Narrative My Foolish Faith

Life without hope in a dull, frustrating world congeals the stuff of human existence...almost. To some, born-liveddied is more than the plot of too many bad novels; it dooms them, chaining their lives to a Maslowian fate. Others drown the raw truth in unrelenting labor, raucous revelry, sunlit spring breezes, cigarettes at noontime, or the bottle. Yet some find hope in this droll, frustrating world, but they will not agree and cannot be sure of that hope. Or can they? Once I could not find hope. I still can't. That's why I leaped for joy when it found me instead. Somehow, by the Grace of God, I find myself with the only, single true hope, a nonsensical faith, a belief I cannot prove with mortal things, a book that turns a hopeless, droll, frustrating world into a beautiful, hopeful, droll, frustrating world where smallest intricacies and biggest setbacks bring joy alike. Did I say my faith makes no sense? I was right. No sane person in his wrong mind would agree to a divine Creator, Revealer, Saviour, Lord, and Friend. Unfortunately, human depravity ensures sane human wrong-mindedness. Once one obtains this hope, the difficulty of Christianity shifts from the foolishness of believing myths to the stupidity of doing what they say. This is my challenge, for God has revealed His will plainly and has promised to help His adopted children understand His Word, the Bible. Once a person agrees to accept the entire Bible as God presents it in the Bible, the test of faith (or mere hope) comes. A mere hoper won't bother (or dare) to keep exactly what God says; a person with true faith will not only try but succeed when he does. Because I have faith in Christ, have escaped the corruption that is in the world, am a partaker of the Divine Nature, and have received many great and precious promises from God Himself, my goal in life is to be diligent in my service of righteousness to God. The society we live in, like any that has seen the noonday sun since the day God spoke it into existence, is utterly depraved, and I am too. It is God himself in my life who works anything in my life that may seem to be faith, virtue, knowledge, self-control, patience, godliness, brotherly kindness, and charity. Yet there is a war in my life, a war I am very grateful for yet very weary of. Its existence is an indication of the Spirit in my life, but it is also a painful reminder of my lingering depravity. Yet I toil on, knowing that the riches of Christ are greater than anything this world has to offer. This foolish faith through which I cling to my Divine Creator, Revealer, Saviour, Lord, and Friend, overwhelmingly dwarfs any of my other life influences. My foolishness makes me live differently than I would naturally live. It makes me chuckle when called names, for my goal is simply to exercise Faith in God with my mind and feet. And if I can show a doomed, droll, frustrated world a Divine Creator, Revealer, Saviour, Lord, and Friend, the more the merrier.

Personal Narrative: Becoming a Mother This day in particular, I grew twenty years older. I knew that seriousness in his eyes. Dad looked worn out. The deep colored bags under his eyes were definite. He had lost a lot of sleep from

the stress of past and present events. His lips were persed as he tried to find the words to explain the scary situation, yet harsh reality. I could feel the tension that was creating amongst my siblings, dad and myself as though something we could not see was lurking a dark tunnel. My eyes began to stray from dad as my mind began to race with so many questions. 'What could be so serious to create this response in my dad?' Then I knew as my eyes met his eyes. It was as though the car dome light came on after my sensative eyes adjusted to the darkness that surrounded everything. The tears came streaming down my face. I could taste the bitterness of the salt in them, but no sound escaped my mouth. I would not let them see me crying and my fear. 'I'm goning to be strong. I have to be or they might see. I can't let them see. They need me now. After this they won't have a mom. I have to be deterimined. I just have to be!' " I love you so much. Your mother and I have decided to divorce " said dad. He tried so hard to keep from crying. I knew that it had been more of his decision. He knew he had two choices. One, stay married to mom and loose us or two, divorce mom

and keep us. It sounds so easy, but it wasn't. One simple fact. Dad loves us. Everything that I had felt was right. Dad knew what I was thinking. We loved my mom dearly, but her illness wasn't going to go away and we couldn't do anything about it. He fell to his knees and fell into a fetal position on the carpet floor sobbing and hugging himself. My siblings and I fell next to him letting him engulf us in his safe grasp. Now I was the "mother". The scary fact of responsability engulfed me. I didn't know it, but at that moment I had changed. My life may not be the best or have the most fondest memories of a childhood that was lost, but I truly believe that from life's many challenges lives grow stronger and closer.

