Cockney Rhyming Slang

Cockney Rhyming Slang
What's a Cockney?
A true Cockney is someone born within the sound of Bow Bells. (St Mary-le-Bow Church in
Cheapside, London). However the term Cockney is now loosely applied to many born outside
this area as long as they have a "Cockney" accent or a Cockney heritage.
The Cockneys have their own secret language known only to the working class and lower
class people of London.
The Cockney accent is heard less often in Central London these days but is widely heard in
the outer London boroughs, the London suburbs and all across South East England. It is
common in Bedfordshire towns like Luton and Leighton Buzzard, and Essex towns such as
Romford.
What's Rhyming Slang?
Rhyming Slang phrases are derived from taking an expression which rhymes with a word and
then using that expression instead of the word. For example the word "look" rhymes with
"butcher's hook". In many cases the rhyming word is omitted - so you won't find too many
Londoners having a "bucher's hook" at this book, but you might find a few having a
"butcher's".
Why is Cockney Rhyming Slang called so?
A Cockney is a Londoner; the original definition was someone born near enough
to hear the bells of Bow, which meant people in the east of the city. The word
Cockney means the egg of a cockerel (male hen) and was meant as an insult,
implying dishonesty in business deals by trying to sell non-existent or low quality
goods, or so the story goes. The term is now used happily and proudly by the
people of the east and north of London, who regard themselves as the 'real'
Londoners in a very cosmopolitan city where a lot of the population have come in
from other areas of the country or abroad.
As well as having a distinctive pronunciation and many grammatical features, the

language of London is most notable for its Rhyming Slang. This consists of using
a phrase that rhymes, sounds the same, as the word you want to say, so
'telephone' becomes 'dog and bone'. Unfortunately, many of the phrases then
lose the second word, making it very hard for the outsider to guess the original
meaning; 'rabbit' for 'talk' comes from the phrase 'rabbit and pork', but few
would be able to guess it.
A lot of the original rhyming slang appeared among the market traders in the
east end of London in the 19th century, but it is still used and new words and
phrases are being invented all the time. At the moment, it is very fashionable to
use famous people's names, so the DJ Pete Tong is used meaning 'wrong'-
'thing's have gone Pete Tong'.
-This table will help you to understand Cockney Rhyming Slang…
1 Mr_doody2004@yahoo.com
English Slang Usage
1st (first class degree) Geoff Hurst He managed a Geoff [Geoff Hurst was a soccer
player]
2:2 (lower second class Desmond Tutu He’s got his Desmond.
degree)
3rd (third class degree) Douglas Hurd I got a Desmond but he only managed a Douglas.
All Dayer (all day Leo Sayer Let's make it a Leo Sayer.
drinking session)
All Dayer (all day Gary Player Let's make it a Gary Player.
drinking)
Alone Jack Jones He went to the pub all Jack.
Alone Pat Malone I'm all pat tonight.
Alone Todd Sloan Looks like I'm on my Todd tonight. [Todd Sloan was a
famous jockey]
Arm Chalk Farm He broke his chalk.
Army Daft and Barmy He was promoted in the daft.
Army Kate Karney He's off and joined the Kate. [Kate Carney (1869-
1950), a comedienne, was born into a music hall
family in London. She made her first stage
appearance at the Albert Music Hall, Canning Town,
and later became famous for her cockney character
songs. These songs established her at the top of the
bill and she was described as 'The Cockney Queen']
Arse April in Paris I’m ‘aving terrible trouble with me April.
Arse Aristotle=Bottle=Bottle and I gave him a good kick up the Aris. See also bottle.
Glass=Arse; therefore,
Aris=Arse
Arse Bottle and Glass I gave him a good kick up the bottle.
Arse Khyber Pass Stick it up your khyber.
Arse Rolf Harris She kicked him in the Rolf.
Arsehole Elephant & Castle He's a bit of an elephant.
Arsehole Jam Roll That geezer is a right jam roll.

Arsehole Merry Old Soul ‘e’s a bit of a merry old soul.
Aunt Mrs. Chant He didn't know what to get his Mrs. Chant for
Christmas.
Back Cadbury Snack Me cadbury's playing me up.
Back Hammer and Tack Ooh! Me 'ammer and tack's playing me up again.
Back Hat Rack He fell off the roof and broke his hat rack.
Back Union Jack My old Union Jack's giving me gyp something chronic.
Bad Sorry and Sad That dinner was a bit sorry.

Balls (testicles) Berlin Walls Me pants are too tight and making me berlins wobbly.
Balls (testicles) Cobbler's Awls Go on! Kick him in the cobblers! [It also can be used
to express disbelief, such as "Cobblers! That's not the
way it is."]
Balls (testicles) Coffee Stalls He gave him a kick in the corfies [The pronunciation is
corfie, not coffee]
Balls (testicles) Niagara Falls I got him in his niagara's.

Balls (testicles) Orchestra Stalls He nearly got hit in the orchestra.
Balls (testicles) Royal Albert Hall I kicked this geezer straight in the Royal Alberts.
Banana Gertie Gitana I like a gertie on my cereal [Possibly an old music hall
star]
Bank Armitage Shank I’m off to the armitage [Armitage Shank is the maker
of fine porcelain fixtures found in washrooms
everywhere]
Bank Cab Rank I won't be long - just going to the cab rank.
Bank Iron Tank He lost his house to the iron.
Bank J. Arthur Rank Gotta get a cock & hen from the J Arthur.
Bank Sherman Tank He's off to the Sherman.
Bank Tommy Tank I'm going 'round the tommy to pay in a gooses. [See
also Wank]
Bar (pub) Jack Tar I'm off to the Jack. [See also 'Alone' and Bar (pub)]
Bar (pub) Near and Far I saw him at the near.
Barber Dover Harbour I’m off to Dover to get me barnet sorted.
Barking (mad) Three stops down from He’s three stops down from Plaistow [From the
Plaistow London Underground District Line]
Barrow Cock Sparrow He's wheeling his cock 'round the market. [In the north
this expression can also refer to a friend, as in "Hello
me old cock sparrow"]
Bath Steffi Graf I’m just going for a steffi.
Bed Uncle Ted I'm off to Uncle Ted.
Beer Pig's Ear Can I buy you a pig?
Beers Brittney Spears 'ow about a Brittney?" [Brittney Spears is a popular
singer]
Believe Adam and Eve I don't Adam and Eve it! [Usually full slang expression
is used]
Belly Auntie Nellie I punched him in the Auntie but he didn't even notice.
Belly Derby Kelly That's the stuff for you Derby Kell; makes you fit and it
makes you well [From old cockney song Boiled Beef
and Carrots - pronounced Darby]
Belly New Delhi Look at the new delhi on him!
Bender (homosexual) Leo Fender That blokes a bit leo after all. [The late Leo Fender
was the inventor of the Stratocaster guitar]
Bent (criminal) Stoke on Trent 'e's stoke he is. [See also 'Bent (gay)']
Bent (homosexual) Behind with the Rent You're not behind with the rent?
Bent (homosexual) Duke of Kent Bet you any money e's a duke.
Bent (homosexual) Stoke on Trent That bloke's a bit stoke. [See also 'Bent (criminal)']
Best Mae West I'm Mae West at Cockney Rhyming Slang.
Beverage Edna Everage Would you like an Edna?
Bill (statement) Beecham's Pill I got my Beecham's from the tax people.
Bill (statement) Jack and Jill I'm going home - can I have my Jack? [See also Hill]
Bill (statement) Jimmy Hill Have we paid the Jimmy Hill yet? [Jimmy Hill is a
football pundit and former player]
Bird Richard the Third Look what that bloody Richard's done to my car!
Bird (woman) Lemon Curd I’m off to see me lemon.
Bitter (beer) Apple Fritter I've tried that new apple but I prefer my salmon
[Salmon and trout - stout].
Bitter (beer) Gary Glitter Give us a pint of gary.
Bitter (beer) Giggle and Titter 'ere. I could use a giggle.
Bitter (beer) Kitty Litter A pint of kitty litter please.
Blind Bacon Rind Are you completely bacon?

