Killian 1 Claire Killian Ms. Gardner English 10H 1 23 January 2014 Continually Capricious Asthma will never go away.

Once you have it, you will have it for the rest of your life, our school nurse spoke as she surveyed our junior high school physical education class. I knew the difference between knowing and understanding, and in that moment, I realized that for as long as I live, I will always have to consider my restrictions on my respiratory system, especially my hypersensitive airways. I will always have to trust the unpredictable airways given to me because I know I have no other option. I grew up knowing I had asthma because my parents discovered it one day when my mom picked me up from day care at Gays house. She strolled in and there I sat, slumped over on the floor, barely breathing. She rushed me to the hospital and a nurse diagnosed me with asthma. Being only two years old, I do not remember that day. However, I do remember what happens in an asthma attack. I know that horrible feeling all too wellI can only imagine how I experienced it as a two-year-old toddler. Freshman year, I prepared to perform in a piano recital. For various reasons, I became very panicked and nervous. I thought the nervousness would pass when the pads of my fingers touched the ivory keys. You are always nervous Claire. Calm down, I thought to myself. Now performing the Sonata No. 6 in F Major, K. 332 by Mozart is Claire Killian, my piano teacher, Christina, announced as I walked up to the front. I felt the eager eyes waiting for a great performance, and as soon as I sat down on the awkward black leather bench and gazed at the keys I had seen countless times, I knew immediately something was off. I could not stop

Killian 2 shaking and my breathing grew shallower by the second. I began to play, but my body would not calm down. I do not know how I made it through the piece, although I do know that I performed horribly because my focus was divided as I tried to remember the piece, as I tried to control the tremors in my body, and as I tried to strengthen my breathing. It lives as a truly terrifying experience when I suddenly cannot get the air I need. Everyone needs oxygen to survive, let alone to function properly. The heart-pounding panic that sets in when I realize oxygen is escaping me escalates my frenzied body. It accelerates my lungs when all I want in the world is for my lungs to relax. It takes experience to stay calm during an attack, that much I have learned. Throughout middle school, I always thought that running out of air meant falling out of top condition. Even now, I find myself believing that my work ethic is slipping or that I am too sluggish. Then I analyze the exact type of breathing I experienced and I recognize those times for what they truly wereasthma attacks. I recognize the shortness of breath as shallow breathing, instead of the heavy, labored breathing that comes naturally during hard exercise. How am I supposed to breathe with no air? No air, no air, I thought. Questions similar to that scrambled through my head as I ran back on defense and I felt my hard breathing turn to wheezing. I recognized the approaching asthma attack and I signaled to my coach. Ms. Martin, I need to come out, I squeezed the words out. She acknowledged my plea with a reassuring nod and sent Megan to the scorers table. The forty seconds that elapsed until play halted transformed into an eternity for me. Are you okay? my teammate Nathalie asked me as I rolled my inhaler between my fingers. I sat there, breathless, gasping for air, and I could only nod yes. I knew that my body would return to an adequate condition, but terminating an asthma attack urgently demanded all

Killian 3 of my concentration. I forced myself to take deep inhalations and exhalations and to drink water, knowing I had to get back in the game. Internally, I verbally abused my airways, despising them for being so unreliable. An asthma attack is the episode in which bands of muscles surrounding the airways are triggered to tighten. This tightening is called bronchospasm. During the attack, the lining of the airways becomes swollen or inflamed and the cells lining the airways produce more and thicker mucus than normal. (Symptoms of Asthma: Shortness of Breath, Chest Tightness, and More) The clinical definition and concept of an asthma attack exists as a simple concept for people to understand, but only the tangible experience divulges the emotional distress of an asthma attack. Standing on the court during an asthma attack generates a helpless sensation; there I stand, expected to give 110% effort, yet I can only take in 30% of the oxygen I need. The frustration hardly bearable, I ask why I must have faulty airways. Why? Even though I know the uselessness of asking these questions, they still come to me, which frustrates me even more. The hindrance of never knowing when my airways will give out on me and never knowing when I have pushed my body over the limit remains scary, even to this day. Asthma attacks happen for a multitude of reasons; sometimes I feel an attack begin, and while I know I have pushed myself harder before, in that moment, for some reason, my airways protest and go haywire. I listen to Maroon 5s Harder to Breathe and laugh because it reminds me of my asthma. Is anyone out there cause its getting harder and harder to breathe? Even now, I still unearth facts about asthma that my world has never known. Surprisingly, writing this essay opened my eyes to the potentially great array of effects asthma has on a person. I never knew that fatigue and capricious reactions are two symptoms of asthma.

Killian 4 Those two symptoms happen to me constantly, and I never knew asthma was a possible suspect; I only thought the way I handled my body and emotions caused exhaustion and overemotional states. For years, I thought not flipping the light off early enough or overreacting to situations caused the problems. As I aged, I began to comprehend the many ways in which asthma has changed my life, especially in ways that I never noticed previously. To me, my airways mirror the individuals I interact with on a daily basisI cannot always trust them, but I must rely on them continuously. Before every basketball game, regardless of the day, team, or time, one question reverberates through my mind like a gong. Will they work for me? I rely on my airways to deliver oxygen to my lungs every second of every day to keep me alive; nevertheless, I have never trusted my lungs to support me infallibly.

Killian 5 Works Cited Levine, Adam. "Harder to Breathe." Perf. Jesse Carmichael, Mickey Madden, James Valentine, and Matt Flynn. Songs About Jane. Maroon 5. J Records and Octane Records, 2002. CD. Sparks, Jordin, and Chris Brown. "No Air." No Air Duet. Jordin Sparks. Zomba Recording, 2008. MP3. "Symptoms of Asthma: Shortness of Breath, Chest Tightness, and More." WebMD. WebMD, n.d. Web. 19 Jan. 2014. "What Is Asthma?" National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute. NIH, n.d. Web. 22 Jan. 2014.