could visit this resort. Another resort, although much smaller, called Ballyheige was also a favourite of theirs. None of them were any great distance from them. That year was a busy one for Joes parents with two of his brothers and their families coming from England to stay with them on holidays. It had been some years since Joe had seen them and he was excited at the prospect of meeting them in Tanavalla. The first family to arrive was that of his eldest brother Peter. He was married to a woman from cork named Rosemary. They had four children, two boys and two girls. Peter had emigrated to England as a young man and it was there that he met and married his wife. The meeting was a warm one with he and Joe and Dadda walking the fields, catching up and talking

about old times. Bridget and Momma enjoyed Rosemarys company and Matthew, Sarah and the gang got to know these first cousins for the first time. They did however; find their English accents strange at first. Peter was a good talker and held some very strong opinions, particularly in regard to politics. He was of strong build and strong in character and spoke in a loud voice. That evening when the children were playing near the house, they heard a commotion and raised voices coming from inside. The next thing they saw was Joe grabbing his younger brother Brian by the collar of his shirt and taking him outside the door. Whatever was said must have been very bad because Joe hit him several punches as he forced him down the driveway. It shocked and frightened the children and brought an abrupt end to what was otherwise an enjoyable day. There was silence in the car going back to Tralee with only Joe muttering things under his breath. The children despite wanting to know what had happened dared not ask him. Matthew could not help smiling thinking about it but never let Joe see him. Bridget, who was present during the incident revealed a little to the older ones in time. Apparently Brian had insulted both his parents and his older brother Peter and Joe having a quick temper had intervened. They were asked never to mention this to him. As if they needed reminding they thought. It was not long before his other brother Owen and his family arrived for their holiday and arrangements were made to meet them at Momma and Daddas. Joe was eager to meet his other brother who he had also not seen for some time. Owen had emigrated to England when he was young and had married an English woman called Brenda. They had three children, two girls and a boy. Matthew had expected that this aunt and cousins would have spoken with English accents but was surprised that his uncle also did. The adults engaged in conversation in the house and the children went out to play. While they were in the wooded area the eldest girl cut her hand on some thorns. Matthew who was with her gave her his handkerchief and wrapped it around her hand in a make shift bandage. Thank you she said in a soft voice and kissed him full on the lips. He blushed and hoped no one, especially Sarah, had seen it. Brian was conspicuous by his absence that day, he apparently visiting his uncle Kevins farm. The rift between him and Joe and his parents, would take some time to heal. It seemed no time at all, until the festival in Tralee had come around again. It was beginning to grow, with more events taking place that year. Both Matthew and Stephen entered the slow bicycle race in Rock Street. There were quite a few competitors entering as was evident by the amount of cyclists that had congregated there. There was a prize allocated for the last bike standing. Matthew was given his starting position in the third row from the front. It was considered an advantage if you were placed near the back of the field. This way you could observe, if you were still balancing on your cycle, how many besides you were left standing. If you looked round, the chances were you would lose your balance and place one foot on the ground which would disqualify you from the race. At the sound of a starting pistol the event began. Matthew concentrated looking at the ground, keeping his balance and desperately trying not to move forward as crossing the finishing line meant instant disqualification. It was inevitable that competitors had to move slightly forward in order to keep their balance. Matthew noticed, from the corner of his eye that some had passed him, wobbling as they did so and placing one of their feet on the ground to stop them falling over. The judges would then cry Out. It seemed an eternity until he heard someone in the crowd of observers shout at him saying, Theres only two left behind you. He could feel his arms and legs becoming numb in the standing position that was adopted. The last thing he remembered was the cheering crowd as his left arm folded and his unfeeling leg touched the ground.

He looked around wearily to see one boy now dismounting his bike and declared the winner. His friend Stephen, who had been out earlier, ran towards him and tried to console him by saying I thought you were going to win the bloody thing, hard luck. He pointed out to Matthew that the winner, a boy from Rock Street, had deflated tyres. Matthew was too tired to care but looked back on it as good fun. If they had any pocket money, which was rare, Matthew, Stephen, Sarah and her friend Eileen would save it for the fun fare. It was situated on open land behind the shops at the lower end of Rock Street close to the town centre. They loved the various rides but particularly the bumper cars. The lure of the neon lights and the latest music echoing out from the loudspeakers made for great excitement under the dark blue summer night sky. That year they went to the dancing in the street. It took place in Ashe Street in front of the town hall. A large crowd danced in the road to music performed by bands playing on a specially built platform. They would walk in a group along the familiar route that led them back to their homes in the park, talking about the events of the day. Soon it was autumn once again and the memories of summer began to fade. There was a dense area of woodland about a mile from the shop end of the park that they used to go to that time of year. It was part of a farm and private land. They used to sneak in through a gap in the hedgerow. Their quest was to pick chestnuts of which there was plenty. They would fill their pockets with their plunder and eat some of them on the way home breaking the soft shells. That autumn was overshadowed by the death of young boy called Simon who lived in their street. He had suffered from leukaemia. He was a slim young lad who sometimes played in their company. He particularly liked playing the game of bagatelle that they would engage in with other children. This game was played in Joes garage. There were times however, when he would be missing from their company due to illness. His father was a Scottish man called Bob Gunne and was known for experimenting with inventions. His mother Agnes was a native of the town and he had one little sister. Bridget suggested to Matthew and Sarah that they visit the house and offer their sympathies to the family. Sarah declined being frightened at the prospect of seeing somebody dead. Matthew reluctantly agreed and went to his house. His father who brought him into the front room where he was laid out greeted him. He froze at the sight that lay before him. He had never seen anybody dead before and nothing had prepared him for it. He wanted to run out the door and down the street. He gazed upon the figure of the boy in the coffin. His face was like white porcelain and matched the silk white shroud that covered all but his face. He could not remember how long he stood there terrified until his father uttered the words thank you for coming. As he turned to leave he saw his mothers tearful face. His little sister who was only a tot was smiling at him, too young to know what was happening. It was this for some reason that Matthew found the saddest part of all. It brought a terrible reality to him, that death was not confined to the old. That year Simon was missed at the Halloween celebrations it was an occasion that he liked. A large bonfire was lit on the green and Bridget used it as an excuse to get rid of some unwanted items, though God knows with a large family, there were not many things that she would have to throw away. A good crowd of children attended accompanied by some adults and many brought pieces of wood and other items to put on the fire. The blaze lit up that end of the park and burned through the night. That year did not pass without more bleak news. It concerned the flourmill in the town where Joes sisters husband John worked. It was announced that there was to be a lay off of workers at the mill. All knew, that for those left go, there was no alternative employment. There was a sense of gloom in the town on hearing the news. People were left wondering as to how the economy was still contracting and about the fact that the more people emigrated the less need there was for production or services.

Maureen was shocked when John told her that he was informed he would be one of those made redundant. Joe and Bridget visited them as they often had, only this time to console them. They asked them what they would do and found that they had made their minds up to go to England. After all we both have relatives there, Maureen said bravely. Joe was stunned by the fact that yet another member of his family was going. By the middle of November they were packed and ready to go. Emigration was sudden and sometimes cruel. It seemed to leave people little time to ponder their plight or dwell on their emotions. They had no choice but to look on the positive side of going to a place where workers were needed and rely on the instinct of providing for themselves and their families. The goodbyes were painful not alone for those leaving but for those left behind. The bad news that year was compounded by the sudden death of Mr. Hennessey Stephens father. He had suffered a heart attack at work in the towns main post office. Matthew tried to console his best friend who was distraught. He attended the funeral on one of the wettest days of the year and was soaked to the skin. The result was a very bad cold that left him with a chest infection. A bit of a cloud hung over the Christmas celebrations that year but everybody was as jovial as they could be. As the celebrations were however, muted at the Hennessy household, Matthew did not see much of Stephen over the festival. The next year started with very cold January. One night a water main burst and flooded the street where they and their neighbours and friends lived. It happened in the early hours of the morning when everyone was asleep. The temperature that night was well below freezing. The leak brought water as far down as the green area even covering some of it. Through the night it froze solid. As the OConnor clan awoke next morning they were greeted by a frozen lake. The children were thrilled with it seeing it through their eyes as a giant skating rink. Joe had the car parked in the garage and left it there as he decided on inspecting the road it would not be possible to drive on it. He decided to walk beyond the affected area to the oil depot that morning where he would pick up his lorry as usual. He did this by crossing the narrow stretch of road that ran adjacent to the side of the house and led on to the green area. He negotiated it with great difficulty, almost falling twice before making his way around the obstacle. Bridget kept the school going children at home that day much to their delight, considering it was too dangerous to walk on. After a breakfast of hot porridge the children glared out of the windows, watching the goings on in the street. The iced water was level with the footpath, it being about six inches deep. Two cars that were parked on the street itself were immoveable because the wheels were stuck in the ice. The footpaths were white with frost. Matthew took the vantage point of looking out his bedroom window where he could view all. A few doors up on the other side he saw Mr. Linnane who worked for an insurance company emerge from his house dressed in his suit and overcoat and wearing his smart hat. He gripped the metal railings as he walked out his path but as soon as he went further with nothing to hold on to he ended up flat on his back with he and his hat parting. When he had composed himself he slowly made his way indoors and was not seen for the rest of the day. Matthew picked an opportunity when Bridget was occupied in the kitchen to sneak out the door. Although forewarned not to do so his adventurous streak inevitably got the better of him. He managed to get on the ice in a crawling fashion and lifted himself up in an attempt to skate. After falling a couple of times he was glad to spend the rest of the day indoors reading and playing games. The town Corporation workers were not able to work on the problem as Joe had discerned that morning, until the ice began to melt in the pale winter sun. It took a couple of days to resolve the problem. That spring the Corporation decided to build some swings and a seesaw in the green area much to the delight of all the children in the park. It became a great meeting area for them. They also started work on two tennis courts further down.

One day when Sarah was playing on the see saw a girl jumped off of it while she was in the elevated position. She crashed to the ground, and suffered a fractured wrist. Around that time Matthew became intrigued with the Aintree Grand National that he saw on the newsreels at the cinema. He decided to mimic it in one part of the green. With the help of Stephen, Sarah, Eileen, the younger ones in the family and a host of other children they began to build little fences in a large circle. They constructed them out of anything that was not nailed down. What on earth are you doing Bridget asked him on observing this. The Grand National he replied. Ill leave you to God she said, an expression she often used particularly with reference to him. When the course was completed a group of children assembled that Matthew had persuaded to take part in a race. A starting and finishing line was set out and Stephen held a piece of stick with a white cloth attached to signal the start. Matthew assumed his position in the commentary box, which was a branch of a tree where he could observe all. He had given the participants the names of some of the horses he could remember from that years race and made the rest up. The race was over two circuits just like the real thing and Stephen was at the finishing line to declare the winner. A tall slim boy called Eddie Stack won the race. The children were excited by this event so much so that another couple of races were run before the day was out. One Saturday Matthew, Sarah and the usual gang of friends went to see a film about Count Dracula. It was a horror film that terrified them, all that is except Matthew who was fascinated by it. So much so that he became obsessed with the character of Dracula. He made a set of fangs out of hot candle wax and fitted them to his upper teeth. He sneaked up behind Sarah and tapped her on the shoulder. She screamed on seeing his menacing appearance complete with his eyes bulging. He decided to establish a club in the in the large wooden garage that Joe built. He thought up the idea of an initiation ceremony for anyone who joined. He filled the garage with an assortment of board games and the bagatelle game that all the children liked. His co- conspirator in all of this was Stephen. He borrowed one of Joes shaving blades for the initiations. When a group of children were gathered in the garage Matthew explained the rules of joining. The purpose of the blade he told them was to make a tiny cut on the back of their hand in order to draw a little blood so that he could dip the ink pen he showed them in it and write their initials on the large piece of white paper he held in his left hand. This he exclaimed would make them members for life. In order to show them there was nothing to worry about he made a small cut on the back of his left hand, dipped the pen in the blood and wrote the initials M.OC. on the top of the page. Whos next? he said. At this point some of the assembled had hurriedly made their way out the garage door. Cowards Matthew shouted after them and dont come back he added. Stephen felt obliged to be next and duly complied. When Matthew had written his initials S. H. under his he pressed the cut on the back of his hand against Stephens cut. What was that for? Stephen asked. Were now blood brothers he replied. A reluctant Sarah and Eileen were next but they did eventually comply. A small group of other children followed. However, one little girl on feeling the nick and seeing a little blood flow fainted. Matthew reacted quickly taking his jumper off and waving it in front of her face like a fan as she lay on the ground. It was something that he saw someone do in a film. One day in the early springtime Bridget received a letter with a Dublin postmark on it. She recognized the handwriting on the envelope as that of her sister Margaret. It contained one page and was more like a note that a letter. Margaret was a great conversationalist but her letters were short and to the point. Bridgets heart sank as she read it. Dear Bridget, Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. Mammy has not been well for some time now. She has been to

the hospital a few times for tests and it has been confirmed that she has cancer. It is in the stomach region and has spread. The outlook is not good as the doctor confided in Laurence and me. He is devastated by the news as I am. She is trying to cope with it as best she can but some days she gets really down. I have written to Jim and Tony and also contacted Jack. She asks for you all as does Laurence and hopes to see you soon. Hope ye are all keeping well. Looking forward to hearing from you soon. Regards Margaret. She read the short letter again in the hope that it was a bad dream but she realized it was not. The word spread stood out in her mind and slowly but surely she began to grasp the reality of the situation. Joe was at work and the older ones were at school. Only Patrick and little Nancy were in the house. She walked out into the back garden still holding the letter and broke down. Living in that damn place she said to herself thinking of how her mother was so ill and living in squalor in that run down flat in Dublin that seemed so far away from her at that moment. Unlike most days she thought the time would never pass until the older ones came home from school. She had left her household chores undone that day but made a conscious effort to put a simple dinner together. She could make a tasty dinner out of anything and having a large family and little money often had to. That evening she cooked mashed potatoes with chopped onions mixed through it and fried eggs. Sarah and Bernadette were first home. Sarah could see that her eyes were red from crying. Whats wrong Mammy? she asked her. Grannys not well dear, she answered. Matthew arrived in the back door and also sensed that something was wrong. Bridget having sat them down to dinner tried to explain to them that their grandmother was seriously ill. She thought Joe would never come home that night. She so wanted to see him. She so wanted him to comfort her. It would not be unusual for him to get delayed on an evening delivery. She was grateful when she saw the car pull up outside the house. He was shocked when he heard the news and tried to console her as best he could. They talked that night about making arrangements to see her. Joe agreed with Bridgets suggestion that it might be nice if she could visit them in Tralee. A break from the city and some sea air might do her the world of good, she said. She wrote a letter to her inviting her to come and stay with them. Margaret sent a brief reply saying that health permitting she would be delighted to come and arrangements were made. Bridget busied herself spring-cleaning and sorting out sleeping arrangements. She learned that her mother was coming alone, a fact that worried her a little not knowing exactly what her present state of health might be. She arrived at the railway station on a Friday afternoon. She stepped out of a hackney cab in front of the house and was met by Bridget who gave her a big hug. Ill get that, Bridget said referring to the fare. Indeed you will not, her mother said theres no point in me saving it now she added. Bridget became instantly familiar again with her mothers sense of humour. To say it was sharp was an understatement. She was wearing her very best clothes, which Bridget complimented her on and although her normally slim frame seemed a little thinner, she despite her dilemma looked so elegant. How are you Mammy? she said as she gave her a gentle hug. As well as can be expected dear she answered. Well, well she said greeting her two youngest grandchildren, Patrick and Nancy. My, how they have grown she said. They were only babies the last time I saw them. Say hello to Granny Bridget said. They did so shyly and she gave them both a hug.

Their memories of her would have been clouded, they being so young when Bridget took them to see her or when she visited them in Dublin. What a lovely place you have here Bridgie she said to her as they had a cup of tea at the kitchen table. And a lovely big garden too she said looking out of the back window. How I miss a garden, she said. Not that I would be able to keep one now she said with a sigh. Bridget looked at her intently, noticing that her face as well as her frame was much thinner since the last time she saw her. Her mother noticed a tear form in Bridgets eye as she took the cups to wash them in the sink. There will be plenty of time for that dear, Im not done for yet she said. I know that Mammy Bridget said almost in a whisper. How are Laurence and Margaret? she asked, wondering how they were coping. Laurence has been a tower of strength, I dont know what Id do without him, she said. Bridget was reassured at least on hearing this. Margarets been very good, she does what she can, when she can bless her. You know shes still seeing that fellow. Nothing will come of it you know, I guarantee you, she said. Bridget could not help but smile. It was nice to have ordinary conversation she thought. She noted the words that her mother had used when saying there would be plenty of time for that meaning tears and resolved to make every effort to make her visit a happy one. As the afternoon wore on Bridget still deep in conversation with her mother began to prepare dinner. I got some whiting, she told her. I know you like fish, so do the lads she said. Bridget always referred to her children in bulk as the lads. It was not long before the others arrived home from school. They all had memories of her and were delighted to see her. It had only been a little more than a year since Matthew had stayed with her. She was fond of Joe and glad to see him again that evening. The company and new surroundings were a pleasant distraction for her. Joe made an effort to show her the town and the surrounding area including the sea. She was enthralled by it. The weather wasnt great but when the sun did shine she liked nothing better than to sit in the garden, talking with Bridget about family and old times. In the evenings she would sit with the children and tell them the many jokes and funny stories she knew. She must have known her time with her only grandchildren was precious. She told Bridget it was one of the most pleasant weeks she could remember for a long time. Her spirit only broke at the time of leaving. She cried as she said goodbye to her and the children. It made it worse for Bridget who guessed her mother knew more than she was telling her. She promised she would visit her in Dublin as soon as she could. Bridget would often think of her and her plight. She would often be grateful for the distractions created by her busy life with her family. The next event of the year was Bernadettes first holy communion. The family gathered at St. Johns church in the main thoroughfare in the town. She looked so pretty in her white dress and veil walking with the other girls to the alter that day. She felt special that day having her photograph taken and receiving her communion money. Joe and Bridget took her and the others to Killarney that weekend. The weather was fine without a cloud in the sky. It was the perfect weekend for such a trip as the mountains could often be cloudy. The town itself was buzzing with people, it being the most prominent tourist destination in Ireland. They made their way through it all packed in the little grey car with Joe at the helm pointing out the places of interest like a tour guide. They passed the jaunting cars as they were known on the edge of the town. These were horse drawn carriages that were driven by men known as Jarveys that took tourists to visit the Lakes of Killarney. Joe pointed out Muckross House set on the shore of the lower lake. It looked like a castle in the distance. They then made the climb all the way up to Ladies View as it was called taking in the breath taking scenery on the way. Joe parked the car and they all climbed out. The view from this well known point was spectacular. From where they stood on banks of the upper lake they could see the other lakes far below them. It was a panorama, the likes of which they had never seen before.

People come from all over the world to see this Joe said with a certain pride in his voice, it of course being part of his native County Kerry. He had a treat in mind for Bernadette that day that would include them all. He had told Bridget that morning not to worry about bringing much snacks with them. She knew he had something up his sleeve. She also knew that if he ever had he would never divulge what it was until the moment. He used to relish this situation and would rebuff anyone who would question him on it. He drove on further and stopped outside a place called Kate Kearneys Cottage. Here we are, he said with a grin on his face. It was a famous teashop and souvenir shop and was the last hostelry along the route. Very nice Bridget said, so this is what you had in mind. He brought them all in and asked them all what they wanted. Bernadette and the other children had soft drinks while Joe and Bridget ordered tea. Everyone had the choice of what sandwiches or cakes they wanted. After the meal he took them further into the mountains through another spectacular spot called The Gap Of Dunloe. They were now facing the highest mountains in Ireland called Macgillycuddys Reeks. The highest peak and therefore, the highest place in Ireland was called Carrantuohill. The school going children would of heard of these but seeing them at close hand was something else. They all had a wonderful day. It was days like this they lived for. The long school summer holidays began in June. They lasted for three months. The sense of freedom that dawned on the older ones at this time of year was palpable. During the good weather and long sunny days they would rarely be seen indoors. The younger ones were now old enough to join the fold and were making friends of their own. Two of such were the Toomey children who lived directly across the street from them. A girl named Patricia and a boy called Aiden became friends with Bernadette and Patrick. Aiden always seemed to have a cold and suffered from a permanent runny nose that he always wiped in his sleeve. Many times he would stand there with snot hanging from his nose. He would try drawing it back up his nostril by sniffing but to no avail. It used to make Sarah sick. Two sisters called Pauline and Irene Cantwell became part of the older gang. Stephen and Matthew recognized that they were pretty, which they were. It was they that seemed to arouse their newfound interest in girls. Stephen being a little older than Matthew was the first to engage in conversation with them. He told Matthew that he liked Pauline the dark haired one. He asked him which one he liked. Matthew confided in him that he thought they were both nice including Irene the blonde one. One day Stephen, Matthew and a group of children were playing on the swings in the green. Pauline pushed Matthew in fun and ran off in the direction of the railway track. He followed and finally caught up with her on the railway bank. She was lying against the bank out of breath. Caught you Matthew said catching his own breath. For reasons unknown to him he took both her hands in his, lent over and kissed her full on the lips. She kissed him back. It sent a feeling through his whole body that he had not experienced before. After that day he was confused and shy at the thought of seeing her again. A couple of days later he was reading in his room when he heard Sarah calling him. Matthew she said with a sarcastic tone in her voice. He knew that tone so well. She would use it whenever she had something over on him. Guess whos here to see you, she said almost laughing. Who? he asked, as he made his way halfway down the stairs. Pauline Cantwell she said with a smile broader than a Cheshire cat. Oh God he said dying of embarrassment. Tell her Ive gone out, he whispered in panic. He could see she was relishing in his predicament. If you dont Ill get you back he warned. He went into his room and finally breathed a sigh of relief when through his bedroom window he saw her walking towards her end of the park. Girls he said to himself theyre dangerous. It wasnt long before he got back to his mischievous boyish ways. One day the Corporation were doing some work at the other end of the green. They had dug a deep trench, which created a large mound of earth. The children in the park began climbing on top of it. Soon some children from Rock Street came over to join in the fun. One of the boys from the park

made a ball out of the mud and threw it at them. Before long a mud ball fight developed between them. It got a bit out of hand and some children were hit. Before they knew it a Garda was seen to approach them on his bicycle. The children scrambled in every direction and made their way home. Matthew and Stephen were in the thick of it. Matthew said to him I think we got the better of them in the end. That summer they had two visitors from Dublin. The first of which was Bridgets first cousin Josephine Halley who was a daughter of her aunt Molly. She was a pleasant red haired young woman who seemed to have a permanent laugh and a bright disposition. These mannerisms however, as Bridget knew masked a lonely life in some ways. She was the only daughter in a large family of boys who missed the fact that she never had a sister. Bridget was delighted with her company and she was a tonic for her that week. She knew of the demise of Bridgets mother Mary who was her aunt. They talked a lot about her and their side of the family that week and did a lot of catching up. Joe was working that week but the neighbour across the road Frank Toomey drove Bridget, Josephine and the children to the seaside at Banna Strand one morning complete with picnic. He arranged to pick them up in the afternoon. It was a beautiful morning but as the day progressed dark clouds appeared and so did rain heavy at times. They all huddled in a sand dune with anything they had covering their heads. Josephine started to laugh at the situation, as did Bridget. There was no shelter on that stretch of coastline. What in the name of God possessed me to bring ye here Bridget Said. You werent to know the weather was going to turn out like this Josephine said laughing. It seemed like an eternity until Frank arrived to their great relief. Her visit left Bridget feeling more urgent than ever about visiting her own mother. It was not easy for her to make arrangements with Joe working and a large young family to look after. She talked to Joe about it and he suggested that she should go for a weekend. He told her he would take a Saturday off whenever she decided to go. The younger children were now growing and becoming more mobile. They were joining the older ones more frequently in their adventures. One hot summers day they all set off for a walk along the railway track that passed the end of the park. It was a single track on which only a couple of trains ran each day. It was mainly used to transport beet to the port of Fenit on the edge of Tralee bay. If a train did approach they could retreat to the grassy banks on either side of the track. When they had walked about a mile or so they came to where the golf course was. In one part of the course there stood a large country mansion that was almost as big as a castle. It was surrounded by large stonewalls. Stephen knew this place because it was where one of his uncles worked as a grounds man. He told them that his uncle had taken him there once and that there was a huge orchard in the grounds with apple and pear trees. As they stood on top of the railway bank looking over looking at it, Matthews mind was working overtime. We could easily get in there, he said to Stephen. No way, dont even think about it he replied. Matthew had observed that there were some trees next to the wall that could be climbed to scale it. Just in and out he said to Stephen. Nobody will know we were there, he continued. Ill go inside if you do the look out, he said. He finally convinced him and drew up a plan of operation. Matthew was now in the realm of fantasy and dreamed it was a military manoeuvre like hed seen in films. Firstly he knew they had to cross the stretch of golf course that lay between them and the shelter of the trees outside the wall. They waited until some golfers had passed that part of the course and one by one they made it to the wall. Matthew climbed a tree followed by Stephen and scrambled across the top of the wall until he found another tree on the inside to climb down. He quickly picked apples from nearby branches and made a pile out of them. Catch he said to Stephen throwing them up to him one by one. He in turn dropped them down to the others. Suddenly Stephen shouted to Matthew

Get out theres someone coming. Matthew looked around and in the distance he could make out a tall slim figure of a man with grey hair. Get out you rascals he shouted at them. Matthew did not have time to climb a tree instead in panic he managed to clamber up the inside wall his adrenalin pumping through his veins. He jumped on to a branch of an outside tree and leapt to the ground. He saw Stephen and the others running across the green and followed them in hot pursuit observed by two bemused golfers a little distance away. They were all out of breath when they reached the railway bank. Is that all Matthew said looking at the few apples they had left after their hasty retreat. As they hurried back the railway track Stephen said to Matthew and Sarah He saw me, that was my uncle. They made their home and sat on the green and shared out what was left of the spoils. They all concluded the apples were a little unripe and slightly bitter. Stephen was right about the fact that his uncle the grounds man had recognized him. He informed his mother and he was reprimanded as a result. Bridget was also notified of the episode through her and Matthew the main instigator was warned by her that if he or any of the others went near there again their father would hear about it. She knew by threatening them this way they never would. It was around this time that the next visitor from Dublin arrived. It was a nice surprise for the children and a surprise full stop for Bridget. Joes sister Betty had written to her asking if her daughter Kathleen could come for a weekend. She had been pining for her cousins since they moved to Tralee. She was the same age as Matthew and they had started school together. Bridget informed her that it would be fine. She was middle in age to her older sister Rosemary and younger brother David. Bridget told Matthew from the letter that Betty said she had taken up singing lessons and was apparently quite good. On hearing this Matthew devised a plan. A couple of days before she was due to arrive Bridget observed him tidying up the garage. It would be normal for her to become suspicious about Matthew tidying up anything. What are you up to now? she asked him. Its for the concert, he said. What concert? she enquired amused at his antics. The one starring Kathleen Heffernan from Dublin he said showing her the poster he had written. She cant know anything about this, she said. She soon will do, he said with a cheeky grin on his face. Dont do anything unless she agrees to it she said. Believe me shell agree to it, he said. When Kathleen arrived Matthew asked her if she would like to sing for him and his friends as he put it. She was hesitant to say the least. When she found out that he had made little tickets and was charging children a penny each to come she went into a panic. Absolutely no way she said. I only know a few songs, she said. I havent been taking lessons that long. He offered her a major cut in the takings but she still declined. But theyre all looking forward to it now he told her. By the afternoon in question he through persistence finally persuaded her to perform. With a small crowd of children gathered in the garage Matthew took the role of presenter. Ladies and gentlemen all the way from Dublin I Present the one and only Kathleen Heffernan to which they all clapped. Oh God she said nervously to him Ill never forgive you for this. She sang her songs and sang them very well. The children clapped and wanted to know what was next. They were not happy at the shortness of the performance and wanted their money back. Bridget on hearing the commotion in the garage arrived on the scene and in hearing that Matthew had charged them made him give the money back. Despite all this Kathleen thought the weekend was good fun. She was amazed how many friends Matthew, Sarah and all of them had made and how well they had settled in Tralee. It made her a little sad in a way that they had moved on. The next event of that year was Matthews Confirmation. It was, in the Catholic sense, a coming of age. He received religious instruction at school like the other boys in his year. They also practiced

for the ceremony in the church itself. The usual preparations followed for such an event such as being measured for a new suit. One thing all boyss had to do was choose a Confirmation name. Matthew had no preference and Bridget suggested the name Cronan. She told him that he was the patron saint and founder of Roscrea, which was the town of his birth. Matthew accepted her recommendation gratefully and felt that it was very appropriate. On the day of the ceremony all the family were decked out in their best clothes thanks to the attentions of Bridget and Joe. It took place in St. Johns church with the Bishop presiding over the proceedings. Afterwards a professional in a studio who insisted they all pronounced the word cheese took a family photograph. Matthew received his Confirmation money and they all had a meal in a hotel in the town. It was one of those special family days that they all enjoyed. The festival in the town was bigger than ever that year and the younger ones were joining in the events more and more. There was however, another smaller festival that followed it called Puck Fair. This took place in the small town called Killorglin that was a short drive from Tralee. One day Joe decided to take them all there to see it. The town was full of travelling people who were known as tinkers. They came there every year as Joe explained. They would sell their wares of every description from stalls they would set up and would have their prized two-toned piebald horses in tow. They added great colour to the event that was also thronged with tourists, some of whom followed on there from the Tralee Festival. It centred on a tradition of bringing a captured male mountain goat known as a puck goat into the main street and hoisting it by ropes into a cage that was placed on top of a large tower. A crown was placed on its head and it was given the title King Puck. Soon the long school summer holidays were drawing to an end. Now there was only Patrick and little Nancy left at home on school days. Bridget was grateful for their company and Nancy would follow her everywhere during the week, she like her missing the others company. Their other great companion was Shep the dog who never left Nancys side. They had great affinity for each other and he responded willingly to her every command. One day when Bridget was busy, Nancy followed by Shep went exploring. She made her way into the back garden of the house across the road. It was that of Frank Toomeys. He arrived home unexpectedly and found her sitting in his shed on top of a pile of coal chewing a lump of it. What are you doing eating my coal? he said laughing at her. Who said its your coal she said frightened in her defence. He offered his hand to help her down and was greeted with growl from Shep. Bridget, although worried about her whereabouts could not help but smile on hearing this from Frank. Look at the state of you she said to her, seeing her covered in coal dust. Bridget received another letter from Margaret and took a deep breath before opening it. She told her that their mothers condition had worsened and that she was now in hospital and very ill. The medical staff had told her and Laurence it could be a matter of weeks. She asked her to get in touch with them as soon as possible. Bridget felt a lump in her throat as she read it and tears began to flow. She replied saying that she would make it up to Dublin that weekend. Joe told her not to hesitate and that he would look after things at home. It had been a couple of years since Bridget had seen Margaret and Laurence and she wished that the purpose of her visit would have been a happier one. Before she left she said to the children say a prayer for Granny. Sarah said to Joe when she left is Granny going to die Daddy. I dont know, he answered in a sullen voice. Be good while Mammys away he told her. Well all say a prayer for her at Mass. When Bridget returned he and all the others though glad to see her could see that she was down.

How is she? Joe said. Terrible she said. I cant believe how much shes gone down. Only months ago she seemed so much like her old self. To see her now she stopped sobbing. Weeks Joe thats what their talking about weeks God love her. Joe could see that Bridget was preoccupied after her visit and knew that she would probably be visiting soon again. The following Sunday it being a fine day he suggested they all go on a little trip. They all piled into the small car and he drove to Blennerville on the south side of Tralee Bay. It was an area of the town that was formed around a man made dyke and looked more like a scene from Holland. Joe as always on their travels pointed out the places of interest. They skirted along the coastal valley of the Slieve Mish Mountains looking at the golden stretches of sand below and headed into the Dingle Peninsula. It was an enormous projection of land and mountains that carved its way westward into the Atlantic Ocean. It was a place where the inhabitants spoke the Gaelic language and was largely untouched by time. The scenery there was breathtaking. As they ascended the mountain road they looked at the fields some distance below and everything seemed so small. Nancy said why are the cows so tiny?. Thats because theyre so far away, Joe said. Can I have one to take home? she said much to the laughter of everyone else. Bridget tried to explain to her but to no avail. They crossed through a gap in the mountains to the south side of the peninsula and made their way to the town and fishing port of Dingle where they all indulged in delicious soft ice cream cones while sitting near the harbour listening to the fishermen speaking their native language. They carried on to the end of the peninsula to a place called Slea Head. Joe pointed out the ancient stone cells on the side of the rocky hills that were once inhabited by Celtic Monks. From the last vantage point they could see the large white waves crashing on to the Blasket Islands, the most westerly point of Ireland and nothing but the great Atlantic Ocean beyond. Joe took a different route back through another mountain crossing called Connor Pass to the north side then sweeping around Brandon Bay he headed home. It was another one of those surprise days that he and they cherished. For Bridget it was momentary distraction. She had planned to make another visit to Dublin before the month was out. Her intention was cut short by the arrival of a dreaded telegram that arrived from Margaret telling her that their mother had died. Her sorrow and grief was compounded for some reason with guilt at not having made that extra trip. The funeral took place in Kildare and their mother Mary was buried in Laurences family plot, as was her wish, they being a couple. Bridget was saddened by the fact that it was a moderate affair compared with their fathers. The thoughts of her parents being buried apart hurt her. She was however, glad to see her family and connections from Dublin and seek comfort with them. Joe could see that she looked tired distraught when she came home. Laurence is thinking of moving back to Kildare, she told Joe. Where does that leave Margaret then he said. I know she said, its worrying. Shes already talking about getting a smaller place, she added. Bridget was concerned about the fact that her only sister might soon be living alone in the city. It saddened her to think of times when they were surrounded by each other in their former home. Soon that autumn gave way to the first pangs of winter. Joe found out that his uncle Kevin in Listowel had two good racing greyhounds and that he was going to enter them for two races at the Tralee Greyhound Stadium. There was a long history of breeding and rearing greyhounds in the OConnor family. Their greatest claim to fame was winning the Irish Derby in 1932 with a dog called Ocean Blend. Nothing they had since could match that and it was only recently that Kevin got involved in the sport again. He named his best dog Ocean Blended after the familys most famous prodigy. He was due to race the two of them one Saturday night in Tralee and Joe decided to meet him there.

He told Bridget and the children on the night in question, to get wrapped up warm because they were all going to the dogs. They met Kevin there with his son Cecil. The first of his dogs to run was called Beady-Beady. It ran in the third race cheered on by them all and finished second. Kevin was a little disappointed but had told Joe to save his betting money for his next runner. Excitement mounted as the fifth race containing Ocean Blended got under way. Bridget told the children that she was putting on a little bet for them. Joe got the best odds he could from the bookies and soon they all took their place in the stands to watch the start. The trap doors opened and the dogs took off. Kevins dog was in third place at the first bend but by the last bend he was up on the leader. They all screamed from their vantage point as he passed out the leader on the home straight to win by two lengths. Afterwards they all had fish and chips in the town on their winnings. Matthew and Sarah were now of an age as were their friends Stephen and Eileen where they were asking questions about life. One day they were sitting in the garage, which they called the club when the discussion somehow centred on where babies came from. They all knew that they came from their mothers tummies. The question in debate was what caused babys to start there in the first place. Stephen being the eldest of the group reminded them about dogs that they had seen in the park mounting each other. Eileen said that she had caught a glimpse of her parents in a funny position one night through their bedroom door, which was not fully closed when she went to the toilet. Sarah seemed amused at the suggestion but Matthew was horrified at the thought of their parents doing that. But youre the youngest of the family Matthew decreed. And there have been no babys since so that cant be the way they get in there, he said smugly. They all laughed and realized they had stumbled across one of lifes great mysteries. Maybe we should ask Mammy and Daddy Sarah said to Matthew. You can if you like he replied. My God theres no way Id ask Daddy, he said. When asked the others also declined to bring up the subject with their parents. They decided that this particular mystery of life would have to elude them for the near future at least. Bridget learned from one of the teachers at Matthews school that piano lessons were available as part of an extra school curriculum. Some of the boys in the school had taken them up. She asked Matthew if he would be interested. At first he declined but thought it might be nice to play a musical instrument. He and the other boys already learnt and sang songs both in Gaelic and English at the school. He agreed and took up lessons with a Miss Hoffman. She was a German woman who had lived in the town for many years and had a lot of pupils whom she taught piano and other instruments. Matthew stuck at it for a while and learned the basics but it was not long before he got bored and declined to go any more. Bridget assumed that if they had a piano at home it might have encouraged him to continue. It was of course out of the question financially. She in her youth had taken lessons and wondered if she could still play. One of her pleasures in life was going to the cinema. It was referred to as the pictures. She and Joe would often meet up with Joes work mate Liam Brosnan and his wife Ann who were friends of theirs and go and see a film. It was one of the few social outings they had in their busy lives. Matthew and Sarah would look after the younger ones on a promise that they would be let attend the Saturday Matinee as a reward. It worked well because there was nothing more they liked than going to the pictures with their friends, especially during the cold wet winter months. It was not long before the festive season of Christmas loomed again and gave them something brighter to dwell on. The week before it Matthew bought a raffle ticket, as did Bridget in one the main stores in the town. One of the prizes was a large hamper containing all sorts of foodstuffs. Matthews ticket was drawn and he was delighted as was Bridget.

It was a huge box containing meats, cakes, tins of biscuits and all sorts of Christmas fare. Joe had to collect it in the car. Matthew noticed that there were some cigarettes in it and for reasons unknown to him slipped a packet of ten Gold Flake into his pocket. He borrowed some matches from the kitchen one day when no one was looking and decided to see what smoking was like. Sarah came across him in the garage surrounded by a ball of smoke. Caught you she said. Jesus you frightened the life out of me he said dropping the cigarette. What are they like she said can I try one. He had no choice but to allow her to indulge after she promised not to tell anyone. They both concluded that they got no satisfaction from them and wondered what adults saw in them. Matthew, as he had to, discreetly discarded the remainder of them. That Christmas he got a small air rifle as a present. It was in the long run not one of Joe and Bridgets better decisions. At first he would shoot at empty cans he would place on walls or branches of trees allowing Stephen, Sarah, Eileen and some others to join in seeing who could hit the most targets. One day he climbed a tree on the edge of the green overlooking McCoys farm. He aimed at some cattle and fired. He noticed he could make them move away as if herding them. The pellets as he knew would not hurt them and very soon he had them cramped into one corner of the field. What he had not realized was that McCoys son Dennis saw him. The next day when they were engaging in target practice a boy from the other end of the park wanted to join in. Matthew refused him he being quite clannish with his close friends. The boy became obstinate and tried to take the rifle off him. A scuffle took place and Matthew in temper shot him in the leg. He went screaming and hopping down the road. That evening Bridget had two visitors to the door. One Mr. McCoy the farmer and the boys father. Afterwards she called Matthew to boot. She relayed to him what she had been told and asked him to account for himself. He tried to wiggle out of it as best he could by explaining that the encounter with the boy was an accident and that the pellets that hit the cattle were ones that had missed their target. Bridget would have none of it and confiscated the rifle. Matthew looked everywhere for it but never found it again. She after consulting Joe and agreeing that they had made a mistake in buying such a present for him, secretly buried it at the end of the garden and it was seen no more. The wet and windy weather that ended that year gave way to snow at the beginning of the next one. The children delighted in building snowmen and engaging in snowball fights. During one of these Paul Tierney who was a brother of Sarahs friend Eileen crashed a large snowball over Patricks head. Matthew witnessed this and when he saw his brother on the ground crying and Paul who was of college going age cowering over him he snapped. He grabbed the nearest thing to hand which was a long piece of wood and chased after him. He had a boy who was years his senior running away from him. He chased him across the snow covered green and a stand off developed between them. Whenever Paul came near Matthew he swung the piece of wood at him. He missed his head by only a couple of inches. He could see that Matthew was incensed and Matthew could smell the fear off him. Frank Toomey a neighbour saw what was happening and called out to Paul. Dont you think youre a bit big to be playing with children? he said to him. Paul did not answer him and slowly backed away from Matthew staring at him as he did so. He made his way home muttering under his breath and occasionally looking back at Matthew. He never bothered Matthew again except with a cold side-glance if ever they passed. During the early winter months of that year a hurricane developed in the Gulf of Mexico. This phenomenon was not unusual in that part of the world. The difference between this hurricane and many others was that it veered off course and headed across the Atlantic moving unusually in a northern direction. It had been a severe storm and had caused untold damage in the region it developed. As the remnants of it made its way across the north Atlantic, it was clear it was going to impact on the west coast of Ireland. Weather warnings were given out on the radio and in the newspapers. Like all hurricanes it was given a name, it was christened Hurricane Debbie.

It was due to strike one weekend and all the people in the park could be seen bringing items of all sorts indoors. Bridget told the children to bring anything that could move including toys indoors. All the lorries in the depot where Joe worked were grounded that Friday evening. Many places in the town were also closed for the same reason. Joe locked and secured everything he could and hammered some nails in the door of the wooden garage. Apart from securing items as best they could nobody really knew what to do or what to expect. That Friday the sky was grey and there was an unnatural calm for that time of year. Bridget had told the children to stay either indoors or in the back garden where she could see them. Matthew had been at Stephens house that morning and had brought his roller skates with him. After midday the wind began to arrive and Joe and Bridget called the children indoors. She decided to have an early dinner that day. She looked across the road at Hennessys to see if she could see Matthew. As she could not she presumed he was indoors with Stephen. He had in fact said goodbye to his friend and put on his skates and made it to the top of the road. As he turned back to make his way home as instructed after visiting Hennesseys, the wind suddenly began to rise. Before he knew it the force of it was carrying him along. He was in the middle of the street and moving faster and faster, shrieking and loving every minute of it. As he neared home a mighty gust threw him on to the footpath and he grazed his knee. He hurriedly took off the skates and scrambled towards his house observed by a now irate Bridget. He ran to the back door, which she opened. Get in here at once she said angrily coupled with a sense of relief. After dinner they all perched themselves at various windows watching the intensity of the storm increase. No matter how many items people had secured they had not accounted for severity of what was to come. Objects of all sorts began to be blown into the air most of them light at first. My God Bridget said to Joe looking across the street thats Mr.Linnane getting out of his car. All of them were looking at this point as he struggled to close the door. When he stepped away from it he was blown back and clung to his fence for dear life gripping it all the way towards the archway that was the entrance to his house. He was a short portly man and to see someone of that stature being thrown about as Bridget commented was worrying. The tempo of the storm increased through the afternoon and evening. By nightfall it had reached a crescendo. The lino in the hall had taken on a life of its own by moving up and down as if it were dancing. Joe had placed some items against both doors and locked them. They huddled in the front room unable to light the fire because of the down draught caused by the ferocity of the wind. A loud noise emanated from the chimney that resembled a ghostly sound. It grew in tandem with the angry howling of the wind outside. Storms they experienced before but nothing like this. It became so loud that the younger ones became frightened and began to cry. The lights began to flicker and it grew late. Eventually some of them began to drift into a half sleep. Joe and Bridget decided to put the children to bed while there was still electricity and to bring some normality to the situation. Some of them drifted off to sleep for a while through sheer tiredness. The constant Noise of the storm acted as a strange lullaby. But in the early hours of the morning a great crash was heard over Matthew and Patricks bedroom. Matthew hadnt really slept at all and when he heard it he grabbed Patrick who was crying and they both ran to the landing. There everybody else met them in a dazed state. Joe looked in the boys bedroom and quickly realized that tiles had been blown off the roof. A great deal of damage was done in the town and in the park and in the west of the country. It became known as the night of the big storm. The next day the winds subsided and Joe like everyone else surveyed the damage. A good few tiles were dislodged near the gable end of the house and some had fallen into the attic. Itll take the Corporation some time to clear this mess up, he said to Bridget. He noticed that most of the damage had occurred at their end of the park. About this time Bridget received a letter from her brother Jack telling her he was leaving his job at Dublin airport and taking up an engineering contract in London. He added that his fiance Patricia

would be joining him there. She was saddened at the fact that her favourite brother was leaving and that all her remaining immediate family apart from Margaret had now left Ireland. The economic situation in the country was getting worse and thousands of people were emigrating every month. They were taking up opportunities abroad in countries that were crying out for workers one of which was England. Advertisements were placed in Irish newspapers looking for such workers. The Irish economy was mainly based on agriculture that was not heavily labour intensive. The manufacturing sector was small as was the service industry and both were contracting rapidly due to mass emigration. Joe had not received a wage rise in the oil company since he started there despite an increase in the cost of living. Feelings of discontent were high among the employees at the depot. The company would not budge when asked by their representatives for a wage rise. It led to friction between management and workers and eventually led to a strike. It was a worrying time for Joe and Bridget and the family and for all concerned. Both Joe and his friend Liam Brosnan were on the picket lines. It was a lean time for all the families concerned with no money coming in. The strike lasted a few weeks and was eventually resolved with a meagre wage rise. The cost of it however, was to have serious implications for some. The company used the strike and subsequent wage rises to implement a policy of its own, that of creating redundancies. The management had decided to avert the increased costs they had incurred by reducing the workforce. Rumours began to circulate and soon redundancy notices were handed out. The cutbacks were operated on a last in first out basis. It was a clever ploy by the company. It was only a month after the strike had ended and they were aware of the financial setbacks that their employees had to deal with. They were correct in their assumption that they would not suffer another strike over this issue and that the workers remaining would hold on to their jobs. Despite protests that is what happened. One Friday evening Joe arrived in the door as usual. Bridget could see by his expression that something was wrong. He had in his hand a white envelope. She was too frightened to ask him what it contained. For the past two months they had talked about nothing else but the strike and then the rumours of redundancies. He sat down at the kitchen table and placed the opened envelope on it. Thats it, he said. Jesus Bridget replied, Youve been given notice. He spent the latter end of that evening digging in the back garden. Bridget watched him through the kitchen window as she went busily about her chores in attending to the children. It was as if they were both trying to distract themselves from the terrible news that had hit them. The children had known about the strike but had no idea how serious the situation was now. All they knew was that Joe became very cranky and would snap at them for the least reason. That Sunday he decided to take them all to on a visit to Tanavalla. Both he and Bridget needed to unburden their woes in the company of adults. Some times even when people were older and have children of their own, they still felt the need to find comfort in the company of their parents. Dadda and Momma were shocked to hear of their demise. They had a long talk that afternoon as the children played outside. Joes brother Brian was there that day and although they did not have a lot to say to each other the rift between them was overshadowed by what was happening. Joe told them that he had less than a month to find alternative employment. The situation in Tralee was similar to most towns, there simply was none. Joe asked around until he was blue in the face but nothing turned up. He would not contemplate applying for welfare because he was a proud man who had always worked for a living and discerned that they would have no life or future trying to manage on the pittance that it paid. Bridget learned that an empty shop premises in the town was vacant to lease. She suggested to Joe that perhaps they could open a sweet shop there. He did not see it as a runner even though Bridget had experience in working in her parents shop years ago. He asked her how they would stock it and

pay lease money in advance. They had no collateral to put up to secure a loan in the first place he concluded. Bridget knew she was clutching at straws. Soon she like him was facing the inevitable. Joe contacted his sister Maureen in England and she replied telling him ironically that they were finding it hard to fill vacancies there. She also said he could stay with them if he decided to give it a try. He made his mind up sooner rather than later that this was his only alternative. He told Bridget he would go over while they still had some money left and that he could send her some when he got a job. It was now time to tell the children they decided. They knew that their father was not working but were not aware of the more serious consequences. He could be moody and snappy towards them for reasons they did not understand. Bridget told Matthew and Sarah together and both of them were amazed and somewhat shocked to hear their father, the head of the household was leaving. The younger ones really did not take it in at all having no conception of how far away he was going. England, thats miles away Matthew said to Sarah. Maybe well be going there too? she said. Dont be stupid, he said dismissing the idea from his mind. A strange sort of silence fell over the household in the days before he left. Nobody seemed to know what to say. They had always been together as a family and when Bridget was in childbirth through the years it was Joe who would be with them. He had saved a little money over the years in the form of notes of various denominations that he rolled up and kept in a round silver container inside his leather-bound shaving kit. It was what he called rainy day money. He always tried to manage without it, knowing that it was there if anything unexpected cropped up. He never realized that he would have to use it all at once, but was glad it was there all the same. The children could see that Bridget was very restless the day before he was due to depart. It was something that was transferred to them all. Do you think hell ever come back? Sarah said to Matthew. Oh shut up, he shouted, at what he thought was a stupid remark. He like Bridget didnt sleep well that night wondering what the outcome of all of this would lead to. He knew deep down that they were in trouble but trusted his father implicitly. He could be a man of few words to them at times as children. It was their mother who was the great communicator to them explaining everything to them as much as she could and in a way that they could understand. What troubled Matthew was that his father had given him no instructions as to what to do in his absence. He felt frightened at thinking that as a young boy he was suddenly going to be not only the oldest child but also the senior male in the household. The only comfort he had was that his mother whom he regarded as being knowledgeable in all things would be there to guide him. Joe would always tell them what to do or what not to do. His word was law, but they all knew that he would lead them in the right direction. The next morning, it being a Saturday, he and Bridget had a long discussion over breakfast. He told her in detail about the travel arrangements on the long journey by train and boat and about what time he expected to arrive at his destination. He told her he would write on arrival and let her know how he was getting on. They never stopped talking that morning knowing it might be some time before they would again. He told the children one by one to be good for their Mammy while he was away. The few hours went swiftly by until he had to go. He brought his suitcase and placed it on the front door step. He hugged and kissed the children and turning to Matthew who could see he was sobbing he said, Do the best you can boy as he hugged him. He held Bridget and kissed her on the lips whispering something personal to her. They all stood in a huddled group on the path some stepping on to the road as if to follow, waving and crying as he walked away towards the green in the direction of the town and the railway station. He gave an occasional look over his shoulder and waved until he was out of sight. Bridget felt a sense of emptiness and fear come over her compounded by a feeling of

powerlessness. Destiny it seemed was crueller than ever to them. The children stayed close to her that day, none of them seeming to want to go out and play. Each of them was trying to come to terms with what was happening. She tried to console them by telling them that Daddy would be back to see them soon. Soon seemed a long way away that day. Matthew was shocked by the look of defeat in his fathers eyes. It was something that would haunt him for a long time. He went to his bedroom where nobody could see him and used his pillow to muffle the sound of his weeping. He realized even at a young age that rocks could be broken. The next day being Sunday they all got ready for Mass. Bridget making sure that they had their best clothes on and that their shoes were polished. How they all missed getting in the car with Joe telling them to hurry up or they would be late. It was parked in the garage where he had left it. Bridget did not drive. She had done when she was young but years of absence had eroded her confidence. It was about a mile walk to either church in the town but Bridget decided to continue worshiping in the Dominican church as they had done since coming to the town. They all thought of him that day realizing what a great vacuum he had left in their lives. He had left Bridget some money to get them by until he was working. She did however; have to be careful, not knowing exactly when that would be. She busied herself at night when the children had gone to bed, writing letters to all her family including her aunt Molly. She also took up reading books again to pass the lonely night hours in which she would have been in conversation with Joe. She would read until she was tired enough to face their bedroom alone. Her daytimes were as busy as ever, doing chores, cooking and looking after the children. In a strange way she was grateful that they were a distraction from constantly thinking about Joe and how he was getting on. The first week of his absence seemed an eternity for her. At the beginning of the second, she could be found constantly looking out the front window watching for the arrival of the postman each day. Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday passed but he had no mail for her. On Thursday her anxiety was quelled when he came to the front window that she had already opened, carrying a white envelope in his outstretched hand. She knew the handwriting on it and hurriedly opened it. Dearest Bridget, How are you keeping and how are all the lads? I miss ye all so much, its hard to put into words. I have been so busy since arriving my feet havent touched the ground. I got a job as a crane driver a couple of days after landing at Maureens. Would you believe it? The country is crying out for workers. How ironic does it get? Considering the situation at home. I have to work a week in hand and will send you a postal order each week when I get sorted out. Maureen and John have been great, not that I see much of them, working seven days a week. Theyve taken out a mortgage on their house. Its reasonably easy to get one if you have a secure job like John. Hes working in London Airport with my brother Owen. This job Ive taken will do to begin with so that I can get some money together. Im going to apply to the Airport myself. They have both assured me that there is long term secure employment there. Owen and Brenda have also bought a house. Life for them all is really on the up. Hope ye are all keeping safe and well. Will write again soon. Love as always, Joe A sense of relief came over her on hearing the news. He sounded so positive and ambitious and so full of hope. She read the letter to the children that evening and they listened to every word. Something dawned on Matthew and Sarah when they read it again for themselves. They began to understand that there was an air of permanence in their fathers writing regarding his working in England. Are we going to live in England Mammy? Sarah asked her. At the moment I dont know whats happening dear she answered her truthfully. It had been a few years since such an air of change had entered their lives.

Matthew with a sigh tried to dismiss the thought from his mind but it was something that would lurk in the background for them all until Joe made it home. A week later the much-waited postal order arrived and each week Bridget would look out for the postman with expectancy she never had to do before. The next thing that was on her mind was Sarahs Confirmation. It was due to take place early that summer. She had been receiving religious instruction at school, as did all the other girls who were to be confirmed that year. Bridget set about getting her an outfit bit by bit as she could afford it. Joe would often send a letter with the postal order keeping them up with the news in England. In one he told her that he got a job that he applied for as a baggage handler in London Airport and was working in the same terminal as his brother Owen and Maureens husband John. He also added that he had seen his brother Peter when he came to visit Maureen. It seemed to Bridget and gradually to the older ones that he was getting on well there. Bridget organized the household as best she could. She allocated little chores to Matthew and Sarah. He would bring in coal from the fuel shed and sweep the back yard and path and help clip the grass while she would help with cleaning and bed making. The vegetable area in the back garden that Joe prided himself in was becoming overgrown with weeds. One dry sunny Saturday they all had a go at clearing it but despite their efforts it looked nothing compared to the way he kept it. They all greatly missed the occasional weekend trips he would take them on in the car and felt more confined. A few months went by until Bridget received a letter from him telling her he would be coming home for Sarahs Confirmation. She was over the moon, having missed him so much. They all in their own way realized that life without him lacked direction. He made them complete as a family. The weekend of his arrival coupled with Sarahs spiritual coming of age lead to great excitement for them all. That Friday evening was spent with Bridget preparing a special tea and telling the children not to touch any of the goodies she had prepared until he arrived. She wanted it to be a family occasion where they could sit down together and welcome him home. She, like the others, as the evening approached, found herself taking the odd look out the front window to see if he was coming. She had made a nice salad, they way he liked it. It was practical she thought, not knowing at what time he would be there. At about quarter to eight after what seemed an eternity of waiting a loud shrike could be heard from Sarah in the front garden Daddys coming. An exodus of children followed it to the front of the house. Bridget smiling looked in the mirror to see if her hair looked all right and stood on the front door step where she had said goodbye to him. He had that particular smile on his face as he crossed the road with small suitcase in hand. No two people smile the same. His lips always curled to the left when he did. The children swarmed around him as he entered the pathway all greeting and talking to him at the same time. One at a time lads he said hugging them all practically at once. He gave Bridget an engaging hug and they all made their way inside. He and they had a lot of news to tell each other that weekend but he had the most important news of all. They all sat down to a late tea and felt comforted by his presence again. I hope youve all been behaving yourselves, he said jokingly to the children. They all nodded their heads in unison. Theyve been good really, Bridget answered on their behalf. They all asked questions about England. What was it like, how were their uncles aunts and cousins and in particular their aunt Maureen and her family who had lived near them in the park and who Joe was staying with. Bit by bit he answered their questions as he ate his meal. He changed the subject of the conversation to that of Sarahs Confirmation, asking how the preparations were going. Bridget knew that he had something important to say to her, she could always tell by his

mannerisms and his evasiveness towards the children when he did. That night when the children had gone to bed, they retired to the front room and began to talk. Joe began to reveal his plans to her. He was not a man who beat around the bush or mince his words when something was important. I see our future over there Bridget he said. Really she said nervously holding his hand. Ive done a lot of thinking since Ive been there he added. She listened intently to what he had to say. In only a matter of months Ive managed to get a secure job. Its a job for life if I want it, with a pension to follow. Where would I get such an opportunity here, having no professional qualifications. To top it all theres an organization called the Catholic Housing Association that helps newly arrived Irish people to buy their own homes. My word she said becoming enthralled with his conversation. How do you think Maureen and John bought a house so soon? he asked her. Your right she said. I never really gave it that much thought. Wouldnt they have to have a deposit or some form of collateral? she enquired. Thats where the housing association comes in, he said with a grin. If youve got a secure job they will lend you the deposit which they will allow you to pay back over a few years. That had been the problem for many Irish people in setting up home there. It was a Father Edward Carey that spotted the dilemma and founded the association. Sounds like a wonderful man she said. He is, he said. You mean youve met him she said. She saw a smile creep over his face. Ive done more than that, he said. I enquired about such a loan and found that I would be eligible for one. Bridget was stunned. She knew Joe could be impulsive to say the least but this was out of the top drawer even by his standards. She was amazed at how motivated and ambitious he was since returning having been so despondent and resigned when leaving. It was the word leaving that stuck in her mind. It was the first time in their marriage that they had been apart for that long. For the first time she was an observer of his experience rather than being part of it. It grew late and they went to bed. She had missed him so much in that way. He slept contented but she was still awake in the early hours trying to come to terms with it all. Change they had before, but this would be another country, another culture. When would they tell the children? How would they take it? Suddenly she thought of Margaret in Dublin she would have to tell her and so on. My God she thought as she finally began to drift off to sleep, it looks like were on the move again. They never stopped talking that weekend. They would lower their voices when discussing possible future plans if the children were near at hand. They both agreed not to tell them about any plans they might have at that time in regard to moving. They felt it might unsettle them too soon. After all as Joe had said, there was nothing set in stone. He told her that even if this plan came to fruition, it would take the best part of a year or so to put into operation. Instead, they put all their efforts into making that weekend and Sarahs Confirmation day a time for them all to be together once more. The day went very well, although Joe had great trouble in starting the car. It had been locked in the garage since he left. Thatll probably be the first thing well have to get rid of, he said to her. The words cut through her like a hot knife through butter. She could see that they were both thinking of the same thing but from different viewpoints. She was dreading the move and he was beginning to plan it. For this short period at least all she wanted was a distraction from it. She had made a great effort to make Sarah look her best for the ceremony and the obligatory studio photographs and family treat that followed. The weekend went very quickly and Joe spent all his time with the family apart from catching up with some friends and neighbours who were all interested in knowing how he was getting on. The goodbyes were not as painful for the children as they saw him in such a positive mood. But for Bridget it was a time of parting and uncertainty. She began to take stock of everything they had in the house and came to the conclusion that there was very little they could take with them if they moved so far away. One day she was polishing a set of two sterling-silver tankards that she prided having in her possession and realized that apart from her wedding ring they were the only two valuable material things that she possessed.

She resolved as she had done before to keep everything as normal as possible in Joes absence. Soon the long school summer holidays arrived again and the children found themselves with plenty of time on their hands. A new hobby emerged that they and their friends became involved in, that of picking blackberries. They would trawl the ditches of local farms armed with any containers they could find and extract the fruit from them. It was a nice distraction for them on any fine summers day. Even the younger ones would accompany them and they would take their spoils to the local Co-Op where they would get a little money for them. The berries were used for making dye. Around this time Bridget decided to enrol Sarah and Bernadette in Irish dancing classes. She wanted them to appreciate this aspect of their culture. The girls loved it and made new friends at the Eileen Laide school of Irish dancing. They had a natural aptitude for it and were entered with others from the school to perform at the Rose of Tralee festival that year. She was so proud of them as were the others. They looked so smart in dancing uniforms that consisted of blue tunics and yellow sashes draped over their shoulders completed with yellow pleated skirts and dancing shoes. Irish dancing competitions were held at the festival each year and every school of dancing in the town and beyond competed for medals in the various categories. Sarah and Bernadette performed on stage for their troupe watched by Bridget and the others. They both won medals, which Bridget was very proud of. The only sad point for them was that Joe was not there to share in it. They had their photograph taken that day and Bridget put it in a letter she wrote to him. That year Matthew became emotionally affected by Joes long absence. He was disturbed by the secrecy and uncertainty that surrounded it. It led to him being distracted at school and not caring about homework that he was once so meticulous at. One day when he and Stephen had sneaked into McCoys farm which lay at the back of his house, Matthew out of boredom decided to gather up some wood and stones together with some clay and build a dam across the little stream that ran through his farm. He and Stephen watched as the water flowed out on to the field. We better undo that before we leave Stephen said. No way Matthew responded, I want to watch it cover the field from Sarahs bedroom. Hell go mad Stephen said. I dont care Matthew replied as he made his way through a gap in the ditch, quickly followed by Stephen who kept saying I want nothing to do with it Matthew watched from the upstairs window and saw a certain amount of water spreading out where he had built the dam. He could also see that the force of the water was beginning to disintegrate it as he had predicted. He knew that his bluff with Stephen had worked, he believing that it would cover the field. When they were sitting down to tea that evening a loud knocking came on the back door. Where is he? came McCoys distraught voice. He confronted Bridget saying, That young fella of yours is up to his tricks again. I know it was him that blocked that stream, he ranted. Bridget turned to Matthew and said, Is this true. I dont what hes talking about Matthew said sneering at him. At this point McCoy was trying to push past Bridget to enter the room. Get out of my house she said, her voice in a frightened tone. At that moment Matthew calmly opened the cutlery drawer and extracted the carving knife. You heard her, he screamed pointing the blade at him. Get out of here you bastard or Ill drive it right through you. McCoy stood stunned and backed out the door. I know it was you, he said pointing his finger at him as he retreated. He should be locked up, he said as he made his way out the path. The others sat at the table speechless. Before Bridget questioned him more, Matthew could see that Sarah had a gleam in her eye. She could tell at a hundred yards if he was lying or not, as she had accompanied him on many of his escapades. Soon the episode died down but not through further questioning from Bridget who had her suspicions despite his constant denials. She did insist however, that his land was out of bounds to him and all of them and that she did not want that man to darken her door again. Matthew never told Sarah despite her continued asking,

that he was behind it, for fear that she would use such information as a reprisal in some future dispute between them. He did, as he had to, confide in Stephen who for his own reasons was sworn to secrecy. A knife at McCoy Stephen said laughing, Id love to have seen that. Once again the long summer holidays began to draw to a close and their adventures and misadventures became memories. One day when they cycled to the Spa and were looking over at the peninsula on the other side of the bay, Stephen broke the silence saying, isnt it just beautiful. Matthew felt a lump in his throat and a grave sense of reality overcame him. He began to think how he would miss this place, his favourite place, if the unthinkable were to happen. That thought that he had banished to the back of his mind began to haunt him. The thought that there was always a possibility that his family could move from here, after all, he had experienced several moves already. He would hang on every word Bridget said regarding Joe and listen to her when she read out the letters he sent. He noticed when she was reading them that she would sometimes skip a paragraph and would never let anyone read them. Matthew began to realize that they were not being told everything. He was reluctant to ask too much, afraid of what the answer might be. Soon the strong autumn winds blew in from the Atlantic and they in turn gave way to the cold and darker nights. The winter seemed to arrive early that year and was particularly cold. Bridget doubled the blankets on the beds, which despite being heavy kept them warm. In the beginning of December a letter arrived also containing a birthday card for Matthew. One thing that Joe and Bridget never forgot was any of their birthdays. Bridget read it out as usual and informed them he would be home for Christmas. In the weeks running up to the festive season she was kept busy trying to organize everything herself. How she missed Joe at this time of year. He was just so good at details around Christmas, which was his favourite time of year. She did her best with the decorations and all the children helped out as best they could, spurred on by the excitement and anticipation that they always felt at that time of year. In the quiet of the dark late December nights when the children had gone to bed, she would sit at the kitchen table smoking the odd cigarette and write the Christmas cards. It was a peaceful time but without Joe it was also a lonely time. Soon Christmas cards started arriving and she would know who some of them were from before opening the envelopes by the handwriting or postmarks on them. She got one from Canada. It was from Paul, Joes brother and was written by his wife Carol. A letter that told her that they had another addition to the family of yet another boy accompanied it. It seemed that they were not destined to have a daughter. Bridget always complimented Carol for keeping in touch, considering that they lived so far away. She often pointed out that she would hear less often from some of those who were a lot nearer at hand. Margaret her sister also included a letter in the card she sent. Reading between the lines she discerned that the tone was a little depressing, with lots of references about passing the time and Laurence their stepfathers ambitions to move back to his native County Kildare following their mothers passing. She after all was buried in his family grave. He had told Margaret that he wanted to live out his later years in his home locality and that Dublin wasnt the same without their mother Mary. Soon Christmas arrived, as did Joe, who was as glad to be home again. He and Bridget tried to meet all the childrens requests for presents that year although financially they were stretched to the limit. Matthew wanted a guitar. He had listened to a school friends father playing one when he visited their house and was hooked. He showed him how to play a couple of chords by placing his fingers in the right position. When he strummed the strings with his fingers he was enthralled by the sound it made. It was to become his new obsession. Bridget conceded that it was something that might placate his tempestuous ways and was not likely to get him into trouble. The festivities were as jolly as ever and Matthew could not believe his eyes on Christmas morning

having been awakened at all hours by Sarah as usual to find a Spanish guitar leaning against the wall in the front room. He picked it up and caressed it like a new friend and ran his thumb gently across the strings so as not to wake the others. They all appreciated being driven in the car once more, especially to Mass that morning. The usual rituals occurred with Joe back in his place as head of the household ceremoniously carving the turkey. The weather was cold that day and Bridget suggested that the children bring their friends around to their house instead of meeting on the green for the usual mutual showing of Christmas presents. The house was busy that afternoon with children coming and going but they all enjoyed themselves. Bridget laid out some sweets, which went down a treat with them all. The children slept contentedly that night under their warm blankets with their stomachs full and the house having been heated by the large coal fire that Joe kept topping up with fuel that day. He and Bridget talked on their own until after midnight before they too retired exhausted after a long day. Joe had let her know about developments in England out of earshot of the children. He had secured a loan for a deposit to buy a house through the Catholic Housing Association and was looking for a mortgage to buy a property in the price range they could afford. Bridget now knew they were moving and though sorrowful at the thought knew that her place was at the side of the man she loved. She had once said that life could make more decisions for you, than you can make for it. These words were ringing true now more than ever. The question was when were they going to tell the children. Theyll have to be told before I go back, Joe said. The next time I visit we could be moving, depending on how things go. They resolved to let the Christmas period pass before divulging the news. Joe took them all on a visit to his parents in Tanavalla and he and Bridget caught up with friends and neighbours. Joe decided a couple of days before he was due to travel back that it was something that could wait no longer. One evening he and Bridget asked all the children to come into the sitting room. When they assembled she said to them after clearing her throat your Daddy and I have some important news for us all. Joe said, taking a deep breath, I know for some time now all of you must have wondered what was happening with me being away. Sometime in this year coming, it looks like we will be moving to England. I dont know exactly when it will be but as soon as I know Mammy will tell you. I want us to be together as a family and this is the only way that can happen. Im telling ye now so that ye can get used to the idea. If theres anything ye want to know, ask me while Im here or ask Mammy when I go back. For a moment the room containing two adults and five children was silent. Thats it for the moment Joe concluded. God, England Sarah uttered. Matthew stared at the floor trying to take in the reality of what he had heard. The younger ones, Patrick and Nancy had no real conception of what had been said except Bernadette who questioned Bridget about it and she in turn tried to explain to her that they would be going to another house in a different place. Why she asked her. Because its meant to be darling, she said kissing her on her head. Matthew retreated to his bedroom and although Sarah followed and knocked on his door, he did not answer. He could not take in that his worst fears were realized. What he did know was that if Joe said something as definite as that, then sooner or later it would happen. He consoled himself by playing chords on his guitar that he had learned from the book that accompanied it. His newfound school friend Billy OSheas father had tuned it for him. He found it consoled him for reasons that he could not explain. During the last couple of days of his stay Joe answered as many questions as he could about their seemingly inevitable move but added that nothing was yet finalized. Matthew confided in Stephen, who was very saddened by the news, that it looked like they would be moving away for good. How do you feel about it? he asked him. Awful, bloody awful Matthew replied biting his lip and trying to hold back the tears that were forming in his eyes. I love it here he added and finally

the tears rolled down his cheeks. At least youll be with your father, which is more than I can say Stephen said his eyes blurring over his bereavement. They both agreed it was a rotten world. Both knew that they would miss their friendship greatly. The last two days of Joes visit passed quickly and were spent talking intently with Bridget. The conversation was now open for all to hear but all the children found it difficult to ask questions about something or indeed somewhere they had no knowledge about. Liam and Ann Brosnan, two good friends of Joe and Bridget called around to visit them the day before Joe was due to travel back. Their two children a boy called Mark and a girl called Deirdre accompanied them. It lightened the mood of what otherwise might have been a melancholy day for them all. The adults chatted and entertained in the sitting room and the children played outside when the weather allowed. The Brosnans lived near the very centre of the town in an older tall terraced house that was across the street from the main Post Office and practically in the shadow of Saint Johns church. Joe and Bridget had visited there many times on their nights out together and the children had been there on a few Sundays with them. It seemed like just a moment had passed when Joe was gone again. That winter was a very severe one in England with record falls of snow and blizzards that brought parts of the country to a standstill. Joe described it in his letters as the worst he could remember. There was snowfall and some frost in Tralee but nothing on the scale that had occurred over there as Bridget learned from the newspapers and the radio. She realized that he had just made it back to his destination before it set in. In February she received a letter from Joe who had been looking at suitable houses in the hope of finding one that would suit their needs. He told her that he had found one in particular near where he was staying. He added that although it needed some work done on it, it had three bedrooms and was within the price range they could afford. He concluded that he had put in an offer for it and would let her know how it went. It suddenly dawned on her that they might soon be homeowners, all be it mortgaged ones. She found this a new and exciting development that left a smile on her face. How she wished she were there with him, enjoying looking at properties together, realizing that he must have felt the same. She could not help thinking that this was a step up for them, not that there was anything wrong with having a corporation house she thought, but our own home she contemplated. She could not get it out of her head. It must have been something she always wanted but circumstances had never allowed for such a thought. Sometimes alone in bed she would often try to visualize what it might look like, but knew she could only imagine it as in a dream. Within a week of hearing from Joe she received a letter from her sister. Margaret told her that Laurence their stepfather was moving back to Kildare in a couple of weeks. She said that she was looking for a room to rent, as she would not be able to afford to pay the rent on the flat by herself. Bridget began to think of Margarets situation more and more. She realized that when she and the family would move away, a fact that seemed fairly certain now, that Margaret would have no family in Ireland, let alone Dublin. With Laurence miles away she would be in many respects all alone. She resolved to do something about it there and then. She thought of her mother and her father that day and knew that this was something they would not have liked to see. She realized that she would see her brothers who were living in London sometime if they moved over there, but as for poor Margaret she thought. No way, she said to herself, no way am I going to let this happen. For once in her life she decided that she was going to be spontaneous. She wrote a detailed letter to her telling her not to contemplate getting a room on her own. She told her to pack her belongings as soon as she could and come down to Tralee to stay with them. She suggested that she come to England with them asking if there was anything now that was holding her there. Margaret replied within days thanking her and accepting the invitation. In little over a week she arrived in Tralee. Bridget was shocked to the core when she saw her. She was thin, emaciated and physically run

down. Her eyes filled up with tears when Bridget embraced her. She could also tell that she was depressed. Oh come here you poor thing, Bridget said. She felt so sorry for her, and felt guilty and angry at having been so caught up in her own troubles since their mother died. She was certainly glad she had invited her and vowed to look after her from then on. Bridget made tea and some refreshments and they both sat down at the kitchen table and engaged in a long conversation. She told Bridget the last couple of years had been hell for her. She had been trying to cope firstly with their mothers illness and then her death whilst holding down a job. Bridget told her that she had wished she had been able to help out more. Margaret told her never to have any regrets in that respect, pointing out that she had enough problems to deal with. Bridget was delighted to have her back in her life and loved the adult company. They would commiserate with each other and even laugh sometimes talking about old times when they were growing up. The children took to her very well as she did to them. They were in a sense getting to know her for the first time. She had of course visited them on occasions when they lived in Dublin but for the two younger ones, the memories would have been vague, they being only infants at the time. She had little or no money on arriving and the prospect of getting a job in Tralee was nil. She went to the social welfare office in the town accompanied by Sarah. Bridget had told Sarah that it was practically next door to the Dominican church where they went to mass. She had paid her stamps while working and was able to claim the dole. She took up Bridgets offer of going to England with them and asked how Joe was getting on there. Bridget realized that she would have to tell him of the situation in her next letter. Not alone that Margaret was staying with them but that she would also be going to England with them. She was a little worried as to how he might take the news, with all that they were taking on, but felt she had no choice in regard to her sisters welfare. Margaret was quite a comical character, something of which she was not aware. She could often be rather dizzy or even forgetful at times. These were qualities that amused both Bridget and the children. One night she was filling the large copper electric kettle that was Bridgets pride and joy, when she accidentally let the plug slip into a sink full of water. Without further a do, she shook the water off it and plugged it in and switched it on. The result was a blue flash and the house plunged into darkness. Jack Tierney a neighbour replaced the fuse. Another noticeable thing about her was that she was practically a chain smoker. She would even have one while the kettle was boiling to make the tea first thing in the morning. Sometimes she would get up in the night if she were having difficulty sleeping and creep downstairs to the dining room for a smoke. Bridget found her great company and they were getting to know each other again. It wasnt long before she received another letter from Joe. He told her that the purchase of the house had gone through and that he was working on it every hour he could spare. He told her to advertise the car in the county newspaper called the Kerryman and as many household items that they could do without. He asked her to take whatever she could get for them, knowing that there was a glut of such sales in the country due to emigration. Ironically he was looking around second hand furniture shops there, for any items that were affordable. They both knew of the huge costs of transporting anything to England, it was just not worth it. Although he sounded very busy it was a letter filled with exuberance. Bridget replied with her recent news. Joe was very discontent about hearing that Margaret was coming with them. It was something out of the blue that he had not contemplated. He had known her since he met Bridget but she had never featured in any plans that they had made as a family. He did feel sorry for her demise, but his arrangements were centred on Bridget and the children. The house he bought was just about adequate for themselves he discerned, without anyone extra being involved. It wasnt just the accommodation issue that bothered him. He wondered how he and the rest of the family would interact with Margaret. He for one did not know how he would. He was furious at

Bridget for springing it on him at this time when he had so much on. It was a decision she had taken without consulting him. In his letter he said he would have to discuss this with her on his next trip. He realized angrily that it would be a bit late then, as they would be moving. One day a visitor called to the door, much to Bridgets surprise, it was Joes younger brother Brian. He asked if he could talk to her. He had visited them on a few occasions since they had moved there but Bridget knew there was something bothering him by the expression on his face. He was equally surprised to see Margaret there. He told her that he had been courting a girl for a while, to which Bridget replied, thats nice. Whats her name? she added. Laura Sheehan he replied. Before Bridget could ask more about her, he told her she was pregnant. He revealed that they had planned to get married but because of her condition the arrangements were made all the more urgent. The village she came from was almost equal distance from Tralee as it was from his hometown of Listowel. They opted for the neutral venue of Tralee. He invited both her and Joe and told her that it would take place on the afternoon of the seventeenth of March. Thats Saint Patricks day Bridget said. She asked him where they had planned to live when they were married. He told her he did not know at present. He seemed down about the whole thing. It was though his life was being planned out for him. He was going to do the honourable thing and that was that. Bridget could not help thinking that this was a bad start for them. Brian was now a qualified car mechanic but to get a job in order to sustain what would be a family and home they would have to travel outside their area or even further. He didnt stay long; it was only to give her the news and the invite. My God, thats news sure enough Bridget said to Margaret. I must get a letter off to Joe, although hell have probably got the news through Maureen she added. I cant see him making it back for the wedding, with everything going on she said. Joe responded to her correspondence and asked her to represent him at the event as he had planned to return towards the end of March, as his holidays would allow. He told her he wanted to tie everything up this time and told her to prepare for travel. She told Margaret and all of the children one by one that it looked like they would be going to England in a matter of weeks rather than months. All sorts of questions ensued to which she simply did not have answers. Youll have to ask your Daddy when he comes became a common answer. One day a man from Blennerville, on the other side of the town, came to view the car in answer to the newspaper advertisement and told Bridget he was interested in buying it. He was the third person to view it and after test driving it made her an offer. It was substantially less than they had paid for it but under the circumstances she had no option but to accept. The Saturday he came to collect it they all stood looking at it as he drove it away. To Bridget and the children it wasnt just a small grey coloured Austin, it was a friend that took them to Mass, to Tanavalla, to the seaside, in fact anywhere and to see anyone other than Joe drive it was stranger still. It was also the realization that they would be parting from a lot more. Matthew stared at the number plate biting his tongue, ZX 675, a number he would never forget, it being their first car. Sarah asked Bridget about Shep their dog. She like some of them had assumed that he was coming with them. Bridget told her and Matthew out of earshot of the others and in particular little Nancy who adored him, that Joe had said it was not possible. She told them that Mr. and Mrs. Linnane across the road had agreed to take him. She warned them not to tell Nancy, that she would break it to her in her own way. Bridget had placed another advertisement in the local newspaper under the title of house clearance. It was humiliating, because due to continuing emigration, everyone knew what it meant. It was about this time that the first television mast was erected on the Slieve Mish Mountains and signals from the national broadcasting network reached that part of the country. To all their surprise the first people near them to get a television set were the Hennesseys. Matthew was delighted when Stephen invited them over to see some evening programs. The first one they saw was about the adventures of a dog called Rin Tin Tin. They all asked Bridget if they

could have a television too. She told them they could when they got to England. Before they knew it Saint Patricks Day arrived. It was a strange day that year for Bridget, with all sorts of emotions circling around her mind. She had to make arrangements firstly for all of them to attend the obligatory Mass, secondly to set them up with dinner and thirdly to attend Brian and Lauras wedding in the afternoon, which meant another change of clothes. She did make sure they all had shamrock or badges according to their preference. The thought of going to the wedding without Joe was alien to her. They had always attended any functions as a couple. Margaret looked after the children that evening and did her best to entertain them, although she being a spinster was not used to such a task. The day passed quickly enough and Bridget arrived home a little earlier than expected. Well how did it go? Margaret asked. Quite nice Bridget said a small enough crowd, I only wish there had been more of them to hide behind she added. She told Margaret she was fuming and only attended at Brians invitation to represent Joe. She told her that from the moment she arrived at the church, she could feel Joes mother, Mamma staring at her with eyes like daggers. She wandered what it was all about until she talked to her at the meal afterwards. Momma being old fashioned was of the opinion that a married woman should never attend a function unaccompanied. She felt she was being very unreasonable knowing their circumstances. She told Margaret that Laura the bride looked like a pretty schoolgirl; she was after all only seventeen, six years younger than Brian. Bridget did not have time to dwell on it, as she had far too many problems of her own. She sold what was sellable in the house, which was not easy. Matthew was aggrieved at watching another boy riding away on his chariot as he called his bicycle. The guitar however, he was allowed to keep. The other children had also to make choices in what toys and dolls they could bring with them. Bridget tried to keep them to a minimum. Clothes and even bedclothes had to be sorted out. Beds and any furniture that did not sell she forfeited to the neighbours or anyone that wanted them. She allocated a tea chest she got for packing cooking utensils, crockery and any other household items she deemed vital to take with them. She began to wrap the odd item they were not using in newspaper and place them in it. Mustnt forget the family silver, she said jokingly to Margaret as she polished two sterling silver tankards that were her treasured possessions. Within a week, she received the letter she was expecting from Joe. The week after that, he arrived back in Tralee. He told her he could not stretch this time off work as he had used up all his leave. Theyre s time for nothing except the move he said. He asked about his parents and Brians wedding, knowing that he would not see them this time. His approach to Margaret was frosty to say the least and he and Bridget talked about the situation out of earshot of the others. The children as she told him had taken her to their bosom and were used to the idea that she was coming with them. Joe relented and said they would see how it worked out. On the Saturday of that week all that could be packed was put in suitcases and any items that were not suitable to carry were simply given away to neighbours if they wanted them. Anything else was simply left behind. The Corporation will have a clearout when we leave Joe said. He left his gardening tools and other equipment to Frank Toomey, the neighbour across the road, who had been so kind and helpful to them. Matthew left his books to his friend Stephen. Sarah left most of her toys to her friend Eileen, who was in tears receiving them, all that is except her teddy bear, who would always bring her comfort in times of sorrow. All in all, there was not that much for them to leave, except the most precious thing of all, their friendship. On Sunday morning the 31st of March 1963 the OConnor family prepared to emigrate from Ireland. None of them had slept well the night before. They were more dazed than tired that morning. The first thing Joe did after breakfast was to take Shep the dog over to Mr. and Mrs. Linnanes, which would be his new home. All of them were upset but most of all little Nancy, he and she were inseparable.