Blonde Magic Wand I pulled a top magic wand last night.
Boat Nanny Goat I took my nanny out on the river.
Bog (toilet) Kermit the Frog Sorry mate - where's the Kermit.
Boil Can of Oil 'e'd be nice looking once his canov's clear up.
Boil Conan Doyle 'e's got a conan on his bottle the size of me fist! [Very
often the expression used is "Sir Arthur", as in Sir
Arthur Conan Doyle - He's got a Sir Arfur on his
bushel]
Bollocks Jackson Pollock This modern art's a load of old Jacksons [Pollock is a
"20th Century strange artist"]
Bones Tom Jones Ooh, me toms are clicking.
Book Captain Hook I've read this captain.
Book Fish Hook I've read the new fish by Deighton.
Boots Daisy Roots You can't go out in the rain without your daisies.
Booze Tom Cruise I need some Tom.
Boozer (pub) Battle Cruiser I'm going to pop round the battle before I go to the
party.
Boss Joe Goss Never trust a joe [Joe Goss was a talented boxer]
Boss Pitch and Toss My bloody pitch kept me late again.
Bottle Aristotle If you want milk, put the Ari on the doorstep.
Bra Tung Chee Hwa I'm off to buy a tung for the troubles birthday [Not
widely used. Tung Chee Hwa is the Chief Executive of
Hong Kong]
Braces Airs and Graces He's got his new airs on.
Brandy Fine and Dandy A small drop of fine would suit me.
Bread Uncle Fred Hey, mum. Can I have some Uncle Fred with this?
Bread (money) Poppy Red Where's he stashed his poppy.
Breast East West ‘ave a look at her easts.

Broke (financial) Hearts of Oak I'm skint mate. Bleedin' hearts.
Brother Manhole Cover My manhole cover is coming for a visit. [How does
manhole cover rhyme with brother you ask? Simple...
if you pronounce brother as "bruvver"!]
Brother One and t'other 'ere's me one and t'other now.
Brussel Sprout Doubt Without a brussel mate.
Brussel Sprout Shout Give us a brussel when you're up to it.
Bug Steam Tug The bed was full of steamers.
Bum Kingdom Come He just sat on his kingdom all day.

Bunion Spanish Onion Oooh – ‘e’s stepped on me Spanish onion.
Bunk (bed) Pineapple Chunk I could use a couple of hours in the pineapple.
Burst (urinate) Geoff Hurst I'm dying for a Geoff.
Bus So Say All Of Us hurry - here's the sosay.
Butter Stammer and Stutter Extra stammer for me.

Butter Talk and Mutter Would you like some talk on your toast.
Cab (taxi) Flounder & Dab See if you can flag down a flounder.
Cab (taxi) Sherbet Dab 'e's been on the sherbet for five years (driving a cab).
Cab (taxi) Smash & Grab Let's look for a smash and grab.
Café (pronounced caff) Riff Raff I'm off to the riff raff.
Cake Sexton Blake 'ow about a nice slice of sexton?
Candle Harry Randall Look at all the Harry's on his cake.
Cans (headphones) Desperate Dans 'ere - put your desperates on.
Car Jam Jar Bloody jam is down again.
Car Kareem Abdul Jabbar Bloody kareem is down again. [Kareem Abdul Jabbar
is a basketball player in the U.S]
Cardy (cardigan) Linda Lusardi Oh my God – look at that awful Linda he’s wearing.
Cash Arthur Ashe That blokes not short of Arthur.
Cash Bangers and Mash I knew his cheques were dodgy, so I got him to pay
me in bangers. [See also Sausage and Mash]
Cash Crosby, Stills, Nash That blokes not short of Crosby.
Cash Harry Nash There’s a discount if you’re paying Harry Nash.
Cash Oscar Asche Haven't got an Oscar.
Cash Sausage and Mash I haven't got a sausage. [See also bangers and
mash].
Cash Slap Dash I haven't any slap dash on me.
Cell Flowery Dell I've got three more years in this flower.
Chair Lion's Lair Have a lion's while you wait.
Chalk Duke of York All I got for my birthday is a bit of duke.
Chancer (someone not Bengal Lancer News paper adds would state no bengal lancers when
qualified) advertising for tradesmen.
Change Rifle Range I haven’t got and rifle for the bus.
Chat Bowler Hat Let’s get together for a bowler.
Cheek Hide and Seek He kissed me on my hide and seek.
Cheese John Cleese I'm meeting the big John Cleese today at work.
Cheese Stand at Ease Wouldn't mind a bit of ease.
Cheque Goose's Neck He stuck me with a bouncing goose.
Cheque Gregory Peck I never 'ad any bread on me, so I 'ad to pay by
Gregory.
Cheque Jeff Beck I'll send you a Jeff Beck.
Chest Bird's Nest I had to punch him in the bird's nest.

Chest George Best (In football) Over 'ere son, on me Georgie [George
Best is a famous footballer]
Chest Pants and Vest This cough is killing me pants and vest.
Child Molester Charlie Chester Have you seen how young ‘is bird is? He’s a right
Charlie Chester.
Child Molester Uncle Fester He's a bit of an Uncle Fester.
Chin Biscuit Tin He's got a big biscuit.

Chink (Chinese) Rink-a-dink We're going to get rinky take-away.
Chink (Chinese) Tiddley Wink ‘e’s not from around these parts. I think e’s a tiddley.
Chips Jockey Whips I'll have a large plate of jockey's.
Chum Fruit Gum How yer doing, my old fruit.
Cider Easy Rider Pint of Easy Rider please.
Cider Sue Ryder Give us a pint of Sue, mate [The Sue Ryder
Foundation works for the sick and disabled]
Cider Winona Ryder Can I get two pints of winona please.

Cigar La-di-da I enjoy a good la-di-da after me meal.
Clanger (mistake) Coat Hanger He dropped a coat.
Class Bottle and Glass He don't have the bottle.
Clink (jail) Kitchen Sink After that last episode he'll be in the kitchen for a
while.
Clock Dickory Dock What's the time on the dickory? [Cabbies using this
expression to refer to the meter]
Clue Danny LaRue He ain't got a danny.
Clue Pot of Glue 'e hasn't got a pot of glue.
Clue Scooby-Doo I haven't got a Scooby.

Clue Vindaloo He hasn’t got a bloody vinda.
Coat Nanny Goat Put your nannies on - it's taters out.
Coat Weasel and Stoat I left my weasel in the pub. [See also throat]
Cockney Rhyming Slang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang We're talking about chitty chitty in this book.
Coffee Everton Toffee I’ll have an everton.
Cold Potatoes in the Mould Blimey – it’s taters out there.
Cold Potatoes in the mould Cor, taters out there init?
Cook Babbling Brook My missus couldn't babble to save her life. [See also
Crook]
Copper (police) Grasshopper He got nabbed by the grasshoppers.
Coppers (police) Bottles and Stoppers Blimey - I think the bottles are on to me!
Corner Johnnie Horner I'll meet you 'round the Johnnie.
Cough Boris Karloff That’s a nasty Boris you’ve got there mate.
Cough Boris Karloff That’s a nasty old boris you’ve got there son.
Cough Darren Gough This Darren is killing me pants and vest.
Crabs (pubic lice) Marble Slabs E's got a right case of marbles.
Crap Macca I'm off for a macca [this one a bit convoluted but
apparently it's common in some areas. Comes from
Macaroni = pony; Pony & Trap = Crap]
Crap Pony and Trap 'Ang on, mate. Just gotta 'ave a pony. Or, another
usage if something's a bit off (i.e..not of good quality) -
That's a bit pony mate!
Crash Sausage and Mash He was in a fearsome sausage.
Crime Lemon Lime Not one lemon reported all night.
Cripple Raspberry Ripple The old boy's a raspberry.
Crook Babbling Brook He's always on the babble. [Meaning he's always
planning something crooked. See also Cook]
Cuddle Mix and Muddle Come and give us a nice mix and muddle.
Cunt Berkshire Hunt He's a right berk.
Cunt Ethan Hunt He's a right Ethan [Ethan Hunt is the main characters
name in "Mission Impossible"]
Cunt Grumble and Grunt He's after your grumble.
Cunt Struggle and Grunt That ones a right struggle.
Cupboard Mother Hubbard There's nothing in the mother.

Curry Ruby Murray I'm going for a ruby. [Ruby Murray was a singer in
Glasgow]
Curtains Richard Burtons Shut the Richards - I'm trying to get some kip.
Darlin' Briney Marlin You look lovely tonight, me old briney.

