Taking an honest mommy assessment.

I recently read one of those blog posts about motherhood that gets shared and shared and shared again on Facebook. This particular one has been on my heart since I read it. It has stirred in me a righteous anger for Gods word and calling to mothers. This blog encouraged mothers to seek out help in their day-to-day lives because we are too overwhelmed to handle all the tasks we have. It referenced the Proverbs 31 woman as being able to do all she did because she had servants. It also referenced the wonderful Titus 2 calling to women as a calling for older women to come serve the young moms in task. There is so much about this article that really broke my heart. I dont know the woman who wrote it and I dont know if anyone who might read this knows her, but my prayer is that what I am about to say is taken in the spirit in which it is written. My heart is broken for moms who are being Pharisees to themselves. My heart is broken for scripture being taken out of context. My heart is broken for moms who have become task idolaters who think we must have perfect lives, and that the messy lives we have are too much to handle. My sincerest and simplest prayer is that all these things are addressed Biblically and lovingly and WITH ENCOURAGEMENT in the paragraphs to follow. The Proverb that was referenced in this particular blog talks about a virtuous woman. This word is chayil in Hebrew. It means strong, mighty, or efficient. It can also indicate an army-like force. The 6 or 7 words that reference her having help is really straightforward, and in context, the emphasis is that she is generous to her maidservants. This is a woman who is not lazy. She does have maidservants, obviously, since its mentioned, but the fact that she has them is not the point here. The point is that she is generous to them, before they have even awoken! Lets take her as an example, not an ideal. I see a woman who is exhaustless. An army-like force? Thats unstoppable! The thing is, I read all she does and I cant imagine that she is not tired. She does more in a day than I do in the 9 hours my husband is gone to work (after Ive gone to sleep at 8pm and woken at 8am)!!! What really stands out to me as I read about this strong woman is that I see no complaining here. I see no expectations that she receive help. In fact, I see her portraying the Gospel in every moment of her day, giving of herself to her family and her servants. I am about to say something that might rub your rhubarb the wrong way. If it does, please, remember that this is written from a heart that is burdened and sad about the condition of our lives as Christian mothers. My goal is to encourage you and give you hope that there can be happier, holier days ahead where we dont feel so overwhelmed!

We have become Mommy Pharisees. We have put unrealistic expectations on ourselves. I hear moms say, society tells me Im worthless as a stay-at-home-mom, and so, society has made it impossible for me to live up to this role. Nonsense. Society has only told us what we have allowed our own minds to tell ourselves. We have somehow come to tell ourselves (and each other) that our lives in our homes require more material performance than spiritual, and that we arent good enough if we dont have perfectly cleaned and orderly rooms. My prayer is that we would work as hard as we can at our tasks, like this Biblical woman, but that we dont impose man made standards on ourselves. God will never call us to a job He cannot equip us to do. Hebrews 13 says Now the God of peace, who brought up from the dead the great Shepherd of the sheep through the blood of the eternal covenant, even Jesus our Lord, equip you in every good thing to do His will, working in us that which is pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be the glory forever and ever. Amen. If God can raise Jesus from the dead, I know He can make us able to thrive as mothers. I myself struggle!!! I just recently was able to, with His grace, give up the compulsive need I had (for 3.5 years) to spend each evening meticulously organizing toys. I knew just how many matchbox cars my kids had and I couldnt rest until each one was present and accounted for. I could attach pictures to this of my upstairs bathrooms bathwater from 3 days ago still in the tub and old diapers waiting to be kicked down the stairs. Or the kitchen garbage sitting in the middle of the room, each of us stuffing more and more into the can than it should ever hold! But, really, these things dont matter and we shouldnt be looking at what each other does or doesnt get to each day. We need to look upwards to Jesus ONLY. My heart aches when I hear moms say, if so-and-so can do it with 3, I should be able to do it with 1. We should be saying to ourselves, If God has enabled me to do it today, I should be able to do it today. I am a self-admitted yeller. I kept praying and praying for God to change this in me. I posted Ephesians 4:29 in three different translations around the house. Nothing worked until I was helping my dad unpack in his new home. I was entirely going off on my kids for getting in my way. I was exhausted and angry and on the drive home, God spoke to my heart loud and clear. You make an idol of tasks. You feel that completing a task is more important than taking the time to stop and demonstrate Jesus to your kids when they are fighting or disobeying or yearning for your attention. Stopped me dead in my tracks. My priorities have been so terribly off. The important things in our lives arent crossing items off a todo list. If we have our ideal of having perfect houses or being able to be busy doing stuff above having holy hearts, we choose wrong. There is nothing more important than showing your kids Christ. What I mean about showing your kids Christ over finishing a task is: taking the time to, first of all, stop stressing (Romans 8:6), stop yelling (Eph 4:29), and taking the time to stop and discipline them in a Biblical way (Prov 13:24), if needed, or refocus