It was a bright, dry spring morning, if a little cool. A breeze was blowing across the grass on the green. The street was quiet, with hardly anyone stirring. It was always like that on a Sunday morning. Frank Toomey had offered to drive them and their belongings to the railway station in his lorry. He and Joe had worked out it would take two trips. No one seemed to want to go on the first one. All of them seemed hesitant to leave the house that morning. Some of them wandered around to have one last look at what was familiar to them. Matthew was called from his bedroom where he was staring out of the window. They had all said their goodbyes to neighbours and friends and there was nothing more to do except depart. The last thing some of them saw on leaving the park was Shep making his way towards the house they had vacated. Joe and Bridget said farewell to Frank at the station and they all waved goodbye. They all eventually settled into one of the carriages on the train. All of their eyes focused on the window looking out on to the station platform. The smoke blowing from the steam engine occasionally blurred their view. Between three adults, Joe, Bridget, and Margaret and five children, Matthew, Sarah, Bernadette, Patrick and Nancy, not a word was uttered. They were in a sense numb, unable to engage in conversation. Each of them engaging in their own thoughts of what was commonly happening to them all. It seemed like an eternity until the train gave a forward jolt and began to move. The platform disappeared from view and so did sweet Tralee.

CHAPTER FIVE SLOUGH It was a long and arduous journey by land and sea. For Joe, it was ground that he had covered before but for the rest of them it was a voyage into the unknown. But for all of them, it would be a new life, in a new land. Bridget had prepared a large bag of food containing sandwiches, biscuits, soft drinks and anything else she could fit in it. She knew from Joe, that they would travelling all of that day and through the night into the following day. She made sure that they all had warm clothes and coats. The train picked up speed and settled into a gentle rocking motion. Slowly but surely conversation began again. The children, particularly the younger ones, began to see it all as an adventure. Viewing it like one of those trips that Joe had taken them on in the car many times. They asked him where they were going. Slough he said with a grin on his face. To them it sounded like the word slow. It seemed an even more ridiculous name when Joe spelt it for them. He knew it would get them going, as it did him when he first heard it. He was happy to have his family back with him, even with the addition of Margaret. He knew what a change it was going to be for them all, as it had been for him. Station by station the train made its way across country picking up passengers all the way. On the platforms they could see individuals and families heavily laden with luggage like them. My goodness theres a lot of people travelling today Bridget said. Its like that a lot of the time these days Joe commented, with a note of sadness in his voice. Eventually they arrived at the port of departure that would take them by sea to Wales. They all felt the chill of the evening sea air as they stepped out on to the station platform from the warm compartment of the train carriage. It was a struggle carrying the luggage between them on to the ship. Joe had to go back for the tea chest he was now cursing that was in the storage carriage of the train. They had plenty of time to board the ship, as it was not due to leave until an hour after they boarded. They looked around for seating and found some that would accommodate them all. The hour soon passed and it was ready to sail. They and a whole crowd of people looked out some windows as she sailed out of the harbour. Some people were waving on the quay. Soon the harbour lights faded into the distance and so did Ireland. They settled into their seats with their luggage piled around them like a nest. Some of the children were a little tired and began to nod off. After an hour or so at sea the ship entered rougher weather conditions and began to heave. All of them except Joe began to experience seasickness. Urgent trips to the toilets became a pattern for some of the crossing. There was an overwhelming smell of vomit in the toilets. It was enough to make anyone sick. None of them wanted to eat anything fearing it would come back up again. It was late, dark and cold when they reached the Welsh coast. They were all tired but managed to struggle with their baggage to the railway station at the port to await the train on their next leg of the journey. As they entered the platform a railway porter seeing Matthew carrying his guitar in one hand said with a Welsh accent who have we got here then, Tommy Steel. Whos Tommy Steel? Matthew asked Joe. A Cockney singer he answered. Whats a Cockney singer? He enquired. It means hes from London Joe said. The train was crowded, but they managed to find a compartment that accommodated them all. It took a while for the train to start its journey and by now some of the younger ones had drifted off to sleep. Bridget placed a light rug that she had brought over them. The train made its way into what was now the early hours of the next day. All of them drifted in and out of sleep, being woken occasionally at station stops by the closing of carriage doors. They would see the lights of passing towns as they made the long journey southwards through Wales and England to the southeast. Their destination was about twenty miles west of London. They were tired when they finally reached Slough station that morning. After piling their luggage

on to the platform, they looked around for a moment at the brown and cream coloured building. Look Sarah said nudging Matthew. What she had observed was a black man, working as a porter, pushing a trolley laden with parcels and other goods. It was something they were not used to. When they emerged from the exit they could hear the strange accents of people coming and going. Weve a little bit to go yet, Joe said as he organized the cases for carrying between them. The tea chest he put in storage for collection later. They set off in a line with Joe in front. He would constantly look around to see everybody was all right. The luggage became heavy as they walked and they would have to put the cases down every so often. Their first impressions were, that it was a busy town. Lots of people were passing them going to the station and setting off for work. Matthew remembered that it was the first of April, April fools day. He went behind Sarah and said, Theres bits falling out of your case. She stopped and looked. Ha! April fool he said. You gitshe said. Cut it out you two they heard Joe say. The walk from the station to their new home was about a mile. Some of it was along the main road called the Bath Road that led westwards from the town. The children in particular kept asking are we there yet to which Joe knowing the route kept replying not far now. Matthew saw a man in a dark uniform wearing a bell shaped hat that came to a point at the top. What is he? he asked Joe. Thats a policeman, Joe answered. Like a Garda you mean? Matthew enquired, referring to the Irish police. Thats right Joe said. I never saw a Garda wear a hat like that Matthew commented. They eventually turned into a street called Ledgers Road and looked at what seemed an endless road of red bricked houses. My God dont tell me were going to live here, Sarah said to Matthew. She observed that Joe overheard the remark and saw a look of hurt on his face. Almost halfway down the street Joe made a right turning into another road and said, this is it, were here. The street sign read Montem Lane. He passed some houses until he stopped outside number eleven. Home sweet home he said as he led the procession in the little pathway to the front door. As they entered the hallway they noticed the distinct smell of new paint. My goodness, youve been busy Bridget said to Joe. Theres a lot more to be done yet, believe me! he indicated. He went ahead of them, opening each door as he did so. Bridget followed directly behind him eagerly wanting to see her new home. Very nice she said, as she looked into the lounge in which a coal fire was lighting in the tiled fireplace of the bay windowed front room. Who in Gods name lit the fire? she asked. Thatll be Maureen Joe answered. I lent her a key to look in on the place while I was gone. She knew we were arriving today. That was good of her, Bridget said warming her hands. I see youve bought some furniture, she said looking at the armchairs. I got the basic few bits, he said. Some other stuff was left by the last owners. By now the rest of them had scattered inquisitively in all directions. Joe gradually showed Bridget the rest of the ground floor. Next to the front room there was a dining room that had large French windows looking out on to the back garden. Oh, I like this she said. From there they went into what was a narrow kitchen that was subdivided into an eating and cooking area. That was something they left Joe said pointing to a large self-standing press. It had storage units, some with glass doors and a pull down shelf for food preparation. Thats handy, she said. The kitchens a bit small, he said. Most of them are over here, he added. Itll be fine, she said opening the oven door of the cooker. They went out the back door that led from the kitchen into the garden. It was smaller than she expected but was neat and fenced. Margaret and the children had made their way there ahead of them. Look what Ive found Sarah said having opened the door to what she thought was a shed or storage area at the rear of the house next to the coal shed. A toilet she observed. Im afraid thats where it is at the moment, Joe said. He explained to Bridget, Margaret and all of them that they would have to use it until he got one

fitted in the bathroom. It was the one peculiarity associated with these houses he explained. They were old houses built in what they called the Edwardian period, and this one had not been altered. Thats what I mean by I have a lot of work to do on it he said to Bridget. Right, first things first Joe said in a loud voice. I want to show you the bedroom arrangements, he said to them collectively. Ive thought about it and this is how I think its going to work out. They all followed him up the stairs that led from the hall to the landing above. He had allocated the back bedroom overlooking the garden as the one he and Bridget would use. Nice and private she said noticing that it was set apart from the other two. Next to it on the turn of the landing was the small bathroom, containing just a bath and a sink. Do you think a toilet will fit in there? Bridget asked him. Itll have to with all of us, he answered. This ones yours, he said to Matthew and Patrick, pointing to the middle room on the landing. They both went in to inspect it. It too looked out the back of the house. The front bedroom looking out on to the street was the largest and was allocated to Sarah, Bernadette, Nancy and Margaret and had two beds. The children wandered in and out of each others rooms making comparisons. They were all in a daze from the long journey and were feeling disorientated in their new surroundings. Bridget asked where the nearest shop was and Joe told her it was on the corner at the bottom of the street they had turned off. He informed her that it was called the Co-Op and was a general grocery store. Joe brought the cases upstairs to the bedrooms and Margaret and the girls began to sort out their clothes, some of which were packed together. Bridget decided to leave the other unpacking until later. She made shopping her priority and with Matthew and Sarah in tow, she set off for the Co-Op store. They passed a Methodist Church on the way and when they reached the corner of what was called Chalvey Road, where the shop stood, they noticed there was a parade of shops that were close at hand. Bridget was pleasantly surprised at this, knowing it was just a short walk from the house to local amenities. The Co-Op they found was a large store and sold most provisions. Bridget having bought some essentials asked the woman behind the counter for two stone of potatoes. Two stone dear the woman remarked in an accent that was reminiscent of a London Cockney twang. We only sell them in pounds love she explained. Well give me a few pounds then Bridget requested, feeling self-conscious. The woman weighed them up and asked her if that was all. No Ive some milk, ham and a couple of sliced pans, she answered. Sliced pans, the woman said. You mean sliced loafs love she added. Your not from round ere are you love she commented. No Bridget said bluntly, feeling her face going slightly red and conscious of people looking at her. Bridget made light of the situation on their way back from the shop saying to the children I swore if she called me love one more time Id she stopped. She, Matthew and Sarah, suddenly realized they were in a very different place. I can see theres a lot of things were going to have to get used to over here she told them. That day passed quickly for them all and they were tired and unsettled in their new environment. They noticed that it got dark about an hour earlier than it would in the west of Ireland and began to realize that they were a long way from there. They all retired reasonably early that night, especially Joe, who was due back on morning shift at the airport. He rose about half past four. He kissed Bridget who was still asleep and he made himself a cup of coffee in the kitchen. He had a spring in his step going to work that morning, feeling glad to be back with her and the children again, only this time for good. The same disparity existed in daylight, between Ireland and the east of England in regard to the fact that dawn was an hour earlier in England. One by one they woke led by Sarah as usual. Matthew had always stated that she should have been born a cockerel.

The strangeness of their new surroundings was something that confronted them all that morning. When they pulled the curtains in their respective bedrooms and took in the unfamiliar view, the reality of the big change in their lives dawned on them. The first week was a bit of a daze with none of them wandering very far, for fear of getting lost in what seemed an endless maze of streets in which all the houses looked the same. They did however, become familiar with the local shops that were only a short walk away and Matthew and Sarah discovered Montem Park, a large green area that lay towards the end of the road that they had moved into. They were pleased to have such an open space near them. Sarah came running in to Bridget next day saying youll never guess who lives in the house next door she said. A priest she added. I doubt that Bridget said laughing. All priests houses are next to the churchs she explained to her. But he had the suit and was wearing that collar she said. Bridget thought for a moment and then recollected the church they passed on Ledgers Road on their way to the shops. She had noticed that the sign outside said Methodist Chapel. Well, well she said, Ill lay a pound to a penny, that hes the minister, she concluded. Her curiosity was roused and that day she decided to call briefly to both next-door neighbours to introduce herself on behalf of the family. The Minister was a pleasant Englishman named Alan Fairweather who was married to a woman called Gwen who was Welsh. They had two children a boy and a girl. He wished her and the family good luck in their new home and in their new environment. He told Bridget that there were some Irish families living in the area and that the second next house to them in the other direction was occupied by an Irish family. Bridget was elated with the news but decided to visit the neighbours on the other side first. A small sallow skinned woman who in broken English explained to her that they were Italian greeted her. Her name was Maria and she was married to a man called Louie. After introducing herself briefly, Bridget decided to venture to the next house. There she was greeted by a slim Irish woman who had what she discerned was a flat Irish midlands accent similar to that of her side of the family. Her name was Mrs. Mary Brody. She was a quiet genteel type of woman and made her very welcome. She and her husband Gerry were from Bridgets part of Ireland. They had a young family and had lived in the road since the mid fiftys. She told Bridget of two other Irish families who lived two streets away from them on what was called Arthur Road. Both families she told her were originally from County Galway in the west of Ireland. Bridget was determined to meet them and was delighted by the fact that other people from their homeland were living so near. It took away some of the feelings of isolation that she had experienced since arriving. Unknown to her, news spread fast among the Irish people living in Slough in regard to new arrivals from home. Two days later Matthew and Sarah were heading for the nearby green space they had discovered called Montem Park, talking to each other as they walked along. They met face to face with another boy and girl who had overheard them speaking and recognized their accents as being Irish. The boy stopped and asked them if they were the new people that moved into number eleven. Before Matthew could utter a word, Sarah confirmed that they were. Matthew noticed that they both had freckles and flaming red hair and that the boy spoke with an accent that was reminiscent of their grandparents. Before he could speak again, the boy said, my name is Marcus and this is my sister Marie-Ann. Were the Joyces, we live in Arthur Road, he added pointing to the street as he did so. Where are ye from Matthew asked. Connemara, County Galway Marcus answered. He spoke clearly and concisely and there was honesty in his voice. Matthew warmed to him immediately and had a good feeling that they might become friends. His sister was shy and a little nervous but Sarah brought her out of her shell by talking to her a while. She introduced herself and Matthew to them and they all promised to meet up again.

Bridget was delighted to hear they had made friends. She realized how out of sorts they had been since arriving. It did not take long before they met Marcus and Marie- Ann again and they introduced them to two members of the Mannion family who were also about their common age group and were from Ireland. One was a boy named Michael and a girl called Patricia Both of who were neighbours of theirs. Matthew and Sarah learned that both sets of children came from large families like their own. Joe and Bridget had a lot to discus in regard to the new financial situation they found themselves in. They now had a mortgage to pay along with property rates and the usual bills besides. Margaret was busy looking for a job and wanted to pay her share. Joe explained that the children would need uniforms to attend school. They both realized they would have to find some additional income for the foreseeable future. Bridget suggested that she might find a part time job during the hours that the children would be at school. They found themselves counting every penny. One day Bridget was preparing some food on the pull down worktop of the press in the kitchen when it toppled over. She barely got out of the way when it crashed to the floor breaking the glass and the crockery she had stored in it. It was the first time she had cried since arriving. It wasnt about the items that were broken, it was about the strain that recent times had put on her. She wondered if her whole life was going to be about scrimping and scraping. She wondered if there was ever going to be anything else in it. Sunday soon arrived and Joe took them all to Mass at Saint Ethelberts church that was situated just behind the main street in the town. They all had plenty to think about during the service that morning. Bridget prayed that things would work out for them in their newfound home. After the service a large crowd of people gathered outside and engaged in conversations. A great deal of them spoke with Irish accents. Joe introduced Bridget, Margaret and the children to Father Carey. He asked Joe and all of them how they were settling in. He was a large man with a jolly expression who had helped many newly arrived Irish immigrants to find their feet and was always there to lend an ear or give advice to them. Matthew and Sarah spotted their newfound friends in the crowd with their families. Bridget met Mrs. Brody their neighbour and her husband Gerry who introduced her to Pat and Orla Joyce who lived only streets away from them. They all chatted for a good while and invitations were made to visit each other. That afternoon Joes sister Maureen, her husband John and their children came to visit them. They lived in Windsor, a few miles from Slough and attended Mass at a church there. It was reminiscent of visits they made when they were all living in Tralee. Both the adults and children caught up on all the news. Maureen told Bridget about Catholic schools in the area and where they were. It was now she and Joes biggest priority to enrol the children at school. Matthew and Sarah were eligible for secondary level education while Bernadette, Patrick and Nancy qualified for primary school. Bridget made enquiries and interviews were set up at the relevant establishments. Matthew and Sarah had interviews at St. Josephs Secondary Modern School. When Bridget and Matthew were waiting outside the headmasters office to meet his second in command, a Mrs. Clayburn, Bridget noticed firstly as did Matthew that it was a mixed school with boys and girls attending. Matthew wondered why pupils passing them appeared to be sniggering. Suddenly they both realized that all the boys wore long trousers. It was common for boys of Matthews age in Ireland to wear short trousers at school but not there apparently. A slim grey-faced woman opened the door and invited them in. She spoke in an upper class English accent. She asked them both questions concerning his education during her process of assessment. She then asked Bridget directly if Matthew was knowledgeable about the facts of life as she put it, explaining that there were older pupils than him attending the school that would be perhaps wiser in that regard. Bridget at the point of blushing bluffed that he did, resolving to talk to him about it as soon as she

could. She suddenly realized that she did not know how much he knew. Sarah had a similar interview the same week and they were both enrolled in St. Josephs. Bridget talked to them individually about procreation as best she could, fearing they would be ridiculed or embarrassed at school if they did not have at least a fundamental understanding of sexual matters. Sarah was easier to talk to than Matthew who found her discussing the subject most embarrassing. It was something she and Joe had not brought up with them before. There was no such requirement for Bernadette, Patrick or Nancy who were interviewed to attend St.Anthonys primary school. One thing they all needed was school uniforms. Soon they were ready to attend their respective schools. Matthew and Sarah started a few days before the younger ones. Bridget accompanied them all on the first day of their attendance, making sure they knew the way. It was also a requirement that they had dinner money to pay for the meal that was provided by the schools each day. Bridget met the head master of St. Josephs, a large portly red haired man called Mr. McManus. He was well spoken and had an upper class English accent. He told Bridget that his parents were from Ireland and that over ninety per cent of the children attending the school were of Irish Catholic extraction. He explained to her that the reason for establishing the institution was to accommodate children and their descendants from that background. He told her that there were even some children who were of English background, Italian, Polish and a few other nationalities on the register. The main thing their parents or one parent wanted for them was an education with a Catholic ethos. He then registered Matthew and Sarah and welcomed them to the school. He and they said their goodbyes to Bridget He then told them they would first have to attend Assembly in the main hall. It was an English institution they or Bridget had never heard of. It consisted of all the children in the school assembling in the huge school hall in a line with their classmates. The head master would stand on the platform that doubled as a stage for school plays or any other event and say a few words to all the children. It could be something trivial concerning litter or something concerning world events. It would always involve saying a prayer. The children would then disperse to there relevant classrooms for their first lesson of the day. In each class there was a roll call of names before the first lesson began. The surnames of each pupil were called out and they answered present. Matthew remembered that in Ireland their full names were called in Gaelic. He and a girl in the same class were introduced to the others as being newly arrived from Ireland. Matthew could hear a boy sitting one desk behind him to the left sniggering under his breath when the teacher announced this. As the lesson progressed he could hear the same voice whispering ere Irish as often as he could out of earshot of the teacher. He also heard a few more stifled mocking sniggers from some other lads. This went on for the entire lesson. It shocked Matthew to the core and he could feel his blood begin to boil with anger. He could never recollect being called Irish because in Ireland he and everyone else took it for granted that they were Irish and only referred to people who came from a different part of it as Dubliners, Kerry people and so on. Matthew turned and had a long hard look at the instigator of his infuriation. He studied him and he knew the boy had seen the venom in his eyes. The teacher finished the lesson and the first break of the day began. Pupils from all classes made their way to the playgrounds. Although boys and girls mixed in class they had two separate play areas. Matthew let his tormentor go ahead of him with some other boys. He followed behind, never taking his eyes off him. He was trying to observe if he was part of a gang. The one thing he knew was that if he let him get away with this, his life would be made hell at the school. He planned his attack like a predator stalking its prey. He watched as the group of them turned the corner that led into the main area of the playground out of site of the teachers. He rushed in front of them and picked out his target. He turned and punched

him with the full weight of his body behind it. He caught the boy with such a blow above the stomach that he drove him back a couple of feet from where he stood. As the boy lay in a crumpled heap on the ground moaning and gasping for breath, Matthew screamed out anybody else want some. That boy or any of his classmates never bothered him again. One other boy in the class approached him and said well done OConnor hes been asking for that for a long time. Matthew surmised that he had probably bullied him. He introduced himself, as Peter Ahern and he and Matthew became instant friends. From then on he showed Matthew the ropes at St. Josephs. He told him his parents were Irish and that he had been on holidays there once. In the middle of the day dinner was served in the large canteen, with different sittings for boys and girls. In fact the only time that both sexs mixed was in the classroom. Matthew could not believe the quality of the food served; it was varied and very tasty. Not alone that but dinner was followed by desert, which they called pudding. It was a far cry from the schools in Ireland where you brought sandwiches and an old bottle with some milk, no matter what the weather. I could get used to this, he said to Peter who was at his table. He listened to the murmur of conversation at the long table but found it difficult to make out some of the words. The accent was so different to anything he had heard before. In his young lifetime he had spoken or heard the Irish Midlands accent in Roscrea, the town of his birth, the Dublin accent of his childhood and latterly the accent of the west of Ireland in Kerry. This was like listenening to people with a speech impediment, who did not pronounce all the letters in a word. To make it worse it was riddled with slang. The first slang word he became familiar with was the word mate that meant friend. After school he looked around outside the main entrance and eventually spotted Sarah in the crowd. He asked her how she got on as she did him. He did not tell her about the fight because he knew it would get back to their parents and as far as he was concerned, they had enough on their plate to deal with. Apart from a few jibes about her accent she told him it was fine. They want to have a damn good listen to what they call an accent, Matthew said to her. It sounds like something out of a Looney bin, he added. Youll never guess whos in my class Sarah said. Marie Joyce, our neighbour. When they arrived home Bridget asked them how they found their first day. Fine Sarah said. Interesting Matthew, said sarcastically. As he lay in bed that night with young Patrick asleep beside him, and saw the moon shining through the curtains his thoughts began to wander back to Tralee. He wondered if it was shining over the Slieve Mish Mountains. He wished he could talk to his friend Stephen and tell him what a God-awful place this was. But for his own sake and for the sake of the others, he knew he would have to make the most of it. He was infuriated to hear that Patrick was involved in a fight at his school for reasons similar to his own. Matthew realized that they were living in the land of their old enemy. He remembered the Irish history he had been taught at his previous school and was aware of the disastrous consequences of English and later British interference in Ireland. His own grandparents had fought in the War of Independence and he took any slight on being Irish personally. His first experiences in England had served to consolidate his sense of Irishness. What annoyed him the most was the fact that the majority of the boys at the school had Irish surnames and were clearly of Irish Catholic backgrounds and either their parents or grandparents would have been born there? He wondered if they learned anything about their heritage at home. He observed that the English history being taught at this school ignored anything to do with Ireland. He regarded it as being a silent propaganda that glorified the creation of the British Empire at the expense of disregarding the repercussions it had created. It was no wonder, he concluded, that the pupils at this school had no conception of his background or the background most of their parents and ancestors came from. This establishment was trying to mould them into little Englishmen and Englishwomen.

He vowed to ask his parents everything he could about Irish history and to get hold of every book he could on the subject. He began to despise anyone who rejected or compromised their race or culture and those who quickly adopted an English accent of convenience. He knew his attitude would lead him into conflict and on many occasions it did. In one fight his school blazer became badly ripped. He was more worried about the fact that his parents might have to replace it than the cut to his lip. He knew their financial situation was very tough. He told Bridget that he caught it on the wire perimeter fence at the school but she didnt believe him. She asked him if he was having trouble at school and he denied it. He developed a strategy for sorting out the troublemakers at St. Josephs. He would leave a little early in the morning and catch them on their way to school. He did not care if they were on their own or not. He would challenge them there and then to a fight. He had picked out whom he regarded as the ringleaders and laid into them one by one. It worked better than he had ever imagined. He gained a name for himself and very soon he noticed other boys would step out of his way rather than confront him. His newfound friend Peter Ahern introduced him to another boy called Danny Carpenter and the three of them became a clique. From then on much to Matthews delight he never experienced a moments bother at that school. Part of the curriculum at the school was Physical Education, known, as P.E. and both Matthew and Sarah were required to have sports outfits. The school had four teams that competed at every class level in both winter and summer sports. They were both amazed at how organized it was and how many sports they would learn about and participate in. Sarah had no experience of sports and Matthew had only played Gaelic Football. He was however, unknown to staff becoming proficient at boxing. Boxing alas, he learned was not on the agenda. How he would have loved to see the faces of some of his adversaries after climbing into a ring with him he thought. The P.E. teacher for boys was a man called Mr. Pike. The first thing Matthew noticed about him was that he had an accent that he had never heard before. He learned from one of the boys that he was from Yorkshire and considered a Northerner in these parts. Matthew identified with him straight away, he considering himself as an outsider. His nickname was bullet because the boys thought he had a tough personality. Matthew liked his no nonsense approach and he was the only teacher in the school he looked up to. He also taught Religious Instruction in Matthewss class making it known to him that he had Irish connections. This attitude always solidified Matthews respect for such people. Priests were thin on the ground in England, it being a mainly Protestant country. So much so that some lay teachers like Mr. Pike studied the subject at Catholic Teachers Training Colleges, which were also small in number. Eventually all of them settled into school and it became just a routine. Joe was busy working at the airport, taking all the overtime he could manage to try and deal with the heavy financial burden. He worked on a three-shift basis that consisted of mornings, afternoons and nights. It was most difficult for him to sleep in the daytime after finishing night work. On these occasions he wore an eye mask to blot out the light. Bridget would tell the children to keep any noise down when he was sleeping during the day. He would be coming and going on any particular shift for a week at a time. Sometimes the children or even Margaret would forget and Bridget would have to remind them. Even on his time off, he would be busy doing work on the house. One day he arrived home with a second-hand television. He had that boyish grin on his face when Bridget saw him. What on earths that? she said looking at the large item he was carrying wrapped in some old cloth. A goggle box he answered. You mean she said knowing it was his nickname for a TV. He set it up in the front room before the children came home from school. They were thrilled when

they saw it. They all gathered around it that evening and watched every program they could on its black and white screen until bedtime. They were enthralled by it, they never having had one. It was a diversion for them that distracted them all from the problems of their new beginning. The front room became an assembly point where they would gather as a family and watch the news or laugh at a comedy. It was also, unintentionally a tool of education and from it they began to learn a lot about their adopted country. Eventually Joe got an indoor toilet fitted in the bathroom, much to all their delight. It was practically jammed against the bath but at least if anyone wanted to go during the night they would not have to visit the outdoor one. It however, was handy in a crowded household if someone was using the bathroom. Margaret got a job serving food in a works canteen in a factory. It was an engineering plant of which there were many in the large trading estate that was within half an hours walk from where they lived. It was called Slough Trading Estate and covered several square miles. It was dominated by one large factory that produced chocolate products and was one of the largest employers in the whole area. The sometimes-sickly sweet smell that emanated from it could be sensed up to a mile away, depending on the direction of the wind. Margaret learned a lot about the area from her co-workers, a few of who were Irish. The estate was originally started in the nineteen thirties. Council houses were also built nearby to accommodate the influx of new workers and their families who first came from run down areas of London, and from unemployment areas of Wales and other parts of Britain. The Second World War saw a lot of the factories turned over to munitions and on a few occasions, it was bombed by the German air force. After the war Britain became engaged in a massive rebuilding program. A lot of people had died in the war and the country had both a labour and skills shortage. This gap was beginning to be filled by others such as the Irish who came from a depressed economic background and answered the job adverts, some of which were placed in Irish newspapers. Another foreign influx that came to Britain in the same period was the Poles who were fleeing the onslaught of Communism that had engulfed Eastern Europe. Many of them and others from that region settled in Slough and the surrounding areas. There was massive building projects and industrial expansion taking place. So much so that the country was crying out for workers. This created a large-scale immigration of foreign workers. The numbers increased dramatically in the two decades that followed the end of the war. It became very disconcerting for the English people in particular who bore the bulk of the new population. It resulted in a lot of resentment, prejudice, and misunderstanding of the new arrivals. These people were to become their co- workers and neighbours. The Irish became very predominant in the construction sector, which was known as the Building Industry or Buildings. They also took up a lot of jobs in nursing, industry, and many other faculties including teaching. They were often the butt of the Irish Joke that was an amusement to the English and of great annoyance to the Irish. It had been around since the first unfortunates arrived from Ireland to work there. They were probably uneducated, and in menial forms of employment and thus considered stupid. It was the concept of stupidity that was at the heart of the jokes. This influx of workers however, still did not satisfy the demand this boom had created. The government and employers were now placing advertisements in newspapers in Commonwealth countries such as India, Pakistan, the West Indies and some African and Far Eastern countries. The result of this led to further immigration from countries and people that the English considered even more foreign than the recent arrivals. They in turn were greeted with even more hostility. During their post-war settlement the Irish immigrants gave birth to a generation of children who were often referred to as first generation Irish. It was into this time that the OConnor household and many countless Irish families, including their

newfound neighbours and friends had moved. Margaret, now working, was able to make a financial contribution to the household. Bridget asked her how she was getting on in the job. She told her it was all right apart from one sarcastic English bitch as she put it. She asked me if we kept pigs in the parlour in Ireland? she told her. What did you say? Bridget asked. I asked her is that where they keep them in England. Bridget laughed fair play to you she said. I went on to explain to her in detail that I was brought up in a shop in a town and didnt have a great deal of knowledge about farming she told her. They all, at one time or another, came across such remarks and attitudes and most of the time they learned to ignore them. It was to become something that entered deep into their mindset and each of them had to learn to deal with the situation in their own way. The quicker pace of life was another thing they had to get used to along with the general unfriendliness. The noise level and general congestion was also far greater than they were used to. It was so different from the comparatively sedate atmosphere they had left behind. One day Bridget was observing the name that was embossed on the glass panel above their front door that was spelt Verwood. She thought it might be Dutch or even German. She did however, in her own way, think it very posh for a house to have a name. When sending letters she would include the name when entering their address. One day she was talking to their Irish neighbour Mrs. Brody, who enquired how they were getting on. The conversation soon turned to financial problems, in particular the pressures of starting off in a new country with a large family, a mortgage and bills to pay and many more household items to buy, not to mention work that had to be done on the house. Mrs. Brody told her that when they first moved there they were in a similar position. She told her that they let out the back room as a Bed- Sit as they were called. It was a single Irishman who became their tenant she told her. Bridget surveyed the back room in their house that could be used as a dining room or a second reception room and realized it could be used for letting. They had not furnished it out as such and were not using it as anything in particular. She had worked out that a prospective tenant could gain entrance via the French doors from the back of the house using the garage door at the side of the building. She put the idea to Joe who agreed it would help pay towards the mortgage. They set about getting some second hand furniture that would be suitable for the purpose. One day Bridget saw a letter in the hallway with an Irish stamp on it. She opened it hurriedly wondering whom it was from. She realized that she had not got around to sending her address to everyone there. To her surprise it was from Joes brother Brian. She surmised that he obtained the address from their mother. In the letter addressed to them both Brian told them that he and his new bride who was pregnant were coming to England. He asked if it would be possible for them to accommodate them for a short while until they could find their feet as he put it. Joe was working afternoons that day and wasnt home until eleven that night. After reading the letter he said thats all I need right now. They talked about their plight and Bridget having been at their wedding realized the situation they were in. We were going to let out that room anyway she commented. At least well know wholl be staying there, she said. Anyway it might not be for long, she added. Joe agreed, after all it was his brother. Within two weeks they arrived, the room having been made just about ready. They had only the luggage they could carry. They looked stressed and Bridget thought Laura looked dreadfully thin for someone pregnant. Joe and Bridget welcomed them into an already crowded house. Over dinner they caught up with the news from home and Brian told them of his urgency to get a job. Theyre crying out for mechanics from what I hear, Joe told Brian. In a little over a week Brian got a job as such in a garage in Slough. The situation for Laura was even worse than that of Brians. Even though they had both just arrived in a strange land, he at least

was out working while she was stuck often alone in that room, sometimes crying her eyes out with loneliness, while the busy life of the household went on around her. She missed her parents and particularly her mother at this time. She did have an older sister but she lived in America. She was a country girl of seventeen who knew little about life or being domesticated. She relied on everything that Bridget could teach her in regard to cooking and general household matters. She was quite and shy and looked bewildered at times. The household situation was fraught at times, with so many people wanting to use the bathroom or kitchen or watch television or even find a seat. Sometimes if one of the children was entertaining a friend, the best place was to retreat to their bedroom or the garage or even the street. As the weeks went by Brian was trying to save some money in order for them to find accommodation of their own. On the weekends hed get fed up and go on the drink. It was these occasions he would take out his frustrations on Laura. Rows and shouting could be heard coming from the room at times. One evening Bridget heard Laura screaming. She beckoned Joe to find out what the hell was happening as she put it. He initially declined to interfere because they were a married couple and would have to sort out their differences themselves. After one such terrible row he saw Laura running into the hall and heading for the front door with blood running from her mouth and her face filled with terror. He had words with Brian whom he could see had drink taken. Brian turned on him and gripped him around the throat. Matthew could hear commotion from his bedroom, as could all of them in the house. Matthew ran down the stairs to witness what looked like Brian trying to strangle Joe. He instinctively jumped on Brian back grabbing him by the collar. This distraction made him release the grip he had on Joe. Joe caught Brian in a headlock and drove him headfirst back into the room. There after a struggle he managed to placate him. Bridget shocked by the whole episode ushered them all into the front room, muttering as she did so thats your lot in this house. After it had all calmed down and Bridget had attended to Laura who was shaking with fear, she and Joe had words. I feel sorry, I really do for that young girl, but I will not put up with that in my house she said. I know Joe said, his heart still pumping after the incident. Place or no place I want them out of here as soon as possible Bridget scorned. Weve enough of problems without having to put up with that she added. Ill have a word with him again in the morning and put him in the picture Joe assured her. Things died down and within a short time Brian and Laura found a house at the other end of the town. Bridget got a part time job working in a Launderette in the local parade of shops. She did mornings while the children were at school. She placed an advert in the paper shop window for a lodger and a week later a young Irish Building worker called Pat Murphy called to the house one evening and took up lodgings with them. He was a tall slim man in his twenties and had not long arrived in England. He was pleasant, quiet and fitted into the household very well. Joe and Bridget found the extra money very welcome and lodgings became a regular feature of the house. For the first time since they arrived they seemed to have a little money to go around. They were now able to look around for bits and pieces they needed including a second hand car that Joe bought. Bridget and the others could not believe it when they saw it. It was an Austin 8, just like the one they had in Ireland, only different in colour. Bridget was always on the lookout for bargains herself and one day she saw a piano advertised in the local newspaper at what she thought was a very reasonable price. She on seeing it haggled for less and got it for practically nothing as she put it. It had been neglected and needed tuning and polishing.

She thought of it as both ornamental and something they could all learn to play. She had it placed in the lounge. She herself had piano lessons when she was young, something only Margaret knew and Joe vaguely remembered her telling him. The children were amazed to know their mother was musical when hearing her play. She heightened all their interest in music and they all had a go on it. Matthew had some lessons in Ireland and played what he remembered but by now he was more interested in mastering the guitar, which had become more fashionable and compatible with the music of his era. But sometimes like them all he would play some chords on it and loved the loud volume and sweetness of sound it produced. The phenomenon of Beatle-Mania was at this time sweeping England. Four young men from Liverpool called the Beatles, were taking the music business and the general public by storm. They were constantly on the radio on the television on the newspapers and appearing all over the country at venues that were booked out long before they arrived. Crowds of teenagers mobbed them wherever they went. Matthew adored them, as did Sarah and all of their friends and schoolmates. It was about this time that Bridget spotted a second hand record player in one of the local shops and bought it. Matthew and Sarah asked her if they could buy the latest Beatles single to play on it. After much persuasion she relented. All right she said, after all it could be the start of a new era. When Matthew went to the record shop in the main street in the town, they told him they were sold out of the single. Two shops later he was getting the same answer. Eventually he did manage to secure one. He listened to every word over and over again and began to learn the chords to the songs. He became a passionate fan of the Beatles and the other groups and singers that were emerging from what they called the Mersey Sound. He would often spend hours in his room practicing and playing guitar and learning the words to the songs. It seemed to take all his troubles away and made him happy. Little by little, without knowing it, he was gradually settling into his new environment. And slowly the great wrench in moving away from his homeland seemed easier to bear. Sarah, unlike him, was better at making friends and could seem to settle anywhere. She too had many memories of their life in Ireland but did not seem to dwell on them like him. Matthews displacement had scarred him with bitterness and regret. He became distrustful of people and would rather have one or more good friends who understood him than a host of acquaintances that did not. He was a loyal friend to know but demanded loyalty in return. Bernadette, Patrick and Nancy were all settling in well in their new environment. The oldest of the three, Bernadettes memory beyond living in Tralee would have been vague. As for Patrick and Nancy, their memories beyond that point would practically be non-existent. They being younger and more influenced by their new environment, particularly at school, were starting to speak with English accents, much to Matthews annoyance in particular. Matthew surmised that even Sarahs brogue was changing slightly and wondered if God forbid, he thought, his own was being coloured in the absence of an all Irish surrounding. Only for their Irish friends and neighbours they would have been starved of their culture. There was no social outlet for them in Slough, save for the few pubs that Irish people frequented. It was this hunger of not wanting to let go of who they were that drew them to such people. Initially, they felt alienated from English society. It was a place they had to be rather than a place they wanted to be. They wanted to adapt rather than change. History in general has always been cruel to the emigrant. They kept in touch with the news from home as best they could and followed all the developments in the old country. The big news in Ireland that year was the visit of the American president John F. Kennedy to the country. It was even shown on British television. Imagine that Bridget said watching it on screen, the president of the United States visiting Ireland and he one of our own referring to the fact that he was Catholic Irish American. By now the children had become good friends with the children of their Irish neighbours. Of many

an evening after tea they would meet up with them at their houses and go to Montem Park that was close to them all. They would mix in age groups with Matthew palling around with Marcus Joyce and Michael Mannion, both of whom were a year older than him. They were in the next year up from him in school. Sarah and Marcuss sister Marie became best friends. The younger ones Patrick, Bernadette and Nancy befriended the Brody children who were of their age group. During the summer holidays they with their friends began to explore other areas of recreation. One such place was known as Salt Hill Park. It lay on the other side of the Bath Road, the main thoroughfare that ran west of the town. It was a park that had amenities such as swings, slides and a couple of carousels called roundabouts that they loved spinning and jumping on and off. It also had tennis courts. Matthew learned from Marcus and Michael that there was an indoor swimming pool within walking distance from them. He pestered Bridget for swimming trunks and she eventually relented. Bridget warned him to be careful and stay in the shallow end knowing he had not swam before. The other two boys were swimmers and when they beckoned him to join them in the water Matthew not thinking jumped straight in over his depth. He went to the bottom and tried to jump himself to the surface a few times with limited success. Marcus quickly realized he was in trouble and reaching out a hand pulled him to safety. You never told me you couldnt swim, he said to him. If its the last thing I ever do, Im going to learn Matthew replied. He spent the rest of the session in the shallower end trying to master staying afloat. A few weeks later keeping to his word he mastered it. He was however, eternally grateful to Marcus that day. The summer was hot and sticky at times with the lack of wind in the inland region they lived in. Although they enjoyed the local amenities, the OConnor children missed the great uninterrupted outdoors of their homeland, especially in the summer. The Joyce children echoed the same sentiment. Marcus told Matthew about the Maam Valley in Connemara, County Galway, and the area they came from. It sounded more vast and unpopulated than anything he had known. He told Matthew of a lake called Lough Corrib that was as big as an inland sea, where his father and older brother and he had been fishing since he was knee high. Fishing gets into your blood, he told Matthew who could see his eyes were watering as he talked about it. Matthew told him about his spiritual areas in Tanavalla and the Spa overlooking Tralee bay. He realized he was not the only one who was haunted by more beautiful things. The Mannions, Matthew learned were also originally from County Galway, although they settled in Kildare for a short time before coming to England. All of them learned a lot about each other that summer. They all realized they had a lot in common. They were young and settled in a new land, with only their far away dreams of childhood to hold on to. Slowly but surely through them, their parents, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles and friends a new budding community began to emerge in Slough and the surrounding areas. It was also nurtured through the local Catholic Churchs, where the people would meet every Sunday. It was during this first summer in exile that the OConnor family came to know their neighbours well. They were like birds of a feather, having come from the same background. Matthew and Sarah got to know the Joyce household through their companionship with Marcus and Marie and would call there to meet them as they did to their house. The Joyce family consisted of Pat who was their father. He was a jolly man who was an accomplished accordion player in his spare time, playing regularly in the Irish frequented pubs. He was a manual worker with the council, who although not tall, carried a great deal of weight. Their mother Orla was quite a tall red haired woman, who stood head and shoulders over him. She had a very strong voice and if she was calling anyone she could be heard from the bottom of the street. They had an older son called Aidan who was both tall and heavy and worked as a clerk in a company in the trading estate. He was witty, conversational and educated. Their only daughter

Marie was Sarahs best friend Their aunt Catherine who was Orlas sister also lived with them. She did factory work in the estate. She was a spinster like Bridgets sister Margaret and the two of them became good companions. The head of the Mannion family was a man called Tommy. He was a small slim fair-haired man who wore glasses and also worked in the local estate. His wife Philomena was a quite, petit, dark haired woman who was very religious and very much a home bird. They had six children, the eldest of whom was Pauline an attractive blonde girl who looked out for all the others and always tried to guide them in the right direction. They had two boys, Michael who was Matthews friend and a younger one called Gerard. The other three girls were called Dimphna, who hated her name, Patricia, whom Matthew liked and Nellie who was gentle as a dove and spoke very little. All of them were noticeably small in stature. The OConnor children felt very enclosed that summer, within the built up confines of Slough. They had to explore their surroundings by foot and often spent time wandering around Chalvey theyre immediate location. They would often go to the main thoroughfare in the town centre called the High Street. This was a common term used to denote the main street in most English towns. It was the main shopping area and also the main road that led towards London to the east. It had every conceivable type of shop that was imaginable on either side of the road. Although some of the shop fronts were modernised, the structures above them were old and quite ornate. It was by no means an attractive town. Some days the pavements would be crowded with people. There was a large department store called Suitors that was set on several floors that sold all sorts of household goods. Sometimes the children would explore it and other shops and look in wonder at the goods and toys in particular on offer. They could dream about them at least. If they had a few pence they would indulge in some ice cream or sweets from the confectionary shops that were laden with temptation. That summer the OConnor children, in particular Matthew and Sarah, missed the big festival in Tralee. They longed for the excitement and fun that it brought. They missed the freedom of being able to cycle on the quiet roads to the sea that was nearby. They felt very hemmed in and land locked after finding out the nearest coastline to them was many miles away. They no longer had the odd visit to their grandparents farm or their uncle Kevins to mix with their cousins to look forward to, or the odd trip that Joe would take them on. Shift work had rearranged Joes life and he would be tired sleeping at unusual times and often working during weekends. He was also doing jobs on the house that year and it would take up a lot of his spare time. There were however, some family visits at that time. Joes brother Owen and his brother in law John worked at the airport with him. All three of them were baggage handlers and worked for the same airline. Owen had lived in England for many years and was married to an Englishwoman called Brenda. They had three children, Megan; the eldest a boy called Fergal and the youngest a girl named Irene. They lived in Windsor, which was considered a very plush area. Joe and the family had met them before when they were on holidays in Tanavalla. Matthew was a little embarrassed at meeting his cousin Megan again. It was she that had kissed him in the woods of Tanavalla on that visit. She and Fergal were more talkative than Irene who was unnaturally shy and quite. Joes sister Maureen, her husband John and their children, David, Rose-Marie, Andrew and Emma also paid visits. They having come to England only a short time before the OConnor family. They had lived a couple of streets away from them in Tralee. They all knew each other well. Joe himself had spent a year living with them while working to set up home for his family. They also lived in Windsor. Maureen was a very strict domineering type of woman whose children would not put a foot wrong in her company. They were always immaculately dressed and well behaved. They stood in awe of

her and were unnaturally polite for children. Bridget had picked up on this in their former home and commented that nothing had changed sadly, as she put it. John was a quiet man who had a good sense of humour. He could also be a good conversationalist if he could get a word in. Maureen would dominate every conversation on their behalf. Bridget once declared I dont even think she realizes she dose it. She once said, its a sad house where the cock is quiet and the hen does all the crowing. During that visit Bridget learned that Maureen was pregnant again. She would have another son they called Martin. Soon the summer holidays that the OConnor children found sedate and confining came to an end and they almost gladly settled back into their school routine. They found the autumn evenings turned to night much earlier in England. Sometimes when they met friends in the park after school it would be the darkness that would drive them home. When the first days of winter arrived it was dark in the morning setting off for school and within an hour of arriving home it would be dark again. Bridget once remarked, Its all a night here in the winter. This resulted in friends meeting up at each others houses. At any one time there could be two friends or more calling to the OConnor household and inevitably making their way to one of the childrens bedrooms. Arguments could ensue if one of them was entertaining a friend in their quarters and somebody else in the household wanted to use the room. Space was at a premium in the OConnor residence. It was possible that on a given evening there would be Joe, Bridget, Margaret, Matthew and a friend, Sarah and a friend, Bernadette, Patrick and Nancy with or without friends, Pat the lodger and a neighbour who called around to see Joe or Bridget. It was by any means an open house. When anyone who knew them called, they never knocked at the front door, but rather went through the garage door at the side of the house that was always open. This led them to the kitchen door, which may as well have been the main entrance. If anybody knocked at the front door they knew it was a stranger, the milkman looking for his money or the postman wanting someone to sign for a parcel or even a door-to-door salesman. The next thing that Joe and Bridget acquired was a telephone, much to everybodys delight. They had however, to keep an eye on the children using it. They had no conception about bills, all they thought about was ringing friends who also had one. The other thing they longed for was a pet. They missed their old dog Shep whom they hoped had a happy home with his new owners. Joe decided on a cat which he thought was more practical in their busier, confined lifestyle. And so it was that a black female cat that they after much arguing called Trixie entered the household. One day Matthew noticed that it got some mud on it from the back garden. He decided to give it a wash. The water he used was cold and it being winter the cat was shivering. He brought it into the kitchen and dried it with a rag as best he could, but noticed the creature was still shaking. He looked around and then had a brainwave. He noticed the oven was still warm where Bridget had been cooking and opening the door pushed the cat into it in order to both warm and dry it. The cat would not go into it voluntarily so he closed the door on it. The noise it made drew Bridget from the hallway she had entered to the kitchen. What it Gods name is that din? she asked him. I thought Idhe said looking at the oven. Bridget whisked open the oven door and screamed as the cat leaped out and ran for cover. God almighty what are you doing? she said to him. After she had calmed down Matthew explained in his own logic what he was trying to achieve. Bridget explained that washing was for dogs and not cats and that ovens were for cooking only. The biggest news in world events that year was the assassination of the American President John F. Kennedy. It sent shockwaves around the world. People began to hear about it at different times that day and the OConnor household was no exception. That evening they like all other families and certainly people with Irish connections gathered around their television sets and watched the gruesome footage surrounding his untimely death.

There was total disbelief and communal grief in the Irish community in Slough and the rest of England. To them it was the loss of a world figure of Irish blood that was an inspiration to all Irish emigrants. They seemed to take it personally as if one of their own had been tragically snatched away from them. At Mass that Sunday, to a packed church, Father Careys sermon centred on his life and death and the entire congregation joined in prayer for his widow and family. No sooner had the aftermath of this event subsided than they found themselves heading for their first Christmas abroad. Joe and Bridget wanted to make it a special one. Not only to boost their morale but also to give them all a sense of place that seemed to be lacking that first turbulent year away from home. No matter where Irish people roamed or for what reason Ireland would for most of them still be their spiritual home. Christmas for the OConnors was also an occasion that galvanized their relationship as a family. Every Christmas that they had spent together had marked a point in their lives. It brought back memories of the places they lived, of the family and friends they co-celebrated it with and this one although in a more alien place would be no exception. Bridget busied herself making a Christmas cake, pudding and mince pies to old recipes they were all familiar with. Joe bought lots of decorations and a Christmas tree. He practically covered the ceiling of the front room with paper decorations and balloons. He got lots of baubles to hang on the tree on which a star was placed on top. Some were also placed in the hallway and the kitchen. Bridget got some sprigs of holly from the local shops and started to accumulate enough food to feed an army. Joe took the wrapping off the Crib that they had brought with them from Ireland. The figures he placed in it were still wrapped in pages from the Irish newspaper. It had been in there keeping for many years and had watched over many a Christmas. Despite all that had changed it was the one thing that was familiar to them all. They had a sense of reverence for it and all that it represented. Each one of them had their own memory of it and where it was placed in the houses they had lived in. The children helped out with the decorating even putting some streamers on the inside of the front and back doors. They too wanted an input and a statement of intent. The house looked very jolly and homely. The children as always were excited by it and were counting the days to Christmas day. Joe for his own part felt a great sense of achievement in overcoming the difficulties and heartbreaks of the previous two years. Life he always felt was not something to continually dwell on but something to contend with no matter where it took you. Bridget shared his sentiment and was very proud of him. She always knew if he got one chance in life he would take it. She was also proud and grateful that he was a sober man and a committed family man. These were qualities that she had always admired in the man she loved and married. All the children had put in their requests for their presents and Joe and Bridget were doing everything they could to honour them. Soon the big day arrived and Matthew thinking he was the first to rise early that morning was met by Sarah in the front room excitedly unwrapping her presents. He had never beaten her out of bed on Christmas morning and submitted to the fact that he probably never would. He looked around for his present but could not see it. Have you looked in the garage? she asked him. He went to the garage and sure enough there it was, a racing bike. It was the sleekest cycling machine he had ever seen. It had metallic blue paint, five gears, the slimmest tyres and saddle he had ever laid eyes on and handlebars that were shaped like rams horns. Wow was the only word he could mutter. As he sat on it he began to dream of all the places he could go in no time on this thoroughbred racing machine. He felt very grateful to Joe and Bridget that morning and couldnt wait to thank them. It was just what he needed to give him that little bit of freedom and a sense of adventure that he had been lacking that year. All the children were equally happy with their presents that morning.

Margaret had also bought them some little gifts and a present for Joe and Bridget. She was also not forgotten on her first Christmas with the family. Margaret really enjoyed the festivities that year, feeling she belonged somewhere once more. Besides enjoying the company of the family that she was slowly becoming part of, she had made a good friend in Catherine Joyce one of their neighbours. Saint Ethelberts church was packed that morning with some people standing in the aisles. It was a true measure of the Slough Irish community and it gave the OConnor family a sense of belonging once more. When they arrived that spring they did not know anybody and by now they were beginning to meet new people all the time. The New Year brought the first of the freezing east winds and a good dusting of snow. Even Slough looked nicer clad in white. What it was about town or countryside covered in snow that made them more picturesque, nobody seemed to know. Everyone agreed that it was much colder in England in the winter as opposed to Ireland where it was milder but much wetter and stormier. The first visitors that year to the OConnor household were Joes eldest brother Peter, his wife Rosemary and their four children Kate, Martin, Cormac and Caira in order of age. They lived in south London about twenty miles or more from them. Peter had lived in London since the nineteen fifties, having gone there as a young man in search of work. He worked in Battersea Power station one of the biggest electrical power generating stations in the South East of England. It supplied a substantial amount of the electricity for the capital city. He had met and married Rosemary in London. She was Irish and originally from Cork city. They were a pleasant couple and seemed very compatible. Their children reflected a good upbringing and education in their mannerisms. The OConnor children had met them and their cousins in Tanavalla when they were on holidays from England. They all enjoyed each others company once more and invitations to visit them in London were extended to them all By Peter. Matthew by now was looking for pocket money in order to buy an odd record or strings for his guitar and just to have a little money in his pocket each week. Bridget told him about an advert she saw in the local paper shop window looking for someone to do a paper round. He applied and got a job delivering newspapers early each morning before going to school. He would be up at half past six each morning collecting the papers from the shop and delivering them all around Chalvey. After a while however, he found himself starting to feel sleepy during afternoon lessons at school. One morning on his paper round he noticed an advert in the window of Jacks vegetable shop that read Saturday Staff required, apply within. After school next day he went to see the shop owner Jack Worthington who interviewed him. He told him he was local and was looking for a day job rather than early mornings. How old are you? Jack asked him. Fourteen Matthew replied. I dont normally take on anyone under fifteen, he said, but seeing that you seem to be very enthusiastic Ill take a chance and see how we go he added. Matthew was delighted, the job paid much more than the paper round and he would only be there one day a week. Bridget praised him for his initiative and realized even at his age, he was growing up fast. She also felt it would give him a sense of responsibility and independence. It was a busy household with all the comings and goings. Joe could be leaving for or coming home from work on his shift system at anytime of the day or night. Bridget would be working at her part time morning job not long after the children were at school and catching up with her household chores and cooking in the evenings. She might also find herself preparing a meal for Joe at different times. The lodger Pat was renting on a room only basis thank God as Bridget once remarked. Margaret would see to her own washing. One of the perks she had in working in a factory canteen

was the free meal she got there. She would have little more than a cup of coffee and as many cigarettes as she would have time for before setting off in the morning. She would join them for tea and made a financial contribution to the house. Often on a Monday morning if Joe was on early shift and Bridget doing her morning job, the bustling house could be strangely empty with the others at work and school. Often the only sound to be heard would be the washing on the line flapping in the breeze. If Joe were on nights he would wake up in the middle of the day to an empty dwelling and make his customary coffee and have that first cigarette in total peace and quiet. Bridget swore he loved those moments. He had been gradually working on the house since he bought it, even before the rest of them arrived. He had a lot of plans for it but could only do what money allowed him bit by bit. He was a very competent carpenter; it was something he had picked up as he went along. Although he was not formally trained he had a natural gift with wood. He built a complete new kitchen, small though it was with presses and worktops and storage units. Bridget was so proud of his achievements. This was their own kitchen she thought, in their own house and it was unique to them. Everything that they would do would be putting their own stamp on it. Little did she think they would have their own house one day? She was very good at allocating furniture and fittings and why they should be in a certain place with space at a premium. One day Joe was reading the local newspaper called the Slough Observer when he said to Bridget I think Ill have one of them. One of what? she enquired. One of them allotments he answered. What are they? she asked. A plot of land you can rent for a few bob a week and grow your own vegetables on it he said. He told her there were some vacant ones being advertised in the area beyond the local shops. He made enquiries and got hold of one. He always had a thing about fresh vegetables and the back garden of the house was too small to accommodate this enterprise. There was a small patch at the end that was set with onions but that was it. Bridget wondered where he would find the time for such an endeavour before remembering that gardening was a labour of love for him. He relished the time he spent there in that peaceful spot and meeting the odd fellow enthusiast, one of whom he discovered was also Irish. Joe was a countryman who had lived his working life in towns and cities but you could never remove him completely from the soil albeit a small plot of land. He loved watching things grow and nurturing them and would eagerly look forward to harvesting them in season. It was his private place of calm and tranquillity and a diversion in an otherwise busy schedule. It was a place he could reflect and even plan, undisturbed by the relative mayhem that could ensue in a very crowded household at times. One day after school when Matthew was about to head off on his bike to meet up with his friends he heard his younger brother Patrick calling him. Mum wants you he called. It was about an errand she wanted him to do. Who the hell is Mum? Matthew replied sarcastically. He had always and still called her Mammy. It was one of those little shocks to the system of which he had many since arriving in Slough. He knew English children used the term for mother and Dad for father. He felt it was another further Anglicisation eating into their identity. He brought the matter up immediately with Bridget who tried to placate him by explaining that the younger children would adapt to terms, sayings, and even accents over here, they being so young when they left. He after much self- deliberation and conversation with his Irish friends realised the inevitability of such changes. He knew that people used to look at him when he addressed his mother as Mammy. Changes as seemingly simple as this were very fundamental to Matthew. He began to wonder how many more there would be.

Soon they began to use the term Dad for Joe and for some reason and not knowing where it started abbreviations began to substitute their full names. Matthew began to be called Matt, Sarah was referred to as Sare, Bernadette became Bernie, Patrick was known as Pat and Nancy named Nance. Despite all the changes in their lives other things remained very much constant in any given year and in any given place. After all, birthdays never altered and neither did the calendar of religious celebrations. However, the big difference they did notice that year was Saint Patricks Day. It was there first experience of it outside of Ireland where it was a national holiday and a day where it was celebrated by Mass, the wearing of Shamrock, parades, music, and was one of the biggest festive days of the year. In Slough they hardly knew it existed apart from some gatherings in the evening in the couple of pubs the Irish frequented there. Bridget commented on it to Joe saying the Irish people in this community should get together and form an association of some sort to promote our culture. If we dont it will die with us of this generation she added. Little did she know of the poignancy of her remark and how it struck a nerve with Joe? After much discussion about the subject and possibilities that it might allow, they both resolved to do something about it. Firstly they decided they would contact the parish priest Father Carey and see what ideas he might have about it, he having worked with many Irish immigrants in the area. Secondly they planned to talk to their immediate Irish neighbours to see what interest they might have. The results were far more positive than they could have realized. Father Carey was very enthusiastic about the proposal and announced it from the pulpit one Sunday. Aidan Joyce the eldest son of Joe and Bridgets neighbours met them outside the church after the service and spoke of his great desire to see the creation of such an organization. He had been a scholar at Galway University and was versed in all aspects of Irish culture and language, he being a Gaelic speaker also. They invited him to call to their house one Sunday to discuss the matter and so the seeds of an Irish Cultural forum were set in Slough. He was to become a lifelong friend of Joe, Bridget and the family and a familiar figure at the dining room table in the OConnor dwelling. Aidan knew of others in the town that had clerical and banking backgrounds and would as he put it be ideal candidates for the formation of a committee to organize and oversee such a development. He emphasized that it would have to be run on a semi- professional footing and time would have to be given to this on a voluntary basis. They met in each others houses and quite a lot at Joe and Bridgets. Sometimes the front room would be full of what were to become committee members much to the consternation of the others in the OConnor household. But then again that was the kind of habitat it had become and would remain. It took a little time to set it up but eventually they collectively formed The Slough Irish Society. The first chairman was the eldest of the group called Pat Callaghan who was one of the older members of the Slough Irish community, the secretary was a man called Brendan Kelly and the treasurer appropriately a bank official named Noel Murphy. Joe was on the committee and Bridget chose to be an associate member. They all became good friends and this became an extension of Joe and Bridgets social life that they loved. Gradually more and more people in the area became involved and a social and cultural scene opened up for the Irish people in the area. It began with holding dances in the local church halls and they were very successful. The ambitions of the society however, went far beyond this but they knew it would take time and effort. The meaning and pleasure for all involved was to create a little bit of Ireland away from

home. The next family visitors to arrive that year were Bridgets eldest brother Jack and Patricia Dalton, his fiance. They had seemed to be going out with each other forever. They lived in an area of north London called Tottenham. Jack was still working as an engineer in his chosen career and Patricia was what was known as a silver waitress who attended a lot of high-class functions. Bridget held jack in very high esteem. He was both a professional and intellectual. He was the quieter of the two of them and when he spoke it was polite and meaningful. In contrast when Patricia talked she did so incessantly but she was witty and had some funny stories to tell about the upper class that she waited on in London. They were the first of Bridget and Margarets family to visit them since their arrival in England and they all had a great deal to talk about. Both Matthew and Sarah remembered them but for the younger ones it was like meeting them for the first time. They all found them pleasant company and were delighted knowing they had plenty of relatives on that side of the water. When he was leaving Jack said to Bridget I must get them other two to come and see you referring to their brothers Jim and Tony. True to his word it wasnt long before they also made an appearance. They were two bachelors who shared a flat in an area of south London known as Lavender Road. Jim was a bus driver and Tony a factory worker. They shared a social life, that of heavy drinking in the many Irish pubs that had been established in London. They had lived there since they were young men. Jim was the talkative one; he had to be since Tony was so quiet. However, as Jim said you cant shut him up after a few drinks. Theres no danger of getting them here Bridget said knowing that they both knew it was a sober house. Both Matthew and Sarahs memories of them were vague. They barely remembered Jim from a visit or two when in Dublin but could not recall Tony whom they were not sure visited them there. Both of them would have lived in Roscrea when Matthew and Sarah were born but they would have been too young to know them well. They all congregated in the front room and the children were introduced them. They were surprised that Bridget and Margaret had family that they never really talked about except among themselves. They found Jim witty and attentive and Tony quieter and more mysterious. They wondered where they had been all their lives, and were intrigued to know more about them. Joe had known them when he lived and worked in their hometown more than a decade before. They all talked about how time had passed so quickly and of all the people who had since gone both in terms of death and emigration. Sarah could not help noticing that neither Bridget nor Margaret seemed to have the warmth or depth of relationship with these two brothers as they had with their brother Jack. Joe on the other hand seemed to converse better with Jim than he did with any of their family. He and Margaret, who was living with them, spoke very little to each other. It raised a lot of curious questions among the children and in particular Sarah who discovered that both Bridget and Margaret could be found wanting for answers. The next main event of that year for the family close at hand was the birth and christening of Joes brother Brians son who was named Cormac. It was sad they thought that none of his wife Lauras family attended, they living in Ireland and America. Brian celebrated in his usual fashion by getting drunk. By now at least he had a steady job and they had bought a house. None the less the relationship between them still seemed fraught at times. The next two occasions of celebration for the OConnor family were Patricks First Communion and Bernadettes Confirmation in that order. They both took place in Saint Anthonys church, which was adjacent to the school of the same name that both they and Nancy attended.

