(Indian Social Awareness & Activism Forum)

Managing

INSAAF

your Fears

5th

Arnab Ganguly Indian National Mens rights conference Nagpur 2013

Does this story sound familiar ?

Vikrams marriage is 2 months old and his wife is threatening him to buy a flat for her and her parents. She is asking him to disconnect from his parents and family . One day his wife claims she is pregnant and leaves him for her parents place and disconnects completely. His calls and e-mails all go unanswered. One day Vikram gets a call from the commissioner of police from the city in a state which does not have anticipatory bail . He learns that multiple cases of 498a , 304B , and 316 have been filed against him .He and his family have been accused of murdering an unborn child. He also receive summons from the court in the same city for CrPC 125 and DV Act 2005. Suddenly Vikram has 6 cases pending on him, his family members have 3 cases on them each. Further he hears his wife say in mediation take me back and I will withdraw the cases or else !!! Whats is Vikram state now ?

Vikram is in a state of FEAR !

2 Managing your fears

Our current understanding of Fear

We all know what fears feel like ,but have we analyzed what our fears mean ? From childhood we are taught that fear is a weakness Hindi example :-

Scientists have found that humans are optimists and hence fear is a danger in itself.
Fear is something we fight and conquer and it is not considered a desirable trait. Is Fear really all of the above ? Can we not look at fear in a totally different way ?

Managing your fears

Fear is a story !
Fears are figments of ones vivid imagination. They change with age. A child is afraid what whats lurking in a dark tree , while you are afraid of a false criminal case. Exchange the scenarios and fears disappear. Fear is a story in which you are the author and you are the reader.

Fear and stories have the same architecture. Fears have characters like stories. In fears however the characters are us ourselves Fears have plots, they have a beginning, a middle and an end Fears are accompanied by imagery as vivid as something you might see in a movie or a novel Fears have suspense , you do not know the outcome of your story

Managing your fears

Fear is looking into the future !

Fears and suspense stories have one thing common. A question that connects life and literature WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT ? Fear makes us look into the future and visualize events which have not happened yet. Fears and stories allow us mental time travel In fear like in fiction one thing always leads to another

Sometime our worst fears do come true. Fears can hence predict the future!
Remember, you wrote your own fear and you also read your own fear. Question is, how well you read your fear ?
5 Managing your fears

How to be a good reader of your fears

All readers have an 2 types of temperaments 1. Artistic 2. Scientific A good reader must have a artists passion for getting caught in the story , but also the rationale of a scientist to analyze the story Most of us have a lot of artistic capabilities when it comes to reading our fears. We can all easily imagine multiple horrifying stories when we are in a state of fear. You imagine a story of police arresting you from your office You imagine a story of your family in central jail and your mother committing suicide It is much more easier for us to imagine the most horrible stories first, and they appeal more to
6 Managing your fears

How to be a good reader of your fears

The question is which story do you listen to and respond to ?

Most of us normally respond to the story that is most lurid, most horrifying and the easiest for our imagination to picture after getting hit with criminal cases your family will suffer very badly. o Vikram might respond to the story of his mother committing suicide and father having a heart attack o Vikram might also respond to the story of your sister never getting married because she has multiple criminal cases on her
We choose to ignore the much more likely ,dangerous and severe story of getting this woman back into your life and the long term life long damage she can cause. This story is not as vivid as the stories above.

Managing your fears

How to be a good reader of your fears

We all respond to only those stories which are Most lurid Most vivid Most grotesque Easiest to picture Most Violent If we are all able to read our fears scientifically rather than artistically we can possibly listen to the story which is less violent but much more likely to occur Of this wife coming back and the husband leading a miserable abusive life. In Vikrams story he listened to his most vivid fears like an artist and chose take his wife back what happened later is too horrible to even speak about.
8 Managing your fears

Fears are amazing, use them in the right way

The fear is an amazing gift of our imagination that we are all blessed with. A fear is a way for us to influence our future when there may still be time to influence it. Read in the right way , Our fear can provide us with what great stories provide us A little wisdom A bit of insight The TRUTH !!

Moral :- Read your fears like a scientist and read them right.

Managing your fears

Thanks

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Managing your fears