Opening the Conversation

Types of Openers: Cute-flippant humorous, indirect and ambiguous as to whether the person opening the conversation actually wants an extended encounter o Advantage: indirect enough to cushion any rejection o Examples: Is that really your hair? I bet the cherry jubilee isnt as sweet as you are. Innocuous highly ambiguous as to whether theyre simple comments that might be made to just anyone or whether theyre in fact openers designed to initiate an extended encounter o Advantage: indirect enough to allow for an easy out if the other person doesnt want to talk o Examples: What do you think of the band? Could you show me how to work this machine? Direct clearly demonstrates the speakers interest in meeting the other person o Advantage: Men like direct openers that are very clear in meaning, possibly because men are not used to having another person initiate a meeting. Women prefer openers that arent too strong and that are relatively modest. o Examples: I feel a little embarrassed about this, but Id like to meet you. Would you like to have a drink with me? May I join you? Non-Verbal Openers: Arthur Wassmer designed a technique called SOFTENS

DeVito, J. (2004) The Interpersonal Communication Book (10th ed.). Joesting, L. (1998). Communicate! A workbook for interpersonal communication (5th ed.) UNCG University Speaking Center, 22 McIver Building Underground, (336)256-1346 For more resources check out our Website www.uncg.edu/cac

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Smiling genuinely done, helps establish a positive climate Open Posture communicates interest Forward Lean communicates involvement Touching by Shaking Hands establishes physical contact Eye Contact communicates interest, listening, and builds rapport Nodding communicates listening and can help you focus on what the other person is saying Space can promote closeness depending on culture and the kind of relationship you want to encourage How do I Keep the Conversation Going in the Right Direction? Verbal Build off what the other person is saying o Ask related questions How do I know what to ask? o Listening is key! You have to prepare yourself to listen to what the other person is saying and build off of that to ask questions. Things to listen for What major the other person is in What classes they are taking Similar interests Nonverbal Continue to follow the SOFTENS technique o Smiling o Open posture
DeVito, J. (2004) The Interpersonal Communication Book (10th ed.). Joesting, L. (1998). Communicate! A workbook for interpersonal communication (5th ed.) UNCG University Speaking Center, 22 McIver Building Underground, (336)256-1346 For more resources check out our Website www.uncg.edu/cac

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o Forward lean o Touching by shaking hands o Eye contact o Nodding Space Ending the Conversation Types of closings: Reflect back on the conversation and briefly summarize it so as to bring it to a close o Example: Im glad I ran into you and found out what happened at that union meeting. Ill probably be seeing you at the meetings next week. Directly state the desire to end the conversation and to get on with other things o Example: Id like to continue talking, but I really have to run. Ill see you around. Refer to future interaction o Example: Why dont we get together next week sometime and continue this discussion. Ask for closure o Example: Have I explained what you wanted to know? State that you enjoyed the interaction o Example: I really enjoyed talking with you. Nonverbal Closings Touch or handshake Break consistent eye contact Look at a clock or watch
DeVito, J. (2004) The Interpersonal Communication Book (10th ed.). Joesting, L. (1998). Communicate! A workbook for interpersonal communication (5th ed.) UNCG University Speaking Center, 22 McIver Building Underground, (336)256-1346 For more resources check out our Website www.uncg.edu/cac