Patrick looked smart in his white shirt and tie and everybody commented on how much he had grown. During the ceremony Matthew began to reflect on the fact that there was a seven-year gap between them. He began to think how he had not really known him at all except as a baby or someone very young. All his childhood memories, friends, and adventures had been shared with Sarah, a sister rather than a brother. He would have loved to have a brother even then, close to his own age, but alas it would never be. Baby Luke who would have been close to him in that respect was taken away to the home for the handicapped in Dublin when he was young and the twins, both boys had died at birth. Patrick, he knew would never have a memory of these things, let alone much of a memory of Ireland. Bernadettes Confirmation soon followed that summer at the same church. She looked so pretty and elegant in her white dress and veil. Bridget could not help crying a tear at such times. She remembered that day how Bernadette as a child had to fight for her life in that iron lung at that Dublin hospital after contracting pneumonia and how touch and go it was at the time. How grateful she was to see her celebrating that day. One day Bridget and Matthew went to the Cobblers at the local shops in Chalvey to have soles put on some shoes. An Indian woman emerging met them at the door. She was dressed in full Indian traditional dress including a sari. To say she looked very colourful was an understatement. The bright orange patterned outfit she wore contrasted starkly with her dark skin. When they entered an elderly man who owned it greeted them. He told Bridget hed been running his business for thirty years. You must have seen some changes in that time she said to him. When I started up here Chalvey was only a village, separate from Slough, he said. It was the nineteen thirties, a time of great recession he added. Then of course there was the war, and everything changed after that he said. People from all over started coming here then he continued. Chalvey was a sought after area to live in, but not any more he commented. Whys that? Bridget enquired. Have you seen whos moving in here he said with a tone of anger in his voice. Asians and Blacks he stated. Mark my words, theyll take over this area, just like its happening in parts of London he warned. Bridget could feel her face begin to flush with self-consciousness, knowing that they themselves were foreigners and not knowing if he was making a point in general about outsiders. She however, and the rest of the family did notice an increasing influx of Asians in particular into the area. As they walked back from the shops Bridget turned to Matthew and said Oh dear! Its going to be a lot more difficult for them. When we walk down the street nobody knows where we come from, that is until we speak she commented. But with them people, they cant hide the colour of their skin she declared. They all soon learned from neighbours and friends that the Asians as a group came mainly from two different countries, India and Pakistan and they belonged to two different cultures. The Indians were Hindus and the Pakistanis were Muslims. This, they learned often caused friction between the two groups. One Sunday morning before they went to Mass, Joe called Matthew who was with him in the front room. Come here and have a look at this, he said pointing out the front window. Across the road, two Asian men were engaged in a fistfight. Id say theres more than a difference of opinion involved in that, he said grinning at the spectacle. This is a mad place, Matthew said looking at the fracas. They all became aware of the fact that it was a time of great change in England with the continuing influx of immigrants from what now seemed every corner of the world. It was the amount of people that were continually arriving that was worrying the English people. They were worried that in time it could undermine their own culture. The fact was that the newcomers much like the OConnors mixed mainly with their own people in their community like the other groups. It was mainly in the work environment that all manner of people met and the most friction and resentment was felt.

The arrival of Asians from India and Pakistan and Afro- Caribbeans from the West Indies seemed to lessen the animosity towards the Irish. The Irish being of white race suddenly became more acceptable in the eyes of the English people, simply for that reason. As Bridget had said when we walk down the street, heads dont turn looking at us like they do at those people. By now the OConnors place of residence was a home from home and a sense of being settled began to dwell on them all. They now began to forge friendships and memories in their new environment and were becoming familiar members of their community. The children frequently watched a popular music chart show on television. During one episode a new singer called Tom Jones appeared on the show singing a song called Its Not Unusual. Matthew was enthralled by his style of singing and presentation and became an instant fan. He emulated his manner of delivering a song and made it his own. He loved the music scene in England that was so rich in talent and continually exciting. Matthew and his best friends Marcus and Michael used to sneak into a storage area behind the town hall that was situated in Montem Lane, where they found a door that was easy to prise open and practice singing. Matthew would bring his guitar in case and Michael would play drums on two empty barrels with Marcus humming along. They decided that if they ever formed a group that the most obvious name they would call it would be the Three Ms. At the time they were all trying to impress a friend of Sarahs called Theresa Watkins. She was a pretty girl of an English father and Irish mother who lived around the corner from them. Matthew had stolen a kiss from her in Montem Park and was jealous when Michael Mannion told him he had too. Matthew told her that they had formed a band and practiced in the town hall. She excitedly agreed to meet them there one evening to hear them play. To their utter dismay she described them and their so-called band as she put it, as a joke and walked out within a minute. Matthew knew through Sarah that she was a ballet student and tried to console his friends with the comment I always thought she was a bit stuck up anyway to which the other two led by Marcus went into a fit of laughter. And so the career of the Three Ms went into instant decline and was the butt of a joke from Marcus for a long time. Within the year the Watkins family of whom Theresa was the eldest of two daughters emigrated to Australia. Their father was a tradesman and there was great call for skilled people in that young and expanding country. The British government had an arrangement with the Australian authorities for a cheap travel scheme to encourage people to go there. Many people from both Britain and Ireland had availed of the opportunity to start a new life there. Bridget could not understand why anyone living in the vibrant economy that they had come to would want to travel so far away to seek opportunities. As Joe put it to her they have the choice, unlike we had. The main family event that year was Nancys First Communion. Bridget commented on how much the baby of the family had grown. It seemed like only yesterday she thought when she first attended school. Time goes very quickly here, she said to Joe. Its just because theres so much going on within a short time with all of them growing up he answered. By now Joe was working long enough at the airport to qualify for staff discount flights. They were known as stand-by flights. Staff could book any vacant seats that were left on planes at a tenth of the price. One afternoon after morning shift he came home with that almost mischievous grin on his face that Bridget knew so well when he was planning something. How would you like to go to Dublin for a weekend he blurted out to her. She was taken back to say the least. He explained that it would cost very little and that it was about time he took up some of the privileges that he was entitled to.

What about the lads she said, referring to the children. Its only a couple of days were talking about he replied. The older ones are big enough to look after themselves and Im sure Margaret wouldnt mind taking care of the rest for one weekend. You have it all worked out as usual, she said, forever conscious of his impulsive nature. God it would be nice all the same, she added, thinking of how long it had been since the two of them had been somewhere together just as a couple. Joe rang his sister Betty in Dublin and she said she would be delighted to see them. Bridget asked Margaret if she would look after the children for a few days. Head away and enjoy yourselves, Margaret said. God knows ye deserve a break with what youve been through these last few years she commented. I know the run of this house only too well, thanks to both of ye, she said in gratitude to her. The weekend arrived and they were both waved off by all of them. Neither of them had flown before and it added to the little adventure. When the plane was airborne and Bridget had opened her eyes again after takeoff, much to Joes amusement, she asked him how long the flight would take from London to Dublin. About an hour he answered. My goodness this is the way to travel she said thinking of how long it had taken them to get to England by train and boat. It became a comforting thought to her that by air, they were indeed very close to their homeland. Betty and her husband Mick met them at the airport. They loved seeing the sights of the city that had once been their home and that was full of memories for them. Betty and Mick had as they were aware moved to the village of Clondalkin to the west of Dublin. They also observed that their business seemed to be doing quite well from the car that they drove and the fine house and area that they now lived in. During the visit however, they all talked about the times and friendship they had in that little Corporation estate they shared called Sleive Bloom Park. In retrospect even hard times can have their funny side as they all discovered. Betty and Mick now had another daughter, a little girl named Jacqueline. Betty still possessed her great sense of humour, which at times could be bordering on coarse, particularly her jokes, some of them being near the knuckle, that she had heard in pubs. Joe and Bridget were really enjoying their time out even though Bridget rang Margaret and the children several times much to Joes annoyance. The one thing they had planned to do during their time in Dublin was to visit Baby Luke in the home for the handicapped in Palmerston. Betty and Mick as they knew paid the odd visit to see him. It made Bridget feel guilty as his mother that circumstances had prevented her from doing so on a regular basis. But now at least she thought with flights being only an hour away it would be a little easier. They both thanked Betty and Mick for looking in on him from time to time and letting them know by phone how he was. They noticed he had put on a little weight although as Bridget said his poor little legs dont develop much at all. They met the doctor and the nurse who had looked after him for years and had a talk with them. Bridget brought up the subject of the possibility of transferring him to England as she had done before with Joe. But he even though it was heartbreaking for them both took the medical advise on offer. The move alone for him he learned would be traumatic. He was now settled in a routine that he was used to and the nearest similar facility to where they now lived was also a good few miles away. The care he was receiving at this establishment was amongst the best on offer, as they knew. Bridget decided reluctantly to leave the matter lie for the moment as she put it. My poor baby she said as she kissed and cuddled him crying, towards the end of their visit. Before they knew it the weekend had passed. It was coupled with both happiness and sadness, as had all their married life been thus far.

They were glad to be back with the family once more feeling refreshed from their little break and eager to know what mischief they had got up to in their absence. None was reported to their suspicion as Margaret had them sworn to silence. One day Bridget was reading the local newspaper, which was always full of job advertisements, when she noticed there was a vacancy for a part time clerk for an international chemical company. Although her little job as she called it in the launderette was convenient, being just around the corner, she felt she could do with more of a challenge. She had a good education, which she felt was being wasted and she had a background of doing bookwork in her parents shop when she was young. She applied and duly got the job. It was during her employment there that she met a fellow clerk; an Irishman called Sean Healy whom she discovered was also a councillor on the local Borough Council. He soon discovered that Bridget was a very intelligent woman who was well read and knew a great deal about history and politics, much of it inherited from her father, as he discovered. He was a member of the Labour Party and asked Bridget if she would be interested in joining. She felt very complimented that he had asked but said she would need time to think about it. He told her not to wait too long, because there were local elections coming up and the party was looking for a candidate to run for Slough North, where because of a resignation there was a vacant seat. Bridget thought long and hard about it and decided she would love the challenge of getting involved in local politics. She confided in Joe who although initially laughed at the idea was surprisingly supportive. The children took the idea in their stride, not knowing what it would involve. In no time she was a party member and with the help of Sean was put forward as the Labour candidate to contest the up and coming local elections in Slough. There was great excitement in the household and the local Irish community in the run up to the election, with Bridget campaigning vigorously on the doorsteps and through a megaphone in Seans car. Joe found the whole thing very amusing, but pretended to take it seriously for her sake. But to all their astonishment Bridget was elected as councillor for Slough North. She beat her nearest rival, a male Conservative Party candidate and the Liberal Party representative by a considerable number of votes. The local newspaper covered it and her picture duly appeared in it. Joe would not amuse her when he would come out with statements like what does it feel like to be famous. He was in fact very proud of her and their achievements after only arriving in the country a few years before. Bridget herself could not take the Im pleased with myself look off her face for weeks. She did however, have her own agenda in regard to issues that she found important both at local level and nationally and was filled with gratitude that the electorate had voted her in. She had a particular mandate concerning homelessness that annoyed her. She could not understand that in a country that was experiencing such an economic boom that many people were finding it hard to get secure accommodation, either through buying houses or acquiring council tenancies. She found on her travels that Bed and Breakfast establishments were full of families that could not get either. She made it her priority to bring these facts that she learned on the doorsteps of Slough while campaigning before council meetings and resolve the issue as best she could. One young English couple who had children were one of the first people she managed to get housed with the local authority. They became friends of hers and she enjoyed the social aspect that accompanied her position. She was now however, a very busy woman but it was something that she relished. For all the years of her married life until then she had been swamped in mundane domesticity never realizing what potential she might have had as a person in her own right.

She felt that for just a little while it was nice to have a very interesting diversion both in her job and local politics. She had to juggle things at home, but that was part of her ingenuity. Both Joe and the older children were given more responsibilities domestically and although tense at times they all worked out a routine. Council meetings could often drag on into the night but she would never be far from them as the Slough Borough Council offices were situated only a stones throw from where they lived. She could be there or home in a matter of minutes. It was one of the considerations she gave when agreeing to stand for office in the first place. One of the highlights of her tenure of office was meeting the then Labour British Prime Minister, Harold Wilson. Both she and Joe as a couple, along with the Labour Party Member of Parliament and councillors of the area, were invited to a grand function that took place in Slough. Bridget was very excited about it and Joe was rather intrigued. She scoured the clothes shops for an outfit to wear and bought Joe a dinner jacket. Then suited and booted they attended the function with her political mentor Sean Healy and his wife Maura. She and Joe found it a very pleasant and interesting evening, not alone engaging in conversation with Sean and his wife who were at their table but also being introduced to some members of Parliament who congratulated Sean on his re-election and Bridget on her first election. After the Prime Ministers post- dinner speech, he mingled with the assembled guests, talking with as many people as he could. During this period, Sean, Bridget and their spouses were introduced to him by the local M.P., James Bowen. The Prime Minister spoke to Seamus first and ascertained that Bridget was a newly elected member to the fold, successful on her first campaign. He shook hands with her and said Irish too, well done, keep up the good work. As he made his way through the rest of the people, Bridget felt she would have to pinch herself to prove this was not just a dream. As they sat in the kitchen of their new home in the first hour after midnight with a small cup of coffee in in each of their hands, reminiscing the event, Bridget said to Joe who would have believed a few years ago, that we would be mixing with the British Prime Minister. I know, Joe said. He seemed a very down to earth man, he added. My God, dont you get a fair crack of the whip in this country? she said to him as they settled down for the night. Bridget went to sleep that night with a smile on her face, thinking that she would probably be under compliment to tell her family, friends, neighbours and other members of the Irish community of her experience. They had a photograph taken as a couple at the function that Bridget treasured. She was wearing her finest new outfit and Joe his black dinner jacket complete with the bow tie she got him especially for the occasion. She thought how happy they looked in that picture, how content, smiling, seemingly without a care in the world. The house at this time was beginning to ring with the sound of music, bringing much joy to Bridget and all of them. She would play the piano to relax when she had time, as would Matthew who was now joined by Bernadette as a musical prodigy. She was learning to play piano and a wood wind instrument called a recorder at the new convent school she was now attending. She had grown up leaps and bounds as Bridget had said into the prettiest and most intelligent girl. Sarah, although loving music and listening to it constantly never mastered any instrument but could sing quite well. She did however; have to be coaxed to sing as she lacked self-confidence in the arts. But outside of these criteria she was gifted with people and exuded confidence.

Matthews preferred instrument was now very much the guitar of which he had bought a new one. He now had a tape recorder and began to record his efforts. Patrick and Nancy were still attending primary school but their day would come, particularly Patricks. Joe like Sarah did not play any instrument but either of them at any time could be heard humming a song. Joes bathroom repertoire however, was quite impressive. He had a deep voice that could be likened to Bing Crosbie. Joe would never sing in public or make it known that he could sing. Bridget herself had a trained voice and could give very good renditions of Irish folk songs in particular. Sarahs best friend Marie Joyce would often bring around Irish records that they would listen to. It was through her that they first heard recordings of Irish folk legends such as the Clancy Brothers and The Dubliners. On any given evening or weekend day, music of some sort would be heard emanating from one room or another. The music scene among teenagers in England at that time was divided into two camps. There were the Mods (Moderns) who followed the new trends started by the Mersey sound and the Rockers ( Rock and Rollers) who revered the established Rock and Roll sound. This strangely led to a conflict of identities perpetuated by the exuberance of youth and resulted in clashes, sometimes violent, at various seaside resorts and in particular Brighton on the south coast. Outwardly, the style of clothing and mode of transport used by either group identified them from one and other. The Mods wore what were called Parker jackets and rode scooters while the Rockers wore leather jackets and rode motorbikes. These elements of expression acted like a bait to each other. Matthew and Sarah found that their love of the modern trends somehow categorized them as Mods, but they did not feel any affiliation as such towards the term and neither seemingly did their immediate Irish friends. At school however, it was a great matter for debate. Matthew found out that of his two school friends, Patrick Ahern was a Mod and Danny Carpenter was a committed Rocker. Much banter occurred between them over the subject with Matthew expressing his neutrality to their annoyance. During one discussion about music at home, Bridget revealed to the children of how music was perceived in her time. She told them of how she and Joe first met as members of the Roscrea Amateur Dramatic Society. It was during the production of a popular musical at the time called The Quaker Girl. They were both members of the cast and it was then that she first got to know him. The first thing she heard about him was that he was referred to as the new lad from Kerry. She revealed to them that she was engaged to another man at the time called Seamus Maher. They all sat there with mouths open at this revelation. Your future was in the balance then Margaret said with a great shriek of laughter that drew a side look of consternation from Bridget. Joe was on afternoon shift that teatime. The children pursued the revelation with a barrage of questions and a newfound fascination about their parents past. They realized that they knew very little about it and desired collectively to know more. She told them that she had broken off her engagement to this other man and it was not long after that when Joe asked her out and they began courting. She explained to them that he was working in the hardware store and staying in lodgings, upstairs over the premises. One night she told them, when Joe had escorted her home after their performance in the light opera, he returned home to his lodgings having forgotten the door key. He rang and rang on the doorbell, it was late and there was no answer. As he rang one more time, he spotted another member of the cast across the road and saluted them. He then pointed his finger to ring the bell once more not noticing that his landlord and employer Larry Power had opened the door and pushed his finger unknowingly straight into his eye.

The children laughed heartedly at this story. Bridget, they now knew would divulge things about her past but Joe as they were aware would never discuss anything about his with them. He could be heard over time in conversation with his parents, brothers and sisters talking about things long ago but these were conversations that he considered were not for childrens ears and would have taken place out of their presence or after their bedtime. He was in a sense although a great father to them, a very private man. Another avenue of approach they discovered was their aunt Margaret. She was a prolific conservationist and would engage in such with anybody. She and Bridget would often talk into the small hours of the morning about their past and childhood. The children knew that there was a great reservoir of information about their heritage that they could tap into and when times allowed in a busy household, Bridget would engage with those who wanted to listen, in such conversations. In regard to the subject of music, she told them that when she was a little girl people made their own entertainment by playing any instrument they could or possessed or listened to others. Her grandmother had a piano she told them and it was where she first learned to play. She also was one of the few people to own a radio in her hometown she informed them. So much so, that when the All Ireland Hurling final was broadcast involving her home county of Tipperary, her grandmother would open her window and turn up the volume fully for the crowd of people that would have assembled outside to listen to the match. All of who would not have had the financial means of making it to the final in Dublin. Sometimes, she told them the crowd would be so large that those at the front would relay the latest score to those at the back. The children were fascinated by her stories, which she exuded with great enthusiasm, wanting them to know about her family and Joes and other times. It was to become another interesting facet of their young lives. It was about this time that the younger ones in particular began to desire a pet dog once more and pestered Joe to get one. It had been a few years since they had left their beloved Shep with neighbours in Tralee before departing for these shores. The cat was fine but they all conceded there was nothing like the friendship of a mutt in whatever guise it came. Joe pointed out to them that it was not very suitable to have a dog in such a confined area but relented in the end when they all promised to take it for walks in the nearby park. He got hold of a male, black and white Jack Russell Terrier that they all became delighted with. It did not seem like the OConnor household without a dog. After much debate among the children it became called Kes. It was they surmised, like getting a Christmas present early. About two months before Christmas that year, Matthew was coming out of his and Patricks bedroom one evening when he heard raised voices coming from beyond their parents closed bedroom door. Some of the words were loud and some deliberately hushed. He heard Bridget sobbing and Joe uttering the words In Gods name. He was worried and knew that something was up. They often had words he recalled as couples do, but it was the tone of the argument, the hushed voices and sobbing that unnerved him. It was not his place to intervene he knew. It all died down fairly quickly and he fathomed that they had retreated to the privacy of their bedroom to discuss something either very urgent or important. As soon as he saw Sarah he confided in her what he had heard. Maybe its nothing to worry about she said. Its something alright he replied. Ive known them long enough now to know when somethings up he added. They both observed them for a time after that and noticed that they both seemed very pensive and preoccupied a lot of the time. Sarah, the mistress of tact, did try to tease information out of Bridget at an opportune time but as

she told Matthew I nearly had my nose bitten off. The incident fizzled out for a while until out of the blue, Bridget called Matthew and Sarah one day and said Ive some news for you Youre going to have a baby brother or sister, she announced with a quiver in her voice and looking almost embarrassed. My God Sarah said, thats great trying to hide the shock. Matthew couldnt speak, for a moment trying to absorb the news. Oh, right he finally blurted out trying to say something. Ill get around to telling the others later she said to them. So thats what it was all about, Matthew later said to Sarah. God love her, Sarah said to him. As if she hasnt enough of us to look after, she added. How did the lads take the news? Joe asked Bridget, knowing they had planned to tell them sooner rather than later. Fine really she said. The younger ones were pleased but Sarah and Matthew seemed a little taken back, she added. He never asked how Margaret received the news, which in his case would not be unusual. Dear God was her reply when Bridget told her. She knew her sister had enough to deal with at this time without having another addition to the family. Bridgets strength of character was again called upon and she believed it was Gods Will that she had conceived again. She also believed that this child could bring a renewed harmony and cement their new beginning in this land. For it would be in the land of the Rose rather than the land of Shamrock it would be born. Bridget was now in her early forties and she knew there would be a gap of sixteen and a half years between her eldest child, Matthew and the one she had conceived, and eight years since she had given birth to the youngest, Nancy. She thought of how life would change again for her and all of them. She reflected on her job and her work as an elected councillor and resigned herself to the fact that one of these occupations or both might have to go. But she resolved to carry on the life she was enjoying and take things as they came. Soon the impact of the news died down and it was all taken for granted in the busy household. The talk and the banter of the older children would often surround what music, television programs or boys and girls they liked. They were entering adolescence and were becoming interested in all things adult. Matthew and his friends Marcus Joyce and Michael Mannion would discuss girls they met at school or around the area. Sarah would confide in her friend Marie Joyce on the same topics. The boys testosterone levels were peaking without consciously knowing it. One day Matthew ended up kissing Michaels sister Patricia in the park. They werent in love or anything like it but they both loved the practice. News of this must have got back to her family, because on a particular Sunday they were kissing behind some bushes for privacy when they heard a voice calling Patricia. Oh my God she said to Matthew thats Pauline referring to her eldest sister. Matthew found it highly embarrassing when she confronted them as to what they were doing. We were only kissing she remonstrated with her. It didnt stop them still being friends but nothing else came of it. Sarah hearing of it teased Matthew about the incident. He had heard a rumour about her and Michael Mannion kissing. He asked him and he denied it, as did Sarah. He asked around but there were no witnesses. He always hated Sarah having one over on him and she delighted in it. There was a girl at school at this time that Matthew really liked. Her name was Liz Regan. He would often see her walking home from school in front of him and wondered where she lived. He noticed she got the bus from the Bath Road, some of which he had to walk on his route home.

It took him ages to find the courage to talk to her but eventually he did. She was an extremely pretty girl and a lot of boys at the school admired her. He found she was very responsive when he talked to her. She lived at the western end of Slough in an area known as Cippenham. Both her parents he learned were Irish and she; one of three sisters was the second eldest. She told Matthew that her mother had been ill for a long time and she had to get home as soon as she could each evening to do cooking and household chores. He told her he was very sorry to hear that and realized what a genuine as well as a beautiful girl she was. To see her at school he pondered, you would not think she had a care in the world. Sometimes if he spotted her in the crowd on the way home he would dash to accompany her to her bus stop, which, was on his way. They struck up what he regarded was a nice friendship. They would talk about lots of things from school to music. She was a great lover of music and was impressed when Matthew told her that he played the guitar. I must hear you sometime she asked him. He blushed at the thought of bringing a girl home. It played on his mind for a while, he himself not understanding that perhaps he was not ready for this just yet, despite the fact that he often found himself thinking about her. There was also a young female teacher at the school with a great figure. She would sometimes sit on a chair away from her desk with her legs crossed. As she was wearing a mini skirt that was fashionable at the time, her thighs were visible to say the least. All the boys eyes were transfixed on her. Liz sitting next to Matthew one day said to him in a whisper put your tongue back in. The girls couldnt stand her; maybe because of the attention she received from the boys, regarding her as an exhibitionist. One day at school Matthews friend Peter Ahern invited him to spend the weekend at his home. Matthew asked him how his parents would feel about that. Ive already asked them if it would be OK he said and they said it would be fine. Matthew asked Bridget if he could spend the weekend at his friends and after some reservations she conceded to let him do so. Arrangements were made and the following Friday Matthew complete with a change of clothes, accompanied Peter on the bus after school to his home village of Chalfont St. Peter, which lay about eight miles north of Slough nestled in the Buckinghamshire countryside. Matthew was pleasantly surprised as he gazed at the rural landscape that unfolded through the bus window along the journey. He realized there was a whole world that existed outside of the confines of the large built up industrial town in which they lived. Peters house was in a pleasant little cul-de-sac on the edge of the village. He introduced Matthew to his parents and sister. Matthew knew that both his parents were Irish, but what he did not know was that his mother was a Protestant from Northern Ireland. She had an accent that he had only heard on a few occasions in Slough. She never made any reference to his origins nor did he ask her about hers. She was a very nice homely courteous woman that made him feel very welcome and he liked her. His father, a tall man, whom Peter resembled, was from the south of Ireland. They had, as Peter told Matthew met in England. He also confided in Matthew that it was after much debate when he and his sister were children that they attended Catholic schools. His mother had conceded that when they were both old enough, they could make up their own minds in regard to what religious path they wanted to follow. Patrick did warn Matthew however, never to bring up the subject of religion in the house.

After tea, which was delicious, Patrick showed him around the village. It was a very pleasant place, not at all crowded like Slough. It had quaint shops with old-fashioned frontages that were full of character. Matthew envied the fact that Peter lived in such a nice place and wished that he had moved to such an environment. At the other end of the village there was large dense woodland. Peter led the way in entering it. I want to show you something, he said to Matthew. When they had walked a pathway a distance into the forest, Peter veered off it and into thicker undergrowth. He stopped and turned to Matthew and said, there it is. What Matthew said bemused? Looking at what seemed endless trees and wild undergrowth. Peter, with a smile, pulled back branches that had been cut and formed and piled up to cover what looked like a crudely, make-shift kind of hut. Dont you remember me and Danny talking about it at school he said He was referring to their mutual friend at St. Josephs who was a fellow villager of his. Sort of Matthew replied having obviously forgotten about it. We come here sometimes he said and you can shelter if it rains, he continued. Matthew could see they had put a lot of work into it. The roof and sides were made of plywood and inside was a sort of bench to sit on. They even had a transistor radio, which he turned on to show him it was working. Where did you get all the stuff from? Matthew asked being very impressed. From skips and anywhere else we could find it he answered. As they were talking with the radio on, they heard a loud bang on one of the sidewalls that startled Matthew in particular. Then they could hear the familiar coarse laugh that belonged to their school friend Danny Carpenter. He and Peter had arranged to meet there that evening. They both swore Matthew to secrecy about the location of their hideout. The evening soon came to a close and they all agreed to meet up there the following day. Peter and Matthew waited that day for what seemed an eternity for Danny to show up but he never did. Thats typical of him, Peter said. Hes probably met up with some other mates. Lets go into the village, he said. As they were walking along the woodlands pathway they came across two girls that Peter knew to see. Before they knew it they were engaged in conversation with them. They were about their age and they learned that they attended the local school. Peter introduced himself and Matthew to them and they learned that their names were Audrey and Carol. Audrey was petite and slim with black hair and brown eyes, while Carol was blonde and had a fuller figure. Audrey seemed to take an instant shine to Matthew. I love your accent she said, are you Irish? Yes Matthew replied. He found it endearing that an English girl liked him for being what he was. Peter was clearly interested in Carol and although long conversations ensued as a group, they soon began to pair up accordingly. Matthew felt relaxed with Audrey and being away from home felt strangely uninhibited. In trying to think of a chat up line Peter told them of the secret place he had built in the woods. What happened to the vow of secrecy? Matthew whispered in his ear. Sod the secrecy you idiot, weve pulled, he said. The girls with seemingly nothing else to do agreed to follow both of them to the hideout. They walked to it like two couples. The girls pretended to be interested in their lair but as Peter and Matthew were to find out they had other things on their minds. Before any of them knew it Peter and Carol were kissing inside the hut and Matthew and Audrey

outside. Audrey beckoned Matthew to go further into the woods. He did so feeling electrified by the sexuality that was now passing between them. In a secluded spot she lay on the ground and he with her. The heavy petting led them to a certain state of undress until neither of them could pull back from the inevitable. I want you to she said to him. Before they knew it they had sex. Afterwards, they having adjusted their state of clothing lay for a while saying nothing. Is it your first time she said to him. He nodded his head in a yes motion. Mine too she said while they lay in a long embrace. They realized they had been gone from the others for some time and decided to make their way back. Matthew said to her that he noticed some red, like blood, on his penis and wondered if she was all right. Dont they teach you anything at that school of yours? she said smiling, explaining that it was something that happens when a girl loses her virginity. Remember youve lost yours too, she said. God, yes he said kissing her again. He learned that her full name was Audrey Simmons and her friend was called Carol Hartley. Carol lived in the village while Audrey lived further out in the direction of what was called Chalfont Common. Matthew was not familiar with any of these areas, it being his first time staying there. When they reached the hut, they noticed that Peter and Carol were already making their way towards the direction of the pathway. Matthew called out his name and Peter turning around acknowledged it by waving his hand. There was an unnerving silence when they met up as a group again broken only when Carol said, what do you fancy doing now? which was directed at the group in general. Matthew said he didnt mind but Peter reminded him that they were expected back for tea at his place. Peter suggested that they all could meet up the following afternoon outside the main store in the village. The girls agreed and they all kissed once more before parting in two different directions. Soon the girls were out of sight and Peter asked Matthew how he got on with Audrey. He told him, still not believing it himself. Peter revealed that he and Carol had sex in the hut. Weve done it Peter shrieked. Keep your voice down Matthew said to him as they entered the village. As they watched television at Peters home that night their minds were transfixed on the events of that day, each with their own emotional reactions about a turning point in their young lives. After breakfast the next morning, it being Sunday, they both attended Mass with Peters father, Mick and his sister Anne. His mother Dianne, Matthew learned attended the Protestant church on occasions but was not a regular churchgoer. Neither of them could look at each other during the service for fear of laughing, coupled with Catholic guilt. After dinner that day they went to the village store and waited for the girls to turn up but they never did. Peter was annoyed but Matthew was slightly relieved. He felt everything was happening too quickly for his liking and he didnt have any great feelings for the girl he had briefly met and realized now that she, in fact both of them probably felt the same. Oh well, put it down to experience Peter said to him. I will Matthew replied. All he could think of now was going home. Back to the secure feeling of the normal teenage life he shared with his family and friends in busy Slough. He often thought about the girl in question and was amazed at how uninhibited English girls were. He never divulged the incident to anyone within his family or circle of friends. He realized if this had happened with an Irish girl or one born in their community at this age level there would be repercussions He silenced Peter after his initial bragging to male classmates, not wanting the revelations to get

back to his sometimes-female friend, Liz Regan of whom he had the greatest respect. He was also worried that careless talk might filter through to his friends, Marcus and Michael and God forbid, Sarah. It was about this time at school ironically that a couple of lectures were given to final year students on sex education. There was a particular emphasis on venereal diseases that left both naive lads examining themselves for weeks. It certainly cooled their ardour for a long time. Matthew was just glad to getting back to the boy he was for the time being. Adulthood to him at this time felt dangerous and complicated and carried with it, responsibility he had learned. He pointed out the scenario to Peter one day as to what would happen if one of the girls became pregnant. He could see by his face that it was too much to contemplate. Peters friend Danny Carpenter, who at first was obsessed with jealousy at their conquest, was now having a laugh at their demise. Time passed and one day Peter told Matthew he met Carol in the village and there was nothing to report to both their great relief. Around this time an opportunity presented itself to Matthew in that his friends Marcus and Michael asked him if he would like to go to a local dance held at a school hall near them. Matthew asked Bridget for permission, as he had never attended one before. She hesitated and said she would have to ask Joe. He overheard the conversation between them. No Joe said to her. Hes too young for that yet he said. Maybe in a years time he added. Matthew had to bite his lip when Bridget told him. Little do they know he thought? Marcus and Michael were the best part of a year older than him. On the Saturday night in question Joe was working nights and Matthew pleaded with Bridget to let him to go there for a couple of hours and promised not to be late home. She eventually relented, warning him not to let it get back to Joe. It was an alcohol free event of which she was aware and it was for that reason that she let him attend. A local band provided the music and a good crowd turned up. The three of them stood by the wall listening to the music and admiring the girls but being inexperienced at dancing were wary to ask any girl to dance with them. Michaels eldest sister broke the ice when she spotted their situation and with two girl friends of hers encouraged them to dance. The three of them were pathetic beginners, not knowing what step to do to what music. They enjoyed the evening however, even laughing at each others attempts at dancing. It was about this time that Matthew became friends with another boy at school who had the peculiar name of Ivan Chevchenko. He revealed to him that his father was Ukrainian and his mother was Irish. Ivan was studious and somewhat quieter than his other school friends but had a great sense of wit. He had a distinct Irish look about him that Matthew presumed came from his mothers side. He became a good influence on Matthew, who had found that his life had become a little on the wild side. This was the final year that Matthew and his friends would have at secondary school and at the end of it they would be subject to their most important exams called G.C.E.s. Matthew was only too aware that his grades had fallen and knew as Ivan had told him that they would not get another chance. Ivan told him that he worked Friday evenings and Saturdays at the big supermarket in the town called Waitworths. He told him the money was good and lots of young people worked there. Matthew enquired about a job there and in no time they became work mates as well. It was the biggest food store in Slough and on weekends many students worked there. Matthew loved it, as it was such a change from working in grumpy Jacks as he called the little

vegetable shop where he had worked for some time. They were mainly filling shelves and packing at the checkouts. They had a canteen where the food was subsidised and the banter among the weekenders was great. One Saturday when they were in company in the store canteen, an Englishman noting Matthews accent asked him whether he was from the North or South of Ireland. There was a note of sarcasm in his voice. Matthew by now was experienced in receiving derogatory remarks and questions in relation to his Irishness. Instead of giving the inquisitor the obvious answer, he presented him with a riddle saying Central, East and West; referring to the three parts of Ireland he and his family had lived. The man smiled and made no further remark. Matthew had learned to be always on guard for the next defamatory remark of which he knew there would be many. Another day an English boy about his age hearing his accent started to say at all, at all, at all. Matthew asked him how long he had that stutter. The English didnt like it when you were quick on the draw with a good reply, Matthew had discerned. By now Matthews Irish friends and close neighbours Marcus and Michael had left school and taken up full time work as both of them were a year senior to him. Ivan and he were the same age. It wasnt long before they developed a strong friendship and visited each others houses. Ivan was an only child and visited Matthews house first. After being introduced to Bridget, she said to him have a seat, that is if you can find a vacant one, laughing. After meeting most of the clan, for the first time, Ivan confided in Matthew saying, youre so lucky to have all that family. Matthew knew what he meant when he visited his home. His mother, a petite dark haired woman who much resembled Ivan greeted them. She spoke with a flat Irish accent and told Matthew she came from Wexford. His father who in broken English briefly said hello was engaged in some work on the house. He was a slim man with chiselled features and fair hair so straight that it moved on his forehead when he walked. They lived in a big house in a much sought after suburb of Slough called Taplow. Matthew envied the huge gardens that surrounded it. He thought it ironical that a household of three had so much space compared to the cramped conditions that his large family lived in. Ivan however, told him that he would swap his often-lonely life with his any day. Matthew once asked him if he had other relatives and Ivan told him that his grandparents on his mothers side lived in Ireland. He revealed to him that they lived in Wexford town and he had visited them with his parents a couple of times. He also had a couple of uncles and cousins on her side. Their family name was Doran he told him. As for his fathers family, they were all living behind the Iron Curtain in the Ukraine. His father, also called Ivan had made his way across Europe at the end of the war fleeing the Communist regime and settled in England, where he met Ivans mother Mary. He did however, have some Ukrainian friends in England that would visit occasionally. You want to see the carry on when they get together, Ivan said to him. They drink vodka neat and smash the glasses in the fireplace he added. He told him they would stay up most of the night, talking and singing in their own language. His father had wanted him to learn his native tongue, but after some lessons from an associate he declined to take it further. He confided that his mother dreaded these visits and wondered what use if any speaking Ukrainian would benefit him. Matthew concluded that it was a strange household to say the least. That year Matthew realized that his education had slipped over the past couple of years for on

reason or another and he resolved to do something about it. Joe and Bridget had asked him what he wanted to do after his final year in secondary school. They asked him if he wanted to go on to college and take up further education depending on his exam results or whether he wanted to take up an apprentership in a trade or if he wanted to enter the workplace directly as his friends Marcus and Michael had done. Matthew told them that if he got the required qualifications he would like to go to college. He and Ivan worked hard at school and often conferred with each other in regard to homework. Matthew knew he had an academically minded friend in Ivan and sometimes they would even be in competition to get work done. Matthews two great loves at school were Art and English literature. They were the two subjects in which he would excel. He had the reputation of being the best artist at the school, producing fine paintings, sculptures, and even metalworks. Students were allowed to take their finished works home. He made a decorative number plate for the front door of the house and compiled a large collection of his drawings etchings and paintings. Bridget proudly displayed some of his sculptures in the sitting room. Neither she nor Joe knew where he got his artistic talents. Joe once conceded that he could not draw a cat. But as Matthew pointed out Joe was talented in carpentry and gardening. Bridget, Matthew declared was an avid reader in her time, an intellectual and now a politician. He had no doubts as to where any dormant talents he possessed came from. He also concluded that the already rich tapestry of his young life had fuelled his imagination and hunger to learn more. By now, Bridget was heavily pregnant and ready to give birth for the ninth time in her life. On the eleventh of June in that year of 66, she gave birth to a son, whom she and Joe were to name Declan. He was born in Upton Hospital in Slough, which was within walking distance from where they lived. They were all delighted and excited with the new arrival and visited the hospital to gaze at the tiny face peeping out from a white shawl. It was a birth that all the family were involved in. They had all made suggestions as to what name he should be called, but were overruled by Joe in particular who had decided on the name of a famous ancient Irish monk. It would be a birth that all the other children would remember; they now being that little bit older. He was the only member of the family to be born in England and they all felt in some way that he had finally symbolized their arrival in their new home. The Christening that followed was a pleasant family affair and the new infant was doted upon, by all of them. The girls in particular would hold him from time to time in order to give Bridget much needed relief. Bridgets own life now had new priorities once more. She had time to think about what she would do in relation to her part time job and commitments as a councillor. She missed them both being home bound again but realized the children seemed much happier to see a lot more of her. It was the summer of the Soccer World Cup, which was held in England that year. Great excitement swept the nation as the English team edged closer to being in the final for the first time. All the matches surrounding them were televised and people seemed to talk about nothing else. The team finally made it and were to meet West Germany the other qualifiers in the World Cup Final.

There was not a newspaper in the land that was not full of background news about the players and management that would make up the squad that would represent the country. By the time the weekend of the final took place everyone felt they knew all the players personally. Joe loved sport and was as carried away with it all as everyone else. Even Bridget was very interested in the coming spectacle Soccer was the one sport that was not played at Matthew and Sarahs school. The physical education teacher there, a Mister Pike was more of a Rugby man and made no secret of the fact that he did not like Soccer at all. Boys in the school who liked it had to join clubs outside of the curriculum there. Matthew had often had a kick about in the local park with a Soccer ball with friends and therefore knew a little about the basics of the game. His interest like many others was heightened by the furore surrounding the forthcoming spectacle. Joe was delighted to be off shift on final day and that afternoon they all assembled in the front room including baby Declan who was oblivious of the occasion. The normally busy surrounding streets seemed to empty for a couple of hours that weekend afternoon. The final was a thrilling game and West Germany equalized near the end of normal time forcing a period of extra time to be played in which England scored twice to win. Watching the celebrations unfold on the television screen Matthew declared well hear about this for the rest of our lives. The celebrations reverberated nationwide and were talked about in every schoolyard in the land including Soccerless St. Josephs in Slough. In a conversation one day, one of the boys asked Matthew what Soccer team he supported. The fact was he did not support any and did not have much knowledge of the game. In order not to be left out he spotted a name he knew to be a well-known team on another boys school bag and bluffed saying Chelsea. A lot of the boys at the school he learnt supported Tottenham Hotspur who were affectionately known as Spurs. The two main field sports that were played at the school were Rugby Union and Rugby League both of which Matthew liked. The physical intensity of both codes of football reminded him in many ways of the Gaelic Football he used to play in Ireland. His pet hate in sports was running and the further the distance the more he hated it. He had always maintained that his physique was not compatible with distance running. He had as he knew good upper body strength and was very competitive in Javelin and Discus throwing and often won the Shot Put events. This year he knew would be his last Sports Day at the school and vowed to give it his best shot. He cringed at being entered in a running event as one of the sports he was selected for but at least it was the second shortest distance. He knew he would have to do some practice outside of school to stand any chance of doing well in it. He took to doing the odd run around Montem Park their local amenity of an evening. One such evening his younger sisters spotted him. Looking bemused, Bernadette and Nancy who were in the park asked him what he was doing? Never you mind, he told them wanting to keep his preparations to himself. The two last major events, indeed final events that Matthew and his classmates would experience at St.Josephs were now fast approaching. The last Sports Day followed by their final exams. Matthew had put in a lot of commitment to study that year, keeping a promise that he had made to himself and encouraged in no small way by his academically minded friend Ivan. One day at school he was climbing the stairs with a group of students to attend a class on the second floor, when being more observant than those around him, he spotted a girl sitting in the attic entrance smoking a cigarette.

She saw him looking at her and grinned back at him like a Cheshire cat. He could see that there was also someone there with her. He could not help but smile back. He thought, what a cheek and wondered how they got up there in the first place. She was not familiar to him, she being in the same year as his sister Sarah and unknown to him a school friend of hers. It was the first time he saw her and little did he know then, it would not be the last. Before they knew it Sports Day had arrived. Matthew was nervous because of Joe and Bridgets presence among the parents that day. His first event was in the Javelin in which he finished third. His throwing technique he conceded let him down that day in a contest he had often won. He was fuming at himself at this result and believed the adrenalin then flowing helped him to win the Shot Put although being one of the favourites to do so. He went through the motions in the Long Jump and Pole Vault, only to surprise himself by coming second in the High Jump unexpectedly. The last and main events of the day were the Running Races. In the 2oo yards sprint Matthew was drawn in lane 2. There was one false start that seemed to unsettle one or two of the other runners. Matthew was grateful for this, as he had not made the best of starts himself. All of them took up their starting positions once more. Matthew found himself looking at Mr. Pikes index finger on the trigger of the gun and as soon as it moved he exploded from the starting line. There was no pacing yourself over this distance it was flat out from the start. Matthew didnt know it but he had made an excellent start and was relentless in his pace of running. At one stage he could see a shadow on his right side as somebody joined him in the lead but to his great relief it seemed to disappear as he felt the winning tape caress him. As he was getting his breath back and being congratulated by some of the other runners he saw Joes face in the crowd, red with excitement and Bridget beside him smiling jubilantly. He felt tears starting to form in his eyes for reasons that he could not explain. Within weeks the tension filled time of the exams arrived. Both Matthew and Ivan felt they had prepared quite well and although feeling nervous at sitting them, like the rest of the students they got through the tests feeling reasonably confident. They both passed all the subjects with Matthew only scraping through Maths and Science, his weakest subjects but excelling in Art, Metalwork and English Literature much to his delight. They both knew they had enough qualifications to go to College and made a pact between them to do everything in their power to do so. Before the term ended there was a meeting between the final year students and the teachers. During conversations between them, it emerged that the pupils were split mainly into three camps, those that were going to take up trades or skills, those that were going straight into the workplace, and to a lesser degree those who were going on to further education. Joe and Bridget were pleased that Matthew had made up his mind as to what he wanted to do. On the last day of school as Matthew and Ivan had said goodbye to their school friends and were heading for the exit door, Matthew turned to Ivan with a mischievous look in his eyes and a pen held like a knife in his hand. He took aim at the glass cover of the fire alarm. Ive been waiting for weeks to do this, he said. He heard Ivan say no as he plunged the point of the pen with precision right through the glass setting off the alarm. They left the building running with school bags in tow, to the sound of the alarm ringing in their ears and Matthew laughing hysterically at Ivans serious face. What the hell did you do that for? he said to him when they were out of sight of the school. Someone could have seen you, he added. So, what if they did Matthew said, I cant be expelled now, Ive left

Before long they both had interviews accompanied by their respective parents at Windsor College. It was a couple of miles away from Slough but had the reputation of being an excellent institution of learning. Both Matthew and Ivan had their hearts set on it and were both delighted to receive letters of acceptance for a two-year course. That summer they were also taken on in full time employment by Waitworths supermarket for the duration of the summer holidays. They both knew they would need the money to see them through the first term. They would continue to have the weekend work for the rest of the year to keep them going also. On their days off that summer they would often meet up and go cycling around the local area or go swimming in the new large outdoor swimming pool in Slough called Bayliss. Ivan was a good swimmer being taught by his father when he was young. Matthew had learned the hard way by trial and error but was now quite competent. Once he saw a man somersaulting off the top diving board in the pool. Wow he said to Ivan Id love to have a go at that. He did some back flips on the side of the pool that gave him enough confidence to attempt a high dive. First he did a straight dive off the top board and then attempted the summersault which he completed except for the fact that he did not allow himself enough time to straighten out before entering the water. The consequences were a bloody nose and nearly being concussed. He cursed Ivan for laughing. That summer passed quickly for them both as working full time occupied them to the full. Before they knew it they were due to start College. The institution was everything that they had imagined. Although the studies were more advanced, the regime was more relaxed. Students were treated more like adults and were allowed to give their opinions on any subject. Sometimes Ivan would travel to Matthews house of a morning and they would head off to college together, discussing the forthcoming lectures of the day. If the weather were fine they would often walk from Matthews house all the way. In doing so they would pass through the immediate area of Chalvey and walk through the historic area of Eaton, famed world wide for its university. They loved the ancient buildings and quaintness of this seat of learning. They would see the pupils known as Dons in their long black gowns and envy them for attending such an accolade of sophistication. They would then cross the bridge over the River Thames into the historic town of Windsor. They would pass the great round tower, one of many that formed part of Windsor Castle, where the Queen of England and her family would often reside. Near Castle Hill they would turn right into Peascod Street off which the entrance to the college lay. It was a journey and an area they came to appreciate very much. The college itself in contrast to most of buildings in the town centre was a modern structure. It was however, well set out and was a robust arena of academia. The course they had taken up was advanced level in the Arts and Sciences that also included Fine Arts and Literature. They both found the course hard at first but through much study and consultation often in their own time, mainly at Matthews house they soon caught up and really began to enjoy the challenge. There was a Common Room where students used to congregate between lectures and indulge in conversations. There was a piano there that Matthew began to play on one occasion, attracting the notice of other students, particularly the girls. In talking to some of his fellow students, he realized that some of them came from quite privileged backgrounds.

He told them about his and the struggles they had and was surprised to find them fascinated by it. He conceded that it was a different world from dreary industrialized Slough and St. Josephs. He also noticed the fine clothes that some of them wore and vowed to spend some of the money he had earned on smartening himself up. About this time, Bridget informed Matthew that she and Joe had considered moving baby Declan into the boys room as she put it. With me and Patrick Matthew scorned. Theres hardly enough room for us and our things he remonstrated. What about my studying? he complained. Your Daddy needs undisturbed sleep on shift work she explained. Theres nowhere else for Declan to sleep, she said. If there was no bloody lodger in the back room downstairs, thered be plenty of room for us all to sleep Matthew retorted. But after seeing the hurt look on their mothers face he consented to the inevitable. And so it was that little Declan, complete with cot was moved in with him and Patrick. The space was so tight with the cot in the room that when Matthew went to bed he would have to climb over the end of the bed to gain access because Patrick usually elected to sleep on the outside. One night he was climbing over the end board using his full weight when the bed collapsed at the end waking both the boys up. Declan as it turned out was a quiet child and Matthew would often play his guitar and sing for him. He would sway in a childish way to the rhythm and sometimes drift off to sleep as if it were a lullaby. Matthew had to resort to studying at the table in the front room downstairs, while the others watched television. He developed the mental ability to block out other sounds through sheer effort and habit. Eventually he felt quite comfortable in his little corner of the table in which he spent many hours, even after most of them or all of them had gone to bed. His literary studies at college included Shakespeare. He became transfixed with the Bards plays that were to become some of his favourite writings. One day, Bridget who was knowledgeable of this came across a large volume of the complete works of William Shakespeare in a second hand shop, which she duly bought for him. He was over the moon with it. Oh thanks a million Mum, he said, and its not even Christmas. She regularly scammed the second hand shops in the area looking for bargains and had bought many items for the house. She was quite knowledgeable about antiques and had a book about them that she would often refer to. She was also very good at haggling and had bought the antique table and chairs in the front room that Matthew studied at. He by now had succumbed to calling her Mum like the rest of them. Dad for some reason he found more difficult. Matthew knew that having such a volume of Shakespeares works gave him an advantage in English Literature studies. He read his works profusely and was now an avid reader in general. His other great love was Art, which he was enjoying immensely. This involved not only producing works and perfecting techniques but also studying the lives and works of both classical and modern artists. Although science and mathematics were also part of the course they presented more of a challenge than a labour of love to him. Ivan however, who was in the same class him was more taken by these subjects. Each of them was therefore able to offer help and advise in the others weaker subjects. The only distraction they both had in common were the pretty girls that attended the college. They were earning just enough at weekends to keep them going and concluded that such

distractions would have to wait until the end of their course at least. Bridget was now busy looking after the family with the addition of a new baby. She sometimes missed her position as a councillor from which she had resigned due to family commitments and her part time job but she was a woman who always kept herself busy. That year of 1966 represented the 50th. Anniversary of the Easter Rising, which took place in Dublin and led to the War Of Independence that culminated in the creation of an Irish Free State. There were huge celebrations in the capital and throughout the country. Joe and Bridgets parents and countless relatives of theirs of that generation had been involved in that national struggle to free Ireland of British rule. Bridget had obtained a book that was published in Ireland about the celebrations, through the local Irish Society. It was a handsome volume complete with large photographs of the celebratory events and packed with historical information in relation to them. She and Joe read it with pride and it was placed on the front room table like a Bible for everyone to read. Margaret, Matthew, Sarah and Bernadette understood the meaning of it as for Patrick, Nancy and of course baby Declan; it would take a few more years. Matthew devoured it, reading it twice. For him it evoked passionate nationalist sentiments. Pride in his heritage, his ancestry and his ancient Gaelic race. This he had to couple with the plight of being an exile. Although up to now he like all of them and many more like them had contended with the situation of being economical migrants, one could never forget their spiritual home. It underpinned where his allegiance lay, despite the sometimes-interesting distraction of living abroad. At times like this however, it could be painful to be reminded of it. A lot of students at the college smoked cigarettes and one day Matthew bought a packet of ten to try them out. You can get addicted to them Ivan said to him. No way Matthew said, but before long he was buying ten a day and would be grumpy if he did not have enough money at the latter end of the week to pay for them. He found that they were now part of his weekly budget from the money he earned at the weekends. What Matthew didnt realize was that he had an addictive personality. Any interest that he took up always became an obsession. Both Joe and Bridget were regular smokers as was Margaret and there was always an ashtray at hand in the house. Bridget had switched to smoking menthol cigarettes, which she claimed were better for her. Margaret would smoke any brand apart from menthol and always asked for the cheapest ones at the shop. Joe would sometimes buy tobacco and roll his own in order to cut down on the cost of buying them, but normally he would stick to his favourite brand. Everyone in the household also had their likes and dislikes when it came to food. It would often drive Bridget to distraction when shopping. Matthew unlike Joe wasnt a great lover of meat and wouldnt touch any fat. He also liked it practically cremated often creating a haze of smoke in the small kitchen when cooking sausages to a cinder. He would also make up sandwiches with the most unusual ingredients such as cornflakes and banana sprinkled with sugar and as many more concoctions as he would invent and experiment with. But most of the time they all partook of good healthy food under Bridgets supervision. The one thing they all loved was her homemade cake, but everyone had to be quick to get a slice before it was quickly devoured.

She was a woman of many talents and cooking was one of them. It was through her that Sarah, Bernadette and eventually Nancy would first learn the art of cooking and baking the handed down recipes. They would, like Sarah, have to learn domestic science at school but there was nothing like catching useful hints from their mother that they would always remember. One day when Matthew was at the local shops, he bumped into his former school friend Liz Regan. He had not seen her since he left St.Josephs. She greeted him with a smile but he could see that tears were forming in her eyes. Whats wrong? he asked her. My Mum died, she said with tears running down her face. He embraced her as she sobbed on his shoulder. You poor thing he said. How? he enquired. From cancer she said quietly. He remembered walking her to her bus stop after school on many an occasion and now realized why she was always in a hurry to get home, only knowing that her mother was not well at the time. They talked for a while and she told him she was now working in an office and he told her about college. Before he knew what he was doing, he asked her out on a date. He suggested that they meet up and go to the cinema one evening. It was the first time he had ever asked any girl out and was a little nervous at the prospect. They met and ended up kissing through most of the film and making their own way home afterwards. It was though she was much in need of consoling. He said without thinking that he would like to meet up with her again. There were two things worrying Matthew about going out with Liz. The first was he had very little money each week and the second was he was not sure if he had any real feelings for her. She was a friend and a nice sincere friend at that, but for his sake and hers he felt it was better that it went no further. The problem was he didnt know how to tell her. He told Ivan of his predicament, he knowing who she was from their former school. Relationships with girls and college dont mix, he told him. Not unless youve got rich understanding parents like some of them here, he added. One time Matthew made a half arrangement to meet her and having no money didnt turn up. It just fizzled out and he got back to his studious ways. Just around the corner from the college that was a fine library that was stacked with books of all kinds. The students frequented it during what were free periods between lectures. They were encouraged to do so. During these periods Matthew and Ivan got through many books on many subjects. They joined the library like many others and would often take books home to read on subjects that interest them. They found that apart from academic studies, they were like many young people of their age, in that they were looking for the deeper meaning of life. In gatherings in the common room, Matthew was becoming an ardent debater. He was not afraid to give his opinion or definition on any subject that was being discussed and loved sitting in on debates, many of which were outside the school curriculum such as politics and religion. It was during one of these debates that he and Ivan met a young man called Daniel who told them he was a Jehovahs Witness. They had vaguely heard of this Christian sect but were very interested in the pure fundamentalist

interpretation of the Bible he discussed, that was their creed. They found that without having a Bible they it was difficult to debate the subject with him. Matthews curiosity led him to buy a copy of The Bible he saw for sale in a bookshop in Slough. It was a copy that he had with him for the rest of his life. Bridget was mildly amused when she saw him reading from it one evening. Dont let the priest see you reading that she said. Why? Matthew asked her. Well the reading of the Bible in our time in our part of Ireland was considered to be something connected with the Protestant ethos she replied. She explained the cultural differences in her own hometown where she knew some Protestant families that were a minority who belonged to the Church of Ireland. The subject that was later to become another obsession for him intrigued Matthew. He realized there were another Irish even in their part of their country of origin. The situation in the OConnor household was as congested as ever with even a turnover in lodgers from time to time. All of them were men as Bridget found them more suitable than women. Pat the Irish building worker became engaged to be married to an Irish girl he had met in Slough and had moved out. Bridget was sorry to see him go because as she said, youd hardly know he was there. The fact was most of the time he wasnt. The next tenant, Alan was an Englishman who was separated from his wife and was going through divorce proceedings. This was an alien concept to Bridget and the rest of them. She felt sorry for him on hearing that his estranged wife was having an affair with another man. He was a quiet man who kept himself to himself. Bridget once remarked to Joe saying, I would love to know where these people, particularly women, get the time to have an affair. I hardly get time to think about myself, she added. Thats what keeps good Irish Catholic women out of trouble, Joe said jokingly. Alan didnt stay very long and was succeeded by an Italian hairdresser called Giovanni. He had met his English girlfriend when she was studying Italian in Rome and he had come to England to be with her and to learn more English. They were soon to get engaged and planned to live in Italy. My God Bridget proclaimed, Every man who comes here is either getting married or divorced. Maria, the Italian lady who was their next-door neighbour, introduced Giovanni to Bridget, as her house was full accommodation wise. Maria referred to all her paying guests as cous, she in her broken English being unable to pronounce the word cousin. Her concern being that she had not declared any income from them. As if anyone does, Bridget once said. Bridget and Joe found it hilarious, as one of her lodgers was an Irishman called Sean. This whole bloody street is like a hotel Matthew once remarked to Ivan. Before they all knew it the autumn of that year had given way once more to the cold easterly pangs of winter. The trees that sheltered the view of the other houses in the OConnors back garden lay bare again and the rows of frost covered roofs created an arched canopy of gleaming white that lit up the dark winter morning skies of Slough. Ivan had asked Matthew, he now knowing him quite well, if he was now settled in England. In my body maybe, in my mind perhaps, in my soul never he told him. That Christmas holiday for both of them, like all their holidays, was spent working, in order to supplement their educational expenses. Even Joe was working morning shift on Christmas day that year at the airport, much to his annoyance.

Well thats bloody England for you Matthew had commented. The New Year progressed at the same pace as the others had previously for them all in their adopted home. Bridget always made a point of telling the younger ones about their background as they were progressing in age, for fear that they might grow up without any conception of it. This she knew would be of particular importance to baby Declan, he being born in their newfound home. When it was nearing the long summer holidays, Matthew and Ivan decided to look for factory work for the duration. Firstly they learned that it was much better paid than the supermarket and knew that they were about to enter their last year at college after the summer recess. This time they ended up being employed in two different firms. Matthew got a job in a printing factory, which he found very interesting. It involved a lot of lifting at times but observing the processes that the industry indulged in to perfect the final art works that they produced rewarded him. The engineering factory that Ivan worked for did not have any fascination for him but as he told Matthew the money was bloody good. They did not see a great deal of each other that holiday they now working in different places, save at the odd weekend. One weekend that summer Joe got a phone call from his older sister Kate in Listowel. They kept in touch and he would gather all the news from home. She and her husband Pat no longer ran the little local shop that they had operated from the front of their house. Her children were now grown up and there was too much competition in the town to make such a small unit viable. Pat was now working in a shop in the town and didnt miss the struggle of trying to make ends meet in such a limited enterprise. During the conversation she told him that her son Timothy, his nephew, was going to England during his summer break from college to find a job to keep his education going. She knew through Joe that there was plenty of work in Slough and that he would have relatives nearby, he never having been there before. He told her that it was a strange coincidence that the present lodger they had staying with them was leaving in a couple of weeks as he was getting married. If he can wait till then Joe said to her, he can stay here during his time over. Thats brilliant she replied, putting her mind at ease, knowing her son would be going to stay with relatives. Before they knew it Timothy had arrived. Bridget, Joe and all of them made him welcome. Matthew was particularly glad to see him. It had been so long since he had seen anybody from home with which he had shared memories. Within days he had got a job and paid his way in the household. After work in the evenings he would be bombarded with questions about Listowel and Ireland in general all the connections they had there. He was a year older than Matthew and they got on like a house on fire. They had so much in common, not alone with recollections of years past but also the fact that they were both college students. They would talk about the various subjects that they were studying and where they thought life would lead them. Timothy told Matthew that among his subjects were Classical Greek and Latin and Gaelic that was compulsory for a future teaching career. Matthew found his conversations very stimulating and he generated great interest in him in contemplating a teaching career himself.

Timothy was a very clean living lad who neither drank nor smoked. Of a weekend he would visit his uncles and aunts including those in London. During his stay he managed to get around to them all. He would ring home regularly and would never miss Mass. He saved every penny he could, knowing he would need it when he got back. You can get a job anytime in this town he once said to Matthew. Back home I might have a small chance he said, but it would pay peanuts he added. Matthew found himself with more money in his pocket than he ever had in his life and was finding ways of spending it. He had been drinking in the local pub in Chalvey with Ivan but had not mentioned it to anyone else having sworn Ivan to secrecy. For an Irish house, he thought strangely, it was not a drinking house. He had however, acquired a taste for beer. It was called Bitter and was very popular in England. One weekend Timothy accompanied Matthew and Ivan to the local pub called The Kings Arms, he also having been sworn to silence. Dont pubs have the most amazing names here? Timothy observed. He explained to Ivan that the name of the proprietor was the one displayed outside the pubs in Ireland. Both Matthew and Ivan were a year underage to be served in a pub but they being so near got away with it. Ironically Timothy who drank lemonade was old enough to be served. When Matthew had a few pints in him, he told Timothy a joke he had heard. A policeman walked up to a man who was leaning against the door of a pub and asked him what he was doing? The man answered him saying, Im waiting for the Queens Legs to open so that I can get a drink. Soon both Ivan and Timothy could see that Matthew was intoxicated and suggested they head home. They had to give him a hand to walk to the door after which he struggled by himself. He went through the garage door and straight out to the back garden. It was a nice warm sunny day and he lay on the grass soaking it up. Get up, your Mums coming he heard Ivan say in a loud whisper. He walked in a stagger and when Bridget came near him she could smell the alcohol from his breath. Ill talk to you later she said her eyes filled with venom. He went up to his room lay on the bed and slept it off for a couple of hours before returning downstairs to the kitchen to make a cup of tea, where he was greeted by Bridget. Feeling better now? she said to him in a sarcastic tone of voice. Oh dont start he replied feeling that a lecture was coming. The thing is when did you start drinking like that? she asked him. I had one too many today he replied. Normally I dont really bother with it, he said, lying. The truth was he and Ivan had visited that pub on a few occasions, they now both having money to spend. As he drank his tea Bridget began talking to him. Have you any idea of what Ive seen drink do to people? she said. I hardly know where to start, she continued. Take two of my brothers, Jim and Tony, your uncles. They broke my fathers heart I saw him cry over them two He set them up in business with the lorry in Roscrea and all they did was drink every penny they made. Theyre up in London now doing the very same thing every night.

Both of them are still single because drink has taken over their lives. Jim was going out with a lovely girl when he was living in Dublin, we thought they were going to get married, but oh no, Jim was already married to drink. Matthews ears were now intensely interested in her family revelations and he vowed to listen without reply to what she had to say. Youve only to look at your uncle Brian to know what too much drink can do to you. You saw it with your own eyes in this house God knows what goes on behind the door of that house, with Laura and those poor children, when he takes a mood. Even your grandfather, Dadda in Listowel was a drinker when he was young. I know from talking to Momma that when times were hard and they had a large family of young children to rear, that she often had to walk to town with cardboard in the soles of her shoes that were worn. All because he drank money that could have been otherwise spent. To make it worse, he would after a Saturday evening in the pub, beat the children for any known misbehaviours that were committed during the week They learnt to dread Saturdays. Your Daddy never drank, because of what he saw at home as a boy growing up. There are some details that even I know, he cant talk about. One I always suspected concerned his mother, whom he loved. Matthews interest in what she was telling him was turning to shock. If she was trying to frighten him, she was succeeding. You remember me talking about Sean Halley my uncle by marriage? she asked him. Yes he said with sigh, thinking that he must have been in the same category. He was lovely man and a successful businessman, whom my aunt Molly, his wife adored. They were only married for fourteen years with a growing family, before drink killed him. It was whiskey to be exact. I saw my own mother take up drink when she met Laurence and moved to Dublin. She hardly ever drank when she was married to my father who was only a very moderate drinker himself. She worked in the shop and kept a nice house when she was married to him and was very happy. She was broken hearted when he died only middle- aged and was very lonely, depressed and vulnerable. Laurence lost no time in discovering her predicament and engaging in romance with her that culminated in an all too swift marriage that I suspected was flavoured by the fact that she had money from the sale of what was our family home. She spent the rest of her days drowning her sorrows in Dublin pubs, with the false sense of love that she thought she had found with him. She ended up living in squalor in that awful tenement flat for the rest of her days. Her health deteriorated because of it all. When she died, he arranged for her to be buried in his family grave in Kildare. It was the least he could do, having helped to spend all her money. God knows I could have done with a little of that inheritance at the time. I could go on, she said. Its just that Ive seen so many good people destroyed by drink, she added. Thats why I became frightened seeing you intoxicated. As Jesus once said to his disciples concerning drink beware, for like a serpent it can poison you. Take it easy if you do like a pint or so she finished. Matthew nodded his head while taking a large intake of breath. He told Ivan about the lecture and scolded him for laughing at his demise. They both however, agreed to secrecy and discretion concerning any future consumption of alcohol. Matthew once overheard Bridget in conversation with Margaret regarding his cousin Timothy,

saying that he didnt have any vices. Margaret replied saying that he probably still had his Communion money, as he didnt seem to spend either. One weekend Timothy was talking to Matthew about all things Irish and could see that he still missed home as he put it. He asked him if he would like to come back for a holiday before they both went back to college that year. Matthew told him he would be delighted to and was grateful for the invitation, he now having no immediate family in Ireland. After getting permission from his mother Kate to do so they began to plan for the trip. It gave Matthew a reason to save his money instead of squandering it, as he was prone to. Soon the few industrious months passed for both of them and the excitement of preparing for the journey began. Matthew had splashed out on stylish new clothes and shoes and Timothy bought some items that would do him as he put it for the following year. One evening as Timothy was travelling home from work by bus he fell from the entrance platform as he jumped on to it as the bus took off. Apart from some bruising and a tear in his trousers he was all right. When he phoned home and they learned of the occurrence, they reacted, much to Bridgets amusement as if it were a major incident or a brush with death. He was fighting fit in a couple of days and looking forward to going home from his English adventure. Joe had obtained stand by tickets for them to fly to Shannon Airport and before they knew it they were all set to go. Bridget checked that Matthew had pyjamas, toothbrush and changes of underwear and enough clothes to do him for the fortnight. Stop fussing Mum he said to her, Im not a kid any more. She asked him to behave himself while he was there and to ring and let them know how he was getting on. All of which he promised to shut her up. She told him to give them all their regards while he was there, which he said he would. Matthew loved the adventure of flying; indeed he loved adventure full stop. Timothy to his surprise was a nervous passenger. The idea of being away from parental supervision for two weeks appealed to Matthew no end. Wine, women and song from now on he said to Timothy on the plane, who smiled nervously back at him. It was arranged that Timothys brother in law Gerry Flannery, who was married to his eldest sister Theresa was to meet them at Shannon Airport. Matthew was aware that he was a teacher and a professor at that. Bridget had remarked that she had married well. She once said that she told her if it was the last thing she ever did she was going to marry that man. Matthew sighed as the plane descended and he could see the small, hedge rowed, green fields of Ireland once more. He could feel his heart beating a little faster as he gazed out of the aircraft window at the sunlit landscape dotted with the last golden haystacks of a bountiful summer. The sound of familiar Irish accents by both staff and passengers at the airport brought a lump to his throat. God its good to be home again he said to Timothy in a quiet emotional voice. Gerry met them and welcomed them both and escorted them to the Volkswagen car that looked almost new. He engaged in conversation with Timothy in the front of the car asking him how he got on in

England, while Matthew stared out the window not wanting to miss any view. They soon made their way through Limerick city and began to travel along the south side of the Shannon estuary. Lovely though the route was, it saddened Matthew, he remembering Joe taking them along it as children when visiting his home when they lived in Dublin. It seemed no time at all had passed when they arrived in the town of Listowel and pulled up outside Timothys house. The first thing Matthew noticed was the shop they ran from the front room was gone and converted back into living quarters, making it seem quite a large house. Matthew was aware of this and also that Timothys father was now working in a shop in the town. His mother, Kate, Matthews aunt, welcomed them. She gave Timothy a big hug, which seemed to slightly embarrass him. She shook hands with Matthew and after a conversation with them all began to prepare something for them to eat. Matthew never quite knew how to take his aunt Kate. The one thing he knew was that she adored Timothy, the only son in her family. She seemed to have to make an effort to mix with people outside of her immediate family and carefully chosen friends. Her husband Pat on the other hand was a warm, very welcoming character that Matthew had always liked. He asked him much more questions about himself and the family and how they were all getting on in England than did Kate. Timothys eldest sister Theresa who was married to Gerry now lived on the other side of the town in a very plush bungalow. The youngest sister Ciara, now worked in a solicitors office in Tralee. She was living at home and made the journey there during the week. She was as pleasant as ever and her and Matthew recalled some old memories that night. Matthew also saw Theresa for a little while that evening. She was still as lively as ever and mad as a hatter, but great fun as always, striving to embarrass Matthew as usual. Marriage certainly hadnt changed her he concluded. It felt strange for Matthew sleeping in their house, as he had never done before. He would have been much more familiar with his grandparents place where they had even lived for a period, let alone stay for holidays. It was however, he conceded, very handy, it being situated on the edge of the town. And after all he thought, it was only just over a miles walk from where his grandparents and uncle Kevin lived in the countryside. I know where you want to go today, Timothy said to Matthew after breakfast next morning. He knew he had his ancestral home of Tanavalla on his mind. Timothy was a very considerate young man and nothing was of too much bother to him, as Matthew knew. Timothy knew that Matthew would not rest until he had visited there again. He also knew he had an overwhelming desire to see Tralee and his former home. In some ways he felt sorry for him, knowing that he missed Ireland more than he could say. He could see how happy his face was when they called in to see Dadda their grandfather at his place of work in the soft drinks warehouse that was next door to where he and his family lived. After all he could pop in there any time, but for Matthew it had been four years since he had seen him. The welcome was as warm and cordial as ever and Dadda invited him to come and see them at home, which he duly did. He had a long talk with him, commenting on how grown up he had become. He noticed the changes that had taken place in the house, in that they were fully electrified and had an indoor toilet.

Apart from that it hadnt changed a bit. In fact they hadnt changed at all. Momma remarked that all her siblings were scattered like the four winds. Kate was their only offspring now living in the area. Matthew sensed that his grandmother was lonely. With Dadda at work during the week, she would spend a great deal of her time alone. It was ironical he thought, for the mother of nine children. She asked Matthew about all of them in England and he told her everything he knew. She told him that her daughters Betty and Angela, his aunts in Dublin and their families paid the odd visit. He could see from the garden that she spent time in it and asked her if she still made that wonderful blackcurrant jam. He went for a walk around the farm, remembering how his father Joe did. It now held childhood memories for him but he conceded that he was not a child any more. It was strange to be there without all the family as it always was. It wasnt Tanavalla that had changed he thought, it was he that had changed. He was angry that those precious teenage years spent as an exile had robbed him of memories that he might have had there. He visited his uncle Kevin and aunt Nellie who were also very accommodating. He learned that his cousin Cecil, Kevins only son, was now attending agricultural college and that their eldest daughter was training to be a nurse. Only Lissie and Pauline their other two daughters were at home now. It seemed so quiet without the mischievous Cecil with whom he had so much banter with when they were young. He made a brief call to some of the other neighbours they would have known as children and they told him to give their regards to his family. One day he and Timothy took the bus to Tralee. It was more haunting than being in Listowel again. Matthew knew every turn in the road that led there. When they arrived they passed the railway station that he had departed from and walked to the park through the short cut he knew so well. His heart began to thump as he saw their old house coming nearer and nearer. He stood across the road from it unable to speak, just staring at it, with a cauldron of emotions circling around his brain. He tried to hold the tears back as best he could, but to no avail. He walked over to the green where they had played out childhood dreams and Timothy could see he was very emotional. Take your time, he said to him. He walked past some children who were playing there feeling stupid for being so overcome. He lit a cigarette and composed himself, before saying to Timothy, I must see if Stephen is in, referring to his old friend Stephen Hennessey. It was like something he would say four years previously. He knocked at the familiar door and was greeted by his surprised mother. Stephen theres someone here to see you she called winking at Matthew. Jesus Christ Stephen said seeing him at the door. How the hell are you? shaking his hand with the grip of a good friend. Matthew introduced his cousin and Stephen invited them in. It was so nice to be in a familiar former setting as they had both spent many hours in each others houses. They were both delighted to see each other again and had a lot of news to tell each other. Matthew found out that Stephen was now attending college and ironically working in a new supermarket in the town at weekends to supplement his education.

