Savannah Choate Instructor: Malcolm Campbell English 1103 31 October 2013 Quantity v.

Quality: Two is Not Always Better than One Over the past few decades, the patterns of family structure have changed drastically in America. The rise in divorce rates and the increase in numbers of children born outside of marriage have both contributed to the proportion of children growing up in single-parent families since 1960 (Parke). Particularly regarding the effects on the well-being of children, these changes have created extensive open concern and controversy. Collections of research have developed over the past twenty years on how the changes in family structure have an effect on children. The risks faced by the growing numbers of children in single-parent families are undeniably a reason for concern; however, findings often take a broad view, leading to exaggeration or skepticism by critics and marriage advocates. Most researchers have always supported the notion that children do best when brought up by married parents for a variety of reasons. In reality, the majority of children raised by single parents, typically single mothers, grow up without experiencing serious issues (Parke). Noteworthy aspects are beginning to challenge the public perceptions and generalizations by looking at whether the disadvantages to children are due to poverty versus family structure, along with whether marital status itself makes a difference when compared to the quality of parenting. It is no secret that single parents are at an economic disadvantage, considering they are supporting themselves and their children solely on one income. According to Paul R. Amato, a

Choate 2 distinguished Professor of Sociology and Demography for Pennsylvania State University, Economic resources explain some of the differences in well-being between children with single parents and those with continuously married parents. One who shares similar views as Amato would expect children living with two adults to do just as well as those living with their married, biological parents (Amato). Extensive research, on the other hand, proves that children living with two adults do not do as well as children living with happily married, biological parents on a number of variables (DePaulo). While it is true that many families with two parents tend to have higher incomes than those with one parent, the well-being of a child cannot be determined by the lack or loss of income without taking the family structure into account. Family situations often change, which makes understanding the effects of family structure on children more complicated than meets the eye. Many children live in more than one type of family during the course of their childhoods. For instance, the majority of children in step-families have also lived in a single-parent family at some point. During nationally demonstrative samples taken by Psychology Today, several different types of U.S. households were used for the study, such as: two-parent biological households, single-mother households, adoptive households, stepmother, and stepfather households. The dissimilarities between the relationships each child had with grades, siblings, friends, and even substance abuse showed very little to no differences at all. Social scientist researchers found that the cause for problematic children, in fact, did not concern if they lived with both parents or not (DePaulo). Instead, whether children had any trouble with these interactions depended on whether there was a great deal of conflict within families, high amounts of disputes between parents, or endless arguments between parents and kids.

Choate 3 Mom and Dad. In our cultural fantasies, according to Bella DePaulo, the author of Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After, that team will always be #1 when it comes to raising happy and healthy kids. In individual circumstances, however, marriage may or may not make children better off. This all depends on whether the marriage is happy and healthy. The quality of the relationship between parents is what truly matters to a childs well-being (DePaulo). Children who grow up in married families with high conflict experience lower emotional well-being than children who live in low-conflict families. Experiencing chronic conflict between married parents is essentially stressful for children. They may experience twice as many problems as children of divorced or never-married parents (Parke). Furthermore, children learn poor relationship skills from parents who are not able to solve problems agreeably. When parents have a highly frictional relationship, children are most likely better off in the long run if their parents go ahead with a divorce. Single parents tend to feel isolated and alone, but the number of single-parent families has more than doubled over the past 25 years. Today, over 16 million children are living in single-parent homes (Successful). Single parenting will typically happen when a family experiences a divorce, when a spouse is away for an extended period of time, when parents do not marry and one parent chooses to raise children, or when a spouse dies. Disregarding the different types of situations, critics and marriage advocates often presume the average single parent to be less emotionally supportive and to engage in more conflict with their children than those of a married couple (Amato). The odds look promising for children raised by two parents unless one knows that 50 percent of marriages in the United States experience a high amount of disagreement and end in divorce. What majority of critics and marriage advocates neglect to

