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Kriya Yoga: Synthesis of a Personal Experience

Ennio Nimis

CONTENTS

Contents Synopsis First part MY SEARCH OF THE ORIGINAL KRIYA 1. Yoga self-taught 2. Kriya Yoga from organizations . The inestima!le "alue of #apa $. Follo%ing some tea&hers outsi'e the organization (. ) har' 'e&ision Se&on' part METHODOLOGY AND TECHNIQUES OF KRIYA YOGA *. The !asi& Te&hni+ues of Kriya Yoga ,. Te&hni+ues of the -igher Kriyas .. /ntro'u&tion to some interesting "ariations of the te&hni+ues Thir' part GUIDELINES FOR DEVELOPING A PERSONAL ROUTINE 0. 1uil'ing a soli' foun'ation for the pra&ti&e of Kriya Yoga 12. The 3rayer of the heart4 the "ery &ore of all the mysti&al paths 11. The !reathless state 12. 3ranayama %ith internal !reathing Appendix 15 )!out premature Kun'alini a%a6ening Appendix 25 Cleaning the Kriya path from all esoteri&-magi& manias Appendix 35 /mportan&e of stu'ying the 7a'hasoami mo"ement Appendix 45 -i''en treasures in 3.Y.8s Kriya Yoga Glossary Bibliography

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SYNO3S/S

PART I: MY SEARCH OF THE ORIGINAL KRIYA The first part &ontains the story of the 'ifferent phases of my spiritual sear&h5 self tea&hing of Yoga9 Kriya Yoga re&ei"e' from an organization9 Kriya Yoga re&ei"e' from tra"eling gurus9 final 'e&ision of putting in a !oo6 all %hat / 6ne% a!out Kriya Yoga te&hni+ues an' go ahea' alone. Chapter 1 Yo a !e"#$ta% ht :y spiritual sear&h !egan soon enough. / &onsi'ere' Yoga a 'is&ipline &apa!le of pro'u&ing an internal &hange in my personality. / !egan %ith an e;er&ise4 to !e 'one in Sa"asana4 %here the thin6ing pro&ess %as 'is&ipline' to &reate a state of <mental "oi'<. / 'e&i'e' also to reinfor&e my 'is&ipline through the art of 3ranayama. )fter three months of pra&ti&e4 / e;perien&e' %hat Yoga !oo6s &all < Kun'alini a%a6ening.< This e;perien&e %as pre&e'e' !y a &ouple of 'ays of fear an' anguish. Chapter & Kr'(a Yo a #ro) or a*'+at'o*! )s an enthusiast of 3ranayama4 / 'e&i'e' to 'e"ote my life to perfe&t it. / &ame to 6no% of the e;isten&e of Kriya Yoga5 a four-phase' 3ranayama path taught in our age !y the great =ahiri :ahasaya. / %oul' ha"e 'one anything to learn it imme'iately !ut this &lashe' %ith the rules of the organization sprea'ing it > it %as ne&essary to follo% a &orrespon'en&e &ourse. :ee6ly4 / a&&epte' to put asi'e my alrea'y &onsoli'ate' pra&ti&e of &lassi& 3ranayama an' a!i'e only !y the %ritten tea&hings of the &orrespon'en&e &ourse. This %as a uni+ue opportunity to familiarize myself %ith t%o important preliminary pro&e'ures ?-ong Sau an' Om te&hni+ue@ %hi&h later / 'is&o"ere' %ere &entral in the tea&hings of the 7a'hasoami mo"ement. ) year an' a half later4 / re&ei"e' the First Kriya set of te&hni+ues. / %as !lissfully happy !ut una!le to &on&ei"e a %or6ing routine > the one / follo%e' %as neither fun&tional nor rational. Chapter , The '*e!t')a-"e .a"%e o# /apa Ahen / learne' the so-&alle' -igher Kriyas4 the routine pro!lem !e&ame more an' more &riti&al. =ater4 %hen one of the organization representati"es refuse' to &larify my 'ou!ts4 / relu&tantly 'e&i'e' to a''ress my sear&h to%ar' other sour&es. / ha' no &on&rete results !ut4 than6s to some goo' rea'ings4 the pra&ti&e of #apa entere' my life an'4 %ith it4 the e;perien&e of the !reathless state. Chapter 0 Fo""o1'* !o)e tea2her! o%t!'3e the or a*'+at'o* 3ossesse' !y an eager 'esire to learn the so-&alle' <original Kriya<4 / ma'e the great mista6e of negle&ting my routine !ase' upon the union !et%een #apa an' Kriya. / follo%e' three 'ifferent tea&hers. )mong many not "ery important 'etails4 / learne' something "alua!le5 1. The importan&e of listening to the internal soun's 'uring Kriya 3ranayama 2. The frenulum-stret&hing te&hni+ue ?Tala!ya Kriya@ lea'ing to mastery of Ke&hari :u'ra . The &on&ept of /n&remental 7outine

Chapter 4 A har3 3e2'!'o* )fter the !rea6 %ith my thir' tea&her4 / a"oi'e' see6ing others. / toye' %ith the "ague i'ea of putting all / 6ne% a!out Kriya in a !oo6. / %as hampere' !y the 'eep &on'itioning re&ei"e' from my first Kriya organization5 the promise of 6eeping all te&hni&al Kriya 'etails se&ret. The mental &larity an' stamina pro'u&e' !y the in&remental routines helpe' me to erase all &on'itioning. / !egan the %or6 of %riting the !oo6 an' poste' it on the Ae!. PART II: METHODOLOGY AND TECHNIQUES OF KRIYA YOGA The se&on' part is 'e"ote' to share %hat / 6no% a!out the theory an' pra&ti&e of Kriya Yoga. Chapter 5 The -a!'2 te2h*'6%e! o# Kr'(a Yo a The essen&e of First Kriya is gi"en through eight te&hni+ues -- Tala!ya Kriya4 Om #apa ?in the Cha6ras@4 Kriya 3ranayama ?a6a 3ranayama@4 Na"i Kriya4 :aha :u'ra4 Kriya 3ranayama %ith short !reath4 mental 3ranayama an' Yoni :u'ra. Chapter 7 Te2h*'6%e! o# the H' her Kr'(a! )fter a theoreti&al 'igression4 a goo' system of -igher Kriyas are here 'es&ri!e'. Chapter 8 I*tro3%2t'o* to !o)e '*tere!te3 .ar'at'o*! o# the te2h*'6%e! Some "ariations of the Kriya te&hni+ues are 'es&ri!e'. PART III: GUIDELINES FOR DEVELOPING A PERSONAL ROUTINE The thir' part '%ells %ith the pra&ti&al aspe&ts of tea&hing Kriya Yoga. The main theme is ho% to assist stu'ents to &oor'inate an' harness their efforts. Chapter 9 :%'"3'* a !o"'3 #o%*3at'o* #or the pra2t'2e o# Kr'(a Yo a )fter &onsi'ering ho% to intro'u&e the First Kriya in a gra'ual %ay4 pra&ti&al e;amples are gi"en to utilize the formi'a!le instrument of the /n&remental 7outines. Chapter 1; The Pra(er o# the heart< the .er( 2ore o# a"" the )(!t'2a" path! Ae '%ell upon the Contemplati"e 3rayer. /nspiration is 'ra%n from -esy&hasm4 St. Teresa of )"ila4 Sufi an' others.... Chapter 11 The -reath"e!! !tate The !reathless state is the true /nitiation to the Spiritual 3ath. Com!ining the Contemplati"e 3rayer %ith Kriya is the royal %ay to a&hie"e that state. Chapter 1& Pra*a(a)a 1'th '*ter*a" -reath'* )fter a&hie"ing the !reathless state4 Kriya 3ranayama &an !e perfe&te'. /t &an !e&ome the !est tool to merge into the Om6ar 7eality. The last step is to utilize it to go 'o%n into the 88min' of the &ells88 an' tou&h the Colle&ti"e Bn&ons&ious 'imension. Appe*3'= 1: A-o%t pre)at%re K%*3a"'*' a1a>e*'* There are pages in the Ae! %arning against the 'angers of <premature a%a6ening of Kun'alini.< The real pro!lem is fa&ing the fear of su!stantial &hanges in life. There are $

pra&ti&es to !e re&ommen'e' that 'issol"e any a&ute states of inner tension. Appe*3'= &: C"ea*'* the Kr'(a path #ro) a"" e!oter'2$)a '2 )a*'a! Ae '%ell here upon the theme of the %rong attitu'es to%ar's the Kriya path. :any forget that Kriya is not a trip in the realm of our min' !ut a spiritual path. Appe*3'= ,: I)porta*2e o# !t%3('* the Ra3ha!oa)' )o.e)e*t The literary material pro'u&e' !y this mo"ement is "ery inspiring for all those %ho see6 to !e in tune %ith the Om6ar 7ealty. Some s&hools of Kriya ha' their origin here. Appe*3'= 0: H'33e* trea!%re! '* P?Y?@! Kr'(a Yo a Something pre&ise an' useful is !rought to light for the stu'ents %ho4 !eing faithful to 3.Y.8s tea&hings4 are trying to fin' in this !oo6 a 6ey to &larify some of their 'ou!ts.

PART I: MY SEARCH OF THE ORIGINAL KRIYA


C-)3TE7 1

YOGA SELF$TAUGHT :y spiritual sear&h !egan at age 1( after / !ought an intro'u&tory !oo6 on &lassi&al Yoga. / 'on8t remem!er the title of that first !oo64 !ut !oo6s of 1.K.S. /yengar follo%e' an' then finally the auto!iography of an /n'ian saint4 %here / foun' the term Kriya Yoga. :y interest in Yoga ha' !een fuele' !y a &ertain e;pe&tation of the effe&ti"eness of the oriental forms of me'itation that ha' slo%ly &oales&e' 'uring my &hil'hoo' an' early a'oles&en&e. 1ut first things first... /n primary s&hool4 unli6e my peers / !orro%e' esoteri& !oo6s from my parents8 frien's an' / lo"e' those !oo6s. / remem!er that the first one / rea' from en' to en' %as on o&&ultism. Kno%ing the !oo6 %as &onsi'ere' unsuita!le for my age4 / %as prou' to !e a!le to rea' an' un'erstan' it. / turne' a 'eaf ear to any persuasi"e a'"i&e to 'e'i&ate myself to more formati"e rea'ings. / &ontinue' these rea'ings until / %as a!out 11. / %aste' a lot of time on %orthless !oo6s an' sta&6s of spe&ialize' esoteri& magazines %ith tantalizing titles an' i'le fan&ies 'esigne' essentially to impress4 an' %hi&h %ere impossi!le to 'istinguish in a'"an&e !et%een fa&t an' fi&tion. / also &ame into &onta&t %ith the main themes of o&&i'ental esoteri&ism %ith short 'igressions into phenomena li6e hypnosis an' spiritualism. /n the en'4 / felt / ha' tra"ele' through an in'istin&t &haos an' thought that perhaps the most pre&ious se&rets %ere hi''en in other !oo6s %hi&h / ha' not !een fortunate enough to fin'. Curing this perio'4 %hen / %as perhaps 12 or 114 / sa% the %or' < Yoga< for the first time in a postal &atalog of esoteri& !oo6s among my father8s &orrespon'en&e. / %as entran&e' an' ine;pli&a!ly spell!oun' !y the person pi&ture' on the &o"er sitting in the <lotus position.< -o%e"er4 / &oul'n8t persua'e my father to !uy the !oo6 for me. Ahen / %as 1( an' in high s&hool4 the esoteri& flame %as re6in'le' for a %hile in a parti&ular %ay5 a frien' tol' me he ha' a 'etaile' te;t!oo6 &ontaining 'ifferent Pranayama te&hni+ues4 an' a''e'5 <These e;er&ise are use' to o!tain inner transformation....< / %as 'eeply intrigue' !y his %or's5 %hat internal transformation %as he tal6ing a!outD Surely my frien' 'i'n8t mean the attainment of a parti&ular state of rela;ation or &on&entration4 or ho% to integrate the oriental "ision of e;isten&e %ith our lifestyle. -e must !e referring to some intense e;perien&e that left a lasting psy&hologi&al mar6. Pranayama %as something / ha' to learn as soon as possi!le. 1ut my frien' %oul' not len' me the !oo6. ) fe% 'ays later at the train station ne%sstan'4 / spotte' a simple Hatha Yoga manual an' !ought it forth%ith an' rea' it in its entirety. )lthough / thought / %as sear&hing for physi&al an' mental &ontrol4 my spiritual sear&h ha'
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in fa&t !egun. Bnfortunately4 this !oo6 %as more of a philosophi&al intro'u&tion an' 'i' not stir up anything spiritual. /t %as neither impressi"e nor thought pro"o6ing ?#i"a4 3ra6riti4 3urusha...@. The authorEs goal seeme' to !e solely to gi"e the rea'er the impression of serious authority. E"en &on&epts li6e 7ein&arnation4 Karma4 harma! an' "aya! the un'erstan'ing of %hi&h in the future %oul' !e&ome so important in my life4 remaine' unfathoma!le4 hi''en in a tangle of Sans6rit terms. Pranayama %as only hinte' at !y e;plaining ho% to 'o a &omplete !reath > 'ilating the a!'omen4 'iaphragm4 an' upper &hest 'uring inhalation an' &ontra&ting the same in re"erse or'er for a &alm e;halation. That %as &learly an intro'u&tion4 nothing else. / %as sure that the an&ient art of Pranayama %as not inten'e' simply to train the &hest mus&les4 strengthen the 'iaphragm or &reate pe&uliar &on'itions of !loo' o;ygenation4 !ut %as also meant to a&t on the energy present in our psy&ho-physi&al system. /t %as &ommon 6no%le'ge that the inharmonious state of that energy &oul' !e relate' to &onfli&ts an' 'isharmonies %ithin. / %as frustrate' a!out the la&6 of in-'epth information a!out Pranayama. The author &on&lu'e' !y saying that Pranayama shoul' !e learne' from an e;perien&e' tea&her !ut instea' of a''ing a pre&ise in'i&ation ?the title of a !oo64 the name of a s&hool...@4 he remaine' "ague a!out e;a&tly ho% to fin' him4 maintaining that %e fin' the Tea&her %hen %e are rea'y to learn. The se&on' Hatha Yoga !oo6 / a&+uire' %as not a me'io&re one. /t e;plaine' the name of ea&h posture ?Asana@4 ga"e a !rief note on the !est mental attitu'e for pra&ti&ing it4 an' e;plaine' ho% ea&h e;er&ise stimulate' &ertain physiologi&al fun&tions ?important en'o&rine glan's4 et&.@. /t %as ta6en for grante' that these positions %ere not to !e seen as simple <stret&hing %or6-outs<9 !ut %ere a means of pro"i'ing a glo!al stimulus to all the physi&al organs to in&rease their "itality. The satisfa&tion / felt at the en' of a session spo6e to their effe&ti"eness. / !egan 'oing yoga postures ?Asanas@ in a &orner of our s&hool gymnasium 'uring physi&al e'u&ation &lasses. / %asn8t "ery goo' in sports any%ay 'espite !eing %ell-&on'itione' !y long %al6s. :oreo"er4 !eing a!le to 'o something signifi&ant %ithout ha"ing to mo"e "ery far an' %ithout the inherent ris6s of s&hool sports attra&te' me. )fter the preliminary group %arm-up e;er&ises4 %hen the tea&her ga"e me permission to %or6 out on my o%n4 / 'e"ote' myself to mastering Yoga positions or mo"ing the a!'ominal mus&les %ith the #a$li te&hni+ue. To my amazement one 'ay the tea&her ?%hom / ha' assume' ha' an opinion of me &lose to zero@ &ame o"er an' in+uire' as to the se&ret of su&&ee'ing in mo"ing the a!'ominal mus&les in su&h &urious %ay. There %as an entire &hapter 'e"ote' to the <Corpse 3ose< ? Sa%asana@4 the last one to !e pra&ti&e' in the 'aily Asana routine. The instru&tion %as "ery &learly gi"en an' the author 'i' not lose his fo&us in useless philosophi&al em!ellishments. -e e;plaine' that the purpose of the e;er&ise %as to +uiet the mental fa&ulties in or'er to re&harge the %hole psy&ho physi&al system %ith fresh
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energy. / %as attra&te' !y the gran'iose promise that !y stopping all mental fun&tions > %ithout falling into a state of sleep > an' remaining for some time in a state of pure a%areness4 one &oul' o!tain %ithin one hour the e+ui"alent of fi"e hours sleep. / regret not ha"ing the !oo6 anymore4 !ut / %ill 'es&ri!e the e;er&ise !ase' upon %hat / remem!er5
<=ie in the supine position %ith arms e;ten'e' alongsi'e the !o'y an' %ith eyes &o"ere' to 6eep the light out. )fter staying still for t%o or three minutes4 mentally repeat > F/ am rela;e'4 / am &alm4 / am not thin6ing of anything.E Then4 to enter the state of mental %oid "isualize your thoughts in&lu'ing those %ith a!stra&t +ualities an' push them a%ay one !y one as if an internal han' %ere mo"ing them gently from the &enter of a mental s&reen to%ar' its outer e'ge. )ll thoughts4 %ithout e;&eption4 must !e put asi'e9 e"en the thought itself of pra&ti&ing a te&hni+ue. You shoul' ne"er !e&ome annoye' !y &ontinuous ne% thoughts !ut pi&ture them as o!Ge&ts an' shift them asi'e9 in this %ay4 ne% &hains of thought are pre"ente' from &oming out. )fter pushing a thought a%ay4 return your a%areness to the small spot !et%een the eye!ro%s ? K$tastha@ %hi&h resem!les a pon' of pea&e4 an' rela; therein. The a!ility to &ontinuously push a%ay thoughts that 6no&6 at the 'oor of your attention %ill !e&ome almost automati&. Ahen4 on some o&&asions > su&h as pra&ti&ing imme'iately after a strong emotional in&i'ent > the me&hanism 'oes not seem to %or64 &on"ert your &on&entration into a small needle %hi&h &onstantly tou&hes the area !et%een the eye!ro%s > Gust tou&hing4 %ithout %orrying a!out shifting thoughts asi'e. You %ill noti&e that at a &ertain point there is no more effort4 an' any remaining restless emotion su!si'es. The thought see's manifesting as in'efinite images +ui"ering at the e'ge of a%areness &annot 'istur! your mental rest. Ahi&he"er of the t%o metho's you &hoose4 the e;er&ise %or6s perfe&tly an' after $2 minutes you get up %ell-reste' an' re&harge' %ith ne% fresh energy.<

/n my e;perien&e4 in spite of the $2 minutes promise' !y the !oo64 the final state of rela;ation laste' no more than 1( minutes an' the e;er&ise itself ne"er more than 2(- 2 minutes altogether. The te&hni+ue ine"ita!ly en'e' in a pe&uliar %ay9 the state of 'eep &almness %as interrupte' !y the thought that the e;er&ise ha' not yet !egun9 my rea&tion %as al%ays a %in&e an' a faster heart!eat. )fter a fe% se&on's ho%e"er4 &onfi'en&e that the e;er&ise ha' !een perfe&tly e;e&ute' appeare'. Than6s to this te&hni+ue4 %hi&h !e&ame a 'aily ha!it4 / realize' on&e an' for all the 'ifferen&e !et%een <min'< an' <a%areness<. Ahen the mental pro&ess is ease' off into perfe&t silen&e4 pure a%areness %ithout &ontent arises. =i6e a luminous point 'upli&ating itself an unlimite' amount of times4 it remains un&hange' for some minutes. You 6no% you e;ist an' that your e;isten&e is in'estru&ti!le > this happens %ithout thin6ing. You ha"e the in'isputa!le e;perien&e that thoughts are in essen&e ephemeral4 an' instea' of re"ealing the final truth they &lou' it. The Cartesian 'e'u&tion5 </ thin64 therefore / am< is in'efensi!le. /t %oul' !e more &orre&t to affirm5 <Only in the silen&e of no thought lies the proof an' the intimate &ertainty of e;isting.<

1esi'es the 'imension of esoteri& oriental me'itati"e pra&ti&es4 / also ha' a passion for poetry an' literature as %ell as a ha!it of 'aily see6ing the &ontemplation of !eauty in Nature& This interest !egan %hen / %as 0. / !orro%e' a !oo6 of poetry from the s&hool li!rary an' &opie' 'ifferent short poems %ith naturalisti& themes into a note!oo6. 1y rea'ing them fre+uently4 / soon 6ne% them all !y heart. 1y re&alling them %hile &ontemplating the hilly surroun'ings !eyon' the outs6irts of my "illage4 / &oul' intensify my emotions. )s my high s&hool years %ere 'ra%ing to a &lose4 / 'e"elope' a passion for &lassi&al musi& an' 1eetho"en !e&ame my i'ol. Cespite the trage'y of his 'eafness at his &reati"e pea64 he rea&te' in a most honora!le manner an' &arrie' on &reating %or6s he ha' alrea'y &ompose' in his heart. The -eiligensta't Testament4 %here he re"eals his &riti&al &on'ition an' states his 'e&ision %ith &alm an' total resolution4 ma'e him almost a hero an' a saint in my eyes. -e %rote to a frien'5 </ ha"e not a single frien'9 / must li"e alone. 1ut %ell / 6no% that Ho' is nearer to me than to other artists9 / asso&iate %ith -im %ithout fear9 / ha"e al%ays re&ognize' an' un'erstoo' him an' ha"e no fear for my musi& > it &an meet no e"il fate. Those %ho un'erstan' it must !e free' !y it from all the miseries %hi&h the others 'rag a!out %ith themsel"es.< -o% &oul' / remain in'ifferentD -e %as 'ra%ing in&ompara!le musi& out of the 'epths of his !eing4 an' offering it to humanity. The triumph of this frail human &reature o"er a nonsensi&al fate ha' a tremen'ous impa&t on me. The 'aily rite of retiring to my room to listen to that musi& &onsoli'ate' my &onse&ration to the /'eal > merging %ith )!solute 1eauty. Ea&h 'ay for the first three months after high s&hool gra'uation4 %hen / e;perien&e' a strong romanti& &rush %hose fulfillment seeme' impossi!le4 / listene' to 1eetho"en8s "issa Solemnis. The more my emotionalism prompte' me to a&t rashly4 %hi&h pro"e' to !e 'estru&ti"e to my lo"e affair4 the more my 'esperate heart foun' refuge in the massE pure !eauty. Curing a %al6 in the &ountry4 sitting on a hill &ontemplating a far lan's&ape !athe' in the %armth of the summer e"ening4 his musi& rang out again in my memory. Ahat my heart &ra"e' %as !efore me4 perfe&t an' untarnishe' neither !y fears nor !y a sense of guilt. That %as my first religious e;perien&e. / &hose to stu'y math at uni"ersity. Ahile atten'ing the first &lasses4 / un'erstoo' that a happy &hapter of my life %as &on&lu'e' an' there %oul' !e no time for 'istra&tions li6e enGoying &lassi& literature. )ll my attention %as fo&use' on fin'ing an effe&ti"e metho' of stu'y an' a %ay to a"oi' %asting my energies. This meant fo&using in a 'is&ipline' %ay !oth 'uring stu'y time an' 'uring my i'le moments. For this purpose4 / 'e&i'e' to utilize the 'ynami& of the yogi& 88mental "oi'88 te&hni+ue. One !a' ha!it / ha' to &on+uer %as a ten'en&y to 'ay'ream an' Gump from one memory to another to e;tra&t moments of pleasure. / ha' forme' the unsha6ea!le &on"i&tion that %hen thought !e&omes an un&ontrolla!le "i&e > for many it is an utter a''i&tion > it &onstitutes not only a %aste of energy !ut is the main &ause of almost all failures in our life. The frenzie' %hirl of the thought
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pro&ess4 a&&ompanie' !y alternating moo's an' strong emotions4 &reates at times unreasona!le fears that hin'er the 'e&isi"e a&tion that life re+uires. On other o&&asions it fosters an optimisti& imagination that unfortunately pushes the person to%ar' inappropriate a&tions. / %as &on"in&e' that 'is&ipline' thought %as the most "alua!le trait / &oul' 'e"elop4 an' %oul' open the 'oors to fruitful a&hie"ements. :y 'e&ision fille' me %ith euphori& enthusiasm. -o%e"er4 after !reathing the limpi'4 spar6ling4 &elestial state of thought restraint for a fe% hours / en&ountere' a signifi&ant mental resistan&e. /n the mirror of my introspe&tion4 / sa% ho% other ha!its %ere %asting my mental energy. One of these4 %rappe' an' une;pe&te'ly 'ignifie' !y the &on&ept of so&ialization4 %as that of falling 'aily into ner"e%ra&6ing 'is&ussions %ith frien's. /t %as time to renoun&e it. / a!ruptly a"oi'e' their &ompany. Certainly mine %as not an impossi!le sa&rifi&e > theirs %as not my %orl'. One 'ay 'uring a short afternoon %al64 / sa% them from afar sitting lazily an' &hatting in the usual !ar. :y heart ga"e a lur&h. They %ere my frien's an' / lo"e' ea&h of them4 yet seeing them together that 'ay they appeare' to me li6e &hi&6ens &oope' up in a narro% spa&e. :er&ilessly / assume' they %ere &ompletely go"erne' !y the instin&ts of eating4 partying4 se;4 an' generally o"erin'ulging. Ahate"er trage'y happene' to their frien' 'i'n8t &on&ern them4 they %oul' ha"e 6ept on sipping the 'aily pleasure of 'a%'ling until misfortune hit them personally. / foun' it "ery sa' an' 'istressing. The in&i'ent put me in a gloomy moo'4 !ut a senten&e from 1eetho"en8s -eiligensta't testament &ame spontaneously to min' an' e"o6e' the !liss / ha' enGoye' 'uring my high s&hool years5
O 3ro"i'en&e - grant me at least !ut one day o' p$re (oy - it has !een so long sin&e real Goy e&hoe' in my heart - O %hen - O %hen4 O Ci"ine One - shall / fin' it again in the temple of nature an' of menD - Ne"erD No - O that %oul' !e too har'.

)t that moment / again resol"e' to &on&entrate on my stu'ies4 an' passing my e;ams !e&ame my sole fo&us. / per&ei"e' that perio' of my life as a 'es&ent into an unfathoma!le night !ut / 6ne% that in or'er to shape my future the %ay / 'esire'4 tough sa&rifi&es %ere ne&essary. To see the 'a%n of a <'ay of pure Goy<4 / %oul' ha"e to en'ure momentarily a 'ar6 emptiness5 / %oul' sa"or it %ithout lament an' %ithout !eing tempte' to turn on a light for momentary sola&e. ) *ill ie So ) Can +i%e, )n e"ent illuminate' my life5 a frien' intro'u&e' me to Husta" :ahler8s Symphony No.2 <-es$rre.tion< an' in"ite' me to a li"e &on&ert of this %or6. / rea' the information leaflet. Ea&h part of the symphony ha' a pre&ise meaning %hi&h :ahler himself ha' e;plaine' in a letter to the &on'u&tor4 1runo Aalter. /t %as :ahler8s intention to treat 'eath as the ine"ita!le en' to all human enterprise.
12

The musi& itself &on"eye' a sense of 'esolation %hi&h %as s%eet4 as if 'eath meant 'rifting off into a pea&eful sleep. /n a sorro%ful "oi&e of en'less 'ignity4 the %or's of the &ontralto &ommuni&ate' a &hil'li6e inno&ent "ision5
/ -0s.hen roth, er "ens.h liegt in gr01ter #oth, er "ens.h liegt in gr01ter Pein, 2e lieber m0.ht i.h im Himmel sein& O re' roseI :an lies in 'irest nee'I :an lies in 'eepest painI Oh4 ho% / %oul' rather !e in hea"en.

Ahile listening4 / fan&ie' / %as in the &ountrysi'e 'uring a light rain. 1ut it %as spring an' a ray of sun pier&e' the &lou's. )mi' the "egetation there %as a !eautiful re' rose. That simple "ision !rought sola&e to my heart8s inner a&he an' %arme' me to a high pit&h of enthusiasm %ith the thought that 1eauty %oul' !e %ith me fore"er4 in all the pla&es of my solitary %an'erings. Then the &hoir sang some "erses from Klopsto&68s hymn5
A$'ersteh3n! (a a$'ersteh3n *irst d$! "ein Sta$b! #a.h 4$r5er -$h3, 6nsterbli.h +eben, 6nsterbli.h +eben 7ird der di.h rie' dir geben, 7ise again4 yes4 rise again4 Aill you4 my 'ust4 )fter a !rief restI /mmortal lifeI /mmortal life Aill -e %ho &alle' you4 gi"e you.

Ne;t :ahler8s o%n "erses %ere &hante'. These en'e' %ith5


"it 8l9geln! die i.h mir err$ngen! )n hei1em +iebesstreben! *erd3i.h ents.h7eben :$m +i.ht! 5$ dem 4ein A$g3gedr$ngen, Sterben 7erd3i.h! $m 5$ leben, A$'ersteh3n! (a a$'ersteh3n 7irst d$! mein Her5! in einem #$, *as d$ ges.hlagen 5$ Gott 7ird es di.h tragen, Aith %ings / ha"e gaine'4 in lo"e8s fier&e stri"ing4 / shall soar aloft To the light no eye has pier&e'I / %ill 'ie so / &an li"eI 7ise again4 yes4 rise again4 Aill you4 my heart4 in an instantI Ahat you ha"e earne' yourself4 Shall lea' you to Ho'I

/n the follo%ing 'ays4 / trie' to penetrate the meaning !y rea'ing e"erything / &oul' on the symphony an' listening to it entran&e' in the +uietu'e of my o%n room. )fter many integral an' enthusiasti& listening sessions4 the %or's5 <Ster!en %er'e i&h4 um zu le!enI< ?</ %ill 'ie so / &an li"eI<@ resoun'e' all 'ay long in my min' li6e a threa' aroun' %hi&h my thoughts &rystallize'. Aoul' / e"er4 !efore ol' age4 !e a!le to die to mysel' > namely to die to my egoismD Aas it possi!le to &ross the foggy &urtain of thoughts4 superfi&ial emotions4 sensations an' instin&t4 an' emerge into that pure Cimension for %hi&h / ha' yearne' many years an' %hi&h / felt %as my -ighest Hoo'D There %as no 'ou!t / %as %illing to perfe&t my self-impose' 'is&ipline to the e;treme4 !ut !y no means 'i' / %ant to spen' the rest of my life staring at the %all of my silen&e' min' an' %aiting for something to happen. </ %ill seize Fate
11

!y the throat<4 sai' 1eetho"en5 so / too %as prepare' to a&t in a strong an' 'e&isi"e %ay. Ahat / misse' %as the art of Pranayama > that Pranayama %hi&h / ha' 'reame' so mu&h a!out !ut ha' ne"er a&tually pra&ti&e'. ) fe% %ee6s !efore4 / ha' pur&hase' 1.K.S. /yengar8s ;he )ll$strated +ight on Yoga! an' his 'es&ription of Pranayama ha' a%a6ene' in me an unsha6ea!le 'esire to pra&ti&e it intensi"ely. /n the last part of the !oo6 there %as a pru'ent %arning5
<3neumati& tools &an &ut through the har'est ro&6. /n Pranayama! the yogi uses his lungs as pneumati& tools. /f they are not use' properly4 they 'estroy !oth the tool an' the person using it. Faulty pra&ti&e puts un'ue stress on the lungs an' 'iaphragm. The respiratory system suffers an' the ner"ous system is a'"ersely affe&te'. The "ery foun'ation of a healthy !o'y an' a soun' min' is sha6en !y a faulty pra&ti&e of Pranayama&<

This senten&e ignite' my immo'erate %ill to e;perien&e all its po%er4 to the point of <'ying< in it4 figurati"ely spea6ing. Ahat %oul' ha"e frightene' others em!ol'ene' me. /f it pro"o6e' an authenti& psy&hologi&al earth+ua6e4 / %as on the right tra&6. Yes4 some pru'en&e %as ne&essary9 an intensi"e pra&ti&e ha' to !e rea&he' gra'ually an' ea&h session ha' to !e &arrie' out %ith e;treme &are. The Pranayama referre' to %as #adi Sodhana an' 6((ayi ?!reathing e;er&ises@ %ith Bandha ?mus&le &ontra&tion@ an' K$mbha4a ?!reath retention.@ Cay after 'ay4 / &oul' per&ei"e Pranayama3s potential a&ting on my psy&he. / %as &ertain my ol' s&hool frien' ha' tol' the truth > <these e;er&ises &an &hange a person insi'e<. /t ha' to !e trueI Pranayama appeare' to me the most perfe&t of all arts4 %ith no intrinsi& limits. To 'e"ote myself to it %oul' &ost nothing. / %oul' not !e o!lige' to spen' money on the pur&hase of a musi&al instrument4 &an"as an' &olors4 or %hate"er. The instrument %as al%ays %ith me. / &oul'n8t un'erstan' ho% / ha' %aste' so mu&h time not ta6ing on this &ommitment seriously. To a!i'e !y it %as The Ce&ision of :y =ife. / pra&ti&e' morning an' e"ening in an <a!solute< %ay4 %ith fero&ious &on&entration4 as if there %ere no tomorro%. / %oul' start %ith stret&hing e;er&ises > an' some simple Asanas %hen / ha' more time. 1 / pra&ti&e' in the half-lotus position4 sitting on the e'ge of a pillo% %ith my !a&6 straight. / fo&use' %ith zeal on applying the instru&tions fla%lessly !ut %ith a &reati"e spirit. / &on&entrate' 6eenly on the alternate feelings of &oolness an' %armth pro'u&e' !y the air on the fingers an' on the palm of the right han' use' to open an' &lose the nostrils. The pressure4 the smooth flo%ing of the !reath... e"ery 'etail %as pleasant. 1e&oming a%are of ea&h pe&uliarity of the e;er&ise helpe' me maintain "igilant attention %ithout !e&oming stresse'. Curing the 'ay4 / foun' my per&eption of things ha' &hange'. :y eyes sear&he'
1

) 'etaile' 'es&ription of this routine ?Na'i So'hana9 BGGayi9 1an'ha an' final &on&entration in Kutastha@ is gi"en at the en' of this &hapter.