If you dont have a reasonable education here, youve little chance of getting a job he told him. Timothy nodded in agreement knowing that full well. He revealed that Eileen, Sarahs best friend and companion of theirs, was now studying nursing in Dublin and that the Linnane family who took their dog Shep, had moved away. Shep he found out had died from poison he picked up in McCoys farm. Matthew was fuming on hearing this. If I ever get hold of that miserable bastard I wont be responsible he said cursing his old adversary. They had a good chat about the neighbourhood and the town and it wasnt long before the conversation got around to girls. Stephen had his eye on someone as usual but like Matthew and Timothy he was not going out with anyone. They talked about the Rose Of Tralee festival that was due to begin that week. Stephen told them that there would be dances held at the Brandon hotel that weekend. Matthew suggested that maybe they should meet up and go there. He could see by Stephens expression that money; or rather the lack of it was his problem. He offered to lend him some, but Stephens pride would not allow. You go and enjoy yourself, youre on holiday, he said to him. Matthew was hit by the word holiday and thought to himself, my God Im on a visit to my own street, in my own town, in my own country, looking across the road at my own house. There was something unreal about it. He just wanted to cross the road and walk in the back entrance into the kitchen and be greeted by Bridget. It saddened him greatly that he could not. Stephen told him it was a couple with two young children that had taken up residence there since they left. Matthews visit there was now beginning to make him downhearted and he felt the urge to leave. The pain of leaving, that great wrench called emigration that had torn him and his family away from where he instinctively felt they belonged, was he discovered, still very raw. He told Stephen he might call to see him another day but he never did. He hardly spoke a word to Timothy on the bus journey back to Listowel. He did however; resolve to enjoy the rest of his visit as best he could. He and Timothy went to dances in Tralee and the seaside resort of Ballybunnion and had a great time. Matthew thought the social life in Ireland was fantastic. Show bands with as many as eight members played at the dance halls that were crowded with the most beautiful girls he had ever seen. Everybody seemed to be having so much fun. How he wished he could have been part of it all. One day, it being a fine sunny morning, he joined Timothy in walking the two racing greyhounds owned by Gerry his brother in law. They took a route up a steep narrow lane, with the dogs practically pulling them up by their leads. Timothy entered a familiar gap in a hedge and they released the hounds and let them run at great speed through a large field. They both sat on a grass mound taking in the day. It was one of those late Irish fine days when the air was as clear as the sky. For some reason it became the abiding memory of that holiday for Matthew, even though he had met a girl at a dance and had kissed her overlooking the beach at Ballybunnion. It was he knew, that sense of freedom, that sense of space and peace and quietness that had left him for some time, that he missed the most. To Matthew, Ireland was a childhood fantasy he never wanted to grow out of and England was the reality that took it away.

He wished he could hold on to time but knew he could not. Even things and people were changing there he discerned as was he unconsciously. He hated change full stop and always maintained that nothing changed for the better. He felt very unsettled on his return but as he had to, adapted to the reality of the situation that was not of his making. He worked right up to the start of the new term at college that he was now looking forward to. He would go for a drink with some of the gang in Slough including Ivan sometimes, although Ivan was not a great drinker. The only thing about going back to academic life he disliked would be the lack of money again. He said he would give it this final year and depending on exam results would take it from there. He envied his Irish friends who were working and always had money in their pockets and enjoyed themselves every weekend. He also began to think about the fact that if he wanted to follow a teaching career, it would involve a few years at university after he finished college. As it was, he felt he was missing out on the social life with his friends. When the summer money he had earned ran out and he was back to working only at weekends he would often buy a quarter bottle of whiskey, that would fit in his pocket. He would drink it in his bedroom unknown to Bridget or anyone else. It would make him feel better for a while, like an aspirin he thought to himself. That year he learned that his friends Marcus Joyce and Michael Mannion had joined a group called the Young Christian Workers that was presided over by a young enthusiastic Catholic curate called Father Donovan who was new to the parish. It was an organisation that was set up to spiritually guide young people who had left secondary school and were either working or in further education. They held meetings one evening a week; ironically as Matthew found out on joining, at a room in St. Josephs, their old school in Slough. Older teenagers both male and female attended it and discussions and debate between them and Father Donovan who was young himself, were very lively and interesting to say the least. Subjects ranged from contraception to beliefs in general and anyone could bring up any subject or opinion they liked. Father Donovan was very versed in the problems that young people and in particular young Catholic people, had to face in all aspects of life. One week he told them there was a retreat arranged for them and members of other branches. It took place at a monastery outside the village of Aylesford in Kent. For the three Ms as they sometimes jokingly called themselves it was a bit of an adventure. The fact that many girls their age would be attending had not escaped their notice. The ancient stone monastery was everything they could imagine. They ate with the monks in a huge hall heated by the largest log fire they had ever seen. The weekend consisted of prayer, reflection, and of course Mass. It was during the long leisure periods that people began to meet and Saturday was a free day to do what they liked. Matthew heard a blonde girl talking to another in an Irish accent and said to her youre a long way from home. So are you by the sound of it she replied smiling. He talked to her and they agreed to meet up on the Saturday and explore the nearest town called Maidstone. Marcus observing this with Michael said to him how the hell do you do it. Your only here five minutes and youve got a date in a bloody monastery. After laughing Matthew explained to them as best he could. He told them that he found being in girls company came naturally to him. Maybe, he surmised that it was the fact that his childhood was spent with his sister Sarah or that he was just a natural born flirt.

Either way he told them he didnt really know or care and was looking forward to Saturday. Before setting out on the date he suddenly realised that after paying for the trip he was a little short of cash and asked Marcus if he would lend him some money. He being a good friend, did, but said, I want to know all the details, seeing as Im bloody well paying for it. Matthew hired a rowing boat and he and Mary Kelly who was originally from County Offaly spent a sun kissed afternoon on the river in the town. She told him it was very romantic and before long they kissed the hours away. They spent the rest of the weekend in each others company and talked about each others lives. He found out that she was living with her older sister in Brighton on the south coast and working in a hotel there. At the end of the retreat they exchanged addresses as people often do but neither of them for their own reasons ever got in touch. Bridget asked Matthew on his return what he thought of the retreat, explaining that she and Joe went on a couple of them in Ireland when they had first met. Really he said, but added that he had found it very enlightening. Bridget was delighted that he was taking an interest in things spiritual. Thinking that there were a lot worse things that teenagers were getting up to in these times. That same summer aunt Bettys daughter Kathleen, a niece of Joe and Bridgets and first cousin of the children arrived from Ireland. She came to get a summer job and stayed with Joes brother Brian. It had been a few years since Matthew and Sarah had seen her and she would not have been remembered by the younger ones in the family they being so young when they lived close to them in Dublin. They all came to know her some for the first time and others again. She was still very humorous, chatty and witty and Matthew and Sarah were delighted to see her again. A friend and neighbour accompanied her, by the name of Monica. Soon they were both working and were amazed at the amount of jobs that were available in Slough. Kathleen often came around to the OConnor household of a weekend and they all caught up with the news from home. It was during this time that the family dog was in an accident, having been hit by a car. Kes as he was named had broken his hind leg. On seeing him Bridget suggested that an operation by the vet could fix it. Joe on the other hand said that it looked severe and thought he might have to be put down, drawing tears from the younger ones. It was successfully operated on to their delight. Bridget was always the one with the optimistic outlook on any situation as opposed to Joe who could often lean to pessimism. To Bridget, the glass was always half full and to Joe the glass was always half empty. It was not long after the animal had fully recovered that it went missing. Despite looking everywhere for it and asking around and even putting a card in the local Co-Op. Window, they never saw Kes again much to the sadness of the younger ones in particular. Joe refused to entertain the idea of getting another dog, citing that it was not suitable in a street busy with traffic. Bridget concluded that they were not lucky with dogs saying, they were either drowned, lost, poisoned or run over by cars. That year Sarah brought home a new friend of hers she had met at school. Her name was Susan McGinley and she lived at the far end of Slough. She was born in England of Irish parents, as were her sisters and brother. The first time Matthew saw her in their house was when he was studying at the table in the front room one evening.

When he was introduced to her, he knew he had seen her before. It was the cheeky girl he had seen smoking in the loft entrance at St.Josephs school when he had attended there. Every time he looked in her direction that night she grinned at him. It was mannerism that she had because as he had noticed, she smiled with her eyes. As the night grew darker, Sarah asked Matthew if he would mind walking her to the bus stop so that she could make her way home. He agreed, but scolded her for dropping him in it. As they walked there, they both found making conversation difficult as they did not know each other. It came out in dribs and drabs with her saying how much she liked their house. Matthew couldnt resist telling her how he remembered the smoking incident a couple of years ago at that school. How did you remember that? She said. I never forget a face or an expression, he told her. He also recalled how she had jet-black hair in a certain light and grey blue eyes. He noticed that she had eye make up that sparkled and thought it a bit advanced for her age. She asked him how he was getting on at college and he enquired how things were at St. Josephs, he not that interested in his former school, feeling that he had moved on in life since then. The bus came and she went smiling. He concluded that he had never seen anyone smile as much. One day, soon after that, he bumped into a former school friend in Slough High Street. It was none other than his old comrade Peter Ahern. He was with his girlfriend whom he introduced as Annett. What are you doing in this neck of the woods? Matthew said. Dont mention woods, Peter said. A joke that only the two of them could understand. After a brief conversation they disappeared into the crowd. Matthew never saw him again after that. Another day he spotted the first boy he ever hit at St.Josephs linking arms with a red head on the same street. Time has definitely moved on he thought. He and Ivan had by this time had met another lad who was an ex- St.Josephs man called Anthony Cantwell. He was one of the few like them who had opted or qualified for college from that former institution, most of who had taken up employment or a trade on leaving. He was a very well read, intelligent young man who to Matthews delight had a great knowledge of Ireland for one born in England of the inevitable Irish parents. The three of them often met up on their way to and from college. He had been to Ireland on holidays on a few occasions with his family and loved it. He once said to Matthew I feel sorry for you having to come from a beautiful place like that to a congested place like this. Matthew knew the point he was making, in that he and Ivan were cushioned by the fact that they were born and brought up in Slough. In their many often-deep conversations, they concluded that they shared one common thread. It was that most of the time they were penniless students, bereft of female company for that reason. They envied former school friends who were working and earning and dating girls. But before they knew it the Christmas of 67 had arrived and the holiday with it. They all took consolation in the fact that the next term at college would be the final one for them and beyond that was speculation. It was as busy a Christmas as ever for the OConnor clan with many decorations, much food, many toys and lots of visitors.

Sarah by now was maturing and fashion conscious with her clothes and smart backcombed hairstyle. Bernadette had lost her ringlets, that Bridget prized so much and had grown her hair long. She too was beginning to blossom as was young Nancy. Patrick was starting to sprout and was beginning to assert his own personality. He and Nancy being close in age began to forge a close friendship. Once Bernadette got a guitar that year there was no stopping her playing and singing her beloved folk songs. With Patrick getting a toy set of drums, the volume certainly increased that festive season. Matthew began to grow his hair and his side burns a little longer as was becoming the fashion at that time. He was becoming more fashion conscious in general and wished he had the money to buy the latest designs in clothes and footwear that he saw in the shops. It was during their last term at college that Ivan revealed to Matthew what he would like to do in life. He seemed hesitant at first to tell him, feeling he might be the subject of ridicule. I want to take up nursing, he said as if it was something that he had wanted to get off his chest for some time. Nursing Matthew said, unable to prevent himself from laughing. I knew youd laugh Ivan said, annoyed at his response. Is there something your trying to tell me? Matthew scoffed. Havent you heard of male nurses? Ivan exclaimed. There arent many to the dozen Ill give you that, but they do exist, as Ive found out, he added. Your deadly serious, arent you? Matthew enquired to which the answer yes came. Ivan told him that he wanted to help people and be in contact with many people on a daily basis. Matthew realized that he had put a great deal of thought into it and had found a potential path in life. He envied him in a sense, he revealing to him that at that point he was considering a teaching career but was not as certain about it as he seemed to be. It would mean three more bloody years of study he confided in him. What youre considering would take you into a hospital environment from the start Matthew said. As for me it would mean more years of academia and scraping by he added. Im getting tired of just studying Ivan, he said. Ill see how I do in this years exams and decide from there, he concluded. It was during the Christmas break that year that Bridget made an interesting revelation to the children during a conversation about her side of the family. It concerned two of her aunts on her mothers side. They were two spinsters who had emigrated to New York a long time ago and had amassed property that was worth a fortune. When the last one of them died there was no sons or daughters to leave it to. She told them that she and her family did not have the money to pursue a claim on a contested will at the time they lived in Dublin. She told them that cousins of hers named Carneys, who were farmers, managed to secure a sizable part of it, they having money to engage in a legal battle. God knows we could have done with even a little bit of it at the time she told them. They all sat in the kitchen practically hating the name and people they had only heard of for the first time. Margaret, frequently her co-storyteller, interjected saying, money goes to money dear, and thats the way of the world. Matthew was enraged on hearing the story, knowing that such an inheritance could have changed their lives, and that consequently they might not ever have had to leave Ireland. He was incensed to become aware of the fact that others better equipped than them, had affectedly

decided their destiny. They had exploited their weak economic situation and ignored them in pursuit of their own gain. Soon the summer of 68 had arrived. It was the era of Hippies, Flower Power, Peace and Love and everyone was singing about California. Events took place that were called Happenings, where large numbers of young people would gather playing music, smoking cannabis, and proclaiming world peace and eternal love and brotherhood of man. It was when the term Man became quite a popular word for addressing someone. One such event took place in Montem Park one weekend. All that could in the local Irish families of the area attended. Bridget surprisingly came along with them, her curiosity being aroused. Joe as often happened, was working that day and had once remarked that an airport never sleeps. They dont seem very jolly about the whole thing, Bridget remarked on viewing the spectacle. Well you have realize that most of them are English Matthew said. This is as jolly as they get, he added, at which she smiled. Matthew always felt that the Hippie reference to Love was more induced by drugs than sentiment. It was during the same summer of Peace that the horror story of the assassination of Robert Kennedy, the brother of the slain president John took place. It was another major affront on Irish people all over the world and felt just as painfully by the Irish in Slough. Once more prayers were said at Mass for the now familiar tragic family. Even though this event took place thousand of miles away, Irish people in Slough as elsewhere in Britain, took it personally. To them it was a repeat of John Kennedys murder and felt like an attack on their identity. It left them seething with anger and feelings of vulnerability. By the end of the summer of Flower Power both Matthew, Ivan and their other ex- St. Josephs compatriot, Anthony had all passed their exams and even Bridget didnt begrudge them celebrating with a few pints. They felt a sense of achievement and camaraderie, of which the Irish thread that bound them was the common denominator. Even much ridiculed St.Josephs, was looked favourably upon in retrospect. Ivan was free to follow his Nursing Career, and Anthony his Accountancy Career. Matthew had enough qualifications to apply for a place in university for a teachers training course. He had his heart set on a place in the Catholic St. Marys college in London but on application found to his consternation that the particular Arts and Literature course was full up and that he would have to apply elsewhere. After much seeking and having not made applications sooner he found that even Reading University, not too far from them was also full for that particular course. He eventually found that the only place that seemed to have a place was Leeds University. Leeds he exclaimed, thats in Yorkshire, the other end of the bloody country. Bridget suggested that he should take it, as it would be uncertain when another such course would be available. He began to think of how he would keep himself going financially, perhaps working nights he thought. But from what he heard work was not quite as plentiful up there. Even with the students grant, it would be tight he contemplated. He began thinking of the distance it was from Slough, his family and friends and became more and more despondent about the idea. The idea of being so far away from things and people he had come to know once more, did not appeal to him. One day he confided in his Irish friend Marcus who was happily working in Slough.

Its not the end of the world if you dont go Matthew he said to him. For some reason that day after much soul searching he told Bridget that it wasnt for him. She could not hide her disappointment at first, knowing that he had studied so hard but told him that there were many more opportunities out there that he could avail of. Looks like you wont be getting rid of me just yet, he said to her. Providing you dont regret it one day dear, Bridget said, wondering why he was not pursuing what she perceived to be his dream. Youd have made a good teacher, she concluded with almost a look of sorrow in her eyes. He then dedicated himself to looking for a job in Slough. It was where his family lived, where his friends lived, and it was close to where many of his relatives dwelt. Even though it was not a town that set his heart alight, it was all he had, all they had. Fortune or rather misfortune had brought them there and he became reconciled to the fact that it was fated. The previous couple of years had been quite good compared to the ones that had gone before he concluded and God help us all he thought, home is where you make it, especially when youve no choice. There were a few employment agencies in the town but it was through an advertisement in the local paper called the Slough Observer that he saw an opportunity that was to get him his first real job as he called it. It was as a bank clerk with a bank in the High Street, which was only a short walk from the house. Bridget seemed to be pleasantly taken back when he got the job, as he had not told anyone of the interview. She made a big thing of telling everyone she could, including relatives in Ireland on the phone. What is the bloody big deal with working in a bank Matthew asked her. She explained to him that in Ireland in particular, it was on par with being a priest, a guard, a council representative or someone in the medical profession. Im just a clerk, he said, not a bank manager. Does that put Ivan in an elevated position because hes training to be a blooming nurse? A male nurse she corrected him, and a very noble vocation at that. I give up, he said realizing what he had long suspected, that his mother was developing a distinctly obvious snobbish streak. No wonder, he thought that she relished being a councillor herself. It was a situation that was not lost on anyone, including those in Ireland. Maybe it was the scenario of immigrants made good, like the Irish Americans he concluded. But what would we call ourselves he contemplated, the Anglo Irish, the Irish English, the Hibernian English or just expatriates. He saw that identity could or would become a mindset for people like themselves in the future. His identity like that of his parents was very secure in that they were emphatically Irish and he believed they always would be. But for the rest of them and a generation that would follow he was not so sure. After all, some of his experiences at St.Josephs school on arrival had taught him a lot about crises of identity and the animosity that could arise from it. He noticed the resentment of the English in Slough generally, of the arrival of a large and expanding Asian population in the town. They were by far the largest group of people to migrate to the area. They were both from India and Pakistan, but for some reason the derogatory term used by the English to describe them was Paki or Pakis in plural. The long established term used by the indigenise population to describe the Irish was of course Paddy or Paddys. Blacks would have been the most polite name to describe arrivals from the West Indies. All migrants who settled not only in Slough but also in the rest of England would have to dwell on

the survival or not of their culture and their identity at some time or another he contemplated. It would also be the case in the future he thought, that the English themselves would feel that their identity was threatened. He soon assumed his lofty position as a bank clerk. It was a small branch with only six in staff, including him. Four were male and the other two comprised of an older lady and a pretty young blonde girl, who got plenty of attention from the opposite sex. The male staff was obliged to wear white shirts only and be of smart attire. Matthew noticed that some customers seemed surprised to find somebody Irish working in a bank. This was also reflected by one of the staff called Jeffery who said to him on his first day I half expected to see you arrive with a shovel. If I did, your head would not be still sitting on your shoulders Matthew replied. He now knew that the English had a stereotypical view of his nationality. It was obviously fashioned by the large number of Irish manual building workers who had come to reconstruct the Blitzed England after the war. Matthew made the point to the same colleague that if they hadnt done so, large swathes of English cities would still lie in rubble. Matthew knew by now knew that this form of reproach, from a minority, let it be said, was something that he and his kind would have to deal with on a regular basis. It was not left behind at school as he now knew but was part of the workplace and social aspects of life in this country. A lot of the time he would ignore what he regarded as silly remarks and get on with the job he was being paid for. He had to wait for what seemed forever for his first wage as it was paid monthly. He drew out cash from his newly opened bank account of which he was quiet proud and gave Bridget a regular contribution towards the household, feeling very adult for the first time. He felt he had at last entered the real world. A world removed from the daydream land of student days. He now had money to spend at the weekends, which he looked forward to with relish. His first ports of call were unsurprisingly the local Irish managed pubs. He loved the atmosphere among his own kind and started to make many more friends in the Irish community. He caught up with his old pals Marcus Joyce and Michael Mannion and began to socialise with them regularly. The social scene was not just confined to the pub. There were dances at local school halls and the first of the parties he attended. No alcohol was served at parish hall hops as they called them, but that did not stop them having a few drinks at a nearby pub beforehand. A huge fight broke out at one of these venues one Saturday night, due to over consumption of drink by a few lads prior to the dance. It was in a parish hall and the parish priest who was irate witnessed the aftermath. During the fracas Matthew was playing the piano in one of the corridors trying to impress a couple of girls who were listening. Marcus and Michael gave him the details of what happened Trust me to miss all the action, he told them. It was bad enough without you being involved Marcus said to him, making him laugh. The priest condemned the behaviour of those involved from the pulpit at Sunday Mass. He also announced that it was the end of such Saturday night venues at St. Anthonys parish hall. It was about this time, as luck would have it, that some enterprising individuals from the Slough Irish community, managed to arrange a Saturday night dance at the main ballroom in the town called the Carlton. The management of the establishment agreed to give it a go on a trial run.

It was an overwhelming success, with people coming not only from the town but also from areas many miles away. There was simply a huge gap in the market from Irish people in the area, many of them young, with money to spend. Matthew and his friends loved it. It was only a short walk from their favourite pub in the centre of the town. On Saturday night, they and the pub crowd would follow on to the dance. It was a large dancehall and became packed on what was called Irish Night or Paddys Night by the English. Strangely enough some English did attend now and again, either out of curiosity, or simply because it got the reputation of being a lively fun night out. The bands that played there were big and professional and some were touring showbands from Ireland. It was on par with the vibrant dancehalls in Ireland as they all knew and was now part of what they had made home from home. It was at this venue that Matthew met up again with four other Irish lads of his age group that he knew from the other local hops. They were all born in Ireland and had emigrated to England like him with their families when they were young. Matthew found a great sense of camaraderie with them and enduring friendship. Two were brothers called Eamon and Vincent Halloran. Eamon became the comedian of the group, with his fantastic natural wit. Vincent was a secret writer of love songs. They were both from Marcuss native county Galway as was their neighbour Roddy Mulrooney who dabbled in poetry. The other lad was the shyer Mark Mullins from county Carlow, but he had the looks and was the girl magnet of the group. It felt more sophisticated and mature than the smaller venues they were used to. The worst thing that could happen to any young male was to be refused a dance after asking a girl. Even worse than that, was being observed, being refused by one of your friends and even worst than that, was the ridicule you would have to endure from your friends afterwards. It was something they would all get used to and laugh about later on the way home. The other lads in the group lived at the other end of the town and would mainly head home after midnight, leaving Matthew, Marcus and Michael, known to themselves as the three Ms, often visiting the late opening Chinese restaurant. There they would finish off the night, sharing a bottle of wine between them with their meal. On the way home they would talk about girls they had met and danced with and compared notes. In the early hours of any given Sunday morning, they thought they were kings of the world. They were young and free with money to spend and life to enjoy. It was Michael out of the three of them that was to meet and go steady with an Irish girl called Breda. After he had been going out with her for a couple of months, Matthew met him and Marcus at a dance. It was the first time that Matthew had ever seen him drunk. He was a modest drinker at best. Marcus was consoling him for reasons that Matthew did not understand. He took him aside and told him that Michaels girlfriend Breda had become pregnant. All was suddenly clear to Matthew who noticed that Michael was there on his own. He had a lot to think about. From the look on his face they could both see that perhaps his life had in some way been laid out for him now. As time progressed Matthew and Marcus met an even wider circle of friends at the venues they

attended. Sadly Michael who was good fun was more often missing from their company, he now being engaged and soon to be married. Luckily for him it was to be a happy union. In the summertime trips were organized from the local pub and a coach would be hired to take a crowd of them to a seaside venue like Brighton on the south coast that would involve a whole days trip of a weekend. These were great fun and a break from the usual social routine to enjoy the sea air. Many an unexpected friendship and romance evolved from such outings. Other such trips involved Irish sporting events either locally or in London. The Irish sporting fraternity in Slough had by now formed a hurling team known as St.Mels. Matthew attended a training a few training sessions with them, but alas Gaelic Football, ironically was his game, although having been born in a Hurling county. Sarah by now had finished her education and had also taken up a job as a bank clerk in a different bank from Matthew. Bridget was over the moon about the fact that her siblings had entered such a profession as she put it. They often conferred with each other about their employment experiences. She and her friend Marie were now also part of the social scene at the weekends that was expanding rapidly. It often began on a Friday night at the pub called The Rising Sun that was run by an Irish couple. There was a good atmosphere, plenty of drink and singing of Irish songs. Matthew often gave a rendition and sometimes Sarah could be persuaded to as well. There was a good singer; a recently arrived young man from Dublin called Sean Slattery who became a regular during these sessions as they became known. It was at this pub that Matthew, Sarah and their friends met some brothers from Galway called Pat and Frank Kenny, who were also to become an integral part of the growing Irish scene in Slough. Their older brother John was a building sub-contractor and employer in the town. It was an industry in which the Irish had established themselves in England. Sarah often danced with Pat whom she liked, even though he had a reputation for being a bit of a womaniser. One Saturday night Matthew came upon them kissing in the garage when he arrived home late. It had been a long time since he had got one over on Sarah and he relished the moment of her embarrassment. One day Sarah discretely called Matthew aside saying Mums not well. Whats wrong? he asked nervously. Its womens problems, she said. Shes going to have to undergo a hysterectomy, she added. What the hells that? he asked. Sarah explained that she had been bleeding and went to the doctor, who sent her to the hospital and they said they would have to remove her womb. She quelled his distress by telling him that apart from being week for a while she would be all right. Margaret asked them both to shoulder some of the household chores with her until she became better. They could all see that Joe was a bit down. Whenever he was, he could be a bit short tempered without meaning to be. Matthew found it difficult to approach her on the subject, as she must have him. He simply said to her, I hope everything will be O.K. Mum? Thankfully everything was. When Bridget had fully recovered she and Joe went on another weekend trip to Dublin. By this time Margaret, Matthew and Sarah, primarily, were well able to hold the fort. During the weekend Matthew and Sarah invited friends around for some drinks.

Before they knew it word got around and they ended up with a house full of people and it ended up a late night party. Most of them brought drink and some musical instruments and it developed into a great sing song. Matthew played the spoons in rhythm to the good musicians until his fingers were raw. He sang some Irish songs he knew and was getting quite used to performing for an audience. Sarah also sang and it was one of those great Irish nights. Someone however, did manage to put a crack in one of the front windows by accident when trying to open it and someone else got sick on the carpet. The carpet they cleaned afterwards but the crack in the window was not lost on Joe on their return. They learned from Bridget, that their brother Baby Luke had not been well and that the problem was with his stomach. He was now in his teens and his lack of physical development was now beginning to affect him. It had marred what was otherwise pleasant trip for Joe and her to his sister Bettys. Bridget would often ring her, as she and her husband Mick would visit him in the home for the handicapped. Both she and Joe could never thank them enough for their kindness in doing this. The next biggest event at that time was the visit to England of Joes parents Momma and Dadda. They came by train and boat because Dadda had an innate fear of flying. Momma on the other hand would have willingly flown and made a point of it when arriving after a much longer journey. Joe was as excited as a child about their visit. They stayed as arranged at his sister Maureens house in Windsor. There was no room for a cat at Joes house as he put it. It was from their base at Maureens that they visited the family locally and saw the family in London. Joe decided before they came to redecorate the front room and asked Matthews opinion in relation to the dcor. It was the first time that Matthew could consciously remember Joe asking his opinion about anything. He guessed correctly that it was Bridget that suggested it, with the emphasis on he being artistic. He suggested after some thought, that three of the walls be painted white, to make the small room look bigger and that the fireplace wall should have red embossed wallpaper as a focal point. Joe completed the task and everyone including Bridget was delighted with the result. You could have talent as an interior designer, Bridget said to Matthew, a remark he took as a compliment. Spurred on by this, he went on to paint his bedroom two different shades, considering it his theme. The house was cleaned from top to bottom, or as cleaned as it was possible to get it, with all the bodies that occupied it. Clothes, shoes, musical instruments and even toys suddenly found miraculous hiding places and a verbal warning for them to remain there was put in place. The house seemed eerily tidy and unnatural to them all. The children greeted their grandparents with joy and Joe as always, seemed to revert to childhood himself in their presence. Bridget had cooked something special and before long a lot of catching up was entered into. Momma and Dadda commented on how much the children had grown and were introduced for the first time to Declan, the youngest, whom they had not seen. Momma would sometimes doze off during conversations in the front room. She like Dadda was getting older and this had been a long and busy journey for both of them. Matthew and Sarah had many questions about the cousins they had left behind and found out to there envy that they visited them often. The younger ones memories of their grandparents were revived by the visit. Momma complimented Bridget and Joe on their new home and how well they had got on since

leaving in such harsh circumstances. It gave Bridget and particularly Joe a sense of pride and achievement that they had certainly earned. Bridget learned that Momma sometimes found life quite lonely at times at home, with the bulk of her family having now emigrated. Theres an awful quietness about the place sometimes she had told her. Bridget drew on the irony of it and swore she would never moan again about clutter or crowdedness. Dadda was his usual jolly self except for the fact that he had suffered constipation during the whole trip, it being out of sequence with the familiar, orderly life that he lived. Like all visits it was short lived and like all goodbyes it was laced with tears. Matthew and Sarah were now enjoying their social lives and meeting with plenty of other young people. So much so, that Sarah was having the odd date, as was Matthew. It was about this time that Sarah met the brother of Susan McGinley her former school friend, at a local dance. Sarah didnt know when she first met him that he was related to her friend. It was in conversation that Sarah described to Susan that she had met this really nice chap at the dance. Thats my brother your talking about Susan said to her in disbelief. His name was Martin and he was the only son in the family. He was a few years older than her, about which Bridget initially had some reservations but on meeting him realized he was a gentleman. She was only sixteen when she met him. He was in many ways a little shy, having asked his sister Susan to put in a good word for him with Sarah. What he didnt know was that Sarah quite liked him when they first met at a local dance. In no time he asked her out and they started to date. Ironically Matthew also met a girl at a party who was a sister of one of his friends called Mark Mullins. She was a pretty fair-haired girl called Kate who was two years older than him. He asked to meet her again and they began going out together. It was both Matthews and Sarahs first real relationships and reflected the shared patterns of their lives once more. Sarah became a regular visitor to the McGinley household as Matthew did to the Mullinss. The strange thing was, that the two families that they had come to know, lived quite near to each other on the western edge of Slough. And within the confines of the Slough Irish community, it was often quite possible that they would end up at the same dance, pub or party, with their respective partners, unintentionally. Kate was Irish born, as were all her family and although Martin and his sisters were born in Slough, their parents were both Irish. Kate lived at home with her parents, two brothers and their grandmother. She also had an older sister that was married and lived some distance away. Their family story was a reflection of Matthews in that they also had to leave Ireland to make a living for all of them. He could not have felt more at home with them and was made welcome. Matthew felt a little awkward at first when he would call around for Kate because of his friendship with her brother Mark. Its like a little village around here, when you think of the Irish community Matthew once said to Sarah, who agreed. In no time Matthew got to know the Mullins family. Kate was a great kisser and could spend hours at it. Matthew once commented that she could kiss for Ireland.

Late one night when they were doing exactly that, Matthew heard a thumping sound coming from the ceiling above them. What the hells that? he said to Kate. Take no notice, she said. Thats my grandmother banging on the floor with her walking stick, she explained. What for? Matthew asked. I think shes telling you its time to go, she answered. Shes one of the old school and its her way of acting like a chaperon in case were getting up to no good down here she said laughing. Matthew initially saw the funny side of it, but as he was to find out, it became a regular occurrence. This was like something Joe and Bridget would experience in their time he thought. In fact he remembered Bridget and Margaret laughing over the constraints that were placed on courtship years ago. As for finding a quiet place at home, it would be impossible he concluded. He remembered the time that he and Ivan talked about renting a flat but nothing came of it. He hardly saw him at all since they left college. He learned through the grapevine that he was dating an English girl and it was therefore inevitable that their paths would not cross socially. Matthew had immersed himself in the Irish community, something about which Ivan was only lukewarm. Many a weekend night Matthew would meet Kate at a pub called The Three Tonnes, where she worked on Saturdays. It was only a short walk from where he lived. He often wondered why she needed the extra money but concluded that it was none of his business. He did notice however, that she was always dressed in the finest of clothes and accessories. There were times when he wondered if they were really going anywhere. It was about this time that something happened that was to answer his question. Sarah had secured an invitation for him to attend her boyfriend Martins birthday party, the aftermath of which ended up at his house. Matthew as agreed, went with Kate. It was at this venue that he first met the other members of Martins family. He knew his sister Susan from the few times that she had visited Sarah. The one thing he noticed apart from their mother and father was the fact that they all had black hair and varying shades of blue grey eyes. The father whose name was Sean was a very hospitable man, who made people feel at ease with his enthusiastic welcome. He had a strong Northern Irish accent and made a point of identifying himself as a Catholic Nationalist. His wife Catherine was a petite auburn haired woman, whose accent although dulled by long residence in England was very familiar to Matthew. It was a Kerry brogue and Matthew learned that she was from the Dingle Peninsula near where they had lived. They had two other daughters, Jessica the eldest who was married to an Englishman named Marvin. They and their young son lived with his mother in London. The youngest was a girl called Monica. As the night progressed Matthew noticed that Susan whom he had met before was looking at him and for reasons that he could not explain, he found himself looking more and more at her. It was though a magnetic field was developing between them. At one stage he could feel his face begin to flush. The more it did, the more she smiled at him seductively. He found it strangely exciting, even though it was embarrassing at times as he was there with Kate. Fortunately, she had not seemed to notice.

In the darkness of his bedroom in what were the early hours of the next morning he lay awake thinking about it. What was it he thought that he had somehow not seen in her when meeting her before? It was a question that only time would answer. He found himself asking Sarah questions about her, without trying to be too obvious. He would do so by asking about all of the family. He learned that she had been going out with a chap called Trevor who was a member of an army band serving with the British army who was a few years older than her. On enquiring he found out that he was now stationed in Germany with the British forces in the protected zone in West Berlin, but had been serving prior to that with the Guards regiment at Windsor Castle nearby. Thats how he and Susan had met locally, Matthew concluded. He did however; learn that he was originally from Dorset in the south of England. He was beginning to embarrass himself by continually asking questions that were really directed at Susan. Sarah once said to him is there something youre trying to tell me Matthew? to which he instantly replied no. He decided there and then not to enquire any more but always found himself listening to any conversation regarding the McGinleys. Sarahs boyfriend Martin would call for her regularly and the entire OConnor household were beginning to get to know him gradually. A more pleasant young man you would not meet on this earth, Bridget called him. Martin had a car that he would pick her up in. It was old, second hand, but it did the job as he once remarked to Joe, who had great time for him. Matthews friend Marcus had once said to him you need the car if you want the girl. It was then that Matthew decided to take some driving lessons with a school of motoring. He took a few; too few in fact, and never seemed to gain confidence. He was a nervous wreck before and during each lesson, a fact that he admitted to no one and very soon lapsed altogether. The thing that added to his demise was that you could walk to anywhere in the town, they being so centrally placed. By this time he was fed up working in the stuffy atmosphere of the bank and its promise of better pay, as you got further up the ladder in the future. The future is now he declared to himself and he decided to do something about it. He knew that Slough was littered with jobs and opportunities and one in the local newspaper caught his eye. They were paying nearly twice what he was earning as a junior clerk and he applied for it. It was a clerical job working in an engineering factory in the industrial estate and only walking distance from where they lived. Bridget was concerned that he might have left a career behind, but admired his initiative. He found the atmosphere much more relaxed and the staff friendlier. The job was a piece of cake compared to the bank he told Bridget who was aware of his now more sunny disposition. He did conclude however, that his grounding in the bank had stood to him. The opportunities in this town are amazing she once remarked. It was about this time at the beginning of one weekend when Martin had come around to visit Sarah, that Matthew who had been playing his guitar in his bedroom, heard a voice that he knew from down stairs. It was Susans and although the house was crowded he had still discerned that it was hers. For reasons unknown to him his feet turned to jelly and he found himself suddenly fixing his hair in the mirror and wondering if the clothes he was wearing were presentable. God get real, he said to himself as he descended the stairs.

Although it was painfully obvious to him that he was very attracted to her, he was in denial because of his relationship with Kate. On seeing her in the front room he nodded saying a quiet hello as he did to Martin. Congratulations on your new job she said to him before he could speak. News travels fast he replied, knowing it came from Sarah, who should have been a reporter he thought. He could feel his face begin to flush, partly by guilt but mostly by attraction. He was trying to fathom out by himself why she was actually there but knew he didnt care. Before long they were engaged in conversation, with nobody taking much notice of them in a crowded room. He learned that she worked as a receptionist in company also in the Slough Trading Estate. Sounds like a nice job he said to her, nervously keeping up the conversation, while all the time looking back at her blue grey eyes that peered out smiling from beneath a fringe of the straightest black hair he had ever seen. It was at another similar gathering that they met again and found themselves alone, when what seemed inevitable happened. They kissed, it just happened. The desire to do so had simply overwhelmed them both. He found her kiss both sensual and very sexual. Before he knew it he had asked to see her again. They met of their own accord next time and entered into deep conversation. She was aware of the fact that he was dating Kate and asked him about it. He told her that he was tired of their relationship and had contemplated ending it several times. He asked her about her situation with her boyfriend Trevor and she assured him that it was over. He vowed that night that he would tell Kate whom he was to meet that Saturday evening at the pub where she worked. He was very pensive on meeting her that evening and drank a few pints trying to sum up the courage to tell her, wondering how she would take it. He felt an absolute louse for doing it as she had done nothing wrong. He concluded that it was much harder to finish a relationship than to start one. He told her the truth, that he had met someone else. Her poor face changed from being sorrowful to almost downright angry when she learned that it was Susan, whose house she had once visited with him. Why? she said, with tearful eyes. Its just the way it is, he said, feeling awful about it. Why? indeed he said to himself in bed that night, wondering if he had done the right thing. Kate was a fine girl he knew, the kind of girl you could marry. He knew she had more feelings for him than he had for her and felt unworthy of her love. He found Susan strangely exciting and mysterious and wanted to know more about her. The next thing he would have to do as would she, was to tell both Sarah and Martin in particular that they were now going out together. The situation was that a brother and sister were now dating a brother and sister. Sarah seemed a little shocked at first saying when did this happen? It was strange really, as it practically happened right under her nose. But like all things in life it soon became routine. Sarah did say once to Matthew, what if it didnt work out for one of us, wouldnt you or I find it extremely awkward? Matthew was oblivious to her remark because all he could think of at that time was Susan. Tact was a word that was not in Sarahs dictionary and she would shoot from the hip as far as remarks were concerned. With Matthew, life was a dream that had to be dreamt and he would always follow his heart wherever it led him.

They both found themselves in the bosom of the McGinley family and many a weekend evening was spent talking, debating, playing music and singing. Matthew would often bring his guitar and entertain them, trying to impress Susan in particular who told him he had a great voice. Susan invited Matthew to her local pub called The Red Lion, which was only a few Minutes walk from her house. Martin and Sarah often went there of a weekend. It was at this point that he began to meet some of her friends. He noticed that all of them were English, save for some that were possibly first generation Irish, going by their names. Her favourite drink was port and a dash of lemonade, known as port and lemon. That night as he was at the bar, drinking his usual pint, when Susan had gone to the ladies, a woman approached him. Her accent was distinctly Irish, midlands he guessed. She asked him if he was Irish and he answered yes. She lent over and said in a loud whisper watch her. You seem like a nice lad, she added. But believe me, Im telling you, be wary of her she warned him. Before he could answer her Susan had approached them. What did she say? she said to him as the woman walked away. Matthew told her with considerable embarrassment. He could see that her face had reddened with anger. Take no notice of her, shes always stirring it up with someone, she said. They were having a good night and Matthew did not want to spoil it by enquiring more. Susan kissed him passionately that night as if trying to reassure him. As he lay in his bed that night Matthew could not help wondering why a complete stranger would walk up to him at a bar, given the first opportunity, and say something like that. He did not dwell on it long as he was intensely attracted to her and realized he had feelings for her. He would often get a lift home with Martin and Sarah of a weekend night after kissing Susan goodbye and would leave them in the car to do the same. He often cursed the fact that he didnt have a car himself for the privacy it offered a couple. During the week he would often use a public telephone box to phone Susan at work in order to have a private conversation, which would be impossible on the house phone in the hall, with someone passing or wanting to use it continuously. They would often go to the cinema and sit in the rear seats like many young couples and enjoy the limited intimacy it afforded. Matthew invited Susan to a Saturday night out at his local. It was of course an Irish pub and the music and banter was of Irish culture. He noticed that she did not seem to feel that comfortable perhaps feeling intimidated in such an atmosphere, despite the fact that he had introduced her to his friends. He further noticed that she liked to drink mainly in her own local or any English orientated venue. Matthew knew that he was entering her world rather than she entering his. He compromised by spending an odd weekend night with his Irish friends. He concluded that way; he could have the best of both worlds. Dancing was another matter however, with most of the best dances around the area being Irish affairs. A lot of first generation born and English people themselves not to mention Poles attended them. One night there was a big gathering at a large hired hall on St.Patricks night that Matthew had invited Susan to. They were having a great time dancing the night away and even kissing intensely during the waltzes. Matthew felt a surge of desire for her that evening, more than he had ever done before.

He realized his feelings for her were becoming deeper. There wasnt a day during the week when he was not thinking about her and wondered if she felt the same. During one dance somebody tapped Matthew on the shoulder. When he turned around it was none other than his old school friend Liz Regan. Im not normally like this, she said, quite clearly a little drunk. You look happy she commented. I havent seen you for a long time she added. This is Liz Matthew said to Susan. I dont care who she is Susan said, I dont want to see her again. Matthew could see that not alone was Susan jealous but so was Liz. He could not help being amused, even though feeling a little awkward about the situation. He was invited as prearranged by the traditional Irish band that night to sing a number with them, which he did, feeling the world was at his feet. Apart from that Susan never left his side for the remainder of the evening and was all over him that night. As he later drifted off to sleep that night, he thought, isnt life funny, and said, thank you Liz. He was however, still very nave in the ways of love and romance. He never quite knew what to do with Susan or how to please her. He never bought her flowers or chocolates but always asked her what she fancied doing of a weekend. She was, he discerned easily pleased in many respects and was happy to do things around their local area. This was just as well he often thought, as without his own transport travelling would be limited. They would sometimes go shopping in Slough to pass a few hours of a Saturday. Even though shopping bored him, he was happy to walk hand in hand with her by his side. One Saturday night they went dancing at the Carlton Ballroom on Irish Night and she said to him Matthew theres something I have to tell you. For a moment his heart stopped, thinking it was something ominous. What? is all he could murmur? I bite my nails, she said. My God, I thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant or something, he said with relief. By now Matthew and all the OConnor clan knew a good many people around Slough and beyond both Irish and those of decent and would often bump into someone they knew while shopping and certainly when socializing. All the younger children now had friends, be it schoolmates or neighbours that they were in regular contact with. Even Matthew was feeling more settled than he had ever been. Those who were working could not but help but be in daily contact with English people and the many other nationalities that had settled in the town. It was becoming quite a cosmopolitan area and was resented for it understandably by some English people, something of which the Irish community was only too well aware. Sarah told Matthew that one Saturday night she was invited to an Irish party with her best friend Marie Joyce. It was mainly a get together and a singsong with drinks thrown in at John Kennys house. He was a local building contractor and Sarah had dated his brother Pat a few times. Martin McGinley her boyfriend got wind of it and although not invited, found out where it was and gate crashed the party in a jealous frame of mind. He was worried that she might get friendly with Pat again and confronted them both about it. Matthew could not help being amused about it knowing that the Kennys were all strapping big building workers and would stand to a man to defend each other. Hes some nerve, Ill give him that he commented.

The bloody idiot, he knows Ive only eyes for him she said. Ah well thats what love can do to you Matthew scoffed. He had great admiration for him after that, and knew as Sarah did, that he was very serious about her. As the year unfolded, more serious events began to happen further afield. In Northern Ireland the Civil Rights movement began marches for equal rights for Catholic Nationalists. The voting system there was rigged to ensure that Unionist Protestants would always get the majority vote to anchor them to union with Britain. Bridget, who was educated and experienced in political affairs, supported the movement, as did all Irish Nationalists. She did say however; that all hell could break loose there. The television pictures confirmed her words like others in the community, showing the brutal repression of such gatherings by the police there. It was like a shock wave to the Irish in England and seemed to shatter the accepted feeling they had there, however tenuous that was. Suddenly Irish history was thrust upon another generation, both living in Ireland and abroad. It permeated conversations and the Irish psyche and those in the Slough community. The news unfolded in British newspapers, radio and television and was discussed in phone calls to home. For the Irish people in Britain, it even overshadowed one of the worlds most monumental achievements, that of man landing on the moon. Even though this was world news and held fascination for all that of that era, it became surpassed for the Irish, by the events in Northern Ireland, which the Irish community both at home and abroad took personally. It was at this time that both Joe and Bridget answered questions mainly from the younger children were not as familiar with Irish history as Matthew and Sarah were, they having been so young when they left the country. Aidan Joyce, the university educated elder of the Joyce family and good friend of Joe and Bridget, would often debate the subject at the OConnors kitchen table over cups of coffee, for anyone that would care to listen. It was during such debates that Matthew in particular got to know him well. He learnt that he was a highly educated, broadminded man with a great deal of integrity, was well read and had a good sense of humour. He now held him in as high regard as he did his friend and brother Marcus. Aidan visited the house regularly, sometimes to do with matters concerning the Slough Irish Society, in which Joe and Bridget were involved, but often just to pop in for a chat and the inevitable cup of coffee. It was nothing unusual for any of them to find him sitting in the kitchen of an evening and saying hello Aidan as they came in the back door. His Connemara, sense of wit and storytelling had not deserted him in exile, as anyone who knew him could vouch for. The events unfolding in Northern Ireland unwittingly brought the identities and loyalties of Irish families in England to the fore once more. No more so, than in the McGinley household. Matthew had once asked Susan about her identity, stating that she didnt have a drop of English blood in her body. She told him without reservation, that she was English and had little or no affiliation with Ireland, except for her parents and her other Irish relatives. He found her rejection of what he had hoped would be a bond between them hurtful to say the least but realized that she knew practically nothing about Ireland anyway. It drew him back to the mentality that existed at his time in St.Josephs Secondary School, where

she was also educated. His feelings for her overshadowed the subject and he never willingly brought it up again with her. Her father Sean however, was a passionate nationalist, who was only too willing to talk to him about his roots and the emerging situation in the North. It was the kind of irony that permeated Irish families exiled in England. Sean told Matthew about his upbringing in County Down. He told him of the deep division that existed there between Catholic Nationalists and Protestant Unionists and how it affected everyday life. He told him how Protestants threw stones at them while they were walking to Mass of a Sunday or going to their Catholic school and that this was accompanied by verbal insults. He told him how the two communities were segregated in terms of housing and how your address, stated religion or even your name could determine whether you would get a job or not. He explained to him how the votes in the elections were Gerrymandered to manipulate the outcome of every election so that the Unionists were always returned to power. He still had relatives there, about which Matthew could see he was plainly worried. Matthew learned more about the North in listening to Sean McGinley, than he ever had before. Sean had worked for many years in the building industry in England, but now that he was maturing in years he was doing gardening work, often for wealthy people around the area. Matthew was surprised when he told him that he had served in the British army during the war, considering his political identity. He told him he had no choice as he was conscripted in the North at the time. He learned that he fought in Burma against the Japanese. Bloody hell, what was that like? Matthew asked. The Japs were the bravest people I ever encountered, despite all the nonsense thats been written about them since he said. During one attack on our camp at night, when I was on century duty, positioned in a tower, an officer led his troops towards me with a pistol firing and sword in his other hand, without a glimmer of fear in his face he said. What happened? Matthew asked, enthralled. I opened fire with a machine gun, seeing them in the spotlight and saw him fall, throwing his sword towards me as he died in a hail of bullets he answered. It made me sick to my stomach to see it, but in the heat of battle and with training, your survival instinct takes over he told him. Matthew was spellbound by his experiences; it was like he was describing something from a film. What about the British troops? he asked. The greatest bunch of Mammys boys and wingers I ever came across he replied. Even Matthew could not help laughing at his biased opinion. I got that bloody thing out there as well, he told him referring to malaria. He would often be ill with the symptoms, as Matthew was to learn. He was one tough character as Matthew observed. He was also very aggravated by the unfolding situation in the North, as everyone knew. He drove a Volkswagen car, stating that British cars were only auld rubbish as he put it. He also hated the decision of the Vatican to allow Mass to be said in national languages particularly in English, favouring the Latin version that he knew off by heart. His English son in law Marvin once said of him to Matthew, that he was bigoted. He also learned that Martin, Seans only son was the apple of his eye. He had sent Martin to a Catholic boarding school in England to ensure that at least in that aspect of his life, he would remain faithful to the fold. In that he had certainly succeeded, but as Matthew had already discerned, he had in a sense failed his daughters whom he held in less regard. So much so that the eldest Jessica became pregnant by and then married Marvin the English atheist and left wing activist whom Sean intensely disliked.

Pregnancy before marriage was not in Seans script. This led, as Matthew found out to a strained relationship between Sean and Marvin for many years. Sean was delighted by the fact that Martin was dating a good Irish Catholic girl like Sarah and had accepted Matthew into his house for the same reason. It seemed no time at all until Christmas had arrived again. Both Matthew and Sarah were scouring the shops, looking for that special gift for their respective boyfriend and girlfriend, not to mention the rest of their family. One Saturday Matthew took Susan by bus to go shopping in Windsor. It had been snowing and the town looked amazing with the castle, the cobbled streets and the quaint old shop windows clad in white. They both agreed, that it was like a scene from a Christmas card. He noticed that her eyes became intensely blue in the reflection of the snow. Both Matthew and Sarah visited the McGinley house during that Christmas. Susan who was wearing the longest scarlet red coat he had ever seen greeted Matthew at the door smiling. He stood there open mouthed while she said do you like it? He learned it was called a Maxi and was the latest thing that winter. He teased her about it, calling her Little Red Riding Hood. The truth was he thought she looked stunning in it. He asked her about her childhood that Christmas as he began to reveal his to her. She told him that as a little girl she used to sit out in the rain letting it cascade around her. She had found it calming she told him and that it brought on a sense of surrendering to rebellion and that her elders for doing so, often rebuked her. Your weird Matthew said laughing. Thats good coming from you, from what Ive heard about your childhood she retorted. He often thought that in ways she was as zany as him. Whether that was a good thing or not, he didnt know. Some things about her reminded him of her mother a little bit, whom he thought she resembled vaguely. She seemed to live in her own world sometimes as her mother did, suddenly talking or drifting back to something in the past. Catherine, her mother had a rather sad young life as Matthew found out, she having gone to England as a young girl to work in service for a well to do English family. She did however; later find her niche in life in life as a waitress, which she loved and was often not there when Matthew visited, because of working weekend nights. She was however, a very jolly woman and laughed a lot, all be it in the solitude of her own mind. Matthews way of dealing with things was to be spontaneous. He once sung a verse of a song to Susan as they walked along. It was a song he felt that reflected in some way, what he was. For I am just a country boy, Money have I none, But Ive got silver in the stars And gold in the morning sun Im never gonna buy you a diamond ring, With a fancy shining stone All Ive got is a loving heart, The only one I own. Thats beautiful, she said. One night when they had kissed goodnight she said to him I think Im falling in love with you Matthew was staggered; no one had ever said anything like that to him before. He was dumbfounded and unlike him was lost for words and didnt know why. Maybe, he thought, that in some way he had difficulty in dealing with the emotion of love.

He knew that love involved trust and giving of yourself unconditionally. His volatile nature made it easy for him to fight or hate, but the emotion of love, left him feeling vulnerable, exposed, weak. In his formative years, since coming to Slough, he had always had to be strong in combating adversity and this had left him very guarded about his inner feelings. He had unknown to himself, become untrusting about revealing his deepest emotions to anybody and that the cause of this was not entirely of his own making. One weekend Susan told him they were both invited to a party. A friend of hers was holding it called Janet who Matthew knew from her local pub. He knew as she did, that her boyfriend Dean had finished with her, having started dating a fellow schoolteacher. They could both see that the girl was heartbroken and she and Matthew sympathized with her. Matthew found it a very stereo- typical English party, so different in every way from an Irish one. There would be background music playing on a record player. People would be standing around in separate groups, with each group visually analysing the other, while engaging in one-upmanship conversation, regarding their house, car or job or where they had been on holidays. A table was laid with plates and dishes containing little snacks of all descriptions where people could help themselves hurriedly to the limited resources. The English didnt drink like the Irish. They would sip at it politely and Matthew always believed that somebody English held the world record for making a drink last. Your Irish Janet said to Matthew at one point during the night maybe you can think of something to liven things up? I havent brought my guitar, he said apologetically, wondering if the English were culturally dead. If it were any other nationality in this town, the place would be heaving by now, he said to Susan. She concluded that he was right, but that it was for the sake of her friend that they had attended. Have you noticed anything about this party? Susan said to him. Apart from you, me and Janet, everybody invited here is blonde, she observed. Matthew on looking agreed and said, Maybe its a theme party giving him the first laugh of the night. Then they both trying to find an explanation, remembered that Janets now ex- boyfriend Dean was blonde. One day Susan told Matthew that she was going to London to have a cosmetic bleaching of the fine hairs above her top lip. Why, youd hardly notice them he said to her. She told him that she was extremely self-conscious about it and that Janet had recommended the place where she had hers done. Well? she said to him on meeting after her return. They look blonde now and stand out even more he said teasing her. Whenever he annoyed her, she would always say you sod. It would make him laugh even more. One weekend she had agreed to baby-sit for a couple at the end of her road and invited Matthew to join her. When the two children had gone to sleep they found themselves alone in the sitting room and began to talk then kiss and it became very passionate. They were about to go where they had not been before when they heard the couples car pull up outside. They both had to scramble to adjust their clothing before the key turned in the front door. They sat correctly beside each other on the couch and when asked by the couple if everything was all right, referring to the children, they answered yes. All the time realizing that their red faces were amusing the husband in particular who could not take

the grin off his face. Matthew cursed the fact that they came home earlier than he had expected, wondering what might have happened if they hadnt. Bloody English he concluded, always punctual. Another time when they were alone in the front room of her house, which wasnt often as was the case in his house, the conversation turned to sex, something they had come close to. Susan made a revelation that shook Matthew. She told him that she had been having a sexual relationship with her former boyfriend Trevor. Matthew, who was extremely jealous, listened to the details as she poured them out in explicit detail. Firstly, it did not happen under her father Seans roof, something he would definitely believe. It happened at Trevors home in Dorset, where she had spent a holiday. She described calmly how it hurt the first time but was fine after that as Matthew listened motionless, feeling the blood drain from his face and almost feeling rage at hearing the candid details. She even told him that during intercourse he withdrew before climaxing, in order to be careful. He wished she had not told him something that he was not ready to hear at that point. He wasnt her former boyfriend, he concluded, they were lovers in a relationship. He began to feel that he was an observer rather than a participant with her. What about you and Kate? she asked in the same casual manner. It wasnt like that he said, She wasnt that kind of girl. Oh! I thought that and then she stopped, knowing she had touched a nerve. He told her reluctantly that he did once and wanted to end the conversation for now. It was the first time that disillusion had crept into his feelings for her. The fact was, he concluded, that he didnt really know her at all. There was something basic and even crude he thought about the way she had told him about the most intimate details of her former relationship. The way she had brought up the subject and discussed it like bragging about a conquest. It was not something his ears wanted to hear like that. She was only seventeen he concluded and was experienced compared to him, he being two years older than her. He had already dismissed from his mind another lad that he heard about in the pub who he learned she had dated. The tone of the relationship began to change for him and he didnt know where he was with her. Her revelations had left him bewildered and wondering. He still had feelings for her but wondered if she would truly ever be his girl. If only, he thought to himself, had he asked her out when he first met her at his house, as a friend of Sarahs, when he was still at college? How different things might be. One weekend she seemed very nervous and distant in his company as they prepared to kiss goodbye as they had often done, when Matthew was about to depart for home. Maybe she said, maybealmost stuttering, we should not see each other for a little while? Why? Matthew said, with a mixture of fear and anger in his voice. She told him to his disbelief, that Trevor was due home on leave from the army in Germany. I thought you and him had finished! Matthew shouted. We have, she said in a convincing tone. Its just that he doesnt know about you and me and he wants to call and see me, she said. Let me get this straight Matthew said in a raised voice. Youve finished with him, or have you and hes coming to see you for what exactly? Well, were still friends, she explained. So what does that make us? Matthew retorted. You dont know what hes like she said looking almost scared.

I dont give a damn what hes like Matthew roared. Im afraid of no man. At this point she seemed a little scared of him too. Sort this out, Im telling you, or thats it he said to her, storming off as he did so. He couldnt sleep for thinking about it and despite their first real row, wanted to see her more than ever. He was scared of losing what he thought was the first real love of his life. He had so much expectations and dreams regarding her and wanted to tell her about his inner feelings. He had however, a very obstinate streak to his character and didnt contact her for a week or more. It was during that time that he did the most stupid thing in passionately kissing a girl that was known to her. It happened, it was stupid, he greatly regretted it and it meant nothing to him. All he wanted to do was see her again. Come the Saturday night however, he put on his best weekend clothes and had a determined spring in his step as he set off for where she lived. He wanted to tell her how he really felt about her. Instead of going directly to her house as he usually did, he decided to pop into her local pub, wondering if she might already be there, they having made no arrangements. She wasnt as it happened and he decided to have a pint with some of the lads he knew there by now. As he was at the bar drinking with a chap called Ian with whom he had become friends, he noticed another man he hadnt seen before, constantly staring at him. Whos that bloke that keeps looking at me? he asked him. Didnt want to tell you mate, he said, but thats your birds ex-boyfriend, Trevor. Matthew ordered another pint and one for Ian. How long has he been back around here? Matthew asked him. The first time I saw him was last night, he said. Didnt you know hes finished his tour of duty in Germany and is back with the Guards regiment in Windsor? he informed him. Matthew felt his heart drop. So thats what Susans antics were all about he discovered? She had told him that he was coming home on leave. Theres more to this than meets the eye, he thought. He needed that other pint that Ian bought him, to try and collect his thoughts together. No wonder she was acting strangely the last time he saw her, he discerned. Was there more, she had not told him, he began to think. He did not know how soon most of his questions would be answered. Before he could begin to make sense of things, Trevor had approached them at the bar from the table he was sitting at in company. We havent been introduced, he said with a sarcastic grin on his face. My names Trevor and I believe yours is Matthew Thats right Matthew replied, leaving the next move to him. It was obvious to Matthew that someone had pointed him out to him from the moment he entered the pub. He could feel his heart beating faster and his stomach tighten in response to his arrogant self-assured manner. He was like a displaced stag that wanted to lock horns with him. I had an interesting chat with Susan last night he said smugly. I learned a lot about you, he added. Matthew was incensed that she had met up with him and more so that they had been discussing him. I was glad to find out that it, shall we say, didnt get too physical he said with a smile of

satisfaction drawn across his face. Matthew snapped and made grab for him, knowing that it gave him great satisfaction to humiliate him in front of Ian and others. It took a couple of lads including Ian to separate Matthew from him. The pub landlord warned him, if there were any trouble he would be out. Instead it was Trevor who left, no doubt feeling contented with himself. Matthews naivety about situations, could even unknown to himself, be pitiful. He drank another pint to steady his nerves and decided to go straight to Susans house to sort things out with her. There was an alleyway near the pub that was a short cut to the crescent where the McGinley house was located that he took. He knocked on the front door and there was no answer at first and knocked again. Martin her brother answered and Matthew said hello and asked if Susan was in. Matthew he said, his voice almost quivering Dont go in there mate. Why whats up? Matthew said, he making him feel more nervous than he already was. He brushed past Martin in the hallway and into the front room to find Sarah looking practically distraught. What the hells going on? he said looking at both of them in turn. Dont go in there, she said to him. Please mate Martin said, holding his arm and echoing her request. In one move Matthew loosened his grip and kicked the closed-door open. On entering the dining room, that was in darkness and only lit by the light from the kitchen beyond, he made out the figure of a man he had only seen less than an hour before. It was Trevor and pinned up against the dining room wall in front of him was Susan. Although obviously shocked by his unexpected appearance, she had a sickening smile on her face and was acting like a tramp in the veiled obscurity that surrounded her and her lover. For a split second he couldnt make out whether or not they were engaged in a sexual act. He screamed at the top of his voice at Susan, as he lunged towards Trevor, You bloody Jezebel In the few seconds that followed Trevor had managed to open the window and scramble through it to the back garden, leaving Matthew calling him a coward. He ran out the side entrance from the kitchen and knew that Trevor like him, being familiar with the house, that it led to the front garden and the street beyond. He looked down both ends of the crescent but he had made his escape. Returning to the kitchen he found her still there, rooted to the spot of her pleasure, only this time joined by her mother, whom he did not realize was in the house. He mustnt think youre worth fighting for he snarled at her. As a matter of fact, neither do I he scorned. He left by the kitchen door not wanting to add to his total humiliation in the presence of Sarah in particular and Martin and his mother, grateful in some small way that the rest of the family hadnt been there to witness the sideshow. She had just stood there, motionless, looking at the floor, like a scolded child. Matthew was devastated and it was something that would haunt him like a recurring nightmare. He staggered his way towards home, like a mortally wounded animal, sometimes stopping to compose himself. People in passing must have thought him drunk. He seemed to have no strength in his legs and his body was shaking, not knowing he was suffering from shock as well as heartbreak. When he reached the lane where they lived, he decided he could not face home. He entered Montem Park, it was late and it was deserted. He sat on Montem Mound where they had often played as children when they first arrived. It was said that Queen Victoria used to stop her carriage there and view Windsor Castle in the distance.

It had just started to rain and he rembered Susan telling him once, that she found solace while sitting in the rain as a child. It made him feel nothing but grief and only disguised the tears he felt cascading down his cheeks. He put his head in his hands and wept uncontrollably. He lost track of time, his brain being scrambled with this image of sudden, cruel betrayal and not being able to make any sense of it at all. It had all happened so quickly that he wondered if in fact, if it was all a dream. But the pain that he felt in his heart, told him it wasnt. Then he remembered what the Irish woman, whose name he never knew, said to him, the first night he was in that pub with Susan. Watch her, believe me, Im telling you, be wary of her What was it that she had known or seen, that he obviously hadnt? All sorts of thoughts began to race through his head. This cannot have been the first time that soldier boy was on leave since he was posted to Germany he thought. He wasnt with her all the time and after seeing what he saw that night, he felt she was capable of anything and without conscience. What a pity he thought, that the Irish woman, probably not wanting to interfere or hurt his feelings, didnt tell him what she knew. One thing he now knew was that she was a totally self-centred bitch who couldnt be trusted. Despite the feelings of hate and contempt that were building up inside of him, he did in some way want to know some of the answers to his questions. He was afraid to ask in case the answers cut him even more deeply. He couldnt look Sarah in the face for some time afterwards and then only greeted her in passing; the same applied to her boyfriend Martin. He asked Sarah if she had any knowledge of her seeing the soldier during the time they were going out together. She told him that the night in question was the only time she saw them together and that there was little she could do about it and was extremely embarrassed about the situation. She told him that she didnt know how their relationship was prior to that night, due to Trevors period of absence and was worried by his sudden unannounced reappearance. He asked her if she would have told him about it if he had not turned up that night. She told him without hesitation that she would and that she did not know like him, that Trevor was back. Matthew didnt know what to believe anymore. The situation was very awkward for both of them. Sarah had concerns about the consequences of a possible breakdown in either one of their relationships but Matthew hadnt given it a thought. All of it built up inside him like an inferno. He couldnt sleep; he couldnt concentrate on his job, he didnt want to socialise and felt unable to talk to family or friends. He went to the doctor about the sleeping factor and he gave him some mild sleeping pills to take temporarily. On a Sunday night in a fit of depression, he swallowed the remainder of them before going to bed and in a few minutes drifted off into a dangerous deep sleep. Joe was on morning shift at the airport the next day, he having risen about half four and drinking his first cup of coffee accompanied by his first cigarette was blissfully unaware that anything was amiss in the household. All of them began to wake at their appointed time and took their turn in the busy bathroom and began to ready themselves for school and work, all of them except Matthew who was in a coma like state of sleep to which they were unaware. He was never usually the first to rise of a Monday morning at the best of times and often had to be

called. Patrick who slept beside him noticed that he made no sound, snoring or otherwise and saw that he looked deathly pale. Declan who was only a child would have been none the wiser. Patrick mumbled something to Margaret who was the first person he met on the landing that Matthew didnt look well. She knocked on the bedroom door and called his name, telling him it was time for him to rise but received no answer. After a few calls she put her head around the door and call him again to no avail. What she saw led her to panic. Oh Jesus, she shrieked, Oh Christ almighty she said out loud, knowing that something was dreadfully wrong. Bridget she screamed downstairs, Come up at once. Bridget was in the kitchen preparing breakfast, when she heard the furore and hastily made her way upstairs. Hes as white as a ghost, Margaret said shaking and hes not responding to anything. God Almighty Bridget said on seeing him, knowing instantly he was in trouble, but not knowing why. She shook him and slapped his cheeks with the palms of her hands saying Oh God, wake up Matthew, wake up, in a panic to try and wake him but to no avail. The doctor, Ill ring the doctor, she said to Margaret. Stay with him she said, Ill be back in a minute. The family doctor, an Irishman, was as luck happened, in his office earlier that morning catching up on some paperwork before surgery that day. He knowing the family remembered that he had prescribed mild sleeping pills for Matthew the previous week. The description Bridget gave of him, confirmed his worst fears. He asked Bridget if he was still breathing and she told him as far as she knew he was. He put what he hoped would remedy the situation in his bag and made for the OConnor house that was only a short distance from his surgery. Rushing upstairs to his bedside, he deduced straight away what had happened. Oh dear he said on examining him, Just what I thought. What is it? Bridget said her body numb with shock. Hes overdosed on the sleeping pills he said quietly as he filled a syringe from a plastic container and injected it into his arm. Thank God they were mild ones he said, Otherwise I could be wasting my time. Will he be all right? Bridget said, hoping for the right answer. I seem to have caught him in time he replied. Thank God she said. What he needs now along with what Ive given him, is plenty of stimulus? he said. Ill stay with him for a little while, until I see that the injection is working, he said. After that its important to keep him awake, with lots of coffee and someone to try and exercise him, like walking as best he can, even a few steps to begin with for the next few hours and beyond. Most importantly, do not let him go back to sleep today and keep him moving for the next few days until I examine him again Any problems and Im just a phone call away, he concluded. Before he left Matthew had come round and was breathing better, although he was in a haze and not very aware of what was happening around him. Bridget could not thank the doctor enough, but being quick thinking, had to ask him a favour. She told him if this incident was put down on his medical records, that it could affect his future life, particularly in regard to future employment. I did give that some thought, he said to her, But dont worry, its only a doctors visit and wont

be documented. Ill have a chat with him soon and I have a feeling that, given a second chance, hell learn from this. Bridget and Margaret tried to lift him up out of the bed but were struggling, when Bridget had an idea. This is mans work she said to Margaret and phoned her good friend Aidan Joyce who lived two streets away. She explained the situation to him and the fact that Joe was at work.. He despite getting ready for work himself told her he would be straight round. Aidan managed to lift him and supported him upright to get him walking while between them they managed slowly but surely to get him to drink cups of strong coffee. Even though he was groggy and non-coherent, Bridget thought he was going to be all right and decided not to ring Joe at work. She did however, ring Matthews place of work and reported him sick, not of course giving the true reason. She was eternally grateful for Aidans assistance that day, which he as a true friend discounted. The next couple of days and nights for Matthew had an air of unreality about them. One day he remembered walking around a recreational area near them known as Salt Hill Park accompanied by his sister Bernadette and brother Patrick. Bernadette commented on how nice the flowers were, while Patrick said little, but seemed to be supporting his left arm, much to his annoyance. He later learned that Bridget had asked them to do so in order for him to get some fresh air and exercise. It took weeks for him to piece together those few days. Joe had asked him several times if he was all right, as if he had an illness as did all of them including Sarah. Afterwards he condemned himself for doing such a stupid and dangerous thing. He found it hard to apologise for something he felt he was momentarily driven to. Thankfully, no one had asked him to. His shame for doing so quickly turned to hate, knowing that she would hear of it, but it was hate and not remorse he adapted in order to survive. The contempt he felt for her would be continually brought to the fore, because of her linkage to Sarah through her boyfriend Martin. After returning to work, he still felt a great need to confide in somebody and the only person he knew he could trust to talk to on a level playing field was his old school friend Ivan. He hadnt seen him for a good while and looked forward to meeting him again. He was somewhat shocked but very understanding and sympathetic. I suppose Im saying the wrong thing, when I say, youre better off without her he said to him. He wanted to know at one stage if he had any near death experiences, a subject they had discussed while at college. No I bloody didnt Matthew retorted, when your that near you just go to bloody sleep and thats it he concluded. Matthew never mentioned his demise to any of his Irish friends in Slough, hoping that they knew little about it. He felt it would be looked down upon by his own community and would show a sign of weakness. He was in dread of going to his local pub again for fear someone might say some thing, having become very self-conscious about it. Even though his pride was in tatters, he thought that it was wise to make the move sooner rather than later. He was pleasantly surprised to find that even if they did know something, they said nothing, being too busy enjoying themselves. God he thought, its good to be back among your own.

In September of that year Bridget received news from Joes sister Betty in Dublin telling her that Baby Luke was very ill and was too weak to eat, he having suffered from acute stomach problems for some time. But before she and Joe could make arrangements to visit him she received a dreaded phone call. Margaret was at the kitchen table and overheard her through the open doorway in the hall. Oh no! Dear God! Oh God Almighty! She exclaimed in a sobbing voice. Margarets worst fears were confirmed on reaching her and embracing her. My babys dead Bridget said, God rest his little soul, poor Baby Luke has passed away she said crying uncontrollably. We never even got a chance to hold him, to say goodbye she said, her eyes red with tears. They said he was sedated and died peacefully, Oh God! I hope that was true. You poor Lamb Margaret said trying to console her. That little boys suffering is over Bridget, may he rest in peace the poor little angel, she said blessing herself, using the sign of the cross. Why is Joe always on shift, when anything happens? she said. Hes no choice the poor man, Margaret answered. Bridget phoned the airport as soon as she had composed herself. She got through to the office and told them to tell him of the situation straight away, with a tone of anger in her voice. He was visited by shock and grief simultaneously and also the regret that Bridget had felt. He entered the house with head bowed and eyes still watery. He and Bridget were united in grief and sorrow and memories. Their next job as parents was to relay the bad news to the rest of the family as they came home from school and work. They had told them, as they knew themselves, that he had not been well for some time, but his sudden deterioration and death had happened quickly. Were so damn busy with our lives here, we havent time to think she said to Joe, with great bitterness in her voice. Dont blame yourself, he said to her. Hes in a better place now he added, trying to placate her, and trying to make sense of their trials and tribulations. Bridget tried to tell the younger ones, on their arrival home as best she could what had happened. She was helped by Margaret and Joe to explain that a handicapped brother they had little or no memories of, through cruel circumstances, had passed away and gone to Heaven as she put it. He had died in the month of June that year of 1969. It would be a few years before little Declan only three would know of him. As she looked at him she said, the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Meaning that she had been given one son and lost another. Sarah was home before Matthew that evening and was very upset, she remembering him as a child at home in Dublin and visiting him in the home for the handicapped there. Matthew was shocked at the unexpected news and his grief like always manifested itself as anger, almost rage. He screamed with anguish, hitting the bed in his room with his fists before crying his heart out. Baby Luke was Seventeen when he died, only two years younger than Matthew now was. He was born in Roscrea, Bridgets hometown in 1952 when she and Joe lived there, as were Matthew, Sarah and the twins that died at birth. He was born, severely mentally and physically handicapped and had lived most of his life in the in the home for the handicapped in Palmerston, Dublin. His experience of life, whatever it was, apart from early childhood, was lived within the confines of that institution, oblivious to their lives and experiences and where they took them. He was affectionately known as Baby Luke, because he never developed from being a baby, either mentally or physically.

