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Humour by Airline crew After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which

co nveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The engineers read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was t aken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let i t be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the on ly major airline that has never had an accident. (P = The problem logged by the pilot) (S = The solution and action taken by the engineers) P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level . P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That s what they re there for. P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you re right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on so mething with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget. Permalink Comments A letter to Dad

December 2, 2005 at 4:49 am Filed under Jokes-Veg A father passing by his teenage daughter s bedroom was astonished to see the bed w as nicely made and everything was neat and tidy. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the pillow. It was addressed Dad . With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:Dear Dad, It is with great regret and sorrow that I m writing you, but I m leaving home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I ve been finding real passion with Randy and he is so nice to me. I kno w when you meet him you ll like him too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it s not only the passion Dad, I m pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together. Even th ough Randy is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn t so old these days is it?), and has no money, really these things shouldn t stand in the way of our relationship, don t you agree? Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It s true he has other girlfriends as we ll but I know he ll be faithful to me in his own way. He wants to have many more c hildren with me and that s now one of my dreams too. Randy t aught me that marijuana doesn t really hurt anyone and he ll be growing it f or us and we ll trade it with our friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Randy can g et better; he sure deserves it!! Don t worry Dad, I m 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I m sure we ll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren. Your loving daughter, Rosie. At the bottom of the page were the letters PTO . Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read: PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I m over at the neighbour s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that s in m y desk centre drawer. Please sign it and call when it is safe for me to come hom e. I love you! Permalink Comments Witty wife December 1, 2005 at 11:27 am Filed under Jokes-Veg, Marital Jokes A man called home to his wife and said, Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his friends. We ll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I ve been wanting so could you pl ease pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box? We re leav ing from the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up. Oh! Please p ack my new blue silk pajamas. The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exac tly what her husband asked. The following weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good. Th e wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish? He said, Yes! Lots of

Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn t you pack my new blue si lk pajamas like I asked you to do? > You ll love the answer > > > > The wife replied, I did. They re in your fishing box .. Permalink Comments Tax Deduction November 18, 2005 at 3:36 pm Filed under Jokes-Veg A little boy wanted Rs.50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting the Rs.50. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, INDIA, they de cided to forward it to the Prime Minister of India as a joke. The Prime Minister was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the l ittle boy Rs.20. The Prime Minister thought this would appear to be a lot of money (Rs.50) to a l ittle boy, and he did not want to spoil the kid. The little boy was delighted with Rs.20, and decided to write a thank you note t o God, which read: Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that you sent it through the Prime Minister Office (North Block) in New Delhi, and those donkeys deducted Rs.30 in taxes Permalink Comments Jokes November 15, 2005 at 5:18 pm Filed under Jokes-Veg Santa and Banta Singh rob a bank and mess it up, managing to escape with two sac ks that they find on the floor. And they take one sack each. After awhile they m eet again and one asks the other, What did you find in your sack? Ten lakh Rupees! Wow that s a lot! What did you do with the cash?

I bought a house. How about your sack? Bah it was full of bills.

And what did you do with them? Eh, well little by little, I m paying them off

Little Lalloo was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things. Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head? he asked his mother. He thinks a lot, replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a goo d answer to her husband s baldness. Or she was until little Lalloo thought for a second and asked, so much hair? So why do you have

One Bengali Babu went to Connaught Place in New Delhi to purchase an umbrella. H e had been told in Calcutta that one could bargain for better prices in Delhi al so. Bengali Baboo: How much does this umbrella cost? Shopkeeper: Rs. 200 Bengali Babu: Can I have it for Rs. 100? Shopkeeper: Ok I ll give it to you for Rs.150. Bangali Babu: Well can I have it for Rs. 75 then? Shopkeeper: OK, take it for Rs. 100. Bangali Babu: Can I have it for Rs. 50? Ths shopkeeper is pretty angry now: Why don t you take it for free??!! Bengali Babu: OK, can I have two of them?

Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. go to school! But why, Mom? I don t want to go. Give me two reasons why you don t want to go.

Wake up, son. It s time to

Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too! Oh, that s no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready. Give me two reasons why I should go to school. Well, for one, you re 52 years old. And for another, you re the Principal!

Once Santa and Banta happened to be together in Delhi. Having excursion tickets, they boarded a DTC double decker. Banta, finding no vacant seat in the lower de ck, went to the upper deck and took a seat. He was surprised to see that there was no driver in the upper deck. Showing his anxiety, he asked Santa if there was a driver in the lower deck.

Promptly came the reply that there was indeed a driver. Banta than said, eck himself). Utte te wahe guru challanda pia hia! (God is driving this upper d

Santa Singh spoke frantically into the phone, tions are only two minutes apart! Is this her first child? No, you idiot! the doctor asked.

My wife is pregnant and her contrac

Santa shouted.

This is her husband!

Permalink Comments Titanic November 15, 2005 at 2:44 pm Filed under Jokes-Veg Help . the Titanic is going to be drowned . Everybody in the ship is shouting, crying, running or praying to God Just then a Italian asks the nearby Sardarji in the ship. Italian : How far is land, from here ? Sardar : Two miles . Italian : Only two miles, then why are these fools making noise. I have got the experience of swimming even more. The Italian jumps off the ship into the sea and comes upto the layer to ask some thing again. Italian : Just tell me which side is land two miles from here ? Sardar : Downwards !

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