A Taste of Death

Thirty Days with U.G. in Gstaad, Switzerland

Mahesh Bhatt (with U.G. and Narayana Moorty) while writing U.G.'s biography in Carmel, California, A g st !""!

by Mahesh Bhatt

GSTAAD SUMMER 1995

10 July 1995 ... DAY ONE Zurich is hot, very hot. Europe is going through the worst heat wave in years. U.G. receives me at the airport with Sushma (the French ex-Rajneeshi who was once a pharmacist . !e "rive to the hote# which is situate" in a see"y area. $ur hote# is san"wiche" %etween two sex shops. !e have #unch in a vegetarian restaurant. Foo" there is so#" %y weight. &ate in the evening, 'ario arrives with (Gorgeous( (&isa . 'ario an" &isa, too, were Rajneeshis not very #ong ago. () cou#" not se## the images o* the go""ess &a+shmi, nor cou#" ) se## the ,u""has at the *air in 'unich,( says 'ario on arriva#. U.G. #aughs. !e-re #eaving *or Gstaa" ear#y in the morning. ('ahesh is a wor+aho#ic,( says U.G., (.e-s #ost without his wor+. .ow wi## he survive *or a month in Gstaa"/( () must write an artic#e on wor+aho#ism,( ) say to myse#*. &ate in the evening, as ) hear the church %e##s ring, ) won"er what time it must %e %ac+ in )n"ia. 0s ) wan"er in the streets o* Zurich, ) *in" that ) am #oo+ing more at +i"s an" %a%ies in their prams than at the so-ca##e" sexy chic+s. ) won"er i* ) am going through my mi"-#i*e crisis. !hat e#se "o you expect at 12/ Soun"s o* prostitutes *ighting in the streets ming#e with the a#arm o* a car. ) toss an" turn a## night. Fina##y, as ) pass out, the wor"s o* U.G. echo3 ()* you "on-t te## yourse#* where you are, how "o you +now that you are in Zurich/( 0n" i* ) "on-t te## myse#* this is me who is s#eeping in the %e", how wou#" ) +now it is me/ )-m struc+ with *ear. 11 July ... DAY TWO 0t "awn as we chec+ out o* the hote#, we *in" that there is no one to c#ose our account. 0t #ast, a %u#+y #oo+ing "run+ porter he#ps us out. (For a porter he "i" a goo" jo% as a receptionist,( says U.G. as we step out into a coo# "awn ma+ing our way through the "eserte" %ut not so c#ean streets o* Zurich. 4he city-s tower c#oc+ shows ten minutes to six. Zurich is wa+ing up to a new "ay. 4he %#ue trams in the city s5uare remin" me o* the re" trams o* my chi#"hoo" in ,om%ay. !e are "riving a#ong in Sushma-s car. (4here-s nothing that money can-t %uy,( says U.G., reacting to the o#" ,eat#es- num%er (6an-t ,uy 'e &ove( which is p#aying on Sushma-s tape recor"er. (&oo+ at their own #ives. 4he ,eat#es cou#" not #ove one another an" u#timate#y ha" to sp#it up. Singing songs o* #ove to ma+e money was their on#y cree"....( 4rue. !ithout the wor" -#ove- the entire music in"ustry wou#" co##apse. 6an you imagine the wor#" without #ove songs/ 0## o* us in the movie an" music in"ustries wou#" %e unemp#oye". )-m remin"e" o* what my wi*e, Soni, to#" me yester"ay over the phone3 () can-t ma+e these #ong ca##s every "ay to you, 'ahesh. 4hey-re too expensive. 7ou ca## me8( ) am hurt. () un"erstan",( )

say, trying to appear very mature. 9ust %e*ore hanging up she says, (:on-t #ose a## the money you have as you "i" %e*ore.( 0n" then mum%#ing a hurrie", () #ove you,( she hangs up. !e are thirty-nine +i#ometers away *rom ,ern. 4he sensuous voice o* a woman emanates *rom the tape "ec+. (:o you #i+e music, U.G./( ) as+, pushing my hea" in %etween the two *ront seats o* the car. () pre*er the %ar+ing o* a "og, the grunting o* a pig, an" the neighing o* a horse. 4here is #i*e in them, some vita#ity. &istening to music is a sensua# activity.... ( (Even bhajans an" hymns/( ) as+. (7es, everything. )n *act, your Go" is the u#timate p#easure your min" has create" ....( $ut there in the *ie#"s the orange g#ow o* the morning sun ma+es every %#a"e o* grass spar+#e. 0t ; in the morning, as we enter ,ern, we hit a tra**ic jam. U.G. says, (.uman %eings are the same a## over the wor#". 4hat Swiss guy ahea" o* us who is cursing the tra**ic is no "i**erent *rom the guy in ,om%ay or the guy in 'a"ras.( Gstaad (4he re#ationship you have with money says it a##. !hen <a#entine "ie", ) as+e" 6han"rase+har to ta+e the go#" out o* her teeth %e*ore cremating her. :o you +now that the 6atho#ic church pai" => mi##ion "o##ars to those young %oys so"omi?e" %y the priests/( (7ou are in"ivi"ua##y, so#e#y, an" who##y responsi%#e *or the s#um situation in ,om%ay. Seventy*ive percent o* ,om%ayites #ive in the s#ums %ecause o* peop#e #i+e you an" me.( Something te##s me that this summer with U.G. is going to %e hot. :on-t they say the #ight %urns %rightest %e*ore it goes out/ 0t "inner. U.G. an" ) "iscuss with 'arisa, the )ta#ian scu#ptress, ,o"i#, the Swe"ish painter, an" @ro*essor Gott*rie" 'eyer, the German painter, the theme o* my new *i#m a%out an aging actress. (Re+ha is the right choice *or the ro#e, 'ahesh. She is herse#* %att#ing with the pro%#em right now. 4he movie wi## have the pu#se an" the %eat o* the now,( says U.G. 4he re#ationship %etween *eminine %eauty an" power, estrogen therapy, an" man-s 5uest *or permanence are the themes at the "ining ta%#e. ('an-s war against aging wi## never %e won,( says U.G. summing up a #ong, "rawn-out conversation. (0rt is %orn out o* *rustration. Everything is %orn out o* *rustration.( 4he jet #ag is %eginning to hit me now. 1 July ... DAY T!REE 4hey have a tennis competition going on in the va##ey, "own %e#ow. 4his p#ace is crow"e". 'any peop#e *rom a## over the wor#" have come to watch the matches. 4here are no rooms avai#a%#e *or rent in Gstaa". 7ehu"i 'enuhin is ho#"ing a series o* musica# concerts in the Saanen church.

4his morning, a*ter *ixing me my secon" cup o* co**ee, U.G. narrate" this *unny inci"ent that too+ p#ace in his chi#"hoo" on a rai#way p#at*orm. 4he inci"ent3 as U.G. steppe" out *rom a com*orta%#e *irst c#ass compartment onto the rai#way p#at*orm in 'a"ras, he ran into his gran"*ather, who ha" just gotten "own *rom a crow"e" thir"-c#ass compartment o* the same train. 4he sight o* his gran"son a#ighting *rom a *irst c#ass compartment ma"e the o#" man *urious. (.ow can you "o this/( the o#" man sai". (!e sweat "ay an" night to see that you have a com*orta%#e *uture, an" here you are, %#owing it a## up8( Guess what U.G.-s rep#y was. .e sai", (!hy wait *or the *uture/ 7ou have seen with your own eyes how com*orta%#e ) am a#rea"y with your har"-earne" money. )sn-t that what you wante"/( ) wa#+ towar"s a hote# in Saanen to meet 0jay :evgan who is shooting a *i#m here in Swit?er#an". $n the way ) run into a pretty #oo+ing young gir# whom at *irst sight ) "on-t recogni?e. She-s 4win+#e, :imp#e-s "aughter. She-s hurrying to *inish her #ast- minute shopping in Gstaa". 4he movie pro"uction unit o* which she is a mem%er is #eaving *or )n"ia in the evening. 'y meeting with 0jay is goo". ) #i+e this guyA he has a charm o* his own. $n my way %ac+, ) run into Saroj Bhan, the *amous choreographer *rom ,o##ywoo". She %egins to comp#ain to me, as a#ways, a%out her son, Raju, who is my *avorite choreographer. (!hy "o you on#y wor+ with my son/ !hy not with me/ 0m ) not goo"/ Give me at #east some *i#ms to "o,( she says. !e##, here-s the rea#-#i*e story o* a mother trying to gra% a (morse# o* *oo"( *rom her son. 4hat-s show %usiness. )-m rea"ing the screen p#ay o* (4en"er 'ercies(, the *i#m *or which Ro%ert :uva## got his *irst 0ca"emy 0war". 4his *i#m a#so won an awar" *or the %est screen p#ay. 4here-s a #ine in the movie which ) #ove"3 () "istrust happiness.( 4he #i*e-a**irming c#imax o* this movie, though #ow+eye" %y popu#ar )n"ian movie stan"ar"s, is rather e**ective. 0t times, #ess is more. 1" July ... DAY #OUR (0 *#ower "oes not preach,( sai" U.G. ear#ier this morning. (7our Re+ha story a%out the aging actress wi## certain#y wor+. 7our story mirrors what everyone wants. She-## %e remem%ere" *or this ro#e. ,ut she must not ma+e a %ig thing a%out turning her %ac+ on the show %usiness. She must grace*u##y pu## the #i*e#ine out an" 5uit.( $deas fo% &A'()' A*t%ess&+ )n the #ast scene, the heroine must wa#+ up to the hero an" than+ him *or showing her the mirror. )n the c#imax scene, she must go out into the wor#" without her ma+eup which has %een her armor. 0s the "awn revea#s her *ace, the au"ience must "iscover her age#ess %eauty. !e shou#" *ree?e the #ast image in an extreme c#ose-up, with the voice o* the hero saying, (7ou-re %eauti*u#....( 0t supper time, a*ter the crow" #eaves, Gott*rie", ,o"i#, 'arisa, an" ) ta#+ a%out U.G. an" "eath. 4he conversation soon gravitates towar" the su%ject o* aging. 'arisa mentions her *rien" who, having ma"e a## the e**orts to stay eterna##y young, one "ay 5uit ma+ing up her *ace an" wa#+e" into a %eauty par#or an", watching a## her *rien"s who were sti## strugg#ing with their ma+e-ups, announce", (.ey *o#+s, how "o you #i+e the new me/( ) thin+ this wi## ma+e an interesting scene. ,o"i#, the Swe"ish painter, suggests that in the movie the heroine must "rop a## her ma+e-up materia#s one %y one an" wa#+ into the sunset.

) #i+e the guts an" sense o* humor o* 'arisa. ) must put a character #i+e her in my movie. )t wi## wor+ as a goo" counterpoint to the heroine-s character. Gott*rie" points out that here in the !est it is not on#y the #iving who ma+e themse#ves up, %ut even the "ea" are ma"e up. 4his o%session with youth*u# #oo+s has reache" a%sur" proportions. 'arisa says it-s a%sur" that it is consi"ere" o+ay to put onese#* a*ter "eath into a "eep-*ree?e, hoping that one "ay the cure to the ai#ment one "ies o* wi## %e *oun" an" one wi## %e resurrecte", %ut one is consi"ere" a crimina# when he "isconnects onese#* *rom the #i*esupport "evices an" en"s his own #i*e to escape *rom pain. 4o"ay is *u## moon "ay. &ightning an" thun"er *i## the room with "ramatic #ight an" soun" e**ects. U.G. is s#eeping. 9ust %e*ore he retire" into his room he sai", (See you, i* )-m sti## a#ive tomorrow morning.( 0s the night "eepens an" a## the guests #eave, ) "iscover the p#ace is too 5uiet *or my com*ort. 1, July ... DAY #$-E U.G. suggests that the actress shou#" "iscover the %eauty that is there in those *aces out there in the streets an" s#ums o* )n"ia. )t has never %een to#" to the wor#" that the #ast scene o* my *i#m (0rth(, in which the heroine turns her %ac+ on her hus%an" an" her #over an" wa#+s away a#one, was in *act suggeste" an" insiste" upon %y U.G. U.G. "i" this "espite the *ierce opposition he *ace" *rom the *i#m experts who prophesie" that such an en"ing wou#" "estroy the %ox o**ice prospects o* the movie. !e##, what happene" is history. 4he *i#m wor+e" on#y %ecause o* the en". (4he cosmetic in"ustry, the %eauticians, the *ashion "esigners, the garment manu*acturers, an" the *ashion maga?ines -- a## wi## %e up in arms against you i* you paint them as vi##ains in your movie,( says U.G. ) am %eginning to see the point he-s trying to ma+e to me. )* you give up your strugg#e to stay eterna##y young an" "on-t see+ the he#p o* a## these peop#e who cater to that nee", what ho#" wou#" they have over you/ 4hey wou#" %e out o* %usiness. &ate in the evening, as U.G. is giving his usua# ta#+, a worn-out, haggar" man wa#+s in. .e is Scotty-Scott, my *rien" *rom $jai. )-m meeting him a*ter years. .e #oo+s sa". 0*ter Scott #eaves, ) sit "own with U.G. an" as+ him what he thin+s cou#" %e %othering Scott. !hy was he #oo+ing so sic+/ (4hese 0mericans are paranoi" peop#e. 4his *e##ow stoppe" having sa#t with his mea#s an" is suppose"#y su**ering *rom the chronic *atigue syn"rome. Sa#t is very important *or the human %o"y. 4hese "octors an" "ieticians are ta+ing you a## *or a %ig ri"e. $ne "ay they say that cho#estero# is %a" *or the %o"y, an" then a *ew years #ater they reverse their opinion an" say that cho#estero# is necessary *or the %o"y. 7ou see me every morning, "on-t you/ .ow much cream "o ) pour into my co**ee/ )-m seventy-seven years o#". !hat-s wrong with me/ 0## those "octors who suggeste" that ) shou#" not touch cream are "ea" an" gone. )-m sti## here, a#ive an" +ic+ing8( ) sense there is something strange a%out U.G. this summer. .e is tearing "own every cita"e# o* our cu#ture, no matter how #o*ty it is. &ate at night, U.G. ta#+s a%out the three ca## gir#s he met in 4o+yo. $ne was a Rajneesh *rea+, the secon", a 9. Brishnamurti *rea+, an" the thir", a ,u%%a Free 9ohn *rea+. (4hese gir#s charge C2>> *or spen"ing a night with the customers. !hen ) as+e" them how come they got so much, they exp#aine" that %e*ore an" a*ter the sex act they "iscusse" re#igion, "ivinity, an" mysticism