He was never able to walk, develop speech and was child-like in size despite his age. He was able to see and to discern sound, but it had to be loud as his hearing was impaired but he had very limited awareness of his surroundings. It was a life unlived as Bridget put it. But his death had brought him to life again in the OConnor family, in the sense that those too young to have memories of him wanted to know everything about him. None of them had too much time to ponder the situation as arrangements had to be made to attend the funeral? The staff at the institution where he lived and died were very sympathetic and helpful in organizing most of it, knowing the bereaved family were in England. Joe and Bridget decided to bring Matthew and Sarah with them. They would have remembered him, but the others would have little or no knowledge of him. They also had to take into consideration, the limited room available at Joes sister Bettys, who had kindly offered to accommodate them and the limitation of their funds. They were met at Dublin airport and driven by Mick who commiserated with them and said, It would nice if we were meeting under better circumstances. They all gazed out the car window looking at the city, each locked in their own memories of their time there. Nothing much had changed visually save for the building of the tall modern glass and concrete structure called Liberty Hall. Nelsons Pillar, the main structure in OConnell Street, the main thoroughfare of the capital was gone, blown up by a group of IRA men, who had long campaigned for its removal and eventually took on the job themselves. Its a case of out with the old and in with the new Mick said, drawing a laugh from them all and trying to lighten the mood. Betty greeted them with outstretched arms. Oh God love ye she said, sharing a tear with them. She told them that on their recent visit to the hospital that Baby Luke was sleeping due to sedation and even if they had made it sooner that is what they would have observed. They all felt that she was in some way trying to sooth their pain a little. Betty and Micks children, their cousins and nieces and nephew respectively extended their sympathies. They had a new extension to their family, another little girl called Jacqueline, who was of pre-school age, she being born years apart from the others. It was similar to Declan been born so many years after the others in their own family. That evening Mick and Betty took the four of them to the Chapel Of Rest in Palmerston. Joe, Bridget, Matthew and Sarah, stood over the small white coffin and looked down on the porcelain smooth, childlike face of Baby Luke. He should have been a teenager by now, Bridget said sobbing, breaking the stunned silence of the others. He should be enjoying his life, notshe stopped. His poor little hands she said feeling the cold in them before kissing his face. They were all crying while taking her lead in kissing him for the last time. The next morning after the service in which the priest used the words from the Gospel Suffer little children, come unto me so appropriately, the cortge set off for Mount Jerome Cemetery in Harolds Cross. It was a large cemetery situated in the South city area. Some nurses and able-bodied children from Lukes ward at the home for the handicapped followed behind the mourners as the coffin was carried to the grave. Bridget and her family thought it was one of the nicest gestures they had ever seen. He was buried in a narrow plot amongst strangers and far away from his family as he had lived his unlived life.

They thanked the kindness and thoughtfulness of the nurses and the handicapped children who just smiled innocently. That day touched all their hearts. Matthew felt saddened that the others in family were not there and that it was an experience that would be missing from their lives. Ironically they stopped at the Half Way House pub for a drink on the way back to Betty and Micks. It was across the road from Sleive Bloom Park; where they had all lived practically side-by-side, before dispersing ten years before. They all noticed the comfortable middle class life that Mick and Betty and their family were leading. The nice home, in a good area and the good education and jobs their children had. As struggling emigrants, they each viewed it with hurtful envy. Coming back to ones homeland always seemed to have that effect on exiles, no matter what the reason for their brief return. They marvelled at the Round Tower in the village of Clondalkin. It was a visible symbol of ancient Gaelic Ireland. Matthew and Sarahs cousins asked them how they were settling in. Sarah said fine, looking as though she meant it, much to Matthews consternation. I hate the bloody place Matthew replied, drawing a look of sympathy from them. It might not be forever their cousin Kathleen, who had started school the same day as him, said. It was the first time that such a positive thought was put to him, although he observed that nearly all who went there never made it back. Matthew recalled that of all the Irish people he knew including his own family, that none of them had ever mentioned such an aspiration. Maybe in the psychology of the emigrant it was better to grasp what they had, than to aspire to something they could probably never achieve. They thanked them all dearly on their departure from a sad and all too frequent visit and felt numbed and bereft of conversation on the flight back. They relayed their experiences to Margaret and the others on their return and their relatives, friends and neighbours were honest in their condolences. The few months of busy everyday life soon reached Christmas once more. Matthew in particular could not enter into the spirit of it at all that year. He looked back on 1969 as one of the worst years he had known since coming to Slough. He was emotionally drained from a combination of heartbreak and grief. His self- esteem and confidence and purpose of life, were at the lowest ebb he had ever known. One Saturday afternoon, the week before Christmas, he went shopping for clothes in Slough High Street. Out of the crowd walking towards him he suddenly saw Susan. His instinct was to cross the road to avoid her but it was too late. She was linking arms with another lad. To his astonishment it wasnt Trevor her former boyfriend, whom he had confronted. That he would have expected. It was someone he had never seen before. She looked straight at him, her eyes squinting, with a piercing look of contempt in them and passed him by without saying a word. It wasnt often that Matthew was stuck for words but at that moment he couldnt utter anything. The funny thing was the chap she was with, seemed oblivious to it all, just as he had once been. Bitterness filled his heart knowing that it had come to this. He did however; have to laugh at the irony of it all. He concluded that they would probably spend the rest of their lives hating each other. Early the following year Bridget had surprise visitors in the form of her first cousin Josephine Halley and her husband Alex Harvey.

She was her aunt Mollys daughter and she had moved to England some years before. It had been a little time since they had met and they had a lot to catch up on. She told Bridget that she was now working as a secretary for her husband Alex, who had his own fund raising company. From the smile on her face, Bridget deduced that she seemed deliriously happy when introducing him to her. He was a tall thin man, with a distinct Northern English accent, who was originally from Blackpool. He had a deep voice, was well spoken and of university educated background. His father was a Church of England minister and in his earlier years he was involved in the church himself. Bridget learned that he was a divorcee and had two children by his previous marriage. There was nothing in life by now that could shock Bridget, least of all someones marital status. She had known Josephine since she was a girl and was very pleased to see her again. They had a lot in common; being born in the same town in Ireland and Bridget held her family in great esteem. They discussed the passing of her father Sean and in more recent times the death of her mother Molly. She told Bridget how the family had now dispersed and the home in Dublin was now gone. All of the family met them that Sunday and in some strange way it was like another addition to the fold. This was the kind of company that Bridget revelled in. She had great admiration for successful, intellectual people, which they both were. She learned that they were living in a large country mansion in Wiltshire in the West of England. It was called Cadley Hall and was situated around two miles from the town of Marlborough. Josephine described how the large country mansion backed onto the large Savernake forest and was set in large grounds. How on earth do you keep all that? Bridget asked naively. We dont Josephine said laughing. The gardener and the housekeeper do she explained. Bridget sat there aghast and envious of their position and lifestyle. Alex explained that he worked long hours, sometimes at his office and often travelling to meet clients. You dont get anything in this life for nothing he added. When they were leaving they gave an open invitation to anyone who wanted to visit them there. They left in a large luxurious car that seemed out of place in the back street lanes of Slough. Matthew had changed jobs again that year. He had taken up a position known as a cost clerk in another company situated near the railway station close to the town centre. It was away from the trading estate where he and Susan had worked for different companies. It was an interesting line of work that involved liaison with the factory floor and evolved around compiling information that informed the company about its various costs of production. It wasnt just about the fact that he was restless and wanted change. It paid better and the offices including his own were luxurious. The change to new surroundings, he felt would also benefit him, considering the year of hell he had undergone. There were times still when he would be depressed and heartbroken about it. He felt it was a time that seemed to offer so much hope and happiness, only to be suddenly dashed. Bridget knowing his mood knew that he had some holidays due and suggested tentatively that he should take up the offer of a visit to her cousin Josephines in the West Country. After all, she and Alex extended an invitation to us all she reminded him. He seemed hesitant about it at first, but after Bridget rang them and told him they would like to see him, he consented.

He bought some new clothes for the trip, which made him feel better in himself and armed with a small backpack set off enthusiastically for Wiltshire. It was something he needed, to get away, to stay with people that were neutral from his experiences at that time. The train stopped at a country station that was the last available stop before it headed in the direction of Wales. It seemed like the middle of nowhere and Matthew didnt know where he was. A strange calm instead of panic came over him and he relished the fact. The word freedom entered his veins coupled with adventure. He hadnt felt like this since he was an adventurous child. In this one place of calmness and serenity he felt whole again. It was in the heart of the countryside, the place where his soul belonged. He told the man at the station where he was headed and asked for some directions. Cadley Hall he exclaimed, Youre a good few miles from there he added in a West Country accent that Matthew found endearing. It was a journey of seven miles or more he discerned through narrow country roads. It was a hot summers day and he set off through the beautiful Wiltshire countryside and he hiked at leisure with his backpack on his back without a care in the world. It reminded him of happy days in Ireland, seeing cattle and wheat and barley growing in the fields. The friendliness of people who he met along the way and seemed to have time to direct him reminded him of other times. When he arrived at his destination his mouth opened at his first glance of Cadley Hall. It was the most imposing building, a huge Georgian mansion, set on acres of ground and surrounded by the vast Savernake Forest. Bloody hell was the only words he could utter. The front of the building was approached by a circular drive around flowerbeds. This led to the main entrance where steps led to the largest house door he had ever seen. There was an ornate lever that when pulled down rang a bell loudly inside. A portly middle-aged woman answered the door. Master OConnor I presume? Eh, yes he said, his face having broken into a smile at the unreality of it all. Mistress Josephine is expecting you, she said. He was trying to prevent himself from laughing and thinking this was like something out of a period film. This way she said leading him into one of which could only be called stately rooms. He was struck with awe at the sheer luxury and opulence of the surroundings. As he gazed at the huge sculptured marble fireplace, he heard Josephines voice. Ah there you are, we thought you had got lost. Welcome to Cadley Matthew she said shaking his hand. Wow this is some pad youve got here he remarked. Well it will do for now she said laughing. Matthew noticed the side-glance the housekeeper gave her on hearing that remark. This is Glenda our housekeeper, whom you met, she said. If you require anything in the house, shes the person to see she explained. Matthew was allocated a bedroom on the first floor. He had never seen a bedroom as big and it had a large double bed. He could see what he took to be the gardener working on the lawns through what was a rear window. He didnt need the large wardrobes for the few clothes he had brought with him. Josephine asked him if he would like something to eat. Dont go to any trouble, he said. Its no trouble believe me, she said laughing again.

Glenda will make you up something in the kitchen. A sandwich would be fine Matthew said gratefully. The kitchen like all the rooms was gigantic. It even had tables and chairs at one end. Glenda persuaded him to have a ploughmans lunch. Id say its a long time since youve eaten? she said to him. And then there was that long walk you were telling me about she added. Dinner wont be until later she explained. Matthew found her a down to earth warm-hearted woman and learned that the gardener whos name was Albert was in fact her husband. They had been in service at Cadley for many years and had worked for several owners. Matthew asked her where the nearest pub was and learned to his delight it was situated down a lane within walking distance of the house. He went for a walk into the forest in the afternoon. Albert had warned him about the snakes, adders in particular, that sometimes even roamed into the gardens. He also told him to keep a straight route, so that he would make his way back without getting lost. I hope Im not going to get lost twice in one day, Matthew said to him. Within half a mile of entering the woodlands it was almost dark with trees. Talk about getting away from it all, Matthew said to himself, enjoying the seclusion. The sun was turning to that deep shade of orange when he emerged from it and Glenda told him the time that dinner would be served. Alex on arrival asked him how he was getting on. Ive just got a little something to do in the office before dinner he said. Matthew could see that he was a busy self-motivated man. The evening meal was fantastic and Matthew complimented Glenda on it. A lot of the talk between Alex and Josephine at dinner concerned business, though they did find time in the lounge over a few glasses of wine with Matthew to talk about him and the family. During his stay, he visited the delightful village of Marlborough built on the banks of the River Kennet. It was only two miles from Cadley Hall and was a pleasant walk on a summers day. It had one of the widest streets he had ever seen, as its main thoroughfare. Each side of it was full of the quaintest shops, pubs and restaurants painted in the brightest colours. He bought an ornamental souvenir to bring home as a memento of his visit. It was an area he learned, not surprisingly, that tourists visited. One night he visited the local pub near Cadley Hall that Glenda had told him about. It was called The Grasshopper and was situated down a country lane nearby. They served ale called Three Eggs that was the strongest Matthew had ever drank. He was captivated by the rich West Country accents, the colloquial conversations and the general banter of the locals and enjoyed it immensely. The pretty fresh faced country girls, didnt escape his notice either. But at this juncture of his life, he being still raw with hurt, they were his last consideration. Also his time there was limited and he did not want to complicate the serenity he had briefly found. It was a time of healing and reflection and a wonderful distraction from the previous year. But like all holidays it had to come to an end. It left him with nice memories of the place and the people and of the kindness of Josephine and Alex for their hospitality. Bridget noticed that he returned, refreshed and energetic and more importantly, more positive. That summer saw an important development in the Irish community in Britain. It was that year that someone with foresight and capability saw and fostered the need for an Irish publication for the exiled population there. His name was Brian McClune and he had previously been involved in an editorial position in a

local newspaper in his native County Clare in Ireland. He was now living in Windsor and Bridget and Joe knew him through their connections in the Slough Irish Society. What a marvellous idea Bridget said to Joe. Its what the community here must be crying out for, she added. In no time she and Joe were invited to the launch of a weekly newspaper that was to be called The Irish Post. They dressed up in their finest clothes one Saturday evening to attend the function at an upmarket Italian restaurant in Windsor called The Don Pepino. The irony of the venue had not escaped either of them, but there were no such Irish venues in the immediate vicinity as they were aware. But as Brian McClune pointed out in his after dinner speech, that it was not the venue that was important, but for the exiled community to have a voice. It was to become an unprecedented success, with him as founder and editor. He was a university-educated man who had the greatest command of the English language and was a Gaelic scholar as well as a historian. Bridget and Joe were to become friends with Brian and his wife Moraid. It was to become a close, life long friendship. They were the type of company that Bridget loved mixing with. She was herself an intellectual and loved to be at the heart of things with such people. Margaret her sister was by now working for Social Services as a carer for elderly infirmed people that lived on their own. It was a job that necessitated travelling from one clients house to another on her rounds. She did this on a bicycle that she had bought for the purpose, she having never driven a car. She found the job very interesting and rewarding as she was good with people and a great communicator. She talked incessantly by nature and as Matthew once remarked, she could talk for Ireland, adding that would be between cigarettes, she being practically a chain smoker. Bridget was very pleased for her and found it easier to say to people that her sister worked for Social Services, rather than in a factory canteen. Such was the nature of Slough, that if anybody wanted to change jobs, the vacancies were there. Something else happened in Margarets life that turned all their heads in the family, in that she met a male friend with whom she was to become very close. When each one them of heard of this, they reacted with surprise at the seemingly destined to be forever spinsters demise, with such expressions as, what Margaret, You are joking, at her age. But soon they were introduced to an Englishman called Sydney from Derbyshire in the East Midlands, with an accent to match, who was working in Security in Slough. He was a tall elegant man who dwarfed Margaret and was older than her in years. But as they found out he was a true gentleman who treated her with the greatest respect. He became a regular visitor to the house and known to them all. He had been a prolific traveller in his time and had been around the world and would interest anyone who cared to listen about the places and people he had seen. Matthew called him the walking Geography Book. He had also journeyed around most of Ireland and held a great affinity with the country and its people that both Margaret and all of them found endearing. It was at an Irish function in the town that they met. Even Joe, of sometimes few words and ironically little or none to Margaret, would often engage in conversation with him. He was known as Syd for short and soon he would melt into the background, which was the only way to survive in the OConnor household. Matthew found them kissing in the kitchen one weekend at great embarrassment to both him and them. But after laughing about it and confiding in Sarah, they both concluded that everyone needs

love. It was, they learned from Bridget, a purely platonic relationship. It was that same summer that a young female singer from Derry called Dana won the Eurovision Song Contest for Ireland It was the first time the country had won it. There was great jubilation among the Irish community and it featured strongly in their newly founded newspaper The Irish Post. It was good news and something to be proud of amidst the deteriorating political situation unfolding in Northern Ireland, where the singer herself came from. This was sadly for all, was also covered extensively by the same publication. It covered all aspects of Irish life on both sides of the Irish Sea for the exiled population in Britain. Items written in it would become a topic of conversation between families and friends and wherever Irish people would meet. It became widely distributed and was the must read weekly newspaper for the Irish people in Britain. Columnists and readers wrote articles about all things Irish from history, culture, politics, religion and life in both Britain and Ireland. It also covered sporting, cultural and social events taking place in the various towns and cities in Britain where many exiled Irish people lived. It became a lifeline for the Irish people there and in a strange way seemed to ease the isolation that many of them had felt since arriving there. Bridget being a friend of the editor Brian McClune, disclosed confidentially to Matthew that Brian, in fact wrote a prominent column in the newspaper under the pen name Frank Dolan. I always thought it was the deepest, most interesting piece, on any given week, written by someone with his finger on the Irish pulse he said to her. She asked all of them in family who knew, to keep it to themselves as a matter of discretion. She did love to be privy to such kinds of information and could be the soul of discretion herself. Matthew met up with his old friend Ivan again that summer. They both had a lot to talk about, Ivan having finished a relationship with a girl himself. They both concluded that they needed time out from female company, but were nevertheless feeling bored and hard done by. It was Ivans suggestion that they consider going abroad on a holiday to Paris. After all they were earning money now and seemed to have nothing to spend it on. Soon they were applying for passports, an Irish one for Matthew and a British one for Ivan. Matthew was so proud of his green passport with the golden harp on the cover. It was like holding a little piece of Ireland in his hand, if only diplomatically. A new form of maritime transport called the Hovercraft had been invented and now travelled on the main crossing from Dover in the south of England to Calais in the north of France. Bridget thought it was wonderful that they decided on such an adventure, adding that they would find it both exciting and educational and wished as she put it, that she was going with them. They had bought a small fold up tent they could carry on their backpacks, as they had not booked accommodation there. Destination Paris Matthew said as he and Ivan waved goodbye to Bridget early one morning. I could swear I saw a tear in your mothers eye Ivan said to Matthew, teasingly as they headed towards Slough railway station, to connect with the coastal train in London. No way he said, shell be glad to get rid of one body from that house for a little while, especially me, he added. The journey to the port seemed to go very fast, as journeys do when the excitements of a holiday, an adventure, or both, in this case do. The experience of the Hovercraft for both of them was amazing, they never having been on such a craft. They were surprised at how quickly it reached its destination. After all people have swam this channel you know, Matthew reminded Ivan.

The strangest thing of all however, was that in such a short distance, they were listening to people speaking another language. They had both bought English- French phrasebooks with them and along with the little French they had learned at school thought it would suffice. Before they knew it they were on the train heading south to Paris. Matthew looked out the window and observed the Northern French countryside, dotted with farms and small towns and villages with brightly painted houses. It had a distinct character of its own, that he found refreshing. Ivan seemed oblivious to this, with his head buried in his phrasebook. A slim blonde haired girl then joined them in their carriage and asked in English with a distinct French accent if she could share their seating space, the train becoming full. They both answered yes at the same time. Matthew told her they were heading for Paris and hoping to find a spot to camp. Camp in Paris she laughed and explained in her very good English that it would be difficult. As luck would have it, she told them that she taught English at a college south of the city and had been to England to improve her knowledge of the language. She introduced herself as Danielle and told them that there were large grounds and woodlands around the school that would be ideal for camping. She told them that they could reach the centre of Paris on the nearby Metro in twenty minutes. She also gave them vouchers that they could use to get a dinner each weekday for free at the school canteen. Not alone that, but she accompanied them there, saying that it was her destination anyway. They both thanked her immensely and could not believe their luck. They were charmed by her and her kindness and thought it was a great introduction to France. Under her guidance and feeling like two accompanied schoolboys, they reached the college grounds in a suburb of Paris called Sainte Anthony, by means of the Paris underground known as the Metro. On the journey there, the little they saw of the city was a blur. She pointed out the woodlands in the distance where they could set up camp and in saying goodbye said she would see them in the canteen some time. Some bird eh! Ivan said as they made their way to what would become their sleeping quarters. I think you fancy her? Matthew joked. They eventually managed to erect the tent in the woodlands, after much cursing of the instructions. Sleeping outdoors was something they would both have to master. They bought a bottle of wine and some snacks from a local shop to aid sleep at Matthews suggestion. It worked because they were a little tired from the journey that evening and it was to become pattern of their stay. It did not however, repel the insect bites they suffered, but at least acted as a temporary anaesthetic. They had brought battery powered electric shavers, but very little else in connection with camping, knowing they were going to a city. It was only by sheer luck, as they knew, that they ended up camping at all. They had woken with the dawn chorus of the birds in the woods, surprised at how rural it sounded on the outskirts of a city. We better camouflage the tent, Matthew said before leaving. They did so with the abundant foliage surrounding it. Dont do it too well, or well never find it again Ivan joked. The rucksacks they brought with them. Im bloody starving, are you? Matthew said. They found a caf near the Metro station that was only a short walk from where they had camped, that opened early for commuters going to work each morning. Youd need two of those breakfasts to get you going Matthew remarked as they headed for the Metro station.

They got a Metro map and studied it before buying tickets. They soon found a route that would lead them to the city centre. The trains were modern and comfortable, compared to the London Underground they observed. Wow Matthew said as he got his first sight of Paris. It sent a shiver down his spine. It was everything he had seen in films and photographs, but this time it was real. He took a deep breath as they emerged by the River Seine and his head turned around picking out the sights. It was though someone had designed this city like a metropolitan garden, with lines of symmetry and compactness, so that in every direction you looked, you could pick out one or other of the famous sights or monuments. Napoleon he thought, what a genius, or rather he and his architects. Amazing Ivan, said. They sat on a seat by the banks of the river looking at the map of the city and decided they would explore a different area of it each day. The first place they were bursting to see was the world famous Eiffel Tower. They were impressed by its height and magnificent design and the breathtaking views over the city from the viewing area. One of the greatest pleasures in Paris they found was what the Parisians themselves did; sitting in a caf and watching the world go by. The centre of the city containing all the famous sights was compact enough to walk around. The weather was hot and sunny and they looked forward to each day with glee. They met Danielle when they used the meal vouchers in the student canteen. The food was of high quality and they both expressed their gratitude. She waved her hand in fun saying that there were shower and washing facilities at the gymnasium that they could use. They both duly did knowing that they both hummed at that point. A regular little home from home Matthew commented feeling refreshed and human one more. We must buy her a little something in thanks for this Ivan suggested. They both came up with different suggestions, such as perfume or chocolates. High on Matthews list of places to visit was the world-renowned Louvre Art Gallery. It exceeded all his expectations, in that it housed some of the greatest works of art of all time. Top of the list for the two of them, was Leonardo da Vincis Mona Lisa, the most famous and talked about painting in the world. It was smaller than they imagined, but Matthew pointed out that it was a portrait and they were generally smaller in size. A guard stood nearby and discreetly to one side and a rail allowed people to approach it from a few feet in distance. Oh my God Matthew exclaimed as he gazed upon the masterpiece, he had only seen in photograph. They both focused on it for some time bewildered by its beauty and perfection. Do you notice anything about her eyes Matthew said to Ivan, as they both viewed the painting from various angles. Theyre smiling, he answered. That too Matthew said. Do you see how they seem to move and follow you as you move around the room, he observed. Thats the genius of Da Vinci Matthew exclaimed. The experience fascinated him to such an extent, that almost to Ivans annoyance they spent two full days of their holiday in the Louvre. Both the classical art of the great masters such as Michael Angelos statue of David and the impressionists enthralled Matthew and invigorated his passion for art again. But it being Paris there were other things to do.

They visited the Latin Quarter where lots of artists displayed their works and many other items for sale. The sheer size and majesty of the cathedral of Notre Dame was amazing to behold as was all the other sights. Shortly before the end of their trip, they decided to try the nightlife. The lights in the city looked inviting, as did the girls they illuminated. When in Paris Ivan said when entering the red light district with a mischievous smile on his face. They ended up nervously entering a striptease club, each agreeing that you could not have visited the place as young men without experiencing the wilder side of it. It was expensive but surprisingly plush and the girls that performed were from all over the world. It was a revelation in the finer details of the female anatomy and they both concluded that it was as educational as it was erotic. They went halfs in buying Danielle a large box of chocolates and she kissed them both on each cheek as they said their goodbyes. Each of them had their own thoughts about Paris as the train sped towards the coast on the first part of the journey back to England. Matthew realized there was a whole world out there, with different places, cultures and experiences and that the one he lived in was smaller than he thought. Bridget noticed that he had brightened up a lot after his trip. Travel broadens the mind, she said to him. It certainly does that he replied. Have you heard the news about Father Carey our parish priest? she asked him. What news? he replied. Hes being promoted to Bishop, in Kerry of all places, she informed him. Oh dear, he will be a big loss to Slough Matthew commented. Lucky old him, moving back to Ireland and as Bishop at that he added. I thought we should give him a memento to remind him of his time here, for all the years of hard work he spent, in particular helping to house newly arrived families from Ireland like us she suggested. Maybe I could do a painting or something of the parish church, Matthew said. That would be a wonderful surprise she replied. Matthew thought about it for a little while and decided to do an etching from a photograph that Aidan Joyce their neighbour and family friend had taken and had enlarged at his request. Matthew had been inspired to do something artistic since seeing all that wonderful art in Paris. He worked on it and completed it to his satisfaction. They all commented on it and even Joe said it was very good. To get a very good from Joe was to say it was ingenious. Bridget had it framed and it was to be presented to Father Carey at his farewell party. This was organized by the Slough Irish Society and was attended by a large crowd including some dignitarys. Those of the OConnor family who were of an age to appreciate such a function attended. Matthew, spurred on by his closest friends became bored after some time and left to go dancing at the local ballroom that was the venue they looked forward on Saturday nights. He had entrusted the gift for the parish priest to Bridget earlier, knowing that she would present it to him. It was her generation that were on more speaking terms with him than his. Bridget told him the next day, that Father Carey loved the etching and had wanted to meet him to thank him personally for it. She was annoyed that he hadnt stayed for the evening, having slipped off into the night. That was nothing but speeches all night Matthew said. Hell have the rest of his life to look at the damn thing, he added sarcastically. Do you know that will hang in the Bishops residence? she said with a tone of pride in her voice.

Well I never Matthew replied. So I can assume there will be an element of redemption in that he added. Sometimes the banter between Bridget and Matthew bordered on sarcasm and she was more than able to give as good as she got. If they ever argued, he would try to end it as soon as possible, because as all the family knew, she would inevitably have the last word. Sometimes tensions in such a crowded household would spill over into arguments. Matthew and Sarah were now adults, Bernadette was now in her mid teens and Nancy would soon be a teenager herself. Privacy was the hardest thing to find, both in the boys room and the girls. One day and for reasons known only to themselves a huge argument broke out between Margaret and the girls that led to loud shouting in their room and on the landing that was heard throughout the house. When Joe got wind of it he said to Bridget right thats it, changes will have to be made. Bridget tried to calm the situation down and get to the bottom of it, but Joe had made his mind up that it was too congested in the girls room and that it would better if Margaret got a place of her own. He left the suggestion with Bridget as he and Margaret hardly ever spoke. Bridget herself knew that with the girls growing up so quickly that the situation was not sustainable. She had a quiet word with Margaret who was understandably hurt by the suggestion that it was perhaps time that she considered getting a place of her own. Spurned by what she knew was Joes decision, and being aware that he had never wanted her to be an integral part of what he considered to be his immediate family, Margaret duly rented a room on the same street that became available. It was a big change for both Bridget and the children who had become so used to her as part of the furniture. She was however, only doors away and would visit the house regularly. It was like she had never been away. The next big news that year was the announcement of Sarahs engagement to Martin. Although seemingly inevitable, Sarahs engagement to Martin McGinley upset Matthew greatly. He had nothing against him personally, finding him as genuine and as nice a chap as he could meet. It was the fact that he was Susans brother. Oh my God! He said on first hearing the news from a delighted Bridget and trying to hide his feelings when congratulating him and Sarah. It looked like she he thought to himself was going to be part of the scene for the rest of his life. He loathed the fact, amongst the almost universal joy and excitement that surrounded it. Why the hell couldnt it have been Pat Kenny a former boyfriend of hers and friend of his, he sighed to himself. To add to his annoyance, Sarah announced that they were to celebrate the occasion with a party at the Red Lion pub, a venue that Matthew had been to many times with Susan. When the time for the party came Matthew told Sarah he didnt want to attend. She seemed hurt but also oblivious to his feelings being understandably caught up in her own. It took a lot of persuasion from both Sarah and Bridget who both suggested that he turn up for a little while at least. If you see me there on the night or not it will be my decision he said to them. He became more and more curious as the Saturday night drew closer and concluded that he owed nothing to Susan and decided to turn up for Sarahs sake, whether it was wise or not. On the night he was filled with apprehension but nobody else noticed, they being filled with their own thoughts. He felt his heart thumping as he opened the door to the pub, hearing the conversation and laughter coming from within. A large crowd was present including aunts, uncles, cousins, and of course all those from the

McGinley side, whom understandably he had not met up with for some time. People began to say hello to him but there voices were like echoes, such was the state of his nerves. Then he spotted her out of the corner of his eye, not daring to look at her out of sheer embarrassment and feeling that everyone was watching his reaction to a new situation. Hello Matthew, what are you having to drink? his uncle Owen said breaking the ice. He had a pint, quickly followed by another one and another after that. By Christ you can knock them back Owen said to him, being oblivious to his situation. From what Matthew could gauge looking around so were most people there. At one point he could see Susan looking at him from the other side of the large bar and when he looked back, she looked quickly away. Throughout the evening as everyone else was enjoying the event, this was the pattern that emerged and they both kept their distance from each other. Matthew felt angered and humiliated by it and was sorry he turned up at all. All the McGinley family said hello to him at some point in the night, all except her. Everything was strange and false he thought and he hated every minute of it. When the function was ending and people were leaving and he saw Susan walking out the door, glancing at him briefly but scornfully, something inside of him began to snap. He followed her for reasons unknown to himself. He knew the direction she would take as he had walked her there from that place on many occasions. He was consumed with pain, anger, hurt, regret and any other emotion that he had ever felt. It was as though everything had been left up in the air after that eventful night that ended their relationship and felt that he had been left carrying most of the pain. He wanted to know how she felt now about anything or anybody and to try to bring it all to some sort of conclusion. He called her name and she began to walk faster and faster until she started to run and kept on running until she reached her front door. As he watched her hurriedly, insert the key in the lock, he screamed with all his might I hate you that echoed around the street where she lived. He got all the answers he wanted there and then, without either of them discussing anything. Sarahs engagement party would stick in his mind more vividly than it would in most of the other people that attended that night. He could not believe that he had humiliated himself once more over her but knew it would never happen again. He also knew he would not go under like he had done before, because he was wiser now. He learned from Sarah, that the wedding was to be planned for the autumn of the following year. She told him that Bernadette and Nancy were to be bridesmaids and also Susan and Monica her youngest sister from Martins side. How wonderful he said, I cant wait, in the most sarcastic tone he could muster. This is never going to bloody well end he thought to himself, thinking of this unfortunate and seemingly permanent connection to Sarah. Fed up of it all, Matthew threw himself once more into the social life in Slough realizing that he was young, free and there was all those other fish in the sea just waiting for him. Within no time he was dating an English girl called Sally, whom he had met at the Carlton Ballroom. Her family were Cockneys, originally from East London and had come to Slough like many others from the same area to escape the cramped living conditions that existed in the high-rise flats they occupied. They also availed of the many new jobs and council houses that were built from the 1950s in a large estate in the town known as Britwell. She was a very pleasant girl with an uncomplicated personality, unlike Matthews. She was mad about him from the start and she offered herself to him on a plate, a dish he duly

consumed. She was a natural blonde, slim with shoulder length hair. Her family were also very nice and made a point out of telling him that her mothers mother was from Ireland. They went bowling, to the cinema and visited each others houses. Bridget and all the family thought she was nice. They even ended up in the Red Lion pub one Saturday night where Sally was meeting up with some work mates from the office where she worked, enthusiastically introducing him to them. He found it all a little embarrassing. It was there that Matthew saw Susans younger sister Monica drinking with some friends. She broke the ice by saying hello to them and although Matthew was relieved, he knew he no longer gave a damn about Susan or anybody connected to her. The only problem was that he didnt feel about Sally the way she felt about him. The next big problem was how to go about telling her. It was soon her birthday and he was attending her party with present and large soppy card in hand. He didnt have the heart to tell her then and every time he tried, something else would come up. He made an excuse one weekend that he was meeting up with his old friends, which he was, but it was just a means of getting a respite from a relationship he knew was not going anywhere for him. He and his friends ended up at the Carlton Ballroom and Matthew dancing with another English blonde and kissing her intensely in the middle of the floor. Then out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sally standing with a friend, staring at him with a look of horror in her eyes. Oh my God he said to himself expecting a scene and feeling a complete cad. She never came near him until the dance finished, which now seemed an eternity. When she did, she said nothing about the other girl, only how she felt about him. He was truly amazed at her and even more so when she told him that she didnt mind if he spent some time with his friends or danced with someone. He thought her attitude was incredibly liberal, bordering on Hippy. Their relationship lasted for a short time after that until Matthew told her with honesty, that he did not want to waste any more of her time. She was crying when they said goodbye, he felt awful and wondered what was wrong with him for letting such a nice girl go and hoping that he would not live to regret it. He had found that he was getting too involved with girls he was meeting and hadnt met someone yet that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He was very unsettled emotionally, after all that had gone on recently and felt there was a lot more living to do. If only he had met her before, who knows, he thought, what might have been. He went on what could be called a dating spree for the best part of a year. He met girls at parties, dances and pubs and never got too involved with them. They were like a large jar of sweets to him, not knowing which one to choose. It was like a pick and mix period to him and he was revelling in it. He had turned into a complete flirt. As Nancy his youngest sister said to him Every time I see you walking down the street its with a different girl. I just havent found the right one yet, he answered. But its fun trying he added. Nancy was a pretty young girl with dark eyes and mid brown hair and although she could be one of the quieter ones, when she spoke about something it was significant. Bernadette his middle sister was now attracting male attention herself, although still at school. She was a beautiful, sophisisticated, intellectual brunette with the most caring personality. She had dark brown hair, almost black like Matthews and hazel eyes. She was deep and had an incredible understanding of life and people for one so young.

It was something that was recognized by the rest of the family during the many debates that would take place in the household. Declan the youngest was preparing to start school. He was a jolly little soul and lively as a puppy, who in what was the only environment he had known, adapted well to everything. Matthew sometimes envied his less painful, less complicated upbringing. Recently, pubescent Patrick on the other hand in all his varying moods, Matthew could identify with but was of little or no help. The only thing he did discover about him was that he had an absolute preference for brunettes. He had mid-brown hair and very dark brown eyes and was said to resemble Bridgets father. That December Matthew was to turn Twenty One. Bridget and Sarah had asked him what he wanted to do for the occasion. He told them he had no interest in celebrating it and he meant it they learned. Bridget would not let it pass and she and others conspired to have a party in the house. It was arranged unknown to Matthew. He got the surprise of his life when he saw his friends assembled in the garage out of sight shouting Happy Twenty First. He was very surprised and emotional to see all his Irish friends and even Ivan present. He had a great evening and thanked all his friends and particularly Bridget and all the family for the effort they made. You cant keep anything a secret in this bloody town he joked. Ivan informed him at the party that he was going to get engaged to a girl called Sharon whom he was madly in love with. It was about this time that Bernadette started dating a boy herself much to Bridgets concern. His name was Andrew and he was born in England of Irish parents as many were in Slough. He was a handsome fair-haired lad of athletic build and had a good presence and sense of humour. She would be full of excitement when he would arrive to pick her up in his car. They seemed to be serious about each other. The first three in age, Matthew, Sarah and Bernadette were all now maturing in their formative years, a fact not lost on Bridget and Joe. Matthew at this stage was finding Slough a bit limited at times socially. He was constantly bumping into the same faces, particularly female ones that he had either danced with before or dated. This town is getting too small for me he said to a friend in the pub, who had no idea what he meant as Slough was a large town. Then one Saturday evening he was drinking in his local and was talking to another lad called Sean whom he would drink with regularly, when he suggested that they go to a dance in London. He told him about a huge dance hall called the Galtymore that was a fantastic venue. Youve never seen so much talent in all your life he told him. Sounds great Matthew said. But how do we get there? he enquired. Ive got a car, he said. Come on lets go, he beckoned. Matthew thought to hell with it, a change is as good as a rest. Before long they were speeding up the motorway towards London. Sean was a bit of a wild card as Matthew knew, but there was something likeable about him. I never knew you had a car, Matthew said to him. I dont, he said with a smile. Ive been known to borrow one though, he said laughing Oh! Your not serious Matthew said realizing he was travelling in a stolen car. The rest of the journey, he spent looking out for any sign of a police car. Dont you ever do that to me again Matthew said to him as they parked up on a side street off a

thoroughfare that was known as Cricklewood Broadway. The Galtymore that Matthew had heard of stood majestically in the middle of the busy street. There was a queue at the entrance being directed in by security men, known as bouncers. Matthew was amazed at the size of the venue and the crowd that attended. He had never been in such large crowd of Irish people, since he last visited home. There were two dances taking place in the one complex. One was to traditional Irish music, played by one band in a separate area at the other side of the large building. While in the main ballroom, the best-known showbands from Ireland performed both Modern and Country and Western music. It was there that that Matthew and Sean ventured to. Matthew felt a little out of place for once, not knowing anyone there. He was standing there like Sean taking the whole thing in and listening to great music. Sean had spotted two girls standing side by side after one dance had finished. Come on, lets ask these two for the next dance, he said to Matthew. Matthew, to his annoyance was oblivious to his request, he having been transfixed and staring at the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. She was talking and smiling with another girl and his feet were bringing him closer and closer to her across a densely crowded ballroom. The girl she was talking to moved away to greet someone else and Matthew was suddenly three feet away from her. He was almost in a state of panic as he approached her, in case she was a figment of his imagination or a vision that might disappear. He managed to somehow utter the words he had so often used before, but this time, with his throat dry and his heart pounding. Would you like this dance? He was in terror, in case she might decline. She looked at him, with the deepest blue eyes that shone from beneath a fringe of shoulder length fair hair. Without saying anything, she smiled with her large sensuous lips and nodded with a yes. The next dance was a waltz and they ended up both dancing cheek to cheek and talking incessantly. Matthew felt an air of electricity passing through his body as though she was transferring it. She was slim, petite and perfectly formed and seemed to float in perfect step across the floor. Michelangelo could not have sculptured such beauty he discerned. The conversation was to stun him equally. What part are you from he had asked, curious to know what part of Ireland she was from. Tipperary she had answered in a soft-spoken country accent. She told him her name was Ellen Fitzpatrick. What a beautiful name for a beautiful girl he said. Ill bet you say that to all the girls she replied. All what girls he said, meaning it more than he had ever done in his life. He told her he was born in the same county and it seemed to begin to create a common bond between them. He learned that she lived nearby in Cricklewood and she told him she had heard of Slough but had never been there. Its practically in the sticks, he told her, joking that it was rural compared to London. He asked her for another dance, not wanting to let her out of his sight and they ended up spending the rest of the evening together and slowly began to learn a little more about each other. Would you like a drink? He asked her. I think the bar is closed now, Ellen said. My God, is it that time already Matthew observed. They ended up having soft drinks at the coffee bar and talking and sitting close to each other.

A photographer, who took pictures at dances with an instamatic camera and sold them, took a picture of them both. Matthew bought the photograph and handed it to Ellen saying, in case you forget me. She smiled and put it in her bag. Soon, all too soon, for Matthew the night came to an end and they walked along the Broadway hand in hand. Matthew did not want the night to end. It was on the corner of Cricklewood Lane slightly out of view of the exiting crowd from the dance hall that they first kissed. Matthew held her pretty head in his arms and they kissed passionately. God, could she kiss. Her tender, voluptuous lips drew him into a place he had never been before, Heaven. At that moment Matthew knew he would die if he didnt see her again. He asked her if he could meet her the following weekend and to his relief, she said yes. She arranged to meet him the following Saturday afternoon at Kilburn Park Station. She told him that he could get a bus there from Paddington station, which Matthew knew was where he could get a train from Slough. Dont worry Ill find it he said. She wrote her phone number down on a piece of paper and said, If you get lost, give me a ring. He asked if he could walk her home, feeling a little presumptuous. Ill see you next Saturday, she said as she met up with a female friend who lived near her. He waved constantly, like a child, as they walked eventually out of sight. He walked to where Sean had parked the car, thinking of nothing but her. The car was gone and he was left alone in the drifting crowd. It was late, but he didnt care. He felt a strange energy and amazing sense of purpose. He was so elated he felt he was walking on air. Then it hit him, like an express train, he was in love. To top it all, it was love at first sight. He had heard of and even read about such a thing, but never thought that it would happen to him. He was going around in a trance and could not think of anything but her. Why do I live miles away? he said to himself as he walked in a westerly direction, not sure exactly where he was going and not caring. A whole week he said, a whole week, before I see her again. It was a clear August night, with hardly a cloud in the sky and he had a surge of energy in him that he felt he had to walk off. He walked through the night, it already being the early hours of the morning. He found himself laughing at nothing; it was a feeling of happiness that surpassed anything he had ever known. He eventually picked up a taxi at a train station and arrived home in the early morning. He slept in that Sunday, with a smile on his face. Where were you last night? Bridget asked him. In Heaven he answered with a stupid grin on his face. The week that followed seemed like the longest week of his life. He could be very grumpy first thing in the morning and Declan the youngest, being innocent, was often volunteered to call him. Mum says its time to get up, he would say, peeping his head around the bedroom door. This would often be greeted by a grunt or a moan or simply a go away or worse. That week even Declan noticed a more pleasant demeanour surrounding Matthew. He didnt go to the pub that Friday night, instead, waiting and saving his money and counting the hours until he was on that train from Slough to Paddington Station in London. He got off the bus on Kilburn High Road after asking directions from the bus conductor and made

his way to the rendezvous. He was a little early, not daring to be late. He smoked some cigarettes to quell his nerves as he observed the surroundings. Before he knew it, the best part of an hour had passed and an air of panic began to build up inside him. He found himself ringing home and talking to Sarah, whom he had confided in about having the date. He told her she was late and that he was panicking about what to do. He didnt want to ring her in case she would think he sounded desperate. Im sure she will be along in a minute, Sarah said. After all it is a womans prerogative to be late, she added. As he was talking to Sarah, he saw Ellen walking down the road in the distance. Shes here, he exalted. Oh good Sarah said, adding You havent lost your touch, then. He heard her telling him to have a nice time as he put the phone down. He emerged from the phone box as quickly as he could and stood waiting for her pretending to be the epitome of calmness. He took a deep breath as she approached him with a smile that made his legs turn to jelly. Hello, he said, bewitched by her once more. Sorry Im a bit late she said, in the most serene and soft tone of voice. Have you been waiting long? She asked. No, not at all he said. They held hands and began to walk down the busy thoroughfare called Kilburn High Road. I believe this is a very Irish area of London Matthew said. Thats putting it mildly, Ellen said. They call it the thirty third county of Ireland, she added. All the Irish faces and accents along the street intrigued Matthew. I think I could get to like this place, he said to her. He could not stop looking at her as they walked along. She had the profile of a film star and was immaculately dressed from head to toe. He was making a conscious effort to stop his heart from pounding, feeling humbled in her presence. He wanted to know everything about her. There was so much he wanted to tell her also and patience wasnt one of his virtues. He could only hope that she felt a semblance of what he did. The time flew by as they walked and talked along the promenade. What would you like to do? Matthew asked her. I dont really mind, she said. Neither do I, he said laughing and putting his arm around her inviting waist. After some time, Ellen said, Maybe youd like to come back to our place. That would be nice, Matthew answered. Confused, he enquired, You said our place. Oh! I share a flat with my friend Pauline Ellen explained. Its a short bus ride from here, she informed him. I see, so you wanted to meet me on neutral ground first, to suss me out he said jokingly. She gave him a broad smile and a gentle kiss. There was something about Ellen that drove Matthew wild from the first moment he met her. She had an air of innocence about her, a child-like quality, and a trust in her eyes. But she was no child, she was a young woman, a beautiful warm young woman and he was besotted with her. Soon they arrived at Cricklewood, and to a large house in Fordwich Road. Ellen opened the front door with her key and likewise the door to the first floor flat with another. Dont open your eyes with the mess, she laughed as he entered after her.

Mess he said, its immaculate. You can tell its girls that live here, he added. With that a slim blonde girl emerged from the kitchen saying hello in the most distinctive Dublin accent. This is Pauline Ellen said introducing him. You must be Matthew, she said. Someones been talking, he said, drawing a slight blush from Ellen. Pauline was fun and great company but Matthew naturally wanted to be alone with Ellen. That evening all three of them ended up going for a meal in an Italian restaurant and for a few drinks in a local pub. What would you like to drink? Matthew asked Ellen. Ill have a Babycham please, she requested. With a cherry she added. Oh God! He thought, trying not to giggle, she just knocks me out. If ever there was a drink to suit her character that was it. Pauline on the other hand was a Vodka and lemonade girl. The evening of that day turned to night too quickly for Matthew. He and Ellen kissed passionately on her doorstep and he asked if he could see her the next week. Id love to she said in a hushed voice, that seemed as sad as his was at departing from each other. He gave her his home phone number, he already having hers. Ill call you during the week he promised as he waved goodbye. He went to his local pub in Slough that Sunday, just to pass the time. Even though the atmosphere was good, he asked himself, what he was doing there, when all he wanted to do was be with Ellen. The following weekend he packed some clothes and his shaver in the rucksack that he had used in Paris and planned to stay in a Bed and Breakfast. He told Bridget not to expect him back until Sunday night. My word, this one must be special, she said, noticing all the fuss he was making about his appearance and the way he was rushing around. My best shirt he panicked as he was selecting a tie. Its washed and ironed Bridget informed him. Oh thanks Mum, Matthew said relieved. It was Ellens flatmate Pauline who answered the front door, when Matthew rang the bell. Have you come to stay? she teased as she observed the rucksack he was carrying. She was witty and had that sharp Dublin sense of humour. You look amazing Matthew said to Ellen. Shes been grooming herself all day, Pauline said laughing. Take no notice of her Ellen replied smiling. That could be difficult Matthew commented. Arrangements were made to go for a few drinks in a famous Irish pub called The Crown. It was practically next to the Galtymore Ballroom, where Matthew and Ellen met. Ill go for that, Matthew said. It was only a fifteen-minute walk from where they lived. My word, ye live in the centre of it all Matthew commented. The atmosphere in the pub was incredible. There was a band playing Irish music upstairs and every accent in the place was Irish. The whole place was like a little piece of Ireland and Matthew relished it. They ended the night in the dancehall, where Matthew was thankful to be in the embrace of Ellen alone, while Pauline was dancing. It was late when they arrived back and Matthew had completely forgotten to book into a Bed and Breakfast establishment. Theres one across the street from us, Pauline informed him.

He knocked on the door and although it was late, the landlady who was Greek, said she had a single room vacant, which she showed him. The three of them talked until the early hours of the morning before Matthew and Ellen kissed passionately once more on her doorstep. As he was pulling the curtains in the upstairs front window of the Bed and Breakfast house, he could observe Ellen waving to him and blowing kisses from her front window. He knew then that he did not want to live a day without her in his life. After breakfast he went straight over to their place. They were both ready and waiting to go to Mass. The church they attended was in Kilburn, a short bus ride away. Matthew was already becoming familiar with the area, realizing that he and Ellen had passed what was Quex Road, where the church was located on their first date. What he did not tell them at this point was that he had not attended church regularly for some time, for reasons that he did not know himself. He enjoyed every minute he spent with Ellen and would feel down when he would return to Slough during the week. It was only weeks away from Sarah and Martins wedding and a sense of excitement laced with panic was filling the OConnor and McGinley households. Bridget in particular was very busy helping with arrangements and all the advice she could give on her first daughters wedding. Indeed, the first wedding in her family. Bit by bit they all became excited about the forthcoming event as dresses were bought for the bridesmaids, Bernadette and Nancy. Joe, Matthew and Patrick had their suits ready and Declan was to be attired as a pageboy. But most of the fuss naturally surrounded Sarah, the bride to be. Relatives and friends had been invited from all over and even Momma and Dadda were coming from Ireland. Matthew felt guilty at being almost distant at times from Sarahs happiness, he being so caught up with his own. Tell Ellen, shes more than welcome to come to the wedding Sarah told Matthew. Thanks he said. Im not sure if she will, he added. Weve only known each other a few weeks, he explained. I havent been so busy, that I did not notice how happy you have looked lately Matthew she said. He made up his mind that he would ask her the following weekend face to face. He told Ellen that she was invited to his sister Sarahs wedding and that she would meet all his family, grandparents, aunts and uncles on the one day. He was very enthusiastic and excited about it. He wanted to show her off to the world, never mind his extended family. Oh my God was her reply. You cant be serious, she added. Its easy for you but I havent even met one of them before she said. Oh, please, please come he pleaded. Youll be with me, honestly Matthew said trying to persuaded her. Sarahs dying to meet you and so are all of them Thats what Im worried about she said, her eyes open wide as in terror. Do it for me Ellen he said from the heart. I need thinking time on this one, she explained. She confided in her friend Pauline, who said to her laughing at her demise Oh go on, make the effort, at least youll get them all out of the way at one go. You never know, you might really enjoy it, she added. Youre a great help, Ellen said.

Clothes, Ive nothing to wear, she said panicking. You must be joking Pauline said. Youve twice the wardrobe I have and all of it good stuff she commented. Its a couple of weeks away yet, Matthew reminded her. He could not believe how shy and self-conscious someone as beautiful as her was. He found it endearing that she was such a tender soul. If you want to come, Ill be over the moon he told her. If you dont, Ill understand, because it wont change the way I feel about you. She looked at him with those big blue eyes and seeing the look of hope in his, consented with a quiet OK then. Yes Matthew said with a loud shriek. You owe me one, she said softly in his ear. The panic in the run up to the first wedding of Joe and Bridgets siblings in the OConnor household was twice as bad at times. It concerned everything from the Brides dress, the Bridesmaids dresses, the reception, the flowers, the catering and so on. Sarahs future mother in law Catherine was to do the catering with help from colleges who were in the same line of work as her. The reception was to take place in the parish hall in a village known as Iver Heath near Slough. The wedding ceremony itself was to be in St. Ethelberts, the parish church that the OConnor family attended since coming to the town. A big effort was made by all of them to look their best for the occasion including Patrick who had his hair cut at the Barbers. He had apparently had asked for it to be cut short. The enthusiastic Barber obliged and for reasons or rather a misunderstanding between them, Patrick ended up with a Skinhead haircut, leaving him practically looking bald. Christ almighty, what were you thinking of was Joes reaction. After Bridget had calmed down she relented, Its too late to do anything about it now. I dont believe it Sarah said. Its done now and its surely not the most important thing on the day Bernadette commented trying to hold back the laughter. Matthew thought it was hilarious. Maybe we can hire a wig, he said to Bridget and Sarah, who both said, Thats not funny. You dipstick Matthew said to him, How did you manage that. He just kept cutting and cutting Patrick told him. Dont you have a tongue in your head Matthew said repeating Joes words. Patricks demise would be a talking point and one of those daft memories in years to come, they all concluded. Before they knew it the big day had arrived. Sarah looked beautiful in her white dress and veil and all of them scrubbed up very well. An aroma of polish and perfume filled the house that morning, punctuated by the smell of cigarette smoke that acted like a combined tranquilliser, to calm the impending chaos. The Bridle car eventually set off with the almost neurotically nervous Sarah and the equally pensive but proud Joe. Nobody ever remembers quite how arrangements on such occasions fall into place, despite minor pitfalls, but somehow they do. The wedding ceremony was very nice and the expected tears fell from Bridgets eyes. That day all of the OConnors including Matthew felt a sense of place and belonging in that old church, in that rather bland town that had become part of all their being. Memories of each other and particularly of Sarah flowed through their minds. Joe and Bridget were so proud of her as Martins parents were of him. Martin was so neatly turned out that day that he looked like an advert for a tailors outfitter.

The summery photographs took place mainly outside the church, it being a dry day in the third week in September 71. The first time that day that Matthew drew a breath of wrath was when he saw Susan lined up for a photograph with the other bridesmaids. He looked from left to right noticing how lovely Bernadette looked and Nancy and then that creature with her grinning cats eyes and her sister Monica on the right. It was the first time that day that his enjoyment of the occasion began to wane. Ellen had agreed to come to the reception, thinking it not her place to be at the wedding ceremony. Matthew had wished she were there from the start. He concluded however, that it was Sarahs day and he would make the most of it for her sake. He began counting the hours until Ellen would arrive. It was a large parish hall in the village of Iver Heath where the reception was held. There was no such venue in their parish church that was built on a small plot in the town centre. Before long it was crammed with people comprising of relatives and friends from both families. The catering was excellent and a bar was set up. Some time had passed when the bride and groom and others including Joe noticed that the band that was hired had not turned up. It was the first big hiccup of the day. Joe, who was not a patient man to say the least, became incensed over it. He practically had steam coming out of his ears as time passed by. He was a very punctual man by nature himself and did not tolerate complacency in others lightly. Maybe I need to go home and get the guitar, Matthew said jokingly, but to no ones amusement. Eventually when they did arrive he tore into them with expletives that even Matthew to his amusement had never heard him use before. One member of the band threatened to put the equipment back into their van saying, I dont need this. But eventually the evening began to settle down with dancing drinking and mirth. People had already begun to mix and relatives had introduced themselves to both families. Matthew was glad to see his grandparents again and thought like most of them that they looked well. He did however; find it difficult to mix with members of the McGinley family, more out of embarrassment rather than familiarity. The usual side glances between him and Susan could not be avoided at times, but they never spoke to each other. Matthew kept walking outside waiting for Ellens arrival and wondering if she would have difficulty in finding the place. He asked Patrick if he would keep an eye out when he would return to the hall. Soon Patrick walked up to him and said with a smirk on his face, Theres someone here to see you. He looked around and smiled at Ellen and she smiled nervously back. Oh God, its so good to see you he told her putting his arms around her. He began to introduce her to the bride and groom and all the family as in frenzy, much to her mortification. We can put a face to the name at last Sarah said. Bernadette and Ellen seemed to hit it off straight away. Ellen found her a calming influence amidst an array of confusion at meeting so many people for the first time. Where have you been hiding her? Bernadette joked with Matthew. Eventually Matthew got around to introducing her to all his family including aunts and uncles and his grandparents. To Ellen it was a maze of faces and names. Soon they were dancing and Matthew said, Im so glad you came, it means so much to me.

They danced cheek to cheek to a waltz and he could feel her body relax. Out of the corner of his eye Matthew noticed that Susan was staring at them. Her face was bright red and she seemed perplexed, as her gaze seemed to centre on him. Well, well, Matthew thought to himself, smiling back at her, how does it feel to see me in someone elses arms and with someone whos beauty you couldnt hold a candle to. He enjoyed her jealousy immensely. It was something however, that was not lost on Ellen herself as the evening progressed. Why is that bridesmaid staring at you? she asked him. Its a long story, he told her, Ill tell you about it another time he added. Tonight is for enjoying, he said kissing her reassuringly. Before they all knew it, it was time for the Bride and Groom to depart on their Honeymoon. Tin cans on strings had been tied to the rear bumper of Martins car and made a din as the happy couple drove off to the cheers of one and all. That night after the reception, the family ended up back at the OConnor residence and celebrations continued into the early hours. The conversations circled around the events of the day. It was another marker point in their lives. The first of the siblings had flown the nest. For Bridget it was a day of joy coupled with sorrow at Sarahs departure from the family home. Even though Sarah and Martin had bought a house at the other end of the town, it was a wrench that would be raw with her for a while. Ellen had to return to London, much to Matthews disappointment. He thanked her for coming once more and told her he could not wait to see her the following weekend. They were all pleased to meet her including Bridget and Joe on what had been a hectic day. What do you think of her? Matthew asked Bridget as if wanting her approval. A beautiful girl she said. Very Nordic looking I thought she added. You must invite her down here she asked smiling and seemingly pleased for him. Bridget was soon very pleased with the news that Joe was promoted to Ramp Supervisor at the airport. He would be in charge of the loading of luggage to planes, its weight, distribution and management of staff and would have his own office. He had to undergo training and was issued with a smart uniform that looked like a pilots. Bridget was very proud of him and stated that it was well deserved for all the years of hard work he had put in. Financially they were on the way up and soon they had a large car that was a change from the old bangers that Joe was prone to buying. We must travel as befits our status Bridget declared to them all. Real leather she would point out, referring to the seats, to any of them that was travelling with her and Joe. The area of Slough called Chalvey that they lived in was changing fast. Asians had moved in, in greater and greater numbers and worryingly English people and white people in general were moving out. The Methodist Minister, Alan Fairweather, the OConnors next door neighbour had a For Sale sign on their house. It was not long before they sold to a Pakistani family, the head of whose household was called Ali. They were a family that had bought a shop in the same area. The pattern was simple. As Asians began to buy many houses in the area, they also needed shops to supply their particular kind of food. Soon the shops in the area began to be bought up by the same people.

It would become an Asian enclave of Slough. Bridget and Joe were already contemplating a move as their status had improved and the house in a sense had begun to outlive its usefulness. It was an old house and Joe had done a lot of work on it. He felt there was nothing more he could do with it. Sarah had gone and so had Margaret and in time they concluded so would Matthew and all of them in turn. They informed them all of there plan to contemplate moving and began to look at properties in a wider area. Martin and Sarah had bought a house in an area at the other end of Slough called Cippenham Lane that Bridget liked. She and Joe viewed a property for sale there, but Joe was not impressed by it. Theres no room for improvement, he reasoned. They continued their search and put the house up for sale. One day they viewed a property in the town of Windsor and both Joe and Bridget fell in love with it. It was a big house set on a large plot with land on one side of it. They both agreed it had great potential. The area was quiet and suburban and all the houses there were well kept. The Estate Agent told them it was being offered at a reasonable price for a quick sale. He also told them, as they knew, that it was a very desirable area. As luck would have it, Ali the Asian man who had bought next door to them in Slough, expressed interest in their house and negotiations began to take place. He made them an offer that was acceptable and they in turn put in an offer on the house in Windsor. Things were beginning to move literally. Stranger things were afoot for Matthew at this time also, as he learned that the Company he worked for was closing down shortly and the entire workforce would be made redundant. It was a shock in one sense but in another he felt his destiny lay elsewhere. If that were not strange enough, Ellen informed him that Pauline her friend and flatmate was contemplating going to New York to join two of her sisters that already lived there. Matthew asked Ellen if she would ever consider moving down his direction, to which he got a resounding no. Nearly all of her family and all of her friends and acquaintances lived in London she explained to him. There was also her job in the Wages Department of the London Transport organization, a huge company, to consider. All of them had a lot to think about that Christmas of 71. Pauline, Ellens flatmate had been dating a chap from Dublin called Sam, much to Matthews relief, as going out as a threesome was becoming a strain for him. He was Jewish, which was unique for a man born in Ireland, they being very few in number there. It didnt last very long however, as apparently any of Paulines dates did. She told Ellen that she was fed up and was seriously contemplating a big change. She also knew from the chemistry between Ellen and Matthew, that it looked like they were in for the long haul. As the Christmas approached Matthew began thinking what he would buy Ellen. He consulted Sarah, thinking she might have some ideas. Matthew was good on the romantic side of relationships but hopeless on the practical aspect. It depends on how you feel about her, Sarah advised, waiting for him to divulge his innermost thoughts. Im crazy about her, he uncharacteristically declared. Well well, Matthews in love she said laughing. Jewellery, its definitely jewellery, she told him without hesitation.

He began to scour the appropriate shop windows in Slough. Suddenly, there it was, looking back at him and begging him to buy. It was a beautiful gold cross and chain that had her name on it. He bought it on seeing it and hoped that she would like it. Ellen was very nervous on her first visit to the OConnor household. Although she was a very independent girl with a responsible job in the city, she seemed unsure of herself at being accepted. It was a character trait that Matthew found very endearing. She told him that she dreaded being in a crowd of people answering questions about herself. Ill do all the answering that has to be done Matthew assured her. Matthew knew and was saddened by the fact that she had lost both of her parents. Her father had died when she was a child and her mother died suddenly, at a relatively young age. He thought she was a remarkable girl, considering the hard start she had in life. The first visit went off very well except for one thing. Patrick got it into his head to mimic her Irish accent. She was annoyed by it but Matthew was incensed by it. All of them liked her and Matthew not wanting to start a row, left it later to tackle Patrick. When he did, Patrick told him that he only meant it in jest. Just because youre turning into a bloody little Englishman, dont expect true Irish people to do the same he snapped at him and warned him not to do it again. Ellen had commented about the fact that apart from Matthew and their parents and Margaret, that the rest of them had English accents. She told Matthew that she found him very different from the rest of his fellow siblings. Shortly before the festive season began, Sarah and Martin organized a House Warming Party to celebrate their moving into their new home. Along with members of both families, Matthew and Ellen were invited to attend. Ellen wondered why Matthew seemed reluctant about going to it and asked him what the reason was. He knew it was time to put her in the picture about his past relationship with Susan. He told her everything and she listened without saying a word, except for asking when it happened. She was sympathetic and very understanding, but it had aroused a curiosity in her regarding the situation that connected Susan to his family. Theres nothing else I should know about, is there? she said, looking at him inquisitively. Believe me, theres not he said taking both of her hands in his. You do like it complicated, she said. Believe me I dont he assured her. Eventually he yielded to pressure from both family and Sarah to attend the party. Maybe I should go on my own, if you would find it awkward he said teasing Ellen. Not on your bloody life she replied, making him laugh. Martin and Sarah had gone to a lot of trouble to lay on drinks and a very nice spread of food and snacks. The house was small but neat and very well furnished and decorated. It was a lot newer than the OConnor residence and more modern in every way. Bridget in particular was enthralled with it, she in turn expecting better things to come for them all. A large crowd filled it that evening, with families and friends. Matthew was very pensive that night, avoiding Susan at every turn, in fact trying to ignore her altogether. It was Ellen that drew most of her attention that night, her curiosity seemingly running wild. The only thing that Matthew noticed was that Susan was not accompanied by anyone. He made his excuse to leave as soon as he could, saying that Ellen had to get back to London. Ellen told Matthew afterwards that Susan had asked her if she had ever contemplated moving back to Ireland.

Ellen was extremely annoyed by it, but Matthew was outraged. Youre a true Lady, he said to her. If Id heard that remark, I wouldnt be responsible for what Id say or do he told her almost shaking with anger. Its I that am going to move Matthew told Ellen. Im going to London, I Love you Ellen, I want to be with you, he declared. Are you sure thats what you want? she asked him. Ive never been so sure of anything in my life he answered. She smiled, they kissed, it was done bar the details. That Christmas he gave her the gold cross and chain and she loved it, only taking it off when she slept and placing it on her bedside locker. Ellen visited the OConnors house that festive season and all went very well. Matthew and her were asked to a party at her flatmate Paulines parents house in London, where he met their family. The McDermotts were a large family even larger than Matthews and they were a true Dublin-Irish family. Fun was their middle name and both Matthew and Ellen enjoyed the company. Matthew was delighted to be making new friends. Next it was his turn to meet Ellens family in London and his turn to be nervous. They wont bite you, she said, it being her turn to tease him. She had as she told him, two married sisters, one married brother and one single brother living in the city as well as nieces and nephews on both sides of the water. Her eldest brother she told him, lived in the family home in Ireland. It was then she revealed to him, that her younger brother Ollie had gone missing. He had only arrived in London from Ireland earlier that year and had been staying in the same house as her and Pauline. One evening he had packed his belongings and disappeared. Matthew was alarmed at hearing this and wanted to know if Ellen or her family in London had contacted the Authorities. You dont know Ollie Ellen informed him, Hell be back when it suits him she explained. He had not made any contact with any of them for a few months Matthew learned. He tends to do his own thing at the best of times, Ellen told Matthew. But he could see that she was worried about him. A mystery man Matthew declared, not knowing what to make of it. This city can do strange things to people Ellen told him. They had been invited to meet Ellens eldest sister Maeve who lived in Shepherds Bush. She and her husband Gerry Cahill lived in a large period house in Percy Road. When Ellen rang the doorbell, Matthew could feel his heart beating, it being his first time at meeting any of her family. A petite jolly woman, with almost white-blonde hair greeted them. Her smile was almost breaking into a laugh when she said hello to Matthew. So this is the man of your dreams youve been telling me about, she said laughing at Ellen. Take no notice of her Ellen said clearly embarrassed. I could listen to this woman all night Matthew said enjoying the warm banter and feeling very much at ease. She had prepared a nice meal for them and her husband Gerry who welcomed them both, joined them. They had two little girls in family, one of them only a baby. Gerry worked in the Building industry and was quieter in his approach. They had a lovely evening and from that first meeting there was always a good-humoured banter between Matthew and Maeve. Ellen was mortified when Maeve told Matthew that it was at her suggestion that she went to the

dance that night when they first met. She was, he found out hesitant about going out that particular evening, she having visited her sisters that afternoon. And so it was, that Maeve had a hand in their fate, a fact that Matthew would never forget. Youd never know I said to her, you might meet the man of your dreams tonight, she said laughing. Now he knew what she meant when she first greeted them. Matthew, in the course of a very enjoyable evening, overheard Ellen and Maeve talking about their brothers possible whereabouts. The year of 72 that followed was to bring even more change than the previous one. It was the year that brought Bloody Sunday to Northern Ireland with the shooting dead of civilians there by British paratroopers and the escalation of the campaign of bombings by the Provisionals. The British government imposed direct rule in the North and tensions had never been higher. All of this impacted on the Irish in England and the attitude between both communities could be frosty at times, even though the Irish living there were physically removed from the conflict. It would even come up in the workplace where Matthew and others like him would have to defend their position in the community. Matthew was well versed in Britains colonial history in Ireland, but found it futile trying to explain the wrongs that were done to a people that were hardened by present events. It was best he found to ignore the subject when possible except between his own as it fell on deaf ears. Soon the OConnors tenure in their adopted town of Slough was coming to an end. Joe and Bridget took all of the family including Sarah to see what would be their new residence. It was a large four bedroom, brick-built property with a substantial plot of land particularly at the side. Bridgets eyes lit up with excitement as she tried to explain to them all, the dreams she had for the place and the future potential it offered. This was her forte, her vision, and her passion. The town of Windsor was quaint, charming and historical. It was after all as Bridget stated the residence of the Royal Family. If its good enough for them, then its good enough for us she declared smugly. She was referring to the fact that Windsor Castle was the Queens home. Fancy counting her as one of your neighbours she said in jest. Matthews memories of the town were embedded in his years at college there. He had even been on an organized tour of the castle once. He never thought that they might one day be able to afford to move there. But ironically, he knew he would not be spending long in the area. He felt he was long overdue flying the nest. He had not got around to telling Bridget and Joe or any of them about his future plans. They themselves being busy with their own didnt seem to notice his. He had dropped enough hints about his intentions but nobody had taken him seriously He learned that the company he worked for would be closing down in April. He would receive a redundancy payment, which he concluded would be handy in helping to set himself up in London. Ellen had shown him an evening newspaper that was peppered with jobs of every kind. Moves always seem to happen so quickly, Matthew discerned. Whether it was moving house, moving job, moving town, moving country or even moving to another relationship or moving from childhood to adulthood and not least moving from home. By February the OConnor family had taken up residence in Windsor. Pauline, Ellens friend had moved to be with her sisters in New York. Ellen had moved into a smaller flat. Matthews job finished and the company closed.

He had gone for job interviews in London and secured a clerical job not far from where she lived. A room became vacant in the house where Ellen resided and Matthew put a deposit on it and was ready to make the move. Bridget and Joe were very busy working on the house and starting to put their own touches to it. Matthew saw how happy they seemed and felt it was a nice time in their lives. It was how he wanted to remember them as he was leaving. Joe wished him well and shook his hand as a man would a mans and not a boys. Bridget on the other hand was tearful embracing him. The actual act of leaving, Matthew found out that day was far more daunting than all the planning or thinking about it. He felt an uneasy solitude on the bus that took him to the railway station that he would set off for London from. Only this was not for a date with Ellen, this was definitive, this was final, this was fated. His mind was a cauldron of emotions. He began to wonder if the previous nine years had all been a strange dream. He looked at the six letters on the sign on the railway platform, as the train began to move and a bitter tear began roll down his cheek, thinking of the day he first saw them. They spelt S-L-O-U-G-H.

CHAPTER SIX LONDON He had arranged to meet Ellen on her return home from work at the house. The landlord had given him two keys, one for the front door of the house and another for his room. Suddenly there it was, the dwelling that was to be his first home away from home. It was a large imposing house, situated off a well-known road called Willesden Lane that joined Kilburn High Road, the Mecca of the Irish in West London. The address was 20, Callcott Road. Ellens room was on the same first floor landing as his, separated only by the bathroom. The other rooms were mainly let out to girls, with the exception of one other lad, Ellen had told him. Matthew thought his room looked smaller than when he first viewed it. The only window looked out onto the garden at the rear. It was surprisingly quiet, being at the rear of the building in such a built up area. For Matthew in those first few hours it was too quiet, bereft of all the comings and goings of his family that he strangely missed. He unpacked his clothes and put them in the small wardrobe, realizing that he would have to make a couple of trips to bring his possessions from Windsor. He would not however, he concluded, be able to bring them all. This is how it must have been for many Irish people arriving in one of the largest cities in the world he thought as he sat on the bed that was the only seating in the room. He looked in the mirror that sat on a small sink in the corner and felt very alone momentarily for the first time in his life. Where are you Ellen? he kept saying to himself as he continually looked at his watch. He could wait no longer in his solitary confinement that felt like a prison cell and decided to wait outside amongst traffic and people in his new abode. And then a little later than expected he saw her approach. She gave that beautiful broad smile as she came near, almost laughing at his obvious demise. Did you think I had run away? she said skittishly. He put his arm around her waist and welcomed her home with a kiss, wondering if she knew how glad he was to see her. The traffic was slow, she said referring to her bus journey. It was Friday evening and Ellen was finished work for the weekend, with Matthew due to start his new job the following Monday. They went straight to her room, which was a large space that had more facilities including a cooker and a fridge It also looked out onto the rear of the house and had a balcony approached from French windows. This is the business Matthew commented, although knowing it was more to rent. I told you Id sort out some accommodation for you Ellen said, knowing that they would probably spend most of the time in her patch. What would I do without you? he said. She would almost hum like a purr when he complimented her. I prepared something for this evening she said turning on the oven. You must be starving? she added. It had been a long time since he had eaten, his mind having being preoccupied that day. She served a casserole that was to die for. All this and youre a Chef as well he said. Ellen explained to him that she had studied cooking in Ireland and at one time had considered taking it up as a career. That evening they bought some cans of larger from an off licence on the corner of the main road. Ellen had the television that she and Pauline had bought for their previous flat and they settled in

that evening not wanting anybodys company but theyre own. I bet you miss Pauline sometimes? Matthew said with his arm around her. Yes sometimes she said. She said shed write and let me know how she got on, she told him. It must be quite a change for you as well? she enquired, to which he nodded his head. They talked a lot that night, more than they had ever done and got to know much more about each other. A lot of it was about their past, particularly about their romantic past. Ellen had dated a lot, Matthew learned, but had never been really involved with anyone although attracted to one or two lads in particular in her time. She was a Catholic Irish girl whom he learned that night was a virgin. It was his dream come true and he vowed to make her his alone. He had found his meaning in life and was deliriously happy. He slept with a smile on his face that night, wishing only that she were next to him. She was the most special creature he had ever known and he had the greatest respect for her. He would wait as long as she wanted until she was ready to take the next step in their relationship. But eventually their chasteness, bound by their passionate love, would give way to the perfect union between a man and a woman. He heard a gentle knock on his door that Saturday morning. Wake up sleepy head, breakfasts nearly ready she said. While they were eating Matthew said, We must sort out my contribution towards food and whatever. No rush with that she said, seeming to be just very happy in his company. What do you fancy doing today? she asked him. I dont care really he replied. Maybe you could show me whats what around the area he suggested. And that was exactly how they spent the first day together. Theres a pay phone in the hall if you want to call home Ellen pointed out. Oh God, thanks for reminding me Matthew said, it having slipped his mind. I must give them a buzz, he said fidgeting in his pocket for some coins. Patrick who answered, quickly put him on to Bridget whom he told everything was fine. There was a launderette around the corner where they could wash their clothes. Thats handy, he said, never having used one before or indeed never having washed clothes full stop. Domestically, Matthew hadnt a clue about either cooking or washing. As for shopping for food, it was all new to him. Ellen would become his mentor in this respect, a task for which he would become eternally grateful. They lived very near all the amenities, which were within walking distance in Kilburn High Road. Even the pubs were near the shops as Matthew noticed. It was to one of these they went that night called Biddy Mulligans. It was a lively venue attended by young and old Irish people alike and a band played Irish music. It really was like being in Ireland as Matthew commented. This place was manufactured for me, he said to Ellen. Some acquaintances said hello to Ellen in passing, the girls smiling and the males looking enviously at Matthew. It was something he had noticed even walking down the street. Sunday morning they attended Mass. Matthew although having recently lapsed from the church went along to please Ellen. The church in Quex road, Kilburn was packed with Irish families and Matthew had to admit he quite enjoyed it. There you pagan Ellen said putting a drop of holy water on his forehead with her finger. It was something she did every time they would exit a church, as Matthew didnt bother with it.