Daughter Bricks and Mortar I'm taking me bricks and mortar shopping.
Daughter Didn't oughta He brought his didn't oughta.
Daughter Lamb to the Slaughter That blokes lamb is a real stunner.
Dead Brown Bread I'm telling you, mate. He's brown bread.
Dead Hovis Bread Old Jim is hovis.
Deaf Mutt and Jeff Poor buggers mutt and jeff. [Usually full slang
expression is used. [Very often the expression is
shortened to mutton as in "Poor buggers mutton"]
Decks (turntables) Posh ‘n Becks Have you got yer posh ‘n becks yet.
Dick (penis) Hampton Wick He got his hampton out in the pub last night.
Dick (penis) Three Card Trick She couldn't keep her jazz bands off my three card
trick.
Dictionary Tom, Dick and Harry I’ll just check the meaning in the tom.
Dinner Jim Skinner Is my Jim ready yet?
Dinner Lilly and Skinner What’s for lilly and skinner.
Dinner Michael Winner I’m Hank Marvin. I could use some top Jackie for me
Michael Winner. [Michael Winner is the food critic for
the Sunday Times]
Doddle (easy or straight Glenn Hoddle That jobs a Glen Hoddle. [Glenn Hoddle is the coach
forward) of the English football team replacing Terry Venables]
Dog Cherry Hogg My bloody cherry is off again.
Dole (welfare) Ear’ole (Ear Hole) If I get the tin tack I’m going on the ear’ole.
Dole (welfare) Nat King Cole I've got to sign on the old Nat King [It's also known as
Old King Cole]
Dole (welfare) Rock and Roll 'e hasn't worked a day in 'is life... 'e's always been on
the rock and roll.
Dole (welfare) Sausage Roll He ain't worked in years - he's on the sausage.
Dollar Oxford Scholar Stupid horse cost me an Oxford. [Pre-war the dollar
was worth just less than 5 shillings, so an Oxford is
worth 5 shillings or a crown]
Door Henry Moore They broke the 'enry down at number thirty two.
Dope (marijuana) Bob Hope I think he’s been smoking a bit of Bob Hope.
Draft George Raft There's a bit of a george in here.
Drink Tiddley Wink Just one more tiddley and I'm off; or, He's popped
down to the pub for a tiddle.
Drugs Persian Rugs ‘ere mate. Got any Persians?
Drunk Elephant's Trunk He shouldn't be driving! He's bloody elephant's.
Dump (shit) Camel's Hump Just going for a quick camels.
Dump (shit) Donald Trump I've got to go for a Donald.
Dump (shit) Forrest Gump "Off out in 10 minutes?" "Yeah, just got to have a
Forrest first".
Dyke (Lesbian) Magnus Pike She looks like a right Magnus [Magnus Pike was an
'off the wall' TV personality who would (and could)
explain complex scientific concepts to kids]
Dyke (lesbian) Raleigh Bike She’s a right Raleigh.
Dyke (Lesbian) Three Wheel Trike She's a bit of a three wheeler [The expression rusy
bike is used too]
Early Liz Hurley ‘e’s never gotten here liz.
Earner Bunsen Burner The jobs not much but it's a nice little Bunsen.
Ears Ten Speed Gears Look at the size of 'is ten speeds.
Engineer Ginger Beer He knows his stuff. He is a ginger, after all.
Erection Standing Election He's holding a standing election in his callards.
Evening Post Beans on Toast Go and buy the beans on toast will you son.
Eyes Mince Pies She got beatiful minces.
Fable Railway Timetable (After someone tells you a tall tale) What’s he been
doin’? Reading a railway table. [Might also be
substituted with bus timetable]
Face Boat Race Nice legs, shame about the boat.
Face Cod & Plaice It's too cold outside; no good for my cod.
Face Chevy Chase She's got a lovely Chevy Chase.

Face Jem Mace Wipe that look off your jem [Jem Mace was a boxer in
the late 19th century]
Facts Brass Tacks 'Ere, you've got your brass wrong!

Fag (cigarette) Cough and Drag I’m going out for a quick cough and drag.
Fag (cigarette) Harry Wragg Have you got a harry? [Harry Wragg was a famous
jockey]
Fag (cigarette) Melvynn Bragg Oi, mate. Can I scrounge a melvynn of you [Melvynn
was a television host]
Fag (cigarette) Oily Rag Give us an oily.
Fag (cigarette) Toe Rag / Tow Rag Lend us a sprarsy - I wanna get some toe-rags.
Fake Sexton Blake He wears a Cartier but it's a sexton [See also 'Sexton
Blake-cake']
Fanny Auntie Annie She’s just sitting at home on her Auntie Annie.
Fanny Jack and Danny She's just sitting at home on her Jack and Danny.
Farmer (see usage) Arnold Palmer 'e's a right Arnold [It refers to a golfer who spends a lot
of time in the long grass around a course]
Farrahs (trousers) Bow and Arrows Nice pair of bow and arrows [Use your best Cockney
accent here. The reference is to Farrah slacks]
Fart D'Oyly Carte Have you done a d’oyly? [D’Oyly Carte is a light opera
company]
Fart Horse and Cart Have you just horse & carted?
Fart Orson (i.e. Horse ‘n Cart) He’s dropped an orson.
Fart Raspberry Tart He blew a raspberry.
Favour Cheesy Quaver Do us a cheesy.
Feel Orange Peel I fancy an orange of her Bristols!
Feet Dogs Meat Me dogs are barking [Meaning my feet are tired]
Feet Plates of Meat Get your plates of the table.

Fibs (lies) Scott Gibbs He’s been telling scotts again [Scott Gibbs is a rugby
star]
Fight Read and Write He'd rather read than walk away.
Fine Calvin Klein I'm calvin today.
Fish Lilian Gish Good day at the stream. Got a pair of Lilian's.
Fist Oliver Twist Next thing I know he's got his Oliver in my face.
Fiver (£5 note) Lady Godiva Ere, that bloke still owes me lady!
Fiver (£5 note) Taxi Driver 'ere - you owe me a taxi.
Flares (wide bottom Lionel Blaire Got on his best lionels for the evening. [Lionel Blaire is
trousers) a performer]
Flash Lemon Dash Don’t act so lemon.
Flash (natty) Harry Dash 'e was alway a bit of an 'arry.
Flowers April Showers I forgot it was my anniversary, so I picked some aprils
on the way home.
Flying Squad Sweeney Todd Here comes the Sweeney [The Flying Squad are the
police]
Fork Duke of York Keep your fingers out of your grub, man. Use a duke.
Function Spaghetti Junction
Garage Steve Claridge I've just gotta go down the Steve for some petrol.
Gargle (drunk) Arthur Scargill 'e's right Authur'd.
Gay (homosexual) Bale of Hay Don't bother Britany - he's bale.
Gay (homosexual) Doctor Dre E’s a bit of a doctor [Dr. Dre is a rap artist]
Gay (homosexual) Finlay Quaye That boozer is Finlay ub [Finlay Quaye is a musician]
Gay (homosexual) First of May He's a right first.
Gay (homosexual) Ted Ray He's a bit Ted. [Ted Ray was an actor/comedian in the
sixties]
Geezer Fridge & Freezer He’s a right fridge.
Geezer Ice Cream Freezer 'e's not a bad old ice cream.
Geezer Julius Caesar 'ere, look at the 'ampsteads on that Julius.
Geezer Lemon Squeezer I saw that lemon we met in the rub-a-dub last night.
Ghost Pillar and Post Looks like he’s seen a pillar.
Gin Mother's Ruin Another mothers would sit well.
Gin Needle and Pin I'll have a small needle and tonic.
Gin Nose and Chin I'll have a drop of nose and chin.
Gin Thick & Thin I enjoy a bit of thick and thin.
Gin Vera Lynn I'll have one more Vera before I hit the frog and toad.
Girl Cadbury Swirl Come over here, me old Cadbury.
Girl Twist and Twirl She looks like a nice twist.
Git (twit) Strawberry Split That bloke's a right strawberry.
Gloves Turtle Dove's Where's me turtle dove's.
Go Scapa Flow Scapa! [Actually pronounced 'Scarper']
Gob (mouth) Gang and Mob He's got a big gang.
Good Robin Hood That sounds like it's robin.
Gossip Rex Mossop What's the latest Rex, love? [Rex is an Aussie sports
commentator]
Grand (1000) Bag of Sand He owes me a bag.
Gravy Army and Navy Can I have some army for my mashed?
Greek Bubble and Squeak 'E's not a bad bloke for a bubble. [Bubble and squeak
is a uniquely British dish of fried mashed potatoes and
something green (usually cabbage)]
Guts (stomach) Newington Butts Me Newingtons are playing me up.
Gutter Bread and Butter Found him laying in the bread and butter. [Usually full
slang expression is used]
Gym Fatboy Slim I’m going down to the fatboy [Fatboy Slim is a
recording artist]
Haddock Fanny Craddock Fanny and chips for supper?
Hair Barnet Fair She must be going out - she's got her Barnet done.
Hair Biffo the Bear Me biffo’s not looking the best today [Biffo the Bear
was on the cover of Beano from 1948 to 1974]
Hair Bonney Fair She's got beautiful shiny bonney.
Half (a pint) Cow and Calf I could use a cow and calf [There's a pub in Grenoside
(near Sheffield) called the Cow and Calf]
Hand St. Martins-Le-Grand I had it in my St. Martins a minute ago.
Hands German Bands Get your germans off my missus.
Hands Jazz Bands Get yer jazz bands off me.
Hat Titfer (Tit for Tat) Lovely titfer. [This one uses the first two words -
probably because saying "lovely tit" proved awkward]
Head Crust of Bread Use your crust mate.
Head Loaf of Bread Don't just stand there - use your loaf.
Head (fellatio) Blood Red She likes to give blood.
Heart Strawberry Tart Me strawberry belongs to you.
Hell Gypsy Nell My knee is giving me gyp today.

