A Z I Y A D E by Pierre Loti of the French Academy Translated by William Needham with sketch ma !

""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" Taken from the notes and letters of a #ritish na$al lie%tenant who ser$ed with the T%rkish forces from &'th (ay &)*+ and was killed within the walls of ,ars -*th .ctober &)**! """""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

P/EFA0E #Y PL1(,ETT2 A F/IEND .F L.TI In e$ery well constr%cted romance2 a descri tion of the hero is obli3atory! #%t this book is not a romance2 or2 at least2 is not one that has been better mana3ed than the life of its hero! #esides2 describin3 Loti2 whom we may indeed be $ery fond of2 is not witho%t its diffic%lties and mi3ht well baffle e$en the cle$erest! To form a hysical ima3e of him2 dear reader2 3o to (%sset4 o en 5Namo%na2 a tale from the .rient5 and read4 56ho%lders s7%ared8 freshly 3roomed8 !!!! 9ands of a atrician2 demeano%r ro%d and tense8 Finest amon3 all his feat%res were his eyes!5 Like 9assan he cred%lo%s2 yet was always one 9assan2 and he /olla !!!5 was $ery cheerf%l2 yet co%ld be $ery s%llen8 shamef%lly co%ld be %tterly indifferent! #e it for 3ood or ill he to ersist8 b%t we referred him to the self:centred mi3ht be said to ha$e borne more resemblance to

5In more than one so%l can two thin3s be seen to3ether! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 5The sky2 colo%rin3 the almost still waters! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And the m%d2::dreary seabed2 horrid2 3loomy and idle!5 ;ictor 9%3o2 5Les .ndines5 PL1(,ETT!

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6 A L . N I , A

Loti5s <o%rnal

I &+ (ay &)*+! !!! A bea%tif%l day in (ay2 lo$ely s%nshine2 clear sky !!! When the forei3n boats arri$ed2 the han3men on the 7%ayside %t the finishin3 to%ches to their work4 si= dan3lin3 bodies erformed their horrible final contorsion before the crowd !!! Windows2 roofs were com letely filled with s ectators8 on a balcony nearby2 T%rkish officials smiled at the familiar s ectacle! The 6%ltan5s 3o$ernment had 3one to no 3reat e= ense with the instr%ment of tort%re8 the 3allows were so low that the bare feet of the condemned men to%ched the 3ro%nd! Their toenails2 clenched in a snarl2 raked the sand!

II The e=ec%tion o$er2 the soldiers withdrew2 and %ntil ni3htfall the dead remained on %blic $iew! All afternoon in the deli3htf%l T%rkish s%n the si= cada$ers2 % ri3ht on their feet2 dis layed their hideo%s 3rimaces2 s%rro%nded by %nconcerned assers:by and by 3ro% s of yo%n3 women standin3 in silence!

III The 3o$ernments of France and >ermany had demanded the e=ec%tions be combined2 as redress for the massacre of the cons%ls which had attracted m%ch attention in E%ro e at the start of the near:eastern crisis! All E%ro ean nations had sent h%3e battleshi s to 6alonika! #ritain had been one of the first to do so2 hence my arri$al here on board one of 9er (a<esty5s cor$ettes!

I; .ne fine s rin3 day2 amon3 the first d%rin3 the eriod when the (acedonians::not lon3 after the massacres and three days after the han3in3s::3ranted %s ermission to 3o into 6alonika2 I fo%nd myself aro%nd fo%r o5clock in the afternoon a%sin3 in front of the closed door of an old mos7%e to watch two storks fi3htin3!

I can still ict%re the scene in that street in the old (oslem 7%arter! Abandoned ho%ses rose on either side of the narrow2 windin3 alleyways8 and ro<ectin3 halfway across them were 5shaknisirs52 a weird kind of obser$atory2 where lar3e balconies had been closed off with iron 3rills from which2 thro%3h small in$isible holes2 one co%ld watch those 3oin3 by below! .at shoots s ro%ted between the black cobblestones2 and branches2 co$ered in 3reenery2 s read alon3 the roofs! .ne had chance 3lim ses of a clear bl%e sky8 and e$ery breath ca%3ht the mildness of the air and the wonderf%l smell of (aytime! The eo le of 6alonika still reser$ed an attit%de towards %s of constraint and hostility8 moreo$er2 the order was2 that at all times in the street we were to carry o%r swords and all other wea ons 5at the trail5! E$ery now and then t%rbaned fi3%res wo%ld 3o by2 followin3 the wall8 and not a sin3le female head was to be seen behind the discreet 3rills of the women5s a artments2 the 5haremlikes5! A dead city2 one mi3ht ha$e said! I tho%3ht I was erfectly alone8 then I e= erienced a stran3e feelin32 and realised that close to me2 from behind thick iron bars at head hei3ht2 two lar3e 3reen eyes were starin3 into mine! The eyebrows were brown2 and the sli3ht frown bro%3ht them so close that they met8 the 3a?e s%33ested a combination of $i3o%r and o enness8 it contained so m%ch freshness and yo%th it co%ld ha$e been taken for a child5s! The yo%n3 woman2 whose eyes these were2 rose2 and from her waist % ward one co%ld tell she was wra ed in the lon32 stiff folds of a T%rkish: style ca e2 a 5fered3e52 made of 3reen silk2 embroidered with sil$er! A white $eil caref%lly en$elo ed her head2 re$ealin3 only her forehead and her lar3e eyes! The % ils @sicA were indeed 3reen4 that shade of sea 3reen2 which was celebrated in the ast by the oets of the .rient! The yo%n3 woman was A?iyade!

; A?iyade stared at me! In front of a T%rk she wo%ld ha$e hidden her face8 b%t I was a 53iao%r52 an infidel2 which doesn5t co%nt as a man4 at the $ery most he5s a c%riosity to be obser$ed at leis%re! 6he a eared s%r rised that one of the forei3ners2 who had come2 with s%ch terrible war machines2 to threaten her co%ntry with s%ch terrible war machines2 co%ld be a $ery yo%n3 man whose a earance aro%sed in her neither re %3nance nor fear!

;I When I ret%rned to the 7%ay all the boats belon3in3 to the s7%adrons had left! I5d been a trifle ca ti$ated by those 3reen eyes e$en tho%3h I hadn5t yet disco$ered the e=7%isite face hidden by white $eil8 three times I5d walked ast the mos7%e that had the storks2 and time had 3one by witho%t my noticin3! As if I5d s%mmoned them2 the obstacles between this yo%n3 woman and me came thick and fast4 the im ossibility of e=chan3in3 a sin3le tho%3ht with her2 or of s eakin3 to her2 or of writin3 to her! >oin3 ashore after si= in the e$enin3 was forbidden8 and at all times one had to be armed8 likely de art%re within a week2 and ne$er to ret%rn8 and abo$e all2 the fierce s%r$eillance that was maintained o$er the harems! I watched the last #ritish shi draw f%rther and f%rther away8 the s%n wo%ld $ery soon disa ear2 and2 not ha$in3 come to any decision2 I sat myself down beneath the awnin3 of a T%rkish cafB!

;II 6trai3htaway a b%nch of men 3athered ro%nd me8 these were the boatmen and orters who sle t on the 7%ayside %nder the stars8 they wanted to know why I5d stayed behind on shore8 they were waitin3 there in the ho e that I mi3ht erha s ha$e need of their ser$ices! Amon3 this 3ro% of (acedonians I noticed a yo%n3 man with a $ery 7%aint ty e of beard2 that was di$ided % into little c%rls like the ones yo% see on the most ancient of the stat%es in that co%ntry! 9e was sittin3 on the 3ro%nd in front of me2 ins ectin3 me with 3reat c%riosity8 my clothes and2 most of all2 my boots a eared to interest him keenly! 9e stretched himself in the c%ddly way a lar3e an3ora cat wo%ld2 and when he yawned he dis layed two rows of tiny teeth that shone like earls! 9is head was $ery fine and there was a 3reat 3entleness in his eyes that 3lowed with honesty and intelli3ence! 9e was dressed only in ra3s2 his le3s were bare2 his shirt in tatters2 yet he was as clean as a cat! This yo%n3 fellow was 6am%el!

;III These two bein3s2 whom I met on the $ery same day2 were soon to become art of my life2 and wo%ld2 o$er the ne=t three months2 risk their li$es on my acco%nt! If anyone had told me that then2 I wo%ld ha$e been 3reatly s%r rised! Later they wo%ld lea$e their own co%ntry behind and follow me to Istanb%l2 where we were destined to s end winter %nder the same roof!

IC 6am%el screwed % eno%3h co%ra3e to %se the tiny amo%nt of En3lish words he knew2 and said4 5Do yo% want to 3o on boardD5 9e contin%ed in 6abir4 5Te ortarem col la mia barca!5 EI5ll take yo% on my boatF!

6am%el co%ld s eak 6abir2 then8 I saw strai3htaway what an ad$anta3e an intelli3ent and determined lad mi3ht ro$e to be for the hare:brained $ent%re that was 3oin3 ro%nd in my head and <%st be3innin3 to take some sort of sha e! (oney was one means whereby I co%ld enlist the ser$ices of this be33arly yo%th2 b%t I5d $ery little! #esides2 he was bo%nd to be res ectable and2 bein3 so2 wo%ld definitely not allow himself to act as 3o:between for a yo%n3 man and a yo%n3 woman!

C 5To WILLIA( #/.WN2 Lie%tenant with the Grd Line Infantry /e3iment2 at London

5In the be3innin3 it was nothin3 more than an into=ication of my ima3ination and senses8 later somethin3 new came alon34 lo$e2 or somethin3 $ery close to it8 I was s%r rised and enchanted! 59ad yo% been able today to follow yo%r friend Loti thro%3h the streets of an old and for3otten art of the city2 yo% wo%ld ha$e seen him climb the ste s to a ho%se that looks as if it belon3s to a fantasy world! The door closes behind him mysterio%sly! 9e chooses the section where they can chan3e the scenes8 the back3ro%nds are familiar to him! #efore2 yo%5ll remember2 it was to en<oy the fa$o%rs of Isabelle #!!!2 the star4 the scene was in a hansom cab or 9ay (arket 6treet2 or where the mistress of the famo%s (artyn li$ed8 this b%siness of chan3in3 back3ro%nds 3oes back a lon3 time2 and it wo%ld take more than .riental dress to add a to%ch of no$elty to it!F 5The melodrama be3ins! First settin34 a din3y old room that looks rather oor2 tho%3h it has lenty of .riental colo%r! 59ookahs5 lie aro%nd the floor alon3 with wea ons! 5Yo%r friend Loti is standin3 in the centre and three old Hewesses are b%syin3 themsel$es wordlessly aro%nd him! Their 3arb is ict%res7%e2 and their noses hooked! They wear lon32 <ackets trimmed with s an3les2 necklaces of str%n3 se7%ins8 their hair is tied back with 3reen silk ribbons! They briskly relie$e him of his officer5s %niform and be3in to dress him T%rkish style2 kneelin3 so they can start with the 3ilt le33in3s and the 3arters! Loti maintains the look of sombre concern2 a ro riate for the hero of a m%sical drama! 5The three old women %t into his belt one or two da33ers whose sil$er hilts are inlaid with coral and their blades damascened with 3old8 they sli o$er onto his sho%lders a 3old embroidered <acket with floatin3 slee$es and on his head they lace a t%rban2 a 5tarboosh5! All done2 they tell Loti by 3est%re how handsome he looks2 and brin3 a lar3e mirror! 5Loti finds he5s not at all dis leased with the ima3e and smiles sadly at this altered a earance that co%ld 3et him killed8 and then he disa ears by a back door and makes his way across an entire cra?y city of oriental ba?aars and mos7%es8 he asses %ndetected thro%3h the m%lti:colo%red thron3s that are dressed in the brilliant h%es belo$ed by the T%rks! .ccasionally one of the white $eiled women wo%ld sim ly remark4 56ee that well dressed Albanian and his bea%tif%l wea ons!5 5Followin3 yo%r friend Loti any f%rther2 my dear William2 wo%ld be inad$isable! (y 3oal will be reached when I5m in the arms of a T%rkish woman who is married to a T%rkish man::a cra?y enter rise at any time2 and2 thin3s bein3 as they are2 one that cannot be s oken of!::With her Loti will s end an ho%r of total ra t%re2 and risk her head and the heads of se$eral others2 as well as all manner of di lomatic com lications! 5Yo% will say that there has to be a dee :seated e3oism at work to reach this sta3e! I shan5t contradict yo%8 b%t I5m now of the $iew that to do that which leases me is a 3ood thin32 and that one has to do one5s best to add s ice to life5s %tterly tasteless dish! 5Yo% ha$e nothin3 to re roach me for2 dear William4 I5$e written yo% a 3ood2 lon3 letter! I ha$e no more confidence in yo%r affection than I ha$e in anyone else5s8 b%t yo% are one of a n%mber of eo le I5$e met here and there as I5$e tra$elled the world2 one of those whom its been a leas%re to be with and to share my im ressions! If there5s anythin3 in my letter that5s a to%ch %nrestrained I cannot be blamed4 I5$e been drinkin3 0y r%s wine! 5It has now worn off! I went % onto the brid3e to breathe some shar ni3ht air! 6alonika looked a wretched lace! Its minarets seemed like a lot of old candles laced on to of a town that was dark and dirty2 the sort of town where the $ices of 6odom are rife! When the dam air hits me like an ice:cold shower and nat%re %ts on a d%ll2 itif%l look2 I 3o back to bein3 my normal self where I find only life5s sickenin3 em tiness and immense boredom! 5I5m thinkin3 of 3oin3 to Her%salem soon! There I shall try to %ll

to3ether what few scra s of faith I ossess! For the moment my reli3io%s and hiloso hical beliefs2 my moral rinci les2 my social theories2 etc2 can all be de icted by that 3rand ersonality2 the oliceman! 5I5ll robably be comin3 o$er to Yorkshire in a%t%mn and will see yo%! (eanwhile2 I take my lea$e of yo%2 and remain yo%r de$oted friend! L.TI!5

CI .ne of the most tro%bled eriods in my life were the closin3 days of (ay &)*+! I had 3one thro%3h m%ch ain with the res%lt that2 for a lon3 time afterwards I had felt cr%shed2 listless2 my heart em ty8 b%t all of that went away2 and it was the force of yo%th that bro%3ht abo%t my new awakenin3! 6%ddenly I fo%nd myself alone in life8 the last of my beliefs were 3one2 which meant I had free rein to do whate$er I chose! From the ashes of my former self somethin3 like lo$e was be3innin3 to take sha e2 and o$er this renaissance of mine the .rient was castin3 its owerf%l s ell and tro%blin3 my senses!

C&I 6he had come2 to3ether with the three other wi$es of her master2 to li$e in a 5yali52 a co%ntry $illa2 on the road to (onastir8 here she wo%ld be %nder li3hter s% er$ision! I %sed to arri$e in the daytime2 armed! When there was a hea$y sea2 a c%tter wo%ld dro me at the docks amon3 the crowd of boatmen and fishermen8 and to 6am%el2 who wo%ld <%st ha en to be where we co%ld see eachother2 I wo%ld si3nal my orders for the ni3ht! I s ent many a day wanderin3 alon3 the (onastir road! The land abo%t was bare and de ressin38 as far as the eye co%ld see were ancient cemeteries8 r%ins of marble tombs2 their mysterio%s inscri tions eaten away by lichen8 whole stretches where stood 3ranite menhirs8 >reek2 #y?antine2 and (oslem 3ra$es co$ered the a3es:old earth of (acedonia where 3reat nations of the ast had left their d%st! E$ery now and then a eared the shar silho%ette of a cy ress or a h%3e lane tree 3i$in3 shade to Albanian she herds and their 3oats8 on the arched 3ro%nd broad flowers2 ale lilac in colo%r2 s read their sweet smell of honeys%ckle beneath an already scorchin3 s%n! The sli3htest detail of that landsca e is stored in my memory! The soft warmth of the ni3ht bro%3ht with it an %n$aryin3 stillness8 so%nds from cicadas %nitin3 with the silence8 air that was %re yet filled with the erf%mes of s%mmer8 the sea motionless8 the sky as bri3ht as bri3ht as any I had known in the tro ics! 6he wasn5t mine2 not yet8 b%t the only barriers between %s were material ones4 her master and the iron 3ratin3s at her windows! I s ent my ni3hts waitin3 for her2 waitin3 for that moment which was sometimes $ery short2 when I co%ld to%ch her arms thro%3h those 3rim bars and in the darkness kiss her white hands with their oriental rin3s! Finally2 at a certain time in the mornin3 before daybreak2 in accordance with the lan I had a3reed with the officers on watch2 I

wo%ld ret%rn to my cor$ette!

CIII (y e$enin3s were s ent with 6am%el! I saw some stran3e thin3s with him in the boatmen5s ta$erns8 and in be33ars5 co%rtyards and in thie$es5 bars r%n by Hews from T%rkey I was able to st%dy at first hand beha$io%r that few eo le co%ld ha$e witnessed! The clothes I wore in these hell:holes were the sort of clothes T%rkish sailors wore to%rin3 the 6alonika harbo%rside at ni3ht! 6am%el resented an odd contrast in s%ch s%rro%ndin3s8 his lo$ely2 3entle face shone o%t all the more a3ainst the foil of all the m%rk! #it by bit I was 3ettin3 to be fond of him and his ref%sal to be of any %se to me with re3ard to A?iyade made me think all the more hi3hly of him! All the same2 I saw some weird si3hts at ni3ht in the com any of this little $a3abond4 there was a certain bi?arre kind of rostit%tion that went on down in the wine cellars where c%stomers drank themsel$es st% id on 5mastic5 and 5raki5!!!

CI; .ne balmy H%ne ni3ht the two of %s were lyin3 o%t on the 3ro%nd waitin3 for two o5clock2 the time a3reed2 to come! I can remember that bea%tif%l starry ni3ht when all one co%ld hear was the faint so%nd of a tran7%il sea! Patternin3 the mo%ntainside were the black2 eardro sha es of the cy resses and the h%3e dark masses of the lane:trees! 9ere and there cent%ries:old bo%ndary stones marked the for3otten domain of some lon3 3one Der$ish! The dry 3rass2 the moss2 and the lichen all smelled 3ood8 it was 3ood too to be o%tside in the fields on s%ch a ni3ht8 it felt 3ood to be ali$e! #%t 6am%el a eared to be erformin3 his ni3htly errand with dreadf%l disdain and ceased re lyin3 to me! 6o2 I took hold of his hand2 as friends do2 and2 in 6 anish2 said somethin3 alon3 these lines4 5(y dear 6am%el2 e$ery ni3ht yo% slee on the hard 3ro%nd or on lanks8 it5s better here on this 3rass where yo% ha$e the lo$ely smell of the wild: thyme as well! >o to slee 2 and yo%5ll feel better afterwards! Aren5t yo% ha y bein3 with meD What ha$e I done to % set yo%D5 9is hand trembled in mine and he was 3ri force! in3 it with %nnecessary ert%rbed2 50he $olete

50he $olete25 he said in a $oice that was dee ly miD EWhat do yo% want from meDF5

For a moment somethin3 %ns eakably $ile had come into oor 6am%el5s head4::in the older arts of the .rient all thin3s are ossible! Then he co$ered his face with his arms2 and stayed where he was2 terrified at himself2 transfi=ed2 and tremblin3! #%t e$er since that stran3e e isode he has de$oted himself2 body and so%l2 to my ser$ice! E$ery ni3ht he risks his liberty and his life by enterin3 the ho%se where A?iyadB li$es! When he 3oes in the darkness to fetch her he has to cross a cemetery that for him harbo%rs 3hostly a aritions and mortal terrors! 9e rows aro%nd in his little boat %ntil daybreak in order to kee watch for the lar3er $essel2 or he waits for me all ni3ht on the fifth fla3stone on the 7%ayside at 6alonika with the bodies of fifty slee in3 $a3rants strewn abo%t for com any! It5s as if his own ersonality has been absorbed into mine and I feel it accom anyin3 me e$erywhere I 3o2 where$er that may be and whate$er dis3%ise I may ha$e chosen to %t on8 he is ready to defend my life with his own

C; L.TI to PL1(,ETT2 Lie%tenant of (arine 6alonika2 (ay &)*+! 5(y dear Pl%mkett2 5Yo% may2 witho%t fear of e$er borin3 me2 tell me abo%t all the thin3s2 dreary or re ostero%s or e$en li3ht:hearted that are 3oin3 thro%3h yo%r head ri3ht now! 6ince I always lace yo% o%tside the common herd2 readin3 what yo% ha$e to say will ne$er cease to be a leas%re! 5Yo%r letter was handed to me at the end of a dinner accom anied with 6 anish wine2 and I recall bein32 at first readin32 a wee bit bewildered at the way it had been %t to3ether! Yo%5re a f%nny fellow and no mistake2 b%t then I always knew that! Yo%5re famo%s for ha$in3 a mind of yo%r own! #%t2 I ass%re yo%2 that5s by no means all that I was able to draw from yo%r lon3 letter! I co%ld see that yo%5$e had to end%re m%ch s%fferin32 and that is somethin3 we ha$e in common! 5Ten lon3 years a3o2 when I was si=teen2 I was acked off to London and left to my own de$ices! I sam led all a$ailable leas%res2 b%t2 at the same time2 I belie$e there was ractically no kind of sorrow that I was s ared! I5m feelin3 terribly old des ite my e=tremely yo%thf%l hysi7%e2 which I owe to my fencin3 and acrobatics! 50onfidences2 of co%rse2 ser$e no %r ose8 for there to be fellow: feelin3 between %s it is eno%3h that yo% ha$e s%ffered! 5I see also that I5$e been fort%nate eno%3h to ins ire in yo% some de3ree of affection8 thank yo% for that! .%rs will be2 if yo% 3reatly wish it2 what yo% call an 5intellect%al friendshi 52 and o%r relationshi will ease o%r assa3e thro%3h the 3loomy eriods of life! 5.n the fo%rth a3e of yo%r letter do%btless yo% were lettin3 yo%r en r%n away from yo% when yo% wrote4 5bo%ndless affection and de$otion5! If those were yo%r tho%3hts then yo%5ll clearly see2 my dear fellow2 that yo% still ha$e somethin3 of yo%r yo%th and freshness abo%t yo%2 and that they are not com letely 3one! No one has 3reat e= erience than I ha$e of s%ch fine friendshi s::friends for life2 friends %ntil death::b%t2 yo% see2 that5s what one has when one is ei3hteen8 at twenty:se$en they5re all done with and one is only de$oted to oneself! It5s distressin32 what I5m sayin32 b%t it5s only too tr%e!5

C;I 6alonika2 H%ne2 &)*+! It was a <oy2 makin3 those early mornin3 r%ns to 6alonika2 arri$in3 before the s%n had risen! The air was so li3ht and the cool so delicio%s that life5s tro%bles mi3ht not ha$e e=isted8 it was as if one were act%ally absorbin3 well:bein3! 6e$eral T%rks2 some dressed in red robes2 others in 3reen or oran3e2 were be3innin3 to mo$e abo%t the arched:o$er streets2 which2 as yet2 were barely lit by the thin 3limmer of dawn li3ht! When I had Thom son2 the shi 5s en3ineer2 with me2 he layed the comic o era role of the confidant2 and we roamed e=tensi$ely ro%nd the old streets of the city at a time of day when to do so was forbidden to %s2 and when o%r %niforms least accorded with re3%lations!

E$enin3 time resented %s with an enchantment of a different kind4 e$erywhere was either ink or 3ilt! (o%nt .lym %s2 a3low as if with b%rnin3 embers or molten metal2 was mirrored on the smooth s%rface of the sea! No mist in the air4 it seemed that the atmos here no lon3er e=isted and that the mo%ntains::so distinct and recise were their f%rthest rid3es::were c%t:o%ts with a h%3e $oid behind them! We often sat of an e$enin3 amon3 the crowds on the 7%ays lookin3 o%t across the tran7%il bay! .riental barrel or3ans accom anied by tiny bells and T%rkish <in3le oles ch%rned o%t their weird t%nes8 %blic roads were <ammed with cafBs2 their small tables already laid2 yet ne$er eno%3h of them to meet the demand for hookahs2 6kyros wine2 T%rkish Deli3ht2 and raki! It made 6am%el ha y and ro%d when we in$ited him to o%r table! 9e was always somewhere nearby so that he co%ld si3nal to me where$er it was I was to meet A?iyade8 then I5d tremble with e=citement thinkin3 abo%t the ni3ht ahead!

C;II 6alonika2 H%ly &)*+! Last ni3ht A?iyade told 6am%el that he was to remain with %s! I looked at her in astonishment4 she asked me to sit between the two of them2 then she started talkin3 to him in T%rkish! It was a con$ersation she was wantin32 o%r first8 6am%el was to be o%r inter reter! For a month we had shared an ecstasy of the senses and it had ne$er been ossible to e=chan3e e$en a sin3le tho%3ht and %ntil now we remained as i3norant of each other as stran3ers! 5Where were yo% bornD!!! Where did yo% li$eD!!! 9ow old are yo%D!!! Do yo% ha$e a motherD!!! Do yo% belie$e in >odD!!! 9a$e yo% been in the co%ntry of the black menD!!! 9a$e yo% had a lot of mistressesD!!! Are yo% a lord in yo%r own co%ntryD5 6he told me she was 0ircassian and had arri$ed in 0onstantino le while still a child2 to3ether with another 3irl the same a3e as herself! A merchant had sold her to an old T%rk who had bro%3ht her % intendin3 to 3i$e her to his son8 the son had died2 so had the old T%rk8 by then she was si=teen and e=tremely retty8 then this man s otted her in 6tambo%l and bro%3ht her back to his ho%se in 6alonika! 56he says25 6am%el translated2 5that her >od is not the same as yo%rs2 and she5s not $ery s%re2 from what it says in the ,oran2 that women ha$e a so%l as men do8 she thinks that when yo%5re 3one from this co%ntry2 yo% and she will ne$er see each other a3ain2 e$en when yo%5re dead2 and that5s what5s makin3 her cry!5 5Now25 said 6am%el with a la%3h2 5she asks if yo% want to <%m into the sea with her ri3ht now and drift down to the bottom in each other5s arms2 and then I5ll take the boat back and say that I5$e not seen either of yo%!5 5With leas%re25 I said2 5 ro$ided she sto s cryin3! Let5s do it ri3htaway2 then it5ll be finished with!5 A?iyade %nderstood! Tremblin3 she slid her arms aro%nd my neck and we both leaned o%t o$er the water! 5Don5t do thatI5 sho%ted a fri3htened 6am%el2 restrainin3 %s in an iron 3ri 2 5Yo%r last kiss wo%ld be $ile! Peo le who drown to3ether bite eachother5s face and they die with horrible 3rimaces!5 9e had s oken in 6abir with a $iolent cr%deness which doesn5t translate! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was time for A?iyade to set off back4 and a momemt later2 she left %s!

C;III PL1(,ETT to L.TI London2 H%ne &)*+! 5(y dear Loti2 5I ha$e a $a3%e recollection of sendin3 yo% a letter last month that yo% wo%ldn5t ha$e made head or tail of2 neither rhyme nor reason! .ne of those letters where one5s first tho%3hts take command or where one5s ima3ination 3allo s ahead and one5s en <%st trots alon32 often st%mblin3 like some old hack! 5Letters like those are ne$er read o$er before they5re sealed2 otherwise they5d ne$er be sent! 6ome di3ressions2 more or less edantic and %nclear2 followed by some nonsensical items that wo%ld ha$e been %nworthy of the 5Tintamarre5! Then2 for the final flo%rish2 an a%to: ane3yric from a mis%nderstood indi$id%al2 affectin3 self:de recation in ho es of har$estin3 com liments2 s%ch as those yo% ha$e been kind eno%3h to send! In short2 the whole thin34 7%ite ridic%lo%sI 5And those rotestations of de$otionI::AhI that set the old hack at a 3allo ! Yo% res onded to this art of my letter as wo%ld that writer ha$e done2 who li$ed si=teen cent%ries before o%r era4 he had tried e$erythin3Jbein3 a 3reat kin32 a 3reat hiloso her2 a 3reat architect2 kee in3 si= h%ndred wi$es2 etc!::b%t 3rew so bored and weary with it all that in his old a3e2 his reflections com lete2 he declared that e$erythin3 was nothin3 b%t $anity! For all its Ecclesiastes style2 yo%r re ly bro%3ht me nothin3 I did not know already! I am $ery m%ch of the same mind as yo% re3ardin3 all thin3s and e$erythin32 so m%ch so that I 7%estion whether I5ll e$er be able to disc%ss a to ic with yo% other than in the same way Pandore con$ersed with his ser3eant! In the moral cate3ory we ha$e absol%tely nothin3 to teach eachother! 550onfidences25 yo% tell me2 5ser$e no %r ose!5 I admire yo%r insi3ht e$en more4 I like to ha$e an o$erall $iew of ersons and thin3s8 I like to discern their rinci al feat%res! As for details2 I5$e always had a erfect horror of them! 55#o%ndless affection and de$otion5I As yo% wishI It was one of those warm im %lses2 one of those felicito%s 3lim ses that ri$ile3es one to see one5s better self! #e in no do%bt that the words are sincere! And if they are no more than flashes2 who is to blame for thatD Isn5t it tr%e that yo% and I are in no way res onsible for the flaw in o%r nat%reD Is it2 then2 he who created %s2 only to lea$e %s %nfinished2 sensiti$e to the noblest as irations2 b%t lackin3 an ability ro ortionate to o%r conce tsD .r is there no one at all who is to blameD #etter to lea$e all this do%btin32 I think2 and mo$e on to somethin3 else! 5Thank yo% for yo%r comments re3ardin3 my candidness abo%t my feelin3sJ tho%3h I don5t belie$e a word of what yo% say! They5$e seen too m%ch ser$ice2 or rather2 I5$e called % on their ser$ice too often2 for them not to ha$e faded from %se! I co%ld say my feelin3s are reser$ed for occasions::talkin3 of which2 let me remind yo% <%st how often ri3ht occasions come alon3! I5ll ha$e yo% note also that there are thin3s that 3ain solidity the more %sa3e r%bs away the 3leam of their newness8 an e=am le I can 3i$e yo% from the noble rofession we both follow wo%ld be old corda3e! 5Nat%rally2 I am $ery fond of yo%! And we needn5t refer to it a3ain! I declare2 once and for all time2 that yo% are indeed $ery 3ifted and it wo%ld be a ity if yo% let the better art of yo% e=ha%st itself doin3 acrobatics! Now that5s off my chest2 I will cease borin3 yo% to death with talk of affection and admiration and 3i$e yo% a few ersonal details of my own!

5Physically I5m in 3ood sha e8 morally I5m %nder3oin3 treatment which consists in re$entin3 my brain t%rnin3 itself inside o%t2 and in fittin3 a re3%lator to my sensibility! In this world e$erythin3 hin3es on balance::within %s and witho%t! If sensibility 3ets the % er hand2 it always does so at the e= ense of reason! The more yo% are a oet2 the less yo% are a land:s%r$eyor8 and2 in life2 a small amo%nt of 3eometry is called for8 worse still2 a 3reat deal of arithmetic! I belie$e2 >od for3i$e me2 that what I ha$e <%st written comes $ery close to bein3 common senseI 5E$er yo%rs2 5PL1N,ETT5

CIC Ni3ht of H%ly -*! 6alonika! At nine o5clock the officers on board2 one after the other2 ret%rn to their 7%arters8 as they 3o they wish me l%ck and 3ood ni3ht4 they all know my secret! All the while I5m lookin3 an=io%sly across at the sky o$er old .lym %s2 whence2 too often for my likin32 come bi32 co ery clo%ds indicatin3 th%nderstorms and torrential rain! As yet2 all is clear o$er there and the s%mmit of that myth:makin3 mo%ntain stands o%t in bold relief a3ainst the dee bl%e of the ni3ht sky! I 3o below to my cabin2 chan3e my clothes2 and come back on deck! Now2 as on e$ery ni3ht2 the an=io%s waitin34 one ho%r2 two ho%rs 3o by2 the min%tes dra3 and seem as lon3 as ni3hts! At ele$en o5clock2 a faint so%nd of oars on the calm sea8 a tiny2 far off s eck comes nearer2 sli in3 across the water like a shadow! It5s 6am%el5s row boat! The 3%ards on d%ty raise their rifles2 hold him in their si3hts and call o%t to him! 6am%el doesn5t answer8 then the rifles are lowered::the 3%ards ha$e been 3i$en secret instr%ctions concernin3 him! Within moments he draws alon3side! (erely for show they hand him my nets and other tackle8 I <%m into the small boat and we mo$e off! I remo$e the cloak co$erin3 my T%rkish attire2 and the transformation is com lete! (y 3old:embroidered <acket 3limmers sli3htly in the darkness! The bree?e is soft and warm2 and 6am%el %lls so%ndlessly in the direction of the shore! Another boat is already there waitin3! .n it are a hideo%s old ne3ress with a bl%e cloth wra ed ro%nd her2 an old Albanian manser$ant2 dressed ict%res7%ely and armed to the teeth2 and a woman hidden behind s%ch a 7%antity of $eil that all one sees is a mass of white! Not a word is said as the two ser$ants transfer to 6am%el5s row boat2 which then de arts! I am left alone with the $eiled woman2 who2 like a white hantom2 remains still and silent! (y hands are already on the oars and we mo$e away2 headin3 in the o osite direction2 o%t to sea! (y eyes are fi=ed on her and I wait an=io%sly for her to mo$e or make a si3n! When she feels we are far eno%3h o%t2 she holds o%t her arms to me8 I ha$e been waitin3 for this si3n beckonin3 me to her side! I tremble as we to%ch and am ierced by an o$erwhelmin3 lan3o%r8 her $eil is inf%sed with oriental erf%mes2 her skin feels firm and cool! I ha$e lo$ed another woman more2 one I no lon3er ha$e the ri3ht to see a3ain8 b%t ne$er before ha$e my senses known s%ch into=ication!

CC A?iyade5s boat contains silk mats2 c%shions2 and T%rkish co$erin3s! 0as%al to%ches of oriental refinement are e$erywhere2 and the whole seems more like a floatin3 bed! What a c%rio%s sit%ation is o%rs4 we are re$ented from e=chan3in3 a solitary word! All manner of erils are 3athered ro%nd this bed of o%rs2 driftin3 abo$e the dee 8 we look like bein3s who ha$e met with the sole aim of en<oyin3 to3ether the heady charms of the im ossible! In three ho%rs time we will ha$e to lea$e! That will be when the >reat #ear has t%rned itself aro%nd in the immense sky! Each ni3ht we follow its %n$aryin3 co%rseJthis ointer on a clockface co%ntin3 o%r ho%rs of ecstasy when we are obli$io%s of the world and of life2 and when the first kiss lasts %ntil dawn! I co%ld liken it to bein3 in an African desert and ha$in3 a b%rnin3 thirst that the first dra%3ht of cool water cannot satisfy b%t only make one want more! At one o5clock the silence of the ni3ht is shattered by a rowdy din! We hear the so%nds of har s and of women5s $oices2 and then come warnin3 sho%ts which we ha$e barely eno%3h time to heed! A c%tter from the 5(aria Pia52 swee s ast8 their deba%ch in$ol$es mainly Italian officers2 most of them dr%nk8::they only <%st miss sinkin3 %s!

CCI #y the time we re<oined 6am%el5s boat the >reat #ear had ro3ressed beyond its hi3hest oint2 and we co%ld hear cocks crowin3 in the distance! 6am%el2 wra ed in my cloak2 was aslee aft in the well of the boat8 the ne3ress2 cro%ched % like a monkey2 was aslee in the bows8 between them the old Albanian sle t2 bent o$er his oars! The two ser$ants were re%nited with their mistress2 and their boat with all three aboard mo$ed silently away! 6teadily my eyes followed the white form of the yo%n3 woman who was lyin32 com letely motionless2 e=actly where I had left her2 still warm from my kisses2 her skin moistened by the dew! The three o5clock bells so%nded on board the >erman battleshi s! A faint white 3limmer eastward delineated the sombre mass of the mo%ntains2 lea$in3 the lowest slo es a band of shadow2 reflected e$en more darkly in the still waters! In the darkness im osed by the mo%ntains it was im ossible to <%d3e distances8 it was only the stars that were fadin3! The dam cool of early mornin3 be3an to descend on the sea2 s readin3 dro lets of dew o$er the lanks of 6am%el5s boat! I was dressed $ery li3htly with nothin3 across my sho%lders b%t an Albanian shirt made of thin m%slin! I looked for my 3old:embroidered <acket8 it m%st be still in A?iyade5s boatI A deadly chill s read % my arms into my chest! An ho%r to 3o %ntil the best time to 3et back on board witho%t attractin3 the attention of the watch! I tried to row b%t my arms wo%ld not be ro%sed from their sl%mber! 6o2 with infinite care I lifted the ed3e of the cloak that 6am%el had o$er him and witho%t wakenin3 him I cre t in beside this friend whom chance had bestowed on me! And2 in less than a second there were two slee ers2 dead to the world2 driftin3 alon3 in a boat!!! An ho%r later we were awakened by a ra%co%s >erman $oice sho%tin3 somethin3 like4 59ey2 yo% in that din3hyI5 We had drifted ri3ht % to

the >erman warshi s! With the 3%ards5 rifles trained on %s we 3rabbed the oars and made a hasty de art%re! Fo%r o5clock8 by the 3ro in3 dawn li3ht I co%ld make o%t the white mass that was 6alonika and the dark masses that were battleshi s! I cre t back on board like a thief2 only too 3lad to ha$e esca ed anyone5s notice!

CCII The followin3 ni3ht E-)th to -KthF I dreamt that2 with no rior warnin32 I was ha$in3 to lea$e 6alonika and A?iyade! In the dream 6am%el and I were tryin3 to r%n alon3 the road leadin3 to the $illa3e where A?iyade li$ed so that I co%ld at least say 3oodbye to her8 then::as can ha en in dreams::we were immobile8 time sli ed away and the cor$ette %nf%rled its sails! 5I5ll send yo% some of her hair25 6am%el said2 5A whole lon3 braid of her brown hair!5 And we ke t tryin3 to r%n! Then I was wakened for the ne=t 7%arter watch! It was midni3ht! The helmsman lit a candle in my cabin4 I saw the li3ht catch the 3ilt woodwork and the silk flowers of the ta estry8 then I was wide:awake! That ni3ht it rained in torrents and I was soaked to the skin!

CCIII 6alonika2 -K H%ly! .%t of the bl%e2 at ten o5clock this mornin32 I recei$ed orders to re are immediately to lea$e my shi and 6alonika8 to sec%re a assa3e on tomorrow5s acket boat to 0onstantino le2 and to <oin the #ritish shi 5Deerho%nd52 which was assi3ned to atrollin3 the waters thereabo%ts of both the #os hor%s and the Dan%be! A arty of sailors has <%st in$aded my cabin! They are tearin3 down the han3in3s and ackin3 my tr%nks! (y 7%arters on the 5Prince of Wales5 were way below deck4 a reinforced c%bby:hole ri3ht ne=t to the owder ma3a?ine! I had f%rnished this s%nless $a%lt in 7%ite an ori3inal way4 the iron walls were h%n3 with a hea$y red:silk ta estry dis layin3 fantastic flowers8 items of ottery2 re:3ilded bric:L:brac2 and wea ons 3limmered from the darkness! I had s ent some sad ho%rs in this 3loom2 ho%rs yo% can5t e$ade2 the ones in which yo% come face to face with yo%rself and reflect with remorse % on the iercin3 re3rets of the ast!

CCI; I had se$eral 3ood friends aboard the 5Prince of Wales5 and they tended to ind%l3e me2 rather as they wo%ld a s oilt child8 b%t I don5t let myself become attached to eo le any more and artin3 from them doesn5t affect me! .ne more eriod of my life is comin3 to an end2 and 6alonika is one corner of the world I5ll ne$er see a3ain! And yet2 I ha$e known e=hilaratin3 ni3hts on the tran7%il waters of its 3reat bay2 ni3hts for which many men wo%ld 3ladly ay a h%3e s%m8 and I

had come $ery close to lo$in3 this remarkably deli3htf%l yo%n3 woman! 6oon I shall ha$e for3otten those balmy ni3hts when the first 3limmers of dawn fo%nd %s lyin3 stretched o%t on a boat2 dr%nk with lo$e and bathed in mornin3 dew! I shall miss 6am%el as well4 oor 6am%el2 who so readily risked his life for me2 and will cry like a baby when I de art! There I 3o a3ain2 still allowin3 myself to feel the t%3 of e$ery stron3 affection2 or what resembles s%ch2 be its moti$e selfishness or melancholy! 0losin3 my eyes I5m willin3 to acce t whate$er feels like friendshi or lo$e if2 for a sin3le ho%r2 it can fill life5s terrifyin3 em tiness!

CC; G' H%ly! 6%nday! Noon! The day is b%rnin3 hot! I5m lea$in3 6alonika! In the final ho%r 6am%el rows % to the acket:boat to bid me farewell! 9e seems remarkably cas%al and content2::another one who will 7%ickly for3et me! 5A% re$oir2 effendim2 ensia oco de 6am%elI5 EA% re$oir2 monsei3ne%rI 6 are a little tho%3ht for 6am%elIF

CC;I 5In a%t%mn25 A?iyade told me2 5Abeddin:effendi2 my master2 is to mo$e his ho%sehold and his wi$es to Istanb%l! If by chance he does not2 I will come by myself and find yo%!5 (ay it be so4 I shall be waitin3! #%t it will be a com letely new be3innin32 a new way of life2 in a new co%ntry2 with new faces8 and for how lon32 I do not know!

