Ads by safesaver.

More Info | Hide These Ads

Register | Login

ARTICLES MOVIES & TV VIDEO GAMES MUSIC

VIDEOS

COLUMNISTS SCIENCE

FORUMS

QUICK FIXES

PHOTOPLASTY

TECH

HISTORY

WRITE FOR US

ORDER DE-TEXTBOOK

5 Seemingly Insignificant Things That Make People Like You

5 Things That Have to Happen Before You Fix Your Crappy Life

5 Self-Improvement Techniques That Actually Make You Dumber

Home

Weird World

4 Creepy Ways 'Pokemon' Changed Since You Stopped Playing

Ads by safesaver. More Info | Hide These Ads

4 Creepy Ways 'Pokemon' Changed Since You Stopped Playing

By Mark Hill January 04, 2014 917,320 views Add to Favorites
Send

#2. The Unofficial Merchandise Is Ridiculous

Amazon

Barnes & Noble

Indie Bound

Books A Million

Penguin Group

Photos.com

If you went to school during the Pokemon craze, you inevitably knew a talented kid who could draw Charizard with his eyes closed. Well, those kids grew up to be artists, and Etsy and its ilk are letting them share what could generously be called their visions with the world. That's how we ended up with the Pokebra:

The 9 Most Terrifying Attempts to Improve Popular Foods By Tim Parent

2,622,526 views

9 Ridiculous Cooking Myths You Probably Believe By Jeff Hanula

2,432,154 views

5 Innocent Things That Science Says Make People Hate You By XJ Selman
1,439,999 views

The 6 Most Pointless Supervillain Schemes Ever Hatched By Diana McCallum

1,321,834 views
etsy.com The perfect gift for the girlfriend you will never, ever have if you buy this.

5 Things Everyone Forgets to Check When Apartment Hunting By John Cheese

1,094,078 views

The seller claims that this is the perfect product for showing off your nerdy side while still looking sexy. Then, without missing a beat, she reminds us that this bra is inspired by a hit children's franchise. You know, the one where pretty much every female lead is a child too young for a training bra, let alone something that shows off her sex appeal. I'm not saying adults shouldn't be allowed to enjoy Pokemon, but maybe don't try to sex up a series where the protagonists haven't been told about the Pidgeys and the Beedrills yet. But for ladies who have gone through that very special time in their lives, how about this Pokemon

menstrual pad?

Hilarious Missed Connections on Craigslist

Post ed: Ja n u a r y 0 8 , 2 0 1 4

Men Dressing Up Like Female Sex Dolls Is a Thing

Post ed: Ja n u a r y 0 8 , 2 0 1 4

We Almost Had Tupac in the 'Star Wars' Trilogy

Post ed: Ja n u a r y 0 8 , 2 0 1 4

etsy.com If Pikachu knew what was going on, he wouldn't look so happy.

The Most Ridiculous Wedding Cakes Ever

Post ed: Ja n u a r y 0 8 , 2 0 1 4

I'm less qualified to talk about menstruation than Carrie White, but I'm pretty sure it's not supposed to be a fun, light-hearted event where you bleed all over your favorite fictional characters to demonstrate your love for them. Sadly, it's no longer available, but if you really want to combine Pokemon with your vagina, don't despair. Two enterprising Berkeley students made Pokemon vibrators they dubbed Pokmemon, because making sex toys inspired by the monsters from a children's entertainment franchise apparently calls for lame puns and not psychiatric help.

These Drunk Fans Are the Worst

Post ed: Ja n u a r y 0 8 , 2 0 1 4

The Cracked Podcast

Pop Culture Expiration Dates: Why Music and Movies Go Bad
With Cracked Staff
GO LISTEN

Recommended Podcasts
1/10/14 TWO CHARTED 101
With
GO LISTEN

csua.berkeley.edu At long last, you can masturbate with the help of a puffy pink fairy and a blue turtle.

Minisode 79.5
With Paul Scheer

The creators noted that they could find Hello Kitty vibrators, but no pocket monster pocket rockets. This is a situation they "felt the need to rectify," apparently without pausing to wonder if maybe there's a good reason Pokemon sex toys aren't readily available to get you through those lonely nights.

