WritingaboutCharacter,Placeor Object

AGPAWWorkshop
ByL. Sue Stindt, Assoc. Prof. LL&A

OverviewofWorkshop
BuildinganEssayaboutPerson,PlaceorObject Part1:ChoosingaSubject:FocusedBrainstorming Activities1a,1b,1c Part2: 2 W Writing i i Description i i Activities2a,2b,2c Part3:UsingAnecdoteorRememberedStory Activities3a,3b Part4:WritingDialogue Activity4 Part5:AssemblingtheParts&SampleEssay WorkshopReflection/Evaluation Activity5
Note:Allstudentwritingexamplesusedwithpermission.

Overviewcontinued
Thepurposeofthisworkshopistopresentstrategies(buildingblocks)and practiceforwritinganessayaboutaperson,placeorobject.The strategiespresentedmaybeusedineitherareflectionorobservation essay. essay Withsolidorganization,athemeuponwhichtobuild,andtheadditionof afewtransitions transitions,bytheendofthisworkshop, workshop youshouldhavethemain piecesfromwhichtobuildapersonalessayaboutaperson,placeor object. PleaselabelyourActivities1a,1b,etc.Completionof thisworkshopisworthtwoGPAWcredits.

Overviewcontinued
Afurthernote Theskills skills,techniques techniques,andpracticeexercisespromotedinthisworkshopand thewritingyouproduceuponcompletionshouldbeusedwithattentiontoa specificassignment.Therearemanywaystocreatebothreflectionand observationessays. essays Yourinstructormayexpectyoudemonstratecertaintechniquesandtoexpress yourideasinparticularwaysasheorshediscussedinclass class.Inanyclass class,its it s veryimportanttocarefullyfollowtheinstructionsorgradingcriteriafora writingassignment.Awritermustlearntotailorhisorherwritingtofit variousp purposes p andassignments. g Usetheadviceintheworkshopaccordingly.Ifanactivityfitsanassigned y it.Ifitdoesntthinkabouthowy youcantailortheideasyou y came essayuse upwithtofit,ORusethemethodsandtechniquesthatyourinstructor suggestsandsavetheseideasforfutureuse.Goodluck!Havefunwithit!

Part1:ChoosingtheSubjectfor WritinganObservation b
TheSubject
Ageneral ltruism i i inwriting i i i isthat h the h morethe h writer i caresabout b hi hisorh hersubject bj the h betterthewritingheorshewillproduce.Plus,itsmoreinterestingandfuntowriteabout somethingorsomeoneyouhavestrongfeelingsabout(goodorbad).So,chooseacharacter whomyouknowwell,someonewhoisorhasbeenasignificantpartofyourlife,someone who h influenced i fl dwho h youare.Choose Ch aplace l youknow k like lik the th back b kof fyourhand. h d Choose Ch an objectthathaspersonalinteresttoyouoraddsmeaningtoyourlife,somethingthatreveals somethingaboutYOU,thewriter.

MeaningandTheme
Ultimately,youressaymustbefocused,notsimplyonyoursubject,butonathemeamain idea.Youmaynotknowwhatthatthemeisorwillbeuntilcompletingtheseandother writingexercises.But,thinkaboutthepossibilitiesasyoucompletethewritingactivitiesin thisworkshop. Afterreadingyouressay,thereasontheperson,placeorobjectisimportantinyourlife shouldbeobvious.Revealwhathaveyoulearnedaboutyourself,yourideas,valuesorlife, becauseofthesubject.Shareinsightswithyourreaderssomethingyouknowbecauseof yourexperiencewiththisperson,placeorobject.

AboutActivity1
Reflectingonand/orobservinghelpsusunderstandthepeopleandplaces around dusand dthe h impactthey h h haveonus.If fthese h aresignificant f (important)people,placesorobjects,aswriters,wemayalsocometo betterunderstandourselves. Asreaders,ourworldisexpandedandenrichedbyawritersinsights, experiencesandideas. Threewaysthatwritersengagereadersisbyofferingvividdetail,by presentingafreshinterpretationoflifeexperiencesastoldinstoryform, andbycapturingthevoiceofothersorrelevantconversations. conversations Thefirstactivityshouldgenerateideasaboutsubjectsimportanttoyou.