On Sunday afternoon, Ellen suggested that they visit the Edgware Road market. It was a street market that was a bus ride away. The area was full of stalls that sold practically everything. The characters were as colourful as the items they sold and it was crammed with people. It was a great place to go at Christmas time she told him. Before they knew it the weekend had passed and it was time for Matthew to start his new job. It was strange but nice kissing Ellen before setting off to catch the bus on his first day. Every day that weekend was a first day for him in the beginning of his new life. Before long he had settled into his new job and made friends with new workmates. It was all a new challenge and a new area to explore. The sheer scale and diversity of London only hits you when you live in it, Matthew discerned. He was also in constant touch with his family. During one phone call he learned that his sister Bernadette and her boyfriend Andrew were involved in a car crash in Slough. Bernadette had banged her head in the collision. She was worried about what Joe and Bridget might have to say because they had both had some drink. She made light of her injury, saying she was fine. But it was not long before she encountered problems with what was diagnosed as bruising of the brain. She began to suffer from extreme mood swings and depression. It brought on a marked change in her personality. She was suffering from clinical depression and was prescribed tablets for it. She even cut large parts of her hair off and went missing from home at one point and sent them all into panic before turning up at the house of a female friend of hers. It was at this point that the doctor suggested that she be hospitalised for a time. In order to do this she had to be committed with Joe and Bridgets consent. There seemed to be no other route open to them. For the second time in their lives as they had to do in the past with there now deceased son Baby Luke, they had to commit another one of their children to an institution. It was heartbreaking for them and all the family. They all visited her in turn, consoling her and telling her, that she would be out of there in no time. She was often tired looking from sedation at times and often agitated and fearful about her detention in that damned place as Matthew called it. It was soul wrenching when she would ask them when she was coming home, often saying that the doctors had told her it would be next week. Thank God that next week finally arrived after successful treatment and she was prescribed suitable medication that brought about a marked recovery. She told Matthew and Ellen that during her time there she had received electric shock therapy, something that had shocked them on hearing it. There were times when nobody could reach her or understand how she was feeling. They all felt deeply saddened, that in a moment, her young life was cruelly changed forever. The normally carefree, balanced, talented, confident girl seemed so uncertain and bewildered at times. She did however; find comfort in her singing and guitar playing. She also found expression in the beautiful, serene, delicate watercolour paintings she would create. But there was an underlying struggle that she would have to endure for the rest of her life. It cost her the break up with her first serious boyfriend Andrew, who was heartbroken when they finished. It was at times like this that Matthew felt very far away from family, but did his best to visit them as often as he could. The big news on the social front about this time was the building of the Irish Club in Slough.

It was an idea that was nurtured by the Irish Society in the town for some time and finally their dream of having their own club came to fruition. Matthew had wished that such a fine facility had existed in his time there. Aidan Joyce, a close family friend and former neighbour of Joe and Bridgets was to become club manager. Joe himself was to become chairman of the Irish Society for a time. Matthew and Ellen visited the newly opened club and he introduced her to his old friends. The problem was it was just too far away for them to socialise there regularly. And in many respects, although sadly at times, Matthew felt he had moved on from the former scene. That very night he spotted a former girlfriend Kate in the crowd and knew that even if he lived back there, that nothing would be the same. Matthew knew that London was filled with many places that would interest him. He introduced Ellen to aspects and interests of his life. At weekends they would visit Art Galleries and Museums and the many different sights that the city had to offer. London was serviced with the most intricate public transport system, from buses to trains and including the underground rail system. As Ellen worked for the London Transport organization, she had a free travel pass. Matthew often wondered if she went along just to please him. He did learn however, that she did have quite a critical eye for art that surprised him. Such outings would usually happen on a Sunday, as they would socialise in the various pubs around their area of a Saturday night. The Irish saying the craic was the byword for fun among the Irish. The craic was good in Cricklewood, It started in the Crown, There were glasses flying And Biddies crying, Paddy was going to town. There was not a true Irish person there who didnt know that verse. Dancing into the small hours at the Irish venues often followed the sessions in the pubs. It was at one of these dances that Ellen introduced Matthew to Irish friends of hers called Nora Connolly and her boyfriend Mick Kavanagh. Mick who was from Galway worked in the headquarters of a bank in the city and Nora was employed in a local branch of a building society. We wont be stuck for financial advice then Matthew said on hearing this. They struck up a friendship and often went out as a foursome on Saturday nights. This added to the fun and a good deal of banter was entered into between them. They in turn would meet up with other young people and the social life began to expand. Matthew like Ellen had made friends at work and it didnt seem so foreboding and lonely for him any more. That year other news came from one of Matthews calls to home. Margaret, Bridgets sister had been in an accent. After enquiring how she was Matthew asked what the bloody hell is going on down there since I left? He learned that she was knocked off her bicycle by a passing lorry and suffered a spinal injury that incapacitated her for some time. Her working days came abruptly to an end and she applied for and got disability allowance. Bridget called in a favour from one of her former fellow councillor colleges and managed to get a ground floor council flat for her in Slough. At least she wont have to spend the rest of her life in that kip Bridget said to Matthew, referring to the room she rented. The flat was the first place that Margaret ever had that she could call her own.

At least I have the key to my own door dear Margaret said to Matthew and Ellen when they visited. She had a walking stick now that she used like an identity badge. She would wave it when crossing the road and bring traffic to a halt like a policeman, Bridget told Matthew. Bridget reckoned she didnt really need it much, but it never left her side. Margaret was a most amusing little woman and would give them all a laugh at times. But beneath her humorous exterior she was often lonely and missed the mayhem of the time she spent with the OConnor family. Her male friend Sydney had moved back to his family home in Derby after his mothers death. And although she did manage to visit him there, she injured her back in his house and was reluctant to go there again. They did keep in touch but they gradually became separated by time and distance. The big event of that year for Matthew was the invitation he and Ellen received to his old friend Ivans wedding. Matthew had never met his wife to be Sharon and Ivan had never met Ellen. The wedding took place in Slough and Matthew was looking forward to meeting up with him again. He and Ellen had bought the latest gizmo in the form of a portable radio as a present. The bride Sharon was a slim blonde English girl from the town. Matthew congratulated them both and introductions were made. He noticed a strange look on Ivans face when he introduced him to Ellen. He seemed instantly smitten by her. Ellen had that kind of effect on some men as Matthew knew only too well. After all she had that effect on him the first time he saw her. On this occasion however, he found it particularly embarrassing. He had hoped that his bride had not noticed. During a conversation at the bar Ivan said to him where in Gods name did you find her? Matthew made light of the conversation and he like Ellen settled in and enjoyed the rest of the evening. The next member of Ellens family that Matthew met was her brother Kevin. He like her sister Maeve had a head of blonde hair. He was a stocky built muscular building worker with a strong handshake and had the loudest gravel voice that Matthew ever heard. His conversation was direct and non articulate. We must have a drink sometime he said to Matthew. He and his wife Agnes lived in Ealing in West London, Matthew learned. Youll have to come to the Christening, he told both of them. When he left after what was a short visit, Ellen asked Matthew what he thought of him. A little overpowering, but maybe thats just first impressions, he answered to which she laughed. Thats our Kevin, she said. She told Matthew that Agnes his wife had recently given birth to a baby girl and that they had a son in Ireland. Ellen explained that Agness mother in her home place was bringing up the eldest boy. Matthew found this peculiar, but even Ellen did not have all the answers to the situation. It seemed to be one of those forced marriages because Agnes had become pregnant while they were going out together. Ellens next family news was that her brother Ollie had come out of hiding so to speak. Although annoyed by his absence Matthew could tell she was happy to hear the news. He had contacted their brother Kevin and had ended his self-imposed exile. Soon Matthew and Ellen found themselves attending the Christening. It was at this venue that Matthew would meet up with all of Ellens relatives that were living in London.

The church service was followed by food and plenty of drink at an Irish pub nearby. Matthew watched as family photographs were taken. It was easy to make out Ellens family the Fitzpatricks by their similar looks and the inevitable blonde hair. It was in the pub that the main introductions were done. Matthew had already met Maeve and Kevin and was introduced to the infamous Ollie for the first time. He was a small man rounded in shape with receding blonde hair and had the look and smile of one hilarious character. Every word that came out of his mouth was in jest and he had an insatiable sense of humour. He was the joker of the family and could entertain a crowd of people on his own. Matthew conceded that he had never met anyone quite like him and warmed to him from the start. He was invited by one and all to visit them and not least by Ellen who Matthew could see had missed him greatly. It was the first time also that Matthew had met Ellens other sister Theresa. She was another stunning looking girl but much more reserved and serious in nature than the others and often smiled more than she would talk. She was married to an Englishman, himself a Londoner called David Shoreditch. He seemed almost intimidated at times completely surrounded by Irish company. They were in general a very jolly, uninhibited, outgoing family in the main and Matthew was glad to be in their company. Invitations to visit were extended by all and a whole new life full of different characters was opened up to Matthew. There were now a variety of things to do and people to see for him and Ellen. They were young happy and hopelessly in love. He smiled the first time she called him darling and she when he called her angel. Soon visiting both families became part of the pattern of their lives. Ollie in particular became their best friend. He lived a little distance away but would make an effort to visit them. He was the life and soul of any given pub and they would meet up with him regularly, particularly at weekends. Ollie could drink like a fish, Matthew once declared. He also loved gambling on horses or greyhounds and they would often go as a trio to some of the greyhound tracks around London. This was a new experience for Matthew and was certainly something very different to do of a given night. Ollie and Ellen would often discuss horse racing and she would sometimes have a flutter in the betting shop herself. Ellens sister Theresa and her husband David lived near a greyhound stadium called White City. David also loved a gamble much to the bewilderment of his wife Theresa. They would often meet up there on a weekend night in a group that would include Matthew, Ellen, Ollie, David, and Maeves husband Gerry who lived nearby in Shepherds Bush. Ellens two sisters Maeve and Theresa would meet up at one of their dwellings during such occasions and look after the children. Neither of them had an interest in gambling as such. Sometimes the whole crowd would meet up at one or other houses after the racing. The whole atmosphere was carefree and everyone was intent on having fun. David as an Englishman loved such occasions and through his marriage to Theresa had become very much part of the family. He had been in the Navy as a young lad and had a trade as a toolmaker that was his job. His mother was dead and his relationship with his father and brother was vague. He did however; keep in touch with his sisters.

He had a pleasant, polite manner and like Matthew had a great banter with Maeve. There were times when despite all the new company he was meeting and all the new things he was doing, that Matthew would get the urge to visit his family. It was of course to Windsor now that he and Ellen would travel to meet them. The town and in particular the river Thames looked so inviting in the summer months. During their courtship Matthew decided that a boat trip on the river would be romantic. He hired a motor powered boat and took Ellen on a trip up the river to a place called Boveney Lock. Looking for a secluded spot he drove the boat onto a side stream. In doing so he collided with a low hanging branch of a tree that broke the glass on the front. A stream of expletives flowed from his mouth that left Ellen in a fit of laughter. Its not funny sweetheart, I had to put a deposit against damage on the bloody thing he reminded her. Without a thought Ellen picked up the cleanly broken piece of glass and slid it back into place. There she said, youd hardly notice. Splash some water over it and they wont see the difference. He did as she requested and nobody did when he returned it. The two of them did however, walk away in hast that accelerated into a run at one point. Catching his breath he said to her Im beginning to see another side of you. Joe and Bridget would always make them welcome and Bridget would always make them something to eat. Matthew loved visiting there in summer, as it was an area of scenic beauty. There was also an enormous area of open land that was part of the lands owned by the Royal Family beyond Windsor Castle that had walkways the public could use. It was called The Home Park but nearly everyone referred to it as Windsor Great Park. You could walk for miles through the lovely countryside as Matthew did when he attended college in the town. He wanted to show Ellen places that were part of his life. She was the epitome of politeness during any of their outings and would always say very nice. Although some of the public parks in London offered relief on a hot day, they could be crowded and feel confined. Matthew and Ellen found their social life in London expanding and were often going out of a weeknight or two as well as weekends. They were both spenders rather than savers. Ellen was the kindest person in regard to money, never hesitating to lend Matthew some if he was short. Her brother Ollie was the same. If he had a good win on the horses or at the greyhound races he would insist on buying the meal afterwards. Matthew had said that he could be a fool with his money sometimes. This was bourn out by the fact that his flat was raided and money taken by two lads he suspected of doing so who attended the racing and had been in his flat once. He, Matthew and Maeves husband Gerry confronted the two at the greyhound track one night. Gerry who was short tempered hit one of them after he sneered at him and Matthew drew a punch at the other. The two suspects ran into the crowd after the altercation. I must be mad getting into someone elses fight Matthew said to Gerry. As for you he said to Ollie whose face was as white as snow, I saw that you kept your distance. Ellen who was aware of what went on was disgusted by the incident. She abhorred violence as Matthew found out. What was the point of all of that? she said. Did you get any money back off them, did they admit it? she asked. They both shook their heads and conceded it had been futile.

Ollie never recovered the money and moved address soon afterwards. He moved address more often than a nomadic tribe Ellen once declared. His next abode was to be a small flat in Kilburn near Ellen and Matthew. Ollie was the life and soul of any gathering, being very talkative and very witty. There was however, a secretive side to him that he revealed to no one. The more Matthew tried to tease it out of him, the more sarcastic he became. He did confide in Ellen more than anyone else but always asked her to keep it to herself. He took a lot of getting to know as Matthew found out, which made him all the more intriguing. He had several jobs working in warehouses driving forklift trucks during his self-imposed absence they found out. He was now working for a scrap metal company and was the weighbridge clerk. It was a very lucrative job where backhanders in cash were commonplace from lorry drivers for favours returned. He was in fact now getting huge money. This was reflected in the amounts he would bet at racing on both horses and greyhounds. Matthew saw him put hundreds on any one bet mainly on favourites and saw him collect many more at times. He had scant regard for money and spent it as easily as he got it. He became a sort of celebrity among the racing crowd and sometimes a dread to the bookmakers. He would often ask Matthew or Ellen to lay off a bet for him, putting on a certain amount each. This was because some bookmakers would slash the odds if he tried to put on big bets with more than one of them. Ollie, Matthew and Ellen now became part of a regular crowd of people that attended greyhound racing and they got to know a lot of people attending the various racetracks. Ollie even bought a racing greyhound and it won at good odds one night at the Brighton dog track on the South coast. Matthew and Ellen accompanied him that night along with two other friends from the racing fraternity. Ollie ordered a bottle of champagne to celebrate and the drink flowed until late. The other two friends consisted of Terence a fellow Irishman and Rosemarie his fiance, an English born girl of Irish parentage. He was a budding property developer and she also had her own business. She was an accomplished bagpipes player, having played with The London Irish Girls Pipe Band. They had a great night and they all stayed in a Bed and Breakfast establishment afterwards. Once after a greyhound race meeting in Wembley involving the same gang, she took the bagpipes from the boot of their car and played them full blast to the cheers of onlookers leaving the races. Another night at the White City track she was so drunk that Terence, Ollie and Matthew had to carry her shoulder high to their car. Ollie seemed to attract people who were as mad and carefree as him. He used to sing a song that nobody seemed to know when he had too much to drink that included the words not to worry about the morning that became his anthem. Ollie and Ellens brother Kevin however, was never to been seen at such places, regarding their pursuit as pure folly. He and Ollie were two opposite sides of a coin. Kevins mission in life was to work all the hours that God sent, in order to amass his fortune. He did this with a fervour that left them all mystified. Their other sister Maeve was a home bird and liked nothing more than being such. She was a great entertainer and her house was full of visitors on any given weekend. Theresa the third sister cast a very cold eye on gambling and was wary of her husband Davids enthusiasm for it, revealing that he would put all they owned on a horse or greyhound. She had to be the sensible one and it led to tensions between them at times. He had now taken up a job driving a delivery truck and was not averse to getting up to some

moneymaking tricks himself. He was an ambitious young man and once said to Matthew and Maeves husband Gerry in the pub, that one day he would have people driving trucks for him, a prophesy that he duly fulfilled. That Christmas was a blast with so many vibrant young people coming together, with the hub of it all taking place at Meave and Gerrys house, culminating in a wonderful party. The Irish consumption of alcohol in London was disproportionate to that of any other nationality. While Matthew did a guest singing spot in a pub with a band one night, a fight broke out between two grown men. They were so drunk they couldnt even land a punch on one another. Fist fights or even attempted fist fights would often occur because of over consumption of alcohol. Some were often between work mates or even friends, who would not even remember they happened until told later or would discover a bruised lip or sore nose after sobering up. Matthew paid the obligatory Christmas visit to the family in Windsor accompanied by Ellen. Joe and Bridget were making a fantastic job of the house. It reflected both their tastes and talents and looked so elegant. Bridget in particular was in her element showing them the latest additions and furnishings they had made. Matthew smiled knowing that this was their mothers absolute passion and she was damn good at it. He once concluded that she was the only person on the planet that could make a silk purse out of a sows ear. Very posh Ellen whispered in Matthews ear, dreading the thought of Bridget visiting her place. One sunny day in the late spring Matthew and Ellen were walking hand in hand along Kilburn High Road. Matthew noticed that whenever Ellen was happy she would hum like a little girl. It would not be any particular tune. It could even be mistaken for almost a baby sound. Sometimes its the little things that people find most endearing about someone, as it was for Matthew that day. He could feel his heart beating with so much love for her that he stopped her in the middle of the crowded pavement and putting both his hands on her shoulders said, Marry me Ellen? She was momentarily dumfounded and only managed to say not here. Were going to get married no matter where I ask you, he said. She smiled that broad smile on her face and although slightly shocked Matthew knew he had received her answer. Your mad she said as they walked along, but he could feel her body tingling. Youre right, I am mad, mad about you, he told her. She was as nervous as a little bird until they returned home and there Matthew did as tradition demanded, went down on one knee and said Ellen Fitzpatrick will you marry me? to which she having slightly calmed down said Yes darling. After a long lingering kiss she said, Phew its a lot to take in. He noticed that she never stopped smiling that night when they went out for a celebratory drink. He had never felt so happy in all his life and wanted to tell everyone. Ellen being calmer in nature said they should wait until it became official with the ring. Matthew was as excited as she was when they went shopping for the engagement ring. It was not something he would have bought on his own as Ellen would have known by now. Apart from their jobs, everything they did was together. Ellen asked his opinion on the diamond one she had fallen in love with and he agreed it was perfect. Now can I tell everyone? he asked. Go on then she answered seeing he was about to burst from wanting to share their happiness. He felt so proud when telling Bridget by phone, she was delighted to hear the news. They didnt have room to throw a party in their confined living space but thanks to Ellens sister Maeve they had a get-together in her house.

Although they met up with Matthews family neither meeting was a proper engagement party. They both vowed that they wanted the wedding to be very different. They had no real savings to speak of considering they were planning to get married as soon as possible. Then one evening Ellen was reading the evening paper and saw an advertisement for evening cleaners. They both agreed that if they took up such a job, it would quell their outings during the week and would enable them to save money. Soon they were both working the five nights a week cleaning offices that were only a short bus ride away. It still left them the weekend to themselves but often they were tired from the much longer hours they had to work. One night when they had finished their cleaning job and were nearing their residence, Ellen suggested that they have some fish and chips to take home. I dont think we can afford them, Matthew said in jest. Im hungry Ellen said with both hands on her hips. If you think Im doing two jobs and cant afford to eat your sadly mistaken, she declared almost in anger. Matthew was curled up with laughter much to her dismay. There were times when she could wind him up too saying his dusting skills in the cleaning job they shared were not quite up to her standard. There were times when they both felt like packing it in but persevered with the same goal in mind. The months passed very quickly for them, they being so occupied and wedding plans had to be arranged and booked. Firstly they had a meeting with Father Patrick Hackett, who was the Parish Priest at the Sacred Heart church in Quex Road in Kilburn. He was a tall slim grey haired man from county Cork who epitomized Irish Priesthood in every sense of the word. He went through the legal side of things with them as well as the religious. The one thing they wanted to know in particular like any couple was what the date of the wedding would be. He had one or two dates they thought were a little early, they not having anything else prepared. Otherwise I have The 21st of September 74, he concluded. Thats sounds good, Matthew said and Ellen nodded in agreement. He told them that he would be officiating at the ceremony if that were all right with them. He also arranged for a rehearsal prior to the event and told them to contact him at any time if they needed to. That went well enough Matthew commented. At least it gives us plenty of time, he added. Yes Ellen said meekly, her deep blue eyes staring and her mind starting to blur with all the other arrangements that had to be made. She confided in her sister Maeve who was only too happy to help, she having been there and being knowledgeable in what was required. The big event that was on the horizon for the OConnor family that year was Joe and Bridgets 25th Wedding Anniversary. It was to be held at a venue they chose called The Crooked Billet, a bar and restaurant on the outskirts of Slough. Those who were working in the family including Matthew pooled together and bought them both watches. It was a family occasion, but included Sarahs husband Martin and Matthews fiance Ellen. It was a relaxing and enjoyable evening set around a delicious meal and conversations seemed to centre on the present rather than the past.

It was a statement in a way that related to where Joe and Bridget and all of them in family were now. It was noticeable at times that all of their children could be found lost in thoughts and memories of these two wonderful people. The other event that year was young Declans first Holy Communion, which Matthew and Ellen attended. How time marches on, Matthew said to Ellen. Even the youngest has officially reached the age of reason, he declared about his younger brother. Later that year they had a surprise visit From Ellens friend and former flatmate Pauline who now lived in New York. This time however, she was not alone. She had met an Italian-American called Luigi. He was a pleasant chap and they seemed very happy together. You didnt waste much time Ellen joked, delighted to see her again. I always knew you two were going to be an item, Pauline said on hearing Ellens news. They socialized with Pauline and Luigi in the limited time they had to spend with them that holiday and learned much about the lifestyle in the Big Apple. It would be a few years before Ellen would see her again but they kept in touch, exchanging Christmas cards each year. Pauline went on to marry Luigi and have three daughters together. Matthew and Ellen had a very sensible Christmas that year by their standards, knowing that the year ahead was going to be an expensive one. Time passed very quickly from then on for them as they had plenty to arrange for the wedding. They began to compile a list of things they needed to do and buy that steadily grew longer and more frightening. It also became more and more costly. They both resolved that they were only going to get married once and decided to throw caution to the wind. They bought their wedding rings in the same jewellers that Ellen had bought her engagement ring, she finding one to compliment it. Maeve helped Ellen in selecting her wedding dress, that Matthew was not allowed to see until the day. He scoured the shops for his wedding outfit and with Ellens approval bought a plain navy suit with shirt and silk tie. She kept her outfit locked in her wardrobe in plastic covering and Matthew did likewise with his. Matthew had asked Patrick to be his best man. He was his eldest brother although being seven years younger than him. He was a little apprehensive about one so young taking this responsibility. But he found out that he had matured a great deal over the past few years. It was decided that there would be one bridesmaid from each family. Nancy, Matthews youngest sister was chosen to represent the OConnor side along with young Declan as pageboy. Maeves eldest daughter Josephine, Ellens niece, a young girl herself, was to be bridesmaid on the Fitzpatricks side. Patrick and Nancy were also to be the two witnesses. Then there was the prospect of Ellens brother Ollie giving her away. It was what she wanted as her parents were deceased. He was delighted with the honour as they were close. He again was the youngest brother in family. Her eldest brother Eddie was in Ireland and was not attending as she learnt and she did not have the same relationship with her older brother Kevin as she did with Ollie. It was a big thing for him, he being a single man.

Matthew although thinking some of the arrangements strange, just wanted to marry Ellen no matter what. Matthew had invited all his aunts and uncles including those in Ireland. He was a little disappointed that none of them were attending from the home country. However, all those living in England apart from his uncle Owen and wife Brenda who were going on holiday abroad that week agreed to attend. He and Ellen were now relieved that their guest list was finalized and arrangements for the reception could be concluded. They had booked the large upper room in the Crown pub in Cricklewood for the occasion. The large pub was a hub of Irish entertainment and many a good Irish wedding reception was held there. It was only a short distance from the church in Kilburn and proved ideal. Matthew loved the total Irish ethos of it all and had also booked an Irish band. Everything was going smoothly at last, too smoothly as Matthew said unwittingly. His mother Bridget objected to the invitation of her younger brother Tonys wife Maura to the wedding. Matthew annoyed at her interference asked why. She told him that she was an uncouth woman who under any other circumstances, other than being married to her brother she would have nothing to do with. What Matthew had heard about her, he never having met her was that she was a basic down to earth type, not prone to Bridgets standard of etiquette. Matthew told her not to be so judgemental as there were going to be a lot more down to earth people attending. She would not hear of her coming even when Matthew pointed out that the invitations were nothing to do with her. He was in fact looking forward to seeing his uncle Tony as he had not seen him in years. Bridgets obstinate mind was made up and she threatened not to attend herself if they were at the wedding. The dirty work of telling Tony and Maura was left to his brother Jim who very nearly stayed away in protest. He was as hurt as Tony but decided to come in order to keep the peace. The two of them had lived and often worked together for many years of their lives. Ellen could not get over the carry on as she called it when Matthew told her. She said it was an awful thing for someone to get an invite, reply that they were coming and then be barred by the grooms mother, if you dont mind. Maybe she has placed ignorance at the wrong door she said coyly. To add insult to injury during a phone conversation Bridget asked Matthew if he would consider inviting Sean and Catherine Mc Ginley, who were Sarahs husband Martins parents. Are you out of your bloody mind Matthew said to her. The two people she was trying to secure an invite for were none other than Susans parents. Matthew scolded her for giving preference to them over her own brother and his wife. The only reason Martins invited is that he is married to Sarah, he told her. Thats the only McGinley I want to see at my wedding he concluded. Matthew was shaking with anger after that call and thought its a bloody wonder she didnt ask me to invite bloody Susan and all of them as well. Ellen assured him that the day belonged to them and that nobody was going to spoil it. She could calm him with a look and often had to cool his volatile nature. She advised him to put this matter behind him and instead look forward to the occasion. They had booked a holiday in Spain for their honeymoon, with Ellen having recently acquired her passport and Matthew having his since his trip to Paris. That trip had been recently brought to mind for him having just found out that Ivan was not attending the wedding.

He had sent them a set of cutlery with a congratulations card. Matthew was very disappointed, they having been friends since school and he having attended his wedding. It was as though the card empty of words was a final goodbye and time proved that it was. Matthew discerned that friendship could be a very fickle thing indeed. The next news they got in late July was that the holiday company they had booked with had gone into liquidation. They could get their money back through an aviation bond scheme they found out but it would take six months or more. Oh my God Ellen exclaimed as Matthew read out the letter from the company. Thats no good to us, the wedding is in weeks, she added. Oh what else is going to go wrong? she said. I meant to check with the cake people, she said as if in a panic. Matthew could see that the pressure of it all was finally getting to even the normally super cool Ellen. That weekend they met up with Ollie as usual. In conversation he understood their demise in regard to the honeymoon. Well that solves my problem with a wedding present, he said. I hadnt a clue what to get ye, he stated. But now I do, Ill pay for the holiday he declared. Both of them ended up saying no, that it was their problem and that it was too much. He insisted and they said if he did they would pay him back when they got the compensation from the aviation authority. He would have none of it saying Ive plenty of money and I want to treat my favourite sister and of course future brother in law, laughing. He was deadly serious and did as he said much to their eternal gratitude. I dont mind spending bookies money, he told them, they as well as him knowing thats what it was. They booked another holiday in a different Spanish resort feeling the first one had not been lucky for them. September could not come quick enough for them now. Matthew had made no plans for a Stag night or Ellen for a Hen do. Both meant little to them. Ollie had invited Matthew to stay at his place the night before the wedding and he accepted because his family lived miles away. It had been arranged for Nancy, Matthews youngest sister and bridesmaid from his side to stay in Matthews room at his and Ellens residence. Matthew and Ellen were fully resigned to the fact that they would reside at the same address when they returned from honeymoon until they found a suitable flat. It was in this aspect that they were found most casual, being so caught up with everything else. It so happened that Mick Kavanagh who was the boyfriend of Ellens friend Nora Connolly, both of whom were invited to the wedding, knew of a flat that was becoming vacant near them. His landlady, whom he knew owned several large properties in the area and he told them that it, was as good as secured for them. It was less than a mile from where they now lived and would be theirs for a small deposit with a reasonable rent. Ellen threw herself back on the bed that evening with a large exhalation of breath and a deep sigh. I only ever want to do this once she said looking at the ceiling. It had been a busy time for them and because of this it had sometimes blurred the reality of the events that were affecting Irish people then on both sides of the water. The situation and ongoing conflict in the north of Ireland had now spilled over into the South and also the British mainland, namely England.

The Loyalist paramilitaries had bombed both Dublin and Monaghan, killing thirty-one people, the highest death toll in the conflict in a single day. Matthew incensed by it, feared that there would be an escalation of IRA activities, not knowing then where it was to ensue. That year the war was carried to England itself, with firstly the Guildford bombing and then the Birmingham bombings. Both English people and Irish people living in England were awakened to the fact that they were no longer isolated from the events in Northern Ireland. The attitude towards the Irish in Britain became distinctly colder and suspicion reigned against them. It was more noticeable than it had ever been. Innocent Irishmen were arrested for both bombings to try and placate English anger that by now had manifested itself in marches and public demonstrations. They were tried and convicted by false evidence, mistreated and given lengthy prison sentences. The Irish community was well aware of the fact that they were made scapegoats by the British establishment. And all who knew their history knew they were from a long line of such injustices. Surveillance of Irish activities by the British police and Special Branch undercover personnel were noticeably increased. Irish people could be questioned on the hearsay of an English neighbour suggesting their activities were suspicious. Matthew and Ellen were aware of an Irish taxi driver they knew who was questioned on the hearsay of someone because of the naturally unsociable hours he kept with his job. There were also many petty things that would happen such as being snubbed at work as Matthew was by his boss. Matthew confronted him walking into his office saying, If you have something to say to me, say it? The outcome was similar to the many direct approaches Matthew had to make to English attitudes over the years, the boss knowing he was efficient at his job backed off knowing by the stance and the look in his eyes that Matthew was one who could relish conflict. Also in a phone call to Bridget he learned that Joes car had been vandalized at work. Someone had thrown acid on it and had damaged the paintwork. That year would pan out with the Unionist strike in the North bringing down the Power Sharing Executive and a return to political stalemate leading to further conflict. It was against this backdrop that Matthew and Ellen were to celebrate the happiest day of their lives. They kissed each other on the Friday night they would separate before their wedding the next day. Nancy, Matthews youngest sister would spend the night with Ellen and he with her brother Ollie. Have you checked that youve got everything with you? Ellen asked Matthew, knowing that he could sometimes be forgetful about minor things. Ollie had called around to give him a hand and was introduced to Nancy who found him very amusing. Dont worry, he said to both of them I wont let him out of my sight. The two of them walked the relatively short distance to Ollies place, with Matthew carrying his suit and shirt on a hanger in plastic wrapping over his shoulder in case they got wrinkled and Ollie carrying the rest of his things in a bag. It was not an unusual sight in the bed-sit land of Kilburn. People could be seen carrying all sorts of items in this environment at any time, from furniture to televisions. Ollie had cleared it with his landlady, a Greek woman, for Matthew to stay the night. She had a vicious Alsatian dog called Bobo that growled on seeing Matthew whom he was not familiar with. We should have gone for a few pints, Matthew suggested to Ollie even though it was getting late.

I got a few beers in, Ollie said. Good man yourself Matthew replied taking one he had offered. Well heres to your last night of freedom, Ollie said smiling. It was Ellen that brought me freedom, Matthew said in a toast that brought a slight puzzled look to his soon to be brother in laws face. Matthew did not sleep very well that night, partly because of the strange surroundings but mostly because of the excitement and expectancy of the day to come. He stirred early and had his first cigarette looking for a saucer or something to put the ash in, as Ollie didnt smoke. Ollie was enviously a sound sleeper who snored like a motorbike. He did however prepare a great cooked breakfast. We cant let you go without a bit of grub inside you, he said. Im getting married not going to the gallows Matthew remarked. Same thing Ollie said in jest. When are we going to see you walking down the isle? Matthew asked over breakfast. Ill take the gallows first, Ollie answered, confirming his allegiance to bachelorhood. Time as is does on such occasions quickly begins to pass and they both began to get ready. Matthew knotted Ollies tie after watching him make a mess of it three times. He had learned to tie the Windsor knot as shown by a cousin when he was young, feeling the irony of the name that day. He was not aware of the panic that was taking place at Ellens while thinking of her. Everything was going well except for the hairdressers at which she and Nancy were considerably delayed. And when that was done, the wedding car was late in arriving. Matthew was oblivious to all this and knowing his nature it was just as well. He and Ollie only had a short walk down Kilburn High Street to the turning that led to the church. Oh no Ollie said as he opened the door of his flat, with Matthew following. The Alsatian had made its way up the stairs and started barking at Matthew, he being an unfamiliar face to him. He had to shout for the landlady, she luckily being at home, to remove the animal from their presence. Ollie wound Matthew up on the way to the church about the possible consequences to his new suit or indeed a certain important part of his anatomy on such a day. The night before quickly left his mind as he extinguished a last cigarette before entering the church and being warmly greeted by members of his and Ellens family and aunts and uncles assembled. All of whom he noticed were very well turned out indeed. Joe looked very smart in his dark grey suit and Bridget was dressed like the Queen including the hat. Sarah and Bernadette looked very chic and smiled at him constantly. It was only at this point that he began to feel nervous. Patrick both brother and best man was himself well attired and also refreshingly pensive. Soon all were in position including young Declan in his smart pageboy outfit. All that is except Ellen and the bridesmaids. Ollie was waiting at the back of the church continually walking outside to see if they were arriving as he was going to give the bride away. The time went by and Matthew could hear murmurs of muffled conversation from the people in seats behind him. He found himself constantly looking back and looking at his watch as he had seen the Priest do. Its pushing on a bit Patrick said with a tone of nervousness coupled with his particular sense of humour that only made Matthew more nervous. Matthew looked at his watch and realizing that she was twenty minutes late, hoped that everything was all right.

Before he could give it any more thought the organ pounded out the strains of the Wedding March that enabled him to breath properly again. He looked around and there was Ellen with Ollie proudly linking her walking up the isle. She was a vision in white with her long satin dress and train and a veil covering her face. She was carrying a bouquet of red and white roses and a headband of white crocheted flowers adorned her fair hair. Nancy and Ellens niece looked beautiful in their long lilac bridesmaids dresses that were patterned with white flowers, each carrying white bouquets adorned with purple ribbons. When she joined Matthew she pulled the veil back and smiled at him. He stared in awe at how beautiful she looked and knew he was the luckiest man in the world. They made their solemn vows before God, the church and the congregation and kissed to an ensuing applause. They signed the register amid the flashes from the photographers camera and walked down the isle together as husband and wife. It had started to rain during the ceremony and despite waiting for it to clear it didnt. Consequently photographs had to be taken inside the church and later at the reception. It didnt spoil their day, they being so happy and in love. It was a surprise to both of them that the chauffeur of the silver Mercedes wedding car was a woman. She looked the part however, in her smart light grey uniform and peaked hat. So thats why the car was late, Matthew joked with Ellen as they drove towards Cricklewood to the reception. The venue was in the upstairs suite of the well-known Crown on the Broadway. It was a large hall that could accommodate plenty of people. The catering people had done a wonderful job with the buffet style food. Joe had made a present to them of paying the bar tab. Matthew didnt think this was right as Joe was not a drinking man, but he had insisted it be his gift to them. Matthew and Ellen had hired a band that was recommended by the head barman of the establishment. After the ceremonial cutting of the cake and the toast with champagne the customary speeches took place. They were both surprised by Patricks calmly delivered speech and oratory skills seeing that he had put a lot of effort into it. Ollies unrehearsed, was short and sweet but delivered from the heart. There was a tear in his eye when he used the words my favourite sister. Soon the music started, the drink began to flow and merriment and jovial conversation ensued. Matthew had only a few pints to drink that day, he being too busy meeting people he knew he might not see that often again. They all seemed to be having a great time he concluded as was he and Ellen. Where the time goes at such functions nobody seems to know, but it does so swiftly. Before Matthew knew it, Ellen had gone to change into her going- away outfit. It was about this time that Laura who was married to Matthews uncle Brian approached him and made some inappropriate complimentary comments in his ear. She was not that much older than Matthew, but was his aunt by law. Matthew was repelled by it and he felt a great deal of sympathy for his much-maligned uncle that day. It was then that Matthew took to the stage with the band and sang Cant Help Falling In Love for Ellen. A taxi had been ordered for them to take them to the Noke Hotel in St. Albans where they would spend the first night of their honeymoon before flying to Spain the next morning. It was comparatively quiet in the taxicab as they sat arm in arm each having their own thoughts of the day. The hotel and in particular the wedding suite was luxurious.

They were made feel welcome and special with both flowers and champagne on ice. In the passionate embraces of lovemaking they consummated their marriage until both of them spent, fell asleep entwined like two branches on the same tree. Their blissful silence was broken by the early phone call they had requested. They had a taxi booked to take them to Luton Airport to catch the flight to Spain. Before they were out of bed they heard a knock on the door. Breakfast a female voice said before entering the room. It was placed on trays on their laps and the girl left the room saying, enjoy with a grin on her face. My God, I hadnt expected that Ellen said, holding the bedclothes above her breasts as they both laughed and tucked in. I could get used to this Mrs.OConnor Matthew commented. Soon they were above the clouds with only the clear blue sky above them. Happy? Matthew said as he took Ellens hand in his. Mmm she replied her eyelids feeling a little heavy and resting her head on his shoulder. Before they knew it their well-deserved holiday had begun. They both agreed they could not have picked a nicer place to spend their honeymoon. It was a little coastal resort called Calella that was quiet and unspoiled with few hotels and was quintessentially Spanish. They had rented an apartment and ate out all the time. There was an older couple next door to them that sometimes gave them disgruntling Looks. Matthew surmised that it was probably the noise of the creaky bed at night during their lovemaking that they might have found irritating. He bought Ellen a Spanish hat like a Matadors that he thought looked really sexy on her and she had bought skimpy underwear that drove him wild. For someone only five feet three inches tall, Ellen had the perfect figure. Matthew would gaze at her reclining on the deck chair on the balcony, looking at her perfectly formed exquisite legs that were long for her height and her sweet pear shaped breasts. She looked like a film star in sunglasses. They revealed how much they loved one another. Matthew told her that he had fallen for her on the first night they had met and asked her when she had fallen in love with him. The same night she told him to his astonishment. You kept that quiet for some time he said teasing her. I wanted to keep you interested, she said smiling. You know you had me interested, hook line and sinker, he said. It pays to keep a man on his toes she said laughing. She had a wonderful natural sense of humour that Matthew loved. There was no other girl in the world except Ellen that could tease Matthew without rebuke and make him laugh about it. They had become so much a part of each other that explanations about their feelings seemed unnecessary. After breakfast which often happened up to midday, they would go for walks in the surrounding countryside, along the beach as well as the fishing port and the pretty quaint streets of the town. In the evenings they would eat at a Taverna, drink Spanish wine and listen to the strains of Flamenco music. But the night belonged to them alone. The holiday passed more quickly than they would have liked, but they promised each other that it would be the first of many. They returned to London refreshed and with great vigour looking forward to moving into their new abode. The Landlady of the property was a wealthy woman who owned several huge houses in the area. The property was situated in a road called Christchurch Avenue in a place called Brondesbury that

was a rather salubrious area not far from Kilburn where they had lived. It was a well to do area and had many mansion-sized houses in which wealthy and professional people lived. The roads were quiet and tree lined and it could look rural particularly in the autumn with the footpaths covered in leaves. The flat in question was a garden flat with a rear entrance that that backed onto an enormous well-kept mature garden. They were delighted with it and it was a real surprise, they not having seen it before the wedding. They thanked Ellens friend Noras boyfriend Mick in particular for enquiring about it for them. He had a flat in one of the landladies other properties and had in essence acquired it for them. They would often meet up with them at weekends as would Ollie and they also became part of their growing social scene. Ellens sister Maeve her husband Gerry and their two little girls would often arrive on a Sunday afternoon and they would spend time in the garden on a sunny day. Mum would love this area, Matthew said to Ellen. Yes but she wouldnt like this flat she commented. They were both proved right about each statement. That Christmas they had a party and invited mainly friends with only the inevitable Ollie attending from the family side. Visits to Matthews family were mainly one way, he and Ellen going there and that Christmas being no exception. They were now firmly rooted in Windsor while Matthew was resident in the capital. There were still times when he would naturally miss the people he grew up with and conversations about times before. Even times when he would miss bumping into old friends of his that were so obviously missing now. Luckily Ellen was a great conversationalist and they would often spend hours talking about their upbringing in Ireland and their experiences in England. In doing so they began to know everything about each other and both expressed an eager interest in each others background. They found they had so much in common, something that was to become a great bond between them. Matthew was surprised to learn that when Ellen came to England it was firstly to Manchester. Her eldest sister Maeve had moved there and she and her other sister Theresa joined her some time later. Maeve had a boyfriend there that she knew from home, but when the relationship broke up, She, Ellen and Theresa moved to London. They took up lodgings in the same house in Kilburn where there brother Kevin resided. Kevin then married Agnes, the girl from their home area in Ireland and they moved to another area of London. Meave then met and married Gerry and they settled elsewhere. Then Theresa married David and they set up home, leaving Ellen on her own. Oh you poor little orphan Matthew said on hearing this, realizing how hard and lonely it had been for her, only beginning to learn some of the hardships of her life and indeed all of her families. He would feel shameful at times, comparing his relatively easy journey until meeting her. After all he had his parents and family around him up to that point. He learned how she and her family had a very poor rural upbringing, their father Oliver having died when they were young. Their mother also called Maeve was left to bring up six children on her own. She lost twins at birth and one other little girl called Nora aged only four. Their father had worked as a fisherman and the one thing they had plenty of as young children was fish. Their mother kept hens and reared turkeys for the Christmas season and baked the bread they ate.

She also planted potatoes and the vegetables they ate in season. It was a meagre existence only supplemented by hand me down clothes gratefully received from better off relatives. Pride was a word that was not in Mammys vocabulary, she told him wiping a tear from her eye. When her sister Maeve first moved to England she sent home as much money to their mother as she could afford. She learned that Maeve would walk the long distance to work in Manchester saving bus fares in order to save extra money to help her do so. Matthew was intrigued by her stories and the gentle and sorrowful way she would tell them. He also knew that she was the most amazing person he had ever met. It baffled him that she had such a positive sunny disposition for one against whom all the odds were stacked and indeed her immediate family. She was warm, gentle, kind and generous with a generally happy nature. She made him discover how self-centred, self-pitying, obsessive and obstinate he was. Their different temperaments amusingly enough also drew them together. The hotheaded often short-tempered Matthew was always placated by the serene cool headedness of Ellen. Ellen was interested and sometimes amused at Matthews artistic, musical and studious side while he complimented her cooking, domestic and budgeting skills. He drew a portrait of her in the form of an ink drawing and could not believe how still she sat while he was doing it. The things you do for love she said afterwards clearly impressed. He was amazed at Ellens mathematical ability for one who did not have the academic years at college like him. She could work out complicated figures and percentages without resorting to pen and paper. If she had a bet to be settled at the bookies she would already have the figure written on the betting slip and it was always correct. She also had the most incredible detailed memory. Matthew sometimes found this attribute annoying if they had a row, she being able to quote him word for word. Her sister Theresa he learned was mathematical, as was Ollie and all of them. It was a family thing as was their passion for horses and greyhound racing. Matthew learned that her uncle had racing greyhounds and the area they came from was famous for breeding and horseracing. It was where her and Ollies abiding passions for the sport was fostered. That year they learned that Ellens sister Theresa and her husband David were contemplating moving out of London. Matthew and Ellen had visited them in their rented flat a couple of times. David was a hugely ambitious man and was always full of plans. He and Theresa now had two little girls and he felt they were stuck in a rut. They could not afford a house in the capital and David who was a toolmaker by trade, found a job opportunity in Luton, a town in Bedfordshire. I want something my father never had, I want to own my own house, he told Matthew and Ellen. Theresa, although a little more apprehensive, began to share his dream. Before long plans were set for them to do so. He and Theresa told Matthew and Ellen that if they were interested, they could put in a word for them with the landlords letting agents, if they wanted the flat. It was a two story flat; huge in comparison to the place they lived in. There was one tenant, an older man who lived on the top floor of the three-story building. They both looked at each other with eager eyes and soon agreed to their proposal. They thought it was very considerate of them, but as they pointed out they would be leaving anyway.

Theresa suggested to them that they should consider telling the letting agency a white lie, by saying that Ellen was pregnant. She did this because the flat had always been let out to families and they might not consider it suitable for just a couple. Although a bit taken back, they not having yet discussed having children, agreed to the plan. And as all things do everything fell into place and soon Theresa, David and the girls moved into their house in Luton and Matthew and Ellen having paid the deposit were due to move into their new abode. It was an old three story terraced building constructed out of bricks that had a yellowish colour in them. It was set midway in a road shaped like a crescent and was reminiscent of the many period houses that lined the streets of the capital. It was known as 33, York Road and was in a district known as Acton in the West London Borough of Ealing. Not so fast Matthew said to Ellen as he turned the newly acquired key in the door. What are you doing? she shrieked as he lifted her up and carried her over the threshold. These things have to be done properly, he said as she nudged him in reply. This is our first real home, he said with a feeling of great expectation about him. They had very little to bring with them save for clothes, television, some crockery, cutlery and personal items as they owned no furniture. Theresa and David had thankfully left many items of furniture some belonging to them and also previous tenants. They were grateful for all of them, they having to start from scratch. Although they had visited the premises before it looked somewhat different and vaster with many of Theresa and Davids artefacts gone. One of the rooms on the ground floor was completely empty. They could not believe the size of the flat. Neither of them had ever had that amount of space in their lives. This is bigger than some houses Ive been in Matthew said. There was an entrance hall on the ground floor that led to two large reception rooms, which led to a dining room and a kitchen beyond. This led to the back garden, which was exclusively theirs. On the second floor there was a separate toilet and bathroom and two large bedrooms, all of which were part of the flat. The top flat in the building was let out to an elderly gentleman who lived there on his own. Not alone were the thrilled with it, but to top it all the rent was only marginally more than they were paying. No wonder Theresa told us to get in quickly Matthew said, feeling eternally grateful to her and David. As they had finished viewing the place, a key opened the front door and in walked the large portly figure of the other tenant who introduced himself as Ted Brown. He had thinning grey hair almost white and spoke with a soft voice. The first thing that hit Matthew was that he bore a striking resemblance to the Pope. He welcomed them and wished them well and said if they wanted any thing to knock on his door. What a nice gentleman Ellen said, having a puzzled look on her face about his appearance. The Pope Matthew joked. Thats it Ellen laughed, thats who he looks like. A large flat at a cheap rent and the Pope as a fellow tenant, who could ask for more than that Matthew said in a fit of laughter. Neither of them got off to sleep easily that first night being full of excitement and in new surroundings and their heads full of ideas and dreams. Neither of them could have contemplated what this place would hold for them.

Ellen found it easy enough to journey to work from their new area but for Matthew it was much more awkward. He resolved the problem by getting another job in an office in a local engineering factory in the nearby Trading Estate called Park Royal that was only a walk away. He was now an experienced cost accountancy clerk and found it easy to get a job because of this. There was a set of local shops only across the main road and it was a ten-minute walk from the nearest Underground Station. One end of their street led to the main approach road from the west into the capital. It was known as the Western Avenue on the A 40 that was the corridor for traffic entering London in an easterly direction and exiting the city from the west. Although it was a very busy main route the noise was not noticeable from the house. At the back of the dwelling however, the noise was loud at times when the mainline trains would pass close by taking the same routes in and out of central London. It was something that Matthew and Ellen had to get used to. Ted having lived there so long said they never bothered him at all and that in time they would find it the same. They learned that the flat was categorised as an unfurnished dwelling. This on reading the contract they had signed gave them substantial rights and security of tenure. Ted told them the elderly owners never bothered with the house and as long as they paid their rent on time neither would the letting agents who acted on their behalf. You can furnish it, decorate it and change pretty much anything you like, he told them. I havent seen anybody around here to look at the place for as long as I can remember he revealed. It gave them a great sense of security and an interest in putting their own stamp on the place. It was as they saw very much in need of decoration and furnishings. They concluded that from the financial point of view, they would have to walk before they could run. For once it gave them a focus in their lives and a reason not to spend their money on more frivolous things as they had been doing. They could see a reason and a future for themselves for the first time in their marriage. They started doing things they had never done before, like looking around furniture shops and hardware stores. The first thing that Matthew bought was a wooden step ladder that they would need for painting hanging curtains and even changing light fittings or bulbs. He bought it in a local store and could not have imagined that it would be one of the most enduring possessions he would ever have. Some of the second hand furniture shops around the area offered great bargains for items that looked as good as new. In time they acquired most of what they needed locally and the place began to look like a home. Matthew was amazed at Ellens painting and decorating skills only to learn that she had done so when she was growing up in Ireland. She could hang wallpaper as good as if not better that a qualified decorator. Her patience far outweighed his although he was a neat painter because of his artistic skills. Although arguments would ensue at times mainly due to Matthews impatient nature, they felt a great sense of achievement and self worth and a feeling of belonging. They had become attached to the place and to them it was no longer an address, it was their home, a place to call their own. Matthew learned at lot about the area and about the man himself in passing conversations with Ted whom he would often meet in the hallway. He told him that he had worked for many years in the Ice Cream factory that was located near them before retiring. He revealed that during his time there, he had a relationship with a woman, a fellow employee that

resulted in them having a son. They never married and when the relationship broke down, she moved away and raised the boy, now a man, on her own. She broke off contact with him and he did not see his son for many years. When he would visit him, which was rare, he came alone. Both Matthew and Ellen were conscious of the lonely solitary life he led. He had a great knowledge of the history of the area and indeed the house that he had spent a good deal of his life in. Matthew once asked him when it was built. This street was completed in around 1865, he informed him. My God that was about the time of the American Civil War Matthew exclaimed. Queen Victoria would only have been in her prime, he added. This street, as the crow flys is seven miles from Marble Arch Ted told him. Matthew was aware that the monument in question was situated at the end of Oxford Street, the main shopping thoroughfare in Londons West End. Theres been a lot of building and expansion since these places went up Ted told him. And a lot of wars and hard times too he added. Did you notice some of the panes of glass in the windows look different to others? he asked Matthew. He had to confess he didnt until Ted pointed some out. The clarity of some of them seemed more blurred on closer inspection. War glass Ted explained. He told him that during the Second World War, when the nearby industrial estate was bombed it resulted in many of the windows in the area being shattered. The glass he learned was hurriedly made resulting in the poorer quality. He gave Matthew some tools to start him off as he put it. Ive no more use for these but Im sure you will have he told him. They looked practically antique but were solid with wooden handles. So well made were they that he possessed them for the rest of his life. If there was any place, type of shop or service they needed in the area or beyond, the first person they would ask would be Ted. On one side the next door neighbours were an Indian family that were so quiet you would hardly know they were there. They grew every type of vegetable in their back garden. Like any neighbours they would say hello in passing, but the only thing they had in common was that or the sky above as Matthew remarked. Their other next-door neighbours were an older retired couple from Dublin called the Bolands who occupied the upper flat. They often had conversations with them and learned that they frequented an Irish club some miles away. They would hear them getting out of a taxi most nights when they were in bed and wondered where they got the energy or the money from. Matthew and Ellen decided they needed a holiday that year and planned to visit Ireland. Ellen had not been to her home place for some years and she and Matthew were excited at the prospect of meeting her eldest brother Eddie for the first time, he not having made it to the wedding. He lived in the house that she and all her family were brought up in, their parents long deceased. Matthew had some driving lessons but had not passed his test yet. Mick Kavanagh their friend offered him his driving licence for the purpose of hiring a car in Ireland. It would be difficult getting around in country areas without one he explained to him, with limited public transport in rural settings. Matthew gratefully accepted and copied his signature until he had perfected it.

They journeyed by train to the Welsh port of Fishguard and then by ship to Rosslare harbour on the South Eastern point of Ireland. Another train took them to the city of Waterford where they hired the car. Matthew was nervous signing the hire document and had to bite his tongue when the receptionist said, have a nice trip Mr. Kavanagh. The whole thing was a great novelty for Matthew, he never having seen that part of the country and never having driven any distance. He hoped nobody saw him drive off stuttering through the gears. He pulled in along the keys in Waterford city and studied the map the car hire company had given him. Ellen told him they would have to take the road to the town of Carrick-On-Suir via the bridge in the city. He asked a passer by which bridge he should take. Theres only the one bridge, unless theyve built another one secretly was the reply the man gave him. By this time Ellen was bent over with laughter at his demise. A fat lot of help you are Matthew said. You should know this area, he said red faced and flustered. Its been a while since Ive been down here, she answered, adding that it had been by bus. Women and directions, the two things just dont go together, Matthew concluded. Waterford looked an imposing city by the river he thought and an unusual ancient tower shaped building had caught his eye in passing. He later found out it was called Reginalds Tower and was built by a Viking of that name and it was deemed the oldest complete building of its type in Ireland. Soon they were on the open road that straddled the River Suir that was an ancient access point into the fertile hinterland that opened up before them. It was full of the most luscious and richest pastureland that Matthew had ever seen. After passing through some villages, a large mountain range became visible. Wow what are they? Matthew asked not having seen such terrain since he left Kerry. The Comeragh Mountains Ellen answered. Soon they arrived in the small town of Carrick-On-Suir in Ellens native County Tipperary, with its quaint bright coloured ornate buildings and neatly kept tree-lined green at its centre. Matthew was awestruck by the beauty of the place. He learned that Ellen had attended the Technical School in the town and it was where she had acquired her cooking skills. He also learned that she had declined a Chefs course in Cork at the time and was grateful to God that she had. Because if she had taken it up, the chances were that they might never have met. On such pivotal decisions destinies are created he surmised. A few miles from a village called Kilsheelan she told him to take a turn off the main road. It was down a very narrow lane known as a boreen. There past a forested area stood a neat two-storied house almost hidden away that was her home. The drive was quite narrow and Matthew managed to scratch the side of the car on entering. A huge man came out the front door and did his best to guide them in. Matthew red faced with embarrassment said he hoped he had not damaged the pier as he was introduced to Eddie who could not take the sympathetic smile off his face. Ive been meaning to widen that, Eddie said by way of consolation. He must think Im a complete idiot, Matthew thought. The fact was Eddie was a very unassuming man with a good sense of humour. It would be a good tale for the pub as he was to find out later. Eddie was a man who carried a great deal of weight of twenty stone or more. He had a ruddy complexion and wavy light brown hair.

His hands were like two shovels and his arms were wider than most peoples legs. His gentle quiet voice was out of step with his large physique. His wife Nuala in contrast was a slim dark haired woman who Matthew thought looked older than her years. They both welcomed them with warm hearts and on entering the small kitchen-diner Matthew and Ellen noticed a group of shy children sitting in line on the steps of the stairs, staring out at them. There were three boys and three girls that looked like steps of stairs in sequence of age and one baby girl sitting on a chair. Ellen had told Matthew that her brother had a large family. She wasnt kidding he thought. They were introduced to them all during dinner and the children being shy at meeting them were very silent. One of the younger little girls was clearly handicapped and wore callipers on her legs. She had a smile that would break anyones heart. My God what well behaved children you have Matthew commented. Thats just because they havent met you before Nuala said. Believe me there are times when you wouldnt hear yourself speak in this house, she laughed. Matthew thought them a very nice and warm family and the place was as quaint as Ellen had described. It was a house that had been just as full in Ellens time there as she explained and now another generation of Fitzpatricks dwelt within its walls. It reminded Matthew of other days spent in warm simplicity. Matthew wanted to book into a Bed and Breakfast establishment that night but Eddie and Nuala wouldnt hear of it. How they managed to give them a room to themselves was a miracle as Ellen pointed out, she knowing the layout of the house. They talked into the late hours, when the children were finally persuaded to go to bed. Nuala explained that they were excited about the visit of their aunt from England and her husband whom they had never met. They had spent most of the afternoon, taking turns at going up the lane, looking out onto the main road for signs of their arrival. Ellen caught up on all the news about relatives and neighbours and told them how the rest of the family were getting on over the water. Whats that mountain on its own on the other side? Matthew enquired of Eddie. Thats Slievenamon, which means the mountain of the women, he told him smiling. Matthew could see he was talking to a man that knew about the area; its history and folklore. He learnt that an ancient Celtic mythological warrior King named Fionn Mc Cool was looking for a wife to bear him sons that would like him have prowess in battle. In order to find the most suitable eligible and fit woman from those he had chosen, he organized a race between them from the bottom of the mountain. He decreed that he would marry the first woman that reached the top of the mountain to meet him there. Who was it? Matthew asked intrigued. The fair Grainne, whom he married and produced the forbearers of a warrior elite called the Fianna Eddie told him. Eddie had Matthew hooked and he resolved to know more about this area of Ireland. He learned that Eddie had done forestry work as well as construction work for a living. He had also worked in a small factory nearby. You have to take up work as it comes here, he told Matthew, adding that you had to diversify when it dried up too. He was a man with many strings to his bow and very much his own man. He kept a few cattle and sheep that he had gradually accumulated over the years.

A hay barn stood on the land that adjoined the house and he rented some other acreage locally for grazing. He grew potatoes and other vegetables and no part of the land was wasted. They even had some apple trees. The little red tractor he owned looked like an antique. The old car that he had parked at the side of the house seemed to tell the story of how he was doing. They lived from week to week and seemed obliviously happy doing so. Ellen had packed some clothes into both their cases, mainly for the children, that were hand me downs that had belonged to her sisters Maeve and Theresas girls. Alas there was no boys clothing available but she and Matthew had money put aside for them instead. Ellen revealed to Matthew that she was saddened by the relative poverty that they still lived in. I thought those days were gone she told him, thinking of the hard times her generation had in the same house. After Mass on Sunday with all the family attending, Ellen caught up with and Matthew was introduced to relatives and neighbours. They were mainly farmers that lived in various parts of the Slievenamon Valley. Their faces were as ruddy and colourful as their characters and the rural accent was one that Matthew had never heard before. Even the Priest spoke to Ellen and welcomed her home, enquiring how she was getting on in England and shook hands with Matthew. Its a wonder you didnt think of getting married in your own Parrish, he said jovially. Id have done a great job for you as you know he added. Matthew had never seen such closeness in an area where everyone seemed to know each other. That afternoon the local pub frequented by some relatives, neighbours and old friends of Ellens was filled with local gossip, song and merriment. Matthew could see she was really enjoying herself. Of a morning after breakfast he often strolled down the lane sometimes alone or with Ellen. Listen to that he would say to her, at the silence only broken by the sound of cattle or sheep or the sound of the birds or the ripples on the River Suir nearby. The majestic Comeragh Mountains that rose like gigantic guardians over the valley of Slievenamon were the only thing that blocked the distant view. What a beautiful place you come from he told her. They visited the pleasant local village of Kilsheelan set by the river and the nearby town of Carrick-On-Suir where they would buy some foodstuffs for the household. Nuala would scold them for buying food but it was always eaten. Sometimes they would engage in simple games with the children with a ball or organizing running races up the lane. The simplest things pleased the siblings, they being on their summer holidays. Even getting more sweets than they were used to would delight them. Eddie would be working of a weekday but he pointed out places of interest on the map that Matthew had and he marked them. They wanted to take some of the children on drives with them but Nuala pointed out that there would be war if some were left behind. Only so many would fit in the car. Ellen would point out the houses and the names of the people that lived in them. The school that she attended as a child was itself no bigger than a house. Her memories of it were painful she having been taught by a bully of a teacher who picked on her and her fellow siblings, knowing that he would not have to answer to their father who was deceased. The graveyard where her parents were buried was adjacent to the church that stood near the old schoolhouse.

She pointed out the plot where they lay and it was still unmarked by a headstone. Her sister Nora who died at the age of four was also interred there. Matthew comforted her as he saw a tear fall from her eye. She lit candles in the empty church and prayed for her departed. During their limited stay Ellen showed Matthew the entire valley There were small hamlets on the mountainsides perched like nests. There were ruins that were once important castles and mansions of the former ruling classes of both Gaels and Anglo- Normans. Every lane was full of memories for her. She pointed out Gleesons a large farm where she had worked as a young girl doing household chores and minding the children. She worked there for a pittance she told Matthew, but the little she earned helped the household. She would cycle there along the narrow road even in the dark winter evenings. They passed another couple of farms where Ollie her brother had also worked. He worked damn hard from a young age Matthew found out. We needed every penny that came into the house, she told him. She told him to stop the car just outside the tiny village of Ballypatrick. You see that large wall there? she said pointing out what was once the entrance to a dancehall called The Marquee. She told him that it was literally a large tent in which local dances were held. It was great fun he learned, but her mother never let her go there until she considered she was of age. Her elder sister Maeve had to chaperone both her and her other sister Theresa there before she left for England. And were you a good girl? Matthew teased. Always she said with a smile, adding You should know that by now. Her brothers Eddie and Kevin also enjoyed many a good nights dancing there he learned. And what about Ollie? Matthew asked wanting to know what he got up to. He was fairly shy at dancing that time, she told him. Ollie shy Matthew said laughing. That was before he had any experience of the big bad world that lay outside this place she explained. He used to bring a bag of sweets and offer them to the girls she informed him. Oh stop Matthew said laughing and starting her off. Wait till I see him again Matthew said. When they reached the valleys end, there was the imposing regional larger town of Clonmel, with its superb Main Guard and West Gate at either end of the main thoroughfare, decorated with the finest shops and hostelries you were likely to find in Irelands green land. The name Clonmel, Eddie told Matthew translated into English as The Honey Meadow. It was named as such because the general area was one of the first recorded places in Ireland where bee keeping and honey was produced by the Celtic monks he learned. There were also places in the region that only a good map could take you, hidden places. The kind of places Matthew loved best. One such place was the NierVally that lay beyond the Comeragh Mountain range and was only accessible by two routes from where they were. Matthew chose to take the mountainous approach into it and the easier Clonmel one out. He was rewarded with the most spectacular views in remote sparsely populated and rugged terrain he had ever been in. The only creatures on view in the higher regions were the stalwart mountain sheep that looked like white cotton wool buds in the distance. One little hamlet called Ballymacarbry that could hardly be called a village was all that existed at the base of the valley below.

Matthew could not believe that such places existed in Ellens part of the country. Every day of their holiday took them to different areas and not least when they visited the South coast less than an hour away and sat on a quiet beach looking out at the Celtic Sea. It included the fine seaside resort of Tramore and the rocky coastline permeated by secluded beaches. Youve got it all here Matthew said to Ellen. He realized it was the car that had made it all possible and he had become accustomed to driving on the quiet roads that made it easy. He made a promise to himself to pass his test and get one as soon as he could. They made a couple of brief visits to some of her relatives that holiday. Firstly Ellen introduced Matthew to her uncle Nicholas. He was her late fathers brother who farmed the land that had also belonged to her grandfather on the Fitzpatrick side. He was a tall thin man with a full head of grey hair, who seemed guarded in the way he spoke. His wife Biddy whose family came from nearby was a veritable chatterbox, extracting all the news she could about Ellens family in England. She was a jolly woman of simple tastes who always talked with her arms folded and laughed at the simplest thing. Their children like most of Ellens cousins had left home and most had married. There was however one girl Irene, a pleasant single girl still living there and a brother who had a mental handicap, who was notoriously shy and never spoke except in a mumble when forced to greet them. They also met another cousin of Ellens called Nell who with her husband Vincent and rapidly growing young family lived in a bungalow in the country on the other side of Carrick-On-Suir. Vincent had lived and worked with Ellens brother Kevin in London some years earlier. They were both very fit athletes in their younger days in Ireland and were dedicated racing cyclists who raced for a famous team called the Carrick Wheelers. They competed in the gruelling national circuit that took them to the four corners of Ireland. If Matthew thought Ellens aunt Biddy whom he had just met could talk, nothing had prepared him for Nell. She was incessant and most of her continuous ramblings consisted of putting down people including her own immediate family. She told Matthew and Ellen that she practically had to bring herself up at home. She added that her mother never did a thing around the house, apart from sit on a chair. Her father they learned did the cooking and looked after the house as well as the land. Ye should have inherited half that land, she said to Ellen. Matthew could see by Ellens reaction to her statement that an old wound had been reopened. Nell went on to explain to Matthew in particular that when Ellens father Oliver died, her father Nicholas his brother, kept the death secret from his mother who was old and infirmed and housebound. She practically on her deathbed herself, kept asking why her other son had not visited her. His scurrilous brother, Nells father kept telling her even though he was dead, that he would be up to see her any day now. The old lady died not knowing her other son had preceded her and never having made a will. His conspiracy worked and he held on to all the land. None of Ellens family who had practically all emigrated ever got around to contesting the inheritance. It was a bone of contention with Ellens brother Kevin and her sister Theresa in particular. Ellen herself was more inclined to let bygones be bygones only being hurt by the fact that her poor mother could well have done with an inheritance at the time. Her brother Ollie made the correct statement about it all once when the news of the tragic death at a young age of this uncles favourite son Dermot and proposed heir to the land took place.

He had no luck for it, he lost the apple of his eye and it broke his heart Ollie had declared. It was one of those ingrained stories that would emerge now and again in family conversations that would inevitably become heated. The other place they visited was where Ellens mother came from. Eddie did his best to direct Matthew there, but it was a hard place to find. Ellen only had childhood memories of it and they had to ask directions from the only man they met along the narrow road that wound its way around the side of Sleivenamon Mountain. Eventually they found the land now owned by someone else where her mother was raised. The house or rather what was left of it was a crumbling ruin. My God didnt she live in a remote area Matthew said after negotiating some of the narrowest lanes he had ever experienced. There was not another house in sight and the quietness was deafening. The forested layers of the mountainside were all that was visible on the horizon. The nearest hamlet of a tiny village called Kilcash was miles away. Matthew visualized how Ellens mothers family the Kilbrides would have travelled this route by horse and cart, by bicycle or even walking in all weathers. They must have been hardy people he concluded. The final visit on that holiday was to Ellens aunt Kitty who was her mothers sister. She was an elderly lady who lived on the outskirts of the small village of Cloneen that was on the opposite side of the same mountain. She shared the house with her daughter, a spinster called Maura. Kittys husband was long dead and her sons who lived not far away were married with families of their own. She had one other daughter who lived in Kildare and was married to a publican. Her hair was silver grey and her skin was pale and she had the most piercing blue eyes. She was a great conversationalist and had a powerful memory of people, places and times gone by. And that was exactly what she and Ellen talked about. Her daughter Maura was a strong, powerfully built woman who looked after the land and cattle they had. They offered them some Port, which they drank out of politeness. The rear of their house looked out on to the other side of the mountain that Matthew was now becoming very familiar with. Matthew felt sorry for Ellen about the fact that both her parents were gone and that the memories of that generation resided only with other people. He was however, enthralled by his visit to Ellens part of the country, closet skeletons included. Her place in a sense had now become his place too and they could share memories of it. He had learned so much more about her and her family that holiday and had loved the experience. Before they left Ellen left some money under the mattress of the bed in the room they had given them, knowing Nuala would be embarrassed to take it and only telling her and Eddie as they drove off with them and all of the children waving goodbye. Matthew saw a tear in Ellens eye and swore he saw one in Nualas. He knew they had formed a bond that visit, they getting on very well for sisters in law. They were heavy- hearted on leaving the valley and setting off on their journey back to the big smoke as London was called. Id love to live back here again, Matthew said, drawing a sorrowful look from Ellen. It was a sentiment of many a returning emigrant after a holiday in their homeland. It was often coupled with despair, knowing that it wasnt immediately possible. A period of feeling unsettled and restless would ensue until the demanding routine would blur such yearnings. There was one thing that really amused Ellen about Matthew; it was the fact that he identified himself as a country boy. She knew that in his heart and soul, that was what he wanted to be.

She saw how happy he was in that surrounding and knew it was his aspiration to be such. His dislike of the city on his return was all too evident, he being almost claustrophobic for weeks. But in reality she thought he was very much a town boy having spent nearly all of his life in towns. He actually knew very little about the countryside as she found out. She would often discuss sayings, items, objects and experiences concerning agricultural life that he knew little or nothing about. Whats that? he would ask and she would explain it. It was through her and her brother Ollie and family that he gained his knowledge about country life. It was also through them that Matthew gained knowledge about horse racing. One Saint Patricks Day the three of them made what was regarded as the pilgrimage to the Cheltenham Racing festival. It was considered to be the pinnacle of National Hunt or jump racing in the British Isles. The Irish attended in droves from Ireland as well as those living in England. They barely made the train that morning and had to run to catch it, as it was about to pull out of Paddington Station. They drank miniature bottles of spirits from the bar on board and began to sing Irish songs on the journey to the West Country track. To say the racecourse was packed was an understatement, but they made up for it with a couple of winners. When they arrived back in London that night Ollie insisted on going for a drink. A jukebox was playing loudly in the pub and Ollie not being able to hear conversation over it, calmly walked over and pulled the cable so hard it snapped from the plug making a flashing spark. The barman seeing it told him to leave and barred him from the premises. Theres plenty more pubs in this town he said as he was leaving followed by Ellen and Matthew. You cant take him anywhere, Matthew said. Shut up OConnor Ollie said a little inebriated after the days proceedings. They were like a strange trio that hung out together and could end up anywhere meeting other people as such. Ellen must have done some thinking about the odd couple or rather trio they were becoming. For it was she that first brought up the subject of having children. They had been using contraception from the beginning and it hadnt become an issue. She found out that Matthew had never really dwelt on the subject, he being deliriously happy with her alone. He did tell her honestly that he would dread having a child that would consider themselves English. If they were living at home he explained it would be a different matter. Ellen pointed out that the possibility of that at this time was remote. She told him that his mother Bridget had been giving her hints in conversation and her sister Maeve also. Matthew asked her if she was happy with the way things were and she told him she was. From that point it was as though they entered into a silent agreement concerning mainly his wishes. As time passed the subject receded into the background and they enjoyed each others company immensely as a totally committed couple. It was then that they started to get the travel bug and began to plan holidays. One such trip was to Italy on the Adriatic Coast that included a trip to Venice. Matthew loving art and architecture was enthralled with it. They sat in Saint Marks Square drinking coffee while an orchestra played music by Vivaldi. The sights if the historic city were like an art gallery built on the sea, Matthew declared, he had never seen anything like it. They took a romantic trip in a gondola and took the river bus to places of interest. The small family run hotel that they stayed in was charming and the people were warm and friendly. The resort they stayed in had a long sandy beach that was raked by the staff every morning before the guests went to use it.