GO LISTEN

Hollywild
With Scott Aukerman

#1. The Really Hardcore Fans Became Perverts

GO LISTEN

Best of 2013 Pt 1
With

GO LISTEN

The Pokemon Company

Everyone knew that one kid who was really into Pokemon. I mean, really, really, can list them all numerically and alphabetically into them. Well, guess what? They still love Pokemon. The only difference is that their love has turned physical. Ladies and gentlemen, it is my displeasure but duty to introduce you to the Pokegirl World Project.
GO LISTEN

Collecting The Coats

With

Some very lonely people decided to take every Pokemon in existence and anthropomorphize them as teenage girls, and if you don't immediately see the problem with the concept of capturing girls, then that's probably something you've done in real life.

The Pokemon Company To lessen the coming horror, every picture in this entry will be of a cute Pokemon. Aww, look at this little guy.

It's no surprise that people have masturbated to Pokemon. That's the Internet for you -- me and my 1TB drive of erotic Frasier fan fiction are in no position to criticize. But a project that admits to first being "largely about sex" has gone way further, plunging into an abyss from which few return with their minds intact. They've taken their Pokegirls, with their creative names like Abslut and Moantwo, and built an entire world around them. They've assembled an encyclopedia that contains millions of words. There are descriptions of all 600+ Pokegirls, of course, which include fun facts like "No Boobisaur has ever been reported with anything less than a generous C cup." Then there's the history of their alternate universe and reams of fan fiction. Dear god, the fan fiction. There haven't been this many wasted words since Shakespeare was translated to Klingon. How Internet Oversharing Could Save the Future
By Today's Topic | 2014-01-08

Popular Videos

Why 'Back to the Future' Is Secretly Horrifying

4,801,733 Views

5 Classic Movie High Schools That Would Suck to Attend

2,845,834 Views

The Pokemon Company But you wouldn't know anything about that, would you, buddy?

The Internet Party

2,271,116 Views

Then they created rules, along with massive lists of items, attacks, and other gameplay elements, essentially constructing an entire Pokemon game that revolves around boning and only caters to a very specific category of pervert. They even came up with an elaborate mini-game they'll never be able to play when they need a break from not being able to play the main game they invented. They spend so many hours building their fake sex game, I'm not even sure if they have time to actually masturbate to it. This all sounds horribly misogynistic, right? But don't worry, it's totally not sexist! Sure, Pokegirls may have erotic names, and all the descriptions of them emphasize their sexual attractiveness, and they all have "an impressive libido, and a natural psychology to submit to a master," and human "tamers" add Pokegirls to their "harem" by fucking them into submission, and when a Pokegirl is tamed she experiences "the mild mental trauma of accepting another as her master," and you can "correct" lesbian Pokegirls into becoming bisexual or heterosexual ... but women can be "tamers" too, so it's totally cool, you guys. That's not a joke, that's literally their argument.

The Pokemon Company You know what else isn't a joke? How much I want to give this dude a great big hug!

So that obsessive fan you knew, the one who was a little weird but always happy to give you tips? He's probably masturbating to his Pokemon as you read this. And now that I've destroyed all of your fond childhood memories, would you like to trade Pokemon with me? You can read more from Mark, and check out his erotic Pokemon fan fiction, at his website. Always on the go but can't get enough of those sweet, sweet dick jokes? We have an Android app and iOS reader for you to pick from so you never miss another article. Are you a fan of money, everlasting glory, but really just money? We want to give you that! (Particularly the money part.) Enter as many designs as you want into our T-shirt contest and you might just win $500.

Like 8,926 people like this. Be the first of your friends.

Prev

Page 2 of 2

Next Article

Like

8.9k

Tw eet

124

50

StumbleUpon

From Around the Web

Sponsored Content by Taboola

Smart Mobility for the Future, Toy ota Shows 3 Concept Cars at CES
T OY OT A

Need To Lose Weight? Why Y ou Should NEV ER Diet Like a Man

Ju st For Me T oda y

Celebs When They Were Y ounger (20 Photos)

W ebly est

3 Tips To Make Any Man Fall Madly In Lov e

Ju st For Me

OUCH! These Are Not What Y ou Think It Is!

