STRAPPED

MINI ZINE

www.AlexanderKanevsky.com

Ezekiel oil on wood by Alexander Kanevsky

Volume 1 Issue v

Change

Are you STRAPPED?

Lets face it...youre STRAPPED. Strapped for time, strapped for money...either youre strapped, youre loaded, or youre lying. This mini zine was created to encourage those who put off their creativity (I dont have time!) to come together and create anyways. To encourage each other and become part of a community of other artists, writers, and everyday people who dont even consider themselves creative. Everyone has something interesting to share...even you...ESPECIALLY you...were all strapped, so lets start creating and sharing and be strapped together! (duct tape is optional)

This Issue: Change

Change is terrifying. There are people who spend years in loveless relationships, jobs they detest, and suffer because its what is familiar. Reflecting on patterns of behavior, whether its an addiction, co-dependency, or reflecting on difficulties is critical to recognize when an adjustment needs to be made. Inside this issue of STRAPPED, our contributers dive into such trecherous waters. Besides, how interesting would life be if you never seek change?

An Altered State

by Becky Osborne

Change is a multi-faceted word. Change can be amazing, glorious, life altering, frightening, encouraging, heartbreaking, unwanted, and sometimes, necessary. For me, change was all of those
words rolled into one big decision. There had come a point in the not-so-distant past where change was going to be inevitable. I had to choose whether to struggle in my life where I was surrounded by the most amazing people I have ever met, or to change the course my life was going and take a chance on a path that seemed to be the best option.

EDITOR- Dori Cameron IN-CHIEF @floggingdori

/STRAPPEDzine STRAPPEDzine@gmail.com

www.AlexanderKanevsky.com

Mind oil on wood by Alexander Kanevsky

Scribd.com/STRAPPEDzine Submissions of art, photography, poetry, short stories, prose, paintings, photography, and sketches are entirely welcome and encouraged, wherever you are in the world! Keep writing new material and stay posted online for upcoming themes, writers block suggestions, and more!

to overcome. Moving to another state seemed to be a difficult task. Pulling a teenager out of her Junior year of high schooleven more difficult. And yet, having to move back in with my parents, unbelievably worse.

prefer to be comfortable and content, as most of us do, but I also know change is needed. In my case, my career and life are my biggest hurdles I need

I dont do well with change. I

ass quick enough. Lesson learned. You cannot just sit back and wait for this change to happen. I am now more than ever determined, focused, and ultimately ready for change. In hopes of returning back to my comfort zone. Where I have this fear, this change, will have altered more than I bargained for as an end result. People change, situations change, circumstances

Now, I brought some of this onto myself by not lighting that fire under my

change. However, you must allow it, welcome it, go after it, WANT IT! way to My Change, my amazing, glorious, life altering, frightening, exciting, wanted, andmost necessary CHANGE.

Now, from this point on I am on the

Im Going to Count to Ten...

by Caitsarella

InSatiable

by R.A. Morrison

thought that things would be better when I had her, that my anxieties would be lifted, banished from my subconscious; the bleeding, bitten fingernails no longer chewed on and my sweat-filled nights lying in restless melancholy with a desire for an eternal sleep no longer present.

As an obsessive personality, compulsion can be very empowering and in many careers and scholarly goals, it is an absolute necessity. But when you have that type of compulsion within you for one thing, it usually carries over and is a personality trait and not a temporary one-time obsession. lives. Lies can bubble up and form naturally like a habit or a pattern or an addiction. The most perplexing part of this is that the Liar truly believes some if not most of the lies, so confrontation is almost an impossibility. The idea of all or nothing or an ultimatum is a joke because the lies have become so natural, they are in essence, the Liars Truth. So confrontation is just a hiccup in the cycle and one that can be belittled. Counting to ten will not matter if there is no consequence that will question the addiction. I remember when I had first moved to HollywoodlandI had been here about five minutes (relatively speaking) and I was literally invited in off the street to the Record Plant. With not the best intentions of course, the one(s) who invited me in, said, Oh youre a singer, huh? Prove it. Sing something. So I sang one of my favorites, Funny Valentine. The Ella Fitzgerald version ~ a gift of music that my sister first introduced me to and it has been a standard ever since for she and I when we are asked to sing something jazzy.