12

for the most intense &olors4 fas&inate' !y them as if they %ere &lose to re"ealing an un6no%n reality lying !eyon' the material. Sometimes in the first sunny 'ays after %inter4 %hen the s6ies %ere &rystalline an' as !lue as they ha' e"er !een4 / %oul' sit in the open air an' &ontemplate my surroun'ings. /n a !ushy 'it&h &o"ere' %ith i"y the sun she' its light upon flo%ers that a fe% %ee6s !efore %ere !looming 'uring the &ol' an' no%4 hee'less of the mil'est 'ays4 still lingere' in their spell-!in'ing glory. / %as 'eeply inspire'. / %oul' &lose my eyes an' rely on an inner ra'ian&e a&&ompanie' !y a sensation of pressure on my heart. )t that time4 my internal life %as still split !et%een t%o interests %hi&h / per&ei"e' as t%o 'imensions ha"ing nothing in &ommon. On one si'e %ere esoteri& matters %hi&h ha' gui'e' my sear&h to%ar' Yoga 'is&ipline4 %hi&h / &on&ei"e' to !e an e''i.a.io$s tool for purifying an' .ontrolling the mind. On the other si'e %as the aspiration to%ar' the i'eal %orl' of 1eauty %hi&h / trie' to e"o6e through the stu'y of literary %or6s4 an' listening to &lassi&al musi&. / ne"er imagine' that the first 'imension &oul' lea' me to the se&on'I /t %as reasona!le to hope that Pranayama &oul' gi"e me a permanent !ase of mental &larity4 helping me to not spoil the fragile mira&le of an en&ounter %ith 1eauty %ith a Gum!le of thoughts4 !ut / &oul' ne"er ha"e imagine' that Pranayama ha' the po%er of multiplying the e;perien&e of the Su!lime or e"en ma6e it spring up from nothingI / often repeate' insi'e myself an' sometimes +uote' to my frien's this "erse from the Bhaga%ad Gita5
<?The yogi@ 6no%s the Goy eternal !eyon' the pale of the senses %hi&h his reason &annot grasp. -e a!i'es in this reality an' mo"es not then&e. -e has foun' the treasure a!o"e all others. There is nothing higher than this. -e that has a&hie"e' it shall not !e mo"e' !y the greatest sorro%. This is the real meaning of Yoga > a 'eli"eran&e from &onta&t %ith pain an' sorro%<.

Ahile repeating it4 / %as a&tually sa"oring that #oy. On a +uiet afternoon %al6 among trees Gust !efore sunset4 / +ui&6ly glan&e' no% an' then at te;t from one of the 6panishads Jan&ient Sans6rit sa&re' te;tsK that / ha' %ith me. One parti&ular senten&e a%a6ene' an instantaneous realization5 <Thou art That<I / &lose' the !oo6 an' repeate' the %or's as if in a tran&e. :y rational min' %as a!le to grasp !ut not fully a&&ept the in&ommensura!le impli&ation of the statement. /t meant that it %as / that %as the un!elie"a!ly 'eli&ate green light filtering through the lea"es4 !earing %itness to the spring that !rought ne% life. 1a&6 home4 / 'i' not e"en try to put 'o%n on paper the numerous <moments of gra&e< / e;perien&e' from this realization4 nor &oul' / ha"e. :y only %ish %as to 'el"e further an' further into this ne% inner sour&e of un'erstan'ing an' enlightenment.

K$ndalini <xperien.e )fter ha"ing !ought the %or6s of 7ama6rishna4 Li"e6anan'a4 Hopi Krishna an' 3atanGali8s Yoga S$tras ?a !ig "olume %ith &omments !y /.K. Taimni@4 / finally 'e&i'e' to !uy the auto!iography of an /n'ian saint4 %hom / %ill in'i&ate !y 3.Y. 2 . /t %as a !oo6 / ha' seen some years !efore !ut ha' not !ought !e&ause it 'i'n8t &ontain pra&ti&al instru&tions. :y hope no% %as that / %oul' !e a!le to fin' useful information su&h as the a''resses of some goo' Yoga s&hools. This auto!iography enthralle' me an' &reate' a strong aspiration to%ar' the mysti&al path. /n &ertain moments / foun' myself almost !urning from an internal fe"er. This pro"i'e' fertile groun' for the &oming of an e"ent %hi&h %as ra'i&ally 'ifferent from any / ha' e;perien&e' !efore. /t %as a 6in' of <intimate< e;perien&e. Nonetheless4 sin&e / ha"e listene' to similar 'es&riptions from Yoga pra&titioners4 / ha"e 'e&i'e' to share it. One night %hile rea'ing 3.Y.8s auto!iography4 / felt a shi"er similar to an ele&tri& &urrent sprea' itself throughout my %hole !o'y. ) 88shi"er88 %as insignifi&ant in itself4 !ut it frightene' me. :y rea&tion %as rather strange sin&e / ha' al%ays !elie"e' / %as immune from fear of all things relate' to trans&en'en&e. The thought flashe' through my min' that a 'eeper e"ent %as going to happen soon9 that it %as going to !e strong4 "ery strong an' / %oul' not !e a!le to stop it in any %ay. /t %as as if my memory ha' some ine;pli&a!le familiarity %ith it an' my instin&t 6ne% its ines&apa!le po%er. / ma'e up my min' to let things happen unimpe'e' an' go ahea' %ith the rea'ing. :inutes passe' an' / %as not a!le to &ontinue rea'ing9 my restlessness turne' into an;iety. Then it again !e&ame fear4 an intense fear of something un6no%n %hi&h %as threatening my e;isten&e. / ha' &ertainly ne"er e;perien&e' a similar state. /n past moments of 'anger4 / use' to remain paralyze'4 una!le to thin6. No% my thoughts %ere stirring franti&ally4 pi&turing the %orst results5 loss of psy&hologi&al !alan&e4 en&ounter %ith an e"il entity4 perhaps e"en 'eath. / felt the urgen&y to 'o something4 e"en though / 'i' not 6no% %hat. / set myself into position for me'itation an' %aite'. The anguish in&rease'. ) part of me4 may!e the totality of that entity / &all <myself<4 seeme' at the point of melting a%ay. The %orst thoughts hung o"er me %ithout a &lear reason. / ha' Gust finishe' rea'ing Hopi Krishna8s K$ndalini= Path to Higher Cons.io$sness in %hi&h the author 'es&ri!e' the splen'i' a%a6ening e;perien&e
2

The rea'er %ill un'erstan' %hy / am not mentioning the full name of 3.Y. > it is not 'iffi&ult ho%e"er to figure out his i'entity. There are many s&hools of Yoga sprea'ing his tea&hings a&&or'ing to a Fspe&ifi& legitima&y8. One of these4 through its representati"es4 ma'e me realize that not only %on8t they tolerate the smallest of the Copyright "iolations4 !ut they %on8t e"en appre&iate their !elo"e' Tea&her8s name !eing mi;e' into 'is&ussions a!out Kriya on the /nternet. The reason is that in the past some people use' -is name to mislea' a high num!er of pra&titioners %ho %ere trying to re&ei"e -is original tea&hings. :oreo"er4 my 'esire is to inform the rea'er that in the follo%ing pages / %ill only summarily linger upon my un'erstan'ing of -is lega&y4 %ithout any pretension of gi"ing an o!Ge&ti"e a&&ount of it. )n intereste' rea'er shoul' not renoun&e the pri"ilege of turning to the original te;tsI

1$

he ha' follo%ing an intense pra&ti&e of &on&entration on the se"enth Cha4ra. -o%e"er > !e&ause his !o'y %as pro!a!ly unprepare' > he later met serious physi&al an'4 as a refle;4 psy&hi& pro!lems as %ell. )&&or'ing to his 'es&ription4 insi'e his !o'y the energy %as for&e' into &onstant motion from the !ase of the !a&6!one to%ar' the !rain. So strong %as the energy that he %as !e'ri''en an' &oul' not a&&omplish normal !o'ily fun&tions. -e literally felt as if he %as !eing !urne' !y an inner fire %hi&h he &oul' not put out. Aee6s later4 he intuiti"ely 'is&o"ere' the %ay to &ontrol the phenomenon > the up%ar' flo% of energy through the spine !e&ame a persistent e;perien&e of internal realization. / %as afrai' / too ha' &ome to the threshol' of that same e;perien&e !ut4 sin&e / 'i' not li"e in /n'ia4 perhaps people aroun' me might not un'erstan'. The e;perien&e %oul' ha"e !een terri!leI No one &oul' help insure that my e;perien&e %oul' !e &hannele' to%ar' a positi"e &on&lusion li6e it %as for Hopi Krishna. The spiritual %orl' appeare' to me to !e a sorro%ful an' horri!le nightmare4 a!le to annihilate an' 'estroy %hoe"er %oul' impru'ently approa&h it. Or'inary life4 on the &ontrary4 seeme' the 'earest an' healthiest reality. / %as afrai' / might not !e a!le to get !a&6 to that &on'ition again. / %as &on"in&e' / ha' opene' a 'oor / %as not suppose' to open4 so / 'e&i'e' to stop the e;perien&e an' put off the fatal moment. / stoo' up an' left the room4 out to the open air. /t %as night an' there %as no!o'y to %hom / &oul' &ommuni&ate my pani&I )t the &enter of the yar' / %as !ur'ene'4 &ho6e'4 almost &rushe' !y a feeling of 'esperation4 en"ying all those people %ho ha' ne"er pra&ti&e' Yoga& / su''enly felt guilty an' ashame' of the harsh %or's / ha' use' against a frien' %ho ha' !een in"ol"e' in part of my sear&h. =i6e so many others4 he ha' shunne' any pra&ti&e4 ignore' lofty rea'ings4 an' 'e&i'e' instea' to enGoy life. E+uippe' %ith a Gu"enile !ol'ness4 / ha' a''resse' him %ith a tone far from affe&tionate4 %hi&h no% starte' to thun'er insi'e my hea'. / %as sorry / ha' thro%n unGustifie' &ruelty at him %ithout really 6no%ing %hat %as in his min' an' soul. / %oul' ha"e li6e' to tell him ho% sorry / %as to ha"e !rutally "iolate' his right to li"e the %ay he thought %as !est. 3erhaps he ha' preferre' to prote&t his mental health rather than !e&ome unsta!le or insane through pra&ti&es he %as unsure of. 1e&ause of my great passion for &lassi&al musi&4 / hope' that listening to it might yiel' the positi"e effe&t of prote&ting me from anguish an' help me get !a&6 my usual moo'. /t %as 1eetho"en8s Con.ert 'or >iolin and /r.hestra! %hi&h / listene' to in my room %ith hea'phones4 that soothe' my soul an' after half an hour ease' my sleep. 1ut the follo%ing morning / a%o6e %ith the same fear. Strange as it may seem4 the t%o pi"otal fa&ts that to'ay stir my most intense emotions > that Ci"ine /ntelligen&e is the "ery !asis of e"erything that e;ists4 an' that man &an pra&ti&e a 'efinite 'is&ipline in or'er to attune to it > &on"eye' to me a feeling of horrorI Sunlight poure' into the room through the gaps in the shutters. / ha' a %hole 'ay !efore me. / %ent out to try an' amuse myself !y !eing %ith other people. / met some frien's an' spent the afternoon &ra&6ing Go6es an' !eha"ing
1(

li6e the people / ha' al%ays &onsi'ere' lazy an' 'ull. /n this %ay4 / su&&ee'e' in hi'ing my anguish. The first 'ay %ent !y9 my min' %as totally %orn out. )fter t%o 'ays4 the fear ha' 'iminishe' an' / finally felt safe. Something felt &hange' any%ay9 / ha'nEt thought a!out Yoga! / only thought aroun' it. One %ee6 later / !egan4 &almly an' 'eta&he'ly4 to pon'er the meaning of %hat ha' happene'. / un'erstoo' the nature of my rea&tion to that episo'e5 / ha' &o%ar'ly run a%ay from the e;perien&e / ha' pursue' for su&h a long timeI /n the 'epth of my soul my 'ignity urge' me to &ontinue %ith my sear&h e;a&tly from the point %here / ha' +uit. / %as rea'y to a&&ept all that %as to happen an' let things follo% their &ourse4 e"en if this pro&ess implie' the loss of my %holesomeness. / !egan the pra&ti&e of Pranayama again4 as intensely as !efore. ) fe% 'ays %ent !y %ithout 'ete&ting any form of fear. Then4 / e;perien&e' something "ery !eautiful. /t %as night. / %as lying in a rela;e' <&orpse pose<4 %hen / ha' a pleasant sensation4 as if an ele&tri& %in' %as !lo%ing in the e;ternal part of my !o'y4 propagating itself +ui&6ly an' %ith a %a"y motion from my feet up to my hea'. :y !o'y %as so tire' / &oul' not mo"e > e"en if my min' ha' or'ere' it to. / felt the familiar sensation !ut ha' no fear. :y &omposure %as serene. Then the ele&tri& %in' %as repla&e' !y another feeling4 &ompara!le to an enormous po%er pouring into the !a&6!one an' +ui&6ly &lim!ing up to the !rain. The e;perien&e %as a&&ompanie' !y an in'es&ri!a!le4 an' so far un6no%n4 sense of !liss. The per&eption of an intense !rightness a&&ompanie' e"erything. :y memory of that moment is &on'ense' into a single e;pression4 <a &lear an' euphori& &ertainty of e;isting4 li6e an unlimite' o&ean of a%areness an' !liss<. The strangest thing %as that in the "ery instant / ha' it4 / foun' it familiar. /n God <xists= ) Ha%e "et Him4 ). Frossar' tries to gi"e an i'ea of his spiritual e;perien&e. To that en'4 he &reates the &on&ept of an <in"erse a"alan&he<. )n a"alan&he &ollapses4 runs 'o%nhill4 first slo%ly then faster an' "iolently at the same time. Frossar' suggests %e shoul' imagine an <upsi'e-'o%n a"alan&he< %hi&h !egins strengthening at the foot of the mountain an' &lim!s up pushe' !y an in&reasing po%er9 then su''enly it leaps up to%ar' the s6y. / 'o not 6no% ho% long this e;perien&e laste'. /t 'efinitely pea6e' out at only a fe% se&on's. Ahen it en'e'4 / turne' on my si'e an' fell into a &alm4 uninterrupte' sleep. The follo%ing 'ay %hen / a%o6e / ha' forgotten it. /t only &ame up some hours later4 'uring a %al6. =eaning against the trun6 of a tree4 / remaine' immo!ile for a &ouple minutes4 enthralle' !y the re"er!eration of the memory. / %as floo'e' %ith great Goy. /t %as as if / ha' %o6en up after a tormente' 'ream9 hea"y limitations ha' !een %eighing my heart 'o%n for a long time an' no% they ha' 'issol"e'. )n elate' &on'ition stret&hing out far past the limits of my a%areness > a sort of memory hi'ing in the re&esses of my su!&ons&ious > !egan to !e re"eale'4 as if a ne% area of my !rain ha' !een stirre' to a full a%a6ening. / foun' myself &ontemplating a 'reamli6e reality4 still o!Ge&ti"ely in'isputa!le9 it ha' arisen in me %ith the naturalness of a primor'ial instin&t although it ha' nothing to 'o %ith the %orl' surroun'ing me in %hi&h / li"e'.
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Appe*3'= to 2hapter 1: 3e!2r'pt'o* o# )( #'r!t Pra*a(a)a ro%t'*e -ere are the pra&ti&al instru&tions a!out the t%o types of Pranayama that / pra&ti&e' at the "ery !eginning of my sear&h. I? Na3' So3ha*a Pra*a(a)a. /t is important to &lean the nostrils !efore !eginning the e;er&ise so the !reath &an flo% smoothly. This &an !e 'one %ith %ater or inhaling eu&alyptus essen&e an' !lo%ing the nose. /f one of the nostrils is permanently o!stru&te'4 that is a pro!lem that nee's to !e sol"e' me'i&ally. /f the o!stru&tion is 'ue to a se"ere &ol'4 no Pranayama e;er&ise shoul' !e pra&ti&e'. 1. The mouth must !e &lose'. 2. Close the right nostril %ith the right thum! an' inhale through the left nostril slo%ly4 uniformly4 an' 'eeply for *-12 se&on's. . 3ause for a mental &ount of after ea&h inhalation. $. Close the left nostril %ith the right little finger an' ring finger of the same han'. (. E;hale through the right nostril %ith the same uniform an' 'eep rhythm. *. Change nostrils. ,. Keep the left nostril &lose'4 inhale through the right nostril. .. Close the right nostril %ith the right thum! an' e;hale through the left nostril slo%ly4 uniformly4 an' 'eeply for *-12 se&on's. This &orrespon's to one &y&le. 1egin %ith * &y&les gra'ually %or6ing up to 12 &y&les. Bse a mental &ount to ma6e sure the time is the same for !oth the inhalation an' the e;halation. Co not o"er'o the !reathing to the point of 'is&omfort. The nostrils &an !e &lose' %ith the fingers in 'ifferent %ays 'epen'ing on the preferen&e of the pra&titioner. II? UAAa(' Pra*a(a)a. The te&hni+ue &onsists of !reathing in an' out 'eeply through !oth nostrils %hile pro'u&ing a soun'Mnoise in the throat. )fter a fe% 'aysE pra&ti&e4 the respiratory a&tion is lengthene' %ithout effort. This e;er&ise is normally pra&ti&e' 12 times. :entally &ount to ensure that the inhalation an' the e;halation ha"e the same 'uration. Con&entration on the &omfort an' the in'u&e' &almness is important5 this allo%s the &on&entration to !e&ome 'eeper. III? Co*2e*trat'o* e=er2'!e. 7emain perfe&tly immo!ile an' rela;e' for at least ( minutes. The !reath is natural an' &alm4 the attention intensely fo&use' on the point !et%een the eye!ro%s. )fter an initial perio' of pra&ti&e4 the Bandhas are a''e' 'uring #adi Sodhana Pranayama. =et us 'efine the Bandhas5 /n 2alandhara Bandha! the ne&6 an' the throat are slightly &ontra&te'4 an' the &hin tilts 'o%n to%ar' the !reast. /n 6ddiyana Bandha ?in a simplifie' form@ the a!'ominal mus&les are slightly &ontra&te'9 the per&eption of energy insi'e the a!'ominal region an' in the spinal &olumn is intensifie'. Curing "$la Bandha! the perineum mus&les > !et%een the anus an' the genital organs > are &ontra&te' in an attempt to lift the a!'ominal mus&les in a "erti&al %ay4 %hile pressing !a&6 the inferior part of the a!'omen. Curing #adi Sodhana Pranayama4 after ha"ing inhale' ?either through the left or through the right nostril@ the yogi &loses !oth nostrils9 'uring the ensuing short pause the three Bandhas are applie' simultaneously. 3ra&ti&ing %ith intensity an' strength of

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&on&entration4 you8ll feel a sensation of energeti& &urrent sli'ing up along the spinal &olumn > an almost e&stati& internal shi"er. =ater4 if it is &omforta!le4 one &an "ary the time ratio of inhalation4 retention ?K$mbha4a@4 an' e;halation. The e;halation shoul' last t%i&e the time ne&essary for the inhalation an' the pause after the inhalation shoul' !e four times as long. This s&heme %ill !e 'enote' as 15$52. Curing the long pause4 the three Bandhas are applie' simultaneously. Time &an !e measure' through mental &hanting of /m. /nhale for a slo%ly &ount of /m. -ol' the !reath for a &ount of 12 /m. E;hale for a &ount of * /m. -emar4s on #adi Sodhana Pranayama Some !oo6s +uote s&ientifi& resear&h en'orsing the !enefit of this te&hni+ue. They e;plain that #adi Sodhana Pranayama shoul' !e pra&ti&e' first !e&ause it !alan&es )da an' Pingala &urrents. )da ?feminine in nature4 tie' to intro"ersion an' to the state of rest@ flo%s "erti&ally along the left si'e of the spinal &olumn4 %hile Pingala ?mas&uline in nature4 tie' to e;tro"ersion an' to the state of physi&al a&ti"ity@ flo%s parallel to )da on the right si'e. S$sh$mna flo%s in the mi''le an' represents the e;perien&e half%ay !et%een the t%o5 the i'eal state to !e a&hie"e' right !efore !eginning the pra&ti&e of me'itation. )n im!alan&e !et%een )da an' Pingala is responsi!le for a la&6 of intro"ersion-e;tro"ersion harmony in many people. O"er-fun&tioning of the )da &hannel results in intro"ersion4 %hile pre'ominan&e of the Pingala lea's to a state of e;tro"ersion. There are times %hen %e feel more e;ternalize'9 others %hen %e are more internalize'. /n a healthy person4 this alternation is &hara&terize' !y a !alan&e !et%een a life of positi"e relationships an' a serene &onta&t %ith one8s o%n 'epths. E;&essi"ely intro"erte' persons ten' to lose &onta&t %ith e;ternal reality. The &onse+uen&e is that the ups an' 'o%ns of life seem to gang up against them in or'er to un'ermine their pea&eful &omposure. E;&essi"e e;tro"erts !etray frailty in 'ealing %ith their un&ons&ious feelings an' might fa&e une;pe&te' 'istressing moments. No%4 the e;er&ise fosters an e+uili!rium !et%een )da an' Pingala an' in 'ue time4 !et%een a ten'en&y to intro"ersion an' a ten'en&y to e;tro"ersion. There are four types of !rain %a"es. Curing 'eep sleep4 'elta %a"es are pre'ominant ?1-$ os&illations per se&on'@4 an' in a 'oze4 the theta %a"es ?$-. os&illations per se&.@ 'ominate. The !rain %a"es that interest us are the alpha %a"es ?.1 os&illations per se&.@. They are mostly present %hen the person has &lose' eyes4 is mentally rela;e' !ut still a%a6e an' a!le to e;perien&e. Ahen the eyes are opene'4 or the person is 'istra&te' in some other %ay4 the alpha %a"es are %ea6ene'4 an' there is an in&rease of the faster !eta %a"es ?1 -$2 os&illations per se&.@. The amount of alpha %a"es sho%s to %hat 'egree the !rain is in a state of rela;e' a%areness. EEH measurements pro"e that alpha %a"es in&rease 'uring me'itation an' the amount of alpha %a"es in ea&h !rain half !alan&e out. No%4 the more %e pra&ti&e #adi Sodhana4 the more the alpha %a"es ten' to !e&ome e+ual. #adi Sodhana &reates that perfe&t !alan&e %hi&h is the !est &on'ition to enter the me'itation state.

1.

C-)3TE7 2 KRIYA YOGA FROM ORGANIBATIONS

Bn'erta6ing the pra&ti&e of Pranayama %as li6e planting the see' of a mighty tree in the fe"erish season of my youth an' &ontemplating its safe gro%th at other times of my life. Pranayama !e&ame my safe refuge %hen the trials of life &onspire' to %ear a%ay the !asi& Goy %hi&h %as my inherent nature. 1y sharpening aestheti& enGoyment4 it fille' my 'ays %ith the fruition of i'eal 1eauty4 reinfor&ing my 'etermination to see6 only insi'e it the tra&es of the ineffa!le <Prime%al Ca$se? of all things. / ha' no 'ou!ts that the 7eality to%ar's %hi&h / %as 'ire&ting my life %as the 88Self88 as &on&ei"e' !y C.H. #ung. / !elie"e' that Pranayama %oul' initiate a &leansing of the su!&ons&ious part of my psy&he4 gui'ing me along the <)ndi%id$ation Pro.ess< 'es&ri!e' !y #ung. /n my 'reamerEs heart4 / fan&ie' / %oul' fa&e the ar&hetypes of the Colle&ti"e Bn&ons&ious.... / 6ne% that no man shoul' un'erta6e su&h a perilous "enture %ithout the gui'e of a traine' psy&hologist !ut / ha' no fear as / relie' upon my o%n enthusiasm4 "igilan&e4 an' in'omita!le %ill to perfe&t my Pranayama& )nother thing ha' !e&ome a'amantly &lear5 / %oul' ha"e to &hoose a profession that %oul' not o&&upy my entire 'ay nor all my energy. / ha' to li"e a life that 'i' not !etray my inner SelfI The K$ndalini e;perien&e happene' se"eral times !ut ne"er !e&ame &onstant. /t too6 pla&e espe&ially %hen / 'e"ote' myself to stu'y late at night an' then lay e;hauste' on my !e'. Ahene"er it appeare' my heart !u!!le' %ith infinite gratefulness to something higher4 !eyon' my &apa!ilities of un'erstan'ing an' "isualizing. / !elie"e' Pranayama &oul' help anyone to li"e in a !etter %ay. /n my !eginner8s zeal4 / &oul' not refrain from trying to &on"in&e other people of its !enefits. Sin&e my frien's 'i' not share my enthusiasm !ut %ere polite %hile listening4 / insiste' on emphasizing some aspe&ts of their !eha"ior %hi&h / 'e&i'e' nee'e' impro"ement. /n my opinion they %ere e;&essi"e in their 'esire to al%ays appear &heerful an' %illing to help out. :y point %as that the great amount of energy they s+uan'ere' in this 'e!ilitating pra&ti&e %as &ounter!alan&e' !y perio's in %hi&h they ga"e the impression of <implo'ing<. They %oul' in'i"i'ually 'isappear for some time an'4 strange in'ee'4 they &oul' no longer put up %ith anyone. /n short4 / %as telling them that their so&ial life %as a far&e4 %hile they ha' la!ele' me anti-so&ial. / 'e&lare' that Pranayama %oul' harness their energies to%ar's a more !alan&e' psy&he. This generate' a "iolent rea&tion. They replie' that my %or's %ere 'epri"e' of a genuine sense of respe&t an' lo"e an' that / %as una!le to sho% sympathy to%ar' others. The essen&e of %hat / ha' foun' in Pranayama4 %hi&h / %ent on e;tolling unflin&hingly4 appeare' to them as the pinna&le of egoism4 lea'ing to insulation an' unhealthy 'eta&hment from reality. Huilt-ri''en4 / sa% / ha' pro"o6e' only !itterness. Furthermore4 / ha' !een terri!ly &ruel4 ha"ing4 for purposes of my 'is+uisition4 ta6en a'"antage of my frien'8s past &onfi'ential a'missions. Only one frien'4 a <-ippie<4 un'erstoo' perfe&tly %hat / %as saying an'
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sho%e' me some empathy9 to him4 the only real pro!lem %as my e;&essi"e enthusiasm a!out the automati& !enefits of Pranayama. -e ha' no 'ou!ts that my su&&ess in this pra&ti&e 'epen'e' %holly on me. /n his opinion4 Pranayama %as not an art !ringing its o%n re%ar'4 !ut an <amplifier< of %hat you ha"e insi'e4 enhan&ing %hat you ha"e alrea'y a&hie"e'. Pranayama4 he sai'4 &oul' not &reate anything ne%. )t this point / agree' that Pranayama &oul' also !e regar'e' as an internal &leaning pro&ess !ut / argue' it %as also an a&tion of 88&lim!ing88 to%ar' a lofty state of &ons&iousness %here!y you a&hie"e' something ra'i&ally ne%. )t that moment / felt 'isoriente'9 / %asn8t a!le to see that the t%o "isions &oul' &oe;ist > / %as young an' / &ategorize' e"erything as !la&6 or %hite. The imme'iate pro!lem %as to fin' other te;ts4 nay4 all the e;isting te;ts a!out Pranayama. /n his auto!iography 3.Y. hints at Kriya Yoga! a type of Pranayama! %hi&h %as first taught !y =ahiri :ahasaya an' ha' to !e mastere' through 'o$r le%els. =ahiri :ahasaya himself %as 'epi&te' as the em!o'iment of Yoga @ surely there must ha"e !een something uni+ue in his <%ay<I / lo"e' Pranayama4 an' the i'ea of impro"ing it through 'ifferent steps soun'e' %on'erful. /f the !reathing e;er&ises / ha' alrea'y pra&ti&e' ha' gi"en me su&h in&ompara!le results4 it %as o!"ious that the Kriya four-stage system %oul' ma6e them greater an' greaterI :y imagination ran %il' an' my fer"or gre%. / %ent on rea'ing !oo6s !y 3.Y. / %as amaze' !y his personality4 %ith une+uale' %ill an' an une;pe&te' pra&ti&al spirit. -e 'i' not e;&ite me %hen he spo6e on a purely 'e"otional tone4 !ut 'i' %hene"er he assume' a more te&hni&al one4 ma6ing it possi!le for me to fantasize a!out the glory of Kriya. Ahat / &oul' surmise %as that Kriya Yoga &onsiste' of slo% an' 'eep !reathing %ith the a%areness fo&use' on the spine4 ma6ing the inner energy rotate aroun' the Cha4ras. 3.Y. highlighte' the e"olutionary "alue of Pranayama. -e e;plaine' that if %e &ompare the human spinal &olumn to a ferromagneti& su!stan&e &onstitute' of elementary magnets that turn to%ar's the same 'ire&tion %hen they are o"erlappe' !y a magneti& fiel'4 as taught !y physi&s4 then the a&tion of Pranayama is a6in to this pro&ess of magnetization. 1y uniformly re'ire&ting all the <su!tle< parts of our spinal &or'8s physi&al an' astral essen&e4 the Kriya Pranayama !urns off the so-&alle' <!a' see's< of Karma. No% my +uestion %as %hether or not / ha' to go to /n'ia to loo6 for a tea&her to gui'e me. Sin&e / planne' to get through my uni"ersity stu'ies as +ui&6ly as possi!le4 / reGe&te' the i'ea of a Gourney to /n'ia for the near future. One 'ay %hile again rea'ing a te;t of 3.Y.4 / realize' that he ha' %ritten a %hole
Ae allu'e to Karma %hene"er %e sti&6 to the &ommon !elief that a person inherits a !aggage of latent ten'en&ies from his pre"ious li"es an' that4 sooner or later4 these ten'en&ies %ill &ome out in a&tual life. Of &ourse Kriya is a pra&ti&e %hi&h one &an e;perimentally use %ithout ne&essarily ha"ing to a&&ept any &ree's. -o%e"er4 sin&e the &on&ept of Karma lies at the !asis of /n'ian thought4 it is %orth%hile to un'erstan' an' spea6 freely of it. )&&or'ing to this !elief4 Pranayama !urns out the effe&ts of the <!a' see's< Gust !efore they manifest in our li"es. /t is further e;plaine' that those people %ho are instin&ti"ely attra&te' !y metho's of spiritual 'e"elopment su&h as Kriya4 ha"e alrea'y pra&ti&e' something similar in a <pre&e'ent in&arnation<. This is !e&ause su&h an a&tion is ne"er in "ain an' in a&tual life they get !a&6 to it e;a&tly %here4 in a remote past4 they ha' +uit it.

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set of lessons on Kriya4 an' that these &oul' !e re&ei"e' !y &orrespon'en&e. Aith great Goy4 / +ui&6ly applie' for the &ourse. The %ritten material tra"ele' !y ship an' the 'elay times %ere enormous. $ Ahen after four months / re&ei"e' the first lesson4 / &ame to 6no% that the .orresponden.e &ourse ha' to !e &ontinue' for at least one year !efore applying for the Kriya lessons. :ean%hile / 'e&i'e' to impro"e the e;er&ises / alrea'y pra&ti&e'4 using all the !oo6s / &oul' fin' > regar'less of the language in %hi&h they %ere %ritten. )t least no% / 6ne% %hat to sear&h for > no more the &lassi& e;er&ises ?Kapalabhati! Bhastri4a...@ !ut a 6in' of Pranayama in %hi&h the energy ha' to !e "isualize' rotating4 in some %ay4 aroun' the Cha4ras& /f this is > as state' !y 3.Y. > a uni"ersal pro&ess4 / ha' a goo' &han&e of tra&ing it through other sour&es an' tra'itions. Something 'ormant in the &orner of my memory a%a6ene'. / "aguely remem!ere' ha"ing seen some 'ra%ings in a !oo6 a!out o&&ultism %hi&h s6et&he' out the 'ifferent &ir&uits of energy throughout the human !o'y. The i'ea &ame to me to see6 the essential information in esoteri. !oo6s rather than in the &lassi& !oo6s on Yoga. / starte' going to a use' !oo6s store %hi&h %as "ery %ell sto&6e'4 pro!a!ly !e&ause it ha' on&e !een the Theosophi&al So&iety8s referen&e !oo6store. / turne' 'o%n those te;ts %hi&h 'ealt only %ith philosophi&al topi&s4 %hile4 in e&stasy an' not &on&erne' !y time4 / 6ept on s6imming through those %hi&h illustrate' pra&ti&al e;er&ises %ith &larity. 1efore pur&hasing a !oo6 / ma'e sure it hinte' at the possi!ility of &hanneling the energy along &ertain internal passages4 thus &reating the prere+uisite for a%a6ening the K$ndalini. Ahile rea'ing the in'e; of a te;t %hi&h %as in three "olumes4 intro'u&ing the esoteri& thought of the 7osi&ru&ian 1rotherhoo'4 / %as attra&te' !y the entry4 88Breathing exer.ise 'or the a7a4ening o' K$ndalini .88 /t %as a "ariation of #adi Sodhana& Some notes %arne' not to e;aggerate the e;er&ise !e&ause of the ris6 of a premature K$ndalini a%a6ening4 %hi&h %as to !e a"oi'e' !y all means. This %as 'efinitely not 3.Y.8s Kriya !e&ause4 a&&or'ing to se"eral &lues4 Kriya %as not to !e 'one %ith alternate-nostril !reathing. So / %ent on haunting the !oo6store. The o%ner %as "ery ni&e an' / almost felt o!lige'4 &onsi'ering the &heap pri&e an' the perfe&t &on'itions of those se&on'-han' !oo6s4 to !uy at least one !oo6 per ea&h "isit. Often a lot of spa&e %as 'e'i&ate' to theories alien to &on&rete life4 %hi&h trie' to 'es&ri!e %hat &annot !e seen or !e e;perien&e' > su&h as the astral %orl's an' the su!tle &o"erings of energy %rapping our !o'y. One 'ay4 after !ro%sing through a tiresome sele&tion of !oo6s4 / %ent to the store6eeper %ith a !oo6 %ith %hi&h he must ha"e realize' / %as not satisfie'. Ahile 'e&i'ing the pri&e4 he thought of something that might interest me. -e le' me to the !a&6 of the store an' in"ite' me to rummage through a &ar'!oar' !o; fille' %ith a messy heap of papers. )mong a +uantity of mis&ellaneous material ?&omplete series of the theosophi&al magazine issues4 s&attere' notes from ol'
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/ &an still &onsi'er myself as fortunate. / li"e' in North East /taly not far from the !or'er %ith the former Yugosla"ia. Those people %ho li"e' !eyon' the /ron Curtain &oul' not re&ei"e su&h material.

