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Commented [BC1]: MLA: - take color off the page number

Jasmine R. McLendon Ms. Caruso English 1101 30 October 2013 AThe Struggle for Ones Rights After musing over the idea that would convey an issue using advertisements, I chosethe one than stood out the most was an advertisement of three women of three different races standing together to protest womens rights. The main idea that will be focused on throughout this paper will be womens rights and the different approaches taken towards the issue. In this advertisement, there is an African American, a Caucasian, and a Muslim woman standing in a triangle stance flexing their arms to show muscles. The sign at the top of the ad says STOP This War On Women. While examining the ad it can be interpreted that the three women are very serious and determined to win the fight for their rights. While looking at the ad, notice that the women have on red, white, and blue which was to convey that they are protesting fighting for womens rights in the United States. Women who view this ad will feel a sense of pride and be moved by it, while a man who views the ad would probably have a cavalier attitude towards it considering the fact that the struggle fight for womens rights really does not affect them. The main idea that will be focused on throughout this paper will be womens rights and the different approaches taken towards the issue. In order to compare, contrast, and show bias within the advertisement, there are three additional advertisements that could go along with the original to a certain extent. The Rosie the Riveter ad ad titled, We Can Do It!, is of a Caucasian woman with her arm flexed just as the women in STOP This War On Women. The three women in this ad the original ad all have serious, determined, hard countenances and so

Commented [BC2]: Remember to take out references to yourself or to the assignment.

Commented [BC3]: There might be a better place for this one where this statement could make more of an impact.

Commented [BC4]: Although you have some great ideas here, some of your phrases are repetitive, and you could work to make your language more succinct.

Commented [BC5]: There might be a better place for this one where this statement could make more of an impact. I moved this statement from where it was before to here because I felt that it made more of an impact at the beginning of this paragraph. Commented [BC6]: Work to find a smoother transition into this paragraph a way to talk about the paragraphs concept with the first advertisement, so you can then talk about how the other ad compares. Commented [BC7]: Most people would see this as the Rosie the Riveter ad. Commented [BC8]: Remember, name the ad.

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does the woman in this ad. The seriousness, determination, and hardness can be seen by the position of their eyebrows, mouths, and body language. Also, in both of these ads, the women are not dressed lady-like they have on clothes that would be associated with work clothes of a man. They have on bandanas and jeans and their actions are expressed in the way that a man would present himself. The next ad titled You mean a woman can open it? is an ad of a woman opening a ketchup bottle. This ad is associated with womans rights because of the sarcasm contained within it. The woman has a playful, surprised expression as opposed to the serious looks of the women in STOP This War on Women and We Can Do It. This playful, surprised look presents the idea of a woman being naive and surprised that she even had the strength to open a ketchup bottle. This biased ad contradicts the previous ads by shooting women down in a way that would have many people thinking nothing was wrong with it only because they did not just come out and say Women are weak. The ad, We shall overcome, is an advertisement of African Americans during the civil rights movement. Although the concept of We shall overcome has a total different purpose than the others, they are similar in many ways. For one, the people are united as one in order to make a statement just as the women in the original ad are. The expressions on the peoples faces in the last ad are serious and they show an expression of determination. The people in this ad appear to be calmer than the women in STOP This War On Women by the way they are standing and holding hands. But, the people in this ad seem to be calmer than the women in the original ad by the way they are standing holding hands, while the women in STOP This War On Women are bold faced with their muscles flexed.
Commented [BC11]: How can you make your language more succinct here? Commented [BC10]: You could use a transition here. Also, work to close the idea you just discussed. Commented [BC9]: A transition would work well here.

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STOP This War On Women, and We Can Do It!, correlate because in both ads women want to stop the unfair practices against them by proving that they can do what a man can do. The slogan You mean a woman can open it? gave a sense of bias towards women because the people who made it were being sarcastic by trying to call women weak. They are saying that the bottle is so easy to open that a woman can open it as if women couldnt open them before. This ad goes into a whole different direction than the original one because it is exactly what the women in the original ad were fighting for. Women are often stereotyped as being weak and the women in STOP This War On Women and We Can Do It! wanted to prove this stereotype wrong. The slogan We shall overcome can be tied to the slogan of STOP This War On Women because the people in both ads are fighting to overcome a struggle of their rights. As mentioned before, the women in STOP This War On Women all have on red, white, and blue in order to depict that they are fighting their struggle in the USA. The different colors of the women in this ad depict that women of all races have joined in on this fight and they all are in it together. The author of this ad did this because they wanted to convey how race is not a factor here, its all about women and their rights. The woman shown in Rosie the RiveterWe Can Do It! also has on red, white and blue to also depict the idea that this fight is taking place in the United States.depict the same idea. By using black and white for We shall overcome, the audience can interpret that the struggle that the people are fighting is between black and whites. In this ad, race is a factor as opposed to STOP This War On Women. all three cases, the colors have purposes behind their use. The main views taken on each ad are seen by an audience as struggles that were obviously strongly significant during the time that the issues were taking place. With the In
Commented [BC13]: Work to flesh out the idea of color a bit more. There is a great deal that you could talk about, such as what colors highlight or hide certain aspects of the advertisement. Commented [BC12]: It seems that you already talk about the information you have in this paragraph. Is there another function this paragraph could serve? I just decided to take out the whole paragraph because as I read over it, I saw where I had already mentioned those things in previous paragraphs about the ads.

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expressions, body language, slogans, and colors of the ads, several purposes were expressed. STOP This War On Women and We Can Do It! both provoke the same types of emotions in an audience because they trigger a sense of Get up and fight in the audience. While You mean a woman can open it? provokes a sense of anger because of its bias towards women. Although We shall overcome was not made for womens rights, it provokes the same emotions as STOP This War On Women and We Can Do It! because it triggers a sense of change in its audience. Each ad appeals to a specific audience, but they all use the same devices of expressions, body language, slogans, and colors to convey their purposes. The main view taken on STOP This War On Women is seen by an audience as a movement to end a struggle that was significant during the time that women were not being treated fairly. This ad triggers a sense of Get up and fight in the audience. STOP This War On Women appeals to a specific audience while the other ads do also, but they all use devices such as expressions, body language, slogans, and colors to convey their purposes.
Commented [BC14]: It seems that you are having trouble with your conclusion because you are trying to cover all of your ads, not just your main ad, and that you are including much of the same information you already talked about a few times. Talk about your main ad and give your overall view of it. Commented [BC15]: Overall, I can see that you worked hard to compare and contrast the ads, and what would make your paper even stronger is if you work to more explicitly state your connections for the reader. In many instances, you move on to the next idea or ad without giving a statement of how what you just said connects with the idea you are talking about. As you do this, take time to make your wording more succinct and avoid repetition. Your paper will be much stronger if you talk about an idea only once, rather than multiple times in the paper.

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