Addiction is funny thing. It is an interesting concept and one I have struggled to define.

Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism. ~Carl Jung

The Caged Bird Sings

www.HilbertArt.com

Sociopathic tendencies abide in all of us, but there are some whose compulsions rule their

digital drawing by Hilbert

happened, rather, was I found another person to conjure up some false identity of self for, to garner enough energy to put on another mask: the ephemeral, illusory object of self Ive conceived for each acquaintance or lover Ive made different than the last, the endless nuances of a pretender seeping into my own psyche to where it has dyed my soul and Ive undergone a subtle metamorphosis, emerging a pathetic amalgamation of self-pity and remorseless self-indulgence- achieving a catharsis sans any mental relief, becoming, rather, thirty other men acting like the last one.

What

The song and artist that was

If

love cannot change you, you must change yourself.

enveloped in my love for this song also took my words and my

Seeker charcoal, pastel, smoke on paper

by Pavel Acevedo

rhythm and I was involved in the creation of a song which I related to oh-so-closely and helped form. It was my first-born creation in LA.

FIVE AM.

However, without the continual followup and no

by Stormy Skies

the Precipice
by Dori Cameron

My lesson here in intellectual property gives

physical compromise on my part, I was not credited and subsequently cut out of the residuals. After speaking with legal advisors, I decided to wait to make my mark, rather than fight for money and a credit that would never be legitimized. A dumb decision to some, but my goals are not small. Those words were not my last and certainly I believe that I will be successful in my own right. I had walked in off the street and into a creative den of sociopaths. And it gave me a metaphor to describe not only the feeling of that song, but the tone in which one lives when they are pulled into the world of a Sociopath. (Who knows, someday my song about writing on that song may be bigger than it anyway)

and fully-grown adults, but the punishment or promise of the ultimatum has to be swiftly and completely acted uponor it simply becomes another step in the cycle of addiction. (Phillip Seymour Hoffman gets it)

Counting to ten will work with very small children

me the same feeling that romantic and emotional compromises give me. It, in and of itself, can be addictive. In order to enforce change, many enablers and lovers will offer ultimatums. These ultimatums only work when they are enforced and when the person wants to change. Many do not and they will not until they are ready. Additionally, the enforcement of these ultimatums is not the specialty of enablers and lovers and too often, unconditional love takes a nasty turn and becomes unconditional enabling. In order to stopper the compulsion, we must obsess about something else.

Five AM. Thats when everything changed. Thats when your heart stopped beating. When I woke up in a cold sweat. When your heart stopped, despite the machines that were keeping you alive. College students. Friends. They arent supposed to die before they finish school. Especially before finals, before they are accepted into their major. They arent supposed to die when they are only a sophomore. You were 19. There isnt supposed to be an empty seat next to mine. Youre out of town, absent, not on campus, but I know you really arent. Thats just what it feels like. There arent supposed to be songs that remind me of you, instead of you listening to them with me. Singing them to me. And you meant every word of that song. I could see it in your eyes. And I still see it. The thought of you isnt supposed to make me cry. You arent supposed to be the cause of my tears, my emptiness. You werent supposed to leave me. Is it selfish? I loved you and thats when everything changed. I wrote you a letter. You werent supposed to die before you opened it. I waited for you, the words on the page waited for you to wake up. But you never did. He wouldve followed you anywhere.

I was standing at a precipice, knowing that the fall was imminent. That I would survive the impact but will be forever changed. Does anybody really know me? Since I dont really know myself, my questioning is asked in vain. There was a time where everything was normal, and by normal I mean anxiety pumped strongly through my veins, an electricity, an over-exertion of my nervous system. Jumpy, distracted. On edge.

Death has a way of changing you, completely. Your perspective shifts. There is an emptiness that seeps into your bones, a painful injection. When you lose the most important person in your life and survive, what is left? Car rides home, without the voice of reason to calm you down. A great victory, unable to share. Needed advice left to discover, alone.