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&ourse on hypnosis et&.@4 / &ame upon a !oo6let %ritten in Herman !y a &ertain K. Spies!erger %hi&h &ontaine' "arious esoteri& te&hni+ues4 among them K$ndaliniAbreathing. / 'i' not ha"e mu&h familiarity %ith the Herman language4 !ut / imme'iately realize' the e;traor'inary importan&e of that te&hni+ue. / %oul' 'ou!tlessly !e a!le to 'e&ipher all of it at home %ith the help of a 'i&tionary. ( The 'es&ription of this te&hni+ue still amazes me. Curing a 'eep !reath4 the air %as to !e imagine' flo%ing insi'e the spinal &olumn. Ahile inhaling4 the air %as rising9 %hen e;haling4 the air %as flo%ing 'o%n. There %as also the 'es&ription of t%o parti&ular soun's &reate' !y air originating in the throat. /n another !oo6 %ritten in English there %as an e;hausti"e 'es&ription of the "agi. breath > %hi&h &onsiste' of "isualizing the energy flo%ing aro$nd the !a&6!one4 not inside it. Through the inhalation4 the energy ha' to go up !ehin' the spinal &olumn4 to the &enter of the hea'9 e;haling4 it ha' to go 'o%n along the front part of the !o'y. / &ompletely forgot a!out the other material. The smir6 of satisfa&tion / %ore !efore the store6eeper hol'ing the t%o !oo6s4 as if / ha' foun' a treasure of unfathoma!le "alue4 'efinitely &ause' an in&rease in their pri&e. Aal6ing home4 / &oul' not help s6imming through the pages. / %as &urious a!out some rough 'ra%ings illustrating te&hni+ues %hi&h %ere !ase' on the mo"ement of energy. / rea' that the "agi. breath %as one of the most "alua!le se&rets of all times4 an' if pra&ti&e' &onstantly4 a&&ompanie' !y the strength of "isualization4 it %oul' open the spiritual eye. / &on"in&e' myself that this te&hni+ue ha' to !e =ahiri :ahasaya8s Kriya an' in&orporate' it into my 'aily routine4 repla&ing the pra&ti&e of 6((ayi Pranayama& ) "eet /ther Kriyabans ) letter from the organization sen'ing me 3.Y.Es lessons informe' me a!out other people li"ing not far from my area4 %ho %ere also pra&ti&ing Kriya Yoga. They ha' forme' a group in or'er to pra&ti&e that 'is&ipline together. / %as enthusiasti& an' +ui"ere' %ith &heerful anti&ipation to meet them. That night / &oul' har'ly fall asleep. <Too !right %ere our hea"ens4 too far a%ay4 too frail their ethereal stuff<4 %rote Sri A$robindo. / %oul' ne"er ha"e thought that those %or's &oul' !e applie' to my meeting those peopleI Aith a sort of sour irony4 / %oul' 'are say that that phase of my life &hara&terize' !y e;treme enthusiasm for Pranayama ha' !een too happy for it to last mu&h longer. / no% e;perien&e' firsthan' the pro!lems4 limitations an' 'istortions &ause' !y the human min' %hen it has lost the ha!it of rational thin6ing. :any times in the future / %oul' ha"e to e;perien&e ho% life is ma'e of short moments of inspiration an' serenity4
(

/ &annot help smiling %hen some half-hearte' people insist that they are fon' of Kriya4 yet they %ill not stu'y some &ru&ial te;ts in English !e&ause they are afrai' to misinterpret them. / am &on"in&e' that their interests are superfi&ial an' rather emoti"e. Su&h %as my enthusiasm that / %oul' ha"e stu'ie' Sans6rit or Chinese or any other language4 if that ha' gi"en me the &han&e to un'erstan' an essential te;t on PranayamaI

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alternating %ith times %hen all seems lost an' the 'istortions of the ego reign supreme. Ahile approa&hing the man in &harge of that group %ith total sin&erity4 / &oul' not ha"e imagine' %hat 6in' of a har' sho&6 / %as a!out to re&ei"e. -e %el&ome' me %ith "isi!le enthusiasm4 sin&erely eager to meet a person %ith %hom he &oul' share the fire of his passion. Sin&e the "ery first moment of our meeting4 stan'ing on his 'oorstep4 / tol' him ho% fas&inate' / %as !y the pra&ti&e of Kriya. -e as6e' me right a%ay %hen / ha' !een initiate' in this pra&ti&e4 ta6ing for grante' that / ha' re&ei"e' the tea&hing from the same organization he %as a mem!er of. Ahen he figure' out that / ha' pi&6e' out a !reathing te&hni+ue in a !oo6 an' foole' myself it %as Kriya Pranayama4 he %as horrifie' an' sho%e' a !itter smile of 'isappointment. -e thought / &onsi'ere' Kriya Yoga a &hil'8s play an' ha' no i'ea ho% serious it %as. Lisi!ly &onfuse' / !a!!le' something a!out &urrents an' soun' of the !reath4 !ut he 'i'n8t %ant to hear any more an' ushere' me to his stu'y. -e emphasize' that Kriya &annot !e learne' through !oo6s. -e !egan the tale > %hi&h4 later on4 / ha' the opportunity to hear plenty of times > of the Ti!etan yogi :ilarepa %ho4 getting no positi"e results from the painsta6ing pra&ti&e of his frau'ulently learne' te&hni+ues4 re&ei"e' the "ery same instru&tions 6neeling at the feet of an' %ith the !ene'i&tion of his G$r$ > so that this time the results &ame out easily. Ae all 6no% ho% the human min' is more &on'itione' !y an ane&'ote than !y a logi&al referen&eI )n ane&'ote4 e"en if it is totally fan&iful %ith fi&tional purpose4 is en'o%e' %ith a sort of internal <!rightness< that &on'itions a person8s &ommon sense. Stimulating emotions an' feelings4 it is a!le to &lou' people8s Gu'gment in or'er for them to easily a&&ept &on&lusions that are a!sur'. This story left me spee&hless9 / Gust 'i' not 6no% %hat to reply. There %as only one %ay4 a&&or'ing to him4 to learn Kriya5 !e initiate' !y a <:inister< authorize' !y 3.Y.8s organizationI -e tol' me that no other person %as allo%e' to tea&h the te&hni+ue. -e4 an' all the other 'e"otees of his group4 ha' re&ei"e' the te&hni+ue4 s%earing a stri&t an' solemn promise of se&re&y. <Se.re.y,< -o% o'' this %or' soun'e'4 %hat a strange appeal4 %hat a mysterious fas&ination it e;erte' upon my !eingI Bntil then4 / ha' al%ays !elie"e' it 'i' not matter at all ho% a &ertain tea&hing %as re&ei"e'4 or %hat !oo6 ha' !een rea' or stu'ie' in or'er to learn it. / thought that the only important thing %as to pra&ti&e it &orre&tly4 a&&ompanie' !y the 'esire to go 'eeper an' 'eeper into it. The i'ea !egan to enter my min' that it %as in fa&t o6ay to prote&t pre&ious lore from in'is&reet eyes. Staring into my eyes4 %ith an enormous emotional impa&t4 he %ent on to say that a pra&ti&e learne' from any other sour&e %as <%orth nothing4 it %ill not !e effe&ti"e in matters of spiritual purpose<4 an' a possi!le effe&t4 only apparently en&ouraging4 might !e <a 'angerous illusion in %hi&h the ego remains trappe' for a long time<. /nflame' !y an a!solute faith4 he laun&he' himself into a %i'e 'is&ourse on the "alue of the <G$r$< ?spiritual Tea&her@4 a puzzling &on&ept to me !e&ause it %as attri!ute' to a person that he ha' not 6no%n 'ire&tly. -a"ing !een initiate' into Kriya through the legitimate' &hannels of 3.Y.8s organization4 3.Y. %as4 to
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him4 real an' present in his life4 an' 88his88 G$r$. The same thing %as true for the other people !elonging to that group. Their G$r$ %as a spe&ial ai' sent !y Ho' -imself4 therefore su&h an e"ent %as <the greatest lu&6 a human !eing &an e"er ha"e.< The logi&al &onse+uen&e > un'erline' %ith o"erflo%ing emphasis > %as that4 a!an'oning su&h form of ai' or loo6ing for a 'ifferent spiritual path amounte' to <a hateful reGe&tion of the Ci"ine han'4 stret&he' out in !ene'i&tion.< -e as6e' me to 'emonstrate for him my !oo6-learne' Kriya te&hni+ue. -e e;pe&te'4 / suppose4 to "erify a %ell-roote' preGu'i&e that the te&hni+ue4 re&ei"e' through illegitimate &hannels4 &oul' not > !e&ause of a parti&ular spiritual la% > !e anything !ut &orrupte'. -e smile' %hen he sa% me !reathing through the nose. Then he as6e' me to e;plain if there %as something upon %hi&h / %as fo&using my attention 'uring my !reathing. )&&or'ing to the !oo6s / ha' rea'4 the energy &oul' !e "isualize' !oth flo%ing insi'e the spine an' aroun' the spine. Sin&e 3.Y. %rote that a 4riyaban <mentally 'ire&ts his life energy to re"ol"e4 up%ar' an' 'o%n%ar'4 aroun' the si; spinal &enters<4 / &hose the se&on' of the t%o possi!ilities an' this %as the "ersion / e;plaine'. -a"ing also rea' in another !oo6 that 'uring Kriya Pranayama the pra&titioner %as suppose' to &hant 88/m88 mentally into ea&h Cha4ra4 / a''e' this 'etail as %ell. / 'i' not realize that 3.Y. ha' 'e&i'e' to simplify the instru&tions taught in the %est4 using the other "ariation %ith no mental &hanting of /m. Ahile telling him these 'etails4 / sa% an inner satisfa&tion sprea'ing o"er his fa&e. Clearly he 'i'n8t i'entify my pra&ti&e %ith the te&hni+ue of Kriya Pranayama he ha' learne'. The <se&ret< he %as !oun' to ha' not !een !ro6en !y the author of my esoteri& !oo6I 3reten'ing to feel sorry for my &onse+uent 'isappointment4 he informe' me in an offi&ial tone that my te&hni+ue ha' <nothing to 'o %ith Kriya Pranayama<I ) really !izarre situation %as ta6ing pla&e5 / %as 'es&ri!ing for him a te&hni+ue "ery similar to Kriya Pranayama taught !y =ahiri :ahasaya %hile this gentlemen %as one hun're' per &ent sure that / %as tal6ing nonsenseI -o%e"er4 sin&e my position %as totally in&ompati!le %ith his !asi& tenets4 he re&ommen'e' that / sen' a %ritten a&&ount to the hea'+uarters of 3.Y.8s organization4 'es&ri!ing the 'etails of my "i&issitu'es4 hoping that they %oul' a&&ept me as a 'is&iple an'4 in 'ue time4 grant me the sa&re' /nitiation to Kriya Yoga. / %as some%hat stunne' !y the tone in %hi&h our 'ialog %as progressing. /n or'er to re-esta!lish the initial agreea!ility of our meeting4 / trie' to reassure him a!out the positi"e effe&ts / ha' gaine' from my pra&ti&e. :y statement a&tually ha' the effe&t of %orsening the %hole matter4 gi"ing him the &han&e to s&ol' me a se&on' time4 %hi&h %as not totally unfair !ut un'ou!te'ly out of pla&e. -e ma'e it &lear / shoul' ne"er loo6 for any tangi!le effe&ts in the pra&ti&e of Kriya mu&h less shoul' / 'isplay them4 !e&ause in this %ay / %oul' <lose them.< That &le"er guy ha' tal6e' himself straight into an o!"ious &ontra'i&tion %ithout e"en realizing it9 he %as saying that the results %ere too important to ris6 losing them !y telling others4 %hile a fe% se&on's !efore he ha' stresse' that they %ere of no "alue %hatsoe"er.
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7ealizing he ha' gi"en too mu&h of his time to me4 a strange metamorphosis too6 pla&e in his 'emeanor. /t %as as if all of a su''en he ha' !een in"este' %ith a sa&re' role5 he promise' he %oul' pray for meI On that 'ay4 / ha' lost the <fight.< / tol' him / %oul' follo% his a'"i&e. )s a matter of fa&t4 from that moment / a!an'one' Pranayama entirely an' restri&te' my pra&ti&e to simply &entering my attention !et%een the eye!ro%s ? K$tastha@ > Gust as he ha' suggeste' to me. A.ting ;he Part o' a e%otee The group pra&ti&ing Kriya met t%i&e a %ee6 to pra&ti&e the te&hni+ues together. The room 'e"ote' to me'itation %as !are !ut pleasant. Ea&h mem!er pai' part of the rental4 so that &ontinuan&e %oul' not 'epen' on the o%ner8s %hims an' &oul' !e 'e'i&ate' to an e;&lusi"ely spiritual use. / !egan atten'ing these meetings an' / remem!er it nostalgi&ally > listening to /n'ian songs translate' an' harmonize' for %esterners an'4 a!o"e all4 me'itating together %as a true GoyI E"erything seeme' hea"enly to me4 e"en though little time %as gi"en to the pra&ti&e of me'itation > no more than 22 minutes4 often !arely 1( minutes. ) parti&ularly inspiring session of &olle&ti"e pra&ti&e too6 pla&e on Christmas E"e4 enri&he' !y 'e"otional songs an' lasting many hours. )t the en' of ea&h me'itation %e %ere re+uire' to 'epart in silen&e4 thus / !egan to 6no% my ne% frien's more &losely only 'uring the monthly <so&ial< lun&h. /t %as a !eautiful &han&e to spen' some hours tal6ing an' enGoying ea&h other8s &ompany. Sin&e many of us 'i' not ha"e their familyEs appro"al4 mu&h less support4 in the pra&ti&e of Yoga4 the only o&&asion %e ha' to spen' time among people %ith the same i'eas an' interests %as an e;perien&e of serenity an' rela;ation. Bnfortunately4 the pleasantry of our meetings %as partly spoile' !e&ause the 'ire&tors of 3.Y.8s organization ha' re+ueste' us not to tal6 a!out other spiritual paths or 'eal %ith spe&ifi& 'etails of Kriya Yoga te&hni+ues& Only authorize' people &oul' &o"er su&h a role9 no one in our group &oul'. Curing our gatherings4 sin&e our &on"ersations %ere stri&tly 6ept on %ell'efine' tra&6s4 %e %ere not a!le to fin' a topi& %hi&h %oul' !e interesting an' at the same time respe&te' the gi"en rules. /t %as not the right pla&e for gossip4 unsuita!le for a spiritual group 'is&ussion. So only one topi& %as left5 the !eauty of our spiritual path an' our great fortune in ha"ing 'is&o"ere' itI No %on'er that4 after some meetings of mutual <e;altation<4 an almost frightening !ore'om starte' to reign. )s a last resort4 some ris6e' telling some Go6es. They %ere not mean or insulting Go6es4 !ut a light an' inno&ent use of humor. Bnfortunately this also ha' to li"e up to the 'e"otional attitu'e 6ept !y many of the mem!ers an' e"entually su&&um!e' to their &ol' attitu'e4 una!le to sho% a single in&h of true Go"iality. / &annot say that people %ere 'epresse'4 rather they seeme' 'i"inely happy4 !ut %hen you trie' to !e agreea!le you got a loo6 an' a hint of a smile that left you frozen for the rest of the 'ay. )s a matter of &ourse4 the group un'er%ent a great re&y&ling pro&ess9 many mem!ers %ho ha' Goine' %ith enthusiasm +uit after a fe% months an' then4 o''ly an' %ithout 'eep reasons4
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s&rape' the %hole e;perien&e off their &ons&iousness. :y open temperament allo%e' me to !e&ome &lose to one person an' esta!lish a !on' %hi&h later !e&ame true frien'ship. -o%e"er4 it %as not so easy to fin' %hat &oul' !e &alle' a free spiritual see6er. :any ma'e a 'isplay of emotionally-&harge' 'e"otion4 others4 perhaps en"isaging the prospe&t of e;pan'ing our group4 seeme' to ha"e the sole aim of raising enough fun's to pro"i'e our rente' room %ith impressi"e signs of its sa&re' &onse&ration9 others seeme' only so&ial misfits. Some of them &oul' not !elie"e that / ha' no 'ou!ts or un&ertainties a!out the Kriya path an' rea&te' to my enthusiasm %ith annoyan&e. They &onsi'ere' my euphoria the typi&al attitu'e of an immature !eginner. E"en %hile 'oing my !est to &on"in&e myself that / %as among in'i"i'uals %ith the same passions4 / ha' to a&6no%le'ge that the reality of it %as altogether 'ifferentI Aith a !arely &on&eale' impatien&e4 / trie' on 'ifferent o&&asions to re&ei"e some elu&i'ation on the te&hni+ue of Kriya !y 'is&ussing %hat ha' !een my !oo6-learne' pra&ti&e of it. / hope' that someone4 ma6ing some o!li+ue remar6 a!out it4 %oul' help me 'is&o"er the e;a&t Kriya Pranayama te&hni+ue. No <&ourting< &oul' e;tra&t e"en a &rum! of information from them. Ea&h one repeate' that he %as <not authorize' to gi"e out any e;planations<4 an' this rule %as stri&tly respe&te'. )n ol' 4riyaban tol' me5 <Ahen you re&ei"e Kriya! you %ill !e 'isappointe'.88 E"en to'ay / still 'on8t 6no% %hat he meant. Ahile / %as &ontinuously re&ei"ing unas6e'-for lessons of 'e"otion4 humility4 an' loyalty4 my interest for Kriya !e&ame a real &ra"ing4 a !urning fe"er. / &oul' not un'erstan' %hy / ha' to %ait su&h a long time4 an' my great anti&ipation turne' into a fruitless anguish at times. ) 4riyaban! ma6ing fun of me %ith un&on&eale' &ruelty4 tol' me5 <They %on8t gi"e you the Kriya at all9 a 'e"otee shoul' not 'esire a te&hni+ue %ith su&h intensity. Ho' is to !e mostly foun' through 'e"otion an' surren'er.< / trie' to !eha"e li6e a pious 'is&iple !ut 'eep 'o%n / a%aite' my initiation %ith unimagine' eagerness. Preliminary ;e.hniB$es to Kriya 1y stu'ying the &orrespon'en&e &ourse4 / learne' 'ifferent %ays of &reating healthy ha!its in or'er not to 'istur! !ut rather foster the !lossoming of my spiritual e;perien&es. / trie' my utmost to em!ra&e the s&hool8s pe&uliar -in'uChristian religious premise. /t %as easy for me to a'mire an' &herish the figure of Krishna4 imagining -im as the +uintessen&e of e"ery !eauty9 later / !e&ame a&+uainte' %ith the figure of the Ci"ine :other4 %ho %as not the :a'onna4 !ut a s%eetening of the i'ea of the go''ess Kali. :y affe&tion for 3.Y.8s %ritings %as genuine. Sometimes / &onsi'ere' a parti&ular thought of 3.Y. so appealing an' perfe&t that / %oul' %rite it 'o%n on a sheet of paper an' 6eep it on my 'es6. / then re&ei"e' the t%o te&hni+ues HongASa$ an' /m. The first one ?&alle' HongASa$ !e&ause of the employe' "antra ?%hi&h translates as 88/ am -e88@ slo%s 'o%n the !reath an' the %hole psy&hophysi&al system9 the se&on'
2*

one &on&erns itself %ith listening to internal ?astral@ soun's melting into the /m soun'. / 'i'n8t re&ei"e these instru&tions at the same time !ut %ith an inter"al of t%o months !et%een. This ga"e me the splen'i' opportunity to &on&entrate on the first te&hni+ue for many %ee6s9 only then %oul' the &om!ination of the t%o te&hni+ues &ome4 the first in the morning an' a total immersion in the se&on' at night. Thus4 / &oul' e;periment %ith the meaning an' !eauty of ea&h. Our group re&ei"e' the "isit of an el'erly la'y %ho ha' personally &orrespon'e' %ith 3.Y. Than6s to her earnestness4 sin&erity4 an' long-time loyal 'is&ipleship she ha' !een authorize' to help us %ith me'itation. -er temperament %as "ery s%eet an' more in&line' to un'erstan'ing rather than to &ensorship. She 'emonstrate' the so-&alle' < -e.harging <xer.ises< ?/ ha' alrea'y learne' them from the %ritten lessons@. These e;er&ises %ere similar to isometri& stret&hes an' %ere pra&ti&e' %hile stan'ing9 pe&uliar to them4 ho%e"er4 %as that the Prana %as 'ire&te' to all the parts of the !o'y through &on&entration. Then she re"ie%e' the HongASa$ te&hni+ue. She %ent on to &larify that the HongASa$ te&hni+ue %as not easy at all4 in spite of its apparent simpli&ity9 !ut en&ouraging us %ith a smile4 she &on&lu'e'5 <The te&hni+ue &ontains all you nee' to &ome into &onta&t %ith the Ci"ine Essen&e<. * Then she '%elt on the /m te&hni+ue. , She e;plaine' that 3.Y. ha' trie' to e;plain the tea&hing of the Trinity in a ne% %ay. /m is the <Amen< of the 1i!le > the <Ho"( Gho!t<4 the <%itness<4 a soun'9 a proof of the "i!ration of energy sustaining the uni"erse. The /m te&hni+ue4 'is&o"ere' !y the mysti&s long ago4 ma6es it possi!le to 'ete&t this "i!ration. Than6s to this te&hni+ue it is also possi!le to !e gui'e' to%ar' the e;perien&e of the < So*< > the Ci"ine a%areness that is present insi'e the a!o"e-mentione' energeti& "i!ration. )t the en' of one8s spiritual Gourney4 one &an rea&h the highest reality4 the < Father< > the Ci"ine a%areness !eyon' e"ery e;isting thing in the uni"erse.
/n that happy perio' of my life / trie' tra&6ing 'o%n in spiritual literature any mo"ement or eminent figure %ho ha' a lin6 %ith <Om.< There is no 'ou!t that Saint #ohn of the Cross hear' the typi&al rushing %ater soun' of the /m "i!ration. -e ga"e a splen'i' 'es&ription of his meeting %ith the <resoun'ing ri"ers<4 the <silent musi&<4 the <soun'ing solitu'e<. Teresa of )"ila in her !oo6 <The /nterior Castle< %rote5 </t roars li6e many !ig ri"ers %ith %aterfalls4 there are flutes4 an' a host of little !ir's seem to !e %histling4 not in the ears4 !ut in the upper part of the hea'4 %here the soul is sai' to ha"e its spe&ial seat.< <See6 the Soun' that ne"er &eases4 see6 the sun that ne"er sets<4 %rote the great mysti& 7umi. <The uni"erse %as manifeste' out of the Ci"ine Soun'9 from /t
&ame into !eing the =ight.< ?Shams-i Ta!rizN@.
*

=ater on4 this te&hni+ue %as 'estine' to gi"e me e;&ellent results !y i'eally esta!lishing a &onne&tion !et%een ea&h !reath an' a 'ifferent Cha4ra > !ut / %rite a!out this in )ppen'i; $ to the thir' part of the !oo6. This te&hni+ue 'oes not !elong to those in&lu'e' in the original Kriya Yoga4 %herein the internal soun' per&eption happens %ithout &losing the ears. /t is not an in"ention !y 3.Y. /t ha' !een plainly 'es&ri!e' in the !oo6s of &lassi&al Yoga4 &alle' #ada Yoga > <the Yoga of the soun'.< /t is a goo' preparation for Kriya sin&e instea' of putting the a&&ent on <'oing<4 it tea&hes the attitu'e of <per&ei"ing.<

2,

The la'y8s e;planation %as &hara&terize' !y su&h a sa&re' fla"or that it staye' %ith me for se"eral months4 helping me to o"er&ome the !eginning phase of the pra&ti&e4 %hen it seems unli6ely that the soun's %ill manifest. The results o!taine' through the intensi"e pra&ti&e of the /m te&hni+ue %ere "ery &on&rete. / remem!er no% the time spent in that slightly illuminate' room %here / le' a &loistere' e;isten&e. The rainy 'ays an' early-onset e"enings of Ainter helpe' my se&lusion an' strengthene' my 'etermination to turn on4 through me'itation4 an internal sun. Some %ee6s of zealous pra&ti&e passe' %ithout any result4 !ut one 'ay / !e&ame a%are of a &lear inner soun'. /t happene' after ten minutes of &alm effort4 Gust upon returning to my state of full a%areness4 after ha"ing !een lost in some s%eet re"erie. This soun' &ontinue' 'uring my mental roaming !ut no% only %as / realizing its nature. /t %as li6e the humming of a mos+uito. 1y listening intently to it4 it !e&ame the fee!le soun' of a musi&al instrument playing far a%ay. Ahen my !reath almost 'isappeare'4 it seeme' li6e the tolling of a !ell e&hoing at 'us6 from the 'eep green of %oo'y hills. =ight4 soft as falling petals4 it 6no&6e' gently on the 'oors of my heart4 gi"ing total &ontentment an' ease4 as if the spiritual path ha' &ome to its fulfillment. 7e&olle&tions of my infan&y %ere "i!rating at the periphery of my a%areness %ithout 'istur!ing my intro"erte' moo'. /n times of misfortune4 there %as al%ays a feeling of prote&tion li6e a "ast4 &omforting smile surroun'ing me. The soun' / %as listening to4 en&hante' an' thrille'4 !rought me no% the same s%eet feeling of relief. /t ha' in itself all the 1eauty e"er e;perien&e'. /t %as the gil'e' threa' aroun' %hi&h the e;perien&es of lo"e4 the most in"ol"ing4 the most e;alte' ones gre% li6e splen'i' &rystals. The healing of ol' %oun's %as attaine' !y real un'erstan'ing& )n azure4 limitless immo!ility s%eetly &laspe' my heart %ith fingers of !liss. Ahat / thought impossi!le to a&&omplish4 %hose a!sen&e %as so &ruel to a&&ept4 materialize' real an' true !efore me. One 'ay / !elie"e' / %as listening to the a&tual /m soun'. / &annot 'efine it !ut / &an8t imagine anything !eing a!le to ma6e a person feel so !lissful. For the first time in my life the &on&ept of <'e"otion< ha' a meaning. The 'aily &onta&t %ith /m %as my -ea"en on earth for many %ee6s. Bnfortunately4 / learne' the hard 7ay that you shoul' ne"er 'eta&h yourself "oluntarily from that state of gra&e. There %as a time in my life %hen / %ante' to rela; an' enGoy life4 an' / 'e&i'e' to interrupt this &onta&t4 as if it %ere a 'ra%!a&6 to !eing fully so&ia!le. / 'i'n8t realize that this seemingly inno&uous an' instin&ti"e <!etrayal< %oul' ma6e me una!le to tune %ith the /m4ar reality for a "ery long time. /n&re'i!ly4 in a fe% 'ays / felt hopelessly &ut off from that s%eet reality. / %as li6e one %ho ha' lan'e' in another &ontinent an' ha' to li"e in surroun'ings that mean nothing to him. / struggle' to retrie"e the lost 'eep emotions. This %ent on for months until my soul %as again remin'e' of the moti"ations that ha' le' me to the spiritual path an' / sa% &learly that my stupi' 'e&ision ha' !een a monumental mista4e.

2.

-e.olle.tions o' the Kriya )nitiation Ceremony E"entually4 the moment &ame to file the appli&ation form to re&ei"e the Kriya instru&tions !y mail. )!out four months passe' as e"ery 'ay / hope' to re&ei"e the &o"ete' material. Finally4 an en"elope arri"e'. / opene' it %ith heightene' e;pe&tation4 !ut %as 'eeply 'isappointe' !e&ause it &ontaine' nothing !ut more intro'u&tory material. From rea'ing the in'e; page / un'erstoo' that the a&tual te&hni+ue %oul' !e sent after four %ee6s. So for another month / %oul' ha"e to stu'y Gust the usual nursery rhymes / alrea'y 6ne% !y heart. /n the meantime4 a :inister of 3.Y.8s organization "isite' our &ountry an' / too6 part in the initiation &eremony. )fter %aiting for months4 it %as high time <to ma6e an eternal pa&t %ith the G$r$ an' to !e taught the Kriya te&hni+ues in the only legitimate %ay4 an' re&ei"e his !ene'i&tion.< There %ere a!out 122 of us %ho %ere to !e initiate'. ) !eautiful room ha' !een rente' for the &eremony at a "ery high pri&e an' em!ellishe' for the o&&asion %ith lots of flo%ers4 su&h as / ha"e ne"er seen e"en at the most e;tra"agant %e''ingsI The intro'u&tion to the &eremony %as magnifi&ent. )!out 2 people %earing som!er uniforms entere' the room4 an' line' up %ith a solemn attitu'e an' Goine' their han's in prayer. /t %as e;plaine' to me that these people !elonge' to the lo&al group %hose lea'er %as a fashion 'esigner an' ha' &horeographe' that triumphant entran&e. The t%o :inisters %ho ha' Gust arri"e' from a!roa' %al6e' mee6ly an' !e%il'ere' !ehin' them. Then the &eremony !egan. / a&&epte' %ithout o!Ge&tions their 'eman' that / s%ear e"erlasting 'e"otion not only to the G$r$ 3.Y. !ut also to a si;-master &hain of %hom =ahiri :ahasaya %as an interme'iary lin6. 3.Y. %as the so-&alle' G$r$Apre.eptor4 namely the one %ho %oul' partially !ear the !ur'en of our Karma. /t %oul' ha"e !een strange if no one ha' ha' 'ou!ts a!out this. / remem!er a la'y %on'ering if 3.Y. > 'efinitely una!le to gi"e any &onfirmation4 no% !eing a long-time resi'ent in the astral %orl' > ha' really a&&epte' her as a <'is&iple< an'4 &onse+uently4 to !e la'en %ith her Karma. /n or'er to a"oi' that %ith su&h thoughts she %ea6ene' the enGoyment of the enti&ing &eremony4 / reassure' her that she %as a&&epte' %ithout fail. They e;plaine' us that Christ %as also part of this &hain !e&ause -e ha' appeare' to 1a!aGi ?=ahiri :ahasaya8s G$r$@ as6ing -im to sen' emissaries to the Aest to sprea' Kriya. This story &ause' me no perple;ity at all. 3erhaps / ha' no 'esire to thin6 a!out it. To &onsi'er the %hole mission of Kriya 'iffusion as originating from Christ -imself %as a pleasant i'ea. On the other han'4 / %as too an;ious to hear the e;planation of the te&hni+ue %hi&h %as soon to ta6e pla&e to listen to anything else. The Kriya te&hni+ue em!o'ie' Ho'8s most effe&ti"e !lessing to%ar' -is pri"ilege' &reatures4 humans4 %hi&h e;&lusi"ely possesse' an inner !o'y %ith se"en Cha4ras. The mysti& se"en-step la''er of the Cha4ras %as the real high%ay to sal"ation4 the fastest an' safest. :y min' %as in great e;pe&tation
20

for something / ha' so strongly 'esire' an' for %hi&h / ha' seriously !een preparing for months. /t %as not %hat might !e &alle' a <sa&rament< that / %as su!mitting to in or'er to safeguar' a family tra'ition9 it %as the &ro%ning of a 'efiniti"e &hoi&eI :y heart %as immensely happy at the thought of the inner Goy that / %oul' gain through the pra&ti&e of Kriya. Finally4 after !eing taught the Kriya Pranayama4 / realize' / alrea'y 6ne% itI /t %as the same K$ndaliniAbreathing te&hni+ue %hi&h / ha' foun' a long time ago in my esoteri& rea'ings an' %hi&h pres&ri!es that the energeti& &urrent flo%s all the %ay insi'e the spinal &olumn. / ha"e alrea'y e;plaine' that / ha' not ta6en that pro&e'ure into serious &onsi'eration4 o%ing to the fa&t that in 3.Y.8s %ritings %here / ha' my first glimpses of the me&hanism of Kriya Pranayama4 it %as %ritten that the energy ha' to !e rotate' <aroun' the Cha4ras4 along an ellipti&al &ir&uit.< / %as not 'isappointe' as someone ha' prophesie'9 rather4 the te&hni+ue appeare' perfe&t to me. The e;planation of the te&hni+ues "aha "$dra an' 2yoti "$dra ?they ne"er use' the more &ommon term Yoni@ &on&lu'e' the te&hni&al instru&tions. Ea&h te&hni+ue8s 'etail %as e;plaine' in su&h a %ay that it %oul' not allo% for the smallest "ariation an'4 in a''ition4 a spe&ifi& routine %as %armly re&ommen'e'. /f the least amount of 'ou!t on the &orre&tness of a &ertain 'etail ha' arisen 'uring the pra&ti&e4 no!o'y %as en&ourage' > e"en "aguely > to &on'u&t an e;periment an' &ome to a &on&lusion !y himself. The only <&orre&t< a&tion %as to &onta&t the hea'+uarters of our Kriya organization4 tell them the pro!lem4 an' re&ei"e further gui'elines. This4 in effe&t4 %as %hat / al%ays 'i'. / learne' to intera&t only %ith them. / %oul' instin&ti"ely loo6 for their a'"i&e as if it %ere gi"en !y perfe&t !eings that &oul' ne"er !e %rong. / !elie"e' they %ere <&hannels< through %hi&h the !lessings of the G$r$ flo%e'. 1esi'es4 / %as +uite &onfi'ent that > e"en if they %oul' not a'mit it out of humility > they ha' alrea'y rea&he' the highest le"el of spiritual realization. Problems 7ith my -o$tine / am una!le to e;press the emotion an' feeling of sa&re'ness %hi&h &hara&terize' my pra&ti&e of Kriya Pranayama. Curing the 'ay or !efore sitting 'o%n to pra&ti&e it4 / often repeate' to myself the senten&e ?+uote' in )OY@ !y =alla Yogis%ari5
<Ahat a&i' of sorro% ha"e / not 'run6D Countless my roun's of !irth an' 'eath. =oI naught !ut ne&tar in my &up +uaffe' !y the art of !reath.<

This intensifie' my enthusiasm4 strengthening my 'etermination to un&easingly perfe&t my Kriya path. Yet loo6ing !a&64 ha"ing al%ays 6ept ali"e that ar'ent !elief4 / must o!Ge&ti"ely a'mit that the results %ere not 'ifferent from those o!taine' through the pra&ti&e of the simpler te&hni+ue of 6((ayi Pranayama. .
.