with their customers. 4hat is why they were so expensive.( (Sex com%ine" with re#igion a#ways wor+s at the %ox o**ice,( sai" the great 0merican :irector, 6eci# ,. :e'i##e. 15 July ... DAY S$. (Sorrow is the g#ue. 0rt, re#igion, an" that po#itica# ?ea# to improve the #ives o* the human #ot, spring *rom the *rustration an" impossi%i#ity o* ma+ing any sense out o* #i*e,( says U.G. 4a#+ing to him this morning is #i+e ta+ing o** into a c#ear s+y on a c#ear "ay. 4he vast expanse o* the s+y is #ess intimi"ating to"ay. ) as+ Gott*rie" 'eyer, the retire" German @ro*essor who once taught painting, etching, an" scu#pture at a university in South Germany3 i* he ha" to re"uce a## his teachings a%out painting an" scu#pture to one wor", what wou#" that wor" %e/ Gott*rie" unhesitating#y says, ($%serving.... $%serving #i*e, o%serving nature....( 9ust then U.G. intervenes. (7ou on#y o%serve through a vei# o* i"eas put into you %y your cu#ture. 0 rea# artist +nows that what you see out there "oes not ta##y, "oes not match with those precious artistic i"eas that you are so prou" o*. ,ut ) +now you guys won-t #isten to what ) am saying. 7ou wi## on#y %e satis*ie" when you hear what you want to hear,( sai" U.G. an" #oo+e" away #eaving us to our "iscussion. Ear#y in the evening, Scott comes an" ta+es me "own into the va##ey. .e has a cup o* co**ee an" ) have a cup o* :arjee#ing tea. Scott opens his heart to me. .e te##s me a%out the a**air his wi*e is having with a younger man. .e te##s me how her s#eeping with that man tormente" him *or eight #ong years. ,ut now he c#aims that he has succee"e" in transcen"ing that pain. .e says that he is one guy out o* a %i##ion who a##ows his wi*e to "o that without ma+ing things more "i**icu#t *or her. .e ta#+s at #ength a%out the arrangement that the mDnage E trois has struc+, an" a#so "iscusses at #ength a%out how erotic the who#e thing is. 0s ) #isten to him, )-m remin"e" o* the *#ames o* jea#ousy that engu#*e" every pore o* my %o"y when a man ma"e a pass at my woman. Go", what a messy thing our re#ationships are. 0t night, U.G. ta#+s a%out another mDnage E trois -- 9. Brishnamurti, Rosa#in" Rajagopa#, an" Rajagopa#. (... Rajagopa# put up with 9.B.-s a**air with his wi*e, an" #oo+e" the other way %ecause o* the money an" rea# estate that were invo#ve". .e was a wi##ing participant in that sor"i" "rama. :on-t exonerate these peop#e. 4hey may c#aim that they are "i**erent *rom us or"inary morta#s, %ut they are exact#y the same, perhaps worse....( 1/ July ... DAY SE-EN (4here-s nothing #i+e joint-proprietorship in the area o* human re#ationships,( says U.G., summing up the triangu#ar "rama that is p#aying havoc with Scott-s persona# #i*e. 4hat-s the rea# cause o* his sic+ness. (!i## his wi*e agree to a simi#ar arrangement o* sharing him with another woman/ )* not, why shou#" he share her with another man/ 0n" why is Scott putting up with the "iscom*ort an" pain o* her s#eeping with another guy/( (!hy/( ) as+. (7ou want to hear the %#unt *act/ )t is %ecause he unconscious#y wants to ho#" onto her %ecause o* his *ai#ing physica# hea#th, an" a#so %ecause o* the *inancia# support he gets *rom her.( 4hat ma"e sense, %ut then ) as+ him, (,ut why shou#" his wi*e sti## ho#" onto him when she has a %oy*rien"/( .e says, (She ho#"s onto him %ecause she *ee#s her %oy*rien" wi## "ump her one "ay.( (:ie ,ro+e -- Forget 0%out )nheritance -- 'a+e the most o* your money in the here an" now( -screams the cover page o* an 0merican maga?ine ca##e" ( !orth(. )t-s a maga?ine on *inancia#

inte##igence. 4he artic#e states that the more eager peop#e are to #eave an estate %ehin" *or their o**spring, the more #i+e#y they are o* choosing a 5ua#ity o* "eath over a 5ua#ity o* #i*e. 0s the "ay wears on, )-m savage" %y U.G. (... :o you +now why you want me to +eep on giving that money to your chi#"ren a*ter you-re "ea" an" gone/ )t means that you "on-t want to #et go o* that money even a*ter you-re "ea" an" gone. 7ou want to continue #iving through your +i"s a*ter you "ie. 7ou say you "on-t %e#ieve in reincarnation, you "o not %e#ieve in a*ter#i*e, you "on-t want to #eave any *ootprints %ehin". 0## that is %ogus. &i+e every%o"y e#se, you want continuity. 4hat-s a## that you are intereste" in. 7ou want to continue through your wor+, your writings, your %oo+s, your movies, or your so-ca##e" humanitarian acts.( 4o"ay is the seventh "ay an" it-s a %a" "ay. U.G.-s ta#+s are getting to me. )t-s getting "i**icu#t to hi"e. ) ta+e a #ong wa#+ towar"s the train station. ) envy a## those peop#e who are unaware o* their own "ishonesty. (Stop the wor#",( ) say to myse#*. () want to get o**.( !hen you-re with U.G., you never +now which wave wi## hit you, nor *rom which "irection it wi## come. ) *ee# #i+e a #ea* %eing %#own %y a storm. 4he Swiss 4ennis $pen is %eing p#aye" in the va##ey %e#ow. Soun"s o* peop#e cheering the winner nu"ge me %ac+ to my schoo# "ays. )-m remin"e" o* my cric+et matches. @erhaps the evening #ight is ma+ing me nosta#gic. Si#ence engu#*s the va##ey. 0s the evening "eepens, ) %ury myse#* in the newspaper. )t-s a +in" o* %un+er in which one *ee#s sa*e. )-m wrong. U.G. turns towar"s me an" su""en#y assau#ts me. .e is raging a%out his *avorite topic, (money(. ) shu""er an" shiver as he strips me pu%#ic#y. ) won"er what he-s trying to "rive home, an" ) "on-t un"erstan" him. 0*ter a very #ong time ) get the *ee#ing that )-m going to %rea+ "own an" cry. !hy am ) putting up with a## this/ !hat is it that ) see+ at the en" o* the roa"/ !hy am ) here/ !ho is this man/ !hat "o ) want *rom him/ Fothing ma+es sense, nothing. 10 July ... DAY E$G!T !o+e up to"ay a #itt#e %e*ore six. 0 "iscom*orting *ee#ing o* "rea" sha"ows me. 4he #ou"est soun" in the room is the tic+ing o* the wa##-c#oc+. 4here, *rom %ehin" the cream curtains, a new "ay is %eginning to peep in. Everything aroun" me is unusua##y sti##. &iving with U.G. is #i+e #iving with the win". 0## through the night, right up to this moment, ) *ee# as i* there is no%o"y #iving in that room next to me. 0 hot shower in a warm tu% is one he## o* an experience. Fow that one has %een *orce" to s#ow "own, one can ta+e notice an" enjoy these simp#e acts o* #i*e. U.G. once sai", (.aving a %ath is a sensua# activity. 4he re#igious man ma+es a %ig thing a%out the importance o* a %ath. .e turns the simp#e act o* pouring water over one-s %o"y into a ritua#. :on-t you see how a## you guys in your soap commercia#s en"#ess#y *#aunt an" high#ight the p#easures o* a goo" %ath/( ) thin+ o* my mother. 6hi#"hoo" images o* her #oc+ing herse#* *or hours in a sma## %athroom in our tiny mi""#e c#ass *#at in Shivaji @ar+, ,om%ay, sur*ace. .aving a %ath was my mother-s on#y reprieve *rom the he## that she #ive" in. (Goo" 'orning,( says U.G., moving towar" the +itchen. .e has ha" a #ate start this morning. )t-s a#most ; o-c#oc+ now. 4he usua# time *or him to *ix his %rea+*ast an" my co**ee is aroun" 23GH a.m. Soun"s o* cups an" spoons, cup%oar"s opening an" shutting, ming#e with the hiss o* the +ett#e. 0 voice within me as+s, (0re you rea"y *or the ta+e/ 0re you rea"y *or the Executioner-s

Song/ (7es, )-m rea"y,( ) say to myse#*, (4o"ay ) sha## stan" up an" get shot "own.( 0t the soun" o* the gong, U.G. "evours 9. Brishnamurti. !ithin secon"s he cuts him "own an" puts him into the s#ot o* a phi#osopher. 4hen he unhesitating#y %egins to praise ,ertran" Russe##. () have nothing against ,ertran" Russe## having his mu#tip#e a**airs or s#eeping with his %est *rien"-s wi*e. .e ha" no pretensions. ,ut what 9.B. "i" was "isgusting. !hy "i" he ta+e a mora# posture on the p#at*orm against sex/ !hy "i" he te## the #itt#e %oys who met him in the Unite" States, -!hy "o you want to have sex, Sirs/ !hy not just ho#" a gir#-s han"/- @ro%a%#y that phoney use" to have premature ejacu#ations.( Jott()'s+ (4rying to overta+e your sha"ow is the pro%#em. 4he tree "oes not try to overta+e its sha"ow, "oes it/ 0s #ong as you stan" in the sun, there-s going to %e a sha"ow. 4he on#y way o* getting ri" o* your sha"ow is to get ri" o* yourse#*. 'isery goes when -you- go. 0s #ong as you are there, that misery wi## %e there.( () torture you to ta+e the torture out o* me,( says ,o%, acting out a scene *rom a GIJ2 .o##ywoo" *i#m tit#e", (4he Raven.( 4he #ine says it a##. &ater in the evening, Scott an" ) go into Gstaa" to have our "ai#y co**ee an" tea. ) give him !i##iam Styron-s #atest %oo+, 0 4i"ewater 'orning. Styron is a great writer. ) just #ove his writing. 4o"ay the streets o* Gstaa" #oo+ "eserte". 4he Swiss $pen tennis mach has en"e". Scott mentions seeing some 0merican actor here in this very restaurant ear#ier this morning. (!hich 0merican actor/( ) as+. .e strugg#es, %ut cannot remem%er his name. .e #oo+s pathetic. (Go", this is what chronic *atigue syn"rome "oes to your %rain. 4he name is there in my hea", %ut ) can-t %ring it out,( says Scott, giving up. 4he night is unusua#. 11 July ... DAY N$NE (7ou-re "epen"ing on the wrong man. ) have no powers, psychic or spiritua#. 4he critica# phase o* your #i*e has #aste" too #ong.... ,ye,( sai" U.G., an" then putting "own the phone, hea"e" *or the +itchen to atten" to his pre-"awn chores o* *ixing his %rea+*ast an" my co**ee. )n the "ar+ #iving room the han"s o* the c#oc+ rea" 23=> 0.'. 4he ninth "ay o* my stay in Swit?er#an" has %egun. )nsi"e me things are unusua##y 5uiet. (4hat was a @h.:. *rom 6ana"a, :r. Raghunath. .e has comp#ete" his "issertation on 0uro%in"o. ) once he#pe" him stay away *rom )n"ia. Fow he wants to go %ac+. .e wante" to +now what +in" o* a *uture he has there,( sai" U.G. respon"ing to my unspo+en 5uestion. (!hy "oesn-t re#igion change peop#e/ :oing more an" more o* the same changes things *or the %etter on#y in the *ie#"s o* wor+ing an" %usiness, %ut not in the so-ca##e" mora# wor#".( 4here-s a *#y on my ta%#e. )t is *ee#ing its way aroun" an" is o%vious#y #oo+ing *or *oo". ) notice that whenever ) ma+e a conspicuous movement, instant#y it respon"s %y *#ying away. 4hen, si?ing up the situation, it *#ies %ac+ an" goes ahea" with its un*inishe" %usiness. (4hat-s instinct. 7our so-ca##e" protective instinct is not a natura# thing. :on-t you see, it-s wearing you out %y its constant "eman" *or permanence/ 7our thin+ing mechanism which "eman"s permanence is a "ea" thing. )t cannot touch anything #iving .... Frustration pro"uces resu#ts. 7our who#e wor#" o* art is %ui#t on *rustration. 7ou +now the age-o#" ana#ogy o* the "og an" his %one. 4he hungry "og chews on a #ean, "ry %oneA an" "oing so hurts his gums an" they %#ee". 4he poor "og

imagines that the %#oo" that he-s savoring comes *rom the %one an" not *rom himse#*.... !hatever you experience is create" %y youA an" these experiences, however intense an" great they may %e, "o not #ast.( 4he *#y on my ta%#e taught me more a%out instinct than a## the %oo+s that ) ha" rea". (,ut,( says U.G. (trying to #oo+ at a *#y every "ay an" rep#ay that experience on an" on wou#" %e a%sur"....( ,ut how can ) throw away my precious experiences into the whir#poo# o* time/ )sn-t this act o* writing my attempt to cage the #iving moment/ Stringing together such moments in some sort o* a pattern seems #i+e a goo" thing to "o. ,ut what wi## a## this achieve/ ()* you put o#" c#ichDs an" tra"itiona# stu** into something that is contemporary an" new, it "ies,( says @ro*essor 'oorty. .is wor"s teach me what not to "o with the script ) am wor+ing on. (:o you +now who that actor was, 'ahesh/( as+e" Scott, putting his mountain %icyc#e to rest against the wa##. (George 6. Scott8 Gosh, ) cou#"n-t thin+ o* his #ast name yester"ay. ) thin+ )-## go up there on the snow-cappe" mountains to"ay an" write some poetry.... See you #ater.( 4o"ay is 'ario-s thirty-*irst %irth"ay. (!hat is the meaning o* #i*e/( he jo+ing#y as+e", as we get into his car to go to the @a#ace .ote# in 'ontreux *or #unch. (4o +i## an" get +i##e", an" to justi*y that in ten "i**erent ways is the purpose an" meaning o* your #i*e,( answere" U.G., %utting in an" occupying the *ront seat. 19 July ... DAY TEN 'a+ing the %e" one s#eeps on is a tough jo%. )t-s tougher than writing. Someone has %een trying to reach me since #ast night. 4he te#ephone %e## has %een constant#y ringing an" "isconnecting just %e*ore ) get to the phone. (Fresh "oes not exist *or me. 4he i"ea o* *resh vegeta%#es, *resh cream is %ogus. 7ou se## *ro?en vegeta%#es an" *ruits an" give it the #a%e# o* -*resh- an" *oo# peop#e. .ow man has %een conne"8 4hat is why ) say that i* you %e#ieve in the <irgin 'ary, you wi## %e#ieve in anything. 7our o%session *or the -*resh- comes out o* the *ear o* #osing what you ca## (goo" hea#th(. 4he *ather o* macro%iotic "iet "ie" at the "ining ta%#e whi#e giving his #isteners a speech on eterna# goo" hea#th which he c#aime" cou#" %e achieve" through his "iet *oo". )t is the most we##-+nown secret that the mother o* the g#o%a# *a", aero%ics, 9ane Fon"a, has ha" secret %y-pass heart surgery. 9. Brishnamurti use" to have an oi# %ath every "ay to +eep his %o"y supp#e an" *it. :o you +now that the oi# came a## the way *rom Bera#a. :espite that, he "ie" a misera%#e "eath. $ne eats to pro#ong #i*eA one a#so *asts or eats #ess to pro#ong #i*e. )n short, "e#aying "eath is a## that you are intereste" in. 4hat is your agony. 4he %o"y is not intereste" in this immorta#ity game. .ea#th itse#* is a "e*inition. (7oga an" a## the exercises that you guys "o reverse the *#ow o* energy. 4he on#y exercise that anima#s "o is to run aroun" *or *oo", or run away *rom "anger. $ur who#e existence revo#ves aroun" se##ing an" %uying, an" that inc#u"es our spiritua# i"eas.... 4o con*er ever#asting *ame on a person is to immorta#i?e him. -)mmorta#- means "eath#essA an" -sou#- means an entity which is en"#ess an" ever#asting,( says U.G., rea"ing *rom the "ictionary.

