~~| Adults Only |~~

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: What is a kiss?

A: Very simple, its an inquiry at the top floor about the vacancy in the ground
floor.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------Judge: why you want divorce?
Man: she does not satisfy me in bed.
Judge: its true madam?
Lady: damn it, whole colony is happy, only this idiot has problem.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------Two men searching for their lost wife's.
1st: how does your wife looks?
2nd: 5.9 height, 36-24-36, fair, blue eyes, sexy, what is yours?
1st: forget mine, let's search yours.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------Lady Teacher: write a sentence ending with hand.
Banta: My penis in your hand.
Teacher slapped Banta.
Santa: Sorry mam, I forget to put space between PEN IS.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------When a lady s Pregnant, all her Friends touch her Stomach n say "CONGRATS"
But, none of them comes & touch men's Penis and say "Well done".
Hard work never appreciated.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------While fucking girl started shouting PEPSI PEPSI
boy asked : what's PEPSI?
She replied : P-please E-enter P-penis S-slowly I-inside.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------FIFA has decided that girls should be goalkeepers for the world cup,
because no matter how wide they open, they never lets the balls go in.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------4 stages of love.
1. Hand in hand.
2. Hand in that.
3. That in hand.
4. That in that.
Now don't ask me what is that.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------Men raping a woman. The woman laughing nonstop
so after sometime the men get angry and ask her,
why you laughing,
she replied : I have AIDS.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Men raping a woman. The woman laughing nonstop

so after sometime the men get angry and ask her,
why you laughing,
she replied : I have AIDS.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------Wife bought a new transparent bra and wore in front of her husband.
Husband: honey you look very sexy in this bra.
Wife: you know salesman was also saying same thing.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------Girl enters a sex shop.
Girl: where is the duplicate penis section?
Clerk: it's their mam.
Girl: how much for this big red one?
Clerk: sorry madam, its fire extinguisher.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------A boy comes to class with broken glasses.
Teacher: what happened?
Boy: I was kissing my girlfriend.
Teacher: but how did your glasses broke?
Boy: she closed her legs.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------A naked lady gets into taxi. Driver looks at her.
Lady: haven't you ever seen a naked woman?
Driver: no I am just wondering where you have kept the money to pay me.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------In a lift, man's elbow accidentally touched lady's breast.
Man: if your heart is soft as your breast you will forgive me.
Lady: if you sex organ is hard as your elbow I am in room 207.
In a lift, man's elbow accidentally touched lady's breast.
Man: if your heart is soft as your breast you will forgive me.
Lady: if you sex organ is hard as your elbow I am in room 207.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------A note in the sex magazines shop: please hold the magazines with both hands
while reading.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------One man married lady traffic police. Friend asks how was your 1st night.
Man Replied : She collected $100 from me for over speeding,
$200 for wrong side entry, $500 for no safety helmet.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------A British man sees front side of girl t-shirt : handle with care.
Next day the British man wears jeans pant and writes candle with hair.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------What's common between sun and a women's underwear?
Both are hot, both look good while going down, both disappear by night.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Who is senior female sex organ or male sex organ?

Answer: female sex organ
because male sex organ always stands up when he sees a female sex organ, so
respect the seniors.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------Customer: my wife needs a bra but I don't know her bra size.
Salesgirl: touch my breast and try to calculate.
Customer: oh I forget she needs panties too.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------Completing engineering is like getting a girl pregnant
everyone will appreciate the outcome,
but no one knows how many attempts were made.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------A guy take a girl to his room, throws down his pants and says.
Meet my little brother.
Girl pick up her bag on the way out says call me when he grows up.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------Teacher: who's the big person, you or your dad?
Kid: me of course.
Teacher: why.
Kid: I stopped drinking milk from my mom, but dad hasn't.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------Officer: madam swimming is prohibited in this lake.
Lady: then why you didn't tell me when I was removing my clothes?
Officer: well, removing clothes is not prohibited.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------A man lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his dick.
A woman passing by remarks: if you were any sort of a gentle man, you would
lift your hat to a lady.
He replied: if you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------T-shirt quotes:
now more tastier and healthier
handle with care
tasted by experts
shake well before use
can make boneless thing hard
no one can use just once
Excuse me! My face is above
in front : I am virgin
At back: this is my old t-shirt
Difference between good girl and bad girl.
Good girl Open few buttons in hot atmosphere, but bad girl open all buttons to
make the atmosphere hot.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

What's similarity between garden and breast?