)fter mu&h e;perimenting %hi&h happene' in the follo%ing years an' &onsi'ering also the reports of some sin&ere frien's %ho trie' out 'ifferent forms of Kriya Pranayama! / am sure that if / ha' pra&ti&e' Kriya in the %ay 3.Y. taught 'uring the thirties / %oul' ha"e o!taine' !etter results. That

/ ha' some pro!lems %hi&h / %ill no% 'is&uss. ?/ ha"e no 'ou!t that these pro!lems &oul' ha"e !een easily resol"e' if / ha' use' &ommon sense.@ The first e;er&ise to !e pra&ti&e' %as the HongAASa$ te&hni+ue > this ha' to last 12 to 1( minutes. The !reathing %as suppose' to !e&ome more rela;e' an' &reate a goo' state of &on&entration. Then4 after putting the forearms on a support4 %e %ere to listen to the internal Soun's4 re+uiring a!out the same amount of time. Then there %oul' follo% another interruption !e&ause of the "aha "$dra. E"entually4 setting !a&6 in a still an' stiff position to restore the feeling of sa&re'ness4 the Kriya Pranayama !egan %ith rigorous respe&t to all the instru&tions. )fter 2yoti "$dra! the Kriya routine %oul' !e &on&lu'e' %ith a full ten-minute &on&entration on the K$tastha4 to a!sor! the results of the %hole en'ea"or. /n my e;perien&e the t%o preliminary te&hni+ues 'i' not re&ei"e the attention they 'eser"e'4 an' the time 'e"ote' to the final &on&entration %as too short. Curing the HongASa$ te&hni+ue4 the thought that / shoul' interrupt it to start the /m te&hni+ue !rought a!out a 'istur!ing feeling4 hampering my %hole surren'er to its !eauty. The same happene' %ith the pro&e'ure of the /m te&hni+ue4 interrupting it in or'er to pra&ti&e "aha "$dra& The te&hni+ue of listening to /m %as a &omplete <uni"erse< in itself an' le' to the mysti& e;perien&e4 %hi&h is %hy its interruption %as something %orse than a simple 'istur!an&e. /t %as illogi&al4 as if4 re&ognizing a frien' %ith Goyous surprise among a &ro%' one !egins tal6ing %ith him4 then su''enly goes a%ay hoping to meet4 +uite !y &han&e4 that same frien' again an' get !a&6 to %here the &on"ersation ha' pre"iously en'e'. The soun' of /m %as the mysti& e;perien&e itself4 the Hoal / sought. Ahy shoul' / interrupt that su!lime attunement to regain it through another te&hni+ueD 3erhaps !e&ause Kriya Pranayama %as a higher pro&e'ureD HigherD Ahat on earth 'oes that meanD / for&e' myself into su&h a!sur'ity for an e;tremely long perio'. / hope' for future &larifi&ation of su&h an un&lear situation. )t that time4 the i'ea of using my !rain an' ra'i&ally &hanging the routine seeme' to me an a&t of stupi' arrogan&e. Su&h %as the po%er of that insanity %hi&h in our group %as &alle' <loyalty<I / must a&6no%le'ge that unfortunately / ha' !e&ome li6e one of those animals that4 fe' !y man4 ten' to forget ho% to !e self-suffi&ient. Ahen / trie' to 'is&uss this pro!lem %ith other 4riyabans4 / noti&e' an enormous an' unreasona!le resistan&e. There %ere those %ho %ere not satisfie' %ith their pra&ti&e !ut planne' to try it again in the future4 %hile others %ere not a!le to e"en un'erstan' %hat / %as saying. Tal6ing %ith a la'y %ho %as a longtime frien' of our family4 she preten'e' to listen attenti"ely4 !ut in the en' !luntly 'e&lare' she alrea'y ha' a
te&hni+ue %asMis in'ee' a masterpie&e4 far more !eautiful than %hat &ertain s&hools no% offer as <original Kriya&< /f / ha' re&ei"e' it instea' of the simplifie' "ersion4 / &oul' ha"e tou&he' the s6y %ith one finger. Sometimes / !itterly as6 myself5 <Ahy 'i' 3.Y. yiel' to the temptation of simplifying it<D

G$r$ an' 'i' not nee' another. -er remar6 &ut me 'eeply sin&e my intention %as only to ha"e a rational tal6 %hi&h &oul' !e inspiring for us !oth. )part from this4 %hat sort of frien'ship &an e;ist !et%een t%o people %hen one is so &urtD To en&ounter su&h episo'es one after the other &onfirme' my i'ea that4 not !eing en&ourage' to trust the "ali'ity of self-o!ser"ation4 many frien's %ent on me&hani&ally performing %hat ha' often !e&ome an empty ritual simply to appease their &ons&ien&e. Aith the e;&eption of one person ?%ho har!ore' really strange i'eas a!out the spiritual path %hi&h ma'e me entertain the thought that he might !e mentally unsta!le@4 these ne% 4riyaban frien's seeme' to &ensor my +uestioning of te&hni+ues4 &laiming that 'e"otion %as mu&h more important. Often they referre' to &on&epts / &oul' har'ly lin6 to the pra&ti&e of Yoga! i.e. the paramount importan&e %as loyalty to%ar' 3.Y. an' his organization. Ahile their effort in pra&ti&ing the me'itation te&hni+ues in a 'eep %ay %as not remar6a!le4 they trie' !y e;ternal means ?rea'ings4 'e"otional &hanting4 &on"o&ations...@ to e;tra&t from the 'epths of their psy&he any tra&e of religious attitu'e4 any s&rap of spiritual aspiration. They impregnate' it %ith the natural heart8s affe&tion for their G$r$ @ e"en if they ha' 6no%n him only from photos > thus o!taining the resolution of a lifelong &ommitment. =oo6ing !a&6 at those times4 / %on'er %hat their opinion %as a!out my impatient attitu'e in &ontrast to their passi"eness. /n my reasoning4 / &oul' not &on&ei"e of the i'ea of leaning passi"ely un'er the prote&tion of a saint %ho sol"e' all our pro!lems. This &on&ept4 together %ith others / ha' e;perien&e' in that s&hool4 %as a &ause of real &onfli&t. :y approa&h to the spiritual path %as so 'ifferent from theirs that there %as no hope of rea&hing a point of &onta&t or &ommon groun'. "y remembran.e o' a 'riend / !e&ame a&+uainte' %ith an el'erly 4riyaban! %orthy of ma;imum respe&t an' a'miration4 %ho ha' !egun the Kriya path many years !efore. Ae met ea&h other in the last years of his life. -e %as totally alone an' / felt "ery !a' %hen / &oul' not see him for months at a time4 !ut for "arious reasons this %as ine"ita!le. Ae al%ays met for short an' fleeting afternoons4 %al6ing an' spea6ing +uietly. / %as %itness to an ine;ora!le pro&ess that !rought him to the point of li"ing solely for the memory of the %arm rays of a glan&e an' simple no' on&e re&ei"e' from the %oman %ho %as hea' of the Kriya organi5ation an' the spiritual su&&essor of 3.Y.. -is 'ream %as al%ays to form a frien'ship %ith that 'i"ine !eing4 %hom he felt %as the epitome of perfe&tion. / trie' to &on"in&e him that to 'eify this inspiring figure &oul' &onstitute the 'eath of his spiritual a'"enture. 1ut my &ompanion seeme' irretrie"a!ly spell!oun' !y the i'ea of <transmission of po%er<. -e e;plaine' that in all great mysti&al tra'itions the su!tle "i!rational strength of the great Tea&hers of the past is still present in their 'es&en'ants > not !e&ause of &onsanguinity4 !ut through the transmission of their <po%er< as a nonstop &hain. -e %as &on"in&e' that spiritual progress &annot ta6e pla&e e;&ept through re&ei"ing this <po%er<. /t %as normal that he felt the highest respe&t for that human &hannel %ho %as offi&ially in"este' %ith the mission of transmitting their parti&ular <!ene'i&tion<. /t %as therefore reasona!le that he ha' trie' to
2

a&hie"e a pla&e of importan&e in her heart. The pro!lem %as that this attainment ha' perhaps !e&ome more important than me'itation. -e e;presse' something that years !efore he %oul' not ha"e e"en 'are' to thin65 the presume' spiritual e"olution of the in'i"i'ual through Kriya %as un'enia!le4 !ut so slo% as to !e pra&ti&ally negligi!le. Ne"ertheless4 the Kriya te&hni+ues %ere for him li6e a religious ritual %hi&h ha' to !e performe' s&rupulously Gust to gi"e proof of loyalty. Bnfortunately4 this a;iom %as the frame%or6 upon %hi&h he ha' !een inter%ea"ing his thought. -e ha' gi"en his full appro"al to the i'ea that on this planet there %ere !oth spe&ial people4 <Self realize'<4 an' irrepara!ly &ommon ones. One 'ay he "ente' all of his gloom. =oo6ing at ho% superfi&ially > so he sai' > he ha' pra&ti&e' the te&hni+ues of me'itation4 he ha' no 'ou!ts that in this life he ha' &ertainly misse' the <target<. -e %as alrea'y 'reaming of future in&arnations in %hi&h he &oul' pra&ti&e %ith !etter engagement. To this he %as s%eetly resigne'. / felt a giant %a"e of ine;pli&a!le nostalgia %hi&h %as rea'y to o"er%helm me4 !ut it remaine' &ur!e'4 as if suspen'e' aroun' us. No% that he is no longer ali"e4 / %on'er if the i'ea of the transforming po%er of Kriya that ease' an' sustaine' the first years of his path4 %as gra'ually erase' from his min' !y the ten'en&y of the organization to emphasize through a &onstant !arrage of ane&'otes the greatness of &ertain persons %ho %ere <impu'ently< saintly4 perfe&t4 maGesti&. -o% %ret&he' it ha' !een for my frien' to !elie"e that his supreme goo' 'epen'e' on a lo"ing glan&e from the person he thought 'i"ineI -e ha' ma'e the unfortunate mista6e of !elie"ing that the eternal spiritual Sour&e in the &enter of his !eing %oul' %ither %hen he %as far from the one person to%ar' %hom he ha' 'ire&te' the %arm aspirations of his heart.

C-)3TE7 THE INESTIMA:LE VALUE OF /APA

3.Y. %rote that Se.ond Kriya Yoga ena!les the yogi to lea"e his !o'y &ons&iously at %ill. To !e instru&te' in su&h a %on'rous te&hni+ue %as no% my primary goal. / %as sure that e"en a 'esultory pra&ti&e of su&h a pro&e'ure %oul' ha"e a strong effe&t on my spiritual e"olution. )fter re&ei"ing the last lesson of the &orrespon'en&e &ourse4 / finally applie' to re&ei"e this further instru&tion. / %as "ery happy to stu'y the longe'-for lessons of Se.ond Kriya. Cespite my serious an' &ons&ientious pra&ti&e4 no promise' results su&h as per&ei"ing the &olor of ea&h Cha4ra on the s&reen of K$tastha4 too6 pla&e. / forge' ahea'4 utilizing all the en'uran&e an' stamina / ha' !uilt up %ith the /m te.hniB$e4 an' some 88strong88 e;perien&es !egan to o&&ur in the spine. They appeare' hours later or %hen lying 'o%n imme'iately after the pra&ti&e. This !rought su&h intensity of 'e"otion that / %as surprise' to 'is&o"er it insi'e myself. Bnfortunately4 the %ritten lessons &ontaine' some am!iguous parts. #ust to gi"e an e;ample4 3.Y. %rote that in or'er to a%a6en K$ndalini it %as important to regularly pra&ti&e Ke.hari "$dra! !ut the instru&tion on ho% to perform it %ere no%here to !e foun'. / &onta&te' the el'erly la'y %ho %as offi&ially in"este' as a <:e'itation Counselor< in or'er to 'is&uss %ith her the te&hni&al 'etails &ontaine' in the Se.ond Kriya lessons. She &oul' not help me. #ust li6e e"eryone else4 she ha' learne' all the Higher Kriyas only in %ritten form !e&ause4 unfortunately4 after 3.Y.8s "ahasamadhi no 'ire&t initiations %ere e"er gi"en. )&6no%le'ging her un&ertainties a!out their &orre&t e;e&ution4 she a'mitte' that she regrette' not ha"ing ha' her Higher Kriyas &he&6e' !y :inisters %ho %ere 'ire&t 'is&iples of 3.Y.4 'espite ha"ing ha' plenty of opportunities to 'o so. )mong the 4riyabans in the me'itation group4 there %as a %oman %ho ha' re&ei"e' Kriya initiation years ago an' ha' on&e li"e' near our s&hool8s general offi&es. / as6e' if she ha' re&ei"e' the Se.ond Kriya. She 'i'n8t seem to un'erstan' the +uestion. So4 %ith astonishment4 / remin'e' her that =ahiri :ahasaya8s 'is&iple4 S%ami 3rana!anan'a4 ha' a&&ompanie' the moment of his 'eath %ith the pra&ti&e of the Se.ond Kriya. She !e&ame "isi!ly ner"ous4 saying that the +uotation &learly referre' to the te&hni+ue of Kriya Pranayama5 one !reath4 then a se&on' one. This ha' to !e4 in her opinion4 the < Se.ond KriyaI< / loo6e' at her %ith a mee6 !ut pier&ing loo69 / felt my legs gi"e %ay. / ha' the impression that the i'ea of a further te&hni+ue to !e a''e' to the too many alrea'y re&ei"e' an' pra&ti&e' 'aily upset her. /t %as as if she felt she ha' ma'e so great an effort to form the ha!it of 'aily pra&ti&e of the 8irst Kriya that she &oul' not muster up e"en more 'e'i&ation. / !elie"e that4 up to this 'ay4 she has remaine' fi;e' in her &on"i&tion. / ha' still not re&o"ere' from this sho&6 %hen an aristo&rati&-loo6ing la'y 'is&lose' to me she ha' re&ei"e' initiation in the so-&alle' Higher Kriyas years !efore. Full of enthusiasm4 my eyes opene' %i'e. She sai' she ha' felt so un%orthy that she ha' put them asi'e an'4 after some time4 she ha' forgotten them entirely. 88ForgottenI8 / &oul'n8t !elie"e my ears. This last a!omination %as in&on&ei"a!le to me. -er self-satisfie' ignoran&e4 passe' off as humility an' %ho
$

6no%s %hat 6in' of o"era!un'ant 'e"otion4 &rosse' the !oun's of 'e&en&y. Ahen / e;presse' my o!Ge&tion that her !eha"ior seeme' an e;hi!ition of in'ifferen&e to%ar' the higher tea&hings taught !y her G$r$4 she loo6e' at me in !e%il'erment as if my impertinen&e ha' "iolate' an impli&it la%5 'o not impu'ently enter the intimate arena of her Sadhana. She replie' that %hat she ha' %as enough4 an' then !ris6ly &ut off any further 'is&ussion. i''i.$lties 7ith the Printed "aterial -elated to the Higher Kriyas )fter another year4 / re&ei"e' the lessons on the ;hird an' 8o$rth Kriya. / %as startle' rea'ing that these te&hni+ues lea' to the e;perien&e of Astral Samadhi. / attenti"ely stu'ie' the instru&tions an'4 still4 there remaine' some 'ou!ts %hi&h / 'i'n8t 6no% ho% to fin' an ans%er for. ) further 'iffi&ulty %as to un'erstan' %hi&h %ere the most opportune moments to intro'u&e this instru&tions in the routine. -o%e"er4 my enthusiasm %as strong. )fter an attenti"e &onsi'eration of %hat %as %ritten4 / assume' that pra&ti&ing the ;hird an' 8o$rth Kriya at the en' of my Kriya routine %as the right thing to 'o. Bnfortunately4 that 'i'n8t %or64 an' / got stu&6 in that %rong ha!it. :y pra&ti&e4 inse&ure !e&ause of un&larifie' 'ou!ts4 la&6e' a su!stantial phase of me'itation an' a!sorption after the e;e&ution of the ne% te&hni+ues. Only in this %ay 'oes Prana su!si'e in the !o'y %hile gro%ing parti&ular per&eptions originating from the heart Cha4ra! 'ra%4 %ith their strong "i!ration4 your attention insi'e4 lea'ing you straight to the e&stati& state. The !est results are a&hie"e' %hen you are a!le to fulfill the su!tle meaning of the pro&e'ure4 fo&using on its essen&e an' going in the 'epths %ithout help from physi&al mo"ements ?'ifferently from %hat happens in the formal e;e&ution of the te&hni+ue.@ /n or'er to a&hie"e this4 though4 it is ne&essary either to ha"e the gift of an a%a6ene' intuition or to re&ei"e 'etaile' instru&tions from an e;pert. )t that time4 no gui'e %as there to she' light an' en&ouragement upon me > / %as not a!le to tune %ith a hypotheti&al G$r$ resi'ing in the astral 6ing'oms. / &an8t image %hat gra&e %oul' ha"e !een !orn in my life if4 at that moment4 someone ha' gui'e' me to 'e"ise a &orre&t routineI :onths %ent !y an' my 'issatisfa&tion gre%. / 'i'n8t 'are 'o anything that o"ersteppe' the s&anty instru&tions / ha' re&ei"e'. / %as near 'esperation. / 6ept on as6ing myself ho% the lessons &oul' possi!ly promise the state of Samadhi %hile4 at that moment4 'espite my efforts4 / 'i'n8t re&ei"e anything else than nausea. /t %as improper to try an' &larify my 'ou!ts !y +uestioning el'er 4riyabans& )s / ha"e pre"iously hinte'4 %e %ere all in the same !oat. / 'i' %hat %as re&ommen'e' to me se"eral times5 / %rote to the management of my Kriya s&hool in or'er to s&he'ule an appointment %ith one of its representati"e :inisters %ho %oul' soon &ome to our &ountry to impart initiation to Kriya Yoga. / as6e' for this inter"ie% !e&ause / really nee'e' it. /t is not in my temperament to 'istur! anyone on tri"ialities. / am sure that4 in or'er to ans%er my +uestions4 it %oul' ha"e ta6en the :inister Gust a &ouple of minutes. / loo6e' for%ar' to that 'ate %ith great anti&ipation.
(

Ahen the :inister arri"e'4 my :e'itation Counselor intro'u&e' me to him. -e sai' he %oul' &larify my 'ou!ts as soon as possi!le. /n the follo%ing 'ays / !e&ame 'ismaye' %hen / realize' that the :inister 6ept postponing our meeting %ithout "ali' reasons. Sin&e / ha' 'e&i'e' not to gi"e up4 at last %e met. Bnfortunately / foun' this meeting to !e truly 'istur!ing. / %as &on"in&e' that hypo&risy4 !ureau&ra&y4 formality4 an' 'e&eption %ere totally alien to one %ho 'e"ote' his life to pra&ti&ing an' tea&hing Kriya4 yet the sensation / ha' meeting him %as a6in to meeting a !usiness man %ho ha' more important affairs in min' an' %ho %as "ery irrita!le. -e %as emphati& that %e not tal6 a!out Ke.hari "$dra! an' %ith regar' to the ;hird an' 8o$rth Kriya te&hni+ues! he a'"ise' me !rus+uely to restri&t my pra&ti&e to the 8irst Kriya. -e 'e&lare' / %as o"ere;&ite' an' that this %as not a goo' sign for a 4riyaban& / replie' / %oul' surely ta6e his a'"i&e into &onsi'eration9 ne"ertheless4 / %ante' to see ho% to mo"e my hea' &orre&tly in or'er to pra&ti&e those te&hni+ues in the future. )nnoye' > ta6ing my remar6 as insolen&e > he re&ommen'e' that / sen' my +uestions to the s&hool8s hea' an' stoo' up to lea"e as he sai' this. /n "ain / replie' that the mo"ements of the hea' ?re+uire' for ;hird an' 8o$rth Kriya te&hni+ues@ &oul' not !e sho%n in a letter. / %as spea6ing to a <%all< an' the refusal %as a!solute. / ha' al%ays truste' an' respe&te' 3.Y.8s organization an' ha' stu'ie' the referen&e literature as if preparing for a uni"ersity e;am. )fter my inter"ie% %ith that ill-'ispose' figure4 / %as in an atro&ious mental an' emotional state. / %on'ere' %hat role a s&hool playe' that %as not 'oing its "ery !est to &larify ea&h gi"en tea&hing. For %hat purpose %ere our ministers tra"eling aroun' the %orl'4 if not to 'ire&tly sho% stu'ents ho% to pra&ti&e %hat they ha"e learne' through the &orrespon'en&e &ourseD Ahy shoul' / feel guilty an' unsuita!le for the Kriya path4 only !e&ause / ha' 'are' to as6 ?firmly !ut politely@ for a pra&ti&al 'emonstrationD / %as not a!le to 'rop the %hole matter an' %as +uite agitate'. Those %ho sa% me imme'iately after the meeting sai' / %as unre&ogniza!le. )mong them4 a la'y %ith a honeye' "oi&e suggeste' that / ha' gotten an important earful from our G$r$de%a > in her opinion4 up to that time4 / ha' ha' too self-assure' an attitu'e. )fter some time4 the feeling of ha"ing %itnesse' the senseless %hims of a man in po%er yiel'e' to a 'ifferent &onsi'eration. Lery pro!a!ly that :inister ha' gi"en me the same 'is&ipline he re&ei"e' 'uring his postulant years. ) %oman %ho ha' 6no%n him at that time 'epi&te' him as a "ery &urious 4riyaban %ho usually put many te&hni&al +uestions to el'er :inisters. Kno%ing the rules of monasti& 'is&ipline4 / %as sure that his +ueries %eren8t al%ays ans%ere' promptly. This ma'e me more &alm an' &heerful. -o%e"er4 there are often &hil'ish
*

thoughts that emerge %hen %e are in an un&ertain situation. / %as afrai' that this man4 &ommuni&ating !a&6 to the hea'+uarters of 3.Y.8s organization4 might spea6 unfa"ora!ly of me4 saying something that might ha"e re'u&e' the pro!a!ility of my o!taining that &o"ete' information in the future. / feare' that my i'ylli& relationship %ith my Kriya organization > a !on' that for so many years ha' represente' my horizon > &oul' !e 'eteriorate'. Strange as it might seem4 a part of me %as relishing the %hole situation. / 6ne% for &ertain that this 'estru&ti"e e;perien&e %oul' someho% !e turne' into something positi"e4 &ru&ial for my path. / %as too mu&h in lo"e %ith the Kriya path to !e 'aunte' !y any 'iffi&ulty. The la'y :e'itation Counselor4 %ho %as not present on that o&&asion !ut ha' met the :inister in another to%n4 !lame' me for ha"ing turne' the inter"ie% %ith him into a trou!lesome e"ent. / %rote her a !itter letter4 insulting her in'ire&tly. She replie' "ery firmly4 implying that my letter en'e' our frien'ship. =ater she tone' 'o%n her attitu'e an' in"ite' me to her house to tal6 a!out the e"ent. First of all / e;presse' to her my irre"o&a!le 'etermination to e;plore all possi!le sour&es in or'er to &larify my +uestions. / mentione' my i'ea of lea"ing for /n'ia! an' she mum!le' something a!out /n'ia not ne&essarily !eing any guarantee of authenti&ity. She tol' me that re&ently some 4riyabans ha' foun' ?in a %ell-6no%n Ashram stri&tly tie' to 3.Y.Es life story@ a S7ami %ho ga"e them <pseu'o Kriya< te&hni+ues that %ere4 in her opinion4 some meaningless4 others 'angerous. She sai' that there %as nothing unusual a!out it9 there %ere many unauthorize' tea&hers intro'u&ing themsel"es as loyal 'is&iples of 3.Y. Aith a "i"i' imagination4 she &ompare' them to spi'ers using the honey of the G$r$8s lo"e to attra&t 'e"otees %ho then !e&ame their prey. She spo6e a!out a 'is&iple of 3.Y. %ho ha' formerly !een one of the 'ire&tors of the organization !ut then ha' !ran&he' out on his o%n4 opening another Kriya s&hool. This man %as a <traitor< in her opinion. This %oman ha' enough material to go on %ith her stories in'efinitely4 !ut it %as then that a "ery for&eful senten&e slippe' out of my mouth %hi&h surprise' me an' froze her5 <Shoul' / re&ei"e Kriya tea&hing from the %orst &riminal in the %orl'4 / %oul' still !e a!le to turn it into gol'. /f it %ere pollute'4 / %oul' ha"e the intuition to re&onstru&t it to its original integrity.< She replie' %ith a sigh that / %as mo"ing 'angerously &lose to losing the gra&e of my G$r$A'is&iple relationship. /n or'er to ma6e me un'erstan' the "alue of re&ei"ing the instru&tions from a true G$r$4 she tol' me %hat happene' %hen one 4riyaban 'e&i'e' to lea"e the Ashram of his G$r$! 3.Y.4 an' see6 another tea&her. The G$r$4 a%are of this4 got in the 'is&iple8s %ay to stop him %hen he hear' an inner "oi&e > <the "oi&e of Ho'<4 she spe&ifie' > or'ering him not to interfere %ith the 'is&iple8s free'om. 3.Y. o!eye' an' in a flash of intuition foresa% all the 'is&iple8s future in&arnations4 those in %hi&h he %oul' !e lost4 in %hi&h he %oul' 6eep on see6ing > ami' innumera!le sufferings4 Gumping from one error to another > the path he %as then relin+uishing. Then4 in the en'4 the 'is&iple %oul' return to the
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same path. The la'y sai' that 3.Y. ha' !een +uite spe&ifi& as to the num!er of in&arnations that %hole 'is&ouraging trip %oul' ta6e > a!out thirtyI The moral of this story %as &lear4 something from %hi&h one &oul' not es&ape5 / ha' to a"oi' loo6ing else%here or / %oul' lose myself in a la!yrinth of enormous sufferings an' %ho 6no%s %hen / %oul' !e a!le to get !a&6 on the &orre&t path. / shifte' my attention to her photograph of 3.Y.4 ta6en on the 'ay of his 'eath. /t %as ni&ely frame'4 an' some flo%ers an' pa&6ets of in&ense %ere !efore it. /n those moments of silen&e / ha' the sensation that tears %ere going to form in his !lissful eyes ?it %as not a !izarre feeling9 other people tol' me they ha' ha' the same e;perien&e.@ / relate' my impression to her4 in response to %hi&h she !e&ame "ery serious an'4 %ith her eyes pointe' far off to%ar' an in'efinite spot4 so!erly uttere'5 <You ha"e to &onsi'er it a %arning5 the G$r$ is not &ontent %ith you<I There %as not the least 'ou!t that she %as not Go6ing at all. /n that moment4 / realize' ho% mu&h 3.Y. %as a <presen&e< in her life4 although she ha' ne"er met himI / let my gaze rest on the !ou+uet of :ay lilies %hi&h %e ha' pur&hase' at the train station imme'iately after my arri"al in to%n gra&iously arrange' in a small "ase !efore the photo of 3.Y. She ha' then e;plaine' that she ne"er s6impe' on fresh flo%ers for her <Huru.< / realize' ho% full of s%eet &omfort must !e her lifeI / 6ne% that if / %ante' to feel 'e"otion %ith su&h intensity / ha' a lot of %or6 to 'o4 namely 'e"elop sta!le internal tran+uility4 !o% to my fa"orite form of the Ci"ine4 an' repeat this a&tion of surren'er %ith total sin&erity e"ery 'ay of my life. )lthough she a'mire' the earnestness %ith %hi&h / %as ma6ing progress > unli6e so many other tepi' an' half-hearte' people %ho %oul' go to her only to !e reignite' %ith the moti"ation they &oul' not fin' in themsel"es > she %as 'ismaye' that her 'e"otion to%ar' the G$r$ %as totally alien to me. She &oul' not relie"e my immense thirst for 6no%le'ge of the art of Kriya. =oo6ing into her !eautiful eyes4 / ha' the &lear impression that she %as permanently e;pe&ting me to a&t in a some%hat <'isloyal< %ay either to%ar' the G$r$ or to%ar' the organization. The :inister of my organization %as at least right a!out one point5 / %as not &alm at all. :y sear&h for te&hni&al e;planations ha' ma'e me as tense as a &oile' spring. )lthough remaining faithful to my Kriya organization4 / 'i'n8t a&&ept "etoes an' therefore / 'i'n8t ta6e her a'"i&e. / %as 'etermine' to 6no% Kriya insi'e out an' no one &oul' stop me %ith any argument. :y sear&h too6 a parti&ular route. / 6ne% three names of 'ire&t 'is&iples of 3.Y. %ho ha' ha' a &lash %ith the s&hool8s !oar' of 'ire&tors an' set out on their o%n. / hope' to fin' &lues in some !oo6 %hi&h &oul' help me &lear my 'ou!ts. / pur&hase' all their pu!lishe' material4 tape' le&tures an' all. / %as e;pe&ting that in or'er to sho% ho% profi&ient they ha' !e&ome %ith Kriya4 they %oul' pu!lish information 'eeper than the material pro"i'e' !y the main organization. / hope' they %oul' gi"e the rea'er ?%ho %as negle&ting the original sour&e to listen to their "oi&e of 'issent@ a more a&&urate 'i'a&ti& material. The first 'is&iple seeme' to !e an e;pert in i'le &hatter an' %as relu&tant
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to gi"e pra&ti&al instru&tions. The se&on' one %as un'ou!te'ly more professional4 pe'agogi&ally gifte'4 !ut out of all of his literature an' tapes only one of his senten&es she' a faint light upon one of the Higher Kriyas. The literature of the thir' 'is&iple > surprising an' "alua!le sin&e4 ha"ing suffere' the trage'y of mental illness %hi&h he re&ounte' e;hausti"ely> / foun' ?sa"e for an illumining senten&e upon the role of Ke.hari "$dra@ only a 'e"astating emptiness. The se&rets4 if they ha' any4 %ere %ell guar'e'I :onths later the :e'itation Counselor foun' out that / ha' rea' the <for!i''en< !oo6s. Not only that4 / ha' ma'e a present of one of them to a &ouple of frien'sI ) frien' of mine sho%e' me a letter in %hi&h the Counselor ha' &alle' me <a man %ho sta!s his G$r$8s !a&64 han'ing out 'aggers to other people as %ell4 so they &an 'o the same<I She &on&lu'e' !y %riting that 88intelligen&e is a 'ou!le-e'ge' %eapon5 it &an !e use' to eliminate the s%elling of ignoran&e an' also to a!ruptly &ut off the life!loo' that sustains the spiritual path.88 -er rea&tion %as so e;aggerate' that / %asn8t hurt at all. -er a&tions %ere o!"iously 'ri"en !y %a"es of una!ashe' emotion4 'e&a'es of stea'fast &on'itioning4 irretrie"a!ly affe&ting her &ommon sense. / felt a sort of ten'erness to%ar' her an' / smile'4 pi&turing the moment in %hi&h she ha' %ritten that letter > seeing her o%n e;pe&tations regar'ing my !eha"ior &oming true. / am sure that her &ountenan&e %as at last tran+uil an' serene as if tasting a 'eli&ious4 intimate satisfa&tion. O"er&oming &ertain relu&tan&e4 / !egan rea'ing some !oo6s %ritten !y =ahiri :ahasaya8s 'is&iples rather than those of 3.Y. :y hesitation in 'ropping the literature lin6e' %ith 3.Y. %as 'ue to the fa&t that4 in my opinion4 it %as &learer than most. These fe% !oo6s ?at that time !oo6s li6e P$ran P$r$sh !y Yoga&harya Cr. )sho6e Kumar ChatterGee ha' not yet !een pu!lishe'@ 'isappointe' me. They %ere nothing !ut !lan' meaningless %or's endlessly repeated4 together %ith &ontinuous &hanges in topi&4 %hi&h / &onsi'ere' un!eara!le. The pra&ti&al notes4 presente' as essential4 %ere only s&attere' !its &opie' from &lassi&al !oo6s on Yoga& The la&6 of &are in their presentation ma'e me suppose that the author ha' not !othere' &he&6ing the original te;ts he ha' +uote' !ut ha' most li6ely ta6en those +uotations from other !oo6s %hi&h %ere also +uoting from other referen&e !oo6s4 &ontinuing a &hain %herein ea&h author %oul' a'' a little something Gust to mar6 his personal &ontri!ution. / 'e&i'e' to again stu'y all the material furnishe' !y my organization an' try to 'el"e 'eeper into it. / %oul' meet some 4riyaban frien's on Sun'ays4 an' together rea' &ru&ial passages from the &orrespon'en&e &ourse an' 'is&uss them 'uring a %al6. Our main interest %as ho% to perfe&t the pra&ti&e of Kriya4 !ut our efforts %ere futile > li6e trying to 'ra% !loo' from a stone. / 'e&i'e' to li"e ea&h aspe&t of my life a&&or'ing to 3.Y.8s tea&hings. The &orrespon'en&e &ourse &ontaine' esoteri& tea&hings that &oul' not !e &onsi'ere' an integral part of Kriya Yoga !ut &oul' help stu'ents to 'e"elop their intuition
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of the su!tle la%s go"erning human li"es. )t that time / %as espe&ially intereste' in mastering t%o s6ills in parti&ular5 ho% to re&ognize frien's from pre"ious li"es an' ho% to proGe&t energy for prani& healing. The tea&hings %ere &learly gi"en %ith all the ne&essary &autionary remar6s4 !ut my approa&h %as 'e"oi' of &aution an' 'is&rimination. / a&te' as if / %ere supporte' from <a!o"e<4 imagining that the !ene'i&tions an' the strength of the G$r$ %ere %ith me. / pai' attention to only some aspe&ts of the tea&hings4 &hoosing those parti&ular patterns of !eha"ior that appeale' to my emotions. Then my illusory 'ream !egan to 'isintegrate4 slo%ly !ut ine;ora!ly. Failure &ame4 an' / felt 'esolate. )t first / &oul' not a&&ept it. / refuse' to !elie"e / ha' a&te' %rongly. / !elie"e' that mine %as only an apparent failure4 !ut as time %ent !y4 all e"i'en&e suggeste' that / ha' neither &ure' nor helpe' any person in any %ay. This %as the greatest !lo% to me !e&ause / ha' ma'e a fool of myself an'4 furthermore / ha' 'istur!e' the pea&e an' pri"a&y of other people. )s for 88pre"ious li"es884 / a&6no%le'ge that in this unpro"a!le territory e"erything is possi!le9 ho%e"er at that time it seeme' so self-e"i'ent an' sensi!le to me that instea' of using my me'itation-!orn intuition ?%hi&h the re&ei"e' instru&tion aime' at 'e"eloping@ / simply too6 figments of my imagination to &reate "arious min' films4 &on"in&ing myself / ha' li"e' them in a far 'istant past. /n fa&t these 'ay-'reams %ere a&tually %ish fulfillments an' easy-to-rea' in'i&ators of my li6ings an' preferen&es. Slipping into a state %herein / 'ou!te' e"en the metaphysi&al !asis upon %hi&h the e'ifi&e of Kriya Yoga is !uilt4 / %as una!le to thin6 a single &oherent thought for some months. 0 )nspiration 'rom the *or4s o' Sri A$robindo and ;he "other Su&h %as my situation %hen / starte' rea'ing "other! or the i%ine "aterialism4 a !oo6 a!out The :other ?:Ore@ %ritten !y her !elo"e' 'is&iple4 Satprem. T%o years !efore / ha' !een intro'u&e' to the thoughts of Sri )uro!in'o. -is Aphorisms an' his epi& poem Sa%itri ha' 'eeply impresse' me. )fter Sri )uro!in'o8s 'eath4 in 10(14 The :other &ontinue' his resear&h an' ga"e su!stan&e to his !elief that the Ci"ine > the !asi& intelligent an' e"olutionary for&e !ehin' e"erything in e;isten&e> &oul' perfe&tly manifest on this planetI
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The tea&hings of The :other helpe' me realize %hy / faile' so misera!ly in applying 3.Y.8s esoteri& tea&hings regar'ing prani& healing. The !asi& mista6e %as that / ha' let a tea&hing e;traneous to Kriya ?reinfor&e' !y egotisti& moti"ations an' to !e fulfille' impatiently at any means@ !e&ome my first interest. The tea&hing of The :other %as to first &reate the state of "ental Silen.e %iping out all the ego-!orn i'eas4 plans an' 'istra&tions. Through "ental Silen.e the Ci"ine %oul' 'es&en' into my life4 &ross all the layers of my !eing5 thoughts4 emotions4 sensations.... 1y surren'ering to Ho'8s %ill4 / %oul' fin' harmony an' o"erall !alan&e affe&ting all aspe&ts of my life. Only then &oul' my lofty i'eal !e pursue'. The right attitu'e is not that of a stu'ent of o&&ult s&ien&e testing one among many esoteri& tea&hings re&ei"e' from their &onfraternity4 !ut that of a mysti& %ho surren'ers to the Ci"ine =a% an' in this a&t 'is&o"ers that their intention &omes from the Ci"ine9 not only that > it presi'e' o"er4 an' 'etermine'4 his !irth on the earth plane. There is no 'ou!t that in this &on'ition there is no failure.