CC;II All the officers on board the 5Prince of Wales5 made 7%ite a show of wa$in3 me 3oodbye! Now the landsca e2 bathed in s%nshine2 is recedin3 into the distance! For a lon3 time it5s ossible to make o%t the white tower where A?iyade %sed to embark at ni3ht2 also2 dotted here and there with old lane trees2 the stretches of stony 3ro%nd I so often crossed in the dark! 6alonika is soon no more than a 3rey sm%d3e s readin3 o$er the arid mo%ntain sides2 a sm%d3e bristlin3 with tiny white marks2 indicatin3 minarets2 and black ones2 markin3 cy resses! And then the 3rey sm%d3e $anishes2 no do%bt fore$er2 behind the hei3hts of 0a e ,ara:#o%rno%! The to s of fo%r 3reat mo%ntains from mytholo3y rise abo$e the distant (acedonian coastline4 .lym %s2 Athos2 Pelion and .ssaI

# . . ,

T W .4

6 . L I T 1 D E

I 0onstantino le2 G A%3%st &)*+! The crossin3 took three days8 we called at Athos2 Dedea3atch2 and the Dardanelles! (y fellow assen3ers consisted of a bea%tif%l >reek lady2 two bea%tif%l Hewish ladies2 a >erman2 an American missionary2 his wife2 and a Der$ish! A somewhat odd assortmentI #%t we 3ot on $ery well with one another2 and m%ch of o%r time was taken % with m%sic! >eneral con$ersation was cond%cted in Latin or 9omeric >reek! The missionary and I wo%ld e=chan3e the odd comment in Polynesian! For the ast three days I ha$e been stayin3 Eat 9er #ritannic (a<esty5s e= enseF at a hotel in the Pera district! Ne=t to me at table are a noble lord and his 3ood lady! After dinner she and I s end the rest of the e$enin3 at the iano layin3 all #eetho$en ieces! I5m in no h%rry to see my new shi ret%rn from whate$er art of the 6ea of (armora it5s been atrollin3!

II 6am%el2 like the faithf%l friend he is2 has followed me here! I was to%ched by that! 9e also had come by sea! 9e had mana3ed to sli aboard one of the (essa3eries acket boats! 9e resented himself this mornin3 and I embraced him heartily! I was so 3lad to see his o en2 honest face a3ainJthe only 3enial face in this 3reat2 wide city2 where I don5t know a sin3le li$in3 so%l! 56ee2 Effendi25 he said2 5I ha$e left e$erythin32 my friends2 my co%ntry2 my boat2 and ha$e followed yo%!5 I5m already aware of the fact that it5s amon3 oorer eo le where one5s more likely to find e=am les of total and s ontaneo%s de$otion8 I m%ch refer them to eo le in easier circ%mstances beca%se they ha$e none of the latter5s e3oism or meanness!

III All of 6am%el5s $erbs end in 5:ate58 e$erythin3 that makes a noise is said to 5fate bo%m E5make bo%m5F!5 5If 6am%el 3et on a horse25 he tells me2 56am%el 5fate bo%m5!5 E/ead4 56am%el will fall off!5F 9is tho%3hts come to him s%ddenly and in a <%mble2 as with a child! 9e is reli3io%s in a naM$e and 3%ileless way! 9is s% erstitions are eccentric and his obser$ances re ostero%s! 9e5s at his f%nniest when he ado ts a serio%s demeano%r!

I; to L.TI from his 6I6TE/ #ri3htb%ry2 A%3%st &)*+!

5(y dearest brother2 5Like a bird e$adin3 ca t%re2 yo% fly off2 yo% flit abo%t2 yo% land for a while then yo%5re off a3ain! Poor darlin3 little bird2 so ca ricio%s2 so disill%sioned2 battered abo%t by the winds2 d% ed by e$ery mira3e2 ne$er findin3 a lace where yo% mi3ht rest yo%r weary head and yo%r tremblin3 win3s! This time 6alonika is the mira3e:Jb%t there will be othersI Fly abo%t in circles as yo% may2 there5ll come a time when these foolhardy %r3es will all and yo%5ll settle down for 3ood on some retty iece of 3reenery! No2 yo% won5t break yo%r win3s2 and yo% won5t fall into the abyss2 beca%se the >od of little birds has s oken2 and beca%se there are an3els watchin3 o$er that dear tho%3htless head of yo%rs! 5It5s no %se my 3oin3 on ho in34 yo% won5t be comin3 this year to sit beneath the lime trees! Winter will arri$e and yo% still won5t ha$e set foot on o%r lawn! For fi$e years I5$e watched o%r flowers come into bloom and shady laces form8 and I5$e harbo%red the tho%3ht that I wo%ld see yo% here2 both of yo%! Thro%3h e$ery season and e$ery s%mmer: time that was my dearest wish! Now there5s only yo%2 and yo% we shall not see! 5It5s a fine A%3%st mornin3 and I5m writin3 to yo% from #ri3htb%ry2 from o%r r%stic room that 3i$es onto the co%rtyard2 where the lime trees are8 the birds are sin3in3 and e$erywhere the rays of s%nli3ht filter e$erywhere thro%3h the lea$es! It5s 6at%rday and the 3ro%nd and a$in3 stones2 now freshly watered2 are whis erin3 a co%ntry oem that wo%ld not2 I know2 lea$e yo% %nmo$ed! The lon3 s ells of s%ffocatin3 heat ha$e 3one and we are enterin3 that eriod of eace and s irited charm that can so ri3htly be likened to a man5s second a3e8 the flowers and lants2 all worn o%t by the sens%al leas%res of s%mmer2 rise % a3ain in $i3oro%s reflowerin32 amid new $erd%re their colo%rs show bri3hter2 and a few fadin3 lea$es contrib%te to the $irile charm of nat%re5s second 3rowth! 5In this little corner of my Eden2 dearest brother2 e$erythin3 was waitin3 for yo%8 e$erythin3 seemed to be 3rowin3 for yo% !!! and once more it will all 3o by witho%t yo%! It5s sim ly a fact4 we sha5nt see yo%!5

; Ta=im2 a b%sy 7%arter on the hei3hts of Pera4 E%ro ean carria3es and clothes <ostlin3 with the carria3es and cost%mes of the .rient4 bla?in3 heat and bla?in3 s%n4 a mild bree?e throws the d%st and the yellowed lea$es of A%3%st % in the air4 the scent of the myrtles4 the din of the fr%it sellers4 streets cl%ttered with 3ra es and watermelons!!!The $ery first moments of my so<o%rn in 0onstantino le etch these ima3es in my memory! #ein3 a total stran3er2 I wo%ld s end my afternoons beside the Ta=im road2 sittin3 in the bree?e2 %nder the trees! As I let myself drift

back o$er the eriod that had <%st ended2 my eyes absently followed the cosmo olitan stream in front of me! (y tho%3hts were mostly of her4 I was s%r rised to disco$er that she was so dee ly embedded in my mind! It was in this art of the city that I became ac7%ainted with an Armenian riest who ta%3ht me the r%diments of the T%rkish lan3%a3e! At the time I had none of the fondness for the co%ntry that I was to ha$e later4 I 3a?ed at it as a to%rist wo%ld and I knew almost nothin3 abo%t 6tambo%l2 a lace feared by 0hristians! I remained in Pera for three months2 thinkin3 of ways to carry o%t my im ossible lans to li$e with her on the other shore of the >olden 9orn2 to li$e the life of a (oslem2 to ha$e her with me for days at a time2 to %nderstand and enetrate her tho%3hts2 to read what new2 wild and scarcely hinted:at notions lay dee in her heart2 and to ha$e her all to myself! (y ho%se in Pera was sit%ated in a secl%ded s ot o$erlookin3 the >olden 9orn and the distant anorama of the T%rkish city! The s lendo%r of s%mmer lent charm to my abode8 seated by my lar3e2 o en window2 st%dyin3 the lan3%a3e of Islam2 I wo%ld let my 3a?e ho$er abo$e old 6tambo%l lyin3 bathed in s%nli3ht! Away in the back3ro%d2 in a 3ro$e of cy ress trees2 Eyo%b came into $iew8 it wo%ld ha$e been hea$en to be hidden with her there in that mystical for3otten lace where o%r life wo%ld ha$e lit % on its own stran3ely deli3htf%l settin3! All aro%nd my ho%se2 were immense stretches of land with nothin3 b%t cy resses and tombs::em ty terrain where I s ent more than one ni3ht with my mind bent on careless ad$ent%res with Armenian or >reek 3irls! Dee in my heart I was still faithf%l to A?iyade8 b%t the days went by and she did not come !!! .f these lo$ely creat%res all I retain is the charmless memory of assion:fed sensations8 not a sin3le thin3 links me with any of them2 and they were 7%ickly for3otten! #%t I often wandered at ni3ht thro%3h these cemeteries and it bro%3ht me more than one re3rettable enco%nter! .ne mornin32 abo%t three o5clock2 a man came o%t from behind a cy ress and barred my way! 9e was a ni3htwatchman8 he was armed with a lon3 iron:shod staff2 a brace of istols2 and a da33er8::and I was %narmed! I knew at once what this man wanted! 9e wo%ld sooner ha$e killed me than abandon his lan! I followed him obediently4 I had a lan of my own! We were walkin3 beside those 3a in3 fifty:metre dee de ressions which lie between Pera and ,assim:Pascha! 9e walked ri3ht alon3 the ed3e8 in an instant I sei?ed an o ort%nity and fl%n3 myself at him8::o%t he ste ed into the $oid2 and o$er he went! I co%ld hear him t%mblin3 o$er rocks ri3ht down at the bottom8 there was an omino%s so%nd2 then a 3roan! 9e was s%re to ha$e com anions nearby and in the silence of the ni3ht the so%nd of his fall wo%ld tra$el a fair distance! I fled into the ni3ht and I ran with so m%ch s eed no other h%man bein3 co%ld ha$e ca%3ht me! A white streak was a earin3 in the east as I ret%rned to my room! The deathly ale face of deba%chery often ke t me down in the streets as late as this! I had no sooner dro ed off to slee when mellifl%o%s so%nds of m%sic bro%3ht me awake8 an ancient a%bade2 a son3 of lo$ers se aratin3 at dawn2 a cheerf%l oriental melody2 as fresh as daybreak2 h%man $oices accom anied by har s and 3%itars! The choir went by and the $oices faded away in the distance! All I co%ld see thro%3h my wide:o en window were the mornin3 mist and the immense em tiness of the sky8 then2 hi3h abo$e2 the ink sha es of minarets and a dome started to form8 sketchily2 little by little2 the o%tline of the T%rkish city a eared as if it were s%s ended in mid air!!! Then I recalled that I was in 6tambo%l2::and that she had sworn to come to me here!

;I (y enco%nter with the watchman had made a 3rim im ression on me! I ceased my noct%rnal wanderin3s and had no more mistresses2::e=ce t2 that is2 for a yo%n3 Hewish 3irl who li$ed in Pri:Pacha2 the Hewish 7%arter2 and knew me by the name of (aketo! I s ent the end of A%3%st and the be3innin3 of 6e tember e= lorin3 the #os hor%s! The weather was mild and the s%n shone bri3htly! The shady shores2 the alaces and the mansions were reflected in the calm2 bl%e waters criss:crossed with the wakes of 3ilded cai7%es! In 6tambo%l lans were in hand to de ose 6%ltan (o%rad and consecrate Abd%l 9amid!

;II 0onstantino le2 G' A%3%st! (idni3htI the fifth ho%r2 accordin3 to T%rkish clocks8 the ni3htwatchmen are strikin3 the 3ro%nd with their hea$y2 iron:shod sta$es! In the >alata 7%arter the do3s are in re$olt and the howlin3 down there is a allin3! The do3s in this nei3hbo%rhood remain strictly ne%tral2 and I5m obli3ed to them for that8 they are aslee hod3e od3e o%tside my door! All is eace and 7%iet! In the three ho%rs I5$e s ent stretched o%t by my o en window I5$e been watchin3 the li3hts 3o o%t one by one! #elow me the old Armenian cabin:like dwellin3s lie slee in3! From here I look o%t o$er a $ery dee ra$ine at the bottom of which2 formin3 an im enetrably black sha e2 is a wood com osed of cent%ries old cy resses8 beneath these sad2 balsam:scented trees lie ancient (oslem tombs! To3ether the minarets and the c% olas stand o%t a3ainst a star: strewn sky2 wherein is s%s ended a slender crescent moon8 the whole hori?on is frin3ed with towers and minarets::faintly o%tlined sha es2 bl%ish a3ainst the aleness of the ni3ht! The bi3 domes of the mos7%es2 colo%rless as yet2 climb2 one on to of another2 towards the moon2 and in the mind ass%me 3i3antic dimensions! Down there2 at this $ery moment2 in one of the alaces2 the 6eraskierat2 a dire comedy is bein3 layed o%t8 the leadin3 ashas ha$e assembled there to de ose 6%ltan (o%rad8 tomorrow Abd%l 9amid will re lace him! 6%ltan (o%rad2 whose s%ccession three months a3o rom ted s%ch festi$ity and who today is still treated like a 3od2 will robably2 toni3ht2 in some corner of the 6era3lio2 be stran3led! Yet all is 7%iet in 0onstantino le!!! At ele$en o5clock some ca$alry and artillery went ast my ho%se at the 3allo 2 headin3 for 6tambo%l8 then from the batteries came m%ffled r%mblin3 which etered o%t in the distance2 and then e$erythin3 fell silent a3ain! .wls are hootin3 in amon3 the cy resses8 they so%nd e=actly as they do at home! I lo$e this so%nd of s%mmertime8 it takes me back to woods in Yorkshire2 to the bea%tif%l e$enin3s I s ent %nder the trees at #ri3htb%ry! 9ere2 s%rro%nded by all this stillness2 ima3es from the ast come ali$e a3ain2 ima3es of all that is shattered and 3one2 ne$er to ret%rn! I was co%ntin3 on little 6am%el bein3 back this e$enin38 I fear2 tho%3h2 that I5ll ne$er see him a3ain! (y heart is hea$y and my loneliness is not easy to bear! A week a3o2 to enable him to earn a little money2 I let him <oin the crew of a shi bo%nd for 6alonika! The three boats that mi3ht ha$e ret%rned him to me ha$e come back witho%t him! The last one arri$ed this e$enin3 and no one on board had heard

anythin3 of him!!! The crescent moon is sinkin3 slowly behind 6tambo%l2 behind the domes of the 6%leMmanieh! In this 3reat city I am a stran3er and %nknown! Yo%n3 6am%el was the only one who knew my name and that I e=isted! And I was be3innin3 to be 3en%inely fond of him! 9as he too deserted meD .r has some misha befallen himD

;III 9a$in3 friends is like ha$in3 do3s4 it always ends badly! The best thin3 is to ha$e neither!

IC We ha$e a friend2 6aketo! 9e 3oes back and forth on the T%rkish acket boats that r%n between 6alonika and 0onstantino le! 9e $isits %s fre7%ently! 9e was shy at first b%t he soon came to feel at home in my ho%se! 9e5s a so%nd fellow8 he5s been a friend of 6am%el5s since childhood! 9e brin3s 6am%el news from home! .ld Esther2 one of the Hewish ladies back in 6alonika whose <ob it was to dress me % as a T%rk and who called me her 5caro iccolo52 sent me2 6aketo re orted2 her kind wishes and remembrances! 6aketi is always welcome here2 es ecially when he brin3s me the messa3es that A?iyade transmits to him thro%3h her ne3ress! 5La han%m Ethe T%rkish ladyF25 he says2 5sends her 3reetin3s to (! Loti! 6he asks him not to 3row tired of waitin3 for her2 and that before winter comes she will ha$e arri$ed !!!5

C L.TI to WILLIA( #/.WN 5I recei$ed yo%r mo%rnf%l letter only a co% le of days a3o8 yo% addressed it to me aboard the 5Prince of Wales5 so it %rs%ed thence to T%nis and other laces! 56o yo% too2 old cha 2 are ha$in3 to bear a hea$y sorrow2 and yo% feel it all the more keenly beca%se yo%r misfort%ne2 like mine2 is to ha$e recei$ed the sort of ed%cation that de$elo s one5s heart and sensibility! 5Yo% ha$e do%btless ke t all yo%r romises re3ardin3 the yo%n3 woman yo%5re in lo$e with! #%t for what 3ood %r oseD For whose benefitD And by $irt%e of what moral rinci leD If yo% lo$e her to that e=tent and if she lo$es yo% too2 don5t worry yo%r head abo%t con$entions and scr% les8 take her2 whate$er the cost2 then for a while yo% will be ha y8 after that yo%5ll be c%red and e$erythin3 else is of secondary im ortance! 5For the ast fi$e months2 e$er since I left yo%2 I5$e been in T%rkey! 9ere I5$e met an %n%s%ally charmin3 yo%n3 woman who has hel ed me while away my time d%rin3 my e=ile in 6alonika::and ha$e met also a yo%n3 $a3rant called 6am%el whom I re3ard as a friend! 5I s end as little of my time as ossible on the 5Deerho%nd58 I come and 3o Elike certain fe$ers in >%inea2 rea earin3 e$ery fo%r days2 to do what I5m s% osed to doF! I ha$e a lace of sorts to call my own in

0onstantino le2 in a art of the city where no one knows me8 there I lead a life that is r%led only by my whim2 my c%rrent mistress bein3 a little #%l3arian 3irl of se$enteen s%mmers! 5The .rient still has its charm8 it has stayed more oriental than yo% mi3ht ima3ine! I ha$e erformed the mi3hty feat of learnin3 T%rkish in two months! I5$e ado ted the fe? and the kaftan2::and in the same way children lay at bein3 soldiers2 I lay at bein3 an effendi2 a 3entleman! Time was when I mocked no$els that told of 5worthy eo le52 who2 followin3 some disaster or other2 lost their sensibilty and moral %nderstandin32::tho%3h erha s my own case is not so different from theirs! Now I5m done with s%fferin3 and bein3 tied to memory4 I co%ld ass by on the other side those whom I once adored! 5I tried bein3 a 0hristian2 b%t it was no 3ood! This s%blime ill%sion2 which is able to hei3hten the co%ra3e of some men and some women::o%r mothers for e=am le::eno%3h to make them heroic2 this ill%sion is denied me! The 0hristians of this world make me la%3h8 if I were one my $iew wo%ld be that nothin3 b%t that co%nted any more8 I wo%ld t%rn missionary and 3o off somewhere and 3et myself killed followin3 0hrist!!! 5Take it from me2 old cha 2 time and deba%chery are two mar$ello%s remedies! In the end the heart becomes n%mb and it5s then when one ceases to s%ffer! This tr%th isn5t new and I reco3nise that Alfred de (%sset co%ld ha$e hrased it better for yo%8 b%t of all the old sayin3s that men han3 on to 3eneration after 3eneration2 it is one that will ne$er die o%t! This %re lo$e yo% dream of is a fiction2 like friendshi 8 for3et her yo% lo$e and settle for some shameless man: h%nter! If yo%r ideal woman el%des yo%2 3o and fall for a circ%s 3irl2 one with a bea%tif%l fi3%re! 5There is no >od2 there are no morals2 and of all that we were ta%3ht to res ect nothin3 remains8 o%r li$es don5t last $ery lon32 hence it5s reasonable to seek all the leas%re we can while we wait for the final terror which is death! The tr%ly bad thin3s are sickness2 %3liness2 and old a3e8 neither yo% nor I are afflicted by them8 we can still ha$e lots of mistresses and en<oy life! I am 3oin3 to o en my heart to yo%4 my r%le of life::des ite all moral rinci les and all social con$entions::is to always do what leases me! I belie$e in nothin3 and nobody8 I lo$e nobody and nothin38 I ossess neither faith nor ho e! It has taken me twenty se$en years to reach this oint8 if I ha$e fallen lower than the a$era3e erson it5s beca%se I started from a 3reater hei3ht! 5Acce t my $ery fond farewell! 5L.TI!5

CI The mos7%e of Eyo%b is sit%ated at the far end of the >olden 9orn8 it was b%ilt at the time of (ahomet II o$er the tomb of Eyo%b2 com anion of the Pro het! Access to it has always been forbidden to 0hristians and e$en its immediate s%rro%ndin3s are none too safe for them! The b%ildin3 is of white marble8 it stands in a lonely lace o%t in the co%ntry and is s%rro%nded by cemeteries! Its dome and minarets are hard to see abo$e the dense 3reenery of a cl%m of 3i3antic lane trees and ancient cy resses! The aths in the cemetery2 mainly s%nken2 are a$ed with stone or marble2 and lead thro%3h dee shade! .n either side stand a3e:old marble b%ildin3s whose ristine whiteness contrasts with the black: tin3ed cy resses! 6%rro%nded by flowers h%ndreds of 3ilded tombs are cl%stered abo%t these shaded walks8 these are the tombs of the $enerable2 of ashas lon3 3one2 and of renowned (oslem di3nitaries! Down one of these mo%rnf%l a$en%es can be fo%nd the tomb: a$ilions of the learned 6heiks

of Islam! It5s in the mos7%e at Eyo%b where the 6%ltans are consecrated!

CII .n the si=th of 6e tember at si= o5clock in the mornin32 I mana3ed to 3et myself into the second inner co%rtyard of the mos7%e at Eyo%b! The ancient memorial was silent and em ty! The two Der$ishes I had with me were tremblin3 from head to foot at the a%dacity of s%ch an enter rise! Witho%t a word we walked across the marble fla3stones! At that early ho%r the mos7%e was as white as snow8 in the deserted co%rtyards h%ndreds of wood i3eons carried on with their eckin3 and fl%tterin3 abo%t! The two Der$ishes2 robed like monks2 lifted the leather hatch closin3 off the sanct%ary and 3a$e me a clear $iew of this $enerated lace2 the holiest in 6tambo%l2 one that no 0hristian eyes had e$er beheld! That was on the day before :the consecration of 6%ltan Abd:%l:9amid! I remember the day when the new 6%ltan2 amid 3reat om 2 went to take ossession of the im erial alace! I had been one of the first to see him as he left the old 6era3lio2 that 3loomy retreat desi3nated the residence of heirs to the throne! >reat ceremonial cai7%es had come to con$ey him2 and2 for a brief moment2 my own cai7%e to%ched his! Those few days of ower had already a3ed the 6%ltan! 9e no lon3er wore that look of yo%th and ener3y! The e=treme sim licity of his attire contrasted with the o$er:ab%ndant oriental tra in3s of his new en$ironment! This man who had been bro%3ht o%t of com arati$e obsc%rity to ass%me s% reme ower a eared to be dee in a tro%bled re$erie8 he was thin and ale and had a $a3%e2 melancholy air abo%t him8 there were dark brown rin3s ro%nd his dee black eyes8 his feat%res betrayed intelli3ence and fine breedin3! 0ar$ed and 3ilded all o$er and bearin3 a 3olden s %r at the row the 6%ltan5s cai7%es2 each with its twenty:si= oarsmen2 retained the ele3ant conto%rs of their oriental forer%nners! I remember the co%rt li$ery4 3reen and oran3e co$ered with 3old trimmin3s8 and the 6%ltan5s throne decorated with se$eral s%ns and standin3 beneath a red and 3old cano y!

CIII Today2 the se$enth of 6e tember2 I witnessed the 3rand s ectacle of the 6%ltan5s consecration! Abd:%l:9amid2 so it seems2 is in some h%rry to s%rro%nd himself with the 3lamo%r of the ,halifs8 it co%ld be that his accession will o en % a new era in Islam and brin3 T%rkey a little more 3lory and a final b%rst of s lendo%r! 9e entered the holy mos7%e of Eyo%b where2 amid 3reat om 2 he 3irded on the sword of .sman8 afterwards2 with a lon3 and ma3nificent rocession followin3 him2 the 6%ltan2 made his way to the alace of the old 6era3lio2 tra$ersin3 the whole len3th of 6tambo%l2 a%sin32 as is c%stomary2 to offer a rayer in the mos7%es and f%neral a$ilions he came % on! At the head of the march were the 9albardiers2 clad in scarlet that was richly ornamented in 3old2 and wearin3 3reen l%mes two metres hi3h! Abd:%l:9amid mo%nted on a st% endo%s white horse with 3old and 3ems on its tra in3s rode in their midst2 maintainin3 a ace that was slow and ma<estic! Then came the 6heikh:%l:Islam in a 3reen mantle2 the Emirs in cashmere t%rbans2 the 6%leimans in white t%rbans with stri s of 3old2 and the 3rand di3nitaries % on horses that 3littered with 3old::a

solemn2and interminable rocession that re$ealed any n%mber of stran3e: lookin3 facesI I remember that the ei3hty year old 6%leimans2 s% orted by lackeys and ridin3 7%iet mo%nts2 were distin3%ishable by their white beards and by their sombre looks that were fra%3ht with im enetrable fanaticism! 6%r3in3 the whole way alon3 the ro%te was a h%3e crowd2 one of those T%rkish crowds::com ared with which the most e=tra$a3ant western crowds a ear %3ly and dowdy! The latforms that had been erected alon3 a stretch of se$eral kilometers were bendin3 %nder the wei3ht of those who were keen to see e$erythin38 and all the $aried E%ro ean and Asian styles of dress intermin3led with one another! .n the hi3her arts of Eyo%b mo$ed a thron3 of T%rkish ladies2 each indi$id%al sha e en$elo ed down to the feet in a len3th of bri3htly colo%red silk8 the white head co$erin3s were hidden behind the folds of the yashmaks from which dark eyes looked o%t! From a distance the fi3%res beneath the trees co%ld be mistaken for the ainted and storied 3ra$estones! 6o colo%rf%l and bi?arre was the scene it mi3ht be better described as the fantastical ima3inin3 of some hall%cinatin3 orientalist!

CI; 6am%el5s ret%rn has bro%3ht a little cheer to my dreary abode! Fort%ne smiles on me when I5m at the ro%lette wheels in Pera2 and a%t%mn in the .rient is ma3nificent! I5m li$in3 in one of the lo$eliest co%ntries in the world and I5m free to 3o where$er I choose! I5m able to e= lore $illa3es2 mo%ntains and woodland alon3 the coasts of both E%ro e and Asia and it wo%ld take many a oor so%l a whole year to see what I see and ha$e the ad$ent%res I ha$e in a sin3le day! (ay Allah 3rant lon3 life to 6%ltan Abd:%l:9amid who has re$i$ed the 3reat reli3io%s festi$als and ceremonies of Islam! E$ery ni3ht 6tambo%l is ill%minated and #en3al li3hts are str%n3 alon3 the #os hor%s::the last 3low of an .rient that is disa earin32 ne$er to ret%rn! Des ite my indifference to olitics2 my sym athies reside with this bea%tif%l co%ntry2 which some forei3n owers wish to abolish! ;ery 3rad%ally and witho%t my knowin3 it I am becomin3 a T%rk!

C; 0oncernin3 6am%el and his nationality4 he is T%rkish by chance2 Hewish by reli3ion2 and 6 anish by arenta3e! In 6alonika he was art $a3rant2 art boatman: orter! 9ere2 as there2 he icks % <obs on the 7%ays! As he5s better lookin3 than the others he 3ets lenty of work2 and most days does well8 his e$enin3 meal is a b%nch of 3ra es and a h%nk of bread8 and then he ret%rns to the ho%se2 ha y to be ali$e! (y l%ck at ro%lette has r%n o%t and we are e=tremely oor2 both of %s8 b%t bein3 so carefree makes % for it8 and besides2 we are yo%n3 eno%3h to be able to 3et for free what others ha$e to ay a hi3h rice for! #efore he sets off for work 6am%el %ts on two airs of tro%sers that ha$e holes in them8 by his reckonin3 the osition of the holes won5t coincide2 with the res%lt that %blic decency will not be offended! E$enin3 finds %s2 like a co% le of ro er orientals2 o%tside a T%rkish cafB2 %nder the lane trees2 smokin3 o%r hookahs8 or we may 3o alon3 to the 0hinese shadow:theatre to see ,ara3%e%?2 the T%rkish e7%i$alent of P%nch2 who has %s s ellbo%nd! We kee clear of all the %nrest that5s abo%t4 as far as were concerned2 olitics don5t e=ist! There5s anic2 howe$er2 amon3 the 0hristians in 0onstantino le and Pera folk li$e in terror of 6tambo%l and no lon3er cross the brid3es to it witho%t tremblin3!

C;I Yesterday e$enin3 I went on horseback o$er to 6tambo%l! I wanted to $isit I?eddin:Ali! It was d%rin3 the im ortant festi$al of #airam2 an oriental e=tra$a3an?a and the last commemorati$e holiday of /ama?an4 all the mos7%es were ill%minated2 each minaret s arklin3 ri3ht % to its to most oint8 s%s ended in the air were $erses from the ,oran done in l%mino%s letters8 at the so%nd of the canon tho%sands of men sho%ted with one $oice the holy name of Allah8 in the streets crowds of 3aily dressed eo le araded with torches and lanterns8 3ro% s of women mo$ed aro%nd2 dressed in silk adorned with sil$er and 3old! At three o5clock in the mornin32 ha$in3 co$ered the whole of 6tambo%l2 I?eddin:Ali and I fetched % at an %nder3ro%nd den on the o%tskirts of the city! Yo%n3 Asian boys2 dressed % as belly:dancers2 erformed lasci$io%s dances before an a%dience com osed of e$ery e=:con$ict from the .ttoman <ails! It was an or3y whose no$elty sickened me! I be33ed off seein3 the last art which wo%ld not ha$e been o%t of lace in 6odom in its heyday! We 3ot back to my friend5s ho%se early in the mornin3!

C;II ,ara3%e%? The ad$ent%res and misdemeano%rs of 9is Lordshi ,ara3%e%? ha$e entertained co%ntless 3enerations of T%rks2 and there is nothin3 to indicate that the o %larity of this indi$id%al is nearin3 its end! ,ara3%e%? shares many of the traits of the old French character Polichinelle8 ha$in3 3i$en e$eryone2 incl%din3 his wife2 a 3ood hidin32 he in t%rn recei$es a beatin3 from 6atan2 who finally carts him off2 m%ch to the deli3ht of the s ectators! ,ara3%e%? is made of cardboard or wood8 he a ears in the form of a % et or a mo$in3 silho%ette8 he5s e7%ally f%nny as either! 9e ado ts $oices and ost%res P%nch has ne$er dreamed of8 the caresses he la$ishes % on (adame ,ara3%e%? are irresistibly comic! 6ometimes he will bawl o%t to the s ectators and set himself at odds with them! 6ometimes he5s facetio%s Ealbeit in 7%ite an ill:chosen wayF2 and in lain $iew of e$ery one he does thin3s that wo%ld scandalise e$en a monkey! In T%rkey it5s all 7%ite acce table and in order2 and each e$enin3 one can see decent family folk2 lantern in hand2 takin3 tro% es of yo%n3 children to see ,ara3%e%?! 6o it is2then2 that roomf%ls of infants 3et to watch a show that wo%ld rom t bl%shes in an En3lish 3%ardho%se! It5s <%st one of those oddities in oriental beha$io%r4 it wo%ld be com letely erroneo%s to be e$en tem ted to infer that (oslems are far more de ra$ed than we are! ,ara3%e%? theatres o en on the first day of the l%nar month of /ama?an and for thirty days they are all the ra3e! At the end of the month e$erythin3 is dismantled and %t away! For a whole year ,ara3%e%? stays in his bo= and is not let o%t o%t2 not any rete=t whatsoe$er!

C;III Pera bores me2 so I5m mo$in3 away! I5m 3oin3 to li$e in .ld 6tambo%l::

that5s to say2 the far side of 6tambo%l in the holy s%b%rb of Eyo%b! .$er there2 where no one knows my real name or my social standin32 I 3o by the name of Arif:Effendi! (y kind (oslem nei3hbo%rs are %nder no ill%sion as to my nationality8 b%t that doesn5t bother them2 nor me! It takes me abo%t two ho%rs to 3et to the 5Deerho%nd5! I5m almost o%t in the co%ntry and I ha$e a ho%se all to myself! This art of Eyo%b is T%rkish and is ict%res7%e as can be4 there5s a $illa3e street that b%stles with life all day lon38 there are ba?aars2 cafes2 tents2 and serio%s:lookin3 der$ishes who sit beneath the almond trees and smoke their hookahs! There is a s7%are2 3raced by an old mon%mental fo%ntain2 made of white marble2 which is the meetin3 oint for all those who arri$e here from the interior4 3y sies2 tra$ellin3 acrobats2 bear:trainers! .n the s7%are stands a solitary ho%se::this is o%rs! .n the 3ro%nd floor4 a hallway2 whitewashed with lime and as white as snow2 and a set of rooms that are em ty! EWe ne$er o en that art of the ho%se2 e=ce t in the e$enin32 before 3oin3 to bed2 to check that there5s no one hidin3 there8 6am%el thinks down there is ha%nted!F .n the first floor4 my bedroom with its three windows o$erlookin3 the s7%are that I mentioned earlier8 then 6am%el5s room and the women5s room with its $iew eastwards towards the >olden 9orn! 1 another fli3ht of stairs and one is on the roof which2 like other Arab roofs has a terrace shaded by a $ine whose lea$es2 alas2 ha$e already been t%rned com letely yellow by the No$ember wind! 6tandin3 ri3ht ne=t to the ho%se is an old $illa3e mos7%e! When my friend the m%e??inN climbs to the to of his minaret he5s on a le$el with my terrace and before he be3ins to chant his rayer he always 3reets me with a friendly salaam! The $iew from % there is bea%tif%l4 the bleak stretch of co%ntry lyin3 between Eyo%b and the farthest oint of the 9orn2 the sacred mos7%e with its marble whiteness emer3in3 from the mysterio%s de ths of a 3ro$e of ancient trees2 then some mo%rnf%l hills to%ched with sombre colo%rs and strewn with the marble of $ast cemeteries2 tr%ly a city of the dead! To the ri3ht the >olden 9orn2 criss:crossed by tho%sands of 3ilded cai7%es8 then the whole of 6tambo%l2 foreshortened2 its mos7%es all tan3led % 2 their domes and minarets a bl%r! (%ch farther o%t2 a hill co$ered with white ho%ses! This is Petra2 the 0hristian town2 and behind it the 5Deerho%nd5 lies at anchor!

CIC When I first set eyes on the em ty ho%se I felt $ery disco%ra3ed4 bare walls2 windows comin3 a art2 doors with no locks8 and besides2 it was so far from the 5Deerho%nd5! The whole idea was im ractical!

CC 6am%el has s ent ei3ht days cleanin32 whitewashin32 and sto in3 % 3a s! For car etin3 we5re ha$in3 white mats nailed to the whole floor2 a T%rkish ractice that5s clean and comfortable! We5$e 3ot c%rtains han3in3 at the windows2 and a wide di$an2 co$ered in a red leafy attern! In s%m the first2 albeit for now modest2 art of o%r mo$in3 in! Already the ho%se looks different8 I can foresee the ossibility of makin3 this my home::dra%3hts and all8 I5m findin3 the idea less da%ntin3! 9owe$er2 it wo%ld need the resence of the one who has sworn to come2 and erha s it is for her sake alone that I ha$e c%t myself

off from the world! 9ere in Eyo%b I tend to be ind%l3ed rather like the local s oilt child! 6am%el too is 7%ite a fa$o%rite! (y nei3hbo%rs2 wary of me in the be3innin32 e$ent%ally decided to shower kindnesses % on the charmin3 forei3ner whom Allah had sent and whose domestic arran3ements were dee ly %??lin3! At the end of a two ho%r $isit the Der$ish2 9assan:Effendi2 s%mmarised his concl%sions4 5Yo% are a most e=traordinary fellow and e$erythin3 yo% do is odd! Yo% are $ery yo%n32 or at least yo% a ear so2 and yo% li$e a life of com lete inde endence2 the like of which a man of mat%re a3e cannot always command! We do not know where yo% come from and yo% ha$e no $isible so%rce of income! Yo% are already familiar with e$ery art of the 3lobe! Yo% ha$e a mass of knowled3e s%r assin3 that of o%r 1lema8 yo% know e$erythin38 yo% ha$e seen e$erythin3! Yo% are twenty years of a3e2 erha s twenty:two2 yet one h%man lifetime wo%ld scarcely be eno%3h for all yo%r mysterio%s ast! Yo%r lace wo%ld be in the first rank of E%ro ean society in Pera2 yet yo% come and li$e in Eyo%b with a Hewish $a3abond as yo%r choice com anion! Yo% are a most e=traordinary fellow b%t it is a leas%re for me to see yo% here2 and I am deli3hted that yo% ha$e come to settle amon3 %s!5

CCI 6e tember &)*+ The 0eremony of 6%rre:i h%mayo%n8 Im erial 3ifts 3o off to (ecca The 6%ltan each year sends to the 9oly 0ity a cara$an loaded with offerin3s! The rocession sets off from the alace of Dolma:#a3tche and makes its way to the 7%ay at To :9ane2 there to embark for 6c%tari on the Asian shore! At the head of the rocession is a 3ro% of Arabs dancin3 to the so%nd of the tomtom and shakin3 aloft lon3 oles wo%nd ro%nd with 3olden streamers! 0amels with ostrich feathers on their heads ad$ance with solemn tread2 carryin3 on their backs a framework co$ered in 3old brocade and 3emstones and containin3 the most recio%s of the 3ifts! Pl%med m%les carry the rest of the ,halif5s trib%te in bo=es co$ered with red $el$et2 embroidered with 3old! 0o%cillors and leadin3 di3nitaries follow on horseback! Troo s form a 3%ard of hono%r alon3 the entire ro%te! It5s a forty day march from 6tambo%l to the 9oly 0ity!

CCII These No$ember ni3hts descend like a all o$er Eyo%b! D%rin3 those first ni3hts that I s ent all on my own in the ho%se my heart was hea$y and I was beset by any n%mber of worrisome feelin3s! When I first closed my door a3ainst the in$adin3 darkness a dee sadness wra ed itself aro%nd me like a shro%d! I tho%3ht I5d $ent%re o%tside! I lit a lantern! EIt means <ail to be ca%3ht wanderin3 abo%t 6tambo%l witho%t a lantern!F In Eyo%b2 after se$en o5clock in the e$enin32 e$erywhere is locked % 8 when the s%n sets the T%rks bolt their doors and 3o to bed!

E$ery now and a3ain a lam may throw the shadow of a barred window onto the a$ement! It5s best not to eer thro%3h the window! The lam will be a f%nerary lam and all it ill%minates will be 3reat catafal7%es s%rmo%nted by t%rbans! A fellow co%ld be in dan3er of 3ettin3 his throat c%t on the a$ement b%t there5s no one to come o%t and hel ! The lam s2 flickerin3 in there till dawn2 are less reass%rin3 than the darkness! In 6tambo%l these cor se dwellin3s are at e$ery street corner! And 7%ite close to o%r own ho%se2 where the streets end2 is where the 3reat cemeteries be3in! They are the ha%nt of 3an3s of criminals who2 when they5$e robbed yo% of e$erythin3 yo% ha$e2 will b%ry yo%r dead body ri3ht there2 witho%t the olice e$er 3ettin3 themsel$es in$ol$ed! A ni3ht:watchman wanted to know why I was takin3 a stroll at that ho%r! (y answer seemed to mystify rather than satisfy him! 9e made me romise to ret%rn to my ho%se! Fort%nately there are some really decent fellows amon3 the ni3htwatchmen2 and this one in artic%lar2 who wo%ld see all sorts of mysterio%s comin3s and 3oin3s2 remained a model of discretion!

CIII 5.ne can find a com anion2 b%t not a faithf%l friend!5 5.ne can tra$el the whole world o$er and yet ne$er find a friend!5 ::E=tracts from an old .riental oem!

CCI; L.TI to his 6I6TE/ in #ri3htb%ry Eyo%b!!!2 &)*+! 5. enin3 my heart to yo% is becomin3 more and more diffic%lt beca%se e$ery day yo%r oint of $iew and mine mo$e f%rther a art! The 0hristian notion lin3ered in my ima3ination e$en when I no lon3er belie$ed8 it had a $a3%e2 consolin3 charm! Today its all%re is 3one com letely! I know of nothin3 that is so f%tile2 so misleadin32 so %n<%stifiable! 5There ha$e been some dreadf%l moments in my life2 and I ha$e s%ffered cr%elly2 as yo% know! 5I told yo% once that I wanted to 3et married and I entr%sted to yo% the task of findin3 a yo%n3 woman who wo%ld s%it o%r ancestral home and o%r o%r a3ein3 mother! I am askin3 yo% now to 3i$e no more tho%3ht to the matter! I wo%ld make the woman I married %nha y8 I wo%ld rather contin%e my life of leas%re! 5I5m writin3 to yo% from my dreary ho%se in Eyo%b! A art from a yo%n3 lad by the name of Yo%so%f2 who has had to 3et %sed to my 3i$in3 orders to by si3n Eso loath am I to e$en s eakF2 I s end lon3 ho%rs here witho%t addressin3 a sin3le li$in3 so%l! 5I5$e told yo% that I ha$e no confidence in another5s affection8 it5s tr%e! I ha$e friends who show me a 3reat deal of affection2 b%t it5s not somethin3 I tr%st! 6am%el2 the friend who has <%st left me2 is still2 erha s2 the one o%t of them all who cares for me most! #%t I5m %nder no ill%sion4 his affection is the enth%siastic admiration of a child! .ne of these fine days it will all $anish2 <%st like smoke2 and I5ll find myself alone a3ain!