Hemorrhoid Clement Freud Oooh, me clements!
Hemorrhoids Emma Freuds Me Emma's are playing me up. [Emma is a BBC DJ
on Radio 1]
Heroin Vera Lynn Goodbye Vera Lynn [from Pink Floyd – “Goodbye
Vera Lynn I'm leaving you today" meaning I’m giving
up heroin]
Hill Jack and Jill The store is up the jack. [See also Bill]
Hole Drum Roll Let's pop 'round to my drum (Referring to someone's
house).
Home Pope in Rome Let's pop 'round his pope and fetch him.
Host Pillar and Post Who’s the pillar and post for tonight?
Hot Peas in a Pot Don't touch that - it's bloody peasy.
House Cat and Mouse Went 'round to his cat to wake him up.
House Mickey Mouse I'm taking my missus to the mickey tonight. [Usually
means a theatre rather than a residence]
Howler (mistake) Robbie Fowler I made a right Robbie yesterday [Robbie Fowler plays
for Liverpool]
Hymen Bill Wyman Virgin? Don’t think so mate – not a bill in sight.
Ice Blind Mice I'll have a Gold and Blind.
Jacket Desmond Hackett He's sporting a new Desmond [Mr. Hackett is a

renowned Daily Express sports reporter]
Jacket Tennis Racquet I bought a new tennis racquet.

Jail Bucket and Pail One drink too many and I get seven days in the
bucket.
Jail Ginger Ale 'e's doing time in the ginger.
Jeans Harpers and Queens He's sporting a new pair of harpers [Harpers and
Queen is a woman's magazine "Published in London
for the World"]
Jeans Runner Beans How do you like me new runners.

Jeans Steve McQueens Me new steves are a bit tight.
Jew Five to Two If you're a fiver then today's your Sabbath.
Jew Four by Two He's not from around here - he's a four.
Jewellery Tom Foolery That bloke looks a flash, look at all his tom.
Jive Duck and Dive She can’t half duck and dive.
Job Corn on the Cob 'e can't afford it - 'e ain't got a corn.
Job Dog's Knob Me new motor is just the dog's knob
Jock (Scot) Sweaty Sock There was an Englishman, an Irishman and a sweaty
on a boat [This term is usually derogatory]
Joke Rum and Coke Go on then, tell us another rum and coke.
Joker Double Yoker Who's this double yoker.
Judge Barnaby Rudge I'm up in front of the Barnaby tomorrow morning.

Jugs (breasts) Carpets and Rugs That girls has a lovely set of carpets.
Kebab (shish kebab) Phil Babb Bloody hell, boys, I'm proper Oliver'd - anyone fancy a
Phil?
Keen Torvill and Dean She's a bit torvill on my mate Barry.
Kettle Hansel & Gretel I put the Hansel on for a nice cup of Rosy.
Key Brenda Lee Where’s me brenda’s?

Key Vivian Lee Where's me Vivian?
Keys Bruce Lee’s Have you seen me brucies?

Keys John Cleese ‘ave you seen me johns.
Keys Knobbly Knees Have you got your knobblies with you?
Kidney Bo Diddley Me bo’s are giving me gyp.
Kids Dustbin Lids A nice girl but too many dustbin's.
Kids God Forbids Couldn't hear a thing 'cause of all the Godfor's.
Kids Saucepan Lids I'm forever buy clothes for the saucepan lids [see also
'Yid']
Kids Teapot Lids I'm taking my little teapot to country.
Kids Tin Lids I can't put me foot down without stepping on one of
the tin lids.
Kiss Heavenly Bliss C’mon me turtle, give us an ‘eavenly.
Kiss Hit and Miss How about a bit of hit and miss.
Knackered (tired) Cream Crackered I'm cream crackered, mate.
Knackered (tired) Kerry Packer I'm right Kerry'd [Kerry Packer is an Australian media
magnate]
Knackers (testicles) Jacobs Crackers That toe-rag kicked me in the Jacobs.
Knees Biscuits and Cheese I've been on my biscuits all day.
Knickers Alan Whickers The 'lastics gone in me alans. [Alan Whicker used to
host a TV programme called Whickers World ]
Knob (penis) Uncle Bob ‘e’s a bit proud of his Uncle Bob.
Kraut (German) Rainbow Trout Bloody rainbows beat us at football last night!
Lager Forsythe Saga Mines a forsythe.
Lager Mick Jagger How about a couple of Mick Jaggers over here?
Lark (fun) Tufnell Park Always one for a Tufnell.
Late Cilla Black You’re a bit Cilla today, mate [Comes from Cilla
Black’s Blind Date TV programme that was popular]
Late Terry Waite You’re a bit Terry Waite.
Later Baked Potato I'll see ya baked.
Later Christian Slater See you Christian Slater.
Laugh Bubble Bath You're 'avin a bubble aren't ya?
Laugh Cows Calf Your having a cows calf, ain't you
Laugh Giraffe You're havin' a giraffe, mate.
Laugh Steffi Graf You're having a Steffi.
Laugh Turkish Bath He's havin' a turkish.
Laugh Wally's Scarf He's having a wally.
Legs Bacon and Eggs Lovely set of bacons [This can be Ham & Eggs as
well].
Legs Dolly Pegs 'ave a butchers at the dollies on 'er [This comes from
the old style wooden clothes pegs that little girls used
to draw faces on and make little dresses and hats/hair
for, hence the dolly peg]
Legs Mumbley Pegs Stand on your own mumbleys.

Legs Nutmegs He was nutmegged [This is a common football term
for when the ball is kicked between an opponents legs
and then the other player runs around to get control of
the ball again]
Legs Pins and Pegs I was so surprised I nearly fell off me pins.
Legs Scotch Pegs Sit down and take a load off your pegs.
Leicester Square Euan Blair We're getting off the train at Euan Blair station.
Lesbian West End Thespian She's a lovely girl but she is west end, you know.
Liar Bob Cryer Shut up you Bob - yer talking out yer aris [Sergeant
Bob Cryer is a character in "The Bill"]
Liar Dunlop Tyre ‘e’s a bit of a Dunlop.
Liar Holy Friar ‘e’s a bit of a holy friar.
Lies Pork Pies Blimey - he gets two pigs (beers) in him and he starts
telling porkies.
Life Nelly Duff Not on your nelly, mate. [The expression 'not on your
nelly', meaning 'not on your life' (meaning that the
person would never do something)]
Life (term) Porridge Knife 'e's doing a stay in the porridge.