(4a#+ing to you is #i+e having a "ia#ogue with :eath,( ) say to him. U.G. respon"e", (.ow can you have a "ia#ogue with :eath. 4hat -you- has to go %e*ore "eath occurs. )t-s o+ay to go on ta#+ing en"#ess#y a%out "eath an" "ying to your yester"ays.( (!hat-s your message, U.G./( ) as+ in exasperation. (:rop "ea"8( he says, staring straight at my *ace. (7ou cannot experience the "eath o* any%o"y, not even the "eath o* your near an" "ear ones. !hat you experience is the voi" create" %y the "eath o* someone you #ove.( @arting is pain*u#. ) guess in "eath it is *ar more pain*u# %ecause o* its *ina#ity. ) *i## the voi" within me %y ma+ing ca##s to my chi#"ren in )n"ia. (:o you +now that Shaheen s#eeps with your shirt on every night/( sai" Soni, (She says she #oves your sme##. She-s missing you very much.( 0 July ... DAY E2E-EN Sanjay :utt an" ) are wa#+ing together han" in han" on the crow"e" streets o* ,om%ay. ,ut no%o"y seems to ta+e any notice o* us. !hy/ (,ecause you-re "reaming,( says a voice in my hea". ) wa+e up. )t-s rather ear#y. ) ha" *orgotten to "raw the curtain %e*ore s#eeping. 4he room is %right. ) open the "iary which U.G. has presente" to me an" cross out the "ate 9u#y =>. 4o"ay is my GGth "ay in (@ara"ise(. !hew8 )t raine" #ast night. 4he sme## o* wet grass remin"s me o* Shivaji @ar+ in ,om%ay. 0re you anything e#se %ut a %un"#e o* soun"s, sme##s, sights, an" tastes/ U.G. is up. .e steps out into the morning #ight, %are*oot, an" hea"s to the c#othes#ine to hang three pieces o* *resh#y washe" un"erwear. () go to the 'aster, not to hear him spea+, %ut to watch him tie his shoe#aces,( sai" a Zen pupi#. 4o"ay ) wi## "o exact#y what that mon+ ha" sai". 4he simp#e act o* hanging his c#othes is *or U.G. the %e-a## an" en"-a## o* his existence. .e-s comp#ete#y in it. 0## there, tota##y there. .is *ace shows a sense o* won"er as he c#ips his vest to the #ine, straightening out the tiniest *o#". &iving *rom moment to moment is a physica# *act *or this man, not a superimpose" phi#osophica# concept. $pening the curtains, U.G. #ets the morning into the #iving room. 4hen he grace*u##y g#i"es in %etween the so*a an" the cup%oar", smoothes the cover on his chair, an" sets the pi##ow right. @utting things in or"er is so easy *or him. .e-s now #oo+ing *or something which he is una%#e to *in". .is eyes scan the room. (4here was a penci# near the phone,( he says. Su""en#y ) rea#i?e3 ) who use the phone the most ha" a#so *e#t that the penci# was missing, %ut "i" nothing a%out itA whi#e here was a guy who se#"om uses the phone an" has no use *or the penci#, %ut who is "oing something a%out it. ()-m sure 9u#ie must have ta+en it,( he says with certainty. 4hen *in"ing a new pen *or the corner, he sett#es "own in the #iving room. Everything is sti## now. 4he en"ing o* his movement is #i+e the en"ing o* a musica# phrase. 0n overpowering si#ence "escen"s into the room. (0s #ong as there is recognition, there is no si#ence. 4hat recognition is you. 4hat is 'ahesh. 4hat noise o* that train passing which you hear now is the one that is si#encing you, putting you to an en". 7ou cannot ta+e it, so you run away. 9ust as you cannot stare at the sun #ong without going %#in", you cannot #isten to the soun"s aroun" you.(

,o% an" @au#, the 0merican *rien"s *rom 6a#i*ornia, come "own an" sit an" ta#+ a%out their *rien" 6onnie. 6onnie was a see+er who, having gone through the spiritua# %a?aar, too+ to a#coho#. 6onnie is missing in 4hai#an". ,o% says that the 0merican Em%assy in ,ern ha" trie" to contact them. 4hey sense trou%#e. (.e is pro%a%#y "ea",( says ,o%, #oo+ing a%so#ute#y in contro#. (.uman *rai#ties an" *oi%#es are not accepte" %y me. 4hey are o+ay *or a re#igious man %ecause they %ecome a source o* #iving *or him. :on-t you see, these gurus, psychiatrists, an" therapists #ive o** your *rai#ties an" *oi%#es,( "ec#ares U.G. 4onight-s movie is (E" !oo"(. )t-s a %#ac+-an"-white come"y %ase" on the #i*e o* a *i#m "irector who at the very en" o* his #i*e got the awar" o* !or#"-s !orst :irector. ) #ove" the *i#m. 4he re#ationship %etween a has-%een actor an" a *ai#e" young "irector was heart-wrenching to watch. &ater, a*ter the show, ) watche" 9u#ie an" 'oorty p#aying with the )nternet an" the !or#" !i"e !e%. U.G. is now avai#a%#e to the *orty to seventy mi##ion peop#e aroun" the wor#" who have access to the )nternet. (Gosh, #oo+ what techno#ogy has "one, U.G.,( ) say, *ascinate". (,ut "on-t *orget that the same techno#ogy is %eing use" to +i## an" "estroy #i*e,( says U.G., not #oo+ing impresse". 1 July ... DAY TWE2-E Fi#m %usiness just chews you up an" spits you out on the si"ewa#+. 4o survive in the show %usiness you nee" guts an" the a%i#ity to constant#y resurrect an" reinvent yourse#*. $ne-s character is "etermine" %y one-s response to a situation. 7ou are what you "o, not what you say you want to "o. (7ou thin+ when you "on-t want to "o anything. 4hin+ing is a poor a#ternative to acting. 7our thin+ing is consuming a## your energy. 0ct, "on-t thin+8( says U.G., turning his *ire in my "irection. !hen U.G. goes *or you, he "oes not pause, not even *or a minute. ()-m #i+e an anima#,( he says. () either *ight ti## ) +i## you, or ) just run away.( )-m a wor+aho#ic. ) am su**ering *rom wor+ with"rawa#s. ) am no "i**erent *rom a jun+ie who misses his "rug. @ro%#ems an" tensions ma+e me *ee# a#ive. @ro%#ems crysta##i?e me, "e*ine me. 7ou-re right, U.G. !e #ove pro%#ems. (7ou have to pay *or your attachments. 7ou cannot have it %oth ways,( says U.G. to 'ario. 4hey are "iscussing the pro%#ems o* his house an" his woman. (.arsh *act is the greatest teacher. )t is that which wi## spur you into action.( ) interrupt him, saying (U.G., every time you state a *act, ) with"raw *rom you, why/( .e smi#es an", #oo+ing straight into my eyes, says, (7ou not on#y with"raw *rom me, %ut a#so *rom the harsh rea#ity o* the wor#". !hy was 9u#ie con"emning the %u##*ight that she saw on the te#evision #ast night/ She sai" she cou#"n-t stan" it, %ut then why "i" she watch it/ 4he torturing o* the %u## was unaccepta%#e to her, %ut what happens then when her 0merican Government which she supports +i##s thousan"s an" thousan"s o* innocent peop#e in the name o* #i%erty.( )n the evening U.G. narrates a revea#ing inci"ent3 a woman once went to 9. Brishnamurti an" rave" a%out the creative experience which she ha" ha" the previous "ay whi#e #istening to the music o* 7ehu"i 'enuhin. Brishnamurti sai", (!hat-s so creative a%out horse-s hair ru%%ing against cat-s guts, 'a"ame/( :uring my stay here in Gstaa", ) was to#" %y an insi"er who once %e#onge" to the 9. Brishnamurti -s camp that Brishnamurti himse#* use" to #ove music. <ery o*ten he use" to #isten to the Finth Symphony. &ate in the night, ,o%, @au#, Farayana 'oorty, an" ) sit with U.G. un"er the starry s+y. Su""en#y, U.G. mau#s me3 ('ahesh, even you "on-t un"erstan" a wor" o* what ) am saying.

:on-t thin+ you-re superior to a## those guys you-re trying to #oo+ "own upon....( 4his *ee#s #i+e a han"-to-han" com%at. ) strugg#e to match him. ) *ai#. 0*ter the attac+ ) *ee# empty %ut ca#m. ) #oo+ up into the s+y an" *in" that the stars *or some reason seem %righter. )t *ee#s as i* a vei# within me has %een #i*te". 0t night, ) toss an" turn, waiting *or s#eep. July ... DAY T!$RTEEN )sn-t this thing ca##e" the ()( nothing %ut a treasure" woun" *rom the past/ ) wo+e up very ear#y this morning, ree#ing un"er the a*ter shoc+s o* #ast night-s attac+. 7ester"ay my se#*-importance too+ a %attering. !e go to a trave# agent in Gstaa". U.G. is persona##y ma+ing the reservations *or me to go %ac+ home. 4he "ate o* my "eparture has %een *ixe". )-m #eaving *or &on"on on the Kth. $n#y *i*teen more "ays here in @ain#an"8 ) %egin to see the #ight at the en" o* the tunne#. $r may%e the tunne# at the en" o* the #ight. @#ease put out the #ight. ) want my "ar+ness %ac+8 U.G. says, (Goo" 'orning,( an" moves towar" the +itchen. .e g#ances at the c#oc+ on the wa## an" announces the time. )t-s 23GH. $nce again, those *ami#iar soun"s o* pots an" pans emanate *rom the +itchen. (7our co**ee is rea"y, Sir,( he says. ) wi## not ta#+ to him to"ay at the "ining ta%#e. 4his morning )-## on#y wor+ on my script. Enter Scott, an" su""en#y there is action in the room. ()-m very much a part o* this wor#". !hat "o you want me to "o/ Go an" #ive in a cave/ 7ou are in con*#ict with this society. 4hat is why you +eep running away *rom it to search *or peace. !hy the he## "o you +eep running away to the top o* those mountains/ 4he wor#" cannot %e anything e#se %ut this,( says U.G. with unimagina%#e emphasis. ) thin+ ) now +now what my pro%#em is3 wanting to %e #i+e him is my pro%#em, my trage"y. ,ut he "oes not want me to %e #i+e him. .e wants me to %e myse#*. ,ut ) "on-t want to %e myse#*. ) want to %e #i+e him. 0n" ) +now ) can never %e #i+e him. ) can on#y preten" to %e #i+e him. 4he who#e cu#tura# game is an exercise in per*ecting your pretensions. 6an ) ever grace*u##y accept my #imitations an" stop preten"ing/ ) guess never. )-m remin"e" o* a 5uote *rom Fiet?sche3 (Show me a great man an" ) wi## show you a mon+ey o* his own i"ea#s.( .ow true. Fo won"er the poor *e##ow went ma". ,o%, @au#, an" ) stay up an" ta#+ a%out this man ca##e" U.G. @au# says you must have to %e %orn with an inc#ination towar"s this +in" o* stu** that U.G. ta#+s a%out. $therwise, why wou#" you put up with the pain an" "iscom*ort it causes. 9ust then, 'ario ca##s out to me, ('ahesh, your master wants you "own *or #unch.( 'y heart s+ips a %eat. Fow what, ) say to myse#*, an" run "own #i+e an o%e"ient chi#". .arry, whose mother ca##s him an inte##ectua# mi"get, every year gives a gi*t o* CG>> to U.G. *or his %irth"ay. 4o"ay, he has once again given him some money. U.G. says, ($* a## the guys who have given me gi*ts, yours is the most treasure", .arry. 7ou +now why/ ,ecause you c#ean toi#ets, wash win"ows, an" sweep *#oors. 'y, you wor+e" so har" to earn this money. 4hat-s

why.( U.G.-s statement surprises everyone in the room. Sweet .arry is em%arrasse", %ut very p#ease", to receive this comp#iment *rom U.G. &ate in the evening, Gott*rie" ta#+s a%out his near-"eath experiences "uring the Secon" !or#" !ar. (!hen you go through such intense experiences, you %egin to see the truth that nothing %e#ongs to you -- not your wi*e, not your "og, not your chi#" -- nothing.( 4he topic o* "eath somehow +eeps reappearing in a## our conversations. 'y, it-s hot8 9ust then the phone rings. ) run towar"s it, thin+ing it-s a ca## *or me *rom )n"ia. (6an ) spea+ to ,o% 6arr/ 4his is the U.S. Em%assy, ca##ing *rom 4hai#an".( (9ust a moment, p#ease. )-## ca## him. ,o% has %een expecting your ca## *or 5uite some time,( ) say, signa#ing to 'oorty-s son, Biran, to go an" *etch ,o%. () trie" to ca## ear#ier, %ut here in 4hai#an" a## the phone #ines have %een %a"#y hit %y a *ierce storm,( says the ca#m, pro*essiona# voice over the phone. 'oments #ater, as ) watch #ots o* peop#e in the #iving room #augh as they chat with U.G., ) cou#"n-t he#p noticing the usua##y p#easant an" se#*-containe" ,o% sitting in the corner #i+e a he#p#ess chi#" #istening intense#y to the voice on the phone. ) notice that he is getting progressive#y sha+y. ) can see that the *ina#ity o* his *rien"-s "eath is hitting him now. ) #earn *rom his conversation that 6onnie-s %o"y is not yet cremate". 4hey have %een waiting *or ,o%-s (go-ahea"(. .e gives it. 4his ca## has "one the jo% o* the prover%ia# (#ast straw(. 0s ,o% puts "own the phone, he %rea+s "own an" %egins to cry. U.G. is surprise" to see ,o% cry. En"ings are tough. " July ... DAY #OURTEEN 4here are sti## =;> (wa+ing hours( to go. )-m ha#* way through my stay here in Gstaa". )-ve %een wa#+ing a #ot here. 4he phone ca##s to )n"ia have +ept me %usy. 4a#+ing to my *o#+s "own in ,om%ay is my on#y #in+ with sanity. @eop#e say ) have #ost weight. (Foo" is the num%er one enemy o* man. !e eat too much an" we eat *or p#easure. 4he %o"y "oes not re5uire so much *oo". &ess *oo" wi## not harm you, %ut more wi## certain#y +i## you *aster,( says U.G. over %rea+*ast. (U.G., you are harsh on marriage,( says 9u#ie, "aring to wa#+ into the +itchen. (!hat e#se is that piece o* paper *or, except *or property an" security, te## me/( he as+s. She is speech#ess. S)at*hes f%o3 U.G.4s 5o)6e%sat(o)s+ ... 4he wor#"-s pro%#ems are nothing %ut extensions o* our persona# pro%#ems. ... )nsights mean nothing. )n a #iving situation, the man with insight %ehaves just #i+e any%o"y e#se. .as the psycho#ogist so#ve" *or himse#* the pro%#em that he-s trying to ana#y?e/ ... :eath is a re#ease *or the person who is su**ering. ,ut even here, you wou#" rather maintain your permanent re#ationship with the su**ering man an" +eep him going with the he#p o* a## those #i*e-support systems, rather than *ace the voi" create" %y his "eath. :o you see how se#*ish you are/ ... )n most situations you want two things at the same time. 4hat-s your trage"y.

... 0## your *eminist ta#+ isn-t worth anything. ) +now a woman who says she cannot %ear to #ive with her hus%an". She says she *in"s him "isgusting, %ut she shame#ess#y is sti## hanging on. !hy/ Simp#e, %ecause o* money, %ecause o* security. ... 7ou cry when your %est *rien" "ies, %ut you-re petri*ie" o* having to pay *or his *unera#. Fow "o you see what money means to you/ ... 7ou say, () #ove you, ) miss you,( %ut you thin+ twice %e*ore you ma+e a #ong- "istance ca##. 4hat-s why, *o#+s, ) a#ways ta#+ a%out money. 4hat-s the thing that revea#s where you are rea##y at. ... ,y giving money they contro# you, an" %y not giving money they contro# you.... 0s #ong as you want something *rom someone, there wi## a#ways %e someone out there to contro# you. For U.G., anything that is #e*t is not a saving. $n the *irst "ay o* every Few 7ear U.G. gives everything away. 4his he #earne" *rom 0nnie ,esant who in turn pic+e" this trait *rom Bing 0sho+a. .e use" to give away everything every *ive years. 4he heat wave is over. , July ... DAY #$#TEEN 'y %e" says it a##. 4he manner in which the e"ges o* the %e" cover have %een tuc+e" in revea#s the ha#*-hearte" attitu"e with which the jo% was "one. 7ou are what you "o. 7ou cannot separate yourse#* *rom your actions. 4he actions revea# you, ) say to myse#*, #oo+ing at my c#umsy %e". (7our actions are very grace*u#, U.G. ) #ove to watch you eat your oatmea# every morning,( ) say to him across the "ining ta%#e. (0## my actions are mechanica#, just #i+e the movements o* a machine,( says U.G., untouche" %y my comp#iment. (,ut a machine is not grace*u#,( ) argue. ($* course, there is tremen"ous grace in a machine. .ave you #oo+e" at the han"s o* a c#oc+/ ,y ca##ing it a machine, you are preventing yourse#* *rom seeing the grace that is present there.( ) see what he is saying. 4here is tremen"ous grace in the han"s o* a c#oc+. $ne-s conc#usions a%out things prevent one *rom #oo+ing at things as they rea##y are. (,ut U.G., #oo+8 Fow ) am #oo+ing at machines with this new concept which you have just "ishe" out which says -'achines too are grace*u#,- am ) not/-( U.G. no"s , (7es, you are.( 4hen ta+ing a sp#it secon" pause, ) as+, (.ow is this "i**erent *rom my previous conc#usion that machines are not grace*u#/( .e #aughs an" says, (Fot "i**erent.( $nce again )-ve hit a "ea" en". (So U.G., "oesn-t it mean that no matter what one "oes, one on#y #oo+s at the wor#" through one-s i"eas an" concepts/( (7es, Sir8( he says an" wa#+s into the +itchen to wash his p#astic %ow#. ,rea+*ast en"s. U.G. attac+s your pretensions. 0t *irst you *ee# strippe", na+e", %ut #ater, when that armor has co##apse", you *ee# #ight. 'y wa#+ on the streets o* Gstaa" with Scotty Scott up#i*ts my spirits. .is #i*e is simp#y stunning. 4he story o* this carpenter *rom $jai is more inspiring than a## those inspirationa# %oo+s. )t a**irms #i*e. Scott Ec+ers#ey was the so#e survivor o* the e#even hi+ers an" campers who were swept o** %y the raging current an" "rowne" in the Sespe "ownpour.