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<The %orl' is not an unfortunate a&&i'ent5 it is a mira&le mo"ing to%ar' its full e;pression884 she 'e&lare'. </n matter4 the Ci"ine !e&omes perfe&tP< she %rote. From 10(. until her 'eath in 10, 4 The :other re&ounte' her e;traor'inary e;ploration to Satprem. Their tal6s are %ritten out in "other3s Agenda. This huge 'o&ument Q *222 pages in 1 "olumes Q is the a&&ount of t%enty-t%o years of :other8s 'is&o"eries. /n analyzing :other8s &omments on Sri )uro!in'o8s aphorisms4 / %as prepare' to rea' the usual elementary e;planations of /n'ian philosophy. 1ut :other8s thought ha' nothing to 'o %ith philosophy. /t %as ne%4 something ne"er hear'4 'issol"ing any myth. / felt an e;plosion of Goy rea'ing her &omment to aphorism No. ,25 <E;amine thyself %ithout pity4 then thou %ilt !e more &harita!le an' pitying to others.< )nnotating it4 she %rote5
<The nee' to !e "irtuous is the great o!sta&le to true self-gi"ing. This is the origin of Falsehoo' an' e"en more the "ery sour&e of hypo&risy -- the refusal to a&&ept to ta6e upon oneself one8s o%n share of the !ur'en of 'iffi&ulties. Co not try to appear "irtuous. See ho% mu&h you are unite'4 one %ith e"erything4 that is anti-'i"ine. Ta6e your share of the !ur'en4 a&&ept yoursel"es to !e impure an' false an' in that %ay you %ill !e a!le to ta6e up the Sha'o% an' offer it. )n' in so far as you are &apa!le of ta6ing it an' offering it4 then things %ill &hange. Co not try to !e among the pure. )&&ept to !e %ith those %ho are in 'ar6ness an' gi"e it all %ith total lo"e.<

1y saying on another o&&asion4 <:orality is the great o!sta&le on the spiritual path<4 she stresse' the "alue of not trying to appear pure in other people8s eyes4 !ut instea' !eha"ing a&&or'ing to the truth of one8s !eing. She !elie"e' one shoul' a&6no%le'ge one8s 'ar6 si'e9 it e;ists in the 'epths of our !eing an' in a fe% it has 'e"elope' into a %ay of li"ing shunne' !y so&iety. )&&or'ing to her tea&hing4 people !e&ome true in'i"i'uals only %hen in &onstant pursuit of a greater !eauty4 harmony4 po%er an' 6no%le'ge4 they are perfe&tly an' &ompa&tly integrate' %ith their 'i"ine &enter. The :other 'i' not !eha"e li6e a tra'itional G$r$4 although she 'i' try to e;tra&t the hi''en potential from all 'is&iples loo6ing for inspiration. / %as "ery impresse' %ith ho% she 'ealt %ith the theme of 2apa. She re&ounte' ho% 'uring the s&reening of a film she hear' the Sans6rit "antra5 O: N):O 1-)H)L)TE-. She %on'ere' %hat %oul' happen if she repeate' that "antra 'uring her 'aily me'itation. She 'i'4 an' the result %as e;traor'inary. She reporte' that5 </t ?the "antra@ &oagulates something5 all the &ellular life !e&omes one soli'4 &ompa&t mass4 in a tremen'ous &on&entration > %ith a single "i!ration. /nstea' of all the usual "i!rations of the !o'y4 there is no% only one single "i!ration. /t !e&omes as har' as a 'iamon'4 a single massi"e &on&entration4 as if all the &ells of the !o'y ha' ... / !e&ame stiff from it. / %as so stiff that / %as one single mass.< JThis +uotation is 'ra%n from "other3s Agenda&K )n' yet in that perio' 2apa 'i' not truly !e&ome part of my pra&ti&e. / e;perimente' %ith :other8s </m #amo Bhaga%ate< !ut it 'i' not %or6 for me. /
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trie' to li"e in a more &ons&ious %ay4 &ontinuously attenti"e to any in%ar' an' out%ar' per&eptions. / trie' to &arry out the %ell-6no%n instru&tion to resolutely maintain an impartial attitu'e to%ar' !oth pleasant an' unpleasant e"ents4 !eing li6e a 'eta&he' <%itness<. ?This 'is&ipline is re&ommen'e' in almost all !oo6s 'ealing %ith oriental me'itati"e pra&ti&es.@ )fter three 'ays of that4 / felt myself un'er un!eara!le stress as if it all %as a pretense4 an illusion. / &ease' to pra&ti&e 2apa or the 'is&ipline of !eing a 'eta&he' <%itness< an' 'roppe' the %hole matter. :ean%hile4 my min' %as o!sesse' %ith the &ra"ing to a'opt more a'"an&e' tools of <e"olution<. :onths %ent !y4 %ith useless attempts to ameliorate my Kriya routine. One year later4 resuming the rea'ing of ;he i%ine "aterialism! / %as astonishe' that The :other %as a!le to e;press4 in a euphori&ally "i"i' %ay4 my o%n innermost &on"i&tions %hi&h / ha' !een una!le to &larify e"en to myself. She reasone' li6e a %esterner an' treate' the themes of /n'ia8s spirituality %ith a %estern languaging %hi&h %as !oth lyri&al an' rational4 an' at the highest 'egree of e;&ellen&e. /n her %ritings there %as a re"olution4 a re"ersal of "alues. Contemplation of 1eauty in nature an' in some forms of art li6e musi& %as not to !e &onsi'ere' a fleeting emotion fee'ing a lazy longing for an in'efina!le spiritual e;perien&e. /t ha' to !e li"e' %ith an in'omita!le stri"ing to%ar' a 'i"inization of life. Spell!oun'4 / &ontemplate' the shimmering splen'or of a full manifestation of the Ci"ine in the atoms of inert matter. There %as a fragran&e in this ne"er-!efore-met i'ea %hi&h e;&ite' an' mo"e' me. There %ere moments in %hi&h my hea' felt hot as if / %ere fe"erish. / gra'ually !egan to e;amine my %ay of pra&ti&ing Kriya Yoga an' realize' the &omple;ity of my self-'e&eption. Entering a KriyaAfoun'e' organization ha' resulte' in !eing ensnare' an' !e%il'ere' !y many fairy tales an' spe&ulati"e i'eas %holly unsupporte' !y fa&ts. :y approa&h an' attitu'e to%ar's the spiritual path %as improper. / %as &on"in&e' that fin'ing Kriya %as a stro6e of lu&64 a gift from the Ci"ine4 'ue to a &ertain merit on my part of %hi&h / %as una%are. :y personal &ommitment itself ha' !een unimpressi"e. / also realize' that the 'esire to a!i'e !y the "alues instille' in me !y my &ulture ha' !een gra'ually t%iste'. /t %as as if a large portion of my !rain %ith're%4 %hile another portion4 %hi&h 'i' its utmost to !elie"e %hat %as &on"enient to !elie"e4 trie' to usurp its fun&tion. 3eople !egan to loo6 at me as a man %ho &hose a simple life style mar6e' !y lofty prin&iples4 not seeing ho% my Gu'gment %as impaire' an' pra&ti&ally non-e;istent. Ahile my first efforts in e;ploring my !oo6-learne' Pranayama %ere a&&ompanie' !y &onstant intelle&tual stri"ing for perfe&tion ?/ &oul' rely only on my intuition9 %hile pra&ti&ing4 / anti&ipate' its ine"ita!le progression an' %as +uietly e;&ite' 'uring ea&h moment of it@4 after%ar'4 ha"ing re&ei"e' Kriya! the i'ea of pra&ti&ing <the fastest te&hni+ue in the fiel' of spiritual e"olution< ma'e the intensity of my effort lose its e'ge. :y Kriya Pranayama4 pra&ti&e' %ith enthusiasm for some months4 !e&ame a tran+uil goo' ha!it. )part from other foolish thoughts4 / ha' s%allo%e' the &hil'ish i'ea that ea&h Kriya !reath &oul' pro'u&e <the e+ui"alent of a solar year of spiritual
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e"olution< an' that through a million of these !reaths / %oul' infalli!ly rea&h Cosmi& Cons&iousness. / trie' to perform the greatest possi!le num!er of Pranayama in or'er to +ui&6ly &omplete that million. / 'i'n8t realize that / ha' slippe' into a min'less ha!it4 an' therefore felt no shame nor remorse. :y iron-%ille' 'is&ipline %as softene' !y the hypnoti& promise of the <G$r$8s 1lessings<. <)ren8t you gla' to ha"e foun' a true G$r$D< For years / hear' this refrain from my Kriya organization4 <)ren8t you enthusiasti& that -e has !een &hosen for you !y Ho' -imselfD< <Oh yes %e are happy< %e replie' %ith tears of Goy. This i'ea4 more than any other fa&tor4 ha' lethal effe&ts on me9 it %as the &ra'le in %hi&h my ego %as fe' an' strengthene'. To remin' myself that / ha' entere' the Kriya organization only to perfe&t my alrea'y goo' pra&ti&e of Pranayama paine' me. /t %as imperati"e to re&reate the spirit of my original sear&h. ;hree )mportant e.isions Ahat / am a!out to 'es&ri!e %as the most re%ar'ing perio' of my life. / loo6 upon it as the 'a%n of the true un'erstan'ing4 an' / hope to ne"er forget the lesson it &ontains. )fter rea'ing Sri )uro!in'o an' The :other4 / foun' the &ourage to again !e a self-taught person. Curing the first season of my interest in esoteri& matters an' oriental pra&ti&e of me'itation4 / ha' foun' easy-to-follo% instru&tions in an unassuming !oo6. The instru&tions %ere simple !ut / put all my passion in them4 espe&ially the %ish to pursue my &on&ept of 1eauty through Yoga. Cay after 'ay4 %hen other 'istra&tions an' 'ou!ts &ame4 %hen the initial enthusiasm 'iminishe'4 / tena&iously &arrie' on %ith my i'eals an' my 'is&ipline. The result %as the K$ndalini e;perien&e. No%4 a!out 12 years later4 / foun' myself !a&6 at the !eginning. / %as rea'y to &arry on persistently4 'espite &riti&isms an' 'ou!ts4 three !asi& resolutions5 1. The Kriya routine / pra&ti&e' ha' to !e re&onsi'ere' an' restru&ture'4 applying Patan(ali8s prin&iples. 2. )t the en' of ea&h Kriya session4 / ha' to &all to min' my o%n &on&eption of the ultimate goal of the spiritual path4 e;perien&ing intense aspiration for the Ci"ine. . / ha' the moral 'uty to pra&ti&e Kriya "ia the state of "ental Silen.e a&hie"e' !y using 2apa 'uring my 'aily life. Ahat resulte' from this 'e&ision an' still remains in my heart as a pea6 e;perien&e %as5 the 1reathless state. These resolutions are elu&i'ate' !elo%. 1? Kr'(a Ro%t'*e a-'3'* -( Pata*Aa"'@! pr'*2'p"e! 3atanGali %as a pioneer in the art of rationally han'ling the mysti&al path4 aiming at in'i"i'ualizing a uni"ersal4 physiologi&al 'ire&tion of inner e"ents that e;plaine' %hy a &ertain phenomenon4 inherent to the spiritual path4 shoul' !e
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pre&e'e' an' ne&essarily follo%e' !y other ones. -is e;treme synthesis may !e &riti&ize' or4 !e&ause of its temporal 'istan&e4 may !e har' to un'erstan'9 ho%e"er4 his %or6 is of e;traor'inary importan&e. :any authors of Kriya Yoga say that the theory e;presse' !y 3atanGali is the same as Kriya YogaC that 3atanGali an' =ahiri :ahasaya su!stantially 'ealt %ith the same pra&ti&e. / !elie"e that this is partly true. 3atanGali is far from &larifying all the aspe&ts of Kriya an' there is a remar6a!le 'ifferen&e !et%een the final steps of his Yoga ?espe&ially harana an' hyana@ an' the relate' phases of Kriya Yoga. There are 'ifferent %ays of translating the Sans6rit terms summarizing 3atanGali8s eight steps of Yoga5 Yama! #iyama! Asana! Pranayama! Pratyahara! harana! hyana! Samadhi. Yama5 self-&ontrol ?non-"iolen&e4 a"oi' lies4 a"oi' stealing4 a"oi' !eing lustful an' see6 non-atta&hment@9 #iyama5 religious o!ser"an&es ?&leanliness4 &ontentment4 'is&ipline4 stu'y of the Self an' surren'er to the Supreme Ho'@. )s for Asana ?position of the !o'y@4 3atanGali e;plains it must !e sta!le an' &omforta!le. There is no hint of preliminary e;er&ises of &on&entration4 mu&h less of me'itation. The first interesting &on&ept of 3atanGali is Pranayama! 'efine' as regulation of the Prana !y repetition of parti&ular !reathing patterns. Through Pranayama a state of &almness an' poise is to !e &reate' %hi&h !e&omes the foun'ation for the su!se+uent step4 Pratyahara! in %hi&h the a%areness is 'is&onne&te' from e;ternal reality. )ll our fi"e senses ha"e thus !een turne' in%ar'. You are le' to un'erstan' that the te&hni+ues %hi&h re+uire mo"ement shoul' !e &omplete' !efore this phase9 the !reath an' the heart shoul' ha"e the time ne&essary to slo% 'o%n. )fter Pratyahara &omes harana. 3atanGali e;plains that after the !reath8s 'isappearan&e4 a yogi shoul' loo6 for a physi&al or a!stra&t o!Ge&t onto %hi&h he might turn his &on&entration an' pra&ti&e a sort of &ontemplati"e me'itation in su&h a %ay as to lose himself in it. harana is &on&entration ?fo&using the min'.@ Further4 hyana is the persisten&e of that fo&using as a stea'y uninterrupte' flo% of a%areness %hi&h fully e;plores all aspe&ts of the &hosen o!Ge&t. Samadhi is the further step of perfe&t spiritual a!sorption ?'eep &ontemplation in %hi&h the o!Ge&t of me'itation !e&omes insepara!le from the me'itator himself.@ )s for my Kriya pra&ti&e4 my !asi& un'erstan'ing in those 'ays %as that the so-&alle' Higher Kriyas ?ea&h re+uiring mo"ement@ ha' to !e pra&ti&e' 'uring the Pranayama phase. ) long phase of internalization of &ons&iousness an' energy in perfe&t immo!ility shoul' follo%. /n my opinion4 harana! the a&t of fo&using attention4 implie' &on&entration on the Cha4ras. You !egin to &on&entrate on ea&h Cha4ra an' forget yourself9 in this %ay harana spontaneously !e&omes hyana! the !or'ers !et%een the t%o !eing in'istinguisha!le in pra&ti&e. Samadhi is the su''en !urning %ith a limitless Goy that4 sooner or later4 you e;perien&e. From that moment on%ar's4 / !egan to en' my routine %ith a pro&e'ure that / &all <mental Pranayama&< / pause my a%areness on ea&h Cha4ra a!out 12 se&on's > as a !ee 'ra%n to the ne&tar in flo%ers ho"ers o"er ea&h in great 'elight > slightly <tou&hing< their nu&leus along an &ounter&lo&6%ise ?as "ie%e'
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from a!o"e@ path. The &on&entration on the thir' eye > that <in%ar' eye< %hi&h Aor's%orth appropriately 'efines as <the !liss of solitu'e< > happens spontaneously. &? E*3'* ea2h ro%t'*e -( !%rre*3er'* to o*e@! I!hta De.ata Ae 6no% that )shta e%ata 'enotes one8s fa"orite form of &on&ei"ing or "isualizing the Ci"ine. 3re'ominantly4 that form 'epen's upon the religious tra'ition in %hi&h a 'e"otee is !orn. There is no 'ou!t that4 on a spiritual path4 it is "ital to !uil' an internal relationship %ith one8s )shta e%ata. So4 / &ame to the &on&lusion that 1eauty in Nature is my )shta e%ata& /n my youth4 my pro&li"ity to%ar's nature !e&ame soon pollute' !y the 'esire to ta6e refuge into its pea&e. / %ante' to 'eta&h from the e"ents of the 'ay an' fin' &omfort in an enthusiasti& outpouring of poeti& emotions. =ater4 / a&6no%le'ge' that / al%ays utilize' the re&olle&tion of 1eauty in Nature to &reate in me a glimpse of the Ci"ine4 the 7eality !eyon' the earthly one. Ahen4 for e;ample4 / trie' to re&all my first &onta&t %ith the /m soun'4 it al%ays appeare' as the tolling of a !ell !e&ause it %as the only aspe&t of it that / &oul' lo&ate in an imaginary &ountrysi'e. Aoo's4 'eep green4 perhaps a summer8s sunset sustaine' my re"erie. No%4 ea&h session of my Kriya routine ha' to en' %ith a "isualization of a %on'erful lan's&ape4 resus&itating my )shta e%ata4 in"iting me to let go of any resistan&e an' !e seize' again !y the real e;perien&e of the Ci"ine. ,? Pra2t'2e Kr'(a '* the !tate o# Me*ta" S'"e*2e a2h'e.e3 thro% h /apa /n those 'ays / rea' the auto!iography of S%ami 7am'as4 the saint that mo"e' far an' %i'e all o"er /n'ia un&easingly repeating the "antra5 88Sri -am 2ai -am 2ai 2ai -am /m.88 Cis&o"ering the simpli&ity of his life an' the greatness of his e;perien&e %as "ery inspiring9 his photo an' the &hil'li6e simpli&ity of his smile 6in'le' my 'e"otion an' inspire' me to 88a'opt88 his "antra. -e %as !orn in 1..$ in -os'rug4 Kerala4 /n'ia4 an' name' Littal 7ao. -e li"e' a normal life an' e;perien&e' the usual ups an' 'o%ns of a househol'er8s life. Often he in+uire' a!out the true meaning of life an' felt the 'esire to pursue the spiritual path in or'er to feel genuine <3ea&e.< )t the right moment his father initiate' him into the -am "antra! assuring him that !y repeating it un&easingly he %oul'4 in 'ue time4 a&hie"e the 'i"ine happiness he 'esire'. /t %as then that 7am'as renoun&e' the se&ular life an' %ent forth in +uest of Ho' as a men'i&ant Sadh$. The "antra </m Sri -am 2ai -am 2ai 2ai -am< %as e"er on his lips. 1esi'es the pra&ti&e of 2apa4 he a'opte' the 'is&ipline of loo6ing upon all other people as forms of -am ?Ho'@! an' of a&&epting e"ery happening as &oming from the %ill of Ho'. /n a short time the "antra 'isappeare' from his lips an' entere' his heart. -e !ehel' a small &ir&ular light in the spot !et%een his eye!ro%s4 %hi&h yiel'e' him thrills of 'elight. Then the 'azzling light permeate' an' a!sor!e' him. =ost in this ine;pressi!le !liss he %oul' sit for hours. The %orl' appeare' to him as a 'im sha'o%. ) stage %as soon rea&he' %hen this '%elling in the spirit !e&ame a permanent an' un"arying e;perien&e.

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-is tea&hing %as e;tremely simple5


387epeat the one name F7amE at all times of the 'ay an' at nights %hen you are a%a6e. You may !e sure that you %ill not feel lonely or misera!le as long as you are uttering that glorious name. Ahere this name is soun'e'4 or me'itate' upon4 there resi'es no sorro%4 no an;iety > nay4 not e"en 'eath.88 88Btter 7ama8s name ?/m Sri -am 2ai -am 2ai 2ai -am@ any time4 ami' all of life8s 'istra&tions4 %hene"er there is a momentary return of your &ons&iousness to Self-a%areness. Ahen this happens you feel the ensuing Goy an' you &on&entrate on it as long as possi!le ?%hile repeating your 3rayer.@ /n this %ay you perfe&t your surren'er to Ho'. This is to !e pra&ti&e' %hen fa&ing e"ery e"ent4 e"ery 'ay4 an' in e"ery &ir&umstan&e. )t Night4 %hen free from %orl'ly 'uties4 you 'e"ote yourself to intense pra&ti&e of 2apa.

S%ami 7am'as stu&6 to that pra&ti&e an' %as a&tually rolling in a sea of in'es&ri!a!le happiness. -e attaine' "ahasamadhi in 10* . -elpe' !y a mala ?rosary !ea's@4 / starte' to pra&ti&e re&iting 2apa alou' 12. times ?the num!er of !ea's in a mala@ 'uring a %al64 an' mentally 'uring the remaining of the %al6. E"en though the oriental tra'itions re&ommen' 'oing 2apa mentally4 / 6ne% for &ertain that it shoul' !e 'one alou' > at least for a!out a hun're' times. The soun' of that "antra4 %hi&h / ha' alrea'y hear' in 'ifferent re&or'ings4 %as "ery pleasant. / lo"e' to prolong its "i!ration4 ma6e it "i!rate in my &hest an' in"est it %ith my heart8s aspiration. :y attitu'e %as not that of a suppli&ating an' so!!ing 'e"otee4 !ut that of a man %ho reGoi&es4 !eing one step a%ay from his goal. Sin&e / o!ser"e' %hile 'oing it an irresisti!le impulse to put e"erything in or'er4 / thought that the "antra &oul' %or6 in a similar %ay !y &leaning out my mental stuff an' putting my <psy&hologi&al furniture< in or'er. Therefore4 e"en though sometimes / felt a !it 'aze'4 / ne"er 'is&ar'e' this pra&ti&e. / %ill no% 'es&ri!e ho% after an intense pra&ti&e of 2apa4 / e;perien&e' the !reathless state. )t the en' of my Kriya session4 %hile rela;ing %ith mental Pranayama ?pla&ing my a%areness in ea&h Cha4ra for 12-22 se&on's ea&h@4 / 'istin&tly per&ei"e' a fresh energy sustaining my !o'y from insi'e. / realize' that my &ells %ere !reathing pure energy %hi&h 'i'n8t originate from the inhale' air. The more / rela;e'4 the more / simultaneously !e&ame a%are !oth of the Cha4ras an' of the !o'y as a %hole. The !reath4 %hi&h in the meantime ha' !e&ome "ery short4 e"entually rea&he' immo!ility4 li6e a pen'ulum gently rea&hing the e+uili!rium point. :y min' settle' 'o%n. This &on'ition laste' a fe% minutes %ithout any feeling of uneasiness9 there %as neither the least +ui"er of surprise nor the thought4 <Finally / ha"e itI< The e"ent %as enGoya!le !eyon' %or's5 in a !lue-painte' profun'ity4 / %as mer&ilessly &rushe' !y the !eauty of nature an'4 at the same time4 situate' a!o"e the %hole %orl'. )ll %as in&re'i!ly !eautiful4 !eyon' imaginationI / %as not !reathing an' / 'i' not feel the nee' to.
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/n the follo%ing 'ays the same e"ent happene' again 'uring mental Pranayama& 1efore starting my Kriya pra&ti&e4 / loo6e' at the surroun'ing panorama an' %on'ere' if / %oul' again e;perien&e that 'i"ine state. / 'i'I / %as astonishe'9 it seeme' impossi!le that 2apa! one of the simplest te&hni+ues in the %orl'4 &oul' pro'u&e in'allibly su&h a "alua!le resultI Compare' to the !reathless state4 my past e;perien&es 'uring Kriya pra&ti&e seeme' "anishing4 elusi"e4 li6e luminous refle&tions on %ater. /t %as 88soli'ity88 itself. Ahere my !est intentions ha' faile'4 2apa ha' pro'u&e' the mira&leI There %as a perfe&t asso&iation !et%een the pra&ti&e of 2apa an' the attainment of the !reathless state. E"ery 'ay / e;perien&e' it for myself. This relia!le result &reate' a moral strength in me that turne' into a &alm euphoria permeating my entire 'ay. Ahile tal6ing to others / remaine' effortlessly &entere' on the feeling of un&hangea!le &almness4 %ithout !eing in"ol"e' in the images arising from the %or's. This ne% %ay of li"ing %as li6e %al6ing out of a 'ar6 stuffy room into sunlight an' fresh air. The magi& of this !right4 'azzling 3rayer %hi&h sprea' into ea&h fa&et of my life &onfirme' in me the !elief that 2apa %as the only tool &apa!le of e;tra&ting <something perfe&t an' su!lime< from my life. / plunge' %ith enthusiasm into "antra an' 3rayer literature in 'ifferent mysti&al paths. The intrinsi& "alue of this pra&ti&e lies in the fa&t that it annihilates the mental !a&6groun' noise. Ae &an put it in this %ay5 at the en' of our Kriya pra&ti&e4 %e &an enGoy a state of &almness %here almost all the a&ti"ities of the min' ha"e su!si'e'. Bnfortunately a 'iffuse persistent !a&6groun' noise ma6es it impossi!le to enter the authenti& "ental Silen.e. No%4 if %e pra&ti&e a &ertain amount of 2apa 'uring the 'ay ?not imme'iately !efore starting our me'itation routine@ that noise gi"es pla&e to immo!ility an' transparen&y5 the e;perien&e is fantasti&4 une;pe&te'. :any !oo6s intro'u&ing the pra&ti&e of 2apa ?3rayer@ 'o not e;plain this pre&ious &on&ept !ut insist only upon a heap of !analities. Ahen / rea' in oriental !oo6s that the mala ?rosary@ for 2apa shoul' !e ma'e of this or of that material4 or that it shoul' not !e seen !y others4 or that the S$mer$ !ea' Jan e;tra !ea' as the e;tension to the ro%4 %hi&h is the point at %hi&h one roun' of &ounting aroun' the mala !egins an' en'sK shoul' ne"er !e passe' Jif you 'o the mala t%i&e4 you shoul' turn it an' ma6e the last !ea' !e&ome the first !ea' of the se&on' roun'K ... / 6ne% that these are first-&lass i'io&ies. S%ami 7am'as8 simple auto!iography is %orth a thousan' times more than those useless essays 'epri"e' of any intelligen&e or passion. =i6e%ise %hen / rea' %estern !oo6s that insist on the fa&t that the po%er of the 2apa ?3rayer@ lies not in your effort !ut in the 88Ci"ine Hra&e88 that &omes only %hen you use a parti&ular formula &anonize' !y a tra'itional pattern of %orship4 / 6ne% that this is another falsehoo'. The !oo6s rarely hint at the main o!sta&le5 often a 'elusion arises in us in the form of a s&ruple5 88 1y repeating my "antra me&hani&ally all 'ay long li6e a parrot4 arenEt / 'oing the most min'-num!ing a&ti"ity in the %or'D ConEt the fa&ulties of my min' get lazy4 !e&oming 'ull toolsD88 On the &ontraryI You 'is&o"er that through 2apa the min' rests an' !e&omes more a&ute.
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/ trie' to pass on this e;perien&e to other persons. / am remin'e' of a frien' %ho pra&ti&e' Kriya %ithout getting any result. / tal6e' to him an' suggeste' 2apa !ut / %as not a!le to e;plain myself &learly. One 'ay he sho%e' me ho% he ha' interprete' my e;pli&ations an' / %as %itness to a lifeless pra&ti&e4 a tire' plea for Ho'8s mer&y. / ha' the impression that he too6 2apa as &ere!ral a&t. -is thoughts %ere on the repetition9 its "i!ration %as not &onne&te' in any %ay to his !o'y. -is &hosen "antra %as nothing more than a sigh of self-pity. /t %as not surprising %hen4 after some time4 he entirely a!an'one' the pra&ti&e. )ll &hange' later %hen he too6 part in a group pilgrimage. Someone !egan to re&ite the so-&alle' rosary ?a set num!er of repetitions of the same prayer@4 an' all the pilgrims Goine' in. E"en if tire' an' almost gasping for !reath4 my frien' 'i' not %ith'ra% himself from this pious a&ti"ity. Ahile %al6ing an' praying softly4 murmuring un'er his !reath4 he !egan to taste a state of un6no%n &almness. -e loo6e' %ith 'ifferent eyes at the sho% of &ontinuously &hanging lan's&ape an' ha' the impression of li"ing in a para'isia& situation. -e %ent on repeating the 3rayer unremittingly for the entire %al6 ?%hi&h surpasse' the 22 miles@4 &ompletely forgetting he %as tire' an' sleepy. Ahen the group pause' to rest4 he lu&6ily %as left alone un'istur!e'. -e slippe' into an introspe&ti"e state an' %as per"a'e' !y something "i!rating in his o%n heart %hi&h he 'efinitely i'entifie' %ith Spiritual 7eality. -is e&stati& state !e&ame soli' as a ro&64 !e&oming almost un!eara!le4 o"er%helming him. :y frien' summarize' the &orre&t %ay of pra&ti&ing 2apa. -e sai' that the se&ret %as to not only rea&h !ut also go !eyon' the state of <e;haustion.< )fter some 'ays he &hose to repeat the same "antra / ha' &hosen an'4 than6s to it4 he rea&he' the !reathless state. 12 -o%e"er4 as far as / %as &on&erne'4 after many %on'erful e;perien&es an' &lear states of introspe&tion4 that year +uietly &ame to an en'. The follo%ing year %as not e+ually shining !e&ause something happene' that &reate' total &haos in my min' an' emotions. Curing a trip to Lienna ?)ustria@4 / foun' a !oo6 %ritten !y an /n'ian S7ami4 &laiming he %as tea&hing the original =ahiri :ahasaya8s Kriya an' 3.Y.8s %as mentione' as a slightly mo'ifie' "ersion of it. )gain 'e"oure' !y the o!session of fin'ing the original Kriya4 tormente' !y my suspi&ion that 3.Y. ha' taught a simplifie' form of Kriya in or'er to meet the &onstraints of his %esterner 'is&iples! / stu'ie' his !oo6 hoping to unearth the original Kriya Pranayama. /n the meantime my 'aily appli&ation of 2apa 'e&rease'. Often / formulate' the thought4 </ must ne"er lose the enGoyment of the !reathless state4 e"en for a single minute. /t is the most real thing / ha"e e"er e;perien&e'I< 1ut my frenzie' sear&h for the original Kriya ma'e me go &razy. / ha' opene' a 'oor
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Normally it is not ne&essary to go !eyon' the frontier of e;haustion. Bsually one has "ery goo' effe&ts !y &ompleting 'aily one "ala ?a rosary of 12. !ea's@ alou' then letting the repetition of one8s "antra go ahea' mentally an' automati&ally. -o%e"er the 88la% of e;haustion88 is a "alua!le resour&e for !rea6ing some possi!le internal resistan&e an' e;perien&e thus the !reathless state for the first time.