There was an English couple from Ipswich they befriended while there who were good company. One morning coming to breakfast the wife walked straight into a glass panel, creating a loud thud, she not seeing it for wearing dark sunglasses. Ellen scolded Matthew for laughing but she had not injured herself. The four of them had been drinking together the night before and it didnt do her hangover much good. They exchanged addresses at the end of the holiday but like all holiday liaisons nothing ever came of it. Package holidays had become very affordable at this time in England and had made travel much more accessible to ordinary people and London was at the hub of it. It was a year that was also full of visits from both Ellens and Matthews families. Whether it was aroused by curiosity about their new surroundings or endearment, Matthew could never fathom out. Theresa and David, the former occupants were complimentary about the transformation that had been made to the place. Even Bridget was impressed at the space they now had, she Joe and all of the family having made it to see them. Ellens family, having visited Theresa there, would have been more familiar with it. The news from Ireland that stunned and greatly saddened Matthew that year was the death of Eamon De Valera, one of the founding fathers and leaders of the Irish state. He had been born and raised in De Valeras Ireland and he was an icon to him. De Valeras Ireland was the Ireland Matthew loved; it was the Ireland that formed his soul. Despite the troubles in the North, a documentary about his life was shown on British television, as were excerpts from his state funeral. The Irish exiles weekly newspaper, The Irish Post needless to say covered the event extensively. The present Ireland was never far away for different reasons. The Balcombe Street siege took place in central London. Members of the Provisional I.R.A. took hostages and refuge in the street after being pursued by British authorities. The siege ended peacefully with the inevitable surrender and arrest of the perpetrators and thankfully nobody was harmed. It centred attention once more in the capital on the ongoing conflict in Northern Ireland being brought to the British mainland. That year the internment without trial of political prisoners in Northern Ireland thankfully came to an end. One of the most chilling things that happened that year was the Loyalist bombing of a bus carrying the popular Miami Showband who were returning from playing in the North, killing some of the band members. There seemed to be no avenue of society that the conflict had not touched. But normal life continued for the OConnor family and likewise for the Fitzpatricks and indeed all exiled families living in England. In the year that followed Matthew learned that Patrick had become romantically involved with a girl of Polish extraction called Anna. They visited Matthew and Ellen who both thought she was a very nice girl. They ended up playing a golf game called pitch and put on a small-scale course accompanied by Ollie. Patrick had a natural ability in relation to sport, something that Matthew did not possess. However, he and Ollie became very competitive during the game and he narrowly beat Matthew who was paired with him. Matthew declared that he had cheated by giving the ball an extra nudge with his foot. They had a fun day with them and the banter was humorous. Although it was the first time they had met Anna it would not be the last, as she and Patrick had

become an item. She was a most attractive brunette and although born in England, came from a strict Polish Catholic family. Her mother on hearing that she and Patrick were having a physical relationship pressured them both into considering marriage. She was relentless in pursuit of this goal. Bridget on the other hand thought him too young for such a commitment, he being only nineteen. She had said this to Annas mother but to no avail. They both finally yielded to parental pressure on her side and announced that they were going to get married. Bridget had huge reservations about this declaring that Anna wasnt even pregnant. Patrick thinking the world of her, though it was the natural thing to do he having fallen in love with her. As arrangements began to be made for the wedding Bridget began to panic. Unable to persuade Patrick to wait and give the relationship time she contacted Matthew about the matter. Maybe if you talked to him, you could persuade him that its too soon, that he could be making a big mistake? she asked him. We dont talk that much at the best of times Matthew explained. He certainly wont listen to me if his mind is made up he added. Maybe itll work out fine, sometimes these things do, he concluded. Ellen agreed with Matthew that it was not wise to interfere with affairs of the heart, or in anyone elses relationship for that matter. On talking to him generally Matthew could see that his mind was made up and that was that. And so it was that the wedding took place and a very fine wedding at that. Patrick had asked Matthew to be best man and he duly consented. He wished them both well in his speech. The OConnor side were introduced to a nice Polish family that had a similar culture and background to theirs, bound by the common threads of both Catholicism and emigration to another land. Bridget was apprehensive about the whole thing and said so again on the day. It was a hot summers day and many a gathering took place outside the nice venue they had picked. It was perfect for photographs and everyone was enjoying the occasion, everyone except Bridget. She was as cordial as she could be with Annas mother and family but could not help thinking it was too rushed, too soon. Anna looked beautiful and a sister of hers was bridesmaid. She and Patrick had with the help of her parents had put a deposit on a house in Slough and before long they were busy decorating and doing work on it. It was where Matthew and Ellen next met them. Keeping busy? Matthew said seeing Patrick sanding down the metal window frames, preparing them for painting. Ill be busy for a long time with this place he answered. Theres a lot of work needs doing, he said, showing him in detail as he showed him around the house. Nice place though Matthew commented. Although it was in an estate, Matthew and Ellen thought it had a quiet feel about it. Ellen noticed Anna didnt seem to know much about catering or entertaining. She thought she looked childlike and slightly out of her depth. Matthew thought Patrick looked competent enough although obviously under pressure. But he had always been able to put on a brave face, as he knew. Joes brother Brian, their uncle lived in the same estate near Patrick and Anna. At least you have some nice neighbours Matthew joked with Patrick, he knowing the butt of his

wit. Both couples made good wishes and promises of future visits that sadly never materialized. Within a year Patrick and Anna had separated. Bridget did not gloat saying I told you so and although infuriated with Annas mother felt saddened by it all. Patrick although having feelings for Anna had felt imprisoned and simply too young to be so committed. He was still only twenty and felt he had a lot more living to do before settling down as was to prove the case. Anna was devastated by it all and it would be some time before she was involved in another serious relationship. At one point as if trying to forget the hurt of it all Patrick bought a van and toured around Europe for months, leaving Bridget in particular waiting frantically for phone calls letting her know he was all right. They all perceived that he had grown up very quickly and were amazed at his adventurous streak. He had many stories to tell of his travels on his return. In a phone call to home, Matthew received the news of Sean McGinleys death. Its announcement was as swift as his passing from a heart attack. Sarah in particular asked him if he would attend the funeral of her father in law. He refused not wanting to set eyes on his daughter Susan who had hardened his heart against her. He and Ellen did however; concede to go to the church in Slough the night before the funeral. It was for the sake of Martin, Sarahs husband and they were in the church as a foursome with no other family present. Matthew knowing that Sean, a passionate Irish nationalist was going to be buried locally said looking at the coffin He will have to rest far from his beloved Mourne Mountains. It was the first time that the idea of being buried in England had ever crossed his mind and he hoped it would never come to pass for him. Any news concerning the McGinley family in general was usually drip fed to Matthew by Sarah and sometimes by Bridget. The next he heard about Susan through the grapevine was that she had gone working in Germany with a female friend of hers. It was there he learned that she after some relationships in England met up with an American serviceman serving there. He laughed when he heard that the man was married with a family at home. Now why does that not surprise me? he said sarcastically to Sarah. At least shes moving up the scale of infidelity, in that shes now a bona- fide mistress he concluded. His marriage ended in divorce with her being cited as the other woman. Matthew concluded that it was all very much in character as far as she was concerned. None of the OConnor household told Matthew that they had consequently married until sometime after the wedding. It was the first time that he felt mistrust between him and his family as such, but it would not be the last. It was a surprise when Matthew heard that Sarah and Martin were moving to Canterbury in Kent. It was in pursuit of a career move by Martin. Bridgets cousin Josephines husband Alex apparently had contacts in high places and knew of a prestigious job going there. It was as the position of Bursar, which translated meant Treasurer of college. He would be in charge of the financial affairs of such an institution. It was quite a challenge and step up from his former clerical job but he proved he had the capability for such. Sarah told Matthew that when she went for a farewell drink with her workmates in Slough she had

an unwelcome surprise. Sitting in the corner of the pub they went to was Bridgets brother Jim their uncle with a woman in his company. She was none other than Joes brother Brians wife Laura. Uncle Jim was a single man but she was married with two children. Its not what it seems, he said to her nervously. He told her unconvincingly, that they were just friends and had arranged to meet for a drink and a chat. Sarah didnt believe that he had come all the way from London for either. It was awful she told Matthew, and described how she wished the ground would swallow her up at that moment. I know that Brian and Lauras marriage has not been the best from the start, she said. But I didnt realize it had come to this. Bloody hell Matthew said, reading all sorts of things into it. Does Mum know? he asked. Yes she said. She was more infuriated with Jim than with her she added. Does Dad know? he enquired. I dont know she said, I certainly wasnt going to be the one to tell him. She told him that Bridget wanted to keep a lid on it, hoping that it was a one off. She asked him to keep it to himself and although saddened and bewildered he agreed. It was all brushed under the carpet and they were never again seen or heard of in each others company. Sarahs untimely appearance may have prevented what could have turned out to be a disastrous affair that would have had consequences for Joe and Bridgets families. Bridget in particular was very sorrowful at Sarahs departure but the beautiful historic town of Canterbury and the fine house they bought would in time compensate with her and Joes many visits there. She was also very proud of the fact that her son in law held such a position and was not shy about telling people about it. It was a place that all of them visited at one time or another. As Sarah gave birth to each of the three boys that would make up her family, Matthew found himself avoiding Christenings if possible for the same reason he would avoid anything that would include the McGinley family, namely Susan. He learnt from listening to pieces of conversation, that she had been in regular contact with his family and was incensed by it. He knew that even after confronting Bridget about it, that she would rather save face than distance herself from her. Matthew had never talked about Susan to his family; he just couldnt and certainly never asked about her. To even think about her would leave him angry. He almost hated her with a passion; such was the legacy she had left him. He abhorred her for acting as though nothing had happened between them. He had grave misgivings about his families contact with her and even more the fact that they couldnt seem to care less about his feelings. They seemed embarrassed by it as the McGinley family of whom Sarahs husband Martin was one were considered to be extended family. No such extension was ever afforded to Ellens family. The younger ones seemed totally oblivious to the situation. Matthew didnt want to drag up the past he wanted to forget it. But inevitably her name would crop up in overheard conversation between some of his family. He noticed that their voices hushed when her name came up in a conversation in his presence, like

they had made a mistake. They knew, they knew all right, he concluded. It was something that drove a wedge between Matthew and them. Ellen was knowledgeable and understanding about it but quite understandably did not want to dwell on it. Matthew was forced to lock the subject in a dark recess of his mind where it festered unknown to anybody. He was actually grateful for the fact that he lived in London and for the friendship and loyalty that Ellens family had showed him. Joe and Bridget got an invitation to the wedding of Joes nephew in Canada. He was one of his brother Pauls sons of a large family that consisted of boys only. Paul and his wife Carol had moved to Canada in the 50s from Dublin where they met. Paul was a mechanical engineer and had a successful career there. Carol was a medical secretary. They lived in a suburb of Toronto that had the amazing native Indian name of Mississauga. Bridget and Carol had kept in touch by letter and now the odd phone call over the years. Nearly all of her family had moved to the same region of the country. It was Paul that felt very distant from his family, most of them living in England. He was delighted to see all of those on his side that made it to the wedding. But the fact that Mamma and Dadda his parents made it was one of the proudest moments in his life. Dadda had overcome his fear of flying and it was the most exciting trip he and Momma had ever taken in their lives. It was also the first journey that Joe and Bridget had been on outside of the British Isles. Not alone did they all enjoy the wedding, but the different culture and the exciting city of Toronto but marvelled at sights such as the Niagara Falls. Bridget described their experiences to them all and the different way of life there. The sheer vastness of the country was something to contemplate she told them. It was about this time that Matthew was considering a change of career. He had become bored with the repetitiveness of office work and the boring and petty gossip that accompanied it, but had no idea of what he would take up next. Like most things in life he found that once you had made your mind up about something that things would happen. It was through leisurely pursuit that he would find his next job. A friend of Ellens brother Ollie attended Greyhound racing nights and he became acquainted with him. His name was Frank and he was from County Fermanagh in Northern Ireland. He was a big gambler like Ollie. Matthew learned that he had gained a sizable legacy from a deceased uncle. Hell gamble every penny of that, Ollie once told Matthew and Ellen. He would often declare, It will not be beat about a dog he would back at a greyhound track. Although not the shrewdest of gamblers he was a nice chap and pleasant company. He worked as a manager in a branch of an Off Licence company. Matthew engaged in conversation with him about his work. Frank seeing that he became interested told him that he could put the wheels in motion for him if he decided he wanted to pursue that career. Matthew was enthusiastic about it but Ellen had reservations on learning that the company wanted couples for such positions. She had worked in a secure job in the wages department with London Transport for years and hadnt planned a change. She could see his heart was set on it, but even then she had reservations about them working together.

She wondered at considering it, if it would work out for them. After some time and continuing to meet Frank in the social circle at the Dogs as they called Greyhound Racing, Ellen relented and agreed to give it a try. Before long Matthew attended an interview and was accepted as a trainee Manager. Initially it meant going on an induction course to Manchester for a few days. It was the first time they had been apart since they met. Matthew found it very interesting and learned a lot about the wine trade. The next step was in-house training at a typical branch of the company. The Branch Manager he learned, got extra payment for performing this function. After spending some time there and being taught more about wines and the bookwork side of things the next step would be placements as Relief Manager. This would be standing in for Managers that were on holidays or sick leave. It was during this time that Ellen would join him and found out what she thought of the business. It gave her time to see what she thought of it before leaving her job. She would not officially join him until he got his own branch. And so it was that they got their own shop in West Hampstead, near Kilburn where they had formally lived. They settled in relatively quickly and Ellen being mathematical was great on the till. Her organizational skills came to the fore with displays and soon they had a local young chap working Saturdays with them. My word Matthew said to Ellen observing him, It seems like only yesterday that was me. It did change their routine quite a lot, but the branch didnt open that late and the starting hours were also much later. One day as Matthew was going to the bank to deposit the takings he heard a bus blowing its horn. The driver opened the window and shouted his name. It was none other than his uncle Jim, his mother Bridgets brother. He was a bus driver whose route passed West End Lane where the shop stood. He said he would call in sometime but he never did. There were busy times particularly Saturdays but in the early days of the week it could be very quiet. Matthew had developed the desire to take up Art again, in particular Oil Painting. He had completed some works at home in his time off and then began to work on some in the office at the back of the shop during quiet periods. It made Ellen nervous, in case the Area Manager called. Matthew assured her that they would rarely see him if every thing was going well and the takings were steady. He found that he was starting to accumulate paintings and develop a style. Even after hanging them on the walls of their home and giving some to family, he found he had an excess works hanging around. He learned from a phone call to home from Bridget that their former neighbour and now manager of the Irish Club in Slough, Aidan Joyce was looking for someone to paint a backdrop for the stage. Matthew had never attempted a work of that scale, but relished the challenge. He did some research and got the suitable stage paint and decided to paint rugged landscape scene from a photograph of Connemara in the West of Ireland. He completed it in a day using large brushes, much to the astonishment of Aidan who had gone golfing to leave him in peace as he put it. Aidan was thrilled with it. He wanted to pay him for it but Matthew refused. I just wanted to see if I could do it, he told Aidan. Next time you go on holidays to Ireland your welcome to stay in our place he said to him in loo of payment. Then youll be able to see Connemara that youve painted for real

It was an offer that Matthew accepted gratefully. Ive heard youre doing a lot of painting recently, Aidan said. Why dont you use the club for an exhibition if you consider selling them? he asked. Ill arrange it for you he promised. Matthew agreed to call him when he had enough works to do so. Oh my God youre going to be busy Ellen said on hearing the news from an excited Matthew. She did bow to his overwhelming enthusiasm, as she knew there was no stopping him when he was in this mood. By the time mid summer had arrived he had compiled a collection of landscapes all of which sold at the exhibition. Even though the prices were moderate he felt a strange embarrassment at taking money for Art. He felt he was just doing something he liked, something he had the ability to do quite easily. Matthews next quest was to get that damn driving licence as he called it. He took some lessons but not enough and eventually passed it third time. They bought their first car, an old Triumph Toledo that needed some work done on it if they were to go on that holiday to Ireland that included a stay at Aidans home place. Joes brother Brian, Matthews uncle in Slough, a mechanic by trade was designated to do the job. He had serviced Joes on occasion and only did family and friends privately. The work was carried out in the drive of his house in Slough. Matthew was surprised to see a girl he knew from the dances in his time in the town at his house. He had once taken her home from one of them. The absence of Brians wife Laura that day embarrassed both him and Ellen, they not knowing what to think. They ignored the situation, concentrating instead on the work that had to be done on the car, with Matthew giving him a hand. In no time at all gratefully the job was done and Matthew asked Brian how much he owed him. He refused to take payment and Matthew promised him that he would do an oil painting for him of an Irish scene. He was delighted with the suggestion as Matthew thanked him and shook hands saying goodbye. What do you make of that? Matthew said to Ellen as they drove back. I dont know, she said looking as bewildered as him. Theres something going on there, Matthew concluded. Did you notice the body language between them, and the feeble excuse that Laura was gone out? he remarked. Ellen said that they should keep it to themselves and Matthew agreed, but he knew of Lauras antics at their wedding. It must be a case that whats good for the goose is good for the gander he thought to himself. He predicted that their marriage was on the rocks and felt more than sorry for his two young cousins that would as always be caught in the cross fire. They had the most wonderful holiday in Ireland that year calling only calling into Ellens brother Eddie on route. This time it was Matthews turn to show Ellen the delights of County Kerry that had been his former home before leaving. They drove around the famous Ring Of Kerry and he showed her the Lakes of Killarney and they sampled some of the most beautiful scenery in Ireland. Matthew took a photograph of a view he liked over Killarneys lakes that he would paint as a thank you for uncle Brian for doing such a great job on the car. He took a lot of photographs that holiday including some of Ellens relatives. They stopped in some wonderful Bed and Breakfast establishments, ate the finest of food and enjoyed some great beer and traditional singsongs in friendly Irish Pubs. They would often pass the Travelling People in their round horse drawn caravans on route. Matthew marvelled at the gentle pace at which they moved.

When I was young I wanted to be a Traveller he told Ellen. You are a Traveller, considering all the places youve lived she joked. They called into Tanavalla in Listowel and Matthew introduced Ellen to his grandparents. Mamma was in good fettle but Dadda his grandfather now retired, was not well at all. He had a blood disorder that had affected him for some time they learned. They now had all the mod cons including television that Dadda liked but Momma hated, saying that it destroyed conversation. Matthew felt saddened by Daddas demise and although he was as cordial and welcoming as ever, a lot of the spark had gone out of him. He had not lost his sense of wit but seemed to be struggling physically at times. There was sadness in his eyes where once there was a glow. Matthew was frightened by the fragile appearance of the man who meant so much and held so many memories for his extended family worldwide. He took a photograph of him and Mamma outside the house that held so many wonderful childhood memories for him. Little did he know that it would be the first and only time that Ellen would see him in Tanavalla and the last time that he would. He and Momma wished them well and waved them goodbye from the top of the gravel drive. Matthew had a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach as he looked in the rear mirror of the car seeing his grandfather smiling and raising his hand in a wave. It was the last memory he ever had of him. Matthew took Ellen to see his former abode in Tralee, calling in to see old neighbours and catching up with all the news of which there was plenty. He called at his old friend Stephen Hennessys house and his sister Maura opened the door. She informed him that their mother had died and that Stephen was now married to a girl from the same area and lived in another part of the town. Matthew learned that the girl in question was none other than the one he had once kissed on the railway embankment, namely Pauline Cantwell. A fact that greatly amused him amidst the mixed news he received. On talking to another friend and former neighbour Frank Toomey, he was informed that Sarahs best friend Eileen Tierney had gone to Dublin to take up nursing. How everything changes, he said to Ellen. There bound to over time, she answered. Matthew realized that he like many exiles somehow wanted everything to be the same when they returned home. They consciously knew that it was not possible, but sub- consciously wished that it were. It was something that was in the mentality of the emigrant. They felt robbed of the time and events that had passed in their absence. Thankfully, as Matthew had said, the landscape of their homeland was still most familiar. They had intended seeing a good deal of Ireland that year and in particular the rugged West Coast. They took the Ferry across the River Shannon to County Clare and viewed the spectacular Cliffs of Moher and then drove through the rocky lunar landscape of the Burren, clad in wild flowers, before heading for County Galway. The destination was the house that Matthews friend Aidan Joyce had promised they could stay in thanks for doing the stage painting at the Irish club in Slough. They passed through the splendid Cathedral City of Galway, the gateway to the Gaelic speaking hidden gem of the West of Ireland called Connemara. The address on the paper with a hand drawn map said turn right at Maam Cross by the Peacocks pub, follow road a couple of miles into the Maam Valley and take a left turn up lane, house on right. They missed the turning and ended up outside another pub in the valley called Keanes. They had an idea that they would know where the Joyces home would be.

It was a wonderful establishment and to their amazement all the people in the pub were speaking Gaelic. It is after all a Gaeltacht region, Matthew said to Ellen meaning that it was a designated Irish speaking area. The barman knowing the family directed them in English to the place they were seeking. Matthew more than Ellen felt a sense of guilt at not being fluent in his native language and found that the amount he knew had diminished over his time in exile. They picked up the keys as arranged from a cousin of Aidans, a pleasant woman who wished them a nice stay. They were surprised at how modern the Joyces bungalow was. But the mystery was solved when they looked at the old dwelling now gone to ruin that stood on the same land. Thats the place where the Joyces really lived, Matthew said to Ellen. They must have built this place over the years he surmised. The views over the Maam Valley and Lough Corrib were spectacular. During their weeks stay in Connemara, Matthew and Ellen explored some of the most beautiful rugged scenery they had ever seen. It was a unique area of Ireland famed for its wild landscape. It was dotted with small lakes, and mile upon mile of stonewalls. Craggy mountains gave way to sparsely populated valleys occupied only by wandering sheep. The seashores and Islands were constantly caressed by the large white Atlantic waves that created a rhythm of sound. Delightful hamlets, villages and few small towns were welcoming along the way. Names like, Leenane, Clifden, Roundstone, Spiddal, Carraroe and Oughterard would become familiar to them for a short time and most of all the Maam Valley. Matthew could not but think of his friend Marcus Joyce, Aidans brother whose homeland and spiritual place it was. He being the first Irish person along with their sister Marie that he had met when arriving in England. He remembered him talking about it and was glad to have such a memory to share. He was very grateful to Aidan and the Joyce family in general for allowing him and Ellen to stay there. What a wonderful place they came from he now knew and what a generous thank you it was for a simple stage painting in the Irish Club he thought. Matthew was now fascinated by the West Coast of Ireland, as was Ellen, they couldnt get enough of it and vowed to see as much of it as they could that holiday. They handed back the keys to Aidans cousin and set off on a carefree journey northwards from Cong towards Ballinrobe in County Mayo. Matthew pointed out that it was in the district of Cong that the film The Quiet Man starring John Wayne and Maureen OHara was made. It was also the birthplace of his Slough neighbour Orla Joyce who was Aidans mother. Her husband Pat Joyce had played accordion music that was part of the score for the film that was made there he told Ellen. They took the road north of Lough Mask and arrived at the delightful picturesque port town of Westport set on the shores of Clew Bay. Look at all those Islands Matthew said seeing there were countless rugged small Islands that filled the huge bay. There was always stunning surprises to greet the traveller on the Western seaboard of Ireland they concluded. They also passed the larger Island of Achill on their journey further north. The next leg of the journey seemed a very long drive through the wild hinterland of North Mayo. Did you ever see a place like this in all your life? Matthew said to Ellen as they drove through

countless miles of heath land that they both agreed was the most sparsely populated landscape they had ever seen. This could be Siberia Matthew said at one point. A sudden thought crept through his mind and he looked immediately at the petrol gauge. He stopped the car and looked at the map calculating how far it was to the next town and stated correctly that they had enough petrol to get them to Crossmolina, a nice village situated on the north of Lough Conn. From there they passed through the County town of Mayo called Ballina. It was there that they made another brief stop. When turning the key Matthew found the car wouldnt start. Ellen pushed it in a hill start slightly hurting her wrist and scorning Matthew, but it did start again and remained a mystery as to why it didnt in the first instance. Then turning right from Killala Bay, where Matthew pointed out to Ellen that historically a French fleet had sailed to the aid of the Wolftone the founding father of Irish Republicanism. By now Ellen just wanted to stop somewhere despite knowing how buoyed up Matthew was about it all. After a brief stop Matthew insisted that if they kept going they would reach Bundoran that he had heard of in South Donegal. Donegal Ellen shrieked, thats in the North. She reluctantly agreed saying she wanted to sleep in a bed that night, not in the car. There was no stopping him when he was in a mood like this, she knew only too well. They drove the road to the south of Sligo Bay to the backdrop of the Ox Mountains. They noticed some of the highest waves they had ever seen. Matthew remembered hearing that this part of Ireland was famed for its suitability for Surfing and that people from all over came here to do exactly that. They were both surprised at the size of Sligo town, it being much bigger than they had imagined. It was on route from there that Matthew made another stop at Drumcliff overshadowed by the Dartry Mountains and the famous head of Benbulbin. It was the country of one of Irelands most famous poets, William Butler Yates. They both stood by his gravestone in the graveyard of the little church at Drumcliff and Matthew read out his famous internationally known epitaph. Cast a cold eye on life, on death, Horseman pass by The sun was beginning to set when they reached Bundoran. It was a charming little seaside resort with plenty of accommodation to choose from. They chose a nice Bed and Breakfast and settled in for the night. Ellen was tired from the journey and wanted to retire at a reasonable hour. Matthew on the other hand was elated at all the places he had seen that day. Imagine were in Donegal, he said studying the map. Tell me about it Ellen said feeling they had taken on a bit much at one go. The next day after a wonderful full Irish breakfast and good nights sleep Matthew was rearing to go again. Do you ever get tired of driving? Ellen asked him. On a motorway in England maybe but not when you know theres something amazing around every corner he told her. Like the rest of the West of Ireland Donegal opened up before them like a spectacular giant Cinemascope screen. It again was totally unspoilt, with undulating, rugged, mountainous countryside permeated by quaint fishing villages and large deserted beaches on the Atlantic shore. The large fishing port of Killybegs adorned Donegal Bay. It was from here that the big fishing vessels sailed far out into the North Atlantic to gather fish like Cod from the colder waters.

Names like Glen Columbcille after a famous Irish saint, Ardara, Glenties, Dunglow, The Rosses, and Gweedore greeted you on your journey through one of the largest scenic and Irish speaking areas of the country. Matthew drove as far north as time would allow them, eventually spending the night in the village of Creeslough on the Horn Head peninsula. He was finally persuaded by Ellen to make their way back on what she knew was a long journey. They drove back eventually through the midlands as Matthew had planned. He wanted to show Ellen Roscrea, the town of his birth. During the journey south they passed through many towns that they had only heard of from friends and people they knew living in England who came from those areas. Ellens brother in law Gerry Cahill, who was married to her sister Maeve, came from near Carrick-On Shannon in County Leitrim, a lovely town situated on the banks of the River Shannon. They travelled through Longford and stopped for a meal in Mullingar in County West meath. They never ate a meal as big as was served to them that day. They both laughed when the waitress asked them if they would like dessert. A stomach pump Matthew answered. My God, they must have some appetites here Ellen joked. As they passed through Tullamore, County Offaly, in the midlands, Matthew decided to take the route from Birr north of the Slieve Bloom Mountains, both of which he had heard his mother Bridget talk about and make his way to the town of his birth. Sadly there was only one relative on his mothers side now residing in Roscrea. All the rest by now had left or had died. She was Bridgets first cousin, a woman called Mary who lived on the outskirts of the town with her husband Pat. They lived on the Birr Road as Bridget informed Matthew. He enquired at a petrol station nearby as to what house was theres, it like so many in Ireland having no number. He knew her married name was Wall, but got her Christian name mixed up with that of her sister Kitty. The garage owner looked dumbfounded when he asked for Kittys house, saying that he was about to visit her. After being silent for a few moments he told Matthew that Kitty had died some years ago. The misunderstanding was soon cleared up much to Matthews embarrassment and Ellens amusement. An elegantly dressed lady answered the door and Matthew made himself known to her. Good God she said, the last time I saw you, you were just a little boy, no more than a baby She invited them both in and Matthew introduced her to Ellen. My word your pretty she said to Ellen drawing a slight self-conscious blush from her. She insisted on making tea, served with some cake and the conversation centred on Bridgets early life and both their family connections. Matthew learned that Bridget had been both adventurous and often cheeky as a young girl. She had a particular gift of imitating her teachers speech and mannerisms drawing shrieks of laughter from her classmates. She was however, very studious, extremely well read, and a keen sportswoman he was informed. She was also musical and played the piano and was a fine singer. Matthew was aware that his mother Bridget met his father Joe while both of them were performing for the local Operatic Society. Mary told Matthew that when Bridget was young her fitness stood to her when she had to leap a farmers gate with an irate bull in chase. It was nice to hear about his mothers youthful exploits from her first cousin who knew her well. They met her husband Pat briefly. He was a man of few words but polite and most welcoming.

Matthew showed Ellen Grove Street where they had lived. He felt a lump in his throat as he gazed from outside the window he had first seen the world from. They went into St.Cronans church, which was empty and he placed his hand in the Baptismal Font where he and other members of his family were baptised. Theyre all gone from here now he said. One day we will all be gone from where we live full stop, he told Ellen. She could see he was beginning to feel down and suggested that they travel on, as was their schedule. The knowing of only one person in the town of his birth was what deflated Matthew that day and that was tenuous at that. Soon there will be nobody left he thought. I will be a complete stranger here one day he lamented, as though he was never part of it at all he concluded. What did you think of Roscrea? Matthew asked Ellen as they drove off. A grand town she said adding, It is after all in County Tipperary with that mischievous smile of hers. She also thought that Bridgets cousin Mary was a pure Lady. It had been a wonderful holiday, one of the best they ever had and was only marred by Daddas ill health. On returning to the claustrophobia of London, Matthew threw himself into painting a scene of the Lakes of Killarney. He was keeping a promise to his uncle Brian for the work he had done free on the car. When he was working on it, it became a distraction from the reality of the busy yet mundane existence in the City. It normally took weeks to get mentally used to the pace again. But losing reality in the tranquil scene forming before him, he could imagine himself being back in such serenity again, all be it temporary. His uncle was delighted with it and it hung on his wall from there on. Sarahs husband Martin once pointed out to Matthew that he observed that all his paintings were of quiet country scenes and void of people. And that slow moving rivers or lakes were predominant in them. My favourite kind of places Matthew explained. He knew that he was always drawn to and inspired by the kind of places he wanted to live in once more and painting them gave him a sense of being there. It was not long before the memory of that holiday was broken by the sad news of Daddas death. He passed away quickly enough after he became very weak they learned and died peacefully. Matthew like all the family were stunned by it, he feeling glad that he had seen him that time and that Ellen had met him if only briefly. It wasnt just the passing of a man who held such a special place in their memories they all concluded, but the continuing of the passing of that generation. The generation that had successfully fought and sacrificed to create a free Irish nation like Dadda and their other grandfather before. A nice man Ellen said consoling Matthew. Matthew felt guilty for not being able to go to the funeral, he having used up his holidays and spending all their money that late summer. Joe and Bridget attended from the immediate family and it was a large gathering by all accounts. Poor Mamma, shell be all alone in that house now Matthew commented, feeling just as sorry about her. There she is now on her own, despite having children and grandchildren, all of them scattered like leaves in the wind, he said. She will know the curse of emigration from the other side, he declared. Kate is the only immediate family member living near her now he said referring to her eldest

daughter and his aunt who lived not far from her in the town of Listowel. That will put a lot of responsibility on her plate in time to come he added. Some years like that one 77 are often remembered internationally by other more famous deaths such as the passing of Elvis Presley. Matthew like many fans was shocked at his departure at such a young age. He remembered buying his records, listening to him on the radio when he was young and seeing some of his films and even singing his songs. Like all great artists, there was probably nobody on the planet who had not been touched by his talent. He regarded him as an icon of his era like The Beatles. He emulated his voice while playing the guitar and learned his songs that were often requested from him at parties. He always maintained that Elvis and The Beatles were the two most influential modern popular musical artists of the Twentieth Century and loved everything they produced. That year was also marked by the loud knocking on the door in the small hours of an early winter morning. On looking out the bedroom window Matthew saw a policeman and a squad car parked outside. Who in Gods name is that? Ellen said waking. Police Matthew answered as he hurriedly put on some clothes. They learned that the Off Licence, their place of work had been broken into. The police had their address, as Matthew was key holder. They had to go to the shop and wait through the night until next day when the company was informed and people were sent to fix the broken door that had been forced open. Even though tired, Matthew had to check what was taken and be interviewed by a detective. It was an annoying aspect of the job for which little or no training had been given. Another night later also in the small hours, someone smashed the front window of the shop, stealing what could be reached through it and the police called again. They both became wary of thieves in general, sometimes finding that bottles of wine Mysteriously vanished from some neatly stacked shelves. It was a trait that got worse along with having to deal with underage youths trying to buy alcohol and becoming abusive when refused. This coupled with drunks or winos roaming or staggering around the shop at times, led them to consider that this was not for them. The management were never satisfied with the profit margins, even though they had increased since their tenure. They both had several talks about it and decided enough was enough. They decided that they would wait until the beginning of the New Year to finish the job and make a new start. Matthew eventually rang head office and told them he was handing in his notice. He wasnt amazed that they asked him to reconsider knowing that it was hard to get people to stay in the job. They both didnt know what they were going to do after they finished the months notice that Matthew had to complete by contract. It was in talking to Ellens brother Ollie that Matthew decided to change the course of his working life. Ollie was now working in Construction and was earning more money than Matthew had been as a manager. Intrigued by this, Matthew inquired more and Ollie told him that he knew plenty of men he socialised with that were employed in it. He also told him he could introduce him to some foremen that worked for Building Contractors who would get him a job. What about experience? Matthew asked.

Dont make me laugh Ollie said. Youve got two hands and two legs in working order, thats all the experience youll need to start with, he told him. The rest youll learn as you go along he assured him. The die was cast and Ollie told him he would inquire on his behalf when he had finished up. You in the Buildings Ellen said skittishly. You might be surprised, Matthew said feeling that a whole new scene was on the horizon. After all thats where most of our people work he said to her. I can understand why knowing the money their paid he commented. Ollie introduced Matthew to a foreman called Peter McGrath in a pub and he told him that the Sub-Contractor he worked for was looking for men. Although some Building jobs were advertised in the London evening newspaper, most of them were gained through meeting other Irishmen in pubs. It was a social network that acted like an employment agency for Irish Construction workers. On meeting Matthew and talking to him and learning that he came from an office and management background Peter wondered if he was going in the wrong direction. Its down your going now, he said to him, pointing his index finger to the floor. Theres no job security or company pensions in this game, he told him. But Matthew was insistent that he wanted to try something new and Peter offered him the job. He was sent to a Building site where apartments that were called flats were being built. He was introduced to a man from County Kerry called Danny Keogh who was the Ganger-man. The title meant that he was in charge of a gang of labourers who were employed by the Sub-Contractor. This Contractor in turn was employed by the main Building Contractor to supply both labour and trades to various sites. It was how the industry worked particularly among the Irish in England. Matthew knew he had a lot to learn on that first day. Danny knowing he was a complete beginner asked him to accompany him to the top floor of the site. He had given him a shovel and a brush. What do I have to do? Matthew asked him. Do, Danny said laughing. Keep out of sight he told him. Youve a lot to learn about this game, he added. You notice I said the word Game, he said. Were paid by the Shift, he told him, explaining that it meant the day. This is Monday, which is recovery day for the Irish nation of building workers in England, he explained. If you see anyone in a suit, or anyone at all for that matter, start sweeping he said. Danny was interested in the fact that Matthew had lived in Kerry where he was from. He was a native of Cahersiveen in the south of the county. He had lived in London for almost twenty years; all of it spent working on the Buildings. He asked Matthew what area of London he lived in and more importantly what pub he drank in. The Irish, Matthew learned could draw a map of London using pubs as directions. They could actually pinpoint somewhere by stating the name of the pub it was near. In this industry it was where they socialized, got jobs and even got paid. Matthew could not believe that he had not done a stroke of work before the first break. There was a canteen of sorts set up on site in a cabin where you could get a cup of tea and sandwich to which you contributed to on a weekly basis. It was there that Matthew met the rest of the crew. Most of them he had to admit looked bleary eyed after a Sunday night of excessive drinking. Trust me, he thought to be the only sober one among them, thinking he was in for a busy day of

manual work. At lunchtime after doing little or nothing he thought the site was very quiet. Enquiring of some of the few that were there, he learned that they had gone to the nearest pub for the cure as it was known. This ritual of having the hair of the dog to offset the effects of hangovers was prevalent on Mondays after the excesses of the weekend. How did you get on? Ellen asked Matthew that first evening. Money for old rope he replied. I have a feeling this game is made for me, he told her. He knew as Danny had told him that there would be times when they would be busy. It was the casualness of it all that Matthew liked the most and the characters that worked in the game. Some of the characters that worked in construction in London and were well known, had funny nicknames such as Elephant John or Mick the Horse and it could be said on seeing them that they were well named. Ellen had taken time out from working, but found the days long and soon got a job as a wages clerk, ironically working for a construction company called Carneys. The Managing Director and most of the management team being brothers were from a village not many miles from Ellens home place. She needless to say fitted in very well and enjoyed the whole Irish atmosphere of the company. She and Matthew were invited to the Christening of the Company Directors son. It was the most lavish affair that either of them had ever attended. The house situated in Buckinghamshire was a mansion, the swimming pool being boarded over to create a marquee and dance floor for the occasion. Two bands played that night and the food was international cuisine. The champagne flowed and the bar was free all night. I think you might be all right for a rise in salary in the near future Matthew joked with Ellen, seeing how wealthy her boss was. My God havent some Irish people really made it in this country he added. About this time the car that they had bought began to give them trouble and they found it wasnt worth repairing. They bought another second hand one and Ellen expressed an interest in learning to drive. It would be handy for me in my job she told Matthew. He agreed as he travelled to work using the underground train network. Ellen took lessons from a local school of motoring and Matthew would take her to a nearby Trading Estate of a Sunday, where she could practice in their car. She was nervous on the day of her driving test as Matthew wished her well. How did you get on? he asked her on returning from work. I failed she said unable to stop her face breaking into that broad smile he was accustomed to. I passed she said, her face lit up with a glow of self-satisfaction. Well done you, come here, Matthew said giving her a big hug and kiss of congratulations. It was those extra lessons I gave you at the weekends that done it he joked. Soon she was heading off to work of a morning in the bright yellow Renault. A couple of weeks later when Matthew arrived home he found her in a terrible mood. Whats wrong? he asked. I was in a crash, she said. What! Are you alright? he exclaimed in a loud voice. A little shaken, she replied. Do you need to see a doctor? Matthew asked in panic. No Im fine she reassured him. Matthew could see it was her pride that was dented more than anything. She explained that it happened on leaving work.

That she turned onto a main road and in crossing collided with another car also driven by a woman. She explained that it was her fault. Well thats what insurance is for Matthew told her. The dent on the car seemed to be more easily repaired than Ellens confidence for a while. Matthew thought that perhaps she needed more lessons before passing her test but would not dare say it to her. She actually became a very careful and considerate driver. Matthew on the other hand was a very impatient driver and would often blow the horn at other drivers he considered were impeding him. He was not averse to calling them names either much to Ellens consternation. The fact that Matthew was now working in the Building Industry was not at all endearing to Bridget, as he knew. She practically never mentioned it in conversation, giving him the feeling that she thought he had somehow lowered himself. Joe on the other hand like most of the others couldnt have cared less as long as he was happy at what he was doing. To Matthew it was another challenge, another adventure and he vowed to learn all he could about building to add another string to his bow. He was easily bored and found that every day he was learning something new. He also liked the comradeship of his fellow countrymen and the general skulduggery that ensued between us the workers and them the management and even between each other. He also liked the fact that you were never in one site long enough to get bored of it. It was an industry that suited the rebel and misfit that he was. The next news from home, or rather Windsor, was that Bernadette was dating again. Oh thats nice Ellen said on hearing the news. God knows that girl deserves a little happiness, she added. Ellen had a special affection for Bernadette from the first time she met her at Sarahs wedding. She had made her feel most welcome when she was so nervous that day meeting all the family at once for the first time. Like being thrown into the Lions Den, she had said jokingly to Matthew afterwards. Bernadette had taken up a job with an Optician, an Englishman and native of Slough called Barry Lyndhurst. The romance had blossomed while they were working together in the town. He was a very laid -back man, they all concluded on meeting him. He could be reserved and was quiet spoken, which was just as well as Bernadette was a total chatterbox. It was not long until they were engaged much to the delight of everybody and introductions to his family were made. His father was a policeman, a detective who worked in the field of forensics. He and his wife, a pleasant woman had one other son and lived in a fine house as Bridget put it. They fitted the bill perfectly as to the type of friends and future in- laws Bridget liked. But the most important thing for all of them was Bernadettes future happiness. It seemed no time had passed until their wedding day took place in the little quaint church in the village of Datchet near Windsor. Barry had undergone obligatory religious instruction in the Catholic tradition in order to marry Bernadette; such was his commitment and love for her. Matthew and Ellen met her at the house before she set off for the church. She was so nervous that morning having one cigarette after another. She was wearing the most beautiful white silk dress, bordered with intricate crochet floral patterns. Her veil flowed from a round white almost skullcap type headdress, the likes of which Ellen confessed she had never seen before. They both told her how beautiful she looked.

They were the flowers I chose for my wedding too, Ellen said looking at the bouquet of red and white roses. I hope they are as lucky for me as they were for you Bernadette said. A lot of people prayed for her secretly during the ceremony that warm summers day, people that is, who knew what she had been through. Matthew noticed that Bridgets tears were plentiful as Bernadette and Barry exchanged their vows. She had nearly lost her as a little girl to pneumonia in Dublin that time and watched her recently battle depression. The reception was most enjoyable and warm and as on such occasions sad times are left outside the door. Their first home was a rented flat in Windsor set on the upper floor of a large house. Bridget thought it most unsuitable, particularly when Bernadette was due to give birth to her first child. But this she did to her first of two boys, carrying him up and down the steps of the house and then the stairs beyond. It was the first place that Matthew and Ellen saw them as a family and could see what a struggle it was for them. It was about this time that Bridget had a vision and an idea that she confided in Joe. She conceived that the plot of land at the side of their house was big enough to build another house, and a large one at that. Joe, although enthusiastic about it, thought they might not get planning permission for it. Bridget through her experience as a former councillor concluded that they would and that she would make sure they would. The idea was that they would sell the existing house and build the new one attached to it and offer the original one for sale to Bernadette and Barry. They as a couple were most enthusiastic about the idea of acquiring such a property with a garden and moving out of their flat. And so it was that the wheels were set in motion and there was no better woman than Bridget in doing so. Like a creature possessed she fought against the planning permission that was initially turned down, using all her council knowledge and knowing how to deal with such people and eventually got it. Matthew laughed telling Ellen the details, Mum verses the council, theres only going to be one winner there. He like all the family knew what a strong, persistent and obstinate person she could be and all the family for being just that loved her. If you wanted someone to fight in your corner there was nobody you could ask for that was better than her. It was at times like these that Joes practical side would come to the fore and in measuring the site he concluded that they could indeed have a good-sized dwelling built. And so it was that a two story four bedroomed dwelling was built next door to their house. Being brand new and architect designed, it became their pride and joy and the new abode for all the family and relatives to visit. Whod have thought it Joe? Bridget said one day when they had it beautifully furnished and decorated. Could you have conceived that time you set off for England with one suitcase and little money in your pocket and tears in your eyes, that we would have this one day? she said. True he answered, allowing a little well earned pride that he was not accustomed to, to flow through his veins. Barry and Bernadette duly purchased the original place and were delighted with it. They in turn began to make it their home. There was now an extra place to visit for one and all by simply walking next door. Most of Joe and Bridgets siblings were now maturing and finding their own way in life, all with the

exception of Declan, who though years younger than them all was quietly making his way through school. He was a ball of energy like Sarah was when she was young and was enthusiastic about everything. The going on holidays with parents was now becoming less alluring for the majority. Although over the years Joe made sure that all his siblings visited his home place including Declan the youngest and English born. Thus giving them a sense of who they were and where they came from. There were times when Bridget often yearned for a holiday elsewhere, even in Ireland. But she knew that Joes wish was always to go to the place of his birth and understood that he wanted to see his mother who was now alone. On one occasion Matthew and Ellen met up with them there and Matthew was able to share some memories of Ireland with Declan. It was about this time that Patrick, much to the surprise of everyone but particularly Matthew, teamed up with another man to form a musical duo. His name was Kieran Naughton. He was an English born son of Irish Parents. His parents Tom and Bridie had separated and he had one brother called Eamon. The music they played and sang was Irish Traditional Music. Some viewed it with much hilarity initially. Joe who had heard them rehearse was amused at the stage Irish accents they adopted to sing Irish songs. Matthew and Ellen were more in disbelief on hearing it. Matthew told Ellen that they were looking for a stage name. What about The Plastic Paddys she said. It was a derogatory term that was used to describe those who were born or reared in England and had lukewarm Irish aspirations when it suited them. The fact was they were good budding musicians and could hold an audience. Apart from Festivals that took place from time to time, Irish traditional musicians were in short supply in England and particularly in their area and were appreciated. They only performed semi- professional on weekends as they were both working. It was a new and exciting development within the family circuit and in time others such as Declan would join them. Matthew was not surprised at any musical prowess developing in his family as their parents had met on stage and he like Bernadette after him played guitar and sang. It was in the blood he confirmed and was glad to see it continue. It was through this connection that Nancy once the youngest but still the youngest girl met Kierans brother Eamon. The attraction was mutual and soon they were going out together. The most pleasant and level headed pair of brothers you would ever meet Bridget said of them. Whether this was coloured by the fact that she learned that they even as young men had invested in property, nobody knew. Matthew in the mean time was now a fully-fledged member of the Construction fraternity. He found that there was quite a diversity of Irish men working in the industry. There were those who had through luck, sheer hard work or tenacity become contractors and thus very wealthy people. Then there were tradesmen who earned great money and had invested in property of their own. Discussions about property were big talking points in many a works canteen among Irish building workers. A lot of them had bought their own homes and being knowledgeable about building knew how to improve or extend them. Matthew would listen intently to such conversations and learn everything he could from them. He would also watch the tradesmen at work and often thought I could do that.

There was however, another group of Irish workers who went from the job to the pub every night. They lived in lodgings or dingy rented rooms and their only outlet from the confinement of their cells was the public house. They would often drift between the Pub and the Betting Shop of a Saturday afternoon squandering their money recklessly. There at least they could escape the squalor of their immediate surroundings and socialize with fellow countrymen. It was a strange and yet familiar existence they lived, in that the people they rented the accommodation from were usually Irish. The people they drank with were Irish. The pub they drank in was also owned or managed by Irish people. It was as though they had created their own little Ireland as a compensation for having to emigrate from their homeland. The one thing the room dwellers had in common was that they were single males and often-older men at that. They had come to England in the post war period when the demand for labour to rebuild the country was paramount. For a lot of them it was as though life had passed them by. They were in the main heavy drinkers. That was why a lot of them had not formed lasting relationships with the opposite sex. The other reason was that they moved around a lot following the work where it occurred and so never had the time to form relationships. They were noticeable in the fact that often of a Monday morning they would request a sub, which constituted a loan on the upcoming weeks wages. The contractors were said to almost own such men week to week, as did the publicans and their landlords. Their money just circulated between the three of them. It was like they were engulfed in the Serfdom of the Manorial system of the Middle- Ages and that their destiny was not their own. Most of them had little education and had been surplus to requirements in their own land, a fact they knew only too well. They would be known in Ireland as the brother or uncle who had been in England for many years. They would almost be forgotten in their home place. And in turn would only have memories of childhood and teenage years of their time there. Some had made it home for Christmass or a summer holiday over the years, but when their parents had passed away they began to lose contact. Even the Ireland they remembered was starting to disappear. Most of them would never get out of that rut and lived lonely lives that were only punctuated by the social life that devoured the money they often had to work hard for. In time it would take a toll on their physical health as well as their mental well being. Sometimes their emotional side would get the better of them too, in that they had to repress their feelings about their demise. The working conditions that they had to endure in their time were appalling. They made a dismal spectacle when they were too old or infirmed to work, with their backs bent and suffering from arthritis from the constant wettings they got working in all sorts of weather over the years. And worst of all they got no thanks or recognition for it. The landlords like the publicans and contractors, once their mentors, didnt want to know them any more. They sought refuge with the local County Councils and the lucky ones were housed in small one-person flats for which they were grateful. As the economic situation began to improve in Ireland and some of their fellow country people

began returning home, they became more isolated than ever. In their final years they would become the Forgotten Irish. One day Matthew came across an older building worker who was in an awful state. He asked him what was wrong and the distraught man explained to him that his elderly mother had died in Ireland. He told him that he never attended the funeral. On asking why the man told him that he had no money for such a trip and not enough for even a suit. Matthew asked him why he didnt borrow some from the contractor or a bank. The man told him he didnt have a bank account and owed the contractor money as it was. His contorted face told the whole story. Ill never be able to go home again, the man told him. Matthew learned that it had been many years since he had visited there. It was like he was trapped in a prison of circumstance that there would never be a way out of. The saddest thing was that a lot of them seemed to have lost their dignity and self-respect and England that once beckoned, as the land of opportunity for them had become the abode of their slow self-destruction. There were times when Matthew himself wondered what he was doing working in this industry. Sometimes the work took him miles out of London and this necessitated getting a lift in the contractors van. It was often packed with fellow workers on a Monday morning, most of who were on the beer the night before. He once said that you would need an oxygen mask from men breaking wind from the nights excesses. You would sit crammed on a wooden bench on a journey of an hour or maybe more to the site. Matthew hated working outside the city, preferring to catch the Underground train and travel independently, but you had to take the work as it came. He eventually and purposely found contractors whose jobs centred in the city of London. He once said that if you couldnt get a construction job in the vast city of London, you might as well look for other type of work. He now had his own tools and operated as a handyman and a job called a concrete finisher. He was earning good money, in fact more money than he had ever earned in his life. The Underground trains were quieter in the earlier hours that he would set off for work but very busy in the evening. You were lucky if you could get a seat in the evening rush hours. He often thought what strange surroundings they were. If you made eye contact with someone, they would immediately avert their eyes, either by pretending to read the advertisements above the windows or looking at the floor. A lot of people would have a newspaper or magazine to read, thus consolidating their anonymity. There were faces from all over the world and from all walks of life. There were the office and banking staff in their smart suits with briefcases that never left their side, again only being opened and studied as a social diversion. Matthew never wore his working clothes travelling as some obvious building workers did. He instead had a preference for casual apparel that suited the weather. He felt anonymous among the anonymity of it all. He didnt look like he did any particular job or that he was a particular kind of person. There were times when he was happy in his thoughts, to be exactly that. Often on a journey his mind would wander to other things, such as what he was reading or studying at the time or even to other times. He once had a thought about all the foreign faces that were to be seen in London and realized that like the Irish they had one common denominator, in that most of them were from former British Colonies.

They had all responded to the great demand for labour from the post war period onwards and like former obedient subjects of now independent nations, responded to the call, for reasons of their own. The light rocking motion of the train and the repetitive noise that it made in a non-conversationalist environment was like a Buddhist mantra that could transport the susceptible mind to another place or time. The London Underground trains and stations had a life form of their own. They were also the abode of beggars and homeless people seeking warmth in winter and pick pockets during the tourist season. And on dreadful occasions the site of suicides. Whenever the words whether spoken through the loudspeaker or printed on a screen declared trains cancelled due to an incident at a particular station occurred, it meant someone had thrown themselves in front of an approaching train. It was from a fellow building worker that Matthew learned this. People always seemed to be in such a hurry in London whether making their way through crowded streets or across bridges, resembling rugby players avoiding tackles in a match and particularly on the Underground. He once saw a woman dive towards the closing doors of a train. She became jammed face down between them. Therell be another one along in ten minutes, the guard shouted to her great embarrassment while checking she was all right. Once he was sitting directly across from a woman of the road, a vagrant lady dressed in shabby clothes with broken shoes and unwashed hair, sleeping in the warmth of the carriage. He noticed what seemed to be a thin trickle of almost red colour liquid starting to run down her leg. Oh Christ Almighty! he said silently realizing that she perhaps in a drunken or weary state was unaware that she was menstruating. It made him feel desperately sad for her and wondered how life had led her to this. She was somebodys child, maybe somebodys sister or even somebodys wife or lover or friend he thought. Apart from the pitiful he could tell by peoples expressions, whether they were happy, sad, worried, weary, pensive or just bored on any given journey in the Underground world. He was however, grateful for the life and love that he had found in the great metropolis and that he never hesitated to grab the adventure when circumstances dictated. Domestically, Matthew and Ellen were very happy as their marriage progressed. They were never out of each others thoughts even while working. Ellen fitted the role of housewife perfectly in that she loved cooking and was a splendid cook. She also took pride in keeping the place clean and tidy and all while keeping down a job. Matthew often envied the amount of energy she seemed to have constantly. She was a perfectionist in everything she did. They had the most exciting love life and it could be very spontaneous at times. Lovemaking could take place any time or anywhere in their abode as only the two of them shared it. Once they were making love in the bedroom on a Sunday afternoon when they heard the doorbell ring. Oh my God, see who that is? Ellen squirmed. Its Maeve, Gerry and the two girls, Matthew said, referring to her sister and family, while peeking through the net curtains in the upstairs room. They had to pretend to be out much to Ellens embarrassment that showed in her face. They learned afterwards they had been playing tennis in the nearby park, where they had joined them on a few occasions and decided to pay them a surprise visit. They would visit Maeve and Gerrys place now and again as they would theirs and no invite was needed. The most regular visitor they had was Ellens brother Ollie.

It would usually be on a Sunday for dinner as he was a great fan of her cooking. He and Ellen had a passionate shared interest of betting on horse racing and had many a discussion about it. Matthew had joined them in going to the odd race meeting at some of the tracks around London. Although he did not have the same enthusiasm about horse racing as they did, there was nothing he wouldnt do to please Ellen. Their accommodation of each others hobbies was an enduring strength in their relationship. For Matthews part he was still an avid reader. He had given up oil painting at the time, feeling he had gone as far as he could with the style and format that he had developed. He was always involved in one project or another and the lack of brainpower needed in his job left him free to pursue intellectual interests. It was a situation he quite liked, in that he was under no pressure mentally to do so. In his free time he was relaxed in studying the subjects he wanted to learn so much more about. He decided that he wanted to be an amateur historian and joined the library while also buying large volumes on the subject. He began to learn everything about the history and culture of his homeland both ancient and modern. His plan was then to learn about British history, European history and the interconnected history of the world in general. He had not pursued it enough at school or college where the subject of Irish history in particular was non-existent in England. According to the curriculum in his first school there, the world or rather England began in 1066 with the Norman invasion under William the Conqueror. He knew there was a vast history of both Britain and Ireland that preceded that and he wanted to know everything that was documented. The pursuit of knowledge was something that was innate in his character and having left academia behind, it now became his hobby and passion. Having armed himself with such information he found he was better equipped in debates or arguments about worldly events and what lay behind them historically. By 79 the political ground had shifted dramatically in Britain, with the Conservative Party winning the general election, this time under the leadership of Margaret Thatcher, the first woman to hold the post. While the biggest news from Ireland that year apart from a new political leader, was the visit of Pope John Paul to the Emerald Isle. It was evident from the footage on the news that the turn out of the crowds was enormous. Their lives were quite busy and between working and socialising, the time passed very quickly. They would regularly sleep on of a Sunday morning, being tired after the weeks exertions. It resulted in them lapsing from going to Mass on a regular basis. Ellen felt more guilt about it than Matthew who had only gone for her sake. He found the service repetitive and argued that you never learned anything from it, something he would find futile. The pattern of their carefree lives continued until the following year, when they received a letter from the letting agents, through which they rented the flat. It was a letter that was to change the direction of their priorities. It informed them that the owners of the building, who they learned from their fellow, tenant Ted were now elderly, were selling the property. It was a reality check for both of them. They suddenly felt insecure and venerable, as they only had contact with the agents, to which they paid the rent. They were informed, as was Ted that the entire property was to be sold at auction on a certain date. They both wondered where it would leave them as they had no interference from the present

landlords and had taken their tenancy for granted. In a phone call to Windsor, Matthew relayed their concerns to his mother Bridget, knowing she was wise in these matters. Go for it, this is your big chance she exclaimed. The biggest chance youll ever get, she emphasized. Go to the auction and bid for it, she said excitedly. For Gods sake ye occupy two thirds of the house already she said almost out of breath. As the top floor is occupied by another sitting tenant, its not of much use to most people she explained. But weve little or no savings he replied embarrassingly. Dont worry about that, she said. Do you realize this is the opportunity of your lives? she pointed out, sounding almost annoyed with him. You know that bank manager, whos practically a friend of ours, where we do all of our financial dealings she said. Oh Peter whats his name Matthew muttered, remembering her mentioning him in conversation. Ill have a word with him and tell him the situation and get back to you, she promised him. He and Ellen had a long talk about it that night and although she was slightly put out by what she saw as interference in their affairs, agreed to hear the outcome. Bridget on inquiring, found out that as they were both working and their joint income was good, that on the face of it, the bank would be able to facilitate a loan, pending the amount required. All of this depended on whether they were the successful bidders on the day. Before they knew it the fateful day had arrived. Joe took the day off work and he and Bridget drove to London and met up with Matthew and Ellen at the house. They set off as planned, for the auction house in the city centre, travelling on the underground train network. There were other properties for sale, some sold and some were withdrawn. Matthew in particular was a nervous wreck as it came near to their lot being announced. He also saw that Ellen was pensive as she held his hand tightly. Suddenly after what seemed an eternal wait, their lot was announced. It was an experience that no one could have prepared them for. Sitting there while their future was being gambled upon. Property speculators and investors peopled the hall and as the bidding started at what seemed quite a low figure, fingers and catalogues were raised accompanied by nodding heads. The figures blurred from Matthews mind as he, Ellen and particularly Bridget kept raising their hands. Bridget although a little nervous was relishing it and was the first to raise her hand at times. There were two people mainly bidding against them and finally one, who at the last raising of their hands bowed out. The tall auctioneers hand hit the hammer on the table and shouted Sold, pointing in their direction. Matthew in particular was able to breathe again. Youve got it Bridget shrieked and for a pittance at that she added with great delight. It took a little time amid congratulations from Bridget and Joe, for the reality of it to sink in for Matthew and Ellen. They were now, subject to the bank loan, the proud owners of 33, York Road. The reality of having secured the ensuing loan from the pleasant Peter Flynn was to give way to a sense of responsibility, something neither of them had ever embraced in the six years of their marriage. Ellen had stated that maybe it was what they both needed at that time, they having been constantly spending all their money on a regular basis. Whod have thought it Matthew said, holding Ellen in an embrace that night, thinking of the day

they moved in with their few bits and pieces. They were both eternally grateful for the wonderful help and innovation of Bridget in particular. They did learn soon however, from their local solicitor and bank manager why the property went so cheaply. Firstly as they had surmised, it was because it was fully occupied by sitting tenants. But what they did not know was that it also did not have full title deeds. This only came to light when their solicitor carried out the search for the title. He told them that they would only have a title of possession and that it would take fifteen years as the law stood to convert it to a title absolute. They also had to take out a one off special insurance because of this, to cover the bank loan. They found they could sell if they wanted to, but that the price would be reflected by this clause. A minor detail Bridget said on hearing this. Its yours and thats it she assured them. The first thing they had to do was inform Ted, who was now their tenant. It didnt bother him at all and they kept his rent, which was little, the same as promised. Well what are we going to do with this place landlady? Matthew said over dinner. I dont know really, Ellen said with a sigh, she being as new to it all as him. Its a building not a house, he declared. Matthew was now knowledgeable in construction, a fact that he was now grateful for. He asked Ted if he could see his flat on the top floor and if he could view the loft. He and Ellen had only seen it of a Christmas time when they had bought him some bits and pieces for the season, knowing that he was a pensioner. They knew that he had done nothing to it in many years. This time Matthew looked at it in detail with surveyors eyes. It was an unpleasant surprise. The outdated dcor, furnishings and fittings, were of post war period and maybe before. A stained bulge in one part of the ceiling in his kitchen drew his attention, indicating a leak in the roof. On inspecting the loft, that was never insulated and the old slates, under which no felt had ever been put, he knew what the first job would entail. Even the pointing that came away on touch needed doing. Looks like youll be needing those old tools I gave you Ted said in jest. Tell me about it Matthew said, his mind working overtime at all that was to be done and how much it would cost. He was relieved that the floors and staircases were solid at least but knew that there was a lot of work to do. He told Ellen that they would have to start by getting a new roof as a priority and that there was a mountain of work to be done other than that. Well be busy working on this place for a long time he told her. Rome wasnt built in a day she commented. When they got a roofing contractor, an Irishman from County Roscommon, recommended to them by Ellens brother in law Gerry, they found out that a lot more work had to be done as a priority. The brickwork on the chimneys and all the exterior walls also needed pointing with some windowsills having to be replaced. This would be the first phase, protecting the long neglected building from the elements. No wonder we got the bloody place cheap Matthew said on reading the detailed estimate of the cost. They both knew it had to be done and knuckled down to putting funds aside to do so. Itll be worth it in the end Ellen said. Why is something telling me this is only the beginning Matthew replied. When the scaffolding came down on the completion of the work that even included replacing the old guttering and drainpipes they both agreed that the place looked good at least from the outside.

It became an ongoing project for them as it was for all homeowners. The only time youre finished with a house is when you hand the keys over to the new owner, a fellow building worker told Matthew. He was now working long hours including half day on Saturday. It was often late evening when he would return home of a weekday and Ellen would have his dinner heating in the oven. He could often feel his eyes closing while watching television, as it was an early start for him each morning. But despite the fact that both of them were working hard, they felt that for once, there was a reason for it. And on many an early morning and late evening they had to remind themselves of that fact. Sometimes, like in any relationship, they would row about something, usually about something trivial or what money was being spent on. Matthew had a tendency to shout and loud at that. Ellen hated anyone shouting at her and would storm off slamming doors behind her. So hard, that Matthew unknown to her would check if the hinges had loosened. They both however, hated going to bed on a row without kissing goodnight and would admit not sleeping well afterwards. But they would make up with as much passion and would wonder why they had rowed in the first place. The shocking death or rather murder of John Lennon that year reverberated around the world and angered Matthew intensely, he being a great Beatles fan. He said he was too trusting, being a champion of peace. It was a time that he thought that any popular music worth listening to had died. Everything that he liked he found was in retrospect. Maybe thats what happens when you get older he concluded. The year of 81 was a year of contrast for Ireland and Britain. Tragedy marred Northern Ireland with the deaths of the H-Block hunger strikers, trying to get political status for Republican prisoners and sickened and saddened Irish people the world over, no more so than those exiled in England. In contrast the British had the joy of the much-celebrated Royal wedding of Prince Charles the heir to the British throne to Lady Diana Spencer. Ellen had not been feeling well for a time and told Matthew it was womens troubles. She had confided in her sister Maeve, that she had been having heavy periods. She told her to go and see her doctor, and knowing she was reluctant to go to doctors, tried to insist that she do so. Eventually, after telling Matthew about the painful and prolonged monthly cycles she was experiencing she did. That evening when Matthew returned home, he found her in an awful state. He could see her eyes were heavy from crying. Whats wrong? he said frightened by her appearance. She shook her head without saying a word and tears streamed down her face. For Gods sake tell me whats wrong? Matthew, pleaded as he held her, trying to comfort her. You need to find another woman, she said sobbing. What! Why in Gods name would I want to do that? Matthew said almost in anger, but mostly in fear. Thats what the doctor told me, she said, with the greatest look of sorrow he had ever seen in her pretty face. Now calm down and tell me exactly why anyone would say that to you? he said shaking with anger. He told me I was going through the menopause, she said slowly, trying to get the words out. Thats impossible, youre only a young woman, Matthew declared.

Thats what I thought, Ellen said wiping her eyes with a tissue. It happens to very few woman of my age, but it does happen she said almost in a whisper. Matthew thought his ears were deceiving him. You mean to tell me that bastard of a doctor of yours, told you that your husband should find another woman he said. It was his little warped sense of humour, she said bitterly. Ill kill him, I swear Ill kill him Matthew declared. I wont be back to him again, she said. Well you got youre wish, she said to him in a justifiable statement of anger and regret. It pierced his heart like an emotional dagger and transferred all the guilt on to him. He knew she was right, as he was the reluctant one about starting a family. They kissed before sleeping that night as they had always done, but there was a sorrow in it, that neither of them had known before. Im so, so sorry Ellen, Matthew said with a heavy heart. Adding, I dont deserve you, I really dont. Maybe it was meant to be, she said in consolation. Matthew became consumed by guilt, even more than he did by regret. He had many a conversation with himself on the quiet early morning underground train going to work. For the first time he cursed the convenience and wide availability of birth control that had led them to such an unforeseen situation. The cold truth was they would be childless and that was final. If only this and only that had happened he would contemplate, before realizing that If was never in a true story. He hoped that Ellen would forgive him in time but knew he would never forgive himself. He found himself drinking heavily at weekends and began to shun drinking socially. It would start on a Friday night when he would put cans of beer and some wine that Ellen liked in the shopping trolley. He would make excuses like he would have a few cans at home, because he was working on Saturday morning. Then he would have some Saturday night, because he wasnt working on Sunday. On Sunday he would have something to compliment the dinner and then to finish off the weekend. He was in good company of a Monday morning with most of his building compatriots in the same boat. It was an emotional period that they had to get over and it was the love they had for each other that got them through. It was something that had for the first time, created a distance between them. One weekend night, Matthew was watching a program of interest on the television. Ellen said she was going to bed and he told her he would follow her soon. While he was still viewing the program, she opened the door. She stood there wearing the most provocative lingerie he had ever seen, and a mischievous smile on her face. Are you coming to bed darling? she asked, beckoning him with her index finger. When he had caught his breath and with his pulse racing, he practically carried her there. Their lovemaking was more intense than he had ever known and he worshiped her with every sinew in his body. Before he could speak, she had placed her hand on his mouth. He knew he was forgiven. The winter of 82 was pleasantly brightened with the wedding of Nancy, Matthews youngest sister to her fianc Eamon Naughton. It took place in January of all months, but they were lucky with the fine if not cold winter day. Bridget who was at the centre of things as usual was greatly excited about it.

All her living siblings apart from Declan, who was now a teenager, would now be married. After the pleasant ceremony that always drew Bridgets tears, the reception was held at the Irish Club in Slough. It was an occasion for all the family and relatives to meet up again. Matthew and Sarah had moved away from the area and with Nancy about to move out from home, albeit locally, they had nearly all flown the nest. The family friend and manager Aidan Joyce and his wife Mary organized a wonderful event. The main hall was set out with tables for what was a large gathering of relatives and friends. The only strange thing was that the parents of the groom sat at opposite ends of the main table. They having been separated for many years, when the sons were younger, rarely met or spoke to each other. But it was in all a very pleasant and enjoyable evening. Nancy looked beautiful and as composed as ever. She was a very self-assured young lady and never suffered fools gladly. She exuded a confidence that the others often envied and knew exactly what she wanted in life. She had stated more than once that she would like a large family, an ambition she would fulfil in time. Eamon, her husband, a most pleasant chap, was the chatty one of two brothers, with Kieran being more reserved. Their mother Mary seemed a more private person, while the father Tom would talk to one and all. Matthew remarked about how quickly his youngest brother Declan was growing up and could not believe he would be attending college shortly. It would be the same Windsor College that he himself attended. He was always so full of energy and had a very positive outlook on life. He was the one that did not have the burden of being an exile to carry, he being born there. His life, his place, his world, his dreams, was not complicated by it. But his identity was nevertheless Irish despite that. My God, where does time go? Matthew said to Ellen. In looking at and talking to them that day, he was pleased to see that all of them had turned out very well in the years he was away. It complimented the great parenting skills of Joe and Bridget and the individual strength of character they all possessed. He concluded that he would not have been any help or influence to them in the frame of mind he was in when living there. And he was grateful for Ellens influence in changing him for the better. There were four main events that seemed to mark that year. Princess Grace of Monaco, the former Irish-American film actress, was killed in a car crash. Formally known as Grace Kelly she was held in high esteem by the Irish worldwide. Being a princess, she was the nearest they had to royalty. On the sporting scene Ireland won the Triple Crown in rugby, after a gap of many years. It was a great joy for the Irish as were all sporting achievements, and was greeted with great pride as always by the exiles. Events like this throughout the years galvanized the sense of belonging to the homeland and a large contingent of supporters would flock to Twickenham in South London, when Ireland would play England there. That year provided two events that were in total contrast to each other. Britain had gone to war with Argentina over the invasion of the Falkland Islands in the South Atlantic. And Pope John Paul had made an historic visit to Britain, promoting the theme of peace. Matthew and Ellen had joined the large crowds on the roadside when the pontiff was heading for a gathering at Wembley Stadium. They saw him quite clearly as he passed them in the Pope-mobile as it became known.

As they were waving with the crowd Matthew said to Ellen does he look the image of Ted Brown or what referring to their tenant. He finally brought it up with Ted when he saw him afterwards. You could be a security double for the Pope you know he teased him. He was not shocked to learn from him that the fact of the similarity had been pointed out to Ted by friends. Matthew bought a solid state Russian radio in Shepherds Bush market, that the stallholder told him would pick up the Irish national radio station. He and Ellen could listen to programs and the news directly from home. The biggest thrill for them including Ollie was that they were able to listen to the Gaelic football and Hurling matches of a given Sunday, including the All Ireland finals. Developments in technology had led to satellite broadcasts of such sporting events being shown in cinemas in London and elsewhere where large Irish populations existed. The building industry tended to close down for a few weeks during the Christmas period. A lot of Irish lads looked forward to this time and went home on holidays to the families they had there. Matthew found that the Christmas period could be very long after the initial celebrations and family visits. There was often a spare week or more to pass after most people including Ellen had gone back to work. She had now left the wages clerk job and worked part time in a shop only a couple of miles away. Matthew met a middle aged chap from Belfast in one building site who told him that he went to Southern Spain and the Canary Islands every Christmas. He was a married man whos children had left home and he told Matthew that the climate there at that time of year was like the summer in England. The idea appealed to both him and Ellen and they got holiday broachers from the travel agents the following year. They would spend the next Christmas in Spain on the Costa del Sol. They never enjoyed anything like it, for that time of year. The weather was hot and they had Christmas dinner in a beachside restaurant. It consisted of Paella, the traditional Spanish dish of rice, chicken and seafood and washed it down on a warm day with cold beer. This is the life, Matthew said as they clinked glasses in a Christmas toast. To many more Christmass like this he added as Ellen smiled. They even went on a trip to Morocco that holiday, it being Ellens first experience on a hovercraft. They both found it a fascinating and uplifting experience and returned refreshed and invigorated. The following year they booked a holiday in the Canary Islands and fell in love with the place. It was like stepping out of winter and into summer in a few hours flight. They had some very romantic times there. Matthew would always bring some reading material with him. And he liked nothing better than reading a book by the pool or on the balcony after breakfast and his morning swim. Ellen had never learned to swim and wasnt keen to try. But she would paddle her dainty feet on the oceans edge as they walked along hand in hand. She would cover her fair skin in sunscreen before sunbathing each day, asking Matthew to apply it where she couldnt reach. There was a nudist beach on One Island and nothing was left to the imagination. Matthew cheekily took a photograph of a naked couple when they had passed by. Ellen thought it hilarious that people would pass by naked, carrying their clothes in a bag. They would lie sunbathing; wearing only what nature had given them, without a care in the world. The nightlife was fantastic and they got to know different people each holiday. Christmas day was spent in restaurants and New Years Eve was a noisy Fiesta with fireworks and dancing into the small hours.