@au# SempD, 'ario, U.G., an" ) "rive into ,ern. ) sit in the %ac+ seat o* the car an" wor+ on the script o* my new movie, (4amanna(. :uring my stay here, the script is getting a "imension it cou#" never have gotten in ,om%ay. !e have #unch in a vegetarian restaurant. (&oo+ at what-s happening in )n"ia, the country which was so prou" o* Gan"hi an" his phi#osophy o* nonvio#ence. )t-s +i##ing hun"re"s o* peop#e every "ay in Bashmir to protect the i"ea o* an unite" )n"ia,( says U.G. #oo+ing towar"s @au# SempDL, who is a great a"mirer o* 'ahatma Gan"hi. $n the way %ac+ we pass through Fri%ourg. 4he *irst university in Europe was *oun"e" here. U.G. "ismisses a## universities ca##ing them concentration camps. (Bnow#e"ge is power. 4here is nothing #i+e +now#e"ge *or the sa+e o* +now#e"ge. 4he 5uest *or +now#e"ge is to "ominate your neigh%or. 4his organism "oesn-t want to #earn anything8( 0n" then su""en#y, once again, U.G. %egins to ta#+ a%out his *avorite topic, money. ('oney has nothing to "o with happiness. ,ut it is %etter to %e misera%#e with money than to %e misera%#e without it. @eop#e who "o not have money o*ten say, -&oo+ at a## those guys with money, are they happy/- 4hey say this %ecause they are jea#ous. )t is com*orting *or them to justi*y the #ac+ o* money with such statements,( he says. 0s we "rive into Saanen, ) thin+ to myse#* that statements #i+e, (7ou nee" money to get rich, %ut you nee" peop#e to %e happy,( which ) use" to *in" impressive, are nothing %ut creations o* a jea#ous min". 5 JU2Y ... DAY S$.TEEN !ow8 'y %e" #oo+s we##-"one to"ay. 4he resu#ts o* putting onese#* tota##y into what one "oes is *ar superior to those which come *rom one-s ha#*-present min", an" ha#*-hearte", se#*preoccupie" "ee"s. $ne shou#" wor+ just #i+e one ma+es #ove. 4hat carpenter *rom $jai, Scotty-Scott, who came ten "ays ago #oo+ing #i+e a man who was going to "rop "ea" any moment, #e*t yester"ay #usting *or #i*e. (.e-s got a pretty gir# *or himse#* now. 4hey-re spen"ing the night together in ,ern %e*ore he ta+es o** *or the U.S. ) thin+ ) wi## certain#y ma+e a movie one "ay %ase" on Scott-s #i*e. (!anting an" not wanting are %oth you. 4hat movement o* wanting can never stop. 4hrough the use o* a## those me"itation techni5ues prescri%e" %y therapists an" ho#y men in the mar+et p#ace, your wants on#y s#ow "own, run "own a #itt#e. ,ut they are sti## very much there in the %ac+groun". !anting not to want is a#so a want, you see. 4he en"ing o* want is "eath. :o you want "eath/ 6ontinuity is a## that you are intereste" in,( says U.G. to a #arge gathering o* exRajneeshis who have come a## the way *rom 6o#ogne, Germany, to #isten to him. A *o)6e%sat(o)+ 'ahesh3 U.G., "oes it ever cross your min" that ) shou#" %ecome #i+e you, or at #east something %etter than what ) am right now/ U.G.3 Fever. 'ahesh3 ,ut that is what ) want a## the time. ) want to %e you. !hy "o ) want to %e #i+e you/ 4e## me. ) "o not un"erstan".

U.G.3 7ou cannot un"erstan". 4hat is your trage"y. 4he strang#eho#" o* cu#ture prevents your uni5ueness *rom %#ooming. 7ou a#ways want to %ecome someone other than what you are. 4hat is happening in every area o* human activity. 4hat is why ) repeat that a## universities, a## e"ucation, a## schoo#s, a## co##eges, a## institutes that are trying to change you into a %etter person, are #i+e concentration camps. ,ut you have to #earn the #anguage o* this wor#" i* you want to survive in this man-ma"e jung#e. )* you try to protect your chi#"ren *rom these schoo#s an" institutions an" put them into some a#ternative *ancy e"ucationa# system which ta#+s against competition, that wou#" certain#y "estroy them. :on-t teach them anything against competition. Riva#ry an" competition are *acts o* #i*e. 7our chi#"ren have to #ive here, *ight here. )* you say you #ove them, he#p them get a too# to ma+e a #iving, an" then get out o* their way.... 4hat structure is on#y intereste" in wanting everyone to *it into itse#*. 4he strang#eho#" o* structure prevents your uni5ueness *rom %#ooming. 0t noon ) ca## ,om%ay an" spea+ to 'u+hesh. .is voice gives him away. ) sense he has %een "rin+ing. ) won"er how ) 5uit "rin+ing. .e is soun"ing happy. (6rimina#(, our #atest movie a%out to %e re#ease", has ma"e a #ot o* money even %e*ore it-s out in the theaters. &uc+y *e##ow. $n my way %ac+ *rom the te#ephone %ooth, ) run into ,o% an" @au#. !e sit outsi"e o* a can"y shop an" have a ma" conversation a%out what is going on in 6ha#et Sun%eam. !e a## agree that nothing o* what U.G. is saying is ma+ing any sense. 0 *ee#ing o* apprehension an" "rea" is %eginning to sha"ow me. &ater in ,o%-s room ) rea" a#ou" a #ine *rom 9. Brishnamurti-s 6ommentaries on &iving which states how this gree"y thing ca##e" the ()( wants to somehow persist an" perpetuate itse#* %y presi"ing over its own "isso#ution. U.G. storms into the room, an", pu##ing the %oo+ out o* my han"s, says, (!hatever this guy sai" "i" not operate in his #i*e. 0 guy without this thing ca##e" the -)- cannot *uc+ his %est *rien"-s wi*e, #i+e this croo+ "i".( ) spea+ to 9ustin &a?ar", the 0merican actor (9u#ie-s son over the phone. .is new te#evision series, 6entra# @ar+ !est, is going on air on Septem%er GJ, GIIH. 9ustin ta#+s to me a%out his "ream. .e "reamt that his series was a tota# *ai#ure. (&isten, 9ustin, you-re not a#one. 4hat-s the nightmare o* every entertainer in the wor#". 4a+e it easy8( ) te## him. .e #aughs, re#ieve". Show %usiness is the same everywhere. !e are at 'ario-s p#ace having )ta#ian *oo" coo+e" %y him. 6FF announces that there-s %een a %om% exp#osion in a @aris su%way. 'arisa an" @au# SempDL are upset. U.G. is tota##y unmove" %y this trage"y. .e says, (!hy are you peop#e preten"ing to %e concerne" a%out human #i*e/ !hat happens when you guys +i##/ !hat "i" you "o in )ra5/ !hy "on-t those #ea"ers who are teaching you patriotism go an" *ight those wars/ :uring the Gu#* !ar ) to#" 9u#ie, -) want to see your two sons an" "aughter sent home in a %o"y %ag. 4hen you wi## un"erstan" what "ying *or a cause means.- 4he human species is the *i#thiest species on this p#anet. )t is going to wipe itse#* out. Fo power can reverse that course.( 4here-s a pin-"rop si#ence in the room. Fo%o"y says a wor". )-m %eing ro%%e" %y the pu%#ic te#ephone at Gstaa" rai#way station. ) put *ive *rancs in the meter. )t shows ) have use" two *rancs, %ut when ) "isconnect, the te#ephone "oesn-t return my three *rancs change. 0s ) wa#+ up the hi## hea"ing towar"s 6ha#et Sun%eam, ) say to myse#*, (!e##, 'r. ,hatt, %e honest. &osing three *rancs hurts, "oesn-t it/ Fow just imagine #osing everything that you have. 4hat-s what "ying means. 0re you rea"y to "ie/( 'y entire %eing turns away *rom the 5uestion.

4here-s a room *u## o* peop#e, most#y ex-Rajneeshi sannyasis, watching a vi"eo recor"ing which was ta+en %y ,o% an" @au#. 0 hot "iscussion on the tape %etween U.G. an" a sma## group o* peop#e is +eeping us a## rivete". )t-s evening an" it-s raining outsi"e. )-m remin"e" o* those "ays when ) use" to shop aroun" *or ecstasy an" %#iss in the spiritua# supermar+et. 9ust then ) notice U.G. stan"ing in a "ar+ corner, 5uiet#y watching his own tape" "iscussion. .e #oo+s #i+e a stranger in the room. .e "oes not seem to recogni?e his own image on the 4< screen. !atching the simp#icity o* this man ca##e" U.G. is heart-%rea+ing. ) can-t he#p remem%ering the pomp an" gran"eur o* Rajneesh an" 9. Brishnamurti. .ow aware these guys were o* their own greatness8 / July ... DAY SE-ENTEEN (0ttachment %ecomes a pro%#em %ecause o* our wanting to %e "etache". !hat is wrong with attachment/ @ermanence3 we cannot ho#" onto attachments *orever. Bnowing that, one gets onto the merry-go-roun" o* "etachment. 0## this #oo+s very attractive to you %ecause you *ee# that you now have the mantra which wi## he#p you cope with the aches an" pains attachment %rings you. 4hen you get attache" to the concept o* "etachment an" spen" a #i*etime trying to ma+e the goa# o* %eing "etache" into a rea#ity,( says U.G., as ) sme## my ear#y morning co**ee. F#ies, too many *#ies. 4he Swiss *#ies are *at, un#i+e the s+inny ones we have %ac+ in )n"ia. (4he Swiss spray the grass with cow "ung. 4hey "on-t use chemica# *erti#i?ers. 4hat-s why you have so many *#ies %u??ing a## aroun" you,( says U.G., (4hey have more right to %e here than you "o.( (Goo" morning, U.G., an" than+ you very much,( ) rep#ie". 4his conversation ta+es p#ace in the *irst ha#* hour o* the morning. 4he c#oc+ shows two minutes past seven. &ater, as we ma+e our way "own the win"ing path to the main street, U.G., ma+ing sure we "on-t step on the gar"en s#ugs, an" hea"ing in the "irection o* Gstaa" post o**ice, narrates this inci"ent *rom his chi#"hoo"3 (0s a chi#" when ) saw my gran"*ather storm out o* his me"itation room an" thrash his own great gran"chi#" *or crying %ecause it "istur%e" his me"itation, ) as+e" myse#*, -!hat is this me"itation a## a%out/- ) never con"emne" his %eating o* the chi#". ) cou#" see how *rustrate" he was, an" how *u## o* rage -- he cou#"n-t he#p it. ) 5uestione" the who#e i"ea o* me"itation an" the so-ca##e" %#iss*u#, peace*u# state it is suppose" to put you into. So, since ) wante" to *in" out *or myse#*, ) %egan to me"itate. Soon ) "iscovere" *or myse#* that whatever ) experience" "uring me"itation was my own creation. ) a#so *oun" out that the teachers who mar+ete" these techni5ues to peop#e #i+e me were not in possession o* that state themse#ves. So, having me"itate" *or years, ) "roppe" it. ) sai" to myse#* that the i"ea o* a %#iss*u# state was *a#si*ying me. )t was that i"ea which was creating the opposite here, which was -me-.( (First 6ommunication, G#o%a# Reunion in 'exico, $F&7 '0S4ERS, .ermetic Societies, =1 9une, GII2 (San 9uan :ay , ego sum 5ui sum.( rea"s an E-mai# message to U.G. *rom the )nternet on 9u#ie-s computer. (4his is the %eginning,( says U.G., (o* the cra?y things that are sti## to come.( U.G., @au# SempD, Gott*rie", an" ) are "riving to 4hun *or #unch. 4he "ay is %right, c#ear an" warm. (@icasso ha" the guts to %rea+ away *rom the artistic strang#eho#" o* his times. 4hat is why his wor+ has a "istinct *ee# o* its own. ,ut un*ortunate#y he has %ecome an o%stac#e an" a %arrier

*or the painters o* to"ay. 4hey just can-t %rea+ out o* his in*#uence. 7ou have to reject the mo"e# in or"er to come into your own,( sai" U.G. with great animation, "riving home his point. 4hun is an attractive town. !e cross a %ri"ge on *oot. 4he %ri"ge is pave" with mu#ti-co#ore" *#owers. Un"er it gushes a %#ue, spar+#ing river inches away *rom one-s *eet. )t-s a rare, up#i*ting experience *or a city %oy #i+e me. -,io-pic- is a vegetarian restaurant in 4hun, a town in the German-spea+ing part o* Swit?er#an". $ne usua##y *in"s more vegetarian restaurants in the German-spea+ing part o* Swit?er#an" than in the French-spea+ing part. 4he restaurant has a "eserte" #oo+. Gott*rie", @au#, an" ) he#p ourse#ves *rom the sa#a" %ar, an" U.G. or"ers rosti. .is eyes *a## on the paper ta%#e mat the waitress has #ai" %e*ore him. )t has a picture o* a pretty gir# #eaning against a %ott#e o* spar+#ing water an" #i*ting her s+irt. )t-s an a"vertisement *or (.ennie?(, 0 Swiss minera# water. (:o you see how a%sur" it is/ 7ester"ay on 6FF you saw a## those peop#e in 0merica protesting against pornography which is inva"ing homes through the )nternet. Fow, #oo+ here, how these guys are using sex to mar+et water. Every%o"y ma+es money out o* sex, %ut then at the same time con"emns it. !hy/( as+s U.G. (4rue, even the man who con"emns sex ma+es money out o* it, "oesn-t he/( ) say, agreeing with him. U.G. is getting +in+y in his o#" age. 0s we *inish our #unch, he ma+es this %i?arre remar+3 (4han+ you, Gott*rie", *or paying the %i##A than+ you, @au#, *or "riving us hereA an" than+ you, 'r. ,hatt, *or the p#easure o* your company.( 0n" then he comes "angerous#y c#ose to me an" naughti#y whispers in my ear, (0n" than+ you, "ear waitress, *or the *ree view o* your tits.( 4his is the #ast thing you expect to hear *rom a guy who has put seventy-seven years %ehin" him an" is now pushing seventy-eight. 'inutes #ater, when we spira# "own the staircase, U.G. says, (4he movement o* those tits "rew my comp#ete an" tota# attention. $n#y when ) as+ myse#* what is it that is moving there "oes the +now#e"ge that ) have a%out it comes into operation an" says3 -tits-. 4hat-s it. )t stops there. 4here-s no %ui#"-up %eyon" that point. Fo p#easure movement is possi%#e *or me. 4he moment ) #oo+ away, the who#e thing is wipe" out.( ) can-t *igure out what he is ta#+ing a%out. ) as+ him, (7ou mean to say you can-t reca## the image o* those tits now/( (Fo, ) can-t,( says U.G. (!e## ) can8( ) sai". (4hat-s your trage"y, %u""y. )* that image-ma+ing mechanism goes, you go. 7ou wi## "rop "ea" physica##y right here, at this very moment.( !e-re "riving %ac+ to Gstaa". )t-s hot, now. @au# su""en#y acce#erates the car at a turn. 4his wa+es U.G. up with a start. .e has "o?e" o** *or a whi#e. (Sorry ) "istur%e" you, U.G.,( says @au# with his #ove#y French accent an" a chi#"-#i+e smi#e. (Fo, you "i"n-t "istur% me. 7ou see the %o"y just respon"s to the situation. )t wa+es up to *ace the possi%i#ity o* "anger. 4his organism has *ar more inte##igence than that *i#thy thing ca##e" -inte##ect- which is create" %y cu#ture. 4his %o"y is on#y intereste" in protecting itse#* an" *uc+ing. Un*ortunate#y, you have turne" sex into a p#easure movement an" messe" things up there, too. 4his %o"y is not intereste" in your art, music, painting, writing or re#igion.( 0 July ... DAY E$G!TEEN 4o"ay is my eighteenth morning in Gstaa". (7ou are sitting in "ar+ness,( says U.G. stepping out o* his room, an" moving towar"s the +itchen to atten" to the routine jo% o* *ixing his %rea+*ast an" my cup o* co**ee.

