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1-on-1: Susan Fletcher on Simplifying your Life

Are you Stressing Yourself Out? 1 2 3 4 5

Susan Fletcher is a practicing psychologist, speaker, consultant and author of Working in the Smart Zone and Parenting in the Smart Zone. Shes the CEO of Fletcher & Associates Psychological Services and Smart Zone Solutions. A stress-management and productivity expert, Fletcher is also a wife and mother of three. SUCCESS: Do you think people create a lot of their own stress? Susan Fletcher: I think its very common. Everyone does it. It doesnt mean every bit of stress we have is self-created. But every single person can make things harder than they need to be. SUCCESS:What are some ways people create their own stress? Susan Fletcher: People do it by reading into things too much. Sometimes a look is just a look. People make things bigger than they need to be. In an effort to increase value, they will make a project bigger than it needs to be and maybe not even realize they are doing it. What it really does is clog the system in terms of productivity. I believe that creates a lot of stress. Especially in this economy, theres a lot of competition to show value, and this can create stress. Another way people create stress is when they believe they are the only person who can do something, and they dont involve or collaborate with other people. They dont delegate or assign accountability. Women do it at home a lot, and I believe both genders do it a lot at work. SUCCESS:Is it an issue of control? Susan Fletcher:I dont know that they are always control issues. The people who do itone of the fi rst things they say is, I dont really want this responsibility. I dont want to be the only one who does this, whether its at home getting th e baby sitter or the one at work doing the fi nal proofi ng. They will say they dont like doing it. So, I dont think it is control. I think its trustthe unwillingness to transfer trust. SUCCESS:How can people learn to transfer trust to reduce stress? Susan Fletcher: I really like (Stephen Coveys son) Stephen M.R. Coveys Speed of Trust stuff. He says people have to be able to do it before they feel it. Just like with your kids, you have to give them a little rope. And with someone who works for you, you have to let them fail because failure is feedback. But you have to keep giving them pieces of the project rather

than just saying, Its easier to do myself. You have to let the rope out a little bit more. You have to create an opportunity for trust and to learn from mistakes. SUCCESS:How does self-created stress play out at home? Susan Fletcher: Sometimes a dirty coffee cup is just a dirty coffee cup. Its not a passive aggressive way to say you are not appreciated. Its hard for high-achieving people to look at something really simply. I cant tell you how many people I have talked into hiring someone to clean their house. People laugh when I tell them that, but youd be surprised how hard it is to convince people to do it. I tell people, You cant hire someone to spend time with your spouse and kids, but you can hire someone to clean your house, do your laundry or mow your lawn. SUCCESS:Thats true. So what are some other solutions for selfcreated stress? Susan Fletcher: Sometimes people dont see what they are doing is ineffi cient. Its really important for people to ask themselves, Whats my ultimate outcome I want here and what do I need to do to get there? People who are stressed get stuck answering e-mails for two hours at the expense of higher value items that need to be taken care of. They lose their objectivity because there is so much going on. Its not that they cant prioritize; they just have something they need to take out of the high-priority column. Its sort of like when you are in your house and you open the fridge and ask, Wheres the mustard? and your family member says, Its right in the door of the refrigerator. Sometimes we get hyper-focused and lose peripheral vision. The No. 1 thing to reduce stress is to have an accountability partner. It could be a friend or family memberprobably not someone you live with because you dont want to muddy the waters. It has to be someone you will listen to but who will hold you accountable. My friend Trudy was my accountability partner for my last book. Id call her, and shed ask, How many chapters did you work on this week? Id know she was going to ask me on our Thursday call, so Id tell myself beforehand that I better get something done. SUCCESS:That leads perfectly into our next question. You are a psychologist, businesswoman, author, wife and mother of three. Whats your secret to managing stress in your own life? Susan Fletcher: Well, for lunch today I had a bowl of Cheerios, so I dont always do what I want to do. But tonight I will eat right and get back on track. We have three boys and I have been a Cub Scout leader [for them]. Even though I loved it, I am very deliberate and said I will do it for X number of years. You have to say no to things you might enjoy but that are not in line with where you are personally or professionally at the moment. Right now I leave work in the afternoon to be with my kids. I tell people to be selfi sh with their yeses because they are golden tickets.