AboutActivity1continued
Activity1asksyoutoworkwith(experimentwith)three subjects:asignificantperson,animportantplaceanda valuedobject.Thesesubjectswillbeusedthroughoutthis workshop,sopleasegiveyourchoicesseriousthought. Activity1hasthreeparts:1aPerson;1bPlace;1cObject. Thesearefocusedbrainstormingexercises.Youranswersto thequestionsposedmaybephrasesand/orsentences. Themoreideasandconnectionsyoulist,theeasier constructinganessayaboutyourchosensubjectwillbe. HINT:Ifyouworkwiththesamesubjectthroughoutafter brainstorminginthisfirstpart,youMAYendupwithTHE BULKofanessay. essay

Activity1a:CharacterStudy
CharacterStudy
Identifythepersonyouvechosen. chosen Whatisthenatureofyourrelationship? Whatthingsconnectyou,whathaveyoudonetogether? Whatdoeshe/shelooklike visualdescription? Whatsmellsdoyouassociatewiththisperson? Howdoyoufeelaboutthisperson? Listoutstanding gcharacteristics. Whydoyoulikeordislikethisperson? Whatdoyougetfromtherelationship? Whatdoeshisorhervoicesoundlike? Whatdoyouknowaboutyourselfbecauseofthisperson? Howhashe/sheinfluencedyou? Whatdoesthispersonmeantoyou?

Activity1b:PlaceStudy
PlaceStudy Identifyyourplace. Howdidyoucometoknowthisplace? Whatdoyoulikeaboutit? Wh td What doyoudislike di lik about b tit? Howdoesitmakeyoufeeltobethere? Whatdoesitlooklike? Whatsmellsdoyouassociatewithit? Whatsoundsdoyouhear? Whogoestherewithyou? Whateventshavehappened pp there? Whowenttherebeforeyou? Whydoyougothere? Whatdoesitmeantoyou?

Activity1c:ObjectStudy
ObjectStudy Identifyyourobject. Howdidthisobjectcomeintoyourpossession? Whatdoyoulikeaboutit? Whatdoyoudislikeaboutit? Howdoyoufeelabouthavingit? Whatdoesitlooklike? Whatsmellsdoyouassociatewithit? Whatsoundsdoyouassociatewithit? youassociatewithit? Whateventsdoy Whohaditbeforeyou? Whydoyoukeepit? y Whatdoesitmeantoyou?

Comment
Hopefully,thefocusedbrainstormingyoujustcompleted recordingyourhistoryandassociationswithasignificant character,placeandobjectgaveyouanideaforanessay andencouraged g y youthinkabouty yoursubject j indetail. Theactivitiesthatfollowaskyoutocontinueworkingwith these h subjects bj tocreateother h pieces i of fapotential i lessay. InPart2, 2 you youll llrevieworlearntechniquesforwriting detaileddescription.

Part2:WritingDescription
Effectivedescriptioncapturestheessenceofthesubject themostimportantelementsofaperson,placeorobjectby creatinganimpressionforreaders.

Writersdothisby: *choosingwordscarefully *usingoriginalphrasesratherthanclichs *includingonlythemostimportantdetails andeliminatingnonessentialdetails

WritingDescriptioncontinued
PhysicalDetailsadescriptionofacharacterslookscan revealtraits,habitsandstyleofacharacter.Effective descriptionnotonlycreatesapicturetohelpthereader bring gthecharacter(p (placeorobject) j )tolife, ,butinthedetails, , thewriterrevealshowhe/shefeelsaboutthesubject. *Choosewordsthatreflectyourimpressionsandfeelings. *Focusontheimportantdetailsthathelpcreatethe impression p y youwanttoconvey ytothereader. *Usesensorydetailssight,sound,touch,smell,tastezeroin onall llyoursenses.

WritingDescriptioncontinued
CreateImages g withWords
InhisbookAftertheEnd:TeachingandLearningCreative Revision, ,awellknownwriting gp professor, ,Barry yLane, ,says y that detailsarenotjustextrawords.Writersactuallycreate (form)imagesandimpressions(ofpeople,placesandobjects) withdetails.

Paintapictureinwords

WritingDescriptioncontinued
Usebrandnameswhenpossibleandappropriate Brandidentificationcreatesimagesinyourreaders minds. Itseasytoconjureupimagesof The McDonalds Golden Arches A can of Coca-cola A light blue 73 Volkswagen Beetle An iPod A Blackberry (instead of cell phone) A Jack Russell Terrier (rather than dog)

WritingDescriptionEXAMPLE
TheexcerptandexamplebelowarefromLanesbook After the End: Teaching and
Learning g Creative Revision (p (page). g )

Heresablurrysentence.IwalkedintotheMcDonaldsandtherewerepeople everywhere.Youvebeentherebefore.AllMcDonaldsarethesameright? Wrong.Nowtakeoutyourbinocularsandturnthatlittleknob.Youturntheknob byaskingquestions.Questionsthatfocusyourownbinocularsonallyour senses?HereIllshowyou... Theworkmenleanedonthestainlesssteelcounters,belliesburstingoutof stainedteeshirts.Anoldmaninthecornerheldanaluminumcaneinonehand andarolledup pnewspaper p p intheother.Heswattedatfliesastheworkers scurriedbehindthecounters,stuffingbagswithgreasyburgers,rushingtothe beepingfryloaderstoscoopthegoldengreasypotatosticks,slingingsteaming robotfoodintocardboardtraysandpaperbags.Thesmellofsizzlingfathungin theairandIcouldtasteswallowanddigestthathamburgerbeforetheyounggirl couldsay,Haveaniceday!