5As for yo%r own affection2 dear sister2 I belie$e in it to a certain e=tent8 at its $ery least it has the force of habit8 and then a3ain one has to belie$e in somethin3! If yo% really lo$e me2 tell me2 show me !!!!! I need to be bo%nd to someone once more8 and if it5s tr%e2 hel me to belie$e it! I feel the 3ro%nd cr%mblin3 away beneath my feet2 e$erythin3 aro%nd me is becomin3 meanin3less and I5m dee ly distressed !!! 5In so far as it will hel kee my dear old mother ali$e I will remain o%twardly the same as I am today! When she is no lon3er with %s I will come and bid yo% farewell8 then I will disa ear and lea$e not a trace behind !!!5

CC;

L.TI to PL1(,ETT Eyo%b2 &O No$ember &)*+! 5#ehind all this oriental hantasma3oria s%rro%ndin3 my e=istence2 behind Arif:Effendi2 there is a oor2 weary fellow who often feels a mortal chill at his heart! There are few eo le this fellow E$ery reser$ed by nat%reF can occasionally ha$e a close friendly chat with2 b%t yo% are one of them! Do what I may2 Pl%nkett2 I5m not ha y2 and I can5t find any way to rid myself of my %nha iness! (y heart is all weariness and bitterness! 5#ein3 so alone I ha$e become attached to a barefot b%ndle of ra3s off the 6alonika 7%ays! 9e5s what the late /ao%l de Nan3is wo%ld ha$e called 5a ro%3h diamond in an iron settin358 he5s witho%t 3%ile and is eccentric8 I am less bored when he5s aro%nd! 5.%tside2 as I write2 the de ressin3 winter twili3ht is % on %s! All that can be heard in the nei3hbo%rhood is the m%e??in sadly chantin32 in hono%r of Allah2 an a3e:old lament! Ima3es from the ast rise % in my mind with ainf%l clarity! .b<ects aro%nd me take on a look that is sinister and dist%rbin32 and I wonder what I5m doin3 here in my $illa3e retreat in the middle of nowhere! 5If only she were here2::she4 A?iyade! 5(y waitin3 ne$er ceases2::alas2 neither did 6ister Anne5s! 5Now that I5$e closed my c%rtains2 lit my lam and my fire2 the settin3 is altered8 likewise my tho%3hts! I contin%e writin3 my letter2 sittin3 before a merry bla?e2 wra ed in a f%r coat2 with my feet on a thick T%rkish r%3! For a moment I co%ld ha$e sworn I5d t%rned Der$ish::an entertainin3 tho%3ht! 5I don5t really know what I can tell yo% abo%t my life that wo%ld am%se yo%8 there5s lenty to tell8 b%t choosin3 what2 is the diffic%lty! And2 then2 what5s ast is ast2 is it notD::and no lon3er interests yo%! 56e$eral mistresses Enone of whom I act%ally cared forF2 lots of incidents2 lots of wanderin3 on foot or on horseback across mo%ntains and $alleys8 e$erywhere faces that were %nfamiliar2 %nconcerned or disa3reeable8 lots of debts8 Hews in hot %rs%it8 3old:embroidered o%tfits that skim the 3ro%nd8 death in my so%l and and an em tiness in my heart! 5That is how thin3s are with me this e$enin32 fifteenth of No$ember2 at ten o5clock! It5s winter8 a free?in3 shower and a stron3 wind beat a3ainst the window anes of my drab ho%se8 that5s the only so%nd that can be heard8 and at this ho%r the old T%rkish lam han3in3 abo$e my head is the only left b%rnin3 in Eyo%b! Eyo%b2 the heart of Islam2 is a de ressin3 area8 in it stands the sacred mos7%e where the 6%ltans are

consecrated! 6ome fierce old Der$ishes and the 3%ardians of the holy tombs are the only inhabitants of this 7%arter2 which is the one that is most dee ly (oslem and fanatical!!! 5As I told yo%2 yo%r friend Loti is in his ho%se all by himself2 well wra ed % in a coat of fo= f%r2 and ass%min3 the role of a Der$ish! 59e has bolted the doors and is en<oyin3 the selfish comfort of bein3 sn%3 at home2 all the more so with this 3ale o%tside and the area itself bein3 %nsafe and inhos itable! 5Like all thin3s that are ama?in3ly old2 Loti5s room affords one stran3e dreams and dee contem lations! Down the years its car$ed oak ceilin3 m%st ha$e 3i$en shelter to some c%rio%s occ% ants and $iewed many a drama! 5I5$e ke t to a%thentic colo%rs thro%3ho%t! The floor is co$ered o$er with wo$en mats and T%rkish car etin32 the one l%=%ry in the ho%se8 and2 followin3 the T%rkish c%stom2 shoes are remo$ed as one enters2 to a$oid brin3in3 in any dirt! 5Practically all there is by way of f%rnit%re consists of a $ery low di$an and c%shions lyin3 abo%t the floor2 marks of the sens%al informality of the eo le of the East! Wea ons and a3es:old decorations han3 from the walls which carry ainted $erses from the ,oran min3led with ima3es of flowers and e=traordinary animals! 5Ad<oinin3 my room is the art of the ho%se reser$ed for the women2 the 5haremlike52 as we say in T%rkish! Em ty now8 it too is waitin3 for A?iyadB2 who wo%ld be with me already2 if she5d ke t her romise! 5Another little room ne=t to mine is likewise em ty4 it5s 6am%el5s room8 he5s 3one to 6alonika for me to 3et news of the 3irl with the 3reen eyes! #%t it seems he5s no more likely to come back to me than she is! 5If she were not to come2 howe$er2then2 by >od2 it wo%ldn5t be lon3 before another took her lace! #%t it wo%ldn5t be anythin3 like the same! I was almost in lo$e with her2 and it5s for her that I5$e become a T%rk!5

CC;I To L.TI from his 6I6TE/ #ri3htb%ry !!!2 &)*+! 5(y dearest #rother2 56ince yesterday when I read yo%r letter I ha$e been %nable to shake off any of the des air it ca%sed me !!! Yo% wish to disa earI!!! .ne day2 soon erha s2 when o%r m%ch lo$ed mother lea$es %s2 yo% want to disa ear2 to abandon me for e$er2 to make 5tab%la rasa5 of all o%r memories2 to b%ry o%r ast2::the old family home at #ri3htb%ry sold2 thin3s that we treas%re dis ersed2:: and there yo% will be::not dead!!!I yo%5ll be some lace in the cl%tch of 6atan2 sta3natin32 some lace I don5t know2 some lace where I shall feel yo% 3ettin3 old and in ainI!!! #etter for >od to brin3 abo%t yo%r death! Then I shall 3rie$e for yo%8 then I shall know that the em tiness is meant to be8 I shall acce t that2 and I shall bow my head! 5What yo% are sayin3 a alls me and tears at me! Yes2 yo% co%ld do it4 yo%r $ery words tell me that! And yo% co%ld do it witho%t any si3n on yo%r face or twin3e in yo%r withered heart beca%se the ath yo%5$e set yo%rself on is wicked and damned2 beca%se I no lon3er co%nt for anythin3 in yo%r e=istence!!!!Yo%r life is my life2 there is a corner

hidden in my heart that5s for no one else b%t yo%2 and when yo% 3o from me it will be em ty and will cons%me me! 5I ha$e lost my brother2 I am told in ad$anceJonly a matter of time2 a few months2 erha s2::he is lost for all time and eternity2 he has already died a tho%sand deaths! E$erythin3 is colla sin32 e$erythin3 is breakin3 in ieces! #ehold the recio%s child l%n3in3 into a bottomless it2::the bottomless itI 9e is in ain2 he has no air2 no li3ht2 no s%n8 b%t he is owerless8 his eyes remain fi=ed at the de ths and at his feet8 he no lon3er looks % ward2 he no lon3er can2 the Prince of Darkness forbids him to!!!Yet there are times when he wants to! 9e can hear a distant $oice8 it5s the $oice that l%lled him to slee as a child8 b%t the Prince tells him4 5It5s lyin32 it5s insane2 f%tileI5 and the oor child2 bo%nd2 half:throttled2 in the de ths of its it2 bleedin32 frantic2 ha$in3 been ta%3ht by his master to call 3ood e$il and e$il 3ood2 what does he doD!!!he smiles! 5Nothin3 s%r rises me that comes from that oor o$erwro%3ht so%l of yo%rs2 not e$en 6atan5s mockin3 smile!!! 9e has no o tionI 5Yo% ha$e e$en lost2 oor brother2 that h%n3er for strai3htforward li$in3 yo% s oke to me abo%t! Yo% no lon3er ha$e any desire for that 3entle and %nass%min32 yo%thf%l2 tender and retty2 lo$in3 com anion2 mother of the children yo% wo%ld ha$e adored! I %sed to ict%re her there2 in the old drawin3 room2 seated beneath the old ortraits!!!! 5A wind of corr% tion has assed o$er all that! This brother whose heart cannot e$en li$e witho%t affections2 who h%n3ers and thirsts after them2 will ha$e no more to do with %re affections8 he will 3row old2 b%t there will be no one there to cherish him and win his smile! 9is mistresses will la%3h him away8 there5s nothin3 more they can 3i$e8 and then2 abandoned2 all ho e 3one!!!! he will dieI 5The more %nha y yo% are2 the more miserable2 %ndecided2 ass%red yo% are2 the more I lo$e yo%! . my belo$ed darlin3 brother2 if only yo% wanted to ha$e a life a3ainI If only >od wo%ld will itI If only yo% co%ld see the desolation of my heart2 if only yo% co%ld feel the warmth of my rayers! 5#%t there5s the fear2 the tedi%m of con$ersion2 the allid terrors of the 0hristian life P 50on$ersion52 what a horrid wordI!!!#orin3 sermons2 abs%rd eo le2 d%ll (ethodism2 a%sterity witho%t li3ht and colo%r! Lon3 words2 and 0anaan atoisI!!!Will all that entice yo%D None of that2 in fact2 is Hes%s8 and Hes%s to yo% is not the radiant (aster whom I know and worshi ! From 9im yo% will recei$e neither fear2 nor boredom2 nor t%rnin3 away! In yo%r stran3e s%fferin3s2 yo%r cons%min3 sorrows2 9e will wee with yo%! 5Darlin3 brother2 e$ery ho%r of the day I ray for yo%8 ne$er has my heart been so f%ll of tho%3hts of yo%!!! It may not be in ten years2 in twenty years2 b%t one day2 I know2 yo% will come to belie$e! Perha s I5ll ne$er know2:: erha s it won5t be lon3 before I die2::b%t I will 3o on ho in3 and rayin3! 5I think I5$e written far too m%ch! 6o many a3esI not easy to readI (y darlin3 is already raisin3 his sho%lders in a shr%3! Will there come a day when he no lon3er reads anythin3 from meD5

CC;II 5.ld ,airo%llah25 I said2 5brin3 me some womenI5 .ld ,airo%llah was sittin3 on the 3ro%nd in front of me! 9e was c%rled % like a nasty2 $ile insect8 his bald2 ointed head 3leamed in the faint li3ht from my lam ! It was ei3ht o5clock on a winter5s e$enin3 and all Eyo%b was as black and silent as a tomb!

.ld ,airo%llah was raisin3 a twel$e year old son2 bea%tif%l as an3el2 called Hose h2 whom he adored! In all other res ects he %nri$alled sco%ndrel! A Hew with no standin32 he had a hand in seedy dealin3s in 6tambo%l8 one in artic%lar bro%3ht him into with Y%?bachi 6%leimanas and se$eral of my (oslem friends!

an was an all the contact

9owe$er2 he was acce ted and tolerated e$erywhere by reason of the fact that as the years assed eo le had 3rown %sed to seein3 him aro%nd! When one met him in the street one wo%ld say4 5>ood day2 ,airo%llahI5 and e$en to%ch the ti s of his bi32 hairy fin3ers! .ld ,airo%llah m%lled o$er my re7%est and re lied4 5(onsie%r (arketo2 ri3ht now women are $ery e= ensi$e! #%t25 he added2 5there are less costly entertainments that I can offer yo% this $ery e$enin32 (onsie%r (arketo!!! A little m%sic2 say2 will do%btless s%it yo%!!!5 With this oddly worded ro osal he lit his lantern2 trimmed coat2 his footwra s2 and disa eared! %t on his f%r:

9alf an ho%r later the door c%rtain in my room rose to admit si= yo%n3 Hewish boys wearin3 f%r:trimmed robes2 red2 bl%e2 3reen2 and oran3e! ,airo%llah escorted them2 to3ether with another old man2 more hideo%s than he! After some e=a33erated bowin3 and c%rtseyin3 the whole b%nch sat down on the floor! I remained as im assi$e and motionless as an E3y tian idol! The children carried little 3ilt har s which they be3an str%mmin3 with fin3ers laden with tawdry rin3s! What res%lted was a m%sic like no other8 I listened for a few min%tes in silence! .ld ,airo%llah bent down and said in my ear4 5.ne can see they are m%ch to yo%r likin32 (onsie%r (arketo!5 I had read the sit%ation already and I betrayed no s%r rise8 I was sim ly c%rio%s to take my st%dy of h%man abasement a little f%rther! 5.ld ,airo%llah25 I said2 5yo%r son is better lookin3 than they are !!!5 .ld ,airo%llah a%sed for a moment and then re lied4 5(onsie%r (aketo2 we can talk abo%t that a3ain tomorrow!!!5 !!! When I5d shoo5d them all away like yo% wo%ld a ack of man3y lookin3 animals2 I saw the door c%rtain lift and old ,airo%llah5s head re:emer3e so%ndlessly and crane forward! 5(onsie%r (aketo25 he said2 5ha$e ity on meI I li$e a lon3 way from here! I5m taken for a rich man! #etter to kill me with yo%r own hand than to t%rn me o%t at s%ch a late ho%r! Let me slee in some corner of yo%r ho%se2 and I5ll be on my way before daybreak2 I swear!5 I co%ldn5t ha$e done that to the old man8 e$en if he5d not been m%rdered2 he5d ha$e died from cold and fear! 6o I indicated one of the corners2 and there he remained thro%3ho%t the whole free?in3 ni3ht2 in his threadbare coat and c%rled % like an old woodlo%se! I wo%ld hear him sh%dder8 he wo%ld let o%t co%3hs from dee in his chest and they so%nded like moans! I had eno%3h ity to 3et % a3ain and throw him a r%3 to %se as a blanket! At first li3ht I ordered him to clear off2 and I ad$ised him ne$er to set foot in my ho%se a3ain2 nor to e$en think of a roachin3 me for any reason whatsoe$er!

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I Eyo%b2 Qth December &)*+! I was told4 56he5s arri$edI5::and for the ne=t two days I li$ed in a fe$er of e= ectation! Then I was informed by ,adid<a2 the old ne3ress who2 back in 6alonika %sed to accom any A?iyade in her boat at ni3ht and risk her life for her mistress2 that that e$enin3 a cai7%e was to take A?iyade to the <etty at Eyo%b2 which was o osite my ho%se! I waited for her there for three ho%rs! It had been a bri3ht2 s%nny day8 traffic on the >olden 9orn had been %ncommonly b%sy8 as the day drew to a close tho%sands of cai7%es were arri$in3 at Eyo%b <etty2 brin3in3 back to the eace and calm of their own nei3hbo%rhood T%rks who worked in the crowded centres of 0onstantino le2 >alata and the >rand #a?aar! I was be3innin3 to be known in Eyo%b! I5d hear4 5>ood e$enin32 Arif8 and what are yo% waitin3 forD5 They all knew $ery well that my name co%ldn5t be Arif2 and that I was a 0hristian from the West8 b%t no lon3er did anyone cast lon3 looks on my Eastern whimsy2 and my chosen name stayed!

II 5PortiaI #ri3ht flame from hea$enI PortiaI 3i$e me yo%r hand2 it is II5 EALF/ED DE (166ET2 5Portia!5F Two ho%rs after the s%n had set2 a final2 solitary cai7%e2 comin3 from A?ar:,a o%2 drew close8 6am%el was at the oars8 seated on c%shions at the stern I co%ld see the $eiled form of a woman! It was her! When they arri$ed the s7%are ro%nd the mos7%e had become deserted and the ni3ht had 3rown cold! I took hold of her hand and ran with her to my ho%se2 for3ettin3 all abo%t 6am%el who was left o%tside!!! And2 when my dream became reality2 when she was there in the room I had 3ot ready for her2 alone with me2 behind two iron:st%dded doors2 all I co%ld think of doin3 was dro in3 to the floor beside her and h%33in3 her knees! I felt I had lon3ed for her so dee ly and for so lon3 there was nothin3 left of me! Then I heard her $oice! That was the first time::ra t%ro%s momentI::she had e$er s oken and I had been able to %nderstand her! Yet I was bereft of all the T%rkish I had learnt %r osely for her8 I answered her in a 3arbled old:fashioned En3lish that e$en I co%ldn5t follow! 56e$erim2 seni2 LotiI5 she said! E5I lo$e yo%2 Loti2 I lo$e yo%I5F I had had these words2 these timeless words2 said to me before A?iyade8 b%t this was the first time lo$e5s sweet m%sic2 rendered in the T%rkish ton3%e2 had str%ck my ears! E=7%isite m%sic that I5d for3otten! Possibly I still hear it risin3 with s%ch into=icated abandon from the de ths of a yo%n3 woman5s %re heart! I don5t think I5$e e$er heard

anythin3 like it2 e$er heard any son3 that co%ld so fill my em ty so%l! Then I 3athered her % into my arms2 and t%rned her so I co%ld see her face in the lam li3ht! 5. s eak a3ainI5 I said2 like /omeo! 56ay those words once moreI5 And I started sayin3 all manner of thin3s to her2 knowin3 she wo%ld %nderstand me8 I was makin3 sense at last2 and I was %sin3 T%rkish8 I asked her a host of 7%estions2 and ke t insistin34 56ay somethin3!5 #%t she sim ly 3a?ed at me in ecstasy and I saw that she co%ldn5t fathom what I was sayin32 and that my efforts were in $ain! 5A?iyade25 I cried2 5don5t yo% %nderstand meD 5No25 she answered! And in a low $oice she said with a directness that was both tender and wild4 5I wish I co%ld eat the words that come from yo%r mo%thI 6enin laf yemek isterimI LotiI I wish I co%ld eat the so%nd of yo%r $oice!5

III Eyo%b2 December &)*+! A?iyade is not one to talk m%ch8 she5ll often smile2 b%t ne$er la%3h8 her footste s betray not a so%nd8 her mo$ements are s% le2 %nd%latin32 leis%rely2 silent! Yes2 that5s the weird little creat%re who more often than not will $anish when dawn breaks and rea ear at ni3htfall when <inees and 3hosts are aro%nd! There5s somethin3 of an a%ra abo%t her too2 and seems to brin3 li3ht where$er she 3oes! Yo% e= ect to see rays of li3ht encirclin3 her serio%s2 child:like head8 and yo% do indeed see them when the li3ht catches some of those tiny2 delicate strands that defeat attention and e=7%isitely enclose her cheeks and brow! 6he considers these tiny hairs as bein3 re3rettable and s ends an ho%r e$ery mornin3 in entirely %ns%ccessf%l efforts to smooth them down! This task and the other one2 which consists of colo%rin3 her nails an oran3e red2 are her two rinci al occ% ations! 6he5s idle2 like all women bro%3ht % in T%rkey8 howe$er2 she knows how to embroider2 make rose water2 and write her name! 6he writes all o$er my walls with s%ch earnestness yo%5d think it were a matter of some im ortance8 and she bl%nts all my encils doin3 it! A?iyade comm%nicates her tho%3hts to me more with her eyes than her li s8 it5s ama?in3 how 3reatly their e= ression $aries and and how a3ile they are! 6he is so accom lished in this silent lan3%a3e that she co%ld s eak a whole lot less than she act%ally does2 or e$en dis ense with it all to3ether! In certain sit%ations it seems her best reco%rse is to re ly by sin3in3 snatches from one or two T%rkish son3s! 6%ch a method wo%ld2 in a E%ro ean woman2 denote a lack of taste8 b%t2 in A?iyade5s case it takes on an %n%s%al T%rkish charm!

Tho%3h $ery yo%n3 and fresh her $oice is dee 8 low: itched notes always s%it it2 and at times the T%rkish as irates render it sli3htly h%sky! A?iyade is ei3hteen or nineteen years old! 6he is ca able2 s%ddenly and of her own accord2 of makin3 drastic resol$es2 and2 cost what it may2 of seein3 them thro%3h to the end!

I; #ack in o%r 6alonika days2 when I risked 6am%el5s life and my own for the sake of bein3 with her for a sin3le ho%r2 I5d been n%rsin3 this cra?y dream4 li$in3 with her in some hidden corner of the East2 somewhere where oor little 6am%el co%ld find %s! 0ontrary to all (oslem teachin3 and im ossible in e$ery res ect2 I ha$e $irt%ally made my dream a reality! 0onstantino le was the only lace where anythin3 like that co%ld ha$e been attem ted8 it5s a $eritable h%man desert of which Paris was once the classic e=am le4 a collection of se$eral lar3e towns where e$eryone co%ld li$e as they leased2 free from restrictions2 and co%ld ado t se$eral ersonalities2 all different::Loti2 Arif2 and (arketo! Let the winter wind blow8 let the 3%sts of December rattle the ironwork on o%r doors and the bars at o%r windows! Protected by hea$y iron bolts2 by a whole arsenal of loaded wea ons2::by the in$iolability of T%rkish dwellin3s2::and sittin3 before a co er bra?ier!!! little A?iyade! 9ow 3ood it feels in this home of o%rsI

; L.TI to his 6I6TE/ at #ri3htb%ry! 5(y dear little sister2 5I5$e been obstinate and %n3ratef%l in not writin3 to yo% earlier! I5$e h%rt yo% 3rie$o%sly2 yo% say2 and I can belie$e it! 1nfort%nately I meant e$erythin3 I wrote2 and I still do8 there5s nothin3 I can do now to remedy the ain I bro%3ht yo%8 I sim ly made the mistake of re$ealin3 to yo% all that lies dee in my heart2 b%t that is what yo% wanted! 5I belie$e yo% lo$e me8 if I needed ass%re me! Yo% know I lo$e yo% too! roof yo%r letters alone wo%ld

5Yo% think2 then2 that I sho%ld c%lti$ate an interest in somethin32 somethin3 fine and hono%rable2 and take it serio%slyD #%t I do ha$e my dear old mother8 she is now an ob<ect in my life2 the one ob<ect of my de$otion! For her I attem t a de3ree of cheerf%lness and co%ra3e4 for her I reser$e the ositi$e and sensible side of my e=istenceJI become Loti2 na$al officer2 a3ain! 5I a3ree with yo%2 I can think of nothin3 more hideo%s than an old libertine2 worn2 weary2 and left to die all alone! #%t that is what I shall not be4 when I am no lon3er healthy2 yo%n32 and lo$ed2 that is when I5ll disa ear! 5I think yo%5$e mis%nderstood me4 I shall disa dead! ear beca%se I shall be

5When I come home a3ain I will make one final effort for both of yo%2 b%t for yo% es ecially! #ack with my family my ideas can chan3e8 if yo% decide % on a yo%n3 woman that yo%5re fond of2 I will do my best to lo$e her2 and o%t of my lo$e for yo%2 to content myself in that attachment!

5As I5$e written to tell yo% that doesn5t think it as well! The two the ast and the been missed!!!5

to yo% before abo%t A?iyade2 I5m now ha y to be able she has arri$ed! 6he lo$es me with all her so%l2 and ossible that I wo%ld e$er lea$e her! 6am%el is back of them s%rro%nd me with so m%ch lo$e that I for3et bad times2::and to some e=tent the times that ha$e

;I From its modest be3innin3s2 Arif:Effendi5s ho%se has2 bit by became a ho%se of l%=%ry4 car ets from Persia2 door c%rtains 6myrna2 ottery2 wea ons::all these fine thin3s ha$e arri$ed one2 not witho%t diffic%lty2 b%t this mode of collectin3 has their charm! bit2 from one by added to

/o%lette has ro$ided %s with bl%e satin han3in3s that are embroidered with red roses and come from some sera3lio8 and the walls that were formerly bare2 are now decorated with silk! L%=%ry s%ch as this2 concealed in an isolated ho$el2 seems to come from the realm of fantasy! A?iyade too brin3s home some item or other e$ery e$enin38 Abeddin: Effendi5s lar3e ho%se is crammed f%ll of old treas%res8 and wi$es are entitled2 A?iyadB says2 to borrow from their master5s stocks! 6he will take all of it back when the dream comes to an end2 while what belon3s to me will be sold!

;II Who will 3i$e me back my life in the .rient2 my free life in the o en air2 my lon3 leis%rely walks2 all the din and commotion of 6tambo%lD To set off in the mornin3 from Altmeidan with a mind to s end the ni3ht at Eyo%b8 rosary in hand2 to to%r ro%nd the mos7%es8 to sto by e$ery cafB2 tomb2 ma%sole%m2 baths2 and s7%ares8 to si T%rkish coffee from those tiny bl%e c% s balanced on co er bases8 to sit in the s%n and let my mind drift 3ently with the hookah smoke8 to chat with Der$ishes and assers:by8 to be an inte3ral art of this can$as that5s f%ll of mo$ement and li3ht8 to be free2 witho%t a care in the world2 and to be %nknown8 and then to centre my tho%3hts on the belo$ed waitin3 for me at home at the end of the day! (y little friend Achmet makes a tr%ly deli3htf%l walkin3 com anion8 whether li3ht:hearted or lost in tho%3ht2 this ordinary yo%n3 fellow2 oetic to a fa%lt2 la%3hs all the time and wo%ld risk his life for me! The ict%re darkens as we roceed into the old art of 6tambo%l by way of Eyo%b2 the holy 7%arter2 and the lar3e cemeteries there! We still catch 3lim ses of the bl%e water of (armora2 of its islands or of mo%ntains in Asia2 b%t there are $ery few eo le abo%t and the ho%ses are dismal8::the seal of a3e and mystery2::and $ario%s thin3s o%tside bes eak wild tales of old T%rkey! (ore often than not it5s ni3htfall when we 3et to Eyo%b8 we will ha$e dined somewhere alon3 the way in one of those little eatin3 booths where Achmet ersonally checks that the in3redients are clean and s% er$ises their re aration! We li3ht o%r lanterns before ret%rnin3 to the ho%se2::this ho%se2 so o%t of the way and eacef%l2 its $ery remoteness is one of its charms!

;III (y friend Achmet is twenty2 accordin3 to his old father2 Ibrahim8 twenty:two2 accordin3 his old mother Fatma8 T%rks ne$er know their a3e! Physically Achmet is somethin3 of a %??le4 he5s small in stat%re2 b%t of a owerf%l b%ild8 anyone who didn5t know him co%ld take his thin2 s%n b%rned face to si3nify a delicate constit%tion8::tiny a7%iline nose2 tiny mo%th8 small eyes f%ll of 3entle melancholy one moment2 twinklin3 with <ollity and wit the ne=t! 6omeone eo le really take to! 9e5s an %n%s%al yo%n3 man2 <oyf%l as a bird8::he entertains the most comical ideas and e= resses them in a way that5s entirely ori3inal8 his $iews re3ardin3 honesty and hono%r are too e=actin3! 9e can5t read and s ends all his time on a horse! 9is heart is as o en as his hand4 he 3i$es half of what he earns to the be33ar women in the streets! The two horses he hires o%t to eo le constit%te all that he ossesses! It took Achmet two days to find o%t who I really was2 and he romised to 3%ard the secret2 which he alone knows2 on condition that in f%t%re he be acce ted as one of %s! >rad%ally he has established himself as a friend2 and has his lace at o%r fireside! 9e adores A?iyade and is her ser$ant kni3ht8 he is more concerned for her than she is for herself2 and2 with her interests in mind2 he kee s a wary eye on me as if he were an old oliceman! 5Take me on as Yo%so%f who is somethin32 yo% ha$in3 me as a f%n!5 yo%r ser$ant25 he said one day2 5in lace of little dirty and a thief! If yo% feel yo% want to 3i$e me can 3i$e me what yo% 3i$e him! It5ll be a bit droll2 ser$ant2 b%t it means I5ll li$e in and that will be

The followin3 day I let Yo%so%f 3o and Achmet took o$er!

IC When2 a month later2 in somewhat of a 7%andary2 I offered AchmetJwho is a byword for atience::two med<idies for ay2 he flew into a %r le ra3e and smashed two window anes2 which he re laced the ne=t day at his own e= ense! And that5s the way the wa3es 7%estion was settled!

C I can see him standin3 in my room one e$enin32 ta in3 his foot!

56en tchok chBytan2 LotiI!!! Anlamad%m sBniI EThere5s a lot of the de$il in yo%2 LotiI Yo%5re a real crafty one2 LotiI I can5t make yo% o%t at allIF5 9e shook his arm an3rily2 so that his wide white slee$es wa$ed from side to side8 the bobbin3 of his small head ca%sed the silk tassel on his fe? to <i33le madly abo%t! It was all to do with the scheme that he and A?iyade had de$ised to 3et me to stay in 6tambo%l4 he was to offer me half of what he owned::to wit2 one of his horses::and I had la%3hin3ly declined! For doin3 so I was 5tchok chBytan5 and deemed incom rehensible! E$er since that e$enin3 I ha$e been tr%ly fond of him!

Dear little A?iyadeI she had %sed % all her ar3%ments and all her tears to kee me in 6tambo%l8 the time set for my de art%re ho$ered like a black clo%d o$er her ha iness! Then2 when she was com letely worn o%t4 5#enim d<an senin2 Loti!!! E(y so%l is yo%rs2 Loti! Yo% are my >od2 my brother2 my friend2 my lo$er8 when yo%5$e 3one2 it will be the end of A?iyade8 her eyes will be closed2 A?iyade will be dead!::Now do whate$er yo% want8 yo%5re the one to knowI5F 5Yo%5re the one to know5::an %ntranslatable statement which amo%nts to sayin34 5As for me I5m only a oor little 3irl who is at a loss to %nderstand yo%8 I bow to yo%r decision2 and I shall hono%r it! When yo% are 3one I will 3o off into the mo%ntains2 and I will sin3 my son3 for yo%::0heytanlar2 d<inler2 ,a lanlar2 d%chmanlar2 Arslandar2 etc!!! (ay de$ils2 <inees2 ti3ers2 enemies stay far from my lo$ed one!!!and I shall erish from h%n3er on the mo%ntains sin3in3 my son3 for yo%!5 The son3 wo%ld then follow8 e$ery e$enin3 she san3 it in a soft2 len3thy monotone8 the rhythm was stran3e2 the a%ses seemin3ly e=a33erated2 the final to%ches of sadness %nmistakeably oriental! When I am 3one from 6tambo%l2 when A?iyade is lost to me for e$er2 I will contin%e to hear her son3 in the ni3ht!

CI to L.TI from his 6I6TE/ #ri3htb%ry2 December &)*+! 5(y dear brother2 5I ha$e read and reread yo%r letterI It is all I can e= ect to do for the resent2 and2 like the 6h%lamite woman2 3a?in3 at her dead son2 I am able to say4 5It is wellI5 5Yo%r oor heart is f%ll of contradictions2 as are all tro%bled hearts that drift witho%t a com ass! Yo% 3i$e cries of des air2 yo% say e$erythin3 el%des yo%2 yo% make im assioned a eals to my affection2 and then2 when I2 in ret%rn2 3i$e yo% im assioned ass%rances2 I find that I and others from yo%r former life are no lon3er carried in yo%r tho%3hts2 and that yo% are so 3lad to be in that .riental nook of yo%rs that yo%r only wish wo%ld be that this Eden co%ld last for e$er! Yet here I am8 I am constant and %nchan3in38 and yo% will find me so when yo%r sweet del%sions are for3otten2 3i$in3 lace to other ones8 erha s later my bein3 here will mean more to yo% than yo% think! 5Dear brother2 yo% are mine2 yo% are >od5s2 yo% belon3 to %s both! I ha$e the feelin3 that one day2 erha s soon2 yo% will re3ain co%ra3e2 faith2 and ho e! Yo% will see how sweet and deli3htf%l2 how recio%s and beneficent is this 5fallacy52 this tho%sand times blessed 5falsehood52 that alone brin3s me life2 as it will brin3 me death2 with no fear or re3ret8 this blessed 5falsehood5 that has for cent%ries 3%ided the world2 creatin3 martyrs and 3reat nations8 that chan3es mo%rnin3 into <oy2 roclaimin34 5Lo$e2 Freedom2 and 0harity! !!!!!!!!!!5

CII Today2 &'th December! (y resentation at the 6%ltan5s alace!

In the co%rts of the Dolma #a3tche Palace e$erythin3 is white as snow2 e$en %nderfoot4 marble embankments2 marble a$in3 stones2 marble ste s! The 6%ltan5s 3%ards t%rned o%t in scarlet2 the m%sicians dressed in sky bl%e laced with 3old2 and the footmen in a le 3reen lined with

ca %chin yellow4 all the colo%rs stand o%t boldly a3ainst s%ch %nbelie$able whiteness! The ediments and cornices hi3h on the alace walls ser$e as for families of 3%lls2 di$ers2 and storks! Within the Palace all is s lendo%r! The 6%ltan5s body3%ard2 ri3id as 3ilded m%mmies beneath their tall l%mes2 line the stairs! The 3%ard5s officers2 lookin3 rather like ima3es of the renowned Aladdin2 3i$e their orders by si3n! The 6%ltan is solemn2 ale2 weary to the oint of colla se! erches

The short formal resentation ended yo% bend almost to the 3ro%nd2 and 3i$in3 dee sal%tes2 yo% withdraw backwards! 0offee is ser$ed in a lar3e room o$erlookin3 the #os hor%s! A kneelin3 ser$ant will li3ht yo% a two metre lon3 tobacco i e that has an amber mo%th iece2 enriched with <ewels and a bowl that rests on a sil$er tray! The 5?arfs2 Ecoffee:c% holdersF are of chased sil$er set all o$er with lar3e rose:c%t diamonds and a host of other recio%s stones!

CIII Yo% co%ld search thro%3ho%t the whole of Islam and not find a h%sband more ha less than old Abeddin:Effendi8 he5s always away2 always somewhere in Asia2 he with fo%r wi$es and not one of them o$er thirty! What is e$en more remarkable is that the fo%r wi$es are as thick as thie$es and 3%ard one another5s secrets as if they were their own! A?iyade herself2 by far the yo%n3est and by her elders for them to betray her! rettiest2 is not hated eno%3h

Incidentally2 she is their e7%al8 she has %nder3one some ceremony or other which endowed her2 like the others2 with the titles of 5lady5 and 5s o%se!5

CI; I asked A?iyade4 5What do yo% do when yo%5re in yo%r h%sband5s ho%seD 9ow do yo% fill yo%r time d%rin3 those lon3 days in the haremD5 5(eD5 she re lied2 5I 3et bored8 I think of yo%2 Loti8 I look at yo%r ortrait8 I feel yo%r hair2 or I lay with $ario%s little odds and ends of yo%rs that I take away with me to kee me com any!5 To A?iyade2 bein3 in ossession of anyone5s ortrait or lock of hair seemed the oddest thin3 e$er8 she wo%ld ne$er ha$e dreamt of doin3 so b%t for me8 it was com letely a3ainst (oslem teachin38 somethin3 tho%3ht % by infidels8 she was charmed by the ractice2 b%t there was always an element of fear resent! 6he m%st ha$e really lo$ed me to let me take some of her own hair8 it made her tremble to think that she mi3ht die s%ddenly2 before the hair had re:3rown so that she wo%ld a ear in the ne=t world with a whole lock shorn clean off by an %nbelie$er! I 7%estioned her a3ain4 5#%t before I arri$ed in T%rkey2 A?iyade2 how did yo% s end yo%r timeD5 5#ack then I was scarcely more than a child! When I saw yo% for the first time I had been in Abeddin5s harem less than ten moons2 and I

hadn5t yet 3rown tired of it! I wo%ld kee to my room2 and sit on my di$an smokin3 ci3arettes or hashish2 or layin3 cards with my maid2 or listenin3 to stran3e stories from the black men5s co%ntry that ,adid<a tells really well! 5Fen?ile:han%m ta%3ht me how to embroider2 and then there were the $isits we e=chan3ed with ladies in other harems! 5We had o%r d%ty to o%r master2 of co%rse8 and2 lastly2 we co%ld be taken for dri$es! #y ri3hts each of %s co%ld ha$e %se of o%r h%sband5s carria3e for a day4 b%t we wo%ld all rather 3o o%t to3ether! 50om ared with how thin3s are in other harems we 3et on $ery well! 5Fen?ilB:han%m2 who is $ery fond of me2 is the eldest and the most im ortant lady in the harem! #esme is the hot:tem ered one and sometimes flies off the handle2 b%t she5s easy to calm down and its soon for3otten! AMche is the nastiest of the fo%r b%t she de ends on %s has to kee herself in check2 beca%se she is the one who is most shamef%l! 6he had the a%dacity once to brin3 her lo$er into her roomI !!!5 That had so often been my dream too2 to 3et into A?iyade5s room2 <%st the once2 sim ly to ha$e some idea of where the 3irl I was fond of li$ed her life! We had 3i$en a 3ood deal of tho%3ht to the lan2 and had e$en cons%lted Fen?ilB:han%m abo%t it2 b%t we didn5t 3o thro%3h with it2 and the more I5$e learnt abo%t T%rkish c%stoms2 the more I reco3nise that it had been a cra?y idea! 5.%rs25 concl%ded A?iyade2 5is considered e$erywhere to be a model harem2 on acco%nt of o%r 3ood:nat%red tolerance and a3reement!5 56ome model2 thatI5 I $ent%red! 5Are there many like it in 6tambo%lD5 It was Aiche:han%m::E retty little madameIF::who was the so%rce of the malady4 in two years it has s read so fast that now the old man5s ho%se is no better than a h%b of intri3%e8 all the ser$ants ha$e been corr% ted! This lar3e stern:lookin3 ho%se with its barred windows and doors has become a kind of con<%ror5s bo=4 its secret doors and hidden staircases 3i$e the ca ti$e birds licence to lea$e2 and off they fly in whate$er direction takes their fancy!

C; 6tambo%l2 -O December &)*+! 0hristmas! A bea%tif%l ni3ht! 6o clear2 so star:st%dded2 so cold! At ele$en o5clock I left the 5Deerho%nd5 and went ashore at the foot of the old Fo%ndo%cli mos7%e2 whose crescent 3leamed in the moonli3ht! Achmet was there waitin3 for me and we be3an o%r ascent thro%3h the 7%irky streets of the T%rkish 7%arters of Pera! Lo%d o%tb%rsts from the do3s! Yo%5d think yo% were ca%3ht in some fantasic story book with ill%strations by >%sta$e DorB! I had been in$ited to a 0hristmas arty % here in the E%ro ean area of the town2 a 0hristmas arty like all those bein3 held in e$ery corner of the old co%ntry! AhI those 0hristmas ni3hts of my childhood !!! what tender memories I still cherish!

C;I L.TI to PL1(,ETT Eyo%b2 -* 6e tember &)*+! 5Dear Pl%mkett2 5Yo%5ll know by now that T%rkey2 oor old T%rkey2 has roclaimed its constit%tionI I ask yo%2 what is the world comin3 toD What cent%ry were we born inD A constit%tional 6%ltanD::it lays ha$oc with all the notions concernin3 him that ha$e been instilled in me! 5What has occ%rred has shocked eo le in Eyo%b8 all 3ood (oslem folk are thinkin3 that Allah has abandoned them2 and that the Padishah is losin3 his mind! I2 who re3ard all serio%s matters as somethin3 of a <oke2 es ecially olitics2 tell myself that sim ly from the oint of $iew of its %ni7%eness T%rkey will lose a 3reat deal by the a lication of this new system! 5Today I was sittin3 with a few Der$ishes in the f%neral mos7%e of 6%leiman the (a3nificent! As we disc%ssed the ,oran we to%ched a little on olitics2 and we a3reed that neither that 3reat so$erei3n2 who had his son (%sta ha stran3led before his eyes2 nor his wife /o=elane2 who 3a$e %s the 5/o=elane nose52 wo%ld ha$e the 0onstit%tion! A arliamentary 3o$ernment will be the r%in of T%rkey2 of that there is no do%bt! 5

C;II 6tambo%l2 -* 6e tember! * Zi:il:idd<B &-KG of the 9e3ira! Waitin3 for a shower to finish I went into a T%rkish cafe near the #aya?id mos7%e! The only eo le inside were a few t%rbaned old men Ehad<:babaF with white beards who sat immersed in news a ers or 3a?in3 thro%3h the smoke:smeared windows at the assers:by r%shin3 ast in the rain! T%rkish ladies2 ca%3ht in the down o%r2 s ed alon3 as fast as their heelless sli ers and wood:soled sandals wo%ld let them! There was 3reat conf%sion in the street and m%ch <ostlin38 the rain was comin3 down in torrents! I looked at the old men abo%t me4 the way they dressed indicated metic%lo%s adherence to the fashions of the 3ood old days8 e$erythin3 abo%t them was 5eski52 from their 3reat sil$er:rimmed s ectacles to the conto%rs of their a3ed rofiles! 5Eski52 a word rono%nced re$erently2 meanin3 5anti7%e52 is e7%ally a licable in T%rkey to old c%stoms2 old styles of dress2 or old fabrics! The T%rks ha$e a lo$e of the ast2 of fi=ity and sta3nation! 6%ddenly there came the so%nd of cannon fire2 a 3%n sal%te from the 6eraskierat! The old men e=chan3ed knowin3 si3ns and ironical smiles! 59ail to the 0onstit%tion of (idhat: acha25 said one of them2 e=ec%tin3 a mockin3 bow! 5De %tiesI A charterI5 m%ttered another old man in 3reen t%rban2 5The

khalifs of old had no need at all of the

eo le5s re resentati$e!

5;oM2 $oM2 $oM2 AllahI!! nor did o%r wi$es need to 3o aro%nd in 3a%?e $eils8 and the faithf%l said their rayers more re3%larly8 and the (%sco$itesN were not so insolentI5 The military sal$o anno%nced to the (oslems that the Padishah $o%chsafed to them a constit%tion that was more e=tensi$e and liberal than any of the E%ro ean ones8 and yet this 3ift from their so$erei3n 3ot a $ery cold rece tion from these old T%rks! This e$ent2 which I3natieff had done his damnest to delay2 had lon3 been e= ected8 yo% co%ld say it marked the day when the Porte and the Tsar tacitly declared war a3ainst eachother and when the 6%ltan ?ealo%sly %shed ahead with his arms ro$ision! It was half ast se$en by T%rkish time Eabo%t middayF! The roclaimin3 of the new 0onstit%tion was takin3 lace at To :,a o% E6%blime PortalF2 and2 h%rtlin3 thro%3h the hea$y rain2 that is where I headed! The ;i?iers2 the Pashas2 the 3enerals2 all the 3o$ernment officials2 all those in hi3h laces2 e$ery one in f%ll fi32 their 3ilt shinin32 were crowded into the 3reat To :,a o% s7%are to3ether with the co%rt bands! The sky was dark and stormy8 hea$y falls of rain and hail swam ed the whole assembly8 it was as if the new charter were bein3 deli$ered to the eo le beneath a cataract8 the old crenelated walls of the 6era3lio c%rtainin3 the scene seemed 3reatly ama?ed to hear s%ch s%b$ersi$e hrases in the $ery heart of 6tambo%l! 6ho%ts2 cheers2 and fanfares concl%ded this remarkable ceremony8 then the whole crowd2 soaked to the skin2 dis ersed amid noise and e=citement! 6im%ltaneo%sly2 at the other end of 0onstantino le2 members of the International 0onference were in session in the Admiralty Palace! The timin3 was deliberate4 the sal$os were to be so%nded in the middle of 6af$et Pasha5s s eech to the leni otentiaries2 addin3 effect to his eroration!

