Unbiased News: The News You Want

By John F. McGowan

Version: 1.0
Start Date: July 22, 2009
Last Updated: July 22, 2009
Home URL: http://www.jmcgowan.com/unbiased.pdf

Announcing the ultimate Internet news aggregator Unbiased News:

The News You Want

The Problem

Are you a conservative outraged by Bill O’Reilly’s endorsement of

global warming?

Are you a liberal shocked by the New York Times blatantly pro-war
coverage of the illegal US occupation of Iraq and Afghanistan?

Are you a scientific rationalist appalled by the media’s sensationalist

coverage of UFO’s and other pseudo-scientific nonsense?

Are you a ufologist frustrated by the corporate mainstream media’s

perpetual ridicule of UFO’s and uncritical repetition of whatever
nonsense the CIA and Air Force say?

Are you an investment banker tired of being vilified and demonized by

just about everyone just because that communist civil servant Alan
Greenspan forced Wall Street to lose $8 Trillion speculating in housing?

The Cause

The simple fact is everyone else suffers from bias. Only you have
achieved the state of pure objective rational thought, seeing the world
as it truly is. Yes, the Internet now enables you to get your news from
enlightened web sites that are almost unbiased and usually speak
truth to power. But even your fellow conservatives, liberals,
libertarians, socialists, and so forth will unfortunately report biased
and inaccurate news that you don’t want to hear.

John F. McGowan Page 1 July 22, 2009

 Unbiased News: The News You Want

The Solution

Unbiased News: The News You Want is a new web site and RSS feed
that gives you only the unbiased news that you need. Simply sign up
for our free service and take our quick What Unbiased Means To Me
survey. Using state of the art data mining, search, and semantic
processing algorithms, Unbiased News will ensure that you only
receive the unbiased news that you want to hear.

Wait! There is More!

As a member of the Unbiased News community, you can choose our I

Am Special option to receive news and opinion articles that confirm
your membership in a special unique group unjustly persecuted for its
special unique virtues. For conservatives, our state of the art
algorithms can select and provide a never ending stream of articles on
the relentless persecution of white male conservatives by the NAACP,
ACLU, and other liberal hate groups. For liberals, our unbiased news
selection engine will provide retrospective articles on the McCarthy era
which will describe the victims of McCarthyism as apolitical average
Americans, liberals, socialists, or communists depending on how far
left you are. For Jews, the engine will select retrospective articles on
the Holocaust, tsarist pogroms, and the Jewish War. For Palestinians,
the engine can select heartbreaking stories of Israeli atrocities in the
occupied West Bank. For scientific rationalists, the engine will select
stories about the trial of Galileo and the Scopes trial. Whoever you are
Unbiased News will confirm how special you are, how much your group
has suffered, and how much the ungrateful world owes you.

Wait! There is Still More!

As a member of the Unbiased News community you can also select our
Total Ridicule option to receive articles ridiculing anyone who disagrees
with you. Our news selection engine will select articles that thoroughly
ridicule and debunk the actual position of the other guys, not their
phony coded message but what you (and we) know they really mean,
the utterly absurd position they really have that no sane rational
person would hold for five seconds. Yes, Unbiased News selects the
unbiased objective articles and op-eds that cut through the code words
and ridicule the real position.

John F. McGowan Page 2 July 22, 2009

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Call To Action

Sign up now for Unbiased News: The News You Want and start
receiving the objective unbiased news that you want to hear today!

© 2009 John F. McGowan

John F. McGowan Page 3 July 22, 2009