Writing Description Description--continued continued

Make use of metaphors to describe

Metaphorical thinking may produce surprising connections and offbeat understandings d t di (Tom Romano, Writing with Passion 117).

(www.tremainsmith.com/ LayersofMeaning.html)

Slide from Writing with Meaning GPAW

Writing Description--continued Using Metaphors to Describe

Merriam-Websters Online Dictionary defines metaphor as a figure of speech in which a word or phrase literally denoting one kind of object or idea is used in place of another to suggest a likeness or analogy between them. http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/metaphor

We use metaphors quite often in our speech to express moods and feelings feelings. The color blue blue can be a metaphor for feeling down down. Sunshine can be a metaphor for a bright and cheerful disposition. Metaphors as explained above may also be extended or developed In the journey of life we cross bridges developed. bridges, forge streams streams, and come to splits in the road, etc. This reference to life as a journey has become clich, of course. As a writer, you want your p to be fresh and original. g metaphors
Slide from Writing with Meaning GPAW

Writing gDescription p EXAMPLE

The following is an excerpt--an excellent example of description and reflection-- from a student essay (Granny Faddle, Faddle by Chris):
Back in the day, my grandmother stood only five foot three inches tall, with fiery red hair and thin, black horn-rimmed glasses that rode deep on her nose so that she could look over the top of them in disapproval if the need arose. She struggled with a thyroid condition from birth, leaving her a mere 96 pounds soaking wet with clothes on, throughout most of her adult life life. An operation as a child had left her with a thin, thin white scar that stretched across the width of her chicken skin covered neck. She had smokers lips, pursed from years of taking long, exhilarating draws, with cracks and lines all around them that allowed the bright red lipstick she always wore to bleed up into the tiny cobwebs around her mouth. Her skin was like leather, tan and rough to the touch, with scars covering every inch that could be seen. The smell of smoke, coffee and sickeningly sweet cheap perfume assaulted my senses every time I drew near to her. To me, this assaulting aroma was comforting. I remember Granny had the most beautiful voice I had ever heard, she danced around every day singing gospel hymns at the top of her lungs and clapping her hands, eyes twinkling with adoration for the Lord. Recently, she sounded more like a giant bullfrog, croaking out orders in disdain and disapproval. The process of Th f aging i i is a h human and d natural t l thi thing, I k know, yet t somehow h it seems a cruel l and d unusual l punishment. i h t Most people work hard their whole lives to provide a safe, comfortable place for their families; they try to take care of themselves, practice an active faith and play by the general rules of life, yet in their golden years their accomplishments seem to be forgotten. Our culture has somehow lost its sense of respect for the elderly. We are quick to deem them useless to society and stick them in nursing homes so as not to be burdened by them. I, too, had regretfully fallen into that category category.

AboutActivity2
Activity2hasthreeparts:a,b&c. Choosetwoofthesubjectstheperson,placeorobjectthat youidentifiedinActivity1. 1 Youwillneedaphotographofthesubject(ortheobjectitself, ifthatisyourchoice)forActivity2b. Activity2asksyoutodescribe describedetailed detailedsensory descriptionfrommemory(parta)andfromaphotograph (partb),andthentoreflectonwhichmethodworkedbestfor you. you

Activity2a:DescribingfromMemory
Gooddescriptionincludesmorethanjustphysical characteristics,. Takeaminutetothinkaboutyour subjectandthendescribethephysicalcharacteristics andatthesametime capturetheessenceofyour place,thepurposeorfunctionofyourobject,orthe character h t of fyourperson.C Consider id yourwords d carefully. Chooseeithertheperson,placeorobjectyou identifiedinActivity y1andwriteadetailed descriptionofyoursubject.(150200words)

Activity2b:DescribingfromaPhoto
Findap photograph g p ofeithertheperson, p ,place p orobject j y you identifiedinActivity1.Placingtheactualobjectinfrontof youwouldbefine,too. Writeadetaileddescriptionofwhatyousee.Remember yourreadercannotseethephotoandknowsnothingabout yoursubject. Yourjobistocapturethesceneandthe essenceoftheimageinwords. (150200words)