A m er ica n Liv e W ir e

8 Sleeping Positions and Their Effects on Health

Da ily Hea lt h Post

8 Reasons Y ou Should Stop Drinking Pepsi | Fitnea Stay Fit

Fit n ea

The 21 Hottest Katy Perry GIFs Ev er

PBH2

Recommended For Your Pleasure

The 23 Most Surprising (True) Facts About Awful People

760,349 views

26 Mind-Blowing TRUE Facts About Everyday Products

596,758 views

6 Bizarre Real World Versions of Fictional Monsters

1,176,806 views

5 Ways to Beat Old-School Games Using Math

2,425,716 views

6 Sneaky Ways Movies and TV Shows Outsmarted the Censors

1,496,407 views

6 Hilariously Failed Attempts at Making Comics More Diverse

945,738 views

Mark Hill
Like 2.9m Tw eet 5

More by Mark Hill:

The 6 Craziest Pieces of Christmas Fan Fiction
December 24, 2013 | 294,239 Views

Other Columnists:

Brendan McGinley

The 5 Best Places to Make (Creepy) Friends

December 05, 2013 | 414,449 Views

Felix Clay

The 5 Most Aggressively Crazy Websites on the Internet

October 19, 2013 | 682,836 Views

David Wong

See More

See More

Ads by safesaver. More Info | Hide These Ads

Add New Comment

To turn on reply notifications, click here

Submit Comment

939 Comments

Recent

Votes

You

Show Profanity

Popeshaggy
01-10-2014 | 12:47 AM

+1

Boy, I sure am glad that I was already in high school when Pokemon came out. Because seriously, what the hell? I mean you don't see horrifying internet porn of Mario.... ooh wait, I just googled that, sorry my bad. Reply

BaffleBlend
01-09-2014 | 8:36 PM

I always hated the IV system... it always struck me as being creepily similar to eugenics. To explain for the non-fans, in order to get a pokmon with all-perfect IVs, you have to find one who naturally has one for each stat, and crossbreed them. And then crossbreed those. (Yes, there is a lot of incest involved.) And keep rolling the dice because the specific IVs kids inherit from the parents are random. So you'll often wind up with hundreds of rejects who don't have exactly the right combination, who you wind up outright deleting (Or "releasing", as the game calls it) or, in the newest games, putting into Wonder Trade, which throws them into the world to land in some random sucker's 3DS. There's a lot of weird morally-ambiguous gobbeldygook, I tell you what. Reply

BaffleBlend
01-09-2014 | 11:38 PM

That wasn't meant to be posted twice... damn faulty internet connection.

DenimMage
01-10-2014 | 1:41 AM

If you're going to start demonizing IV breeding, then you should back up and start looking at the more obvious terrible implications Pokmon has already had. I mean, you could write a large book filled with the awful genetic, scientific, political, and economic implications in Pokmon, not to mention the "this must have happened" horror stories that you often get putting various information in the dexes and the dialogue together...

BaffleBlend
01-09-2014 | 8:33 PM

I always hated the IV system... it always struck me as being creepily similar to eugenics. To explain for the non-fans, in order to get a pokmon with all-perfect IVs, you have to find one who naturally has one for each stat, and crossbreed them. And then crossbreed those. (Yes, there is a lot of incest involved.) And keep rolling the dice because the specific IVs kids inherit from the parents are random. So you'll often wind up with hundreds of rejects who don't have exactly the right combination, who you wind up outright deleting (Or "releasing", as the game calls it) or, in the newest games, putting into Wonder Trade, which throws them into the world to land in some random sucker's 3DS. There's a lot of weird morally-ambiguous gobbeldygook, I tell you what. Reply

wings
01-09-2014 | 2:32 PM

I find very hard to give a single f**k about pokemon nowadays Reply

Starhowl
01-09-2014 | 9:18 AM

Yeah I'd love to trade Pokemon with you. If you don't mind them slightly used. Reply

