All of these ideas belong to Dale Carnegie and his book, How to Win Friends and Influence People.

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

"Don't criticize, condemn or complain." - Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a persons precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment (Carnegie, p. 5). - No matter how wrong a person may be, he will rarely criticize himself for anything - Positive reinforcement, rewarding someone for good behavior, works better than punishing someone for doing something wrong - Ben Franklins secret to success I will speak ill of no man and speak all the good I know of everybody. - Instead of criticizing people, try to take time and understand why the other person did what he or she did "Give honest and sincere appreciation." - Everybody likes a compliment, and everybody has a desire to be great and important - Charles Schwab was a very rich man who made roughly one million dollars a year because of his ability to deal with others. He understands the importance of why one shouldnt criticize others. There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person as criticisms from superiors. I never criticize anyone. I believe in giving a person incentive to work. So I am anxious to praise but loathe to find fault. - But beware of the difference between appreciation and flattery: One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally admired; the other universally condemned "Arouse the other person an eager want." - We are only interested in what we want, so the only way to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it - To persuade someone into doing something, you should ask yourself, How can I make this person want to do it? - In a job interview, try to look at the employers point of view. Why would he want to hire you? How can you better his/her company? You should focus on his wants. Not why you want to work for him. - Always think in the other persons point of view

Six Ways to Make People Like You

"Become genuinely interested in other people." - People are usually interested in themselves. However, according to Alfred Adler, people
who are not interested in others usually have the greatest difficulties in life. - In order to make friends, we should put ourselves out to do things for other people things that require time, energy, unselfishness and thoughtfulness

- For example, try to remember all your friends birthdays - Showing a genuine interest in others not only wins friends for you, but may develop in "Smile." - A smile says a lot, and it can brighten another persons day. It tells people, I like you,

its customers a loyalty to your company. - However, as with every other principle, the interest you show in others must be sincere.

"Remember that a man's name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in any language." - The average person is interested in his or her own name than in all the other names on
earth put together - Most people do not remember names, because they do not want to take the time or energy to concentrate on repeating someones names in their minds. - Remembering the other persons name will work magic

You make me happy, I am glad to see you. - According to Professor James McConnell, a psychologist at the University of Michigan, People who smile tend to manage, teach, and sell more effectively, and to raise happier children. Theres far more information in a smile than a frown. Thats why encouragement is a much more effective teaching method than punishment. - You should smile when youre on the phone as well, because your smile comes through in your voice.

"Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves." - You should listen intently when you are in a conversation with another person, and -

"Talk in the terms of the other man's interest." - Talking in terms of the other persons interests pays off for both parties - The road to a persons heart is to talk about things he or she treasures most "Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely.

become genuinely interested in what that other person is saying, because that kind of listening is one of the highest compliments we can pay anyone. You will seem like you are a good conversationalist if you are just a good listener and encourage others to talk. Many people fail to make a good impression because they do not listen attentively If you want people to dislike you, Never listen to anyone for long. Talk incessantly about yourself. If you have an idea while the other person is talking, dont wait for him or her to finish: bust right in and interrupt in the middle of the sentence (93) Ask questions that the other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments

Always make the other person feel important John Dewey says the desire to be important is the deepest urge in human nature Phrases like, Im sorry to trouble you Would you be so kind as to ---? Would you mind? Thank you- will help Talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours

Twelve Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

"Avoid arguments."
Avoid an argument at all costs, even if you know that youre right You cannot win an argument -- If you lose an argument, you lose; if you win an argument, you still lose, because you make the other person feel inferior

A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still

"Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never tell someone they are wrong."
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o A Guide to avoiding arguments: 1. Welcome the disagreement. 2. Distrust your first instinctive impression. 3. Control your temper. 4. Listen first. 5. Look for areas of agreement. 6. Be honest. 7. Promise to think over your opponents ideas and study them carefully. 8. Thank your opponents sincerely for their interest 9. Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem.

"If you're wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically."