Activity2c:ReflectiononMethod
Afteryouhavecompletedbothpartsofthedescribingassignmentdescribing frommemoryanddescribingfromaphotograph answerthefollowing questions: 1)Whichtaskdidyoufindeasier,describingwhatyousawinthephotographor describingapersonorplacefamiliartoyoufrommemory?Pleasegiveaclearand thoughtfulexplanationforyouranswer. 2) )Didyou y thinkthatfinding gexactly ytheright g descriptive p wordswaseasierinone taskortheother?Pleaseexplain. 3)Whichofyourdescriptiveparagraphsusestherichestandmostdescriptive vocabularyandcapturestheessenceofthephoto, photo personorplacethebest? Explainwhyyouthinkthisistrue. 4)Whichactivitymostengagedyouwithaphotoorwithoutaphoto?Offeran explanation.

Part3:UsingAnecdotetoDevelop Character, h Place l and dObject b

Twospecificdefinitionsofanecdote anecdote follow, follow butfornow,thinkofanecdotesasbriefstories. Wearestorytellersbynatureandreaderslove stories.Storieshelpusunderstandandconvey meaningthroughactionsandevents,reactionsand responses.
Ananecdotemaybearememberedstorywiththespecific purposeofdevelopingyoursubject.

Anecdotecontinued
WikipediaDefinition
Ananecdote isabrieftalenarratingan interestingoramusingbiographicalincident incident. Ananecdoteisalwaysbasedonreallife,an i id involving incident i l i actual lpersons,whether h h famousornot,inrealplaces.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anecdote

Anecdotecontinued
Writing.comdescribesananecdoteasfollows: Ananecdote isashortnarrative,astoryofpersonalexperience. Theanecdotemusthaveaconclusion.Anecdotesusuallybeginwithnarrative rightaway,withlittleornointroduction. Ananecdoteis"bottomup;"itbeginswithparticularexperienceandworks towardsageneralconclusion. Thereaderdiscoversthemeaningoftheexperienceattheend. http://ielpjohn.home.att.net/anecdote.htm Inessays,anecdotesarealsobuiltfromthetopdown.Thewritermaymake aclaimandthentellastorytodefendtheclaim.Seeexampleonthenextslide.

Anecdotecontinued
Exampleofatop topdown downanecdote:
Mysister,Kim,wasafunnylittlekid. Onceherclothesweredirty,she refusedtotouchthemexcepttotakethemoffandcastthemtothefloor. Likeallmom moms s,ourmomtriedtomaintainsomeorderinthehouseand insistedthatwetakeourdirtyclothesdownstairstothelaundrybasket. WhenKimwasthreeorfour,myparentsandIburstintolaughteralmost dailyatthesightofKimmywhowouldtakeapencilfromatabletopanduse thetipofthepenciltopickupheroncewornpanties.Withherhead turnedsidewaysandtiltedupwardindisgust,sheparadedthroughthe housetowardthelaundry yroomdangling g gthelightly g ysoiledclothing gfromthe tipofthepencilholdingitasfarfromherbodyasshecould.Whenshe chosetobeoverlydramatic,sheusedherotherhandtoplughernose. N Note: Th Thefirst fi sentencei isthe h claim. l i Th Thestorysupportsthe h claim. l i

Anecdotecontinued
Exampleofabottomupanecdote:
Fromlittleon, ,Kimmy yhoped p toberichandtraveltheworld.Asay young gentrepreneur, p ,she startedmakingmoneyaroundagefiveandsavedeverypenny.Shecollectedold newspapers,weekly,fromneighborsupanddowntheblock,pilingthestacksohighshe couldbarelypullherRedFlyerwagonhome.Inthosedays,themid60s,companiesbought newspapers p p forrecycling y gforj justseveralp penniesp perp pound.But, ,thosepennies p addedup. p KimandIcollectedpopbottlesandreturnedthemforcoinsatMilesMarket,thefamily ownedcornerstore.Ispentmineonbaseballcards;shesavedhers.Kimmyranerrands, pickingupgroceriesforMr.Breidenbach,thewidoweracrossthestreet.ShehelpedMrs. Meyers, y ,anelderly ywomanwholivedaroundthecorner, ,withchores.Theneighbors g p paidher adimehere,anickelthere,forherhelp.Shesockeditaway.Duringcollege,Kimmyworked asatellerinabank,whichseemedliketheperfectjobforher.Aftergraduatingfromcollege withamathdegree,shejoinedthemilitary,ashocktousall thiswasthelittlegirlwho wouldnttouchherunderwear.ShewenttoOfficersTraining gSchoolandbecameaFirst LieutenantintheUSAirForceandlateranaerospaceengineerincivilianlife.Sheisrichby manypeoplesstandardsandhastraveledallovertheworld,toGreenland,Africa,Russia, NorthandSouthAmerica,Bhutan,andmanyotherexoticplaces.Shehadadreamandshe workedforit.Now,shelivesit.
Note:Thelasttwosentencesmakeuptheconclusionoftheanecdotethemeaningofthestory.