Liver Cheerful Giver Lovely - cheerful for dinner tonight.
Liver Swanee River We're having swanee for dinner again?
Lodger Artful Dodger She's taken in an artful to help pay the way.
Look Butcher's Hook Here - take a butcher's at this.
Look Captain Cook I just went over there for a captain.
Loot (money) Fibre of your fabric C'mon, let me feel the fibre of your fabric
[fabric=suit=loot]
Lot (Serving or share) Hopping Pot That's your hopping mate. [Meaning, that's all you get.
[This may have originated with Londoners who
traveled to Kent and other districts to gather hops for
beer]
Love Turtle Dove All right me old turtle.
Luck Donald Duck How's your Donald?
Luck Friar Tuck 'E always had a bit of friar tuck.
Mad Mum and Dad He's a bit mum and dad.
Marriage Horse and Carriage e's off to his 'orse and carriage.
Married Cash and Carried Poor bloke got cashed on the weekend.
Matches Cuts and Scratches Do you have any cuts?
Mate China Plate How are you, my old china?
Mate Garden Gate He’s an old garden gate from school.
Meetin' (meeting) Buster Keaton We'll see you at the Buster.
Mental Radio Rental He's a bit radio.
Mental (crazy) Chicken Oriental It was chicken oriental down the nuclear on Friday
night.
Merry Tom and Jerry E’s a tommy bloke.
Mess Elliot Ness My drum's a right Elliot.
Milk Acker Bilk Would you like Acker in your coffee? [Acker Bilk was a
master of the clarinet and leader of the Paramount
Jazz Band. Interestingly, his nickname Acker is a
Somerset term meaning friend or mate]
Mind Chinese Blind You're out of you little chinese mate.
Miss Cuddle and Kiss She's a cute little cuddle.
Missus (Mrs) Love and Kisses Where did your love and kisses go?
Missus (Mrs) Plates and Dishes How's the plates getting on then?
Money Bees and Honey Can't go in there without any bees.
Money Bread and Honey Let's drink with him - he's got bread.
Money Bugs Bunny I've got some Bugs bunny in me sky rocket and I'm off
down the rub-a-dub-dub.
Motor (car) Haddock and Bloater I’ve gone and locked me keys in the haddock.
Mouth North and South I gave him a punch up the north.
Mug (chump) Toby Jug I'm tired of people taking me for a toby.
Neck Bushel and Peck He's got a bushel like tree trunk.
Neck Gregory Peck Wind you Gregory in.
Nerves West Ham Reserves e's got a bad case of the West Ham's.
News Wooden Pews Did you catch the wooden pews yesterday.
Nick (prison) Shovel and Pick He's spending a bit of time in the shovel.
Nightmare Lionel Blaire I'm havin' a right lionel [Lionel Blaire is a performer]
Nightmare Weston-Super-Mare Went for an interview yesterday - it was a total
Weston-Super [Weston Super Mare is the main
coastal resort of North Somerset]
Nipple Raspberry Ripple Look at the thup'neys on her, raspberries like cigar
buts! [Can also mean cripple]
Nippy (cold) George and Zippy It’s a bit George [George & Zippy are from an old BBC
kids show called Rainbow]
Noise Box of Toys Hold your box - they can hear you miles away!
Nose Fireman's Hose Look at the size of his fireman's.
Nose Fray Bentos Look at the Fray Bentos on that poor sod [Fray Bentos
is a maker of a fabulous Steak & Kidney Pie (and
other treats)]
Nose I Suppose That rotten drunk gave me a clip on me I suppose.

Nose Irish Rose She gave me a kiss on my Irish.
Nun Current Bun My meanest teachers were currents.
Nutter (crazy) Roll and Butter That blokes a bloody roland [This expression uses the
first two words rather than just the first]
Off (take off, leave) Frank Bough I'm gonna do the Frank [see 'scoff'. Frank Bough was
a television personality]
Old Man (Father or Pot and Pan I was talking to me old pot just yesterday.
Husband)
On My Own Toblerone He's over there on his toblerone.
Out of Order Allan Border He's bang Allan [Used when someone does
something to another person that is not looked upon
favourably. Allan Border was the Australian cricket
captain in the late 80's/early 90's]
Paddy Tea Caddy Did you know Kevin is a tea caddy?
Pager John Major Me John Major’s just gone off.
Pakistani Bacon Sarnie They've hired a new bloke at the shop - he's a bacon
[Sarnie is a slang term for sandwich (This expression
may be considered offensive]
Pakistani Reg Varney Martin's new bird's a Reg [Reg played Stan Butler on
'On the Buses', one of the 1970's BritComs]
Pants Adam Ant Get your adam’s on.
Pants Surrey & Hants Blimey, I have no clean surreys.
Paper (newspaper) Linen Draper Has the morning linen come yet?
Parcel Elephant and Castle Wot you got ‘ere then, a bleedin’ elephant.
Park Noah's Ark I'm taking my misses to the Noah.
Party Moriarty Mental morry mate.
Party Russell Harty I've phoned for a sherbert to take us to the Russell
[Russell Harty is a TV host]
Peas John Cleese Eat yer John Cleese - they're good for you.
Peas Knobbly Knees We’re havin’ sexton and knobblies.
Pee Gypsy Rose Lee I’m off for a gypsy.
Pest Fred West Here comes that Fred West again.
Tonic Philharmonic I'll have a Vera and Phil (gin and tonic).
Phone Al Capone He’s always on the al capone.
Phone Dog and Bone She's always on the dog.
Piano Joanna He sparkles on the joanna. [They mispronounce the
word you're trying say, so instead of 'piano' they call it
a 'piana']
Pictures Dolly Mixtures Going out to the Dolly Mixtures tonight.
Piddle (urinate) Jimmy Riddle I've had three pints - I could use a jimmy.
Piles Nuremberg Trials Me Nuremberg's are really playing me up.
Piles (hemorrhoids) Chalfont St Giles Me chalfonts are playing up.
Piles (hemorrhoids) Farmer Giles Blimey, I ain't 'alf suffering from me farmers.
Piles (hemorrhoids) Nobby Stiles Me nobbies are acting up again [Nobby Stiles was a
great footballer from years gone by]
Piles (hemorrhoids) Rockford Files Me Jim Rockford's are giving me gip! [Jim Rockford
was the central character in the TV show The
Rockford Files]
Piles (hemorrhoids) Sieg Heils I'll stand if you don't mind - me sieg heils are acting up
today.
Piles (hemorrhoids) Slay 'em in the aisles Me slay 'ems are playing me up.
Pill (birth control) Jack and Jill She's on the Jack.
Pillow Weeping Willow 'ere. Get yer head off my weeping willow.
Pill Strawberry Hill I must remember to take my strawberry tonight.
Pills Jack 'n Jills Where's me Jack n Jills.
Pills Mick Mills ‘e’s always ‘ad a weakness for the Mick Mills [Mick
Mills played for Ipswich in the ‘70s]
Pinch (steal) Half Inch Someone's half-inched me pint!
Pipe Cherry Ripe He does a cherry [Cherry Ripe is an Australian
chocolate bar - although this maybe Aussie slang
rather than Cockney]
Piss Arthur Bliss I'm just popping out for an Arthur [Arthur Bliss was a
famous English composer (1891-1975)]
Piss Gypsy's Kiss Blimey - no more beer till I've 'ad a gypsy's.
Piss Hit and Miss I've got to have a hit before we go out.
Piss (Make fun of) Mickey Bliss He’s always taking the mickey out of him [Mickey is
short for a mythical 'Mickey Bliss,' providing the rhyme
for 'piss and has been in widespread use since the
late 1940s. The original idea was that of deflating
someone, recalling the description of a self-important
blusterer as 'all piss and wind.']
Pissed (angry) Hit List I'm really hit today.
Pissed (drunk) Brahms and Liszt He's well Brahms and Liszt , don't give him any more
to drink. [Sometimes the expression "Mozart & Liszt is
used]
Pissed (drunk) Oliver Twist I 'ad one over the eight last night and got completely
Olivered.
Pissed (drunk) Schindlers List I'm a bit schindlers after a too many forsythes.
Pissed (drunk) Scotch Mist 'e was completely scotch mist last night.
Plate Alexander the Great Don’t try and scarper before you’ve washed those
alexanders.
Play Grass & Hay Let's grass and hay down the park.
Pocket Lucy Locket Keep it in your Lucy.

Pocket Sky Rocket I've got nothing in my skies.
Poof (homosexual) Iron Hoof He's a bit of an iron.
Poof (homosexual) Tin Roof I think he might be a tin roof.
Porn Frankie Vaughan Is there any Frankie on the telly tonight?

Porn Johnny Vaughn I enjoy a bit of Johnny [Johnny Vaughn was the star of
The Big Breakfast]
Powder (cocaine) Nikki Lauder He's off doing a bit of Nikki.
Prat (arse) Paper Hat He's a bit of a paper.
Prayer Weavers' Chair Haven't got a weaver's of getting into her alans. [A
weaver's chair has a low profile back allowing free
movement of the arms]
Prick Hampton Wick He gets on my wick.
Pride Jekyll and Hyde You lost your jekyll or something?
Prison Boom and Mizzen 'e's off to the boom for a bit.
Pub Nuclear Sub I'll meet you down the nuclear at 5 o'clock.
Pub Rub-a-dub-dub I'm off to the rub-a-dub-dub. [Comes from the
children's rhyme Rub-a-dub-dub, three men in a tub...]
Pube (pubic hair) Rubric's Cube When your having a shower make sure you wash your
rubric's.
Puff (marijuana) Mickey Duff Here, mate. Got any Mickey?
Punter (gambler or odds Hillman Hunter ‘ere comes another load of Hillmans [The Hillman was
maker) a fine auto introduced in 1966]
Purse Gypsy's Curse Someone's alf-inched me gypsy.
Quarter Farmers Daughter My Nan want me to get her three farmers of rosie (3/4
lb of tea)
Queen (homosexual) Torvill & Dean He’s a right old torvill.
Queer (homosexual) Brighton Pier That blokes a bit of a Brighton.
Queer (homosexual) Ginger Beer He's a bit ginger [See Queer (odd) below]
Queer (homosexual) King Lear e's a bit King Lear.