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that &oul'n8t !e &lose' easily. The most intense feelings of Goy an' satisfa&tion &ame from rea'ing an' rerea'ing that !oo64 un'erlining hea"ily some senten&es. / %as e;&ite' to rea' that Pranayama shoul' !e &onsi'ere' ina&&urate an' %rong if4 settling 'o%n after fair num!er of !reaths4 the pra&titioner ha' not hear' the internal soun' of /m %ithout &losing his ears. That senten&e %oul'n8t let me sleep. /t left dangero$s 'ou!ts that an unimagina!ly 'eep an' ri&h te&hni+ue of spiritual realization ha' !een ta6en a%ay from me an' all %esterners only !e&ause 3.Y. ha' foun' it 'iffi&ult to tea&h to his first )meri&an 'is&iples. Aas this true4 %as it falseD The issue is &ontro"ersial4 !ut as far as my life %as &on&erne' the %orl' of the <tra"eling G$r$s< %ith all their hysteri&al &laims an' innumera!le &ontra'i&tions too6 the pla&e of %hat / ha' patiently !uilt. Se"eral years elapse' !efore the hea"enly &on'ition !rought to my life !y the !reathless state %oul' return to me again.

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C-)3TE7 $ FOLLOCING SOME TEACHERS OUTSIDE THE ORGANIBATION

The !oo6 %ritten !y the /n'ian Kriya tea&her S7ami -.4 li6e innumera!le others / later rea'4 %as only !ait to &reate interest in the Kriya s&hool foun'e' !y the author an' ne"er in&lu'e' pra&ti&al e;planations. The statements it &ontaine' %ere %orthy of &onsi'eration9 they %ere surely from a "ery 'eep pra&ti&e of Pranayama. / ha' no i'ea %hen an' %here / %oul' ha"e the opportunity to meet this tea&her4 !ut / foretaste' the possi!ility of 'eepening my Kriya Pranayama an'4 perhaps4 &larifying my other 'ou!ts &on&erning Ke.hari "$dra an' the Higher Kriyas& 7e&alling a phrase %hi&h ha' es&ape' the lips of the la'y me'itation &ounselor a!out a "ariation of Kriya Pranayama taught to some 'is&iples !y 3.Y.4 / &on"in&e' myself that the 6ey te&hni&al a''ition %as to mentally &hant /m in the Cha4ras %hile 'ire&ting all attention possi!le to the internal astral soun's. )ny effort to%ar' listening to the internal soun's is "ery %ell re%ar'e'. The !eauty of that perio' %hen / ha' pra&ti&e' the < /m te&hni+ue< ?re&ei"e' from my s&hool@ ha' not !een surpasse' !y any other e"ent. /tEs har' to &on"ey ho% in&re'i!ly &omforting an' li!erating that e;perien&e %as. No%4 !y applying the a!o"e 'es&ri!e' &onGe&ture4 / &oul' listen again to the astral soun's an' retrie"e that 1eauty. So / 6ept on listening an' listening in%ar'ly not only to the soun' of the !reath !ut to any other internal soun' fee!ly manifesting 'uring Kriya Pranayama. / &an8t remem!er ho% many Kriya !reaths / pra&ti&e' ea&h 'ay4 surely ne"er more than $.-*2. )fter a fe% 'ays the an&ient %ell 6no%n s%eetness again entere' my life an' / gratefully %el&ome' it %ith open heart. The strange part %as / ha'nEt e"en met the tea&her yet4 / ha' only rea' his !oo6. /t %as the intensity of my pra&ti&e that %as e;tremeI / ha' a &lear per&eption that a state of in&on&ei"a!le s%eetness %as mine4 that / &oul' taste it e"ery 'ay4 'uring the pra&ti&e an' in e"ery moment %hen / reste'4 free from %or6. To preser"e that /m4ar per&eption %ith the utmost &are !e&ame the sole fo&us of my &on&entration. 8irst ;ea.her o$tside the /rgani5ation 1efore un'ergoing surgery in the Bnite' States4 the author of the !oo6 %as stopping o"er in Europe. / %or6e' "ery har' to meet him an' re&ei"e his Kriya initiation on that o&&asion. That moment &ame at lastI For me4 his intro'u&tory &onferen&e %as of great emotional impa&t. -e ha' a maGesti& an' no!le !earing. -e %as <han'somely< %rappe' in his o&her &lothes9 his ol' age4 an' long hair an' !ear' mar6e' the features of the typi&al sage. / &aught glimpses of him %hile he spo6e4 hi''en !y the front ro%s9 / felt he %as tal6ing a!out =ahiri :ahasaya8s lega&y from 'ire&t e;perien&e. The theoreti&al &on&epts he intro'u&e' %ere a!solutely ne% to me an' &reate' a !eautiful &onsistent frame%or6 for a Kriya pra;is !ase' on a uni+ue
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progressi"e pro&ess of tuning into the /m4ar reality. =i6e a threa' passing through all the pearls of a ne&6la&e4 /m4ar %as &oursing through all the 'ifferent phases of Kriya. Furthermore4 the /m4ar reality ha' to !e per&ei"e' not only in the aspe&ts of soun' an' light !ut also as a <s%inging sensation< ?another time he spo6e a!out a feeling of pressure@. For me4 his stupen'ous4 appealing %or's %ere a re"elation4 !ut at &ertain moments my fo&us on te&hni&al 'etail ma'e me una!le to gi"e 'ue attention to %hat he %as saying. :y o!session %as5 <Ahat 6in' of throat soun' is to !e pro'u&e' in this original Kriya9 to %hi&h &enter 'oes the energy rise in the spineD< To ma6e &lear the proper s%inging aspe&t of /m4ar4 he tou&he' some of the stu'ents ?their hea' an' &hest@ ma6ing his han' "i!rate4 trying to transmit this +ui"ering to their !o'y. -e %as lea'ing the au'itorium into a %on'rous 'imension4 gi"ing himself &ompletely to us so that %e &oul' feel the &ore essen&e of the /m4ar e;perien&e. The initiation into the 8irst Kriya thrille' an' 'isappointe' me at the same time. The for%ar' !en'ings that pre&e'e' the "aha "$dra %ere really pre&ious an' so %as the final me'itation ?improperly &alle' Para%astha@ !ut the Kriya Pranayama seeme' to ha"e 'isappeare' an' !een re'u&e' to a pro&ess of raising the Cha4ras in A(na or Sahasrara through a %ay of !reathing %hi&h %as less long an' less intense than the one use' until no% 'uring Kriya Pranayama. -a"ing %hat he %rote years ago in his !oo6 fresh in my min'4 it %as a plain fa&t to me that this tea&her too4 o"er the &ourse of the years4 ha' simplifie' the original te&hni+ue. )mong the people %ho &onsistently atten'e' his seminars4 there %as no mystery a!out the many te&hni&al 'etails of Kriya Yoga that he 6ept on &hanging4 year after year. One of his intimate 'is&iples &onfirme' to me that in the past the S7ami ha' taught Kriya Pranayama proper enri&he' !y &hanting /m in ea&h Cha4ra. For this reason / 'e&i'e' to ne"er e;&lu'e my goo' ol' Kriya Pranayama %ith long !reath from my pra&ti&e. To it / %oul' no% a'' %hat he %as tea&hing. /t %as %inter an' / ha' a three %ee6 "a&ation. / spent e"ery morning %rappe' in the %armth of my home4 pra&ti&ing as mu&h as possi!le4 applying the fun'amental &on&epts he emphasize' so mu&h. / ma'e a parti&ular effort to remain a%are of the !reath ?a &alm short !reath4 almost imper&epti!le an' on the "erge of 'isappearing@ for a!out three hours4 lin6ing ea&h !reath %ith a 'ifferent Cha4ra. -e ha' e;plaine' that to ma6e a remar6a!le spiritual progress4 you shoul' engage yoursel"es in !e&oming a%are of at least 1,2. !reaths a 'ay. / e;perien&e' a total &ontentment an' ease4 as if my Kriya path ha' &ome to its fulfillment. 1y 'ay4 e"erything seeme' surroun'e' !y a 88pa''e' &oating884 re'u&ing all 'issonan&es. E"erything %as as if transfigure'9 it %as li6e li"ing in a perfe&t reality an' all %orries too6 flight4 gone from my sight. / also spent some 'ays in a !eautiful lo&ation e+uippe' for %inter sport4 %here / &oul' %an'er aimlessly aroun' the sno%-%hite &ountrysi'e. Ahile / %as lazily roaming a!out4 the sun set early4 painting the lan's&ape %ith !reathta6ing &olors9 the small "illage4 sun6 in the sno%4 starte' to ra'iate in a fe% se&on's of
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glory all the &olors of the spe&trum of light. :y memory %ill al%ays hol' it as the splen'i' sym!ol of this %on'erful perio' in my life. The %inter "a&ation en'e' an' / returne' to my Go!. Curing my spare time / %oul' thin6 a!out %hat a pre&ious Ge%el the Kriya te&hni+ue %as4 "isualizing the possi!ility of a future 'eepening after a similar &ommitment to the Higher Kriyas also. One 'ay %hile still at %or64 / %as in a room from %hi&h / &oul' see the 'istant mountains through a %in'o% pane4 an' &ontemplate the pure &elestial s6y a!o"e them. / %as in e&stasyI That 'istant s6y %as the mirror of my future years4 %holly 'e'i&ate' to Kriya Yoga. For the first time the prospe&t of retiring an' li"ing on a minimal in&ome4 maintaining this state for the rest of my 'ays4 starte' to ta6e real shape. S7ami -. also taught a simplifie' form of Se.ond Kriya4 %hi&h / learne' months later. )s for re&ei"ing other a'"an&e' te&hni+ues4 he e;presse' himself a'amantly5 the re+uest of !eing initiate' in them implie' a la&6 of engagement in the !asi& te&hni+ues. 1eing a%are that the original Kriya spirit ha' !een lost in other s&hools4 he fo&use' only on passing on its nu&leus. -e ha' trie' all =ahiri :ahasaya8s te&hni+ues4 &on&lu'ing that some of them %ere not essential %hile others %ere rather too 'eli&ate an' 'iffi&ult to !e learne'. )ttempts ma'e !y ine;perien&e' stu'ents to effe&ti"ely use these te&hni+ues often resulte' in a useless 'istra&tion for the stu'ents an' a %aste of time for him as a tea&her. Ahat he sai' ma'e 'efinite sense4 !ut &ontri!ute' to his isolation. -e 'i' not ta6e into &onsi'eration the insatia!le &uriosity of the maGority of 4riyabans %ho a&&epte' no interferen&e in their +uest. -is unfortunate 'e&ision to lea"e out some of =ahiri :ahasayaEs te&hni+ues ?not only parts of the Higher Kriyas4 !ut also !asi& te&hni+ues su&h as Ke.hari "$dra an' #a%i Kriya@ triggere' an automati& refle; %hi&h pushe' a%ay the people most in'ispensa!le to him. Consume' !y a thirst for the &omplete tea&hings4 they !egan to sear&h for other tea&hers. Cisappointe' !y their 'efe&tion4 he stu!!ornly fo&use' e"en more pointe'ly on the essen&e of the tea&hing an' the further simplifi&ation of the 8irst Kriya te&hni+ues. Those %ho trie' to get this a!sur'ity a&ross to him an' there!y pre"ent it foun' themsel"es fa&ing a stone %all. -e ha' all the tools ne&essary to attra&t the %estern %orl'. The !oo6 he ha' %ritten ha' !een a smart strategi& mo"e %hi&h ma'e him popular in the Aest4 sa"ing for himself a pla&e of &ru&ial importan&e in the 'omain of Kriya. :oreo"er4 his /n'ian-sage figure impresse' people. -un're's of s&holars %ere rea'y to !a&6 his mission an' treat him as a <'i"inity<4 an' %ere %illing to sho% the same respe&t to possi!le &olla!orators an' su&&essors. Yet the soil he plo%e' an' %as &ulti"ating starte' to !e&ome sterile. / sa% the s&ope of his isolation %hen one 'ay 'uring a Kriya re"ie% lesson4 he tol' his pu!li& that real Kriya Pranayama &oul' only ta6e pla&e in a state of &alm !reath an' that the one mar6e' !y a long 'eep !reath ?%hi&h many 6ne% %as &hara&teristi& of =ahiri :ahasaya8s lega&y@ %as goo'4 in his opinion4 only for 886in'ergarten &hil'ren<I -e &lose' his nostrils %ith his fingers an' 6ept that
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position for some time. /n this %ay that he implie' that he ha' mastere' the !reathless state an' that the pu!li& %as neither a!le to un'erstan'4 nor pra&ti&e4 Kriya. / thought a!out ho% many 'isappointments he must ha"e ha' to &on"in&e him to ma6e su&h a pe&uliar 'emonstration. 3erhaps he ha' only met people %ho %ere not a!le to a'opt the 'is&ipline of a regular me'itation pra&ti&e an' therefore 'i' not gain any !enefit. Bnfortunately4 many per&ei"e' his !eha"ior as a nasty &omment that the au'ien&e %as una!le to un'erstan' the 'eep meaning of %hat he %as 'es&ri!ing. The stu'ents staring at him %ere at a &omplete loss9 he must ha"e seeme' !izarre an' pe&uliar to them. The result %as that the !eginners sense' only that there %as too large a 'istan&e to !e !ri'ge' !et%een them an' the :aster. Those %ho alrea'y ha' a goo' mastering of Kriya ha' the final &onfirmation that %hat he ha' taught up to that moment %as a simple intro'u&tion to Kriya an' 'i' not pro"i'e the 6ey to o!taining the e;periential pinna&le. /t is true that a lot of people %ere &ontent %ith his Kriya! !ut they %oul' ne"er organize a seminar for their tea&her. Fran6ly spea6ing4 the faithfulness of the many %as not enough to a"oi' the %orst. -is &ommen'a!le effort4 all the mar"elous su!tleties !y %hi&h he ha' enri&he' our Kriya an' ma'e this pra&ti&e far more !eautiful4 %as not enough to pre"ent a ship%re&6 of his mission > at least here in Europe. 11 Bsing the same fliers an' &hanging only the :aster8s name an' photo4 many of the people %ho formerly organize' his seminars in"ite' another tea&her from /n'ia !e&ause they 6ne% he %as %ell-'ispose' to e;plain Kriya in its &omplete form. This in"itation %as perhaps ma'e more out of 'esperation than of &on"i&tion !e&ause those %ho ha' alrea'y met him in /n'ia 6ne% his o%n spiritual realization %as almost non-e;istent. 1e&ause of "isa pro!lems4 it too6 t%o years !efore he finally lan'e' in Europe4 an' %hen he arri"e' pra&ti&ally all the !efore-'es&ri!e' tea&her8s 'is&iples %ere rea'y to %el&ome this ne% guru as their Ho'-sent messenger. This ne% tea&her 'i' in fa&t gi"e us the "ery &ra"e' for Ke.hari "$dra4 the #a%i Kriya an' others. 1ut let me first 'es&ri!e the most 'isappointing meeting of my life. Se.ond ;ea.her o$tside the /rgani5ation Ahile %aiting for the ne% tea&her from /n'ia to o!tain a "isa granting permission to enter Europe4 / &ame in &onta&t %ith a Kriya s&hool totally separate from the others. The Kriya Yoga they taught %as !ase' upon the tea&hings of an /n'ian personage %ho &laime' he %as a 'ire&t 'is&iple of Baba(i. /n this s&hool the main te&hni+ue of Kriya Pranayama %as &ouple' %ith many other tea&hings groupe' un'er four main hea'ings5 Hatha Yoga! hyana Yoga! "antra Yoga an' Bha4ti Yoga& The i'ea of ha"ing foun' a sour&e from %hi&h / &oul' learn e"erything a!out Kriya e;&ite' me tremen'ously. )t that time / &oul' not realize
11

Something remains in'ee'4 !ut "ery s&anty &ompare' to %hat he &oul' ha"e realize' if only he ha' !een more &on&iliatory.

that this s&hool ha' nothing to 'o %ith =ahiri :ahasaya8s tea&hing. The intro'u&tory !oo6 to this s&hool %as "ery strange5 its illustrations ga"e the impression of a fairytale. /n this !oo6 there %as no mention of te&hni+ues li6e ;alabya Kriya! Ke.hari "$dra! #a%i Kriya! /m4ar Pranayama! ;ho4ar&&&& The s&hool offere' three le"els of Kriya! easy to o!tain in a!out three years if you sho%e' enough &ommitment. The first le"el 'i'n8t 'isappoint me4 !ut 'i' lea"e me a !it perple;e'. The tea&her %as o!sesse' %ith the pre&ept of not hol'ing one8s !reath4 therefore the te&hni+ue of Yoni "$dra4 %hi&h is fun'amental for =ahiri :ahasaya4 %as &onsi'ere' 'angerous an' thus !anne'. Their Kriya Pranayama %as in'ee' !eautiful. The most annoying thing %as that on&e you ha' &omplete' the pres&ri!e' num!er !reaths4 the pro&ess you ha' put into motion ha' to su''enly !e relin+uishe' an' s%it&he' to hyana Kriya4 a me'itation %hi&h ha' nothing to 'o %ith spine4 Cha4ras et&. 1efore re&ei"ing instru&tion from this s&hool4 / ha' mi;e' %hat / ha' learne' from 3.Y.8s organization %ith S7ami -.8s tea&hing an' ha' &reate' a "ery pleasant routine %hose final part ?&on&entration on the Cha4ras@ %as pure 'elight. Seriously pra&ti&ing this ne% routine4 there gre% %ithin me a mar6e' longing for %hat / ha' relin+uishe'. / ha' the hea"y sensation of gaining nothing su!stantial. The &entral &ore of the Se.ond +e%el %as initiation into /n'ian "antras& This su!Ge&t %as more appealing to me. The 'ay of initiation into a "antra %as pro&ee'e' !y a 'ay of silen&e9 entran&e' %e listene' a splen'i' lesson upon the utility of the pra&ti&e of 2apa. There %ere other tea&hings that left me perple;e'. Sin&e / ha' pla&e' mu&h hope on the up&oming thir' le"el4 / en'ure' it all. The thir' le"el %as an atro&ious 'elusion. There %ere no proper Higher Kriyas !ut instea' &lassi& Yoga te&hni+ues4 suita!le for a preparatory &ourse to Kriya. The si; Samadhi te&hni+ues4 gi"en at the &on&lusion of that ener"ating an' !oring &ourse4 %ere5 a "ariation of the Hong Sa$ te&hni+ue4 three fairly &ommon te&hni+ues of "isualization4 the &lassi& instru&tion of &ontinuous a%areness 'uring the 'ay an'4 at the en'4 a "ariation of the same /m me'itation te&hni+ue / ha' re&ei"e' from my first Kriya organization. The "ariations of the Hong Sa$ te&hni+ue4 as %ell as of the /m te&hni+ue4 seeme' 'e"ise' !y a lazy min' %hose only purpose in mo'ifying them %as to a"oi' the a&&usation of ha"ing &opie' from 3.Y.8s organization4 %ith no &on&ern as to %hether the resulting te&hni+ues %ere 'e"oi' of their po%er. For e;ample4 in the first te&hni+ue4 the 88Hong Sa$88 "antra %as repla&e' !y </m Baba(i< forgetting that Hong Sa$ is a uni"ersal "antra %hose sylla!les %ere spe&ifi&ally &hosen for their po%er of &alming the !reath4 %ith %hi&h they ha"e a "i!ratory &onne&tion. The three te&hni+ues of "isualization %ere of a genre one &oul' fin' in any !oo6 on &on&entration an' me'itation te&hni+ues. For many of us %ho ha' yearlong e;perien&e %ith the preliminary-to-Kriya te&hni+ues offere' !y 3.Y.8s organization4 !eing re-taught those te&hni+ues4 'isguise' an' passe' off as Samadhi te&hni+ues4 %as a&tually li6e a &ol' sho%er.

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Some of us 'are' to as6 the tea&her8s opinion a!out =ahiri :ahasaya8s Kriya. )t first he %as reti&ent an' 'i' not seem gla' a!out our interest4 then he too6 &ourage an' share' his "ie%s. -e !elie"e' that =ahiri :ahasaya ha' not pra&ti&e' %ith total &ommitment all the tea&hings he re&ei"e' from 1a!aGi4 therefore he ... 'ie'. )stoun'e'4 %e realize' that sin&e =ahiri :ahasaya ha' not o!taine' immortality ?as4 in this tea&her8s opinion4 shoul' happen to those %ho gi"e their all to applying Kriya integrally@4 our tea&her %as 'ismissi"e of him. 1ut let me en' tal6ing a!out all this an' get !a&6 to other &onsi'erations. )nterme55o= #e7AAgeAPoll$ted Kriya Yoga The min'set / 'e"elope' in follo%ing this s&hool le' me to meet people an' groups in %hi&h Kriya Yoga %as pollute' %ith #e7AAge themes. / am remin'e' of those 'ays %hene"er / listen to the tape re&or'ings of 'e"otional &hants %hi&h / !ought at that time. Bsually / fell in lo"e %ith an /n'ian bha(an an' sang it %ithin me all through the 'ay. For me it ha' mu&h the same nature of foo'9 / really ha' the impression of eating that musi&. Coming a&ross 'ifferent groups of people %ho pra&ti&e' Kriya! / ha' the feeling of meeting a family more "ast an' "arie' than my first Kriya group %ho stri&tly follo%e' 3.Y.8s tea&hings. 1as6ing in my state of elation4 / 'i'n8t un'erstan' mu&h a!out their a&tual 'ay-to-'ay life. The only o'' trait / noti&e' %as a &lumsy attempt to a!i'e !y the rules of an oriental lifestyle4 %hi&h ha' here 'eteriorate' to the &ulti"ation of a fe% inno&ent an' sometimes funny fa''iness. / learne' to relate to ea&h person > for e;ample4 to those %ho %oul' host me %hene"er a seminar %as hel' in a 'istant &ity > the %ay an e;plorer 'eals %ith un6no%n animals4 %aiting for any e&&entri& re"elation. )t times / %oul' rea&t to their o''ness sar&asti&ally9 it %as something / Gust &oul' not help4 it &ame out so spontaneously. =ater on / ha' o&&asion to meet an' approa&h more intimately those %ho organize' the Kriya Yoga initiation seminaries for our tra"eling G$r$s. They ga"e the impression of !eing honest resear&hers an' al%ays guarantee' that no nonsense %oul' e"er slip out of their mouths. / learne' to listen to them respe&tfully an' silently %hene"er they &orre&te' some of my fan&y interpretations of Kriya Yoga. / %as surprise' %hen one of them4 %ithout !eing e;hi!itionisti&4 +uote' !y heart a fe% lines from a %or6 !y 3.Y. > the same propheti& lines %hi&h ha' on&e !een the sour&e of so many un&ertainties for me. -e rea' an' re-rea' through those te;ts se"eral times trying to 'e&o'e them9 he really straine' in stu'ying those te;ts. :y relationship %ith those resear&hers %as !ase' on real affe&tion an' it ne"er &ame to 'isagreement4 !itterness or formality. They %ere al%ays generous to%ar' me an' respe&tful of my personality. Ahile passionately sharing e"erything they ha' learne'4 no matter if it &ost them a great 'eal of time4 effort an' money4 ne"er 'i' they try to for&e something on me. )t that epo&h of my life4 !esi'es the three main tea&hers 'es&ri!e' in this
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&hapter4 / re&ei"e' a &ouple of initiations !y other 88minor88 tea&hers that ha' on&e !een the right-han' man one or another illustrious G$r$ !ut then !e&ame in'epen'ent !e&ause the G$r$ 'iso%ne' them. Ae agree' our tea&hers %ere mostly me'io&re4 sometimes impolite an' unethi&al. Some trifling episo'es &onfirme' our first impressions of impro"isation an'4 in one &ase4 of mental insta!ility. This %as strongly in &ontrast %ith the &hara&ter %e e;pe&te' in those %ho &alle' themsel"es <spiritual gui'es<. They 6ne% little a!out Kriya Yoga an' they taught it in a superfi&ial %ay4 !ut %e !elie"e' they %ere authorize' to initiate4 an' this !lin'e' us. #ust for this reason %e treate' them %ith a 'eferential an' tolerant attitu'e4 forgi"ing them %hen they !etraye' our trust. 88A$thori5ed88I -o% magi& an' hypnoti& %as this %or' for us %ho ha' listene' to it re"erently so many times in 3.Y.8s s&hool. /t is strange an' 'olorous to thin6 that it %as the 'eep-roote' 'ogmati& &on&ept that Kriya &oul' !e re&ei"e' only from authorize' persons that perpetrate' the %orst of our illusions. / a&&epte' the far&e of the initiations as an ine"ita!le 'ra%!a&6 to su&&ess in a&+uiring the information / %as sear&hing for %ith so mu&h passion. Henerally spea6ing after atten'ing many 'ifferent rituals4 the e;planations %ere al%ays +ui&6 an' shallo%9 a 'estru&ti"e &riti&ism %as often raise' against information &oming from other sour&es. / %oul' finish e"ery initiation thin6ing ho% satisfie' / %as an' ma6e up my min' to a!an'on all the pre"ious pra&ti&es for the one / ha' Gust re&ei"e'. / ignore' any a%areness that the ne% initiation ha' only a''e' something insignifi&ant to %hat / alrea'y 6ne% or that it %as &onfining me to a <&age< from %hi&h / %oul' sooner or later feel an un!eara!le suffo&ation an' from %hi&h / %oul' e"entually ha"e to !rea6 loose. To many among us those initiations %ere a true "i&e. Ae sto&6e' up on te&hni+ues li6e foo' for a famine. #ust to gi"e an e;ample4 at almost all initiation seminars a solemn ple'ge of se&re&y %as the pass%or' to !e a&&epte'. E"ery one too6 this ple'ge !ut as soon as the meeting %as o"er4 some share' the &o"ete' ne%s %ith other stu'ents !y &ell-phone %ho4 in turn4 %oul' ta6e part in other initiations an' re&ipro&ate the fa"or. Some frien's returning from /n'ia e;presse' their e;&itement o"er su&h an e;traor'inary lan'. 1ut at the en' of their tales4 'isappointment in all the things they ha' not !een a!le to learn emerge'. Often they %oul' meet a !oaster %ho assure' them he 6ne% original Kriya Yoga an' &oul' initiate them all as long as they 6ept it a total se&ret %ithout esta!lishing any &onta&t %ith other tea&hers. /n this %ay the !oaster &oul' ensure the 'is&iples %oul' not re&ognize that it %as not Kriya Yoga they %ere !eing taught. / realize' this only %hen4 o"er&oming their hesitation4 / &on"in&e' them to &onfi'entially gi"e me a rough 'es&ription of that te&hni+ue. Bsually it %as either 3.Y.8s Kriya or nothing more than the mere repetition of a "antraI Ahat ma'e me feel sa' %as not so mu&h the great a'"antage gaine' !y those !raggers ?the G$r$da4shina J'onationK they re&ei"e' meant a real fortune at my frien's8 e;pense@ !ut that my frien's misse' the opportunity of learning Kriya from other sour&es in other pla&es.
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Something 'ifferent happene' to a frien' %ho met 1.=.4 a 'es&en'ant of =ahiri :ahasaya. This %as one of the master8s great-gran'sons4 a man %ith a great a&a'emi& !a&6groun' an' %ith a 'eep 6no%le'ge of Kriya! !ut my frien' %as not a!le to learn anything from him. / %as ta6en a!a&6 %hen he tol' me that in 1enares4 an' pro!a!ly throughout rest of /n'ia4 Kriya Yoga %as not pra&ti&e' any longer. / 6ept enough &ontrol not to interrupt or &hallenge him4 !ut then !y posing apparently in&i'ental +uestions4 / trie' to un'erstan' %hat ha' happene'. :y frien' ha'4 as he usually 'i'4 !egan the 'is&ussion %ith tri"ialities li6e as6ing some information on /n'ian ha!its an' a!out an Ashram8s a''ress %here he planne' to go. Then almost at the en' of the inter"ie% > he must ha"e su''enly remem!ere' he %as in =ahiri :ahasaya8s house > he as6e' if any of the 'is&iples of =ahiri %ere still pra&ti&ing Kriya4 an' re&ei"e' a sar&asti&ally sour4 negati"e response of4 more or less4 <Cefinitely not9 it is not pra&ti&e' any longer. / 'are say it is not pra&ti&e' throughout the %hole /n'ian peninsula. 7ather4 you surely must !e the only one still pra&ti&ing itI< )t the en' of his narration4 my frien' %as loo6ing at me +uestioningly. / am still not sure %hether he %as hoping to &on"in&e me or %hether he %as Gust a!sor!e' in !itter frustration. / 'i' not pry. /n my opinion4 he 'i' not realize ho% foolish his 'is&ussion ha' !een %ith that no!le person. ) &ertain !lo% &ame for him one month later. -e hear' that a man from his same to%n ha' re&ently !een initiate' into Kriya Yoga from the "ery personage he ha' met in 1enaresI -e %as so irritate'4 he planne' to go !a&6 to /n'ia to raise a protest to that no!le man& Bnfortunately4 he 'i' not ha"e that &han&e > a serious 'isease 6ille' him. /n spite of our huge &hara&ter 'ifferen&es4 / %ill al%ays !e grateful for all the things he share' %ith me &on&erning the path of Yoga. )nother frien' remaine' for some 'ays at an Ashram in the hope he might re&ei"e initiation into Kriya Yoga. The lea'er of the Ashram %as a%ay4 an' my frien' re&ei"e' the initiation from one of his 'is&iples. )t the &on&lusion he a&+uire' a large "olume summarizing the te&hni+ues4 an' at the en' of his trip4 "isi!ly &ontent4 he sho%e' me the !oo6. The te&hni+ues 'i' not 'iffer mu&h from those / alrea'y 6ne%4 !ut there %ere many more 'etails. There %as nothing in that !oo64 ho%e"er4 that &oul' remo"e all my +uestions9 not a single hint a!out ho% to o!tain Ke.hari "$dra4 nothing on ;ho4ar either. On the &ontrary4 / &an remem!er a "ery &ompli&ate' te&hni+ue !ase' on the "isualization of the Cha4ras as they are 'es&ri!e' in Tantri& te;ts. Ea&h te&hni+ue %as pre&e'e' !y a theoreti& intro'u&tion %ith +uotations from an&ient !oo6s an' an illustration %hi&h eliminate' any possi!le 'ou!t. /n the last part of the !oo6 a pre&ise gra'ual routine %as gi"en. Of &ourse4 there %as a note guaranteeing that all the mentione' te&hni+ues &onstitute' Kriya Yoga as taught !y Baba(i4 =ahiri :ahasaya8s mythi&al G$r$. The material %as "ery interesting4 an' / %oul' ha"e li6e' to yiel' to the illusion that my +uest ha' finally en'e' sin&e those notes &ontaine' %hat / %as sear&hing for. / simply ha' to &on"in&e myself that Baba(i ha' ma'e a synthesis of the innumera!le spiritual pra&ti&es of Tantrism to &reate -is Kriya Yoga. /t %as impu'ent to thin6 that ;ho4ar &oul' !e &onsi'ere' no more than a "ariation of the 2alandhara BandhaI /f the instru&tions for Ke.hari "$dra %ere not there4
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ne"er min'4 it pro!a!ly Gust meant that P Ke.hari %as not really so importantI Aith a !it of goo' %ill an' appli&ation4 / &oul' ha"e &lose' the &ir&le. Chan&e ma'e me listen to the re&or'ing of a &onferen&e %ith the author S%ami S.S. -e 'is&usse' ho% he ha' foun' those te&hni+ues in some tantri& te;ts %hi&h he ha' translate'9 he then ma'e an a&&urate sele&tion from them to form a &oherent system of Kriya. -o% %as it possi!le4 then4 to ha"e a note saying that those tea&hings &ame 'ire&tly from Baba(iD Simple > as is the &ase %ith the maGority of /n'ian masters4 he ha' his 'is&iples %rite the !oo69 they ha' the !rilliant i'ea of ma6ing it more interesting !y hinting that the te&hni+ues %ere 'eri"e' from the mythi&al Baba(i. The tea&her4 e;hi!iting another &lassi& /n'ian ha!it4 ne"er &he&6e' the material an' %as ta6en a!a&6 later on %hen he !e&ame a%are of those <supplementary notes<. -e then trie' to 'efen' his 'is&iples8 %or6 stating that after all P <Baba(i8s Kriya ha' Tantri& origins.< 1y no% / %as feeling +uite 'istant from my initial Kriya organization4 !ut / still respe&te' it. / too6 part in a re"ie% &lass of Kriya %hen t%o female :inisters of that organization again "isite' our &ountry. Curing an inter"al !et%een t%o &onferen&es4 something %on'erful an' s%eet happene'. Ahat / ha' hope' for so ar'ently in the past an' yet ha' negate' in su&h a !rutal %ay4 materialize' easily. / ha' a pri"ate tal6 %ith one :inister %herein all my 'ou!ts %ere &larifie'. She %as intelligent4 6in' an' tal6e' from 'ire&t e;perien&e. 7egar'ing Ke.hari "$dra! she sai' that it &omes %ith time4 espe&ially !y persisting in tou&hing the u"ula %ith the tip of the tongue. / also in+uire' a!out one of 3.Y.8s remar6s4 namely <The Cha4ras &an !e a%a6ene' !y psy&ho-physi&al !lo%s gi"en at their 'ifferent lo&ations.< The :inister &larifie' its meaning !y e;plaining it referre' to the use of a "antra &ouple' %ith !reath. No other hypotheti&al te&hni+ue other than that %hi&h %as fully 'es&ri!e' in the %ritten material %as !eing hinte' at. She e;plaine' that if a sylla!le is mentally &hante' in a Cha4ra8s lo&ation %ith real intensity4 it &reates a <psy&ho-physi&al !lo%<. This &larifi&ation inspire' my pra&ti&e. 7eturning home4 / ha' the impression of again li"ing the !est time of my life. / 'is&o"ere' a %ay of perfe&ting the final part of my Kriya routine5 mental Pranayama& Ahile proGe&ting in ea&h Cha4ra the mental &hant of the "antra4 / realize' / ha' the po%er to tou&h the &ore of ea&h one %ith an almost physi&al intensity. ) great s%eetness sprang from this pro&e'ure9 my !o'y seeme' to !e&ome stiff as a statue an' the !reathless state ma'e my min' transparent as &rystal. / %as %illing to put an en' to my sear&h an' prolong this state for the rest of my life !ut the tea&her %e ha' in"ite' from /n'ia arri"e'.