)-m sitting here at the "ining ta%#e sipping my cup o* co**ee, #istening to the soun"s o* p#astic spoons hitting against the %ottom o* his p#astic %ow#. .e-s eating his #ight %rea+*ast. 4he soun" o* the paper nap+in ru%%ing against his #ips punctuates the si#ence. Even #istening is a p#easure movement. Especia##y #istening to the soun" o* si#ence. U.G. is now in the +itchen washing his %ow# an" spoon. (Each action is in"epen"ent o* the others. $ne-s min" gives them continuity,( ) hear U.G.-s voice whispering in my hea". ) %egin to see the truth o* this statement. .e shuts the tap, cutting the *#ow o* water, an" then moves. 4he soun" o* the water "isappearing into the "rain pipe o* the sin+ is more invigorating than #istening to the music o* Ravi Shan+ar or ,eethoven. (&istening is ta#+ing. Even seeing is ta#+ing. 7ou-re ta#+ing insi"e your hea" a## the time. 4here-s no recognition without naming. Recogni?ing that movement an" ca##ing that -soun"- is you,( says U.G., when ) te## him a%out my morning experience. (So "oes it mean that this you which ) ca## the ) is nothing %ut a soun" trac+/( ) as+. ) am %ewi#"ere" %y what he is saying. (4hat-s itA an" that has %een put in there %y cu#ture.... 7ou create hierarchies an" *orce them on other poor he#p#ess peop#e. 4here-s no "i**erence %etween roc+ music an" re#igious songs. Even through rea"ing what "o you "o/ 7ou create new soun"s in your own hea". Few soun"s seem attractive to you peop#e. Few grooves on o#" ones -- that-s what you want.... 0nything you write is a #ie. &ate in the "ay, U.G. re#ates an inci"ent that too+ p#ace %etween him an" 9. Brishnamurti3 Brishnaji an" U.G. go *or a wa#+ in 'a"ras. 4hey meet a poor %oy who is %egging *or money. Brishnaji em%races him instea" o* giving him money. U.G. says, (Brishnaji, this %oy "oes not nee" a #ove hug. .e nee"s money.( Brishnaji says, (4his hug wi## stop him *rom %egging.( U.G. says, (7ou want to %et your %ottom "o##ar/ .e-## %e %ac+ tomorrow at the same time, in the same p#ace, "oing the same thing.( 0n" that-s exact#y what happene". ) get my tic+et re-route" through &on"on to"ay. 'y p#an to go to 0thens hunting *or a shooting #ocation has %een "roppe". $n my way %ac+, ) *in" U.G., ,o%, @au#, an" &isa stan"ing outsi"e the 6re"it Suisse ,an+. U.G. is rea"ing a#ou" a #etter he has just receive" *rom his %rother-in#aw, :r. Seshagiri Rao. 4he #etter is *u## o* praise *or U.G. :r. Rao was once a U.G.-hater. For thirty years he just cou#" not *orgive U.G. *or (a%an"oning( his sister, U.G.-s wi*e. ,o%, @au#, an" ) give U.G. the s#ip an" go an" sit on a woo"en %ench outsi"e Gstaa" rai#way station. 9ust giving vent to a## the stu** that gets stirre" up within you whi#e ta#+ing to U.G. can %e %oth ma""ening an" com*orting. 0## three o* us a"mit that we o*ten *in" ourse#ves staring into the *ace o* tota# insanity when U.G. is saying whatever he is saying. 4hese sma## %rea+s away *rom 6ha#et Sun%eam an" U.G. "o serve a purpose. 6ontinuous exposure to this man is just impossi%#e. 0t #unch time U.G. as+s .arry :ec+, a janitor *rien" an" ex-'ehar ,a%a "evotee *rom &ancaster, @ennsy#vania, to (c#ean up( (eat the #e*tover "a#. .arry than+s U.G. an" praises him *or his #arge-hearte"ness. (Ever since your -heart #ine- has opene" up, U.G., you-ve %ecome a won"er*u# man to %e with.( U.G. cuts in an" says, (.arry ) on#y want you to eat %ecause ) want the pots an" pans to %e c#ean. )t-s %etter that *oo" goes into this gar%age can Mpointing to his stomachN rather than that gar%age can in the +itchen.( 4hen, just #i+e that, he goes *or 9u#ie. (Get out o* here. 0n" "on-t #eave a## your jun+ here. ) "on-t want things to accumu#ate here. ) throw away peop#e. ) #e*t my wi*e, chi#"ren, an" every%o"y e#se. 7ou thin+ ) accumu#ate these cheap things you +eep %uying/ ) "on-t want this g#ue an" this cream to #ie aroun" here. 7ou never #eave your money #ying aroun". :o you/ !hen it comes to money, you %ehave #i+e a %itch....( 4he room ha" just %een hit %y a whir#win".

$ur o#" *rien" Gott*rie" 'eyer, the painter, an" U.G. were once "riving "own the streets o* Gstaa". (&oo+ at these cars, so many o* them. &oo+ at the po##ution they-re creating, U.G.,( sai" Gott*rie", shutting his win"ow to save himse#* *rom the smog. (!hat a%out your car, Gott*rie". !hat is it "oing/ )sn-t it, too, a""ing to the po##ution/( U.G.-s a#ways ca##ing our %#u**, especia##y when we separate ourse#ves *rom others an" preten" we are "i**erent *rom them, %etter than them, or superior to them. S)at*hes f%o3 a *o)6e%sat(o) late () the e6e)()'+ (7ou "on-t have the guts to stan" a#one regar"#ess o* conse5uences. ) maintain that you an" you a#one are the mo#"er o* your "estiny an" the architect o* your own *ortune. ,ut when a woman arrives on the scene -- or a man, as the case may %e -- you %egin to compromise. 4hat is the %eginning o* the en"....( (Goo" "ay *or a hanging,( says ,o%, summing up the events o* the "ay. !e #augh. .is -ga##ows humor- "oesn-t wor+. 1 JU2Y ... DAY N$NETEEN 'emory is the #e*tover o* %ygone "ays. )t c#ogs you up an" prevents you *rom inha#ing the #iving moment. 0m ) nothing %ut the "ea" re*use o* the past, an unen"ing echo o* a %i##ion yester"ays o* the human race/ $ur (goo"-mornings( are simu#taneous to"ay. U.G. #oo+s towar"s the win"ow an" saying (rainy weather to"ay...,( procee"s to *ix my nineteenth cup o* co**ee. ,eeps *rom his new#y-ac5uire" poc+et *ax machine *i##s the 5uiet room. .e is trying to #earn how to use this ga"get. .e is ta+ing #essons *rom the nine-year-o#" computer -wi?ar"-, Biran. Biran is Farayana 'oorty-s an" !en"y-s son. (7ou have to teach me how to use this,( he says in a## earnestness, (an" )-m a %a" stu"ent.( $ne must %e empty to receive. 4he soun" o* the *#y %u??ing near my ear inva"es me. )-m *i##e" with chi#"#i+e won"er. (4he experience o* an empty min" is possi%#e on#y through the "escription provi"e" %y the so-ca##e" re#igious teachers. !hat you "o not +now you cannot experience. :on-t you see there is someone there in your so-ca##e" empty min" who says you are experiencing an empty min"/( U.G. says. Savoring the a*ter taste o* an empty min" is no "i**erent *rom rep#aying the images o* a goo" -screw-. 4he tran5ui# morning is rippe" apart %y the arriva# o* 9u#ie. (!hy are you here, 9u#ie,( U.G. as+s as soon as she steps in. () just wante" to *in" out i* anyone is going with me to Geneva,( +nowing we## that her #ie may not wor+. (:on-t p#ay those games with me, 9u#ie,( says U.G. *#aring up. She hurries into the +itchen to parry his attac+. () "on-t want you to %ring anything *or me,( rages U.G., sensing she is trying to unpac+ something. () %rought you some gar%age %ags...,( she says trying to soun" unpertur%e". (4hat-s a## you can %ring, gar%age %ags. 'oney you-## never %ring.... Get out o* here,( he screams. (!hat "i" ) "o/( she as+s. (9ust get out o* here, that-s what ) want. )t-s not what you have "one, %ut what you are that is "etesta%#e to me. ) "on-t want you to change. ,ut a person who has such an attitu"e towar" money has no p#ace

with me,( says U.G. shooing her away. 9u#ie #eaves. 'y empty min" is now rever%erating with the a*ter-shoc+s o* this %#ast. !or+ing on new *i#m scripts is great *un these "ays. )t a## seems so easy. (:o you +now why/( as+s ,o% 6arr, giving me one o* his warm, tooth#ess smi#es. (,o% was once connecte" with the entertainment in"ustry in .o##ywoo". .e #ater %ecame a %it o* a guru himse#* unti# he ran into U.G. an" gave it a## up. (!hy,( ) as+e". (Simp#y %ecause you want to "o it,( he answers. !anting any p#easure to #ast *orever is pain. 0## su**ering is cause" %y wanting to pro#ong #i*e. !e shou#" %e #i+e the anima#s -- ten, twenty years o* #i*e, that-s it. (7ou-## have a misera%#e "eath, @au#,( says U.G. (0## your jogging, a## your yoga, a## your wa#+ing, a## your hea#th *oo" wi## not he#p to +eep things going on *orever.( @au# SempD, the ;J-year o#" retire" sea captain *rom 'arsei##es, is the se#*-appointe" summer chau**eur o* U.G. .e is an ar"ent "evotee o* :escartes an" #oves Gan"hi. !hat ama?es me a%out @au# is how he ta+es the re#ent#ess %attering *rom U.G. with a smi#e. ,ut i* you #oo+ c#ose#y, one can sense something shu""ering within him. (!hy "o you con"emn a jun+ie an" ma+e a %ig thing out o* the p#easure one experiences through those me"itation gimmic+s. 4he "amage "one to the %o"y through the inta+e o* "rugs an" a#coho# can %e measure" an" reverse". ,ut the harm "one through me"itation is irrepara%#e an" irreversi%#e. )* you "on-t #i+e the way ) treat peop#e, you can just go away. 9u#ie is not my nee", ) am her nee". 0## re#ationships you guys have with me are one way. )n your re#ationships game where the two are invo#ve" in the act, the game o* one-upmanship an" mutua# contro# can go on an" on. ,ut not here. 7ou can-t have a re#ationship with me. 4he re#ationship game gets even more sor"i" when sex is invo#ve". 7ou +now that...,( sai" U.G. as the night "escen"e". 9 July 7 DAY TWENTY 4he count "own has %egun. Fine "ays more an" ) wi## %e hope*u##y out o* this p#ace. Sme##s an" soun"s *rom a "istant past race through the "ar+ screen o* my empty hea". 0nother "ay has %egun. !hy "o humans write so much/ )n *act why "o they write at a##/ )s it %ecause they are #one#y an" *u## o* regret/ $r is it %ecause %y writing the min" tries to store an" +eep *orever things it +nows it has a#rea"y #ost. !riting is man-s 5uest *or permanence. ,urie" moments o* %ygone "ays c#im% out *rom their graves an" %egin to write themse#ves. ) wor+ re#ent#ess#y on my scripts, pouring a #ot o* myse#* into each scene. 0## the meanings are yours. 4he act o* writing "isconnects you *rom the very wor#" you want to connect to. (7ou are mixing co#ors an" creating new co#ors, %ut i* you re"uce it or %rea+ your so-ca##e" new an" origina# co#or into its constituent e#ements, you wi## *in" out that you are %ac+ to the %asic co#ors which you have sto#en *rom nature. 0nyway, these are a## concepts we are ta#+ing a%out. 4he *act is that the physica# eye "oesn-t see any co#ors. 0%sence o* co#or is not %#ac+ or white,( says U.G. (4hen what is it/( ) as+, %ewi#"ere" %y his statement. (4hat you wi## never +now,( conc#u"es U.G. &ater this morning, as ) ga?e into the mu#ti-co#ore" va##ey o* Gstaa", U.G.-s voice thun"ers within me. 0m ) wi##ing to %uy what he says/ $%vious#y not. )* ) "i" that, the conse5uences thereo* wou#" annihi#ate me. 4his very act o* putting my pen on paper wou#" *ree?e. Fo white

page to write on, no %#ac+ in+ to write with, no #ight, no "ar+ness. !or"s prove heart%rea+ing#y c#umsy an" ina"e5uate. 4hey *ai# to per*orm what is a*ter a## their primary *unction -communication. 4his journa# is a sort o* penitentia# auto%iography o* a *i#m ma+er. @erhaps it is a critica# an" re*#ective pause at mi"#i*e. 0t *orty-six ) *ee# ) have got everything hope#ess#y wrong. Fow when ) #oo+ %ac+ at my #i*e, ) *ee# ) cannot even rea" my own years. 'y stay here in Gstaa" has provi"e" me with an opportunity to #ic+ my woun"s an" %egin a process o* reinventing myse#*. )n these jottings ) have trie" to #oo+ merci#ess#y at this organic trap ca##e" #i*e in which we humans are *orever in jeopar"y %ecause o* mere chemica# acci"ents o* %io#ogica# insu#ts. ... !hen ) try to #oo+ at the phenomenon o* U.G. an" try to comprehen" it, ) *ee# as though ) have come with a torch#ight to #oo+ at the sun. "0 July ... DAY TWENTY7ONE )-m going through Few 7or+ 4imes ,oo+ Review. 4here-s a %oo+ tit#e", 4he Engine o* Reason, 4he Seat o* the Sou#. 4his %oo+ is a phi#osophica# journey into the %rain. 4he %oo+ is written %y @au# '. 6hurch#an". )t is a phi#osopher-s wor+ in which the author with his scienti*ica##y up-to"ate argument conc#u"es that a## o* human menta# #i*e, however su%jective it *ee#s, is re"uci%#e to materia# activity ta+ing p#ace in the %rain. (4his %oo+ on#y proves that the phi#osophers, having come to the en" o* their tether, are now see+ing the support o* science to rea" something into the activity o* the %rain. !hatever you see, which separates you *rom what you-re #oo+ing at, is a projection o* +now#e"ge. 4his guy is just a metaphysician who is using new termino#ogy to te## himse#* an" the rea"er that he has a spar+#ing new insight. ,ut, sorry, ) "on-t %uy it. 0s *ar as )-m concerne", this new scienti*ica##y-%ac+e" theory o* this guy is just a *a". @eop#e %uy it just #i+e they %uy a new gran"*ather shirt or a new mo"e# car. 4hey "o this to te## themse#ves that they are in sync with the times. !hatever you #earn, whatever you teach, is *unctiona#. )t is on#y *or the purpose o* *unctioning in this wor#" which you have create". 0n" it is this which is preventing you *rom un"erstan"ing anything,( says U.G., shooting 6hurch#an"-s %oo+ "own. !hatever you *ee" into this *ire ca##e" U.G. (%urns(. Fo won"er that every comment, every insight you %ring to him is shot "own an" re"uce" to ashes. !hat e#se "o you expect *rom *ire/ 7ou cannot expect to remain unscathe" i* you wa#+ into a %#a?e, can you/ Day7lo)' thu)de%()'s of U.G.+ (0## #earning, a## teaching is *or "estructive purposes. 7ou #earn a%out the #aws o* nature to contro# an" "ominate your neigh%or. )t-s a game o* one-upmanship. )-m not saying anything against it. )-m just saying that-s the way it is. 0## #earning, a## teachings are (war games(. !inning a## the time is a## that you are intereste" in. 6harity is the *i#thiest invention o* the human min"3 *irst you stea# what %e#ongs to everyoneA then you use the po#iceman an" the atom %om% to protect it. 7ou give charity to prevent the have-nots *rom re%e##ing against you. )t a#so ma+es you *ee# #ess gui#ty. 0## "o-goo"ers *ee# (high( when they "o goo". 7ou-re sti## a %oy scout an" a gir# gui"e.( 4his guy, U.G., *ixes his morning %rea+*ast the night %e*ore he s#eeps. 0n" he *ixes his #unch right a*ter the morning %rea+*ast.