mutedsanity
01-09-2014 | 7:42 AM

He forgot Phantump. Literally the souls of dead children who died lost and alone in the woods turned into Pokemon. I guess Cubone as well, but he only wears the skull of his dead mother on his head, which, compared to the lost souls of dead children, is relatively pretty tame. Reply

philroco
01-08-2014 | 2:36 PM

+5

On second thought, lets not go onto the internets...tis a silly place! Reply

edgerunner
01-08-2014 | 10:26 AM

+3

Pokememon for the vibrator? No. Pokemoan. I mean, really, it was not that hard (that's what she said). I'll be here all week, try the squirtle. Reply

kevinlim15
01-08-2014 | 8:38 AM

-2

"and if you don't immediately see the problem with the concept of capturing girls, then that's probably something you've done in real life." Sorry but no, it's these kind of statements that make people think that computer games will blur the lines of reality and fiction, seriously this site does a s**t ton of fandom bashing believing all fandom nerds to be somewhat inferior to gamer nerds (Due to the fact that this site heavily protects it's ideal of being a hipster nerd like nerd) Reply

HG131
01-08-2014 | 3:39 AM

+3

With the Pokegirls thing, BDSM and master/slave fantasies are not immediately misogynistic. While there's certainly misogynists into it, there are plenty of non-douchebag men into it as well. Oftentimes, both they and the seriously-you-won't-believe-how-big-the-numbers-are amount of girls in the same subculture, both dommes and subs, enjoy fiction involving a universe where it's a normal part of life. I don't get why it's gone that insane with Pokemon, but to be fair, it's obviously seriously not for you. Reply

sparx21
01-07-2014 | 10:59 PM

+3

Pokemon always had an adult factor even in the 90s. I'm sure a lot of readers of this article know about the banned episodes and abandoned subplots that were ultimately left untranslated from the original Japanese. Besides that, I remember being very perplexed as a kid at just some of the stuff that went on during the English show. James from Team Rocket was clearly a repressed gay (or wanna be trans) man that was being dominated by Jesse in a verbally abusive manner. I remember an episode where he was just terrified of getting into a forced arranged marriage to a young attractive woman. The sheer amounts of camp gay stereotypes dumped on him pretty much tells the truth about the creator's intent (dressing in women's clothing, being obsessed with his appearance, and the effeminate body language...let alone banned Japanese canon has him clad in a bikini complete with boobies ). Team Rocket itself is like a mafia in all ways if you consider the crimes they commit and profit from. Also, the scale of the drama in the episodes is rival only to an adult soap opera. The scene when young, impoverished Meowth is being taught how to speak like humans nearly had me in tears as a kid and still makes me sad thinking about it today as an adult. Reply

Greenknightfury
01-08-2014 | 6:36 PM

Forget the episode...but I know Jesse was dressed as a dominatrix (black leather bustiere, skintight black leather pants, riding crop) at least once in an English episode.

pastanaut
01-07-2014 | 10:11 PM

+1

I went to Mark's website and the promised Pokemon erotic fiction was mysteriously absent. I can't decide if I'm relieved or disappointed. Okay, I'm disappointed. Reply

barkido
01-07-2014 | 6:58 PM

pokemon menstrual pad ???? HOLY s**t SERIOUSLY ??? pokemon vibrator looks okay tough but why Metal ??? Reply

Greenknightfury
01-08-2014 | 6:39 PM

Those bullet-like metal ones are just as common(if not more so) than plastic ones (most of those are bullet-like as well) and at least one reason is obvious: Easy cleaning.

mickeyten
01-07-2014 | 1:22 PM

+12

12

So many Pokemon players in the comments. Haha, I laugh at your sad obsession with forcing adorable animals to battle to the death endlessly in a video game format. Laugh. Now if you'll excuse me I have to log into WoW and level my battle pets some more. I've almost got my Emperor Crab to Level 25, and he'll learn Whirlpool, which will let me take down that Elemental trainer at last!! Reply