C;III

5The EastI The EastI Poets2 what do yo% seeD T%rn yo%r eyes and minds eastwardI 5AlasI5 they cried in $oices lon3 since still2 5We can see well a mysterio%s dayli3ht o%t thereI ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Perha s we take the twili3ht to be a dawn5 ! ! ! ! ! ! ! E;I0T./ 91>.2 56on3s of Twili3ht5!F I shall ne$er for3et 3a?in3 aro%nd me in the 3reat s7%are of the 6eraskierat2 that immense es lanade on the hei3hts of central 6tambo%l2 and lettin3 my eyes wander into the distance as far as the mo%ntains of Asia! The Arab orticos2 the hi3h tower whose weird sha es were ill%minated2 as on ni3hts of im ortant festi$als! The torrent of rain that had fallen that day had t%rned the s7%are into a $eritable lake that reflected all the rows of li3hts8 risin3 into the sky aro%nd the $ast hori?on were the domes of the mos7%es and of the ointed minarets2 their lon3 stems each holdin3 aloft a crown of ethereal brilliance! In the s7%are a deathly silence rei3ned8 not a so%l was to be seen!

Across the clear sky2 swe t by a wind that one co%ld only ima3ine2 ran two bands of black clo%ds2 and abo$e them the moon had <%st affi=ed its bl%ish crescent! It was one of those indifferent to%ches nat%re seems to make when when some momento%s e$ent in the history of nations is abo%t to occ%r! There came a noise of many feet and $oices8 a band of softas2 carryin3 banners and lanterns came into the s7%are thro%3h the central orticoes2 sho%tin3 5Lon3 li$e the 6%ltanI Lon3 li$e (idhat: ashaI 9%rrah for the 0onstit%tionI 9%rrah for the warI5 It was as if the men were dr%nk with the notion of bein3 free8 b%t a few old T%rks2 rememberin3 the ast2 shr%33ed their sho%lders as they watched dro$es of e=altant eo le mo$in3 aro%nd the s7%are! 5Let %s 3o and sal%te (idhat Pasha25 cried some of the softas! They went off to the left to make their way by small secl%ded streets to the modest ho%se where dwelt the 3reat ;i?ir2 s%ch a owerf%l fi3%re then2 who only a few weeks later was to be forced into e=ile! 6oftas n%mberin3 abo%t two tho%sand took themsel$es to the 3reat mos7%e Ethe 6%leimanF to offer rayers2 and from there they crossed the >olden 9orn and contin%ed to Dolma:#a3tche in order to acclaim Abd%l 9amid! .%tside the alace railin3s de %tations from all associations instincti$ely <oined com any with a h%3e con3lomeration of eo le with the shared %r ose of 3i$in3 their constit%tional monarch an enth%siastic o$ation! The same 3ro% s ret%rned to 6tambo%l alon3 >reat Pera /oad2 3i$in3 o$ations as they went2 one for Lord 6alisb%ry Ewho was soon to become so %n o %larF2 one for the #ritish embassy2 and one for the French! 5.%r ancestors25 said the ho<as haran3%in3 the crowd2 5o%r ancestors2 who n%mbered no more than a few h%ndred men2 con7%ered this land fo%r cent%ries a3oI Are we2 who are se$eral h%ndreds of tho%sands stron32 3oin3 to let it be in$aded by the forei3nerD Let all of %s2 (oslem and 0hristian to3ether2 die for o%r .ttoman fatherland2 rather than acce t h%miliatin3 terms !!!5

CIC The mos7%e of 6%ltan (ehmed:Fatih E(ehmed the 0on7%erorF often sees %s2 Achmet and myself2 sittin3 o%tside its 3reat 3rey:stone articoes2 both of %s leant back in the s%nshine witho%t a care in the world2 dreamin3 some $a3%e dream or other2 %ntranslatable into any h%man lan3%a3e! The s7%are of (ehmed:Fatih2 hi3h abo$e old 6tambo%l2 occ% ies lar3e o en s aces2 where men in cashmere caftans and wide white t%rbans can be seen strollin3 abo%t! At the centre of the s7%are stands the mos7%e2 one of the lar3est and most $enerated in 0onstantino le! The immense s7%are is s%rro%nded by stran3e:lookin3 walls2 which are to ed by lines of stone b%ilt domes2arran3ed like rows of beehi$es8 they are where the softas li$e2 and infidels are not allowed to enter them! This 7%arter is the centre of a daily life that is %nmistakably oriental! 0amels cross it at their leis%rely ace2 their bells tinklin3 monotono%sly8 der$ishes come to sit there and con$erse abo%t holy matters2 and as yet there is not a trace of western infl%ence!

CC Not far from the s7%are is a dismal2 %nfre7%ented street where 3rass and moss are left %nchecked! That5s where A?iyade5s home is8 and for me that is the secret attraction of this s7%are! Thro%3ho%t those lon3 ho%rs d%rin3 the day2 when I can5t be with her2 I5m there2 not too far away2 I5m where no one knows me2 where I5m safe from any s%s iciion!

CCI A?iyade is la sin3 into silence more often2 and there is a dee er sadness in her eyes! 5What5s the matter with yo%2 LotiD5 she asked2 5Why are yo% always 3loomyD It5s I who sho%ld be 3loomy2 beca%se I will die when yo% are 3one!5 And she fi=ed her eyes on mine with so m%ch enetration and so m%ch tenacity that I t%rned my head away from her! 5I 3loomy2 my darlin3I5 I said2 5I lack nothin3 when yo%5re here! I5m ha ier than a kin3!5 5Indeed yo% are8 is there anyone more lo$ed than yo%2 LotiD Is there anyone yo% co%ld be really en$io%s ofD The 6%ltan2 erha sD5 6he5s ri3ht! The 6%ltan2 who2 in the eyes of the .ttomans2 cannot fail to en<oy the most leas%re a man can ha$e2 is someone I don5t en$y! 9e is 3rown old and weary8 f%rthermore he5s now a 5constit%tionalist5! 5I think2 A?iyade25 I said2 5I think the Padisha wo%ld 3i$e e$erythin3 he owned::e$en his 3reat emerald2 which is as bi3 as my hand2 e$en his charter and his ParliamentJif he co%ld ha$e my liberty and my yo%th!5 I5d wanted to say4 5!!!and ha$e yo% tooI!!!5 b%t do%btless the Padishah wo%ld ha$e little re3ard for any woman2 howe$er charmin3! #esides2 the last thin3 I wanted to do was to %tter some comic o era clichB! I was certainly dressed for the art! I didn5t like what the mirror told me4 I5d made myself look like a yo%n3 tenor ready to deli$er a iece from A%ber! It so ha ens that there times when I no lon3er mana3e to take my role as a T%rk serio%sly8 Loti5s ears don5t 7%ite fit beneath Arif5s t%rban2 and like a fool I rela se into my old self2 and am left feelin3 %nbearably d%ll!

CCII I co%ld ne$er acce t all that bein3 an officer and 3entleman entailed! I ne$er enco%ntered anyone either brilliant or 3rand eno%3h for me! I had a 3reat deal of contem t for my eers and selected my friends from amon3 the more so histicated of them! 9ere I5$e become a man of the eo le2 an ordinary citi?en of Eyo%b8 I make the best of the h%mble life of the boatmen and fisherfolk2 e$en their com any and their leas%res!

When2 in the e$enin3 I enter 6%leiman5s cafe with 6am%el and Achmet2 the circle ro%nd the fire is widened to make room! I shake hands with e$eryone and sit down to listen to someone tellin3 winter ni3ht tales Elon3 stories abo%t d<inns and 3enies that can last a weekF! 9o%rs ass and Ifind I5$e 3rown neither weary nor sad8 I feel at ease with these eo le and not at all disoriented! Arif and Loti bein3 two entirely different ersons2 on the day the 5Deerho%nd5 sails2 Arif need only remain in his ho%se2 where no one wo%ld think of lookin3 for him8 b%t Loti wo%ld ha$e disa eared and disa eared for e$er! Now and then this idea2 which came from A?iyade re:enters my mind in remarkably a ealin3 3%ises! To remain with her2 not in 6tambo%l any more2 b%t in some T%rkish $illa3e by the sea8 to lead the life of ordinary folk2 o%t in the s%n and fresh air8 to take e$ery day as it comes2 free from creditors and worries abo%t the f%t%reI I5m more s%ited to that kind of life than I am to the one I ha$e! I loathe all work where I can5t %se my body and m%scles8 I loathe anythin3 to do with science8 I hate all the con$entional d%ties and social obli3ations that re$ail in o%r western co%ntries! To be a boatman in a 3old:embroidered <acket2 some lace in so%thern T%rkey2 where the sky is always clear and the s%n is always hotI It5s ossible2 after all2 and I wo%ld be less %nha elsewhere! y than I wo%ld be

5I swear to yo%2 A?iyade2 I wo%ld 3i$e % e$erythin3 witho%t a moment5s re3ret::my social standin32 my name2 and my co%ntry! (y friends!!!I ha$e no friends and I don5t care for anyI #%t2 yo% see2 I ha$e an old mother!5 A?iyade no lon3er asks me o%tri3ht to stay with her2 tho%3h erha s she5s %nderstood it mi3ht not be entirely im ossible8 b%t her int%ition tells her what ha$in3 an old mother means2 tells this oor little 3irl who ne$er had one8 and all the ideas she has re3ardin3 3enerosity and sacrifice are of 3reater worth in A?iyade than in others beca%se they came to her nat%rally8 no one tro%bled themsel$es to im art them to her!

CCIII

From PL1(,ETT to L.TI Li$er ool2 &)*+ 5(y dear Loti2 5Fi3aro was a man of 3eni%s4 he la%3hed so often2 he ne$er had time to cry!:: 9is 3%idin3 rinci le is the best one of all2 and I5m so con$inced that I endea$o%r to %t it into ractice and more or less s%cceed! 5/e3rettably2 I find it diffic%lt to remain the same erson for too lon3! Too often Fi3aro5s cheerf%lness deserts me2 at which oint Heremiah2 the ro het of woe2 or the ma<estically des airin3 Da$id2 % on whom the celestial hand lies hea$y2 sei?es me and takes control of me! I don5t s eak::I sho%t2 I howl! I don5t write::I wo%ld only break my en and knock o$er my ink bottle! I ace % and down2 shakin3 my fist at an ima3inary bein32 at the best sca e3oat I can think of2 layin3 all my sorrows % on it! I5m e=tra$a3ant in e$ery ossible way4 behind my locked door I ind%l3e in the most insane acts2 and afterwards2 more wearied than relie$ed2 I calm down and become reasonable a3ain!

5Yo%5re 3oin3 to tell me yet a3ain that I5m a weird sort of cha 2 a madman2 and 3oodness knows what else! To which I5ll re ly4 5Yes2 b%t I5m not half as cra?y as yo% ima3ineJnot half as m%ch as yo%2 for instance!5 5#efore assin3 <%d3ement yo% m%st needs ha$e closer ac7%aintance with me2 and %nderstand me a little better and know the sort of circ%mstances that co%ld t%rn a fellow2 who was sensible from the day he was born2 into the odd indi$id%al I am today! Yo% see2 we are the rod%ct of two factors2 the first bein3 o%r inherited nat%res2 which we brin3 with %s onto life5s sta3e8 the second bein3 all the circ%mstances that alter and fashion %s as if we were made of a lastic s%bstance that recei$es and retains the im rint of e$erythin3 that has to%ched it!::In my case the circ%mstances ha$e all been of a ainf%l kind! I was ta%3ht Efor3i$e my time:worn hraseF at the school of misfort%ne! All the knowled3e I5$e 3ained came at a rice8 that is why I sometimes e= ress myself rather trenchantly! If I occasionally a ear do3matic2 it5s beca%se I5m claimin32 on the 3ro%nds of my s%fferin32 to know more on $ario%s s%b<ects than those who ha$e s%ffered less2 and to be able to s eak more a%thorati$ely than those who don5t ha$e f%ll knowled3e of the facts! 5As I see it2 this world is barren of ho e2 and I do not ha$e the consolation of those whose ardent faith makes them fit and stron3 for life5s str%33les2 and able to tr%st in the s% reme <%stice of the creator! 5Ne$ertheless2 mark yo%2 I li$e witho%t blas hemin3! 56o2 beset contin%ally by h%rts and disa ointments2 ha$e I been able2 then2 to han3 on to the ill%sions2 the enth%siasm2 and the s irited freshness of my yo%thD No2 as yo% $ery well know8 I5$e reno%nced s%ch deli3hts as are a ro riate to my years2 sim ly beca%se they don5t a eal to me any more8 I no lon3er look or beha$e like a yo%n3 man2 and from now on I shall be li$in3 a life that has neither %r ose nor ho e!!! #%t does this mean that I5m red%ced to the same state as yo%rself2 sick of e$erythin32 denyin3 all that is 3ood2 denyin3 $irt%e and friendshi 2 denyin3 e$erythin3 that can raise %s abo$e the le$el of the beastD 5(y friend2 let5s be clear abo%t this8 on all those oints my thinkin3 is totally different from yo%rs! I ha$e to say that des ite all that life has ta%3ht me Eand may yo% ne$er ac7%ire anythin3 resemblin3 it2 as it comes at too hi3h a riceIF I still beie$e in all those thin3s2 and in m%ch else besides! 5When I was in London2 >eor3e showed me the letter he5d <%st recei$ed from yo%! 5Yo% be3in yo%r letter $ery teasin3ly with a li$ely and detailed acco%nt in a T%rkish:style renderin3 of one of yo%r assin3 infat%ations! We2 >eor3e and I2 follow yo% all thro%3h yo%r shadowy meanderin3s as if we5re in some h%3e2 oriental ant:hill! We are left2 mo%ths a3a e2 $iewin3 the ict%res yo% aint for %s! Those three da33ers of yo%rs brin3 into my mind Achilles5 shield2 celebrated in son3 with s%ch metic%lo%s care by 9omerI And then finally2 erha s beca%se yo% 3ot a s eck of d%st in yo%r eye2 or beca%se yo%r lam be3an to smoke as yo% were finishin3 yo%r letter2 erha s on acco%nt of somethin3 more triflin3 still2 yo% wind % by itchin3 at %s a strin3 of common laces that belon3 to the last cent%ryI I act%ally belie$e that the latit%des of the lay brothers are worth far more than those of the materialists who will end % annihilatin3 e$erythin3 that e=ists! In the ei3hteenth cent%ry these were acce ted materialist ideas4 >od was only an assertion8 morality meant con$enience8 society was one $ast entity ready for the ne=t cle$er man to e= loit it! A 3ood many eo le were sed%ced by the no$elty of all this and by the a ro$al it 3a$e to the most immoral actions! #lessed e och when restraints were 3one8 when yo% co%ld do as yo% leased8 when yo% co%ld la%3h at e$erythin32 e$en thin3s that were not in the least f%nny2 %ntil the time came when so many heads had dro ed from the /e$ol%tion5s blade that those who had ke t theirs be3an to reflect! There then followed a eriod of transition d%rin3 which one saw a ear a 3eneration ra$a3ed by moral decay2 afflicted with constit%tional sentimentality2 lamentin3 the ast it had no connection with2 r%ein3 the resent it didn5t

%nderstand2 do%btf%l of the f%t%re it co%ldn5t ima3ine! A 3eneration of romantics2 a 3eneration of yo%n3 folk s endin3 their days la%3hin32 cryin32 rayin32 blas hemin32 tryin3 e$ery chan3e of tone in their $a id lament2 %ntil one day they reach the oint when they blow their brains o%t! 5These days2 my friend2 eo le are m%ch more rational2 m%ch more ractical4 on the way to becomin3 a man yo% make haste to model yo%rself on the ty e of manJor distincti$e animal2 if yo% refer::that yo% ha$e selected! The whole set of o inions or re<%dices that are ty ical2 yo% make yo%r own8 yo% ha$e chosen a certain social 3ro% and yo% share its ideas! #y these means yo% de$elo a distinct cast of mind2 or2 if yo% will2 a kind of st% idity that is fittin3 for and s ecific to this world in which yo% li$e! Yo%r associates %nderstand yo%2 yo% %nderstand them8 conse7%ently yo% enter into intimate comm%nion with them and become literally a member of their body! 5#anker2 en3ineer2 b%rea%crat2 3rocer2 soldier ! ! ! whate$er it be! #%t at least yo%5re somethin32 and yo% ha$e somethin3 that yo% do8 yo%r head is firmly on yo%r sho%lders and yo%5re not off chasin3 endless dreams! Yo%5re s%re of yo%rself8 yo%r line of cond%ct is clearly marked o%t by the d%ties yo% are rofessionally bo%nd to f%lfill! There are handbooks that co$er any 7%eries yo% may ha$e in re3ard to hiloso hy2 to reli3ion2 to olitics2 so don5t make a b%rden of s%ch small matters! 0i$ilisation absorbs yo%8 the tho%sand and one wheels of the h%3e social machine enmesh yo% and <i3 yo% abo%t all o$er the lace2 lea$in3 yo% st% efied8 the children yo% ha$e will be as st% efied as yo%rself! Then finally2 ha$in3 recei$ed the rites of 9oly 0h%rch2 yo% die8 yo%r coffin is awash with holy water8 in faint li3ht of candles aro%nd yo%r bier Latin hymns are s%n3 in fa%=bordon harmony8 those who had been acc%stomed to seein3 yo% will miss yo% if yo% ha$e led a 3ood life2 se$eral will e$en shed 3en%ine tears o$er yo%! When all is done2 yo%r heirs inherit what was yo%rs! 5And so the world 3oes on! 5None of this2 my friend2 obsc%res the fact that there are on this earth some really 3ood eo le2 who are thoro%3hly decent by nat%re2 who do 3ood beca%se they deri$e ersonal satisfaction from doin3 so4 they neither steal nor take life e$en when they co%ld do so with im %nity2 beca%se they ha$e a conscience which is a er et%al control a3ainst actions which their assions co%ld dri$e them to commit8 eo le ca able of lo$in32 of 3i$in3 of themsel$es body and so%l8 riests who belie$e in >od and who ractise 0hristian charity8 doctors2 defyin3 e idemics in order to sa$e the li$es of a few oor sick atients8 sisters of mercy tendin3 to wo%nded soldiers on the battlefield8 bankers who can be tr%sted with yo%r money8 friends who wo%ld 3i$e yo% half of theirs8 eo leJmyself2 for e=am le2 to seek no f%rtherJwho wo%ld erha s2 des ite all yo%r blas hemies2 be ca able of offerin3 yo% bo%ndless affection and de$otion! 56o no more of those $a3aries of a sick child! They res%lt from dreamin3 instead of thinkin32 from addiction instead of reason! 5Yo% slander yo%rself when yo% talk as yo% do! If I were to tell yo% that I a3reed with e$erythin3 yo% wrote at the end of yo%r letter2 and that I belie$e yo%r self: ortrayal to be a tr%e one2 yo% wo%ld write to me on the s ot to rotest2 informin3 me that yo% didn5t mean a sin3le word of yo%r a allin3 rofession of faith8 that it was no more than the bra$ado of a heart more lo$in3 than other eo le5s8 only the ainf%l effort a sensiti$e lant makes when wr%n3 with sorrow! 5No2 no2 my friend2 I do not belie$e yo%2 nor do yo% belie$e yo%rself! Yo% are 3ood and affectionate2 yo% are sensiti$e and refined! .nly2 yo% are in ain! And therefore I for3i$e yo%2 and shall remain a li$in3 rotest a3ainst yo%r denial of all that stands for friendshi 2 selflessness2 de$otion! 5It5s yo%r $anity that5s denyin3 all of those thin3s2 not yo%8 yo%r wo%nded ride ca%ses yo% to hide yo%r treas%res and <%st for the sake of it to fla%nt 5the sham h%man bein3 that yo%r arro3ance and boredom ha$e created!5 5PL1(,ETT!5

CCI; L.TI to WILLIA( #/.WN Eyo%b2 December &)*+! 5(y dear #rown! 5This is to remind yo% that I5m still in the land of the li$in3! I 3o by the name of Arif:Effendi2 and I wo%ld be deli3hted to know if I can ho e for si3ns of life from yo%! 5Disembarkin3 on the 6tambo%l side of 0onstantino le8 yo% thread yo%r way thro%3h fo%r kilometres of ba?aars and mos7%es8 yo% come to the sacred art of the city2 Eyo%b2 where the children make yo%r bi?arre head3ear a tar3et for their ebbles! Yo% ask directions for ,o%ro%: Tchechmeh 6treet and will ha$e yo%r answer immediately8 at the end of this street2 beneath some almond trees2 there5s a marble fo%ntain2 my ho%se is ri3ht ne=t to it! I li$e here with A?iyade2 the 3irl from 6alonica I %sed to tell yo% abo%t2 the 3irl I5m not $ery far from lo$in3! I5m almost ha y li$in3 here2 for3etf%l of the ast and all the its heartlessness! 5I5ll s are yo% the details of what bro%3ht me to this eastern hideaway and how I came to ado t for a while the lan3%a3e and c%stoms of T%rkeyJ e$en its bea%tif%l silk and 3old 3arments! 5This is what it5s like here toni3ht2 G'th December4 clear sky2 cold2 moonli3htJthe monotono%s chant of the der$ishes drifts into the ni3ht air2 a familiar so%nd that rin3s daily in my ears! (y cat ,edi:bey and my ser$ant Achmet2 the one in the arms of the other2 ha$e retired for the ni3ht to the room they share! 5A?iyade2 as befits a da%3hter of the East2 is seated on a stack of r%3s and c%shions2 b%sy tintin3 her nails a reddish oran3e2 an o eration of hi3h im ortance! 5As for me2 I find myself thinkin3 of yo%2 of the life we led back in London2 and all the foolish thin3s we did2::and I5m writin3 to yo% in the ho e of recei$in3 a re ly from yo%! 5I5m not a ro er (oslem2 tho%3h yo% mi3ht ha$e s% osed so from the way I be3an this letter8 7%ite sim ly2 I lead a do%ble life2 b%t I5m still officially2 albeit the least often ossible2 (! Loti2 the na$al lie%tenant! 5Don5t tort%re yo%rself co yin3 my address in T%rkish2 %se my real name and send it by way of the 5Deerho%nd5 or the #ritish Embassy!5

CC; 6tambo%l2 &st Han%ary &)**! The year 5** came in with a da??lin32 s rin3like day! .bli3ed by what little condescension I still had in the matter of Western c%stoms2 I s ent the day attendin3 to a n%mber of calls in the Pera comm%nity8 I rode back home to Eyo%b that e$enin3 by way of the cemeteries and ,assim:Pacha! I assed the terrible I3natieff in his bro%3ham8 he was hastenin3 back from the 0onference %nder a hea$y escort of 0roats2 all of them in his ay8 a moment later Lord 6alisb%ry and the En3lish Ambassador followed2

both of them 3reatly a3itated4 heated words had been e=chan3ed at the meetin32 and thin3s were as bad as they co%ld be! With the ener3y born of des air the ha less T%rks re<ected the terms im osed % on them8 for their ains2 they co%ld find themsel$es witho%t le3al safe3%ards! That bein3 the case2 the ambassadors wo%ld all 7%it the meetin3 to3ether2 sho%tin3 5E$ery man for himselfI5 to the E%ro eans! .ne co%ld ict%re terrible thin3s ahead2 h%3e disarray and m%ch bloodshed! Wo%ld that we be s ared this catastro heI!!! It wo%ld mean my lea$in3 Eyo%b2 ret%rn !!! erha s e$en tomorrow2 ne$er to

CC;I .ne 3lorio%s e$enin3 we made o%r way down the stee .%n:0a an! roadway towards

6tambo%l seemed different8 hod<as in e$ery minaret were chantin3 %nfamiliar rayers to a stran3e m%sic8 the so%nd of hi3h: itched $oices emanatin3 from s%ch hei3hts and at s%ch an %n%s%al time of ni3ht reyed on the ima3ination8 all the m%ss%lmans stood in 3ro% s o%tside their doors2 their faces t%rned to somethin3 in the sky that they feared! Achmet followed their 3a?e and sei?ed my hand2 terrified4 the moon2 which a few moments a3o we had seen shinin3 so brilliantly on the dome of 6t!6o hia2 was no more to be seen in the immensity of s ace8 all there was was a reddish mark2 d%ll like blood! There is nothin3 that 3ri s my attention more than si3ns in the skies2 and my first im ression2 one that re3istered almost instantly2 was one of terror! 9a$in3 i3nored the calendar for a3es2 I was totally %n re ared for what I saw takin3 lace! Achmet e= lained to me <%st how 3ra$e and omino%s it was4 accordin3 to T%rkish belief2 the moon was there and then at 3ri s with a dra3on that so%3ht to de$o%r it! It co%ld be resc%ed2 howe$er2 by leadin3 with Allah and by firin3 b%llets at the monster! /e7%isite rayers were2 indeed2 bein3 said in all the mos7%es2 and shootin3 had be3%n in 6tambo%l! From e$ery window2 from e$ery roofto 2 shots were bein3 fired at the moon in the ho e of sec%rin3 a ha y endin3 for that terrifyin3 henomenon! At Phanar2 we took a cai7%e to 3et %s home8 b%t o%r <o%rney was halted! 9alfway across the >olden 9orn2 the olice c%tter barred o%r way4 on the ni3ht of an ecli se it5s an offence to 3o o%t in a cai7%e! That5s as may be2 b%t we co%ldn5t slee in the street! Ado tin3 a $ery hi3h tone we arleyed and ar3%ed with o%r official interce tors2 and once more o%r a%dacity won thro%3h! We arri$ed at the ho%se and fo%nd A?iyade waitin3 for %s2 terrified o%t of her wits! The do3s were howlin3 sit%ation f%rther! itiably at the moon2 which only com licated the

Wearin3 mystical e= ressions2 Achmet and A?iyade informed me that the reason the do3s were howlin3 was beca%se they were askin3 >od to 3i$e them the mysterio%s bread which is fed to them on certain solemn occasionsJand which were in$isible to h%man eyes! Des ite the shootin3 the ecli se ro3ressed8 the entire disc e$en took on a h%e of an e=traordinarily intense red2 a colo%ration d%e to atmos heric factors!

I made an attem t to e= lain the henomenon in the classic way schools do2 %sin3 a candle2 an oran3e2 and a mirror! I e=ha%sted all my reasonin3s and assertions2 and my % ils hadn5t %nderstood a thin38 my hy othesis that the earth is ro%nd was re<ected ri3ht at the start! /ef%sin3 o%t of hand to take me serio%sly2 A?iyade2 in her di3nified manner2 sat down! I tried lookin3 like a teacher! What a hideo%s si3htI Then I 3ot the 3i33les! I ate the oran3e2 and abandoned my demonstration !!! Anyway2 of what benefit was all this st% id science to themD And why try to rid them of s% erstions which2 in fact2 only added to their charmD 6o there we were2 the three of %s2 <oinin3 the others and takin3 ot shots thro%3h the window at the moon2 which2 hi3h abo$e2 contin%ed to 3low blood red2 s%rro%nded by shimmerin3 stars in the most radiant of skiesI

CC;II Abo%t ele$en o5clock Achmet woke %s % to tell %s that the treatment had worked8 the moon was 5ey% ya ilmich5 Ec%redF! 6%re eno%3h2 the moon2 com letely restored to health2 shone like a fantasic bl%e lam in the bea%tif%l Eastern sky!

CC;III The old woman they call 5(y mother #ehid<e5 is a $ery e=traordinary erson! Now in her ei3hties and cri led2 this da%3hter of one asha and widow of another2 is more (oslem than the ,oran and stricter than (oslem 0anon Law! The late 0hefket:Dao%b: asha2 #ehid<e:han%m5s h%sband and one of 6%ltan (ahmo%d5s fa$o%rites2 was im licated in the massacre of the Hanissaries! That was at a time when #ehid<e acted as one of her h%sband5s ad$isers and she %r3ed him on with all her mi3ht! The old lady li$es % on the hei3hts of Ta=im in the T%rkish 7%arter of D<ian3hir in a street that 3oes strai3ht % the hillside! Altho%3h the ho%se she li$es in already o$erhan3s reci ices2 the two 5shaknisirs5 ro<ectin3 from it ha$e been caref%lly latticed in stri s of oak! From there yo% ha$e a bird5s eye $iew of the different areas of Fo%ndo%cli2 the Dolma:#a3tche and the Tchera3han alaces2 6erail Point2 the #os hor%s2 the Deerho%nd Elookin3 like a n%tshell lyin3 on to of a bl%e clothF and then across to 6c%tari and the whole coast of Asia (inor! #ehid<e:han%m s ends her days in this obser$atory2 o%tstretched on a reclinin3 chair2 and A?iyade often sits at her feet2::A?iyade2 watchin3 for the sli3htest si3n from her a3ed friend2 and han3in3 on her e$ery word as if they were di$ine decrees from an oracle! It5s not at all what yo%5d e= ect2 this closeness between the h%mble yo%n3 woman and the old hono%red wife2 ro%d and %nbendin32 of noble stock2 and li$in3 in a 3rand mansion! I know #ehid<e:han%m only by re %te4 infidels are ne$er allowed to enter her abode! 6he is still bea%tif%l2 so A?iyade maintains2 des ite her ei3hty years4 5bea%tif%l as a lo$ely winter5s ni3ht5!

And e$ery time A?iyade ad$ances some new idea2 or some ele3antly rofo%nd conce t concernin3 matters she co%ldn5t ossibly know abo%t2 and I ask her4 5Who did yo% learn that from2 darlin3D5 A?iyade will re ly4 5From my mother #ehid<e!5 5(y mother5 and 5my father5 are titles of res ect that they %se in T%rkey when they5re s eakin3 of ersons well on in years2 e$en when s%ch ersons are <%st a name to yo%! #ehid<e:han%m is most definitely no mother to A?iyade8 or if she is2 she5s at best a reckless mother who thinks nothin3 of takin3 her child5s ima3ination to di??yin3 hei3hts! First and foremost it5s in matters reli3io%s where she works on A?iyade so relentlessly and effecti$ely that the oor little waif often sheds $ery bitter tears o$er her lo$e for an %nbelie$er! 6he 3ets A?iyade all stirred % as well with tales of yore2 tellin3 her len3thy romantic stories2 imb%in3 them with fire and s irit::the same stories that are reco%nted to me in the e$enin3 by the moist li s of my belo$ed! I hear of the st% endo%s ad$ent%res of >en3his the >reat2 or ancient heroes of the desert2 and then there are the fairy tales2 both Persian and Tartar2 that tell of yo%n3 rincesses2 who2 tho%3h ersec%ted by <inees2 accom lish mar$els of fidelity and co%ra3e! 6o2 whene$er A?iyade ret%rns here in the e$enin3 with her ima3ination more o$er:e=cited than %s%al2 I can safely say to her4 5(y darlin3 3irl2 yo%5$e s ent the day sittin3 at the feet of yo%r mother #ehid<eI5

CCIC Han%ary &)**! For the ast week I5$e been at #%y%kdere in the % er #os hor%s2 where it <oins the #lack 6ea! The 5Deerho%nd5 is anchored close to the 3reat T%rkish ironclads that are stationed here as watch do3s2 on the alert for any /%ssian intr%sion! (o$in3 the 5Deerho%nd5 to a new berth %ts me at a fair distance from 6tambo%l2 b%t it coincides with old man Abeddin5s $isit to his 6tambo%l residence8 so it5s all for the best2 and o%r se aration relie$es %s of the need to be caref%l! It5s cold and rainy8 I s end the daytime roamin3 #el3rade Forest8 its leafy aths take me back to the ha y days of my childhood! The ancient oaks2 the holly trees2 the moss and the ferns co%ld almost ass for the ones in Yorkshire! Were it not for the added resence of bears2 I co%ld belie$e myself back in the dear old woods at home!

CCC 6am%el has a fear of 5kedis5 EcatsF! #y day the 5kedis5 %t weird ideas into his head8 he can5t look at them witho%t la%3hin3! At ni3ht he becomes $ery res ectf%l towards them and kee s them at a distance! I was 3ettin3 ready to 3o to an embassy ball when 6am%el2 who had <%st left me to 3o to bed2 s%ddenly ret%rned and knocked at my door! 9e so%nded alarmed4 5#ir madame kedi EA 5lady5 cat8 read::5female5 or 5 %ssy5F::7%i ortate ses iccolos dormir com 6am%el5 Ewho has bro%3ht her little ones to slee with 6am%elFI And with im assi$e serio%sness he contin%ed from the win3s4

5In my family2 we belie$e that anybody who dist%rbs cats2 will die within that same monthI (onsie%r Loti2 what am I to doD5 When I5d finished dressin3 I decided to lend my friend a hand2 and I went %nto his room! A 5lady kedi5 had indeed stationed herself on 6am%el5s illow2 ri3ht in the middle of it! 6he was considerably sto%t and had a bea%tif%l yellow coat! 6he looked di3nified and tri%m hant2 sittin3 on her 5%nmentionable52 3a?in3 in t%rn at a motionless 6am%el and her little ones who were frolickin3 on the blanket! 6am%el2 sittin3 in a corner2 scarcely able to kee his eyes o en2 3a?ed on this family scene with resi3nation and dismay8 he was waitin3 for me to come to his resc%e! I had not yet made the ac7%aintance of (adame ,edi2 howe$er2 she raised no ob<ection to my takin3 hold of her2 liftin3 her onto my sho%lder2 and %ttin3 her and her offs rin3 o%tside8 after which 6am%el2 when he5d 3i$en his blanket a 3ood shake2 made it clear that he wanted to t%rn in! I had absol%tely no reason to ret%rn to the ho%se that ni3ht2 b%t2 as thin3s worked o%t2 I 3ot back at two in the mornin3! 6am%el had thrown the window of his room wide o en2 %t % clothes lines2 and h%n3 o%t all his bedclothes2 aimin3 to let the fresh air rid them of any lin3erin3 cat odo%r! 9e himself lay c%rled % in my bed slee in3 the slee of yo%th and innocence! All $ery well for him !!! Ne=t mornin3 we learned that this (adame ,edi was 3i$en to wanderin3 and was the darlin3 et of an old Hew2 a shoe mender2 who li$ed in the nei3hbo%rhood!

CCCI It was the >reek 0hristmas8 the old nei3hbo%rhood of Phanar was in festi$e s irit! #ands of children went thro%3h the streets carryin3 lanterns and a er s inners of all sha es and colo%rs8 they ban3ed on e$erybody5s door with all their mi3ht and deli$ered awf%lly bad serenades to the accom animent of a dr%m! Achmet2 who was accom anyin3 me2 e=hibited his 3reat contem t for these infidel re<oicin3s! .ld Phanar2 e$en with all this noise 3oin3 on aro%nd it2 co%ldn5t 7%ite shed its normal dreariness! Yet yo% wo%ld see all the small2 o%tdated2 time:worn by?antine doors bein3 o ened8 and2 framed by the massi$e doorways2 yo% wo%ld see yo%n3 women a ear2 dressed like Parisians2 and throw co er iastres to the m%sicians! Arri$in3 at >alata we co%ld see that thin3s there were far worse8 there5s not a co%ntry on earth where yo%5d e$er come across a more discordant din nor a more wretched s ectacle! We co%ld hardly credit the swarmin3 con3lomeration of different nationalities! #y far the 3reater n%mber were >reek8 these loathsome inhabitants2 iss%in3 from e$ery backstreet brothel2 e$ery bar2 e$ery ta$ern2 flocked into ti3ht masses! Im ossible to ima3ine the n%mber of dr%nken men and women there2 or the amo%nt of wine:throated yellin3 and sickenin3 screams!

And se$eral 3ood (oslems were there too! They5d come to en<oy a 7%iet la%3h at the infidels5 e= ense2 and to see how these Le$antine 0hristians::whose fate2 so oi3nantly s oken of in s eeches2 had mo$ed the hearts of E%ro e::celebrated the birth of their Pro het! E$er since the day the 0onstit%tion conferred on them the %nmerited title of citi?en2 these men::e$ery one of them terrified at the tho%3ht of ha$in3 to 3o and fi3ht as T%rks::had de$oted themsel$es wholeheartedly to wine and son3!

CCCII I remember the ni3ht when the 5bay:ko%ch5 EowlF2 followed o%r cai7%e on the >olden 9orn! It was a cold Han%ary ni3ht! A free?in3 mist2 fallin3 like a fine rain on o%r heads2 ca%sed all the massi$e o%tlines of 6tambo%l to r%n into one! Achmet and I took t%rns at the oars as we headed in the direction of Eyo%b! Nearin3 the Phanar 7%ayside we ca%tio%sly threaded o%r way in the dark thro%3h all the osts2 the wrecks2 and the co%ntless cai7%es lyin3 a3ro%nd on the m%d! We reached a s ot at the foot of the old walls of the #y?antine 7%arter of 0onstantino le2 a lace no h%man bein3 wo%ld $isit at that late ho%r! And yet2 two women were sittin3 there2 h%ddled to3ether2 waitin32 two white:headed shadows t%cked away in a artic%lar dark corner beneath the balcony of a r%ined ho%se !!! They were A?iyade2 and the old2 faithf%l ,adid<a! As soon as A?iyade was settled in o%r boat we took off a3ain! There was still a fair distance to 3o to the Eyo%b 7%ay! E$ery now and then the occasional li3ht comin3 from a >reek ho%se wo%ld cast a yellow trail into the m%rky water8 for the rest of the time darkness rei3ned! As we assed alon3 the front of an a3e:old ho%se that was co$ered in ironwork2 we ca%3ht the so%nd of an orchestra and of a ball in ro3ress! It was one of those lar3e mansions2 dark on the o%tside2 s%m t%o%s within2 where Phanar5s older >reek families hide their wealth2 their diamonds2 and their Paris clothes! !!! Then the so%nd of the festi$ity died away in the mist and we re:entered a world of silence and darkness! A bird insisted on flyin3 ro%nd o%r cai7%e abo$e o%r heads2 first one way and then the other! 5#o% fena52 Enot 3oodFI said Achmet2 shakin3 his head! 5#ay:,o%ch miD5 A?iyade asked him2 hidden by her hood and her ti3htly wra ed clothin3! EIt5s not an owl2 is itDF When it was a matter concernin3 their s% erstitions or their beliefs it was c%stomary for the two of them to reser$e disc%ssion for themsel$es and to disre3ard me com letely! After a a%se she took hold of my hand! 5#o% tchok fena Loti52 she said25ammR sen !!! bilme?senI5 EIt5s $ery bad2 Loti2 b%t yo% !!!2 yo% don5t know !!!F #%t it was odd2 to say the least2 seein3 this creat%re 3oin3 ro%nd and ro%nd on a winter5s ni3ht2 and it followed %s relentlessly for an ho%r or more2 the time it took %s to 3o from the waterfront at Phanar to the one at Eyo%b! That ni3ht there was a dreadf%l c%rrent r%nnin3 in the >olden 9orn8 the free?in3 dri??le ne$er ceased8 o%r lantern had 3one o%t2 which meant we

ran the risk of bein3 arrested by the 5bachibo?o%ks5 on that wo%ld ha$e been a catastro hy for all three of %s!

atrol2 and

Near the #alata ferry crossin32 we met cai7%es f%ll of 5iaodis5 EHewsF who2 at this oint2 occ% y both banks2 at #alata and o osite at Pri:Pacha! They wo%ld ha$e been ayin3 e$enin3 $isits2 or ret%rnin3 from the 3reat syna3o3%e! At ni3ht this is the only lace on the >olden 9orn where there5s any acti$ity! As they went by they were sin3in3 a lainti$e son3 in their own lan3%a3e! The 5bay:ko%ch5 contin%ed to e=ec%te its t%rns abo$e o%r heads2 and A?iyade was wee in3 with cold and fear! 9ow 3lad we all were when2 noiselessly and in itch dark2 we tied % o%r cai7%e at Eyo%b ste sI 6%ch a relief to be <%m in3 from lank to lank o$er the m%d Ewe were so familiar with these lanks we co%ld ha$e done it blindfoldF8 s%ch a relief to be crossin3 the small2 deserted s7%are8 to be 3ently t%rnin3 the locks and withdrawin3 the bolts and to be closin3 them firmly behind all three of %s8 to be makin3 a 7%ick to%r of the dim2 3ro%nd:floor rooms2 the s ace %nder the stairs2 the kitchen and the inside of the o$en8 to be takin3 off o%r m%d:filled shoes and o%r wet clothes and 3oin3 barefoot % the car eted ste s8 to be wishin3 3ood:ni3ht to Achmet who was retirin3 to his room8 to be 3oin3 into o%r room and closin3 the door and lockin3 it a3ain8 to be lettin3 down the red and white Arab door c%rtain and sittin3 on the iles of thick r%3s in front of the co er bra?ier that has been smo%lderin3 since mornin3 and is 3i$in3 off a 3entle heat2 and the scents of 5 astilles d% serail5 and rosewater! It meant that for the ne=t twenty:fo%r ho%rs2 at least2 we co%ld en<oy both o%r safe ret%rn and the sheer bliss of bein3 to3ether! #%t the 5bay:ko%ch5 had followed %s and started hootin3 beneath o%r windows! And A?iyade2 com letely e=ha%sted2 fell aslee with the dismal so%nd in her ears and hot tears r%nnin3 down her cheeks!

CCCIII 5.%r (adame52 as 6am%el and Achmet called her2 was an oldish woman2 no stran3er to mischief2 b%t likable! 6he5d been all o$er E%ro e and had tried her hand at e$erythin3! #i?%m (adame was the hrase they %sed! #i?%m (adame co%ld s eak e$ery lan3%a3e2 and she ke t a slea?y cafe in the >alata 7%arter! #i?%m (adame5s cafe looked o%t onto a b%sy main thoro%3hfare! The interior was h%3e and went a lon3 way back8 there was a back door o enin3 onto a blind alley2and connectin3 with the >alata 7%ays! The alley was %sed by those lea$in3 laces of ill re %te2 of which there were se$eral! The cafe was2 first and foremost2 the meetin3 lace for a n%mber of Italian and (altese merchant seamen who were tho%3ht to be tradin3 in stolen and contraband 3oods! A lot of ne3otiatin3 went on and to 3o there at ni3ht it was wise to carry a re$ol$er! #i?%m (adame was $ery fond of all three of %s2 6am%el2 Achmet2 and me! 1s%ally it was she who re ared the meals for my two friends2 their own b%sinesses often kee in3 them in this art of the city8 #i?%m (adame constantly mothered %s! .n the first floor there was a small room with a chest in it! It was handy for chan3in3 5between scenes5! I wo%ld enter by the main door2 dressed as a E%ro ean2 and then lea$e by the door to the alleyway2 a T%rk! #i?%m (adame was Italian!

