An Ode of Thanks to a Workplace Bully, I Once Encountered. Thanks and Bully! They dont normally go together.

There was a time, not so long ago, where I would have agreed. Id have never imagined a time where I would genuinely feel gratitude for the period of time I encountered a bully at work. Yet, here I am today, saying thankyou. To understand my gratitude, you need to understand my pain and to understand that, I need to re-wind time to before the bully. Before I met the bully I was fortunate to work in places where I was given all sorts of amazing opportunities to develop. I look back and I feel I was lucky enough to have more experiences and challenges than many get in one entire career. Wherever I worked, someone would tell me I had a lot to offer and I was an asset to wherever I worked. I was pulled aside to talk about the direction of my career, I was tapped on the shoulder to do a job, I was told my name had been submitted, to those higher up so they could look out for me. Doors seemed in those days to always open and the paths I took were varied and full of learning curves. No-one ever told me I couldnt do something. No-one ever told me I wasnt to work with others to share what I know. No-one ever told me there was a square and I must stay inside it and ONLY do my assigned role. At one point in time, in my career exactly that happened. I was told NO. I quickly learnt the parameters of that square I was not suppose to budge from. I resisted for a number of years to stay in that square. I hated it. My resistance was like a red flag to a bull for the bully. And so began a period in my life, that felt very dark. I felt insignificant, I constantly felt in trouble, I felt I wasnt able to speak, I felt my experience/knowledge/skills were invalid. At this point in time, I did not feel thankful. I tried sorting it out. I went to my Boss for advice and I went to the bully and told them how I felt. The bully never accepted any responsibility for how I felt and my Boss was not effective in solving conflicts between staff. Life at work, as it was then, was to continue for another few years.

Its only been recently, with a bit of time and a bit of perspective that I have been able to say thankyou. My gratitude came from an unexpected path my life was about to take. One day, I stopped and asked Why? Why is this happening? Why me? When I asked why, when I screamed it out in my head, I accidentally came across a website of a life coach who ultimately helped me understand why. When I examined why, I learnt: To change what was happening externally, I had to change me internally. I learnt the reflection of my external environment was always about my internal environment. What I believed internally attracted the person and their actions to me, which was the cause of pain and many tears. About a belief I had about myself that was formed throughout my life. Awareness of this belief was the beginning of my journey to finding peace. To identify the events in my life that shaped that belief. I did not have to hold onto pain from those events. What I believed about myself, which was quite negative, wasnt valid. It was a belief developed at an early age when I did not have the capacity to reason its untruth. Subsequent events in my life appeared to validate my belief. What really happened is those events existed because of that belief. To look at my own actions. At one point in time the bully appeared to cease any negativity towards me. During this time I engaged in conversations that attacked another person. One day I found myself being treated exactly the same way as the bully and I had treated the other staff member. I was horrified at myself. I had become a bully. I can genuinely say thankyou to a workplace bully I once encountered because it was that experience that led me to discover how to live life with peace in my heart. It led me to a deeper understanding of myself; it helped me clear out the clutter that was holding me back to truly enjoy life. It taught me pain is ok. That pain is just a signal to stop and learn a lesson. It taught me, Im not a victim. Ultimately, I hope it taught me to be a better person. A person who is driven by love and compassion rather than hurt and anger. Kylie-anne