Sonnera
01-07-2014 | 10:57 AM

+5

Oh man...I used to play pokemon competitively and all those numbers make sense to me. There are too many things like stats, abilities, move sets, typing etc to memorize on too many Pokemon now though. Its not sustainable the way its going. Reply

rexbobcat
01-07-2014 | 10:41 AM

+4

Pshaw, the cartoon/game ain't got nothing on the manga. I remember in like the first or second manga in the whole series Ash goes to Lavender Town. It's creepy in the game with the music and the ghosts in the tower and whatnot, but in the manga, it's not just "ghosts." Zombies of dead Pokemon, most notably an Arbok and a Cubone with its rotting eye still in the socket, begin attacking Ash and then when Ash begins fighting them they are illustrated being ripped apart by (I think) by Pikachu's attack into a pile of rotten flesh on the floor. I read that manga ten years ago and it still just sits on my brain...festering...like a lump of rotten Pokeflesh. Reply

BlueSuedeGoo
01-07-2014 | 12:00 AM

-7

11

Into the gulags with these weeabo weirdos. They are an accessory to the demise of this country See All 3 Replies Hide All Reply

HG131
01-08-2014 | 3:41 AM

-2

Let's just EXTERMINATE conservatives instead.

Greenknightfury
01-08-2014 | 6:41 PM

Well....either that was a Stalin or Hitler impersonation...or a mashup of the two as you mixed a paraphrased Stalin quote and a Hitler quote.

GerardLimbo
01-06-2014 | 11:27 PM

-2

LOL Reply

Blackjack13
01-06-2014 | 10:57 PM

+8

I was with you on the first two, but then your top selections lost me. The series has more than enough creepy s**t in it WITHOUT the fandom--and as creepiness goes, canon ALWAYS trumps fanon. And how in the world could you leave out how the PLOTLINES have gotten darker and darker? At first it was just Team Rocket out for money because somehow animal cruelty could apparently accomplish that, and then they brought in Aqua and Magma, who would have been fearsome ecoterrorists if they hadn't both flunked Earth Science 101 (though in their hilarious ignorance they manage to be the most potentially damaging groups out of all of them). And then gen 4 gave us Team Galactic, out to destroy the universe because their leader was emotionally abused and thus came to see feelings as the root of all evil. Gen 5 stepped back a bit with Team Plasma but they had the biggest Complete Monster in the entire franchise, Ghetsis, as their helm, even if his plan of world domination is considerably calmer. And Gen 6 gives us Team Flare, who, in order to preserve resources and keep the world beautiful, plans to kill every sumbitch in the area who isn't one of them...the most horrifying part being that they awaken a megaweapon that was used to stop a war a few thousand years ago by, yes, killing every sumbitch in the area. And let's not forget the side games! Orre's history alone is awash in both massive crime and some unspecified natural disaster that made it nearly impossible for pokemon to live there. Think about that. Pokmon are almost indestructible. They can live anywhere, up to and including space itself, and yet they can't live in Orre. And you left these things OUT? See All 3 Replies Hide All Reply

Meridgon
01-07-2014 | 2:59 PM

In B2/W2, Ghetsis even tried to kill you, but N luckily stopped him. Yeah, definetly got darker.

Ericthebearjew
01-08-2014 | 5:47 PM

If you think about it, Lysandre's plan is basically inbreeding.

4thMonth
01-06-2014 | 10:53 PM

+2

It's such a funny coincidence that this came out a week after I rediscovered my old Crystal version. I had stopped caring about the franchise after the second generation so after all this time I had forgotten what a lot of the moves did and how some of the Pokemon evolved I had the awful mistake of googling it.

My childhood is attempting to bathe in Purell. Reply

More Comments

About
Advertise Write for Cracked Contact Us Link to Us Sitemap Terms & Conditions Privacy Policy AdChoices

Cracked Mobile Apps iOS

Cracked Reader for iPhone Reader for iPad Best of 2011 for iOS

Popular Topics
Boobs Zombies Hipsters Urban Legends Skyrim

Stay Connected
Like us on Facebook
Like 2.9m

Follow us on Twitter
Follow @cracked

Android
Cracked Asstrology Cracked Reader for Android Best of 2011 for Android

Sign up for our weekly Newsletter

Enter Email Address Here:

Sign up

Ads by safesaver. More Info | Hide These Ads

Mobile | Desk top

Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United States and/or other countries. Copyright 2007-2013. Demand Media, Inc.