Activity3a:WriteanAnecdotefrom
theTopDown
Chooseoneofyourthreesubjects. Beginwithaclaim. Support pp y yourclaimwithashortstory. y
(150+words)

Thestorymayrevealsomethingaboutcharacter, aboutthenatureofaplace,oritmayexplainthe f li yougetabout feeling b something. hi

Activity3b:WriteanAnecdote fromtheBottomUp
Chooseoneofyourthreesubjects. Writeananecdote,arememberedstory,that revealssomethingyouwantreaderstoknow aboutyoursubject. Theconclusionofyourstoryshouldcontainor clarifyyourmainpointyourclaim.
(150+words)

Part4:WritingDialogue:CapturingVoice &Conversation i
Dialoguedirectlyquotingwhatcharacterssayisakeyelementinmany essays. Dialoguecanbeusedtodevelopcharacter(s) revealpersonalitytraits, quirks,reactions,uniquewaysofsayingthings,ortogiveacharactervoice. Dialoguecanalsohelpdevelopideasaboutplacesandobjectsbycapturing whatcharactersthinksayabout theplaceorobjectbywhatthecharacters say. Dialoguemayalsobeeffectivelyusedtoadvancetheplot.

Dialoguecontinued
Remember:Noteveryconversationisimportant. Infact,some areboring b i and dbanal. b l The Th following f ll i would ldNOT enhance h a characterorplot.
Hello,ImumbledasIpickedupthephone. Hey,itsme,myfriendPatsaid. Whatsup? Oh,nothin,justthoughtIdgiveyoucall. Cool. Whachyadoin? Dishes. Yah,Igottadothat,too.Sinksfull. Whatelse? Oh,nothin. Lifesprettydullaroundhere. Samehere. Wherearethekids?Iasked,wonderingaboutPatstwoteenagedaughters. Atwork,Ithink,saidPat,seeminglyconfusedaboutherdaughterswhereabouts.

Choosewiselywhenusingdialogue.Dialogueshouldbeinformative,develop character,oradvancetheplot.

Dialogue g EXAMPLE
Thefollowingisanexcerpt anexcellentexampleofdialogue fromastudentessay(GrannyFaddle,byChris): IcouldbarelybringmyselftovisitGrannyinthecarehome.Notsomuchbecauseitstankofoldpeopleandurine,but becauseitremindedmeofhowillandfrailshehadbecomelately lately.Inmymindshewouldalwaysbethatfeistyoldladywho hadtaughtmehowtoswimandfish,pushedmeacrossKMartparkinglotinashoppingcartorwalkedmetoBurgerChef everydayafterschoolforapop.Icouldntbearthethoughtofrememberingherasshewasnow,bitter,nastyandfullof diseaseinducedresentment. Hermindbegandeterioratingrapidly,herdementiaincreased,rantingincoherenciesaboutpeoplehidinginhercloset, stealingfromher,orthegovernmentspyingonherthroughthetelevision.Herphysicalhealthwasalsofailing.Shesuffered fromcardiopulmonarydiseaseandcongestiveheartfailure,aswellasconstantlybattlingwithboutsofpneumonia. Tina,doyouthinkIcanstillgettoheavenifIkillmyself?Grannyaskedmesolemnly,pleadingwithhereyesforthe answershewantedtohear.Shewastiredofthislife;ithadthrownherallthecurvesshecouldhandle. Grandma,pleasedonttalkthatway,Ibegged,ImsorryIhaventbeenhereforyou.Ipromisetocomeseeyoumore often;we well llgetsomecoffeeandhaveasmoke,OK? OK? Yesdear,sheansweredquietly,butifsomethinghappenstome,dontyoubesad.Imgoingtoamuchbetterplace,a placewithnosorroworpain,nosufferingorremorse;Joy,PeaceandTranquilitywillbemineforever,sayeththeLord.She raisedhereyestotheheavensandsmiledsweetly. ThiswouldbethelasttimeIwastoseemygrandmotheralive.Ihuggedhertightlyandkissedherforehead,Iloveyou Granny Granny. Iloveyoutoo;doyouknowwhoelselovesyou?sheaskedplayfullywithatearinhereye. Isaidplainly,Jesus,andIwasoutthedoor. AsIwalkedtomycarIsmiledtomyself.ThatwasthegreatestgiftmyGrannyhadevergivenme,myfaithintheLord.I lovedherforthatmostofall. Thatwasthelastconversationweeverhad.EarlythenextweekIgotacallfrommymothertellingmethatGrannyhad passedinhersleep