them. In my house, we often live from a pile of laundry on our master bedroom floor, or out of baskets if Ive helped my littles sort it for me. We embrace this because we have come to realize someday we will have lots of time to put laundry away. Today, we dont!! Not feeling like we have to do it all is a huge relief and a freeing way to live. Besides, if I am holding my house to such a high standard, I am only going to get angry with my kids for messing it up 8 seconds later. I used to be a part of the music team at church and I also used to run the nursery. I had to step down from those ministries once I had my second because I was too overwhelmed and I found myself becoming bitter at my kids for hindering my other ministries. Um??? What?! My kids ARE my ministries!! If my right hand causes me to sin.Really! Im serious. If we are late to church at the expense of having gotten out of the house with Mommy displaying a loving attitude or administering redemptive discipline, instead of yelling or throwing around angry spanks, we are much better off than if wed arrived on time and ugly. Motherhood is an enormous privilege. It is a frightening, humbling, honoring privilege. It is an opportunity to daily live, breathe, teach, and demonstrate the Gospel by the 24/7 giving of ourselves sacrificially to others. Every single second of our breathing life is yet another opportunity to demonstrate Christ to our families and communities by choosing to take the time to give of ourselves. This means you have 86,400 seconds a day to show your children who Christ is. Children are NOT a burden, joyous or otherwise. God chose us for this job. This alone should make us thank Him and work for Him, joyously and sacrificially (Colossians 3:23-24). Im not saying kids arent tough. But Ive realized that 90% of my feeling overwhelmed is my own fault. And I kindly say to all you moms.if you feel embarrassed by the dishes that are piled up, the vacuuming that awaits, the laundry pilesthats your fault. If someone is going to come visiting and if they are going to judge you for your house looking a mess, why are they your friends anyway?? Are you making friends who build you up (1 Thes 5:11) or tear you down in their attitudes? Im serious!! Are you? This isnt society telling you arent good enough because you couldnt scrub toilets today! This is your own wrong thinking!! Now, the other 10% of my feeling overwhelmed is just because, yes, kids can be overwhelming. They are loud and messy and impulsive. But guess what? They are doing their jobs. They are little bodies with big emotions that are filled with sin. Im sad to say (to myself first) that its us moms who arent doing ours most of the time. We are adults who are able to practice self-control and are filled with the Holy Spirit. If we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. There are times we do need help. We have babies and sickness and surgery and emotional hardships. My prayer for you is that you belong to a healthy, working church like I do, which can come alongside you during those times. Ask for it when you need it. But if you are just generally a tired mom, I gently remind you that we all are. If you can afford a housekeeper, go for it!! Im not saying its wrong to have help. Im saying can I encourage you to change your priorities and so live a happier life?

It is so very easy to grow a victim mentality. Its so hard. Im home alone with these kids all day and nobody knows how awful it really is. So-and-sos kids always follow them nicely into Bible study and it never takes them half an hour of time-outs to leave because their daughter never throws a screaming tantrum over holding hands (true story). Before I even know it, I am not only going down that path, I am skipping down it swinging my picnic basket because I intend to stay there for lunch. The Titus 2 woman is a lady we all need in our lives. Do you have one? Find one!!! I have a few, but my expectation isnt that they come to my house and babysit so I can catch a break. My expectation is that when I am struggling, I can look to them, call them, email them and reflect on their godly example. Their jobs are to train us to love our husbands and children, be self-controlled, pure, workers at home.. This Greek word train is sophronizo, better translated encourage or, literally, restore to ones senses, hold one to his duty, exhort earnestly. I need someone to hold me to my duty; to be a homemaker; to be of a sound mind and able to curb my desires and impulses (all more literal translations of the verse). This serves me much better in the long run. And I would encourage all of us to be a Titus 2 woman in attitude and deed for the younger ladies in our churches (and our daughters). Lets be looking out for how we can serve others rather than having an attitude of needing to be served (Philippians 2:3. Memorize it). Shall I finally end? I will leave you with this. We dont need more blog posts encouraging us to let go of mom guilt. We dont need to feel upset that the older women in the church, or other people, arent coming over to do our dishes or babysit. We need more Jesus. We need to STOP feeding ourselves lies and comparisons and we need to start filling our mind with ways we can be like Jesus, who condescended to come to our world and get messy on our behalf. I want to be a Proverbs 31 woman in that I want to be a woman who fears the Lord. Let me share this hymn: May the mind of Christ my Savior Live in me from day to day, by His love and power controlling all I do and say. May the Word of Christ dwell richly in my heart from hour to hour, so that all may see I triumph only through His power. May the peace of Christ my Savior rule my life in every thing, that I may be calm to comfort sick and sorrowing. May the love of Jesus fill me, as the waters fill the sea; Him exalting, self abasing, this is victory. May I run the race before me, strong and brave to face the foe, looking only unto Jesus as I onward go.