Queer (odd) Ginger Beer I don't know about that - sounds a bit ginger.
Quid Bin Lid Lend us a bin.
Quid Teapot Lid I'm down a teapot already.
Rail Toby Ale 'e's traveling by toby.
Railway Guard Christmas Card Look out for the Christmas.
Rain Pleasure and Pain Any more pleasure and we'll be swimming.
Rave (dance) Comedy Dave You coming to the comedy? [Comedy Dave is a Radio
1 DJ]
Readies (pound notes) Nelson Eddy's 'e's got a pile of nelsons!
Rent Burton on Trent They've raised my burton again.
Rent Clark Kent I'm having a tough time coming up with me Clark.
Rent Duke of Kent I can't afford to pay the Duke of Kent this week.
Rich Scratch & Itch 'e's got scratch.
Right Isle of Wight Down the High Road to the lights and make an Isle.
[Also seen used as slang for "all right" but not in
common usage]
River Shake and Shiver He jumped right into the shake.

Road Frog and Toad Don't ride your bike on the frog. [See Road = Kermit]
Road Kermit 'e took off down the kermit. [From Kermit the Frog =
frog and toad = road.
Rotten Dot Cotton I’m feeling a bit dot [Dot Cotton is a character from
Eastenders]
Row (argument) Barn Owl Went up to the dole office today. 'Ad a bit of a barney
with the geezer behind the desk.
Row (argument) Bull and Cow Had a right bull with my misses last night.
Rum Tom Thumb A wee bit of Tom and I'm off.
Sack (fired) Tin Tack He got the tin tack the other day.
Saloon Bar Balloon Car I'll be at the balloon.
Sauce Dead Horse Pass the dead horse.
Scar Mars Bar I fell down the apple and pears trying to answer the
dog & bone, hit my head and ended up with a mars
bar.
Scoff (food) Frank Bough I’m going to get some frank [Frank Bough was a
television personality]
Score Bobby Moore You know the Bobby [Bobby Moore was a great
footballer who died in 1993]
Score Hampden Roar You know the hampden [The Hampden Roar is a
commonly used term that refers to the noise made
when fans cheer on Scotland at Hampden Park]
Score (£20) Apple Core I gave me last apple to that old paraffin.
Scotch Gold Watch I'll have a gold watch and ten.
Scotch Pimple and Botch He enjoys a good pimple.
Scotch (Whisky) Gold Watch 'E enjoys his gold watch.
Scouser (Liverpudlian) Mickey Mouser 'E's a mickey mouser [Refers to someone from
Liverpool]
Scouts Brussel Sprouts He's always been a brussel.

Scran (food) Jackie Chan I’m Hank Marvin. I could use some top Jackie for me
Michael Winner.
Sex Posh ‘n Becks Had a bit of posh with the missus last night [Posh
refers to Posh Spice (Victoria Adams) of the Spice
Girls while Becks refers to David Beckham, the
famous footballer she married]
Shabby Westminster Abbey He's turned out a bit westminster today.
Shag Billy Bragg He's off for a billy [Billy Bragg is a singer/songwriter]
Shank (golf term) J. R. You really JR'd that one mate. [Abbreviated reference
to J. Arthur Rank. In golf, a shank is a ball that goes
in a decidedly unexpected direction]
Shave Chas and Dave I'm off for a chas.

Shave Dig in the Grave A quick shower and dig and I'll be ready to go.
Shiner (black eye) Ocean Liner I punched him right in the mincer and gave him an
ocean liner.
Shirt Dicky Dirt Put your dicky dirt on before the company gets here.
Shirt Uncle Bert I've got to press my uncle.
Shit Brace and Bit Just off or a brace.
Shit Brad Pitt I right need a Brad Pitt.
Shit Eartha Kitt I'm going for an Eartha [See also 'Tit']
Shit Tom Tit I'm going for a Tom Tit.
Shite Tom Kite I’m off for a tom.
Shite Turkish Delight They’re playing completely Turkish today.
Shite (shit) Barry White I need a Barry White.
Shits (diarrhoea) Two-Bob Bits I’ve got a real case of the two-bob bits.
Shitter (rectum) Council Gritter When I sat down there was a pin on my chair! Right
up the council! [A council gritter is the machine that
comes around and puts grit on icy roads]
Shitter (rectum) Gary Glitter He kicked him right up the Gary.
Shitter (toilet or rectum) Rick Whitter Back in a sec - I'm off to the rick [Rick Whitter is a
singer]
Shocker Barry Crocker That's a Barry Crocker [Barry Crocker is an Aussie]
Shocker Costantino Rocca Played a round of golf yesterday - had a complete

Costantino [Costantino Rocca is an Italian golfer]
Shoe Scooby Doo Where are me Scooby's?
Shoe Ghost (Boo) Get yer ghosts on.
Shoes One and two's Where's me one 'n two's?

Shoes St. Louis Blues 'e's got himself a new pair of St. Louis'
Shoes Rhythm and Blues Get your rhythm and blues on.
Shoes Yabba-Dabba-Doo Nice pair of yabba’s mate [For them what don’t have a
classical education, “Yabba-Dabba-Doo” was the
catch phrase of Fred Flintstone]
Shout (round) Wally Grout It's your wally, mate (ie. It's your turn to buy a round of
drinks). [Wally Grout was an Australian cricketer who
died in 1968]
Shower David Gower I'd just got out of the David Gower [David Gower is an
English cricketer]
Shower Eiffel Tower I’m going for an Eiffel Tower.
Sick Moby Dick I'm feeling a bit Moby today.
Sick Spotted Dick We don’t have a goalie – John’s spotted [Spotted Dick
is a dessert make with raisins]
Sick Tom and Dick He's feeling a bit Tom. [There is also an expression
"Feeling a bit dicky" as in not quite right that comes
from this slang. It’s also used as “Bob and Dick”]
Sick Uncle Dick I can't come out tonight - I'm feeling a bit Uncle Dick.
Sight Website Get out of me website.
Silly Daffy Down Dilly 'e's a bit daffy. [Daffy Down Dilly is a line of dolls from
Madam Alexander]
Silly Piccadilly I've always said he was Piccadilly.
Simple Dolly Dimple She’s a bit Dolly Dimple.
Sister Skin and Blister She may be his blister but she's nothing like him.
Six Tim Mix He rolled a Tom Mix [This expression is common in
casino's when referring to dice games]
Skin (cigarette paper) Vera Lynn Got any vera's?

Skint (broke) Borassic Lint He's right boric.
Skint (broke) Larry Flint I'm completely larry mate [Larry Flint is an American
publisher of adult magazines]
Skint (broke) Polo Mint I'm polo'd.
Slag (prostitute) Oily Rag She's a bit of an oily rag [Oily Rag is also slang for fag
(cigarette).
Slag (prostitute) Toe Rag / Tow Rag She’s a right toe rag [It should be 'Tow Rag'. When a
car towed another in times past, (broken down car)
behind it, it was/is common practice to tie a piece of
rag halfway along the rope between the two vehicles.
This was to indicate the rope's presence to
pedestriams, particularly when stopped in traffic. (i.e.
to stop people tripping over it when walking between
the cars). As this piece of rag was literally dragging or
'always in' the dirt all the time, it was compared with
someone who was shifty, untrustworthy, criminal,
loafer, a general 'low life'. Such a person was called a
tow rag,example "don't trust him, he's a bit of a tow
rag"] Thus, a tow rag could refer to a male or female
of dubious character.
Slap Watford Gap I’m gonna give you a Watford ‘round yer chevy.
Slash (piss) Pat Cash I'm absolutely dying for a Pat Cash.
Slash (piss) Pie and Mash I’m poppin’ out for a pie and mash.
Sleep Bo-Peep What I need is a good bo-peep.
Sleep Sooty and Sweep You need a bit of sooty.
Smell Aunt Nell He don't half Aunt Nell.

Smoke (cigarette) Laugh and Joke I’m going for a laugh.
Sneeze Bread and Cheese I hate allergies - one good bread after another.
Snide Jeckyll and Hyde ‘e’s a bit Jeckyll.
Snout (cigarette) Salmon and Trout 'Ere mate, give us a salmon, I'm right out. [The term
snout comes from prison life when the prisoners, who
would take their daily exercise in silence, would signal
a tobacco supplier that he needed cigarettes by
touching his nose] - See "ins and outs".
Snouts (Cigarettes) Ins and Outs 'ere mate, got any ins and outs? (See Salmon and
Trout)
Soap Cape of Good Hope Go wash yourself - and use the cape.
Soap Faith and Hope Where's the faith and hope, I wanna wash me 'ands.
Socks Almond Rocks Wouldn't it be nice if your almonds matched?
Socks Bombay Docks Anyone seen me bombays?
Socks Joe Rocks Pull yer Joe's up.
Son Currant Bun He's awfully proud of his currant.