Dialoguecontinued
Noticehowthewritersfollowconventions(punctuation,spacing,orderof phrases) p )forpresenting p gdialogue g suchasbeginning g ganewp paragraph g p foreach speakerandusingquotationmarkstodistinguishthespokenwordfromthe writersowndescriptionofthespeakers. Payattentiontohowconversationsdevelopinreallife.Reviewsomeofthe essaysinyourtextandexaminehowdialogueisusedinstoriesandessays. Noticehowwriterscommentonwhatcharacterssayandthemannerinwhich theysaytheirwords. Ageneralruleofthumbistoplacethewordsinquotation marksBEFOREtheremarksaboutthespeaker. Oftenwritersshowordescribeacharactersactionsorfacialexpressionsasthey talk.Thesecommentsrevealtone,intent,and,sometimes,attributesofthe character.

AboutActivity4Writing 4 WritingDialogue
Ifyouhavehadarecentmeaningfulconversation conversation, andrecallitquiteclearly,withoraboutoneofyour threesubjects, j ,recreatethatconversationforthe activitythatfollowsandskipthefirstinstructionon thenextslide.Pleaserememberthecriteriafor gooddialoguediscussedinthepreviousslides. IfyoucanNOTthink hi kof farelevant l conversation i with i h oraboutyoursubject,followthefirstinstructionon thenextslide slide.

Activity4Writing WritingDialogue
Recreate(writethedialogue)arecentimportantor memorableconversation,oronethatrevealscharacter (yoursortheotherspeakers)youvehadwithsomeone. Donotuseoneyouvealreadywrittenorusedinan essayorassignment.OR,betteryet,writeasegmentof di l dialogue f forpossible ibl usein i acurrent tessay. Thisdialogue/conversationshouldbeatleastonehalf pagelongbutnotmorethanapage. Seedetailedinstructionsonthefollowingslide.

Activity4Dialogue DialogueCriteria
Useproperconventions(punctuationandorderofphrases). Usetheessaysinyourtextandthebrief examplesonthepreviousslides. slides Eventhebad badexample exampleconversationispunctuatedandformatted correctly. Ifyourenotsureabouttheconventions,lookuptheproperwaytoformatandpunctuatea sentencewhenyoudontknowhow. Findasentencesimilartoyoursinyourtextbooksampleessays andmodelthetechniques. Introduceyourcharactersandthesituationwithinthedialogueitself. Makeyourdialoguesoundreal. I Idonotwanttogo go,mysisterwhined whined.(stilted) Idontwannago,mysisterwhined.(real) Usecommentstocreateanimageofthespeaker(s)anddescriptors(adverbsandadjectives)tocapture thetoneoftheconversation. conversation Howdidheorshesayit? Howdidthespeakerlookoract? Whatwere youfeeling,thinking,observing? Useinterestingverbswheneverpossibletodescribehowthespeakersaidsomethingexplained, shouted screamed shouted, screamed,urged, urged swore, swore cursed cursed,mumbled mumbled,murmured, murmured whispered whispered,etc. etc tellyoumorethan said.

Part5:AssemblingtheParts
Wow!Ifyouvebeenworkingwithoneprimarysubject, younowhave h manyideas d for f and dpiecesof fanessay. 1) )Analyze y thep piecesanddecideonthetype yp of essayyouwanttowrite(reflectionorobservation)areflectionontheimpact asignificantpersonorplacehashadonyou;aportraitofanimportantperson inyourlife;anobservationofameaningfulplacethatexplainswhyplaceis importantinourlives. piecesthemselvesthedescription, p , Readersshouldunderstandfromthep anecdotesanddialoguewhy theperson,placeorobjectisimportanttoyou, butyoumustalsodiscussmeaningandimportanceandofferinsights throughout.

AssemblingthePartscontinued
2) Buildyouressayaroundacentralthemeoridea. Stateyourthemeormainideaearlyinyouressayanddevelopit throughout,supportingitwithdetail, description,anecdote, conversations,etc. 3) Organizeyourideassothattheyunfoldinstoryformwithabeginning, middleandend.Decideonthesequenceofthepieces.Whichpiece couldbey yourhook?Considerlinearstorytelling y gvs.using gflashbacks. Developcharacter,createtension,experimentwithmanagingtime explodingimportantmomentslikethepeakandshrinkingperiodsthat arenotacrucialtoyourstory. 4) Reviseandeditwithcarefulwordchoiceinmind.Yourwordsandtone shouldmirroryourattitudesandfeelingsaboutyoursubject.