Both are made for kids but mostly used by adults.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------Man looked his naked body in the mirror says to wife : look 75 kg of pure
dynamite.
Wife says: but shame on the 3 inch fuse.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------Misuse of English: a diagram in a book was not clear. So teacher drew the
diagram on the blackboard and announced.
Don't look at the book figure, look at my figure.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------Boy saw a lady with big breast.
He asked her: can I bite them for $1000?
She says: ok they go to a corner. She opens her blouse.
The boy kisses, licks, puts his face in them, presses them hard for 10 minutes
Lady asks: aren't you gonna bite them?
He replies: naa, it's too costly.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------Girl said to tire mechanic to have sex with me.
Mechanic told : ok. Come to swimming pool.
She asked : why?
He replied : because I can identify the hole only in water.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------A drunken says while kissing his girlfriend: darling your lips are very salty.
Girl: stupid stand up.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------Friend 1: I divorced my wife on the first night.
Friend 2: why?
Friend 1: I saw the label on her panties "tested ok"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------Do you know why a girl gets full mark and boy get fail in practical?
It's when they both remove their 1st button of shirt in front of examiner.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------A boy and animal went to river to take a bath. As he removed his clothes all
animal laughed at him.
He asked: why are you laughing at me?
Animals: your tail is in front.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------There are two things men really like women to do in hurry.
Dress and undress.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------A guy and girl had sex poem competition:
Guy: two times two is four, hour plus five is nine, I can put mine in yours, but
you can't put yours in mine.
Girl: two times two is four, hour plus five is nine, I know the length of yours but
you will never know the depth of mine.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------All eggs in women decided to fight against sperm. They waited with guns in the
sex organ.
That night no one came, suddenly one shouted guys attack is from backside.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------Define breast?
B-beautiful
R-round shaped
E-equipment
A-amazingly
S-soft with
T-tasty milk.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------One roman girl asks an Egyptian boy what you will do for me.
Boy replies : come behind the pyramids, I will make you mummy.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------Which is most difficult sports in the world to watch?
Ans : Women's doubles tennis
9 balls bounces at a time and you don't know which one to watch.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------Six benefits of girls milk...
1. Cat can't drink.
2. No need of glass.
3. No expiry date.
4. Packed in beautiful container.
5. No need to boil.
6. 1+1 offer.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------Ten girls jumped into swimming pool. Suddenly, all water disappears why?
New WHISPER ultra absorbs all water.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------How to activate sex card...
Open bra,
press nipples,
scratch the panty,
and insert penis.
A sweet sound will confirm the activation validity for nine months
-------------------------------------------------------------------------Sex is like restaurant...
sometimes you get good service,
sometimes bad service,
sometimes no service and
many times you have to be happy with self service.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------Wife: I am going to London. What gift do you want?
Husband: a British girl. (Wife return to India)
husband: where is my gift?

Wife: wait for nine months.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------Lady patient: Doctor please call my husband inside.
Doctor: Trust me I am gentleman.
Patient: No Dr. your nurse is sitting outside and my husband is not gentleman.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------Women's life is very hard...
Morning: wash the dress.
Noon: dry the dress.
Evening: iron the dress.
Night: remove the dress.
Midnight: find the dress.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------Lady: my breast look smaller.
Doctor: come daily for one hour I will suck it and make it bigger.
Lady: my husband penis is also small, shall I bring him.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------Maid cleaning bedroom found a used condom and keeps looking at it.
Madam asks: don't you have sex in the village?
Maid: yes we do, but not till the skin fall off.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------Salesgirl: sorry sir you can't smoke here.
Customer: but I bought cigarette from this shop.
Salesgirl: we sell condom also but it doesn't mean you start sex here.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------A couple having sex in bedroom asked son to stand in the balcony and keep
telling them what's going on outside.
Son: john is buying fruits, Tina is playing and Michael uncle having sex with
wife.
Dad: what? Is he doing it openly?
Son: no, I haven't seen him but his son is also standing in the balcony.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------Boy: aunty why was uncle lying on you last night?
Aunty: he was checking my temperature.
Boy: did he get it right? I saw the thermometer leaking.