CCCI; Eyo%b2 -' Han%ary! Yesterday the h%3e farce %t on by the members of the International 0onference sim ly etered o%t! The whole thin3 ha$in3 flo ed2 their E=cellencies are 3one2 the ambassadors are ackin3 their ba3s2 and2 lo and behold2 the T%rks are left witho%t any safe3%ards at all! 6o bon $oya3e to all those eo leI L%ckily for %s2 we5re stayin3! In Eyo%b e$eryone is $ery calm and s%fficiently resol%te! .f an e$enin3 in e$ery T%rkish cafe2 no matter how lowly2 one witnesses an instincti$e comin3 to3ether of rich and oor2 of ashas and common folk P E. E7%alityI %nknown to o%r democratic nation and and o%r E%ro ean re %blicsIF There5s bo%nd to be some knowled3eable erson there who can fathom for those resent the arcane te=ts of the daily news a ers8 e$ery indi$id%al will be listenin3 in silence with con$iction written across their brows! A world away from the noisy dis %tes2 f%elled by ale and absinthe2 that one finds in ro ed:off bars! In Eyo%b they take olitics $ery serio%sly! .ne m%stn5t des air of a eo le that is rinci led and strai3htforward2 a eo le that has ke t tr%e to so many of its beliefs2

CCC; Today2 --nd Han%ary2 the ministers and leadin3 di3nitaries of the Em ire 3athered in solemn session at the 6%blime Portal and decided %nanimo%sly to re<ect the E%ro ean ro osals2 beneath which they discerned the marks of 9oly /%ssia5s claw! ;ery soon2 from all corners of the Em ire2 there arri$ed messa3es raisin3 and con3rat%latin3 the men who had made this des erate resol%tion! National feelin3 ran hi3h in this assembly8 ne$er before had there been s%ch scenes4 0hristians seated side by side with (oslems8 Armenian relates alon3side Der$ishes and the 6heik:%l:islam! In this assembly for the $ery first time one heard from (oslem li s the incredidle words45.%r 0hristian brothers!5 In the face of a common eril a tremendo%s s irit of brotherhood and %nity arose and was indeed brin3in3 to3ether the different reli3io%s comm%nities in the .ttoman Em ire! The Prelate of the Armenian 0atholic 0h%rch s oke these remarkably warlike words before the assembly4 5EffendisI 5For fi$e cent%ries the ashes of the forefathers of each and e$ery one of %s ha$e lain eacef%lly in the soil of o%r homeland! The first and foremost d%ty is to defend this soil which has been $o%chsafed to %s as o%r inheritance! Death is a reality8 it is the law of nat%re! 9istory shows %s 3reat nation states2 which2 one after the other2 ha$e a eared2 only to later disa ear from the world sta3e! If2 then2 the decrees of Pro$idence ha$e n%mbered the days of o%r homeland we can do no more than bow to its endin3! #%t it is one thin3 to fade away i3nobly2 and another to end in 3lory! If we are to erish2 let %s not fore3o the hono%r of meetin3 the fatal b%llet f%ll in the chest2 not in the back8 at least then o%r co%ntry5s name will fi3%re 3lorio%sly in history! .nly a short time a3o we were nothin3 b%t a listless body8 the charter that has been 3ranted to %s re$italises this body and stren3thens it!::Today for the first time we ha$e been in$ited to this co%ncil8 for this we tender thanks to 9is (a<esty the 6%ltan as well as to the ministers of the 6%blime Portal! 9enceforth let the reli3io%s 7%estion be confined to one5s conscience8 let the (oslem 3o to his

mos7%e and the 0hristian to his ch%rch8 b%t2 kee in3 o%r eyes s7%arely on o%r common ca%se2 and on the national enemy2 let %s all be %nited and remain soI5

CCC;I A?iyade5s loyalty to the little2 o en2 heelless2 yellow morocco babo%ches2 as worn by io%s (oslem ladies2 ne$er wa$ered8 she went thro%3h a 3ood three airs a week8 there were always s are ones left lyin3 abo%t in e$ery corner of the ho%se! 6he wo%ld write her name inside each one2 %sin3 the e=c%se that Achmet or I mi3ht take them from her! The ones that were ast wearin3 faced a distressin3 fate4 d%rin3 the ni3ht they were fl%n3 o%t into s ace from the to of the terrace so that they fell into the >olden 9orn! This was referred to as the 5ko%rban5 of the 5 a o%tchs52 the sacrifice of the 5babo%ches5! .n erfectly clear2 cold ni3hts it was a deli3ht2 climbin3 % the old wooden stairs that creaked beneath o%r tread as it lead %s to % to the roof8 there2 by the the bea%tif%l li3ht of the moon E5mahitabda5F2 once we were s%re that e$eryone in the nei3hbo%rhood was aslee 2 we wo%ld carry o%t the 5ko%rban5 and send the condemned 5babo%ches52 one by one2 s innin3 thro%3h the air! Will the 5 a o%tch5 fall into the water2 or onto the m%d2 or e$en on the head of a rowlin3 catD The so%nd we heard in the dee silence wo%ld indicate which of the two of %s had 3%essed ri3htly and had won the bet! It was 3ood bein3 % there2 all by o%rsel$es2 so far from h%manity8 we felt easy in o%r minds2 and we5d often walk abo%t on the car et of white snow and 3a?e down % on old 6tambo%l as it sle t! It was o%t of the 7%estion for the two of %s to en<oy a walk to3ether in broad dayli3ht2 as so many others do2 arm in arm in the s%nshine2 takin3 it all for 3ranted! The roof was where we took o%r walks8 there we co%ld breathe the shar 2 %re air of bea%tif%l winter ni3hts2 accom anied by o%r discreet friend2 the moon2 who sometimes sinks slowly o$er the infidel co%ntries of the west2 or at other times rises in the east2 all red2 o%tlinin3 the distant silho%ettes of 6c%tari or Pera!

CCC;II 5Is this the end2 Lord2 or the be3innin3D5 E;I0T./ 91>.2 56on3s of Twili3ht5F >reat acti$ity on the #os hor%s! Trans ort $ehicles arri$in3 and de artin32 f%ll of soldiers headed for the front! They come from e$erywhere2 soldiers and reser$ists alike2 from dee into Asia2 from the frontiers of Persia2 e$en from Arabia and E3y t! They are h%rriedly kitted o%t and sent off to the Dan%be or to cam s in >eor3ia! /eso%ndin3 fanfares and awesome sho%ts in hono%r of Allah anno%nce their de art%re! Ne$er has T%rkey seen this many men2 so bra$e and so resol%te4 these men %nder arms! Allah alone knows what will become of these m%ltit%des!

CCC;III Eyo%b2 -K Han%ary &)**! I wo%ld ne$er ha$e for3i$en their E=cellencies if their di lomatic lam oonin3 had dist%rbed my ri$ate life! 9a ily2 I find myself back in my small2 secl%ded ho%se2 which2 for a brief time2 I feared I5d be lea$in3! It5s midni3ht8 the moon sends its bl%e li3ht to drift across my a3e2 and the cocks ha$e be3%n their ni3htly son3! 9ere in Eyo%b I am so far from my own kind2 and at ni3ht how solitary it is8 b%t by the same token2 how eacef%l! I often find it hard to belie$e that Arif:Effendi is me8 b%t I5m so weary of the me that I5$e known for twenty:se$en years that I rather like bein3 able to ass%me a little of this other! A?iyade is o$er in Asia with the rest of her harem2 $isitin3 another harem in Ismidt8 she5ll be ret%rnin3 to me in fi$e days time! 6am%el is down the day he saw A arently the that2 to be on into my room! on the floor beside me2 slee in3 like a babe! Earlier in a drowned man who5d been fished o%t of the water! body was a 3hastly si3ht and fri3htened 6am%el so m%ch the safe side2 he transferred his mattress and blanket

Tomorrow from first li3ht the reser$ists who are off to the front will be makin3 a din and the mos7%es will be crowded! I wo%ld willin3ly 3o with them and also be killed somewhere or other in the ser$ice of the 6%ltan! It5s a fine2 stirrin3 thin32 this str%33le by a eo le that doesn5t wish to die8 and I feel for T%rkey a little of that fer$o%r that I wo%ld feel for my own co%ntry were it to be similarly threatened and %t in mortal dan3er!

CCCIC We were sittin32 Achmet and I2 in the s7%are o%tside 6%ltan 6elim5s mos7%e! We were lettin3 o%r eyes follow the old stone arabes7%es that climbed2 twistin3 and t%rnin32 % the 3rey minarets2 and lettin3 them follow too the smoke from o%r 5chibo%ks5 as it rose2 s irallin3 in the %re air! 6%ltan 6elim5s 67%are is s%rro%nded by an ancient wall in which are set at inter$als doors that c%r$e to a oint! It5s rare for anyone to come this way8 there are a few tombs2 sheltered by cy ress trees8 it5s a fine art of the city2 and it co%ld be T%rkey as it was two cent%ries a3o! 5(e25 said Achmet2 wearin3 a rebellio%s face2 5I know $ery well2 Loti2 what I5ll do when yo%5re 3one4 I5ll ha$e myself a merry old time and 3et dr%nk e$ery day! I5ll 3et an or3an 3rinder to follow me aro%nd2 ro$idin3 me with m%sic from mornin3 till ni3ht! I5ll r%n thro%3h all my money::b%t I don5t care E5?arar yok5F! I5m the same as A?iyade2 when yo%5$e 3one it will be the end of yo%r friend Achmet too! 6o I had to make him swear to be sensible::no easy matter! 5Will yo% swear an oath for me in ret%rn2 LotiD Will yo% swear that when yo%5re married and rich2 yo%5ll come and find me and let me be yo%r ser$ant o$er thereD Yo%5re not to ay me any more than yo% ay me in 6tambo%l2 b%t I will be near yo%2 and that5s all I ask! I romised Achmet that I wo%ld 3i$e him a I wo%ld entr%st my children to his care! lace %nder my roof and that

The ros ect of brin3in3 % my little ones and to in3 them off with a fe? was all it took to brin3 him ro%nd! We frittered away the whole e$enin3 on ed%cational schemes based on e=tremely ori3inal methods!

CL PL1(,ETT to L.TI 5(y dear friend2 5The reason for my not writin3 to yo% is sim ly that I had nothin3 to tell yo%! When that5s the case2 I tend to kee 7%iet! 5And really what was there I co%ld talk abo%tD Wo%ld yo% want to know that I had a lot of thin3s on my mind2 none of them leasant8 that Lady /eality had me in her cl%tches2 an embrace mi3hty diffic%lt to shake off8 that I was lan3%ishin3 somewhat dolef%lly in the com any of na$al and colonial 3entlemen8 that the bonds of mysterio%s affinities2 which at certain times ha$e bro%3ht me s%ch an intimate knowled3e of all that is lo$ely and kind2 were brokenD 5I5m s%re yo%5ll %nderstand all this $ery well2 beca%se I5$e seen yo% more than once l%n3ed in the same state! 5Yo%r nat%re is $ery m%ch like mine2 and that neatly e= lains2 I think2 the 3reat sym athy I felt for yo% almost from the first!::An a=iom4 5What we like best in other eo le is o%rsel$es!5 When I meet another me2 my own owers redo%ble8 it wo%ld seem that the like forces in each erson combine and that sym athy is no more than the desire2 the im %lse towards this increase of forces which for me is synonymo%s with ha iness! With yo%r kind a ro$al I5ll call it4 5the 3reat sym athetic arado=!5 5The lan3%a3e I5m %sin3 here co%ld hardly be called literary! I5m well aware of it4 I em loy a $ocab%lary borrowed from dynamics2 hence it5s alto3ether different from that %sed by o%r best writers8 howe$er2 it5s $ery 3ood for 3ettin3 my ideas across! 5We enco%nter these sym athies in a host of different ways! Need I ask a m%sician2 s%ch as yo%rself2 what it is that rom ts yo% to feel themD What is a so%ndD S%ite sim ly its a sensation which arises in %s as a res%lt of a $ibration bein3 transmitted by the medi%m of air to o%r tym an%m and aco%stic ner$e! What ha ens in o%r brainD Try to ict%re this ec%liar henomenon4 yo% re3ister a r%n of certain so%nds2 yo% hear a melodic hrase that yo% find leasin3! Why is this soD Its beca%se the s%ccession of m%sical inter$als that 3o to make % the hraseJotherwise known as the ratios of the n%mbers of $ibrations of the resonant body::are marked in one set of fi3%res rather than another8 chan3e these fi3%res2 and yo%r sym athy is no lon3er aro%sed8 yo%2 yo%rself2 will say that the hrase is no lon3er a m%sical hrase b%t merely a s%ccession of incoherent so%nds! When se$eral so%nds are layed sim%ltaneo%sly2 yo% recei$e an im ression which will be ha y or sad4 it all comes down to the matchin3 of fi3%res2 which in t%rn constit%tes a sym athetic match between an e=terior henomenon and yo%r sensiti$e self! 5There are real affinities2 the ones between yo% and certain s%ccessions of so%nd2 between yo% and certain brilliant colo%rs2 between yo% and certain shimmerin3s of li3ht2 between yo% and certain lines2 certain sha es! Altho%3h these relationshi s between all these different thin3s and yo%rself ha$e been confirmed2 they are too com licated2 as in the case of m%sic2 to be %t into words! All the same2 yo% can tell they e=ist! 5Why is it we fall in lo$e with a artic%lar womanD ;ery often it5s sim ly a matter of the c%r$e of her nose2 the arc of her eyebrows2 her

o$al face::what wo%ld I knowD #%t whate$er it be2 it corres onds with another %nfathomable that is in %s and lays the de$il with o%r ima3ination! Why the s%r riseD 9alf the time o%r lo$e is d%e to nothin3 more than that! 5Yo% tell me this woman of yo%rs ossesses a nobility of character2 wherein lies the tr%e reason for yo%r lo$e !!! AlasI beware of conf%sin3 what is in her with what is in yo%! All o%r ill%sions stem from this4 creditin3 others with attrib%tes we find leasin3 yet e=ist nowhere b%t in o%rsel$es! #%ildin3 a shrine to the woman we lo$e and considerin3 one5s friend to be a man of 3eni%s2 ha$e a common ori3in! 5I5$e been in lo$e with the ;en%s de (ilo and with one of 0orre33io5s nym hs! It certainly wasn5t the charm of their con$ersation and thirst for intellect%al e=chan3e that attracted me to them8 no2 it was the hysical affinity2 the only lo$e known to the ancients2 the lo$e that rod%ced artists! These days e$erythin3 has become so com licated ne hardly knows which way to t%rn! Nine:tenths of the o %lation no lon3er %nderstand anythin3 at all! 5That said2 let5s mo$e on2 Loti2 to yo%r descri tion of yo%rself! There is an affinity between the way thin3s are and the way yo% are! #y dis osition yo% ha$e an enormo%s a etite for artistic and intellect%al leas%res2 and yo%5re %nable to be ha y %nless yo%5re s%rro%nded e$erythin3 that can satisfy yo%r sym athetic needs2 which are considerable! There is no ha iness for yo% beyond these emotions! Take away the means by which yo% obtain them and all yo%5ll be left with will be the reality of bein3 a ha less e=ile! 5A eson who can handle emotions of s%ch a hi3h order2 as o osed to the 3reat mass of %s who can5t2 will ha$e scant re3ard for anythin3 less! What attraction can there be2 then2 in a 3ood dinner2 a day5s shootin32 a retty 3irl2 for anyone who2 when readin3 the oets2 has shed tears of ra t%re2 who in deli3ht has s%rrendered to the flow of a sweet melody2 who has immersed himself in that dee re$erie2 that isn5t tho%3ht2 and 3oes beyond feelin32 and cannot be e= ressed in words! 5What leas%re2 then2 in eyein3 ordinary:lookin3 faces as they 3o by2 common faces ortrayin3 e$ery shade of st% idity8 what leas%re in ill: ro ortioned bodies im risoned in c%lottes or in black clothes2 the whole lot of them swarmin3 abo%t the m%ddy a$ements 2 aro%nd filthy walls2 window:bo=es and sho s! 5It narrows one5s ima3ination and one5s ability to think! 5What rom ts those ro%nd yo% to talk with yo% if its not the e=istence of a harmony between yo%r tho%3hts and the ones they ha$e and are tryin3 to e= ressD 5If yo% can let yo%r mind ro<ect itself into s ace and time8 if it can encom ass the infinity of sim%ltaneo%s e$ents which are ha enin3 o$er the whole s%rface of the earth2 which is no more than a lanet re$ol$in3 ro%nd the s%n2::itself only one of an %ntold n%mber o%t in s ace8 if yo% can a reciate that this sim%ltaneo%s infinity is b%t an instant in eternity2 which is yet another infinity2 and that all this wo%ld a ear different to yo% de endin3 on what obser$ation oint yo% chose2 there bein3 an infinite n%mber to choose from8 if yo% can reflect on the reason for it all2 the f%ndamentals of all these thin3s are beyond yo%r knowin38 and if yo% ta= yo%rself with these eternal roblems4 what does it all meanD what am I2in the midst of infinityD 5There5s e$ery chance that there5ll be no common 3ro%nd2 intellect%ally2 between yo% and those aro%nd yo%! 5Their con$ersation will ha$e no more effect on yo% than if yo% were listenin3 to a s ider tellin3 yo% how some nasty br%te of a feather d%ster had destroyed art of its web8 or2 erha s2 a toad2 informin3 yo% of the fact that he5d <%st inherited a 3reat hea of r%bble which wo%ld ro$ide him with a $ery comfortable home! 5EA 3entleman told today that he5s had a r%n of bad har$ests2 and that he5d been left a bi3 ho%se in the co%ntry!F

5Yo%5$e been in lo$e::it co%ld be yo%5re still in lo$e8 at any rate yo%5$e e= erienced the feelin3 that there e=ists a kind of life that5s alto3ether s ecial2 art of yo%r bein3 that is ri$ate and enables yo% to see e$erythin3 in a totally new li3ht! 5A kind of e i hany a ears to be takin3 lace8 yo% mi3ht liken it to bein3 born a second time2 beca%se from then onwards yo% find yo%5re 3ettin3 more o%t of life2 and are a whole erson! All the ideas and feelin3s that ha$e lain dormant awake and bri3hten like the flame %nder the %nchbowl when yo% shake the rim! ELiterat%re of the f%t%reIF 5In short2 yo% come into yo%r own2 yo%5re ha y2 and all that went on rior to this new fo%nd ha iness is en3%lfed in a kind of ni3ht! Yo% feel yo%5re in limbo8 in terms of yo%r e$eryday life yo%5re more a yo%n3 boy than a yo%n3 man! When yo%5re in lo$e2 yo% can describe the feelin3s yo% 3o thro%3h only at the $ery moment yo% e= erience them:: and I ha$e to say2 I5m not ha$in3 those sorts of feelin3s ri3ht now! And yet2 what ha$e we hereD by Ho$eI I5m 3ettin3 7%ite carried away2 tossin3 all these ideas abo%t8 I5m 3ettin3 e=cited2 I5m 3oin3 o%t of my mindI !!! 9ow 3ood it is to lo$e and be lo$ed2 to know that one of the most bea%tif%l so%ls has %nderstood yo%rs8 that there5s someone who will reco%nt her e$ery tho%3ht and action to yo%2 so that yo% are2 in fact2 her centre2 her destination2 and this is d%e to the fact that the ways in which she li$es2 thinks and acts are e$ery bit as s%btle and intricate as yo%r own! Now that5s what makes %s stron38 that5s how men of 3eni%s are made! 5And then we ha$e the 3racef%l ima3e of woman whom we lo$e2 which is2 erha s2 not so m%ch a reality as the most flawless ict%re yo%r ima3ination can rod%ce8 and there5s that blend of im ressions2 hysical and moral2 sens%al and s irit%al2 not to mention those im ressions which com letely defy descri tion and can only be called to mind by those who are already ac7%ainted with themJim ressions2 which res%lt from a mysterio%s association of ideas s%ch as the least little thin3 that belon3ed to yo%r belo$ed2 or hearin3 her name mentioned2 or sim ly when yo% see it written on a sheet of a er2 or it co%ld be one of a tho%sand other s%blimely abs%rd thin3s that may well t%rn o%t to be be the one that yo% $al%e more than anythin3 else in the world! 5Then comes friendshi 2 a stricter kind of sentiment2 one that5s on a more solid footin32 basin3 itself on e$erythin3 that5s hi3hest in %s2 that art of %s that5s %rely intellect%al! 6%ch a ri$ile3e it is bein3 able to s eak candidly to someone who %nderstands yo%2 thro%3h and thro%3h2 not <%st art way2 someone who can finish off what yo%5re aimin3 to say with the $ery word that was on yo%r li s8 someone whose re ly can brin3 forth in yo% a torrent of ima3es2 a flood of ideas! A hint from yo%r friend can tell yo% far more than a strin3 of sentences2 the reason bein3 that yo%5re %sed to his way of thinkin3! Yo% %nderstand e$ery emotion that dri$es him2 and he5s aware of it! Yo% are two intelli3ences that add to each other and com lement each other 5.ne can be s%re that anyone who has e= erienced the $ery thin3s I5$e <%st referred to2 and who e= eriences them no more2 is 3reatly to be itied! 59ere2 then2 am I2 bereft of affections2 no one to s are me a tho%3ht! What 3ood are ideas if there5s no one to tell them toD What 3ood is talent if there5s not one erson in the world whose esteem I $al%e abo$e the rest! What 3ood is wit amon3 eo le who won5t be able to %nderstand meD 56o I <%st drift alon38 I5$e had disa ointments 8 in fact2 fresh ones arri$e e$ery day! It5s clear to me now that nothin3 in this world end%res2 and that there5s nothin3 one can co%nt on2 nothin3 at all! (y ner$es lack tension2 the le$el of my tho%3hts is low2 the me is diminishin3 to s%ch an e=tent that2 when I5m alone I sometimes wonder if I5m awake or slee in3! (y ima3ination ceases! No more castles in 6 ain! The same a lies to ho e! Yo% la se into bra$ado2 yo% talk in an offhand way of the many thin3s2 that2 if they wren5t so la%3hable2 they5d make yo% wee !

5There5s not a thin3 yo% lo$e2 yet yo% were born to lo$e e$erythin34 there5s not a thin3 yo% belie$e in2 tho%3h one mi3ht still belie$e in e$erythin38 time was when yo% were fit for anythin32 now one is fit for nothin3! 5To ha$e within me an e=%berance of fac%lties and yet feel I5m lettin3 it all sli away8 an e=crescence of sensibility2 a s% erfl%ity of feelin3s that I don5t know what to do with4 its dreadf%lI Life %nder those terms is a daily a3ony4 an a3ony that certain leas%res can alle$iate for a short while E yo%r circ%s 3irl2 the odalisk A?iyade2 and the other T%rkish floosies F8 b%t it only means I la se back a3ain more br%ised than e$er! 5There yo% are2 there5s yo%r declaration of faith analysed2 de$elo ed and considerably enlar3ed by the odd character sittin3 here writin3 to yo%! 5To concl%de this len3thy stretch of 3ibberish2 <%st let me say this4 I take a $ery keen interest in yo%2 less2 erha s2 beca%se of what yo% are2 than beca%se of what I think yo% mi3ht become! 5What made yo% choose m%scle b%ildin3 to distract yo% from yo%r sorrow when it will kill in yo% the only thin3 that can sa$e yo%D Yo% are clown2 acrobat and fine marksman8 it wo%ld ha$e been far better2 my dear Loti2 if yo%5d been a 3reat artist! 5In addition to all I5$e said2 I5d like to lant in yo%r mind this idea in which I do ha$e faith4 there is no an3%ish that does not ha$e its remedy! It lies with o%r reason to find that remedy and a ly it2 in a way that is a ro riate to the nat%re of the ill and the tem erament of the s%b<ect! 5Des air is a totally abnormal state to be in8 its a sickness that5s <%st as c%rable as %m teen others8 its nat%ral remedy is time! No matter how %nha y yo% are2 see to it that there5s always a little corner of yo% that yo%5ll not allow the illness to in$ade8 this little corner will be yo%r medicine bo=!::AmenI 5PL1(,ETT! 5Tell me abo%t 6tambo%l2 the #os hor%s2 G:tail ashas2 etc!I kiss the hands of yo%r odalisks2 and remain affectionately yo%rs! PL1(,ETT!5

CLI L.TI to PL1(,ETT 59ad I told yo%2 dear friend2 that I was %nha yD I don5t think so2 and if I had2 then I was certainly mistaken! And it co%ldn5t be f%rther from the tr%th! I came home this e$enin3 tellin3 myself that I was one of the l%cky ones of this world2 and that the world itself was a $ery fine lace! I ret%rned on horseback on a bea%tif%l Han%ary afternoon8 the settin3 s%n was 3ildin3 the dark cy resses2 the ancient2 crenellated walls of 6tambo%l and the roof of my secret ho%se where A?iyade was waitin3 for me! 5A bra?ier was warmin3 % my room that was already hea$ily erf%med with essence of roses! I bolted my door and sat down with my ankles crossed::a leasant way to sit2 somethin3 yo% ha$e yet to e= erience! (y ser$ant2 Achmet2 re ared two hookahs2 one for me2 the other for himself2 and then laced at my feet a co er tray containin3 a b%rnin3 sera3lio astille! 5A?iyade2 in a low $oice and ta in3 on her tambo%rine2 started to sin3 the son3 of the <inees8 the smoke be3an to form bl%ish s irals in the

air and 3rad%ally I lost all conscio%sness of life2 of the sorry lot of h%manity2 while I 3a?ed on the three2 kind2 friendly faces near me4 my mistress2 my ser$ant2 and my cat! 5What5s more2 we 3et no intr%ders2 no %ne= ected or %n leasant $isitors! A few T%rks may ay me a discreet $isit when I in$ite them2 b%t my E%ro ean friends ha$en5t the faintest notion of where I li$e2 and the ash:wood trellisin3 3%ards my windows so closely that there5s not a sin3le moment in the day when any nosy erson co%ld ee within! 5It takes an oriental2 my dear friend2 to tell yo% what 5bein3 at home5 means! In yo%r E%ro ean dwellin3s2 that are o en to all and s%ndry who ay yo% a $isit2 yo% can be no more 5at home5 than yo% co%ld2 standin3 o%t in the street8 yo% lay yo%rself o en to the o$er:in7%isiti$eness of tro%blesome friends as well as to downri3ht snoo ers8 the charm and mystery of domestic in$iolabilty as %nderstood o$er here is a closed book to yo%! 5I5m ha y2 Pl%nkett8 I take back all the moans I was fool eno%3h to send yo% !!! and yet I can still feel the ain from all that lay broken inside my heart4 I feel that the resent is only a res ite in my destiny2 that there5s somethin3 3hastly ho$erin3 o$er my f%t%re2 that today5s 3ood fort%ne will ine$itably %sher in a dreadf%l tomorrow! E$en here2 when she is close to me2 I ha$e these moments of a allin3 sadness com arable to the %nfathomable feelin3s of distress that often 3ri ed me when I was a child and ni3ht was fallin3! 5I5m ha y2 Pl%nkett2 and I5m e$en feelin3 yo%n3er8 I5m no lon3er that o$er3rown lad of twenty:se$en2 who had knocked abo%t so m%ch2 seen so m%ch of life and had done e$ery st% id thin3 ossible in e$ery co%ntry ima3inable! 5It wo%ld be diffic%lt to decide which of the three is most like a child4 Achmet or A?iyade2 or e$en 6am%el! I mi3ht be old and sce tical2 b%t when I was with them I looked like one of those #%ldwer characters who li$ed ten h%man li$es witho%t it showin3 on their face4 in my case an old2 wearied so%l lod3ed within the body of a twenty year old! 5#%t their yo%th refreshed my heart2 and yo% are ri3ht2 erha s I co%ld2 e$en now2 belie$e in all thin3s2 I who tho%3ht I no lon3er belie$ed in anythin3 !!!5

CLII It was one Han%ary afternoon8 the entire sky o$er 0onstantino le looked 3rim8 a cold wind h%rried alon3 a winter dri??le2 and the dayli3ht was as feeble as they %s%ally are in En3land! I was ridin3 down a lon32 white road8 on either side of me endless walls of olished stone rose sheer some thirty feet and looked as inaccessible as the walls of a rison! At one oint alon3 the road an arched brid3e2 b%ilt of 3rey marble2 rose into the air8 it was s% orted by c%rio%sly car$ed marble col%mns and ser$ed as a thoro%3hfare between the ri3ht art and the left art of these de ressin3 constr%ctions! These were the walls of the Tcher! 6era3lio! .n one side were the 3ardens2 on the other the alace and the a$ilions! The marble brid3e allowed the bea%tif%l s%ltanas to ass to and fro between the two and to a$oid bein3 seen from the o%tside! . enin3 onto the alace ram arts and set well a art from one another were no more than three 3ates2 each framed in 3rey marble2 and closin3 by means of iron ton3%es2 all chased and 3ilded! Act%ally2 it was the hi3h ma<estic 3ates that set me wonderin3 what treas%re mi3ht lie behind those monotono%s walls!

6oldiers and black e%n%chs 3%arded these forbidden entrances! H%st the look of the orticoes seemed to warn yo% that to it was dan3ero%s to try to ass thro%3h! The marble col%mns and frie?es interlaced in the Arab style were co$ered in stran3e atterns and mysterio%s scrolls! There was a mos7%e of white marble with 3ilded dome and crescents that backed onto some dark colo%red rocks and scr%b! It was as if some eri had wai$ed its wand and2 witho%t dist%rbin3 the r%sticity of the s%rro%ndin3s2 had ca%sed the mos7%e to s%ddenly a ear in all its snowy whiteness! A rich carria3e dro$e ast! It contained three T%rkish ladies2 none of whom I knew! .ne of them dis layed2 beneath her trans arent $eil2 what seemed a rare kind of bea%ty! 9a$in3 two e%n%chs ridin3 behind them as escorts showed that the ladies were of notable rank! #eha$in3 atrocio%sly in %blic is the way with all % er class 5han%ms5! There5s hardly anythin3 that will deter them from sendin3 the most enticin3 or sneerin3 looks to the E%ro ean men they ass in the street! The es ecially retty one 3a$e me s%ch an ind%l3ent smile that I my horse ro%nd to follow her! %lled

Then be3an a two:ho%r:lon3 ride2 d%rin3 which the lo$ely lady e=hibited for my benefit2 thro%3h the o en window of her door2 the whole ran3e of her deli3htf%l smiles! The carria3e fair s ed alon3 and I escorted it all the way2 sometimes in front2 sometimes behind2 slackenin3 s eed2 or 3allo in3 to increase it! The e%n%chs::they5re often tremendo%s in comic o eras::cast bene$olent eyes o$er what was 3oin3 on2 and witho%t $aryin3 their distance from the carria3e2 contin%ed to trot alon32 com letely %n ert%rbed! We went thro%3h Dolma:#a3tche2 6ali:#a?ar2 To :9ane2 >alata5s r%mb%stio%s 7%arter2::and then o$er the 6tambo%l brid3e2 and on thro%3h 3loomy Phanar and dark #alat! Finally we came to Eyo%b and t%rned into one of the old streets! .%tside an old conak EinnF that looked o %lent and dark2 the carria3e sto ed and the three ladies ali3hted! #efore enterin3 her residence2 the bea%tif%l 6eniha EI learnt her name the followin3 dayF2 t%rned ro%nd to 3i$e me a artin3 smile! 6he was m%ch taken by my boldness2 and Achmet redicted that my ad$ent%re wo%ld end badly!

CLIII T%rkish wi$es2 es ecially the leadin3 ones2 set $ery little store by the faithf%lness they owe their h%sbands! The fierce s%r$eillance carried o%t by certain ty es of men2 and the terror of bein3 %nished2 are indis ensable for kee in3 them in check! 0onstantly idle2 bored o%t of their minds2 hysically dominated by the solit%de of the harems2 wi$es are ca able of 3i$in3 themsel$es to the firstcomerJthe ser$ant who ha ens to come alon32 or the boatman who takes them on the water2 ro$ided2 of co%rse2 that the man is 3ood:lookin3 and they like him! The wi$es are all tremendo%sly c%rio%s abo%t yo%n3 eo le from E%ro e2 and there are those amon3 the latter who mi3ht sometimes do themsel$es a bit of 3ood if they wanted to2 if they dared or2 better still2 if they fo%nd themsel$es in circ%mstances where they co%ld %t it to the test! (y osition in 6tambo%l2 my knowled3e of the lan3%a3e and c%stoms2 my door that5s o%t of si3ht and swin3s noiselessly on its old hin3esJthese were the thin3s that boded well for those kinds of enter rises2 and2 had I wanted it2 my ho%se co%ld easily ha$e become the meetin3: lace for all the lo$ely2 harem wi$es who were at a loose end!

CLI; A few day later2 a 3reat th%nderclo%d crashed down on my eacef%l ho%se2 a most fri3htf%l th%nderclo%d that worked its way between me and the woman that I had2 in fact2 ne$er ceased lo$in3 tenderly! A?iyade was o%tra3ed when I told her of a cynical lan I had! Witho%t a tear in her eyes or tremor in her $oice she resisted me with a stren3th of will that aimed to master mine! I5d anno%nced to and that another that2 she sho%ld des ite any blow her memory! her that I didn5t want her to come the followin3 day2 woman wo%ld be takin3 her lace for a few days8 after ret%rn to me and 3o on lo$in3 me as she5d done before2 she felt to her di3nity2 which she sho%ld cancel from

6he knew this 6eniha2 who was renowned in the harems for her scandals and for not 3ettin3 ca%3ht! A?iyade hated this creat%re that #ehid<e: han%m hea ed c%rses % on! The idea of bein3 br%shed aside for the sake of this woman filled her with bitterness and shame! 5It5s my last word2 Loti52 she said! 5If that 6eniha woman comes here2 it will be o$er between %s2 and I shan5t e$en lo$e yo% any more! (y so%l is yo%rs and I will belon3 to yo%8 yo% are free to do as yo% lease! #%t2 Loti2 this will be the end8 I5ll likely die of 3rief2 b%t I will ne$er see yo% a3ain5!

CL; An ho%r later2 when lo$e had re$ailed2 she5d consented to my madca com romise! 6he left2 3i$in3 me her word that she wo%ld ret%rn::later2 when the other one had 3one and it wo%ld lease me to send for her! A?iyade de arted2 her cheeks fl%shed2 her eyes dry2 and Achmet2 fallin3 in behind her2 t%rned ro%nd and informed me that he was lea$in3 for 3ood! The Arab c%rtainin3 across the door of my room fell back behind them and I co%ld hear their 5babo%ches5 trailin3 across the mats as far as the stairs! There they a%sed! A?iyade had colla sed on the ste s and had b%rst into tears! The so%nds of her sobbin3 tra$elled back to me in the silence of the ni3ht! Ne$ertheless2 I ke t to my room and let her 3o! I5d <%st been tellin3 her2 and it was tr%e4 I worshi ed her2 and her alone2 and I had no lo$e whatsoe$er for this 6eniha8 with me it was sim ly a fe$er of the senses2 and it was this that was drawin3 me towards this wildly into=icatin3 nobody! It distressed me to think that once A?iyade was settled back behind the walls of the harem2 she may not2 in fact2 wish to see me e$er a3ain2 in which case she wo%ld be lost to me fore$er2 and no ower on earth co%ld restore her to me! When I heard the ho%se door close behind them2 I felt a an3 that defies descri tion! #%t in s ite of that2 the tho%3ht of the creat%re who wo%ld soon be with me2 set my blood aflame! 6o I held my 3ro%nd and didn5t call them back!

CL;I The followin3 e$enin3 my ho%se was decked o%t and erf%med to recei$e this lady of 7%ality2 who had e= ressed a 3en%ine desire to see inside my solitary abode! The bea%tif%l 6eniha arri$ed $ery mysterio%sly2 on the stroke of ei3ht2 an %nearthly ho%r for 6tambo%l! 6he remo$ed her $eil and the common 3rey woollen ca e2 which she had chosen as a reca%tion2 and let fall the train of a French 3own that #ook three

failed to ca ti$ate me! It was in do%btf%l taste2 more e= ensi$e than fashionable2 and didn5t s%it her! 6he read my tho%3hts! Passin3 off her fail%re to im ress me2 she seated herself 3racef%lly and let the words flow from her! 9er $oice lacked charm and her eyes roamed in7%isiti$ely all o$er my room2 which she a la%ded for its ori3inality and its look of comfort! 6he ke t commentin3 on the oddness of the life I led and didn5t hold back from askin3 me lots of 7%estions that I a$oided answerin3! All the while2 I st%died 6eniha:han%m !!! 6he was a most s lendid creat%re4 her yo%thf%l skin smooth and $el$ety2 her arted li s red and moist8 she carried her head thrown back2 ha%3hty and ro%d2 f%lly aware of her so$erei3n bea%ty! An o$erwhelmin3ly fierce sens%ality showed in her smile2 in the slow t%rnin3 of her dark eyes2 half:hidden beneath the frin3e of her eyelashes! 6eldom had I e= erienced ha$in3 s%ch a bea%tif%l woman there beside me2 awaitin3 my leas%re in the warm solit%de of a erf%med room8 and yet2 inside me an %ne= ected conflict was 3ainin3 3ro%nd! (y senses were battlin3 a3ainst that less definable somethin3 3enerally known as the so%l2 and the so%l was battlin3 a3ainst the senses! It came home to me ri3ht there and then that I was tr%ly in lo$e with my darlin32 whom I had dri$en away8 my heart was o$erflowin3 with tenderness and remorse! The bea%tif%l creat%re sittin3 beside me ins ired me more with dis3%st than with lo$e! I had desired her8 she had come8 it was % to me now to ha$e her8 I had asked for no more than that8 now her resence was abhorrent to me! 0on$ersation 3rew feeble2 ca%sin3 6eniha to make ton3%e:in:cheek remarks! I steeled myself a3ainst my own inclinations2 %tterly determined that this woman sho%ld not s%cceed in deflectin3 me! 5(adam25 I said2 contin%in3 to s eak in T%rkish2 5when the times comes when it will ain me to see yo% lea$e Eand I ho e it will not be yet for some considerable timeF will yo% allow me to escort yo% back to yo%r ho%seD 5Thank yo%2 b%t no25 she re lied! 5I ha$e someone!5 This was a woman who took no chances4 a kind:lookin3 e%n%ch2 do%btess acc%stomed to his mistress5s esca ades and re ared for all e$ent%alities2 was standin3 o%tside near the door to my ho%se! As she was 3oin3 o%t2 the 3reat lady 3a$e a <eerin3 la%3h which bro%3ht a fl%sh of an3er to my face and I was close to 3rabbin3 her lo$ely ro%nd arm and brin3in3 her back! #%t I resisted2 tellin3 myself that I hadn5t 3one to any tro%ble on her acco%nt and that of the two roles we had layed the more bi?arre one definitely hadn5t been mine!

CL;II Achmet2 the same Achmet who was ne$er 3oin3 to ret%rn2 showed % ne=t mornin3 at ei3ht! 9e5d ado ted a $ery s%rly e= ression and 3reeted me coldly! (y desri tion of 6eniha:han%m5s $isit soon had him in stitches8 he came to the concl%sion2 as I knew he wo%ld2 that it was all of a iece with my %s%al beha$io%r! 5Yo%5re a one and no mistake E5tchok chBytan5F25 he said and sat himself down in a corner to sa$o%r the acco%nt and to la%3h some more! Afterwards2 whene$er we were ridin3 to3ether and enco%ntered 6eniha: han%m5s carria3e2 he wo%ld 3i$e her s%ch ta%ntin3 looks that I was obli3ed to tackle him abo%t it and 3i$e him stern lect%res! the

CL;III I sent Achmet off to .%n:0a an to find ,adid<a and 3i$e the monkey:like confidante details of the ni3ht 6eniha was my 3%est! ,adid<a was to tell A?iyade that I be33ed her for3i$eness2 and that my dearest wish was for her to come me that $ery e$enin3! At the same time I sent three children into the co%ntryside to 3et me fresh 3reen branches and s rays2 and basketf%ls of narcissi and <on7%ils! .n the day of her ret%rn I wanted the old ho%se2 for once2 to look <oyf%l and festi$e! That e$enin3 when A?iyade came in she was met by a car et of flowers that stretched from the threshold of the ho%se to the door of o%r chamber8 a thick layer of fra3rant <on7%il flowers heads2 l%cked from their stalks2 co$ered the floor8 their sweet erf%me was into=icatin32 and the ste s where she had shed tears were no lon3er $isible! Neither comment nor re roach came from her rosy li s2 she sim ly smiled as she looked at all the flowers8 she was intelli3ent eno%3h and more to see at a 3lance what words of mine they were silently con$eyin38 and her eyes2 dark:rin3ed from wee in32 3lowed with intense <oy! 6he ste ed calmly and ro%dly onto the flowers like a little 7%een res%min3 ossession of her realm that was tho%3ht to be lost8 or like a saras mo$in3 thro%3h the floral aradise of 9ind% deities! #%t be they as aras or ho%ris2 there co%ld be none as lo$ely2 fresh2 3racef%l2 deli3htf%l!!! The 6eniha:han%m e isode was ended8 its only res%lt was to make %s lo$e eachother more dee ly!

CLIC It was winter2 the time of e$enin3 rayer! The m%e??in chanted the eternal son32 and we were t%cked away2 <%st the two of %s2 in o%r secret Eyo%b abode! I can still see her2 darlin3 little A?iyade2 sittin3 on the floor on a red and bl%e car et::since taken from %s by the Hews::bolt % ri3ht2 cross:le33ed in her Asian silk antaloons2 and lookin3 $ery serio%s! 6he wore that artic%lar e= ression that $er3ed on the ro hetic and contrasted so markedly with the sheer yo%thf%lness of her feat%res and the artlessness of her thinkin38 it was the e= ression she ado ted when she wanted to dr%m into my head some ded%ction of her own that more often than not deri$ed from some oriental arable and was2 in her mind2 %tterly com ellin3! 5#ak2 Lotim25 she said2 fi=in3 her dee bo%rada $arD5 And she held % eyes on me2 5,atebtane armak

her hand with the fin3ers o%ts read!

ELook2 Loti! Tell me2 how many fin3ers are there hereDF I la%3hin3ly re lied4 5Fi$e2 A?iyade!5 5Yes2 Loti2 only fi$e! And yet none are the same! 5#o%2 bo%ndan bir artcha k%tch%k!5 EThis one2 the th%mb is a little shorter than the ne=t8 the second a little shorter than the third2 etc!8 whereas this one2 the last one2 is the shortest of allF!

