out the subtlety and beauty of a photograph. In the same way, when all of your own light shines unfiltered, your inner self can be lost from the picture. The most outer, visible part of you, and that which can most easily destroy an internal selfimage, is your physical selfyour body.
From the above examples, a theme emerges. The more we understand a being to have a beyondphysical dimension, the more of his or her body we expect to be covered. A dog can trot around au naturel without offending or even being thought of as naked, since we understand (if animal lovers will please forgive me) that an animal is not much more than it appears to bean essentially physical being, governed by its senses and instincts. Because a babys existence is similar to that of an animal, no one blushes at the sight of its bare bottom; at the same time, we do call it naked in recognition of its human potential. A ten-year-old, however, is considerably more than an animal (although some parents may jokingly disagree), and a twenty-year-old even more sowhich is why an adult who parades around without clothes isnt called cute, but an exhibitionist. Clothing, however, does more than distinguish between people and animals. Within adult society (despite deteriorating sensitivity to these issues), theres a distinct correlation between the mental and spiritual qualities we associate with a person in a given situation and how much of his or her body we expect to be covered. For example, its socially acceptable to wear very little at the pool side, because sunning and swimming are activities which pertain to the physical you. It would not, however, be appropriate to receive a Nobel prize in your bathing suit. After their initial shock, those present would undoubtedly question, Why is he dressing like a Mr. Universe contestant when hes being acclaimed for his mind? Covering your body, therefore, is the most fundamental way of using your outside to tell others who you are on the inside. Clothing makes the statement: I am much more than what meets the eye. If you want to see the real me, youll have to look deeper.
Reflected Images
What we often fail to realize is that the message of clothing is directed not only outward, to others, but also inward. What you wear powerfully affects how you see yourself. Lets digress for a moment to the topic of style. Whether consciously or unconsciously chosen, your style of dress creates an impression of yourself in your own mind. For instance, I have a friend who got all dressed up to take her comprehensive exams for her Masters degree. When I jokingly asked her if she had a date with her professor, she replied, Remember the book Dress for Success? Looking my best helps give me the confidence Im going to need to ace those exams. I myself once read a book called How to Marry the Rich (just for fun anyway, I was already married). The author advises aspiring gold diggers to make a habit of entering exclusive boutiques and trying on the most expensive clothing available. The logic is that by repeatedly experiencing yourself in $1,000 dresses or suits, youll come to see yourself as richwhich will in turn give you the air necessary to successfully mingle with and meet millionaires. Once, a participant in a program I was teaching in took issue with me, hotly denying any connection between his attire and his self-image. This guy happened to be wearing a faded Tshirt, torn jeans, and running shoes, as well as a beard and ponytail. So I told him, Okay, if your appearance means nothing to you, come back tomorrow with a short haircut, clean-shaven, and
in a three-piece suit. He stuttered and stammered, made a weak attempt at defending himself, and then sheepishly conceded the point. All in all, when you put on clothes, you simultaneously put on a self-image. You can probably think of clothes you would never wear, even in the privacy of your own bedroom, simply because theyre not you. Indeed, the defensiveness, and even outright hostility, I often encounter when talking about the Jewish approach to dress testifies to how intensely our selfimage is bound up with what we wear. People intuitively recognize that reconsidering their wardrobe ultimately means reconsidering who they want to be.
Public Arena
Despite the significance of style to self-image, however, the central issue in tzniut is not whether to dress rich or poor, earthy or businesslike. The important choice is whether to draw attention to who you are on the outsideyour bodyor the insideyour being. You can dress any way you like, as long as you radiate the message that you are first and foremost not a body but a person. When you enter the public arena, the impact of your dress on your self-image is compounded. First, others naturally respond to the statement you appear to be making. Stating conventional with a pinstriped suit and tie, for example, will get one kind of response, while broadcasting unconventional with Turkish pants and six or seven earrings will get another. More importantly, clothing which proclaims body will attract a response very different from clothing which projects internal being. This social feedback, particularly if positive, then cycles back into your self-image. Perceiving yourself more strongly in a particular light, you are now even more likely to dress the same way again. Sociologists call this symbolic interactions: how you see yourself, how you dress, and how others respond to you create a spiral in which each reinforces the other, propelling you more and more strongly in a certain direction. Of course, it helps to defend yourself. If, when whistled at by construction workers, a woman closes her eyes and recites, I am a spiritual being, I am a spiritual being, she stands a better chance of surviving the experience with her selfhood intact than if she lives for such attention. But supposed clarity about your inner worth (I know who I am no matter what) does not make you immune to how others relate to you. Simply put, it is naive to believe that repeated assaultseven subtle oneswont slowly but surely erode a deeper sense of self. Social feedback is a major contributor to your self image.
Community Norms
Just as an individuals attire makes a self-statement, a communitys standards of dress make a collective statement about how its members unconsciously view and value themselves. Because were conditioned to accept dressing a certain way as normal, we usually cant identify the collective statement made by our own societyuntil we step out of it.
When we were first married, my husband and I lived in the Old City of Jerusalem. Constantly barraged by tourists in all kinds of apparel, I maintained most of the immunity to minimally attired people I had acquired during my pre-religious life. Later, however, we moved to our present neighborhood, where its unusual to see a person dressed immodestly. One day, two or three years after our move, I was standing outside our building when a sports car pulled up and a couple got out. He had on skin-tight pants and a shirt unbuttoned halfway down his chest; she was sporting a low-cut blouse, a cling miniskirt, and spike heels. I looked at them, and my spontaneous, uncensored reaction was, I dont get it. Whats he trying to proveand why is she dressed like a streetwalker? Immediately I was startled and ashamed. How could I have thought such terrible things about two people I didnt even know? And why, after a lifetime of exposure to similarly dressed people, only now? Suddenly I realized that Id once unconsciously accepted as normal men and (especially) women presenting themselves physically. After a few years of living among people whose dress reflected a deeper sense of self, Id internalized a different norm. With an almost childlike innocence, I simply couldnt understand why these people would want to advertise themselves as bodies. What to them and their society was a normal mode of selfpresentation, was to me like a neon sign flashing, Objectify me! This couple, were they to be delivering a paper on neurosurgery at a medical convention, would undoubtedly dress differently. Yet it is in everyday living that most of our self-image is formed. In asking us to cover more of our bodies than the surrounding society demands, Judaism is saying that presenting ourselves primarily as minds and souls shouldnt be reserved for the odd occasion. Working, shopping, studying, socializingin our daily lives, spiritual self-definition should be the norm. Reprinted from Outside / Inside Secretof a Good Marriage
Rabbi Shlomo Chein: Welcome. Ill be with you in a momentwhats on your mind? Debbie: how can I explain the reasons for Tzniut [Ed. note: modesty] to 5 year old girls whove asked why they should cover their shoulders Debbie: please Rabbi Shlomo Chein: explain them that precious things are kept covered. For example the expensive silver Leichter [candle holders] are kept in a china closet etc. The jewels are kept in a safe. A Torah scroll is kept in a Mantel [velvet cover] and an Aron Kodesh [holy ark] Debbie: wow - thanks so much Rabbi Chein (is a Leichter Shabbos Candles?) Rabbi Shlomo Chein: yes
Rabbi Shlomo Chein: so too her body is precious and it should be kept covered Debbie: amazing - thanks SOSOSO much thats REALLY helpful - Good Chodesh Rabbi Shlomo Chein: all the best