(4e## 'ajor not to "o yoga serious#y. )t wi## ma+e his %ac+ pro%#em that he-s trying to get ri" o* worse. Exercise an" yoga are %a" *or the %o"y. 4he on#y exercise you nee" is to run aroun" *or *oo" an" sex, just #i+e the anima#s,( says U.G. to 6han"rase+har over #ong-"istance phone. (.as the money ) sent reache" you yet/ Fo/ !hat-s happening, 6han"rase+har/ !here is a## that money sitting/ )n which %an+/ )n Swit?er#an" or in )n"ia/ Someone-s ma+ing money out o* our money. !hy shou#" it ta+e so many "ays when the money was sent %y e#ectronic trans*er. ... Say he##o to Suguna, an" as+ her to ca## me %ac+ as soon as the money gets there....( Saying this, he puts "own the phone an" goes on an" on a%out the croo+e"ness an" ine**iciency o* the %an+ing system a## over the wor#". ,ac+ in )n"ia, as Suguna is praying to her thirty-three crore go"s, go""esses, an" go"#ets to %ring U.G. %ac+ to ,anga#ore, U.G. is ma+ing p#ans to #eave *or the U.S. !anting to step out o* her an" 6han"rase+har-s #ives *or goo" so that they can #ea" their #ives on their own, U.G., whi#e in Europe, *ina#i?es the arrangements *or them to have a house o* their own so that they can ma+e a## their "ecisions without him in the picture. (4he #ease o* the house the *ami#y is #iving in is a%out to expire.

MFote3 0s is a#ways the case, U.G. #ater change" his p#ans to go instea" to 6hina, 0ustra#ia, an" Few Zea#an". En" o* FoteN

Strange, in"ee", are the ways o* #i*e3 just imagine a mi""#e c#ass )n"ian *ami#y getting a %oon *rom the estate o* a "ecease" Swiss #a"y, ena%#e" %y an enigmatic )n"ian sage. !e-re getting set to watch (Forrest Gump( tonight. Su""en#y U.G. #ashes out at me with a *erocity that ) have never *e#t, seen or experience" %e*ore. (7ou cannot have it %oth ways. 7ou-re just #i+e 9u#ie. 7ou get this an" get this straight. 7ou cannot have a re#ationship with me on your terms. 4he nee" to have a re#ationship with me is yours, not mine. 7ou +now *or certain that i* ) "on-t see you *or the rest o* my #i*e, ) wou#"n-t give a "amn....( ) *ee# scorche" an" si#ence". 0 pecu#iar hush "escen"s on the room. ) can see that that intensity, though "irecte" s5uare#y at me, has ricochete" to everyone e#se in the room. ) stop. 0n" give up. "1 July ... DAY TWENTY7TWO Seven "ays more to go. ()t ta+es courage an" patience to %e aroun" this guy ca##e" U.G.,( sai" 'arisa yester"ay, just a*ter "inner. ) have no reason to "isagree with her. 0s ) sit here in the hush o* the pre-"awn #ight, waiting *or U.G. to emerge *rom his room, ) *ee# ca#m. Fo resi"ue, not even a trace, o* #ast night-s storm in the %o"y. )-m remin"e" o* what U.G. once to#" me when we were very intense#y arguing a%out sorrow an" *rustration3 (4he %o"y han"#es a## your "espair, a## your *rustrations in its own way. )t "oesn-t nee" any he#p *rom your inte##ect. 4here is no pain or p#easure that can ta+e permanent root in this %o"y. 7our p#easures an" pains have a permanent existence on#y in that thing ca##e" the experiencing structure, which is your inte##ect.( !e are having co**ee. ) am 5uiet. 0*ter what happene" #ast night, )-m a*rai" to ma+e any contact with this guy. 4hen, just #i+e that, *or some strange reason, he %egins to spea+. ('ahesh, the 5uestion is the 5uestioner, an" the #istener is the wor". 4hey are one, huh..../ 4he moment ) go

into that room, you "on-t exist *or me. !hy you, ) "on-t exist *or myse#*. !hen ) #ie "own there in my %e", ) "iscover there is no %o"y there %etween the sheets.( ) am *rightene" o* what he is saying. Fothing ma+es sense, an" ) get the certain *ee#ing that )-m getting nowhere. !e are going to Zurich. U.G. is in the *ront seat with @au# SempD, an" ,o%, @au#, an" ) are hu""#e" in the %ac+. $n the way we stop at a gas station. 0s we get out an" stretch our #egs, ,o% jo+ing#y as+s, (!hat have we "one to "eserve this *ate, 'ahesh/( U.G. %utts in3 (7ou-ve "one a #ot, an" you-re "oing a #ot, ,o%. 0## that you "o ma+es you tense an" misera%#e. 0## your techni5ues to re#ax, to *ee# goo", must stop. 0n" on#y then you-## %e just *ine.( 2u*e%). From I3J> to G>3J> a.m. we wa#+ through this majestic town. 0s we cross the o#" woo"en %ri"ge, U.G. points to the water %ir"s which are "iving *or *oo" in the #a+e. (&oo+ at these swans. 0## their energy is just a%sor%e" in #oo+ing *or *oo". 6an you see the #itt#e one "own there/ 4hat %a%y-s on his own, in"epen"ent. 4hat-s what you guys shou#" he#p your chi#"ren to %ecome.( 8u%(*h. !e a## sp#it in "i**erent "irections, *ixing the time an" p#ace we wi## meet again. ) go into a %oo+ shop. ) *in" myse#* *#ipping through the ancient ,oo+ o* 6hanges, the ) 6hing. )t pre"icts goo" times ahea" *or me. )t a#so says that a## progress that ) wi## ma+e wi## come through the association with a sage. Some com*ort to my aching, %urning %o"y. 4he wor"s o* Fataraj echo in my hea", (4he moon is going over your %irth Saturn....( &ater, ,o%, @au#, an" ) sit on a %ench right in the center o* Zurich, rep#aying an" re#iving the events o* the previous "ay. ,o% says, (.e #oo+s *ierce. 7ou-re in *or trou%#e, "eep trou%#e, 'ahesh8-9e%). !e are "riving into the city. Su""en#y there is a "ownpour. (&oo+ with your eyes, "on-t use your hea" when you "rive, @au#. ) "on-t use my hea" %ecause ) "on-t have one. 0## your p#anning ma"e you #ose a## the wars that you *ought. 9ust #oo+, "on-t thin+,( says U.G. 4he rain stops an" the air %egins to c#ear. ) ca## ,om%ay. 4hings on the wor+ *ront #oo+ rather %right *or a change. 1 Au'ust ... DAY TWENTY7T!REE ) wa+e up with a thro%%ing hea". 4he image o* the swan #oo+ing *or *oo" with tota# attention *#ic+ers in my hea". 4he sing#e min"e" 5uest *or *oo" ma"e that swan #oo+ so grace*u#. &ater in the morning, as ) watch U.G. %oi# %rocco#i, ) te## him a%out the a*ter-image o* the swan. (4hat-s a## that is there -- hunting *or a #iving. 4hat-s a## that is there. $ne *orm o* #i*e #ives on another. Even your vegeta%#es are a *orm o* #i*e....( 4hat was a "irect hit at the su%t#e sense o* superiority o* %eing a vegetarian one *ee#s "eep within. 5o33e)ts of U.G. o) food a)d :leasu%e+ ('an eats *or p#easure. 7our *oo" orgies are not "i**erent *rom your sex orgies. Everything that man "oes is *or p#easure. 0n" *or p#easure you have to use thought. 4his creates pro%#ems %ecause you cannot have p#easure without pain. )t-s physica##y impossi%#e to ma+e p#easure #ast *orever. So the re#igious man steps in an" says, -7ou shou#" %e *ree *rom thought,- an" you imagine that a thought#ess state is a very p#easura%#e state to %e in. 4hat-s why you pursue it. 7ou cannot have p#easure without thought. 7ou guys #ive in a wor#" o* i"eas, an" that-s why your i"eas are so important to you. 7ou yourse#* are an i"ea8(

:uring my stay here in Swit?er#an", ) thin+ ) have "iscovere" the "ish *or me. )t is the most convenient "ish, an" it is the one that wi## *ree me *rom my "epen"ence *or *oo" on my wives an" mai"s3 a s#ice o* %rea" an" a g#ass o* water. (!ith hot water, the %rea" me#ts in your mouth even %etter,( says U.G. 'i##ions o* poor )n"ians #ive on#y on %rea" an" water. 4hey *a## sic+ #ess o*ten than a## the guys who are use" to having a twenty-course mea#. )-m remin"e" o* my visit to Few 7or+ in the ear#y eighties. &iving *or a month without dahl "rove me insane. ) su**ere" *rom dahl with"rawa#s. U.G. says, ($ne gets a""icte" to spices. Foo" itse#* is a#so an a""iction. ,ut to give up spices, to prove to yourse#* that you-re high#y evo#ve", is stupi".( 4he one centra# theme which %#a?es through his ta#+s nowa"ays is, (4here-s nothing to what the +now-it-a##s have sai". )-m not saying anything either. 4here-s no nee" to rep#ace what they are saying with what ) am saying.( First o* 0ugust happens to %e <a#entine-s %irth"ay. )n ,anga#ore, 6han"rase+har an" Suguna are having a sma## *unction in the schoo# name" a*ter her, 4he <a#entine 'o"e# Schoo#. U.G. says that <a#entine, who was the gran"-"aughter o* a c#ergyman, never entere" a church, an" she hate" schoo#s. )sn-t it o"" that a*ter her "eath, there-s a schoo# with her name on it/ 'u+hesh ca##s *rom ,om%ay saying that a pu%#icity ang#e *or (6rimina#( which ) ha" given an $.B. to has create" an uproar in )n"ia. 0## the newspapers in the country which *irst carrie" the a"s are now shame#ess#y saying that one must not in"u#ge in cheap gimmic+s to ma+e money. (4hey "o the same thing in the States,( says U.G. (4he 4ime 'aga?ine carries #ong artic#es con"emning smo+ing. 0t the same time, they a#so carry *u##-page, co#or a"s *or cigarettes.( 4o"ay is the Swiss )n"epen"ence :ay. )t-s an occasion *or *estivity an" ce#e%ration. 4he "ea" town o* Gstaa" is stirring with #i*e. (,#oo" was she" to %ui#" this country. &oo+ "own there at the tennis court, how a## these peop#e are singing an" "ancing. !ho the he## remem%ers your sacri*ices, once you-re "ea" an" gone/( Su""en#y there-s a "ownpour o* rain. 0 wave o* "isappointment sweeps through the gathering %e#ow. &oo+s #i+e this night o* ce#e%ration has %een s5uashe" %y 'ama Fature. (!henever ) open my mouth, ) on#y ta#+ a%out myse#*,( says :r. &e%oyer as U.G. #ea"s him into the #iving room. .e is rep#ying to U.G.-s matter-o*-*act greeting, (.ow are things/( (!ho e#se is there to ta#+ a%out/ )n any case, even when you thin+ you are ta#+ing a%out someone e#se, you are in *act ta#+ing a%out yourse#*,( conc#u"es U.G. :r. &e%oyer is the we##-+nown proponent o* Fatura# 6hi#"%irth. ,y the time o* his retirement he "e#ivere" GJ,>>> %a%ies in @aris. 4onight-s movie is (.eaven .e#p Us(. 4he movie %rings %ac+ memories o* my chi#"hoo" in :on ,osco .igh Schoo# in ,om%ay. $ne has seen some very goo" movies here. $* a## the movies we have seen, U.G. pre*ers (4he &ast Se"uction(. !hen it comes to movies, U.G.-s tastes are those o* a commoner. (Rape, mur"er, mayhem, an" action are what ) #i+e to see, not your #ove stories an" psycho#ogica# "ramas.( Ear#y this evening, when ) to#" him we ha" run out o* a## the goo" movies an" wou#" now have to put up with the %a" ones, U.G. sai", (!hat "i**erence "oes it ma+e/ 0 %a" movie-s as goo" as a goo" one.( Ever hear" a remar+ #i+e that a%out movies/

Au'ust ... DAY TWENTY7#OUR 6a##s *rom ,om%ay +eep me awa+e a## through the night. )t-s ten minutes past mi"night here in Swit?er#an", which means that the time in ,om%ay shou#" %e aroun" J3J> a.m. 'u+hesh is "run+ again. .e-s una%#e to cope with the excitement (6rimina#( has create". 4hey are threatening to arrest him. .e has ta+en an anticipatory %ai#. (Use every tric+ in the %oo+ to succee". Fair means i* possi%#e, *ou# means i* necessary. ,ut %e rea"y to pay the price *or your actions,( U.G. once sai" to me. 4he pro%#em, Sir, is we want it %oth ways. :on-t you +now we want to eat the ca+e an" have it too/ U.G. sits on the chair in the so*t g#ow o* the morning #ight, #oo+ing at his own han"s with chi#"#i+e won"er. 4he gran"*ather shirt which Ro%ert has %ought *or him ma+es him #oo+ goo". .e has *oun" the right #oo+ *or himse#* #ate in #i*e. (6an you imagine we two guys, you an" ), who are ta#+ing a## this nonsense every "ay in the morning, wi## not %e here one "ay/ 4his %o"y, which is so precious to you, wi## one "ay %urn an" %e re"uce" to ashes. 6an you imagine that/( ) no" my hea" in agreement. 0 part o* me screams, (Run, 'ahesh8( (.e-s a ta#ente" guy going through a rough phase,( sai" U.G. supporting me when ) was "own an" out without any wor+ *i*teen years ago. .is wor"s gave me much-nee"e" se#*-con*i"ence. ) narrate this inci"ent to 'ario who, #i+e ) was, is now going through a tur%u#ent perio". 'ario-s eyes g#immer with hope. ()-## give you a %ig %ag into which you can *it a## your things. ,ut you have to pay *or it. !hy shou#" a poor )n"ian give a rich )n"ian #i+e you things *ree/( 0n" saying this, U.G. pu##e" out a goo"-#oo+ing co#ore" %ag an" han"e" it over to me. (0 hun"re" *rancs on the %arre#,( he says, pushing his empty pa#m towar"s my *ace. ) swi*t#y go into my corner, an", pu##ing out a hun"re" *ranc note, conc#u"e the transaction. (0ctua##y, the %ag on#y cost me sixty an" not a hun"re" *rancs....( Fow U.G. hea"s %ac+ into his room an" returns with some money. (4here you are, Sir, here are your *orty *rancs an" some extra coins %onus *or you to p#ay with.( Ro%ert .orn+oh#, the 0merican photographer who has ta+en the %est-#oo+ing picture o* U.G. to "ate, watches the entire "rama with utter *ascination. (Fitie-nite,( U.G. says to me, an" once again "isappears into his room. 4he moment he is gone, one *ee#s as i* there is no%o"y home. ) toss an" turn *or a whi#e, an" wait *or s#eep. 9ust when )-m a%out to "ri*t o**, the te#ephone ring wa+es me up with a start. (4his is Fagarjun.... :i" ) wa+e you up, Sir/( (Fo, not at a##,( ) say, trying to soun" po#ite. (.ow "i" the premier o* -6rimina#- go,( ) as+. (Exce##ent. ) thin+ we-re out o* the woo"s. 9u"ging %y the opening, we have, one can say, at #east a ,O piece at han".( )-m re#ieve". 0s ) #isten to his voice, ) say to myse#*, (0## success is "e#aye" *ai#ure.( )-m remin"e" o* what U.G. repeate"#y te##s me. ('ahesh, every prostitute has her "ay. 4he #i*e o* you entertainers is #i+e the #i*e o* a prostitute. 'a+e hay whi#e the sun shines. @ut a "ecent amount o* money away to %ac+ your arrogance, an" then 5uit whi#e you are sti## on the top....( ) hope ) can achieve what he says. " Au'ust ... DAY TWENTY7#$-E 4he #i*e o* a writer is excruciating. Facing a %#an+ piece o* paper "ay a*ter "ay is tough. 0n" then "rawing something *rom "eep within onese#* an" sprea"ing it out on paper *or the wor#" to see is worse.