It was indeed $ery tiny2 A?iyade5s shortest fin3er! 9er nail2 a art from the dee ink at the base from which it 3rew2 was like all the others2 stained with henna a bea%tif%l oran3e red! 5Well25 said she2 5in <%st the same way2 b%t all the more so2 none of Allah5s creat%resJand they are m%ch more n%mero%sJare alike8 e$ery woman is different2 e$ery man is different P The aim of this arable was to ro$e to me that e$en tho%3h women I had lo$ed in the ast had fo%nd it ossible to for3et me2 and e$en tho%3h friends had decei$ed me and deserted me2 it was wron3 to <%d3e e$ery man and e$ery woman by their e=am le! 6he2 A?iyade2 was not like the other women8 she wo%ld ne$er for3et me8 Achmet likewise wo%ld ne$er cease to lo$e me! 56o stay with %s2 Loti2 do stay with %s !!!5 Then her tho%3hts t%rned to the f%t%re2 that dark %nknown which held a fascination for her! .ld a3e2 that thin3 far2 far away in the distance2 that she co%ld barely ict%re!!! #%t why not 3row old to3ether and 3o on lo$in3 eachother:: lo$in3 eternally in this life and beyondD 56en kod<a25 she said Eyo% will 3et oldF8 5ben kod<a2 EI will 3et oldF !!!5 0haracteristically this last sentence was2 not so m%ch s oken as mimed! The words 5I will 3et old5 were con$eyed by her forcin3 her yo%n3 $oice to so%nd cracked2 and for se$eral seconds she sat h%ddled % like a little old woman2 bendin3 that body of hers that was all b%rstin3 with the 3lowin3 freshness of yo%th! 5Zarar yok5 Eit5s of no im ortanceF2 was her concl%sion! 5Loti2 we will always lo$e eachother!5

L Eyo%b2 Febr%ary &)**! .dd2 when I think abo%t it2 how o%r story be3anI All the reckless actions2 and bl%nders we crammed into o%r daily li$es for a whole month2 with the %r ose of achie$in3 a res%lt which was intrinsically im ossible! >ettin3 dressed % in 6alonika as a T%rk and wearin3 clothes that offended any reasonably obser$ant eye by the $ery e=actness of its details8 3oin3 abo%t the city like that when a sim le 7%estion from a asser:by co%ld ha$e e= osed and endan3ered the im %dent infidel8 to co%rt a (oslem woman beneath her balcony4 an enter rise witho%t arallel in the annals of T%rkey! And all of that2 3ood >od2 more to relie$e the boredom of li$in32 and to set oneself a little a art and o%t of the ordinary in the eyes of one5s idle comrades2 more to h%rl a challen3e at e=istence2 more a iece of bra$ado than a 3est%re of lo$e! Then s%ccess comes alon3 and crowns this s%rfeit of recklessness that has been bro%3ht abo%t by means that sho%ld really ha$e res%lted in tra3edy! Perha s it 3oes to show that it5s only those thin3s re %ted to be insane that end well2 and that cra?y eo le ha$e their own so%rce of 3ood fort%ne4 a >od that looks after the foolhardy! !!! In her case it was c%riosity and a rehension that first aro%sed feelin3s in her heart! In the be3innin3 it was c%riosity that had ke t those bi3 eyes of hers 3a?in32 more o%t of astonishment than lo$e2 thro%3h the balcony trellises!

Initially he5d made her shi$er2 this stran3er who co%ld alter the way he dressed <%st as Prote%s of old co%ld chan3e form2 and stand there beneath her window2 all done % in 3ilded Albanian attire! Later the tho%3ht had come to her that he m%st lo$e her $ery m%ch2 her2 the bo%3ht sla$e:3irl2 the lowly A?iyade2 beca%se he so recklessly risked his life sim ly to 3a?e at her! Poor child2 she had no reason to s%s ect that this yo%n3 man with s%ch a boyish face had already en<oyed to e=cess all that life had offered him and had come in search of some no$el e= erience2 brin3in3 with him nothin3 b%t a world:weary heart8 she5d told herself that only 3ood co%ld come of bein3 lo$ed like this2::and $ery 3rad%ally she5d slid down the slo e that ine$itably led her into the arms of the infidel! There had been no one to teach her a sin3le moral rinci le that mi3ht ha$e %t her on 3%ard a3ainst herself2::and little by little she5d yielded to the s ell of the only oem of lo$e that had been s%n3 for her2 and to the tremendo%s attraction of its dan3er! In the be3innin3 she had roffered her hand thro%3h the window bars of the 5yali5 by the (onastir /oad8 and then her arm2 and then her li s2 %ntil one e$enin3 when she had o ened wide her window and had descended into her 3arden 2::like (ar3%erite2 a ict%re of yo%th and s ontaneity! 9er so%l2 like (ar3%erite5s2 was %re and $ir3in2 e$en tho%3h her child5s body2 an old man5s %rchase2 was no lon3er so!

LI These days we roceed more warily and take no risks8 we ha$e a thoro%3h knowled3e of T%rkish c%stoms8 we know all the streets to a$oid in 6tambo%l8 we ha$e erfected the art of dissim%lation! Yet we still tremble whene$er we meet somewhere2 and the memories of those first months in 6alonika seem memories of dreams! .ften2 as we sit to3ether before the fire2 like two children who ha$e learned how to beha$e and now s eak of their ast misdemeano%rs in h%shed tones2 we talk of the restless eriod we s ent in 6alonika2 of the hot th%ndery ni3hts when we roamed the co%ntryside like criminals2 ::or drifted abo%t on the sea as if we were insane::all the while inca able of e=chan3in3 a sin3le tho%3ht2 let alone a sin3le word! What is still most %n%s%al abo%t it all is the fact that I lo$e her!:: The 5little bl%e flower of sim le lo$e5 has bloomed anew in my heart2 and I attrib%te it solely to her b%rnin3 yo%n3 assion! To the $ery de ths of my so%l I lo$e her and I worshi her !!!

LII .ne fine 6%nday in Han%ary2 I was nearin3 home in the cheerf%l winter s%nshine when I saw abo%t fi$e h%ndred eo le h%rryin3 to and fro with water %m s! 5What5s on fireD5 I asked %r3ently! I5d always had a resentiment that my ho%se wo%ld catch fire!

5>o 7%ickly2 ArifI5 an old T%rk re lied 5>o 7%ickly2 ArifI It5s yo%r ho%seI5 I had to deal with a ty e of emotion I5d ne$er met before!

I dis layed no feelin3 at all as I a roached the little abode that we had f%rnished for eachother2 she for me2 and I for her2 and with so m%ch lo$e! The hostile and menacin3 crowd arted to let me thro%3h8 old women2 already worked % into a fren?y2 fl%n3 ins%lts at me and stirred % the men8 eo le had smelled s%l h%r f%mes and seen 3reen flames8 I was acc%sed of sorcery and castin3 e$il s ells! Their ori3inal s%s icions had only lain dormant2 and I was s%fferin3 the conse7%ences of bein3 an im la%sible and dis7%ietin3 fi3%re8 I had no one to t%rn to and was witho%t any reso%rces! I walked slowly % to the ho%se! The doors had been %shed in and the windows broken8 smoke was comin3 o%t thro%3h the roof8 looters had been b%sy2 one of those 3hastly mobs that cro % in 0onstantino le whene$er there5s the chance of a fi3ht! I ste ed into my home and was 3reeted by a rain of dirty water and soot2 flakes of charred laster and floor boardin3 that was still ali3ht !!! 9owe$er2 the fire had been e=tin3%ished! .ne room b%rnt o%t2 one floor2 two doors2 and a artition! Aided by a bi3 dose of san3:froid I had 3ot the sit%ation %nder control! The 5bachibo?o%ks5 had forced the illa3ers to s%rrender their booty2 then they5d cleared the s7%are and dis ersed the crowd! Two armed 5?a ties5 stood 3%ard at my forced:in door! I entr%sted to them the care of my belon3in3s and took the ferry across to >alata! I was 3oin3 to fetch Achmet2 a lad wise beyond his years2 whose resence wo%ld be in$al%able to me amid all this conf%sion! An ho%r later I arri$ed in the centre of rowdy con3lomeration of bar: cafes8 I wasted time checkin3 at 5.%r (adame5s5 and in all the di$es4 b%t that e$enin3 Achmet was nowhere to be fo%nd! 6o all I co%ld do was 3o back home and and slee alone in my windowless2 doorless room2 balled % 2 on acco%nt of the deadly cold2 in wet blankets that smelled of b%rnin3! I 3ot little slee 2 and my tho%3hts were 3loomy8 it was one of the most %n leasant ni3hts I5d e$er s ent in my life!

LIII The ne=t mornin3 Achmet and I assessed the dama3e8 it co%ld ha$e been a lot worse2 and there was nothin3 that co%ldn5t be re aired! The room that had been 3%tted had been %nf%rnished and %nocc% ied8 for what it had accom lished2 I tho%3ht the fire mi3ht sim ly ha$e been sta3ed8 the most triflin3 items ke t o in3 % e$erywhere2 in disorder and dirty b%t still intact! Achmet was a b%ndle of ener3y8 he had three old Hewesses at his command doin3 the scr%bbin3 and tidyin38 and some of the 3oin3s on were absol%tely hilario%s! D%rin3 the followin3 day the whole ho%se was swe t2 cleared of debris2 washed2 dried and made nice and clean! Where two rooms had been there was nothin3 sa$e a black 3a in3 hole8 b%t that detail a art2 the ho%se had re3ained its e7%ilibri%m2 and my room its ori3inal ele3ance! That $ery same e$enin3 my rooms were laid o%t for a 3rand rece tion8 lots of trays laden with nar3%ilhBs2 ratlok%m2 and coffee8 e$en a two: m%sician orchestra4 a dr%mmer and an oboeist! It was Achmet who had %r3ed all the e= endit%re and had arran3ed e$erythin34 at se$en o5clock I was to recei$e the a%thorities and the notable citi?ens who wo%ld be decidin3 my lot! I was fearf%l of ha$in3 to re$eal my identity which wo%ld mean my claimin3 the rotection of the #ritish Embassy4 I was in a hi3h state of bewilderment as I awaited my com any!

For my ad$ent%re to be ended in this way wo%ld ha$e ine$itably res%lted in an order from a hi3her le$el2 c%ttin3 short my stay in 6tambo%l2 and this sol%tion I dreaded e$en more than .ttoman <%stice! I can still see them all2 the entire scene4 some fifteen or twenty eo le seated on my r%3s8 landlord2 notables2 nei3hbo%rs2 <%d3es2 olice2 and Der$ishes8 the racket from the orchestra8 and Achmet iss%in3 c% s of coffee and mastic filled to the brim! It all hin3ed on whether I co%ld clear myself of any char3e of arson or witchcraft8 and whether I went to rison or aid a hea$y fine for ha$in3 nearly b%rned Eyo%b to the 3ro%nd8 lastly there was the 7%estion of my landlord5s indemnity and how m%ch the re airs wo%ld cost me! In T%rkey2 it5s best2 for the most art2 to rely on one5s own initiati$e8 and2 3enerally s eakin32 darin3 will ay di$idends and self:confidence can lead to s%ccess! All e$enin3 I maintained a di3nified front2 and bra?ened thin3s o%t8 Achmet ke t e$eryone to ed % and deliberately 3ot e$eryone5s 7%estions tan3led % with their reasons2 and carried it off ma3nificently8::the orchestra ra3ed on and after a co% le of ho%rs the sit%ation was at its eak4 my 3%ests were ar3%in3 with one another totally at cross: %r oses8 my case was entirely for3otten! 5There yo% are2 Loti25 said Achmet2 5they5re ri3ht on time and its all my doin3! In the whole of 6tambo%l yo%5d ne$er find another like yo%r old Achmet8 tr%ly2 I5m $ery $al%able to yo%!5 The whole b%siness was both com licated and comic2::and Achmet5s madca mirth was conta3io%s8 I yielded to a need that wo%ld not be i3nored and2 witho%t f%rther ado2 I di$ed onto the alms of my hands and erformed a co% le of clownin3 tricks in front of an asto%nded a%dience! A deli3hted Achmet hit % on a similar di$ersionary tactic8 bowin3 e=tra$a3antly2 he handed each $isitor his attens2 cloak and lantern2 and the meetin3 broke % witho%t anythin3 bein3 decided! End and (oral4 I didn5t 3o to rison8 and I didn5t ay a fine! (y landlord saw to the cost of re airin3 the ho%se2 3i$in3 thanks to Allah for ha$in3 s ared the other half of it8 and I remained the s oilt child of the nei3hbo%rhood! It5s hard to ima3ine a fire startin3 % 2 all by itself2 in the middle of a locked ho%se2 and the initial ca%se of it contin%es to be a mystery!

LI; 5What Nat%re offers on these shores is for3ettin3!!! Whoe$er l%n3ed into the .cean of the heart Fo%nd /e ose in s%ch Annihilation2 For nothin3 else abides there!!! EFE/IDEDDIN ATTA/2 Persian oet!F

I?eddin:Ali:effendi was holdin3 a rece tion at his ho%se in old 6tambo%l4 smells of erf%me and 5tembaki5 tobacco2 so%nds of tambo%rines and men5s $oices dreamily chantin3 weird oriental melodies! These e$enin3 arties2 which had str%ck me at first as bein3 weird and barbaric2 ha$e 3rad%ally 3rown on me and I5$e 3i$en similar ones at my own ho%se that offered the heady mi=t%re of tambo%rines2 erf%mes2 and swirlin3 tobacco smoke! >%ests arri$e at I?eddin:Ali:effendi5s rece tions in the e$enin3 and don5t lea$e %ntil its already broad dayli3ht! .n a snowy ni3ht in

6tambo%l distances ha$e to be considered2 and I?eddin5s conce t of hos itality is a $ery wide one! I?eddin:Ali5s ho%se2 old and shabby on the o%tside2 contains within its dark walls hidden 3lories of oriental l%=%ry! I?eddin:Ali2 be it said2 is one of that e=cl%si$e 3ro% that $enerates e$erythin3 5eski52 that is4 e$erythin3 that recalls a ast lon3 3one and bears its seal! I knock at the hea$y ironbo%nd door2 which is o ened so%ndlessly by two little 0ircassian sla$e 3irls! I e=tin3%ish my lantern and remo$e my shoes! These are co%rtesies re7%ired by c%stom in T%rkish homes2 where m%d from the street m%st ne$er be bro%3ht indoors! The recio%s car ets that are handed down from father to son feel the tread only of 5babo%ches5 or bare feet! The two little sla$e 3irls are abo%t ei3ht years old8 they can be sold2 and this they know! Their bri3ht smiles and e$en feat%res are enchantin38 their baby locks are threaded with flowers and iled hi3h on their heads! /es ectf%lly they each take my hand and 3ently %t it their forehead! A?iyade2 who was once a little 0ircassian sla$e 3irl herself2 has retained the same manner with me of of e= ressin3 s%bmission and lo$e !!! I ascend the dark stairs that are co$ered with s%m t%o%s Persian car ets8 7%ietly the mother:of: earl ecr%sted door to the 5haremlike5 be3ins to o en and when it5s half way I see I5m bein3 watched by female eyes! In a lar3e hall2 where the car ets are so thick I co%ld be walkin3 on the back of a ,ashmir shee 2 fi$e or si= yo%n3 men are seated cross: le33ed in ost%res of smilin3 indifference and eacef%l re$erie! A lar3e chased:co er $essel2 f%ll of 3lowin3 embers im arts to the air aro%nd a 3entle if somewhat hea$y warmth that ind%ces slee ! From the car$ed oak ceilin32 hea$y cl%sters of candles are enclosed in o alescent t%li sha ed 3lobes that transmit only ink li3ht2 soft and dim! 0hairs2 like women2 are absent from T%rkish arties! Nothin3 e=ce t $ery low di$ans2 co$ered in rich Asian silks8 c%shions brocaded in satin and 3old8 sil$er trays on which lie lon3 i e stems of <asmine8 and then2 some little ei3ht: anel stands for the hookahs that are finished off with bi3 balls of amber encr%sted with 3old! Not e$eryone is admitted into I?eddin:Ali5s ho%se2 and those who are ha$e been caref%lly chosen8 not from the ashas5 sons2 who loaf abo%t the Paris bo%le$ards2 witless and flashy8 no2 these all belon3 to the old order2 bro%3ht % in 3ilded 5yali52 sheltered from the wind of e3alitarianism that blows2 stinkin3 of coal smoke2 from the West! Amon3 the 3ro% s here I ne$er see anythin3 b%t leasant faces f%ll of assion and yo%th! These are men who in the daytime 3o abo%t in E%ro ean attire2 yet2 in the e$enin3 in their in$iolable home settin32 they will 3o back to wearin3 the silk t%nic and the lon3 cashmere f%r:lined caftan! The 3rey <acket:coat was only a 3raceless tem orary dis3%ise that2 to their Asiatic way of thinkin32 was not at all becomin3! !!!The fra3rant smoke traces intricate and e$er:chan3in3 c%r$es in the warm air8 $oices are ke t low2 and the talk is often of the war2 of I3natieff and the worrisome /%ssians2 the 5(osco$s52 and of the disastro%s fates that Allah is re arin3 for the ,kalif and for Islam! The little c% s of Arabian coffee ha$e been filled and em tied se$eral times8 the wi$es from the harem2 yearnin3 to be noticed2 %ndertake ersonally the transfer of sil$er trays back and forth at the half: o en door! A 3lim se of their fin3erti s2 or maybe an eye or an arm2 f%rti$ely withdrawn8 nothin3 more2 and at the fifth ho%r Eten o5clockF the door from the 5haremlike5 is sh%t and the ladies don5t a ear a3ain!

The white wine of Ismidt2 which the ,oran does not forbid2 is o%red into a sin3le 3lass and2 followin3 c%stom2 this is assed ro%nd for e$eryone to drink from! The si s taken wo%ldn5t e$en satisfy a 3irl2 and the wine itself has no bearin3 whatsoe$er on what in$ariably follows! >rad%ally heads be3in to nod and the $a3%est tho%3hts 3oin3 ro%nd in them mer3e into some wa$erin3 dream! A3ainst the l%=%rio%s s%rro%ndin3s and the 3leamin3 mother:of: earl2 the risin3 smoke becomes bl%rred2 eyes close! >ently the senses fade and obli$ion2 cra$ed by e$ery h%man creat%re2 now rei3ns! The ser$ants brin3 in mattresses2 5yata3s52 and 3o to slee !!! on which we lie down and

!!!(ornin3 ret%rns8 dayli3ht sli s thro%3h the ash trellises2 the ainted blinds2 and the silk c%rtains! It5s time for I?eddin:Ali5s 3%ests to freshen % 2 which we do in se arate white marble dressin3 rooms that are ro$ided with towels embroidered so richly with 3old2 that in En3land I wo%ld hardly dare %se them! We 3ather ro%nd the co another 3oodbye! er bra?ier2 smoke a ci3arette2 and bid one

/o%sin3 myself is a dreary b%siness b%t I feel I5$e been in$ol$ed in some dream from 5Tho%sand and one ni3hts5! And then I find myself ca%3ht % in the mornin3 b%stle and s7%ishin3 abo%t in the m%d in the streets and ba?aars!

L; All the ni3htly so%nds I %sed to hear in 0onstantino le ha$e lin3ered in my memory8 they5re mi=ed with the so%nd of her $oice as it was whene$er she im arted to me2 as she often did2 her weird e= lanations! The most sinister so%nd of all was the cry of the 5beckd<is52 the ni3htwatchmen2 sho%tin3 their terrible alarm 2 5yan3%n $RrI52 s%ch a rolon3ed2 s%ch a mo%rnf%l wail2 one that was re eated2 in the dee silence2 thro%3ho%t e$ery 7%arter of 6tambo%l! And then2 as the ne=t day dawned2 wo%ld come the so%nd of the cocks with their a%bade2 only shortly before the rayer of the m%e??ins2 to %s a sad chant beca%se it told %s day was here and that her ret%rnin3 to me before the ne=t day threw e$erythin3 into 7%estion2 e$en her lifeI D%rin3 one of the first ni3hts we s ent in my lonely ho%se at Eyo%b2 we co%ld hear a noise close to %s8 it was ri3ht here in the staircase of the old b%ildin3! It set both of %s tremblin3! We tho%3ht we co%ld hear a troo of <inees at o%r doorJor was it men in t%rbans crawlin3 % the worm:eaten ste s with da33ers and yata3ans EswordsF drawnD When we were to3ether we had ca%se to be afraid and to tremble! The same noise came a3ain2 this time clearer and not as fri3htenin34 so m%ch so that it co%ld be only one thin34 56etchanI E(iceIF25 A?iyade la%3hin3ly e=claimed2 totally reass%red! The fact is2 the old t%mbledown ho%se was f%ll of them and when ni3ht came they en3a3ed in m%rdero%s itched battles! 5Tchok setchan $ar senin e$de2 LotimI5 she wo%ld often say! EThere are a 3reat many mice in yo%r ho%se2 LotiIF And this is why2 one fine e$enin32 she made me a 5,Bdi:bey5! resent of yo%n3

,edi:bey ELord 0atF2 who was to 3row later into an enormo%s tomcat2 f%ll of character2 was scarcely a month old at the time8 he was nothin3 b%t a tiny yellow ball2 st%dded with two bi3 3reen eyes8 he was $ery fond of his food! 6he5d bro%3ht him as a s%r rise in one of those $el$et 3old: embroidered satchels T%rkish children %se for school! This been hers at a time in her life2 when2 bare:le33ed and $eilless she %sed to 3o for $ery r%dimentary instr%ction to the old t%rbaned schoolmaster in the $illa3e of 0anlid<a2 on the Asiatic side of the #os hor%s! 6he had rofited $ery little from this master5s teachin3 and she wrote $ery badly8 not that it made me any less fond of the oor faded satchel that had been with since her early childhood !!! The e$enin3 ,edi:bey was resented to me2 I was f%rther s%r rised to find that he5d been swaddled in a silk na kin2 into which2 d%e to his fri3ht on the <o%rney2 had ca%sed him to de osit all sorts of %nwelcome additions! A?iyade2 who had 3one to the tro%ble of embroiderin3 a collar of 3ilded se7%ins for him2 was distressed to see her % il in s%ch an embarrassin3 sit%ation! The e= ression on the cat5s face when it was %n acked was so sorrowf%l that Achmet and I 3ot a fit of the 3i33les! That first si3ht of ,edi:bey is a memory that will stay with me for the rest of my life!

L;I 5Allah illah Allah2 $e (ohammedI reco%l Allah5 EThere is no >od b%t >od2 and (ahomet is his ro hetIF! For cent%ries2 e$ery day2 at the same ho%r2 to the same chant2 those identical words ha$e r%n3 o%t o$er my ancient ho%se from the to of the minaret8 the m%e??in5s shrill $oice directs the salmody to the fo%r oints of the com ass with %nalterin3 steadiness2 in tones that ne$er $ary! Those2 who now are nothin3 more than a handf%l of ashes2 heard it2 ri3ht here2 as we2 who were born only yesterday2 hear it now! That sad2 mo%rnf%l call to lea$e o%r slee less bed2 o%r ni3ht of lo$e! Now she m%st lea$e! 9astily we say 3oodbye2 not knowin3 if we5ll e$er see eachother a3ain2 not knowin3 if that day will brin3 some s%dden e= os%re2 or if some act of $en3eance by an old man2 betrayed by fo%r wi$es2 won5t art %s fore$er2 not knowin3 if that day we won5t witness the layin3 o%t of one of those dark dramas of the harem2 a3ainst which all h%man <%stice is owerless2 all ractical means of resc%e im ossible! Dear in a walk face little A?iyade2 away she5ll 3o2 3ot % like a woman of low class coarse 3rey woollen 3arment made for her here in my ho%se8 she5ll with her trim body all bent2 sometimes leanin3 on a stick2 her hidden behind a thick yashmak!

A cai7%e takes her o$er to the crowded area of the ba?aars2 whence2 ha$in3 first2 at ,adid<a5s ho%se2 chan3ed back into the clothes of a <%d3e5s wife2 she is able to ret%rn to her master5s harem! #y way of safe3%ardin3 a earances she takes back with her from her stroll some token %rchases2 s%ch as flowers or ribbons!

L;II !!!Achmet was lookin3 $ery im ortant and formal4 the two of %s were en3a3ed on a mission that was f%ll of mystery! 9e5d recei$ed his instr%ctions from A?iyade! I2 for my art2 had sworn to 3o with him and to do whate$er I was told! At the Eyo%b <etty Achmet ne3otiated the the rice of a cai7%e to A?ar: ka o%! That done he motioned me into the boat! 9e said to me solemnly4 56it down2 Loti!5 And we set off! At A?ar:ka o% I had to follow Achmet down some d%bio%s:lookin3 alleyways that were fo%l2 m%ddy2 dark2 sinister2 where eo le sold tar2 old %lleys and rabbit skins! We went from door to door2 askin3 for someone known as old Dimitraki2 whom we e$ent%ally fo%nd at the back of an %ns eakable ho$el! The old >reek was dressed in ra3s2 had a white beard2 and looked like an old bri3and! Achmet handed him a iece of a er with A?iyade5s name calli3ra hed % on it2 and insisted on deli$erin32 in the lan3%a3e of 9omer2 a 3reat lon3 s eech of which I %nderstood not a word! The old man reached inside a 3rimy chest and bro%3ht o%t a sort of kit of small stylets2 from which he a eared to select the shar est ones:: re arations that did little to reass%re me! From what I co%ld still remember of the classics2 I was able to %nderstand his ne=t words to Achmet4 56how me the lace!5 laced his fin3er on the left side of my

And Achmet o ened my shirt and chest2 where my heart is !!!

L;III The o eration was com leted witho%t ca%sin3 me m%ch ain2 and Achmet handed to the artist a ten: iastre note which had seen the inside of A?iyade5s %rse! .ld Dimitraki ractised the %n%s%al skill of tattooin3 amon3 >reek sailors! 9e had a li3htness of to%ch and a 3ra hic recision that was $ery remarkable! I came away with a little2 sore2 red atch on my chest2 the res%lts of tho%sands of tiny scratches2 which2 as they scarred o$er2 wo%ld re$eal2 in T%rkish2 in a lo$ely bl%e colo%r2 A?iyade5s name! Accordin3 to (oslem belief2 this tattoo2 like e$ery other mark or blemish on my earthly body2 wo%ld 3o with me into eternity!

LIC L.TI to PL1(,ETT! Febr%ary &)**! 5. what a bea%tif%l ni3ht it was P Pl%mkett8 6tambo%l was a 5At ei3ht o5clock that e$enin3 I5d left the 5Deerho%nd5! 5When2 after a lon3 walk2 I arri$ed in >alata2 I called by 5.%r (adame5 to collect my friend Achmet2 and the two of %s made o%r way thro%3h the deserted (oslem 7%arters to A?ar:ka o%! 5From there we had the choice2 e$ery e$enin32 of two ro%tes that wo%ld take %s to Eyo%b! 5.ne was crossin3 the 3reat brid3e of boats to 6tambo%l and alon3 foot aths thro%3h Phanar2 #alat and the cemeteries8 it5s a direct ro%te and an interestin3 one2 b%t at ni3ht time it5s also dan3ero%s and we only choose to 3o that way when there are three of %sJthe third bein3 o%r tr%sty 6am%el! 5That e$enin3 we went by cai7%e from the ,ara:,e%i brid3e and had a eacef%l <o%rney home! 5There wasn5t a breath of wind2 not a ri le on the water2 not a so%ndI 6tambo%l was wra ed in an immense shro%d of snow! 5It was an im ressi$e si3ht2 one associated with northern climes2 certainly not with this city of s%n and bl%e sky 5All the hills2 co$ered in tho%sands and tho%sands of dark ho%ses2 assed silently before o%r eyes that e$enin32 mer3ed to3ether in an eerie and %n$aryin3 whiteness! 5Abo$e those h%man anthills2 b%ried beneath the snow2 rose the im osin3 3rey masses of mos7%es and the tall thin s ires of the minarets! 5The moon2 $eiled in mists2 cast its thin2 bl%e li3ht o$er all! 5Arri$in3 at Eyo%b2 we saw a soft 3low filterin3 thro%3h the window anes2 the trellises2 and the thick c%rtains8 she was already there2 the first one home !!! 5Yo% see2 Pl%nket2 yo%2 with yo%r E%ro ean ho%ses that are foolishly o en to others besides yo%rsel$es2 yo% can ha$e no idea how 3ood it feels to come homeJthat2 in itself2 is worth all the weariness and the dan3ers !!! ict%reI

LC A time will come when all this dream of lo$e will cease to be8 a time will come when e$erythin32 o%rsel$es incl%ded2 will be swallowed % in dee est ni3ht8 when e$erythin3 aro%nd %s will ha$e $anished2 e$en o%r names on o%r 3ra$estones !!! There5s one co%ntry I lo$e and wo%ld like to $isit4 0ircassia2 with its sombre mo%ntains and its 3reat forests! This re3ion has a hold on my ima3ination2 %t there by A?iyade4 its where she first drew breath and b%rst into life! When I see 0ircassians 3oin3 by2 fierce2 half:sa$a3e2 wra ed in animal skins2 there5s somethin3 that attracts me to these stran3e creat%res2 beca%se the blood that r%ns thro%3h their $eins is the same as my belo$ed5s! 6he says she remembers a lar3e lake on whose banks she thinks she was born8 and a $illa3e2 dee in the forest2 b%t not its name8 also a shore

where she layed in the o en air with the other yo%n3 children of the mo%ntain folk !!! It5s a nat%ral thin32 to want to roll back a lo$ed one5s ast2 to want to see her child5s face and her face thro%3h the years8 one wants to ha$e cherished the little 3irl2 seen her 3row2 held her safe in one5s own arms2 well away from the caresses of others2 so that no one else co%ld own her2 lo$e her2 to%ch her2 see her! .ne is <ealo%s of her ast2 <ealo%s of e$erythin3 she 3a$e to others8 <ealo%s of the least mo$ements of her heart2 of the sli3htest word others wo%ld ha$e heard from her li s! The resent ho%r is not eno%3h2 one has ha$e to ha$e all that has assed2 as well as all that is to come! 9ere now2 with hands clas in3 one another2 breast a3ainst breast2 li s ressed to li s2 wo%ld that one co%ld feel the other entirely2 e=7%isitely2 both at the same time and mer3e into a sin3le bein3 !!! 5A?iyade25 I say to her2 5tell me a few of those little tales from yo%r childhood2 and let me know more abo%t the old schoolmaster at 0anlid<a!5 A?iyade smiles and searches her memory for some new story2 interwo$en with fresh ers ecti$es as well as weird asides2 to entertain me with! 9er fa$o%rite stories are the ones in which 5hod<as5 EsorcerersF %s%ally ha$e the leadin3 roles2 her fa$o%rite stories bein3 the most ancient ones2 that are half:faded from her mind2 and ser$e as little more than fleetin3 3lim ses back to her infancy! 5Yo%r t%rn now2 Loti25 she says when she5s done2 5>o on from where yo% were when yo% were se$enteen !!!5 AlasI !!! All that I5m tellin3 her in Tchen3i?2 I5$e told in other lan3%a3es to other yo%n3 women! And e$erythin3 she says to me2 others before her ha$e said the same thin3I #efore A?iyade came into my life2 I had this delicio%sly nonsensical mishmash of words re eated to me by others in $oices I co%ld scarcely hear! 1nder the s ell of other yo%n3 women2 whose memory has withered in my heart2 I5$e lo$ed other co%ntries2 other laces2 and it5s all 3oneI When I was with an other woman she and I dreamed this dream of eternal lo$e8 we swore to worshi each other on earth and to be %nited2 while e$er there was breath in o%r bodies8 in death we wo%ld slee in the same 3ra$e2 so that the earth sho%ld recei$e %s and o%r d%sts be min3led eternally! And all of that is assed2 erased2 swe t awayI !!! I5m still in my yo%th2 b%t it5s hardly a memory! If there is an eternity2 who2 then am I 3oin3 to li$e it withD Will it be with her2 or yo%2 little A?iyadeD In these %nfathomable ecstasies2 in these cons%min3 ra t%res2 who co%ld act%ally disentan3le that which comes from the senses from that which comes from the heartD Is it the so%l5s s% reme stri$in3 towards hea$en2 or is it the blind force of nat%re seekin3 to recreate itself and li$e anewD It5s a 7%estion that5s er et%ally asked2 one that all mortals ha$e asked themsel$es2 which makes it a nonsense to 3o on askin3! We come near to belie$in3 in a s irit%al %nion and eternity beca%se we lo$e eachother! #%t how many tho%sands ha$e belie$ed the same thin3 in the tho%sands of years that the earth has been eo led2 how many mortals ha$e lo$ed eachother and2 radiant with ho e2 ha$e 3one to their rest tr%stin3 in the dece ti$e mira3e of deathI Alas2 in twenty years2 e$en in ten2 where shall we be2 little A?iyadeD Lyin3 in the earth2 two lots of %nknown remains2 o%r 3ra$es2 do%btless h%ndred of lea3%es a art2::and who then will still remember that we lo$ed eachotherD A time will come when nothin3 will remain of o%r dream of lo$e! A time will come when we shall be lost in the de ths of a ni3ht in which nothin3 of o%rsel$es will s%r$i$e2 when all trace will fade2 e$en down to o%r names on o%r 3ra$estones! Little 0ircassian 3irls will still be lea$in3 their mo%ntains for the harems of 0onstantino le! The mo%rnf%l chant of the m%e??in will still reso%nd in the silence of winter mornin3sJb%t it will ne$er waken %s a3ain2 ne$er!

LCI For a lon3 time2 the ossibility of my tra$ellin3 to An3ora2 the cats5 ca ital2 had been in 7%estion! I was 3ranted ten days lea$e of absence on the %nderstandin3 that2 while o$er there2 I wo%ld stay clear of anythin3 that co%ld necessitate the inter$ention of my Embassy! The arty I was in assembled at 6c%tari %nder a clo%dless sky! The Der$ishes2 /i?a:effendi and (ahmo%d:effendi2 and se$eral friends of mine from 6tambo%l were my tra$ellin3 com anions2 as were some T%rkish ladies2 some ser$ants2 and a 3reat deal of ba33a3e! .%r ict%res7%e cara$an mo$ed off in the s%nshine down the lon3 a$en%e of cy resses that tra$ersed the 3reat cemeteries of 6c%tari! It5s a lace of f%nereal ma<esty8 from the hei3hts one has an incom arable $iew of 6tambo%l!

LCII The f%rther we went into the mo%ntains2 the more the snow slowed %s down! We had no chance of reachin3 the cats5 ca ital %nder two weeks! After three days loddin32 I made the decision to take lea$e of my fellow tra$ellers8 I t%rned so%thwards2 accom anied by Achmet2 and with two chosen horses8 we wo%ld $isit Nicomedia and Nicea2 two ancient 0hristian towns! The memory I5m left with of this first art of o%r tra$els are of wild2 hea$ily wooded co%ntry with cool s rin3s2 dee $alleys2 clad with 3reen oaks2 s indle trees and rhododendrons in bloom2 all on a bea%tif%l winter5s day and %nder a li3ht owderin3 of snow! We wo%ld o$erni3ht in those nameless ho$els2 known as 5hane5! .f them all the one at (%d%rl% is the most memorable! It was dark by the time we arri$ed! We made o%r way % to the first floor of this smoke:blackened old 5hane5 where 3y sies and bear:tamers2 were already aslee 2 all of a <%mble! The ceilin3 of this h%3e2 dark room was so low that we had to mo$e aro%nd mindin3 o%r heads! The fare4 an enormo%s cookin3: ot with %ns eakable items swimmin3 in a thick sa%ce was laced on the floor and we all sat ro%nd it! The one and only na kin2 in tr%th se$eral metres lon32 was aid o%t to all the diners! Achmet declared that he referred to die of cold o%tside than s end the ni3ht in this slo$enly ho$el! #%t by the time an ho%r had 3one by2 chilled to the bone and e=ha%sted by fati3%e2 we had settled down and were fast aslee ! We were % before dawn so we co%ld 3o wash o%rsel$es from head to foot in the clear water of a s rin32 albeit with the wind roarin3 aro%nd %s!

LCIII The followin3 e$enin32 <%st as ni3ht was fallin32 we arri$ed at Ismidt ENicomediaF! We were witho%t ass orts2 and we were arrested! A certain asha was obli3in3 eno%3h to f%rnish %s with two ass orts that he de$ised himself2 and after a 3ood deal of arleyin32 we mana3ed to a$oid slee in3 behind bars! .%r horses2 howe$er2 were sei?ed and sle t in the o%nd!

Ismidt is a lar3e and tolerably ci$ilised T%rkish town2 sit%ated beside a s lendid bay8 its ba?aars are li$ely and colo%rf%l! Inhabitants are forbidden to be abroad after ei3ht o5clock in the e$enin3 e$en with a lantern! I ha ily recall the mornin3 we s ent here! It was early s rin32 the s%n2 set a3ainst a lo$ely clear bl%e sky2 was already warm! We2 Achmet and I2 well re lenished after o%r easant breakfast2 and both of %s in fine fettle2 with o%r a ers in order2 be3an o%r ascent of .rkham: d<iami! We climbed % the narrow streets that were a mass of weeds and as stee as 3oat tracks! #%tterflies fl%ttered abo%t and insects h%mmed2 birds san3 their s rin3 son3s in the warm bree?e! The old oddly sha ed and broken down wooden ho%ses were ainted with flowers and arabes7%es8 storks nestled all o$er the roofs and were not the least bothered if their constr%ctions re$ented a n%mber of ho%seholders from o enin3 their windows! From the to of .rkhan:d<iami2 the eye can wander across the the bl%e waters of the >%lf of Ismidt2 the fertile lains of Asia2 and the distant .lym %s of #r%ssa bearin3 aloft its hi3h snow:ca ed eak! From Ismidt to Tao%chand<il2 from Tao%chand<il to ,ara:(o%ssar2 marked the second sta3e of the <o%rney2 and it was where we were o$ertaken by rain!

L;I; From ,ara:(o%ssar to Nicea EIsnikF2 we rode thro%3h 3loomy mo%ntains as snow fell8 winter had ret%rned! This art of o%r <o%rney had its moments! A certain Ismael2 accom anied by three mo%ntain bri3ands2 5?Bibeks52 armed to the teeth2 had it in mind to rob %s! #%t thanks to the %ne= ected a earance of some bachibo?o%ks2 it all t%rned o%t well and we arri$ed at Nicea2 m%ddied b%t intact! I confidently resented my .ttoman ass ort that the Pasha in Ismidt had de$ised8 the official2 des ite my haltin3 T%rkish2 was taken in by my rosary and by my 3arb8 so there I was2 for all the world a 3en%ine effendi! At Nicea4 ancient 0hristian sanct%aries 3oin3 back to the first cent%ries2 a ch%rch dedicated to Aya:6o hia E6ainte:6o hieF2 elder sister to o%r most ancient ch%rches in the West! (ore bear:tamers to share o%r bedchamber! We5d wanted to ret%rn by way of #ro%sse and (o%dania8 b%t2 with money r%nnin3 short we ret%rned to ,ara:(o%ssar2 where o%r last iastres went on breakfast! We took stock of o%r sit%ation and the % shot was that I handed Achmet my shirt and he went off to sell it! The money we 3ot was eno%3h for o%r ret%rn2 and we embarked with o%r hearts li3ht2 and o%r %rse likewise! It was a <oy2 seein3 6tambo%l rea ear! In the few days that had ela sed since we left nat%re had %t on a different look8 new lants had started to 3row on my roof terrace8 a whole litter of % ies had recently been born on my doorste and were be3innin3 to yel and wa3 their tails8 their mother 3a$e %s a $ery warm welcome!

LC; .n her arri$al that e$enin3 A?iyade told me how worried she5d been and how many times she5d rayed for me4 5AllahI 6Blamet $ersen LotiI5 EAllahI rotect LotiIF

6he5d bro%3ht me a tiny bo= with somethin3 wei3hty inside8 it smelled of rose water2 as did e$erythin3 of hers! 9er face beamed with <oy as she withdrew this mysterio%s little ob<ect that had been $ery caref%lly hidden in her robe and laced it in my hands!

59ere yo% are2 Loti2 she said2 5bon benden sana BdiB!5 EI5m 3i$in3 yo% this as a resent!F It was a hea$y rin3 made of beaten 3old and en3ra$ed with her name! For a lon3 time she5d dreamed of 3i$in3 me a rin3 that bore her name2 one that I co%ld take back with me to my own co%ntry! #%t the oor child had no money8 she li$ed in 3reat comfort2 in relati$e l%=%ry8 she5d been able to brin3 to my ho%se stri s of embroidered silk2 c%shions and other items2 which she was free to do with whate$er she leased8 #%t she was allowed money only in small amo%nts8 all ayments were at the discretion of her maid2 Emineh2 so it wo%ld be diffic%lt for her %rchase a rin3 o%t of the economies she co%ld make! Then she5d tho%3ht of her own <ewellery8 she feared sendin3 anythin3 to the 3oldsmiths5 ba?aar to be sold or e=chan3ed8 she5d had to think of other ways! The items were all her own that she 3a$e to the smith in 6c%tari2 in confidence2 to be cr%shed %nder the hammer2 and it was was these items that she bro%3ht me today2 transformed into an enormo%s2 wei3hty2 odd:sha ed rin3! At her re7%est2 I swore ne$er to take it off2 and to wear it all my life!