Song Ding Dong Everyone gather round the piano for a ding dong.
[Usually the full slang expression is used]
Soup Loop de Loop Nothing like a good loop on a cold day.
Spanner (wrench) Elsie Tanner Can I borrow your elsie.
Sparrow Bow and Arrow Little bow and arrow fell out of the nest. [Usually the
full slang expression is used]
Speak Bubble and Squeak I won't bubble.
Specs (spectacles) Gregory Peck Where’s me gregs.

Specs [Spectacles) Mikkel Becks Where did I put me Mikkel's? [Mikkel Beck is a
footballer]
Splinter Alan Minter Picked up this wood and got a terrible Alan in me
finger [Alan Minter is a British boxer]
Spoon Daniel Boone Pass me a Daniel.
Spoon David Boon Pass me that David Boon [David Boon is an
Australian cricketer]
Spot (acne) Randolph Scott I've got a great big randolph on my chin.
Spouse Boiler House Me boiler's always yammerin' on.
Sprouts Twist and Shouts I love bubble and squeak made with Twist and
Shouts.
Spunk (semen) Harry Monk This glue's as sticky as a load of Harry [Harry Monk
was an old music hall entertainer]
Spunk (semen) Pineapple Chunk Is that laundry powder on your jeans? Looks like
pineapple chunks to me.
Stairs Apples and Pears Get yourself up the apples and pears.
Stairs Daisy Dancers Get yerself up the daisy dancers [This one's a bit
convoluted: Daisy Dancer = Dancing Bears = Stairs.
The daisy dancer reference is a twist on the Dancing
Bears=Stairs slang]
Stairs Dancing Bears Get yerself up the dancing bears.
Starved Pear Halved "Lunch in a bit?" "Yeah, I'm a bit pear."
Starvin' Hank Marvin I'm bloody Hank Marvin. I haven't eaten all day [Hank
Marvin was the guitarist for The Shadows from the
1960's to the 1990's]
Starvin' Lee Marvin I'm Lee Marvin [If you're really hungry you could say,
"I'm Hank, and his brother Lee". Lee Marvin was an
American actor. See other entry for starvin' (Hank
Marvin)]
State (anguish) Two and Eight He's in a two and eight over it. [Usually the full slang
expression is used]
Steak and Kidney Kate and Sydney A lovely Kate and Sydney pie [Not really rhyming
slang - more a matter of getting your mords wixed up]
Stella (beer) Nelson Mandelas A couple of nelsons please [Stella refers to Stella
Artois]
Stella (beer) Paul Weller Give us a Paul Weller
Stella (beer) Uri Geller Mines a Uri.
Stella Artois (beer) Ooh Aah I’ll have an ooh aah.
Stench Dame Judy Dench A right Dame Judy in here.
Stick (walking) Hackney Wick I've forgot me hackney wick back at the last pub.
Stink Pen and Ink That's a bit of a pen and ink.

Story Jackanory Ye late! What’s the jackanory then?
Stout (beer) Salmon and Trout Stop by and have a salmon.
Stranger Queen’s Park Ranger Who’s that Queen’s Park Ranger standing over there?
Stranger Texas Ranger This pub is full of Texas Rangers these days.
Stray Gamma Ray That Mary's a bit of a gamma.
Street Field of Wheat He out standing in the field, waiting for a bus.
Strides (trousers) Donkey Rides He's wearing black donkeys.
Strides (trousers) Jekyll and Hydes Just bought a new pair of Jekylls.
Stripper Jack the Ripper I love me jack the rippers.
Strong Ping Pong I need a ping pong drink.
Sub (pay advance) Rub a Dub Guvnor Give us a rub a dub till pay day.
Subaru Scooby-Doo Let's have a go in ya scooby-doo.
Suit Bag of Fruit He turned up dressed in a bag.
Suit Bowl of Fruit Are you wearing your bowl of fruit tonight?
Suit Tin Flute I’ll be wearing me tin flute.
Suit Whistle and Flute He bought himself a new whistle for the wedding.
Sun Current Bun Old current bun's out today.
Supper Tommy Tucker You can sing for your Tommy.
Sweetheart Treacle Tart She's a right treacle.
Table Cain and Abel Sit yourself at the cain and I'll bring you your Tommy
(Tommy Tucker - supper).
Tablet (pill) Gary Ablett He was off his nuts on the old Gary Abletts wasn't he
[Gary Ablett was a footballer in the 80's]
Tail Alderman's Nail He's always wagging his alderman's.

Talk Rabbit and Pork He's always rabbitting on about something.
Talker Murray Walker She’s a real murray – just can’t get her to shut up!
Tan Peter Pan I’m off to the pool to top up me peter pan.
Tanner (sixpence) Sprarsy Anna Lend us a sprarsy - I wanna get some toe-rags
(cigarettes)
Tart Kick Start Is this a lads night or are we taking the kicks.
Taxi Joe Baxi Mind if I share your Joe Baxi? [Joe Baxi was a
heavyweight boxer]
Tea Half Past Three Where’s me bleeding cuppa arf past?
Tea Rosy Lee I've just put the rosy on.
Tea You and Me Fancy a cup of you and me?
Tears Britney Spears She's off doing a Britney.
Teeth Edward Heath He got smacked in the Edwards [Edward Heath was
PM in the early 1970’s]
Teeth Hampstead Heath His hampsteads (hamps) are a crime.
Telly (TV) Custard and Jelly As usual, nothing on the custard tonight.
Telly (TV) Liza Minelli What’s on the Liza?
Ten Cock and Hen I didn't get much change back from a cock.
Tenner (£10) Paul McKenna I’m don to me last Paul McKenna [Paul McKenna is a
famous hypnotist]
Tenner (10 pound note) Ayrton Senna 'ere, lend us an ayrton me old china [Ayrton Senna
was a Formula One]
Tenner (10 pound note) Louise Wener 'ere, lend us a louise. [Louise Wener is a singer with
the band Sleeper]
Thief Tea Leaf He's always been a bit of a tea leaf. [Usually the full
slang expression is used]
Think Cocoa Drink I should cocoa [Said in a somewhat facetious manner,
this phrase actually means "I should think not"]
Thirst Geoff Hurst I've got a Geoff on tonight [Sir Geoff Hurst was the
only footballer to score three goals in a World Cup
final]
Throat Billy Goat I've got a sore billy goat.
Throat John O’Groat ‘e cleared his groat whilst wiping his mincers with ‘is
germans.
Throat Nanny Goat Get that down your nanny.
Throat Weasel & Stoat 'is weasel's playing him up.
Thunder Crash & Blunder What a storm! Did you hear the crash and blunder.
Ticket Bat and Wicket I've got a bat for tonight's train.
Ticket Wilson Picket I want to go to New York, but I can’t afford the
wilsons.
Tie Peckham Rye I'm putting on me best whistle and me new peckham.
Till (Cash register) Jack & Jill 'E got nicked with 'is 'ands in the old jack and jill.
Time Bird Lime What's the bird? [Also commonly used to refer to
doing time, as in prison]
Time Harry Lime What's the Harry Lime? [Harry Lime is a character in
'The Third Man']
Time Lemon & Lime Oi mate - what's the lemon & lime.
Tit (breast) Brad Pitt Nice pair of brads.

Tits (breasts) Ballroom Blitz She’s got marvellous ballrooms [Ballroom Blitz is a
song by a group named Sweet]
Tits (breasts) Brace and Bits Blimey - what a brace!
Tits (breasts) Eartha Kitts Nice Eartha's.
Tits (breasts) Fainting Fits Wouldn’t mind getting me germans on her faintings.
Tits (breasts) Thr'penny Bit Look at the Thr'penny's on her.
Titties (breasts) Bristol Cities She's got a lovely pair of Bristols. [The saying goes
back hundreds of years from when sailors sailed to
the "New World", between Bristol, England (the
second largest port outside of London at the time) and
the USA, traveling on to the tobacco plantations at
Bristol, Virginia]
It was known as, "Going between the Bristol's" and

became a sexual reference for what sailors would do
to their women folk on returning to dry land!
Titty (breast) Walter Mitty She's got a lovely set of walters.
Toast Holy Ghost How about another round of 'oly.
Toe Bromley by Bow You might want to fight, but I'm going to have it on me
bromleys.
Toker Al Roker That guy is an Al.
Tonic Supersonic How about a nice Vera and super (Gin & Tonic)
Toss Kate Moss I couldn't give a Kate Moss.
Towel Baden Powell 'ere, wrap a baden powell around you. Nobody wants
to see that!
Train Michael Caine I missed me Michael.