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;hird ;ea.her o$tside the /rgani5ation Ahen the moment &ame to meet him4 / %as not in the !est of moo's. Certain &lues ha' %arne' me / %oul' ha"e to re&6on %ith a ra'i&ally ne% approa&h. / %as afrai' this &oul' upset the simple an' a'e+uately profita!le routine into %hi&h / ha' settle'. The magi&al realm of /m4ar4 into %hi&h my first tea&her ?S7ami -.@ ha' immerse' me in a passionate %ay4 &oul' !e neither left asi'e nor forgotten. / 'i' not e"en 'ream of putting other prin&iples in pla&e as the foun'ation for my spiritual path4 an' so / approa&he' my ne% tea&her %ith the i'ea of reGe&ting him if4 someho%4 he appeare' to 'issua'e me from su&h a reality. / met this Kriya tea&her in a Yoga &enter. The essen&e of his intro'u&tory spee&h %as that Kriya %as not inten'e' to inflate the min' an' the ego to%ar' a hypotheti&al superior min'4 !ut %as a Gourney !eyon' the min'4 into un&ontaminate' territory. / realize' that Sri Krishnamurti8s &on&ept %as the sour&e from %hi&h my thir' tea&her 're% his i'eas a!out the 'amages &ause' !y the "i&es of the human min'. / in'ulgently o!ser"e' some ina'e+ua&ies in his !eha"ior %hi&h sho&6e' other stu'ents. -e %as hot-tempere'. Ahen it &ame to tea&hing simple an' !anal things that e"en 6in'ergarten &hil'ren &oul' un'erstan'4 he flaunte' a great profusion of %or's4 an' &on&epts %ere repeate' a' nauseam. Ahen anyone in pu!li& politely !ut 'etermine'ly as6e' for a pre&ise e;planation of some 'iffi&ult pra&ti&al 'etail4 he &ame out of his hypnoti& state an'4 "isi!ly "e;e'4 trie' to humiliate an' silen&e the unfortunate listener. Sometimes he e;plo'e' %ith rage %hene"er he sense' that un'erneath legitimate +uestions there %as a "eile' opposition or an intention to &hallenge his authority. / fo&use' all my attention on learning his form of Kriya an' ignoring his o!"ious faults. -e &learly &ommuni&ate' to us that the reason for his tour to the Aest %as to reesta!lish the original tea&hings4 an' this %as enough to o"er&ome my initial %ariness. /n the follo%ing initiation seminar the te&hni&al e;planation %as reasona!ly &lear4 e"en if in some parts %ere unusually syntheti&. For instan&e4 his instru&tions on Pranayama @ formally &orre&t > &oul' !e un'erstoo' only !y those %ho ha' alrea'y !een pra&ti&ing Kriya Yoga for a long time. )fter three months of serious pra&ti&e / a&hie"e' Ke.hari "$dra an' realize' that my e;hausti"e sear&h for the original Kriya ha' &ome to an en'. / follo%e' this tea&her for si; years. -ereafter / summarize the reasons for my enthusiasm an' %hy / later !ro6e off %ith him. 7eturning home after the seminar of initiation4 une;pe&te' internal &hanges &reate' a "ery positi"e perio' for me4 e"en if it &oul' not !e 'efine' as &alm. Ke.hari "$dra !rought me a feeling of <'izziness< that laste' some 'ays9 my mental fa&ulties seeme' to !e fogge' up4 !ut %hen all that &ease'4 my Kriya fle% high.
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/nspire' !y this ne% &on'ition4 &omparing it to that of the mysti&s4 / realize' ho% 'iffi&ult it is to li"e4 &arrying out 'aily %orl'ly 'uties4 %ithout !eing paralyze' !y su&h !lissI Some 'ays / %as so happy that %hen / %ent out for a %al64 if / met someone an' stoppe' to listen to him4 no matter %hat he sai'4 a su''en Goy %oul' e;pan' in my &hest to the point that / &oul' !arely hol' !a&6 my tears. =oo6ing at the 'istant mountains or at other 'etails of the lan's&ape4 / %oul' try to 'ire&t my feeling to%ar' them in or'er to turn my paralyzing Goy into aestheti& rapture9 only this &oul' 6eep !a&6 the Goy &lut&hing my !eing4 only this &oul' hi'e it. / !elie"e it is legitimate to as6 %hy 'o Kriya organizations not tea&h su&h a simple te&hni+ue as ;alabya Kriya4 preferring to perpetuate en'less politi&al arguments an' spe&ulations that &ontinue up to the present 'ayD / !egan a systemati& stu'y of the %or6s of Sri Krishnam$rti4 putting my heart an' my soul into it. The o'' thing %as that KrishnaGi8s thoughts &ontaine' the &ru&ial an' &on&lusi"e !oost that %oul' assist me4 after many years of &ontro"ersial !ut loyal 'is&ipleship4 to !rea6 my 'epen'en&e on my thir' tea&her. Krishnamurti sai' %hat %as then 'iffi&ult to fully agree %ith5 <Ahat is the nee' of a G$r$D J...K You ha"e to %al6 !y yourself4 you ha"e to ta6e the Gourney alone4 an' on that Gourney you ha"e to !e your o%n tea&her an' pupil.< Ahile / %as rea'ing these lines / felt un'ou!te'ly that they e;presse' a 'eep truth4 !ut my logi& suggeste' peremptorily4 <This is a sophism9 e"en Krishnamurti a&te' as a G$r$ an' a&ts upon me no% Gust through his %ritings.< / &oul' not a&tualize his %ise %arning9 fear an' &on'itioning hel' me !a&6. -o% many mista6es %oul' / still ha"e to ma6e4 ho% many slaps %oul' / still ha"e to ta6e !efore / &oul' affirm my free'om from g$r$sD / stu'ie' many !oo6s !y this author !ut / %as literally o"er&ome !y the !eauty of ;he /nly -e%ol$tion. / %al6e' in the &ountry loo6ing at e"erything %ith my senses fully a%a6e !ut %ithout a single thought in my min'. -o% 'iffi&ult it %asI 1ut it %as not impossi!le. -o% right Krishnamurti %as %hen he sai'5 <life !egins %here thought en's.< / nee'e' to re&reate silen&e aroun' me4 to return to simpli&ity4 to fin' the time to &ontemplate 1eauty again. Aal6ing aroun' %ith this attitu'e !e&ame pure an' &onstant 1lissI 1eauty %as al%ays aroun' me !ut / ha'n8t noti&e' !e&ause / %as lost in my mental &onstru&ts !ase' on Ne% )ge fantasies4 or on pseu'o spiritual literature %hi&h %as a&tually trash. / %as not a!le to see that 1eauty for / %as lost > as Krishnamurti %oul' say > in the <1eauty of my o%n ma6ing.< The more / rea' Krishnamurti4 the more / felt / ha' re&ently &rosse' through hell. / realize' that my o!session for fin'ing the te&hni+ues of the <Original Kriya< ha'n8t emanate' from a heightene' form of 'ri"e to%ar' the Ci"ine One !ut %as a&tually moti"ate' !y a 'esire no 'ifferent from the 'esire for material things. The attitu'e of &on'u&ting my he&ti& sear&h %as a&tually a 'istra&tion4 pre"enting me from enGoying %hat / alrea'y ha'. /t ha' impo"erishe' me4 'raining me of the flo% of genuine aspiration to%ar' the Ci"ine. The effort to &reate mental silen&e !rought me !a&6 to the "ery !eginning of my spiritual path %hen / ha' 'e&i'e' to &on+uer the ten'en&y to 'ay'ream or
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Gump from one memory to another 'uring i'le moments. )t that time / 6ne% perfe&tly %ell that un!ri'le' thought %as an a''i&tion4 a "i&e gi"ing moments of pleasure !ut !eing the primary &ause of mu&h misery. /t %as in or'er to 'is&ipline myself that / stu'ie' the art of Pranayama an' 'is&o"ere' Kriya Yoga in the first pla&e. Curing this perio' / also rea' P$ran P$r$sh !y )sho6e Kumar ChatterGee4 !ase' on =ahiri :ahasaya8s 'iaries. Curing the summer / &arrie' this !oo6 %ith me in the &ountrysi'e9 many times4 after rea'ing a part of it4 / %oul' gratefully raise my eyes to the 'istant mountain tops an' thin64 <)t long lastPI< / loo6e' at the photograph of =ahiri :ahasaya on the front &o"er. Aho 6no%s %hat state of !liss he %as in %hile !eing photographe'I / sa% some horizontal lines on his forehea'4 his eye!ro%s raise' li6e in the Shambha%i "$dra4 %here a%areness is set upon the hea'9 a slight tension of his &hin seeme' to re"eal he %as pra&ti&ing Ke.hari "$dra. Curing those 'ays his figure4 %ith that !lissful smile4 %as a ra'iant sun in my heart9 he %as a sym!ol of the perfe&tion for %hi&h / yearne'. Ahile trying to e;plore the meaning of #a%i Kriya / 'is&o"ere' the importan&e of stu'ying Taoist /nternal )l&hemy. :y first referen&e !oo6 %as ;aoist Yoga= Al.hemy and )mmortality !y Charles =u6 R =u Kuan. :y attention %as &onsi'era!ly stirre' up9 / photo&opie' many pages4 &ut out the most important pie&es4 put them in or'er an' glue' them onto four sheets of paper4 highlighting the four phases of Taoist /nternal )l&hemy. The similarity to Kriya Yoga %as impressi"e. Ahen / ha' enough &onfi'en&e to relate my 'is&o"ery to my thir' tea&her he %as annoye'4 &laiming that #a%i Kriya %as pure Yoga an' %as also +uote' !y 3atanGali. 3atanGali ?S$tra ///M20@ simply states5 <nS!hi&a6re 6Sya"yThaGUSnamV< %hi&h is translate'5 <!y &on&entration on the na"el4 the see6er o!tains 6no%le'ge a!out the 'ifferent organs of the !o'y an' their lo&ation<. /n my o%n small %ay4 / sa% that this S$tra ha' nothing to 'o %ith #a%i Kriya8s aim %hi&h is to a%a6en the Samana &urrent4 &reating !alan&e !et%een Prana an' Apana &urrents. )n.remental -o$tines /t %as in that perio' that / !e&ame familiar %ith the &on&ept of )n.remental -o$tine %hi&h / imme'iately &onsi'ere' hea"en-sent. This %as un'ou!te'ly the most important instru&tion / re&ei"e' from this thir' an' last tea&her. )n un"arying s&he'ule %hi&h &onsists of a 'aily pra&ti&e of the same set of te&hni+ues4 &hanging neither their or'er of pra&ti&e nor the num!er of their repetitions4 is typi&al of a 4riyaban %ho pra&ti&es for many years. /n &ontrast to this s&heme4 an )n.remental -o$tine &onsists of using only one te&hni+ue4 %hose num!er of repetitions is gra'ually in&rease'. This in&rease happens on&e a %ee6 for a &ertain num!er of %ee6s ?usually *@ after a minimal use of the !asi& te&hni+ues li6e "aha "$dra an' Kriya Pranayama. ?The a&&urate 'etails of ho% 'ifferent in&remental routines are stru&ture' are to !e foun' in the thir' part of the !oo6 > Chapter 0.@
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This s&heme of pra&ti&e is "ery re%ar'ing !e&ause it lea's to mastery of the te&hni+ue %hose num!er of repetitions is in&rease'. This pro&e'ure &an !e applie' to ea&h Kriya te&hni+ue !ut espe&ially to the Higher Kriyas. /t also has a positi"e effe&t on one8s personality4 releasing it from many inner o!sta&les as %ell as res&uing a 4riyaban from !ore'om an' loss of enthusiasm. Bnfortunately many <me'itation &ounselors< ha"e ne"er !een e;pose' to this. -o% many times4 in fa&t4 %hen %e &omplaine' a!out a perio' of a!solute ari'ity4 'i' they &ome up %ith the ne&essity of loyaltyI -o% many times %ere %e tol' outlan'ish stories a!out that loyal 4riyaban %ho ha' his first intense spiritual e;perien&e only on his 'eath !e'I <) loyal 'is&iple 'oesn8t lament %or6ing for years or for an entire life %ithout getting any resultI< is the reproa&h. There is no 'ou!t that one shoul' &ontinue to pra&ti&e through seemingly unpro'u&ti"e phases. /nstin&ti"ely many su&&ee' in re6in'ling their enthusiasm4 !ut only partly an' for a short time4 !y rea'ing spiritual !oo6s4 listening to tape' spiritual tal6s4 et&. 3ra&ti&al e;perien&e tea&hes that one rea&hes a stan'still %here further progress appears impossi!le. The i'ea of pra&ti&ing a routine 'aily for one8s entire life !e&ause of a promise ma'e at the moment of initiation !e&omes a nightmare. This is the 'anger point %here interest an' passion for Kriya is "ery &lose to %aning &ompletely. Fe% 6no% ho% to get out of this une;pe&te' situation. )n.remental ro$tines are the 'efiniti"e ans%er. Through this s&heme of pra&ti&e4 the essential &ore of ea&h te&hni+ue4 'epri"e' of any em!ellishment4 appears as something fi;e'4 'efinite4 ine"ita!le > something that &oul' not !ut !e that %ay. /f a &ertain "ariation of a Kriya te&hni+ue is re'un'ant or ineffe&ti"e4 it %ill fall a%ay !y itself. Ahat remains is the simplest logi&al translation of =ahiri :ahasaya8s %or's into pra&ti&e. An 6na%oidable Brea4 /n or'er to e;plain the 'efiniti"e &ra&6 in our relationship4 it is ne&essary to refer again to the haste an' shallo%ness %ith %hi&h my thir' :aster e;plaine' the Kriya te&hni+ues. The intro'u&tory le&ture to Kriya ?%hi&h %as usually hel' the e"ening !efore initiation@ an' a !ig part of the seminar of initiation %as 'e"ote' to pure philosophi&al tal6 %hi&h 'i'n8t tou&h the !asis of Kriya Yoga !ut %as a summing up of Krishnamurti8s strong points4 mainly the theme of no-min'4 %hi&h he improperly &alle' S7adhyaya. There %as no part of it that &oul' !e &riti&ize'4 all he sai' %as &orre&t4 !ut many stu'ents4 !eing un&omforta!le sitting on the floor4 %ith a&hing !a&6 an' 6nees4 %aite' only for the e;planation of the te&hni+ues4 en'uring this long tal6 as a giant !ummer. The tra'itional offerings ?he also re+uire' a &o&onut4 %hi&h %as "ery 'iffi&ult to fin'4 for&ing the stu'ents to 'esperately loo6 in store after store@ lay in 'isarray !efore a s&ruffy altar& Sin&e he usually arri"e' "ery late4 those %ho &ame from other &ities pi&ture' all their plans for the return Gourney falling
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through an' %ere "ery an;ious. Cespite it !eing late4 people !eing tire'4 an' some alrea'y lea"ing to &at&h their train4 he lo"e' to linger on 3atanGali8s Yama an' #iyama! ta6ing all the ne&essary time to as6 the au'ien&e to ta6e a solemn "o% that4 from no% on4 the male stu'ents %oul' loo6 at %omen ?e;&ept their %ife@ as mothers an'4 &orrespon'ingly4 %omen %oul' loo6 at men ?e;&ept their hus!an'@ as fathers. The pu!li& listene' to his "ain %or's %ith a sigh of ill-&on&eale' nuisan&e. E"eryone ga"e an assent %ith a no'4 Gust to stop his ra"ings. 12 Only then 'i' he s%it&h to a hurrie' e;planation of the !asi& te&hni+ues. One 'ay / 'e&i'e' to time him9 the e;planation of the fun'amental te&hni+ue of Pranayama %as offere' in no more than t%o minutesI -e 'emonstrate' Kriya Pranayama !y means of an e;&essi"ely lou' "i!ratory soun'. -e 6ne% this soun' %as not &orre&t4 !ut he &ontinue' using it so that the last ro%s of stu'ents &oul' hear it4 sparing himself the annoyan&e of getting up an' %al6ing among them as Kriya tea&hers usually 'o. /n any &ase4 he 'i' not !other to say the soun' ha' to !e smooth rather than "i!rating. / 6no% that many of the stu'ents !elie"e' this %as the <se&ret< he ha' !rought from /n'ia an' trie' to repro'u&e the same noise. -e &arrie' on that %ay for years4 in spite of his &lose &olla!orators8 polite &omplaints. 1y this time / a&&epte' e"erything an' / %oul' ne"er ha"e 'reame' of &omplaining. Ne"ertheless one 'ay / ha' a "isit from the &ouple %ho organize' the master8s tours in Hermany. / ha' !e&ome a&+uainte' %ith those 6in' frien's 'uring the seminars of my first tea&her S7ami -.. Ahile tal6ing together4 they emphasize' the ne&essity of ma6ing a parti&ular proposal to our tea&her5 to organize4 at the en' of his Kriya initiation seminars4 a gui'e' group pra&ti&e %hi&h ser"e' as a re"ie% !oth for the ne% initiates an' for those %ho %ere alrea'y pra&ti&ing. / o&&upie' myself %ith ha"ing this proposal rea&h the tea&her through a frien' %ho %ent to /n'ia. / ga"e him a letter to 'eli"er to the tea&her %ith my regar's an' a %arm em!ra&e. / forgot the %hole matter. :aster8s rea&tion %as ine;pli&a!le. -e interprete' my letter as an o!li+ue &riti&ism. )s a response4 he &rosse' me off his list of those %ho organize' his European tours. -is 'e&ision %as transmitte' to the /talian &oor'inator4 %ho 'i' not e"en inform me. Some months %ent !y. :y e;perien&e %ith that tea&her pro!a!ly %oul' ha"e en'e' that %ay4 ha' / not gone to %el&ome him !a&6 to Europe. Ae e;&hange' hugs as if nothing ha' happene'. -e apparently interprete' my presen&e as a mo"e of repentan&e. Some hours later %hen he %as resting4 his &olla!orator4 %ith a slight in'e&iphera!le hint of em!arrassment4 e;plaine' to me %hat ha' happene' !ehin' the s&enes. / %as appalle' an'
12

/ respe&t of &ourse YamaA#iyama ?the %hat-is-&orre&t an' the %hat-is-not-&orre&t@ !ut4 in my opinion4 re+uiring people %ho are an;ious for learning Kriya Yoga te&hni+ues to ta6e an oath to o!ey them is only a far&e an' a %aste of time. :y tea&her8s re+uest in parti&ular %as impossi!le4 an oath that no one %oul' e"er respe&t. Ahy not put &onfi'en&e in the transforming po%er of KriyaD Ahy thin6 that %ithout oaths4 a 4riyaban8s life %oul' !e li&entiousD The ne&essity of a'opting spe&ifi& %ays of !eha"ior is something that appears spontaneously after ha"ing taste' the honey of the spiritual e;perien&e. 3erhaps in the !eginning the !est thing is not to &ry shame !e&ause of a pro!lemati& stu'ent8s !eha"ior. To put it simply4 it has !een seen that people li"ing a morally +uestiona!le life %ho %ere su&&essful in Kriya spontaneously &ame to the so-&alle' "irtuous life4 %hile a lot of &onformists faile'.

'isoriente'. :y first impulse %as to a!an'on e"erything an' se"er any &onne&tion %ith him4 !ut in or'er not to 'istur! the pea&e of all the persons %ho %ere my frien's an' %ho ha' follo%e' me in this a'"enture4 / 'e&i'e' to preten' nothing ha' happene'4 6eep on &olla!orating %ith him an' 'rop the theme of my letter. /f / ha' gone / %oul' ha"e 'istur!e' ne;t 'ay8s initiation into the Higher Kriyas. That %as a !eautiful moment in %hi&h =ahiri :ahasaya8s Kriya re"eale' ?to those %ho ha' the sensi!ility to per&ei"e it@ all its hi''en !eauty. :y role %as to ser"e as translator. / 6ne% %ell ho% to perform su&h a fun&tion4 reporting e"ery last 'etail4 %hile the man %ho %oul' ha"e repla&e' me %as fille' %ith ol' 6no%le'ge an' out of ha!it %oul' ha"e negle&te' to translate .2W of the tal6. Curing that initiation4 :aster 'emonstrate' ;ho4ar in a %ay "isi!ly 'ifferent from the pre"ious year. Ahen one of the listeners as6e' him a!out the reason for the &hanges4 he replie' he ha' not &hange' anything an' argue' that in the past seminars a pro!lem of translation might ha"e o&&urre'. -is lie %as o!"ious. The +uestioning 4riyaban remem!ere' %ell the hea' mo"ements he ha' pre"iously !een sho%n. Confronte' %ith other minor &hanges from one year to the ne;t4 / ha' the impression / %as &ooperating %ith an ar&haeologist %ho %as 'eli!erately altering &ertain fin'ings to Gustify them to the pu!li& %ithin the theoreti&al frame%or6 to %hi&h he %as a&&ustome'. :onths later 'uring another tour4 %hen %e %ere alone an' he %as sear&hing for something in a room4 / foun' the &ourage to 'rop a hint a!out a te&hni&al issue %hi&h ha' set one Kriya s&hool against another. -e su''enly turne' to%ar' me %ith hate in his eyes4 shouting that my pra&ti&e %as not his !usiness. This4 a&&or'ing to %hat /8m a!le to remem!er4 %as the sole te&hni&al <'is&ourse< / ha' %ith him in the entire &ourse of my si; years %ith him. From that moment on%ar' all %as &hange'. / 'eli!erately !egan to &ontrol myself an' ma'e the resolution to al%ays agree %ith him. / a&te' so %ell that one 'ay he as6e' me to tea&h Kriya to those %ho %ere intereste' an' %ho &oul'n8t meet him on his tours. / reGoi&e' at the opportunity !e&ause / 'reame' / &oul' finally e;plain Kriya in a &omplete an' &omprehensi"e %ay. / %ante' none of my stu'ents to e"er feel the pain of seeing a legitimate +uestion go un&onsi'ere'. ) year passe' !y4 an' / sense' / %as 'oing "irtually useless %or6. / ga"e Kriya initiation follo%ing a man'atory fi;e' proto&ol. )fter intro'u&ing the theme of no-min'4 / s%it&he' to the e;planation of the !asi& te&hni+ues. / too6 lea"e of those stu'ents4 &ounseling a minimal routine !ut %ell 6no%ing that most %oul' pra&ti&e at ma;imum for ten 'ays4 an' then lea"e e"erything an' pursue other esoteri& interests. Bsually one or t%o among the most tena&ious stu'ents ma'e up +uestions an' &alle' me Gust to &arry on the pretense of &ontinuing4 from a 'istan&e4 a relationship %ith a real person. Ahen :aster &ame to our &ountry / in"ite' all the ne% initiates to the seminar %here my tea&her %oul' !e present. Bnfortunately4 many 'i'n8t <sur"i"e< su&h a meeting. )&&ustome' !y me to !e a!le to put forth any +uestions an' to al%ays re&ei"e some pre&ise ans%er4 they trie' to 'o the same
*$

%ith the tea&her. :any entere' a 'eep &risis after o!ser"ing his almost total la&6 of human un'erstan'ing %hile simultaneously !eing 6i&6e' aroun' !y him. Too many things %ere not going in the right 'ire&tion. / felt that this man4 %hose e"ery small %him / trie' to satisfy as if &arrying out a sa&re' 'ee'4 'i' not lo"e Kriya. /nstea'4 he use' it only to &reate a more !eautiful life for himself in the Aest &ompare' to the %ret&he' one in /n'ia he ha' often 'es&ri!e' to me. )nother year %ent !y. On a re+uest from frien's a!roa'4 / %ent to tea&h Kriya Yoga to their group. There / met a "ery serious stu'ent %ho %as alrea'y familiar %ith my tea&her8s !eha"ior an' %as ta6ing part in the initiation seminar only as a refresher. -e as6e' me a lot of pertinent +uestions an' / ga"e him a&&urate ans%ers. )t that point he as6e'5 <From %hom ha"e you learne' all these 'etailsD< -e %ell 6ne% that my tea&her %as a total 'isaster from a 'i'a&ti& point of "ie%. -e per&ei"e' that / ha' learne' many 'etails from other sour&es. -o% &oul' / gi"e Kriya initiation using 6no%le'ge that 'i' not originate from my tea&herD -e un'erstoo' my pre'i&ament an' %as surprise' that sin&e / %as authorize' to tea&h Kriya4 / ha' ne"er ha' the &han&e to tal6 freely %ith my tea&her a!out Kriya 'etailsI /t %as logi&al an' fitting for me to settle the matter as soon as possi!le. Kno%ing the iras&i!le 'isposition of my tea&her4 / hesitate' a long time !ut there %as no %ay out. Through a frien'4 / sent him a fa; mentioning the matter at han' an' praye' him to a'Gust his s&he'ule so %e &oul' 'is&uss it after his arri"al 'uring his ne;t tour. -e %as in )ustralia4 !ut %ithin one %ee6 at the latest / %oul' ha"e re&ei"e' an ans%er. :y su!&ons&ious %as rea'y for a 'isaster4 anti&ipating an e"ent / intuiti"ely 6ne% %oul' &ome. The most pro!a!le situation %as that he %oul' !e&ome "ery angry an' fly into a rage. /f the %hole situation slippe' out of my han's an'4 as a result of our !rea64 he stoppe' &oming to our group4 those %ho lo"e' him %oul' suffer. Fe% people4 in fa&t4 %oul' !e a!le to &omprehen' the reason for my a&tion. / %oul' !e the one %ho ha' 'istur!e' a &omforta!le though imperfe&t situation. :y frien's li6e' him9 his annual "isit %as a po%erful stimulus to their effort an' moti"ate' them to pra&ti&e Kriya intensely. ) harsh reply &ame a fe% 'ays later. /n a 'is'ainful %ay4 he 'i' not a''ress it 'ire&tly to me !ut preten'e' to ans%er the 8persona8 that ha' materially sent my letter "ia fa;. -e %rote that my e;&essi"e atta&hment to the te&hni+ues %oul' ne"er let me out of the fen&es of my min' > / %as li6e St. Thomas4 too 'esirous to tou&h %ith my han' an' "erify the goo'ness of his tea&hings. -e a''e' that if he satisfie' my re+uest4 it %oul' only !e to gratify my ego. 7ea'ing the term <gratifi&ation4< / 6ne% he ha' un'erstoo' nothing. Ae shoul' ha"e tal6e' to ea&h other long !efore it &ame to thisI / %on'ere' %hy he ha' ne"er allo%e' me to e;press my &on&erns. / 'i'n8t %ant to &ontest him4 / 'i'n8t %ant to 'estroy him9 the ne&essity that !rought me to %rite him %as to esta!lish on&e an' for all %hat / %as suppose' to &ommuni&ate an' %hat not to &ommuni&ate to the 4riyabans 'uring initiation. Ahy ha' he al%ays e"a'e' meD / 'e&i'e' to !eha"e &an'i'ly4 as if / ha' not per&ei"e' his tone. / %ante' to see %hat he %as &apa!le of. / neither apologize' nor ans%ere' in a resentful tone. / %rote that / taught Kriya on his !ehalf an' therefore a mutual 'is&ussion
*(

a!out &ertain Kriya 'etails %as ne&essary. / a''e' that at su&h an e"ent the other three people in Europe authorize' !y him to impart Kriya initiation &oul' also !e present. / thus ma'e him un'erstan' that he %oul' not ha"e %aste' his time an' !reath for only me. / ne"er re&ei"e' an ans%er4 neither then nor e"er. ) fe% %ee6s later / sa% on his /nternet site that the name of my to%n ha' !een ta6en off the list for his "isit to /taly. :y se&on' letter ha' !rought a!out a 'efiniti"e split. The nightmare %as o"erI / too6 a one-'ay "a&ation an' %ent for a long %al69 / roame' a lot4 tensely4 imagining a hypotheti&al 'is&ussion %ith him. )ll of a su''en4 / foun' myself &rying %ith Goy. /t %as too !eautiful > / %as free. / ha' !een %ith him too many years4 an' no% all that ha' really en'e'I

**

C-)3TE7 ( A HARD DECISION

The !rea6 in our relationship !e%il'ere' my 4riyaban frien's %ho %ere naturally affe&tionate to%ar' him. /n time they un'erstoo' the 'eep-seate' reasons for my 'e&ision an' sho%e' their soli'arity. =i6e a 'omino effe&t4 other &oor'inators in Europe %ho !arely tolerate' his !a' manners too6 a'"antage of that episo'e to !rea6 &onta&t %ith him. They %ere fe' up %ith the 'ullness of his philosophi&al 'is&ourses follo%e' !y s&anty te&hni&al e;planations %hi&h 'i'n8t +uen&h their 'esire for a goo' un'erstan'ing of Kriya. The follo%ing months %ere li"e' in a pea&eful an' rela;e' moo'4 nothing to &ompare %ith the restlessness of my pre"iously 'es&ri!e' years. -a"ing 'ismisse' that mean in'i"i'ual from my life4 an ener"ating situation en'e'. / no longer ha' to go here an' there to organize Kriya seminars for him9 / ha' !een relie"e' of the &onstraint of %earing a mas6 of hypo&risy %hile respon'ing to those %ho &alle' me to get information a!out him. The +uestion that / %oul' as6 myself in the years to &ome %as %hy / ha' follo%e' him for so long. Surely / ha' not sa&rifi&e' my 'ignity for the sa6e of re&ei"ing Kriya informationI )&tually4 all of his te&hni+ues ha' !een re"eale' to me !y a frien' %ho %as 'is&iple of one of his father8s 'is&iples. The reason for my !eha"ior %as &on&ern for the 'iffusion of Kriya here in Europe. / appre&iate' the fa&t that he tra"ele' e;tensi"ely throughout BS) an' Europe to sprea' his Kriya %ithout &harging a penny for his /nitiations ?sa"e for a free 'onation an' a fair share of the e;pense for renting the seminar room@. / &o"ere' all the ne&essary e;penses to permanently fit out a room in my house %here Kriya /nitiations seminars &oul' !e hel' 'uring my tea&her8s "isits. :y %illingness to &ooperate %ith him %as al%ays &onstant in or'er that he &oul' &arry out his tas6. Ahen / sa% that he &ontinue' to tea&h in his rushe'4 superfi&ial manner4 ta6ing a'"antage of us as if %e %ere &omplete i'iots4 my su!&ons&ious !egan to re!el. / "i"i'ly remem!er a 'ream in %hi&h / %as s%imming in manure. / must a'mit that !ehin' my mas6 of fa6e 'elight hi' a 'ry agony. There ha' !een moments in %hi&h4 thin6ing of my mee6 !eginning in the pra&ti&e of Yoga4 my heart felt an in'efinite nostalgia for the pea&e of that initial perio'4 a pea&e %hi&h %as %aiting for nothing more than &onsisten&y an' honesty on my part to rise again an' !lossom unimpe'e'. On more than one o&&asion / ha' the impulse to a!an'on e"erything an' se"er any &onne&tion %ith him4 !ut / 'i'n8t %ant to 'istur! the pea&e of all the people %ho %ere my frien's an' %ho ha' follo%e' me in this a'"enture. Only %hen / re&ei"e' his ru'e an' improper ans%er to my legitimate re+uest for &larifi&ation an' realize' that my internal truth %as at sta6e4 / sai' to myself > No% or ne"erI )fter the !rea6 %ith this tea&her there %ere reasons to &ele!rate !ut the sense of all the time %aste'4 of all the silly things %hi&h ha' !een &arrie' out thoughtlessly4 %as %eighing me 'o%n.