Finally
Readthethefollowingessay essay,takingspecial noteofhowtheauthor,astudent,Nathan Walters assembledtheparts Walters, parts.Heuses description,anecdote(rememberstoryinthis case) dialogueandreflectiontocreatea case), beautifulportraitofhisgrandfather. Usethisessayasamodeltopiecetogether yourownideasintoacoherentessay. essay

AStudentCreatedSampleEssay

RubberArms
byNathanWalters
Rainwasfallinginagentlemistandthedaywascold.Windwhippedharshlyunderdarkgreycloudsthathunglowinthesky. Iwas inmydressblue,CoastGuarduniformandIstoodrigidlyatattentionbyafreshlyduggrave.Asilvercaskethungabovetheholeinthe ground.ThedaywasJanuary5th,2000.HundredsofpeopleweregatheredinthemiddleofagraveyardtoburyamannamedRobert Barrett.TohisfriendshewasBob,buttomehewasGrandpa.GrandpawasaveteranofWorldWarIIandhewasmyhero.Iworemy uniformtohisfuneralasanhonortohissacrifices.Istoodinthemuteafternoonlightandwept.IlovedthismanandknewthatI wouldmisshimforever. Grandpawasamanofmediumheight.Hecarriednoextraweight.Hisfacewasheavilylinedbytimeandhisnosewaslargeandred. Hehadlarge, g ,rough g handsfromhardworkandhisskinwastanandleathery yfromdecadesofworking ginthesun.Hishairwassandy y grey,andthoughitwasthinning,hestillhadagooddealleftforhimtorunacombthrough.Theyearshadbeenhardonhim,butno onewoulddenythathewasahandsomeman.Hehadasmileandalaughthatwereinfectious.Hehadatalentformakingpeoplefeel ateaseandallwhoknewhimlovedtobearoundhim.Hisvoicewasgentle,butstrong.Hespokesoftlyandwassometimesdifficultto hear,buteverywordhesaidheldmeaning.Hewasamanwhomothermentookseriouslyandrespected. Tosupporthisfamilyinhardtimes,hetookajobinadirtyfactory.Heworkedinthatfactoryforyearsuntilabetterjob openedatthe PostOfficeinHudson,Michigan.WhenheretiredhehadworkedforthePostalServicefor41years.Histruepassion,though,was farming.HewasafarmerbytradeandheownedlandinsouthernMichigan.Heworkedthelandalmostallhislife.Hegrewbeautiful, sweetcornandraisedfatcattle.Hetookgreatprideingrowingthefoodthathisfamilyate.OnSundaysafterchurchhedrovearound thecountyjustlookingathisneighborsfields.Helovedtoseeafarmfullofhealthyvegetablesandsometimesofferedbitsofhelpful advicetolocalfarmersstrugglingwithafailingcrop. Bobmarriedhistruelove,Mary,andtogethertheyraisedninechildren.Grandpatrulylovedbeingahusband,fatheranda grandfather.Henevermissedanopportunitytospendtimewithhischildren.Hetaughthischildrenvaluesandethics,andherequired hischildrentoworkhardandtoknowthevalueofadollar.Heledbyexampleandworkedhisentirelifetoensurethathis familyhad everythingitneeded.Heneverhadwealth,butthatnevermatteredtohim.Hedidnotjudgehimselfbywhatheowned. Continued