LC;I It was a 3lorio%s winter5s mornin32:: mild2 as Le$antine winters are! A?iyade had left Eyo%b an ho%r before %s8 she had 3one down the 9orn in a 3rey robe and now2 dressed in ink2 she was comin3 back % the 9orn to re<oin her master5s harem at (ehmed:Fatih!::6he was cheerf%l and smilin3 beneath her white $eil2 old ,adid<a was sittin3 beside her and the two of them were sittin3 comfortably in the stern of their ta erin3 cai7%e whose bows were adorned with beads and 3ildin3! Achmet and I were tra$ellin3 in the o osite direction! We lay on red c%shions in a lon3 cai7%e rowed by two boatmen! It was that time in early mornin3 when the s lendo%r of 0onstantino le was $isible all aro%nd! Palaces and mos7%es2 still rosy ink beneath the rays of the risin3 s%n2 were reflected in the tran7%il de ths of the >olden 9orn8 flocks of 5karabataks5 EcormorantsF dis layed the oddest beha$io%r as they ca ered aro%nd the fishin3 boats2 before disa earin3 head first into the cold bl%e water! I don5t know if it was by chance or the whim of o%r 5cai7d<is5 EboatmenF that o%r two 3ilded bar7%es assed so close to eachother that o%r oars en3a3ed! .%r boatmen %sed the occasion to e=chan3e ins%lts4 5 Do3I son of a do3I >reat:3randson of a do3I5 And ,adid<a saw fit to send %s a secret smile2 dis layin3 her lon3 white teeth between her dark li s! A?iyade2 on the other hand2 assed %s witho%t battin3 a eyelid!

6he seemed entirely occ% ied watchin3 e$erythin3 the 5karabataks5 were % to 4 5Neh cheytan hai$anI5 she said to ,adid<a! EWhat a crafty little de$ilIF

LC;II 5Who knows which one of %s will still be li$in3 when the season of deli3ht is o$erD #e merry2 be f%ll of <oy2 for the season of 6 rin3 does not lin3er and will not last!

9ear the son3 of the ni3htin3ale4 the season of 6 rin3 is a roachin32 E$ery co se2 e$ery 3ro$e is a cradle of <oy2 6ee the almond s readin3 its sil$er blossom! #e merry2 be <oyf%l2 for 6 rin3 does not lin3er8 it will not last!5 EE=tract from an old oriental oemF

!!! Another 6 rin32 the almond trees are in flower and here am I2 $iewin3 with terror each new season that dra3s me on into the ni3ht8 each year takin3 me closer to the abyss! (y >od2 where am I 3oin3D What lies beyondD And who will be at my side when I drink from the dark c% I !!! 5It5s the season of <oy and deli3ht4 6 rin3 is come! Don5t say for me now2 . riest8 time eno%3h for that!5 rayers

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I 6tambo%l2 &K (arch &)**! The order for me to lea$e came like a th%nderbolt4 the 5Deerho%nd5 was recalled to 6o%tham ton! I5d mo$ed hea$en and earth in the ho e of el%din3 this order so I co%ld rolon3 my stay in 6tambo%l8 I5d knocked on e$ery door2 e$en the door of .ttoman Army2 which came near to lettin3 me in! 5(y dear fellow25 said the asha in im eccable En3lish2 and with the e=em lary co%rtesy of a hi3h:born T%rk2 5(y dear fellow2 do yo% also intend to embrace IslamismD5 5No2 E=cellency25 I re lied2 5it wo%ld not tro%ble me becomin3 a nat%ralised .ttoman2 or chan3in3 my name and co%ntry2 b%t officially I shall remain 0hristian!5 5>ood25 he said2 5I think that5s better! Islamism is not obli3atory and we ha$e little likin3 for rene3ades! I belie$e I5m ri3ht in sayin325 the asha contin%ed2 5that yo%r ser$ices will not be acce ted on a tem orary basis::and2 in any case2 yo%r 3o$ernment will be o osed to that2 b%t yo% may well be offered a ermanent ost! 6o be clear in yo%r own mind whether or not yo% wish to remain in o%r co%ntry! The fact that yo% are $ery shortly to sail with yo%r shi does resent a diffic%lty2 as we ha$e $ery little time in which to deal with the matter! Yo%r 3oin3 away2 of co%rse2 wo%ld allow yo% a lon3er eriod in which to reflect before comin3 to s%ch a serio%s decision2 and then yo% co%ld ret%rn to %s later! 9owe$er2 if yo% wish2 I can resent yo%r re7%est to 9is (a<esty the 6%ltan this e$enin32 and I ha$e e$ery reason to belie$e that his res onse will be in yo%r fa$o%r!5 5E=cellency25 I said2 5I refer2 if it5s ossible2 that the matter be settled immediately2 later and yo% wo%ld for3et me! All I wo%ld ask of yo% is a 3rant of lea$e strai3htaway to 3o $isit my mother!5 I be33ed that I mi3ht be 3i$en an ho%r5s 3race2 and I went o%tside to 3o o$er e$erythin3 in my mind!

The ho%r seemed short4 min%tes s ed by like seconds and my mind was beset by a m%ltit%de of tho%3hts! I walked aimlessly thro%3h the streets of the old (oslem 7%arter that stretches across the hei3hts of Ta=im2 between Pera and Fo%ndo%cli! The weather was d%ll2 hea$y and h%mid4 the colo%rs of the old wooden ho%ses $aried from dee 3rey and black to reddish brown8 T%rkish women mo$ed alon3 the dry a$ements in their little yellow sli ers2 all the while kee in3 themsel$es swathed % to the eyes in scarlet or oran3e silks embroidered with 3old! There were $anta3e oints alon3 the to s of the three h%ndred metre hi3h slo es2 offerin3 $iews o$er the 6era3lio and its 3ardens of dark cy resses2 o$er 6c%tariet and the #os hor%s2 half $eiled by the bl%e mists! Abandonin3 one5s co%ntry2 abandonin3 one5s name are more serio%s than one thinks when they become a ressin3 reality and when a final decision has to be made within the ho%r! Will I still lo$e 6tambo%l when I ha$e to li$e my whole life hereD As for En3land2 the monotono%s ace of life there2 the friends who annoy me2 and the ones who take e$erythin3 for 3ranted2 I can lea$e all that behind witho%t any re3ret or remorse! I5m committin3 myself this co%ntry at a time of s% reme crisis8 this comin3 s rin3 it5ll be the war that decides this co%ntry5s fate and my own! I shall be Y%?bachi Arif8 which means I5ll recei$e as m%ch lea$e as I do now in the #ritish Na$y2 so I5ll still be able to 3o o$er and $isit those dear to me and sit %nder the old lime trees at #ri3htb%ry! #y hea$en2 yesI!!! why not a 5y%?bachi5 E army ca tainF and be T%rkish for 3ood2 and remain with her !!! And at the ma3ic moment2 I co%ld see myself4 ret%rnin3 to Eyo%b on a bea%tif%l day2 in my 5y%?bachi5 %niform2 and tellin3 her I wo%ld ne$er lea$e her a3ain! When the ho%r was % 2 my decision had been made2 and it was irre$ocable4 it wo%ld break my heart to 3o away and lea$e her! I was 3ranted a f%rther inter$iew with the asha! I co%ld 3i$e him my solemn 5yes5 and that wo%ld bind me to T%rkey fore$er8 I wo%ld be3 him to ha$e my re7%est %t before the 6%ltan that $ery e$enin3!

II .nce in front of the asha2 I co%ld feel myself tremblin32 and a clo%d assed before my eyes4 5I thank yo%2 E=cellency25 I said2 5I cannot acce t! .nly2 lease do not for3et me8 when I 3et back to En3land2 erha s I5ll write to yo% !!!5

III All thin3s considered2 it was time to think of de art%re! That same e$enin3 I h%rried2 not wantin3 to be detained2 all o$er Pera2 deli$erin3 P!P!0! cards from one door to another! Achmet2 in ceremonial attire2 and carryin3 my o$ercoat2 followed three ste s behind4 5AhI5 he said2 5ahI Loti2 I see now4 yo%5re lea$in3 %s and yo%5re ayin3 yo%r last $isits::I5$e worked it o%t! Look2 if its %s yo% really like2 and those others bore yo%2 if yo% don5t feel c%t o%t to li$e as they do2 then lea$e them be! >et rid of those black clothes of yo%rs2

which are %3ly2 and that hat2 which is comical2 and and come with %s2 now2 this min%te2 and let all the others 3o han3!5 As a res%lt of Achmet5s little s eech2 a n%mber of deli$eries failed to materialise!

I; 6tambo%l2 -' (arch &)**! .ne last dri$e with 6am%el! All o%r min%tes are co%nted! Ine=orable Time swee s these last ho%rs away2 then we art fore$erI::last ho%rs with 6am%el meant wintry ho%rs2 cold and 3rey to3ether with s%dden (arch s7%alls! .%r a3reement was that he sho%ld embark for his own co%ntry before I sailed for En3land! 9e asked2 as a last fa$o%r2 if he and I mi3ht dri$e aro%nd in an o en carria3e %ntil we heard the warnin3 whistle from the acketboat! 6am%el was 3reatly % set at the tho%3ht that this Achmet had taken his2 6am%el5s2 lace2 and wo%ld in d%e time follow me to En3land! The oor lad co%ldn5t %nderstand that there was a colossal difference between his own a3onised affection and the li3ht o en2 fraternal affection of (ihran:Achmet8 and that 6am%el was a hotho%se lant that co%ld not ossibly ada t to life o$er there %nder my lacid roof! The 5arabahd<i5 li$ened thin3s % by %ttin3 his horses into a fast trot! 6am%el was wra ed like a asha in the f%r coat I was lea$in3 him8 his handsome face was ale and sad8 %tterin3 not a so%nd he watched as the different 7%arters of 6tambo%l went ast4 h%3e2 em ty s7%ares where moss and 3rass were be3innin3 to show8 3i3antic minarets8 old2 ne3lected mos7%es2 white a3ainst the 3rey sky8 $enerable mon%ments characterised by their anti7%ity and decay2 fallin3 to ieces like Islam itself! In the last of the winter winds 6tambo%l looked desolate and forsaken8 m%e??ins chanted the three o5clock rayers8 it was time to 3o! I was $ery fond of my sad little friend2 6am%el! I ass%red him2 the way one ass%res a child2 that for his sake too I wo%ld ret%rn2 and that I wo%ld $isit him in 6alonika8 b%t2 I co%ld tell2 he knew he wo%ld ne$er see me a3ain2 and his tears to%ched my heart!

; -& (arch! Poor darlin3 little A?iyadeI I hadn5t the co%ra3e to tell her directly4 5I5m 3oin3 away the day after tomorrow!5 It was e$enin3 by the time I 3ot back to the ho%se! (y room was all lit % with the bea%tif%l red rays of the settin3 s%n8 s rin3 was in the air! The 5cafed<is5 had set tables o%tside as they do on a s%mmer5s day8 all the men of the nei3hbo%rhood were sittin3 in the street2 smokin3 their 5nar3%ilhes5 beneath almond trees that were white o$er with blossom! Achmet was ri$y to my de art%re! 9e and I in t%rn tried des arately to start a con$ersation2 b%t A?iyade had half 3%essed the sit%ation and had t%rned her bi3 7%estionin3 eyes from one to the other8 ni3ht be3an to fall2 and still all three of %s remained as silent as the dead! At one o5clock T%rkish time Ese$en o5clockF Achmet bro%3ht in an old ackin3 case which2 t%rned % side down2 ser$ed as a table for o%r

mea3re s% er! EAfter settlin3 with Isaac the Hew2 o%r c% board was bare and we were enniless!F Normally2 ha$in3 a meal to3ether2 <%st the two of %s2 was a cheerf%l occasion2 and we co%ld always see the f%nny side of o%r en%ry4 there we were2 two eo le who often dressed in silk and 3old and sat on T%rkish r%3s2 now eatin3 dry bread from the bottom of an old ackin3 case! A?iyade had sat down with me b%t her ortion lay %nto%ched in front of her8 her eyes ne$er left me2 nor did the stran3e fi=ity of her 3a?e2 and each of %s feared breakin3 the silence! 50ome now2 Loti2 I %nderstand25 she said! 5This is the last time2 is it not soD5 And her 7%ickened tears fell on her dry cr%sts of bread! 5No2 A?iyade2 no2 my darlin3I There5s still tomorrow! That I can swear to! After that2 I can5t say!!!5 Achmet co%ld see that the s% er had ser$ed no %r ose! Witho%t sayin3 a word he took away the old ackin3 case and then withdrew2 lea$in3 %s in the 3rowin3 dark!!!

;I The ne=t day was the day when e$erythin3 was to be dismantled and taken away from this dear little ho%se that had been f%rnished lo$in3ly2 bit by bit2 and where e$ery item bro%3ht back a memory to %s! I had hired a co% le of labo%rers to see to the work! They stood there awaitin3 my orders! I took it into my head to send them early for their mornin3 meal8 it 3a$e me more time and delayed the act%al destr%ction! 5Loti25 said Achmet2 5Why don5t yo% make a drawin3 of yo%r roomD Years from now2 when old a3e is % on yo%2 yo%5ll look at it and yo%5ll remember %s!5 6o I %sed this last ho%r makin3 a drawin3 of my T%rkish room! The years will find it hard tryin3 to take away the s ell of the memories! When A?iyade came2 she fo%nd the walls bare and e$erythin3 in conf%sion8 it was the be3innin3 of the end! Nothin3 b%t ackin3 cases2 b%ndles and mess8 feat%res she had been fond of had been destroyed fore$er! The white mats that had co$ered the floorboards2 the r%3s where only bare feet had trod2 had been carted off by the Hews8 e$erythin3 had re$erted to a dreary2 wretched state! A?iyade ste ed inside almost cheerf%lly2 somehow mana3in3 to kee % a front8 b%t the si3ht of that room now it was stri ed of e$erythin3 was more than she co%ld bear and she b%rst into tears!

;II Like a risoner condemned to die she asked me to 3rant her the fa$o%r of com lyin3 with her wishes on this2 the last day! 5Today2 Loti2 do all I ask! Don5t deny me anythin3! There are se$eral thin3s I ha$e in mind! Yo%5re to say nothin3 and to a ro$e of e$erythin3!5 /et%rnin3 by cai7%e from >alata at nine o5clock that e$enin32 I heard an %nholy din comin3 from my ho%se4 son3s and m%sic2 the like of which I5d ne$er heard!

In the art of the ho%se that had recently been b%rned2 amid swirlin3 d%st2 a line of fren?ied dancers were erformin3 one of those dances which finish only when e$eryone is com letely e=ha%sted8 a mi=ed b%nch of >reek and (oslem sailors2 3athered from the waterfront of the >olden 9orn2 were dancin3 f%rio%sly2 all the while refreshin3 themsel$es with raki2 mastic2 and coffee! 6%leiman2 old /i?a2 the Der$ishes 9assan and (ahmo%d2 who were re3%lar $isitors to o%r home2 looked on in %tter ama?ement! The m%sic was comin3 from my room and I fo%nd A?iyade there2 en3a3ed in t%rnin3 the crank handle of one of those bi32 deafenin32 Le$antine barrel or3ans which lay T%rkish dance m%sic in strident fashion to the tinklin3 accom animent of little 0hinese bells! A?iyade had remo$ed her $eil2 which meant that thro%3h the half:o en door the dancers wo%ld be able to catch si3ht of her face! It was contrary to all c%stom2 and demonstrated a lack of e$en the most elementary discretion! Ne$er before in this holy 7%arter of Eyo%b had there been s%ch a scandalo%s si3ht8 and if Achmet hadn5t declared to e$eryone there that she was Armenian2 she wo%ld ha$e been lost! Achmet2 was seated in a corner2 withdrawn and hiloso hical8 the whole affair was as comical as it was a allin3! For a moment I felt like la%3hin32 b%t when I ca%3ht the e= ression on A?iyade5s face it wr%n3 my heart! These oor little 3irls2 who 3row % motherless and fatherless in the shadow of the harems2 can be for3i$en all the re ostero%s notions they 3et in their heads2 and their actions cannot be <%d3ed by the laws that 3o$ern 0hristian women! 6he worked the barrel:or3an like a woman ossessed and 3ot from its 3reat b%lk a welter of o%tlandish so%nds! T%rkish m%sic has been described as 5fits of ear:s littin3 3aiety58 that e$enin3 I %nderstood only too well the arado= in those words! 6oon2 alarmed at what she was doin3 and the din she was makin32 and dee ly ashamed at findin3 herself %n$eiled in front of all these men2 she went across to to a lar3e di$an2 the only iece of f%rnit%re left in the ho%se2 and sat herself down8 then2 after orderin3 the or3an: 3rinder to res%me his task2she did what others were doin3 and asked for a ci3arette and a c% of coffee! In time:hono%red fashion A?iyade5s coffee was bro%3ht to her in a bl%e c% 2 abo%t half the si?e of an e33 and standin3 on a co er base! 6he seemed to ha$e calmed down8 she looked at me with a smile8 her sad2 lim id eyes asked me to e=c%se the mob of eo le there and the % roar! Like a child2 aware that it has done some foolish thin3s2 yet knowin3 itself to be cherished2 she asked for3i$eness with her eyes2 which ossessed more charm and ers%asion than any h%man words co%ld con$ey! 6he was wearin3 a dress that e$enin3 which bro%3ht o%t a stran3e bea%ty in her! The oriental richness of her cost%me contrasted with the resent a earance of o%r dwellin32 now that it had re$erted to a dark 2 s7%alid state! 6he wore one of those lon3:tailed bas7%es whose ori3inal style isn5t always adhered to by T%rkish women today! The <acket was of $iolet silk embroidered with 3old roses! 9er yellow silk tro%sers reached down almost to her ankles and to her little feet in their 3ilded sli ers! 9er chemise of #r%ssels m%slin2 lamed with sil$er threads2 re$ealed the dark:amber colo%r of her arms that were scented with attar of roses! 9er brown hair was di$ided into ei3ht laits2 each so thick that a air of them wo%ld ha$e 3laddened the heart of any fine Parisian lady8 these were s read o%t beside her on the di$an2 knotted at the end with yellow ribbons and interwo$en with threads of 3old2 the way Armenian women ha$e them! A mass of shorter and more rebellio%s hair formed a 3lowin3 halo of ale 3old ro%nd the c%r$es of her cheeks! 6hades of amber dee ened abo%t her eyelids2 and her eyebrows2 normally close2 were2 this e$enin32 <oined to3ether2 con$eyin3 an e= ression of rofo%nd sorrow! 9er eyes were now downcast2 and I co%ld easily ima3ine2 beneath her eyelashes2 her % ils2 now lar3e and d%ll2 an3led towards the floor8 her teeth were clenched and one of her red li s twitched ner$o%sly2 as

often ha ened! This contraction2 which mi3ht ha$e been re3rettable in another woman2 only rendered her still more en3a3in38 in her case it indicated sorrow2 or that her tho%3hts were elsewhere8 it also re$ealed two e$en rows of tiny white earls::that a man wo%ld ha$e sold his so%l to kiss::as well as the flesh e= osed by the shortened li that co%ld ha$e been the %l of a ri e cherry! I looked at my mistress in admiration8 in this last ho%r I was determined to allow her belo$ed feat%res to im rint themsel$es on my memory! The iercin3 m%sic2 the aromas comin3 from the 5nar3%ilhes5 3rad%ally led me into a state of into=ication2 that mild oriental into=ication that annihilates what has 3one before2 allowin3 one to for3et the dark ho%rs in one5s life! And s%ch was the cra?y dream that filled my mind4 for3et e$erythin3 else and stay with her %ntil yo% feel the cold to%ch of disenchantment or death !!!

IC Amid all the din I heard the li3ht crackin3 so%nd of breakin3 china4 A?iyade hadn5t mo$ed2 it a eared that in clenchin3 her hand she5d broken her c% and the ieces had dro ed onto the floor! No 3reat harm had been done8 the thick coffee had left a mess on her fin3ers before s illin3 o$er onto the floor2 b%t as far as one co%ld tell the incident seemed to ha$e 3one %nnoticed! 9owe$er2 the atch on the floor was ob$io%sly s readin3 and a dark li7%id was still tricklin3 from her clenched hand2 dro by dro to be3in with then a thin black ribbon! There bein3 only one lantern in the room it was diffic%lt to see! I went to take a closer look4 there was a ool of blood beside her! The broken orcelain had left a fri3htf%l 3ash in her hand2 ri3ht down to the bone! (y darlin35s blood went on flowin3 for half an ho%r before any means of sto in3 it was fo%nd! Then bowls of water2 red water2 started to be carried away8 her hand was bein3 held in cold water with the ed3es of the wo%nd ressed ti3htly to3ether4 nothin3 co%ld sto the flow2 and A?iyade2 ale as a yo%n3 3irl5s cor se2 had s%nk back and closed her eyes! Achmet had raced off to waken an old woman with the face of a witch2 and it was she who finally sta%nched the wo%nd2 %sin3 herbs and ashes! 9a$in3 ad$ised A?iyade to to kee her arm % ri3ht all ni3ht2 the old woman demanded a fee of thirty iastres2 made a few si3ns o$er the wo%nd2 and disa eared! There was no o tion b%t to dismiss e$eryone and 3et the in<%red 3irl into a bed! For a brief while she was as cold as a marble stat%e and totally %nconscio%s! That ni3ht there was no slee for either of %s!

I co%ld feel her s%fferin38 her whole body was tense with ain! The in<%red arm needed to be ke t $ertical2 as the old ha3 had recommended2 and that way the ain did lessen! I myself s% orted her bare arm and I co%ld feel the heat of the fe$er! All the fibres trembled and 7%i$ered8 and I co%ld feel them sto abr% tly at the dee 2 3a in3 c%t8 it seemed as if my own flesh had been c%t to the bone and not hers! The moon shed its li3ht on bare walls2 bare floor2 an em ty room! With the f%rnit%re 3one and the ro%3h lank tables stri ed of their silk cloths2 the ict%re was one of wretchedness2 cold2 loneliness8 o%tside the do3s were howlin3 in that mo%rnf%l manner2 which in T%rkey2 as in France2 is said to be a forewarnin3 of death8 the wind whistled at o%r door2 or hea$ed softly like an old man in his last ho%r!

It h%rt me to see her so resi3ned and in s%ch dee des air8 her de<ection co%ld ha$e melted hearts of stone! I was e$erythin3 to her2 the only man she had lo$ed and the only man who had lo$ed her2 and I was abo%t to lea$e her2 ne$er to ret%rn! 5For3i$e me2 Loti25 she said2 5for c%ttin3 my hand and 3i$in3 yo% all this tro%ble! I5m kee in3 yo% from yo%r rest! Do 3o to slee 2 Loti8 the ain is nothin3 now that I know I5$e reached the end!5 5Listen25 I said to her2 5 dearest A?iyade2 do yo% wish me to ret%rnD!!!5

C A moment later we were sittin3 on the ed3e of the bed8 I was still s% ortin3 her in<%red arm as well as her weary head! 1sin3 the acce ted hrasin3 of (oslem oaths2 I swore to ret%rn! 5If yo%5$e married2 Loti25 she said2 5it won5t matter! I5ll no lon3er be yo%r mistress2 I5ll be yo%r sister! 6o marry2 Loti2 that5s not the main thin3! I lo$e yo%r so%l more! H%st to see yo% a3ain is all I ask of Allah! Then I5ll be almost ha y a3ain! I5ll li$e in that ho e of seein3 yo%8 all is not ended for A?iyade!5 6hortly afterwards she was able to drift off to slee 8 day was <%st breakin3 and2 as I always did before the s%n came % 2 I sli ed from her side2 lea$in3 her in a dee 2 eacef%l sl%mber!

CI -G (arch! I went on board and then ret%rned in all haste! Time taken4 three ho%rs! I anno%nced to A?iyade that de art%re had been %t off for two days! Two days4 not m%ch when they5re the last two days life can offer yo%2 so yo% m%st needs h%rry and en<oy eachother as if yo% were 3oin3 to die! The news of my de art%re had already 3ot aro%nd and I recei$ed se$eral farewell $isits from my 6tambo%l nei3hbo%rs! A?iyade had sh%t herself away in 6am%el5s room and I co%ld hear her wee in3! The $isitors too ca%3ht the so%nds b%t A?iyade5s fre7%ent resence in my ho%se had leaked o%t into the nei3hbo%rhood and tacitly acce ted! Anyway2 Achmet had anno%nced to eo le the ni3ht before that she was Armenian8 this ass%rance2 comin3 from a (oslem2 rotected her! 5We always e= ected to see yo% to disa ear like this25 said the Der$ish2 9assan:effendi25thro%3h a tra door or at the wai$e of a wand! #efore yo% 3o2 yo% will tell %s2 won5t yo%2 who yo% are and what bro%3ht yo% to li$e amon3 %sD5 9assan:effendi was a man of inte3rity8 altho%3h he and his friends wo%ld ha$e lo$ed to know who I was2 they still hadn5t the least notion beca%se they ne$er s ied on me! Yo%r French commissar of olice wo%ld know all abo%t yo% within three ho%rs2 b%t in T%rkey yo%5re free to 3et on with yo%r own life in eace! I let 9assan:effendi know my other names and my romised to write to eachother! rofession2 and we

A?iyade had been cryin3 for ho%rs2 b%t her tears were less bitter! The ros ect of seein3 me a3ain was be3innin3 to take hold in her mind2 and this had calmed her! 6he was be3innin3 to %se the hrase4 5When yo% come back !!!5 5I don5t know if yo% will come back2 Loti25 she wo%ld say2 5only Allah knows thatI E$ery day I will re eat4 5AllahI sBlamet $ersen LotiI5 EAllahI rotect LotiIF and Allah will then do accordin3 to his will! 5#%t2 Loti25 she contin%ed earnestly2 5how co%ld I wait a whole year for yo%D 9ow wo%ld it be ossible when I don5t e$en know that I co%ld wait one day2 not e$en one ho%r2 witho%t seein3 yo%D Yo% ne$er knew that when yo% were on d%ty I %sed to walk abo%t on the hei3hts of Ta=im and that I wo%ld stay as lon3 as I co%ld at my mother #ehid<e5s beca%se from her ho%se I co%ld see the 5Deerho%nd5 in the distance! Loti2 yo% can see how im ossible it is2 and that if yo% do come back A?iyade will be dead !!!5

CII It will be Achmet5s task to forward A?iyade5s letters to me and to see that my letters reach her thro%3h ,adid<a8 what I need is a stock of en$elo es addressed to him! Now2 Achmet can5t write2 nor can anyone else in his family8 A?iyade5s writin3 is too bad for the ost! 6o here we are2 the three of %s2 sittin3 in the tent of the %blic scribe2 formin3 a ty ically oriental $i3nette! Achmet5s address is $ery com licated and r%ns into ei3ht lines4 5To Achmet2 son of Ibrahim2 who li$es at Yedi:,o%le2 in a cross:street that leads to Arabahd<ilar:(alessi2beside the mos7%e! It is the third ho%se after a 5t%t%nd<i5 And ne=t door to an old Armenian woman who sells remedies8 and a Der$ish li$es o osite!5 A?iyade asked for ei3ht similar en$elo es to be made2 for which she aid ei3ht sil$er iastres of her own money8 that done2 I2 for my art2 had to swear that I wo%ld wo%ld %se them! Tears2 which she tried to hide beneath her yashmak2 welled % in her eyes8 my oath did not reass%re her! For a start2 who co%ld belie$e that a iece of a er2 sent all on its own from a co%ntry far away2 co%ld e$er reach herD And besides2 she knew $ery well that before lon32 5A?iyade will be for3otten fore$er5!

CIII That e$enin3 we went by cai7%e back % the >olden 9orn8 ne$er before had we roamed abo%t to3ether so freely in boad dayli3ht! 6he seemed to ha$e thrown ca%tion to the wind2 as if2 for her2 e$erythin3 had come to an end and the world meant nothin3 to her! At the .%n:0a an <etty we 3ot into a cai7%e! Dayli3ht was fadin38 the s%n was sinkin3 behind a th%ndery sky! 6eldom in E%ro e does one see skies in s%ch dark commotion8 to the north was one of those terrible arched clo%d str%ct%res that look so doom:laden2 and which2 in Africa2 3i$e warnin3 of mi3hty storms!

5Look25 I said to A?iyade2 5that5s the $ery sort of sky I wo%ld see e$ery e$enin3 in the black man5s co%ntry where I s ent a year with the brother I lost!5 In the o osite direction2 6tambo%l2 with its needle:like towers was frin3ed by a h%3e 3ash b%rstin3 with dee shades of yellow which 3a$e o%t a fantastical li3ht that $er3ed on the omino%s! 6%ddenly an awf%l wind 3ot % on the >olden 9orn8 ni3ht was closin3 in and we were chilled to the bone! A?iyade5s lar3e eyes were fi=ed on mine in a stran3ely enetratin3 3a?e8 her % ils seemed to be dilatin3 in the failin3 li3ht8 they seemed to read me down to the bottom of my so%l! I5d ne$er before enco%ntered s%ch a look from her and I was mo$ed in a way that was %nfamiliar to me8 it was as if she had entered the innermost recesses of my bein32 and had e=amined them with a scal el! The way she looked at me in the last ho%rs we had to3ether seemed to be askin3 these s% reme 7%estions4 5Who are yo%2 yo% whom I5$e lo$ed so m%chD Am I to be for3otten like a chance mistressD .r do yo% really lo$e meD Is what yo% say the tr%th2 and yo%5ll come back to meD5 I close my eyes and I5m still able to reca t%re that e= ression on her face8 I see her white $eiled head2 hardly discernible beneath the m%slin folds of the yashmack4 and behind her2 silho%etted a3ainst the stormy sky ! ! !

CI; We landed one more time down by the little s7%are in Eyo%b2 which2 after this e$enin32 I wo%ld ne$er see a3ain! It had been o%r wish to take one last look at the ho%se where we5d li$ed! The doorway was <ammed with ackin3 cases and b%ndles2 and it was already 3ettin3 dark! In one corner Achmet disco$ered an old lantern which he shone ro%nd o%r em ty room! I was ea3er to be away8 I ca%3ht hold of A?iyade5s hand and led her o%tside! The sky was still %n%s%ally dark8 there was threat of a down o%r8 the ho%ses and streets2 tho%3h dark themsel$es2 stood o%t clearly a3ainst the sky! The deserted street was swe t by 3%sts of wind that made e$erythin3 shake and rattle! Two T%rkish women2 h%ddled to3ether in a doorway2 looked in7%isiti$ely at %s! I t%rned my head for one more look at the ho%se I wo%ld ne$er re:enter8 I had a last 3lim se of that little corner of the earth where I had fo%nd a little ha iness !!!

C; We crossed the little s7%are by the mos7%e and embarked once more! A cai7%e took %s to A?ar:ka o%2 and from there we wo%ld make o%r way to >alata2 and then To :hane2 Fo%ndo%cli2 and the 5Deerho%nd5! It had been A?iyade5s wish to accom any me and she had made a solemn romise to be bra$e8 at that late sta3e she was %ne= ectedly calm! We assed thro%3h >alata5s noisy conf%sion! We had ne$er before been seen to3ether in these E%ro ean 7%arters! 5o%r (adame5 was at her door2 watchin3 for %s! 6eein3 this $eiled yo%n3 woman by my side was all she needed to sol$e the mystery that had so lon3 %??led her!

We went thro%3h To :hanB and dro ed down into the deserted 7%arters of 6ali:#a?ar2 and then alon3 the broad a$en%es that r%n alon3side the 3reat harems! Finally we arri$ed in Fo%ndo%cli2 where we were to say o%r farewells! A carria3e2 ordered by Achmet was already there waitin3 to take A?iyade back to her home! Fo%ndo%cli remains a corner of old T%rkey that looks as if its been l%cked from dee est 6tambo%l4 it has its own little a$ed s7%are8 its by the sea8 it has its own ancient mos7%e and 3olden crescent2 and is s%rro%nded by tombs of Der$ishes and by sombre retreats of 1lemas! The storm assed on and e$erywhere looked s lendid8 nothin3 co%ld be heard e=ce t the far:off ya in3 of do3s roamin3 abo%t in the silence of the e$enin3! The ei3ht o5clock bells so%nded on the 5Deerho%nd5! It was time for me to 3o! .ne short whistle told me that one of the sh%ttle boats was on its way to fetch me! Yes2 there it was2 drawin3 away from the black h%lk of the shi and comin3 slowly towards %s! A sad time::a time when farewells cannot falter! I kissed her li s and her hands! 9er hands trembled sli3htly2 b%t beyond that she was as calm as I was8 her skin felt as cold as ice! The boat arri$ed! 6he and Achmet withdrew to a dark corner of the mos7%e8 we %shed off and I lost si3ht of them! A moment later I heard the brisk 3rind of wheels as the carria3e bore my belo$ed away fore$erI!!! a 3rim so%nd like that of earth t%mblin3 into a lo$ed one5s 3ra$e! Tr%ly2 an end8 there5s no t%rnin3 backI If I e$er ret%rn2 as I ha$e sworn to do2 the years will ha$e scattered their own d%st on the ast2 or I will ha$e d%3 a 3%lf between the two of %s by marryin3 someone else2 and she will ne$er more be mine! I was sei?ed by a mad %r3e to r%n after the carria3e and lock her in my arms2 so we co%ld 3o on lo$in3 each other with all the stren3th o%r so%ls co%ld ro$ide2 till death made %s art!

C;I -Q (arch! A rainy (arch mornin3! An old Hew is takin3 away the f%rnit%re from Arif5s ho%se! A 3l%m:faced Achmet watches on! 5Achmet2 where is yo%r master 3oin3D5 ask the early:bird nei3hbo%rs from their doorways! 5I5$e no idea25 re lies Achmet! Dam ackin3 cases and b%ndles soaked thro%3h by the rain mo$e off down the >olden 9orn in a cai7%e = d% cTtB de lamer!= And that5s the last of Arif2 the role as ceased to e=ist! The whole oriental dream is ended8 this artic%lar sta3e of my life:: the last2 no do%bt2 to enchant me::is 3one for 3ood! And time may2 erha s swee away e$en the memory of it!

C;II When Achmet came on board with the items of l%33a3e he was s% er$isin32 I was able to let him know that we5d been 3ranted a f%rther res ite of at least twenty:fo%r ho%rs! A storm was comin3 in off the (armara! 56o let5s ha$e another look ro%nd 6tambo%l25 I said8 50all it a osth%mo%s stroll8 it won5t be witho%t a certain melancholy charm! #%t not with her8 I shan5t e$er see her a3ain!5 I went to 5o%r (adame5 to chan3e o%t of my E%ro ean clothes8 and once more Arif:effendi in erson ste ed o%t of the ta$ern and crossed o$er the brid3es2 rosary in hand2 dis layin3 the solemn air and ro er bearin32 ass%med by all 3ood (oslems who take themsel$es serio%sly2 as they roceed io%sly to their rayers! Achmet2 who walked beside Arif: effendi2 had %t on his finest raiment! 9e had asked me to lea$e arran3ements for this last day to him8 then2 for a short while2 he la sed into a silent 3rie$in3! C;III When we5d done the ro%nds of all o%r familiar ha%nts2 smoked a 3oodly n%mber of hookahs and a%sed by e$ery mos7%e 2 we fo%nd o%sel$es in the e$enin3 back in Eyo%b2 drawn yet one more time to the lace where I was now no more than a shelterless stran3er2 soon to be entirely for3otten! (y entrance into 6%leiman5s cafe ca%sed a sensation4 they5d all tho%3ht I5d disa eared like a character in a lay2 3one for 3ood and all! There was a lar3e motley crowd there that e$enin382 many faces were entirely new to me::3oodness knows where they were from8 they were the sort of eo le yo%5d e= ect in a be33ars5 den2 or the nearest thin3 to one! Achmet2 howe$er2 set abo%t or3anisin3 a farewell celebration for me and sent for an orchestra4 two oboes2 that were as shrill as ba3 i es2 a barrel or3an2 and a bi3 dr%m! I a3reed to all of this on the solemn breaka3es and no blood! romise that there wo%ld be no art2

We were 3oin3 to be senseless before the e$enin3 was o%t8 for my I asked for nothin3 better!

They bro%3ht me my hookah and my c% of T%rkish coffee that a child wo%ld re lenish e$ery 7%arter of an ho%r! Achmet 3ot e$eryone to make a circle and hold hands2 and then he in$ited them to dance! A lon3 chain of odd:lookin3 fi3%res2 ca%3ht by the %nsteady li3ht from the lanterns2 started to sway abo%t in front of my eyes! The deafenin3 so%nd of the m%sic made the roof beams of this hell:hole tremble8 co er %tensils2 han3in3 from the black walls emitted metallic $ibrations8 the oboes strained to rod%ce their shrill notes and the ear: iercin3 merriment b%rst into a fren?y! After an ho%r of this all those in the room were into=icated with the dancin3 and the din8 it was a erfect way to celebrate! I co%ld see only what my clo%dy $ision allowed me to see8 my head was becomin3 a mass of stran3e and incoherent tho%3hts! Time after time 2 3ro% s of dancers2 e=ha%sted and 3as in3 came and went! The whirlin3 didn5t sto and after e$ery f%ll t%rn Achmet wo%ld break a ane of 3lass with the back of his hand! .ne by one the cafe windows clattered onto the floor where the ieces were cr%shed beneath the dancers5 feet8 Achmet5s hands were a mass of dee c%ts which bled onto the floor!

It wo%ld seem that noise and blood were re7%isite accom animents to T%rkish 3rie$in3! I was dis3%sted by the whole celebration and I was worried too for the f%t%re now that I5d seen Achmet beha$e so st% idly and be so %nconcerned by the romises he5d made! I 3ot % to lea$e8 Achmet %nderstood and followed me in silence! The cold o%tside restored o%r calm and com os%re! 5Loti25 said Achmet25where are yo% 3oin3D5 5#ack on board25 I re lied2 5I want no more to do with yo%! I5ll kee my romises in the same way yo% ke t yo%rs this e$enin38 yo% won5t be seein3 me e$er a3ain!5 I walked f%rther alon3 and had a word with a boatman o%t late concernin3 the fare to >alata! 5Loti25 Achmet called2 5 for3i$e me8 yo% can5t like this!5 And then came tears and entreaties! Not that I wanted to art from him in that way2 b%t I5d already decided that what was needed was enitence on his art and a warnin3 from me! I wasn5t 3oin3 to relent! 9e tried to hold me back with his bloodstained hands2 then he cl%n3 to me in des air! I %shed him $iolently away2 ca%sin3 him to fall a3ainst a ile of wood that colla sed with a crash! 6ome bachibo?o%ks de atro%ille 2 thinkin3 we m%st be criminals came towards %s2 shinin3 a lantern! We were at the water5s ed3e in a deserted art of the s%b%rb2 far from 6tambo%l2 and Achmet5s bloodied hands wo%ld a ear to confirm that all was not well! 5It5s nothin325 I said to them25 The yo%n3 fellow5s has been drinkin3 and I5m takin3 him home!5 With that I took hold of Achmet5s hand and went alon3 with him to where his sister2 Erikna?2 li$ed! When she5d finished banda3in3 his fin3ers2 she 3a$e him a lect%re and acked him off to bed! art from yo%r brother

CIC -+ (arch! The last ost onement of my de art%re! .ne more day!

.ne more day2 one more chan3in3 clothes at #i?%m (adame5s2 and bein3 back in 6tambo%l! The weather was d%ll and th%ndery2 the bree?e warm and mild! We s ent two ho%rs smokin3 o%r n35s beneath the (oorish arcades in 6%ltan:6elim 6treet2 where white colonnades2 missha en by the years2 alternated with f%nerary a$ilions and lines of tombs! #ranches of trees2 all ink with blossom2 rose abo$e the 3rey city walls8 new 3rowth was showin3 e$erywhere and s readin3 merrily across the sacred marble slabs! I adore this co%ntry and all details like these deli3ht my fancy8 I lo$e it beca%se its hers and she bro%3ht it to life with her resence:: she2 who is still here2 close to me2 and whom I shall ne$er see a3ain! The settin3 s%n finds Achmet and me sittin3 in front of the (ehmed: Fatih mos7%e on a fa$o%rite seat where we5$e whiled away many an ho%r! 9ere and there across the immense s7%are 3ro% s of (%slims smoke and talk2 en<oyin32 as a matter of co%rse2 the enchantment of the s rin3 e$enin3!

The sky has res%med its calm and there5s not a clo%d to be seen! I lo$e this lace! I lo$e the oriental life! I can scarce belie$e it has come to an end and that I5m abo%t to lea$e! I5m lookin3 at that black ortico down below2 and at that em ty street which loses itself in a 3loomy and %nattracti$e art of the city! That is where she li$es8 were I to take a few ste s forward I wo%ld see her ho%se a3ain! Achmet has been followin3 my 3a?e! 9e 3i$es me a $ery worried look! 9e5s 3%essed what I5m thinkin3 and knows what I ha$e in my mind! 5AhI5 he says2 5Loti2 if yo% lo$e her2 ha$e ity on her! Yo%5$e said yo%r farewell8 time now to lea$e her in eace!5 #%t I5m determined on seein3 her a3ain8 I can5t hel myself!

Achmet im lores me with tears in his eyes to see reason2 or <%st lain common sense! Abeddin is there2 old Abeddin2 her master2 and it5s madness to make any attem t to see her! 5#esides25 he says2 5e$en if she 3ot o%t of the ho%se2 there5s nowhere yo% can take her! Loti2 in the whole of 6tambo%l2 where co%ld yo% find lod3in3 for yo% and another man5s wifeD If she sees yo%2 or if the other wi$es tell her yo%5re o%tside2 she5ll be like someone 3one cra?y and she5ll be r%ined2 and then tomorrow yo%5ll abandon her in the street! What is it to yo%D Yo%5re 3oin3 away! #%t if yo% do this thin32 then I5ll hate yo% beca%se it means yo%5re heartless!5 Achmet han3s his head and be3ins ta in3 the 3ro%nd with his foot2 which he5s in the habit of doin3 whene$er my will ro$es stron3er than his! I let him be2 and make for the ortico!

I lean back a3ainst one of the illars and look down onto the dark2 deserted street2 which mi3ht ha$e been in a city lon3 abandoned! Not a window o en2 not a so%l abo%t2 not a so%nd to be heard8 <%st the si3ht of new 3rass comin3 % between the cobbles8 and the dried % carcasses of a co% le of do3s lyin3 on the a$in3! It %sed to be an aristocratic nei3hbo%rhood! The old2 dark:timbered mansions oint to a life of 7%iet o %lence8 balconies are sh%ttered and 2shaks5 2 like 3reat rows2 <%t far o%t o$er the street8 behind the shrewdly ositioned iron 3rills can be seen ash trellises2 which in former days ha$e been ainted with trees and birds! All windows in 6tambo%l ha$e been similarly ainted and firmly sh%t! In western E%ro ean towns and cities2 life inside a home can easily be 3%essed at from the o%tside8 when the c%rtains are drawn back assers: by will be able to catch a 3lim se of h%man faces2 yo%n3 or old2 ordinary or refined! #%t there5s no eerin3 into a T%rkish home! 6ho%ld the door be o ened to admit a $isitor2 it will only be half:o ened4 there5ll be someone behind the door who will close it as soon as ossible! .ne ne$er has any inklin3 of what5s inside! That lar3e ho%se o$er there2 ainted a dark red2 that5s A?iyade5s! Abo$e the door is a s%n2 a star2 and a crescent8 e$ery lank is wormeaten! The trellis:work on the 5shaks5 ha$e an assortment of bl%e t%li s and yellow b%tterflies ainted on them! Nothin3 stirs2 nothin3 to indicate that there5s anyone li$in3 there! .ne ne$er can tell with T%rkish windows whether or not there5s someone behind watchin3 yo%! The s7%are on the hi3her 3ro%nd behind me is now 3olden from the rays of the settin3 s%n8 here in the street e$erythin3 is already in shadow! 9alf:hidden behind a section of the city wall I 3a?e down at the ho%se and my heart beats wildly!