4his morning not a wor" is exchange" %etween U.G. an" me. !e have just %een sitting *acing one another. .is eyes are shut. .e-s #oo+ing gorgeous to"ay. Since ) have nothing to "o, ) mon+ey him an" ) c#ose my eyes too. ) %egin to #isten to the soun"s aroun" me -- trains, cars, %ir"s, the crea+ing o* the so*a, the rust#ing o* U.G.-s c#othes. 'omentari#y, ) *ee# ca#m. 4hen, su""en#y, the %u??ing o* those "amn *#ies inva"es my tran5ui#ity. Fin"ing me sitting sti##, they "escen" on me an" are having a *ie#" "ay. 4hey have converte" my %o"y into their *ee"ing groun". 4he moment ) #i*t my han" to shoo them, they *#y away, %ut soon return to *inish their jo%. 4his goes on an" on ti## *ina##y ) give up. 4hey just won-t #et me sit sti##. ) open my eyes an" notice that U.G. is #oo+ing an" smi#ing at me. .e naughti#y says, (F#ies, mhh/( an" #aughs. )-m remin"e" o* what he sai" to me the other "ay at the "ining ta%#e3 (!hat ma+es you *ee# that your #i*e is more important than the #i*e o* that *#y sitting there %y the p#ate/( (!hy "on-t you ca## this %oo+ o* yours -4he F#y on the 4a%#e-/( suggests 9u#ie. (Fot a %a" i"ea,( ) thin+ to myse#*. U.G. is sitting in the #iving room surroun"e" %y a #arge group o* see+ers *rom a## over Europe. 4here are Germans, )ta#ians, an" Frenchmen as we## as an 0merican. Su""en#y U.G. #oo+s away *rom them an" a""ressing me says, (7ou guys in )n"ia must stop a## these !esterners *rom entering your country. 4hrow a## these peop#e out when they +noc+ at your "oors *or a visa. :o you +now why they come to your country/ 4hey come to your country to stretch their poun"s, mar+s, or "o##ars. 0n" once they-re there, they %ehave as i* they-re %ig shots. )n any case, a## these guys convert their currency in the %#ac+ mar+et. 4he government "oesn-t ma+e a *arthing *rom such peop#e. 7ou "on-t nee" the tourist money. 6hina an" Russia have survive" *or years without tourist money.( .is statement unnerves every%o"y in the room. U.G. was put o** %y the recent practice a"opte" %y the European nations o* "enying visas to most )n"ians who want to visit their countries. !e +now that Swit?er#an" "enies visas to any%o"y who comes *rom South )n"ia, or has a South )n"ian name. 4he reason *or this, they say, is the recent i##ega# in*#ux o* Sri &an+an re*ugees into their country. U.G.-s %rother-in-#aw, :r. Seshagiri Rao, who is an eminent me"ica# "octor in )n"ia, *oun" it "i**icu#t to get a visa to Swit?er#an" this summer whi#e he was in the U.S. .e ha" to a%an"on his p#ans o* visiting U.G. here in Gstaa". !hen U.G. ha" ha" his say, ) *e#t that as an )n"ian ) shou#" %ring this issue into *ocus when ) get home. ) "on-t see any reason why any se#*-respecting )n"ian shou#" ta+e #ying "own this treatment "ishe" out %y the !estern nations. (Russia ,a**#e" as &i*e &oses :eath Race,( rea"s the news on the *ront page o* the .era#" 4ri%une. 0s ) go through the co#umn ) "iscover that #i*e expectancy in Russia has p#ummete" in recent times, an" the scientists an" pu%#ic hea#th o**icia#s cannot 5uite *igure out why this is happening. !hat amuses me *urther is that on the tenth page o* this very newspaper there is another artic#e un"er the section o* .ea#th an" Science which says3 (&i*e is a mystery -ine**a%#e, un*athoma%#e. )t is the #ast thing on earth that might seem suscepti%#e to exact "escription. 7et now, *or the *irst time, a *ree-#iving organism has %een precise#y "e*ine" %y the chemica# i"enti*ication o* its comp#ete genetic %#ueprint. 4he creature is just a hum%#e %acterium +nown as .emophi#us in*#uen?ae, %ut it nonethe#ess possesses a## the too#s an" tric+s re5uire" *or in"epen"ent existence. For the *irst time, %io#ogists can %egin to see the entire parts #ist, as it were, o* what a #iving ce## nee"s to grow, survive, an" repro"uce itse#*....( )sn-t it a%sur" that in one part o* the wor#" you have scientists una%#e to *in" out why the "eath rate has su""en#y acce#erate", whi#e on the other si"e you have peop#e c#aiming they have *ina##y unrave#e" the mystery o* #i*e. !e have a charming visitor *or #unch. .is name is :ona#" )ngram Smith. .e-s an 0ustra#ian in his mi"-K>-s who was once 9.Brishnamurti-s secretary. .e is here to give ta#+s in the Brishnamurti camp, which have %een going on *or the past three wee+s. :ona#" o*ten sees U.G.

"uring the #atter-s visits to 0ustra#ia. .e is a#so, accor"ing to U.G., an exce##ent pa#mist. 0*ter #unch, :ona#" "i" an up-"ate o* U.G.-s pa#m rea"ing, sitting un"er a wi##ow tree. $ur Few 7or+ *rien", E##en 6hrysta#, who once %e#onge" to the inner circ#es o* the 0merican Guru, ,u%%a Free 9ohn, too+ notes. :ona#" pre"icts that U.G. wi## certain#y "ie out o* the country o* his %irth. .e says that there is something coming out o* that spectacu#ar %rain o* U.G. ()t *#ows %oth ways,( says :ona#", (a "oor you can come in an" out o*.( U.G. rep#ies3 ( ) am a thie*. 0ny%o"y who comes, ) invite him to come an" ta+e everything.( .e te##s the story o* his wi*e misp#acing a "iamon" ring, an" his te##ing her that i* the po#ice were ca##e" in, she wou#" %e out o* the house. She was accusing the mai", %ut *oun" the ring #ater on. 4he po#ice are not a##owe" anywhere near him.... U.G. then te##s the story o* the pic+poc+et in 4imes S5uare, Few 7or+, an" how he MU.G.N wante" to invite him %ac+ to "inner at a *our-star restaurant %ecause o* the "e*tness o* his wor+. :ona#" a#so pre"icts that in U.G.-s #i*e there is going to %e another exp#osion. U.G. answers, (4he next time we meet, we-## see.( :ona#" says that U.G. has no ego. U.G. rep#ies3 ()* )-m not an egoist, who e#se is/ 4hat-s the most egoistic statement, announcing *rom housetops, that everything that every man, woman, an" chi#" has thought, *e#t, an" experience" in the history o* man+in" has gone out o* me....( &ater, U.G. says his mission is to tear apart everything he has ever sai" up unti# this meeting. Au'ust , ... DAY TWENTY7S$. ) am wearing the new si#+ shirt U.G. gave me #ast night. 4his has %een his *avorite *or 5uite some time. ()-m giving this shirt to you %ecause ) want to get ri" o* a## the o#" stu** ) have,( he says, chuc+ing the cream-co#ore" garment into my han"s. 4o"ay, *or some inexp#ica%#e reason, the "ay seems to have the *ee# o* a new %eginning. ) as+ U.G. to comment on the two artic#es ) rea" yester"ay in the .era#" 4ri%une. (4he scienti*ic wor#" to"ay is as mu""#e-hea"e" an" #ost as the re#igious wor#" was yester"ay. !e are *oo#s to put our *aith an" con*i"ence in the scientists. !e imagine that these guys have a specia# insight into the meaning an" mystery o* #i*e. !hat is the point in %om%ar"ing us an" trying to "a??#e us with a## this new scienti*ic jargon/ 4he human organism has survive" *or centuries without the he#p o* a## these so-ca##e" new, revo#utionary theories an" se#*-proc#aime" %rea+throughs. 0## these theories which the scientists ca## (new( are not at a## new. 4his new "imension which they c#aim they are now %eginning to rea" in nature has a#ways existe". So what have they actua##y achieve"/ 4hey may get a pat on their %ac+s *rom the Fo%e# 0ca"emy. 4heir won"er*u#, revo#utionary theories wi## %e use" %y the technocrats to enrich techno#ogy an" themse#ves. 0 sma## percentage o* the g#o%a# popu#ation wi## enjoy the %ene*its o* this techno#ogy, %ut #et me assure you that u#timate#y this techno#ogica# +now-how wi## %e use" %y man to "ominate his neigh%or. (Even the pharmacists, in *act the entire me"ica# wor#", thrives on your paranoia. 0n" the me"ia, *or its own surviva#, he#ps them to propagate this paranoia. 9ust %ecause you give a *ancy name to a "isease "oes not mean that you have *oun" a cure *or it. 7ou are on#y a""ing more an" more to the poo# o* +now#e"ge. 4o"ay we have more wor"s in our arsena# than Sha+espeare ha" in his time. ,ut that "oes not mean that things are any the %etter, "oes it/ Say what you wish, we wi## never +now what #i*e is.(

:own there in the town o* Gstaa" they are in*#ating a huge, %#ue %a##oon. $nce again, the merry ma+ers are getting rea"y to *#y *ar away into the s+y. Up here in the +itchen, U.G. is pouring cream into his co**ee. ) as+ him why the Brishnamurti Foun"ation has come up with a %oo+ which, in a way, tries to justi*y Brishnamurti-s #ove a**air with Rosa#in" Rajagopa# (in the Statement %y the Brishnamurti Foun"ation o* 0merica a%out the Ra"ha S#oss ,oo+ -&ives in the Sha"ow with 9. Brishnamurti- . (4hey want to separate the teaching *rom the teacher. $therwise, the *oun"ation wi## co##apse. $%vious#y Ra"ha S#oss-s %oo+ was a**ecting them. $r e#se, where was the nee" to %ring out a %oo+ #i+e this now.( )-m remin"e" o* the "ay when a*ter my review o* Ra"ha-s %oo+ appeare" in the Sun"ay 4imes o* )n"ia, ,om%ay, @upu# 9aya+ar, the 6?arina o* )n"ian 6u#ture, threatene" to ta+e #ega# action against me *or ma#igning the reputation o* the -Sage !ho !a#+e" 0#one-. She an" the Brishnamurtiites were *urious with me an" U.G., particu#ar#y with U.G., whose harsh 5uotes ) ha" extensive#y use" in my piece. !hen ) too+ up her cha##enge hea" on, an" invite" her to wash her "irty #inen in pu%#ic, @upi# %ac+e" out. 0s ) suspecte" even then, @upi# "i" not carry out her threats %ecause she was *rightene" o* herse#* %eing expose". 4his %oo+#et re#ease" %y the Brishnamurti Foun"ation con*irms that suspicion. S)at*hes f%o3 5o)6e%sat(o)s+ ;a()+ (!or"s trans*orm themse#ves into physica# pain.... For the %o"y there is no pain. $n#y when you trans#ate a sensation as pain "o you *ee# pain. $therwise there is no pain. 7ou guys want to get ri" o* pain an" ho#" on to p#easure *orever. 4he ho#y man te##s you that this is possi%#e. ) +now it is not. 7ou can spen" your #i*etime trying to "o this, %ut ) +now *or certain that you wi## not succee". 7ou-## *in" out eventua##y.( Se<+ (.aving sex an" running *or H,>>> meters are the same thing,( says @au# SempDL. U.G. *or once, no"s his hea" in agreement an" then a""s, (Fa##ing in #ove an" eating choco#ate are the same. 4hey %oth pro"uce the same chemica# change in the %o"y.( ) jump up an" %egin to jog in p#ace. U.G. as+s, (!hat are you "oing, 'ister/( ) mischievous#y say, (.aving sex8 7ou just agree" with @au#, "i"n-t you, that having sex an" jogging are the same. So here ) am having sex.( U.G. #aughs. .e seems to %e in a goo" moo" to"ay. 0t "us+, we sit un"er the wi##ow tree, gossiping. 'arisa narrates a naughty inci"ent3 once a pretty )ta#ian woman sat "own right in *ront o* U.G., *ee#ing, to put it mi#"#y, (turne" on( %y him. 4his went on *or some time. 4hen, just when the #a"y was a%out to #eave, U.G. turne" to her, saying, (&a"y, ) *ee# everything that you *ee#. Sorry, nothing can %e "one.( Since )-m on this hea#thy su%ject o* sex, ) might as we## re#ate another inci"ent3 once a woman went up to U.G. an" #oo+ing straight in his *ace, sai", (!hat wou#" your response %e i* ) trie" to se"uce you/( U.G. sai", (4ry it, an" you-## *in" out.( 4he woman apo#ogi?e", *#e" *rom the room, an" never returne". 4onight-s movie is (4he#ma an" &ouise(. 4his Ri"#ey Scott movie is simp#e, un#i+e (,#a"e Runner( which ha" a## the visua# "a??#e. (4he#ma an" &ouise( was a %ig hit, much %igger than (,#a"e Runner(. (!hat goo" is the art o* saying things we## to a person who has nothing to say,( sai" U.G. to me way %ac+ in the K>-s. 4his statement change" my entire perspective on cinema.