Trainers (running shoes) Claire Rayners I've got me new Claire Rayners on [Claire Rayner is
an author]
Trainers (running shoes) Gloria Gaynors That's a nice pair of Gloria's.
Tramp (hobo) Paraffin Lamp I gave me last apple to that old paraffin.
Tramp (hobo) Thirteen Amp Look at that bunch of thirteen amps over there.
[Thirteen amps is the standard electrical receptacle in
Britain]
Trouble Barney Rubble (Flintstones) Stay away from him. He's right Barney.
Trousers Lards ‘e was caught with ‘is lards down [Lards is from
Callards & Bowsers, makers of fine toffee’s]
Trousers Round the Houses 'e's got hisself a new set of round the houses
["Council Houses" also used as in "'is councils haven't
seen an pressing this year"]
Turd (shit) Douglas Hurd I need to dump a Douglas [Douglas Hurd is a
politician]
Turd (shit) Richard the Third He's a bit of a Richard. [This is also used as in "I'm
just going for a Richard". "Edward the Third" is also
used]
Umbrella Auntie Ella Wonderful - it's starting to rain and me without my
Auntie Ella.
Voice Hobson's Choice What's the matter with 'is 'obsons.
Vomit Wallace and Gromit One more pint and I’ll Wallace, mate.
Wages Greengages I've blown the greengages down at the dogs.
Walk Ball of Chalk After a heavy meal I like quick ball round the square.
Wank (masturbate) Armitage Shank He's havin' an armitage [Armitage Shank are makers
of fine porcelain bathroom fixtures]
Wank (masturbate) Jodrell Bank Just off for a Jodrell [Jodrell Bank was the site of a
University of Manchester botanical station, about 20
miles south of Manchester, back in the 1940's. Today,
Jodrell Bank is a leading radio astronomy facility]
Wank (masturbate) Barclays Bank He's having a barclays.
Wank (masturbate) J. Arthur Rank 'e's off having a J. Arthur.
Wank (masturbate) Lamb Shank 'e's having a lamb.
Wank (masturbate) Midland Bank I'm going for a midland.

Wank (masturbate) Peddle and Crank I'm off for a peddle!
Wank (masturbate) Sherman Tank e's a right Sherman.
Wank (masturbate) Tommy Tank She's probably at home doing a tommy. [From
"Thomas the Tank Engine", a child's program]
Wanker Cab Ranker 'e's a bit of a cab ranker.
Wanker Kuwaiti Tanker He’s a bit of a Kuwaiti tanker.

Wanker Merchant Banker He's a right merchant.
Wanker Ravi Shankar That referee is a right Ravi.
Wanker Sefton Branker He’s a right Sefton Branker [Sefton Branker was a
Major, and later Air Vice Marshall, who was posted to
India in the early 20th century]
Wanker Swiss Banker He’s a bit of a swiss banker.
Wanks Gordon Banks They’re a bunch of gordons.
Watch (fob watch) Kettle and Hob That's a lovely kettle.
Water Ten Furlongs (Mile and a I'll have a gold watch and ten.
quarter)
Web Site Wind and Kite Check out me wind and kite.
Weight Pieces of Eight She'd better watch her pieces of eight.
Whisky Gay and Frisky I'll have a gay and I'm off. [Be careful where you use
this]
White Wine Plink Plonk Open a bottle of plonk [The rhyme here is a bit
convoluted – Plink Plonk rhymes with Vin Blanc which
is a white wine]
Whore Four by Four She’s a bit of a four by four.
Whore Roger Moore I was trying to get my trousers back on, and the dirty
roger is running up the street with my wallet.
Whore Thomas Moore She a right Thomas.

Wife Duchess of Fife Now my old dutch, where are we off to tonight?
Wife Trouble and Strife I'm taking my trouble dancing tonight.
Wig Irish Jig I think that blokes wearing an Irish.
Wig Syrup of Figs What a syrup.
Window Burnt Cinder Close the bloody burnt.
Windshield Wiper Billie Piper You’d better put your billies on [Billie Piper is a pop
singer]
Windy Mork and Mindy Cor, it's bloody mork today [Can also refer to
someone who is a bit windy - "Don't feed him brussel
sprouts again - he gets all Mork & Mindy"]
Wine Porcupine Where’s the porc waiter.
Word Dicky Bird He left without so much as a dicky.
Wrong Falun Gong It seems to have all gone a bit falun gong.
Wrong Pete Tong It's all gone a bit Pete [Pete Tong is an English DJ]
Yank Septic Tank He's not very bright... septic, you know. [This can also
be shorted to Sepo]
Yank Wooden Plank Then this wooden bloke walked in.
Yawn Johnny Vaughn Can’t hold back a good Johnny.
Years Donkey's Ears Ain't seen you in donkeys mate.
Yid Front Wheel Skid Old Mikey's a front wheel [Note that this expression is
considered offensive]
This book was collected and printed through the internet, I just introduced it!
For more information send me an email at:
Mr_doody2004@yahoo.com
Copyright © 2009 by Mr. Doody. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be
reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including
photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without the
written permission from Mr. Doody.

Cockney Rhyming Slang

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Cockney Rhyming Slang

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Cockney Rhyming Slang

What's Rhyming Slang?

Why is Cockney Rhyming Slang called so?

As well as having a distinctive pronunciation and many grammatical features, the

-This table will help you to understand Cockney Rhyming Slang…

Army Daft and Barmy He was promoted in the daft.

Arsehole Elephant & Castle He's a bit of an elephant.

Arsehole Jam Roll That geezer is a right jam roll.

Bad Sorry and Sad That dinner was a bit sorry.

Balls (testicles) Niagara Falls I got him in his niagara's.

Bank Sherman Tank He's off to the Sherman.

Blind Bacon Rind Are you completely bacon?

Breast East West ‘ave a look at her easts.

Brussel Sprout Shout Give us a brussel when you're up to it.

Bug Steam Tug The bed was full of steamers.

Bum Kingdom Come He just sat on his kingdom all day.

Butter Stammer and Stutter Extra stammer for me.

Chest Bird's Nest I had to punch him in the bird's nest.

Chin Biscuit Tin He's got a big biscuit.

Cider Winona Ryder Can I get two pints of winona please.

Clue Scooby-Doo I haven't got a Scooby.

Cunt Grumble and Grunt He's after your grumble.

Cunt Struggle and Grunt That ones a right struggle.

Cupboard Mother Hubbard There's nothing in the mother.

Darlin' Briney Marlin You look lovely tonight, me old briney.

Daughter Lamb to the Slaughter That blokes lamb is a real stunner.

Face Chevy Chase She's got a lovely Chevy Chase.

Facts Brass Tacks 'Ere, you've got your brass wrong!

Feet Plates of Meat Get your plates of the table.

Hell Gypsy Nell My knee is giving me gyp today.

Jacket Desmond Hackett He's sporting a new Desmond [Mr. Hackett is a

Jacket Tennis Racquet I bought a new tennis racquet.

Jeans Runner Beans How do you like me new runners.

Judge Barnaby Rudge I'm up in front of the Barnaby tomorrow morning.

Keen Torvill and Dean She's a bit torvill on my mate Barry.

Key Brenda Lee Where’s me brenda’s?

Keys Bruce Lee’s Have you seen me brucies?

Legs Mumbley Pegs Stand on your own mumbleys.

Life (term) Porridge Knife 'e's doing a stay in the porridge.

Nose I Suppose That rotten drunk gave me a clip on me I suppose.

Pills Jack 'n Jills Where's me Jack n Jills.

Pocket Lucy Locket Keep it in your Lucy.

Porn Frankie Vaughan Is there any Frankie on the telly tonight?

Prat (arse) Paper Hat He's a bit of a paper.

Queer (homosexual) King Lear e's a bit King Lear.

River Shake and Shiver He jumped right into the shake.

Scouts Brussel Sprouts He's always been a brussel.

Shave Chas and Dave I'm off for a chas.

Shocker Costantino Rocca Played a round of golf yesterday - had a complete

Shoes One and two's Where's me one 'n two's?

Skin (cigarette paper) Vera Lynn Got any vera's?

Skint (broke) Polo Mint I'm polo'd.

Smell Aunt Nell He don't half Aunt Nell.

Socks Joe Rocks Pull yer Joe's up.

Son Currant Bun He's awfully proud of his currant.

Specs (spectacles) Gregory Peck Where’s me gregs.

Stink Pen and Ink That's a bit of a pen and ink.

Tail Alderman's Nail He's always wagging his alderman's.

Tit (breast) Brad Pitt Nice pair of brads.

It was known as, "Going between the Bristol's" and

Toker Al Roker That guy is an Al.

Train Michael Caine I missed me Michael.

Wank (masturbate) Midland Bank I'm going for a midland.