I think back to the day I saw her2 saw her for the first time in my life2 thro%3h the 3rill of the ho%se in 6alonika! I no lon3er know what I want2 nor what I5$e come lookin3 for8 I5m afraid the other wi$es may la%3h at me2 afraid of lookin3 ridic%lo%s8 more than anythin3 I5m afraid of bein3 the r%in of her !!!

CC When I 3ot back to (ehmed:Fatih s7%are2 the whole of the enormo%s mos7%e2 the Arab orticoes2 and the towerin3 minarets were bathed in the 3olden s lendo%r of s%nset! The 1lemas2 emer3in3 from e$enin3 rayer2 had all a%sed aro%nd the entrance and down the 3reat fli3ht of ste s8 they were lookin3 into the s%n! In the middle of the thron3 a yo%n3 man ointed to the sky2 a yo%n3 man with a wonderf%lly mystical face! The white t%rban of the 1lema was wo%nd ro%nd his fine broad forehead8 his face was ale2 his beard and his lar3e eyes were as black as ebony! 9e was ointin3 % wards towards some in$isible thin3 and 3a?in3 ecstatically into the de ths of the bl%e sky8 then he called4 56ee2 there is >od! Look2 e$eryone! #ehold AllahI #ehold the EternalI And2 like the rest2 Achmet and I r%shed to 3et close to the 1leman who beheld Allah!

CCI Alas2 we didn5t behold a thin3! It wo%ld certainly ha$e been a blessin3 if we had! Then2 or at any time2 I wo%ld ha$e 3i$en my life for that di$ine $ision8 yes2 my life for <%st one si3n in the sky2 one manifestation of the s% ernat%ral! 59e5s lyin325 said Achmet! 5What man has e$er seen AllahD5 5AhI It5s yo%2 Loti25 e=claimed I??et2 one of the 1lema! 5Yo% as well2 do yo% also want to behold AllahD5 9e added with a smile4 5Allah doesn5t re$eal himself to infidels!5 59e5s mad25 said the Der$ishes! We saw the $isionary bein3 led back to his cell! Achmet t%rned this di$ersion to 3ood acco%nt by takin3 me % the hill o$erlookin3 (armara8 it was the f%rthest I co%ld be from A?iyade! When ni3ht fell we had diffic%lty findin3 o%r way!

CCII We dined beneath the arcades in 6%ltan:6Blim 6treet! It was already late for 6tambo%l8 T%rks 3o to bed with the s%n! .ne by one the stars a eared in the clear sky8 the moon shed its li3ht on the wide2 em ty street2 on the Arab colonnades and on the ancient tombs! 9ere and there the T%rkish cafes that were still o en cast a red 3low onto the 3rey a$ements8 what few assers:by there were carried lanterns8 whiche$er way one looked dismal little li3hts marked the location of a f%nerary a$ilion! I took a last look at these familiar scenes8 this time tomorrow I wo%ld be far from this land! 5We5ll 3o down as far as .%n:0a an25 said Achmet2 who a3ain had my f%ll ermission that e$enin3 to lan what we were to do ne=t! 5We5ll hire

horses to take %s to #alate2 then a cai7%e to Pri: acha2 and then we5ll 3o stay the ni3ht at my sister5s2 Erikna?8 she5s e= ectin3 %s!5 We 3ot lost on o%r way to .%n:0a an2 and o%r lanterns set all the do3s barkin38 we knew o%r 6tambo%l well2 b%t e$en old T%rks find themsel$es lost at ni3ht in that ma?e of streets! There was no one abo%t to 3i$e %s directions8 always the same little streets2 % hill2 downhill2 needlessly twistin3 and t%rnin3 like aths in a labyrinth! At .%n:0a an2 <%st o%tside Phanar2 two horses were ready2 waitin3! A r%nner went ahead of %s carryin3 a lantern at the end of a two metre ole8 we took off like the wind! Phanar2 3loomy and stretchin3 fore$er2 was aslee 8 silence rei3ned! E$en at hi3h noon the s%n was do%btless loath to ill%minate the dark2 narrow streets we rode down! There was hardly eno%3h room for %s to ride abreast! .n one side was the hi3h city wall2 on the other side tall ho%ses2 older than Islam and half:co$ered in ironwork2 their % er storeys e=tendin3 in an arch o$er the h%mid alleyway! A rider needs to d%ck to ride safely beneath the balconies of these #y?antine ho%ses on acco%nt of the massi$e stone s% orts hidden in the im enetrable darkness! It5s the way we %sed to come e$ery e$enin3 when we were ret%rnin3 to o%r home in Eyo%b8 at #alate we knew we were close to home8 b%t now that same home has ceased to e=ist !!! We ro%sed a boatman to ferry %s across to the o cai7%e !!! osite bank in his

It5s o en co%ntry o$er there! >reat black cy resses tower abo$e the lane trees! Lanterns in hand2 we be3an to climb the ho%se! aths leadin3 to Erikna?5s

CIII Erikna?:han%m5s leasant2 ordinary face was ne$ertheless distincti$e8 her skin was ale and wa=en2 her eyes and her eyebrows were as black as a ra$en5s win3! 6he recei$ed %s %n$eiled2 like a Frankish woman! The whole interior of her ho%se s oke of orderliness2 comfort and total cleanliness! When we arri$ed two of her friends2 (%rrah and Fen?ile2 who had been kee in3 her com any2 hid their faces and took fli3ht! They had been sewin3 3old se7%ins onto little red sli ers that t%rned % at the toes like horns! As %s%al my little friend2 Alemshah2 Erikna?5s da%3hter and Achmet5s niece2 made herself comfortable on my knees and dro ed off to slee 8 she5s a retty little creat%re2 three years old with 3reat <et:black eyes2 and is sweet and dainty as a doll! Followin3 coffee and a ci3arette2 we were bro%3ht two mattresses2 two 5yata3s52 and two co$erlets2 all as white as snow! Erikna? and Alemshah bade %s 3oodni3ht and retired! As for %s2 we both fell into a dee 2 dee slee ! Ne=t mornin3 we were woken by brilliant s%nshine! .ff we went down the aths that lead to the >olden 9orn! An early mornin3 cai7%e was there waitin3 for %s! The inn%merable black ho%ses of Pri: acha2 that rose to3ether yramid: like in tiers were baskin3 in an oran3e li3ht that s arkled at e$ery window! From the distance Erikna? and Alemshah2 erched on their roofto 2 their robes red in the ascendin3 s%n2 watched %s de art! We went ast Eyo%b8 there was 6%leiman5s cafe2 the little s7%are by the mos7%e2 and Arif:effendi5s ho%se with the mornin3 li3ht f%ll % on it!

Nobody down by the water8 e$ery ho%se still locked and e$eryone still aslee ! And there was my ho%se2 the ho%se that so often looked sombre and de ressin3 beneath the snow2 b%ffeted by north winds! Now it was offerin3 a final ima3e of itself in a bla?e of s%nli3ht! That last s%nrise was one of e=traordinary s lendo%r8 all alon3 the >olden 9orn from Eyo%b to the 6erail2 domes and minarets stood o%t a3ainst the lim id sky in ink and iridescent tints! >ilded cai7%es in their h%ndreds were startin3 to tra$el abo%t trans ortin3 ict%res7%e men and $eiled women! An ho%r later we were on board! E$erythin3 was chaotic b%t this time it really was de art%re! It was set for midday!

CCI; 50ome on2 Loti25 said Achmet2 5let5s 3o back to and smoke o%r hookahs to3ether one last time !!!5 We raced thro%3h 6ali:#a?ar2 To hane2 >alata! We sto 6tambo%l brid3e! ed at the

A scorchin3 s%n beat down on the crowded streets! 6 rin3 had indeed come to stay2 and it was arri$in3 the $ery day I was lea$in3! The noonday brilliance streamed down on that harmonio%s 3ro% in3 of walls2 domes and minarets that crowns 6tambo%l8 the li3ht fell on the myriad of rainbow colo%rs in the crowd! #oats arri$ed and de arted 2 acked with eye:catchin3 fi3%res8 hawkers yelled at the to s of their $oices as they <ostled thro%3h the thron3s! We were well ac7%ainted with e$ery one of these boats that had taken %s all o$er the #os hor%s8 we knew e$ery booth on 6tambo%l #rid3e2 e$ery asser:by2 e$en e$ery be33ar::a whole crew com osed of the maimed2 the blinded2 the one:armed2 the hareli ed and the le3less! E$ery etty crook in T%rkey was o%t and abo%t that day4 I distrib%ted alms to all and s%ndry2 and rea ed a litany of blessin3s and salaams! We halted for a while in 6tambo%l in the 3reat s7%are of Heni:d<ami2 facin3 the mos7%e! For the last time in my life I was able to relish the feelin3 of bein3 a T%rk2 and sittin3 beside my friend Achmet2 smokin3 a n in this oriental settin3! Today was a real celebration of 6 rin34 a dis lay of cost%mes and colo%rs! The whole o %lace was o%tside2 sittin3 beneath the lane trees2 aro%nd the marble fo%ntains2 in bowers of $ines that were soon to be clad with tender lea$es! #arbers had mo$ed all their tackle into the street and were seein3 to their c%stomers o%t in the o en air4 io%s (oslems were solemnly ha$in3 their heads sha$ed::bar a t%ft left at the to of the head for (ahomet to take hold of when he carries them off into aradise! !!!Who will carry me away into whate$er aradise attendsD::some lace that5s not an e=tension of this old world2 which I find tedio%s and wearisome2 some lace that won5t kee on chan3in32 where I shan5t be se arated e$erlastin3ly from what I lo$e and what I ha$e lo$edD If someone co%ld sim ly 3i$e me the (oslem faith2 I wo%ld 3o off with tears of <oy and take % the 3reen banner of the Pro het! E6t% id of me to mention kee in3 that t%ft on the to the head !!!F

CC; 5Loti25 said Achmet2 5tell me a little abo%t the $oya3e yo%5re 3oin3 to make!5 5Achmet25 I re lied2 5when I5$e crossed the 6ea of (armara2 the Ak: DBni? Ethe .ld 6eaF as yo% call it2 I5ll cross another2 m%ch bi33er2 sea2 to 3et to the co%ntry of the >reeks8 and after that I5ll cross a still bi33er sea that will take me to the the co%ntry of the Italians2 the co%ntry of 5o%r (adame52 and then I5ll 3o across a sea that5s 3reater than the others2 which will take me to the so%thern ti of 6 ain! If only I co%ld stay in these mar$ello%sly dee bl%e waters of the (editerranean2 I wo%ldn5t be so far from yo%8 it wo%ld mean we wo%ld share2 to some e=tent2 the same sky8 and the shi s that make the re3%lar r%n from the Le$ant wo%ld r3%larly brin3 me news from T%rkey! #%t finally2 I5ll come to an ocean that5s so h%3e there5s nothin3 to com are with it2 and for se$eral days I5ll ha$e to be 3%ided by a star Ethe North 6tarF if I5m to reach my nati$e land::a land where the weather5s more often rainy than fine2 where there5s more clo%d than there is s%n! 5.$er there I5ll be far away from yo%2 and this co%ntry of mine is $ery %nlike yo%rs8 e$erythin3 is aler and all the colo%rs are d%ller8 its like bein3 in one of yo%r mists2 only not as trans arent! 5The co%ntryside is so flat2 yo%5$e ne$er seen the likeJ%nless it was when yo% made yo%r il3rima3e2 as a 3ood (oslem sho%ld2 to (ecca2 to the Tomb of the Pro hetJonly2 instead of sand there is 3reen 3rass and lar3e fields of lo%3hed land! All the ho%ses are s7%are and similar! Yo% look from yo%r window and retty well all yo% see is yo%r nei3hbo%r5s wall8 often there are times when the flatness becomes o ressi$e and yo%5s lo$e to 3et hi3her and see farther! 5What5s more2 there are no ste s2 as there are in T%rkey8 and2 honest tr%th2 I once had the bri3ht idea of ste in32 for a chan3e2 onto my roof! From then on eo le ro%nd abo%t tho%3ht me $ery odd! 5E$eryone dresses the same! >rey o$ercoat2 hat or ca 8 it5s worse than Pera! E$erythin3 is worked o%t beforehand8 r%les are made and 3o by n%mbers8 there are laws for e$eythin32 and r%les for e$eryone2 so that the lowest wretch2 or the hosier2 or the barber has the same ri3hts in e$erythin3 as has an intelli3ent and stron3:minded fellow like2 for instance2 yo% or me! 5In short2 my dear Achmedim2 belie$e it or not2 if we did in En3land only a 7%arter of the thin3s we do e$ery day in 6tambo%l2 we wo%ld be ha%led in by the olice and told to e= lain o%rsel$es!5 Achmet was well able to com rehend this o$erall $iew of western ci$ilisation8 he deliberated for a moment! 5When the war5s o$er2 Loti25 he s%33ested2 5why not brin3 yo%r family to li$e in Asiatic T%rkeyD5 5Loti25 Achmet said later2 5I want yo% to take this rosary2 which came to me from my father2 Ibrahim2 and to romise me ne$er to art with it! I know for certain that I5ll ne$er see yo% a3ain! A month from now and we5ll be at war! It5ll mean the end of %s oor T%rks and the end of 6tambo%l8 the (%sco$ites will destroy %s all8 and when yo% ret%rn2 yo%r friend Achmet will be dead! 59is body will lie somewhere % on the northern front! 9e won5t e$en ha$e a little 3rey marble stone %nder the cy ress trees in ,assim:Pacha cemetery8 A?iyade be li$in3 in the east2 and yo%5ll ne$er find any trace of her8 there5ll be no one who can talk abo%t her with yo%! Loti2 he said2 his tears o$erflowin32 5Loti2 stay with yo%r brother!5

Alas2 I fear the (%sco$ites as m%ch as Achmet does! I sh%dder at the horrible tho%3ht that I co%ld act%ally lose all trace of her and that I5d ne$er in the whole wide world2 find anyone who co%ld talk with me abo%t herI!!!

CC;I (%e??ins were climbin3 % to their minarets8 the time for the midday nama?e was almost here8 time for me to de art! .n my way back thro%3h >alata I called on 5#o%r (adame5 to say farewell! I came $ery close to kissin3 the wicked old thin3! Achmet accom anied me back on board where we said o%r farewells amid all the h%bb%b of $isitors and re arations for %ttin3 to sea! We cast off2 and 6tambo%l mo$ed away !!!

CC;II At sea! -* (arch &)**! A ale (arch s%n is settin3 o$er the 6ea of (armara! The air is cold and shar ! The shores2 dismal and bare2 are fadin3 into the e$enin3 mist! Is this the end2 >odD Will I ne$er see her a3ainD 6tambo%l has disa eared8 the tallest domes of the hi3hest mos7%es are all 3one from si3ht2 wi ed clean away! If I co%ld see her <%st for one min%te !!!8 I5d 3i$e my life if I co%ld only to%ch her hand! I ha$e this mad lon3in3 to ha$e her by me! (y head is still f%ll of all that oriental din2 the crowds in 0onstantino le2 the commotion as we 3ot ready to sail8 now I5m findin3 e$en the calmness of the sea o ressi$e! If she were here I wo%ld wee Jthat5s somethin3 I5$e not been able to do8 I wo%ld lay my head on her knees and I5d cry like a child8 she wo%ld see my tears and wo%ld know they were tr%e! I was $ery calm and cool when I said 3oodbye to her! And yet2 I adore her! It 3oes beyond ra t%re4 I lo$e her with the tenderest and %rest affection8 I lo$e her so%l2 I lo$e her heart2 and both of them are mine! I will still lo$e her when yo%th has assed2 when the deli3hts of the senses ha$e waned2 when o%r %nknowable f%t%re brin3s %s old:a3e and death! The stillness of the sea2 the aleness of the (arch sky2 they wrin3 my heart! >od2 my s%fferin3 is real8 my an3%ish co%ldn5t be 3reater if I5d seen her die! I kiss e$erythin3 I ha$e of hers8 wo%ld that I co%ld wee 2 b%t I can5t e$en do that! At this ho%r my belo$ed will be in her harem2 in some art of that %tterly dismal and hea$ily barred residence! 6he5ll be lyin3 there2 what5s left of her2 %tterin3 no words2 sheddin3 no tears2 as ni3ht closes in! Achmet had stayed2 sittin3 on the 7%ayside at Fo%ndo%cli2 his eyes fi=ed on the shi ! I lost si3ht of him and of that familiar corner of 0onstantino le where e$ery e$enin3 he or 6am%el wo%ld come and wait for me!

Achmet as well thinks that I shan5t be ret%rnin3! (y oor little friend2 Achmet! I was $ery fond of him::I am still2::a sweet:nat%red2 3enero%s friend! (y tho%3hts are now t%rnin3 away from the .rient8 that dream is ended! Ahead lies my homeland! In eacef%l #ri3htb%ry a 3lad welcome awaits me! I too will be 3lad! I lo$e my family8 b%t what a dreary lace it is! All the same2 I5ll be leased to see once more the lace where I was born and s ent my childhood! I can ict%re the old i$y:co$ered walls2 the 3rey Yorkshire sky2 the old roofs2 the moss2 and the lime trees2 witnesses of yesteryear2 witnesses of my earliest dreams and of the ha iness that nothin3 in the world can e$er restore to me! I5$e often before ret%rned to my family home2 my heart tort%red and broken! I5$e bro%3ht back with me any n%mber of new assions and ho es2 only to see them cr%shed! The ho%se is f%ll of ainf%l memories8 its blessed calm is no lon3er of benefit to me8 this time I5ll s%ffocate like a lant de ri$ed of s%n!

CC;III to L.TI2 from his 6I6TE/ #ri3htb%ry2 A ril &)**! 5(y dear brother2 5I too m%st write to welcome yo% back to yo%r nati$e land! Thro%3h o%r affection may the .ne in whom I tr%st 3rant a li3htenin3 of yo%r s irits and an easin3 of yo%r heartaches! 6o o$er<oyed are we at yo%r ret%rn2 I5m confident that e$ery care ossible will be taken to hel yo%! 5I often reflect on the fact that when someone is so lo$ed and cherished and is foremost in the tho%3hts and affections of so many eo le2 he can ha$e no ca%se whatsoe$er to think his life acc%rsed and that he is of no acco%nt in this world! I wrote yo% a lon3 letter and sent it to 0onstantino le2 b%t in all likelihood yo% ne$er recei$ed it! In it I let yo% know how m%ch I sym athised with yo%r diffic%lties2 e$en with yo%r sorrows! @ ;a2 A I5$e shed tears more than once o$er A?iyade5s story! 5I think2 dear little brother2 that it5s not alto3ether yo%r fa%lt if e$erywhere yo% 3o yo% lea$e a small art of yo%r sad life behind! Altho%3h yo%r life is far from bein3 a lon3 one it5s a life that has known so m%ch strife P b%t yo% know it5s my belief that someone will come alon3 soon and ca ti$ate yo%2 and that yo%5ll find its the best thin3 that co%ld ha$e ha ened to yo%! 5The ni3htin3ale and the c%ckoo2 the warbler and the swallows are already heraldin3 yo%r arri$al8 yo% co%ldn5t ha$e chosen a better time of the year! It co%ld be we5ll find a way to kee yo% here a while and thoro%3hly s oil yo%! 5>oodbye <%st for now! ,isses from %s allI

CCIC Translation of a near:%nintelli3ible letter in T%rkish2 written to Achmet5s dictation by a %blic letter:writer in Emin:.%no% at 6tambo%l2 and addressed to Loti at #ri3htb%ry4 5ALLA9I

5(y dear Loti2 5Achmet sends yo% many 3reetin3s! 5I forwarded yo%r (ytilene letter to A?iyade thro%3h old ,adid<a8 A?iyade kee s it close to her hidden in her robe2 and as yet not had it read to her beca%se she has not been o%t since yo% left! 5We were reckless d%rin3 those last days and .ld Abeddin s%s ected and then 3%essed all! ,adid<a said he has not taken A?iyade to task2 nor 3ot rid of her beca%se he was $ery fond of her! #%t he ne$er 3oes into her room2 or s eaks to her or 3i$es her any attention! The other wi$es too ha$e deserted her2 e=ce t Fen?il:han%m2 who went to cons%lt the 5hod<a5 EsorceressF on her behalf! 56he has been ill e$er since yo% left8 howe$er2 the tall 5ekime5 EdoctorF who $isited her said there was nothin3 wron3 with her and has not been back! 56he is bein3 looked after by that old woman who once sto ed her hand from bleedin3! 6he is her confidante and it is my belief that she was bribed to deno%nce her! 5A?iyade wants yo% to know that she has no life witho%t yo%8 that she cannot ima3ine yo% e$er ret%rnin3 to 0onstantino le8 that she cannot belie$e she will e$er be allowed to look into yo%r eyes a3ain8 and that for her the s%n has 3one! 5Loti2 the words yo% said to me2 do not for3et them8 the romises yo% made to me2 ne$er for3et themI Do yo% really belie$e that I can be ha y for a sin3le moment in 0onstantino le witho%t yo% hereD I cannot2 and when yo% went away2 my heart broke with the sorrow of it! 56o far I ha$e not been called for military ser$ice on acco%nt of my father who is $ery old8 b%t I think I will be called % soon! 5I2 yo%r brother2 sal%te yo%2 5Achmet! 5P!6!::Last week Fire broke o%t in the Phanar 7%arter of the city! Phanar is b%rnt to the 3ro%nd!5

CCC L.TI to IZEDDIN:ALI at 6tambo%l #ri3htb%ry2 -' (ay &)**! 5(y dear I?eddin:Ali2 59ere am I in my co%ntry::so different from yo%rsI::sittin3 beneath the same old lime trees that sheltered me as a child! This little town of #ri3htb%ry that I told yo% abo%t in 6tambo%l is s%rro%nded by my belo$ed 3reen oaks! It is 6 rin32 albeit a allid one4 rain and mist::a little bit like yo%r winter! 5I am back to the wearin3 standard western dress4 hat and 3rey o$ercoat8 b%t there are times when I feel that the ro er clothes for me are the same as yo%rs2 and that <%st for a while I5m really 3oin3 abo%t in dis3%ise! 59owe$er2 I lo$e this little corner of my nati$e land and the family home that I5$e so often deserted! 9ere eo le are lo$in3 towards me and I lo$e them in ret%rn8 it was their affection that made my childhood ha y and eacef%l! I lo$e e$erythin3 that s%rro%nds me2 es ecially the co%ntryside with its ancient woodland that has a charm all of its ownJa

stron3ly astoral charm which I find diffic%lt to describe::call it the charm of the ast2 the $ery distant ast2 and of ancient she herds! 5News is o$ertakin3 news2 my dear effendim2 news2 that is2 of the war8 e$ents ha$e 3athered ace! I had ho ed that #ritish eo le wo%ld take sides with T%rkey2 and I feel only half:ali$e2 bein3 so far from Istanb%l! Yo% ha$e my assionate s% ort8 I lo$e yo%r co%ntry and I wish it well with all my heart2 and do%btless yo%5ll soon be seein3 me a3ain! 5#%t then2 yo% ha$e already ercei$ed my lo$e for her whose resence yo% may ha$e ri$ately 7%estioned b%t acce ted ne$ertheless! Yo%rs is a 3enero%s heart8 yo% rise abo$e all con$entions and all re<%dices! I can ass%re yo%2 I do lo$e her and its for her sake most of all that I will soon be ret%rnin3!5

CCCI #ri3htb%ry2 (ay &)**! I was sittin3 at #ri3htb%ry beneath the old lime trees! Abo$e my head a bl%e tit was sin3in3 its com licated and $ery lon3 son3 and %ttin3 its whole heart and so%l into it8 its son3 awoke in me a world of memories! At first it was all conf%sed2 as if the memories were distant8 then 3rad%ally the ima3es 3rew clearer and more recise! 6%ddenly it all came back! Yes2 it was o$er there in 6tambo%l2::one of o%r h%3ely rash2 ind%l3ent days2 one of o%r recklessly tr%antin3 days! #%t then 6tambo%l was so bi3 and we were so little known thereI!!! And Abeddin was far away in Andrino olisI!! It was a lo$ely winter5s afternoon and we were o%t walkin3 to3ether2 <%st the two of %s2 ha y as a children to find o%rsel$es2 as l%ck wo%ld ha$e it2 o%t in the s%nshine2 free to wander abo%t the co%ntryside! Yet we had chosen a dreary lace for o%r first <a%nt4 we ke t alon3side the hi3h city wall8 there co%ldn5t be a more lonely lace8 not a thin3 seemed to ha$e stirred since the time of the last #y?antine em erors! The 3reat city does all its comm%nicatin3 by water2 and the silence s%rro%ndin3 its ancient walls is as com lete as the one enco%ntered when a roachin3 a necro olis! If2 here and there a 3ate has been b%ilt to allow assa3e thro%3h the thick ram arts2 they are to no %r ose as no one e$er %ses them and they may <%st as well be filled in! #esides2 there are always those low2 handy2 mysterio%s little doors that ha$e abo$e them 3ilded inscri tions and c%rio%s adornments! #etween the inhabited section of the city and its fortifications lie $ast tracts of waste 3ro%nd2 occ% ied by s%s icio%s:lookin3 shanties and t%mbled down remnants that date from e$ery e och of history! And there5s nothin3 beyond the walls to interr% t their own2 lon3 monotony::allowin32 that is2 for the white stems of minarets2 that o ed % at inter$als8 always the same battlements2 the same towers2 the same sombre h%e2 dee ened o$er the cent%ries2::the same re3%lar lines that r%n strai3ht and mo%rnf%l %ntil they disa ear o$er the f%rthest hori?on! We went on foot2 <%st she and I2 to the foot of the hi3h walls! In the co%ntryside all aro%nd were 3ro% s of 3i3antic cy resses2 tall as cathedrals2 and2 in their shade2 tho%sands of b%rial laces crowded to3ether! Nowhere ha$e I seen as many cemeteries as I ha$e in this co%ntry2 nor as many tombs2 nor as many dead! 5These laces25 said A?iyade2 5were $ery dear to A?rael5s heart! It5s where he wo%ld ali3ht when ni3ht fell8 he wo%ld fold his 3reat win3s and walk abo%t like a man beneath these awesome shades!5

E$erywhere was silent8 the 3ro%nds were im ressi$e and solemn! .n the other hand2 both of %s were cheerf%l2 ha y in o%r esca ade2 3lad to be yo%n3 and free2 wanderin32 for once2 where$er chance took %s2 leased2 like e$eryone else2 to be o%t in the o en and beneath a clear bl%e sky! A?iyade5s 5yashmak5 was $ery thick and she5d %lled it down o$er her eyes to the oint where all her forehead was hidden! 6he ke t her $eil ti3htly to her face and I co%ld scarcely 3lim se thro%3h the 3a the clear2 7%ick % ils of her eyes as they tra$elled abo%t behind it! 9er borrowed 5fered3e5 was dark in colo%r and se$ere in c%t::a style hi3hly %nty ical of yo%n3 and ele3ant women! .ld Abeddin himself wo%ld not ha$e reco3nised her! We walked with swift2 s% le ste s2 br%shin3 the modest white daisies and the short Han%ary 3rass2 fillin3 o%r l%n3s with the 3ood2 shar 2 bracin3 air2 ty ical of fine winter days! All of a s%dden2 thro%3h the 3reat silence2 we heard the deli3htf%l sin3in3 of a tit2 e=actly like the one I heard today8 birds of the same s ecies2 where$er they are in the world2 re eat the same son3! A?iyade2 taken aback2 stood stock still8 with a comical look of ama?ement2 she ointed her henna:dyed fin3er directly towards the little son3ster2 erched close to %s on a cy ress branch! This little bird2 so small and so alone was takin3 s%ch ains rod%cin3 this so%nd8 it str%33led so earnestly2 so <oyf%lly that the si3ht of it 3laddened o%r hearts and set %s la%3hin3! And we remained there listenin3 to it ri3ht % to the moment when it flew off2 fri3htened by a line of si= lar3e camels2 tied head to tail2 ad$ancin3 %nheedin3ly towards it Afterwards!!!afterwards we saw a mo%rnin3 and headin3 towards %s! ear a 3ro% of women dressed in

They were >reek women8 two of their riests2 their 5 o es52 walked at the head of the rocession8 the women were carryin3 a little cor se that lay2 its face %nco$ered2 on a bier2 as is their national c%stom! 5#ir 3%?el tcho%d<o%k!5E5What a t%rnin3 serio%s! retty little childI5F said A?iyade2

6o it was4 a retty little 3irl of fo%r or fi$e2 a deli3htf%l wa= doll that seemed to be aslee on some c%shions! 6he was clothed in an ele3ant white m%slin dress and wore a wreath of 3ilded flowers on her head! There was a 3ra$e already d%3 by the side of the road! The >reeks don5t care where they b%ry their dead8 it may be alon3 roadsides2 or by a walls !!! 5Let5s 3et closer25 said A?iyade2 as if she were a child a3ain2 5they55ll 3i$e %s sweets!5 Di33in3 the been in the was f%ll of was an arm2 to3ether at de$o%r! 3ra$e had in$ol$ed dist%rbin3 a cor se that co%ldn5t ha$e 3ro%nd all that lon3! The soil that had been sho$elled o%t bones and scra s of $ario%s fabrics! The most notable item bent at a ri3ht an3le2 its bones still red2 and held the elbow by somethin3 that the earth had not had time to

The two 5 o es5 had lots of lon3 hair2 like women8 they wore dist%rbin3ly 3r%bby and faded 3old $estments2 and were accom anied by fo%r odd yo%n3 rascals who constit%ted the choir! They m%ttered somethin3 o$er the dead child8 then the mother remo$ed the wreath of flowers and caref%lly t%cked the little 3irl5s blond hair inside a little ni3ht ca 8 s%ch close attention to a child wo%ld ha$e normally ca%sed %s to smile2 b%t not there2 with that mother!

When the child5s body had been laid at the bottom of the 3ra$e2 on the bare2 dam soil2 with no board or bier %nderneath2 the same loathsome earth was sho$elled o$er her! E$erythin3 went back into the hole onto that retty2 wa=en face2 incl%din3 the bits of bone and the elbow8 she was b%ried in no time at all! Yes2 we were 3i$en sweets! I hadn5t known of this >reek c%stom! A 3irl with a lar3e ba3 of s%3ared almonds 3a$e a handf%l to each erson there2 incl%din3 %s2 e$en tho%3h we were both tho%3ht to be T%rks! When A?iyade tears !!! %t her hand o%t to recei$e hers2 her eyes were f%ll of

CCCII The little bird2 beside itself with the <oy of bein3 ali$e2 was2 in oint of fact2 sin3in3 its heart o%t in the middle of a b%rial 3ro%ndI!!!

E4

I -' (ay &)**! !!! At last the clear sky and the bl%e waters of the Le$ant! 6omethin3 was takin3 sha e o%t there8 the hori?on was s%ddenly frin3ed with mos7%es and minarets8::my heart beat faster2 it was 6tambo%lI 6ettin3 foot ashore2 I e= erienced a keen b%rst of emotion at findin3 myself back in this co%ntry !!! No Achmet there at his ost2 caracolin3 on his white horse at To : 9ane! >alata itself is finished8 I co%ld tell there was somethin3 terrible 3oin3 on beyond the city2 somethin3 like a war of e=termination! !!! #ack in my T%rkish clothes a3ain2 I made haste to A?arka o%! I climbed into the first cai7%e that came alon3! The boatman reco3nised me! 5And what of AchmetD!!!25 I said! 5>one! >one off to warI5 I called at the home of Erikna?2 Achmet5s sister!

5Yes2 3one25 she said! 59e was at #at%m2 b%t since the battle we5$e had no news of him!5 Erikna?5s black eyebrows were drawn to3ether by her ain! 6he shed bitter tears for the brother whom others had stolen from her8 and little Alemshah2 3a?in3 at her mother2 shed tears of her own! I then went to ,adid<a5s ho%se8 b%t the old woman had mo$ed and no one co%ld tell me where to!

II I headed for the mos7%e of (ehmed:Fatih2 close to the mansion where A?iyade wo%ld be! I made no effort to halt whate$er lan was racin3 thro%3h my conf%sed mind2 tho%3h I scarcely knew what I was e$en thinkin3 of doin38 all I was conscio%s of was my need to 3et close to her and to see herI!!! I made my way thro%3h the hea s of r%ins and ashes that were once o %lent Phanar b%t now no more than one $ast scene of de$astation2 a lon3 s%ccession of 3loomy streets2 cl%ttered with black and charred debris! This was the Phanar I %sed to ass thro%3h so cheerf%lly of an e$enin3 on my way home to Eyo%b where my belo$ed was waitin3 !!! There were sho%ts in the streets8 3ro% s of half:clothed men2 le$ied for the war2 oorly armed and half:sa$a3e2 were shar enin3 their 5yata3ans5 on the stones and carryin3 abo%t with them old 3reen fla3s stri ed with white inscri tions! I walked for a lon3 time! I tra$ersed the em ty 7%arters of Eski: 6tambo%l! All the time I was 3ettin3 nearer! I entered the 3loomy street that lead % to (ehmed:Fatih2 the $ery street where she was li$in3I!!! In the s%n2 ob<ects lyin3 o%tside the ho%se took on a somewhat sinister a earance! (y heart sank! There was not a so%l in the whole dreary street2 only the so%nd of my footste s breakin3 the hea$y silence! Patterin3 alon3 o$er the a$in3 stones and the 3rass2 and kee in3 close to the wall2 came the fi3%re of an old woman! ;isible beneath the folds of her robe was a air of thin2 bare2 ebony colo%red le3s8 her head droo ed forward and she was talkin3 to herself!!! it was ,adid<a! 6he reco3nised me! 6he let o%t an %ntranslatable 5Ah5 in that hi3h: itched $oice I associate with ne3resses or monkeys2 and accom anied it with a <eerin3 sni33er! 5A?iyadeD5 I asked! 5E%l%I e%l%I5 she retorted2 dwellin3 deliberately on the weirdly sa$a3e words that in Tartar si3nified death! 5E%l%I E%lm%chI5 she re eated as if to someone who didn5t %nderstand! Then2 sneerin3 with hate and satisfaction2 she with her ta%nt4 5DeadI DeadI!!! she5s deadI5 0omin3 witho%t any warnin3 a word like that isn5t easy to re3ister strai3htaway8 it takes a moment for the ain to fi= its 3ri before it bites into the heart! I ke t on walkin3! I was horrified at my calmness! All the while2 like one of the F%ries2 the old woman followed me ste by ste with her horrible 5E%l%I e%l%I5 At my back I co%ld feel the hei3htened hatred of this creat%re who had worshi ed her mistress2 the woman whose death I had ca%sed! I was afraid to t%rn ro%nd and face her2 7%estion her2 recei$e roof of what I already knew! Like a dr%nken man I sta33ered on !!! %rs%ed me mercilessly

III When I re3ained my fac%lties2 I fo%nd I was leanin3 a3ainst a marble fo%ntain near the ho%se ainted with t%li s and yellow b%tterflies2 the ho%se where A?iyade had li$ed8 I was sittin3 and my head was s innin38 the 3loomy2 deserted ho%ses erformed their macabre dance before my eyes! (y forehead was ban3in3 a3ainst the marble of the fo%ntain8 it was bleedin38 an old black hand2 wet with cold water2 s% orted my head !!! Then I saw old ,adid<a beside me wee in38 I 3ri ed her wrinkled2 monkey:like hands !!! she contin%ed o%rin3 water on my forehead !!! 6ome men went by b%t aid no attention to %s8 they were talkin3 animatedly and readin3 the hand bills that were bein3 3i$en o%t in the streets2 carryin3 news of the first battle of ,ars! These were the dark days in the early sta3es of the war2 and the fate of Islam a eared to be already sealed!

I; 5I kee awake2 and2 ni3ht and day2 my brow2 fra%3ht with dreams2 6ends tears streamin3 down my cheeks 6ince Albayde closed her 3a?elle eyes In Death5s own chamber!5 E;I0T./ 91>.2 5.rientales5!F The cold ob<ect that I held ti3htly in my arms was a marble stone set in the 3ro%nd! The marble had been ainted a?%re bl%e and had at the to a relief of 3olden flowers! I can still see the raised2 3ilded letterin3 that I read a%tomatically !!! It was one of those t%m%lary stones which in T%rkey are s ecially for women2 and I was seated on the 3ro%nd in the 3reat cemetery of ,assim:Pacha! The freshly t%rned red earth formed a mo%nd the len3th of a h%man body8 tiny lants2% rooted by the s ade had been laced2 roots in the air2 on this %n lanted s ot8 moss2 herbs2 and fra3rant wild flowers were all aro%nd!::No flowers or wreaths were e$er laced on a T%rkish 3ra$e! This cemetery had none of the horror that we in E%ro e associate with o%r b%rial 3ro%nds8 oriental sadness is more 3entle2 and at the same more ma<estic! >reat stretches of mo%rnf%l solit%de2 barren hills2 lanted here and there with dark cy resses8 at inter$als and shaded by these h%3e trees2 were l%m s of earth t%rned o$er the re$io%s day2 ancient markers2 and c%rio%s T%rkish tombs s%rmo%nted by fe?es and t%rbans! #elow me2 way in the far distance2 the >olden 9orn2 the familiar o%tline of 6tambo%l2 and2 o$er there !!! Eyo%bI .n that artic%lar s%mmer e$enin32 the 3ro%nd2 the dry 3rass2 all felt warm e=ce t the iece of marble that I5d clas ed in my arms4 it remained cold8 its base was s%nk in the 3ro%nd where its contact with death ke t it colder still! .b<ects ro%nd abo%t looked different2 as they do when the fates of men or em ires are nearin3 those mi3htily decisi$e t%rnin3 oints that will res%lt in destinies comin3 to an end! In the far distance I co%ld hear the fanfares of the troo s settin3 off for the 9oly War2 those stran3e T%rkish fanfares2 each a %nison that is both strident and sonoro%s2 with a timbre %nknown in o%r E%ro ean brass

sections8 it co%ld ha$e been the s% reme 5hallali5 of Islamism and the .rient2 the death si3nal of the mi3hty race of >hen3his! I wore the %niform of 5y%?bachi5 with my T%rkish 5yata3han5 at my side! I no lon3er called myself Loti2 b%t Arif2 Y%?bachi Arif:1ssam8::I5d be33ed them to send me to the front8 I was to lea$e the followin3 day !!! An immense meditati$e sadness h%n3 o$er this land that Islam held sacred! The settin3 s%n 3ilded the old2 3reen:stained2 marble tombstones8 it mo$ed its ink rays o$er the tall cy resses2 o$er their ancient tr%nks2 o$er their 3rey2 melancholy branches! This cemetery was like one 3i3antic tem le to Allah2 ossessin32 as it did2 some of the same mysterio%s calm as well as mo$in3 eo le to rayer! It was as if I were lookin3 thro%3h a f%neral $eil2 and my ast life whirled aro%nd in my head as sketchily and disorderly as dreams! I saw e$ery art of the world in which I had li$ed and lo$ed! I saw my brother2 and the women of different colo%rs whom I5d lo$ed! And then2 alas2 I saw my blo$ed home that I had deserted fore$er2 the shade of o%r lane trees2 and my old mother !!! For her who lies here2 I ha$e forsaken e$erythin3I!!! 6he lo$ed me with the dee est2 the %rest2 as well as the h%mblest lo$e4 behind the 3ilded bars of the harem2 slowly and 3ently2 sendin3 me no re roach2 she died of 3rief! I can still hear her tellin3 me in that dee $oice of hers4 5(e2 all I am is a little 0ircassian sla$e !!! #%t2 Loti2 yo% know that8 3o if yo% wish8 be 3%ided by what yo% really want to do!5 Fanfares b%rst o%t in the distance8 it co%ld ha$e been the tr%m of doom2 as in the #ible2 so%ndin3 on the Day of H%d3ement! In one $oice2 tho%sands of men sho%ted o%t the terrible name of Allah8 echoes of the distant clamo%r reached where I was and filled the $ast cemeteries with stran3e m%rm%rin3s! The s%n sank behind the holy hill of Eyo%b2 and the clear s%mmer ni3ht descended on the herita3e of .thman !!! I sh%ddered at the tho%3ht of that sinister thin3 lyin3 so close beneath me2 already cons%med by the earth2 that thin3 I lo$ed still !!! In >od5s name2 is this all there is to itD!!! .r has some sort of $a3%e entity2 a so%l2 been left behind2 ho$erin3 here in the %re e$enin3 air2 somethin3 that can see me2 here on earth2 still sheddin3 my tearsD!!! >ood >od2 I5m close to sayin3 a rayer for her8 at this moment2 this heart of mine that has 3rown hard and im assi$e in the co%rse of life5s comedy2 lies o en to all the deli3htf%l errors of man5s reli3ions2 and

my tears fall witho%t bitterness on the bare earth! If e$erythin3 doesn5t come to an end in d%sty death2 I5ll know it soon2 erha s! I5m 3oin3 to try to die2 so that I5ll know !!!

; 0 . N 0 L 1 6 I . N 5D<eridei:9a$adis52 the 6tambo%l news a er2 re orted4 5Amon3 the bodies of those killed in the last battle of ,ars2 was that of a yo%n3 officer of the #ritish Na$y who recently enlisted in the T%rkish forces %nder the name of Arif:1ssam:effendi! 5The body has been interred amon3st the bra$e defenders of Islam Emay (ahomet rotect themF at the foot of ,i?ilte e2 in the lains of ,arad<emir!

6,ET09 (AP .F 0.N6TANTIN.PLE DI6T/I0T6 &)*+U*

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