I used to focus on every detail of my day, jumping from one thought to the next. Nownow there is a sobering to my thought. A grounding. The anxiety is still present, but now a deep sadness weighs down the busyness. My pulse ticking away, bothersome. A heaviness in each step. A suffering of sorts. Stay busy was the best advice. Well, Im busy as hell and yet I remain forever

Beauty Blue Nightmare mixed media on panel by Alan Kocharian

changed. As if everyone I lock eyes with in greeting sees the sadness. Will I ever regain normalcy? Will God speak to me, giving me the gift of healing? Am I already healed? Will I awake one day and proclaim, It is TODAY I am enlightened!? Most importantlywill I ever change back to me? am loved less but not loveless. I am strong yet still flexible. I am malleable, transforming into something more beautiful. I am a piece of glass, part of a figurative mosaic, timeless. I am resonating positive vibrations. I am a little kinder to others, daily. I am overwhelmed, yet productive. I wake up, I get up. I practice breathing in, out. I have transformed from a lively tree to driftwood, detached yet beautiful. I am changed, but still alive. Thankfully, still alive.

Life Lessons with Jay and McCool

by Jay Dot CA & Kevin McCool

beards! If you are one of the unfortunate and, like our good friend, cant grow one, grow dreads instead. Chicks seem to dig them just as much. Although the quality and cleanliness of these women is not quite up to par, you gotta deal with what God gave ya!!

thing from weather, popular music, and fashion to government, laws and political views, changes at the drop of a hat. Many people seek change, yet despise it at the same time. On one hand, people want things in life to evolve for the greater good or even their own personal gain. On the other hand, it creates a new and different way of doing things...sometimes, a long, hard road to accomplish the desired goal, ultimately creating discomfort. This is the side of change people do not seek, the work and dedication Ask these guys ANYTHING! it takes to achieve the desired change. JayAndMcCool@gmail.com Most want the prize at the end of this road, but many are not willing to make the needed change in themselves to acquire it. look on life are a few that top the list and will take serious time, dedication and hard work. Something so many men want to change is their overall look or social status to be more attractive to the opposite sex. This can be a challenge for most of us. For some, it can be as simple as a new haircut and wardrobe. Making major changes in your life for this reason alone is absolutely ridiculous! If she doesnt like you for you, bounce out cause she aint worth your time, but if you must, dont fret, little one. Weve got your back once again. Here are a few tips that will surely help you along the way. Appearance, personal hygiene and a good attitude are top 3 on this list because nobody likes a stinky shit head.

The only constant is change. Every-

Hygiene takes number two because once youve made it close enough, shes

sure to smell you before you even mutter a word. This may sound like crap your dad taught you when you were in grade school, but believe us, weve been out plenty and smelled worse. Do the usual stuff, take a shower, wash ALL the parts, brush your teeth, tongue included and make that beard is nice and kempt. It doesnt matter if you have short hair or are long hair, dont care, comb it a bit cause this dirty, hipster, sloppy bed head look went out with Kurt Cobain. Cologne and/or body spray is good, but not if over done. You dont wanna smell like the fragrance counter at your local department store. Very important, dont spray it on your junk, chicks dont dig the taste, its not made for that. Hey, we know youve been doing it since Jr. High, but dont get mad at us, we only speak truth. you shut you down like a Tokyo massage palace. Being able to hold a conversation is the best way to show her you have a good head on your shoulders and arent a complete moron. You want to be funny, interesting and positive, but edgy enough to let her know youre not affected by the opinions of others. Keep conversations humorous, if you can get her to smile or laugh, youre in. Dont be offensive or confrontational, with todays PC social cli-

Attitude is last on our list, but definitely not least. A piss poor attitude will get

Changes in career, financial status, physical appearance, or general out-

Appearance is number one because 9 times outta 10, they will see you

before anything else and if youre not completely awesome at this point, just go home and start over. No matter the venue youre walking into, you must dress the part. Always be right in the middle of casual and classy. Too little says you dont give a rip and too much, you look as if youre trying too hard. Whats our most important tip on appearance? Grow a sweet beard, if you dont already have one, and learn to groom it with moxie! Broads love

mate, its easy to hit topics or use words/phrases that may offend such a delicate little flower. Your attitude should seem like youre a hard candy shell on the outside with a soft, gushy inside. Be sure to keep your attention on her, if she sees you scanning the room, youll be labeled a player faster than youll blow your load and your night is over. If you plan on taking that sexy little tenderoni home, dont screw this up!!