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Do not tell people they are wrong, especially if they are adamant about their beliefs, or else they will resent you. It will make the other person want to fight. Do not be afraid to admit youre wrong Let people admit theyre wrong first (i.e. if youre the boss of a company, ask the employees where they thing something is wrong, then you make suggestions to improve it) Admit that youre wrong do it quickly, openly, and with enthusiasm Say about yourself all the derogatory things you know the other person is thinking or wants to say or intends to say and say them before that person has a chance to say them. The chances are a hundred to one that a generous, forgiving attitude will be taken and your mistakes will be minimized. Begin in a friendly way before you state your problem or else you would find difficulty in find a solution Convince the other person you are his friend Compliment the other person Keep emphasizing on things which you agree, that you are both striving for the same end and that your only difference is of method and not of purpose Keep the other person saying yes and never no, because the listener will move in the more affirmative direction More yeses mean you will be more likely to get a yes for your ultimate proposal

"Begin in a friendly way."

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"Start with questions the other person will answer yes to."
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"Let the other person do the talking."

"Let the other person feel the idea is his/hers."

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Let the person talk themselves out, since they know more about their own business and problems. However, if you disagree with something the other person says, DO NOT INTERUPPT you should listen patiently and with an open mind. Letting the other person do the talking has benefits During a job interview, you should get to know about the other person and his/her company Successful people like to reminisce about the companys beginnings and his struggles Consult others in their wishes and desires For example, if you are a sales manager, you should ask your employees what they expect from you, and what they think you have a right to expect from them No one likes to be told what to do; we like to think we are buying something because we want or, or we do something because we want to Put yourself in the other persons shoes; look at the others POV Cooperativeness in conversation is achieved when you consider the other persons ideas and feelings as important as your own Ask yourself, Why would he or she want to do it? A phrase to stop arguments or make the other person listen attentively: I dont blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were you, I would undoubtedly feel just as you do Sympathize with the other persons point of view

"Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view."

"Sympathize with the other person."

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"Appeal to noble motives."

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"Dramatize your ideas." - The truth has to be made vivid, dramatized - This is similar to commercials comparing their brand to another "Throw down a challenge." When nothing else works, stimulate competition People love the chance to prove his or her worth, to excel, to win

A person usually has two reasons for doing something: one that sounds good and a real reason People will act favorably if you make them feel that you consider them honest, upright and fair

Nine Ways to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

"Begin with praise and honest appreciation."
It is always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise of our good points

"Call attention to other people's mistakes indirectly."

"Talk about your own mistakes first." - When you talk about your own mistakes first before pointing out others mistakes, it
makes hearing these criticisms easier to hear for the other person. It shows him/her that you know that you arent perfect.

- You should use always begin in a friendly way, but when youre beginning with praise and honest appreciation before stating whats wrong, do not use the word but. The use of but leads to a straining of credibility -- use and instead. - Example: Were really proud of you, Johnny, for raising your grades this term, and by continuing the same conscientious efforts next term, your algebra grade can be up with all the others, instead of Were really proud of you, Johnny, for raising your grades this term. But if you had worked harder on your algebra, the results would have been better (212) - Calling attention to ones mistakes indirectly works wonders with sensitive people who may resent bitterly any direct criticism

"Ask questions instead of giving direct orders." - No one likes to take orders. Asking questions makes an order more agreeable. People are more likely to accept an order if they have had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issued. - Example- Do you think it would be better if you did something this way? "Let the other person save face."
Do not destroy someones ego, because it will ultimately build resentment in the long run If you need to criticize someone, do it in private. Try to avoid embarrassing the person in front of his peers otherwise, he may become defensive and will not admit to his wrongdoings. For example, instead of demoting someones position, change his or her title and responsibilities. This will avoid public embarrassment. Praising even the slightest improvement will spur people on to success Positive reinforcement will encourage the person to keep doing better Dont condemn everything someone does wrong Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise

"Praise every improvement."

"Give them a fine reputation to live up to."

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"Encourage them by making their faults seem easy to correct."

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Give a dog a bad name and you may as well hang him For example: John, you are an excellent writer, but with a few changes, you can be better.

"Make the other person happy about doing what you suggest."

Do not tell someone that he or she is incompetent at doing a certain thing or does something wrong Instead, be liberal with your encouragement, make the thing seem easy to do, let the other person know you have faith in his ability to do it, that he has a natural flair for doing something

Always make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest this is one of the most important rules in human relations Make people think that they are doing you a great favor, even if you are giving them an honorable position they really want Make the other person think that he is too important for the role they want and thats why you cannot give it to them Give titles and authority Guidelines (246)