*,

/ ha' not e"en a faint i'ea of the 'estiny of the re&ently forme' Kriya groups4 up until then regularly "isite' !y that Kriya tea&her. Some months later the %heel of goo' fortune seeme' to !e turning again9 there %as the possi!ility of in"iting a ne% Kriya A.harya to Europe. Sin&e he %as %ell +ualifie' in his role4 / %as on the "erge of &ooperating in this proGe&t an' !earing part of its &ost. ) 'ear frien' %ent to /n'ia to meet him for a pri"ate inter"ie%. ;he strength o' a dream /t %as %inter. One 'ay / %ent s6iing in the near!y mountains %ith a &ouple of frien's. )ll %ent magnifi&ently. Curing a !rea6 in the afternoon4 / manage' to fin' time alone. / foun' myself loo6ing at the mountains that mar6e' the !oun'aries of the 'istant horizon in all 'ire&tions. /n less than half an hour the sun %oul' paint them pin6 > %ith an intense hue on their eastern si'e an' tinge' %ith !lue on the %estern si'e. / imagine' /n'ia to !e right !ehin' them4 the -imalayas !eing their &ontinuation. :y thought %ent to all the Kriya enthusiasts %ho foun'4 as / 'i'4 insurmounta!le o!sta&les to the un'erstan'ing of that !elo"e' 'is&ipline. )ll those o!sta&les seeme' to me an a!sur'ity that %ore the &lothes of a nightmare > / felt an infinite re!ellion. / "isualize' a !oo6 on Kriya e;plaining e"ery te&hni+ue in great 'etail. -o% often ha' / %on'ere' %hat %oul' ha"e happene' if =ahiri :ahasaya or one of his 'is&iples ha' %ritten itI :y imagination le' me to fantasize a!out its &o"er4 to s6im its fe% pages > so!er4 yet ri&h in &ontent. /f this !oo6 e;iste'4 %e %oul' ha"e a relia!le manual of Kriya that restraine' the many small or large "ariations ma'e up !y "arious tea&hers. 3erhaps some annotator %oul' try to for&e its meaning into his o%n theories. Nay4 / %as positi"e that some pseu'og$r$ %oul' say that the te&hni+ues 'es&ri!e' in it %ere for !eginners only4 %hile there %ere mu&h more &ompli&ate' te&hni+ues that &oul' only !e passe' on !y an authorize' tea&her to &hosen 'is&iples. Some %oul' s%allo% the !ait4 &onta&t the author4 an' pay goo' money to !e intro'u&e' to ru!!ish that he ha' assem!le' either through fan&y or !orro%e' from some esoteri& !oo6... This happens9 itEs part of our human nature. -o%e"er4 sin&ere resear&hers %oul' surely !e a!le to re&ognize the strength an' self-suffi&ient intrinsi& e"i'en&e of the original te;t. /t is a shame that no one ha' %ritten that !oo6I For the first time / 'are' to let my thoughts stray to%ar' %hat &oul' happen if / %rote it. /t %oul' !e har'4 yet possi!le4 to summarize the totality of my 6no%le'ge of Kriya into a !oo6 > %el'ing together te&hni+ues an' theories through a &lean4 rational "ision. The intention %as 'efinitely not to &ele!rate myself or lay the foun'ations for yet another ne% s&hool of Kriya. /f / %ere to 'es&ri!e my e;perien&es4 it %oul' only !e for the purpose of &larifying theoreti& an' te&hni&al e;planations. There %oul' !e no more rhetori&al &laims of legitima&y an' ri''le-li6e senten&es to &onfuse rea'ers or ha"e them guess at te&hni&al 'etails or &reate further 'ou!ts in themI -o% !eautiful it %as to 'ream of a !oo6 %hi&h %oul' pro"e its "ali'ity !y
*.

repro'u&ing =ahiri :ahasaya8s thought in the simplest an' most logi&al %ay4 in a &omplete4 harmonious set of te&hni+uesI ) !oo6 'e"ote' to Kriya4 unpretentious !ut &lear4 similar for &ertain aspe&ts to T. 1ernar'8s Hatha Yoga= ;he -eport o' a Personal <xperien.e %oul' !e a real !lessing for s&holars an' resear&hers. 1 Su&h a !oo6 as / imagine' %oul' not !e a threat to any honest Kriya A.harya3s a&ti"ity& Hoo' tea&hers %ill al%ays !e nee'e' in any fiel' %here a s6ill is to !e transmitte'. 1ut ho% &oul' one highlight this to them4 %ithout !eing at o''s %ith the 'eeply-roote' &on'itioning of their <&ere!ral &hemistry<D Of &ourse4 some tea&hers of Kriya > those %ho li"e from 'onations for rituals of initiation an' %ho e;ert po%er o"er people than6s to the ple'ge of se&re&y > %oul' &onsi'er my !oo6 a real threat. :ay!e %hat %as "irtually eternal for them ?li"ing li6e a lor'4 surroun'e' !y people %ho ha"e to meet all their nee's %ith the hope of getting the &rum!s of their <se&rets<@ might &hange4 an' they %oul' !e fearful of that. They %oul' try to 'estroy its &re'i!ility !y means of pitiless &ensorship. / anti&ipate' their s&ornful &omments4 uttere' %hile s6imming its pages4 </t &ontains only stories that ha"e nothing to 'o %ith 1a!aGi8s an' =ahiri :ahasaya8s tea&hings. /t sprea's a false tea&hingI< Other people might not li6e the !oo64 either !e&ause they are ta6en a!a&6 !y the !arrenness of 'es&riptions of te&hni+ues 'epri"e' of frills4 %hi&h 'oesn8t mat&h their e;pe&tations4 or !e&ause they 'o not manage to get 88goo' "i!rations88 from it. Only those %ho lo"e Kriya more than their %hims %oul' feel an enormous relief in fin'ing it in an esoteri& li!rary. / %as alrea'y sensing their happiness. Than6s to them4 the !oo6 %oul' &ontinue to &ir&ulate4 an' %ho 6no%s ho% many times it %oul' e&ho !a&6 to the tea&her %ho ha' 'e&ree' its unforgi"a!le fla%s. )t times he %oul' ha"e to preten' not to noti&e that a stu'ent %as !ro%sing through its pages 'uring his seminars4 thus missing a part of the &onferen&eP 1y staring into the !lue of the s6y a!o"e the gil'e' mountain !rims4 / sa% that !izarre situation as poignantly real. Ea&h part of my 'ream ha' 'e"elope' in the spa&e of a fe% se&on's4 an' in"a'e' my &ons&iousness as a s%ollen torrent4 as if e"ery part of it ha' alrea'y !een rehearse' an' &herishe' innumera!le times. 1ut ho% &oul' / fin' the &ourage to "iolate the "o% of se&re&y4 &oarsely &hallenging the sa&re'ness of the G$r$A'is&iple relationship as the only %ay to !e instru&te' in KriyaD For sure4 an innumera!le amount of times / ha' thought5 <Su&h a rule is the &ause of 'isastrous effe&ts4 of e;&ru&iating &onfli&ts an' sufferings9 they say it is sa&re'4 !ut it &annot !e > it is a human pro'u&t4 the out&ome of 'eli!erate petty &al&ulations.< / ha' no 'ou!ts that se&re&y regar'ing Kriya pro&e'ures %as !lin' 'ogma4 insensiti"e to the suffering of many resear&hers. / re&alle' %hat happene' many4 many times %hen some frien's of
1

This e;traor'inary han'!oo64 !etter than all the others4 &larifies the tea&hings &ontaine' in the three fun'amental te;ts of Tantrism5 Hatha Yoga Pradipi4a! Gheranda Samhita and Shi%a Samhita. Cespite ha"ing !een pu!lishe' many years ago an' se"eral te;ts of Hatha Yoga appearing re&ently4 that !oo6 is still one of the !est. Ol'4 8'usty8 te&hni+ues on&e again !e&ame rele"ant4 feasi!le4 &omprehen'i!le in front of the eyes of our intuition.

*0

mine %ho 'i'n8t un'erstan' English as6e' to re&ei"e initiation into the Higher Kriyas ?su&h instru&tion %as gi"en only in %ritten form to those %ho ha' &omplete' the stu'y of the &omplete set of lessons %hi&h e;iste' only in English4 Herman an' Spanish@9 the ans%er %as al%ays an infle;i!le no. / ha' al%ays per&ei"e' this as a &ruel form of 'is&rimination. / remem!ere' a &ouple of &ases in %hi&h the rigi' inGun&tion ha' !een !ro6en !y &ommon sense. 3eople %ho %ere other%ise faithful to the organization ha'4 un'er e;&eptional &on'itions4 !ro6en that rule. For e;ample4 one 4riyaban e;plaine' the 'ynami&s of Kriya Pranayama to his mother %ho %as an in"ali' !ut %illing an' a!le to pra&ti&e it. /n another &ase that ma'e me uneasy4 a Catholi& priest sin&erely 'esire' to learn Kriya !ut &oul' not re&ei"e it from the right &hannels !e&ause of an issue of &ons&ien&e regar'ing the a&t of signing the appli&ation form of the lessons9 he foun' a 4riyaban %ho e;plaine' the te&hni+ue to him an' share' %ith him his lessons ?an a&tion he %as stri&tly for!i''en to 'o@. -o%e"er4 it %as &lear that %riting a !oo6 %as another thing entirely. This "ery i'ea &reate' a painful grip in my !reast along %ith a general sense of uneasiness an' unreality. / un'erstoo' that in or'er to !e at pea&e %ith myself4 / ha' to first analyze in 'epth the &on&ept of G$r$. Certainly the G$r$ &annot !e &onsi'ere' i'enti&al to Ho'. =ahiri :ahasaya refuse' to !e %orshipe' as a Ho'. This is a point that some of his follo%ers seem to ha"e forgotten. )&tually he sai'5 </ am not the G$r$4 / 'on8t maintain a !arrier !et%een the true G$r$ ?the Ci"ine@ an' the 'is&iple<. -e a''e' he %ante' to !e &onsi'ere' as <a mirror.< /n other %or's4 ea&h 4riyaban shoul' see him not as an unrea&ha!le i'eal !ut as the personifi&ation of all the %is'om an' spiritual realization %hi&h4 in 'ue time4 the Kriya pra&ti&e %ill pro'u&e. Ahen 4riyabans realize that their G$r$ is the personifi&ation of %hat resi'es potentially insi'e themsel"es4 of %hat one 'ay they %ill !e&ome4 then that mirror must !e <thro%n a%ay.< 1$ Some years pre"ious / %as perple;e' %hen representati"es of 3.Y.8s organization suggeste' that G$r$ an' Ho' %ere one an' the same reality. ) &hief of the most important /talian !ran&h of my s&hool ha' on&e instru&te' me5 <-a"e you not realize' that 3.Y. is the Ci"ine :other -erselfD< Only no% / %as a!le to see ho% e;traneous this tea&hing %as to my un'erstan'ing. From the !elief that G$r$ an' Ho' are one an' the same reality &omes the i'ea that the organization foun'e' !y the G$r$ !e not Gust an institution 'e"ote' to sprea'ing his tea&hings !ut !e the sole interme'iary !et%een Ho' an' those %ho %ant to progress spiritually through Kriya Yoga. Sin&e Kriya learne' outsi'e the organization has no "alue4 the 'ogma of se&re&y ensues o!"iously. The myth of
1$

Ahether one li6es it or not4 that is e;a&tly %hat -e %rote5 thro7n a7ay. 3eople %ho ha"e !een raise' %ith the usual 'ogmas a!out the G$r$-'is&iple relationship are pre"ente' from fully un'erstan'ing the impa&t of these %or's4 other%ise they %oul' fa&e a strong &onfli&t %ithin themsel"es. To fa&e the truth4 it ta6es &ourage an' an intelligent4 'is&riminating approa&h to a!an'on one8s o%n illusions4 espe&ially those that are ni&e an' gratifying. 1esi'es &ourage4 it ta6es also a goo' !rain &apa!le of o"er&oming the ten'en&y to !e easily s%aye'.

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se&re&y allo%s the myth of the irrepla&ea!le role of the organization to !e 6ept ali"e. /t is strange to remar6 that only in the %orl' of initiati. magi. is a metho' 'epri"e' of its "alue if it is learne' in non-&on"entional %ays. The threat of possi!le &alamities that %oul' happen to %hoe"er infringes the 'ogma of se&re&y &lashes %ith e"erything %e rea' in the !iographies of the saints9 it instea' perfe&tly suits those of the esoteri&-magi& 'imension of &ertain so&ieties > rather4 se&re&y is essential to their preser"ation. Other Gustifi&ations for the myth of se&re&y appear fragile. They &laim that se&re&y helps <to maintain the purity of the tea&hings.< No% that / 6ne% that some minor !ut important alterations in the pra&ti&e of Kriya %ere supporte' !y these organizations4 it %oul' !e !etter to affirm4 <to maintain the purity of the mo'ifi&ationsI< / might !e %rong4 !ut / feel that the uni+ue !enefit of se&re&y to an in'i"i'ual is to ha"e one8s pleasure of possessing something e;&lusi"e rea&h a fe"er pit&h. Some 4riyabans often tell me that the spiritual "i!rations re&ei"e' through /nitiation !y authorize' Tea&hers ha"e lifte' their pra&ti&e to a <higher o&ta"e.< / %on8t 'are to &ontra'i&t similar affirmations !ase'4 in my opinion4 upon suggestion. Yet4 / %oul' li6e to meet4 one 'ay4 one of those 4riyabans %ho4 after !eing initiate' through legitimate &hannels4 'ismisse' the pra&ti&e. There are so many4 so many that you %ill har'ly !elie"e. They ha"e thro%n !a&6 the pra&ti&e of Kriya as if it %ere a nightmare from %hi&h they feel relie"e'. Kriya as6s for serious &ommitment an' %ill al%ays remain a matter for fe%. Aell4 / %oul' as6 them ho% it happene' that they fell from that <higher o&ta"e< 'o%n into a lu&i' an' mer&iless 'isen&hantment. =et me no% return to the &onfli&tual refle&tions in those 'ays. ) %eir' thing %as that the %or' G$r$ %as attri!ute' to a person %hom the 'is&iples ha' not 6no%n 'ire&tly. Stu'ents %ere re+uire' to s%ear their e"erlasting 'e"otion not only to one person !ut also to a &hain of :asters ?no one 'ire&tly a&&essi!le to 4riyabans@ e"en if only one of them ha' to !e regar'e' as the G$r$-pre&eptor. 88/t is the G$r$-pre&eptor that intro'u&es you to Ho'. There is no other %ay to a&hie"e Self-realization.88 On&e the stu'ents %ere initiate' into a spiritual 'is&ipline !y the <legitimate &hannels< ?authorize' 'is&iples@4 the 'eparte' G$r$ %as sai' to !e real an' present in their life. They %ere taught that their G$r$ %oul' someho% !urn a part of their Karma an' prote&t them e"ermore9 he %as a spe&ial ai' &hosen !y Ho' -imself e"en !efore they !egan to see6 the spiritual path. :y thoughts !egan to re"ol"e again aroun' the 'iffusion of Kriya. /t %as "ery 'iffi&ult to put all the &ru&ial points into a logi&al or'er. / trie' to thin6 se+uentially !ut either mental an' physi&al fatigue %as impairing my reasoning a!ility or &on'itioning &ar"e' into my !rain a&te' as an entity %hi&h ha' a life of its o%n. Ea&h time / trie' to organize my "ision into a %ell-integrate' an' &oherent %hole4 for one reason or another it appeare' to me as a monstrosity. One e"ening4 %hile / pra&ti&e' Kriya Pranayama %ith my a%areness totally &entere' in Sahasrara an' the tongue in Ke.hari "$dra4 / ha' the inner
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"ision of three !eautiful mountains. The &entral mountain4 the highest4 %as !la&69 its form remin'e' me of the point of an arro% ma'e of o!si'ian. :y heart e;ulte'4 / %as ma'ly enamore' of that image. / foun' myself &rying for Goy. / remaine' as &alm as possi!le as / felt a parti&ular strength an' pressure %hi&h in&rease' its tightening of the %hole region of my &hest %ith its grip of !eatitu'e. The image %as strong4 tremen'ously "i"i' in my inner "ision. There &oul' !e nothing more !eautiful9 it ma'e me ma' %ith lo"e. / ha' the impression of ha"ing &ast a glan&e to%ar' the misty sour&es from %hi&h my &urrent tren' of life originate'. /t %as as if an inner threa' lin6e' all my past a&tions to that image4 re&ei"ing meaning an' signifi&an&e from it. That mountain %as the sym!ol of the uni"ersal spiritual path. /t spo6e to my intuition5 <) G$r$ might !e "ery important to your spiritual 'e"elopment4 !ut your personal effort %hen you remain alone is far more important. /n any G$r$-'is&iple relationship there &omes a moment %hen you remain alone an' a%a6en to the realization that your path is a solitary flight !et%een you an' your in'%elling Self. The G$r$-'is&iple relationship is an illusion > useful an' &omforta!le > appearing real until you are not o"er&ome !y %hat surpasses your min'.< That glaring intuition fa'e' a%ay after a &ouple of 'ays. One e"ening after a long %al64 su!'ue' !y a su''en tire'ness / 'ragge' myself !a&6 home. Aorn out !y thoughts4 the pro!lem of the G$r$-'is&iple relationship emerge'4 o!s&urely4 more as a %oun' than as a theory unfol'ing its myths. /n my room / set the re&or' player on <repeat<4 playing 1eetho"en8s se&on' mo"ement of the <mperor Con.erto... Ci' anyone4 after ha"ing haunte' all the possi!le &eremonies of /nitiation gi"en !y the <legitimate< &hannels4 an' !eing stuffe' %ith all the possi!le G$r$3s !lessings4 e"er pra&ti&e Kriya %ith the same 'ignity an' &ourage %ith %hi&h 1eetho"en &hallenge' his fateD / turne' 'o%n the lights an' %at&he' the sun set !ehin' the trees on the top of a hill. The shape of a &ypress &o"ere' a part of that great4 !loo'-re' &ir&le. That %as the eternal !eautyI That %as the mo'el !y %hi&h / %oul' !e inspire'. / &lose' my eyes to ha"e a 'ispassionate4 unemotional assessment of the situation. ) strange image &apture' my attention5 that of Li"e6anan'a8s <in"estiture< !y his G$r$ 7ama6rishna. / rea' that one 'ay to%ar' the en' of his life 7ama6rishna entere' Samadhi %hile his 'is&iple Li"e6anan'a %as near him. Li"e6anan'a starte' to feel a strong &urrent !efore fainting. -a"ing returne' to &ons&iousness4 his G$r$ &rie' an' %hispere'5 <O my Naren ?Li"e6anan'a@4 e"erything / ha' / ga"e to you4 to'ay. / ha"e !e&ome a poor fa6ir4 / 'o not ha"e anything9 %ith these po%ers you %ill 'o the %orl' an immense goo'.< =ater4 7ama6rishna e;plaine' that the po%ers he passe' onto him &oul' not !e use' for his o%n spiritual fulfillment > one ha' to get to that !y himself9 on the &ontrary4 they %oul' help him in his mission as a spiritual tea&her. / thin6 my su!&ons&ious &ame up %ith su&h a flash as a %arning not to yiel' to the temptation to thro% a%ay something "ali' an' pre&ious. No%4 if %e say that 7ama6rishna %as Li"e6anan'a8s G$r$4 %e are saying something tr$e and $nB$estionable& /t &ame to me spontaneously to rerea' the memora!le impressi"e
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'is&ourse !y Costoe"s6y a!out the role of el'ers in 7ussian monasteries in his ;he Brothers Karama5o%5
<Ahat %as su&h an el'erD )n el'er %as one %ho too6 your soul4 your %ill4 into his soul an' his %ill. Ahen you &hoose an el'er4 you renoun&e your o%n %ill an' yiel' it to him in &omplete su!mission4 &omplete self-a!negation. This no"itiate4 this terri!le s&hool of a!negation4 is un'erta6en "oluntarily4 in the hope of self-&on+uest4 of self-mastery4 in or'er4 after a life of o!e'ien&e4 to attain perfe&t free'om4 that is4 from self9 to es&ape the lot of those %ho ha"e li"e' their %hole life %ithout fin'ing their true sel"es in themsel"es.< ?Translate' !y Constan&e Harnett@

E"entually the a%areness 'a%ne' on me that Li"e6anan'a8s story an' Costoe"s6y8s e;tra&t 'epi&te' situations %hi&h %ere intrinsi&ally 'ifferent from mine. The organization ha' ma'e me !elie"e / ha' a G$r$ @ %hereas in fa&t4 / %as light years a%ay from ha"ing one. Ahile the great e;amples of G$r$A 'is&iple relationship %ere !ase' on a real physi&al meeting !et%een t%o persons4 my relationship %as purely i'eal. There %as no other G$r$ !y %hi&h / &oul' mirror myself !ut the mysti& fire !urning in my heart. Shoul' / a&&ept the i'ea of a mar6e' separation of spiritual resear&hers into t%o &lassesD On one si'e4 there are those %ho ha"e a G$r$ an' follo% him hum!ly9 on the other si'e4 those %ithout a G$r$! %ho &an follo% only their o%n intuition an' reasoning. -o% many times ha"e / hear' the a&i'i& remar6 that those %ho ha"e no G$r$ ha"e their Ego as their G$r$I Yet4 there is not su&h a sharp 'i"ision4 !e&ause not a single resear&her e;ists %ho is really alone. Lisualize a net5 ea&h in'i"i'ual is a Gun&tion from %hi&h a lot of threa's fan out4 li6e the net%or6 of our !rain8s neurons. Ahen an in'i"i'ual ta6es an a&tion > a signifi&ant one of &ourse4 li6e starting on a mysti& path an' ma6ing goo' progress on it > hisMher a&tion tou&hes the surroun'ing threa's of the net. Serious pra&titioners are ne"er isolate'9 they %ill !e helpe' !y others8 positi"e response an'4 "i&e-"ersa4 they %ill !e slo%e' 'o%n !y their in'olen&e an' apathy. /n my opinion those %ho follo% the spiritual path &arry other people8s e"olution ahea' %ith them. This net &onne&ting e"ery one of us is the Colle.ti%e 6n.ons.io$s& 1( :y musings arri"e' Gust to that point an' there they stoppe' > for months.

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To Freu' the Bn&ons&ious %as similar to a 'epot full of ol' <remo"e'< things that %e &annot re&all to &ons&iousness - refuse' !y a nearly automati& a&t of the %ill. #ung 'is&o"ere' a 'eeper le"el of it5 the Colle&ti"e Bn&ons&ious %hi&h lin6s all human !eings !y the 'eepest layers of their psy&he. The Colle&ti"e Bn&ons&ious is <inherite' %ith our &ere!ral stru&ture< an' &onsists of <the human systems of rea&ting< to the most intense e"ents that &an happen in one8s lifetime5 the !irth of a &hil'4 marriage4 'eath of a lo"e' one4 serious illness4 family &risis4 true lo"e4 natural 'isasters4 %ar...

A 'r$it'$l sho.4 The 4riyaban frien' %ho ha' gone to /n'ia to meet the tea&her %e %ere planning to in"ite to Europe4 returne' home an' &alle' me. -e ha' ha' a pri"ate inter"ie% %ith him an' ha' goo' ne%s. Some hours later4 %e %ere sitting in my room. / %as all ears. -e %as enthusiasti&. They ha' tal6e' a!out the 'eplora!le situation of the 'iffusion of Kriya in the Aest9 the tea&her %as sorry for that an' manifeste' his %illingness to help us. )t the en' of that meeting4 my frien' ha' his Kriya Pranayama &he&6e' !y that e;pert. :u&h to my surprise this frien' as6e' me to pra&ti&e Kriya Pranayama in front of him4 an' then remar6e' that there %as a fault in my pra&ti&e. / as6e' him %hat it %as an' his reply literally froze me5 he &oul' not tell me4 sin&e he ha' promise' the tea&her he %oul' not re"eal anything. 1* -e &larifie' that in relation to our group4 he ha' in'ee' as6e' for his tea&her8s permission to &orre&t e"entual mista6es in our pra&ti&e !ut the ans%er ha' !een negati"e an' the tea&her s%ore him to se&re&y. Aas this tea&her > %ho ha' manifeste' the intention to help us > &on&erne' that %e %oul' not fin' any nee' to in"ite him to Europe4 or "isit him4 after our mista6e ha' !een &orre&te'D Aas he really so petty an' un6in'D / 'i' not put pressure on my frien' to 'is&lose other 'etails a!out his tal6 %ith the tea&her. / &oul' not an' %oul' not enter the pri"a&y of his e;perien&e4 !ut ho% &oul' he Gust let me an' our group go on %ith an in&orre&t pra&ti&eD The shattering part %as to see a frien' %ith %hom / ha' share' e"erything along my spiritual path4 a&&ompanying me in my "entures %ith all my pre"ious tea&hers an' suffering the same %oes4 satisfie' only %ith ha"ing noti&e' my mista6e. /t %as as if this Gustifie' his trip to /n'ia4 the &ost4 an' the time he spent on this "enture. / 'i'n8t start +uarreling4 !ut / rea&te' "ery !a'ly. / got up an' left4 lea"ing the frien' alone. Some 'ays later4 &onta&te' !y the tea&her8s se&retary4 / %as further 'isguste' !y ho% she han'le' the finan&ial si'e of the tour. / 'e&line' the offer. )&tually / %as not in the moo' to un'erta6e the enormous %or6 of organizing. )s for the i'ea of "isiting him4 nothing &oul' !e farther from my min'. / %as &ertain that he %oul' ha"e re+uire' of me the &ustomary oath of se&re&y. On&e returne' to my frien's4 %hat %oul' / ha"e ha' to tell themD 88Cear frien's4 / &an tell nothing4 you too must go to /n'ia.88 Ae ha' rea&he' an a!sur' situation5 if the frien's in my group %ante' one more &rum! of information regar'ing the Kriya pra&ti&e4 they %oul' ha"e to !e put on a plane an' pa&6e' off to /n'ia. Other%ise4 they %oul' 'ie %ithout this information. /f the e"ents %oul' ta6e pla&e in this %ay4 ea&h year an innumera!le series of &harter flights %oul' transport all those intereste' in Kriya > no matter if ol' or ill > to a remote /n'ian "illage4 li6e a pilgrimage to =our'es or FatimaI The far&e %as not e"en %orthy of !eing &onsi'ere'. Aith my thin6ing fa&ulties almost paralyze' !y this su''en turn of e"ents4 / &leane' up the &ompilation of my notes a!out 'ifferent Kriya te&hni+ues Gotte'
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Consi'ering the episo'e later4 / realize' %hat this in&orre&t 'etail %as5 / ha' not ma'e an a!'ominal !reath in a parti&ularly "isi!le %ay. / am sure of this fa&t !e&ause it %as the only thing my frien' %as a!le to see > %e 'i' not tal6 a!out inner 'etails of the pra&ti&e.

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'o%n 'uring 'ifferent seminars4 an' passe' them on to frien's %ho ha' alrea'y re&ei"e' initiation !ut not to all le"els of Kriya. / pur&hase' a &omputer an'4 li6e a "oluntary prisoner4 / re'u&e' my so&ial life to an a!solute minimum in or'er to gi"e my all to %riting the !oo6. /t %as not easy to e;tra&t the essential &ore of Kriya Yoga from the huge piles of notes &olle&te' 'uring years %ith 'ifferent tea&hers. There %as the feeling of %or6ing on a 'iffi&ult puzzle4 %ithout a pre"ie% of %hat %as to !e o!taine' in the en'. / 'i'n8t 6no% if4 in the final &omplete' pi&ture4 four4 si; or more le"els of Kriya %oul' result. /n fa&t4 / %as not entirely sure ho% to 'efine the le"els of Kriya Yoga. / %on'ere' if there &oul' !e en"isage' a one-to-one &orrespon'en&e !et%een le"els an' 6nots ?the internal 6nots or Grantis mentione' in Yoga tra'ition@ to !e unfastene'. =e"el 1 &oul' !e 'efine' as the pro&ess of unfastening the 6not of the tongue4 le"el 2 &oul' !e 'efine' as the pro&ess of unfastening another 6not4 for e;ample that of the heart an' so on ... /n other %or's / '%elt upon the i'ea that ea&h le"el %as meant to unfasten one an' only one 6not. )fter o"er&oming the un&ertainties an' 'iffi&ulties of &hoosing a 'efinite s&heme4 / 'e&i'e' to 'es&ri!e the Kriya system as ma'e of 8irst Kriya %ith eight te&hni+ues4 follo%e' !y the Higher Kriyas @ &alle' /m4ar Kriyas or Kriyas of Sthir ?stati&@ Prana > in si; steps. / %rote all / 6ne% a!out the Kriya te&hni+ues. Some "ariations remain in my shorthan' note!oo6s4 rea'y to !e a''e' to the !oo6 if an' %hen / re&ei"e ne% information &orro!orating them an' sho%ing their intrinsi& "alue in light of =ahiri :ahasaya8s lega&y. / o&&asionally &onsulte' a fe% Forums for 'e"otees of Kriya Yoga. :y 'esire %as to see if other 4riyabans ha' similar pro!lems. :any %ere see6ing information a!out Ke.hari "$dra. /f / ha' ha' their email a''resses4 / %oul' ha"e imme'iately sent them the instru&tions. / %as stru&6 !y the pe'anti& an' &on&eite' tone of some Forum users that a!use' genuine an' honest &uriosity. Aith fa&etious ten'erness !etraying their lo% form of &on&ern4 they la!ele' the see6ers8 'esire to 'eepen their Kriya pra&ti&e as a <'angerous mania.< They ha' the au'a&ity to hush the hum!le stu'ent !y &ounseling him to impro"e the 'epth of %hat he ha' alrea'y re&ei"e'. They spo6e in the same tone use' !y my ol' <:inisters<. )lthough / %as myself feeling aeons 'istant from that %orl'4 o!Ge&ti"ely spea6ing that perio' of my life %as not so far a%ay. 3erhaps it %as !e&ause those ol' fogeys 'i' not generate any feeling of 'eferen&e in me that / felt so great a temporal 'istan&e. )&tually they %ere my yester'ay8s %orl'. / %on'ere' ho% those Forum users 'are' to enter ?unin"ite'@ a person8s life an' personal spa&e4 a!out %hom they 6ne% nothing4 treating them as in&ompetent an' superfi&ial !eginnersI Aas it so 'iffi&ult to simply ans%er truthfully5 </ 'on8t ha"e that information<D / remem!er a 'is&ussion %ith one %ho &laime' he ha' a&&ess to the original Kriya. Bnfortunately4 that person %as "ery se&reti"e an' e;&lusi"e. -e sai' there %ere a num!er of true Kriya tea&hers aroun' !ut %as un%illing to
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share any names or a''resses. / foun' this stupi'. /n a rush of anger4 / imagine' that the petty i'ea of possessing se&ret 6no%le'ge an' not &on"eying it to others %as the only thing 6eeping the pie&es of his s&attere' min' together4 &amouflaging ?%ith a sem!lan&e of spiritual a'"an&ement@ the nothingness that he %as from a human point of "ie%. Ahy shoul' Kriya !elong to himD Kriya is a &olle&tion of introspe&ti"e tools ta6en from 'ifferent tra'itions. /t is a!sur' to &laim they !elong to one person ?espe&ially su&h a nasty one@. The time / employe' in %riting the !oo6 ha' !een mu&h longer than e;pe&te'. Frien's sai' / %oul' ne"er finish it. / ha' not felt any urgen&y4 / enGoye' that +uiet moment of my life4 e;perien&ing the &almness an' &ontente'ness that &omes to those %ho 'e"ote all their efforts to a single purpose. )t long last4 the !oo6 %as rea'y an' %as poste' on the Ae!. )fter a &ouple of months there %as a rea&tion from my former thir' tea&her. Curing a seminar he e;plaine' my a&tions as those of one %ho %ants to ma6e a !usiness of Kriya. -e 'efine' me an <intelle&tual prostitute.< :y rea&tion %as amusement an' satisfa&tion. 1ut that night / &oul' not sleep. Only then 'i' / !egin to realize that my longtime intention ha' !een a&&omplishe' an' that finally there %as a Kriya !oo6 rea'ily a&&essi!le to e"eryone.
*as entstanden ist! das m$1 %ergehen, *as %ergangen! a$'erstehen, H0r a$' 5$ beben, Bereite di.h 5$ leben, Husta" :ahler ?1.*2-1011@ Ahat %as &reate'4 must perishI Ahat perishe'4 must rise againI Cease from trem!lingI 3repare yourself to li"eI

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