09/07/2013

What Was And What Will Never Be | Three Pound Brain

Three Pound Brain

No bells, just whistling in the dark

What Was And What Will Never Be

The idea was to do something romantic, so he pulled down the gravel drive, followed the tunnel carved by his headlights until the road fanned into a clearing. Parking was romantic, wasnt it? Making out in the moonlight, and all that bullshit. Getting laid to the whine of mosquitoes. He ignored her questioning look, popped the door, and vaulted onto his hood. He leaned back against the windshield, soaked in the cloudless vista above. Stars and more stars, soundless pricks of light wrapping all creation. Several long moments passed before she slipped out the door. Each one seemed a kind of measurement of all the garbage she had to climb to reach him. The way it was he said, smiling at her from the corner of his eye. What do you mean? she asked. The sky. Its like looking into a hole two billion years deep. Huh. Man is a fucking microbe. She said nothing. E. Coli, he continued grinning. Nice to meet you. Chlamydia, she replied. How do you do? He roared with laughter. Have we met? Im positive weve met! He stared at her, waiting for a reply that never came. A scowl climbed into his expression, and he looked away back to the stars. Nancy had a lot on her mind today.

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What Was And What Will Never Be | Three Pound Brain

He stiffened. Yeah? What did she say? She wants to go back to school. Huh. She hates her jobI mean, with a passion. You should hear her go on and on. Cecilia, her manager, always books her on her days off, no matter what she puts on her availability sheets. And then theres one client of hers who keeps coming back every week, like some kind of fatal attraction sort of thing. Ugh. Could you imagine? Well it must be rough, waxing all those old cougars. She even cries sometimes. This was meant to make him feel guilty, he knew. She hated it when he used the word cougar. Cries Yeah. You know, what happens when someone causes you to be miserable. Oh, thats what its for. I always thought it was like windshield washer fluid, you know, something to clean away all the bug spatter. Ha Ha Exactlyoh, fuck! I forgot to tell you! Your mother called this morning. Mom? When was this? Almost the instant you left for work. And you actually answered it? I was distracted. I forgot to look at the call display. So what did she have to say? That she never loved you as a child What? He held his hands out in a fan. Just fucking with yourelax! She said that your Uncle Tony was in the hospital. Hes having bypass surgery tomorrow Something like that, anyways. Uncle Tony, huh. She said it was quite serious. She sounded like she was about to break down
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What Was And What Will Never Be | Three Pound Brain

You mean, cry? Ah Good one. Scoring points against me while your uncle lies dying. One can only hope. Now thats cold. You hope your mothers brother is actually dying? Another long silence. Whats going on here, babe? Apparently Nancy told Cecilia to go fuck herself yesterday. She laughed as if at the madness. Like I said Whats ah Whats going on here? She was five minutes late getting inyou know, because of the construction there on Horton. So she was latefive minutes, thats it, and Cecilia starts talking about docking her for a full hour. So Nancy says nothing, just stomps around, you know? The way you just pretend assholes arent there until they go away? But of course they never go away, or at least Cecilia never does. Its like shes goading her, you know, daring her to say somethinganything! And Nancys worried, you know. She thinks that maybe Cecilia has some kind of ace up her sleeve, that shes using the five minutes as a as a provocation a way to provoke Nancy into doing something really bad, something that she maybe can get shit-canned for, you know? And then she realizes: What the fuck is Cecilia going to do? I mean, really. Think of all the shit that she gets away with. I mean the scheduling bullshit is bad enough, and then theres the magical timesheetsoh, and lets not forget the paycheck fiascos! Really, what is Cecilia going to do? Fire her? Nancy brings in about 3 thou a week in businessat fucking least! Is Cecilia really going to kiss goodbye to 3 thousand dollars per week just because of a lousy five minutes? I dont think so And its like, she has this revelation. For the first time she see exactly how valuable she is. For the first time she realizes how shes just being used and not just by Cecilia, but by others as well , people who should be there, you know, in her corner, but never are, because all they do is think about themselves, about how fucking cool and smart they are. Nancy sees. She finally fucking sees. Enough, he says. Please What are you doing? Yes, Nancy sees So do you know what she does? She walks up to Cecilia, as casual as can be, she walks up. She grins, you know, like the two of them were in on something together, some kind of trick that only they knew about. Cecilia is freakedI mean freaked. Its like she can smell it or something. Smell it on the wind, like a hunted animal. She doesnt say anything, so Nancy just blinks, and she says, Any excuse, eh, Cecilia? Anything even five fucking minutes Cecilias eyes are about rolling backward in her head now. She thought Nancy was weak, you see. The same way everyone thought Nancy was weak. The sweet one. The compassionate one. The fucking the prairie flower. Any excuse, Nancy says. Its pathetic, dont you think? You asking me?
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What Was And What Will Never Be | Three Pound Brain

No. This is what she asked Cecilia, who just stood there like a fucking dolt, her mouth hanging open in a way that made Nancy want to hang a Cock Wanted sign from her nose! Why? Why do you do this? Another long, star-searching silence. Dont you want to hear my story? A long sigh. Go ahead. Its not important Why bother It certainly sounds important. Not to you. Well, as much as I like the idea of Brazilians, Im rather fond of the hair on my ass. Yeah. I guess its just a big joke, huh? What Nancy does for a living Everything anybody does for a living is a joke. For you The guy who laughs at people who cry. Yep. Im that guy, alright. Yep. You are that guy. Thats why you love me, Nancy. Love you? she said with a sarcastic snort.Baby. Thats just the way it was

7 comments
Do you want to comment? Comments RSS and TrackBack URI 1. saajanpatel I like this piece Scott, are you a Raymond Carver fan? This piece reminds me of his work. Permalink, Reply January 18, 2012 1:27 pm rsbakker
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What Was And What Will Never Be | Three Pound Brain

Thanks, Sci. Havent read any Carver. Permalink, Reply January 19, 2012 1:09 pm 2. Jordan Nice piece. It flowed very well, and as someone who has a girlfriend I can imagine it especially well. Not related to that, but more to the comment by saajanpatel what do you read? And what would you recommend out of everything from philosophy and history to fiction and non? Another tangent! Because Im so good at focusing. What kind of research do you generally do before your writings? I am 23 and have wanted to be a writer ever since reading the Foundation Trilogy (err, duology, I never concluded that did I?) so Im genuinely curious. Permalink, Reply March 23, 2012 3:28 am 3. Jordan I hate being an insomniac. At times it leads to personal bouts of accidental brilliance, but then all the lack of sleep makes me miss Thats why you love me, Nancy. God. Permalink, Reply March 24, 2012 3:07 am 4. jonathanray1977 Very real. Thats what I like about you, Bakker. Ive been meaning to write you for weeks now, and this is a great place for it. When I was in the marine corps circa 1996, I wrote an email to author J.H. Brennan, and he wrote me back! Hm, any excuse, eh, Bakker? Any excuse to bring up the war record. Its pathetic, dont you think? Keep up the good work. I think you ARE writing classics. Permalink, Reply April 29, 2012 2:14 pm rsbakker Thanks Jon. Theres nothing pathetic about a war-record or taking pride in it. Writers experience the world sitting on their asses now thats pathetic! Permalink, Reply April 29, 2012 2:23 pm
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What Was And What Will Never Be | Three Pound Brain

5. Christoffer This feels a little Hemingwayish to me (in a good way). Is that intentional? Permalink, Reply June 15, 2012 3:29 pm

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