Personal Narrative about me Me

I am sentimental, out-going, indecisive, understanding, curious, naive, lazy, and young. I want to be ... , well a lot of things, and growing is discovering what they are. I feel people cannot see the potential within, although there is no one to blame but myself. I look to others for approval instead of to myself. I aim to please; it leads to approval. I dont like to discuss my faults; I pity myself. I am weak in some respects, but in others I am strong. My life is a balance of ups and downs. With my extremes however, my scales never fulfill the word "balance." The ups and downs equal a median on which I travel daily. I love those who understand me, who chose to come close to the fire, who stay long enough to love its warmth, and who know how to avoid being burned. I dont trust people easily. I dont throw around my heart. Ive lost love from my lack of giving. I regret this.

I grab hold of things, always seeking support, a rock on which to lean. I have tried God, boyfriends, and small successes in school and sports, feeling the title FAILURE rise upon my forehead when I slipped. Afterwards I tried even harder to bring myself back up, my recovery taken on the quickest, most unstable route. This explains how I fell so easily. The self-esteem I had needed to be constantly replenished and refilled. My source was not myself, but others, whose opinions mattered more than my own. I am passionate and at times fearless. I am everything, and I am nothing. I am ever-changing and unpredictable. I crave security but cry for independence. I am black or white, never gray. My actions may not reflect my feelings and vice-versa. I play the submissive female one minute and the aggressive female the next. Every year I learn more about myself. The person inside no longer takes peeks at the world outside, but screams "Look at me, see what Ive become, watch because I am coming!" Ive been through difficult times, but the odds are starting to lean my way; I feel ready for any challenge that may arise. The girl in me has begu n to realize lifes patterns, and as a result is capable of handling its surprises. Everything cant be a crises! The obstacles in my life exercise the well of strength that has been tapped; the more I learn the stronger I will become. Failures may arise, but I no longer see them as falls, just chances to pick myself up and learn a little more on the way there. My scales do not always find a harmonious balance, but the tremendous fluctuations have ended. My descriptions of myself are painful, yet healing. I am a happy, satisfied, young women. I cry, laugh, smile, and frown. The odds of my lips curving upward and not down are always greater; I rejoice in that.

Change

My whole life, I have been presented to a single element called change. Change occurs in many different forms and is carried out in many different ways. However, just recently, I have come to the realization that change can be the deepest of all subjects. I always assumed that change occured when you moved to a new town or when you lost someone close to you. Those are elements to change, yes, but change doesn't have to occur over a single dramatic event. It can just happen overnight when your brain determines it's time to do something different. For obvious reasons, people reject change. Especially people who are close to each other because they feel that this change is going to seperate them and make them not as close as they used to be. They fight the change until they force the person to change. It's sad how this works, but in reality, it's probably the single most reason why people change. The people we love, love us so much that they want us to remain the way we are forever. Forever is a long time and not one person can always stay the same. Sometimes if the people we love would just accept the change and go with it, they would understand where the change was origianlly coming from. It's dangerous to try to stop change and argue against it, especially if the person wants to change so much. The reason that somebody wants to change is usually not their choice, but a feeling that the person feels inside their head and heart. It's almost like a celestial force is making you change and you have no say in the matter but you know you have to because your mental and physical attributes are commanding you to. Maybe the change isn't the best change, but if you dig deeper, the person that you love and know isn't really changing, they are just trying to find themselves and the one thing they need the most is the support of the people who they care about the most. When the people they care about the most dismiss their change as something unimportant and try to guard down everything by rules and regulations, the person they loved begins to change out of sadness that the one group of people he or she thought would understand, really has no clue. Maybe change isn't always good or bad, like I was saying before, but it could be looked at as something to help you grow. So just remember..if someone is changing, be there for them, offer your

their opinion but help them go through whatever they need to go through because they will do what they need to do regardless of the people that they really do love.