We dont celebrate Christmas at all, Ellen said referring to England and even Ireland. It set the pattern for future Christmass and they would look forward to the season instead of finding it a chore. The unexpected death of Joes brother in law John OLeary at a relatively young age was a shock to them all. He was married to his sister Maureen and lived only streets away from them in Windsor. He worked at the airport, as did Joe and his brother Owen. Like Joe he had been promoted to a ramp supervisor and had died of a heart attack. He was the first of that generation that knew each other and had migrated in those years to be buried in England. He was a quiet gentle man, who had his own sense of humour and was a great storyteller. He was a native of Tralee and it was with him and Maureen that Joe had stayed when he first arrived in England. The next news from home was on a sadder note also. Momma, the grandmother had been suffering from dementia. She had been struggling for a while, living alone on the farm after the death of their grandfather some years before. She had been spending more and more time with her daughter Kate in the town. Kate was getting on in years herself and felt aggrieved at times at being the one who because she lived the nearest to her, had been left to be her sole carer. She had asked family members both at home and abroad if they would like her to stay or even holiday with them for even a small time to give her a break. The response was negative and the rest of her siblings seemed content to bury their heads in the sand. Bridget was furious when Joe seemed reluctant to have his mother for any time. A bunch of bloody hypocrites, thats what the rest of you are she said to him in no uncertain terms. Even though it drew both embarrassment and guilt and even sorrow from both Joe and the other brothers and sisters, they all seemed to come up with the same excuse. The general consensus was that it would not be a good idea to move her in her present confused state of mind, from her familiar surroundings. It was something that would fester with Kate and understandably at that. They all of course wanted to visit her, but that would be conceivably that. I hope to God that does not happen to one of them or me in the future Bridget said to Matthew. Ive been listening to them going on about Momma this and Momma that since I first met your father, she added. And the first time the woman needed them in her life, she was basically shunned she said in anger. Matthew, remembering the six months he and the immediate family had stayed at her and Daddas farm, when they were waiting for accommodation all those years ago, felt very sad about the situation but knew he had no authority to intervene. Eventually, as time passed and unable to cope with her deteriorating condition, Kate with the help of the health authorities, had Momma placed in care. The nursing home that she was placed in was in Glin, in the neighbouring county of Limerick, some miles away from the only surroundings she had known all her life. But in her condition she would apparently have known little or nothing about it. It was there that all of them would visit her until her dying day. On one such visit, while staying ironically in the home place, Joe and Bridget saw her. Bridget told Matthew that she saw Joe cry, she not really knowing him or her. She told him it was awful listening to her talking about how she must prepare dinner for Dadda her husband now deceased for years, still thinking she was at home. Whether she had any conception of them being there, they did not know.

Sometimes bad news often comes in threes it had been said. The unexpected death of Joes sister Angelas husband, Peter Fogerty, from a heart attack in the prime of his life, was an awful shock. Joe and Bridget knew them well as a couple in Dublin in particular when they lived there. She was left with a large family to bring up on her own. To compound things, they had moved to Northern Ireland some years ago, Peters work having taken him there. Joe had often socialised with him, when he was a young family man in Dublin. Matthew remembered them both well, but had not seen them or his cousins except one since leaving Ireland. Peter was a native of Fethard in County Tipperary, not far from where Ellens elderly aunt lived. Joe and Bridget attended the funeral after flying to Dublin and meeting up with Joes sister Betty and her husband Mick. They travelled as a foursome in appalling weather to Peters funeral in the town of his birth and he was interred in the graveyard where his father a former Garda had been before him. Angela now had to work hard and times for her children were hard. She often wished that they could move back to Southern Ireland, but their fate was sealed by their move to the North, she not having the means to do it. The feeling of isolation for them was compounded by the ensuing troubles there, they being Catholics in a predominately Protestant region. It wasnt long after that, when Joe and Bridget got the news that Mick, Bettys husband, the very man who drove them to Peters funeral, all of them having lived closely in Dublin many years ago, was diagnosed with cancer. It was a battle that Mick Heffernan, the gentle giant as he was known, would not win. Mick had been a successful businessman in his time, but things had not been going well for him for a while. They sadly deteriorated even further for him during his illness. David, his son had also been working with him and was practically brought up in the business. When the news of his death reached Joe and Bridget who were constantly in touch by phone, it was although expected, still a shock. Joe and Bridget attended the funeral in Dublin and met up with Joes sister Betty and family. Betty was distraught they learned for more reasons than the loss of her husband. The business was finished she told them and they were left with huge debt. So much so, that they had to sell the fine house they had not long bought in a good County Dublin area. Such was the outstanding business loan to the bank that Betty was left homeless. She went to live with her eldest married daughter Rosemary and her husband Gerald Potter, a Dubliner who was a salesman. To say it was a life changing experience from the affluence Betty and her family had known was an understatement. At least unlike her sister in law Angela, her family were reared and independent. Doesnt life deal people an awful hand at times Bridget said of it, remembering the times she Joe and the family lived only doors away from them, when they were young. Bridgets sister Margaret had become feeling isolated and lonely in her little place in Slough, a town that was not changing for the better. She often felt frightened at night and relayed her concerns to Bridget, who asked her if she would like to move. She consented that she would and Bridget knowing her wish, though her efforts and former contacts, once more put the wheels in motion. She managed through the council, to negotiate a little flat for her in old peoples secure accommodation, only a short distance from where she and Joe lived in Windsor. Margaret was delighted with it and was eternally grateful.

A local bus service took Margaret directly to her sisters door. She settled in very quickly and would visit Bridget often, while still feeling independent. Bridget found it amusing that Margaret wanted to live on the first floor, learning that she thought she would be safer from burglars being one story higher. This considering that the entrance to the accommodation was through a special security door. The Eighties saw a new influx of emigration from Ireland caused by another economic downturn. This time however, the people mainly young were educated, confident and only wanted to be there on a temporary basis. Even those who took up work in the Building Industry, mainly for the money, had plans for what they would do when they returned home. Matthew by now felt he was a senior emigrant and constantly found he was giving advice to new arrivals on all aspects of living and working in London. They in turn brought him up to date with what was going on at home. He noticed they were more interested in cars; property and earning money as opposed to drinking it all like their predecessors. Even Matthews cousin David Heffernan was working in England for a time. Matthew met him during a visit to Joe and Bridgets. He hadnt seen him for some years but he was still the same pleasant chap he had known in Dublin. His fathers business was now gone and he was making his own way in life. He would eventually end up in California after a divorce from his first wife and marry again. Work in the Construction Industry was not plentiful for some time during the 80s. Matthew, Ollie and his brother Kevin ended up working in the same job once and with Kevins son at that. The music scene had become very intense in the OConnor family, with the duo of Patrick and Nancys brother in law Kieran being joined by Declan and another chap, a brilliant fiddle player called Paul forming an Irish traditional band. Of the two family members Patrick played keyboard and guitar and sang, while the budding Declan, who also sang, was emerging surprisingly, as one of the best banjo players in England. They were extremely talented and played at many venues in a semi- professional role. It was a period when Patrick and Declan were very close. They worked only part time, devoting much of their energies towards music. They became a well-known group both locally and in London and played on the same bill as many of the best traditional bands from both Ireland and England. All the OConnor family, relatives and friends from Slough saw them perform. Matthew and Ellen saw them perform in London and were very impressed. I love the adopted accent Ellen teased Patrick. It was something they had adapted to give the songs an authentic Irish sound. The funny thing was that they had grown up with English accents in their adopted country, something that would never change. But they got away with it and even did some professional recordings that people could buy at the venues. Matthew often played them and realized the irony of the fact that he considering himself to be quintessentially Irish did not play Irish music as such. Certainly not enough to be part of a band like them. He had been more absorbed by the Rock and Roll and Rhythm and Blues of the era that he grew up in. His interest in music generally was very broad based. It was the way he treated any subject, that of wanting to know everything he could about it. He did however, like Ballads and some Folk music that drew him to Irish music. The first musical influence that he could remember was when he was a little boy in Dublin. He heard a man on the radio singing a song called Love and Marriage and was enthralled by the voice and style of the singer.

He asked Bridget whom that was singing and she replied Frank Sinatra dear. He was a fan of his all his life, no matter who came and went in the music business. Joe and Bridget, as the family knew, had first met during a performance of a Light Opera in her hometown all those years ago. Music had played a big part in the OConnors lives and was about to do so again. It was instrumental in introducing both Patrick and Declan to the women in their lives. They had also been introduced to them through their musical endeavours, in that they both met them at venues where they played. These venues, through the medium of Irish traditional music, attracted Irish audiences and also their English born children. In Patricks case, he met and fell in love with a girl of Waterford connections, called Ciara Power, then living in Slough. And in Declans case a girl of Donegal parents living in London, called Irene Keane. Well make Paddys out of them yet Matthew said, joking with Ellen. As the mid 80s progressed, the next family news from Ireland was of the serious decline in Mommas health. Joe and Bridget and all those who could make it had visited her during that period. Even though in some way they were prepared for the worst, it was still very sad when the news of her death reached them. There was nobody in the large extended family of the matriarch that she was that was not touched by it. Like Dadda who had gone those years before her, she had coloured all their lives with memories. She had lived well into her eighties and had passed away peacefully. Joe and Bridget attended the funeral and she was laid to rest with her husband in their native Listowel. Bridget told Matthew that she had not seen Joe cry like that for a very long time. Everything would be different in the ancestral home from then on. Firstly, there was the will that was to become a bitter bone of contention for most of the immediate family. The house and most of the farm was left to the eldest son Peter. But he was not actually the eldest in the family. The eldest as such was their sister Kate who had cared for Momma before she was committed to the home where she died. She like the rest of the siblings including Joe inherited sizable plots of land suitable for building a house on. Peter had lived in London since he was a young man and had his own house and family there. He expressed little or no desire to return to the family home. Many a heated discussion and argument ensued over the will. Bridget surmised that it had Daddas stamp all over it, he being old fashioned in his ways. Further investigation was to prove her right. It had been made many years before and whether Momma being a dutiful wife, fully agreed to it, would always remain a mystery. She practically ended up a tenant in her own home, Bridget once pointed out to Matthew. Seeing Joes plot marked out on paper and knowing where it was Matthew remarked, So thats our little part of Ireland. Bridget thought all of it should have been divided equally as she predicted the house now unoccupied would be sold in the future. Dilemmas like this faced many exiled families in England and elsewhere as the years passed. The house became a holiday home for all connected for some years. But eventually Peter who was getting on in years and having to upkeep it decided to sell. A fairly unknown connection in the home place, with a young family bought and modernized it, even extending the original building.

Not being a farmer he continued to rent the land. Ah well, its for other children to delight in now, just as we did Matthew said with a sigh. Although some of those who had inherited the plots considered building on them, they never did. They were grazed by cattle as they had always been. The news of Joes stroke sent a shockwave through the family, even more so for those living away like Matthew and Sarah. Thankfully it was a fairly mild stroke but it did affect his left arm and hand slightly. When Matthew visited him in hospital, Joe told him that all he remembered about it was that he was drinking a cup of coffee alone in his office at work and the next thing was waking up in hospital. He told him he was glad somebody had entered the office, probably to request something as they usually did and raised the alarm. Medical staff and first aid trained personnel were always on hand at the airport he told him. Bridget and all the family that visited him were relieved that he had survived without any mobility problems. He did however; have to have speech therapy for his initial, noticeably slurred voice. The episode had frightened Bridget and all of them. He was medically assessed and was glad to take the early retirement that was offered by the airline. He was prescribed high blood pressure tablets that he would be on for the rest of his life and was surprised that he had no symptoms prior to getting a stroke. Bridget told Matthew that his job, a responsible one had been very stressful and that in her opinion, he had escaped just in time. He began to enjoy his retirement immensely, as had his brother Owen who had applied for early retirement before him, having had enough of it. They both felt sorry for the fact that their brother in law John OLeary had never joined them in that respect as all three of them had spent their working lives there, since coming to England. It was a time of life that was beckoning for their generation with their older brother Peter in London reaching retirement age. They had all worked hard in their lives and had brought up their families through thick and thin in exile and were now turning their energies to more leisurely pursuits. Joes pension wasnt much, as he had retired at sixty years of age, he not being of age to receive the state pension. It was then that he and Bridget had a brainwave. They didnt need the upkeep of the large house they lived in, they surmised. They could also see that Patrick and Declan were now in serious relationships and would soon want a place of their own. They offered them the house between them so that they could turn it into two flats. Then they planned to build a small bungalow for both of them next to it. After much battle with the local council they eventually succeeded. Everybody thought it was a great achievement. The council gave planning permission, but only for a one-bedroom dwelling considering the size of the plot. The builder, a local man, made a fine job of it and Joe and Bridget did the rest including the garden in which Joe now a man of leisure took much pride. Matthew once remarked that they should rename the buildings OConnor Close. And so it was that Patrick and Declan became very busy converting the second building that Joe and Bridget had procured, they having now lived in three of them since moving to Windsor, with Bernadette and her family living in the original dwelling. Bridgets brother Jim a bachelor had also taken early retirement from his job as a bus driver in London and decided to move in her direction namely Slough, where with her advice and steering got a council flat there. Their brother Tony now married with one son had their own flat in London. Matthew learned that he and his wife had a lot of problems with the boy through drink and drug

taking and his teenage years were very turbulent. He was though apparently very intelligent and wrote very deep poetry. It seemed though that he as an only son had a great feeling of isolation from the rest of his extended family. When Jim who often visited them moved away, it seemed to compound his problems that included depression. Bridget had never hit it off with Tonys wife and had only visited there a couple of times. Her relationship with Tony, as was the case with her sister Margaret, was distant to say the least. But Jim kept in touch with them and visited particularly at Christmas as did their other brother Jack also in London. Jim settled in very well in Slough and made friends there. He still had an alcohol problem that resulted in bouts of gout that affected him often. But to his credit he gave up drink and never returned to it again. He bought a little car and would visit Joe and Bridget who praised him for giving up what had been a very big part of his life, particularly from a social point of view. It was during this time that the OConnor family got to know him. He and Joe would have conversations about sport and events of the day and Bridget would make tea or coffee for a group that would include Margaret. Matthew and Ellen would come across one or all of them on a visit, as would all the family. It was in contrast to the inevitable break up of Joes brother Brian and his wife Laura. People were amazed somewhat that the relationship had lasted so long. Rumours that they were both seeing someone else finally came to the fore. Laura moved away from the family home with the children to live with a man she had met. Brian had some lodgers for a while until the house was sold in a divorce settlement. He then moved into his local pub to lodge with the Landlady who although married with children was said by some to be his lover. She was none other than the young woman that Matthew and Ellen had seen at his house some years before, when he had worked on their car and was known to the OConnor family. Bridget said the whole thing was a bloody mess and like them all felt sorry for their two children, a boy and a girl. Brian a heavy drinker would often visit Joe and Bridgets and although engaging in everyday conversation with him, they found the situation embarrassing. But as time passed by, even the most bizarre situations sometimes take on an air of familiarity rather than normality. Patrick by this time had bought a camper van. It was useful for carrying the musical instruments and the members of the band to the various gigs. He and his newfound love Ciara Power even toured Ireland in it. He had met her family in Waterford City, they having returned there years before after living in London. He was reluctant to get married again after the failure of his first marriage at a young age. By now he like Declan had taken up full time employment, as theyre financial commitments dictated. They needed money firstly to pay Joe and Bridget for the house, which they did by way of a private arrangement with them. And although it saved them an expensive mortgage, they had to fund the cost of converting it into two separate flats. Between them they had arranged that Patrick would have the ground floor and Declan the upper part of the property. They still found time to play in the band that also provided additional income. Matthew used to joke about the little OConnor property empire that was emerging. Even his youngest sister Nancy was married to a man who was beginning to build one, by buying houses and renting them for future investments. We could have a little property development right here, Ellen said to Matthew one day.

She pointed out that Ted their tenant, who was now elderly, might need sheltered accommodation one day. This she said would open the way for them to convert their large house into purpose built flats. You little entrepreneur Ellen Fitzpatrick he said. Mrs.Ellen OConnor to you if you please she replied, reminding him of her status. I can see your mind has been working overtime, since you started working part time, he said. This idea had crossed his mind, even before they had bought it at auction that time. There was one art that Matthew had learned in marriage and that was to let her think that she was the innovator in coming up with many ideas and plans. It paid dividends he discovered. Ted the tenant, as it happened had been very down for some time they noticed. They learned that his best friend, a man he met in a local pub several times a week had died. He seemed very lonely and went out less frequently and seemed to become isolated and withdrawn. One day Matthew answered the door to a man who told him he was his son. It was the long lost son he had talked about years before. His mother, she and Ted having been separated for many years, brought him up. He visited several times more and told Matthew and Ellen that he had applied with Teds wishes for secure accommodation for him. It was outside London and he thought it would do Ted the world of good to mix with people his own age. After Ted had seen the place and met the people there he realized that a whole new chapter in his life could open up. He even told Matthew and Ellen about the facilities there and how he would be looked after. And so it was also that a new phase also opened up for them. He told them before leaving that they could have the furnishings and anything else that was of use to them, as everything he would need would be provided in his new abode. The truth was there was nothing that was of use to them, but that it was indicative of the kind nature of the man, who had been a quiet and caring neighbour to them. They could not however, contain their excitement at acquiring total possession of what was now totally their property. After clearing out their former tenants flat they soon saw as Matthew in particular did, the formidable task that lay ahead. They decided that the only way to go was to convert the building into separate flats. Most houses in the street had already been turned into apartments. They engaged an architect and worked with him on a set of plans that included an extension to the ground floor at the rear to facilitate a bathroom there. Matthew was not happy with some proposals, particularly in connection with what would become the ground floor flat. He and Ellen continually discussed how best it could be done, but came to no final conclusion. One Sunday when Ollie came to dinner as he had often done, he recommended a carpenter he had worked with whom he said had worked on many such projects. He said he had heard much praise about his work and got his phone number for them. When Matthew and Ellen met him and he viewed the whole premises, they realized what a talented man he was. He was a man in his thirties called Fergal Mc Nulty from County Donegal, a county renowned for its fine carpenters. He could see possibilities that even Matthew had missed or not understood. He laughed at some of the architects plans on the drawings and came up with much more sensible ideas. Matthew and Ellen offered him the job, which he took and also found an English chap called Dave that did plumbing and electrics. The stage was soon set for the biggest project they had ever taken on.

Fergal always worked weekends, mainly Sundays and Dave who was self- employed came afternoons when Ellen would come home from her morning job. Soon the place began to be ripped apart and they had to live with the ensuing mess. Even cleaning up as best they could of an evening although feeling tired. One evening Matthew came home from work and found lots of plastic sacks full of rubble neatly stacked in the front garden. He found Ellens sister Meave was in the house and learned that she and Ellen had done the work. By God, nobody could deny the fact that youre country girls he said thanking them. You havent received my bill yet, Maeve said jokingly. With the exception of the extension that was built by the same man as had originally done the roofing and the exterior work some time before; all the rest was paid for on a daily basis. Materials were measured for by the tradesmen and ordered by Matthew as needed. The rubbish was piled in the front garden until a skip was ordered to collect. There were times when Matthew and Ellen felt drained, both physically and financially. Their social life was nil as everything they had was being poured into the project. Even though Matthew was working in one of the highest paid jobs he ever had in construction. Bridget in particular was fascinated by it all, as property was her forte. Never mind the mess, she said on a visit. Adding wait till you see the end result, youll think differently. After what seemed an eternity, everything seemed to take shape and they could see the complete transformation. They had, with the help of Fergal, designed their own flats. He had been ingenious in the use of space and had pointed out to them that they could have three bedrooms in the upper flat, something the architect had overlooked. They were eternally grateful to him as they were to Ollie who had recommended him in the first place. They took pride in decorating, carpeting and finishing what were now apartments. They also decided to live in what was now the smaller ground floor flat that had access to the rear garden. They rented the top floor flat to some drama students for a while. The noise often late at night, even though soundproofing had been installed between the two units was too much for them. When the tenancy, thankfully a short one ended, they decided not to let again. Matthew often used the top flat to play music in and it became a leisure area. It would be, as they knew some time yet before they would have full title deeds to the property. And so they decided to sit on it until the time would come for them to make a decision about their future plans. Until then, they planned to enjoy themselves and have more of those holidays abroad. Matthew through his study of history and archaeology led him to question many things about human society and the deeper meaning of life. What he had read about encompassed many religious beliefs. He realized that the religious teaching he had received in his upbringing had not given him much of an insight into the subject. He decided that there was only one thing to do about it and that was to study the Bible. This he did with the purpose of reaching his own conclusions. Are you going to be a monk? Ellen said skittishly at observing him. Not unless you become a nun and move in with me, he joked. No, Im just going to incorporate it as part of my general knowledge. He vowed to read it cover to cover and because it would take some time he even brought it on their winter holidays in the Canarys. He became hooked on it as he found it shattered many of the beliefs he had been brought up with and opened his eyes to the new ones he had found.

The summer of 87 brought the joyous news of the wedding of Declan to his fiance Irene Keane. They had been inseparable, since they met. It was one of those romantic relationships, in that they were made for each other. He had asked Matthew to be his Best Man, who was delighted to officiate for his youngest brother. Although having lived away from him since he was a boy, Matthew thought it was a nice opportunity to get to know him more. He and Ellen insisted that he stay with them before the wedding as it was in London. It would be held in Irenes parish where she and her family lived, only a few miles away from Matthew and Ellen. Irene was the most delightful, pretty and thoughtful girl that you could ever meet. Joe, Bridget and all the family held her in high regard. It was easy to see how she had charmed Declan. Declan was understandably nervous before the big day, he being only twenty-one. Both Matthew and Ellen assured him in every way that everything would fall into place on the occasion. He was still apprehensive on the wedding morning and before he and Matthew changed into their suits, Matthew suggested that they go to the local pub for a drink. As they drank a pint together, something that they had rarely done, living a distance apart they entered into brotherly conversation. The boy that Matthew had known in Slough was truly a man and about to be a married man at that. Think of it as another gig, Matthew said about the wedding. Its a bit more than that, Declan answered. Look at it this way, Ill probably be more nervous than you as Best Man Matthew said trying to reassure him. Like all weddings it took on a life of its own. Declan looked so smart in his double-breasted grey suit. He had the straightest mousy brown hair that looked as though it was ironed. Irene looked stunning in her white dress, set off with what looked like a crown shaped headdress that held her veil over her naturally wavy light brown locks. The service was moving and it was noticeable that Bridget reached into her handbag for a tissue, as did Irenes mother, whose first daughter was getting married. The reception was held in a large hall and a good many people attended. The faces of aunts and uncles not seen for a while mingled in the crowd. When Matthew delivered his speech, he noticed Patrick making gestures to him. He told him he would have to speak up, as the microphone was not relaying the sound to the other side of the hall. This he did, now feeling nervous for the first time. He was relived when the toasts were made and asked Declan if he had heard him. No problem he told him. There were times when Declan could be the most laid back person you could ever meet and never fussed over minor details. It was a wonderful evening and Matthew was surprised to see that their cousin Rosemary and her husband Gerald had made it from Dublin with their aunt Betty. Their aunt Carol had made it from Canada, she being on holiday, albeit without her husband Paul their uncle. Ellens brother Ollie had been invited and added to the fun. Irene, now Declans wife, had a nice family. Her parents had a home in Ireland as well as one in London, a fact that Bridget made known to anyone who was interested. She and particularly Joe looked well that day. But the happy occasion was soon blighted with the news that Bernadette had found a lump in her breast and that on examination it was found to be cancerous.

The very word cancer had the effect of striking fear into anyone who heard it. Barry her husband and all the family rallied round her in the battle she was about to fight. Why is it that when she found that period of happiness in her life, that it had to be shattered? Matthew said to Ellen, they like all of them knowing what she had already been through. Ellen who had great affection for her said, I know, life just isnt fair. Before that year had passed Patricks girlfriend Ciara gave birth to a son. They now lived as neighbours to Declan and Irene in the house that they had converted into two separate flats. Patrick now worked in Social Services, dealing with the handicapped and Declan now worked with the Electricity Board. The main item in any topic of conversation between them all at that time was about Bernadette. About her treatment and whether she was having good days or bad days. The cancer had spread they learned and the prognosis was not good. She had lost a great deal of weight within a year. It cast a dark cloud over all who loved her. During this time she made the most of her time with her husband and two young sons engaging in every activity she could with them. There came a time when she was not dealing with it very well and needed to get away for some respite. She decided to go on a holiday with Patricks girlfriend Ciara to Tunisia. On a visit to Matthew and Ellens, she asked Matthew some deep questions about life and belief. Matthew noticed that while she was having a drink with them that she seemed to be slightly shaking. He noticed the fear in her eyes and it upset him. He had to leave the room in pretence of going to the toilet to hide his tears and the fear and anger that had build up in him. Oh God he said in prayer, show the light of your compassion and let this chalice pass from her. Before the night had ended he heard her laugh again at the lighter conversation that ensued between them all. But no matter how hard it was for him to mask his true emotions, he knew how much harder it was for her. She embraced both him and Ellen on leaving with the warmest hug that night. They felt so utterly sorry for her. Her warmth was palatable despite what she was going through. Her husband Barry, trying to put a brave face on it all, had to be commended for being a rock for her at this time. Despite having to have various treatments in hospital and feeling sick from their effects, she made the utmost effort to spend time with her husband and children. She tried to point her two boys in the right direction in the life that would lie ahead of them. She painfully having to think of the possibility that she might not be there as their guide. She would take them places they wanted to go and on picnics in the summer months. Doing all the normal family things, helped to keep her mind stable. She was not a woman to shy away from the world and would welcome many visitors, from family, friends and even old school mates. The winter of 88 produced one of the most severe storms to hit England in many years. Trees were felled and electricity to many was cut off for a time. This was the case in Windsor where she lived. For a short time candles were the order of the day. In a phone call, Bridget told Matthew that the darkness reflected the mood they were all in. Despite everything, Bernadette made a monumental effort to have the best Christmas ever and everyone in the family made sure it was for her and her family. In the New Year, despite being ill and losing a pitiful amount of weight, she to the

sometimes-tearful admiration of everybody, continued in the same way. She would sometimes sit in Joe and Bridgets garden when the weather was nice that summer. It would be when the boys were at school and her husband and the rest of them were at work. It was a time that she needed company the most. As the year progressed she and all of them were told that her condition was terminal. It was something that neither she even knowing it nor all of them could take in. Everybody did their best to help her, but the fact was, there was really nothing they could do. A feeling of helplessness surrounded them all. By autumn she was extremely ill and was being administered to by the McMillan nurses and on morphine. Bernadette had requested that she wanted to remain in her own home. Mainly family now made visits and it was heartbreaking to watch her struggle with life. Matthew and Ellen and the whole of the immediate family were with her when they knew her time was short. God Almighty, can this really be happening? Matthew said to Joe out of earshot of the others. I know its terrible, he said with a sob in his voice. Bridget, her face weary and drawn was trying to hold everything together. Wouldnt a little miracle be just wonderful right now? she said, desperately clutching at straws. Her husband Barry was the one that seemed to know the true reality of it all, with fear etched on his face. Bernadette who could hardly speak through drugs and pain asked Ellen that night if she would look out for her two boys. Matthew noticed that she seemed as though she was struggling to breath and her exhalations were deep in a sound that would haunt him. He and Ellen hugged her gently and kissed her cheek before leaving. He told Barry that he would ring from work the next morning. He could hardly speak a word to Ellen on the drive back to London. Its awful, just awful, she said drawing her hand under her eyes. Matthew rang Barry as promised at his first break. He told him in the best voice he could muster that Bernadette had died that morning. Matthew screamed No and couldnt remember any more of the details. One of the bosses hearing him and seeing the look on his face in passing asked him if he was all right. He put away his tools and left work straight away. Ellen consoled him as best she could. Oh that poor girl, God rest her soul, she said. On arriving in Windsor a distraught Bridget told them that they had been taking turns in sitting with her through the night. Even her husband Barry like all of them did not know when her time would come. He had gone into work for a little while to open up shop before returning home. It was Joe her father and Sarah her elder sister who were with her in her last moments. Sarah assured Matthew that she just drifted off with a sigh as if going to sleep. By the time Matthew and Ellen arrived in Windsor her remains had been removed to the funeral parlour. Matthew was the last to see her, as Ellen could not bear to see her laid out, a fact for which she profusely apologized to him. He gazed at her face in the coffin, at the unreality that lay before him in that scene of death. How youthful her face looked with not a wrinkle in her brow. Her dark hair was combed back and parted in the middle, just as it had been when she was at school. She looked like she was, before all her troubles began. And despite them she found happiness, a husband and two sons she adored, that was all too brief.

He thought of saying a prayer, but he had too much anger in him and was numbed. He kissed her forehead and said Good bye Bernie before the tears began to flow. It was the third day of November 89. Bernadette was thirty-five years of age. Somebody described the service on the day of her funeral as beautiful and moving. They could be assured that for Barry, the two boys aged ten and eight and all the OConnor family, that it was nothing but a tragedy. It was a large funeral and many faces that were known to the family attended, including friends of Bernie as they all affectionately knew her. It was a dark family Christmas that year and everyone tried to make the best of it without succeeding. Matthew and Ellen had booked a holiday earlier in the year in what was now their annual vacation in the Canary Islands. Matthew was reluctant to take the Bible with him, feeling all his prayers had been in vain, but for some reason he did. Unknown to most of them, Bernadette had recorded some songs, one of which she had written, on recording equipment that Patrick had borrowed from his place of work. He did musical therapy with the handicapped people in his job in Social Services. He made copies of the tape and gave one to Matthew. He couldnt bring himself to play it for some time afterwards and when he did he knew why. Her own song had a message it. It contained a reference to secret calls on the telephone. Matthew was to learn, last as usual, that Barry had an affair. It sickened him and he said to Ellen who was taken back as if she hadnt enough problems and suffering in her life. The following year of 90 was greeted with the news that Patrick and Ciara were to wed. It was also the year that the Berlin wall came down. Matthew said he could not conclude which was the more monumental event, that or Patrick finally making an honest woman out of Ciara. She was a very self- assured young woman, some years his junior. Ellen commented that she was more than a match for Patrick and could give as much as she got from him or anyone else. Matthew found both her Irish accent and forthright personality refreshing. She was Patricks type to the ground, with jet-black hair and dark brown eyes. Her sister accompanied by her husband came from Ireland to attend the wedding. The rest of her large family including her parents who lived in Waterford City, strangely were not there. It would be in summer, a summer that was still filled with grief. It was even more exacerbated by the news that Barry had already met someone else, so soon after Bernadettes passing. It was a civil wedding ceremony at a Registry Office, as Patrick had been married before. The ceremony was brief, as civic functions tend to be. The reception was held in their back garden of all places. Food and drinks were brought out from the kitchen at intervals, with people constantly coming and going from the house. The guests were seated around tables outdoors and it was just as well the weather was hot. Nancys husband Eamon had even made some home brewed beer for the occasion. No expense spared then, Matthew whispered in Ellens ear. It was a long hot summers evening that seemed to drag on a bit, with the wedding ceremony being so short. Matthew had a good bit to drink that day, unlike Ellen who had agreed to drive back to London. The joviality that marks such occasions was soon marred by the arrival of Barry proudly escorting

his new love. She was a young dark skinned Portuguese girl, many years his junior, who seemed unaware of the resentment that most of the family felt towards her. Nancy in particular had to be restrained by Sarah from confronting her. I see the black witch is here Matthew overheard her saying. He could see that she was hurt by her presence so soon after the death of her sister. Matthew wondered why he couldnt have come on his own and conceded that he despite everything had been most insensitive that day. He nodded his head in passing them, not knowing what to say or do and feeling a natural sense of betrayal. It was just too soon to take in, like the wedding itself he thought. If he thought that seemed to change the atmosphere he was in for another surprise. As night began to fall, he could see that Patrick, Declan and the other band members were about to start playing music. He picked up a guitar in the kitchen and ran his fingers across the strings. Just as he did so, he heard an American accent greeting one of the band members. He cringed; it was none other than Susans husband. What happened after that became a blur. He put down the guitar; walked out to the garden and seeing Ellen said, Lets go. He passed Susan without looking at her even though she greeted him by name saying hello. Ellen did as he requested and got into the driving seat. He saw the members of his family, hurriedly saying and waving goodbye as he told Ellen to drive off. What happened? Ellen said as they drove away. Nothing I just had too much to drink he replied. Ive had enough of this day, I just want to go home, he muttered. Yes Ellen said turning her head towards him, with a scornful look, knowing it was impossible to talk to him when he was intoxicated and knowing like him the reason he left so abruptly. He learned afterwards that it had been a good night, with seemingly everybody enjoying it. Bridget was extremely annoyed with him for leaving that suddenly and seemed to slightly lose face by it. A fact that gratified Matthew who was not adept at being two faced, no matter what the occasion. The year of 91 in England was marked by the release of what were known as the Birmingham Six. They had spent sixteen years in prison after being falsely convicted of being responsible for the bombings in that city. One of them had even died in jail during that time. The injustice they had suffered greatly angered the Irish population, who despite being relieved at their release, knew, as did the world at large now of the corruption and failure of the British justice system. Joe and Bridget were now beginning to enjoy their senior years. The little bungalow that they had built was easy to keep and they still had the garden that they kept immaculately. They now had time on their hands and were enjoying the fruits of their life long labour spent working and raising a large family. They had bought a newer smaller car that suited their needs. Joe was still a very competent driver despite the health setback he had suffered. They were now able to make more arrangements to see family and relatives, so much so that they started holidaying with some of them. They were quite friendly with Joes elder brother Peter and his wife Rosemary. They went on holidays abroad for the first time with them. Joe had reservations about travelling to foreign countries, particularly in relation to the food he thought he might not like.

But after visiting the Mediterranean coast of Italy, a place they loved, he was pleasantly surprised to find that hotels catered for all tastes. Bridget laughed about the fact that that he could have his favourite boiled egg for breakfast that was presented to him each morning, as if by ceremony, by a waiter with a good sense of humour. They could not stop talking about the place when they got back. How they loved the Bay of Naples, the Isle of Capri, and the fascinating Pompeii, culminating with a visit to Rome and the Vatican itself. It had awakened a new interest for them and all the family were delighted that they had found a new well deserved diversion from their often sad and troubled lives. They followed by having a tour of Southern Spain and then holidays in Portugal. One year they with some of the immediate family went to the Canary Islands and were able to relate to Matthew and Ellen who wintered there annually. 92 was an explosive year in two ways for the Irish in England. There was a real explosion with the extensive bombing of the Financial Centre in London by the Provisional IRA. It took place in the early hours and a couple of people were killed. Had it taken place during working hours the toll would have been unimaginable. The devastation that it caused to buildings in the area was vast as shown on the television news. It was both shocking and distressing for both English and Irish people and all others who lived in London. People in general were fed up to the back teeth with the whole bombing campaign and the conflict in general. Matthew, like other building workers he knew had worked in that area some time before. He like them and the city population in general were wary that such an event could take place at any time or place in the metropolis. Notices were displayed as they had been for some time on public transport and at airports to report any luggage or suspicious packages left unattended. A regular audio message would be given at times on the London Underground trains. The incident led to serious negotiations, some of them in the background, between the British Authorities and leading members of the Provisional movement with the involvement also of members of the Irish government. Urgency had begun to finally find a solution to the situation. Everybody on both Islands just longed for a fair and peaceful resolution to the conflict. The other explosive news, particularly for the Irish people in Slough and in both England and Ireland was that concerning Bishop Carey, now Bishop of Galway. He resigned from his post after an Irish American woman made public revelations about having a relationship with him and had given birth to his son who was now a teenager. It was also found that he had taken a large sum of money from his diocese that was used to help in the upbringing of their son. The Press had a field day with the breaking story. It was national news in Ireland and had an effect on the Irish abroad on both sides of the Atlantic. It had a big impact on the Irish community in England and particularly those in the Slough area where he had been Parish Priest many years before. The OConnor family were saddened by the events that had overtaken him. They came to known him personally as their priest when they arrived there. Joe had met him first not only as a priest but as the founder of The Catholic Housing Association. An outreach organization that Father Carey had set up to help newly arrived immigrants in the area. Joe had availed of help when first coming there ahead of the family. A function of the organization was to lend money to such as him for a deposit to put on a house. I hardly had enough for my bus fare in the beginning, let alone a deposit for a house Joe told Matthew while talking about the man. By the time I sent money home to Bridget each week and paid towards my keep at your aunty

Maureens, I had little left he told him. Bridget stated that she thought Priests should be allowed to marry as in the Protestant tradition. One particular Pope brought in celibacy she explained some centuries ago. She reminded them of the Methodist Minister and his family that lived next door to them when they first moved to Slough and what a nice family they were. Everybody who was part of Father Careys congregation in the area at that time had their own memories of him. Matthew remembered his pleasant jovial personality that contrasted with the firebrand sermons he used to deliver. It also brought to mind the etching of the parish church that he did for him when he was leaving, having been promoted to Bishop. I wonder he thought, if he had remained a Parish Priest, would things have turned out differently. But then he remembered Bridget once saying life is not a rehearsal, you only get one chance at it. After the Christmas of 93, Matthew and Ellen arrived home from their winter sun holiday as usual. Ellen was due back at work but Matthew had some holidays left. She could see that he was restless to see his family, particularly his parents. Go on I can see your itching to see the folks, she said. He dropped her off at work before leaving for Windsor. Ill see you later he said as he kissed her goodbye. No rush she said, knowing he hadnt seen them for a little while in the run up to Christmas and New Year. She told him she would visit her sister Maeve after work. She and her family lived within walking distance from where Ellen worked and she had visited her many times thus. It was on Thursday the 7th. Of January that Matthew feeling buoyant and refreshed, drove down the M4 motorway towards his parents home, singing along to a tape he had playing in the car. He greeted Joe and Bridget and Margaret who was there, wishing them all a Happy New Year. They had a wonderful Christmas by all accounts and had seen all the family over the Festivities. They commented on his tan that was still fresh from the holiday. They all seemed happy and contented, particularly Joe who loved Christmas and unlike Matthew always had. They all had a lengthy chat, mostly about family and relations and how they were keeping. Joe and Bridget now had the added joy of their grandchildren that added greatly to the seasonal celebrations. The OConnor clan was growing, much to their delight. Bridget cooked a meal and Matthew enjoyed the day and the catch up. After saying goodbye to Bridget and Margaret with a hug, Joe walked out to the gate with him and shook his hand. Safe journey back he said still smiling and shaking his hand in what seemed a long goodbye. Ill ring soon, Matthew said, noticing he was still standing and smiling at the gate as he drove off. Matthew couldnt help thinking about Joe on the drive back. He felt that in some strange way, he was trying to convey something to him, but what he didnt know. He was in good humour after seeing them and dismissed the thought, soon settling into the weekend with Ellen. They went food shopping as they had been away for a fortnight. Without warning, that Sunday the 10th. Of January, the news that Joe had died of a heart attack reached them. The suddenness of it struck them like a bolt of lightening. No, no, no is all Matthew could scream. Ellen tearfully tried to console him, saying, Im so sorry darling, he was a lovely man, God rest him.

Matthew went into the bedroom and threw himself on the bed, constantly hitting the mattress with his fists in total grief, compounded with shock, disbelief and a terrible anger. He sobbed like a child, his tears falling on the carpet. I know I know Ellen said leaning over him, but not knowing what to do. Oh Jesus, poor Mum he said trying to compose himself, thinking of what she must be going through. Ive got to get down there, he said. Yes darling she said finally being able to put her arms around him. The drive to Windsor was a blur for Matthew, he feeling that it seemed only moments ago that he had seen him. This cant be happening he repeated to himself. God Almighty he exclaimed, remembering that goodbye a couple of days before. Was that what he was trying to tell me, he recalled. On arriving at the house, he could see Bridgets contorted face. Theres no God, she said to him as they embraced. Wheres everybody? Matthew asked, seeing Patricks wife Ciara. She explained that Patrick and Declan were playing music that day, ironically in London. Wheres Daddy? Matthew asked, What happened? Bridget explained as best she could with Ciaras help, that Joe had a fatal heart attack in the bathroom. He had gone there to have a shave. During the attack he had fallen and hit his head on the corner of the radiator. Just there Bridget said opening the door. Jesus Christ Matthew said, seeing blood on the floor and some splatters on the wall. There was water in the sink but it had been unused. Bridget had called him, he being in there for a while, telling him that a program called Countryfile he always watched, was starting on television. On getting no reply she had tried to open the door, but his body lying on the floor prevented her for doing so. She ran next door in panic and got Ciaras help to open it. Ciara assessed the situation very quickly even trying to resuscitate him but to no avail. The Paramedics on arrival used a defibrillator on him but it was in vain. His body had been removed to hospital where an autopsy was to be carried out. The result of the Post- mortem was that he had died from a massive heart attack. The shock and grief was transferred to all of them and as they gradually assembled, the reality of what had happened began to sink in. Bridget and all his immediate surviving family went to the funeral parlour when he was laid out. He looked so peaceful, like he was asleep as he had often been in his favourite chair. Only this time dressed in his smart grey suit, with the white shirt he always wore for special occasions and neatly knotted tie. Only as they kissed his cold brow in turn, did they know that he was gone. They appropriately said the Our Father in unison, trying to cope with the unreality of it all. Bridget made a remark that was almost funny. Thank God they put his false teeth in, he looked dreadful without them, she said. It was a statement to which none of them had an answer. Before they knew it, the day of the funeral arrived. It was a large gathering. Joe and Bridget had made many friends over the years, not only with neighbours but also with their connections with the Irish Society and Club, in the long number of years they had lived in the area. They were well known, as was Joe who Chairman of the Slough Irish Society for some time. It was the first time Matthew saw Declan cry since he was a child, he sitting next to him in one of the funeral cars.

The undertakers on Bridgets request drove the hearse past the little retirement bungalow where he had lived happily. A few more years would have been nice, she said to Matthew. Joe had died aged sixty-six years and just two months short of his next birthday. Outside the church in Windsor that they had attended, his three surviving sons assembled to carry the coffin up the steps. Matthew seeing his uncle Brian, Joes younger brother, asked him if he would help them carry it, knowing he was a strong man. During the funeral Mass, Aidan Joyce, a great family friend and friend of Joes, who managed the Irish Club, delivered the Obituary he had written. He gave an Oration about Joe and the family who he had known since they first arrived in Slough. People said afterwards that it was one of the best they had ever heard. It was delivered from the heart but with the great skill that he possessed. It touched on different aspects of his life including emigration and noted that Joes greatest love in life was that for Bridget and his family. Join me in saying Goodbye to the man from Tanavalla he concluded to ensuing applause. Bridget and the family were so grateful to him that day. Patrick and Declan with other members of their traditional Irish band played and sang some songs at the service. Matthew was amazed at their professionalism in being able to do so. Countless familiar faces appeared before the family outside the church offering their condolences. The burial took place at the Catholic section of the graveyard in Windsor Great Park. He was buried next to Bernadettes grave, making it all the more poignant for the family that day. Bridget and the rest of the family threw the customary pieces of soil over the coffin when it was placed in the grave. A strange numbness overtook them all as the priest said the final prayer and splashed holy water on the coffin. Bridgets face in particular looked weary and empty, reflecting the emptiness she felt inside. Only her innate dignity and family got her through that day. She used up every once of the strength of character she possessed not to fold on the worst day of her life and God knows she had more than her fare share of them. The reception took place at the Frogmore Hotel where they had gathered after Bernadettes funeral four years previously. God youre going through it at the moment Marcus Joyce, Matthews old friend said to him. For the bereaved, receptions are often blurred, as it seemed for Bridget in particular. Matthew noticed at one point she was sitting in one of the quieter corners, alone in her thoughts and almost oblivious to people around her. For the first time the reality that from now on she would be living life without her beloved Joe, seemed to have hit her. The reception went on into the night and the wake into the early hours. Matthew learned afterwards that Joe and Bridget had booked to go on holiday with Joes brother Peter and his wife that year. Bridget said later of it, Man appoints and God disappoints. Its afterwards when the crowd has gone that the real void that death leaves begins to appear. Bridgets voice was gentler, more sorrowful in listening to her even on the phone. Margaret visited her practically every day and now even stayed of a weekend with her and all the family called in regularly. But when you spend your life with somebody that has become part of your every thought, your every meal, your every night and your every dream, you still expect to wake up beside him or her every morning. Why didnt I tell him I loved him? Matthew said to Bridget. He knew, he knew all of you did in your own way she assured him.

It was the first time that Matthew had thought about the fact that both Joe and Bernadette were buried in foreign soil. Even consenting to the fact that there was no good place to be buried it had a marked effect on him. Joe was a hero to Matthew. He was not like the historic heros that led armies or sacrificed themselves for one great cause or another. He was the one that had to lead his little army whenever and wherever destiny led him. He could often be a silent leader, not wanting to burden his children with the hard decisions he had to make. But when they came he had always found the courage to deal with them. He was never a drinker and yet enjoyed his leisure without it and was always able to provide for his family because of that. Bridget once told Matthew that Joe could never tell a lie. It would almost infuriate her at times, when even a little white one could be necessary for some reason. He was a dignified man who personified integrity. He was also a very private man about whom Matthew wished he had known so much more. He was an orderly man whose view of life was that everything should be in its rightful place. He once said that if human beings were like the animal kingdom, very little would be wrong in the world. There was a saying that Joe had, that always amused Matthew. He would say Its as easy to do a thing right as it is to do it wrong. He thought it ironical as Joe had strived to do everything right in life, but life through no fault of his own, often wrote a different script. He was in fact, all the things that Matthew wished he was himself. A great chasm had opened up in Bridgets life after his passing. She began drinking often alone and often during the long empty days that followed. In the past she would have had the odd glass of sherry socially. But this was different as she had been averse to drinking in general all of her life. It had been a sober house. She was using it as an anaesthetic to kill the pain. She told Matthew that losing him was like having half her body removed. She hadnt driven a car since she was a young woman and Joe had always taken them everywhere. She now walked or used a bicycle to go to the local shop, often walking beside it, using it to carry a bag. All the family living near helped her as best they could. Declans wife Irene was particularly kind to her, always calling in to see if she needed anything from the town, when she was going there. All the family now had two graves to visit, side by side as Bernadette and Joe had lived. The view from beyond the graveyard encompassed the vast expanse of countryside that was Windsor Great Park. Comparing the surroundings of other burial places it could almost be said to be a pleasant place except for the sorrow it held. Visiting Bridgets was where the real emptiness lay. Joes favourite armchair where instinctively nobody sat but could now conspicuously do so feeling odd. The lack of his strong presence making everything seem out of balance. Matthew remembered asking Joe once if he was settled in the little bungalow. My next move now will be to Windsor Great Park he had answered him. Matthew noticed that a few tiny specks of Joes blood behind the radiator in the bathroom, where he had fatally fallen were still visible and had to grit his teeth to stop him crying.

He learned from Margaret who now stayed with Bridget every weekend that she never turned off the lamp in her bedroom at night. It was like a beacon that that was lit, that somehow illuminated her presence to him. Like a candle burning in a church or the light in her heart that beat so sorrowfully without him. A year and a bad year at that hadnt passed but there was more bad news. Bridgets brother Jack was seriously ill. He was suffering from emphysema, a battle against which he would not win. His death was another blow to Bridget, Margaret and all the Ryan family. He was the eldest in family and much thought of by them all. He was a quiet refined man who was highly educated. As an electrical engineer, he had worked on aircraft with the Irish airline, Aer Lingus when it was a fledgling organization. As part of his training he had gone with a group of technicians to California, a work trip that was unheard of in Ireland in those days. He left aviation after some years and pursued his career in England. His final job was as a theatrical technician, a job he enjoyed. He and the only known woman in his life Patricia Dalton lived together for many years before marrying and had no children. Although having lived in London for many years, they had never bought any property, having always rented. They did however; build a bungalow on Patricias families land in County Dublin. They spent much time there and had presumably planed to use it as a retirement home. Jack had expressed a wish to be buried in Ireland and arrangements had to be put in place to ensure this. A church service was held in their local parish in Tottenham, North London, where they lived. It was this service that all his relatives in England attended. Matthew thought Bridget seemed numbed by it all by now, but she put her best foot forward and her best dark clothing on to pay her final respects to a brother she admired and thought so dearly of. She still had tears to cry from what Matthew called a well of sorrow. The former aviation mans remains were flown to Dublin. The funeral Mass was held in the church he and Patricia had attended when there and he was interred in her family plot. Matthew shared in memories of him, particularly of his youth in conversation with Bridget and Margaret. His wife Patricia moved back to their Dublin home shortly afterwards. On a wider scale for Irish people that year, the Provisional IRA announced a permanent ceasefire, much to the relief of the people in both Ireland and Britain. So much hope rested on the announcement that the Republican movement had now committed to pursuing their goal politically. Matthew attended a leaving party in Slough with Bridget and Margaret. It was for Aidan Joyce the long and trusted family friend who was returning to Ireland. He was going back to his roots in Connemara and had vacated his job as manager of the Slough Irish Club that he had held for many years. Matthew having once stayed in the house he was returning to gave him his best wishes. It was the beginning of a trend that was noticeable among Irish people in England. Ireland was now an up and coming country and economically had changed dramatically. That year also saw the visit of Joes younger brother Paul and his wife Carol from Canada. Paul alas, had not made it to Joes funeral as he was undergoing treatment for cancer at the time and was too weak to travel. After visiting Ireland he and Carol made it over to England. Matthew through Bridget invited them to their place. Ellen had never met him before and Matthews memories of him were in childhood.

He looked painfully thin even for a man who was never known to carry much weight. It was a nice get- together on a very hot day in the back garden and Matthew was glad to see him after what seemed a lifetime. He thought he looked a lot like Joe as he had observed in photographs that Carol had sent to Bridget over the years. He was a nice quiet relaxed man with his own sense of humour about Canada and days of yore in Ireland. There was through the banter and laughter that afternoon a certain underlying sadness that Matthew saw in their faces. He learned through Bridget afterwards that he had leukaemia. It seemed no time after that visit that the news of his death at the mere age of 64 reached them. He and Carol had six sons in family. Another OConnor dynasty was emerging in the land of the Maple. In the summer of 95,Bridget received an invitation from Jacks widow Patricia to visit her in Dublin. She asked Matthew in a phone call if he and Ellen would like to accompany her, as she did not want to travel alone. It so happened that Matthew had finished a building contract and it being a hot July, he and Ellen thought it might be a nice break. The three of them flew to Dublin airport where Patricia met them. She was a non-stop conversationalist from the word go, but a great hostess nevertheless. There were two bungalows on her family plot, one of which her brother Paddy and his wife Nuala lived. She and Jack had planned to retire there but alas for him it was not to be. They lived quiet near the airport but the area was in a rural setting. The only thing that set it apart from that was the noise of aircraft taking off and landing. Matthew noticed that there was a pub practically next door. It was an interesting holiday from the point of view that they saw the heart of Dublin City having the luxury of getting there by taxi on each trip. Ellen hadnt been in the city since she took a trip there with her sister Theresa many years before. Although seeing sights that were in all their memories they consented that it was a very busy place now, but found the people friendly and witty. They even took in a play in the Abbey Theatre. Paddy and Nuala had a daughter Sandra who was dating a chap from Liverpool called Steve. She was a nurse who had done voluntary work in Romania in the notorious orphanages there. It was sad to listen to her account of what she found there. Nuala was originally from County Mayo and had met Paddy while working in Dublin. She was a religious woman while Paddy loved his drink and did various jobs for farmers and other people around the area. They had a couple of sessions with all of them in the local pub and a meal out in another one. But mainly it was Patricia who laid on some wonderful meals and kept the wine flowing into the early hours coupled with conversation about Jack and old times she and Bridget in particular remembered. She had a little pet dog that never left her side and lay on the settee when it was vacated. Matthew felt he had not seen enough of his late uncle Jack over the years. He discerned that a distance of ten miles or more in the manic city and lifestyle of London could constitute an ocean in terms of co-existence They visited his grave where Patricia had gone often, she still in grief and stood silently in their memories of him. They visited the delightful village of Swords that was nearby and a Curate at the Church of Ireland told Matthew the history of the place and the splendid Round Tower. He told him that Brian Boru; the famous High King of Ireland was waked there on route to Armagh

following his death at the battle of Clontarf in 1014. It was a delightful break that they enjoyed and it was a great distraction for Bridget. Matthew had not seen her laugh for a while as she did on that trip. He was so glad to have spent that time with her, seeing her enjoy herself and being able to put recent events behind her if only for a little while. They could see that Patricia was trying to conceal her tears as they headed for the departure lounge. She looks so lonely Bridget said. Adding I know exactly how she feels. Matthew and Ellen arrived back to the best possible news, in that they had finally been able to secure the full title deeds to their property. It had been a long wait of fifteen years to do so legally, but they had virtually rebuilt it in that time. A great sense of freedom entered into their mindsets and they had many a discussion about what they would do. Your life would be over in this country before you know it Matthew said to Ellen. This city is not changing for the better he remarked. Ive seen youngsters selling drugs at the top of this road, he said. And you dont feel safe walking the streets after dark, with muggers hanging around street corners he added. I want to get the hell out of this place at the first opportunity he told her. We would need to think it over before making any rash decision she replied calmly. Fair enough, but thats what I will be doing from now on he conceded. Matthew had been in between jobs when they went on the trip to Dublin. On his return one of his contacts told him of a contract that was starting on the London Underground. He knew the network like the back of his hand from travelling it every day. The job involved upgrading the stations for safety reasons. This had been undertaken since the tragic fire at Kings Cross station that resulted in a tragic loss of life there. It had been government driven and the contractor told him it would involve years of work. Oh great Matthew had said to him on the phone, his mind now being in a very different place. He took the job, which was a supervisory position, the contractor by now having faith in his ability. He was in charge of one station at a time until the works were complete. It involved paperwork and dealing with tradesmen and labourers not to mention the Underground staff and Health and Safety Officers. He had to undergo several training courses that he found interesting, including fire fighting. Everything that was made of wood was taken out and replaced with metal, particularly the escalators. The cause of the death toll at Kings Cross was that a wooden escalator had caught fire, cutting off the means of escape for the unfortunate people that were trapped in the inferno. He spent most of his time walking around with a large set of keys opening up areas for construction workers and supervising deliveries and storage. He worked in a few stations before being placed in Notting Hill Gate. It was one of the busiest intersections on the Underground and could be a logistical nightmare at times. He was responsible for all aspects of safety on the building program and constantly liasing with Construction and Underground management. Sometimes during quieter periods in the little office where he sat, he would think deeply about things. He began to analyse life and the marked impression his fathers death had left on him and the relatively young ages that generation of exiles were dying at. He concluded that existence for any human being was but a short interlude between two extremities of non-existence.

One before you are born and the other after you die. He recalled Joe once saying Theres only a few years between us all. How right he was he thought? He now saw clearly that he and Ellen had the opportunity of changing their lives completely. They could sell out and move back to Ireland, where properties were a fraction of the price they were in London. They could pay off everything they owed and have a fresh start away from the humdrum life in the big smoke. He put it to Ellen who was more cautious and less impulsive than him. Mm youre right about the fact that it could be done financially, she said. Adding but its a big decision and theres a lot to think about. Are you happy in your job? he asked her. Is that what you want to do for the rest of your life? he enquired. Well I could take it or leave it she answered. The same as that he informed her. If we stay here or move somewhere else in London we will lose the ambition to move back, he declared. I dont want to grow old in this place or be buried in this soil he told her. Theres so much I want to see and explore in Ireland, he told her. What have we got to lose, you only get one chance at this life and this is ours he pleaded with her. Your right of course but at least give me some time to think it over? she asked. Where would we live? she asked. In the Valley of course he said. In the Suir Valley where you come from, where else he said. I known as many people there now as you do, well almost he explained. We could rent at first and that will give us plenty of time to find a house we liked. A bungalow Ellen, weve always said wed like to have one of those lovely bungalows back there. She agreed with him eventually but was more apprehensive than him about such a big move. She sensibly said that they should get the property valued before thinking further. This they did and were pleasantly surprised by what it would potentially sell for. They were both aware that there was another side to making such a decision. That was the emotional side. They talked at length about the fact that they would be leaving family behind in England. Ellen asked Matthew if he would miss his family. He told her that he would miss being able to drive down to Windsor to see his mother at the drop of a hat. But that his fellow siblings were now preoccupied with their own lives and families. Youve given this a lot of thought havent you? Ellen said. She told him that out of her family, she would miss Ollie and her sister Maeve in particular. But once weve settled in they can all come and visit us Matthew said. He did however; think that telling Bridget of their plans was not going to be the most pleasant thing. He decided to tell her sooner rather than later. Apart from a moment of silence he was surprised at her positive reaction. Ireland is not the distance it was when we first came here, she said, but turning her head away as she said it. They told everybody in turn including Ollie what they were contemplating so as they could get used to the idea and couldnt say that it was a shock. Ollie looked saddened by it, as they had been a social trio from the first time Matthew met him. He living alone would be more affected by it than most. That autumn they put the property on the market, knowing it would probably take some time to sell. The market wasnt as good as it had been and was competitive and it would take a lot longer than

they thought to sell. A few potential buyers showed some interest but never followed up. It was approaching Christmas that year and Matthew and Ellen had booked another holiday in the Canary Islands. In Matthews job, one of the managers in the main company invited him to go for coffee in a nearby restaurant. He said he wanted to discuss something with him. He offered him a job that would mean promotion with the company and an eye watering salary. Matthew declined telling him of his plans to return home. How bloody ironic does it get he said to Ellen telling her. He was so frightened now about any temptation that could interfere with his dream that he left the job that Christmas. Ellen didnt seem quite ready to quit her job just yet. Matthew thought someone should be in the house to talk to prospective buyers and show them around and talk about the property. Having time on his hands, Matthew found another artistic outlet in composing music and writing songs. Patrick had quit the band by now and had given Matthew a keyboard he had replaced. He had made the decision to quit playing music publicly much to the regret of the others but particularly Declan. He had enough of the unsociable hours that separated him from Ciara and the two boys especially at weekends. Declan and Irene now had a daughter, but he was totally committed to music that was the consuming passion of his life. Matthew was aware that Patrick had written songs and liked one in particular that he had sung with the band. They both decided to collaborate their efforts and Patrick bought a second hand home recording studio that he would set up in his front room. For some reason he wanted Matthew to sing a selection of his songs as well as his own. It would usually take place on a Saturday morning. Matthew would call early and visit Bridget first. This coupled with recording the songs to Patricks wonderful accompaniment on his new keyboard, made them special times. Times Matthew knew he would miss. The year of 96 was again marred by a death in the OConnor clan. Uncle Peter had passed away suddenly in the end from what they thought was heart failure. He had apparently been fighting stomach cancer for some time. He was the eldest son and the third to die within four years of that family. God Almighty Matthew said on hearing the news. Its only three years since I was talking to him at Daddys funeral and he seemed fine. Peter had gone to London as a young man, it was there that he met and married his wife Rosemary a girl from Cork. They had four children now adults, two boys and two girls. He was a very patriotic Irishman but it was never reflected in his English born children. They eventually settled in Mitcham south of London He was a very strong man in every way, until that blasted thing got hold of him Bridget said meaning cancer. They lived near Mitcham Common, large parkland where he would often walk and it became his open space in suburbia. It seemed that it was only at funerals now that the extended family met. The burial after the service at his local church took place in Streatham Park Cemetery. It was one of those large anonymous graveyards around London that looked like a forest of

headstones. The wake was held in the little Irish Club that he had been involved in from its inception, even volunteering during its construction. Matthew could see a reflection of his late fathers life in uncle Peters. He had a long look at his cousins and aunt that day, feeling that it was probable that he might not see them again. Bridget had constantly been in touch with Rosemary and that was how news of their family had filtered through over the years. Matthew thought about those who had departed that day and felt that forced emigration of so many Irish people to England and other destinations was immoral. It was something that had filled him with great anger since his arrival there. Then to watch them and their descendants dilute into another culture. Only having the aspiration of an occasional holiday in what should be their homeland. In the future he could see that a whole generation would assimilate into the English population. They would only be recognized as having Irish connections by their surnames. There would be no need for Irish Clubs or Dance Halls the Ballrooms of Romance. These were the places where they met their future husbands and wives. Most of all he felt sorry for those who did not have the means or the will to return. Some thinking that too much time had passed and that many of the people they had known at home had passed away. Or that times they remembered had changed since their crossing. And those who felt anchored by family, job, health or circumstance. One such story saddened Matthew greatly. It concerned Pat Joyce their neighbour in Slough and father of the Joyce family. Through ill health he had contracted gangrene and had to have amputation to his legs. He had been such an active man when working for the council. He was a great character and wonderful accordion player and had performed around the area for many years. When he was confined to a wheelchair his mind wandered back to his native Connemara and happier times there. He lost his mind in exile, unable to except the reality of his situation. It transported him back without him physically getting there until he died and was reunited with his native soil. Ellen once said to Matthew that she thought he himself wanted to relive his childhood in Ireland, cutting out the emigration bit. He had to confess that she was right and that she knew him better than he did at times. She also asked him what he intended to do if they went back to Ireland. Nothing except hold on to time as long as it is humanly possible, he answered. And make every day last as though it is our final one he added. I worry about you sometimes she said annoyed by his laughter. He had been reading books about Irish Archaeology, a subject that began to fascinate him. He was enthralled by the enormous heritage of ancient sites that lay undisturbed throughout Ireland. The country was famed for its abundance of antiquities he knew. He expressed a great desire to see such places on his return. Theres great horse racing in Ireland also as you know, he said reminding Ellen that her hobby would be plentiful too. Not to mention great pubs drawing a look from her. As for places to see, need I say more he concluded. The one out of place thing they did know was that most of their immediate family would be in England. The time for contemplation would soon be accelerated however, with increasing interest in their property.

Many interested parties had viewed it over the best part of a year. But it was two young city types, with good jobs in the financial sector that put in a definite offer. My word its really happening Ellen said. I know and we need to shake a leg Matthew commented. We need to take a trip home and see what the lie of the land is, Matthew urged. It was now autumn and the way things were going they would be moving back in winter. In needing to get things moving they booked a flight to Cork airport and hired a car to get around. The weather was terrible on their arrival with heavy rain all the way. It was so nice to see Ellens brother Eddie and all the family again, if a little unexpected that time of year. They asked him if he knew of any places that were to rent. He told them it would be tough to find somewhere at that time of year. He directed them to estate agents in the local area, particularly in the larger town of Clonmel, where he thought they might stand chance. There was little or nothing available and that which was, existed many miles away. They wanted to stay in the area they knew, as they wanted to buy a property there. As the days went by a panic set in and they wondered what they would do. We should have been looking in the summer, Ellen said, This is all a mess. They had nearly accepted house rental miles away when returning to Eddies one evening. I might have a solution for ye he said pointing his finger at the ceiling. You know Biddy Byrne, who lives up near the old graveyard, Eddie said to Ellen. Seans daughter, he explained. I knew him when he was alive, but I cant really remember her she said. Well I was talking to her in town and since her husband died, she has been thinking of letting the annex to her house he said. I told her you might be interested he added. I hope you dont mind? Not at all Ellen said with Matthew nodding approval. Theres no furniture in that part of the house as nobody has lived there for years, he told or her. Well its worth a look at this stage Matthew said. They called at the house the next day and were greeted by a petite sallow skinned woman who looked older than her years. She had two sons and one daughter all of school going age. This is it, she said, opening the front door to a two-bedroom annex that had a large room that doubled for a kitchen and lounge. It had a range solid fuel cooker that also heated the place. It was void of anything apart from an old chair and some potted planted plants she kept indoors. After enquiring about the rent, which was obviously cheap, they accepted it thinking it would do for the time being. At least they would have somewhere to stay and store furniture to begin with on returning. I hope the winters not going to be too harsh Ellen commented, saying that it felt cold. They thanked Eddie for his efforts and Nuala for her hospitality, they were both delighted to have them staying near. They had stayed at a Bed and Breakfast in the local village of Kilsheelan during that trip and in conversation with the woman who ran it they told her of their plans. Oh good for you she said on hearing of their impending return. Matthew asked her for her phone number saying they might stay again when waiting for their furniture to arrive from England. There Matthew said to Ellen All sorted. Sorted, have you seen the state of that place? she said It will need cleaning from top to bottom and a lick of paint wouldnt do it any harm No problem, Ill have it done in no time, he promised.

Yeah she said using the side of her mouth. She always did that Matthew discerned, when she was not sure about anything. What have we let ourselves in for? she said at one point. They said their goodbyes; only this time they would see them again sooner rather than later. It took longer than they expected to complete the sale. They became impatient, as they had no experience of selling property. Ellen gave in her notice at work and they now had time on their hands together. They had time for a little while at least for family visits and to sort out what they would be taking with them. They visited Ellens sister Maeve on a few occasions, more often than they had done while working. She thought they were brave in what they were doing, but wished them well. Her family was her life and in the future she saw that grandchildren could come and was settled because of that. You on the other hand are as free as birds to go where ye want, she told them. Ellen was aware that her other sister Theresa who lived further out visited Maeve every other weekend. Her two daughters had always mixed with Maeves. And then there was Ollie; he was the only real dilemma as he had always lived alone. Matthew knew that he would miss Ellen greatly, they being close. He would have Maeve, whom he got on well with. But his relationship with their sister Theresa and brother Kevin was not as deep. The family would now be split with Eddie and now Ellen on the other side of the water. As for Matthew it would be a big wrench, in the sense that he had no immediate family living in Ireland. He took comfort in the fact that Bridgets sister Margaret visited her practically every day and stayed every weekend. All the remaining family including her brother Jim lived near. He said to Ellen that he could count on his fingers the number of times any of them had visited him in all the years he lived in London. They were kept busy packing every household item including crockery in newspapers they had saved. You dont realize how much stuff you have until you move? Matthew said. Tell me about it Ellen replied, neatly placing each item into cardboard boxes they had got from the manager of the local Off Licence. Remember all of them we had to get rid of when we were in that game Matthew reminded her. Soon everything was packed except for the few items they needed including the kettle, that were designated for the last open cardboard box. Ellen, like all women were very organized packers, unlike men who would throw things in anyway. It was one of those qualities they had developed somewhere in their evolution, like cooking, washing and ironing, cleaning, making a bed or even organizing furniture in a room. Their clothes except for those the needed were neatly on hangers in large plastic bags that were normally used for refuge. Ellen had allocated a lot of items that were to be transported in their car. They were mainly clothing and shoes but also personal items. Matthew wanted to take his paintings, books, guitar and even his keyboard. Seeing them lined up he said, How the hell are we going to fit all these in the back of the car? He estimated that even with the seats down, it was going to be a very tight squeeze. But he hadnt counted for Ellens amazing use of space. I wont be able to see a thing only in front, he complained. Oh youll be all right, she said reassuring him, when in truth it was she that needed Reassuring full stop. It was a misty day when Matthew made his final visit to the graves before the fast approaching time

of departure. He looked at Bernadette and Joes headstones and read the details on them that included the place of their birth. He remembered the saying set in stone that meant finality. But he thought about them when they were alive and recalled their faces and their smiles. He thanked Joe for the wonderful memories he had given him and all the places he had taken them. He thought of Bernadettes infectious laughter and courage through her short and troubled life. Let my eyes take ye back again and may your spirits join me as I roam through the valleys and gaze out on to the rugged sea he prayed. In seeing his mother he thought about her loss in recent years, it was palpable. She was going to miss him he knew and he her. She was the first face that he saw, the first voice he heard and the first embrace he felt. He felt sorrowful and guilty at leaving her when she was so vulnerable. Her voice was soft and full of resignation when she spoke to him now. In wishing him well, he could see her eyes were heavy with emotion and regret. He thought of how many times he had created a smile, laughter or even anger in those eyes. But seeing them so subdued and brow beaten was heartbreaking. He could only repeat the invitation to visit him as soon as possible. He asked her if she and all the family would like to come up to London to have a final farewell. A week passed and then another until finally there were days to go. Matthew was angered by their non-appearance that was a pattern since he moved there. They eventually arrived one night two days before they were due to leave. It was a brief goodbye by any standards, permeated by promises of visits by them all. Thatll be a change, they all visiting me Matthew said to Ellen afterwards. He didnt have time to dwell on it in the next forty-eight hours, even after receiving the news that Declans wife Irene had given birth to a baby boy. The timing was all down to the solicitors and the final transactions with the bank. They had planned to go night sailing, as they knew they would be leaving some time in the afternoon. Matthew was like a man possessed about the logistical side of things, constantly looking out the window. Thank God for that he said as he saw the furniture truck pull up outside. A little late but nevertheless there here he commented. It was strange watching all your worldly possessions walk out the door he thought. He gave the driver whom he knew would be delivering their furniture to Ireland a drawing he had made in the form of a local map with an arrow pointing at the house he would be delivering to. Thats handy he said, some of those places there are hard to find. Matthew told him hed give him a ring when he landed to arrange the transport from the storage depot. Dont worry mate, were over there every week he said. After contacting the solicitor for what seemed the twentieth time, the final transaction took place. The keys were hurriedly handed over to the new owners without sentiment. They both looked at the house and road as they boarded the overloaded car, submerged in their own thoughts. We checked everything, didnt we? Matthew said thinking they might have left something behind. About a hundred times Ellen assured him, becoming weary of his panic. When they reached the motorway Matthew could feel the front wheels were hardly on the ground with the weight that was in the back. We should have put a couple of concrete blocks in the front to balance the weight he said Oh stop fretting Ellen said, Itll be all right. It wasnt long before they passed the familiar exit that accessed both Slough and Windsor. In looking at the Windsor sign Matthew thought Bridget would be making tea about now for her

and Margaret probably. In looking at the Slough sign he had a dark thought that only he alone would know. The drive to Wales seemed to take forever despite several stops. They were early for the night boat at Fishguard and it seemed an eternity before it sailed. They looked out the window as it pulled out. Goodbye Blighty Matthew said as the harbour lights faded out of view. I wouldnt get it for murder he thought to himself, about being confined to exile there for thirty-three years. They were tired but it was cold and they couldnt sleep. There were few people on the boat that time of year it was almost eerie. Matthew looked at the date on his watch fancy that he said, its the thirty-first of October. It was on the thirty-first of the month that we originally set off for England, he explained. That means itll be the first day of November when we land in the morning, he said. Also the first day of the rest of our lives he declared. He looked down at Ellen who enviously had nodded off momentarily with her head on his chest. What they didnt know was that a couple of days earlier her brother Eddie had suffered a stroke and was in hospital. Nuala hadnt contacted them, thinking they had more than enough on their plate. It was surprisingly dry but overcast when they disembarked that morning. Ellen was starting to drift off again as they drove from the boat with the welcome car heating on. When they entered the Suir Valley on the final few miles of their journey Matthew stopped the car and turned off the engine. What are we stopping for? Ellen asked, almost in a daze from lack of sleep. Were home angel Matthew said leaning over to kiss her. Lifting her heavy eyelids and about to respond she said Mm yes darling. END