Change is a part of life, some you choose and others are chosen for you. If you want to

Sea Life 11 photography by Iris Eaton www.BurlapRats.weebly.com

get ahead in life, choose the right ones. Change for yourself, to be a better person, not for the approval of others. Everyone goes through trials and failures in life. We all need this to see and understand our flaws, but use it to your advantage. Changes in life are not easy and may be nerve wracking at times, but keep up the good fight. Were here to help and make your life easier, now become awesome and never look back!

Were glad to be of service so email us your questions, comments, rants

The world wont change. I have to. Hey? Are you feeling OK? Fine. Hungover? Usually, but Im fine. Well, we need chicken. We used the last one.

and hate mail to JayandMcCool@gmail.com and well be sure to educate and entertain because thats how we roll!!!

The Diminishing Republic

by R. Foreman

Next Issue: Madness

I wake to my alarm, roll over on my side, turn it off and begin to swear at the damned thing. Get up, shower, get dressed, comb my hair, and look in the mirror for long enough to convince myself that Im prepared for the day. Grab my earphones, Wagners valkyries flying me off to work. Clock in fifteen minutes early, and turn on my slicer. Cut three turkeys, one half ham, one roast beef, corned beef if needed, make the sandwich, send it out, make the sandwich, send it out. Half hungover, my eye begins to twitch. My hand shakes for a second, and I snap into mental convusions. For the moment I feel trapped and realize that this is not what I would prefer to be doing with my life. Have you cut the tomatoes yet? Im sorry...... Snap out of it guy. Tomatoes? Have you cut them? No. I begin to hyperventilate. I dont want to cut tomatoes, I dont want to be told my life has amounted to $9.50 an hour. I hear Thoreau screaming in my ear. Zarathustra hung his head, laughing at the sight of another hypocrite by default because he wont choose. Its in this moment that I realize that the world will never change, and is perfectly fine having me never change either. The world will never change; I have to change or Ill explode. We need tuna! Were out again. Saying I dont believe in this would be a lie. Im living a lie if I say I do.

Admit it. Youve lost it. All people have personally lost their shit at one point in their lives. Do you have a story about going off the deep end? Or perhaps you know someone else who has? What drives you absolutely mad? Have you met someone considered insane? Do you have a pet peeve? Has depression or anxiety caused thoughts that dont normally arise? Had a maddening experience using drugs? Dont have a story about madness? Make one up! We are looking for artists and writers to feature in our next issue of STRAPPED zine! Submit and and all photography, tattoos, prose, short stories, streams of consciousness, haiku,

Dreams of a King
www.HilbertArt.com

digital drawing by Hilbert

or other pieces relating to this months theme, Madness to STRAPPEDzine@gmail.com !

(you may use a pen name if you like to remain anonymous!)

First time writer? Have writers block? Shoot over an email for individualized feedback and suggestions! (Deadline 3/24/14)

Sea Life 1 photography by Iris Eaton www.BurlapRats.weebly.com

SCAN HERE to Like us on Facebook, stay connected, and get encouragement to keep writing, even though youre STRAPPED.

Dori Cameron is a member of The Jezebelles (www.GirlRockChoir.com), the worlds only GIRL.ROCK.CHOIR. based out of All material is copyrighted and may not be Riverside, California. She is a lemon-eating, Guinness drinking, bike enthusiast...and oh yea! She also writes! reused or duplicated for any reason.

ABOUT THE EDITOR:

Cover Art - watercolor by Billy Reynolds www.BillyReynolds.com