I
man was driving well above the speed limit when a police car suddenly
m very sorry to learn that your wife ran away with your driver, said the
emerged from behind, sirens blaring. Thinking he d outpace the cop, the
friend to the old man.
man pushed his accelerator to the floor. His car s speed rose to sixty, then
Oh, don t worry, I can drive.
seventy, eighty, and ninety. Finally, the man thought, what the heck, and
pulled over, ready to receive a speeding ticket.

eee
The police officer got out, leaned over the man and said: Listen, Mister, I
A
have had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good
judge looked severely at the defendant and asked, How many times
excuse and I ll let you go.
have you been imprisoned?
The man thought for a moment and said: Three weeks ago my wife ran off
Nine, you Honour.
with a poli ce officer. When I saw your car in my mirror, I thought you were
that officer and were trying to give her back to me.
Nine? In this case, I will give you the maximum sentence.
No ticket.
Maximum sentence? said the defendant. Don t you give your regular clients
a discount
eee
L
eee
ate one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a
O
well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. Give me your money, he
demanded.
ne man to another. I want to marry a smart woman, a good woman; a
woman who ll make me happy.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, You can t do this I m a politician!
Make up your mind.
In that case, replied the robber, give me my money!
ef
JJJ
T
A
he doctor had just finished giving the young man a thorough physical
n American visiting England walked into a hotel lobby. The lift will be
examination.
down presently, the receptionist told him.
The best thing for you to do, the doctor said, is give up drinking and
The lift? said the American. Oh, you mean the elevator.
smoking, get to bed early and stay away from women.
No, I mean the lift. replied the Englishman.
Doctor, I don t deserve the best, said the patient. What s next best?
I think I should know what it is called, said the American. Elevators were
ef
invented in the States.
Perhaps, retorted the Englishman. But we invented the language.
An old man gives good advice in order to console himself for no longer being able to set

a bad
example.
T
hen an efficient secretary asked her boss for a raise in her salary, he
wo terrorists were driving to the location where they intended to plant a
turned her down, saying: Your salary is already higher than that of the
bomb, which one of them had in his lap.
secretary at the next desk. And she has five children.
Drive a little faster, the bomb may go off any minute, said the man carrying
Excuse me, the efficient woman replied, I thought we got paid for what we
the explosive.
produce here not for what we produce at home in our own time.
Don t worry, the driver assured him, we have got a spare one in the boot.
ooo
A
B
small farm boy was milking his cow when all of a sudden a bull came
oy to mother: I ve decided to stop studying.
charging towards him. As horrified workers nearby watched, the boy calmly
continued his milking.
How come? asked the mother.
To everyone s astonishment, the bull stopped a few inches from the boy,
I heard that that someone was shot dead, because he knew too much.
turned around and walked away . Weren t you afraid? one of the workers
asked the boy.
F
Not at all, the boy replied , I knew this cow was his mother-in-law.
or their first anniversary, a man bought his young wife a cell phone. She
was thrilled and listened eagerly as he explained all its features. The next
day she was out shopping when the phone rang.
A
Hey, darling, he husband said. How do you like your new phone?
patient complains to a famous psychologist: Professor, I ve been having
terrible obsessions for years, and no one has ever been able to help me.
Oh, I just love it! she gushed. It s so cute and small and your voice sounds
so clear. But there s just one thing I don t understand.
Who s been treating you until now?
What s that?
Dr Lal Rathor.
How did you know I was at the sari shop?
I see. He s an idiot. I m curious to know what he advised you to do.
To come and see you.
ef
H
ef

usband and wife were in the midst of a violent quarrel, and hubby was
losing his temper. Be careful, he said to his wife. You ll bring out the beast
O
in me.
verheard: I can say one good thing about airline food: at least they re
considerate enough to give you only small portions.
So what? his wife shot back. Who s afraid of a mouse?

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