Choate 4 specify is that married couples are only more beneficial to a childs well-being when they have a healthy marriage with very little conflict. Because single parents are regularly stigmatized by the public, many start to believe that two parents will always be better for children than one parent. Generalizations fall hard particularly on single mothers. Many believe that children raised by single moms carry traits that select them into single parenthood (Banks). Most deficits in single-parenting result from trying to raise children without the help of the other biological parent, but not all children growing up in single-parent families experience harmful consequences, just as not all overweight people have heart attacks. No one can deny that there is power in the negative example. Pamela Gwyn Kripke claims, My kids have witnessed it firsthand. They have felt the rancor, lived for a time in the forbidden middle. Yet they have learned and have emerged with the kind of human insight that will serve them wellthe kind of insight I wish I had had before making a bad choice. Instead of hiding things, the author started conversations with her two daughters about options, selfknowledge, and trust. She would tell them about integrity, morality, honesty, and teach them the difference between emotion and reason (Kripke). I told them about the boyfriends they would one day have and the qualities that they should look for in a mate. As a result, my daughters know how to make decisions for themselves and advocate for their needs. In the reality, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics, single parents often develop closer relationships with their children than do parents in more traditional, two-parent families (Successful). Other relationships may become more important, too, such as the children's connections with their extended family. These children with single mothers often have strong bonds with uncles or grandpa, filling the void of a father figure.

Choate 5

There are worse things than not having a father. What puts children at risk is not their single mother, but the instability financial and emotional that often comes with being unpartnered. A married parent does not automatically make them a good parent. A single parent who ignores the numbers that claims to calculate their familys fate and learns to trust their instincts, ask for help, and listen to their children is what makes a good parent (Banks). Being a single parent may well be a real challenge, but single parents can and do find ways to help their children grow up to be happy, healthy, and productive adults that place a high value on family unity and relationships. Comparing two-parent families with all single-parent families often masks important subtleties. While this research has revealed important nuances about the effects of all different family types on children, many questions remain unanswered (Parke). Certainly, two good parents are better than one. That's a truth that cannot be avoided. Single-parent families may have problems; however, all families face problems of one kind or another, and most of them survive the difficulties and come out stronger as a result of their experiences. So, with onequarter of this country's children are being raised by single women, why wouldnt the parenting quality of those single women be able to measure up to the quantity of two parents? What those 18 million children need most is support for their single parent (Banks). What they don't need is the burden of society's judgment. Focusing on the weaknesses and problems doesn't help single parents and their children become strong. The broad-brush portrait that paints single-parented families as failures will change when single parents are embraced and when those children are expected to thrive.

Choate 6 References Amato, Paul. "Journal Issue: Marriage and Child Wellbeing." The Future of Children. Princeton Bookings, n.d. Web. 30 Oct. 2013. <http://futureofchildren.org/publications/journals/article/index.xml?journalid=37&articl eid=107&sectionid=692>. Banks, Sandy. "The stereotype and the single mother." Los Angeles Times. Los Angeles Times, 30 Nov. 2012. Web. 30 Oct. 2013. <http://articles.latimes.com/2012/nov/30/local/la-mebanks-singlemothers-20121201>. DePaulo, Bella. "Children of Single Mothers: How Do They Really Fare?." Living Single. Psychology Tody, 16 Jan. 2009. Web. 30 Oct. 2013. <http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-single/200901/children-single-mothershow-do-they-really-fare>. Kripke, Pamela. "Its Better To Be Raised by a Single Mom." Single Moms Raise Sturdier Kids. Slate Magazine, 3 Jan. 2013. Web. 30 Oct. 2013. <http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2013/01/single_moms_are_better_kid s_raised_by_single_mothers_are_sturdier.html>. Parke, Mary. "Are Married Parents Really Better for Children? ." CLASP. Center for Law and Social Policy, n.d. Web. 30 Oct. 2013. <http://www.clasp.org/admin/site/publications_states/files/0086.pdf>. "Successful Single-Parenting." PEN Notes: Fact Sheet #25. Parent Education Network, n.d. Web. 30 Oct. 2013. <http://www.wpen.net/PDF/PENNotes/25SuccessfulSingleParenting0709.pdf>.