5 Au'ust ... DAY TWENTY7SE-EN 4wo spi"ers occupy my %athtu%. ) "on-t #i+e spi"ers. )-m *rightene" o* them. So ) gra% the shower han"#e an" with its spray try to *righten these creepy creatures away. So strong is the *#ow o* the water that instea" o* scaring these poor creatures, ) "rown them. 0s ) watch these he#p#ess insects go "own the "rain, ) *ee# remorse. 4he message is c#ear3 out o* *ear you +i## your neigh%or. 4here-s something a%out %athrooms an" spi"ers. 9u#ie just te##s me that severa# years ago, "uring the summer whi#e she was staying here, she "eve#ope" an attachment to a spi"er #iving in this same %athroom. 4he spi"er was missing one #eg, %ut sti## manage" to move a%out the %athroom. )t was sometimes on the tu%, sometimes on the cei#ing, an" sometimes in the sin+. 9u#ie #i+e" the spi"er-s company. 0t the en" o* the summer, however, 9u#ie *oun" herse#* in a 5uan"ary3 shou#" she #eave him in the %athroom where he wou#" %e vacuume" %y the #an"#or" an" +i##e", or to #eave him outsi"e, where she *eare" it wou#" certain#y "ie o* co#". She went to U.G. *or a"vice. .is response3 (!hy "on-t you +nit a sweater *or him/( U.G. is "rawing a "etai#e" map o* an area in &on"on. 4his is to he#p me *in" the %oo+ shops ) wou#" #i+e to visit whi#e )-m there. )-m 5uite ama?e" %y this seventy-seven year o#" man-s memory. )t has not *a"e" with time. Fot a trace o* seni#ity here. (Fo images *or me. !hen ) "raw the ..'.<. Shop on the map, ) "on-t have an image o* it insi"e o* me. 0## ) have is just a wor". 7ou can-t un"erstan" what ) am saying. )* you "i", it wou#" put an en" to you.( 'arisa, who is a#so #istening to what U.G. is saying, turns to me an" unhesitant#y says, (!e "on-t have to use a## that U.G. says, 'ahesh. )* we "i", that wou#" put an en" to our art. Fo painting *or me, %u""y, an" no movies *or you. 6an you imagine #iving a #i*e without %eing a%#e to recreate images/ !ho the he## wants this/ )t wou#" %e a terri%#e #i*e.( 0n" to this U.G. a""s, (Fot on#y wou#" you not %e a%#e to paint. 7ou wou#" not %e a%#e to have any re#ationship with anything or any%o"y.( The 2ast Su::e%+ &isa is going away tomorrow to the Unite" States. U.G. *or a change is coo+ing *or a #ot more peop#e tonight than he usua##y "oes. .e-s in a *ou# moo" right now. () "on-t #i+e to coo+ an" *ee" a## these peop#e. ) "on-t even #i+e to coo+ an" *ee" myse#*. ) am #i+e a "og. ) "etest your civi#i?e" manners o* sitting aroun" a ta%#e an" having *oo" orgies. )-m going to get ri" o* that ta%#e. 4his is not an ashram. Foo" is at the %ottom o* a## my nee"s,( he roars. Everyone sits aroun" an" 5uiet#y #istens to him. 4hen, when the *oo" is rea"y to %e serve", each person happi#y gets up an" eats. 4he ange# hair pasta U.G. has coo+e" is "e#icious. U.G. is a great coo+. 0n" perhaps the *astest. .e coo+s a mea#, consisting o* a sing#e "ish, in just *ive minutes. ) #ove his *oo". 4onight-s movie is (,#own 0way(, starring 4ommy &ee 9ones an" 9e** ,ri"ges. 4he *i#m has a## the visua# "a??#e an" action, %ut it just "oesn-t wor+. 4here is no interna# progression in the screen p#ay. 4he su%-text just "oes not wor+. Gosh, even to ma+e a %a" *i#m one has to wor+ har". Au'ust / ... DAY TWENTY7E$G!T (4hey ta#+ very #ight#y o* money as i* it has no importance *or them, when in *act it is one o* the most important things in their #ives. 4hese ho#y men are gree"y, jea#ous, an" vin"ictive %astar"s, just #i+e every%o"y e#se. 7ou want to #ive through your wor+, an" through your

chi#"ren. 4hese peop#e want to #ive through their re#igious institutions,( says U.G. ear#y in the morning when ) mention to him that Swamiji ha" ca##e" *or him *rom ,anga#ore whi#e U.G. was having his %ath. ,ramachari Shivarama Sharma, whom everyone *on"#y ca##s (Swamiji(, is a ho#y man. .e was once conten"ing to %e the ponti** o* a we##-+nown an" *a%u#ous#y rich re#igious or"er in South )n"ia. () have *or the past *ive "ays %een trans#ating your %iography on U.G. into Banna"a,( he says %oast*u##y, +nowing very we## that this news wou#" ma+e me immense#y happy. )t "oes. Fever cou#" ) imagine that this %iography o* U.G. that ) wrote wou#" one "ay %e trans#ate" into 4e#ugu, .in"i, Banna"a, an" a#so 6hinese. &ater, Swamiji ca##s again. .e is see+ing some *inancia# a"vice *rom U.G. .e wants to invest his money sa*e#y so that he has no pro%#ems in the *uture. Swamiji is getting o#", an" #i+e a## norma# peop#e, wants to ma+e sure that he has enough to #ive on in his o#" age. U.G. suggests that he shou#" invest a## his money in 4he <a#entine 'o"e# Schoo#, an" gives him a persona# assurance that he wi## see that he gets G,>>> rupees every month *rom that as #ong as he #ives. (,ut we wi## throw your %o"y on the gar%age heap when you "ie. Fo re#igious rites wi## %e per*orme". !e wi## not ta+e care o* your corpse. !e wi## just #eave it there in the "ump *or the insects to *east on. 4hey wi## have a *ie#" "ay on your *at %o"y,( warns U.G. jo+ing#y. E##en 6hrysta# sits inches away *rom me, re#iving her memories spent in the (:ivine @resence( o* :a Free 9ohn, the se#*-announce" 0merican 0vatar. ,i?arre ta#es o* *oo" an" sex orgies c#imax with a "u## account o* her s#eeping with her ,hagwan. 4he charismatic 0vatar use" to con"escen" to have 4antric Sex on#y with a han"*u# o* *ema#e "evotees whom he *oun" high#y evo#ve". 4his act, sai" the 0vatar, *orge" an eterna# %on" %etween him an" the "evotee, she sai". Scenes *rom her #i*e serve as a potent magni*ying #ens through which we get an extreme an" c#ose view o* the "e%auchery that goes on in the name o* ("ivine #ove( in the ho#y %usiness. (4he wor#" has not seen, nor wi## ever see, a pimp o* the magnitu"e o* Rajneesh. @imps at #east ta+e the money *rom the %oys an" give it to the gir#s. 4hey ma+e a #iving out o* the cut they get *rom such a "ea#. ,ut Rajneesh too+ money %oth *rom the %oys an" the gir#s, an" +ept everything *or himse#*,( says U.G., savaging the Rajneeshis who have assem%#e" to see him to"ay. () wi## "estroy 'ahesh. 0s+ him to come to me persona##y an" return my ma#a. 4his is a %reach o* trust. .e cannot "o this. ) wor+e" so har"...,( sai" Rajneesh to my actor *rien", <ino" Bhanna, way %ac+ in GI;K. ) was a Rajneeshi sannyasi then. 4he ,hagwan was una%#e to cope with the news o* me "umping his ma#a into a toi#et, an" wa#+ing out on him. !hy "i" he +eep giving "iscourses on (uncon"itiona# #ove(, ) sti## won"er. .e %ehave" just #i+e any ji#te" #over. (Rajneesh-s empty threats to "estroy you o%vious#y "i" not wor+. 7ou-re sti## here an" he-s "ea" an" gone,( says U.G. summing up the topic o* ho#y men. !e are #ost in &ausanne an" #oo+ing *or a restaurant that se##s pi??a. )t-s Sun"ay an" the town is empty. (,urn a## maps. So what i* you get #ost/ 7ou can a#ways turn %ac+. 7our anxiety to +now whether you are hea"ing in the right "irection is ma+ing you ta+e a## the wrong turns. &oo+8 :on-t thin+8( says U.G., +nowing very we## that he was *ai#ing to get his point across to @au#. 4his has %een an ongoing "ia#ogue %etween @au# SempDL an" U.G. *or years. Fina##y, using U.G.-s ("og sense(, we get to our "estination. @eop#e a#ways seem to have *e#t an urge to recor", to ma+e mar+s that jog memory. .istorians %e#ieve that the %ison "rawn on cave wa##s was .umanity-s *irst "iary entry. 9ust thin+. !e ma+e a *ew a%stract mar+s on a piece o* paper in a certain or"er an" someone a wor#" away an" a thousan" years *rom now can +now our "eepest thoughts. !riting transcen"s %oun"aries o* time an" space an" even the #imitation o* "eath.

Au'ust 0 ... DAY TWENTY7N$NE E)d()'+ t(3e to 3o6e. ) have pac+e" my %ags an" ) wi## %e #eaving *or &on"on tomorrow. ) toss an" turn trying to s#eep. ) cannot. ) step out into the "ar+ night an" #oo+ at the moon#it s+y. 0 strange 5uestion %egins to *ormu#ate itse#* insi"e o* me. !ho am ) now/ 0m ) in any way "i**erent *rom that guy who came here thirty "ays ago/ 0s ) sit here attempting to answer the 5uestion, ) %egin to "iscover that ) am, an" wi## a#ways %e, a stranger in the story o* my own #i*e. Going %ac+ to ,om%ay, an" pic+ing up the threa"s o* my #i*e, *ee#s as i* one is returning to a nove# one ha" #e*t o** rea"ing many summers ago. )t is so easy to #ose the threa" o* our own story. 0s ) scan through the co##age o* a thousan" images o* my time spent here in Swit?er#an" with U.G., ) *ee# as i* ) have ta+en them apart an" put them %ac+ together again in a new way. 0 writer comes to his cra*t on#y a*ter he has %een shattere" %y #i*e in some way. .aving #ive" through these thirty "ays an" thirty nights in Gstaa", ) +now nothing *or me wi## %e the same again. @eop#e pay goo" money *or a taste o* "eath. S+y "iving, %ungee jumping, an" terri*ying amusement-par+ ri"es give peop#e a jo#t that awa+ens a *u##er appreciation o* #i*e. 4hat is why a"venture *i#ms an" stories are a#ways popu#ar, %ecause they o**er a #ess ris+y way to experience "eath an" re%irth through heroes we can i"enti*y with. U.G. is my hero. 'y coming to meet U.G. is perhaps my way o* having a taste o* "eath, an" then springing %ac+ into #i*e. .aving survive" a## the or"ea#s o* this summer, an" having #ive" through a +in" o* ("eath,( ) return home. ) have stoo" on the shou#"ers o* this giant ca##e" U.G. an" ha" a g#impse o* a wor#" which is awesome. ) have +nown this phenomenon ca##e" U.G. *or eighteen years now. ,ut never have ) *e#t in his presence what ) have *e#t this summer. U.G. is now e**ecting peop#e physica##y. (:on-t mysti*y it...,( sai" U.G. one 5uiet evening, when ) spo+e to him a#one a%out my experiences. ) promise myse#* not to. ,ut story-te##ing pro%a%#y %egan with peop#e #i+e me who strugg#e to re#ate their experiences an" a"ventures to the wor#" outsi"e. Bi"s #i+e to %ring %ac+ souvenirs *rom summer vacations, part#y to remin" them o* the trip, %ut a#so to prove to the other +i"s that they rea##y visite" those exotic #oca#es. 0 common *airy-ta#e moti* is that proo* %rought %ac+ *rom the magic wor#" ten"s to evaporate. 0 sac+ *u## o* go#" coins won *rom the *airies wi## %e opene" in the (or"inary wor#"( an" *oun" to contain nothing %ut "ea" #eaves, #ea"ing other peop#e to %e#ieve that the trave#er was just "reaming. 7et the trave#er +nows the experience was rea#. 0## "eep#y *e#t emotiona# experiences are har" to exp#ain to others an" o*ten even to onese#*. Au'ust 1 ... DAY T!$RTY ()n"ia has no *uture. 7ou peop#e got your *ree"om on a p#atter. )n"ians "i" not she" any %#oo". 7ou thin+ that you got your *ree"om %ecause o* the speeches that your #ea"ers ha" ma"e/ Fo, you must than+ .it#er an" the Germans *or that. ,ritain was in sham%#es a*ter the Secon" !or#" !ar. .o#"ing on to its co#onies %ecame a hass#e *or the %att#e-weary Eng#ish. So they #et go o* )n"ia. Even the U.S.0. shou#" than+ .it#er *or what it is to"ay. 4he Secon" !or#" !ar gave a major %oost to its war in"ustry. ,ut enough is enough. 4he Unite" States an" the in"ustria# nations have gange" up an" %u##ie" the rest o* the wor#" too #ong. 4hey have to %e stoppe" in their trac+s an" this, )-m a*rai", wi## %e "one on#y %y the )s#amic *un"amenta#ists or 6hina,( says U.G.

() "on-t +now a%out )n"ia %ut what he is saying a%out 0merica an" the !estern nations is true. ,ut ) +eep my mouth shut. )t is too su%versive. ) wou#" #ose my jo%. )* ) sai" a## this in my country they wou#" #oc+ me up in a prison...,( says 9im, an 0merican 9ew who has #ive" in Europe *or years, at the en" o* an intense "iscussion which is triggere" %y my 5uery to U.G. a%out the *uture o* )n"ia. 0s the evening "eepens, U.G. goes on to spot#ight the harsh economic rea#ities which con*ront the wor#". )t sen"s me hurt#ing "own into a 5uagmire o* "epression. Ro%ert 4owne, the screenp#ay writer o* (6hinatown( sai" the process o* writing is a#so a way o* "iscar"ing. 0s soon as you get an experience out *rom insi"e, it-s gone. $nce you o%jecti*y it, in a sense you have exorcise" it. )t "oesn-t %e#ong to you anymore. 7ou have purge" it. !hen the san" gets into the oyster-s craw, the oyster-s response to protect himse#* is to spin this thing aroun". 4he san" then %ecomes a %eauti*u# pear#. 4he oyster-s o%ject is not to a"mire it, %ut to get ri" o* something that hurts. (0re you rea"y *or the parting message/( as+s U.G., sin+ing into the *ront seat o* the car an" *astening the seat-%e#t. (7es(, ) whisper, an" pu##ing out a sma## "iary get rea"y to jot "own what he is a%out to say. (Un#ess human+in" comes to terms with the %#unt truth that it is no more important than the mos5uito or the *ie#" rat, it is "oome". 4his in"ivi"ua# ca##e" U.G. is just an anima#, nothing more. (!hatever happene" to me cannot %e use" to promote myse#* or promote any cause *or the we#*are o* man+in". !hat ) say un"ermines the very *oun"ation o* human thought. .ow can society %e intereste" in what ) say/ Fature "oes not use anything e#se as a mo"e#. ) cannot ma+e any "e*initive statement, %ut even physica##y this cannot repro"uce another one #i+e itse#*. )t is any%o"y-s guess as to whether the sperm o* this in"ivi"ua# can impregnate a *ema#e or not. ) have no interest in %ecoming a guinea pig *or the me"ica# techno#ogists who wi##, in any case, use a## the insights they gain "uring the course o* their experiments to u#timate#y "estroy #i*e. 0## that they have "iscovere" a%out the %o"y so *ar has not %een he#p*u# to un"erstan" the innate inte##igence the %o"y is %orn with. 4he natura# immunity o* the %o"y is "estroye" %y everything they are "oing. !hen this %o"y "rops "ea" it wi## %e recyc#e" %y nature just #i+e a gar"en s#ug to enrich the soi#. )n short, it wi## just rot.( So tota# an" comp#ete is his se#*-"emo#ition that it ma+es me shu""er. 0s ) #oo+ away ) see the *u## moon is just %eginning its c#im% into a "ar+, co#" s+y. 0 spar+#ing, new "awn is here. !e are just *i*ty +i#ometers away Geneva. Su""en#y U.G. turns towar"s us. 4he go#"en g#ow o* the morning #ight ma+es him #oo+ "ivine. 0s we "rive through a *ie#" o* sun*#owers, U.G. says () invite" ,o% an" @au# to come here to Gstaa". ) want them to sort out the course o* their #ives whi#e they are here. 4here is a con*#ict going on there insi"e o* them. ) want them to reso#ve it. ) can on#y exten" my he#p to you guys in the area o* your practica# #ives.( U.G.-s concern *or peop#e mani*ests itse#* through his actions, not wor"s. :on-t %e#ieve him when he says () won-t #i*t my #itt#e *inger to he#p anyone. 7ou can a## rot in he##....( 4hat-s a #ie. .e is the most concerne" guy ) have ever met in my #i*e. 0s ) pass through the )mmigration, savoring the a*tertaste o* my experiences with U.G. in Gstaa", U.G.-s voice su""en#y erupts within me3 (0## experiences, no matter how extraor"inary they are, separate you *rom #i*e. 7ou wi## never +now what #i*e is, never.... ( 0s my aircra*t ta+es o** *rom the Geneva 0irport, an" hea"s *or &on"on, ) *in" myse#* once again as+ing the same age#ess, chi#"#i+e 5uestions. (!ho am )/ !here "i" ) come *rom/ !hat happens when ) "ie/ !hat "oes it mean/ !here "o ) *it in/ !here am ) going/ -- .ome, stupi"8 .ome.