Grandpa served in the war, but like many other veterans, he never talked about his service. I found out from an uncle that Grandpa was a ball turret gunner on a B-17. He flew 24 bombing missions into the heart of Germany and looked death in the face many times. His first mission was straight into Berlin. He went through a hell that I will never know and he did it not for accolades or medals, he simply did it, because it was his responsibility. His country was at war, so he left the fields to fight. When the war was over he returned to the fields and went back to work, but he was changed forever. Coming close to death in the air so many times, Grandpa was never able to fly again. There were times when Grandpa would have a sad and far off look in his eyes. e es He never ne er admitted it it, b but t it was as ob obvious io s that he was as remembering times long past and friends he would o ld never see again. The tragedy of war took its toll on him, but he did his best to never let it show. He was just a hard working man who loved his family. When I found out about Grandpas military service I was in awe. I knew that I wanted to be just like him someday. In the somber graveyard, as the pastor spoke about my Grandpas life, I remembered a time I spent with him. I was eight years old and was staying at Grandpas Grandpa s house in Hudson. Grandpa had gone to work at the post office and had left me in the care of my mother and grandmother. I spent the entire morning and afternoon playing in the corn fields behind his house and running around the barn where he kept hay for the cows. I had just come running out of the barn when I saw a dirty, red pickup truck coming down the road that lead to the farm. It was Grandpas truck and I was elated! The trucks tires kicked up a heavy cloud of grey dust that followed the vehicle all the way into the driveway. I ran through the cloud and leapt at my grandfather as soon as he stepped out onto the grass. He caught me in mid air with one strong arm and slung me over his shoulder. Grandpa, I exclaimed, Can we go into town now? Oh ho, now, he chuckled as he tickled my ribs and dropped me back down to the ground. First we have to do chores, then Im gonna go inside and get something to eat and take a nap. Im an old man remember. I was disappointed, but I knew his routine better than he did. Every day he came home, fed the cows, had a sandwich and a glass of ice cold milk and then fell asleep snoring on the living room couch for twenty minutes minutes. Aw, I pouted, Alright, but then we are going into town right? I promised you didnt I? I followed him like a puppy as he strode into the barn and grabbed a bail of hay to feed the cows. Everywhere he went, I went. I peppered him with questions to the point that he must have wanted to strangle me, but he never showed irritation. He just answered my questions patiently and smiled.

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Grandpa, how do you grow corn? Grandpa, what is the bulls name? Grandpa, Grandpa, Grandpa. When the chores were finally through, he led me into the house and we were greeted by my mother and grandmother. I was stuck to his side like a burr. He sat down at the small kitchen table and ate the sandwich my grandmother had made for him. He slurped noisily at his milk and when finished he headed into the living room. He turned on the television and then laid down on the old, rusty brown couch that had been his nap spot for decades. There was a grandpa shaped spot sunk in to the couch from all his years of napping there. He closed his eyes to sleep, but I was still at his side. Leave Grandpa alone now, my mother said. Let him take a nap. He has been working all day. Come in the bathroom and get cleaned up. I reluctantly went into the bathroom and did as I was told told. After I had dressed I peaked in the living room and saw Grandpa still asleep. He was lying there still with his mouth wide open and eyes closed, snoring loudly. I crept up to him silently. My plan was to run and jump on him to wake him up, but before I got there his eyes popped open and suddenly I was locked in his powerful grip. He began to tickle me mercilessly. I was squealing and just as I thought I would die from laughing, he let me go. I ran away as quickly as I could to catch my breath. This was our game. I would try to sneak by him and he would grab me just as I thought I was out of reach. He seemed to have rubber arms that could grab me from across the room. I could never get away. We played like this for some time until my grandmother tired of hearing me scream. Bob! Stop making that boy scream, my grandmother scolded him. Take him into town like you promised him. Yes, Susie Q, he said, addressing her by a pet name. Do you need me to pick up anything? Get me some bread. Alright, Susie Q, he repeated. Some grandfathers have the unique ability to be strong mentors. Separate from the daily chores of fatherhood, they are allowed to offer guidance to their grandchildren in a broader, gentler way. Having the benefit of years of experience in child rearing, they can be powerful and effective teachers. Not all grandfathers hold this wisdom, but the ones who do can be a wonderful and positive influence on the grandchildren to whom they help rear. My grandfather was one of those great ones and I was lucky to have him him.

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I returned from my memories to the graveyard. I looked down at my military uniform and I realized how much impact Grandpa had on me. All my lifes choices were made in the hope that Grandpa would be proud of me. I had joined the military so that I could ld b be lik like him. hi I owe all ll th that tIh have achieved hi di in my lif life t to hi him. I owe every value l th that t I hold dear to him. He gave me things that I will never be able to repay. The funeral service ended and Grandpa was lowered into the ground. I stood next to the casket and looked down at the rows of medals on my chest. I had earned these medals because of Grandpas p g guidance. He was, , is, , and always y will be my y teacher. With trembling hands I removed my most treasured medal of all, the National Defense medal, and I placed it on his casket. I stood at attention and saluted as his friends from the American Legion fired a twenty-one gun salute in his honor. I said goodbye to Grandpa that day, but I benefit from his influence everyday.

See final slide for Activity y 5Workshop p Reflection/Evaluation

Activity5:Workshop Reflection/Evaluation /
Now that you have spent some time in this workshop, answer the following questions: What new ideas were presented or what ideas were useful reminders? What information or strategies did you find most helpful and why? What do you want to learn more about? How will you use specific information presented here to create create, or revise your essays?

Please include this evaluation along with the work from the activity in this workshop and turn in to your writing instructor as proof of completion.